Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Whew!

Quite a boatload of beauties.

My travel agent promised a scenic cruise,

but we haven't even left the dock yet.

Ha ha ha! Hi, I'm Hank welker.

Hi. Adam bricker -- ship's doctor.

Well, hello, there.

And I only charge $10.00

to put your eyes back in your head.

[ Laughs ]

What a great place for a single guy.

You could do a lot worse.

Hey, Sally!

My wife.

You're married?

I'm married, but I'm not dead.

Sally, this is Dr. Bricker.

Doc, my wife, Sally.

Hi.

A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Welker.

Nice to meet you, too.

I hope you have a pleasant cruise.

Thanks. We're gonna try.

Your cabin is right through those doors and to the left.

Thanks.

Heh heh. I'm telling you, sal -- if we ever split up,

I'm coming here to celebrate the divorce.

How's it going?

Try to figure some guys -- a very attractive wife,

and all he talks about is other women.

Gee, that must drive her crazy.

Remember, we supply food, lodging, and entertainment.

Marriage counseling is not in our brochure.

This ship is sailing soon. We'd better get off.

Not yet.

Would you believe your girlfriend

if she said she was going on a cruise with her brother?

I think she's cheating on me, Bobby.

Hey, there she is.

Oh, Rudy, did you remember to bring the traveler's checks?

I've got them right here.

Good.

I look more like her brother than he does.

Come on, Charley, you've had your look.

I'm not leaving till I find out who that clown is for sure.

Okay, pal. Bon voyage.

Okay, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 219.

Go right through those doors and turn left.

Enjoy yourselves.

We will.

Don't you worry.

Hi.

Hello.

I'm Pam Madison.

You're on the fiesta deck, cabin 217.

Just follow that couple right there.

You're right next to them.

Thank you.

Pam, darling, you surprised?

I was able to get away after all.

But --

I'm her husband. I'll pay you later.

Cruise now, pay later?

What is going on here?! Who do you think you are?!

Uh, Charley Cole -- CIA.

Ci--

shh!

There are two foreign agents

staying in the cabin next door to you.

Foreign agents?!

Shh! I'll have to stay in your cabin to spy on them.

You, in my cabin?

Yes.

For how long?

As long as it takes -- maybe the entire trip.

Uh, I don't even know you.

Ma'am, the security of an entire nation is at stake.

Come on, just try to look natural,

because there might be other foreign agents watching.

Others? What is it -- a convention?

Enjoy the cruise.

Excuse me. We're Mr. and Mrs. Hooper.

I'm Violet, and he's Carl.

I'm captain stubing.

It's a pleasure to have you aboard.

Thank you.

We're here for our 40th anniversary.

Our son is treating.

It's sort of a double celebration.

I'm retiring after 40 years as a mailman.

Oh, I bet I know what you're gonna do on this cruise.

Sit around and soak your feet!

You know how many one-cent stamps in a dozen

when I started?

How many?

12 -- always 12 in a dozen.

Gotcha that time.

Yeah.

Carl was the best letter carrier they ever had.

Had is right -- past tense.

Now all we have is my pension, and I hope we make it.

We'll manage.

Mr. and Mrs. Hooper,

in honor of your anniversary, you must have dinner with me.

At the captain's table?

It's the only place they let me eat.

Thank you, captain.

That's almost as good as eating with the postmaster general.

Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Hooper,

your room is just around the corner and down the stairs.

Oh, listen, here, let me help you with this.

Thank you, young man.

You bet.

Carl, put that away.

But, bluebell...

You'll only embarrass the young man.

Here -- you'll never get a nickel out of the missus.

It's a nickel.

[ Air horn blows ]

I don't believe any of this.

How do I know you're really with the CIA?

I showed you my identification.

All that said was "Charley Cole."

It didn't say "CIA."

It never does.

That way, if we're ever picked up in a foreign country,

they don't know who we're working for.

I come for a vacation

and I end up in the middle of the cold war.

I can't hear a thing.

He's probably kissing her right now.

Did you say, "kissing her"?

No. I said "kissinger."

He's a master of disguise.

Look! Look! Look at that --

the blonde with legs clear up to her throat!

I tell you --

i think they're on this ship just to drive me crazy.

Good afternoon.

Oh, hi.

If I weren't a married man...

Doc, pipe that!

I mean, what a shape!

When she jumped into that suit, she almost missed.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, sal --

don't you wish you had a figure like that, huh?

She probably hasn't had two children.

