Original subtitles

[Music playing - Jack Jones, "love boat theme"]

(Singing) Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow, it floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

The girls seem to get prettier every cruise.

Well, the poor dears will have to just

suffer without me this trip.

An old friend from medical school

is coming aboard with his wife.

We'll have a nice, quiet time, just rapping about school days.

Yes, that sounds very exciting.

There he is.

Charlie.

Adam.

Hey, good to see you.

You're looking good.

So do you.

This is my wife, Sandy.

Sandy, what a pleasure to meet you.

Adam, the worst possible thing happened.

I won't be able to make the trip.

My partner came down with pneumonia

and I've got to handle his surgeries.

You won't be coming?

I won't be able to manage it.

It will just be Sandy.

I've got to run, i'm late for the hospital.

Another time, I promise.

Bye, honey.

I'm really sorry.

Good bye, Charlie.

I'll meet the ship when you come back.

You have a good time.

You see that she does.

Well, you heard what the doctor said.

You there.

Yes, you.

I'm buckstone Cooper III and this is Priscilla hensley.

Our cabins, please.

Yes, of course.

Let's see.

You're on the promenade deck, cabins 340 and 342.

You can go right through those doors.

Come along, Priscilla.

Thank you.

Boy, if he's the third, I need to meet one and two.

Can I help you, sir?

Yeah.

That lady that you just talked to,

her name is Penelope kipnis, right?

No.

No, Priscilla hensley.

Priscilla hensley?

Mhm.

I could have sworn it was penny.

Your name, sir?

I'm sorry.

It's rondo, Nick rondo.

Ok.

Let' see.

Oh yes, you're on the promenade deck, cabin 110.

You can go right through those doors.

Thank you.

Hensley?

Mhm.

That lady has a clone named penny kipnis.

Did you see the way he looked at her?

Yeah.

Wow, I wouldn't mind being penny.

Hi, excuse me.

I don't want to bother you, but could you tell

me where the aloha deck is?

Oh, no bother at all.

I'll show you where it is.

Here, this way.

What you do you is just go right down these stairs right here.

Oh, thank you.

I'm really looking forward to this.

I've heard so much about these cruises.

Well, if you're looking for excitement,

you came to the right place.

I know.

I can't wait for basket weaving class.

Don't go too crazy on the first day.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I get a list of all the single girls on the ship?

Man, you don't waste any time.

Are you trying to set a world record?

Yeah.

I'm Tony streeter.

I work for the encyclopedia of world records.

Oh, you here on business or pleasure?

Well, business for me, pleasure for him.

That's Casper Martin, remember the name.

He's going to set a world record.

For what, tiddlywinks?

No.

On this cruise, Casper's going to break the world

record for making love.

[Boat horn]

[Music playing]

Ok, then we have the daytime activities.

Skeet shooting, exercise classes, macram , golf.

Would you please unzip me?

Uh-huh.

Shuffleboard, swimming, basket weaving, Spanish lessons, and

that, of course, is all that--

whoa.

I'm sorry.

I better go.

Why?

It will only take me a few minutes

to get into my bathing suit.

Um, I'll see you on deck.

Hi, penny.

I beg your pardon?

Well, you're penny kipnis, aren't you?

I'm afraid not.

My name is hensley, Priscilla hensley.

Come on, penny.

Cut it out.

We went to high school together, remember?

Your father had a delicatessen on Fordham road.

Um, I'm sorry, Mr.--

rondo, Nick rondo.

Mr. Rondo, my father spent all his adult life

in the councillor's service.

I was educated and raised abroad,

and I've never been on Fordham road, was it, in my life.

As for delicatessens, I must admit, I love the food.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Who was that?

A case of mistaken identity.

He was convinced I was an old high school

flame from the Bronx.

The Bronx?

In New York?

Unless they've moved it.

Who would've given him an idea like that?

I haven't the faintest idea.

And if you're going to start checking up on me again, bucky.

No, no, Priscilla.

That's all over.

I mean, if you're going to become

a member of the Cooper family, we'll have to start

trusting you, won't we?

