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The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.
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WOMAN ON RADIO: '402, X-ray, Yankee.
Unconscious male.
3
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,440
Been dragged from the river.'
4
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,920
Come on, mate, stay with me.
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,160
26, 27, 28,
6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:20,680
29, 30.
7
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,200
No rhythm, keep going.
Kevin, are you ready for the defib?
8
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:28,320
I'm locked and loaded.
Not now, Maleek. OK?
9
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,520
Just let me know
and I'll shock this brother!
10
00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,600
17, 18...
We're at three minutes, Kev.
11
00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,640
Just let me bring my man
back from the dead. We got this!
12
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,240
24, 25, 26 -
(PATIENT GASPS)
13
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:40,560
OK, we got a pulse.
Yes!
14
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,120
You see?
You lot thought my man was gone.
15
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,680
You didn't know that me and my G
would bring him back from the dead!
16
00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,880
Kevin? Spud me, fam!
17
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,640
Ohh!
(PATIENT GROANS)
18
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,400
Shit!
19
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,120
(PATIENT GROANS)
20
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,440
You all right, blud?
21
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:18,520
♪ SAMPA THE GREAT: Final Form
22
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:19,880
Jo! Jo!
23
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,920
I need to talk to you. Look, yeah?
24
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,800
So, I've been thinking.
25
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,240
Seeing as Kevin has gone on
a sabbatical and what-not,
26
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,800
I just don't feel that anyone
can replace what we had.
27
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,640
So, I think I'm gonna
work alone from now.
28
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,960
-Yeah?
-Maleek, I understand
you're hurt that Kevin left,
29
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,640
after you hospitalised him.
30
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,680
No. He didn't leave cos of that.
He gave me bare other reasons.
31
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,200
Yeah, your personality,
your attitude? No?
32
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,240
No, it wasn't none of that.
He's having a mid-life crisis.
33
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,480
He's gone to Thailand
to find himself
34
00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,320
until he can come back
-to the warzone.
-OK.
35
00:01:55,360 --> 00:02:03,040
OK. So you plan to work
in an ambulance...on your own?
36
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,400
-Yeah.
-How are you
going to carry a stretcher?
37
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,040
Oh, babes, the guns.
Ah.
38
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,200
Right. When you're in the back
with a patient...
39
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,200
All right, I'm in the back.
Yeah, yeah.
40
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,800
Don't close your eyes.
..who's driving, Maleek?
41
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,920
Oh, OK.
Yeah?
42
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,160
Yeah, that's...
All right, watch your foot.
43
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,600
Imagine...
44
00:02:22,640 --> 00:02:24,840
Are you still there with me, mate?
45
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,760
Er... All right, yeah.
46
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,320
He got it. Let me make this easy
for you, Maleek.
47
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,160
I have found you a new partner.
48
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,640
-Ugh.
-She's just moved to the area,
so be nice to her.
49
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,800
Of course. I got you.
50
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,840
You want me
to put this youth to the test,
51
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,720
see if they're with the gang.
52
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,280
See if they're ride or die,
I get it. Who else? Who else?
53
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,560
Let's just start
with not frying her. Eh?
54
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,720
Baby steps.
55
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,400
(FUNKY MUSIC)
56
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,600
451, Papa, Kilo.
57
00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:00,000
Papa, Kilo. Papa, Kilo. 451.
58
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,480
-'Ey up!
-Fucking hell!
What you doing, creeping up on me?
59
00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:06,400
Oh, sorry.
What you doing?
60
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:10,640
Who are you?
I'm Wendy. Your new partner.
61
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:12,280
You must be Maleek.
62
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,800
Look, no, first of all,
my is Maleek!
63
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,400
Sorry, did I pronounce it wrong?
Yes. You gotta say it with bass.
64
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,080
(DEEP VOICE) Maleek.
Wha...
65
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,040
Put some respect in my name,
especially if you're
my new apprentice.
66
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,280
Well, I'm your new partner.
Hah! I'll be the judge of that.
67
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,960
Years I rode with Kevin,
-he never ambushed me.
-Kevin?
68
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,800
Was that the poor lad
you electrocuted?
69
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,400
I defibbed him! It's different!
70
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:40,240
Where you from, anyway? Emmerdale?
Close. Nottingham.
71
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,920
Nottima... What? Nottimam.
72
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:45,520
Nottinham. Nott...
73
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:49,360
Ah! I see why Jo
put you under my watch.
