Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance, and love

won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

[Music playing]

Hi, welcome aboard.

Names, please?

George creighton, and miss Nancy atwell.

Mr. George creighton, Memphis, Tennessee, you're in aloha 273.

Have a nice cruise. - Thank you.

Thank you.

And Mr. Creighton, I have a telegram for you.

Who'd be sending me a telegram?

Maybe it's about the divorce agreement.

How about that?

My wife bugged my office.

Oh, come on, George.

It could've been anybody.

No it was Sarah, all right.

She's pushing for a larger settlement.

Sarah believes you can get blood out of a stone.

She already got the blood, now she's looking for the stone.

Drop dead, Sarah.

You'll never get me.

Your cruise brochure said your cabins are newly renovated.

I hope you remembered to pad the walls.

I think that might be Cali reason the booking

office said to watch out for.

Ms. Reason. - Yes.

Hi, how do you do?

I'm burle Smith, the assistant purser.

I have your cabin assignment for you.

No point telling it to me, Mr. Smith.

I bump into too many walls trying to find it.

You better give it to my seeing eye lady,

if she's anywhere around.

I'm right here and you know it.

I'm dora Haley.

How do you do, ma'am?

You're in promenade 346, just through those doors.

Ms. Reason, if I can do anything for you--

what I mean is, if there's anything special that you want,

I'm Isaac Washington.

Yes, there's something special I want.

I want you all to just leave me alone.

And right now, dora, I want to go to my cabin.

I don't know who that young lady is,

but she does really mean all of that, you know.

What do you mean?

Poor girl's just hitting out at everybody in frustration.

Doesn't seem fair, does it?

I'm Alan christensen.

Isaac Washington.

Gopher Smith.

How do you do, sir?

Mr. Christensen, you are on fiesta deck cabin 280.

Do you think you could change that for me?

I think I'd prefer something on the promenade deck.

Hello.

Hi, I'm Kathy somes.

Let's see.

Yes, Kathy somes, sunshine gardens, New Jersey.

You're on aloha deck cabin 359.

Thanks.

Sunshine garden sounds like a beautiful town.

Oh, it's not a town, it's a nudist camp.

Hi.

Hello.

Carson.

Wendell Carson.

Oh yes, Mr. Carson.

Yes, welcome aboard.

You're on the aloha deck, cabin 361.

Thank you.

Tell me, did I hear right?

Did that young lady just say she was a nudist?

Oh well, no, not exactly.

She said that she came here from a nudist camp.

Do you object to nudists?

Oh no.

I believe firmly in everybody's right to self-expression.

[Ship horn]

[Music playing]

George?

George, you ready to come out and play?

I know Sarah has bugged this cabin,

but there are no microphones in the bathroom.

Why would there be a microphone in there?

- Ssh. - No, I will not ssh.

George, you told me that we were going

to have this wild and wonderful time on this cruise.

We will, we will.

But we have to whisper.

No.

I will not whisper for three days and two nights.

Ssh.

Ms. Atwell, my divorce is not final yet.

Therefore, we must be what we appear to be,

just very good friends enjoying an innocent relationship.

Start being rational.

Why would your wife bug our cabin?

Look.

I have a woman judge trying my case.

She hates men.

Now, if my wife ever gets evidence

that I've been having an affair, I'll

be lucky to get out with my shorts.

I'll see you on deck when you finish your hunt.

Ah yes, anyone who knows my little Sarah.

Hi.

Ms. Reason, I'm talking to you.

I'm blind, not deaf.

I heard you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you mind if I sit with you?

I'd rather you didn't.

Well, I just thought that--

well, look, Mr. whatever your name is--

Alan, Alan christensen.

I'll make it short and sweet, Mr. Christensen.

I'd like to be alone, ok.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm not upset.

I'm just not in the mood for sympathetic conversation.

Do you mind?

Not at all.

I just want to be left alone.

I'm perfectly self-sufficient.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Good bye, Ms. Reason.

[Music playing]

The love boat strikes again.

Two margaritas and a [inaudible]

I'll have two margaritas.

Hi, guys.

