Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]

Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love boat soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love!

Welcome aboard, it's love!

Captain stubing (On loudspeaker):

Good morning, passengers.

We're now arriving at the port of noum a,

the capital of new caledonia, also known

as the Paris of the pacific.

We hope you enjoy your day in port.

[Music playing]

This is really fantastic.

I mean, this beats a rush hour any day!

Oh, Dr. Spicer with such a great idea!

Thanks, but if you remember, my suggestion was

for a bicycle built for two.

Yeah, I do remember.

That's why I suggested we bring the whole group.

Hey captain, turn left at this next corner.

No, man.

We're going right up here. - No!

No, man, we're going right.

Give me a hacksaw.

I'll turn left and right!

Captain stubing (on loudspeaker): Attention sea

Princess passengers--

we hope you enjoy your afternoon here in noum a as we present

these fine melanesian dancers performing

their ancient tribal dance.

[Tribal music]

[Applause]

[Tribal music]

[Applause]

Guess who?

Raquelle, I told you never to sneak up on me like that.

You've got to see my dress for Julie's wedding.

What do you think?

It's lovely.

You'll be the prettiest bridesmaid there.

But dad, I'll be the only bridesmaid there.

That's understandable.

What girl would want that kind of competition?

Look at this-- at the top it has the lace, and so the lace

goes around the front.

It's really you.

Yeah.

Look at that one!

Oh, it's like being in a giant aquarium!

Ralph Sutton: Yes, well I'm glad I don't have to clean the tank.

What are these?

I wonder what you call them?

Ralph Sutton: I think the technical term is fish.

There we are.

Oh, those are the strangest looking fish!

I tell you, one of them looks just like my uncle Larry.

Oh, hi!

Hi.

Isn't this fantastic?

Wait-- wait a minute.

If that's the aquascope, I'm not going in anything

that looks that weird.

Well, I'm going.

All right, just-- just a second, guys.

I'll be right back.

Wait a minute, me too!

I love weird!

Huzzah!

Take your time!

Hi, miss carroll.

Hi, doc.

Is something wrong?

Remember our deal?

Deal?

Oh yes!

Is some Romeo bothering you?

I'm afraid that Juliet is bothering Romeo.

Oh?

Well I think he likes me, but I've never gone after a man

before.

Well, this might be the time to start.

Why don't you just tell him how you feel?

I'm afraid that if I talk to him,

the words just won't come out right.

Well then, don't talk to him.

You're an English teacher.

Give yourself a composition assignment.

Write to him.

Thank you, doc.

You're a sweetheart.

Barbara carroll (voiceover): My dearest Ralph, I know

my actions may be libelous.

I think I love you very much.

Please come to my cabin this evening.

I have so much to tell you.

Captain stubing (On loudspeaker):

This is the last call.

All visitors to shore, please.

We will be leaving noum a in five minutes.

Would you hand this to that gentleman standing over there,

please?

Yes, ma'am.

For you, sir.

Hi, I'm back.

Hi.

Um, you know, a man could go blind trying

to read this handwriting. Do you mind?

Oh, sure!

Ralph, dear, I, uh, feel a little awkward.

It's from that lady friend of yours, Barbara.

Barbara.

I'm surprised.

I-- i-- it's ok.

Well, Ralph, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings,

but she says she never wants to see you again.

Well, that's pretty direct, isn't it?

Captain stubing (On loudspeaker):

We are now leaving noum a.

We expect clear sailing all the way

to our destination of Sydney.

Julie and Tony.

Shipmates forever.

Well done, Isaac.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Down, Isaac.

You just bought it, you didn't make it.

It's a beautiful wedding gift.

Julie is going to love it.

Thank you, doc.

Isaac, wait a second.

Don't worry, I put everybody's name on it.

See?

From captain stubing, doc, gopher, Vicki--

I forgot my name.

Milo, darling.

Hello.

I am in such a good mood today.

I bought myself a brand new wristwatch.

What do you think?

Vivian--

now don't spoil it for me, Milo.

Please.

Anyway, if I'm going to be the wife of a millionaire,

I have to fit the part.

If you're going to be the wife of a millionaire,

you're going to have to find another husband.

What are you saying?

He's a fake, Vivian.

It's all a hoax.

He's got a smallpox vaccination.

