Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: {1}{1}23.976 {1304}{1374}What's happening right now|is important only in the context... {1377}{1429}of our continuing evolution|as a species. {1432}{1511}Roger, all I'm saying is that I wish my|sister would learn to read a subway map. {1513}{1563}By saying that, you disregard|the primary importance... {1566}{1626}of utility in human relationships. {1628}{1705}Our ability...|Men's ability to read maps... {1707}{1741}to navigate, makes us useful. {1744}{1813}You should discourage your sister|from even looking at a map. {1815}{1915}Are you saying that we women|have an inferior sense of direction? {1933}{1985}Which way is north, Joyce,|without looking around? {1988}{2021}What? {2024}{2069}You heard me. Point north.|Quick. North. {2072}{2103}Quick. North. {2105}{2141}North. North. {2196}{2249}- You're right.|- Is he right? {2252}{2293}- He's right.|- Very impressive. {2296}{2347}As she has throughout history... {2349}{2434}the female responds to the male|who displays the most utility. {2437}{2505}By honing those skills|which make me useful... {2508}{2586}I stave off|my inevitable obsolescence. {2589}{2653}You stay home honing your ability|to program a VCR? {2655}{2729}My VCR's been flashing 1 2:00|for three years. {2761}{2807}What else, Roger? {2809}{2903}Oh, driving a standard shift.|Lifting heavy things. {2905}{2955}- Air guitar.|- Yes, yes. {2957}{3001}Go ahead and chuckle, okay? {3004}{3083}But until women evolve the ability|to move objects telepathically... {3085}{3121}and they will... {3123}{3174}physical strength|remains a primary utility. {3177}{3221}Here's to brute strength then. {3271}{3380}Roger, you're forgetting|a very important male utility. {3382}{3413}What's that? Barbecuing? {3489}{3513}Sex. {3516}{3621}Yeah. I want a guy to do more|than just program my VCR. {3623}{3717}Oh, I'll program your VCR, baby,|like you never had it. {3720}{3774}It's a top-loader.|You thinkyou can handle that? {3777}{3836}Interestingly, a group of scientists|in England... {3839}{3907}just announced their intention|to fertilize an egg... {3909}{3957}without the use of sperm cells. {3997}{4029}I don't understand that. {4031}{4126}Every cell in the human body|contains a copy of the genome pattern. {4129}{4200}The only reason sperm cells|have all the fun is that up until now... {4203}{4249}they were the only ones with access. {4251}{4305}Within Christopher's lifetime,|artificial insemination... {4308}{4391}will render sperm as useless|as an assembly line worker in Detroit. {4393}{4473}Luckily, my accountant set up a golden|parachute for my sperm years ago. {4476}{4529}In case they were downsized. {4563}{4647}Just so you know, Roger,|you know that we women... {4677}{4737}make love because we like it. {4740}{4789}- Not just to procreate.|- Yes. {4792}{4886}- But are men absolutely necessary?|- I don't know that. {4889}{4934}Think of the structure|of the female genitalia. {4937}{5000}Wait. Wait.|Okay, got it. {5029}{5089}What is the most sensitive part|of the vagina? {5092}{5183}- I can't believe we've gotten into this.|- I thinkyou know this, Donovan. {5185}{5280}It's the clitoris, first discovered|by Renaldus Columbus in 1 559. {5283}{5315}He thought it was India. {5365}{5414}Oh, no! No! {5417}{5493}The crown of the clitoris|contains 8,000 nerve fibers. {5495}{5565}It's a far great concentration|than in any part of the male body... {5567}{5597}even our fingertips. {5599}{5673}It is the most efficient,|pleasure-delivery system... {5676}{5717}ever devised by nature. {5719}{5758}Now, ask yourself... {5761}{5837}why didn't the clitoris end up|inside the vagina... {5839}{5899}so that intercourse|would be naturally... {5901}{5966}compellingly, constantly pleasurable|for a woman? {5969}{6021}- I know the answer.|- Yes, Ms. Maynard. {6024}{6139}Because in primitive time,|women died of childbirth. {6141}{6210}So for intercourse to be|too pleasurable... {6213}{6275}wouldn't make sense|from a Darwinian standpoint. {6277}{6349}- I'm impressed.|- Absolutely right. {6351}{6425}- What does that tell us?|- Evolution is looking out for us girls? {6428}{6470}- Exactly.|- That for women... {6473}{6563}intercourse and sexual fulfillment|were never intended to intersect. {6599}{6651}New technology|just makes it official. {6653}{6770}Future generations ofwomen will evolve|clitorises... "clitori, clitorati"... {6773}{6803}"Clitorissimo." {6896}{6981}that are larger, longer,|even more sensitive. {6984}{7058}And a woman's ability, as well as|her desire to self-stimulate... {7061}{7106}will increase exponentially... {7109}{7166}as intercourse is robbed|of its procreative utility. {7197}{7241}- I'm confused and frightened.|- You should be. {7243}{7334}The species is not static.|We're in a constant state of flux. {7337}{7408}Two genders has been|the default setting for one reason only: {7411}{7465}So far it's been the only way|to propagate the race. {7468}{7513}Is there any species|that just has one gender... {7516}{7576}that doesn't have male/female? {7579}{7613}Starfish, for one. {7615}{7690}Next time I see a starfish,|I'm gonna tell him to go fuck himself. {7731}{7763}Come on. You love it. {7793}{7835}No, we don't. {7869}{7913}So where are we headed? {7916}{7967}Equality?|Equality, what is that? {8009}{8041}Is that a principle of nature? {8043}{8109}We all sit around|reading subway maps together. {8112}{8163}No. Of course not.|Natural selection. {8165}{8226}Now that is a principle of nature. {8229}{8290}Selection. Something has to lose.|Something has to be defeated... {8293}{8347}in order for something else|to be selected. {8349}{8397}So, what does this mean? {8472}{8534}We have to take orders from Joyce|for the rest of lives. {8557}{8597}That's right. I like that. {8600}{8668}It means that 1 0 or 1 5 generations|from now... {8670}{8719}men will be reduced to servitude. {8766}{8817}Technology and evolution|will have combined... {8820}{8885}to exclude sperm from procreation... {8888}{8981}and our final destiny will be|to lift couches... {8984}{9064}and wait for that day|when telepathy overcomes gravity... {9066}{9181}and our gender's last remaining utility|is lost forever. {9184}{9215}Forever. {9232}{9273}Oh, my God, Roger. {9345}{9427}- What? I'm done.|- Then I rest my case. {9540}{9575}Thank you. {9619}{9658}Love you people. {9847}{9882}Yeah, this is good. {11198}{11265}- Jesus!|- No, just me. {11305}{11350}How did you get in here? {11417}{11486}- Where did you get those?|- Copied them from yours. {11489}{11580}- When?|- Last week when you sent me for bagels. {11639}{11669}Give them to me. {11671}{11730}Aren't you tired of constantly|having to buzz me in here? {11733}{11819}See how your brain works? How does|once a week turn into "constantly"? {11821}{11919}Actually, last week was two times,|including, I believe, Friday... {11921}{12026}when you woke me out of a dead, pleasant|sleep and demanded the use of my body. {12029}{12080}- You could have said no.|- What? Are you kidding me? {12083}{12123}That was a call to action. {12125}{12178}I dressed in 30 seconds|like a volunteer fireman. {12181}{12204}I was insane... {12206}{12289}You should stop talking and listen|to me. I got something to say to you. {12292}{12325}Oh, yeah? {12327}{12405}- Words are my stock-in-trade, Joyce.|- I know. {12407}{12473}You can't just|stop up the floodgate. {12475}{12522}- Put that down.|- What? {12558}{12599}- We need to stop this.|- Stop what? {12601}{12666}God, I love watching you|in the bathroom. {12669}{12775}You're like an athlete after the game,|scraping off the war paint. {12777}{12833}I meant, we need to stop|seeing each other. {12836}{12875}Oh, really? {12919}{12965}This whole thing was a bad idea. {12967}{13042}Generally, I have good judgment,|but this time, right out the window. {13045}{13126}This whole thing is a great idea.|Nobody knows about us. {13129}{13181}We all go out, I sit there and... {13184}{13225}you know, a few hours later... {13228}{13275}I know I'm going to be|the traveling salesman... {13277}{13333}and you're going to be|the lonely housewife. {13336}{13452}I need you to be an adult about this.|No scenes. {13454}{13532}Joyce, I am your boy.|I'm your thoroughbred. {13534}{13597}Adult. Understand? {13637}{13712}Forget about the keys, okay?|Just keep the keys with... {13924}{14037}Tonight is our last night,|so let's make it a good one. {14136}{14175}Good-bye sex is never good. {14177}{14225}Next week, we'll have|"get back together" sex... {14417}{14478}- Can I stay the night?|- Roger, no. {16579}{16610}Right. {16915}{17002}Hi. Can I have a Cosmo and|a Maker's Mark on the rocks? Thanks. {17005}{17088}- Let's have a talk.|- I'm sorry. I'm with some people. {17091}{17119}Let me guess. {17177}{17220}You're relatively new at the company. {17222}{17317}Maybe you moved to New York from|somewhere else. Somewhere friendly. {17376}{17429}First you took pride in being alone. {17431}{17498}Wanna make a name foryourself|in the big city. {17501}{17588}After a while, you started thinking|how it might be nice to meet somebody. {17590}{17677}Winter's not far off,|and it gets lonely sometimes. {17707}{17765}Okay. And? {17784}{17856}And so you develop a crush|on your supervisor... {17903}{17961}even though the other women|in the office tell you... {17964}{18012}" Keep clear. He's bad news." {18015}{18069}- Why is he bad news?|- Because he's a player. {18089}{18150}He's a guy who collects trophies. {18153}{18216}Every woman who takes a job there|ends up in bed with him. {18251}{18297}And ifyou give in to temptation... {18299}{18381}you'll end up the punch line|to a sordid joke by the water cooler. {18384}{18419}Am I hot or cold? {18487}{18557}- It's a good story.