All language subtitles for Bloods.S01E05.Siren.Song.1080p.NOW.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,320 The following programme contains strong language and adult humour. 2 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:13,600 SINGING: # You can stand under my umbrella 3 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,560 ♪ You can stand under my umbrella 4 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,560 ♪ Ella, ella, eh- ♪ 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,040 Hey, look! You're ruining Rihanna for me. 6 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,960 You've taken a song about sexy umbrellas 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,280 and deaded it with your whining vocals. 8 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:28,080 Choirmaster Greg says I've got a very soothing voice. 9 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,520 No-one cares about your cry-for-help dred choir. 10 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,880 My choir is not dred. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,000 Unless dred means amazing fun. 12 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,400 You should join! Nah, I'll give it a miss, thanks. 13 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,480 It's OK if you're not a good singer - it's more of a social club. 14 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:43,800 It's funny actually, Mythili from the choir 15 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,680 says we should be called a wine club who sometimes sing! 16 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,160 (FAKE LAUGHS) I don't care. 17 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:52,360 I don't care. Anyway. I can sing. 18 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:56,160 I was lead in every school play. What happened? 19 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,320 Things a big man don't talk about. 20 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:01,920 All I know is, I swore on my Mum's life I'd never sing again. 21 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,240 What, not even Happy Birthday? 22 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:06,960 Nope. I just say that. 23 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,520 SPEAKING: Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, 24 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,120 happy birthday you little idiot, 25 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:13,680 happy birthday to you. 26 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:29,320 ♪ Yeah, yeah! 27 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,720 ♪ Yeah, yeah 28 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,120 ♪ Yeah ♪ 29 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,480 Let's try and get this boot off. 30 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,240 Can you sign this, quickly? 31 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,800 'I swear on my life and reputation, 32 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,800 Kareshma will not let you down'? 33 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,480 This has my name on it. Fine! 34 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,120 I need a letter of recommendation from you 35 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,680 for the management training course. 36 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,720 I can't recommend you for management training. 37 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,080 You've only been in the job eight weeks. 38 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,960 Right, off we pop! 39 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,800 Ooh! 40 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,280 Looks like one little piggie's gone to market. 41 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,680 Oh! You found it! Well done you. 42 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,080 SINGING: # Amazing grace 43 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,880 ♪ How sweet the sound. ♪ 44 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,520 Come on, join in! Never gonna happen. 45 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,240 Me and my Spencer used to sing together. Girls Aloud. 46 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:25,840 Maybe you could be like that. 47 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:28,120 Don't compare me to your messed up son. 48 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,960 I get it - you're sad, cos he never calls you often, 49 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,520 but I ain't tappin' in for that brother. 50 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,160 Please. Just one song? No! 51 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:39,000 Look, the only time I'll ever sing again will be at my wife's funeral. 52 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,640 Yeah, the priest'll be like, 53 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:43,320 POSH ACCENT: 'Rihanna's husband wanted to say a few words.' 54 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,640 And I'll get up, grab the mic and sing Boyz 2 Men, End of the Road. 55 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:48,920 You get me? I don't know that, how does it go? 56 00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,040 Nice try. SINGING: # Amazing grace ♪ 57 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,120 Fuck's sake. 58 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,080 ♪ How sweet the sound ♪ 59 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:02,440 BOTH: # That saved a wretch like me ♪ 60 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,680 Hey! Hey! Yeah. We're gonna shut that shit down 61 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:08,480 before I switch. You should join my choir. 62 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,400 We prefer karaoke. We do Lucky Voice twice a week. 63 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,400 Ooh, I like karaoke. 64 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,760 It's a private booth. 65 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:24,040 OK, Majors are freeing up space for your guy. The other two can wait. 66 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:28,280 Nurse! Need to get rid of this one - yesterday! 67 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,480 Seen faster handovers at Argos. 68 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,160 Wow. Feisty and fit, huh? 69 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:36,880 Hey, if you can shit Mars Bars you might just be my dream lass. 70 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,000 Piss off, mate. Sorry, was only flirting with you. 71 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:44,200 Oh. Right. Cheers, didn't realise. 