Original subtitles

тЩктЩк

My name is Bard Wiggenheim. I'm a practicing psychologist.

The film you are about to see this evening deals with a very, very serious subject.

In these enlightened times, it is our hope through films such as these,

not necessarily to answer the question, but to raise valid questions, so that by opening the

subject to the masses, we can get a little closer to the truth, and by so doing, perhaps solve

or if not solve, understand. Or if not understand, since no understanding can come from any one film

or one book or one lecture, it is hoped that this film will be only the first of many grains of sand

that will pour into the hourglass of knowledge, so as to enable our leaders of this society and

all over the world to further guide us in the path of rightness and justice. By now, I'm sure

many of you are wondering what this highly controversial subject is, and it makes me happy

to tell you I've come to that portion of the lecture in which I'm going to deal with that subject.

We here at RCIA, or as we are known on the East Coast, the Research Center for Incestuous

Activities, have been meditating on this subject for a very, very long time. The subject, as I'm sure

many of you might have guessed since hearing the name of our organization, is incest.

Shocked? I thought so, but nevertheless, by facing the subject maturely and wisely, we, as a growing

nation, will be better equipped to deal with our young children, the younger generation itself,

and possibly our own schizophrenia. We've had to cloak our message in humor and satire so as to

allow the more easily offended in our audience the ability to sit through our subject matter

without getting easily offended. Very briefly, let me read to you what the dictionary says about incest.

Incest, sexual intercourse, cohabitation, or marriage between persons so closely related

that marriage is legally or ritually forbidden.

That's it. Simple and to the point. What can we do about it? Is it good or bad?

You be the judge and you be the jury. Our story is fictional, but the facts are real.

That much you can be sure of. We will demonstrate that in a family where closely related people

are so intertwined and so involved with continual sexual activity, there is very little time

for social intercourse, intellectual intercourse, or any beautiful lovemaking on a higher plane

than the mere physicality and very little moral fiber

permeating the home of Lord and Lady Zazu and their ill-begotten daughter, Millie.

So now, let's watch our film and be sure to take notice

of the many things I've discussed with you this evening. Thank you.

Hello, Jimmy. I'm sorry, I really can't make it tonight.

I know, I've really been looking forward to it,

but the Zazie's daughter is coming home from college and I have to work.

They're going to have like a coming home thing and I have to work late and hard.

Yes, I know, I've really been looking forward to it,

but you know that bitch has to make me work tonight.

I know, it's a holiday party and everything.

I just can't get out of work. She's going out of her mind.

She's walking around like a crazy lunatic.

She's going to be getting up any minute when she finds me lying here

when her daughter's coming home tonight.

She's going to have a fit.

I love you too. Maybe we can meet tonight,

but I have to go right now really because she's going to be getting up

and she's going to be running around like crazy, I know.

No, I can't tell you about it now. Really, I'll call you tomorrow.

Oh, here she comes!

What in the world? Hazel, where in the world are you?

Hazel? Yes, yes, ma'am?

Why don't you help me out of my life today?

Did you hear from my husband? I have this splitting headache.

I don't know what I'm going to do. You must help me.

We will never be organized today. Everything is falling to pieces.

What are we going to do? You have to do something.

Oh, ma'am, just sit down and relax a little. I'll take care of everything.

Hazel, did the Lord's Missus call today to tell me?

No, he didn't. No, he didn't, ma'am.

Has anyone called? Yes, yes, Millie called.

She'll be arriving late this afternoon or early this evening.

What plane flight? We know nothing!

She said she'll call from Newark for the car.

Okay, just calm me down. Just relax.

Do something like you always can do it, please. I'm going out of my mind.

I have such a migraine in my head!

Just relax, ma'am.

The washing machine is broken down. The dishwasher is broken down.

Did you call the repairman? Yes, yes, I did.

Have you done it? Are you sure? Yes, I did.

They're going to be here in an hour. Please relax.

I cannot relax because there's too much pressure.

And you know I cannot stand pressure. Oh, please, robot temples,

please call me and get rid of my headache.