|- It's a cliche. {18560}{18607}So what do you do|when you're not reducing the world? {18609}{18673}What's wrong with reduction,|boiling things down to their essence? {18676}{18769}What's wrong with...|seeing what's really going on? {18772}{18845}And what's really going on?|What's the big revelation? {18868}{18910}Why should I tell you? {18913}{18968}Telling you|isn't going to change anything. {18970}{19077}For instance, I could tell you that|what you think of as your personality... {19079}{19145}is nothing but a collection|of Van aarticles. {19148}{19254}I could tell you your choice|of sexual partners this evening... {19257}{19325}was decided months ago by some|account executive at Young Rubicam. {19328}{19405}I could tell you that|given a week to study your father... {19407}{19458}and the ways|in which he ignores you... {19461}{19541}I could come up with a schtick|you'd be helpless to resist. Helpless. {19653}{19722}I could tell you all that, but what|would you do with the information? {19725}{19784}Are there women|who fall for this stuff? {19816}{19855}I'm telling the truth as I see it. {19857}{19924}You wanna go fuckyour boss?|What business is it of mine. {20027}{20108}He's not Daddy.|He's just a guy in a suit. {20222}{20315}You feel compelled to contribute|to the pathetic... {20317}{20388}heartbreaking predictability of it all,|by all means... {20889}{20925}- Hi.|- Hi. {21033}{21126}- You waiting for someone?|- Yeah, my fiance. {21129}{21210}- Hey, congratulations.|- Thanks. {21273}{21343}All right. Congratulations. {21457}{21493}Is he a kind man, your fiance? {21496}{21543}Does he treat you with respect? {21570}{21636}Not that it's any ofyour business,|but, yes, he does. {21668}{21758}- That must make you nervous.|- Why would that make me nervous? {21761}{21820}Oh, come on. {21822}{21891}Look at the time.|Let's do the math together. {21893}{21934}What are you talking about? {21937}{22013}Let me guess, low self-esteem... {22016}{22138}and premenopausal... concern|led you to pursue a series of... {22184}{22217}semiabusive relationships? {22219}{22325}But a recent dose of therapy|has convinced you... {22328}{22380}that inner-beauty|is what really matters, and... {22425}{22549}you really deserve that perfect partner|who treats you with such respect. {22552}{22598}Do you want me to call|the bartender? {22601}{22647}Unless you're an idiot...|which I don't thinkyou are... {22649}{22695}unless you're some kind|of pathetic, self-help junkie... {22697}{22760}you and I know your guy's gonna|wake up one morning, and... {22791}{22847}he's gonna look around,|figure out how old you are... {22849}{22925}and what you're really like,|and that's the day he's gonna go out... {22928}{22975}for a pack of smokes|and never come back. {22993}{23037}By that time...|How you doing? {23068}{23139}If she doesn't see what's coming,|I fucking weep for her. {23460}{23515}- Can I help you, sir?|- Hey. No, thanks. I'm good. {23518}{23560}I said, "Can I help you, sir?' {23605}{23698}- Where's that other guy? The...|- He's home sleeping. {23700}{23790}Okay. Well, it's very important that|I see Joyce Maynard right away, so... {23793}{23856}Okay. I understand.|Why don't I just leave her a note? {23917}{23958}It's important|that I see her in person. {23961}{24023}That's not gonna work,|so why don't I... {24026}{24082}call you a cab and you go home|and sleep it off? {24085}{24135}Why don't you go fucking home? {24138}{24200}Okay. You know what?|We don't understand each other. {24202}{24296}I'm her boy. I'm her boy, okay?|Who are you? Who are you? {24298}{24404}I am the man who's gonna call the police|ifyou don't get out of my lobby! {25609}{25688}An a an an a {26607}{26658}n|- Who is it? {26661}{26732}An n aan|- Which new campai gn? Get a name, please. {26790}{26867}An|- T ell her I'm out. {26870}{26938}A an|- T ell her I'm out. {27099}{27186}Yeah. This is, like, surly.|That's like, "What is that?." {27189}{27232}- And this is, like...|- You want surly? {27234}{27286}- This is like '90s, adorable normal guy.|- I am that. {27289}{27334}- That's your problem.|- That's your nightmare. {27337}{27410}Hey,|You going to Joyce's tonight? {27448}{27487}What? {27505}{27578}- Didn't you get the E-mail?|- What E-mail? {27645}{27683}About the party? {27708}{27742}You going? {27745}{27808}Joyce throws a party,|I don't ask questions. I just show up. {28056}{28093}She's on a conference call. {28095}{28157}Ted, there's someone|in my office. {28160}{28212}- Bye, Ted.|- It's okay, Donna, you can... {28214}{28284}- Bye, Donna.|- I'll call you back in five minutes. {28286}{28377}"Five minutes"?|This is a five-minute situation? {28379}{28419}Sit down. {28422}{28471}I don't wish to sit down.|I wish to stand. {28495}{28542}Did you try to get|into my building last night? {28598}{28661}Why am I not invited tonight?|Everyone will be there except me. {28663}{28711}What is that going to look like? {28766}{28836}- Let's reestablish some boundaries.|- Let's not. {28882}{28955}I'm your boss.|You work for me. {28958}{29010}You write very good copy. {29046}{29172}But I have a hundred resumes|on my files for guys just like you. {29174}{29239}But do those guys|do that thing that I do? {29242}{29284}The thing that you like? {29305}{29421}I have explained to you that I do not|wish to see you socially any longer. {29619}{29666}Find a way to deal with it. {29935}{29986}What's that supposed to do? {30756}{30784}Nick? {30838}{30882}Uncle Roger.|How's it going? {30923}{30966}What are you doing here? {30989}{31054}What? Oh.|I wanted to see where you work. {31082}{31171}- Yes. No. What are you doing here?|- What? {31174}{31239}- You mean here in New York here?|- Yes. {31242}{31326}I had an interview at Columbia,|so Mom said I should lookyou up. {31329}{31399}- Sit down.|- Okay. {31402}{31447}That's what all the phone calls|were about. {31450}{31506}- The phone calls?|- Yeah. Your mom's been calling me. {31509}{31596}- Did you speak to her?|- We're playing phone tag. {31598}{31652}She said you could|show me what you do here. {31654}{31702}She did? {31704}{31780}Well, there's not a whole lot|to show you, Nick. {31782}{31860}Really? Like, what do you do all day? {31862}{31910}What do I do all day? {31933}{31998}I sit here and think ofways|to make people feel bad. {32037}{32102}- I thought you wrote for commercials.|- I do... {32105}{32176}but you can't sell a product|without first making people feel bad. {32195}{32226}Why not? {32292}{32339}Because it's a substitution game. {32366}{32428}You have to remind them that they're|missing something from their lives. {32430}{32474}Everyone's missing something, right? {32477}{32523}- Well, yeah. I guess.|- Trust me. {32526}{32588}And when they're feeling|sufficiently incomplete... {32590}{32665}you convince them that your product is|the only thing that can fill the void. {32667}{32721}So, instead of taking steps|to deal with their lives... {32723}{32813}instead ofworking to root out|the real reason for their misery... {32815}{32885}they run out and buy|a stupid-looking pair of cargo pants. {33088}{33178}- So... is it fun?|- It can be. {33181}{33248}Look, I actually was about|to call it a day. {33250}{33298}That's cool.|We can go get something to eat. {33362}{33447}- Fine. Let's get out of here.|- Great. {34038}{34106}You gave me a scare. I thought you|were having a narcoleptic episode. {34109}{34194}- What? When?|- Back at the office, you know? {34230}{34290}That's standing meditation.|It calms me down. Thanks. {34293}{34350}Why should you calm down?|You're a teenager. Thankyou. {34353}{34400}My brain gets all sloppy|when I'm stressed... {34402}{34466}so the meditation helps me focus|and block out the bad stuff. {34469}{34535}- Bad stuff?|- Like fear and pain, you know? {34538}{34627}It's a visualization. I picture|a blue triangle, and that's me. {34630}{34716}I put all the other stuff outside|the triangle in a red field. It works. {34774}{34817}So, how's your folks? {34938}{35011}- They got divorced.|- What? {35014}{35062}Yeah. My dad moved out. {35065}{35122}- You're kidding. When did this happen?|- A while ago. {35125}{35182}I haven't seen you|since Grandma's funeral. {35328}{35379}- Jesus, Nick. I'm sorry to hear that.|- It's no big deal. {35382}{35441}I still talk to my dad.|He calls from the road. {35444}{35480}How's your mom doing? {35482}{35515}She's fine. You know. {35564}{35619}- Surprised she didn't come with you.|- Maybe she was afraid to see you... {35622}{35666}after what happened at the funeral. {35669}{35742}That happened because|your grandfather's a king-size prick. {35802}{35840}All right? {36061}{36103}So when's your interview? {36136}{36197}- It was today.|- How'd it go? {36199}{36256}Fine, I guess. I did the interviews|'cause Mom wants me to. {36258}{36324}- You're not interested in college?|- Why keep going to school... {36326}{36388}when anything I need to find out about|I can look up myself? {36390}{36456}Dad didn't go to college. By the time|he was my age, he was on the road. {36458}{36514}- How is everything here?|- First-rate. Thanks. {36554}{36678}But... the good thing about college|is you get to hang out a lot. {36681}{36738}- It's good for the social skills.|- Yeah. {36838}{36963}So... my mom says you're kind of,|you know, like a ladies' man. {36966}{37043}- She said that?|- But she says it like it's a bad thing. {37046}{37093}That sounds like her. {37112}{37194}- Is it true?