Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Your sun Princess looks like it's a wonderful ship,

captain nordquist.

It must have an excellent crew.

They have an excellent captain.

Oh, there you are. Perfect.

I want a picture of you two old salty sea dogs together.

Uh, right over here.

Right over here, gentlemen -- against the wall.

That's nice.

Now, if you'll just stand a little closer together.

Good. Charlie, take it low. Ah...

Captain nordquist, sir?

If you would be smiling, that would be very nice.

I am smiling.

Yes, ah, okay.

Happy...happy... And shoot it.

Perfect.

Okay, now go inside and take a picture

of the three of us walking in.

We'll all be smiling when we walk in.

We'll just go in for the opening ceremony,

and we're gonna love this.

Here we go -- snap it, Charlie.

May we help you?

Oh, thanks.

I'm Ellen Van Bowen. This is Jesse dobson.

How do you do?

How do you do?

We think we're on this deck.

Ha ha!

Van Bowen...

Yes! Yes, you are.

You are in cabin 240, which is w-a-ay over...

There.

If we can be of service, please don't hesitate.

Oh, thanks. That won't be necessary.

We plan to stay in our cabin the whole trip.

So I guess the only thing you boys can do

is just knock on that door when we get back to Los Angeles.

I think people are starting to take

these "love boat" ads way too seriously.

And I think we better get to the lobby

or we'll miss the ceremony.

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I have your attention, please?

How are you?

For those very few of you who don't know who I am,

I'm Steve blum.

As the publicity director for the cruise ship association,

it's my pleasure

to welcome you to the klondike carnival cruise competition.

Thank you.

We will be matching the crew of the pacific Princess,

under the leadership of captain merrill stubing...

Against...

The crew of the sun Princess,

under the leadership of captain Gunnar nordquist.

Thank you.

Now...

The first round of the competition

will begin in Vancouver, Canada.

Then, after a short stopover in Juneau,

the second and final round

will take place in ketchikan, Alaska.

Good luck, and may the best boat...Win!

Ha ha!

Thank you.

Very nice, Mr. Blum.

I thought you said Barbara Walters would be here.

Oh, she'll probably, uh, meet us in Vancouver.

Mm.

Listen, could we go somewhere and discuss the details?

My office is available.

Something wrong with your leg, sir?

Oh, uh, nothing major -- just pulled a few ligaments.

Anything to avoid the competition, eh, stubing?

Harry, you really didn't need to see me off.

I'm on my own now.

Hey, Dorothy, we're still friends.

Besides, who else would schlep all your luggage?

Would you stop babying me?

You've been doing that for 15...Years.

Hello.

Hi, welcome aboard.

I'm Adam bricker, ship's doctor.

Oh. Meecham -- Ms. Dorothy meecham...

Adam.

Ah...meecham. There must be a mistake here.

I see a Mrs. meecham, but no Ms. or Mr.

No. No, you got it right.

The mistake was Mr. and Mrs. Meecham.

She's Dorothy, I'm Harry meecham --

my wife's future ex-husband.

I won't be going along with you. You see --

Harry...could we please just enjoy our cruise?

Both? But I thought you weren't going.

Oh, I'm going, but, you see,

I'm going on your other ship that's sailing to Alaska --

the sun Princess.

Which is about to sail from way over there.

Yeah, right, right.

Well, bon voyage.

Enjoy whatever it is you're hoping to enjoy.

Bye.

Oh!

Harry, you forgot your bag.

Ooh.

Oh, thank you.

My, uh, soon-to-be ex-wife was throwing that at me.

I'm sailing on the sun Princess.

[ Norwegian accent ] Good. Let me show you the way.

I work there. I'm the masseuse.

I'd like to make an appointment...

For the entire week.

Ja, your body looks like it could use

some strong hands on it.

I've seen that woman somewhere before.

I don't know where... It bothers me.

Maybe you're just not used to seeing him with any other woman.

That's not it.

No, we were hoping something like this would happen.

Well, I guess I shouldn't worry.

He's in good, strong hands...

Maybe I am, too.