You're not making sense.

I just examined our discovery, the mongala, the missing link.

He's got a vaccination Mark on his left arm.

It's barely visible, but it's there.

You're positive?

Vivian, I know you're not impressed

with my academic standing, but I know a vaccination Mark

when I see one.

What did donner have to say when you told him about it?

I didn't tell him.

I felt like such a jackass.

I didn't say anything.

Good.

You're not going to.

Look, if the eminent professor Milo

endler and his brilliant research team

can be fooled, then so can thousands of ordinary people,

at least long enough for us to make a small fortune.

You want me to go ahead with this?

Yes, I do.

Milo endler: Vivian, you realize what you're saying?

Yes.

Milo, I'm saying that if you're going to throw away

this opportunity for us after years

of living on your meager salary, you'll be living alone.

I mean it, Milo.

I mean it.

Excuse me.

Hey doc, can I get you something?

Yeah, some pest spray.

There's a certain gopher I'd like to get rid of.

Oh, you guys just fighting over Yvonne, huh?

You've got it.

She invited both of us to stay at her house

for a couple of days.

I mean, gopher and I are close, but not that close.

Well, why don't you try a little reverse psychology?

Such as?

Well, go up to gopher and say, listen, I've been thinking.

We both can't go out with Yvonne,

so why don't you take her?

Yeah.

And gopher, being the suspicious character that he

is, will think that something's fishy,

and he'll say, no, why don't you take her?

And then I get to take her?

Right.

Isaac, that's the oldest trick in the book!

Well it wouldn't be in the book if it didn't work.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. - Hi, guys!

Hey, goph!

Gopher, I've been thinking--

now if both of us can't go out with Yvonne,

so why don't you take her?

Ok, doc.

Thanks!

Got any other great ideas?

Yeah.

Take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

Barbara, I'm sorry.

If I said--

no, please, Ralph.

I'm the one who should apologize.

That note I sent you--

I should've realized you're a man

who doesn't like to be pursued.

I shouldn't have tried it.

Tried what?

Tried inviting you to my room last night.

Last night?

Ralph, you don't have to play innocent.

You did get my note.

Well, certainly I did.

Well you can read, can't you?

Shh.

Don't be afraid.

I just brought you something to eat.

Here.

Look at you, locked up like that.

We should have left you in the jungle where you could just

live your life and be free.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You know, sometimes you have a look

in your eyes like inside you, there's something gentle.

They say the eyes are the mirrors of the soul,

don't they?

- Captain. - Pass.

Here's your oj.

All right, thank you, Isaac.

These are for you.

Thank you.

Captain, I haven't seen you all day today.

One of the few drawbacks to my job, Mrs. Endler.

Is something wrong?

No.

No, actually, I was just wondering where Milo is.

Oh, I saw him earlier on the way to the hole.

There were some examinations.

Ah, here he is!

Professor endler, I'm curious to know

what you found in your examination of the mongala.

I found quite a bit, captain.

Are you ready for a surprise, or perhaps a better word

would be shock?

I'm not sure.

I found that while the mongala outwardly appears to be human,

he has many traits and physical characteristics

of the earlier primates.

On this, I'll stake my reputation.

We have found the missing link.

Congratulations.

Oh, doc, I'm glad I found you.

You know, this decision about Yvonne has been bothering me.

Ah, gopher, I always know you're a man of integrity.

Yeah, well, I wanted to ask you a question.

Uh, what's a fair way of deciding who goes with Yvonne?

No.

Which aftershave do you think I should wear to her house?

Ralph.

Ralph.

You haven't heard one word I've said.

I'm sorry, it's not you.

To be perfectly honest, I can't seem

to get my mind off Barbara.

Barbara?

That little schoolmarm?

She's a warm, lovely, very sensitive woman.

I think I'm in love with her.

I just wish I knew what I did to make her so angry with me.

It's eating me up.

I didn't realize.

What's that?

Nothing.

Barry renner: Where are we going?

I just want to check the hall to make sure he's all right.

He's so helpless in that cage, so vulnerable.

This is crazy, Jill.

I swear, I think you've got a thing for that guy.

That's nonsense, Barry.

So, how's the world's most prized possession tonight?

Listen Donald, let's call this thing off.