74
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,120
Listen, you are a long way
from Brookside now, you know.
75
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,560
Close your eyes
and hold out your hands.
76
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,320
No. Why the hell would I do that?
77
00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,880
I've baked you a cake, partner.
78
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,040
Sorry it's a bit rubbery.
79
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,360
I've just moved into my new flat
and there's no oven,
80
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,640
so I had to improvise
with the microwave.
81
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,320
Do you think that this is some
bait coffee kind of morning?
82
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:12,080
You need to be more like Kevin.
83
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,160
He didn't come in here
on his first day begging it
84
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,960
with some dead-out Mary Berry ting.
85
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,600
All right, I'll just chuck it away.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
86
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:21,640
Chill. I didn't say that, did I?
I didn't say that.
87
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,360
Put the cake over there.
Put it there.
88
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,840
ON RADIO: 'Emergency ambulance.
Is the patient breathing?
89
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,640
He's struggling to breathe.
I don't know how much he -
90
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:34,400
451, Papa Kilo.
Proceed to Byron Estate.
91
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:38,240
Known drug addict with arm injury.
Sounds rank.'
92
00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,400
FUCK...ing hell!
93
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,040
Look at the state of you.
94
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,840
What did you want to take all that
crack for, you silly Billy?
95
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,480
Cos he's a crackhead.
He might have other interests.
96
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,040
What are you into, ducks?
Well, yeah, just mostly crack.
97
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,720
I've never done it myself.
Probably for the best, really.
98
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,520
I get easily addicted to things.
99
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:02,360
Right now, I'm into upcycling.
Have you ever tried it?
100
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,000
No.
101
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,560
I mean - Ow! I guess I did turn
that Coke can into a crack pipe?
102
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,400
Yeah, that's the basic idea.
103
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,680
Keeps till, I'm gluing it.
I can play the harmonica.
104
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,360
A musician!
See? Everyone's got a talent.
105
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,800
Some of the best records were
made by druggies, weren't they?
106
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,400
Yeah, but then I had to sell it.
Oh, no, what for?
107
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:26,440
-Crack!
-Well, it's never too late
to start again.
108
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:31,000
You can get a harmonica from
a charity shop for, like, about £10.
109
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,640
I'd give it a wash first, though.
110
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,440
I've blown worse.
111
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,360
Ha ha! Argh! Argh! Aargh!
What?
112
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,000
Ow! Ow!
Sake! This is your fault, man.
113
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,680
Running out your mouth, trying to
start a jazz band in a crack den!
114
00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,280
(FUNKY MUSIC)
115
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,560
All right, Lawrence? You wanger!
116
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:52,160
-Hey, Jill.
-Done something different
with your barnet? Looks decent.
117
00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,120
Ah. Er, yeah, it's erm...
Something I call helmet hair.
118
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,520
Ohh!
Thank you very much.
119
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,600
It's all right. Chill out.
120
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,560
Good weekend?
What did you get up to?
121
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,240
I just went to the pub.
122
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,920
Wahey!
That's right.
123
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,960
Lads, lads, lads!
-Ooh, shots!
-Nice.
124
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,800
Yeah. Actually...
Actually on my own.
125
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:14,240
I had a pint on my own.
On your own?
126
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,360
Mm.
Mate!
127
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:19,880
Next time give me a shout.
I'll show you how to down a pint.
128
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,280
Yeah.
129
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:23,440
You'd drink me under the table.
Yeah, lightweight!
130
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,280
Yeah. Or just do beer and a burger,
cinema, whatever...
131
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,120
Anyway, you're the one,
drinking on your own. Alky!
132
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:31,320
Ha. Yeah. It was Karen's birthday.
133
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,200
Would have been.
134
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,680
I just wanted to be alone
with my thoughts and...
135
00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,200
Nice. Yeah.
136
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,840
Well, yeah, not nice, but er...
137
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,320
(MESSAGE ON RADIO)
Quite nice.
138
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,760
(FUNKY MUSIC)
139
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,160
Well, nice to meet you...
John.
140
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,880
John?
141
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,360
Here you go. For the harmonica.
142
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,600
Oh. Thanks very much, Wendy.
143
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:03,120
Cheers.
Are you mad?
144
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,400
-What?
-Did I just hallucinate?
Did you give him money?
145
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,200
-Yeah?
-What do you think
he is going to do with it?
146
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:11,240
He's gonna get a harmonica.
147
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:12,640
I trust him.