[ Telephone rings ]

Yes, sir?

Excuse me. Uh, my name's Dave pursinger.

Ah, Mr. Pursinger, yes -- fiesta deck, cabin 135.

Uh, tell me -- all these parties you have scheduled

for the carnival cruise...

Do I need a date to get in?

You certainly don't, sir.

But we practically guarantee you'll have one when you leave.

Just a sec.

Excuse me...Um,

two large special-delivery boxes arrive for me yet?

Name's Van damme -- Dr. Van damme.

Well, Dr. Van damme, why don't we check?

This way.

Excuse me...

Where could I find a brochure

on the carnival games?

Uh, take mine -- I've already read them anyway.

Thank you.

Uh, this is Mr. Dave pursinger.

Hi, nice to meet you.

And you're...

Megan -- Megan Lewis.

Megan Lewis.

Oh, say, I have some extra confetti.

It's more than one person could possibly throw.

Maybe we could go out on the deck together

or something?

I really appreciate it, Dave,

but I've already made some plans with my fiancé.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. I-I didn't realize.

Thank you very much.

Yes, they're here.

Oh, terrific.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but, uh...

Didn't that guy just try to pick up my fiancée?

Oh, that had to be a mistake.

That's one shy dude.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Worry about it?

I think I found just the man I'm looking for.

Excuse me.

Excuse me...

Could you tell me where I could find captain stubing?

Well, he's pretty busy right now,

but I'm Julie McCoy, the cruise director.

Can I help you?

Well, thank you. I-I think I'd like that.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

So, if you have no objection,

I'll sail up to Alaska with captain nordquist

and come back with you.

Sounds fine to me.

Mm.

See you later.

Trig?

Oh, no.

What a nice surprise.

Hi, dad.

Captain stubing, this is my son trig.

How are you?

Hello, captain.

Came to join my crew.

Just recently graduated navigation school.

As of today, he will be assistant navigation officer.

[ Chuckles ] Come, trig...

Come see a real ship -- a nordquist ship.

I can't, dad.

What do you mean, you can't?

I'm working on the pacific Princess.

I'll be sailing with captain stubing.

So...you steal my son from under my nose.

Come on, nordquist. He was assigned to my ship.

I didn't know he was your son.

It's true, dad.

He planned this to embarrass me.

I know him better than you do.

You'll pay for this, stubing.

I'll make you a laughingstock.

I'll crush you... And your ship.

And I'll deal with you later.

Excuse me, captain.

Fasten your safety belt --

there's a bumpy ride ahead.

[ Air horns blow ]

This is captain nordquist.

Welcome aboard the sun Princess

for our mighty cruise competition.

[ Air horn blows ]

This is captain stubing.

We'll be sailing in company with the sun Princess.

First stop -- Vancouver, British Columbia.

[ Blows ]

No shark repellent?

[ Laughs ]

I know -- I'm overprepared.

Harry calls me "the movable medicine chest."

[ Laughs ]

But then... Harry isn't here, is he?

Would you... Like to join me in a drink?

I'm sorry. I'm on duty.

But, uh, how about tonight...

In the acapulco lounge?

I'll be looking forward to it.

Not as much as I.

Oh, skip, I know I'm just gonna love this cruise.

Canada will be beautiful. Alaska will be beautiful.

The weather will be beautiful.

And I'm overpoweringly gorgeous, too, right?

Right.

But the most beautiful thing of all

is that we're away from the laboratory --

no more test tubes.

Skip, you didn't...

Skip, you did.

Honey, I just had to bring along the equipment.

We're so close to a major scientific breakthrough.

A major breakthrough on a product

scientifically proven to make men irresistible...

Except it doesn't work.

Oh, it will.

And the love boat is the perfect place for the experiment.

I know I'm on the right track.

And I'm on vacation.

I don't believe it.

You brought the lab rabbits?

Meg, try to understand.

Now, all of my professors at Harvard

expected me to make an important contribution to science

by the time I was 30.

And you will. Just give it time.

But not all your time.

Well, I have to.

Already three of my classmates are congressmen,

and one has even been indicted.