I'm going out of my mind.

You know, if you just lie back and leave everything to me,

I'll take care of it. Things will be all right.

Please, Hazel, help me. This is much too much for me today.

It's too trying. Lie back.

Oh, gosh. That's right.

Everything will be just fine.

Oh, go ahead, please.

This is so hard.

My stomach is upset. Oh, my God!

I'm going to go out of my mind.

What can we do?

You're not doing it.

No, no, no.

I'll take care of everything.

Everything's going to be just fine.

My head is splitting.

Please relax.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Hazel.

Oh, my God.

I look so bad.

You look beautiful.

I don't look good today.

I don't look good at all.

My nails have to be done again.

Look at the beauty.

Look what you did to my hair.

Oh, my God, I look terrible.

Oh, my God, it's just a terrible day.

Why couldn't we put it off till tomorrow, the next day?

Oh, relax.

I can't relax. I have a splitting headache.

Oh, Hazel, this is...

Oh, Hazel.

Yes, Hazel.

Oh, Hazel, yes.

Oh, Hazel.

That's it, that's it.

Oh, Hazel, you're going to cure it.

You're going to cure it.

Oh, it feels much better now.

Oh, Hazel, that did...

Oh, relief.

Oh, it feels beautiful.

Oh, yes, Hazel.

Oh, Hazel, this is one thing you do so well.

Oh, God, that's good.

Wait, I have just the thing.

Just the thing.

Oh, my God, Maura.

Oh, I like it so much.

Oh, Hazel.

It is relaxing, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Very relaxing.

It's the most delightful breakfast I've ever had.

You won't be able to sleep tonight.

You will always be in my arms.

Always.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, oh, it's fantastic.

Oh, yes, yes.

And in deep.

Oh, oh, deeper.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, beautiful.

He's so beautiful.

Oh, I feel relief already.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, please do it.

Good, good, good, baby.

Good, good.

Good, good.

Ava!

Ava!

Oh, my God, that's great.

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh, Hazel, that's so good.

Oh, baby, that's so good.

Oh, hold me.

Suck me.

Go, be good.

Oh, my God.

Once more.

Once more.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Oh, it's almost gone.

Oh, darling, I know.

Use the vibrator just once more, and there'll be total ecstasy.

Please.

Oh, god, I can feel it going in.

Good.

I can feel it going in.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

That's beautiful.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, lovely, lovely, lovely.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I feel marvelous.

Oh, you're beautiful. Thank you.

Now, we must get started.

Now, did you call the repairman for the...

Yes, yes, I did.

If we don't have the dishwasher, no potty.

I'll call them again just to make sure they're coming.

Do it again, do it again.

Now, I'll go do the other things.

Get right at it, get right at it. Please, hurry.

My bad.

Yes, we called for the repairman.

Yes, please send someone over right away.

Right away, right away.

The dishwasher is over flooding and we must have it fixed.

In about an hour.

You said that the last time.

Please hurry.

Thank you.

Coming, just a minute.

Come right in, come right in.

It fixed quickly.

What cycle isn't working, Irv?

It just doesn't work at all.

Every time I turn it on, it plugs up.

The water came all over the kitchen last night.

You checked the fuse, huh?

Well, I really don't know too much about the electrical part.

But I followed all the instructions.

I did everything right.

But it over flooded all over the kitchen.

We have to get it fixed.

You need it back tonight, huh?

Listen, Victor.

Yeah, how about the two ply axle rod connector?

Why don't you get that, because I can see we're

going to need it right away.

OK.

Yeah.

I'll get that for you.

Do you think you can get it fixed?

Is it very serious?

Oh, no, no.

I think it'll take about an hour or so.

How long do we have?

About an hour or so.

She'll be coming in any minute.

And she'd really like to have it fixed.

See the re-estate connection back here.

The what?

In the back.

Let me show you.

Come over here.

Way back there.

That's the problem?

Uh-huh, I think so.

Now, you look down and look right into the center of it.

All right?

