All language subtitles for Bria.Mack.Gets.a.Life.S01E03.Bria.Mack.Gets.Laid.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

(Bria moaning)

- Oh, my God, Trevor.

Yeah!

(moaning)

Oh, my God! Yeah!
(Marie): Woo!

(Bria and Marie both
continue moaning)

(Marie): Yes! Woo!

Hot Roddy!

(phone clicks on)

- Fuck it.

- Ew! You're looking
for dick now?

You and your mom just
came at the same time! Ew!

- Okay, well, I just forgot
until you mentioned it,
thank you.

- You're welcome!
- God, it's just reliable dick.

What's the problem?
- No, no!

The problem is that Omar
is a huge fuck boy

and we said no to fuck boys!

- Okay, we said no
to dating fuck boys,

but I just wanna fuck
a fuck boy!

(grunting)

No! No!

(whistle toots)
- Shit!

- No! No!

(hammer clangs)

- Okay, but he's not
that bad, you know?

Plus, he has amazing forearms

and you know I'm a sucker
for a good forearm.

- Ugh! Girl, may I remind you

what he said the last time
we hung out?

(Black Attack):
So, what's good?

Oh yeah, um, you got cash
on you for the pizza?

The sex is on me.

Mmm.
(sucks lips)

(Bria): Okay, okay,
you're not wrong,

you're not wrong, but girl,

meeting new people is just
so much work, you know?

Look, I just wanna
have easy sex, okay?

I want my legs beside my ears
and I want a gold chain

dangling in front of my face,
and I want it now!

- Look, I'm all for you gettin'
flipped and folded

like a flapjack,
but you don't need Omar Green's
community dick!

Come on!
You're a grown woman now,

you got your grown woman shit,
got a new job,

you got new money,
and you need new dick.

Period.
- Okay, you know, true, true.

- Look, all I'm saying
is that there's good dick
out there and you can get it.

You just need to step
your pussy up. All right?

(chains clinking)

(grunts)

(clanking)

So, until then,
you're wearing this.

(panting)

- What the fuck?

(breathing heavily)

Is this really necessary?

- Bri, you know it is.

Welcometh everyone.
(crowd cheering)

I'm thy host,
Black Attack and this is...

(all): Pitch Ye Dick!

- The game is simple.

Our melanated maiden, Bria,

here, doth search-eth
for a knight to rest his sword
in her flesh sheath.

Sorry, I may have overcommitted
to the theme. Okay.

We're looking for a knight
with the right key

to unlock that belt.

Thou must be well groomed, respectable.

And a feminist.

(cheering)
Shall we?

Contestant #1.

(all): Pitch Ye Dick!

- Oh, ah, ah, ah, no, no, let's
give the people what they want.

(crowd): Yeah, we want the dick!
(Black Attack): Lower.

- Show us the dick!
Give us the dick.

- Lower.
(cheering)

- Closer.

Closer.

Yep, oh, ah, that's it.

All right, Contestant #1...
(clears throat)

He says, oh, his dick
doesn't see no colour.

In fact, it's been known
to conquer many a wenches

of the sun-drenched complexion.

(crowd): No, no, no!

- Sorry, there'll be no room

for problematic peen
in this queendom.

- Next!
(buzzer honks)

Contestant #2!

(crowd exclaiming)

Ooh, it's all about
the girth with him.

He says he has more in common

with his horse
than ye might think!

(man): Neigh!

(woman): Doth he want her dead?

That's simply too much!
(Bria panting)

- Ah, and thy lords know
that sometimes

an extra large jousting stick
can be quite useless in combat.

If thy know what I mean.

Next!
(buzzer honks)

All right, our Contestant #3.

(crowd cheers)

He says while his dick
is more than adequate,

he's also
an accomplished composer.

(chuckling)
Okay.

And he believes that all women

are destined for more than just
wifery and childbearing.

And... says he has
the fairest forearms
in all the land.

- Tell me more, forearms!

- I'd rather show you.

(crowd exclaiming)

(retching)

- All right, all right,
all right. Enough.

Now, maiden--
- Easy pick for me!

Contestant #3!