What have I got to show?

You've got us to show for it.

What we need to do is get your mind off of work...

And we can start with the cocktail party tonight.

Hey, how about asking that guy you met in the lobby to join us?

I bet he'd love the idea.

Skip, that man was as timid as a mouse.

That's right, and for my first experiment,

I'm going to change that mouse into a Guinea pig.

Julie: The first round of competition between the ships

includes wrestling, log sawing, pole climbing --

and what else are we going to do in Vancouver, Vicki?

Um...tug of war. That ought to be fun.

Yeah, and in ketchikan,

we'll have a cross-country marathon race.

You'll be on our team, won't you, trig?

Well, I suppose so.

It sure won't please my father,

but, then, nothing I do seems to please him.

At ease, trig.

We're not all that formal around here.

Captain, to get our group in shape,

I've ordered exercise bicycles and a jogging program.

Well, I appreciate your enthusiasm, Julie,

but let's not get carried away.

Practice if you wish, but remember,

this is just a friendly little competition.

Enjoy it.

Ha ha! There!

No clothes for the rest of the cruise, right?

Right.

Here's to Jesse and Ellen, those daring explorers

going all the way to Alaska and back

in just their jammies.

And I already know what we'll discover --

that we're as perfect for each other mentally...

As we are physically.

Mm...mm...mm --

let me get rid of this messy table.

Then I want to hear your whole sordid life story.

Oh. [ Giggles ]

Everything!

Ha ha ha!

Why, Jesse, you hardly touched your salad.

Well, there were all those vegetables, Ellen.

I'm not much into vegetables.

Oh, wait till you taste the way I fix my broccoli.

Hmm-hmm.

Broccoli.

Whoa, ho-ho-ho. Here. Listen, let me help you with that.

Here we go.

So, how's it going?

Um, I mean...

Um...can I just go back to "hi, there"?

Probably wondering why we never leave the cabin.

Oh, hey, totally your own business.

It is certainly not my place to ask why.

Why?

You see, Jesse and I just met.

It was love at first sight.

We want to get married right away.

He's divorced. I'm a widow.

But we want to be sure that we're really right

for each other.

Yet...

We're too impatient to wait out a long engagement, so...

So you figured that if you took the whole cruise together

that would do it, huh?

Ha ha! It's working great.

Oh...it's just a heaven-sent miracle --

at this time of our lives -- that we've found each other.

Well, in that case,

I'll see you when you get back to Los Angeles,

and I will call for you personally...

[ Laughs ]

...with the paramedics.

[ Both laugh ]

Ahh!

Who were you talking to out there?

What? Oh, that was just --

hold it, don't answer!

That's a stupid, jealous question.

We'll have none of that.

Complete trust -- no nosiness.

I like that...

Just like I like everything about you.

[ Spits ]

Ah, do you do windows, too?

I'm a neatness nut. Does that bother you?

Oh, no, not a bit. But now it's wine time.

I want to hear all about the early days...

From that very first gurgle.

I'll get the door. Oh!

One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!

One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four!

You're not here to enjoy yourselves.

One, two, three, four.

This is war!

One, two, three! One, two, three!

One, two, three! One, two, three!

One, two, three!

How much have they done so far today?

One, two, three!

Today --

100 push-ups, 200 sit-ups,

300 jumping Jacks, and 50 laps in the pool.

Good.

Now that you're warmed up, run 10 miles around the deck.

Yes, captain!

[ Shouts order in native language ]

Hup!

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup,

hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Say, uh, brita, what's the chances

of us getting together later?

Ze-ro!

Can I consider that a "maybe"?

It's quite an impressive team you've got there, captain.

Team?

It isn't a team, blum. It's a weapon.

It's a viking broadsword,

and it's aimed right at merrill stubing.

Why do you hate him so much?

For 25 years, I've been following in that man's wake.

When we were in navigation school, he was first in class --

I was second.

And then when he made captain, I was still first officer.

Now, my own son is making his maiden voyage

with merrill stubing...

And again, I'm -- I'm second best.