I guess we will.

Are you going to stay out here all day?

But if I leave, I promise to come and sign out.

Mr. Streeter, can I ask you something?

Yes, he is.

Were you on the level of v--

he is what?

Going to break the world record for making love.

You're kidding.

That little, nerdy guy?

I know, it's hard to believe.

But women just can't stay away from him.

He's human flypaper, which makes me very happy since it will

also make me $10,000 richer.

How's that?

I've been collecting records for the encyclopedia

for 15 years, and all I need is one more

and I get a 10 grand bonus.

I got to talk to him. He--

hey, man.

Not a word to Casper, or anyone.

He doesn't know anything about this.

If he thought for a moment someone was

watching him and keeping records,

it would completely inhibit him.

You mean he's doing this without even trying?

He's got a certain something that attracts the ladies,

and he just isn't able to say no.

Take a look at this.

This is last month's tabulation.

All these women?

Casper?

And all he needs are four more to break the record.

Just four.

Hey, champ.

Where you've been?

Oh, I helped this tall, blonde lady find her cabin,

and, one thing led to another.

Incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

Hey, gopher.

Julie asked me to remind you that we may have

an amateur show, and to keep an eye open for passengers

with talent.

I already found one.

Let me guess.

He plays harmonica.

We always have a dozen harmonica players.

I'm on it, right?

You're not even close.

- Hi. - Hello.

Hey, doc.

Swapping lives with your old schoolmate?

No, not exactly.

I've been kind of babysitting.

Babysitting?

Well, you see, my friend couldn't

make it so his wife came alone.

And he asked me to look out for her.

Oh, one of those dowdy, little housewives.

Yeah, what a drag.

Well, she's not exactly dowdy.

Oh wow.

Ooh.

That's her.

Your friend asked you to watch her?

That's like asking a cat to watch the aquarium.

Oh, knock it off.

You don't think i-- do you think I'm crazy?

Charlie's my best friend.

What are friends for?

That's a lot of woman.

I don't envy doc.

No, he can handle it.

Under doc's carefree manner, he's really very moral.

Nothing will happen.

I know, that's why I don't envy him.

I'm being honest.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I have a scotch and water?

Ok.

Where's Casper?

He went to get some postcards.

Well, you know, I still don't believe

that little guy's record.

Believe it.

He's dynamite.

Hi.

Hey, pal.

What took you so long?

Oh, well, the lady in fiesta 136

asked if she could see my postcards.

And before we even got to moon over mazatl n--

it was bon voyage.

Wait, wait.

Fiesta 136?

That's Lola cloud's cabin.

She's got a body that won't quit.

And a surprising interest in postcards.

How about a drink?

Oh yeah, I could really use one.

Give him a drink.

Isaac, could I have a glass of milk, please?

Straight up.

Yeah.

Ok, here you go.

Oh, what's the damage, Isaac?

Nothing.

The lady at that table over there

told me to put all of Mr. Martin's drinks on her tab.

Oh.

Are people on these cruises always this nice.

Sure.

Beautiful women buy me drinks all the time.

I almost forgot.

Your vitamins.

Oh yeah.

Thank you.

I needed that.

Listen, why don't you--

why don't you go relax and I'll send

you over another glass of milk.

No, I think I'll relax and you can

send me over the glass of milk.

Well, the magic number's down to two

with almost the whole trip ahead of us.

It's a piece of cake.

I don't get it.

He does.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was-- you take it.

Hi.

I'm Norma kitteridge.

Hi, I'm Casper Martin.

It's always nice to meet another milk drinker.

Yeah.

Back in Nebraska, we try to drink four classes every day.

Nebraska, really?

I'm from Nebraska.

What town?

I doubt if you've ever heard of.

It's a small town called bear bluff.

You're kidding.

I'm from woodville.

We're practically neighbors.

[Laughs]

Small world.

[Music playing]

And then the planet said, if I could do that, I'll be a star.

[Laughs]

Oh, I just love this, being surrounded by two gorgeous men.

