Original subtitles

(HE SNORES)

(PHONE BUZZES)

Fuck.

Shit!

- Hello? - Hi, Adam. It's Shruti,

one of the SHOs. Sorry to disturb you.

Erm, you're on the rota for labour ward today,

- and Mr Lockhart... - Er, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Erm, tell him I'm really sorry.

I think there's been an accident. I've been sat here for an hour...

(HE GROANS)

And I'll be there in a minute.

Well, I'm not dead, am I?

Please tell me you haven't ordered a coffin.

Of course I'm not having an affair. I wouldn't have the time.

I just fell asleep last night when I went to the car.

Who did you phone? Please tell me you haven't phoned the police.

Well, who did you phone, then?

Oh, sorry.

Who did you phone, then?

My mum?!

Shit. Are you deranged?

And what did she... ?

(SHE CRIES OUT)

Don't go anywhere. I'm going to call you right back.

Is coming out!

Is coming out!

Well, a stroke of luck, you've come to the right place.

Let's get you up to labour ward, shall we?

It's, erm, a bit of a walk, I'm afraid.

(SHE CRIES OUT)

Do you mind if I have a quick check?

I'm a doctor. Probably should have said.

I'm Adam. And you are... ?

- Andrea. - Andrea.

(SHE GASPS)

OK. OK, Andrea, so, erm, baby's arm

- has come out. - That is normal?

Take a wild guess. Baby is lying sideways.

Do you understand that? Sideways?

- So you need a Caesarean section. - Oh, Caesarean.

I've got a scalpel in my back pocket. You'll be fine.

Shall we go?

- Yeah. - Yeah? That's it.

That's it. You OK?

Erm, Andrea, I know a short cut. Let's go this way.

I don't want to hurry you, Andrea,

but we've got to get going. You're doing brilliantly.

- It's OK. Deep breaths. - PORTER: Mind yourselves!

Come on, then, quickly. Hurry up.

- (SHE CRIES OUT) - That's it, we're nearly there.

We're going to go up in the staff lift.

Nearly there, nearly there.

- Come on. - This is lift?

It's safe. Come on.

- Really? - Yeah. You can do it.

- I can't! - Yeah, yeah.

No, wait. Wait, wait.

Wait for it. No, no, no. OK, are you ready?

- Three, two, one. - (SHE CRIES OUT)

Keep breathing. Nice deep breaths.

When I say so, we're going to jump out of the lift.

Are you a real doctor?

Fair question...

... though, strangely, one you've asked me

after you showed me your vagina.

Right, there you go. Yes?

OK, so, let's get ready.

Get ready.

And jump! Don't worry, don't worry.

The lift will go round and we'll have another go.

- You're doing really well. - What's happening?

It's just going through the...

... through the roof bit before it goes down.

(CLANGING)

All right? It'll be light again soon.

- Something's wrong! Look! - OK.

Jesus Christ. We call this a cord prolapse.

Ideally, it would happen on labour ward, not in a mad lift.

OK, Andrea, everything's going to be fine.

I mean, it might be fine.

If the cord gets cold, then baby stops getting blood.

No more blood, no more baby.

Right, hold it inside. You understand? Inside.

- Yeah. - Come on, come on, come on.

Are you the SHO? Staff lifts now.

Bring a hospital bed and a box of gloves.

Literally now. Cord prolapse.

- (SHE CRIES OUT) - Right, come on, Andrea,

we need to get off. Get ready.

- And jump! Jump! Jump! - Can't!

Fuck it.

Come on. OK?

(ANDREA SCREAMS)

Andrea, stay there.

Get her up on the bed. Knee-elbow position,

replace the cord, get her round to theatre.

I'm going to change into some scrubs. You consent her.

- Consent her for... ? - A deep-tissue massage.

It's a cord prolapse!

- Caesarean! - Oh, well, when you say,

"knee-elbow position"...

My mistake, sorry.