Now, you keep your eyes on that and don't move, all right?

Let me see.

Look at this.

Is that very serious?

Do you have to get a part for it?

No, my friend's getting that.

I think we can take care of it.

Is it moving?

No, no, no.

In, in, in.

You see it right over there.

That little white thing?

Yeah, that's it.

Keep watching that.

You think that's the problem, huh?

I should do.

You can see it.

Yeah, I'm beginning to see.

I thought you would.

I don't know about the dishwasher,

but she's sure getting me started.

Yeah.

Let me take these off.

I think so.

Oh, come on.

Oh, you really have a beautiful tongue.

Oh, the dishwasher's not the only thing that's overflowing here.

Oh, this is wild.

Oh, I've never had a more pleasant day in my life.

Oh, wait, why don't we go in the living room where it's more comfortable?

That's good.

That's too far up.

I'll just take you closer.

I can't wait to see what the press will do.

The minute I came in I knew that dishwasher wasn't going to be fixed.

Why don't we see what we have down here?

Oh, you've got a lovely crib.

Beautiful.

Oh, come on, Drew, get undressed.

You know, we really haven't got much time.

You still have to fix the dishwasher.

I think it's just the road with the connection, Belinda.

It won't take much time.

Oh, come here. I want to feel that lovely crisp taste in my mouth.

It's beautiful, Sam.

Oh, boy, would I ever love to have this to suck on all day.

Oh, come on, put your tongue on it.

Oh, that's right.

Yes.

I'm...

I've got a great idea, why don't you let me...

Oh, it's beautiful.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

What are you doing in here?

Boy, who are you?

Well, I came to repair your washing machine upstairs.

Yeah, I've got it all.

Just down here cleaning up and getting ready to help out.

You better clean up because nobody comes in here with all that dirty.

You filthy man.

How dare you do that?

You can't stay in my house and work with that kind of crud on you.

Well, I just didn't.

Don't just wipe your dirty hands on my towels.

Start to get this stuff off.

Look at those dirty boots.

Why don't you wipe and leave them upstairs?

Lady, I didn't know that was part of the job.

Lady, just do it, man.

Don't just lady me.

Oh, God almighty, I've had such a day and all you people drive me out of my mind.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

Get all that crumptious.

Oh, I didn't know this was going to be part of the job.

Oh, man, you just don't know me.

I mean, this is, this is, why did they send a decent clean man over here to repair my things?

Well, let me sit up.

Oh, get that tub, man.

Give me, give me, get past you.

You got to get, look at that, you're filthy.

Look at that, you're filthy.

You're filthy.

Look at that, you're filthy.

Why don't you take a hold of it?

Get in the tub, in the tub, in the tub.

I'll get it.

Almost.

Almost.

This is certainly better than fixing a washing machine.

You like it?

Oh, yeah.

Mmm, I love it.

This is great.

It's clean and lovely.

It smells so nice.

You're such a handsome repairman.

Oh, yes.

What do you like? What do you like?

Why don't you come in and talk to me?

I can't work with all these clothes on.

We must hurry, though. I'm expecting my daughter any minute.

Your daughter's coming?

Yes, but I might as well enjoy myself a little.

My head is beginning to go ahead of my grain all day long.

Oh, let's see if we can do something about that.

Let me get a little clean, too.

Oh, come on.

Get in there, baby.

You feel and do so much more for me than my maid ever could.

Well, this is some job for a painter.

But I wonder if you'll mind doing the work that you should be doing.

Well, I should be. I mean, that's where I left him.

That's where you left him? Oh, thank you, my dear.

You're marvelous. I think you're mine.

Maybe better wash yourself a little bit.

Now, I need that towel up there on that table.

Sure, honey.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I love you.

Thank you.

Gee, I guess your daughter will be along any minute now.

Any minute, we must hurry.

You must get to that dishwasher.

Or there will be no party. You understand me?

We'll get that fixed.

Dry off the rest of you. Let me get my towel.

Central Park. Springtime.