I have two children.

Look at me -- how trim I am.

[ Laughs ]

Are you feeling all right?

Oh, just a slight headache.

I'll be in my office if you need anything.

Thanks. I may see you there.

I better close my eyes.

I'm starting to get palpitations.

Couldn't you come up with a better disguise?

I expected something a little more professional.

It's the best the gift shop could do, Pam.

And anyway, in the spy game, the key is subtlety.

Ugh!

Hey!

Excuse me, I'm sorry. It's my fault.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

That was a close call.

Why? Who are they?

They're the ones I'm following.

Those two? They look so harmless.

Harmless? Boris and Natasha korinski?

They're Russia's top brother-and-sister spy team.

Really?

They don't look like brother and sister.

You can say that again.

Listen, Pam, I want you to help me.

I want you to go over

and eavesdrop on their conversation.

Listen for words like "darling," "honey"...

"Lover."

I don't understand.

Uh, th-- th-- they're code words.

The nicer the words, the greater trouble I'm in.

You?

Well, when I say "i'm," I mean the u.S.A.

Oh, okay.

Mmm.

This is living.

Oh, think I need some suntan lotion, sweet pea.

Squeeze it from the bottom, dear.

We can get another vacation out of it.

Here you go, folks. Would you like some goodies?

They're on the house.

May I have some peanuts?

As many as you want.

Oh, thank you.

Save some for the other people.

He said I could have all I want,

and all my life I've wanted a lot of peanuts.

Come in.

Oh, hi.

I've decided to take you up on your offer.

I could really use something for my headache.

Well, come in, sit down. Let me take a look at you.

Well, I'm fine. It's just a headache.

Uh-huh. Are your eyes okay?

Yeah.

And no problem with your ears, huh?

Mnh-mnh.

What about your throat?

Fine.

Scratchy? Not at all scratchy, huh?

Just...

I guess you're right.

Probably nothing more than a mild tension headache.

Two of these ought to do it.

And two more in four hours if you feel you need it.

But no more than eight a day.

Here you go.

Good.

Thanks a lot, Dr. Bricker.

I really didn't do that much, Mrs. Welker.

You're very kind. I appreciate it.

A few aspirins --

hardly worth your eternal gratitude.

But if you're not feeling any better,

come back and see me.

I will.

Good.

I'm sure the cruise will relax you.

I hope so.

You seem to be on your way to a beautiful tan.

Well, I-I guess everybody looks better with a tan.

Oh, it looks especially good on you.

Thanks.

Wish my husband were as observant as you.

Ah, can I help you?

Yeah -- send those two lovebirds over there

a couple of arsenic cocktails.

Comin' up.

What did they say?

Well, I got five "sugars," three "darlings,"

and a "honeybunch."

What does that give you?

An ulcer.

Good evening.

How's your headache?

Gone. Your aspirin did the trick.

Well, I guess all those years at medical school finally paid off.

Aspirin was my major.

Hiya, doc.

Oh, hi.

How you doin'?

Just fine. Thank you.

Hank, where've you been? I've been waiting 20 minutes.

Oh, just checking out the scenery.

Say, doc, with all these beautiful lady passengers,

you couldn't use a volunteer male nurse

for the rest of the cruise, could you?

Uh, afraid not, but thanks for the offer.

Good evening.

Hank, you embarrassed Dr. Bricker.

Why? What did I say?

[ Sighs ] Nothing.

Hmm? Are you all right?

I think my headache's coming back.

I'm gonna go to the cabin and get some aspirin.

Okay.

I'll stay here and hold the fort.

You do that.

Huh?

You look nice, Charley.

You're lucky they could round up some clothes for you.

Yeah.

Thanks.

You know, I'm worried about you.

I don't think you should be doing this all alone.

Why didn't they send more than one agent?

They did. See that guy over there?

He's one of our top men.

Though he doesn't look it, he's an expert in martial arts.

You're right. He doesn't look it.

Here they come!

Good evening.

Good evening.

I've got an idea -- while they're in here,

let's sneak down and search their room.

Is that legal?

Of course.

That's right. All's fair in love and war.

It makes me feel good just knowing you're in the room.

And I wasn't even trying, man.

You'll find we have wonderful food onboard,

Mr. and Mrs. Hooper.

Boy, it all sure looks good.

But it looks so expensive.

Our meals are included

in the price of the cruise, sweetheart.

Oh. In that case, order anything you like, dear.

Maybe we'll even have dessert.