Anybody ever hear the expression "naked as a jaybird?"

Sure, not for a long time.

That's a misnomer, Julie.

A jaybird is not actually naked.

Oh, well then, there's a misnomer "soaking

up the sun on the fantail."

Julie, is somebody back there naked?

As a jaybird.

You mean zip?

Zip.

Captain, I'll straighten this matter out.

Hold it.

Hold it.

I don't think you understand.

Isaac here is a bartender.

He handles the bar.

You're a doctor.

You handle the doctoring.

I'm the purser.

I handle the nudists, right captain?

Gopher, just take care of it quickly and tastefully.

Don't worry, sir.

And gopher, use some discretion.

I don't want a mob scene on the fantail.

Now hear this.

No one follow me.

We are painting the fantail, wet paint all over the deck.

I'm allowed because these are old shoes.

[Music playing]

You're staring, Mr. Christensen.

Haven't you ever seen someone try and read braille before?

It's Alan, and how did you know it was me?

You wear a very distinctive Cologne.

Oh, that's quite a nose you have.

Well, they like you to believe that being blind

is supposed to sharpen all your other senses.

Much fascinating.

Not from where I sit.

And if you're going to say I'm sorry--

don't tell me you can hear me think, too.

No, that doesn't come with the territory.

Ms. Reason--

as long as we're talking, the name is Cali.

Will you have dinner with me tonight, Cali?

Hold it.

Did I say something wrong?

Just don't be a boy scout.

I've got all the help I need.

Oh, I wasn't trying to be helpful.

You're a very beautiful woman and I'd be honored.

I assume you do eat.

How about it?

Dinner?

Well, i--

Cali?

Are you all right, Cali?

Fine.

Alan, this is dora Haley.

Dora, this is Alan christensen.

How do you do?

How do you do, dora?

It's about time to dress for dinner.

It's hard to convince her that she's just a hired hand.

She thinks she's my mother.

What I think is I should have a chain and whip to handle you

Alan, you've got a date for dinner.

Oh, that's great.

Miss?

Yes, miss?

Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hi.

I'm Kathy.

Hi, Kathy.

Hi.

That's all right, don't get up.

What's the matter?

You look pale.

Well, I pale easily.

You're not embarrassed, are you?

Oh no, I'm not embarrassed.

I'm having fun.

You know, my father founded a nudist camp in the sunshine

gardens so that people could get away

from the hypocrisy of clothes.

It's almost a religion with us.

Oh hey, me, too.

I'm devoutly in favor of getting naked.

Well then, why don't you join me?

I can't.

I freckle.

Kathy, you know what's sad?

Not everybody has the healthy attitude that we do about how

religious it is to go starkers.

What are you trying to say?

Well, I hate to do it, but I'm going to have to ask you

to put on at least a bikini.

I'd never wear one of those.

They're the most disgusting, immoral garments ever made.

I mean, you have to admit it yourself.

They don't hide sex, they emphasize it.

Only if they're made right.

But please, really, this is my job.

I don't like to do it, but if I could just--

oh.

Oh, come on.

You must have seen a female body before.

Thought I had, but I was wrong.

I thought so.

I didn't touch her.

Forcing her to put clothes on.

Oh, well--

not really.

I had enough sun for the day.

Look, you are a fare-paying passenger, just like

everybody else on this ship.

And you're entitled to your share of deck space

to do with what you wish.

Now, you give them an inch.

That's all I'm asking for, an inch, two tops.

You have your rights under the first amendment, miss sue.

Kathy.

Right, Kathy.

And we'll take this to the supreme court, if necessary.

Are you an attorney?

Well, as a matter of fact, Wendell Carson, esquire,

freedom rights counsel.

Miss Kathy will be down here tomorrow morning to sunbathe

without a robe, right Kathy?

Absolutely.

And if you try to stop her, this ship, and you,

will be slapped with a million dollar lawsuit.

[Music playing]

Isaac, give me a double scotch.

Be ready for a refill.

Coming.

Is anything wrong? - Sure is.

I've got to get out of my cabin.

What's wrong with your cabin?