Thank you very much.

Well, Sandy What'll you have?

Well, for my entr e, I'll have steak.

And for dessert--

hey, Isaac.

Isaac, whatever that monstrosity is you got there,

I'll have one.

This is a genuine, authentic Isaac Washington masterpiece.

But you're going to have to settle for a copy

because the original is going to that lady there.

Listen, I'll deliver this one, ok.

You can start on mine before you run out of parts.

All right.

Thank you.

Your drink, ma'am.

Thank you, Isaac.

Moonlighting, Mr. Rondo?

Look, I just want to apologize for coming on so strong

this morning.

I guess I wanted so badly for you

to be penny that I got a little pussy, and I'm really sorry.

She must have been somebody very special.

Yeah.

I guess I fell in love with her the first time

I saw her, high school.

She was a brand new freshmen and I was a hotshot

four letterman junior.

Puppy love?

Maybe.

If it was, it took a long time getting over it.

I don't even think she knew that I was alive.

I doubt that.

You're not exactly the overlookable type.

Priscilla.

Hi.

Nick, this is my fianc , buckstone Cooper.

Hi.

Do people call you buck.

Most people call me Mr. Cooper.

Right.

I guess they would.

Bye, Priscilla.

That was rude and uncalled for.

Priscilla, I can't go along with this business of everybody

being on a first name basis.

I reserve that for my friends.

Nick happens to be a very nice man.

Hopefully, your taste will improve after we're married.

[Music playing]

This is great, Adam.

I'm really enjoying myself.

Yeah.

Me, too.

You know, doc, what really turns me on is that you

and I think so much alike.

Would you like to dance?

Oh, I'd love to.

Please, I'm not sure if my heart can stand the pace.

You know, I think I like it this way better.

It's a getting kind of hot in here, isn't it?

Let's hope so.

How about a long, cold bed--

drink.

Whatever you say.

Ok.

You hang onto the booth.

Here you go.

And I'll get Isaac.

Oh, goodness.

Uh, meryl, please, I need a favor.

Oh?

Sandy, that's my friend's wife.

She's uh, well, what I mean is--

I've noticed.

I thought maybe if you could spend some time with her,

I could duck out and make some kind of excuse later.

Sure, Adam.

Oh, thanks.

I'm sure my friend's given her some wild build up about me,

but she shouldn't be a problem for you.

No.

I'll just keep her company.

And what kind of problem would that be?

[Music playing]

Nick?

Now it's my turn to apologize.

No.

Please don't apologize.

There's no need.

You're quite a guy.

What do you do when you're not on a cruise?

Well, I've always been pretty good at taking

things apart, like radios and tvs and that kind of thing.

So I started off as a repairman and now I have

a little business of my own.

Married?

Because of penny?

No, at least I don't think so.

Penny was very special to me.

I still think of her.

But-- I guess this must sound pretty silly to you.

No.

It doesn't sound silly.

Nick, forget penny.

She's dead.

Dead?

Oh nicko, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to--

nicko?

Nobody's called me that since--

how do you know she's dead?

Because I'm penny.

I knew it.

Nick, listen.

Penny is dead.

Her place was taken by Priscilla hensley.

Priscilla hensley, whose father never owned a delicatessen

on Fordham road in the Bronx.

Don't you understand?

Yeah, I think I'm beginning to.

Priscilla hensley is engaged to marry

buckstone rensley Cooper III.

And that means money, position, all the good things in life.

So please, nicko, don't louse it up for me.

[Soft music playing]

Do you see Norma anywhere?

Nope.

You spent the entire evening looking for her.

I mean, it isn't fair to all the other ladies

who are dying to meet here.

There she is.

What's new with the love machine?

Well, he still needs two more to break the record.

But I'm not worried.

I guess he's just having an off day.

His off days are better than my on years.

Um, would you care to dance?

I'm sorry, ladies.

Norma?

Excuse me.

What was that all about?

I guess some people just like to dance.

We're all so pretty.

Not near as pretty as you.

Oh, Casper.