It's good to be back in New York after four long years away in that crummy college.

About all I learned there was to smoke pot, trip acid, and ball a lot.

Thinking of bowling, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to make love right out here in the sunshine.

Springtime sure makes me horny.

I wish I could take off all my clothes and just let some beautiful guy do a beautiful number all over my body.

Damn these clothes.

I want the fresh breathe that's blowing to cool my hot flesh and make me feel good all over.

All I've got waiting for me at home is some rotten welcome home party.

Mom and dad crying with joy overseeing me and probably fixing some weird punch with a bit of alcohol in it for the big grown up girl from college.

I like to look them square in the eye and say,

Folks, I ain't a virgin no more. I've been fucked by practically the entire student body and some of the faculty too.

And I'm just getting to like it.

And you can take your goddamn punch bowl and use it for a cold douche for all I care.

Oh damn, I'm so raunchy.

I...

I wonder if I can find some secluded little section of this park and give myself a beautiful springtime.

Fresh as all outdoors, bright, sunny orgasm.

Wow, that really turns me on.

I'm in love.

I'm in love with flowers.

I'm in love with the trees.

I'm in love with the air.

I'm in love with my flesh.

I want to fuck the world.

To have an affair with nature.

A spiritual, sexual affair.

With the birds, the bees, and the trees.

And with men and women and everything and everyone.

And say to them, take me, I'm yours.

Love me and I will love you back.

Sing to me.

Talk to me.

Come to me.

Come to me.

Come in me.

Come into my lovely world of sun and beauty.

Where are you, oh secluded spot, that will receive my body and allow me to trip into your soul with my come?

I will find you and have you, you elusive love nest.

Here I come, ready or not.

I'm getting tired.

I must not use all my strength in foreplay.

I must save some for my clit, my thighs, and my breasts.

Oh, I'm getting horny again.

It must be the shade and the scent

that soon I will be coming my brains out all over the grass.

And the breeze will cool the fire that

now burns deeply in my loins.

I'll rest here.

Perhaps I can do it here.

Oh, damn, I'm so hot.

But I can hear other people.

They must be so close.

I can't let myself go with people around.

Although I'd love to say to them, look at me.

I'm masturbating, and I love it.

Come join me, and we'll all scream together.

What's the use?

I better look for another spot.

Onward, Millie, my girl.

Soon you'll find your place in the sun.

At last.

At last.

At last.

Take me, baby.

Take me.

I'm yours.

тЩк

Oh, God.

Oh, it feels so good.

I'm getting closer.

Oh, he did that.

And now, homeward bound to family, friends, and bullshit.

Who are you?

Well, I'm the dishwasher repairman.

I'm here repairing your dishwasher.

I'm the daughter of the house, and they're having a party here for me,

so I have to get changed and get ready.

So you don't mind, do you?

Can you just turn your head?

Oh, sure, go right ahead.

Can I finish smoking?

It's so warm in here, sure.

Thank you.

What school do you go to?

University of Richmond.

Richmond, that's in Virginia, right?

Hey, you're not supposed to be looking at me!

Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need some help?

No.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Well, let me get my bag.

I have to get ready for the party tonight.

I have to get my bag, because I've got to go back.

Okay, you do more.

Wait, whoa!

Hey!

I don't even know you.

Well, I went to college, too, so it's all the same.

Yeah, but still, my mother thinks I'm a virgin.

I know I like sex, but...

But?

But I don't even know you.

A virgin?

I don't even know your name.

Are you really a virgin?

Yes.

How old are you?

19.

But she must know that that's the oldest of the virgins out there.

Well, my mother doesn't know.

She's not aware of the nowadays, what's happening now.

Well, I'm just teaching you gym crap, that's all.

Have you heard of gym crap?

No.

No?

It's a special exercise.

It's supposed to expand your body.

But you are kind of cute anyway.

Oh, I'm cute?

That's very nice to say.

Gym crap starts like this.

okay

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, it's pretty good.

I'm home!

Where are you?

Oh, Lord Fazio, good evening.