Oh, you should. This is a very special occasion.

That's right.

Without that weekly paycheck,

we might not have a chance to eat this good again.

Well, now you can eat till your heart's content.

Thank you, captain.

Little rosebud here

never was known for fixing fancy vittles,

but then how could she on a postman's salary?

Our marriage was rich in...Other ways, dear.

Oh, that's true, buttercup,

but you kept me a little bit thin.

Ah, champagne -- compliments of the captain.

Shall I open it?

No!

No?

We're not drinkers.

Do you think we could have the money instead?

Uh-huh, a double bed.

What does that mean?

That means I'm gonna kill her.

A red bulb? It figures.

Yeah, you were right. They must be communists.

You really said that? And then what happened.

They're back!

Fast eaters!

Well, then I said to the director,

"but my right side is even handsomer.

Let the people see it."

Rudy, you were in a crowd scene

with 500 dead civil war soldiers.

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I want you to know that whatever happens,

I'm very happy I met you.

Shh!

Rudy?

Come here, baby!

Rudy...

When you hold me like this,

you make me feel like your cuddly, little kitten.

That does it! You lied to me, Heather!

Charley?

What are you doing here?

Finding out what a two-timer my girlfriend is.

Your brother, huh?

You've got a lot of nerve spying on me like this!

Get out of here this instant!

Don't worry, I'm going!

[ Door slams ]

Just stay out of my life!

And stay out of my cabin!

[ Door slams ]

Hi.

Hi.

Where have you been all night?

Oh, I, uh, dropped in at the pirate's cove

for a couple of nightcaps.

I thought you were just going for some aspirin.

You never came back for dinner.

And you never came back to see why I didn't come back.

Well, you were the one who left.

Too bad you didn't come find me.

I would've tried to squeeze you in on my dance card.

Who did you dance with?

Oh, I gave 'em all a break.

You know, you would think

that a wedding ring would drive them away,

but instead, it draws them like flies.

By the way, how is your headache?

Much better.

Maybe I won't wear the ring tomorrow.

Maybe that way they'll leave me alone, huh?

Ha ha ha!

You know, sal, you've been getting these headaches a lot.

When we get home,

I think you ought to have a real thorough checkup.

Well, as a matter of fact,

Dr. Bricker did look me over quite thoroughly.

Oh, he's a ship's doctor. What would he know?

He knew enough to find me very attractive.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

He just told me he thought I had a sensational tan.

And?

And he led me to believe he'd like to see more of it.

Well, what else did he say during your examination?

Forget it. It's not important.

Well, d-d-d-d-did he say anything else

about what he would like to see?!

D-D-Did he touch you?

A doctor always has to touch you.

You know what I'm talking about.

Well, he did ask me to come back and see him...

Any time.

Oh, he did, did he?

Well, we'll just see about that!

Hank, where are you going?

Come to bed, darling. It's getting late.

In a minute, blossom.

We don't want to miss breakfast --

all the bacon and eggs you can eat and cereal --

maybe even some pancakes.

Boing! Exactly midnight.

Happy anniversary.

Oh!

There you go, honeysuckle -- a little present.

You shouldn't have.

Oh, Carl -- our wedding picture.

Yeah, it's a new frame.

Sure was a beautiful dress.

Still is.

Oh, thank you, darling.

I hope you got the frame on sale.

I have a surprise for you, too.

Oh.

[ Laughing ] What is this?

It looks like a court summons or something.

Ah, let me see here.

Well, 500 shares general motors,

500 shares at&t, 500 shares of xerox,

500 -- what is this?

A stock portfolio.

Whose?

Ours.

Ours?

This would be worth a fortune.

$200,538.19.

$200,538?

And 19 cents.

Happy anniversary, dear.

But how? Where? I don't --

you know how you always call me pet names

like, um, "rosebud" and "sweet pea"?

Well, ever since we've been married,

I'd take some of the food money you gave me each week

and buy stocks that started with the same letter.

You'd call me "Petunia," and I'd buy polaroid.

You called me "gladiola," and I bought general motors.

And you called me your little "zinnia,"

and I bought xerox.

Xerox starts with an "x."

Oh, I'm glad I didn't know that.

That's been one of the biggies.

Now, just a minute -- let's see if I understand.

We're rich?

I like to think "well off."

You mean for the last 20 years

I've been lugging that heavy sack around,

breaking my back, getting my leg bit,

and we were well off?