There's a bug in it.

Well, Mr. Creighton, I see that you are [inaudible]..

Why don't you make the bug move out?

This is serious, Isaac.

My wife planted a microphone in my room.

How much trouble do you think it would be to get another cabin?

Impossible.

This cruise is all sold out.

Why don't you have someone come to your cabin and scan it?

Hm?

Have someone scan your cabin for listening devices.

Oh, it's very simple.

We're in the middle of the pacific ocean.

It's a little difficult to just send out for something.

Well, it just so happens that there's

an electronics expert onboard, and you're speaking to her.

You are?

Uh-huh.

You wouldn't have your scanning equipment with you,

would you?

As a matter of fact, I do.

You see, I was supposed to do this job when we stop mazatl n.

Yeah.

Could you go down to my cabin right after dinner

and do whatever you do with bugs?

Well, I don't think that--

come on, please.

Well, maybe I could.

Oh, thank you, Ms.--

vale, Marion vale.

You're saving my life.

Did you hear that, Sarah?

You're finished.

Finished, I tell you.

Finished.

Finished.

[Music playing]

It's a lovely ship, isn't it?

And everybody looks so nice, even in clothes.

Incidentally, I haven't had a chance to thank

you for coming to my defense.

I believe in a person's right to self-expression.

Then you may have another chance to defend me tomorrow.

It's my pleasure.

Good.

Now, how about a little walk on deck?

Ok.

They tell me it's a great place for self-expression

even at night.

Sir, she's getting up over there.

Oh, so that's our nudist.

Very attractive young lady.

And you're seeing her with her clothes on.

I want you to know, gopher, that you

did an excellent job handling a potentially

embarrassing situation.

Congratulations.

The captain thinks you have everything under control.

It's an ugly situation.

If I don't stop her, captain will come down on me.

And if I do, I get sued for a million bucks.

A million bucks?

And I think I'm going to tell you something

that I have never told anyone.

Ok.

Keep this in the strictest confidence.

You've got it.

I don't have a million dollar.

Well, maybe you can raise it.

If she goes through with the nudie bit,

you could sell tickets.

Somehow you don't sound like a rancher.

Tell me about your place.

Right now, i'd rather talk about you.

Well, up until 10 months ago, I was a designer,

very high fashion, and--

mm, foods here.

Smells wonderful.

Steak is at 6 o'clock, potatoes at 3,

and there's a mess that runs from 9 to 12.

I think it's succotash.

Oh, Alan, you're something else.

Oh, that's a beautiful sound.

I was beginning to think I was never going to hear it.

Well, I haven't had too much to laugh at lately.

Well, we're going to have to do something about that,

aren't we?

Everything looks so good.

What are you going to have, darling?

What are you doing?

Sarah just might have had somebody bug this flower vase.

I wouldn't put it past her.

Sarah, if you can hear me, you're

not going to get one penny more than our lawyers agreed on.

And you know why?

Because I'm innocent.

Miss atwell and I are just very good friends.

Tell her.

George, there are people staring at you.

I was just talking to the ashes of

my poor, dearly departed wife.

Well, she was a very small woman.

You're absolutely ruining this cruise.

I thought it was going to be romantic.

It will be romantic as soon as we get the bugs out.

Good evening, Mr. Creighton.

Just the person I was looking for.

I need this scanned.

Marion is an electronics expert.

I'm sure.

George, would you please come and sit down at your own table?

Just a sec, hon.

Well, what do you think of this olive?

The way they're making transistors today,

there could be a whole radio station

right there in that pimento.

Are you in there, Sarah?

Sarah, are you here?

Sarah?

Well, unless I start spouting the 8 o'clock,

that was an innocent olive.

Now because of that, I feel the freedom of expression

is one of the most important issues of our time.

I feel very deeply about it.

You're fascinating, Wendell.

I love to hear you talk.

You do?

You're like a crusader, like a knight on a white charger,

going around protecting people.

I've really enjoyed this whole evening.

Yeah, me, too.

Ah, there you are.

I have the answer to our problem, Kathy.

