Original subtitles

LOL: Last One Laughing Poland

Let the madness begin.

IN PREVIOUS EPISODES

Yes, this is a sweater.

If I die tomorrow, you'll say, "Yesterday he was whittling his stick."

I mourn and I cry As I sing this song

My pin has proven a little too long

Don't wreck the costume!

Hold my sausage!

-In tune. -Pumping.

Who is this?

Joanna Jędrzejczyk.

Is this guacamole?

Green stuff she'll drink.

I was shocked to see this woman, an MMA fighter, in our show.

Joanna Jędrzejczyk.

A day like any other, right?

-Attention! -Ladies and Gentlemen.

It's for us, I guess.

Zosia, help me.

Jędrzejczyk!

Maybe she needs help?

She'll make smoothies for us.

Oh, no. Not like that.

Now she randomly chooses cups.

You don't know which cup you'll get.

I happen to have money, 200 PLN.

I bet the ball is under the left cup.

-It's a rampage. -It's cryptic, right?

There is someone underneath. Some little child.

Well, I wouldn't want to be one of the cups.

Or perhaps I would in this show.

When I get hit in the head,

it will hurt like hell and I'll never laugh again.

I'll win thanks to Joanna.

Karol is tired of all this training.

I was fascinated.

How focused she can be...

How loud she can shout...

How expressive... True competence.

We've worked on this gig for a year.

Focus.

No way.

I get it.

Interesting.

I did not expect this.

This was so...

High regard, that she would do something like that.

That she presented this

to such a wooden audience.

This is it?

Cool show. Makes you think.

I liked it.

In general, I still don't get what it was about.

Excuse me, the ladies did the cooking but they never cleaned up.

-I will clean up. -Good.

I'll clean up. I will.

That's an obvious card.

Me again?

Maybe it was me?

Maybe Czarek is coming for me?

Okay, who's the goner?

Listen. Wait. Hang on!

I can't be the first one to go.

Our surveillance doesn't miss anything,

and here is the evidence that a laugh was committed.

Oh, no...

-The kitchen. -Michał, my love, you shouldn't have

looked into the refrigerator.

No!

Michał Wójcik.

No!

I don't know why I was tempted to see what's in the refrigerator.

How Joanna could fit in there and so on?

No idea. I opened the refrigerator,

I saw that everything was exactly like before

and this nonsense seemed to me so funny, that I...

I was closing the door... I thought, "Well, how?" And I smiled.

You are welcome to my control room.

Pity.

Oh, my!

Thank you.

-You did well. -Darn it...

Yes!

I'm not the first one!

That was my only thought.

-Michał? -It's not fair.

Me and my dog will miss you.

Come, Michał.

I was angry at myself. But what can you do?

I'm a bit of a loser, though.

This is my control room. I see everything from here.

Sit down, my friend.

-Calm down. Relax. -So now I can...

You can.

No, not this.

Let's move.

From now on, no laughing.

-I just... -I can see you.

-We can see you too? -Who was that?

-Michał. -In our imagination, Czarek.

At this point

my second life has begun.

Fine, it happened. I lost? Doesn't matter.

The fun is here. This one, that one...

Now I can see how many things can be done.

The clock is ticking.

You get those really dumb ideas.

-Enough. -Did you eat this?

No.

-Did you? -No.

It doesn't seem ripe. It's green.

Really stupid joke. Terrible. The worst. I promise.

Honey, did you just put an ice cube in my briefs?

-What? -Jesus.

Sonia...

Inside briefs...

Did you have to put it in the briefs?

Zussamen briefen?

Mr. Jerzy. That's a ridiculous joke. Extremely stupid.

Great, but it really was...

-Do you know what's in my briefs? -No.

An ice cube.

Oh, well.

Really? But from your briefs... I'll skip this one.

I'm gonna put it into someone's drink.

Very funny joke.

By Ms. Sonia Bohosiewicz.

Good. Go Paweł, go...

See this?

Paweł Chałupka is now preparing for his performance.

I need also...

The beard.

And the other stuff.

Last time on a movie set, I had this... What was it called?

-Wait. -Covid!

No.

Oh, Jesus. At last.

-You heard? -I heard.

A good one.

Nice.

But I feel better now... Thanks.

Did you crack yourself up?

I don't believe it. Jerzy Kryszak...

I wanted one more... Didn't work the second time.

All my gases were gone.

Paweł Chałupka.

Will he surprise us?

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to my magical event, event, event...