But that -- that's the last time, blum --

the last time.

When we get to Vancouver,

I'm going to blow that -- that -- that -- that...

Merrill stubing right out of the water!

Gopher: All passengers are cordially invited

to the klondike carnival jamboree

in the acapulco lounge.

[ Country music playing ]

Hi.

Hi.

How's it going?

Fine.

Oh, hi!

Nice talking to you.

Now, this is more like it.

There he is. What's his name again?

Dave pursinger.

Hi... Good to see you again.

I'm skip Van damme.

I think you already know my fiancée.

Yeah, gosh, I'm sorry about that.

I don't know what got into me.

Oh, hey, hey, forget it, uh...

I see you're alone. May we join you?

I'm sure Dave's waiting for somebody.

Not somebody -- anybody.

What's the matter, guy? Strikeout city?

I can't even get into the ballpark.

Well, I might have just what you need.

Megan has a sister?

Better. You see, Dave, I'm a research scientist.

Megan here is my assistant.

We're on the verge of discovering a substance

that will attract women to men...

Like bees to honey.

You mean an aphrodisiac?

Well, no, not exactly.

You see, it's a reinforcement of the natural male scent.

The cavemen had it,

but it's been weakened by centuries of civilization.

You mean, if I took this stuff, I'd attract females?

You'd attract female rabbits.

Uh, we haven't exactly tried it with a man before,

but that's only because it's so new.

What do you think?

It's still in the experimental stages, Dave.

Well, in that case, I think I'll pass.

I'd feel better about finding a girl on my own anyway.

Uh, if you'll excuse me, I guess I'll go try my luck.

I'll see you later, huh?

I'm sorry, skip,

it -- it's just that he seems so innocent.

Oh, that's okay. There are a lot of daves in the world.

We'll find another one.

Let's get back to the lab.

Honey, it's party time, and we're on the love boat.

Meg, please, look...

We have a chance to make the whole world a love boat.

Hmm?

[ Sighs ]

Trig, thank you so much for your help with the party.

Your decorations really made it.

You're welcome.

Don't tell my father I've been doing this

instead of working on my navigation charts.

He'd have me shot.

Hey, uh, trig, captain stubing's looking for you.

He's on the bridge, and I think you'd better hustle.

Thank you.

Excuse me, Julie.

Sure.

Doc, he's not in any trouble, is he?

I don't know,

but the captain didn't look too happy.

Hmm.

You sent for me, sir?

Trig, I've been going over your navigational charts.

If we take your course,

we should be in downtown Denver by morning.

In navigation school,

didn't they teach you that the blue part is the water?

You won't tell my father about this, will you, sir?

Probably not. We barely speak to one another.

I'll be honest with you, captain --

the reason I applied for a job on your ship

instead of the sun Princess is...

Well, I didn't want to foul up in front of my father, sir.

He expects a great deal of me.

I expect a great deal from my officers, too, trig.

Yes, sir, and I will try to do better.

You'll have to do more than try.

I can appreciate your problems,

but this ship is my responsibility.

I don't want to be forced to have to let you go.

Yes, sir.

Now...

About this chart...

Well, howdy, Isaac.

Howdy, partner.

Hi.

Schoolmarm and me'd like two klondike coolers --

all the same to you.

All right, partner. It's all the same to me --

two klondike coolers.

And the first round's on me.

Well, much obliged, ma'am.

Oh, no, Harry's got my wallet.

On the sun Princess?

Yeah, I asked him to carry it for me

when we went to see our lawyers

to sign our separation agreement yesterday.

So typical he forgot to give it back.

For 15 years he's been carrying things for me

of one kind or another.

Well, here, you can give him a call on his ship.

Isaac, could you place a ship-to-ship call

to Mr. Harry meecham on the sun Princess?

Ah, d-don't bother.

Uh, I don't need anything from him.

I'm a big girl now, with credit cards to prove it.

If that's how you feel.

But, then, if he realizes he's got my wallet,

he could start worrying about me,

and, uh...Get one of his migraines.

What do you think, doc?

Well...

I guess one last call might be helpful.