Do you really mean it?

Sure I do.

I would never lie to you.

There's something about you that's very special.

I bet you say that to all the girls.

No.

They say it to me.

[Music playing]

[Laughs]

Oh, it's so sweet of you, captain, to make sure

I'm not lonely while doc is tied up.

Oh, it's my pleasure, Sandy.

I like keeping my passengers happy.

Besides, I had an enjoyable evening, too.

Well, it doesn't have to end yet.

Why don't you come in for a nightcap?

I don't think I better.

It's getting late.

Good night, Sammy.

You know, meryl, you're a very attractive man.

It's the uniform that does it.

You must have quite a problem on these cruises

with all the women losing their hearts to you.

Yes.

I mean, no.

Occasionally, very occasionally.

Are you sure you won't come in for that nightcap?

You didn't notice?

I don't drink.

It doesn't have to be a drink.

I'm really due up on the bridge.

I'm sorry.

So am I. Perhaps tomorrow night we can pick

up right where we left off.

Good night.

Good night.

May I join you, Nick?

Mr. Rondo, and no.

I deserve that.

I came over to tell you that I'm sorry for my rudeness.

My only excuse is jealousy.

A bad excuse, but i00

no.

As a matter of fact, it's about the only excuse

that I can understand.

Have a seat.

Glad that's over.

Me too.

Priscilla tells me you mistook her for an old friend of yours.

Yeah.

Of course, I can see now that she

doesn't really look like her.

It's just a vague resemblance.

Uh-huh.

Funny how the mind plays tricks.

An old girlfriend?

High school.

Good old Thomas Edison.

What year was that?

It was too long ago to remember.

Hey listen, can I buy you a drink?

No, I have to make a call, but perhaps another time.

I've never had such a good time with anyone before.

You make me feel like i'm the only girl in the world.

You are, as far as I'm concerned.

Now here's my cabin.

I had a wonderful evening.

Oh, me too.

Good night.

Good night.

Casper?

Yes?

Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?

Oh.

I'd love to.

Um, Norma, I have a confession to make.

I don't drink coffee.

That's ok.

I don't have any.

Thank you, Norma kitteridge, from the bottom

of my bank book.

The record for lovemaking is just about broken.

Just one more lady to go.

[Music playing]

What kind of breakfast is that for a growing girl?

The only kind I can have so I stop being a growing girl.

Where's buckstone 3?

Are you serious?

He never gets up before noon.

Oh, good.

Listen, I want to talk to you.

Well?

Penny, you can't do.

All right, all right, Priscilla.

But you still can't do it.

Do what?

Marry that guy for his money.

You show me words engraved in stone.

What about love?

Love?

I'll tell you about love.

My mother married for love, and you know what it got her?

A three room flat in the Bronx, six kids,

a lifetime of cooking, cleaning, and mending.

Never any time or money for herself.

She had one dream, getting her hair

done by a real hairdresser.

But something else always came first

she died at the ripe old age of 36,

and her dream died with her.

No thanks, Nick.

Maybe I am a cold, calculating gold digger,

but that is never going to happen to me.

Never.

So do we let penny rest in peace or do I have to leave again?

All right, eat your breakfast, or whatever that is.

You win.

Friends?

Friends.

[Knock on door]

Good morning, Adam.

Morning, meryl.

Listen, have you lost a few pounds?

You look very trim.

Oh, thank you for noticing.

I've been working on it, yes.

Listen, could you take Sandy ashore when we get to mazatl n.

You know, show her the town and give her the--

Adam, I don't think I want to spend any more time with her.

She didn't.

She did.

You're kidding.

She made a pass at you?

What's so strange about that?

Some women find me very attractive.

I didn't mean that.

I was just wondering if she actually--

are you sure that she made a pass, I mean?

Of course I'm sure.

I know a pass when I see one.

And this wasn't one of those short yardage passes.

This was the bomb.

Ooh.

Maybe if she was with someone less appealing,

it'd cool her down.

You know, someone less worldly, less mature.

But who?

Who?

Gopher.