(crowd cheers)
- Jesus Christ, Bria.

- Omar?!
- What's up, Bria.

Mmmm.
(buzzer honks)

- Nay, nay, that was
a test and ye failed.

- Why doth thou protest?
What if it's meant to be?

Look at him!
- No! No dick for thee.

And that chastity belt
is staying put.

(belt clangs)
(Black Attack): Like Fort Knox.

- Hot Roddy, don't forget,
we still have to fix that sink.

Open house is next week.

- Don't worry, chérie Marie,
amour, I got you, eh?

You look so beautiful
this morning.

- Why thank you.
- Can I get a kiss?

(Bria clears throat)
- Next think you know it's...

- Good morning, Bria!
- Look who finally wake.

(Rodrigo): Yes.
- Late start now, Bria.

- Yes, Mother. My plan was
to be up bright and early,

but there was a terrible racket
at 1:30 a.m.

that pierced my slumber
like daggers in my ears.

(tense music)

(Rodrigo slurps coffee)
- Hmm.

Uh, Bria.
(chuckling)

S-s-so...
- Mm-hmm?

- About last night.
- Mm-hmm.

- We didn't think you were up.

- Well, I was up, Rodrigo.
- Mm-hmm.

- 'Cause I live here.
- Yeah.

- And I have ears.
- Yeah.

- And until you two ship off
to Florida,

I'm still a member
of this household,

who's a light sleeper.

- Hmm.
- With ears.

- Okay, yes,
you have clean ears.

Okay, we will, we will
keep that in mind.

- Great!
(Rodrigo): Yeah.

- Did you shave your moustache?

- Yes, I did! Yes!
- Why?

(Marie): Um...
(stuttering, mumbling)

It no really,
it no really suit you.

Put it back on.
- It makes me look younger.

Hello, handsome fellow.

Yeah, I totally look younger.

(coffee splatters)
- Shit.

(indistinct chatter)

(phone chiming)

(tense music)

(Black Attack pops in)

- Who in the Black
excellence are they?

- Girl, I have no idea,
but I'm gonna find out.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Okay, let's get to business.

First of all, I am happy to say

that my world famous
jerk chicken is back!

Yes!
(hands clapping, laughing)

Okay, well,
don't all rush at once.

It's okay. It's all good.
It's all good.

Just means there's gonna be
lots left for me

and our newest member,
Bria McFarlane. Welcome, Bria!

(chuckles nervously)
- Hi.

(whooping)
(clapping)

(Allan): Okay, Bria, let me
give you the lay of the land.

In the past, Smith & Tanner's
approach to various movements

of the time was to start
a dedicated committee.

Well, it started with
equal pay back in the '80s.

- Yeah.

- And then, there was
the climate change committee.

And then the LGBTQIA2S+
committee.

(clapping)
Yes, yes.

Well, just too many committees.
Too many groups.

So, when I was hired as the new
Chief Marketing Officer,

I proposed that we pool
our efforts and come together

as one big group known
as the change committee!

(imitates sound of trumpet)

(clapping)
(chuckling)

(Allan): Which brings us
to today.

Where, as a response
to the racial reckoning

and the new debit card
rollout fiasco.

- Which I still don't
understand, I'm sorry.

We have always had
a white debit card.

- Yeah.
Not the point, Frank.

As I was saying,
I wanna open up the floor

to hear what we can do to appeal
to our Black clientele

and how we can better
support our staff.

Any ideas?

(silence)

(tense music)

- So, hold up, you're supposed
to be giving ideas

on behalf of all Black people?

Bitch, you are not Barack.

- Right?
- Yeah.

- Damn.

You know, I think we just need
more perspectives involved.

- She's right.
She's right.

This shouldn't be all on you.
- Yeah.

- Okay, think Frank, think.

Uh, bingo bango,
let's have a cookout.

Hot dogs, hamburgers.
A three-legged race.

- Frank, I uh, yeah,
I think she meant

more perspectives
from the Black community.

- Oh. Well, we could check
with Black Twitter.

I don't have his handle.

- Uh, sorry I'm late, everyone,

I forgot we moved these meetings
to the accounting floor.