148
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,400
Maybe up north,
it's cool to do all that,
149
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,800
be all Mary Poppins with the pagans.
150
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:21,160
But this is big LDN.
You need to have your guard up!
151
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,880
People round here are dangerous,
man.
152
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,200
Yo, Maleekster!
153
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,800
Er...
154
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,480
Hey, fella. Good to see you.
You must be his new partner.
155
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,400
I'm Wendy.
Darryl.
156
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,120
Darrell.
157
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,800
Doesn't that ever get confusing?
158
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,320
Oh, my God.
Er, people do get us mixed up.
159
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,320
Cos they're so similar.
160
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:45,000
Best way to remember, I'm the one
-with the beard.
-And I wear a hat.
161
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:47,760
I'm just not wearing it now.
162
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,720
Right. Well, I'm having some drinks
when we knock off if you're around.
163
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,000
-Yeah, sounds great.
-I'll stick you
on the WhatsApp group.
164
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,120
Maleek, you never said
there was a WhatsApp group.
165
00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,640
Look, if there was a WhatsApp group
with all the paramedics on it,
166
00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:02,840
I'd know about it.
I'd probably be admin.
167
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,400
Now, can we go?
Aw, bye, guys.
168
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,560
Bye, Maleek!
Fuck your mum!
169
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,360
He's always in a rush.
He's such a busy guy.
170
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,120
RADIO: '451, Papa, Kilo. We have
a Cat 1 on the Tremdor Estate.
171
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,120
'40s male. Head Injury.'
172
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,040
Yes. Tremdor!
That's what I'm talking about.
173
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,120
Finally show you, rookie,
what the battlefield looks like.
174
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,640
Let's go!
Yeah, boi!
175
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,360
Blud! What you doing?
When did this nonsense start?
176
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,320
Oh, sorry. I'm just so excited.
177
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,120
You don't jump on Black people's
backs. Get in the car, man.
178
00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,200
Sorry. It was just a bit of fun.
What the hell.
179
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:40,000
Is this what they do in Dorset?
Nottingham, actually.
180
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,960
You just jump on people's backs,
willy-willy...willy-nilly?
181
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,800
(FUNKY MUSIC)
182
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:51,760
I think a better use of me
183
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,520
is helping people
with a good 30 to 40 years left.
184
00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,840
But some of these older guys,
185
00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,440
it actually feels cruel
to keep topping them up.
186
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,720
OK, Kareshma, so you
want to move on from OAP transport?
187
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,440
Er...where do you see
yourself in six months?
188
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,480
In your seat.
189
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,960
Well, that's mental.
You realise I'm planning
to still be doing this then?
190
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,640
You seem stressed, Jo?
What?
191
00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:20,360
Is the pressure getting to you?
192
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,680
Kareshma, you are very keen,
which is normally good.
193
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,200
But I don't like you,
and I've no paramedic slots.
194
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,720
So, till someone leaves,
you're on the bunion bus.
195
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,800
(SIREN BLARES)
196
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,840
(MOBILE PHONE CHIMES) Can you put
that on silent? It's proper jarring.
197
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:38,800
It's the WhatsApp group.
They weren't making it up.
198
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:43,160
Obviously, yeah. I just choose not
to get involved in those things.
199
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:46,320
I like to keep a distance
between my work and social life.
200
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,640
So, you're not going
to the paramedics brunch on Sunday?
201
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:52,200
The what?
Oh, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
202
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,920
Not my style. Sounds bare Caucasian.
203
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,000
It's on the
Paramedics Of Colour group.
204
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,320
How are you even on that?
205
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,480
Paramedics Of Colour. POC.
206
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,120
(SIREN BLARES)
207
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:07,560
You know what? To be honest, I'm so
happy I get to do this with you.
208
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,520
I don't actually tell you enough.
209
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:13,320
I mean,
I feel like you tell me heaps.
210
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,160
But I still want to hear it more.
211
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,360
What's funny,
when you get out of the car, yeah?
212
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:19,120
I like to try and open it in unison.
213
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,720
Yeah.
Have you been doing that?
214
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,880
Sometimes I try and blink at the
-same time as you.
-Go on, then.
215
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,720
(BOTH LAUGH)
216
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,480
Although I hate blinking
cos it means I can't see you.
217
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,960
-Yeah.
-Even for a tiny,
split millisecond.
218
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,000
(FUNKY MUSIC)
219
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,040
(SIREN BLARES)
220
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,400
Right, I'm going in.