Your outfit looks a lot like what the doctors wear.

(ANDREA SCREAMS)

I'll do this. You push the bed.

Get up on here. That's it.

A bit less Alton Towers.

I'm so sorry.

Why don't I drive?

You go and find the anaesthetist.

That's the doctor that makes you go sleep-sleep.

(SHE GROANS)

I've found the husband.

He's just coming up from reception.

OK, Andrea, this is going to be fine.

You'll have a baby in five minutes.

- And is free? - Yep, free. Completely free.

We're not even allowed to accept tips.

(SHE GASPS)

Dr Adam, you should see me next. It's really urgent.

- Really? - Erika, darling, can you just take a seat for me, please?

Tracy! How was Majorca? Did Mick like the hotel?

Erika, just go back to triage.

(HE SPEAKS ROMANIAN)

I did explain that the doctor would be

- holding the cord inside. - (HE SPEAKS ROMANIAN)

Probably didn't tell him I'd be wearing her like Kermit the Frog.

I don't understand.

That's baby's heartbeat. Welcome to the NHS.

(ANDREA CRIES OUT)

(BABY CRIES)

This is obs and gynae.

Also known as brats and twats.

You're generally sailing the ship alone...

... a ship that's massive and on fire and no-one's had

the time to teach you how to sail.

It's literally life or death here.

And you're constantly being splashed by bodily fluids.

Not even the fun kind.

But what other doctors can say they end up with twice

the number of patients they started with?

Beat that, geriatrics.

Clothes bill means I'm...

... probably running my job at a loss, though.

Ah, Mr Lockhart. Having fun there?

- I was just... - Yeah, I'm not entirely convinced I want to know.

I don't know if you heard, there was a massive

cord prolapse before.

Erm, crash section. Got the baby out in 90 seconds.

I heard that you rocked up ten minutes late,

nearly killed a patient in the maintenance lift,

then did a Caesarean section in casualwear.

It was more that I took a short cut.

Doctors aren't meant to take short cuts, Adam.

Remember when I asked you to be an acting registrar?

Can you try acting like a bloody registrar?

I'll be in my office if you need me,

which I strongly suggest you won't.

You've missed a bit.

(SCREAMING)

PORTER: Mind out, please, mind out.

- WOMAN: It's really urgent! - I know, petal, but I promise you

- the doctor won't be long. - Pinkie promise?

Pinkie promise with a little cherry on top.

Oh!

Why don't you head back to where you were sitting?

Moany old trout.

- Morning, Ria. - Morning, Dr Kay.

- Oh, there he is! - Ward round, Trace?

Can I ask you something personal, darling?

Is it, "Why do you look like shit this morning?"

I wasn't going to ask it like that.

I slept in my car last night.

Well, it must be hard maintaining a relationship,

what, with your job...

... and your personality.

Tracy's the head midwife on today.

I'd let her sew up my sister's perineum...

... which sounds weird, now that I've said it,

but it's actually the highest compliment I can give.

Oh, remember to remove the thick, shiny layer on the outside.

Ignore him. His girlfriend's come to her senses and dumped him.

- No-one's dumped anyone. - But if you do want to smack him,

I will turn a blind eye.

Do you mind if we nip to Room 8 first?

She's making pretty slow progress.

Pop downstairs and review Mrs Buckstar quickly.

Doctors speak a lot of code, so it's "epididymo-orchitis"

rather than "gammy cock and balls".

"Review Mrs Buckstar," "Go to Starbucks."

Which ward is Mrs Buckstar in?

He wants you to get him a fancy coffee without me knowing.

- (PHONE VIBRATING) - Milk and one sugar for me, please.

I'm in labour, Mother, not quadriplegic.

Hi. I'm Adam, one of the doctors.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

You've spelt 'pavilion' wrong.

Would you like a sweetie, dear?

The doctor's not going to give me better care

- because you offer him a Murray Mint. - In fairness, I might, actually.