(Allan clears throat)

(tense music)

(Black Attack): Two women
of colour spot each other

in the white people wilderness
for the first time.

Will they join forces
bonding over melanin
and micro aggressions,

or is there only room
for one diversity hire

in the corporate hallows
of Smith & Tanner?

(Frank): Happy Diwali, Ami.

- I'm not Hindu, Frank.

- Well, I'm gonna make
a note of that.

Oh.

Ooh.

(tense music)

(alert chimes)

(Bria): Perfect timing.

I wonder if that's where
those people work?

- Yo, yo, yo, somebody
order a monitor?

- Only way to be the true
data entry maverick I am.

(chuckles)
- You are funny.

- Hmm.
- Can I jump on that real quick?

- Yeah, yeah.
Have at it.

- Uh, you have
a power bar, great.

- Yeah.
- So, I'm gonna need to get

under the desk to get this
all set up.

- Yeah. Mm-hmm.

(grunts)
- Down we go. Okay.

- Trevor, it's 2023,

you can't just keep flaunting
the goods like this in front
of women anymore.

(Trevor chuckles)
- You know, if feminism

has taught me anything, Bria.
- Mm-hmm.

- It's that this moment
right here has nothing to do

with how I'm flaunting my ass,
and everything to do

with how you're looking at it.
And I think you like
what you see.

Can you grab
that cable here, please?

- Yeah! Yeah. I mean,
one could interpret it that way.

(chuckling)

(Dawn): Bonjour, Bria!

- Oh, hi, Dawn.
- How's it going?

- You scared me there.
Yeah, no, everything's good.

I'm just getting set up
with some state-of-the-art
hardware here.

- Oh, these computers are
hardly state of the art, dear.

- Yeah, no, I-I was
just making a joke.

Um.
(chuckling)

Once Trevor's done with this
Costanza nap here,

I'm gonna get back to work.

I was joking
by the way about...

- Right, funny. Yes.

I just wanted
to check in on the...

the end of quarter report
I asked you to work on?

- Yeah, isn't that due
next Friday?

- Yes, it is,
but you know how it is,

I always like a little, uh,

what's the name
in English, uh...

En tout cas, ces jeunes-là,

ça se plaint
des conditions de travail,

mais ça travaille pas.
Efficacy.

(hubbub)
(sighing)

- Thank you for gathering.

It is with deep regret that
after an extensive 10-day,

nationwide search,
my client is unable to find

a single fuck to give
about the assigned work at hand

or arbitrary company policy.

That's the only update
we have on this matter.

There'll be no further
questions at this time.

(reporter): Hey Bria,
do you have any advice

for other Black females
with no fucks to give?

- I got it.
- You got it?

- I got it. Yeah.

- Yep.
- Yeah.

Just don't wear it
on your fucking face.

(crowd exclaims)

(Dawn): Bria, everything okay?
- Yeah, no.

Yeah, everything's oui, good.

- Good. Bon.

Bien, fait que...
I leave you.

Get back to it.
- Okay.

- Remember, vendredi!

- Vendredi!

(chuckling)
Okay.

(Trevor): And voila!

You got a monitor.
- Wow! Thanks, I appreciate it.

- Yeah, don't sweat it.

Sounds like you have a lot
on your plate already

with miss "due next Friday,
but I like efficiency"!

(laughing)
- Okay.

- I told you,
if there's a reason for Dawn

to be on your ass,
she's gonna find it.

Ooh, joining the cool kids
in marketing, are we?

Looking to move up
to the 16th floor?

- Yeah, you know,
I-I just may apply for it.

- Well, they are
pretty exclusive,

so it'll be hard
to get in there.

Plus STI's paying out the ass
for them as well.

- STI...

- You don't, the... Smith
Tanner Investments, STI.

- Okay, marketing geniuses.

- Right?
(chuckles)

Anyway, computer
malfunctions await.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- Welcome to the office.

And uh, enjoy that monitor.

- Thanks. I will.

(cart rattles)

(knocks on door)
- Mm, Bria, right?

- Ami, right?
- Oh my gosh, hi! Take a seat.

- Yeah.
- Good to see you.