Oh, I don't know.

Can there be trust?

What other choice do you have?

Well, gopher.

Gopher.

Attention, please.

All passengers going ashore to mazatl n, the tour buses

are now waiting on the dock.

Oh, miss, I'd like that painting as a gift.

Hey, Casper.

Hey.

Hey, man.

While you were out, Libby in 110, candy

from the promenade deck, and Mary Lou who saw

you in the dining room called.

Take your picture, champ.

Hey, thanks Tony, but i'm not going to see any of them.

I found miss rice.

Miss rice?

Oh, you mean yolanda rice, the redhead from across the hall?

Good choice.

No, no, no.

Tony, Tony.

I think I'm in love.

What?

From now on, Norma's the only woman in my life.

What are you talking-- what, why, why, why, the big jump?

I mean, there are plenty others out there.

Hey, I don't want anyone else.

Not even one?

Look, why would I risk my relationship with Norma?

I can think of 10,000 reasons why.

Casper, you can't do this, all those poor women.

I mean, it's your duty as a good American.

Look.

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, you know,

but I don't think Norma would like the idea of my being

with someone else.

No, I'll bet she wouldn't.

Cablegram for you, Mr. Cooper.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Bad news?

I think you'd better read miss.

Priscilla hensley.

Name, Penelope kipnis.

Born, Bronx, new York, June 6th, 19--

you couldn't leave it alone, could you, bucky?

And for good reason, as it turns out.

You weren't exactly truthful with me, Priscilla.

Well, that's one for your side.

But does it justify your spying on me,

or do they cancel each other out?

Let's not make this any more difficult than it already is.

You know I'm very fond of you, but by family--

I think you should leave, bucky.

You're beginning to depress me.

Well, just try the medication.

You should be feeling better in the morning.

Ok.

All right, bye bye.

You wanted to see me, doc?

How's my old pal, gophie.

Good to see.

What do you want?

It's about Sandy.

I'd like you to take care of her,

just for the rest of the cruise.

Forget it.

Gopher, you're supposed to be my friend.

Doc, I am your friend.

Well?

Well, I couldn't handle the temptation.

Do you actually expect me to sit there

and look at that gorgeous body and that sensational face.

Don't do that.

And her long, beautiful legs.

Stop it.

And her sensual--

stop it.

Doc, I'd like to help you out, but it would take

a man of iron not to respond.

I guess you're right.

It would take a man of iron.

So I'll handle it myself.

We only have 24 hours left.

I'll just keep reminding myself that she's married to my very

old and very dear friend.

Charlie.

Oh, Norma, Norma.

Hi.

My name is Tony streeter.

I work for the encyclopedia of world records.

Congratulations.

For what?

You're going to be famous.

Your name will be listed with the greatest Casanova

of all time, Casper Martin.

What are you talking about?

Your little rendezvous last night,

it made romantic history.

Now, all Casper needs is one more woman

and he breaks the world record for lovemaking.

There must be some mistake.

Here, look for yourself.

There are all the ladies, and that's you.

Are you saying that I'm nothing

more than a statistic to him?

Oh.

Look, I'll you around.

Have a good day.

Norma.

Hi.

This is for you.

Is this my prize?

Huh?

You Casanova.

Does this mean it's over?

[Music playing]

What's the matter?

You're the kind of guy who likes to say, I told you so.

And now's your chance.

You want to run that by me one more time?

Sure.

Buckstone rensley Cooper III just dumped me.

I'm sorry.

Penny, it's not the end of the world.

Yes, it is, unless you can think of something

I haven't been able to since the roof caved in.

Well, there's one thing that you can do, marry me.

Oh, Nick.

You sweet nicko.

Do you remember saying you thought I didn't know you were

alive back in the old days?

I knew.

The only thing that kept me from falling at your feet was fear.

I was petrified of you rejecting me.

You're kidding.

Oh, baby, that makes everything perfect.

We can pick up right from there.

There'll be no preliminaries.

We're not those kids anymore.

And I told you, I don't want to live my mother's

life all over again.

