Original subtitles

Aah!

Shit!

Shit.

Uh, morning, Officer.

Would you believe it?

I... I, um... I dropped a... a mint

and when I was bending over...

Well, well, well, look what the spider caught today.

Ah!

Driver's licence, sunshine.

- Yeah. - Let's go.

There you go.

Andrew Pruden.

Cin... Cin... Cin-cinnat...

Cin-cinnat-eye.

It's Cincinnati, uh, Ohio.

And, please, you... you can call me Andy.

Can I?

Have you had anything to drink today, Andrew?

Uh, no. No.

But you do drink? You like to party? Hm?

Yeah, but... but to be clear, I haven't...

It's alright. We all like to have a drink now and then.

A party.

So, I need to ask you a favour.

OK.

I need you to breathe into my face.

Uh, s-sorry, I thought... You want me to...

Breathe

into my face.

You... you mean like a...

Like a breathalyser check?

Like, because I'm happy to...

Do you have maybe a breathalyser?

Go on. Give it to me.

Like... like actually...

- Breathe.

Like that?

Open mouth. Show me.

Open... That wasn't... It was op...

- Open. Ahh. - Like...

MORE.

More? OK.

Harder.

OK.

Mm.

Mm.

Was that... Is that OK?

Yeah, you're in the clear. So, where you headed to, Andrew?

Uh, nowhere... nowhere in particu...

Just... I'm here to see the sights.

Well, here's a sight for you

your pretty little face

mashed up against the front of a road train.

So, here's a little tip.

Out here, yeah, we drive on the left.

Yeah, yeah, no, I... Yes.

- Believe me, I just... - No, no, shh. Don't apologise.

Just don't die.

Got it. Don't die.

What am I gonna do with you?

So, am I... Sorry, am I... Can I go now or...

I don't know.

Can you?

- Um...

If it's OK, I'm gonna just...

Drive safe.

♪ Hey, baby, baby, baby He's a-screamin' away

♪ America, America is killin' its youth

♪ America, America is killin' its youth

♪ Hey!

♪ Ghost rider... ♪

♪ Ghost rider

♪ Hoo. ♪

Holy shit.

Hello?

♪ I keep on talking to myself

♪ I'm going home

♪ I'm going home... ♪

Hello?

Hello?

Jesus Christ. UFOs now?

♪ I'm coming home... ♪

- No, no, no, no, no, no!

- G'day, love.

Nearly got ya!

- Beer? - It's 10am.

Better make it two, then, hey?

Uh, that's OK. I... I...

Jimmy, you're meant to be minding the bar for me.

How am I supposed to watch the bar when I'm taking confession?

A confession? Is this a church or...?

No, it's a pub, first and foremost.

Yeah, but...

I've nothing to confess anyway.

- You sure about that, Cedric? - Yep.

There you go, darl.

Be 16 bucks.

- 16?! - I know. Shocking, isn't it?

Government taxes.

- Oh, that was a 50. - Oh, right.

Listen, I'm running low on change at the moment.

Tell you what

we'll set you up a bar tab

and I'll let you know when the 50 runs out.

So, what brings you to town?

Uh, actually, I'm here to do the UFO tour.

What? Seriously?

Why?

I heard all about it, so...

In America?

Mm-hm. Yeah.

This is... This is the guy, right? The tour guide?

Ah, that's him. Hugo.

Right. Uh, Hugo, is... is he... Is he here?

Normally

sitting right there,

running up his bar tab.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen Hugo in...

Oh, it's gotta be a week.

No, since trivia a few Tuesdays ago.

Probably just gone bush for a bit.

Everybody goes for a wander sooner or later out here.

They always come back, but.

Well, you know, there are horror stories.

Serial killers, getting lost,

eaten by bull ants when you're starving to death.

Oh, and crocs.

Uh, mostly crocs.

Yeah, do you think you could show me where Hugo's house is?

He must really love UFOs.

He's gonna be very disappointed.

It's such a shit tour.

Hello?

Oh, well!

We tried.

I thought you said he'd give us a tip.

- I don't know. They usually do. - Oh.

- Yeah. - Those Americans.

Sorry. We're full.

- Oh, no. That's... - Who is it?

Uh, a customer. Who do you think?

- Not a customer. - So, what do you want?

Just looking for a man. Hugo. Do you know him?

Hi. Uh, I'm looking for this man, Hugo.

I was wondering if you could tell me about Hugo.