I can't go through with it.

Now don't lose your nerve, son.

Won't be long before we're both rich!

I don't care about the money anymore.

I hate myself for deceiving these people.

I know.

Immoral, ain't it?

Yes it is.

Then there's Jill.

You can forget about her.

She's not going to be able to help you when you're in prison.

What do you mean?

I'm not a fool, lad.

You blow this deal, the police are

going to find out all about the money

you embezzled back in Sydney.

Now look.

You embezzled that money.

I had nothing to do with it.

Yeah, well somehow, I don't think

they're going to believe you.

Not after they find the incriminating evidence

I carefully hid in your apartment-- a few bills here

and there, key to the cash box, your fingerprints on it.

All right, you win.

I'll play it your way.

Well, can you do me a favor?

Can you loosen these up for a few minutes?

They're cutting off my circulation.

Well, all right.

Just for a minute.

Wouldn't want you to get too spoiled.

Deke, you all right?

Yeah.

That bloody beast tried to kill me.

Come on.

There you are.

You!

What's going on?

It's the mongala.

Well, what happened?

No.

A million dollars worth of shark food.

Captain stubing (on loudspeaker): Good morning.

This is the captain.

We are now entering Sydney harbor.

All passengers should be filling out their customs declarations.

We sincerely hope you have enjoyed your cruise.

Doc: Hi, Barbara.

Hi.

Whatever happened with Romeo?

I'm afraid that in this version,

he doesn't fall in love with Juliet.

Aw, well I'm sorry.

Well, where are you off to now

well, my plane doesn't leave for a few hours.

I thought that I'd go into Sydney and take some pictures.

Well your best bet is the opera house.

The views are magnificent.

Thank you, doc.

And thanks for everything else.

Ah.

Ralph, hold on.

How would you like to go sight seeing with me in Sydney?

I'm sorry, love.

I'm really not much in the mood for it right now.

Please?

I'd hate to have to go alone.

Besides, there's some place I'm dying to take you.

All right, what the deuce.

I really didn't have anything better to do.

Good!

Hello.

Milo, wait.

You weren't going to leave without me, were you?

Vivian, I'm never going to be a millionaire,

and you're never going to be happy as a scientist's wife.

There's no point in us going on.

Nothing has changed.

You're wrong, Milo.

I've changed.

When you kept quiet about the mongala being a hoax,

I realized then how much you really love me, and i--

I also realized how unworthy I am of that love.

I made the most decent, honorable man

I know compromise himself.

Would you think you could find a way to forgive me?

Forgive you?

Vivian, I love you.

And I promise never to get so caught up in studying the past

that I'll forget our present.

Well, professor, I hope your next expedition turns

out to be better than this one.

I don't think that's possible, captain.

I found something this trip that will last me a lifetime.

I want to thank you, captain, for helping

me find out that I really had what I wanted all along.

Goodbye, Mrs. Endler.

Goodbye.

Bye, sir.

Captain.

I had everything planned that I wanted to say,

but now the words just won't come out.

I know.

Goodbyes aren't easy.

I knew it was over between us the first time

I saw you with that mongala.

It was just something between you that we never had.

Some kind of chemistry.

Goodbye, Jill.

Take care, Barry.

Police officer: Deke donner?

What's it to you?

New south wales police.

You're under arrest.

The charge is embezzlement.

That's ridiculous.

Now easy, mate.

We've got a ton of evidence against you, which I'm count--

thanks, captain.

You're a real model bonds of blokes.

Well, I hope that's good.

Well, dad, I think what Yvonne's trying to say

is that the cruise was hot and she enjoyed it to the Max.

Have I?

Your American expressions are very strange.

Now, doc, have you seen gopher?

I can't wait to take him home to show off

my China plate and Billy lids.

Oh, great.

China plate.

Here it is.

Husband or mate!

Right!

It's rhyming slang.

China plate-- mate, Billy lids-- kids.

You're married and have kids?

I thought you were a real wowzer!

I am, doc.

Wowzer means no drinking, no smoking, very proper.

All set.

Let's go then, shall we?

Don't wait up for me.

Hey, why don't you let me help you with that?

Ah, thank you.

It is kind of--

heavy.

It is, isn't it?

Is anything wrong?

No, it's just--

have we ever met before?