It was the wind. Blew out his wizard's hat.

-What will we see today? -First, I want to

congratulate you.

You are the chosen ones!

Destiny chose you

to learn about your future.

I've got to make them laugh.

If it doesn't happen,

if I get nothing... I'll quit stand-up. There will be no point.

My name is...

Fortuneteller Andrzej.

Welcome. This will be the best time of your lives, lives, lives...

Jerzy is almost done. Look.

-If he touches his hair, he's almost done. -Yep.

At the beginning we'll check

what my crystal crutch

will tell about your futures.

Let's see.

This one never works. Let's try this one.

Like a disco.

Amazing.

Now I can see clearly.

I should get rid of the beard.

-Paweł! -Paweł...

-The ball is mistaken. -Bravo.

We won't need it.

Bravo!

I knew that I'll miss. I saw it in the ball.

Adam reacted perfectly.

No problem. Congrats, young man. Bravo.

Not that young, but...

As a reward for you,

we'll see what the cards will tell

about your future.

Cards. Look.

Choose one card.

-Well, mister, you know... -Take it!

Remember it.

Without looking.

-Menu card. -Okay.

Last thing I saw was pea soup.

Is this the card?

Not bad. It could have been beetroot leaf soup

or tripe.

Pea soup is really okay.

The soup of the day will

help you meet the best Polish physicians.

But let's find out, young man, what will happen in your love life.

Cool.

I've got special cards here.

...not the right deck.

Sorry.

This one was for an after-party. The prediction doesn't count. No problem.

I am confident

that your palms will reveal your future.

That's how true love begins.

You don't wash after pissing.

Fine, I don't either.

There's more bad news. Your penis transplant will be rejected.

That was hard.

Small one will have to do.

No, it was...

Extremally hard.

But don't worry.

Oh, no. Excuse me. It's my palm.

You scared me.

Pity. I was counting on the transplant.

-So mine will not be rejected? -Right.

Tough. Anyway, thanks for your time.

If not for this mistaken palm, it would've worked better.

-Fine. -Without the mistake, it would...

-I'll see you in the future. -Thanks!

-Thank you, pal. -Thanks!

That's the worst thing that can happen to a comedian.

You are trying to make someone laugh

and that person doesn't do it.

You feel that you're burning inside.

-It was cool. I liked it. -Great.

I liked it!

It is like botched move on a girl.

You are asking her for a number,

and she goes, "I don't even have a boyfriend, but I'll never talk to you."

That's more or less the same.

-Congrats once more. -Bravo.

-Thank you very much. -Bravo.

-Thanks. It's very hot. -Where?

-Up there? -When you are burning on stage.

We still have time for the best performance.

Oh, no. I can't take it.

Where did you get this coffee? Can we drink it together?

It's not mine. I didn't drink it. I drank water.

Do you want to drink with me?

-I just wanted a sip. -I will, but I drink like a dog.

What do you mean you drink like a dog?

I slurp and use my tongue...

-May I? -Sure.

Bad boy...

Bravo. Right away. Bravo.

It was a blow with a hatchet.

Dear friends, help me.

I need to get where you are.

-Will someone help me move? -Yep.

Perhaps someone strong?

Adam is stunned, look. He is in shock.

-Can we just drag you? -Preserve my dignity.

Hey!

Dignity.

Keep my dignity!

-Oh, no. -Come on.

-God. -How do you keep your dignity?

-Thanks. -How do you move fish with dignity?

-A big fish. -Take care of my hair.

Holy smoke.

-Lord. -Your regular big fish.

Very lightweight, this siren.

My father drove a Polish car called Siren.

The son of a Siren.

Hey, Siren, beautiful armpit hair.

-I need a little help. -Blond hair.

Go on spraying. If he dries off, he's a goner.

Fascinating tidbit. Sirens do not stink like fish.

Who would have thought, right?

It is my first time on the surface.

I hear you are interested in sirens.

So I came to answer your questions.

Jerzy is about to break, I think.

It's just got through to him. An intelligent gag.

But... I have a few requests.

-I hear you like to play with hair. -You've got a problem with hair.

Leave the hair alone.

-It fell off. -You fish...

You fish!

-I'll be damned. -Adam?

Can you help me with my hair like you always do?

Well...

I can see it all and I'm trying not to laugh.

Look, Blowek is on the edge.

Zosia as well.

Wait, how do you put it on? You need to hold it on your forehead.

Now throw it back.

Oh, yeah!

-Adam? -You're crying!