Hugo? Don't know any Hugos.

Really? In a town of 12 people?

I'm not at liberty to say.

I've got a business to run, so unless you're buying a pie...

Isn't this a Chinese restaurant?

Yeah, it was when I bought it,

but I've combined it with my love of baking.

- You wanna try one? - Are you FBI, are ya?

No, I'm not FBI.

Oh, OK. OK.

Why all the interest in Hugo's UFO tour, then?

He's, um, a bit of a pain in the arse at times,

but that's kinda part of his charm, isn't it?

Oh, yeah. Charmer, he is.

- Braised camel toe. - Oh! The whole toe, huh?

You are Noel Pinkus,

general store owner and postmaster, right?

This is getting a little personal.

We don't even know each other, do we?

It's just that it says it right there

on the photo of you on the wall.

- Does it? - Hugo?

Do you know the last time you spoke with him?

Maybe he told you where he was going?

Well, we don't speak, if you must know.

Oh. Why is that?

'Cause Mum's a drama queen.

OK, stay out of it, Shoshanna.

How was your flight from Langley?

I didn't fly from Langley.

And that's... Just for the record, that's CIA, so...

Oh, are you CIA?

We had an American couple here last year.

Ted and Janice... What was their last name?

Uh, Ringwood, I think, wasn't it?

No, Redford. Redford. Like Robert Redford.

I'm pretty sure it was Ringwood.

I don't think it was Ringwood.

- It doesn't really matter. - You know what?

I'm gonna go and get the visitors' book.

- No, that's not... - Try it.

- Oh, I'm OK, thank you. - Try it.

- It's fine. I'm not hungry. - Come on! Try it.

What happened to your neck?

Well, I get a bit of a sore neck

from laying on the couch sometimes.

- Am I a suspect in all this? - In all what?

Whatever this is, mate! You tell me!

- Ted and Janice... Green. - Green?

- Told you it was a colour.

- Hey? Green! - Way off!

- How long have you been here? - 35 years.

Seems like a long time to not know anybody in your tiny town.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Eat the pie and I'll tell you where Hugo is.

Yeah, so, circling back to Hugo...

Who even are you?

You can't pin this on me. Nah.

No fuckin' chance.

- I won't go down for this. - Mm-hm. So, where is he?

No idea. Good, though, isn't it?

Never mind. Thank you for your time.

Piss off!

What the hell?

Mm.

G'day. I'm Hugo.

If you're watching this,

it means something's happened to me.

You know, the universe, it's a big place

and we are but merely specks of dust...

I may not know...

Hello?

Hello?

What are you doing?

Me?

What are you doing? I'm gonna call the cops.

Wait, no. Uh...

Hugo is my dad.

What? I'm supposed to believe Hugo's got a son from America?

Yeah, he used to live there. Look.

Looks nothing like you.

I was eight.

- OK! Hah!

I got the snowboard, but I couldn't find your golf club.

You're stealing from him?

Not stealing! Taking what's owed.

Why does Hugo have a snowboard?

Some backpacker gave it to him. Now it's mine.

Payment for services rendered.

You really Hugo's boy?

- Hugo is your father?

- You sure? - Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

You know, the universe, it's a big place

and we are but merely specks of dust inside of it.

I may not know where I've been taken, exactly,

but I'm pretty sure I know who's got me,

so you might wanna jot this down.

They are called

the Azyarn species.

- That's A-Z-Y-A-R-N...

from just beyond Kepler-1606b.

The Azyarn?

I've been communicating with them for years.

Now, the thing you have to know about the Azyarnians...

Shit!

I'm dead.

Ah, I'm so dead.

Uh... Thank you.

Thanks for coming, guys,

uh, but I got...

I got some stuff I gotta figure out,

so if you could...

Let's go. Come on.

Fuck.

Told you he was nuts.

Oh. Hah. Oh, this is mine too.

Dad, how long do you have to go back to Australia for?

Not long, mate. Just got a few things to do.

Gotta see a few people.

It'll be a couple of weeks. Then I'll be home.

Hey, buddy. Hey, what'll I bring you when I come back, hmm?

Maybe a toy koala or a... a boomerang.

Whew!

Hello?

Tell me you found him.

More importantly, the money.

Actually, um,

it doesn't look that good.

What?

It looks like maybe he's not here.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

We're going to jail or worse.

Look, these people don't mess around!

No, Dom, no. No-one's going to jail, OK?