All right?

You've got a little bit stuck at six centimetres,

so I suggest we wang the dose up

- on the drip that's helping your contractions... - Is "wang" a medical term?

Sure is. And if that doesn't work, we'll, erm...

Anna, let's put the Synto onto 84 and re-examine in four hours.

It won't be me, actually. I'll be home by then.

- Really? - Well, I've been here 15 hours.

If I stay any longer, they'll start charging me council tax.

- Right. - Don't worry, darling,

I'll do it, so at least it'll be a familiar face.

Could you do the examination instead, Doctor?

It does make more sense for Tracy to do it.

- Where did you train? - TRACY: Would you like me to pop home

and get my degree certificates?

There's no way you could stay, is there?

Erm, I'm not sure I like where this is going.

You're not saying I can't choose who

does intimate examinations on me, are you?

I'm saying you won't be choosing based on the colour of their skin.

- Adam! - What?

When did anyone say anything about skin colour?

It's called patient choice.

It's important to have choice, like tonight I might...

... choose to order a pizza rather than firebomb a mosque.

I think what Dr Kay meant to say...

What I'm saying is, I know it's stressful being on labour ward,

but anything more like this, and I will have to have you

removed from the building. Is that understood?

OK. OK, let's crack on, shall we?

PATIENT: Wanker.

That had better be a crossword answer.

No, dear, she called you a wanker.

What the hell was all that about?

I guess white supremacists have babies, too.

Not her. You.

- Me? - I don't need a white knight to defend my honour.

Hang on. I'm the registrar.

Acting registrar.

- I'm the most senior doctor here. - Until somebody more senior turns up.

Well, I'm running this ward now, and it's up to me...

No, I'm running this ward, young man, and I'm more than capable

of handling myself, and the moment that I can't,

I'll let somebody know,

and I don't want to spoil the surprise: it won't be you.

And don't tell the patients that you're kicking them out.

This is the NHS, not your golf club.

Which room are we kicking out?

- (PHONE BUZZES) - No, we're not kicking anybody out, Benilda.

- _ - They're all in labour, so

we thought we might wait until they had their babies.

- _ - Well, get a move on.

The hospital's on red alert for beds.

We're actually more than halfway to black alert.

So, like, dusky-merlot alert.

Can you, er, go to gynae?

The lady in bed 17's fit for home.

I'm actually in the middle of a ward round.

But, yeah, I mean, I'll find a moment.

Before you do that, you'll need to fill out an incident form

- for Room 8. - Hang on, I didn't have to do one

for the cord prolapse.

(ALARM BLARES)

- Erika? - NURSE: Third attendance this week

- with non-specific symptoms. - (ALARM STOPS)

OK, everybody, back to your jobs. We don't need the Polyphonic Spree.

- Shoo, shoo. - Oh. Come on.

Not you!

Oh! Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

Right, surprise me. What's the management?

Right. Er...

OK, well, I would, erm...

... check for a patent airway,

er, then I would put her

in the left lateral position, run high oxygen flow

through a non-rebreather mask, erm, check for

a pulse...

So near and yet so shit.

So, when people are really unconscious...

... their hands smash into their faces.

(PHONE BUZZES)

_

- _ - Adam?

Adam!

Adam?

Do you think I'm rubbish?

Look, I wasn't great on my first week, either.

I've been here two months!

- Two months? - Well, I just haven't had a chance

to do much hands-on stuff yet.

How many babies have you delivered?

Erm...

No babies have needed delivery in two months?

Everyone's always too busy to teach me.

You just need to be less of a wallflower.

It's dog eat dog in this place.

And...

... the dogs eat wallflowers.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I've been elbow-deep in a patient,

I've had an ethnostate in Room 8 and someone else playing dead.

Oh, and I've got blood matted into my pubes.

ON PHONE: I love it when you talk dirty.

Right, so, who did you say you were?

My name's Harry.