You my wife?

No, I'm your maid, sir.

Oh, my maid.

Lovely.

You're feeling good tonight, I see.

I had a little drink after work.

Well, you're looking fine.

We all like our little kicks now, don't we?

I never even knew I had a maid as lovely as you.

I'm going to get you some water.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I'm not that lovely, am I?

No, you're not.

You're just as lovely as you.

Why don't you get me a drink?

A drink.

A drink, yes.

A drink.

Among other things.

But we'll talk about them after you get my drink.

You want a drink, sir?

What's wrong with you?

Oh, nothing.

A drink, yes.

I noticed what a lovely maid we had before.

Your drink.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Listen, my wife tells me that you do marvelous things for headaches, and mine is really pounding.

Everybody seems to have a headache today.

Oh, we'll see what we can do for that.

Why don't you see what we can do?

Do you want me to get rid of your drink?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'll sip it in case it gets too warm in here.

Now if we can just lift up a little.

Not too easy at my age, you know.

Oh, my, what nice things you're wearing.

Thank you, my dear.

Oh, see what you can do about that headache.

I'm going to wink it up a little.

Magnificent! You're the best baby I've ever had!

Help me, please.

It's wonderful to be rich.

I have to find my wife.

She expects me every evening.

Thank you, Hazel.

Everything is so busy today.

Yes, the party and everything.

These crazy people are fixing the dishwasher.

They've been messing around all day, but it's still broken.

Really?

I hope they fix it in time for the party.

Remind me to put something in my will about you.

I will, sir.

Charming.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Could you give me a bit of a shove?

Stop me going, thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen!

It's me, your husband.

What the hell are you doing?

What are you doing to my wife?

Get out of here!

Get out of here!

What's going on?

I'm going to fix the dishwasher.

It's me, your baby.

Who is it?

Who is it?

Oh, honey.

What's that?

It's coming.

Oh, lady, that was...

Millie!

It was you!

My daughter!

It felt so good, too.

It was really funny.

I loved it!

I love fucking my daughter!

Oh, and I tell the old lady she's through!

Come, let's find her!

Come, let's find her and tell her we're through!

We'll fuck each other!

Come, baby, come!

You never liked me that way, you never thought of me that way.

I haven't seen you in a long time, you've been in that stupid school.

I really taught you how to fuck up there.

But you didn't know I wasn't a virgin anymore.

I don't care.

Come on, let's find mother and tell her!

Tell mother!

Lovely darling!

My darling, where are you?

Look who's here!

Come on down!

Where are they?

Is that Millie?

It's Millie!

Come down!

What are you doing?

I'm so happy!

It's beautiful!

I love it, honey!

I never liked it before!

I'm so happy!

Hello, mom!

I'm going to stay with her.

I'm glad to see you.

What's going on?

What's going on?

Don't worry, the dishwasher is fixed.

The dishwasher is fixed.

Oh, my God!

He fixed it!

He fixed it!

Oh, my God!

He fixed it!

What's going on?

No more hitting!

What's going on?

No more hitting!

No more hitting!

No more rough dishwashing!

You can stay with your handyman.

Oh, shut up!

I'm so happy!

What's going on?

Come on, mom!

No, no, no!

Get out of my way!

We're going to act.

Stop fighting and have a big party.

We're all here and we're ready.

Let's forget about fighting.

Oh, my darling!

I love you, darling.

You're a good daughter.

I like what I have.

It's very simple.

It's very simple.

Talk to him.

Apparently, it gets bigger and better all the time.

Oh, my head aches.

Oh, good lord.

Did you have to fix the washing machine?

Works great!

I never got to double two-way job over there.

If you don't use any dishes or glasses, we won't try it out, Joe.

Where's the wrench?

I don't know what happened to the wrench. Do we need the wrench, dear?

I don't know, but you did a great job without a wrench.

What are you doing? What are you doing now?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

Welcome home.

Best party I ever had, Ma.

You must keep coming home more often.

Yes, you must.

Or coming more often.

Home.