|- What about you? You have a girlfriend? {37237}{37332}No. I mean, you know, not yet. {37369}{37480}Look. I'm getting older, and there's|a lot of stuff that I wish I could... {37566}{37670}There's a lot of stuff that I haven't...|There's certain things I need to... {37673}{37720}Yeah. I thought you said|you could look that stuff up. {37722}{37770}No. I mean, not this. {37773}{37839}You don't understand. I need|someone who knows what to say... {37842}{37908}I'm kidding you, Nick.|That's what college is for. {37910}{38030}You find some football player who needs|tutoring, and he helps you get girls. {38033}{38104}- You don't get it.|- I get it. I was 1 once, all right? {38126}{38183}What are you going to do|ifyou don't go to college? {38186}{38242}Design software.|Maybe work on simulation games. {38245}{38304}That's right. You're the computer whiz.|There is money in that. {38306}{38354}I already make money|setting up systems for people. {38356}{38414}I'm working on a web page|for Granddad for his research. {38416}{38477}What, the old man?|He's actually spending money? {38479}{38508}Yeah, good money too. {38510}{38567}It's funny, 'cause he yells|at his computer like it's a person. {38570}{38619}He's always going,|"That bitch ate my file." {38622}{38706}- Or, "She's playing hard to get."|- You spend a lot of time there? {38709}{38732}Yeah, nowadays. {38734}{38811}I go over after school, and he|comes over and eats dinner with us. {38814}{38906}Wait a minute.|He eats dinner with you and Susan? {38909}{39002}Sure. Since Grandma died,|there's no one taking care ofhim. {39005}{39074}Even after they split up,|she went over every day to cook dinner. {39077}{39164}I mean, every single day.|She was nuts. {39276}{39323}Yeah, she was nuts. {39418}{39450}So, Nick. {39498}{39549}You need some help with the ladies? {39631}{39685}All right. Here we go.|Get this straight. {39686}{39787}Sex is everywhere, okay?|It is all around us. {39790}{39860}It's not some distant destination.|It's not Everest. {39862}{39948}It is right here.|You have to attune yourself to it. {39950}{39996}You have to bring yourself|into alignment. {39998}{40044}You have to find|the zone, Nick. Okay? {40046}{40133}Do that, and I promise you|a whole world will open up. {40161}{40242}Look at me. I walk around|in a state of total receptivity. {40244}{40323}- I'm like a fucking lightning rod.|- All right. Fine. What do I do? {40354}{40426}For starters, let's get rid of that|little meditation. The blue triangle. {40429}{40513}We don't block things out, Nicholas.|We let them in. {40516}{40549}Let what in? {40551}{40607}There are millions ofwomen|in this city. {40610}{40687}Millions. Most ofthem are blessedly|unaware of the countless ways... {40690}{40755}in which their bodies|are exposed to our eyes. {40758}{40822}So, first, learn to read the sun,|where it sits. {40825}{40962}You'll notice... correlation between|backlighting and transparency. {40964}{41037}They wear light-colored clothing,|underwear shows right through. {41039}{41110}Bra straps, panty lines.|No need to stretch or squint. {41112}{41211}It is there for us, okay?|For example... {41394}{41419}What? {41422}{41479}Are you blowing my cover|like some construction worker? {41482}{41554}- No. I was just...|- Use your head. {41576}{41678}Step back. Let her pass.|Okay? Give it a few seconds. {41681}{41762}Watch this, and then camouflage|the move. Pay attention. {41864}{41928}Checking of the watch is good.|Or of the pager. {41930}{41992}Or looking for|a street sign like you're lost. {41994}{42057}You saw me do a combination.|Whatever it is, don't get caught. {42059}{42122}Do you think women have a clue|what goes on up here? {42125}{42210}What do they think,|it's just stock quotes, drill bit sizes? {42213}{42277}They don't know shit!|Let's keep it that way. {42280}{42370}- All right.|- Watch. What about your eyes? {42373}{42434}- What? My eyes?|- Your eyes. How's your vision? {42437}{42498}- No, it's good. It's 20-20.|- Okay. Peripheral? {42501}{42566}- I don't know. It's fine, I guess.|- Fine's not gonna cut it. {42569}{42652}You gotta workyour muscles like you're|training for the fucking Olympics. {42654}{42721}- Yeah.|- Up, down, left, right, et cetera. {42792}{42833}- Here. Follow my finger.|- Okay. {42835}{42874}- Tell me when it's gone.|- All right. {42895}{42952}- Okay. Stop.|- That's it? {42954}{43005}You need a hundred,|a hundred and ten degrees... {43008}{43062}before you're ready for the street. {43065}{43112}I see behind me on a good day. {43130}{43166}- You play video games?|- Sure. {43169}{43214}Good. That stuff is training|for the eyes. {43217}{43240}Registering images|in a split second. {43242}{43293}It's invaluable.|Oh. Right there. {43296}{43357}Blue sweater. Blue sweater.|Median. Blue sweater. Blue sweater. {43451}{43517}That young lady just...|And you missed it. {43519}{43568}- I know.|- In just a fraction of a second. {43570}{43659}That's all. But a trained eye|can get in there for a look. {43662}{43723}You have to learn to anticipate|your opportunities, okay? {43726}{43773}Getting out of a cab,|wind from a subway grate... {43776}{43874}or as you so sadly missed there,|bending over to pick something up. {43877}{43946}These are situations which require|lightning reflexes. {43949}{44029}- I tell you, I can do that.|- Your a step slow right now, Nick. {44031}{44117}Hey, no wonder.|I remember what it's like out there. {44119}{44154}No interaction. No face time. {44157}{44233}Look at me. Every day I have|the street, the subway, the ATM line... {44235}{44285}the office, the gym, the... {44288}{44328}What have you got? {44330}{44392}Young people sitting in cars in Ohio. {44394}{44442}Wistful glances at the stoplight. {44444}{44488}No, I go to school.|That's interaction. {44490}{44529}Okay. Let's work with that. {44531}{44588}The high school building|is four stories, if memory serves. {44590}{44635}- It's five stories now.|- Whatever. {44638}{44715}It's multistory, and that means stairs,|which is good. {44718}{44801}Free yourself from the tyranny|of eye level. Come here. {44803}{44852}Use the angles.|High for cleavage. {44893}{44976}- Low for the skirts.|- All right. {44978}{45065}Remember, there's no shame|in calling on an old standby, right? {45068}{45134}Dropping of the pencil. Tying of|the shoe. Just don't telegraph it. {45136}{45197}What about reflective surfaces?|Mirrors, windows? {45200}{45251}What, in school?|No, there's no mirrors. {45254}{45310}What about that ugly|glass trophy case that... {45313}{45359}- Yeah, that's there.|- Well, use it. It's perfect. {45362}{45441}Go stand over there for a second.|Keep going. Keep going. Stop. {45474}{45554}Ifyou can't stare directly,|turn your back and use the glass. {45556}{45585}Hi, gorgeous. {45588}{45670}Remember, angle of incidence|equals angle of reflectives. {45673}{45758}In other words, ifyou can see them,|they can see you. So be alert. {45762}{45815}- This is really complicated.|- It's rocket science. {45818}{45879}- You were smart to ask for help.|- I have a good one. {45882}{45923}When they're wearing short sleeves... {45926}{45999}and they raise their arms to fix their|hair, you can see in that gap there. {46002}{46080}Now, see? That shows me|you're using your faculties. {46083}{46147}- Don't they know we can see in there?|- Of course they do. {46150}{46216}Breasts are very sensitive.|They know when they're exposed to air. {46259}{46345}Are women gonna walk around with|their hands clamped to their sides? No. {46347}{46400}Their hair has to be|dealt with eventually... {46403}{46499}and it is our job,|it is ourvocation to be ready. {46502}{46586}All right. So all this looking is fine,|but how do you take the next step? {46589}{46636}I need to meet someone. {46742}{46791}Ifyou can't see|how the two things are related... {46794}{46835}there's nothing I can do foryou. {46838}{46895}- Wait. Relax. Come on.|- You think we are kidding around here? {46898}{46950}- Do you think this is a joke?|- No. Why do you think I'm here? {46952}{47042}- You have got to make sex a presence...|- I'm sorry. {47044}{47091}- in your mind, in your life...|- All right. {47093}{47136}- in your spirit.|- I'm sorry. {47237}{47320}- All right.|- What? No. I don't smoke. {47323}{47362}Better learn. {47439}{47508}- Okay.|- Come on. {47717}{47764}Here. Wait here. {48220}{48276}Okay. Stay on this side of me. {48423}{48459}Excuse us. {48583}{48642}In, in, in.|Go, go, go. Hurry. {48720}{48755}Oh, yeah. {48843}{48885}Okay. We're in. {48911}{48940}Good. {48943}{49019}So, first, a survey of the terrain. {49145}{49194}Technically, it's still happy hour. {49219}{49298}Your casual drinkers have yet|to pack it in. Lots of groups. {49300}{49376}Not exactly ideal for our purposes,|but not impossible. {49379}{49440}So, we need to make an impression. {49443}{49526}Send out a signal that back here|is the place to be. {49528}{49585}All right. What do you do?|What do you say? {49587}{49636}Who cares?|You're overcomplicating it. {49639}{49706}You spend the whole night sitting here|thinking of the perfect line... {49708}{49745}what good is that? {49747}{49867}Just make contact. Separate yourself|from the rabble. Watch this. {49952}{50023}Hey! Roses. Rosebud. {50063}{50105}Hi. Come here. {50107}{50151}Come here. Come here. Come here. {50299}{50386}Hi. Could you... {50389}{50453}Could I get you to take a... Yeah. {50546}{50626}- Hey.|- Nick here thinks you're beautiful. {50663}{50735}If he's got such good taste,|what's he doing hanging out with you? {50761}{50797}Good question. Nick? {50898}{50989}- Because he's my uncle?