When you called my mother.

I said I was your fuck buddy.

I said I was your flatmate.

But she knows we've only got one bedroom.

Wild idea, but you know you could just... tell her about us?

You don't know her. She'll turn you into stone, or something.

Nah. Mums love me. It's like my superpower.

How are we going to fake our own deaths,

then, before Greg's stag do?

I'm thinking avalanche, helicopter crash...

- Ah, it'll be a laugh. - Carbon-monoxide poisoning?

- (PAGER BEEPS) - Shouldn't you pop along,

- seeing as you're the best man? - Crap. I was meant to go to gynae.

- Sorry, call you later. - Don't apologise.

That's the longest call we've had in months.

I was starting to get bored.

♪ No-no, no, no ♪

♪ No-no-no, no, no-no, no ♪

♪ No, no-no ♪

♪ No, no, no-no ♪

♪ No-no, no, no ♪

♪ No-no, no, no ♪

♪ No-no, no, no-no, no ♪

♪ Nobody can do the ♪ ♪ Shing-a-ling... ♪

Erm, good news, Mrs W.

You are finally free to go home.

Are you stupid?

I was told you were good to go, but, yeah, you don't look great.

Speak for yourself.

(PAGER BEEPS)

Erm, must have been a bit of a mix-up.

I'll come back later. I need to see someone else now.

Hopefully a hairdresser.

♪ Skate ♪ ♪ Like I do ♪

♪ Nobody can do ♪ ♪ Boogaloo ♪

♪ Like I do ♪

♪ Nobody can do ♪ ♪ Philly ♪

♪ Like I do ♪

♪ Well, don't you know I'm gonna skate right through... ♪

Dr Kay, you're needed in Room 4.

Yes, I know...

♪ When I go to Philly, I do ♪

♪ Ain't nobody doin' it but me, babe ♪

♪ Nobody but me ♪

♪ Well, let me tell you, nobody ♪

(GROANING)

♪ But nobody but me ♪

♪ Let me tell you, nobody ♪

♪ Nobody ♪ ♪ Nobody... ♪

Never actually let the patient see the forceps.

The only people happy with two-foot-long metal salad tongs

inserted in their vaginas are people who aren't aware

that there are two-foot-long metal salad tongs

inserted in their vaginas.

- It's only a few more minutes. - Shut up, Graham!

- And put your shirt back on. - Just breathe.

- That's what's important. - (SHE GROANS)

You're doing so good.

You're doing so well.

You're doing so well, my little soldier!

- Shut up, Graham. - I'm going to play the song now.

- (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYS) - Seen one before?

- Yes... - See one, do one, teach one.

PATIENT: I don't like this song.

Change the song, change the song.

Wait for a contraction.

And pull.

You got to keep breathing.

(PATIENT CRIES OUT)

Just find your centre, baby.

- No stress. - Graham...

(PHONE BUZZES)

- Dr Kay speaking. - It's Greg. You've not answered

any emails in four days. No-one even knows where we're meeting.

- Push, push, push, push, push! - Pull as hard as you can! Now!

Oh, God, tell me you're not having sex.

- Just on labour ward right now. - I know it's traditional

for the best man to humiliate the groom on his stag do,

and traditionally that involves handcuffs and a sex worker...

Just put some oomph into it.

Welly's threatening to take over and drag us all to a strip club.

No, no, no, we won't be going to... breast clinic.

If this doesn't work, will we have to do a Caesarean?

It will work. Erm, look, it's all going to be civilised, don't worry.

You say, "Don't worry," but you'll understand why I am still worried.

Tell everyone 8 o'clock upstairs at the Crown.

I'll see you later. I really need to get back to this vagina.

Yeah, well, you're definitely not having sex, then.

GRAHAM: You got to stay breathing, OK?

That's it, that's it. You're doing brilliantly.

- Thanks. - I was talking to the patient.

Nice and slowly, nice and slowly. Don't let her tear.