Penny.

Ssh.

No, don't.

Penny.

It won't work.

Please, nicko.

Make it easy.

All right.

[Music playing]

What's with him?

Some dame clobbered him over the head

and told him to take a hike.

She was the sweetest, the gentlest girl I ever met.

Sounds like it.

Look, when you fall off a horse,

you've got to get right back on.

Now, there'll be plenty of girls at the dance.

Let's go.

I'm not interested in anyone else.

Have you tried talking to her?

Did I ever?

I called her a dozen times.

I went to her cabin.

I even sent her flowers.

She doesn't want to have anything to do with me.

Will you forget her?

Maybe he's right.

Hey, I can't forget her.

You're really stuck on her, aren't you?

I don't think anybody could feel worse than I do right now.

I do.

Priscilla, I was wrong.

You were wrong?

Well, that's a first, bucky.

I was upset.

I mean, finding out you weren't the person you claim to be.

I'm still the same person, bucky.

Only the names were changed to protect the guilty.

All I'm guilty of is being born in the Bronx and poor.

Which part bothers you the most?

Please try to understand.

You know my family and their concern

about the woman I married, the sort of children we'd have.

Bucky, let's drop it.

I'm not going to be your wife, so there isn't any--

but I still feel the same way about you.

You have the looks, intelligence.

All my own teeth.

Perhaps it could work.

Are you saying, despite knowing who I am, that you

still want to marry me?

Yes, Priscilla.

That's what I'm saying.

If you're here to tell me about Casper's latest, thanks,

but I'll wait till it comes out in paperback.

Look.

Casper isn't interested in any conquest, he never really was.

But you told me.

That's because I wanted you to dump him so another woman would

grab him, and then the encyclopedia

would pay me for submitting his lovemaking record.

I mean, don't blame Casper.

He doesn't even know anything about the record,

and he doesn't care about anybody but you.

What about all those other women, that long list?

Look, the past isn't important, Norma.

What's important is that there's a guy who adores you standing

alone at the back of the ship considering

throwing himself overboard.

[Music playing]

I will never forget the night Charlie

brought a shark back from the dissecting lab

and hid it in my bed.

[Laughs] He's really something, that guy, Charlie.

And a great friend.

I think I'd like a gin and tonic, please.

Oh, a gin and tonic.

Fine, you sit right here and I'll get it personally.

Isaac, a gin and tonic.

Easy on the chin and the double scotch.

How's it going?

So far, perfect.

I've steered her away from dark places,

watered down her drinks, and kept the conversation

completely De-sexed.

I just hope all these bad habits I'm picking up

aren't permanent.

It sounds like you're doing fine.

But the real test is still to come when I finally

see her back to her cabin.

That's when she's murder.

I know.

It's going to be close.

It'll be touch and go.

The question is, when she touches,

will you be able to go?

Gin and tonic, double scotch to go.

Thanks, Isaac.

[Knock at door]

May I come in?

Bucky still wants to marry me.

But you turned him down.

How do you know?

Because you're going to marry me.

Oh.

You and your corny ideas about love.

Corny?

Ok, romantic.

What I forgot, about my mother's unhappy life,

was that she was happy.

I thought that all the things I thought were important,

she never thought about at all, that what I remembered

was a grubby, little apartment, it

was really a home, a home that was always filled with love.

When she died, her last words were to my father.

She said, you've given me the best life any woman ever had.

I love you.

So if we're going to be as poor as my folks were,

let's hope we have as much love as they had.

Penny, penny, baby, we're really

not going to be all that poor.

It doesn't matter to me.

As long as we're together, we'll make

it, nicko, money or no money.

You remember that little business I told you about?

I know.

There isn't any, right?

Well--

see, you don't have to impress me.

If that's what you want, we'll build one together.

You're something.

It's called rondo electronics, but it's

not really a little place.

It's really kind of a big place.

What is?

My business.

It doesn't honestly--

how big?

Well, I'd say, you picking me over bucky boy,

you made a pretty even swap.

Oh, you dirty rat.