|- How awful foryou. {51071}{51107}And so on.|No big deal, right? {51110}{51173}Now she's aware of our presence,|and we can plot our strategy. {51175}{51258}I'm gonna get us some drinks.|While I'm there, think of a hook. {51281}{51367}- What? A hook?|- A hook. A line. An opening salvo. {51370}{51464}Any minute now, Rosebud|is going to be standing right here... {51467}{51527}Iooking down at you,|and you're going to have one chance... {51530}{51617}to either hit it out of the park|or strike out miserably. {51645}{51673}Be ready. {52527}{52578}Oh, shit. Oh, shit.|Oh, shit. {52635}{52686}Oh, shit. Oh, shit. {52772}{52857}Hello, Nick. Your uncle says|you have something to tell me... {52859}{52925}that will absolutely blow my mind. {52975}{53062}- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah. Those were his exact words. {53114}{53164}Is he playing a little joke on us? {53240}{53295}No, no. He's serious. {53297}{53358}I mean, he's... totally serious. {53382}{53430}- Tonight.|- Sorry. {53495}{53558}Thanks. As I was... {53561}{53608}- Tonight.|- Right, I was saying that... {53643}{53694}I was saying that tonight is a... {53696}{53761}Tonight is|a very important night for me. {53763}{53826}I was just telling her|that we made a bet. {53829}{53908}- A bet?|- Uh-huh. We made a bet for $1,000. {53991}{54059}That I can get somebody to... {54062}{54110}Iike, fall in love with me. {54185}{54227}Really? {54295}{54375}Love. That's a hard thing to verify,|don't you think? {54378}{54435}No, I think we can do it. {54438}{54481}I'm confident we can. {54522}{54555}A thousand dollars? {54557}{54606}That's not exactly mind-blowing... {54609}{54691}but it's not the worse line|I'll hear tonight. {54720}{54766}What? Really? {54787}{54848}Yeah. Good job, Nick. {54851}{54916}- So, do we rate a sit-down?|- I'm waiting for a friend. {54919}{54964}I'll run it by her|when she shows up. {54967}{55031}Get her over here.|There's cash at stake. {55034}{55125}Ifwe do, who sits with who? {55127}{55188}Ladies' choice.|Natural selection. {55331}{55387}I wanna sit with him. {55451}{55499}Yes, yes. {55807}{55835}What is this? {55838}{55905}Rum and coke. I told him to mix it weak.|We got a long way to go here. {55907}{55976}- Okay. I don't drink.|- You kidding me? Take a drink. {55979}{56061}- I don't put alcohol into my body.|- You drink that drink. {56103}{56178}Loss of inhibition is crucial|to your success tonight, okay? {56181}{56247}Alcohol has been a social lubricant|for thousands ofyears. {56250}{56333}You thinkyou're gonna sit here tonight|and reinvent the wheel? Please. {56465}{56584}All right. Now, you did one|very good thing. You lied. {56587}{56659}You made something up.|Keep that part ofyour brain working. {56662}{56746}We get those girls over here, your first|instinct is gonna be to open up. {56748}{56828}To tell the truth.|Fight it! Just keep it interesting. {56831}{56912}Play up your novelty.|You're a 1 6-year-old in a bar. {56915}{57008}Why? "My father owns the bar."|You got a month to live. {57011}{57077}You're an actor researching...|I don't know. Improvise. {57079}{57137}Next, check the time.|What time is it? {57139}{57178}It's about 72. {57181}{57261}- Do you have a MedicAlert bracelet?|- No, it's instructions. {57263}{57328}I'm having my body cryogenically frozen|if I die prematurely. {57503}{57555}All right. Leave it.|It's spastic enough to be charming. {57558}{57615}So, the time. 70. {57618}{57702}We've got nine hours|until closing time. An eternity. {57722}{57772}Look at me, Nick,|and answer me this question. {57775}{57816}All right. {57847}{57933}Who is the greatest basketball player|in the history of the game? {57969}{58028}- Do you mean ever?|- Come on. This is easy. {58061}{58107}- Michael Jordan?|- Michael Jordan. {58109}{58164}Why was he the greatest?|Because he paced himself. {58167}{58220}Because he always|had something left at the finish. {58223}{58284}Magic Johnson called it "winning time."|See those guys over there? {58370}{58436}Yeah. Those guys think|they're kicking ass. {58439}{58480}Believe me, it is early. {58483}{58535}We are a long way from winning time,|so pay attention. {58538}{58587}- Okay.|- You say you want it. {58590}{58629}Ifyou really wanted it... {58652}{58738}you'd be in here, suffering the tortures|of the damned with those guys. {58741}{58794}- What?|- There's a big difference between... {58797}{58879}being horny and being willing|to put in the time night after night... {58881}{58965}I want it. Okay? I go to high school.|You don't think that's torture? {58967}{59019}This is a lot of information. {59022}{59070}I'm giving you|the keys to the kingdom. {59073}{59103}Yeah, I know. {59106}{59158}How many boys your age|get an opportunity like this? {59161}{59184}Yes. {59187}{59253}So, stickyour finger down your throat.|Drink ice water, call it gin... {59255}{59342}I don't care what you do. Be ready|to dive in at the moment of truth. {59403}{59502}So... how often do you, like... {59530}{59589}you know, like, get somebody|to go home with you? {59655}{59693}Every night. {59711}{59736}Bullshit. {59739}{59803}Just because you're not having sex,|doesn't mean the rest of us... {59806}{59849}are sitting around playing cribbage. {59907}{59943}What's cribbage? {59991}{60042}- What? What?|- Here we go. Here we go. {60067}{60124}Here they come. This is so stupid.|They're, like, twice my age. {60127}{60199}Champions refuse to lose.|Be like Mike. {60202}{60263}Here we are. As promised.|For one drink. {60266}{60373}- I'm Andrea, and this is Sophie.|- I'm Roger. This is my nephew, Nick. {60375}{60431}- Hi.|- He really is, like, 1 6. {60434}{60479}- I told you.|- Sit down. {60482}{60529}How'd you get in here, Nick? {60531}{60621}It's funny you should... ask me that. {60623}{60720}'Cause we were, before,|discussing it, and... {60747}{60774}Neveryou mind. {60776}{60838}I'm enjoying the air of intrigue|Nick brings to our booth. {60840}{60901}- Cheers, everyone.|- I told Sophie about your little bet. {60903}{60939}She thinks you're full of it. {60941}{60978}There's nothing little|about a thousand dollars. {60981}{61043}He's got to get someone|to fall in love with him? {61046}{61107}- A woman.|- A woman? {61110}{61186}Does it have to be a woman?|What if some guy takes a shine to you? {61223}{61283}I guess that would count, 'cause we|never discussed what gender... {61285}{61375}If Nick is willing to exploit that|little loophole, he can have the money. {61378}{61438}- What were you guys talking about?|- I don't know. {61441}{61535}- What were we talking about?|- We were talking about women. {61538}{61621}Specifically, the pleasure to be derived|from admiring the female form. {61662}{61722}Imagine what it feels like|to be admired all day long. {61724}{61791}- Really.|- You'd rather be completely anonymous? {61794}{61838}- Not completely anonymous.|- Not anonymous. {61840}{61913}I myselfwould welcome the sensation|of a hundred pair of eyes... {61915}{61973}caressing my... booty|as I walk down the street. {61975}{62010}Guys always say that. {62012}{62068}Yeah. "We'd love it ifwomen|were always staring." {62071}{62098}We would. {62101}{62175}You would love it if no woman ever|listened to a word you were saying... {62178}{62267}and just kept her eyes locked on|your chest oryour crotch? {62270}{62324}If it led to having sex all the time,|I would not mind. {62327}{62401}You could deal with never being heard,|never being taken seriously? {62403}{62475}If I had something that needed saying,|I would wait until right after sex. {62515}{62591}Seriously, for a second,|just stop saying the obvious thing. {62594}{62661}Think what it would be like|if on every bus... {62663}{62745}there were huge pictures|ofyour naked body. {62747}{62822}- And on every billboard...|- Magazine. {62825}{62879}That's right...|it was just about your body. {62882}{62978}There was so much time and money and|energy spent obsessing and analyzing... {62981}{63057}trying to get a glimpse ofyour body,|that soon it felt like... {63059}{63105}the world had forgotten|about everything else... {63107}{63157}and you end up feeling... {63159}{63224}disconnected from your own body,|like it's not even yours. {63263}{63337}Ifyou're really serious about|avoiding the male gaze... {63339}{63422}- If the goal is anonymity...|- I never said the goal was anonymity. {63425}{63466}Here's a little suggestion, okay? {63469}{63522}Putting on makeup.|Styling your hair. {63525}{63622}Wearing a killer outfit and coming to|a place like this on a Friday night. {63624}{63699}That's when it gets interesting,|because at a certain point... {63702}{63769}- you start internalizing the male gaze.|- Not the best course of action. {63771}{63833}Male gaze. Madison Avenue.|Fucking patriarchy. {63835}{63881}Whatever it is,|it's done its number on you. {63883}{63963}Do you thinkyou have any control|over who you find attractive? {63966}{64030}- Of course we do.|- I think not, and I'll prove it to you. {64033}{64160}Ask any woman, "What's the single most|attractive quality a man can possess?' {64163}{64221}- And what do they invariably answer?|- Sense of humor. {64223}{64283}- Sense of humor.|- Sense of humor is huge. Definitely. {64285}{64392}And yet, if two lean, mean,|play-by-their-own-rules... {64395}{64502}motorcycle-riding men|strolled up to this booth... {64504}{64598}and beat the shit out of us|two humorous guys, right... {64618}{64677}and asked you out for a ride,|you would be weak at the knees. {64679}{64735}- No way.|- Weak at the knees. {64738}{64801}Well, actually, guys who ride cycles|are pretty sexy. {64803}{64854}- Thank you. You see?