- You're so beautiful! - Graham, just stop.

Nice and slowly, nice and...

Dad, do you want to come down and see baby being born?

- Oh, my God, where's its face?! - What's the matter with his face?!

(PATIENT SCREAMS)

- (BABY CRIES) - His face is fine.

Just on the front of his head, not the back.

Remember I said, "Don't let her tear"?

Adam's a good name. (HE CHUCKLES)

You've got a bit of a tear going into the back passage.

We'll get you round to theatre,

and have that repaired nicely for you.

Won't take more than an hour or so.

(HE CLEARS THROAT)

(SHE SNIFFS)

Adam, I'm so sorry. I wish I could've sewn it up myself.

- I've just never actually done it... - It's fine.

Besides, my genitals were wondering why

they hadn't been covered in blood for a few hours.

Better do an incident form.

How are we doing here, then?

All under control, Mr Lockhart.

- Miracles never cease. - Could you just have...

I thought I told you to discharge that gynae patient.

I see the miracles have ceased.

No. But she's not even...

Are my team causing you trouble, Ms Mendoza?

We're full on labour ward.

Post-nates, ante-nates, gynae. I don't know how we're supposed

to admit anyone from A&E.

We've been on red alert all day, and we're practically at black alert.

- Burgundy alert, then. - (ALL LAUGH)

I'm sure we can do something about that for you.

- Can't we, Dr Kay? - Yeah, we could pull out

the patient's drips, and chuck her out the window.

I knew you'd think of something.

- Leave it with us. - Can I help at all?

You could pop down to the coffee shop.

There's a vacancy for a barista.

Shruti did her first forcep delivery earlier.

Er, yeah, yeah.

She had been in second stage for over an hour, and we...

Very good. Walk with me, Adam.

Quick story for you.

So, there's this acting obstetric registrar,

and he walks into a room and he calls his patient a Nazi.

Oh, you're making it so much worse than it was.

- She was being racist to Tracy... - Every mother and baby

on this ward is relying on your good decisions,

and your good judgment. Apologise to Tracy,

apologise to the patient,

and send some people home.

Oh, and, Adam?

Stop being shit.

♪ You hit me once I hit you back ♪

(PAGER BEEPS)

♪ You gave a kick I gave a slap ♪

♪ You smashed a plate over my head ♪ ♪ Then I set fire to our bed ♪

♪ You hit me once I hit you back... ♪

Rachel Glover?

Kerry Salisbury?

Caroline Morobeto?

♪ Oh, my black eye casts no shadow ♪

♪ Your red eye sees no blame ♪

♪ Your slaps don't stick ♪ ♪ Your kicks don't hit ♪

♪ So we remain the same ♪

♪ Blood sticks, sweat drips ♪

♪ Break the lock if it don't fit ♪

♪ A kick in the teeth is good for some ♪

♪ A kiss with a fist is better than none ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ A kiss with a fist is better than none. ♪

So, you've recovered from earlier.

Oh, yes. Oh, God, sorry, Dr Adam.

I don't know what came over me.

So, remind me, how many weeks are you?

Oh, God, I hate maths.

I couldn't even tell you in months. Er...

Erm, OK, let's think.

So... Birthday's in June.

I'll be 27...

Well, it's got to be, like, 2,000 weeks?

You're 25 weeks.

Oh!

You mean the baby.

(SHE LAUGHS)

So, erm, what's the... problem?

Well, I woke up this morning with a headache,

and my tongue is just, like, totally covered in spots.

Right. Let's have a look.

OK.

I'm afraid that what you have is known as...

... taste buds.

Oh. (SHE LAUGHS)

So, is there someone at home we can call

to come and collect you,

or do you live here now?

Oh, God, no, who'd want to live with me?

(PAGER BEEPS)

Right.

Adam, that lady you just saw, her blood pressure's a bit high.

- Do you want me to send her for some bloods? - Just send her home.