Look, a nice, little sunlamp.

Now you can bathe right in your cabin,

get all that can you want.

No fuss, no muss, no problem.

No dice.

Nope.

We'll be on the sundeck at 11 o'clock tomorrow morning.

Good night, Kathy.

Good night.

Good night, Wendell.

It's really, very nice.

I like him a lot.

Do you really think he'd slap a million dollar lawsuit on me?

Definitely.

Well, then won't you reconsider, please?

Well, I'm sorry I can't be more convincing.

It's just that I've had absolutely

no training in how to talk a pretty girl

into keeping her clothes on.

[Music playing]

George.

Just a minute, hon.

I'm waiting for you.

George, what are you doing?

I thought I'd found a hidden microphone wire,

but it was only a bump in the carpet.

[Knock on door]

What's that?

I ordered a bottle of champagne.

Because even if you can't remember to be romantic, I can.

[Knock on door]

George, the least you can do is answer the door.

Hi.

Remember me?

Oh, am I glad to see you.

Now, why don't you start behind the bed.

Would you mind getting out of there just for a minute,

please?

No.

I will not get out of here just for a minute.

I came on this cruise with you because you said

we were going to have such a lovely time together,

just the two of us.

And now, all of a sudden, it's you, me, and an engineer.

I found it.

Aha.

I knew it.

I knew that money-hungry Sarah would bug this cabin.

Ok, we found it.

The problem's over, right?

Wrong.

If there's one bug, there's got to be more.

You're right, George.

There is another, and you're it.

You're crazy.

Look.

I have a solution.

Why don't the two of you both trade cabins with me?

That way, if there is another bug, it won't matter.

What a great idea.

No, it is not a great idea.

This is my cabin and I am staying right here.

Why don't we start by eliminating her as a suspect.

Nancy, I'm happy to tell you, you're clean.

I'm getting out of this asylum.

You're both crazy, and first thing tomorrow,

I am leaving this ship and you.

[Music playing]

Alan, you're making me feel guilty.

You should be out there dancing.

You're right, the two of us should be out there.

Oh, I'm serious.

You've been very sweet, but I don't expect you to babysit

me for the rest of the cruise.

Now go out there and enjoy.

Now Cali, you can't be that blind.

What?

I ought to enjoy myself, just being with you.

I wish I could see what you looked like.

You'd see a happy face.

Now, how about dancing?

Alan, I'm not wearing these glasses as a disguise.

So your sight's gone, but there's

nothing wrong with your feet.

You've got fantastic legs.

Now come on, how about a dance?

All right, you silver-tongued devil.

You asked for it.

Oh Alan, I'm scared.

Don't worry.

I'll be with you every second.

Now come on.

Things I do to keep you men folk happy.

Cali looks like she's having a real good time.

Yes.

Alan had a good idea.

[Inaudible]

Yeah.

I've forgotten how much I love to dance.

Alan, where are you?

Alan, help me.

Where are you?

Where did you go, Alan?

It's all right, Cali, I'm here.

It's all right. It's all right.

Get me out of here now.

Cali, it's all right.

No, no, no.

Get me out of here now.

I knew it.

I never should have let you talk me into this.

Cali, come on.

Don't say anything, just take me back to the cabin.

That's where I should have stayed from the beginning.

[Music playing]

Pa: Welcome to mazatl n.

It's sunny and 78 degrees.

Land tours will be leaving in one half hour.

Be careful what you say, George.

Sarah may have bugged a passing whale.

Good bye, George.

And I just want you to know, it has been terrible.

One more thing.

What?

As you walked away, your hair glistened in the sunlight,

and it suddenly occurred to me that Sarah

might have bugged your comb.

Hello?

Hello, Sarah?

It's no use, Alan.

She won't see anybody.

Well, she can't spend the rest of the cruise in her cabin.

But you know our friend Cali.

She just might.

That was Alan, wasn't it?

It still is.

Alan, please, go away.

Now, what did I do that was so terrible?

It's not you, it's me.

I'm no good to anybody.

Don't I get a vote on that?

Oh, Alan, please.