- Thank you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- So, you are the Bria that got

the accounting
department on Slack, huh?

How is Cheryl taking it?
- Not well. Not well.

But everyone else loves it.
- Mm-hmm.

- You know, I actually came by
to talk to you

about that marketing coordinator
position you sent out earlier.

- Oh yeah.
- You know, I just feel like

it's more my speed.
- Mm-hmm.

- But I feel like
because I haven't really

been here that long, it might be
too early to jump ship.

- Well, you're not
wrong about that.

I mean, internal transfers
usually take a year

to be approved, but I'm guessing
you have no real desire

to remain in the accounting
department.

- Basically, I mean, maybe
there's a way I can like,

circumvent the red tape.
- Well, bold of you for only

being here for three weeks
and already wanting to bend
the rules.

But lucky for you,
that team is desperate.

They just brought in this team
run by this woman, Sharon.

She's so badass.

But there is a lot of drama
with the rebrand though,

so there's gonna be a lot
of eyes on that department.

Do you think you can handle it?
- Oh, yeah!

No, it's fine.
I'm not worried at all.

I just wanna make sure
that I have a chance.

- Wow! Watch out! Confidence.

(laughing)
Not mad at it.

Okay, so it's Allan's baby,

so impress him,
then you have a real chance.

- Okay. Okay, so impress Allan.

Copy that.
- Yeah.

- Copy that.

So, that's Allan's
jerk chicken, huh?

- Okay, honestly,
you just need to try it.

- Okay.

Girl, it's seasoned!
- I know, right!

- Damn!
- His husband's Jamaican.

- Hmm, that makes sense.

- Yeah, it does make sense.

It's tasty, though.
- It-it is.

- Yeah.
- Damn.

(Bria's phone chimes)

(spaghetti squelches)

(mouse clicks)
- Trevor, you're gonna have

to give me permission
to check you out or I will
call HR myself.

- Um, permission granted
indefinitely.

- Ooh!
- How's the monitor?

I save the good ones for cute
girls only, you know.

(clicks tongue)
- Um, yeah, I-I just wanted

to say thank you
for the insider info earlier.

Um... and I was wondering

if maybe you'd wanna
hang out tonight?

- Yes. Yeah, did you wanna
grab something to eat?

- Oh, I didn't mean like a date.

I meant like...
like hang out, like...

- Oh!
- You know.

- You're trying to get some.
- Shut up.

- Okay.
- We're adults, right?

- Yeah.
- There's no need

for pussyfooting around.
- Agreed, yeah.

No, I'm definitely
down for that.

Not the pussyfooting,
the other thing.

- Got it.
- Although...

Nope, that was a joke.
- Okay.

- Bad joke. Did you wanna do
your place or mine?

- Good question.
Good question.

Um, you know what?
Let me get back to you on that.

- Cool.
- 'K.

I will catch you later.
- Sounds good.

- Bye.
- I'll see ya around.

- 'K.
(both screaming)

- He's so cute.
- I know! He's so cute!

- He's so fly.
- So, his place or mine?

- Yo, your place.
Always fuck on home turf.

- Okay, but I haven't
cleaned my room yet.

- Right. But if you go to his,
he could murder you.

- Okay, highly unlikely.

- Ah, ah, ah, yo, remember
that girl who ended up

in the hospital 'cause her date
fed her Bolognese

with traces of his
ex-girlfriend's remains in it?

(both): And she had
to testify in court! Right!

- Fuck, okay,
I forgot about that.

Uh, okay, I'll tell him
to come to mine.

That way I can kick him out
when it's done.

- Boom!
Yo, home court advantage.

What! We gettin' laid!

Yo girl, what's wrong?

Is it the pink dick thing?
Come on, you'll be fine.

Look, there is a rainbow
of earthly delights out there

that I think we are
meant to explore.

- No, that's not it.
It's just that...

Yo, we work together, you know,
that's kind of awkward, no?

- No! Coworkers hook up
all the time

and it's not like
he's your boss.

- Okay, sure, but like,
what if he tells people?

- Oh, he better not.
- And now that you mention it,

I actually haven't had sex
with a white guy before.

- Ooh.
- You know, okay, fuck it.