No, wait. Erm, yes, do the bloods.

Yep?

What's the trace like?

Isn't the evening registrar here yet?

OK. Fine.

Right, we're doing a Caesarean for Room 8.

Dr Adam? Dr Adam, sorry, sorry, I meant to say.

My teeth have become a bit itchy.

Send her home.

Don't ask to do it. I'm tired.

I need to be gone ten minutes ago.

Erm, so, we're all good to go.

We'll have baby out in five minutes,

and may I just say, I misspoke before

- and I'm very sorry. - All water under the bridge.

But just checking it will be you doing this operation

and nobody else.

Yes.

Yes, it will. Yeah.

Actually, fuck it. You've got to learn some time. You're up.

- Come on, you've seen one. - Y... yeah...

So you know the routine. See one, fuck one up, teach one.

Really? Thank you.

- Are you sure? - Not especially. Come on.

Are you happy?

Right, come on.

- This it? - Yeah. Hurry up, please,

I think the anaesthetist's retiring next week.

- Adam? - Mm?

Stretch it. Come on. Harder than that.

Right, through the peritoneum, then.

Pop your finger in. You're not going to damage anything.

OK.

Oh!

Adam? Adam?

Er, yeah, OK, good. Great. So, you're going to make

a U-shape in the lower segment of the uterus,

and then you're going to extend it with your fingers.

What if there isn't a lower segment?

You know, like if it's before 32 weeks.

Yeah, we usually save the Q&A session for afterwards.

It would just be a horrible, bloody mess. Come on, get on with it.

- Is that... ? - Good.

Now what?

I think even you can guess what happens next. Come on.

That's it.

Just guide the head out. It's coming.

OK.

That's it.

One baby coming up...

(BABY CRIES)

No, get her off me. I'm not having a Paki

delivering my baby! Get her off me!

Stop touching it! You promised that you would do it!

Excuse me, get me out of this! Take this!

What is this? Get this off me!

- Adolf's a good name. - Mum, will you do something?!

You did really well.

One Caesarean down, 8,000 to go.

To be fair, they don't normally end like that.

Erm, write up the notes and mention that I closed the skin.

Oh, gosh, isn't he wonderful?

Oh, for...

(PHONE RINGS)

Cancellations hotline.

Press 1 for you need to stay at work, leaving me to make

small talk with 20 public-school dickheads I barely know.

That's unfair. There's only 15 of them.

And I'm just leaving now.

- No way! - Can you bring a change of clothes, please?

Yeah. Anything in particular?

Erm, something smart-casual

and not totally encrusted with a stranger's blood?

Hula skirt and feather boa it is, then.

(HE CHUCKLES) See you in a bit.

You can't help being ill, darling.

I'll just get somebody else to pick her up.

Right. Bye-bye.

Er, Adam?

I saw what you did to that dolphin.

A gentleman never discusses a lady's blowhole.

- Do you want my advice, Adam? - Erm, not really.

That is exactly your problem.

It was pretty funny, though, right?

♪ Prophet six-zero-zero-nine-one ♪

♪ This is the flight number ♪

♪ Of our galactic sun ♪

♪ Prophet six-zero-zero-nine-one ♪

♪ Before we start ♪

♪ You should know that you're not the only one ♪

♪ Who can hurt me... ♪

(ENGINE STARTS)

It's my second-favourite doctor!

Who's number one?

David Tennant. First series.

- How was work? - Fine, thanks. Who are they?

No idea, but they're better craic than your mates upstairs.

Oh, come on.

I'm sure you'll find something in common with them.

There you go. See? Wearing the same T-shirt.

Some guy called... Welly brought them.

Well, they're not too terrible, considering.

Shall we just do this? Come on.

(SHOUTING AND CHEERING)

Ah! 7:58. There you go.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

- No, you didn't. - Yeah, fine. May have lost a small bet.

Nightmare! This place doesn't do Jagerbombs!