72 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,720 I don't get flirted with often, but er... 73 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,520 You've got nice legs. What time do they open? 74 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,920 (LAUGHS) 75 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:51,520 Jo. Carl. 76 00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,720 Shiny boots, Carl. Ex-army? 77 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,480 Aye, yeah. Armoured corps. Nice. Remind me, was it 2010? 78 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,840 -What? -When they started letting pussies in? 79 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,120 Must have been if you got in. (LAUGHS) 80 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:04,440 You've got good banter, Jo. Oh. Thanks, yes. 81 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,400 Don't suppose I could get -your number? -Yeah, yeah. 82 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,400 Just in case I need a paramedic. 83 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,680 I do tend to suffer from swelling in some areas. 84 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,040 Yeah, yeah. It's 07845 2- 85 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,680 Swelling. I get it. 86 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,040 Your cock? -Yeah, I was on about my cock. -Funny. 87 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,200 (PHONE RINGS) Yo Dad, what's up? 88 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,320 I need you to fix the wifi immediately. 89 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,080 I can't, I'm working. You can pop by. 90 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,920 No, I literally can't. I've got sick people to deal with. 91 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:34,120 Emergencies. A father is an emergency. 92 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,320 Fine, I'll pop by tonight. (PHONE BEEPS) 93 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,600 Is that why you don't sing? 94 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,760 Did your Dad forbid it? 95 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,240 When all you wanted to do was express yourself? 96 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,160 Yo, I'm not Billy Elliot. 97 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,840 GARY: I can't give a reference for something I don't believe in. 98 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:54,640 I don't see what your rush is anyway. 99 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:59,600 If I'm rushing it's because I've waited long enough already. 100 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,440 I should be a doctor by now, but... 101 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:07,000 Glandular fever got in my way. It ruined my A-levels... 102 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,400 ..stole my destiny. 103 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,400 I tell you what. I'll write your letter. 104 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,160 Yes! Knew you'd cave. Pathetic. 105 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,760 In twelve months, if you can prove to me you're ready then. 106 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,400 RADIO: '451, I've got one for you.' 107 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,040 Chest pains. Male, 60s. (PAD BEEPING) 108 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,800 It's your Dad's address! 109 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,920 (SIREN WAILS) 110 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,840 Yes, I'll pick up the ribs. 111 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:34,840 Who's coming? 112 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,200 No, she didn't tell me. 113 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,040 OK, later potat-er. 114 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,080 That was Trish. She said you're coming to our barbecue this evening? 115 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:51,440 (SNIGGERS) How does Trish know who you are? 116 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:53,200 I called her! 117 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,920 I took her number from your phone. 118 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:58,960 Oh, OK. Why? 119 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,360 I just know we're gonna be friends. 120 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,960 Sir, can you describe these chest pains? 121 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,160 Humungous, but gone now. 122 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,520 Whilst you're here, son, I need you to fix the wifi. 123 00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,360 Look what I've got. Virtual reality. 124 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,440 I need the wifi so I can watch a film. 125 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,960 Ooh, anything good? 126 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,320 It's a romantic film about two women. 127 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,040 Maleek, your friend asks too many questions. 128 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,960 Dad, let her work. Wendy, stop asking big people questions. 129 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:29,720 (BEADS RATTLE) 130 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:33,600 So, Maleek was telling me earlier about why he stopped singing. 131 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,040 Oh, the Aladdin thing? Oh Lord, it was funny! (LAUGHS) 132 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,320 He was meant to be a genie. Hmm? 133 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,560 Painted all blue, like a fat smurf. 134 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,960 OK, OK. It was a school play, I played a genie, 135 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,440 it went wrong, done! 136 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,440 He came out on a magic carpet on wires. 137 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,480 Over the audience, and then... (LAUGHS) 138 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,320 ..He got stuck up there. That sounds terrifying! 139 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,440 No, you are not listening. It was very funnybecausehe was scared. 140 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,640 And he was blue and fat, you see? 141 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,800 Had to wait up there until the fire brigade came. 142 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,520 Every flippin' kid in South London showed up. 143 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,240 Even the mandem pulled up with laser pens, shining it on me, 144 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:12,920 trying to get me to fall down. I filmed it. Look. (LAUGHS) 145 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,880 -MALEEK ON VIDEO: Dad, help! -This is the bit where he nearly falls. 