You know...It's funny.

I don't feel married anymore,

but I'm not really divorced.

What do you call in-between?

Isaac: Okay, fine. Thank you.

I have the other ship. They've located Mr. Meecham.

Harry: Yeah, this is Mr. Meecham.

Harry?

Oh, is that you, Dorothy?

Um, I hate to bother you,

but I just realized that -- that you have my wallet

and all of my money.

Dr. Bricker thought I should call.

I-I could get it from you at the games

in Vancouver so you don't have to worry about it.

Okay, I won't.

Oh...

Are you all right, Harry?

Oh, never better.

There's something about the sea air

and this newfound freedom.

I think I'm learning to relax.

Oh, I see.

Well, um, that's all I called about, so...

Harry, how's it going over there?

Oh, fine. It's very quiet.

No action at all.

[ Smack ]

Oww!

Ow, hey, take it easy.

[ Joints cracking ]

Oh, Harry, you are worried about me.

Are you getting one of your migraines?

[ Muffled ]

No, i-I'm just getting a little m-massage.

A massage? At this hour?

Harry...

That woman -- that -- that masseuse --

I hate to sound suspicious...

Never mind.

Have fun, Harry.

Come on, doc, let's dance, laugh,

and make it a night to remember.

Okay, let's cut a rug.

Mmm...

Look, corn on the cob.

Oh, that's right -- you hate veggies.

Not veggies.

No, Ellen, the word is "vegetables."

If you're going to marry a writer,

you have to use all the syllables.

[ Chuckles ]

I can always tell when you're trying to decide something --

you rub your nose.

No, I don't always.

Oh, yes, you do.

Hey, that's okay. It's kind of cute.

[ Both laugh ]

I'll have steak and French fries.

Oh, hey, and no napkins, please.

I hate for trees to be killed for that.

But just a couple of napkins won't make any difference.

Oh, yes, they will.

Jesse, we -- we're not quarreling, are we?

Of course not.

Don't you think I know when I'm quarreling?

Now, maybe you're quarreling, but I certainly am not.

Oh, uh, remember -- no paper napkins.

Right. You don't want them to kill a tree.

But remember -- if you order French fries,

they're going to have to kill an innocent potato.

Hi, trig.

Hey, come on back to the party. We missed you.

Well, I don't feel much like partying.

I made a huge mistake on my navigational chart.

Oh, come on, that's just new-job jitters.

Come on.

No, Julie, I'm no sailor.

Charts...sextants... Semaphores --

I hate all that stuff.

And I'm no good at it.

I'd rather do what you do.

Well, then, why don't you?

I'll bet your father could help you find

a cruise director's job.

My father would rather die.

I mean, he's the direct descendant of Eric the red,

and he's been preparing me for life at sea

since I was 2 years old.

Might as well tell him I want to be a cocktail waitress.

Well, you're going to have to stand up to him

sooner or later, aren't you?

[ Sighs ]

Gopher: Good morning,

and welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia,

Canada's third-largest city and gateway to the orient.

Today marks the first round of competition between our crew

and the crew of the sun Princess.

[ Marching-band music plays ]

Brita: Welcome to Vancouver.

The weatherman has promised us a bright, sunny afternoon

for our contest with the pacific Princess.

Come and cheer your crew on to victory!

Skip, come on, honey. Let's go to the games.

Meg, look at this --

Romeo has been chasing Juliet around the cage

for two straight hours.

Give you any ideas?

Yeah, I better cut the dosage in half.

I give up.

You can't give up. We're so close.

Close?

Us? You haven't come near me in weeks.

You know who you're close to?

Romeo and Juliet.

You three are so tight, there's no room for me anymore.

Meg, I guess you're right.

I guess I've been doing the mad-scientist number.

I'll tell you what --

we'll spend the whole day together, hmm?

Go into town and check out the ships' athletic contest?

The whole day?

Mm-hmm.

Just us?

[ Knock on door ]

Ignore it.

[ Knock on door ]

I'll get rid of them.

Dave.

Are you still recruiting Guinea pigs?