Just let me curl up here where it's safe,

where no one can get at me.

No.

Why?

Come ashore with me, Cali.

Let me show you mazatl n.

Oh god, what are you trying to do to me?

Show me mazatl n, how can I see it?

I'll see it for you, Cali.

I'll be your eyes.

Don't you ever give up?

Do you really want me to?

I don't know.

Come on.

Let's go see matzal n.

Trust me.

Kathy, come on.

You cannot do this.

Would you please put some clothes on?

Why, gopher?

I paid my fare and I'm getting sun,

just like any other passenger.

Not quite.

Doc, doc, I'm glad you're here.

Doc, tell her the is bad for her.

Oh, gopher's right, Kathy.

The rays are very bad for you.

They can be very damaging, dry out your skin,

cause blotching and wrinkles.

Hear that?

Man's a doctor, has a diploma and everything.

On the other hand, it also has vitamin d, makes people--

look over here, gopher.

Thank you.

For your scrapbook?

No, for the jury.

The jury?

Evidence of discrimination against Ms. Somes.

Wait a minute.

A blanket is discrimination?

Gopher, I insist that she gets the same treatment

as everyone else.

Wendell, believe me, I am treating her just as I would

any other naked passenger.

Right, doc?

Doc.

Yes.

Right, yes.

Kathy, you don't have to wear your robe.

Take it off.

Ok, I was just trying to save her from imprisonment

in a foreign jail.

What are you talking about?

Well, we've now entered Mexican waters

and they have very strict laws about young ladies

parading around in their birthday suit,

and the laws prevail here, counselor.

How are you going to establish her American rights

on foreign soil?

Maybe he's got a point, Wendell.

They'll put her away for life, Wendell.

In this great country, se or, even skinny dipping can throw

you right into El slammer.

Well, we have plenty of time on the trip.

Sure.

We can go ashore and see the sites.

Good idea.

Much better than being one.

All you did was postpone the problem.

What are you going to do when we get out of Mexico?

Well doc, you've got to look at the situation

optimistically.

A lot of good things could happen.

What?

Well, coming out of the harbor, the ship could

hit a rock and sink, or be torpedoed,

do for some kind of good luck.

Oh hello, Mr. Creighton.

Oh hello, Ms. Vale.

Mr. Creighton, you know, I've been thinking.

We found that one bug in your cabin last night.

But like you said, there is always

the possibility of another.

Doesn't make much difference anymore.

Half of what they wanted to overhear just got off the ship.

Oh.

I am sorry.

I guess maybe I should have gotten off the ship, too.

Being on a cruise alone is much fun.

Yes, I know.

I'm finding that out.

I don't want to be pushy, but as long as we're both alone,

maybe we can have dinner.

Misery loves company.

Ok.

Let's make it about 7:00.

And maybe you ought to get there about

15 minutes early to check for microphones in the minestrone.

Mr. Creighton, you really don't

think your wife has planted more bugs on the ship, did you?

Oh yes, but where?

Pa: All visitors ashore, our ship sails in 15 minutes.

(Singing) La cucaracha, da, da, da, da, da.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha.

Ole.

Now, what makes me think you had a great time?

Oh, I think it was perfect.

How did you know it was me?

She never forgets a voice.

What can I get for you?

Dos margaritas, por favor.

She's also a linguist.

Don't mess around with Cali reason.

Is this a crowded bar or can anyone sit in?

Oh hi, dora.

How about a drink?

[Inaudible] Refuse.

You think you've heard Spanish before?

I'll show you Spanish.

Watch this, Isaac.

Make it tres margaritas.

[Laughs]

Oh, dora.

I have seen mazatl n a way nobody's ever seen it before.

And that's only the beginning.

Tonight, I've arranged to show you a moon

that you're not going to believe.

I can't wait.

Pa: Ladies and gentlemen, we hope you

enjoyed your stay in mazatl n.

Man, I've never been so sorry to leave Mexico in my life.

Any minute, that nudie and her lawyer boyfriend

are going to be right up here on deck.

You're probably right.

We're already passed the 12 mile limit.