146 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,800 Alright, do you known what, we're done. So... 147 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,560 Goodbye. I shll watch my romantic film now. 148 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,440 (EXCITEDLY) Mmm! (GIGGLES) 149 00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:24,440 (SIREN WAILS) 150 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:28,480 RADIO: '451 Papa Kilo, got a mental health. 151 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,920 Elderly woman lost by the canal.' 152 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:35,720 Ey up, duck, everything okey dokey? 153 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,160 She seems really confused. 154 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,000 No, she's just from up north. They all... 155 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,200 Oh, you meant her. Sorry. 156 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,880 What's your name, my love? Joan. 157 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,800 Where do you live? STAMMERING: I don't know. 158 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,160 WITH FALSE CHEER: That's OK! 159 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,680 Why don't we go and sit over here and see if we can figure this out. 160 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,680 OK? I don't think it's a very comfortable bench, 161 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,600 but it'll do for now. 162 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,280 Are you my son? 163 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:04,360 Me? Just... 164 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,720 No. No. 165 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,440 Sorry Lawrence. I got this bloke texting me. 166 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:17,480 It's a bit embarrassing. It's this nurse that hit on me this morning. 167 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:22,360 Keeps flirting with me. I'm like, 'bit keen mate.' 168 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:27,520 What's he like? Nurse. Fit. 169 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,240 Mm. Mm. 170 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,800 So, are you into him? UNDECIDED: Mmm. 171 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,440 Didn't think you were -on the lookout. -No, I'm not but... 172 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,520 Why not go for it? You know? 173 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,360 I can't wait around for Mr Right forever. 174 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,960 So, I might as well have fun with Mr Fit. 175 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,040 -Go for it! -Mm. What's stopping you? 176 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:48,920 What is stopping me? Mmm. 177 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,160 What is stopping you? 178 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,880 What is stopping me. 179 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:56,680 What is stopping you? 180 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,200 RADIO: '421 Zulu Mike, we got a Cat 1 seizure.' 181 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,800 Yeah, on my way. (RADIO BEEPS) 182 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,240 I got to go. What is stopping me? Oh. 183 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:17,640 Must be horrible not being able to remember where you live. 184 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,160 Easy for you though. 185 00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,160 What? Your house sounds horrible. 186 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,080 Oh, I've got used to living above the arcade now. 187 00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:26,920 My life's on the up! I've got my choir... 188 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:28,320 Alright, you're waffling now. 189 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,360 Hang on a minute, that might help her. 190 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:33,440 You're not kidnapping an old lady and putting her in your choir. 191 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,880 No. I read about it. Singing can help dementia patients 192 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,320 access their past. (KISSES TEETH) 193 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,280 Joan... 194 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,440 Do you like old songs? 195 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,440 I bet you do, don't you? 196 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,240 What about this one? 197 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,840 SINGING: # Sally, Sally 198 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,040 ♪ Don't ever wander... ♪ 199 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,080 Can you remember where you live, Joan? 200 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,520 Who the hell are you? (HE SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER) 201 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,960 Oh well, it was worth a go. 202 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,200 I'll go and get us a cuppa while we wait. 203 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:04,600 Yeah, you do that. 204 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:06,520 I'm just nipping off, Joan! 205 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,360 I'm going to leave you with your son. Alright? 206 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,440 Sorry about that, Joan. As if you'd like that bullshit. 207 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,960 D'you know what? My gran used to like one song. Um... 208 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,480 (KISSES TEETH) Nah... 209 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,840 (UNCLEAR) 210 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:30,760 SINGING: # Oh, she may be weary 211 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,920 ♪ Young girls they do get weary 212 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:40,720 ♪ Wearing that same old shaggy dress, yeah. ♪ 213 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,880 CHUCKLING: Oh, you like a little bit of Otis, yeah? 214 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,640 Yeah! 215 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:48,080 ♪ But when she gets weary 216 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:53,120 ♪ Try a little tenderness # (JOAN STARTS SINGING ALONG) 217 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:57,240 Yes! Joan bustin' a lickle two step! (CHUCKLES) 218 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,360 I like that one! (LAUGHS) Yeah! 219 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,760 ♪ You know she's waiting ♪ 220 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,160 BOTH: # Just anticipating 221 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:12,960 ♪ For things that she'll never, never, never, never, never, possess 222 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,200 ♪ Yeeeaaah... ♪ 223 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,960 Oh! (CLEARS THROAT) No, don't stop! It's working! 