You stay in the car.
221
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,000
What? I have to come with you.
222
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,440
You just gave a crackhead £10.
God knows what you'll do here!
223
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,680
This is next level. Warzone.
Stay in the whip.
224
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,480
What...
225
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,840
RADIO: 'The patient is coughing
blood.'On scene now.
226
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:03,440
'Patient is on the 16th floor. The
lifts are out of order. Bad luck.'
227
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,480
You're joking.
228
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:08,760
What would Kevin do?
229
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,240
(FUNKY MUSIC)
230
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,320
Ugh! Ahh!
231
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,880
Wendy to Maleek.
Do you want back-up?
232
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,360
No! Stay where you are. Over
233
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,400
John!
234
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,680
Hello, love.
235
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,920
All right?
You got one.
236
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,880
Yeah. It was £8.50 from Oxfam.
I've got your change.
237
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,400
Aw! I knew you were a good egg.
238
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,960
Here.
Well, go on, then, give us a tune.
239
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,880
Nah, nah. All right. Er...
240
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,320
(PLAYS REPETETIVE NOTES)
241
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,280
(CONTINUES PLAYING REPETETIVE NOTES)
242
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:57,760
(PLAYES REPETETIVE LOWER NOTES)
243
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,640
All right! All right!
244
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,960
Save some for Britain's Got Talent.
All right.
245
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,200
(BREATHING HARD)
246
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,480
RADIO: '451, Papa, Kilo. Patient has
stopped breathing. Over.'
247
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,480
Yeah! Me too!
248
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:19,120
'Patient has turned blue.'
I'm on my way! I'm on my way!
249
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:20,840
Oh, my God.
You need to get here now.
250
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,800
His eyes have gone
into the back of his brain.
251
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,680
'Caller reports eyes
have rolled back.'
252
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:26,800
I'm coming! Don't die!
253
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,200
Don't die! Don't die!
254
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,720
Has he got there?
Look at him, running up the stairs!
255
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,000
Oi!
256
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,720
Wendy to Maleek.
257
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,400
(YOUTHS LAUGHING)
258
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:42,000
'Yeah, it's a hoax. I've got
the naughty nuggets down here.'
259
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,000
Argh!
260
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,600
Urgh!
261
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,680
You know that's a crime?
Someone could have died.
262
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,760
The only person that could have died
is Fatty-Bum-Bum over there.
263
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,240
(LAUGHS)
Yeah?
264
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:57,280
Fat-Bum-Bum? Fatty-Bum-Bum, yeah?
You lot need to make sure -
265
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,760
Bruv! Breathing up in my face
like that.
266
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,720
You proper have a dry mouth.
267
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,840
I've got a dry mouth cos I was
upstairs lipsing your Mum's tongue.
268
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,360
Doubt it. His mum don't like
butter's broke.
269
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,880
-Fat guys with diabetes.
-You need to
start showing us respect.
270
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,640
I know you was out there, clapping
for us, all them Thursdays.
271
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,400
Na, nah, nah.
That weren't clapping, G.
272
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,920
That was my balls banging your mum,
bruvver.
273
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,280
They're ever so cheeky, aren't they?
274
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,320
I'm gonna fuck them up.
Is this your new partner?
275
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,400
Yeah.
Has he electrocuted you yet?
276
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:25,880
I defibbed Kevin.
277
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,720
I defibbed Kevin! Why is everyone
making up rumours?
278
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,480
This is bait, man.
Let's get out of here, man.
279
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,200
The only thing bait...
280
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,120
The only thing bait is how your mum
claims disability
281
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,680
and she's dumping
on the next willy!
282
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,040
Running to the next...
That was a good one.
283
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,800
It was shit, man. Let's go.
284
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:44,800
(FUNKY MUSIC)
285
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,480
(FUNKY MUSIC)
286
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:49,800
(SIREN BLARES)
287
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,800
Shift up, ballbag!
Oh, hi. (CHUCKLES)
288
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:56,480
All right, Jo?
289
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,520
What flavour's your soup?
Cream of knobhead?
290
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:03,000
Erm, leek and wank stain.
Oh.
291
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,720
Look at you with
-your dickhead noodle soup.
-Ha ha!
292
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,840
(LAUGHS)
Ox...
293
00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,000
Er...can't think of one.
294
00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,320
Go on.
-I can't.
-Go on.
295
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:16,080
-No?No.
-No?