Gopher for your information, Ms. Somes

intends to sunbathe right now and right here

among the other passengers.

Wait.

Aren't you going to wait till we're out of Mexican waters?

We've been underway for over an hour.

But slowly, Wendell, slowly.

There's an oil shortage.

I mean, we can't be that far out yet.

Oh look, I can still see the mountains

and the church steeple and the enchilada field.

I don't see it.

Well, it's probably hazy where you are.

Now, can't you just hear that mariachi band?

The trumpet's too much, huh?

[Trumpet noise]

Forget it, gopher.

May I make a suggestion?

We're not interested in any more disapproval, Isaac.

Oh, I don't disapprove.

I'm very much in favor of self-expression,

but I think you're blowing your best shot.

If Ms. Somes disrobes here, she is

going to be put into confinement until we reach port.

At sea, the captain has complete authority.

There is no first amendment.

So you wouldn't be testing her rights,

you'd only be breaking the law.

Well, we still would be making a statement.

Yeah sure, but wouldn't it be much more effective to do it

in American waters, where the first amendment

is supposed to protect her?

Like tomorrow morning, right as the ship

is making its approach into Los Angeles harbor.

It might be better.

I mean, I don't want to spend the rest of the trip locked

up, and maybe for nothing.

Ok, then that's what we'll do.

Yeah.

Postponed at least until tomorrow.

Better than that, I've postponed it permanently.

Listen, tomorrow morning at dawn,

we're going to be hitting a rain storm,

and that storm is going to follow

us all the way into port.

So they're out of business.

Eh.

You saved it.

Eh.

[Inaudible]

Yes.

About that little nudity problem, completely in hand.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

That's the second piece of good news I've had.

I just received word that the big rainstorm

is going to miss us.

We'll be going into port tomorrow morning

under bright, sunny skies.

[Music playing]

Nancy got mad because I wasn't romantic.

Now that I feel romantic, she's gone.

Do you still miss her?

No.

Maybe I feel romantic because you're here instead.

Hey, let's say after this dance, we go down to my cabin

for a little nightcap?

That might be fun.

Oh, damn.

I forgot, we can't.

My cabin may be bugged.

Well, there's always my cabin.

Cheer up, gopher.

How can I?

If I don't stop the nudie, the captain will throw

me over the side, and if I do--

they sue you for a million bucks.

Maybe they could take it out of my salary, $2 a week.

How long would that take?

Including leap year?

Oh, Isaac, you have the right idea.

We radioed ahead.

There's going to be a helicopter

with photographers over the ship as we enter the harbor.

Thank you, Isaac.

I never thought they'd go that far.

There's got to be a way to stop them.

Ok, $2 a week for a year is $100.

In 10 years, it's $1,000.

In 100 years, it's $10,000.

So I would only owe them $990,000, unless, of course,

I get a raise.

There is something that could stop them.

They seem to be in love.

What good would that do?

So they get married and raise a whole bunch of sunburned kids.

So what?

My suggestion is that you buy a bottle of champagne.

Get zonked out of my gourd, right.

No, no.

Send it to them.

Yeah, maybe one thing will lead to another.

And then let the decision be theirs.

You're suggesting I take my last paycheck

and spend it on a bottle of champagne for the nudie?

Yes.

Isaac, how come I'm the one with all the mental pressure

and you're the one that's having the mental breakdown?

Trust me.

Have I ever let you down?

Before I'm overdue.

That movie is so big.

If you stood on tiptoe, I think you could touch it.

If you really want it, I'll get it for you, Cali.

You're gentle and you're good, Alan,

and your voice makes me feel warm and protected.

This is our last night.

Tomorrow, it's back to reality.

I know.

Let's not talk about it.

It'll be here soon enough.

I want to take you home with me, Cali, show you my ranch.

Maybe I can come and visit some day.

Not some day, and not for a visit.

I'm asking you to marry me, Cali.

Don't say no yet, not till I finish.

You're what I wanted all my life.

Oh dear, Alan.

Look at me.

I'm black and I'm blind.

Really, look at me.

I am looking, Cali.

And what I see is a beautiful woman, a woman that I love.

It's not that simple.

What about other people?

What do you think folks in that town of yours

is going to say when you tell them you married a black woman?

We just won't tell them.

We'll say you're the new housekeeper.

Wonderful.

And what do you say to the preacher

when he finds out you're sleeping

with the new housekeeper?

I'll just tell him it's the only way

I can get you to do windows.

Oh, Alan.

I think you just made me an offer I can't refuse.

[Music playing]

Kathy, I think you're a very special girl.

Very special in every way.

Would you testify to that under oath?

Yes, I would.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Wendell, gopher sent a bottle of champagne down to my room.

He did?

Yeah.

Card says it's for both of us, so I really

shouldn't drink it alone.

No, that would be bad manners, wouldn't it?

Even under the first amendment.

You know, I really started feeling

less paranoid about the bugging right

after Nancy left the ship.

I wonder if I was overreacting because I

really didn't want Nancy.

How do you feel now?

About as opposite as possible.

I'm glad.

I haven't felt this good in a long, long time.

Maybe it's because in your cabin, I feel safe.

[Music playing]

Oh, there it is.

Here it comes.

Hey, it's here.

Bright and early.

Oh, good.

Thanks for the champagne, gopher.

Oh hey, my pleasure.

We've got a great day for it, huh?

Lots of good light.

We can get a lot of real sharp pictures.

You're going to be in all the papers.

Nothing to start an album with, right?

Man, if you two ever have a family,

boy, those kids will sure have something to take

to school for show and tell.

Yeah, they guys at the office will get a kick out of it, too.

Yeah, Kathy's picture will probably

be pinned up in every bar room wall coast to coast.

Well this is hoping some way that the first amendment

gets a little plug, you know?

Kathy, I don't think this is a very good idea.

Well-- well, that is--

what I mean, I don't want everybody looking at you, uh--

what I'm trying to say is--

you said it.

I did?

Yeah.

I did.

Hey, guys, [Inaudible] On land.

Maybe some other time.

It's a little chilly this morning for self-expression.

[Laughs]

Isaac, you are a genius, my man.

I know, I know.

And there's nothing I can do about it.

Marion?

Be right there.

Morning.

What the hell is this?

I'm a private detective.

Your wife hired me.

You bugged my cabin?

Why did you bug yours?

You couldn't possibly have known--

I didn't.

I set this up for you and your friend, Nancy.

That's why I offered the two of you my cabin last night.

All set up for old dumbo?

Well, congratulations.

My wife will be grateful.

Check the plug.

It's not connected.

Why?

I'm not sure I know.

It's just-- it's kind of hard to sabotage someone you like.

Like?

Well, maybe a little more than that.

What about my wife?

I guess I'll tell her that I resigned.

Sarah's counting on a large settlement.

Without your evidence, she's not going to get it.

Your case will drag.

You may be married for quite awhile.

What are you doing?

Let's give her some real evidence.

[Music playing]

We just wanted to say good bye and thank you for everything.

It was a pleasure having you aboard, Alan.

You too, Cali, dora.

I hope you had a good time.

Fair enough, I suppose, considering I lost

my little girl to a rancher.

Stick around, dora.

He might send me back.

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that too much, Cali.

Not a chance.

It's too hard to find good help on a ranch.

This hired help is going to be the best

little rancher you ever saw.

Bye bye.

Good bye.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Hi.

Hey, thanks for a wonderful trip.

And keep an eye out for us.

We may be back.

I hope so.

And next time, we'll make sure there aren't

any bugs anywhere on the ship.

Don't have to worry about bugs anymore.

I have my own exterminator.

Cooper, we want to say good bye, and thanks.

Without you, Wendell and I might never have met.

Oh, it's my pleasure, some of it.

Well, I enjoyed all of it.

Oh, captain.

Yes.

I must tell you how much we enjoyed the cruise.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I was so busy this trip.

I wish I could have spent some time with you.

Well, we might be coming again on our honeymoon.

Good.

Well, maybe next time, I'll have a chance to see more.

[Music playing]