|- Sorry. {64857}{64958}The fact is that touchy-feely, weepy,|in-touch-with-their-feelings guys... {64961}{65007}make you sick...|you're repulsed by them. {65010}{65073}Give me the Ice Age, okay?|Survival of the fittest. {65075}{65161}No mixed signals. No bullshit. {65163}{65241}Just the meanest, hairiest bastard|wins all the time. {65243}{65287}Let's change the subject right now. {65289}{65403}You know, it's interesting.|All this looking is so masculine. {65406}{65471}I mean, you guys|are just about the visuals. {65474}{65539}Really. Why is it that when|I'm going down on a guy... {65542}{65608}- Sophie!|- No, really. {65611}{65667}Why is it|that when I'm doing my thing... {65669}{65715}why is it that men|always insist on watching? {65717}{65787}Why can't you just close your eyes|and concentrate on the feeling? {65790}{65842}It's not the most flattering activity|for a woman. {65845}{65910}I'm not sure that that's a...|Maybe we can help. {65913}{66004}Nick, jump in here.|A woman is doing her thing. {66035}{66082}Why do we have to watch? {66165}{66236}Well, maybe to make sure|that it's actually happening? {66263}{66322}I'll buy that.|Make sure we're not hallucinating. {66324}{66413}And maybe to file it away, in case|it's a long time before the next one. {66415}{66498}Two excellent answers. Perhaps you'd|elaborate on the filing it away part? {66501}{66537}File it away for what? {66583}{66642}- Oh. I don't know.|- Come on, Nick. {66645}{66704}We're finally treading on|some familiar territory here. {66707}{66787}Mom's in the kitchen|making Jell-O with fruit. {66790}{66841}- You lockyourself in the bathroom...|- Don't sweat it, Nick. {66843}{66889}I grew up with three brothers. {66891}{66959}The closets were pornography museums.|More visuals. {66979}{67027}You're right about the visual thing. {67029}{67075}It always drives me nuts|when I hear a guy... {67077}{67147}going on about something a girl does|that's supposed to be so sexy. {67149}{67231}- Like what kind of thing?|- Like how she flips her hair. {67234}{67289}How she stands with one foot|to the side. It could be anything. {67291}{67349}- What's wrong with that?|- Because that's nothing. {67351}{67396}That's just something she does. {67399}{67471}And she probably only does it|because she saw it in a movie. {67474}{67522}It's not their real stuff. {67525}{67600}All that stuff... the hair flips,|the mannerisms, the catch phrases. {67603}{67692}They add up to the personality.|So they are what's real. {67695}{67776}Yeah, but it's all the outside stuff.|That's fine in the beginning. {67777}{67818}You need the outside stuff. {67822}{67867}You need, like,|the reasons to be in love. {67870}{67915}But you can get past that|to the part... {67918}{67956}where the little tricks|don't mean anything. {67959}{68034}I say you are attracted to|what is in front ofyou. End of story. {68035}{68065}How romantic. {68104}{68157}It takes years and years together. {68160}{68199}- Yeah?|- I can't describe it exactly... {68201}{68253}but it's like there's nothing|she can do. {68256}{68325}All her usual ways of hooking you in|have no effect... {68328}{68375}and yet you're still in love. {68378}{68424}It's like the act is over... {68426}{68472}and you get to the part|she's been hiding. {68475}{68566}And she's been hiding it|because she thinks that's the part... {68568}{68648}that's gonna blow it|or make you leave or get bored... {68650}{68735}but you get to that part,|and you're still there. {68760}{68821}And you're even more in love. {68935}{68964}Wow. {68967}{69044}Have you met my nephew?|His name is Jesus. {69047}{69090}How old are you, Nick? {69092}{69124}I'm 1 6. {69126}{69211}Stay strong, Sophie. There's|a thousand of my dollars at stake here. {69213}{69276}Are we still on a one-drink limit? {69279}{69351}- I think we can have one more.|- Yeah, I'm in. {69354}{69407}Great.|Scootch out of there, Sophie. {69410}{69459}- Who wants what?|- Sophie knows what I like. {69462}{69524}- Just some ice water, please.|- Okay, that's charming. {69527}{69554}Nick? {69556}{69650}A player might consider taking advantage|of this time alone with Andrea. {69652}{69717}Andrea. Yeah.|You can take your time. {69958}{70005}- Hi.|- Hey. {70043}{70095}- What's the deal with your uncle?|- I don't know. {70098}{70176}This is really the first time|I've hung out with him socially. {70197}{70271}- Do you live in the city?|- I live in Ohio with my mom. {70294}{70341}She and Roger|don't really speak anymore. {70361}{70391}Ohio? {70416}{70467}Do you have a girlfriend back home? {70494}{70541}No. Not right now. {70750}{70838}Nick, can you do me a favor? {70840}{70876}Okay. {71124}{71166}Pick that up. {71246}{71309}- Protein for stamina.|- Let's switch, Andrea. {71312}{71374}- Okay. I suppose it's your turn.|- Yeah, good idea. {71376}{71478}Keep things fresh|and help us fight that second-round lag. {71480}{71542}- What's that?|- That's a conversational lag... {71544}{71624}that often occurs after the ordering|of the second round. {71627}{71715}Actually, Nick was telling me about you|and your relationship with his mother. {71718}{71806}- No secret there. She's my sister.|- Your relationship with her. {71808}{71881}Not your relationship to her.|Nick says they don't speak. {71884}{71958}That's terrible.|I mean, you need your family. {71960}{72037}- Yeah.|- What do you think happened, Nick? {72062}{72140}My mom's a lot older than Roger.|Like nine years. {72143}{72197}You must have been quite|the little surprise, Roger. {72200}{72264}A nine-year gap doesn't necessarily mean|an unplanned pregnancy. {72303}{72372}But, apparently, I did come|as a bit of a surprise. {72374}{72421}Really? I didn't know that. {72424}{72481}That doesn't explain why you|and your sister don't get along. {72484}{72548}Let's just say|we don't have much in common. {72567}{72649}My mom says that when Roger was little,|he could talk himself out of anything. {72652}{72703}He never got in trouble,|even when he got caught. {72705}{72808}- She called him "Roger Dodger."|- That's perfect foryou. {72810}{72889}There's nothing wrong with a high|verbal ability. Nick's got it too. {72892}{72943}I wanna be like Granddad.|He almost never talks. {72945}{73006}But when he does,|everyone kind of leans forward. {73008}{73056}You know, my dad's like that. {73058}{73121}The difference being that what|my father has to say is usually... {73124}{73172}some variation on,|"Get me another scotch." {73175}{73229}- Like father, like son?|- No, like daughter. {73232}{73271}- I get my...|- Whose daughter? {73273}{73334}- What do you mean, "like daughter?'|- No joke. {73336}{73421}Mom keeps a bottle in the|laundry basket. She has foryears. {73472}{73508}- Oh, God, Nick.|- That's awful. {73511}{73599}She's not a wreck or anything.|She's just... What do you call it? {73602}{73648}- High-functioning.|- Yeah. That's Susan all right. {73651}{73698}She's always functioned|at a high level. {73700}{73791}- She's just really high, you know?|- How can you joke about that? {73793}{73854}You can joke about anything|that has to do with yourself. {73856}{73904}It's a basic human right.|Isn't that right, Nick? {73936}{74000}I think that's constitutional|or something. {74003}{74082}Freedom of speech.|Freedom to joke. {74084}{74139}You know what?|I need the ladies' room. {74141}{74197}Let's let the boys discuss|these new revelations. {74200}{74237}- Good idea.|- I don't... All right. {74240}{74275}All right. {74329}{74376}Be careful.|We'll be waiting. {74420}{74465}Are you sure you want|to get laid tonight? {74468}{74507}I thought you would|like to know that. {74509}{74555}I am not the one|who is here to learn. {74557}{74603}For most of us,|this is a forgetting place. {74605}{74649}- All right?|- We were talking about Granddad. {74652}{74697}- I figured...|- You felt qualified to jump in... {74700}{74745}and expound|on that particular topic? {74748}{74781}That's right. I'm sorry. {74784}{74857}You're an expert on that subject now.|You guys are joined at the fucking hip. {74860}{74905}I wanted to keep|the conversation going. {74908}{74962}There are four of us|in this booth. {74964}{75014}Think of it as a game of bridge. {75064}{75143}In bridge, you have|two sets of partners, okay? {75145}{75191}Ifyou hope to become|the kind of man... {75193}{75239}that other men|choose to go into battle with... {75241}{75298}you have to learn|to read your partner. {75300}{75372}It should have been obvious I don't want|to talk about the family tonight. {75396}{75426}A little while ago... {75428}{75496}we were listening to Sophie|describe herself giving a blow job. {75499}{75544}Don't you think that's|slightly more fertile ground... {75547}{75610}than what's at the bottom|ofyour mother's laundry basket? {75656}{75723}Pull your weight and steer|the conversation back... {75725}{75783}to something|in the same universe as sex. {75785}{75868}Remember, the thing that was supposed|to be the primary focus this evening? {75871}{75911}Don't make me resort|to the fail-safe. {75957}{76024}- Where are you going?|- Excuse me. {76027}{76075}No. Bad idea. {76077}{76111}Ah, Jesus. {76832}{76883}Everything okay over there? {76885}{76931}No. I can't go|with you standing there. {76933}{77003}- Why not?|- I just can't. Get out of here. {77005}{77070}Can't go through life|with a shy bladder, Nick. {77072}{77120}You're gonna be spending|a lot of time in bars. {77122}{77169}Most of them will have restrooms|just like this one. {77202}{77257}Fine. Then you go.|You go first. {77260}{77331}I don't have to.