224 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,920 -Is it? -Yeah! (JOAN LAUGHS) 225 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:27,240 Agh. # But while she's there waiting 226 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,880 ♪ Without them 227 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,760 ♪ Try a little tenderness. 228 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,640 ♪ That's all you got to do... # (JOAN CHUCKLES) 229 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,040 Bruv, landscape, man. 230 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,600 If you're gonna do the ting, do the ting, innit? You get me? 231 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,880 Oh great news! Lou's coming to the barbecue later. 232 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,360 Not till late though, cos she's double-booked. 233 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,400 Classic Lou.(CHUCKLES) How do you know about my daughter? 234 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,560 She really shouldn't share so much on social media. 235 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,840 There's some messed-up people out there. 236 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,440 Are you threatening my family? 237 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,720 If I was worried about someone threatening my family, 238 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,760 I'd sign a letter of recommendation to get them out of my life. 239 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:11,960 I'm not scared of your threats. Bright girl, Lou. Very smart. 240 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,960 God, I hope nothing happens to distract her from her A-Levels. 241 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,800 -Banter, innit? -Yeah. It's so important in this job. 242 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,720 Yes. Yes, Carl. 243 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,880 Honestly, I think banter's more important for your health 244 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,720 than any drug or machine they've got in there. 245 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,400 (LAUGHS BREATHILY) 246 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,800 Obviously no. No. 247 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,440 (GASPS AND LAUGHS LOUDLY) 248 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,800 (WHOOPS WITH LAUGHTER) So funny, Carl. 249 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,760 Oh, hi Lawrence, what are you doing here? 250 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,720 You said you needed to see me urgently. 251 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,120 Yeah. Uh... 252 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,680 STAMMERING: Need you to sign Darrell's birthday card. 253 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,640 Here? Yeah. Because... 254 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,400 I don't want him to see it at the depot. 255 00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,520 So... yeah. 256 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,400 That's why... I got you... 257 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,640 Oh! This is Carl, by the way. 258 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,640 MOUTHS: The nurse. Nice to meet you, Carl. 259 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,920 Alright. I like your bike. 260 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,920 OK, actually, Carl, I think, you might... 261 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,080 ..You should probably get back in. Oooh, yeah. 262 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,160 OK. Make a move. 263 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,600 Look at that arse. Look at it. 264 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,840 Could sharpen your knives on that. 265 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,520 So, do you have the card, or..? What? 266 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:26,920 The card? Oh, the... er.... 267 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,680 No. I need you to get it. 268 00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,720 You want me to get the card. Yes, if you don't mind. 269 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,240 Why did you tell me to come here? Because there is a very nice 270 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,800 gift shop, and thought it might be nice... 271 00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,240 It's in a month, but I just thought, you know, 272 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,800 let's get ahead of the game and get him a really nice card. 273 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:46,440 Maybe decorate it. Right. 274 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,720 ALL: # Squeeze her Don't tease her. 275 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,600 ♪ You never leave her. 276 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,680 ♪ You got to, got to, got to, got to, got to 277 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:56,240 ♪ Try a little tenderness. 278 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,320 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh! (ALL LAUGHING) 279 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,840 (APPLAUSE) Oh shit! Me and my Len, 280 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,400 we used to love this one! (LAUGHS) 281 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,880 Can you remember your address, Joan? 282 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,960 Er... er, no. For God's sake. 283 00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:11,000 Mum? What you doing out here? You can't go wandering off like that. 284 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,840 Look. Your brother is alive! 285 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,840 Oh! (CHUCKLES) Ta-da! 286 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,600 US ACCENT: Back from the dead. 287 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,320 He's just sent me an aubergine. 