Just... just... just try and stay calm.

Stay calm?

Oh, come on, man! We are running out of time.

I know, I know,

I know, and I will find him,

I... I promise.

How?

Somebody has to know something.

It's a tiny town.

Maybe they just need a little incentive.

Ah!

There he is.

Jesus. Call an ambulance!

Ambulance? Out here?

- I was bitten by a snake.

Must have been bitten by Old Rex.

- Yeah. - Ah.

No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't a dog.

- It was a snake. - No, Old Rex is a snake.

My snake, as it happens. Extremely venomous.

Don't worry.

I had his venom glands removed

when he was in my zoo

before Hugo let him out.

Why is my hand the size of a grapefruit?

It'll calm down when you do.

Now, listen, about your dad, I mean, who knew?

Yeah.

Anyhoo, I, uh, remembered that, um, he's, um...

He's gone fishing. Yeah.

He hasn't gone fishing.

He told me himself in confessional

that he's gone to Perth.

Hugo doesn't go to confession.

Are you calling me a liar?

- If you want to know where he... - Now, wait a minute.

Steady on. We were here first. We get first dibs.

Hey. Hey!

Now, I think the patient would like

a bit of peace and quiet, please.

- But we were just... - Let's go!

Fishing.

I never thought we'd see each other again.

Never did introduce myself. I'm Sergeant Geraldine Walters.

Yeah, hi. Thank, uh... Thanks for...

Yeah, I heard... a rumour

that there's been a break and enter at these premises.

Oh. Oh, no, no. This is my... my dad's hou... The door was open.

Ease up.

I couldn't give a flying doggie's dick about that.

I'm just here for the reward money.

Found this.

What's this?

That's your dad's boot, gorgeous.

How do you know it's his?

Well, it matches the photo, don't you think?

Everybody here wears boots like this.

How does this in any way help locate my father?

Dunno. That's for you to figure out.

But now's the time for you to cough up the reward money.

Uh, absolutely not. You're a police officer.

If this is in any way a genuine clue,

shouldn't you be keeping this for evidence?

Alright.

Alright, we'll do it your way.

- Constable? - Yep?

Captain America here wants us to open up an investigation

into the whereabouts of his old man.

No, I didn't say...

Can you cordon off the house?

- 'Cause it's now a crime scene. - What?

Which means you won't be able to stay here.

But...

Also, can you get his fingerprints

and a statement?

Wh... For what?

You just confessed to a B&E

and that's on top of some very reckless driving

I witnessed yesterday.

I dropped a mint!

Now, if we get your full cooperation,

maybe I won't have you arrested.

But as you're now a person of interest,

better not leave town, sunshine.

What's this?

That's my number, not that you deserve it.

Bourbon, please. Neat.

Or that.

I hear you need a place to stay.

Word travels fast.

It's 150 a night.

150? Says 80 out front.

Demand just went up, didn't it?

So, you're Hugo's son, hey?

- 'Fraid so.

That's my boy. Little Bobby John.

Oh, yeah? And where's Little Bobby John now?

Dead.

Car accident 22 years ago.

Uh, I'm so sorry.

I'll get your key.

You're a long way from home.

Yeah. You and me both, right?

Me? No. This is my home. Has been for many years.

Well, uh, pff...

It's always nice to meet someone from somewhere else, I guess.

Everyone here is from somewhere else.

Didn't you know? This is where people come to run away.

Yeah. Well, that figures.

What are you running away from?

Same thing as you.

Myself.

OK.

Hey, uh, let me ask you something.

You didn't happen to see a car last night

just idling in the middle of the street, about 4am?

N... No-one drives at night.

- Why? - It's too dangerous.

All the cattle, roos, pigs, camels.

Hit one of those and it's guten nacht!

- Here you are.

Room 1. Enjoy your stay.

Oh. Careful.

Hey! Hey!

Wait! Wait!

Hugo!

Shit!

Aah!

Come on!

What the fuck?

Psst! Hey!

Shoo! Shoo!

Hey! Shoo!

Go.

No!

♪ Well, you know the butch things

♪ Come out at night

♪ Standing on street corners

♪ Lit by a lamp, yeah!

♪ Leather jackets

♪ And tight-jeaned bikes

♪ Oh

♪ And all the sweet young things

♪ That wish to join in

♪ Riddled with acne

♪ And the blemish of a pale skin

♪ Your ears too big and your legs too thin, oh

♪ And, oh, the... ♪