Cock-a-leekie. (MOBILE PHONE CHIMES)
296
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,680
That is a soup.
Yeah, it is.
297
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,880
(CLEARS THROAT) I see the WhatsApp
group's been pinging all day.
298
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,520
Yeah.
299
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,400
Another welcome drinks?
Yeah. Yawn!
300
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,440
I guess you can't go either.
Thursday drum lesson.
301
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,760
How did you know I play the drums?
302
00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:34,880
You told me, or something. I dunno.
Oh.
303
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,040
Well, it's been cancelled anyway,
so I'll probably pop along.
304
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,760
Beats being on your own.
Yeah, me too.
305
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,440
I thought you weren't going.
306
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,040
Are you following me, or...
Er, I just said I was going.
307
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:48,960
Are you deaf as well as thick?
You knob?
308
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:52,120
Sorry. Are you all right?
Are you all right?(COUGHS)
309
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,440
(COUGHS)
310
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,400
(CLEARS THROAT)
311
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,920
Oh, you'll never guess who
I saw just now with a harmonica?
312
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:05,360
The crackhead? You're gassing.
I'm not. He even brought my change.
313
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,400
£1.50.
I told you he could be trusted.
314
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,000
Have you still got that £1.50?
315
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,960
We're gonna need it.
316
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,440
Oh, John.
317
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,040
Oi! Where's all our gear,
-you little prick?
-It's gone. Gone!
318
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,480
You know what, Crackhead John?
I'm not angry, just disappointed.
319
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,800
Listen, if you don't get
back our gear,
320
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,320
you're going to be going somewhere
where there's no crack.
321
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,480
The morgue.
What?
322
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,120
We're not killing him! What's wrong
with you? I meant prison.
323
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,960
There's loads of crack in prison.
Just get us our gear!
324
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,120
All right, I'm sorry. I messed up.
I'll get your things back.
325
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,640
Just give me a tenner for a cab
and I'll go there now.
326
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,720
Sorry, I've got nothing
smaller than a 20.
327
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,280
Are you doing a kick-starter
for crackheads? Move.
328
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,920
RADIO: 'All units. Major RTC.
Multiple casualties.
329
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:53,480
Instructions on arrival.'
Fuck!
330
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:57,480
(RADIO BLEEPS)
451, Papa, Kilo.
331
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,680
Did you mean, all...all units?
(RADIO BLEEPS)
332
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,240
Like... Like, I've got...
I've got this.
333
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,320
Is that it?
334
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,120
Well, I could give you some crack.
335
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,440
(FUNKY MUSIC)
336
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,480
(SIREN BLARES)
337
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,400
Two years. Two years, riding with
Kevin, and nothing like this.
338
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,920
One day with Geordie Shore and I've
had the worst shift of my life.
339
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,920
I'm not taking all
the blame for this.
340
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,800
We should have just owned up.
341
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:28,960
-Mistakes happen.
-My team don't make
miskakes! Mikstakes... Mis...
342
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,680
Bruv, just shut up, man!
343
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,360
(SIREN BLARES)
344
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,240
(FUNKY MUSIC)
345
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,840
Ready? Now.
346
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,000
Gary, Jez, over by the Range!
347
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,400
Lawrence the Frontera!
348
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:49,680
Maleek and Wen -
They're not here yet.
349
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,800
Kareshma, why are you here?
350
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,480
I heard the call. I thought you
might need an extra hand.
351
00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:58,240
There's a pensioner
in your van, Kareshma.
352
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,120
Take him where he's supposed to go.
353
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,480
OK. But you're freaking out a bit.
GO!
354
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,680
Darryl! A couple of casualties
under the bridge!
355
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,960
Darryl's on the case, Jo!
356
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,080
(SIREN BLARES)
357
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,840
What are we going to do now?
We've got nothing to treat people.
358
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:17,400
We? We ain't doing nothing.
We are done.
359
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,400
You go your way, I'll go mine.
360
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,320
Fine!
361
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,840
Fuck, man.
362
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,600
All right, mingebag?
363
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,400
I just lost him.
364
00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,480
-Oh.
-I didn't see it coming.
I thought he was in the clear.
365
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,320
Ugh! Poor bugger.
366
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,680
Have you got lipstick on?
367
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,560
As if.
368
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,560
Poor bloke.
Can't have been out of his 20s.
369
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,640
I lost Karen in her 20s.
370
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,320
It's not a life lived.
371
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,200
That is shit, Loz.
372
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,960
That is shit.