288 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,200 Think we all know what that means. He's into horitculture? 289 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,560 It's emoji for cock, for boner. 290 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:34,040 -That's what it means. -OK. Everyone knows that. 291 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,120 Sent him a water splash. 292 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:39,320 Right. Dating's certainly changed a lot since I was single. 293 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,440 You are single, Lawrence. 294 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,520 Yes, I suppose... (PHONE PINGS) Oh my God! 295 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,440 Er... He's not just sent you a cabbage, has he? 296 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,760 He has just texted asking if I want a bunk-up in the disabled loos. 297 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,120 -He spelt that wrong, actually. -God, I can't believe that. 298 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,520 Can you believe that, Lawrence? -Judging by his earlier texts? -Yeah? 299 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:59,880 Yeah. He's pretty forward. Yeah. 300 00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:02,920 You're not gonna do it, are you? 301 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:04,800 Why, you jealous? 302 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,360 -Joke. -No. No, I was just joking. 303 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:08,840 You're free to do what you want. I know. 304 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:13,160 Just looking out for you as a mate. Well, mate. 305 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,120 Unless you want to stop me, 306 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,520 Er... 307 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,960 I'm off to the bogs for a bit of... 308 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,200 (WHISTLES BADLY) 309 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:35,680 Um, lips are really dry. (WHISTLES PROPERLY) 310 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,080 So.... Mm-hmm. 311 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,240 I'll see you. 312 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,360 I didn't say anything. Oh no! 313 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,800 Sounded like you said 'stop'? No... But you didn't. No? 314 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,320 Good. Good. 315 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,440 Hey! Woo! 316 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,880 Alright. So. 317 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,720 SPANISH ACCENT: Callipo for you. Callipo for me. 318 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,360 Gracias senior. De nada. 319 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,240 (CHUCKLES) You were amazing! 320 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,040 You didn't do too bad yourself though. 321 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,280 You started to drag towards the end. 322 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,840 But it's cool. I can pick up the slack, I can carry you. 323 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,800 Just do better next time, man. (ALERT BEEPING) Oh, we've got cat 1. 324 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:13,040 SINGING: # Cat one! Cat one! ♪ 325 00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,600 It's your Dad again. Oh, for God's sake. 326 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,480 You need to confront him about this. 327 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,800 Look, you don't just confront an African dad. 328 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,000 Who looks down on ya and has stopped you fulfilling your potential. 329 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,000 Just like those boys stopped you singing, 330 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,760 but you're bigger than all of them. 331 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,800 Why you do you always have to bring up my weight? 332 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,240 (DOOR OPENS) 333 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,840 -Aye aye! -Yup. Hey, hey, hey! here she is! 334 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,640 Here I am. (DOOR CLOSES) 335 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,000 Let the para see the medic. Very funny. 336 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,600 Right. 337 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,000 Come on. 338 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,320 I can't do this. 339 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:55,760 I'm a grower, like! 340 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,360 It's not that. It's, er... 341 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:04,000 I'm sorry mate. You're a sound bloke but... 342 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,880 I'm kind of into someone else. Oh right. 343 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,240 Really sorry to mess you about, mate. 344 00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:12,360 I'll leave, no probs. Actually, er... 345 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,480 I know it's a bit of a pain, but he's out there 346 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:20,480 and I don't want him knowing that I've bottled it. 347 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,880 Ah right. You want to make him jealous. 348 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,200 (BOTH LAUGH) Got it. 349 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,400 -Alright. -Idiot. We'll just wait in here. 350 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:31,840 Cheers. Cheers, mate. I appreciate that, yeah. (LAUGHS) 351 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,520 Yeah.(BOTH SIGH) 352 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,600 You can put your cock away. 353 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,440 (GIGGLES) I forgot it was out! (LAUGHS) 354 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:47,320 I can’t wait for the barbecue. Your Jack’s gonna be there. 355 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,400 I just know we’ll get along! 356 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,920 I hope I don’t miss the last tube home. 357 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:54,160 Then I might have to stay over and fuck your son. 358 00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:59,880 I’m sorry, but you’ve pushed me to this. 359 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:04,320 And, quite frankly, well, part of me isn’t even sorry actually. 