Here I am--

Casper.

Norma.

I've been going over and over it in my head to figure

out what I did to upset you.

I still can't figure it out.

But whatever it was, I want you to know how sorry I am.

It's all right, Casper.

You must believe, I never did it to hurt you.

You mean more to me than anything in the world.

Casper, it's ok.

I just feel so terrible-- what?

Let's forget about what happened

and start all over again.

Don't you want to hear the rest of my apology?

I can think of a better way to spend that time.

Yes, we should be back in Los Angeles by mid-morning.

That will sure be nice to see good old Charlie again,

won't it? - Goodnight, Adam.

Thank you for--

no, pass.

I really can't stay for a nightcap.

I understand.

You see, I've got to check into the sickbay.

See you in the morning, good night.

I'd like to stay, but duty--

that's it?

[Crying]

I'm so ashamed.

I know what you and the captain must think.

I tried.

I thought I really wanted to have an affair.

I could never have gone through with it.

Hey, easy, easy.

Maybe I wanted to hurt Charlie.

I don't know.

He doesn't want me.

I wanted to prove somebody else did.

Is there another woman?

I wish there were that I could compete with.

No Charlie's love affair is with medicine,

with his career, with his practice, with his work.

What do I do, Adam?

Do you still love him?

That's the problem.

Charlie's a wonderful guy.

I'll tell you what.

Let me try a little wake-up medicine on him.

Oh, Adam.

You're so sweet.

After what i--

I hope you still don't think i--

what I think is that Mrs. Charlie

is a pretty wonderful guy, too.

Adam, what do you mean by wake-up medicine.

Hey, trust the doctor.

[Music playing]

You know, even though he didn't set the record,

I'm glad things worked out for Casper.

That's a very gracious remark, coming from a man

that just lost $10,000.

I thought I could replace Casper,

but I think his appeal is his shyness.

I guess I'm just too macho.

Yeah well, I'm sure there's someone out there who

could help me earn my bonus.

Well, good luck to you. Hope you find him.

Thanks, thanks.

It's good to see--

hey, listen.

Either of you guys think you can eat 4,000 waffles?

But Casper, it's only for two weeks till we get married.

Yeah, but why do I have to stay there?

Because it's the only place I know you'll be safe.

Gee.

I didn't even know that woodville had a ymca.

I guess you never know what's going

to happen on these cruises.

Oh, I sure like the switch she made.

Julie, thank you.

It was wonderful.

Oh, sure.

I hope you had a fun trip, Priscilla.

It was absolutely sensational, and the name is penny,

Penelope kipnis from the Bronx.

Oh, Mr. Rondo, you were right about her all along,

weren't you?

Sure was, Vicki, from the first time I saw her.

Well, glad you enjoyed your cruise.

- Bye bye. - Bye.

Thank you.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the cruise, Mr. Cooper.

Well, let's just say I won't forget it.

I lost something very special.

Oh.

Well, did you check with lost and found?

Maybe the finder turned it in.

I think not, captain.

If he's smart, he'll hold on to it.

Bye.

Good bye.

Relax.

All you have to do is look beautiful,

which comes very easily to you.

He's here.

He's here.

William a. Porter, promenade 217.

Fondest regards.

And from Mr. [inaudible] Shaw and his twin brother.

On the next cruise, it was promised to be at my table.

Hi, honey.

Oh hi, Charlie.

Oh, you must be the doctor.

How are you?

Since I am the ranking officer, I insist

on having the first dance.

Oh captain, you're so sweet.

Looks like you'll have to take a number.

Looks like she had a great time.

She sure did.

She was a perfect lady, but she wasn't lonely for a minute.

She doesn't deserve to be.

Am I getting a message?

I sure hope so.

As professor Gridley used to quote, physician, heal thyself.

Oh Charlie, I had a wonderful time.

Can I come back again next year?

Ok, but I warn you, next time, you're

going to have to settle for flowers just

from me, because i'm going to monopolize

every minute of your time, ok?

Oh, fellas.

Thanks for everything.

[Music playing]