|Just came in to rinse my hands. {77372}{77406}Forget it. {77516}{77582}- Let's go, kid.|- No, look. I'm with somebody. {77610}{77668}Uncle Roger, could you|please tell him? He doesn't... {77671}{77728}- How you doing?|- No, I don't know him. {77730}{77776}- Bedtime, kid. Let's go.|- Uncle Roger. {77778}{77825}- Come on, kid. Out.|- Could you please... {77846}{77913}He's my... Uncle Roger!|Really, go back in there. {77952}{77996}Look, I'm an actor.|I'm researching a role. {77999}{78046}- Good luck with that.|- Okay. {78773}{78812}- You okay?|- Oh, hey. {78815}{78886}I guess I should've waited|to use the bathroom. {78888}{78977}Okay. Unless the novelty of hanging out|with prom king here has worn off... {78980}{79043}I suggest we get a bottle|and find someplace with a view. {79136}{79215}- All right. Let's find a view.|- Let's find a view. Ladies. {79688}{79743}- That was close.|- That's good. Thank you. {79746}{79800}- This is the finest.|- That's good. Just a little bit. {79803}{79830}Thankyou. {79832}{79895}Just a little. That's good.|That's good. {79943}{79986}- How do you like the wine?|- I like it. {79988}{80036}It makes my chest feel warm. {80039}{80101}- Roger, you're a bad influence.|- Yes, I am. {80104}{80161}- Alcohol, women of loose morals.|- And gambling. {80164}{80199}That's right. Gambling. {80201}{80254}I don't see Nick complaining. {80256}{80312}Although I have to say,|forwomen ofloose morals... {80337}{80411}conversation has been|pretty tame so far tonight. {80435}{80516}With the notable exception|of Sophie's oral presentation. {80518}{80544}Shut up. {80547}{80637}It'd be helpful for Nick to hear more of|the female perspective of the sex act. {80640}{80688}- Do you agree?|- God. {80707}{80747}Where to begin? {80749}{80796}Nick will get us started. Nick? {80903}{80938}Go ahead. {80955}{81000}Ask away.|Any question you like. {81003}{81031}Keep it interesting. {81034}{81065}All right. {81139}{81197}I guess I'd like to know|what your first time was like. {81222}{81280}- That's what you come up with?|- That is a great question. {81282}{81313}Thankyou. {81344}{81380}I'll go first. {81458}{81534}- It was my junioryear.|- High school or college? {81567}{81604}High school. {81607}{81673}His name was Bobby Rushton,|and we weren't even dating. {81676}{81759}I just picked him out one day|and decided he was gonna be the one. {81762}{81817}- Why did you pick him?|- Sense of humor? {81842}{81912}Ha-ha. He was funny,|as I remember, but... {81914}{81981}it was something more than that. {81984}{82063}It was like this vibe. {82065}{82112}I knew he would be nice. {82115}{82201}He wasn't very popular, and I didn't|think he'd brag about me to his friends. {82204}{82269}- That's half the fun.|- Well, he didn't. {82272}{82319}He was just as nervous as I was. {82348}{82398}Which is part of the reason|that I picked him... {82400}{82477}because I think|I wanted to have some control. {82480}{82551}- You know?|- You were his first as well then? {82553}{82629}Yeah. In fact, I went with him|to go get the condoms. {82632}{82680}We biked all the way across town... {82683}{82743}because we were so afraid|someone might see us. {82745}{82804}- We planned the thing for a month.|- I love this story. {82824}{82906}- Yes.|- So, where did you, you know? {82946}{83007}It was in my house, in my room. {83027}{83074}My parents were away|for the weekend. {83076}{83164}- Did you bleed?|- The usual. Not too bad. {83167}{83214}Wait. So it hurts the first time? {83257}{83313}Well, it really hurts... {83350}{83397}that first second. {83425}{83492}And then after that,|it's just new. {83495}{83592}You know? It's like this|new feeling foryour body. {83595}{83629}So how was he? {83659}{83731}- Matter of seconds?|- No way! He kept going like a champ. {83734}{83787}I had to ask him|to hurry up, actually. {83789}{83820}- Ow!|- Yeah. {83823}{83924}He did admit to masturbating like crazy|beforehand so he wouldn't just... {83927}{84004}- Like he wasn't doing that already.|- No, he sounds like a nice guy. {84007}{84061}- He sounds like a dream come true.|- He was a nice guy. {84064}{84122}He's a cop now.|He's got four kids. {84124}{84183}Early sex|is an absolute humiliation. {84185}{84280}Oh. Speak foryourself.|My first time was wonderful. {84283}{84323}Oh, yeah? {84326}{84373}Let me take a wild guess. {84402}{84455}- An older gentleman.|- Right you are. {84457}{84492}- Married?|- Right again. {84521}{84556}How old were you? {84558}{84616}I was 1 9.|Freshman in college. {84618}{84685}Guess you didn't spend a lot of time|getting to know your roommates. {84688}{84780}No. No, I don't even remember|what they look like. {84807}{84850}So what happened? {84882}{84974}Well, believe it or not,|he ended up staying with his wife. {85000}{85038}What are the odds? {85040}{85088}What did you do when you realized|he wasn't going to leave her? {85090}{85167}Well, Nick,|I got over it eventually... {85170}{85217}and vowed|not to repeat the mistake. {85220}{85292}- And how's that going?|- Some months are better than others. {85295}{85329}- Uh-huh.|- Sophie... {85332}{85385}- I didn't say anything.|- What can I do? They're all married. {85388}{85439}I promised I would not be a nag.|It's okay. {85442}{85496}You, hotshot.|Tell us about your first time. {85569}{85660}Actually, I think Nick's story|is much more interesting. Nick? {85684}{85740}- This I want to hear.|- Yeah. {85802}{85843}Nicholas? {85846}{85921}Well, this is hard to admit, but... {85962}{86025}I've never had sex. {86139}{86182}You're a virgin? {86212}{86241}Yes. {86356}{86412}That is so sexy.|Am I right? {86414}{86460}- It's hot.|- Really? {86462}{86502}- Yeah.|- Do you have a girlfriend? {86504}{86567}- No. Never.|- Have you ever kissed a girl? {86569}{86639}Yeah, a couple of times in junior high|playing truth or dare... {86641}{86703}but they weren't like real kisses. {86706}{86738}No tongue? {86756}{86832}I guess, but more than that.|They were just stiff. {86835}{86880}Not like I imagined|that they should be. {86883}{86938}Nick, come here for a second. {87028}{87068}Oh, my God. {87624}{87678}Now, don't fall in love with me|or anything, okay? {87723}{87775}That was just to get you|through junioryear. {87777}{87816}All right. {87896}{87944}I couldn't resist|being your first kiss. {87947}{87976}That's right. {87979}{88057}Forever and ever,|you will be his first kiss. {88078}{88128}- Get away from me.|- Come on. For symmetry. {88131}{88178}No, not a chance. Nick. {88197}{88263}- How do you feel?|- My heart is beating really fast. {88266}{88325}- He knows just what to say.|- Is he a good kisser? {88328}{88396}Oh, he's gonna break some hearts. {88416}{88457}How 'bout down below, Nick? {88460}{88511}Any, you know,|vertical displacement? {88514}{88578}Leave him alone.|How you doing, Casanova? {88580}{88619}- I'm okay.|- Sure? {88622}{88661}- Yeah.|- Okay. {88664}{88744}Look, I confess. I'm married.|I keep my ring in my wallet. {88747}{88794}Even ifyou were married. {88905}{88940}Yeah, yeah. {89007}{89032}So, Nick. {89035}{89113}Take a moment to file this away|for later. You understand what I mean? {89144}{89169}Just think, Sophie. {89192}{89273}In the next six months, every time|Nick jerks off, he'll be picturing you. {89276}{89320}- Don't be an asshole.|- I don't do that, okay? {89323}{89380}It's true.|Okay, so I'm not married. {89383}{89432}What's important is|the emotional unavailability, right? {89435}{89482}- That's what you look for.|- I'm leaving. {89536}{89596}And, Sophie, you've even provided|young Nicholas here... {89598}{89670}with a particular image|to help structure his fantasy. {89700}{89745}Fuckyou, Roger.|Do you have a place to stay tonight? {89748}{89806}- He's staying with me.|- You can come with us. {89808}{89897}He's with me. Unless you're finally|ready to do something constructive. {89899}{89957}Like help Nick have an orgasm,|huh, Sophie? {89960}{90033}- It's time to cut your uncle loose.|- You're disgusting. We're outta here. {90036}{90072}- You take care.|- Andrea? {90074}{90112}- Oh, disgusting.|- Fuckyou. {90115}{90159}Ladies? I... {90177}{90221}Was it something he said? {90225}{90257}Asshole! {90285}{90353}But no. Don't I...|Okay, here's your chance. {90355}{90401}What are you talking about?|Why did you say that? {90404}{90444}Good cop, bad cop. {90447}{90505}I planted the seed.|Now go and close the deal, all right? {90508}{90556}- I can't go...|- You thinkyou'll get a better chance? {90558}{90614}Go, for Christ's sake,|and remember the primary objective. {90617}{90651}Go, go, go! {90909}{90957}Run, Nick, run. {91145}{91177}Sophie! {91210}{91291}Hey, Sophie. I'm sorry. {91316}{91373}Don't worry about it.|It's not your fault he's a jerk. {91376}{91460}I know. I wish it didn't|have to just end like this. {91496}{91535}We're going now. {91556}{91613}I suggest you|call offyour bet and go home. {91632}{91682}The bet thing|was just bullshit, okay? {91722}{91753}I know. {91804}{91847}You take it easy, okay? {91849}{91910}Look, I want us to... {91947}{92007}Don't spoil the wonderful time|we had tonight. {92029}{92068}You know? {92219}{92266}This is to remember me by. {92493}{92539}Take care, Nick. {92541}{92589}We need more men like you. {93214}{93251}Hey. {93253}{93279}What happened? {93281}{93324}What? Nothing happened. {93349}{93374}So you're oh for one. {93377}{93424}She wasn't gonna go for it.|I couldn't ask her. {93427}{93492}- You gonna sleep with Sophie tonight?|- It was obvious. She was not... {93494}{93562}Are you going to have sex|with Sophie tonight? {93637}{93697}- No.