360 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,120 OK, what’s in the tube? 361 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:12,600 I went to the infectious diseases ward. 362 00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,720 There was a girl there... with glandular fever. 363 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,440 So I took a swab from her, because I will not be bullied! 364 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,800 You're bluffing. I absolutely am not. 365 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,000 And if you won't listen to reason, then maybe you'll think twice 366 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,240 about getting glandular fever again. Hey! Stop. 367 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,320 I tried being nice, Kareshma. 368 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,200 But then you came for my family. 369 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,240 WHISPERS: And if you come for my family, 370 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:41,280 then you better come armed, because I will... 371 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,640 ..f-f-fuck you up. 372 00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,960 Wow. Gary. 373 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:56,000 Well played. Oh, don't! I feel awful about this! 374 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,960 (SIREN WAILS) 375 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,240 Lord have mercy, son, it's as if you in the film! 376 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,240 Now, I need my dinner putting in the microwave. 377 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,480 We can't do this. People actually need us. 378 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,440 What if Joan was wandering around out there? 379 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,640 What if she went under a bus and we could have saved her? 380 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,760 Look, it's complicated. Tell him no. 381 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,440 Let me just put the ting in the microwave, man. (KISSES TEETH) 382 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,800 Getting the silent treatment, am I? 383 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,240 You don't understand, so maybe you keep your beak out. 384 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:32,680 No. If Maleek won't stand up to you then I will. 385 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,400 This job is hard enough, OK? 386 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,960 There are people out there, hundreds of people going through their worst, 387 00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,800 and we're their only hope. 388 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,760 Every second we spend on a timewaster like you 389 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:45,800 is a second we're not saving lives. 390 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,440 Saving lives? (COUGHS, LAUGHING) You and Aladdin? 391 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,720 Your son is not a joke! He's brave, he's sweet 392 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,480 and he deserves a dad who respects him, 393 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:58,640 not some pointy-shoed bully who treats him like shit! 394 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:02,200 (BEAD CURTAIN RATTLES) Got nothing to say for yourself now, have you? 395 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,280 Mr.... Rude head. 396 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,320 (GASPS IN PAIN / CRUMPLES NOISILY) 397 00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,040 Dad, stop messing around - it's not funny. 398 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,160 He's not messing around. He's gone into arrest. 399 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,520 (ECG BEEPS) Come on! Get him on the floor. 400 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,920 (OBE GASPS) 401 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,040 (BOTH LAUGHING) It's funny, isn't it? 402 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,720 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And clever. 403 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,040 Yeah. Yeah, it is. Always liked Family Guy. 404 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,040 Yeah.(PHONE BUZZES) 405 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:29,680 Oh. Er, ah. 406 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:32,280 Jo. What? 407 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:37,040 Oh, OK, God. 408 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,880 Shit. Er... One of my team's just lost their dad. 409 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,600 Bloody hell. Yeah. (TUTS) 410 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,280 Er... 411 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,200 If it'd help we could... 412 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,040 You know... 413 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,000 -Mate! -Wrong moment. 414 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,360 Whoa, no. Oh, mate! No! 415 00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:02,640 You should go. No! No! 416 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,960 MUSIC: # "Try a Little Tenderness" - Otis Redding 417 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,040 ♪ Wearing that same old shabby dress... ♪ 418 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,480 'Emergency, ambulance. Is the patient breathing?' 419 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,360 WOMAN: 'I tried to wake her, but nothing's working. 420 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,800 She's not waking up.' MAN: 'Lady passed out on the road. 421 00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:20,240 I don't think she's breathing.' 'I can hear the ambulance outside.' 422 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:24,760 ♪ Try a little tenderness 423 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,880 ♪ Yeah... ♪ 424 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:38,480 ♪ You know she's waiting 425 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:43,240 ♪ Just anticipating 426 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,680 ♪ For things that she'll never, 427 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:53,560 ♪ Never, never, never possess, yeah 428 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,960 ♪ While she's there waiting 429 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,600 ♪ Without them 430 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:00,000 ♪ Try a little tenderness ♪ 431 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,120 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk 33204

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