373
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,040
Yeah.
374
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,440
Still going to the drinks later,
Loz, or...
375
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,320
(SOBS)
376
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:11,160
Yeah, fair play, Loz. Not sure
I'm up for it now either myself.
377
00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:12,960
Er...
378
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,920
look after your mental health.
379
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,840
(FUNKY MUSIC)
380
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,800
(SIREN BLARES)
381
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:29,600
Someone must have whiplash, blud.
382
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,720
(MAN GROANS IN PAIN)
Oh, shit!
383
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,920
Yo! I need a resus ASAP!
384
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,160
Kevin! Is that you?
Hey.
385
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,520
What do you mean, "Hey"? Wagwan?
386
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,840
Why didn't you holler at me, bruv?
I thought you were in Thailand.
387
00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,320
That didn't work out.
388
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,640
You forgot your passport on the way
to the airport again, you dickhead.
389
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,120
Can we talk about this another time?
Another time?
390
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,920
Big man, look, now that you're back,
we can reunite.
391
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,800
They've got me with some mad woman
from Northwich, bruv. Come on.
392
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,200
-Get the gang back together.
-I'm in
the middle of something here.
393
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,400
Why are you showing off, man?
It's me.
394
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,080
Don't leave me hanging, blud.
It's me!
395
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,560
Look, just fuck off!
396
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,600
What the hell?
397
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,680
Ready for fluids?
Yeah. Ready.
398
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,920
Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean that.
399
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,680
Look, Maleek, there was no Thailand.
400
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,920
OK? I just needed
to get away from this.
401
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,320
You know, having a heart-to-heart
in the middle of a pile-up.
402
00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,080
I needed a break from you.
403
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,960
Who's Hugh?
No, you! Bloody hell!
404
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,320
You're the worst partner
I've ever had.
405
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:34,760
You nearly killed me.
406
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,960
I need another bag.
Right, I'm on it.
407
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,440
Yeah, go and get your bag.
408
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,400
Dickhead. You've got shit trousers.
409
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,280
That guy's a clown.
He doesn't deserve you.
410
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,040
If you need a shoulder to cry on,
we've got four.
411
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,800
Man! What you talking about?
I'm not crying.
412
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,360
Daryl, Darrell, need you by the
Smart car. What are you crying for?
413
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,800
I'm not... Oh, my God,
I'm not crying. It's just...
414
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,760
Look, it's a condition.
It's called "ibalodenum".
415
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:06,840
Are you wearing lipstick?
No! Where is Wendy?
416
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,000
I told you to look after her.
417
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,160
Where's your gear?
418
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,760
Well, the thing is, the gear...
419
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,160
The gear was in the... Whoo!
420
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:19,840
Where's Wendy again?
421
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,560
Oh, it's hot in that car,
in that...
422
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,120
in a de car crash. In a de...
423
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,120
The gear...
Maleek?
424
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,040
The gear is...
425
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,400
Right here, boss!
Sorry to keep you waiting, Maleek.
426
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,800
Still finding my way around.
Yeah, see? It's here.
427
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:37,960
The gear is fine. The gear is fine.
Can we...
428
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,000
Can we... There's a whole emergency.
Can you stop wasting my time?
429
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,840
Jesus.
430
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,880
(SWEET SOUL MUSIC)
431
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,920
Where did you get all this stuff?
432
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,280
Did you see anyone
hanging around near our van?
433
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,160
I've been completely cleared out.
434
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,560
Oh, no, sorry. You get
a lot of crackheads round here.
435
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,280
Unlucky, bruv.
436
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,360
Nice one, Wendy.
437
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,360
With some bass, please.
438
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,520
Nothing to see here.
439
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,000
Hoo-hoo!
440
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:30,800
Go! Go! Go!
441
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,600
I'm not looking for my next husband.
442
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,440
Just someone to fulfil
my sexual needs.(RETCHES)
443
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,240
You think I fancy Lawrence? Eurgh.
444
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,160
Ow!
I could find you a partner.
445
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,560
Um...
I could.
446
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,000
You could...
I could.
447
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,160
You could...
Yeah, I could be your partner.
448
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,440
I'm trying to dance and I don't know
449
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,120
if you want to dance
with me anymore.
450
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,480
Jesus!
451
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:56,240
Are you even from Emmerdale?
You'll end up doing something stupid
like I did.
452
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,000
What did you do?
453
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,240
♪ CURTIS HARDING: On And On
454
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,400
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