Have you spent much time in Sydney?

Not really.

Then I guess we couldn't have met, could we?

I guess not.

It's just-- there's something about your eyes.

My eyes.

They say the eyes are the mirrors of the soul,

aren't they?

What?

Well, it's an expression.

The eyes are the mirrors of the soul.

Yes.

I've heard that before.

May I give you a lift?

It sure is an impressive place, isn't it, Ralph?

Hmm.

Look, Connie, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that my mind

is somewhere else right now.

I know, Ralph.

But there's one very special attraction here

which I think you ought to see.

Hello, love.

Ralph.

Well, I'm glad to see some shipboard romances last.

Yes, some do.

Let's hope that it's yours and Ralph's.

You both deserve it.

I-- I don't understand.

I'd better let Ralph explain.

I don't have a very good reputation as an interpreter.

Good luck.

I, um, I looked all over for you, but you'd already gone.

I didn't think you cared.

I do, Barbara, very much.

But when Connie read me your note saying

you never wanted to see me again--

I didn't write that.

Connie read you my note?

Yes.

Somebody had to.

I don't know how to read.

I left school when I was a lad to help support my family.

When the ranch began to pay for itself, I tried to go back.

I was so much older than the other chaps.

I was embarrassed.

It was hard.

No teacher could give me the extra time I needed, so I quit.

I've never been back.

The glasses you always forgot, the menu

you pretended to read--

tricks.

They're all tricks.

I was ashamed to tell anyone, least of all you.

I love you, Barbara.

Ralph, you'll never have to be ashamed again,

because I'm a teacher who's willing to spend all

the time in the world with you.

Captain stubing: Isn't this countryside beautiful, Vicki?

Yeah, dad, but why are we driving

on the wrong side of the road?

We're not, Vicki.

We're driving on the right side of the road, because down here,

the left side of the road is the right side.

Let's hope he drives better than he talks.

Vicki stubing: I'm so excited.

I can't wait to see Julie!

Surprise!

Aw!

Hey, how you doing?

All right.

Hey, congratulations.

Thank you! Hi!

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

Oh, I'm so glad you guys came here.

In a couple of years when everybody asks you,

whatever happened to Julie McCoy?

You be sure and tell them about it.

Yeah!

I'm sure you're going to love your new life here, Julie.

Yeah, and if anybody ever asks me what happened to you,

I'll have my answer in full color.

Well, let me show you some of my animals.

Yeah!

Anyone know what these charming creatures are called?

Well of course.

I'd know an ostrich anywhere!

No, doc, those are emus.

Like I said, i'd know an emu anywhere.

They're actually very similar.

Like the ostrich, the emu can run at tremendous speeds.

Well if I looked like that, I'd want

to be able to run fast too.

Oh daddy, he's adorable.

He is cute, isn't he?

He's a she.

Her name is Elizabeth, and she's my favorite.

Aw.

Hello, Elizabeth!

I think I'll try that.

They certainly move quickly, don't they?

Julie McCoy: Actually, they can hop

at a speed of 40 miles an hour when they're being pursued.

Some kangaroos grow to six, even seven feet tall

and weigh 100 to 150 pounds.

Hey!

Julie McCoy: Did you know that koalas

will eat only the top leaves of certain kinds

of eucalyptus trees?

Look at this!

Captain stubing: Look at that little baby.

Julie McCoy: Look at that.

Oh, they're so cute!

Their hind legs are really powerful,

and they use their tail for support and balance.

It's so soft.

Vicki stubing: They're like little stuffed Teddy bears!

Julie McCoy: They're marsupials.

And like the kangaroos, the mother

carries her young in her pouch.

Kangaroos!

I've never fed a kangaroo before.

Careful, Isaac.

They don't bite, do they?

No, no, no.

The females are very gentle.

[Ticking sound]

They sure do make a weird noise.

Oh sorry, that's me.

I set my watch alarm.

My brother David's a doctor, and he insists

that I take one of these nasty little pills

exactly on the hour.

Is anything wrong?

Nothing that a matrimony won't cure.

I predict a complete recovery within 24 hours.

Do we have to wait that long?

Hello, mates.

Hey, good to see you, goph.

Did you have a good time with Yvonne?

Aw man, incredible.

Those Billy lids of hers just warm me up.