Well, I thought you said you didn't need us.

Boy, was I wrong.

Great, uh, come on in.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Oh, no, no, no, nothing important.

[ Sighs ]

Steve: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Steve blum speaking.

On behalf of captains nordquist and stubing,

I want to welcome you to the first round

of the klondike carnival cruise competition --

pitting the mighty crew of the pacific Princess

with the powerful crew of the sun Princess.

As promised by the weatherman,

we have sunny skies and a comfortable 61 degrees.

We have an exciting day coming up

with these two great teams.

And speaking of teams, ladies and gentlemen,

here they are.

Let's give them a big hand.

They put in a lot of hard work getting ready

to fight it out here for the honor of their ships.

Yes, sir, they're all primed up

and ready to put on a whale of a show.

All right... Ladies and gentlemen,

our first exciting event will be the pole climb.

[ Crowd cheers ]

Representing the sun Princess is Helmut johanssen.

[ Crowd cheers ]

For the pacific Princess...

Burl "gopher" Smith.

[ Crowd cheers ]

Everyone stand by for the start of the pole climb.

Okay, judge, whenever you're ready!

[ Gunshot ]

Come on, gopher! Come on, boy!

Come on, boy! Come on!

Man: Get up!

Helmut!

...made it all the way.

Congratulations, both of you.

I'm sure the captains are proud of their boys.

Smith gave it his best,

but the sun Princess wins the first event.

Hello, Harry.

Oh, hi, Dorothy.

Hi.

You come to join me?

Oh, no, no, I just came to see Adam wrestle.

Ah... Who's Adam wrestle?

Bricker -- Dr. Adam bricker.

He's going to wrestle someone in the, uh, mud pit.

Oh, yeah...

Listen, I gotta tell you that your friend's name

is really gonna be mud,

because, uh, brita says he doesn't have a prayer.

Brita?

Brita Sorenson -- my friend, the masseuse?

Hmm? She's right over there.

Oh, her.

Mm.

Oh.

Well, uh, Harry...

I'm glad you found someone.

I'm glad you found someone, too.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our next exciting event will be

the his-and-hers bucksaw competition.

[ Crowd cheers ]

For the sun Princess, we have inge lindstrom

and Lars stendval.

For the pacific Princess,

we have Julie McCoy and trig nordquist.

Judge, any time you're ready.

[ Gunshot ]

Come on, Julie! Go!

Come on, Julie!

Go, go, go, go, go!

It's down to the wire.

It looks like they're both...

There it goes, folks.

The winners -- the pacific Princess team!

McCoy and nordquist win the giant-log-sawing event

and tie up the score at one event apiece.

How about it, folks?

Let's hear it for those two teams.

Now, will the contestants get ready for the next event?

You finally won one, stubing.

Uh, looks like it.

Yes, well, it, uh, took a nordquist

to do it for you.

Ow! Hey, come on. That's not necessary.

I'm just trying to loosen you up.

Listen, I know what I'm doing.

I saw "rocky" five times.

I never should have volunteered for this thing

in the first place.

I only did a little wrestling in college,

and I certainly didn't know it was going to be held in a mud pit.

Hey, that's just going to make it easier.

Now, will you relax?

Your opponent will probably be some old waiter

that they're going to have to carry in.

Yeah?

Yeah.

[ Both laugh ]

And now, fight fans,

the moment you've all been waiting for --

the Yukon saloon brawl --

a wrestling match in the mud!

[ Crowd cheers ]

Representing the pacific Princess --

Dr. Adam bricker!

And representing the sun Princess --

a real Princess -- brita Sorenson!

What do I do?

H-How do you wrestle a woman?

Oh, well, why don't you just go in there and grab --

uh, you could use the ol', uh --

you'll think of something.

[ Whistling and cheering ]

You're going to allow one of your women to wrestle?

I'm an equal-opportunity employer.

Boy, isn't she a beauty?

Oh, as masseuses go, I suppose she's okay.

What is she doing wrestling with a man?

Oh, there you go again -- suspicious of everyone.

Only of lady wrestlers that I've seen somewhere before.