-Yes, you are... -Shut up.

Oh, God.

-You're crying... -Don't come near me.

-You're crying... -No!

I never knew, Adam, that you make such a nice fish.

Adam, seat. Unsatisfactory.

-If only I had such hair... -Tell us about yourself, Siren.

I came here to answer your questions.

-I have a question. -I was first.

Should I take a loan now?

Loan? No. It's not a good time.

Siren, what's your name?

-Me? -What's your name?

Andrzej.

Am I in big trouble or what?

I need someone to brush my hair,

and also attach attachments.

-Adam? -Attach attachments...

Jerzy will not survive. He knows it.

-Perhaps Jerzy would attach. -Jerzy?

-Do you want me to attach the attachment? -Please do attach.

Suddenly I went weak.

He was hitting the belt,

and in a moment he'll hit below the belt.

I saw he was aiming "below the belt."

Why such a long face? Come here.

-No. -Come here, mortal woman.

Come to me.

Come.

-Come to me. -There will be no second chance.

Maciej, what a scumbag. He just wouldn't let go of me.

He wouldn't and...

-Quiet. -Come to me.

-To me. -Don't take it away.

To me!

Zosia is very close.

-She'll break. -Yep.

Exactly.

-Hey, fish, don't go crazy. -Siren?

I have found here...

-I found it. -You found it?

-I've no idea, what it is. -It's bubbles.

-May I? -I got the permission.

-I can puff bubbles on the siren. -And I can puff farts.

-Suddenly it got so nice in here. -Perhaps we'll sing something together.

Great, just something in tune.

Primal sounds, please.

Adam will do the solo.

You summon. Summon toward the water.

-I summon you toward water. -No, sing.

And summon.

What the hell is this all about?

Fine. Fish, I've got a question for you. Can you float out of here?

Thanks... Finally.

I thought it will never end.

-Good. -See this?

Guys, it wasn't a real siren. What a trick!

-No! -It's definitely me.

I thought, "When?

"When did I smile?"

-You? -You did laugh.

-Now we can laugh? -I invite all of you here.

-We've got a serious situation. -No...

It's me.

Me!

-Not me! -Me.

Jerzy!

I was convinced that it was you...

I knew I'd go first!

I know that it's so easy to catch me.

I can't cut it. I smile right away.

-It must have happened. -Come with me.

-Jerzy... -No!

-Jerzy! -I can't believe.

I am a little sad, but I think he did well. Lasted for so long.

-With a gag like that... -So long, fisherman.

It has been an honor, Grandpa.

-The fish cracked you up. -See ya, fellows.

Bye.

Don't take Jerzy away from us. He is so cool.

Who will now finish whittling the stick?

-Bye. -I'll miss you.

-I'll be seeing you. Jerzy, come. -I'm coming!

-Bye. See ya, man. -Time is money.

-You have finished him off. -Bye.

-Let's go Jerzy. -Time is money.

It lifts a weight off my mind. From now on

I won't have to keep a straight face and pretend that I am somewhere else.

I can normally take part in the show

on the other side.

I will be complete and legitimate participant,

taking advantage of everything that's happening there.

I want to tell you Jerzy, that for me it was a real pleasure,

when I saw you entering the studio.

I was happy too.

Attention!

Green button and no more laughing.

Okay.

Now here are three of us.

-Three friends from a football field. -And look at the bench.

-One hell of a bench. -Listen.

But let's sum up what happened here...

-Sorry. -Oh no!

Look, just one hour ago, he sat there... Doing what?

Sat there whittling his stick.

Just a moment ago he was whittling his stick.

-Suddenly I feel so sad. -Me too.

-He didn't finish up his cookie. -Perhaps he took the stick.

Even the stick is gone.

Darn, he took everything.

-He took the pocket knife. -All we have left are the memories.

-And shavings. -Excuse me.

Yes.

Shavings are all we have left

Why did you take Jerzy away Czarek, we beg

Give us Jerzy back

That's all I came up with for now, but perhaps I'll record it someday.

I have a real bomb for them.

It's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Sebastian Stankiewicz.

No. Really, no.

I am..., right? Done, finished.

I will not survive.

I'm just gonna have fun.

He doesn't have to do anything.

-I don't believe. -No.

Oh, no. Someone must break.

Do not laugh. Just don't.

Mummy.

Zosia is gone.

Where the hell he's got another flap

to really surprise me?

...what?

I consider him a real... A true artist.

Shoot. This is rough.

He is amazing.