|- Then I repeat: you're oh for one. {93699}{93775}You need to learn how to finish.|Anyone can get halay home. {93869}{93922}We're switching to plan B. Hey! {93965}{94028}I think a change ofvenue|will improve your luck. {94484}{94532}Wait! Hold up! Stop! {95592}{95652}Do me a favor.|Stay here till we're inside. {95654}{95701}- So where we goin'?|- Finish up. {95772}{95846}- We're going to a party. Come on.|- Whose party is it? {95903}{95963}Fuck! Over here.|Over here. {95997}{96048}Look at this.|Beautiful glasswork. {96413}{96446}Whoa, whoa. {96541}{96572}Why we running? {96575}{96621}That doorman has|a hateful personality. {96623}{96687}Listen up. It's gonna be|a whole new dynamic up there. {96689}{96719}Stay focused. {96721}{96783}Don't talk to any guys.|That's a definite rally-killer. {96785}{96853}Keep moving at all times.|No hiding in the bathroom. {96872}{96920}Here we are. Hey. {97003}{97055}- Look who it is.|- Hey, Chris. How are you? {97057}{97103}This is my nephew Nick.|Chris. {97105}{97156}- How are you?|- How ya doin'? {97279}{97351}Wait. Do you have|a bathroom I could use? {97353}{97401}- A what?|- A bathroom I could use? {97403}{97428}A what? {97451}{97498}I've been trying to shake|this woman all night. {97545}{97581}This is Donovan. {97583}{97641}I'm the only one here|that's my age. {97644}{97699}Where did you think we were going,|the junior prom? {97731}{97768}I think I'm drunk. {97829}{97856}Come here. {97921}{97977}Nick. Do you know|where we are? {98008}{98072}- I thinkyou said Greenwich Street.|- We're in winning time. {98075}{98131}- Okay. Winning time.|- Right. Okay? {98133}{98195}It's a little harder to recognize|than when you're in a bar... {98197}{98245}but the concept is the same. {98288}{98342}There's an incredible moment|that happens when a party... {98345}{98417}passes its apex, its peak. {98443}{98516}As if by magic,|suddenly every person in the room... {98519}{98566}is acutely aware of the time. {98569}{98644}It is at that moment|that the fear hits. {98669}{98743}- What fear?|- The fear of the empty apartment. {98768}{98796}Oh. Yeah. {98799}{98852}That is more|than most people can stand. {98875}{98952}Desperation creeps into the room|like a fog. {98955}{99023}Eyes begin|to search the crowd anxiously. {99025}{99105}Standards are drastically lowered.|I mean, it's palpable. {99127}{99178}- You know what I'm saying?|- Not really. {99256}{99339}What I'm saying is,|you have a real shot here, Nick. {99417}{99508}This is the moment|that separates a true champion. {99510}{99561}You remember the reason|you first asked for my help? {99581}{99611}The primary goal? {99613}{99661}- Yes.|- Then let me help you... {99663}{99706}to achieve it. {99989}{100043}All right. So. {100045}{100118}We need to scope out|who the drinkers are. {100121}{100189}Every party needs a pace car,|a rabbit. {100214}{100289}Always look for the girls who are|two drinks ahead of everybody else. {100292}{100329}How do you do that? {100332}{100389}Listen for inappropriately loud|bursts of laughter... {100392}{100445}or scan the crowd|for somebody spilling a drink. {100448}{100536}Check the dance floor for somebody|working out of their zone. {100539}{100586}How about them?|They seem pretty drunk. {100685}{100716}Good afternoon. {100753}{100847}God, this is so embarrassing.|I don't know how this happened. {100849}{100912}I'm so sorry.|I'm sorry. {100915}{100946}Hey, Donna. {100981}{101024}- Hi.|- How ya doin'? {101026}{101065}- Well...|- Good. Listen. {101068}{101113}This is my nephew|I want to introduce. Nick. {101116}{101166}- Hi.|- I saw you earlier at the office. {101169}{101219}Hi, Nick. Donna. {101221}{101281}- Nice to see you.|- You too. {101327}{101390}- Roger's showing you the town?|- Yeah, some of it. {101411}{101447}Yeah, Nick's visiting. {101449}{101504}Why don't you tell Donna|about the bet we got going. {101507}{101546}- See you in a second.|- Huh? Wait. {101567}{101648}What bet?|What's he got you involved in? {101650}{101709}- Oh, it's nothing. Really.|- What is this? {101711}{101757}Oh, that. I don't even know. {101760}{101791}- It's cute.|- Thanks. {101793}{101836}I don't even use it. {101839}{101897}Eighty. Hot. Eighty degrees. {101900}{101952}That is hot. Yeah. {102013}{102117}We made a bet whether I can get|someone to fall in love with me tonight. {102120}{102151}Wow. {102168}{102225}- For how much?|- A thousand bucks. {102265}{102304}Get outta here. {102339}{102386}Well, so, how's it going so far? {102432}{102481}Excuse me.|Thank you. {102506}{102552}Thankyou. Cheers. {102554}{102583}Yeah. {102609}{102651}To love. {102973}{103020}Oh, hello. {103023}{103112}You're not the infamous Roger Swanson|I've heard so much about, are you? {103114}{103144}That's me. Yes. {103146}{103234}Joyce says of all of her copy people,|you are the funniest. {103237}{103282}- I'm a laugh riot.|- No, she says that. {103285}{103339}- Why would I lie?|- What's your name? {103341}{103392}I'm sorry.|I haven't introduced myself. {103395}{103465}I'm Patricia. Joyce and I|went to college together. {103467}{103517}Nice to meet you.|Patty, would you do me a favor? {103520}{103571}Sure. I can certainly try. {103573}{103645}See that kid right over there|in the corner? {103647}{103694}- Yeah.|- That's my nephew Nick. {103697}{103742}- Oh, really. He's so cute.|- He is. {103745}{103796}- He's still a virgin.|- No! {103798}{103859}- Swear to God.|- Poor boy. How old is he? {103861}{103897}He's 1 6. Now, listen. {103900}{103969}My time with Joyce taught me that|older women fuck like jackrabbits... {103972}{104044}and Nick is at|his absolute peak sexually. {104046}{104092}So, I figure,|the two ofyou go at it... {104094}{104140}it would be|like Frazier and Ali. {104142}{104184}- Right?|- Something is wrong with you. {104186}{104253}No, I'm serious.|What do you say? {104256}{104331}- As a kind of a...|- I'm gonna... {104333}{104376}Red Cross moment or... {104379}{104428}Okay. Nice to see you. {104834}{104920}- How's it goin' over here?|- Hey, Roger. {104923}{104996}- Now, who let you in?|- Who let me in? You let me in. {104999}{105030}What? {105049}{105104}You know, Nick here|is a real ladies' man. {105106}{105153}You're luc he's spending|all this time with you. {105156}{105210}Yeah, that's me.|The luc lady. {105262}{105347}Actually... I think|I had too much to drink. {105349}{105400}- Uh-oh.|- Would you like to lie down? {105403}{105456}Nick, Nick.|Excellent idea. {105458}{105522}Good one. Come on, darling.|Let's find you a place to lie down. {105525}{105570}Oh, no. Just when things|were getting good. {105573}{105620}Things are still good. {105732}{105780}- Come on.|- Where are we going? {105783}{105829}- We're going.|- We are? {105831}{105897}We're going right around|this little corner. {105900}{105947}- Here we go.|- I forgot to eat. {106068}{106120}Nick, stay with us.|Keep close. {106122}{106156}- Okay.|- Good. {106158}{106221}- All right. So I'll just...|- Oh, excellent. {106252}{106305}- Are you all right?|- I'll just leave you two together. {106308}{106343}- Okay.|- No, don't go. {106346}{106406}- You're in capable hands, believe me.|- What are you doing? {106409}{106445}Hang on a second. {106726}{106773}What are we gonna do? {106776}{106869}We are not gonna do anything...|at all. {107065}{107113}I'll be on guard duty, okay? {107159}{107237}You need to work fast. If I were you,|I'd switch to the two-minute offense. {107240}{107294}What are you talking about?|Wait, Uncle Roger... {107304}{107335}Love you. {107431}{107466}Don't go. {107789}{107824}Oh, let me introduce you. {107826}{107873}This is Donovan Lehman,|Christopher Weland... {107876}{107917}our two collaborators. {107920}{107965}I think they're gonna be|perfect foryou. {107968}{108042}You told me you wanted something|a little bit magic, a bit surreal. {108045}{108105}Hey, hey, Donovan.|How are you, man? {108108}{108164}- Roger. Hey, man.|- How are you? {108166}{108197}Hey, Chris. {108228}{108257}Look at you two. {108260}{108341}You seem like the happy couple.|What's your secret? {108343}{108404}Sorry. You know what they say about|dipping the pen in the company ink. {108441}{108521}- I guess so.|- I know what they say. Yes, they do. {108576}{108607}All right. {109038}{109073}Look at you. {112309}{112344}Go to sleep. {113145}{113186}I think we got sidetracked there. {113189}{113242}Seriously, Donovan, with all|the pressure facing men today... {113245}{113293}it's got to be tough|to maintain a relationship. {113296}{113342}I don't know.|Let's ask a man. Chris? {113344}{113392}Traditional male roles|are being tossed aside... {113394}{113457}before we have any chance to make|an internal shift, don't you think? {113460}{113545}Our culture seems designed|to emasculate and infantilize. {113570}{113621}- That's a strong statement.|- Why don't you go and... {113624}{113663}help yourself to some food? {113666}{113721}It's particularly true|in a situation when the woman is... {113723}{113780}two decades older than the man. {113803}{113859}- Roger!|- Approximately. {113940}{113987}We were having|this discussion the other day... {113990}{114050}Is it your mission in life|to humiliate yourself? {114053}{114102}It's more of a hobby really. {114105}{114153}I want you to leave right now. {114156}{114206}You want me to leave|and go where? {114231}{114297}Think very hard|about what you're doing. {114300}{114353}Go where, Joyce?|Where do you want me to go? {114429}{114458}You're through. {114461}{114518}You lied to me.|You are a liar. {114521}{114571}- I want you to leave.