So she's got great hands. So what?

[ Bell dings ]

Break Adam's rib!

Go, Adam! Knock her on her fjord!

[ Marching band plays theme to "rocky" ]

Let's go, doc!

Attagirl! Yes!

Brita!

Oh, nuts.

Perhaps I should arrange for your crew

to compete with the children of my ship.

Even our women seem to be too much for you.

That's it!

There's the count! He's out of it!

The sun Princess beauty wins it.

Well, how many doctors do you know

who can win 'em all?

[ Bell ringing ]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the grand finale...

The big one...

The walk-a-plank tug of war!

[ Drumroll ]

Both teams are set... Everyone in position...

Okay, judge!

[ Gunshot ]

Crowd: [ Chanting ] Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull! Pull!

Pull! Pull!

There goes the first one, folks.

It looks like it's all over.

It is.

There they go one by one.

Captain Gunnar nordquist's team is victorious in this event

and in the overall first round

of our fabulous cruise competition.

Well, we'll see you in ketchikan for round two.

You looked like a convention of guppies...

And a mud pie.

The entire competition was a disgrace and a disaster.

Well, sir, we did win one event.

Yes, but we lost the other nine.

Well, sir, it's like you said --

it's just a friendly little competition.

Did I say that?

Yes, you did.

I was wrong.

It was a friendly little massacre!

Losing is one thing.

I do not like seeing my ship humiliated,

especially by nordquist.

We'll do better in the marathon race in ketchikan, sir.

Oh, yes, that I guarantee.

As of now, you are all in training.

Curfew is at 2100 hours.

9:00?

Bed check at 2130.

Reveille will be at 0600,

calisthenics at 0615, breakfast at 0700,

practice session at 0730.

Are you serious?

Very serious. Dismissed!

[ Door closes ]

[ Sighs ]

Well, what is it?

Nothing.

[ Door closes ]

Nothing?

Oh, honey, tell me --

did you pick out those pajamas all by yourself?

Oh, sure. Do you like them?

Oh, they're great -- great!

Only you might look even nicer in a plainer pattern...

Different color.

What's wrong with this...Color?

Oh, nothing -- nothing. [ Chuckles ]

Gee, I sure hope the ship picks up some newspaper.

I miss keeping up with "doonesbury," don't you?

I don't read "doonesbury." I'm a "snoopy" man myself.

He and that little bird, they just kill me!

Snoopy.

I'm sorry we disappointed captain stubing.

By the way, trig...

Have you talked to your father about changing jobs?

No...

Well, I mean no, not yet.

Well, he's a busy man.

I'll probably see him when we stop in Juneau.

Uh, trig...

It may be sooner than you think.

Go on. Now's your chance.

Ah...heh heh heh.

Hi, dad.

Hi. I, uh...

I came by to congratulate you, son.

For what?

Your victory today.

You did well -- very well.

Among those donkeys you were harnessed to,

you were a stallion.

I was very proud of you.

You were?

There's only one thing would make me prouder.

Go tell that so-called captain stubing

that you're leaving.

Dad...

Ahh...

I've been a lonely man, trig.

But when you join my ship, we'll --

we'll sail the seas together for many years to come.

Dad, I can't tell captain stubing.

Of course you can.

It's what I've been waiting for.

You've completed your education.

You're a navigator now.

You'll sail with me... Your father.

You don't understand.

I understand one thing --

before this cruise is over, you'll be sailing with me...

Or you're no longer my son.

Gopher: We hope you enjoyed your stay in Vancouver.

The pacific Princess will be sailing

through the beautiful inland passage

to our next port of call -- Juneau, Alaska.

Hi, trig.

Hi, Julie.

It's something, isn't it?

It's nighttime,

yet it's still light out up here.

Yeah.

What'd your father say when you told him

you wanted to be a cruise director?

The subject... Didn't come up.

You didn't mention it?

Hey, Julie, look --

he's the only father I've got,

and he's proud of me for a change.

So just let me savor that awhile before I --

before I pile more headaches on him.

Don't push me.

I thought I was helping.