Whatever will we do?

- Adster! - Welly. Don't do that.

- Where's your T-shirt? - Yeah, Adster, where's your T-shirt?

Put it on.

CHANTING: Put it on.

Put it on, put it on, put it on, put it on!

Yes! And as for you...

... one pint of gin.

No, I'm not going to drink that.

Well, you will be, because it's tradi-ti-on.

How can it be a tradition? I've never got married before.

Right, I need a drink. Is this my stuff?

- So, did your mum call? - She left a voicemail.

Ah. And you didn't listen.

No. I'm changing my number and moving to Venezuela.

You done there?

(BOTH LAUGH)

Right, come on, what do you want?

I think 12 litres of vodka Red Bull should probably do it.

Er, can I get a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and...

(PHONE BUZZES)

- ... a rum and Coke, please? - This'll be Jakesy.

He's probably gone to Poland by mistake. Hello?

- ON PHONE: Kay. - Mr Lockhart! I'm just in a...

CHANTING: Pint of gin, pint of gin!

... supermarket.

Sorry, Mr Lockhart, how can I help?

Er, listen, the locum registrar

hasn't turned up for the night shift.

Erm... Who's the senior reg?

Er, I don't think he'd get here from Sydney in time.

Well, do say if you've got something more important on.

Erm, no. No, no, no. Erm...

No, I can do it.

Will the missus understand?

- She'll be fine with it. - Good man. Bye!

(LOCKHART HANGS UP)

How long are you going to be? A couple of hours?

- 12. I'm so sorry. - And there's no-one else who could... ?

I'm sorry. It's really crap for you.

- You don't have to stay here, obviously. - I'll be grand.

I've never had a... pint of gin before.

Just a couple more years, then I'll be a consultant,

and it'll just be me, you and an Aston Martin.

It would be nice to live somewhere a bit more spacious.

- We can shower in the glove compartment. - Right, go on.

You've got some babies to deliver.

You should have gone along with my avalanche idea.

OK, your first best-manly duty is to rescue my dad.

Welly's trying to get him to drink a shoe full of sambuca.

Shoe-ca! Shoe-ca!

You're going to hate me.

There's a... staffing emergency at the hospital.

There's no doctors on labour ward.

- No. - So I have to go back in.

Drink this. Then you can't go in.

- I can't. - OK, give me one good reason.

Er...

- Er, because I, erm... - Because you'd rather be at work.

Yeah, have a good night, mate.

Fuck's sake!

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

- Erm, the good. - Oh, I was worried you'd say that.

It's all bad, I'm afraid.

The wards are stuffed to the gills,

there's no SHO, and the midwife in charge is Tracy.

- Well, she was working during the day. - The other one.

"Non-Reassuring Trace."

Right, I'm off home. But call me whenever.

- I won't. - Good man.

You're very intent on showing me your penis today.

They need to increase the credits on the scrub machine.

You can practically tell who did your circumcision.

Made a right meal of it.

WOMAN: Keep going.

- Hi, Trace. How can I help? - Oh, Doctor, thank God you're here.

Can you see Room 11 for me?

I'm desperately worried about her.

Quick as you can.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

(BABY CRIES)

Yeah. Yeah, it was amazing.

No, I didn't take a photo! It's someone else's baby!

Yeah, I know, Mum said the exact same thing.

Actually, I'm not going to make it home this weekend,

but, erm... (SHE SPEAKS HINDI)

Mm-hm. Yeah, erm, I love you, too. OK. Bye.

Bye.

What the hell are you still doing here?

Don't you have a depressing flat to go back to?

The incident forms are longer than you think.

Just go home.

I'll do yours when I do mine.

- This is yours. - Oh, no way!

(ALARM BLARES)

I wouldn't break a sweat. Non-Reassuring-Tracey's on.

The patient's probably farted.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

25 weeks. First baby.

Blood pressure's through the roof.