The sponsor of this show, Gary Drumroll Company.

Drums, cymbals, quick exchange of drumsticks.

Sabęcin, Pyla Street 2.

You better stick with us.

We loved it.

Well? Feeling dumb? One can come up with a gag?

-One can. -One can.

I was only counting that he wouldn't go all the way and unclothe completely. Phew.

And he could do this. Believe me, he could easily get there.

I found it very funny. This is my sense of humor.

-Not sure if I should be proud, though. -I wanna show you a trick,

-Don't... -No.

Soap bubbles. I really drank the stuff.

Jesus.

You are crazy, man.

Fricking lifehack.

Yeah...

Well...

Piotr, listen. I understand everything,

-but I'm afraid... -That something will happen to you.

The bubbles just went out of his butt?

Out of his butt.

We are crossing all borders, so...

Congratulations.

It's incredible how motivated he is, right?

I think you would like this.

Show me.

Okay, who wants to play in fruits?

-What kind of game is it? -I want to play any game.

-Good. -Jeez.

I sat on something wet.

-She is doing it to everybody. -We can play in citrus fruits and...

-She mustn't do it. -Okay.

If you want to play this way, I'll tickle you with broccoli.

-Simple joke, yet funny. -Did you leave me a poop?

-Who wants to play in lemons? -What... They're playing with fruits.

-Do you want to play? -Yes. Can I join?

-That's great. -Watch out.

Seven, fifteen, twenty-four, thirty. I had this one.

I scored a point.

-Your turn. -What now?

-You throw. -And now...

-Doesn't matter to whom? -You make lemonade.

-No. You lose. -Why?

One jumped out.

-The score is 7:0. -No. I have one point now.

-But what it's about? -You'll get it soon.

-I don't get it at all. -You throw lemons.

-Lemons or all citrus fruits? -I'll explain. The orange counts.

-Well, sorry... -What is this game about?

Five, three, twelve. I score.

-I've got two points now. -Somehow Maciej always wins.

It was nonsensical. I don't like games in which rules are made for one player.

But this game... This was a pure nonsense.

-Now toward you. -Fascinating is this game in lemons.

-In citrus fruits. -This is...

-We won't get anywhere with this. I see... -On a citrus fruits market often...

Adam, I can see you want to join us.

Forget it.

This is one of my best jokes.

This is one of your best jokes?

Well, man, top notch I'll tell you.

Maciej, he's right.

Karol is... On his last legs.

About to break. He even seems swollen.

My grandpa, when he farted,

always blamed the dog.

He used to say, "It was Aza!" Then Aza died, but he still blamed her.

We had cats. It's more difficult to blame a cat for farting.

-What? -Difficult to blame a cat for farting.

-Blowek! -Final round.

-Sit down. -Do you have a rabbit?

Jeez, another magic trick.

I'd like to introduce, or perhaps show you,

my little cuties.

And talk about people's reactions to them.

I understand fear. My grandma, before we went to bed,

used to tell us this old ditty,

"Don't touch your winkle when you sleep Devil will steal it from you and eat."

You didn't have that...

It was a first-grader's joke, and this made it so funny.

Fine, but how can you be afraid of something so sweet,

innocent and small like these rodents.

Perhaps my perception a little biased,

for they are part of my life ever since I remember.

I don't care if they are small, large, grey, white or black.

I love them all and I'll tell you more,

touching them, stroking,

generally playing with them,

gives me an intense physical pleasure.

So here you go, please meet my mice.

But...

Pure nonsense.

What was that about? No idea.

-How do you like them? -They are so...

-Are they vaccinated? -Yes. And they don't bite.

Ow!

May I spin the wheel?

-You may even touch one. -You've got a lot. May I buy one?

-They are sweet. -They breed so fast.

-This one I like best. -Do you have any with no tail?

-This one. -For example...

-Okay, leave it. -Hey, it bit me.

Fine, leave it, you have no respect for animals.

Good.

Well, he might be the dark horse of this show.

-It bit me, I'm sorry, but I panicked. -I thought you'd understand me.

My passion, my performance.

It's great.

Thanks.

Bravo.

Excuse me.

-They squeak. -Jeez, so loud.

They are scared. It's a whole new setting for them.

He should be changing the sawdust more often. Plenty of shit in there.

-What? -We must make an alliance.

-I'll put down 160 PLN. -All right.

And you find people who will laugh for money.

-This way, we'll make it to the finals. -They wouldn't laugh for 160.

-Who? -Jesus!