Yeah, kids will do that to you.

Wait a minute, you guys--

you knew, right?

Well sure.

Isaac and I tried to tell you to bone up

on your Australian slang, right?

Come on, let's go inside, drongo,

and we'll show you where to stand.

Drongo, huh?

I kind of like that. What does it mean?

Pal?

No, it means fool.

I'd better check on Tony.

Julie, just stay calm.

Don't be nervous.

Everything's going to be all right.

I'm fine, sir.

Yes, I know.

But just in case, hold my arm tightly

when we go down the aisle.

But I'm fine!

I know.

I might faint.

I don't understand why David isn't here yet.

It's not like him, leaving his only brother

waiting at the altar.

Well David is a doctor.

Maybe he had an emergency.

I've got an emergency.

I've got to marry that poor girl quickly

before she dies of excitement at the thought

of becoming Mrs. Tony selkirk.

Well isn't that David now?

Finally.

Go on inside, doc.

I'll be there right away.

Ok.

David, where have you been?

Delaying my marriage the loveliest girl in the world

is carrying sibling rivalry a little too far.

Tony, hang on.

I have to tell you something.

[Children's choir singing]

[Inaudible]

[Music - "here comes the bride"]

Come before me to be united in the holy bonds of matrimony.

The solemn and serious step you're about to take--

you're about to take each other for better

or for worse, for richness or poverty, joy or sorrow.

Um, I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't go through with this, Julie.

I'm sorry.

[Chatter]

David?

Tony!

Leave me alone, David.

Tony!

I love you.

[Car engine revving]

Ah, Tony's too nice a guy to pull something like this.

I'm sure he'll have an explanation.

Oh, I'm sure he will, if anybody can ever find him.

Yeah.

I wonder where he could be.

Well if his brother knows, he isn't saying.

Frankly, I don't care where he is.

You guys are such good friends.

If a girl has to be left standing at the altar,

I can't think of any nicer people

to be left standing with.

Voice (on loudspeaker): Flight 97 from Sydney to Los Angeles

is now ready for boarding.

Passengers, please report to gate 11.

So that's us.

You going to be all right?

Of course.

Are you lying?

Of course.

Oh, you'll like California.

You can go to Disneyland.

Have you ever been to Disney--

excuse me.

Julie, may I have a word with you alone, please?

Sure.

Excuse me.

I heard from Tony.

Where is he?

Never mind, I don't really care where he is.

Well, whether you care or not, he had this letter

delivered to me by messenger.

It was a note asking me not to give

it to you until we took off.

I don't want to read it.

What could he say to me in a letter?

Maybe right.

Why don't you take it, in case you

do decide you want to read it?

Tony selkirk (voiceover): My darling Julie,

as I've told you, my brother David was always

the serious one in the family.

I remember telling you that when, as a child,

I wanted to go out and play, David would

always insist I did my lessons.

Well, my love, David is becoming more of a drudge than ever.

When I wanted to go and marry the most wonderful woman

in the world, David threw a dagger on it,

telling me that I'm dying, and there's not a damn thing

that can be done about it.

I wanted to go through with the ceremony anyway,

because I love you so much, but I suddenly loved you even more,

so I ran away.

I'm still running, Julie.

So please, don't try to find me.

Instead, always be the Julie that I fell deeply in love

with, lovely and full of life.

Goodbye, darling.

I've gone to do my lessons.

Captain, Tony, he--

shh.

You can tell me later.

Captain (on loudspeaker): Ladies and gentlemen, we

hope you enjoyed your flight.

We'll be landing at los Angeles international

airport in just a few minutes.

It's sunny and 76 degrees.

How's Julie?

She's great.

You see how she's been mothering those two Australian kids who

are traveling by themselves?

Boy, whatever you call it, courage or guts,

no one has it anymore than Julie.

And no one is going to need it more than Tony.

There you go, Ellie.

You look so pretty.

Thank you, Julie.

You look pretty too.

Aw.

Ok, Ricky, now it's time to spruce you up

or your aunt and uncle in la just may

leave you in the baggage claim.

Let me fix your tie.

There you go.

Well, you young travelers seem to be doing fine.

And how about you, Julie?

Well, I'm trying, sir.

I'm trying.

[Theme music playing]