Coming in the home, that's it.

Looks like you make a good repairman, too.

Oh, look at Lord Sazu.

Let's do it.

Go get him, Dad.

Oh, come over here with that brick.

Let's go up the stairs and welcome Lily Hall.

Oh, let's have a ballroom!

Yes!

Up the stairs and one, two, three, four.

Come, ladies, you may join.

Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll pause just a moment,

we'd like to have a little curtain call.

Here she is, the wonderful Tina Russell.

Let's hear it for Tina, who did a fantastic, bang-up job,

as it may today, in our beautiful film.

There's Tina relieving headaches, doing a wonderful job

for the very wonderful Dolly Sharp, who played

in a magnificent Lady Zazu.

And here is Richie Epps going at it and loving Tina all the way.

Richie has appeared in many, many films,

but this is his very first.

Oh, there he is!

That's Richie and Tina.

And this isn't the first, but it's done with all the taste

and all the beauty that we could possibly pour

into this exquisite film.

There's Tina again, who, again, you may have seen in many films,

but none with this excitement, this drama,

this tremendous display of talent.

Tina expects to continue on this fantastic road

that she has chosen for herself to achieve phenomenal success

in a world where there are many, many people,

but no unique Tina Russell.

There's Richie Epps and Tina,

and I think they deserve a great big hand,

a great big beautiful hand,

right across their wonderful bodies.

That's Richie. That's Tina.

And you must admit that ever since Nelson Eddie and Jeanette McDonald,

never has a team come off quite so well,

blended so beautifully together as the very wonderful Tina Russell.

And here she is, Dolly Sharp and her new leading man,

the wonderful Biff Boone.

Look at him, ladies and gentlemen.

Tremendous hulk of a man, definitely going very, very far

in this new career he's chosen for himself.

Talent, looks, and a tremendous ability to ad-lib,

as I'm sure you've noticed in today's film.

And Dolly, look at that girl.

All heart. That's who she is.

The most wonderful, most ambitious,

the most exciting new talent to appear on the scene.

There's Biff in one of his fantastic retakes,

one of the most amazing emotional scenes ever performed this year.

It's amazing how the Academy missed that performance.

There's Dolly again, doing a fantastic job on cleaning up her leading man.

This girl works very, very hard, as I'm sure you realize,

now that our flick is over.

There's Dolly working very hard now that our flick is over,

and this happens to be one of the most magnificent outtakes

that ever wound up on the cutting room floor.

It was too beautiful to leave there.

We thought you should have another look at it.

And there's Dolly digging into her job.

Yes, a girl who studied for many years

in some of the finest dramatic schools,

finest ballet schools, as I'm sure you noticed,

in some of her beautiful wide-leg stretches.

And here she is with the very wonderful Biff Boone,

who, again, is just doing a phenomenal job

of straight man, of supporting actor.

That's it. I think Dolly deserves another great big hand,

along with Biff, for displaying a tremendous amount of energy.

And oh, there she is again, ladies and gentlemen.

Another beautiful retake. Yes, sir.

Dolly has emotion, has grace.

Notice the arch of her back, the beautiful poised head.

The arch back of Biff Boone, yes.

Yes, let's not forget Biff.

While we're studying Dolly, we very often have a tendency

to overlook the male supporting actor.

But there's no doubt to why Dolly steals the show

with this kind of emoting, this kind of ad-lib-ability.

And there's a very wonderful Fred Zotz

in his magnificently funny scene with Tina Russell.

Yeah, you remember the old vibrator scene.

And there's Fred really into it, really studying the part,

getting into the mood, working his way into his next ad-lib.

I don't know if you realize these films are completely improvised.

And there she is, the very wonderful Angel Spirit,

who you remember from that marvelous Elvira Madigan-type scene.

And here she is with Richie Epps, another of her supporting actors.

And ladies and gentlemen, that wraps up our show.

Goodbye to Angel and our entire cast,

and we hope to see you again at our very next feature.

Good night, and this has been Eduardo Chimano saying good night for now.