I'm overthinking it.
Let's just do it.

- Let's do it!
- Let's do it!

(exclaiming)
- You gettin' some.

- I'm gettin' some...
- You getting' some.

- Pink... dick.
(both): Ha!

Pink... dick... pink...

- Hey!
- Dick!

(Bria): Hello, Mother.

- Oh, yes, Bria,
we need to talk.

- Yes, yes. I actually wanted
to talk to you, too.

Um, can we come to some sort
of understanding

about what we should do
if either of us are home
while the other person is home,

in the way that you were home
with Rodrigo last night?

I mean, some people
put scarves on doors.

- No, no, no, no, Bria.
Mi a big woman,

me nah put no scarf on no door
for me to make you know a say
ah dooks me ah have sex.

Mi is a big woman, I'm not one
of your likkle friend dem.

However, how about we play a
likkle music like Queen Bey Bey?

- Not what we call her.
But you know what, if you wanna
play music, I'll take it.

FYI, I will be home tonight.

- Oh! Oh.

So, who is the guy
or the girl or the somebody?

- It's a guy, mother.
- Oh. Oh!

O-okay. You know,
feel free to explore

'cause sexual exploration
is healthy for the body.

And before I met Hot Roddy...

- Okay, please don't call him
that to me, Mom.

- Okay. Listen...

When I was with your father,

nothing exciting happened
to my vagina

except giving birth to you.

And although I love you
like cooked food.

I love you like stew peas.
Your head was so big,

it felt like I was
shooting out a cannon.

And guess what? You ripped me,

I swear you did,
from yahso to dehso.

- It's all good now, though.

Yeah, looks like, very good.

Very good, yeah.

(leaves rustle)

(Marie): Oh, Roddy.
(chuckles)

Oh Bria, you're really
going to have company
with your room stay suh?

(Trevor and Bria panting)

(laughing)

- Wow.
(chuckling)

- Well, this seems
like it could be a pretty
promising arrangement.

- Yeah.
- Is it cool if we keep it

on the low, though 'cause people
do not need to know at work.

- Of course, yeah.
Sure thing.

- You know, speaking of work,
I submitted my application

for the transfer and
I feel pretty good about it.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

(sighs)

- Don't get
your hopes up, though.

I've been there for like,
four years

and still never
gotten a transfer.

- I mean, have you ever
even applied to one?

Or are you just saying that
because your white privilege

hasn't automatically gotten you
one for your years of service?

- Yeah, but I mean...
(sighing)

You and that marketing
department,

you sure you'd fit in?

(rap music playing)

- Wait, what do you mean by fit?

- I don't know,
they're kinda standoffish.

All they care about are their
retro Jordans and Ivy Park,

and all that dumb
capitalist shit.

Whereas you,
I know we just met,

but I feel like
you're different.

Not so uppity.
A lot more approachable.

Anyways, I think
you're gonna get it.

(sighing)

(ominous music)

- Bria!

(gasps)

(Trevor): Um, have you seen
my shirt?

- What in the Jordan Peele?
- Ah, found it.

Come on, Bria, I didn't
mean it like that.

I was just being honest.
(door slams)

Oh, come on, Bria!

Bria, come on!
Hey, I'm sorry!

I didn't mean it like that.

(upbeat Latin music plays)

(Rodrigo and Marie giggling)

- I thought you might
wanna talk about what
happened with Trevor.

Unpack a bit, you know?

Because based on my analysis...
(Marie whooping)

...it-it's looking like his
caucasity is incurable.

And, you know,
maybe just knowing

what the word feminism is might
not be the great bench marker

we once thought it was.

- Yep, that's how
Omar got me too.

- Exactly. A-and there were
a couple of what I like to call

red fuck boy flags
that we ignored with Trevor.

(Marie whooping)
You don't recall?

That's okay. But I think
it has something to do

with this forearm
fetish of yours.

Have you considered
what that's all about?

(Marie): Ready
for round two, Roddy?

(Rodrigo): Oh, ready,
Mami baby.

(Marie whooping)

(Rodrigo grunting)

- Please, girl, she's faking.

(upbeat music)