- (SHE SCREAMS) - Grade one Caesarean section.

Get anaesthetics round to theatres now.

Tell paeds it's a 25-weeker with placental abruption.

Severe pre-eclampsia.

Turns out I probably shouldn't have sent her home.

Erika, listen. I'm very worried about your baby.

Placenta's coming away. I need to deliver you immediately

to save baby's life.

- It's too early! - I'm going to perform a Caesarean section.

- Do you understand? - (SHE SCREAMS)

Do you want your consultant in?

I've got this, thanks, Tracy.

- Is my sister here? - We've called her, and she'll be here in time

- to say hello to your baby. - Or goodbye.

Why don't you count down from 20 for me?

20, 19... 18...

Come on.

- Are you happy? - Ready when you are.

- Adam, have you done a 25-week Caesarean before? - No.

I've seen one.

Pull. Quick. And retractor in.

Adam?

- MAN: Yeah, chest movement. - Adam?

- Adam! - Er, sorry. Swabs, please.

Let's start the suction.

Oh, my God.

Come on. Shit.

Pressures aren't great here. What's the blood loss like?

Er, it's a litre, a litre-and-a-half.

Can you bleep the on-call haematologist?

I'm going to need some more blood products.

Find out who's the anaesthetic consultant.

More swabs.

I-I can't see anything. It's too thick to stitch.

So much blood. Shit, I can't...

I... I can't get it under...

Fuck!

This is insane. I can't... I can't see anything. Shit!

- Fuck! - Adam...

... you can do this.

I can't. I can't do this.

This woman's going to die, and it's my fault.

Shall we get Mr Lockhart in?

- Yeah. Yeah, please. - Tracy, will you call Mr Lockhart

and ask him to come in, please?

I called him before you started.

Why did you do that? I...

Thank you.

(HE RETCHES)

I'm really sorry.

It was really busy,

and I genuinely thought that she was crying wolf.

She was crying severe early-onset pre-eclampsia,

which you'd have known if you'd done so much as a blood test.

And then, for some reason, you attempted an operation

any consultant would struggle with.

Oh, you can buy Tracy a box of chocolates, by the way,

for calling me in.

- Can I just say... ? - No!

Amend your entry from when you first saw this patient this afternoon.

Write that you discussed with me over the phone,

and that I advised you to send her home.

What?

No, you don't have to do that.

Well, you didn't have to come in tonight.

- I did. - Yeah, you did.

Hi. Um...

... something to keep you going.

(SLAM)

(PHONE BUZZES)

_

Hi. I'm one of the obstetric, erm, registrars.

Are you lost?

Erm, I'm looking for...

... baby Van Hegan. The 25-weeker.

Ah! Are you the one who, er... ?

Well, you're not going to knock over the incubator, are you?

Bed 5.

I'm really sorry.

I was... really tired, and I just wanted to get home.

And... this place is insane.

And...

... I fucked up.

I mucked up.

Sorry.

I tried my best.

WHISPERS: Just promise me you'll have a normal head scan.

Enjoy your last night of pussy.

♪ I've been workin', baby ♪

♪ For too long now ♪

♪ Just wanna get next to you, boy ♪

♪ I've been searchin', baby ♪

♪ A way to tell you how ♪

♪ Gotta get through to you, boy ♪

♪ Never said it was sunshine ♪

♪ But you took it all of the time ♪

♪ Never said it was sunshine ♪

♪ But you took it all of the time ♪

♪ All of the time ♪

♪ All of the time ♪

♪ All of the time ♪

♪ You took it all of the time ♪

♪ There's no escaping now ♪

♪ Let me show you how ♪

♪ What it feels to be true ♪

♪ I've been workin', baby ♪

♪ For too long now ♪

♪ Just wanna get next to you, boy ♪

♪ I've been searchin', baby ♪

♪ A way to tell you how ♪

♪ Gotta get through to you, boy. ♪

- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -