Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

Good day. I'm Nicholas r. Nelson.

Oh, I used to know a Nick Nelson in school.

Hey, you are Nick Nelson!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Gopher, please keep your voice down.

Gee, I barely recognized you.

How come you're dressed like queen Victoria's insurance man?

If you promise to keep your mouth shut, I'll tell you.

My boss is h. Arnold Hamilton --

the richest, old businessman in america.

You know the guy?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, well, I'm gonna see to it that he makes me

the richest, young businessman in america.

Ah.

There he is right now coming aboard.

He looks exactly like you.

Ah, you got it all wrong, gopher.

I came on this cruise to convince Mr. Hamilton

that I would be the perfect executive vice-president to him.

So you see, he doesn't look like me.

I look exactly like him.

Ah, you're conning him.

Check.

Enjoy your cruise.

Arnold Hamilton.

Well, Mr. Arnold Hamilton,

I certainly hope you enjoy your cruise.

If I don't, it won't be my fault.

It'll be the fault of the cruise line,

which is probably run the way

almost every other business is run in this country --

into the ground.

Where's the captain?

I'm sure he's looking forward

to meeting me.

Well, sir, he's right over there.

He's the one who's looking

as if he's looking forward to meeting you.

Ah, glad to see you're onboard already, Nicholas.

Yes, sir.

Very stylish suit there. Good taste.

Thank you, sir.

Arnold Hamilton.

Right you are, captain.

Welcome aboard.

You got your work cut out for you.

Don't worry. I can handle it.

Wow! Gopher, who's that girl?

I don't know who she is.

Let me help you with your suitcase.

Oh, nobody carries my suitcase --

especially one who's been exploited for centuries.

Right, but actually, I'm a lot younger than I look.

Whoever she is, remember this statement --

that's the girl I'm gonna marry.

Mm. In that case, I better go pick out your wedding gift.

I'd like to help you with your bags,

but I don't want to interfere with your individuality.

Why, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

[ Stubing and Hamilton laughing ]

[ Sighs ] Father...

Oh, captain, I'd like to have you meet my daughter, Linda.

It's my pleasure, miss Hamilton.

Tell me, captain, why aren't there more women sea captains?

Oh, uh, well, there will be when more women become qualified.

You see, it takes a long time to become a captain, and, uh --

hogwash.

Lovely girl.

Hello, Julie. Hello, doc. Hello, Vicki.

Who was that masked man?

I'm fine. How are you?

April!

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be working as a nanny in Beverly Hills.

I am.

I just brought the children down

to wave their papa bye-bye.

[ Children scream ]

Se mueven más que si tuvieran dormir adentro De pantalones.

This job -- wow!

I think I chew up more than I can spit out.

You promised to behave myself.

It was his fault for pulling my hair!

She took my sapo!

What's a sapo?

His silly, old toad.

[ Toad croaks ]

See, I'm teaching them how to speak Spanish.

Nice.

Give it back to him.

Wanna pet him?

Um, I think

captain merrill has something he wants me to do...

I hope.

Would you mind putting that thing away?

One passenger has a toad, everybody wants one.

Ándale, guárdalo bien.

And don't let nobody here see your sapo, okay?

Here they are.

Hi, dad!

Hi, dad!

Hi, guys! Hi!

Welcome aboard, Mr. Younger. It's so nice to see you again.

My pleasure.

How is america's most famous sportscaster?

Well, fine, thank you.

Uh, I would like to introduce miss Michelle,

my, uh, traveling companion.

Ha!

Oh, yes -- Ms. Lisa Michelle.

You're both on the promenade deck --

cabins 224 and 226 -- they're adjoining.

Ha!

Oh, boy, I'm gonna miss you guys!

Oh, hey, listen to me.

Now, I want you to take care of yourselves,

listen to April, and please, be good.

We'll be good, daddy.

Have we ever let you down?

Ty, dear, I'm sure the children must be tired

and anxious to go home.

Right.

Bye, babies. Love you.

Goodbye, April. I'm counting on you.

Take good care of them and, please, call me every day.

No sweat, but you watch out

for the iceberg and the barracuda.

Where do you think I'm going?

To an adjoining cabin.

Bye-bye, guys.

Bye, daddy!

Bye!

Bye-bye.

See you later!

[ Sighs ] Tsk Tsk Tsk Tsk.

I don't know what he sees in her,

but if he could really see in her,

he would see it wasn't worth seeing.

You see?

Hey, I do.

Okay, kids, let's go.

Oh, no!

Oh, niña, no me corras tanto!

How do you do, miss, um...

Chase.

Chase.

And it's Mrs. chase.

Uh, did you happen to lose Mr. Chase?

Yes, in an amicable divorce about 12 years ago.

Actually, I was looking for my son and his friend.

Ah, where are the little fellows?

Oh, there they are -- the little fellows.

They're large, little fellows.

They certainly are.

Can you believe all the great-looking girls getting on?

My mom gave us this cruise to rest up after football season,

but we're gonna have to wear blindfolds.

Mm-hmm -- what's the matter with you, Billy?

Is that all you ever think of?

What's the matter with you? You never think of it.

Yeah, you'd be surprised at what I think of.

Sometimes, I surprise myself.

Yeah.

Gayle! Jerry!

Ay-yi-yi-yi, dios mío!

April! April, you're still here!

Ay, of course I'm still here!

I cannot find the kids! Gayle! Jerry!

But we're sailing any minute!

I know, but I cannot go without them!

[ Air horn blows ]

Well, it's too late now.

Ay, chihuahua!

Now I'm really up a creek without a "poodle!"

Gayle! Jerry!

♪♪

Nicholas, if we're going to be working together so closely,

you don't have to call me "Mr. Hamilton."

You can call me "Mr. H."

Well, thank you, sir.

But, frankly, sir, I prefer to call you Mr. Hamilton

to constantly remind myself of the vast differences between us

in experience and wisdom.

I understand how you feel.

That's all for now, Nicholas.

Yes, sir.

Sir, may I ask you a favor, sir?

Yes, of course. What is it?

Well, you see, sir, I have so much respect for you

that when we part,

saying goodbye seems somehow inadequate.

Well, I have this irresistible urge to salute you.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, Nicholas,

I think a respectful salute now and then

could be kind of fun.

But, um, since we live in a democracy,

you'd better only salute me in private.

Yes, sir!

[ Laughs ]

Ah, here we go, Mr. Hamilton.

Thank you, Isaac.

Mm-hmm.

Why must it always be Mr. Hamilton and Isaac?

Why can't it sometimes be Arnold and Isaac --

or Arnold and Mr. Washington?

Ah, that has a nice ring to it.

Just kidding, Mr. Hamilton.

I know you're just kidding, Isaac.

But to answer your question, Linda,

there's a very good reason why I call Isaac "Isaac"

and Isaac calls me "Mr. Hamilton."

Oh, really? What is that reason?

It's because he's Isaac,

and I'm Mr. Hamilton.

Hmm.

Yes.

♪♪

Yes, captain.

Yes, I'll have the activities schedule posted right away.

Yes.

[ Knock on door ]

Come in!

Yes?

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Oh, no more to report, sir.

Yes, goodbye.

Julie, we have a little problem.

A little problem?

April, what happened?

Well, some people miss the boat, but I missed the land.

Oh, Julie, I couldn't help it. I lost the kids.

I couldn't leave the ship without them.

What were you doing in the dining room?!

Looking for my toad. It's lost.

In the dining room? Great.

He could get crushed!

So could you when I tell to your papa!

Ay! Your papa!

I better call him, and break him gently.

Right. Let me get him on the phone for you.

Hello.

Yes, could you get Mr. Younger's cabin for me, please?

Thank you.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Mr. Younger? Guess who.

April, is everything all right? How are the kids?

Oh, fine, fine. They are fine.

They couldn't be better. Everything is fine.

Oh, wow. You had me worried for a moment.

I know I told you to call me every day,

but I didn't expect to hear from you so soon.

Well, listen, Mr. Younger --

April, I want you to know that without you,

i never would have been able to take this vacation.

But thanks to you, I can get a good rest

and know that Gayle and Jerry are safe and sound at home --

but, uh --

and I really appreciate it.

Mm. Don't mention it.

Uh, well, I better get off.

This call must be very expensive.

It's not so bad. Not so bad.

Goodbye. Give the kids my love, okay?

Sure. You betcha.

Bye.

Julie.

Oh, Julie, he think we are home.

And if I tell him the truth, I will spoil his vacation.

Oh, but, April,

he's gotta find out you're on the ship

sooner or later.

Look, the ship docks in Ensenada tonight, no?

Yeah. So?

So we will stay in the cabin until we dock.

I have many relatives in Ensenada.

We will sleep over with them, and go back home mañana.

Please, Julie.

It's for him. It's not for us.

Well, why not?

[ Gasps ] Ay! Muchas gracias!

Oh, thank you.

Hey, gopher, how you doin'?

You know that pretty girl

you fell in love with at first sight

when you were boarding?

Yeah, what about her?

She is driving the crew so crazy

asking them questions about their working conditions,

they can't even get their work done!

Here she comes.

Just a second, sailor!

Don't ever let me catch you calling me "sir" again.

You're just as good as any of the passengers on this ship,

and don't ever forget it.

At ease.

Hello.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, I hate to have anybody feel inferior to me,

even if he is.

Oh, I know just what you mean.

Gee, you look great. Uh, may I buy you a drink?

Oh, well, I don't know.

Listen, I don't care much for liquor myself,

but think of all the distillery workers we'll be helping.

Well, when you put it that way --

come on, have a seat.

Bartender, can we have another one of these, please?

Thank you.

♪♪

Hey, mom, this is really great.

[ Sighs ] Well, what do you say, buddy?

Let's check out the area for girls.

Huh? Oh, no, no. I came here for a little rest.

Well, okay, you know what that means --

I get the first-draft choice,

and you get the second-string girl.

So don't blame me if she looks like Terry bradshaw.

Oh, boy. Hi.

Well, frank, do you have a girlfriend back home

that you're being loyal to?

Oh, no. No, not really.

Why?

Oh, I just thought maybe that's why

you weren't interested in meeting

any of the pretty girls here on the boat.

Oh, no, it's not that. It's just that, uh --

I'm just kind of bored with younger girls.

Bored at your age?

Well, I'm a year older than Billy, you know?

I mean, I'm old enough to be bored if I want to be bored.

Oh, I'm sure you are.

But if you're lucky, you'll never be bored at any age.

I'm sure the right one is out there somewhere.

When she comes along, you'll know it.

Oh, yes. I agree with you.

Definitely.

♪♪

You seem unusually happy tonight, Linda.

Have you heard a rumor that the crew is planning a mutiny?

No, father. I've met a wonderful man.

Really? Does this one speak English?

I want you to meet him.

I asked him to join us for dinner,

but he said he had to do some kind of a report.

I know you two will just hate each other.

Well, I look forward to meeting him.

I haven't hated anyone for a couple of days,

and I miss it.

So, you boys are all-American football players.

What positions?

I'm a receiver, sir.

Yeah, and I'm a quarterback, sir.

When I was in college, I was involved in football myself.

Oh, really? What position did you play?

Oh, I didn't play. I dated the head cheerleader.

[ Laughter ]

Captain?

Yes?

May we be excused? I'd like to show frank the acapulco lounge.

He's hardly done anything on the ship.

Billy, I don't think I really want to.

Oh, come on, let's do it.

Okay, excuse me.

You have a nice son.

His friend seems to be a nice young man, too.

Yes, they are. They're terrific.

They do everything together. It's almost like having twins.

You know, it's hard for me to believe

that you're old enough to be Billy's mother.

Well, thank you, captain. You're very kind.

Kindness has nothing to do with it.

In that case, why don't you call me "Meg."

It's my pleasure, Meg.

Would you be interested in going over to the acapulco lounge

for a little dancing after dinner?

Well, that would be my pleasure, captain.

Would you like to join us, Adam?

Adam?

Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry.

I was thinking about my cheerleader.

I used to love it when she'd lead a cheer by hollering,

"give me an 'a,' give me an 'a'!"

I gave her an a-plus.

♪♪

Attention, please.

We're making a brief stop in Ensenada to take on passengers.

We will sail at midnight.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, boy, am I -- I'm sorry.

Well, if it isn't the perfect nanny

and the precious, little children.

Won't Ty be surprised?

Please, miss Michelle, don't tell him about us.

We are leaving right away. Please? Please?

Uh, Lisa?

It's Ty! Quick.

Why don't you hide in the gift shop?

Thank you. Muchas gracias. Thank you very much.

Oh, hi, darling. Come in to Ensenada with me.

I want to get some souvenirs for the kids, April.

You know, she's terrific.

A veritable treasure.

But, darling, why don't we wait till we get to acapulco?

They have a much bigger selection.

You're right.

But, you know,

they have some lovely postcards right here.

You're right again.

Um, is that the right amount?

Yes, sir. Is there anything else?

Well, yes.

I think I'll take the three dummies over there.

Ay, chihuahua!

Ay, chihuahua!

Ay, chihuahua!

Oh, no!

♪♪

Hey, come on, frank.

You'll never score sitting on the bench.

Hey, don't worry.

You know what they say about me --

frank Sanders isn't flashy, but he gets the job done.

Okay, buddy, whatever you say.

All right.

Excuse me, sir. May I cut in?

Uh, of course.

I was feeling very young and romantic

until he found it necessary to call me "sir."

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Ugh. There he goes again.

I didn't mean to embarrass the captain.

Frank, you're too young to realize that, uh,

calling someone "sir" can be a sign of respect,

and yet sometimes sound like an accusation.

You keep saying how young I am.

That can sound like an accusation, too.

But you are young, frank.

You should enjoy your youth

before someone starts calling you "sir."

Well, I don't feel too young. I feel just the right age.

♪♪

This is really nice.

I thought you were gonna be busy tonight.

I was, but my boss decided to turn in early.

Linda, do you believe in love at first sight?

Do you?

No.

Why not?

Because I loved you before I even saw you.

Did you?

Mmm, why don't I get us a couple of drinks?

Okay.

Okay. Here.

I'll just go run up to the bar.

Be right back.

A couple of piña coladas, please?

Nicholas?

Ahh! Uh, Mr. H.! [ Clears throat ]

Hello. I, uh, I thought you were going to bed early this evening.

I couldn't sleep.

I thought I'd talk a little business with you, Nicholas,

but I see you're busy.

Thank you.

Uh, sir, I'm never too busy to talk a little business.

No, no, no, no. You go ahead and enjoy yourself.

I see my daughter sitting over there.

I'll just go over and join her.

All right, sir.

His daughter?

Who is it?

It's me -- frank!

Frank? What is it?

I have to talk to you. It's important.

Couldn't it wait until the morning?

No, no, I have to talk you now...

Please, it's important.

All right. I'm coming.

Come on in.

[ Sighs ]

Uh, I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you

taking me along on this cruise.

I mean it's the nicest thing that anybody's ever done for me.

You know it's my pleasure, frank.

But you have already thanked me,

and if you thought it was necessary to thank me again,

couldn't it have waited until the morning?

There is another thing.

What's that?

Uh, I just think it was so nice

that we got to talk and dance together tonight.

Yes, it was.

But, um, I think maybe

you could've told me that tomorrow, too.

Yeah, I guess so, but this can't wait till morning.

Ohh, frank! W-What are you doing?!

Don't you know? Don't you know? Can't you feel it?

It's just like you said it would be.

Like I said what would be?

The right girl -- you said she's out there someplace.

And now I found her. And it's you.

Me? Oh, frank --

oh, oh, you're making a terrible mistake.

And I think before it gets any worse,

you have to leave.

No, no. I love you, Meg.

Mrs. Chase.

Okay. Okay, if that's the way you want it.

I love you, Mrs. Chase.

♪♪

How could you just walk off

and leave me sitting at a table all by myself last night?

Linda, Linda, I already told you.

I went to the bar to get us a couple of drinks

and, uh, that's all I remember.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay, all right, okay, okay.

I didn't want to have to tell you this

because I hate to go around making myself sound like a hero.

Tell me what?

Well, uh, when I was walking the picket lines

a couple of years ago at the big cannery strike,

a union-buster hit me right in the head

with a big can of the company's product.

And now, every once in a while,

I get these canned stewed-tomato blackouts.

Oh, you poor baby.

Linda? Linda?

I love you. Do you love me?

I don't believe in love.

I only believe in mutual respect.

Well, do you "mutual respect" me?

Let me think about it.

I'm sorry you are so upset,

but you are sitting there like a grump on a log.

I wanted to take Gayle and Jerry home from Ensenada.

And you would not let me.

I worry about them enough without all that travel.

Look, I'm not angry.

The reason I went on this cruise was to get a good rest.

Of course, and you could not take a book,

so instead, you took miss Lisa Michelle.

Blechh!

April, that's not your affair.

I know, it's your affair.

Hey, you could not blame her for being late.

It takes time to make up two faces.

Good morning, everyone.

Well, look at you -- like a breath of spring.

Over mount St. helens.

Have your coffee and, uh,

I'm going to go make some reservations for dinner

in acapulco for tonight, hmm?

Uh, kids, keep me company, hmm?

Okay.

Okay.

Hurry back.

Well, isn't this cozy?

Can I get you some sausage?

The pork look nice and rare.

I know you don't like me, especially after last night,

but do let's try to be civil.

After all, we won't be seeing each other for very long.

I didn't know you were leaving.

I'm not. You are.

Me?

It should be quite simple to convince Ty that the children

would be much better off in a boarding school --

one that's far, far, away.

Boarding school?

They're wonderful institutions.

And with no children around, who needs a nanny?

Oh, yeah? And what makes you think

it will be so easy to convince Mr. Younger of that?

Well, let's face it --

a man is always eager to please his new wife.

Oh, he hasn't asked me yet, but he will.

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it?

Room service.

I didn't order room service.

Morning, morning, morning.

Frank Sanders is in love, and all is right with the world.

And incidentally, I may have been too young yesterday,

but I'm a day older today.

Frank, I'm beginning to see

why you had to be tutored last semester.

Now, things are sinking in rather slowly with you.

Now, try to remember this time.

"Mrs. Chase is the mother of my best friend."

Oh, so that's what the problem is.

Oh, it's not that you don't care about me.

It's that you're hung up on being the mother

of my best friend.

Oh, we mustn't let that interfere with us, really.

Hey, mom, have you had breakfast yet?

What the hell is going on here?

Hey, look, Billy --

no, don't "look, Billy" me.

Oh, Billy, no! Leave him alone!

Okay, I'll leave him alone.

I'll leave you both alone!

Billy?

I don't know who your young man is,

but you're doing the right thing

in making a decision and then carrying it out immediately.

I learned that in business a long time ago.

I hope this man you've fallen in love with

is worthy of your love... And my money.

Somebody like my new executive vice-president.

I'll see you later, father.

Hi, Linda.

Hi, Nick.

Um, I want you to meet my father --

you know the one you said you hate everything he stands for?

What?

You, sir, lied to me. You betrayed me.

I only regret that you're not rich,

so that I could have the pleasure of ruining you.

Oh, Nick, don't you pay any attention

to what my father said.

Thank you.

Just pay attention to what I say!

And I say, "don't you ever talk to me again -- not ever!"

I thought you believed in non-violence.

I do, but when non-violence doesn't work, it makes me mad!

♪♪

Billy?

Yes...mother?

Billy, you didn't see what you thought you saw.

I saw what I saw.

I know you're not going to believe this,

but for some unknown reason,

frank has suddenly convinced himself

that he's in love with me.

What was the "unknown reason," mom?

Was the unknown reason that you led him on?

Were you playing the sexy divorcée?

♪♪

You really think Mr. Younger's gonna ask her to marry him?

Well, she's one sharp enchilada.

And a nice man like Mr. Younger is "nutty" in her hands.

Oh, putty.

Yeah, he's a putty.

Well, why don't you warn him? Tell him what she's really like.

Oh, no, I couldn't do that, Julie.

There are some things a man has to find out for himself.

Oh, but April, what if he doesn't find out

until it's too late?

Then that's the way the "bookie" crumbles.

Cookie.

No, thanks.

The way I feel now, I couldn't eat a thing.

Hi. I brought you a present.

[ Scoffs ] Frank, don't you understand?

You've caused so many problems already.

I don't want you to give me any presents.

Oh, I'm not giving you presents.

Only these flowers are for you.

See this stuffed animal? It's for me...

Until I grow up and start acting my age.

So you do finally understand.

Listen, I don't need a brick wall to fall on me.

Actually, any kind of heavy wall will do.

Have you spoken to Billy yet?

No.

Why not?

I don't know. It's so embarrassing.

I mean, his best friend -- making a pass at his mother.

But it wasn't a pass. It really wasn't, Mrs. Chase.

I mean, dumb kid or not, I really loved you.

Frank, I hope my son gives me lots of grandchildren,

and when they say to me,

"granny, what are you smiling about?"

I'll be remembering what you just said.

Why don't you go and explain to Billy?

[ Scoffs ] It's not quite that easy.

I mean, I feel like such a jerk.

You wanted so desperately to be older

and slightly more mature than maybe you are right now.

And maturity can come from having to do the things

that maybe you don't want to do.

And that makes you feel like a jerk sometimes.

Come on, I'll walk you downstairs.

♪♪

Hi, darlin'.

Do you dare to call me "darling"

and act as if nothing has happened?

Of course. [ Laughs ]

Ah. What's so funny is that I started

by trying to put one over on your father,

and I wound up fooling you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Let me put it to you this way --

if somebody wanted to liberalize your father's companies,

what would be the worst way to do that?

The worst way would be to tell him

that that's exactly what you want to do.

Okay, but now what would be the best way for me to do that?

Oh, the best way --

the best way would be for you to pretend

to be a young Herbert hoover!

Exactly!

I love you more than ever.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Nicholas, now that you've explained yourself to me,

I'm more impressed with you than ever.

[ Laughs ]

Imagine gaining my daughter's confidence

by pretending to go along with her silly ideas.

Actually, sir, I pretended to be even sillier than she is.

Nicholas, you're a genius.

Wrong. No offense meant, sir, but --

see, actually, there's only one genius on this ship, sir,

and that's the man I'm about to salute right now.

What are you supposed to be doing?

Well, I'd say it looks like I'm packing.

Although I'm told that sometimes things

really aren't the way they look.

Where you goin' in such a hurry?

What difference does that make?

You know the old saying, "three's a crowd" --

even if one of them is your mom.

Maybe even more so if one of them is your mom.

You know, Billy, I want to thank you.

For what?

Well, because when I walked in here,

I was feeling like the world's prize jerk.

But now you're stealing that honor away from me.

Your mother is only what she's always been --

the most terrific lady I've ever met.

Sure. Will you just leave?

Hey, you know what your problem is, man?

You've been blocking too many kicks.

There's nothing between your mother and me --

absolutely nothing.

No, I saw the two of you in each other's arms.

Yeah. Well, you've got a lot to learn about embraces.

I was holding her. She wasn't holding me.

I thought I was in love with her.

She had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Are you sure you're not telling me that to make me feel better?

Would I make myself look like a complete idiot

just to make you feel better?

Well, if it was all your fault,

I ought to punch you in the mouth.

Yeah, you've already done that.

Come on, go talk to your mom.

[ Sighs ]

I feel like such a jerk.

I know.

There's a lot of that going around the ship.

♪♪

Welcome to acapulco.

Fun tours will leave in one half-hour.

Nicholas, it took you, an outsider,

to explain my daughter to me.

Now I realize she was right about things all the time.

Oh, no, father.

The investor's the one

that the entire system depends upon.

I've finally come to realize that.

[ Clears throat ] Would you excuse me for just a second?

I'm gonna go see what's taking the drinks so long.

I'll be right back. Excuse me.

How's it going?

Terrible.

What's the matter?

Well, I've got Linda and her father

lying to each other over there.

And I don't like it as much as I thought I would.

You know, I've always found

that telling the plain, honest truth

is the best thing to do at all times.

You're right.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do right now.

You really believe that?

Of course.

Telling the plain, honest truth

is the best thing to do at all times?

Yes.

Actually, I only did it once. Wanna see the scars?

I thought you were gonna go see about the drinks.

That was a lie.

It was just one of many lies I've been telling you,

and you two have been telling each other.

What do you mean by that, young man?

[ Clears throat ]

I'll tell you exactly what I mean.

I mean, you're a dinosaur.

It's incredible to me that you've got

such a lovely, young daughter because

you must be at least 358 years old.

He's right, father.

What are you talking about? You're worse than he is.

You're living in a smug and pretentious world.

If I were your father, I'd make sure

you got to know the workers better

by making you one of them.

Are you finished?

Yes, I'm finished.

I'm finished lying to get a job,

and I'm finished lying to get a girl.

I tried to cater

to the ridiculous values of both of you,

and I wound up being the biggest fool of all.

Excuse me.

[ Sighs ]

♪♪

Mom?

I don't know if you'll remember this,

but once when I was a little kid,

I had done something wrong in school,

and I never came home till midnight

because I was afraid you'd punish me.

It was in third grade,

and Mrs. Cleary kept you in for talking in class.

I remember, Billy.

I didn't come home till midnight then

to take my punishment.

It's only 9:00 now, so I guess I'm getting a little better.

I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Mom, don't cry.

I'll never do anything like that again.

I promise I won't.

Oh, I'm not crying about that, sweetheart.

Then what are you crying about?

Probably what all parents cry about at one time or another.

You remember exactly how long ago it is since third grade,

but to me, it's just a moment ago.

Oh...

I love you, mom.

Join us now in the acapulco lounge

for miss April Lopez.

[ Slow dance music playing ]

Well, well, well --

I didn't expect to see you kids up so late.

We're here to see April sing.

Really?

I made a deal with the captain.

I sing, and he doesn't charge us for the cruise.

See? I told you she was terrific.

Isn't she, though? Why don't you sing a love song?

Under the circumstances, I think it would be quite appropriate.

Uh, well, I'll tell you all about that later, okay?

[ Music stops; Applause ]

Are we too late?

No, you're just in time.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special treat.

One of our dear friends is going to sing for us --

the dynamic April Lopez.

♪ The first time ever I saw your face ♪

♪ I thought the sun Rose in your eyes ♪

♪ and the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave ♪

♪ to the dark and the end of the skies ♪

[ Crying ]

April?

Dear, whatever's bothering her,

she'd probably much rather be alone.

But she's --

I know, I'm a woman.

I'm a woman, too, and I'm gonna go find her.

Well, I'm not a woman, but I know what I like!

He told me I ought to get a job,

but you left before I could tell you.

I'm not qualified to do anything.

Well, then how about a job as executive wife?

Well, sounds like quite a challenge.

When would I start?

How about next Monday at 9:00?

[ Sighs ]

I'll be there.

♪♪

I'm glad we found you a job because, um,

if I know my dinosaurs, I sure don't have one.

Well, let's not worry about that.

In the meantime, shall we get on with my job interview?

Absolutely.

Are you all right?

Why are you crying?

I didn't do anything. I swear.

I know.

I'm crying 'cause I'm gonna miss you very much.

I don't understand.

Well, you see, when your father and miss Michelle get married,

they won't be needing me anymore.

You see, miss Michelle -- she's not used to kids.

She wants you to go to a boarding school.

A boarding school?

A boarding school?

It's not so bad.

You will meet lots of other kids,

and you will still get to see your father on holidays.

Ty, dear...

I know it sounds bad,

but it's really for the best.

I think I know what's best for my kids,

although obviously, I don't always know what's best for myself...

Until now.

I'm sorry.

Mr. Younger, I didn't know you were here.

I hope I don't cause you any trouble.

I don't want you to be unhappy.

April, I'm so unhappy that as soon as we get home...

I'm gonna throw us a great, big party, Mexican-style --

with tacos and tostadas and those, um, um,

paper-animal things filled with toys --

piñatas! Piñatas!

Piñatas! Piñatas!

Piñatas!

Piñatas, yes!

You know something?

When your father learns the language,

he's gonna be all right!

[ Laughs ] Oh, yes.

Hey.

Hey!

By the looks of things, I'd say

you three must have had a great cruise.

Oh, yeah.

Are you all rested for the football season?

We sure are.

All right.

Wow, would you look at that blonde?

Frank, when you saw that same girl the other day,

you thought she was too young.

Huh? Oh, yeah, but, uh --

look how gracefully she's aged.

So long. Take care. Thanks for joining us.

I'm really happy for you two.

Come to think of it -- do you know what he said to me

when he saw you boarding at the beginning of the cruise?

What?

He said to me,

"there's the girl I'm going to marry."

Did you say that?

Yeah, I did.

I say that about every girl I see on every cruise.

Sometimes it works out,

sometimes it doesn't. [ Laughs ]

Goodbye, gopher, and thank you for everything.

Goodbye, sir.

[ Sighs ]

I thought it over last night, and you're right.

I am an old dinosaur,

but even old dinosaurs

can recognize honesty when they see it.

So if you still want the job as executive vice-president,

it's yours.

Oh, daddy!

Thank you very much, sir. I'm very grateful.

Really? No salute?

Oh --

oh, come on! Salute!

Captain, you and your crew are great,

and I'd like to invite you all to my house

next week for dinner.

Thank you.

Good idea.

I will cook you a recipe that has been handed down

from my great-grandmother to my grandmother

to my mama to me.

Really?

Oh, yes. Nobody wanted it.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