|- Who's he? {114574}{114616}Who the fuck is he? {114618}{114660}Who the fuck is he? {114662}{114711}Who is he? What... {114793}{114824}Don't get comfortable. {114861}{114932}Don't ever settle in|like you own the place. Trust me. {114973}{115020}There's always something|gaining on you. {115041}{115117}And here they come now.|Hey, guys. Good luck. {115120}{115163}Sorry. Take care now. {115191}{115265}Let me get a coat here.|Take care. {115267}{115326}Nice to see you.|Thanks, Joyce! Bye-bye! {115370}{115406}What just happened? {115408}{115455}Excuse me. I'm sorry. {115785}{115834}That didn't go|exactly as I had hoped. {115957}{116009}What happened in there?|What were you shouting about? {116011}{116058}Doesn't matter.|What about you? {116061}{116106}- Did you get it on with Donna?|- No. {116109}{116177}- Why not?|- Are you kidding? She was passed out! {116179}{116297}Nick, you have had one golden|opportunity after another this evening. {116299}{116360}You haven't exactly shown yourself|to be a clutch player. {116362}{116410}- Hey!|- What happened in there? {116412}{116468}- Are you drunk?|- I'm going home. {116470}{116528}- Where do you need to be dropped?|- What? {116530}{116561}That's it? {116588}{116659}We've had a full evening.|I thinkyou're ready to fly solo. {116716}{116779}- You said there was a fail-safe.|- What fail-safe? {116802}{116852}Back at the bar.|You said there was a fail-safe. {116854}{116881}Did I? {116926}{117012}- I don't thinkyou want the fail-safe.|- No, I want it! Just stop. {117014}{117056}- You sure?|- Yes, I'm sure. {117058}{117114}I'm not going home like this,|all right? {117117}{117149}I'm sure. Okay? {117206}{117252}You know what? You're right. {117254}{117329}Why give into a slump?|Let's go down swinging. {117332}{117391}- Yes. Like Michael Jordan.|- Right. {117394}{117465}That's the wrong sport,|but I like your enthusiasm. Let's go. {118241}{118276}All right. Thanks. {118696}{118733}Come on. Come on. {120067}{120121}Hey. Two of us. {120124}{120160}That's 200. {120277}{120315}One... two. {120379}{120438}- Is he a minor?|- I'm an actor. I'm researching a role. {122267}{122310}It's a hundred to fuck me. {122744}{122773}Tip. {123285}{123310}Come on. {123494}{123543}Wait. Just slow down. {123629}{123662}Please slow down. {124997}{125059}- We're goin' home.|- Hey! Hey! {125062}{125109}- What are you doing?|- Easy, easy. {125111}{125179}Get outta here.|Motherfucker, get off me! {125182}{125246}Motherfucker, get off me! {125249}{125313}- Get off me!|- Get outta here! {125316}{125347}Nick! {125564}{125596}Nick. {125729}{125780}Nick, don't worry about it. {125963}{126012}It's okay. It's all right! {126098}{126123}Nick! {126196}{126232}Chill! {126265}{126312}It's all right, man. {126338}{126369}Jesus. {126981}{127032}Fucking booze. {127273}{127304}Come on. {128370}{128402}Come here. {128428}{128478}- Jesus.|- Don't tell... {128481}{128516}Go to sleep. {128773}{128804}Okay. {131136}{131183}An n {131186}{131241}n n n n a {131244}{131315}a an an n a a {131977}{132016}Oh, my God. {132217}{132252}There's coffee. {132318}{132354}I don't drink caffeine. {132400}{132423}Yes. {132537}{132584}I keep losing my balance. {132610}{132653}- That'll pass.|- Yeah. {132711}{132744}So, Nick... {132762}{132808}tell me more about Columbia. {132810}{132858}What did you think of the campus? {132923}{132985}I don't know.|It was fine. {133042}{133107}Did you...|Iook around the neighborhood? {133110}{133197}Maybe you could tell me about the|different things you saw on your tour. {133348}{133402}I'm sorry I got so mad. {133437}{133472}You're what? {133512}{133543}Last night. {133613}{133685}You were trying to teach me|the way that things are done, and I... {133724}{133794}I guess I kept fucking it up. So... {133796}{133850}So I shouldn't have gotten so mad. {133871}{133947}I'm... sorry I disappointed you. {134026}{134061}Uh-huh. Okay. {134064}{134119}Anyone can have an off night.|It's happened to me. {134189}{134235}You said you score every night. {134237}{134283}I say a lot of things.|Look, Nick. {134345}{134390}Call your mom, will you? {134393}{134439}I'm sure she would like|to hear from you. {134463}{134505}Forget it.|I'll see her when I get home. {134507}{134555}Call her anyway.|Come on. {134846}{134893}I'll leave you to it. {135127}{135175}I guess I'll see you|at the next funeral. {135177}{135206}Why? Who's sick? {135227}{135265}What? No, I'm kidding. {135267}{135297}Me too. {135371}{135416}All right.|Good-bye, Uncle Roger. {135419}{135454}See you, Nick. {135659}{135701}Don't tip. I got it. {136143}{136209}How long does it usually take|to get to the airport? {136211}{136268}- About a half hour, sir.|- Right. {138103}{138145}You see Angela today? {138147}{138196}- How come?|- No bra. {138280}{138319}I swear to God. {138343}{138412}That's unhealthy. They're gonna sag|when she gets older. {138415}{138442}Fuck 'em up. {138445}{138492}So go tell her, Nick. {138495}{138524}What? {138563}{138596}Go tell her. {138599}{138641}Yeah, maybe she doesn't know. {138643}{138708}- You know, you'd be doing her a favor.|- Yeah. {138711}{138747}A true favor. {138750}{138781}Yeah. {139486}{139533}Look who dropped by for a visit. {139626}{139661}Girls. {139693}{139726}Young women. {139793}{139851}Female human beings. {139906}{139962}Female hearts beating beneath... {139965}{140006}those tight sweaters. {140009}{140087}Feminine blood|coursing through theirveins. {140090}{140176}Living, breathing girls. {140223}{140294}What are you young men in the|prime ofyour lives doing about this? {140296}{140338}I'm doing plenty. {140341}{140389}- Yeah? You're getting plenty of action?|- Oh, yeah. {140391}{140432}He has to beat 'em off|with a stick. {140435}{140549}Unfortunately, I'm not talking about|"whack-off.com," okay? {140551}{140616}I'm talking about|the girls in this room. {140619}{140667}I'm talking about communicating. {140670}{140707}I'm talking about engaging. {140710}{140770}I'm talking about|standing up from this... {140810}{140910}guys-only, StarTrek-convention,|frankly, homoerotic little group... {140940}{140997}and introducing yourself|to one of these girls. {140999}{141045}Yeah, but I always get so nervous. {141047}{141102}Why? There's nothing at stake. {141104}{141155}If there was a chance ofyou|actually getting laid... {141158}{141199}then you'd have|a reason to be nervous. {141202}{141247}Try working someone in a bar|for three hours... {141250}{141325}and then you gotta close the deal|right before last call. {141327}{141375}That's pressure. Okay? {141395}{141453}You guys can treat this|like it's a warm-up. {141478}{141546}You're trying to find your style.|So you get nervous? {141548}{141619}Maybe you're the nervous guy.|Maybe that's your hook. {141622}{141689}So go ahead and blush.|Stutter all you want. {141708}{141762}Show her how she makes you feel. {141764}{141817}Think of it. You're combining|honesty and flattery. {141819}{141863}- That's lethal.|- Yeah, but... {141866}{141925}you can't let a girl know|how nervous you are. {141927}{141981}You gotta let her know|you're in control, right? {142032}{142074}"In control"?|Who is this guy? {142076}{142133}You're in high school. You don't|control any... Look at your face. {142135}{142186}Look at what you're eating,|for Christ's sake. {142188}{142233}Look at that shirt. {142235}{142270}In control. {142290}{142330}All right. {142332}{142379}Who's the one you guys|are all desperate to talk to? {142382}{142406}Angela. {142431}{142455}Definitely. {142509}{142577}- Angela.|- Okay. Here's what you could say. {142637}{142690}Hi, Angela.|My name is... What is it? {142692}{142741}- Darren.|- My name is Darren. {142801}{142873}Every time I see you in the hall,|I have the urge to talk to you. {142890}{142944}So I try to think|of something clever to say... {142947}{142999}but I get so nervous... {143046}{143102}that nothing comes out. {143105}{143182}We don't know each other right now,|but I'd like to maybe... {143199}{143271}invite you out for a soda sometime|so that we could talk. {143274}{143321}I'd like to see|what we have in common. {143345}{143397}But most of all,|I'm curious to find out... {143399}{143447}what kind of person|you really are... {143449}{143513}because I am tired|of looking at you from a dist... {143515}{143561}And so on and so forth. {143563}{143609}Take that out for a spin.|See how it works. {143611}{143673}Yeah. See her turn around|and walk back to the jock table. {143675}{143713}- Yeah.|- If that happens... {143715}{143763}you go to sleep|knowing you gave it your best shot. {143765}{143810}Remember, she has to|show you something as well. {143836}{143886}I'd love it|if Angela showed me something. {143919}{143980}- Yeah. Two things.|- Yeah! {144014}{144049}I'd lick 'em. {144098}{144162}Well, I tried.|Hang in there, Nick. {144165}{144195}Wait. You're going? {144198}{144260}Yeah, I gotta get home,|look forwork. {144263}{144308}As we speak,|consumers everywhere need reminding... {144311}{144357}of just how fat|and unattractive they are. {144398}{144445}Nice meeting you, men. {144462}{144501}Keep your sense of humor. {144518}{144601}In ten years, you won't even remember|what this place looks like. Trust me. {144711}{144759}Dude, your uncle is strange. {144779}{144819}Yeah, I know.|I guess he is. {144822}{144878}Yeah, but he's cool.|You gonna visit him again? {144950}{144981}I don't know. {145079}{145110}What? {145191}{145220}What? {145283}{145318}Hey, Nick. {145321}{145376}Some guy, I guess|he's your uncle... {145379}{145433}he said you had|something to tell me. {145503}{145571}He said it would|"blow my mind." 78055