And all those years of eating day-old bread

and leftover helper

we had stock in exxon and standard oil?

Surprised?

Well, why didn't you tell me about this years ago?

I could've lived out my dream --

opened up that little knife-sharpening business.

Well, I wanted to tell you some years back,

and then I thought, "if Carl will be happy with $20,000,

he'll be twice as happy with $40,000."

And then when we got to $50,000,

I thought --

I'll tell you what you thought!

You thought if I found out about it,

I might want to spend some of it!

That's the way it's been ever since we married!

Cut corners and pinch pennies!

I was just saving for a rainy day.

A rainy day?!

It's been pouring cats and dogs all our lives

and we had a $200,000 umbrella

that you were too cheap to open up!

You cheat! You jezebel!

[ Door slams ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Sighs ]

Captain stubing.

Captain, this is Hank welker.

Hank, please!

Be quiet.

Captain, I just learned that this afternoon

Dr. Bricker, during a medical examination,

made indecent advances to my wife.

Those are serious charges you're making, Mr. Welker.

Those are not charges, captain. Those are facts.

And I want you to do something about it.

[ Click ]

Pam?

Don't talk to me.

Oh, please, please -- I just want to apologize.

I never should've lied --

especially to someone as nice as you.

And I don't blame you for never forgiving me.

You did make me feel like a fool.

Yeah, I know, and I feel awful.

You don't look too hot, either.

I guess not. Well, what's the difference?

Without Heather, my life's over.

Charley, I don't understand.

Why would you want her back after the way she's treated you?

Haven't you ever been in love?

Yeah, just recently.

It makes you a little more forgiving, I guess.

I wish Heather were as understanding as you.

Does she really mean that much to you?

I would do anything to get her back.

But it's hopeless

with "Joe stallion" hanging around.

I don't know --

maybe he just needs the right carrot dangled in front of him.

Now, that's ridiculous. I never touched Mrs. Welker.

That's not the point. They say you did.

And they can make a lot of trouble for you

with the company.

Merrill, I gave the woman some aspirin.

That's it.

Who is she?

Well, you remember --

the lady who boarded with a husband

who leers at every woman.

Oh, yes --

the one you went over to see at dinner last night.

Yeah.

The one you said was attractive.

Merrill, you don't think I'm gonna jeopardize --

oh, of course not, Adam,

but why would she say you made a pass at her?!

I don't know!

I'm gonna find out.

No, Adam!

You better let me talk to them.

I don't want you to be alone with her.

Captain stubing...

Don't you trust me?

Without question.

We've already had one misunderstanding.

Let's not make it two.

Good morning, Mr. Hooper.

Good morning.

Hi. How's Mrs. Hooper this morning?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Good morning, Mrs. Hooper.

I'll take the stairs.

Good morning, Mr. Welker.

Hi.

I'd like to talk to you and your wife.

She's resting. She has a headache.

Well, did you talk to the doctor?

Yes, yes, I did.

And he said nothing unusual happened

between him and Mrs. Welker.

You mean that's what he usually does with his lady patients?

No, Mr. Welker, that's not what I meant.

Now, look, in all the years Dr. Bricker has been with us,

there's been no complaint filed against him.

Are you sure this isn't some sort of misunderstanding?

Captain, if you're not gonna do anything about this, I will.

I'll go to the president of the cruise line myself

and see that the man is fired.

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

Got to go now, Rudy. Time for exercise class.

Later, babe.

Excuse me, have you seen my script around here?

Script?

Are you an actress?

No. I'm a casting director.

Casting director?

Yes, um, in fact, too bad you're not an actor.

I could use someone just like you in a picture I'm casting.

But I am an actor.

No.

Yes.

Oh, you're kidding me.

I'm not.

Let me go get my portfolio.

Oh, no, no, wait -- pictures are so impersonal.

I like to know my actors.

Maybe we could have dinner tonight.

Well, I --

unless, of course, you're already attached.

Me? Attached?

Baby, I'm the most eligible man aboard this ship.

Good.

When I was in high school, I played a cactus.

Well, really, Mr. Hooper,

you can't just throw away 40 years of marriage.

40 years of slavery, you mean --

tote that bag, lift that mail.

You don't understand.

I could've been somebody with the money she stole from me.

I could've opened my own knife-sharpening business!

I'll tell you, I've had it.

Couldn't you give her just one more chance?

I mean, after all, she is your wife.

Not for long.

As a retired mailman,

I've already gotten rid of one bag.

He's an ungrateful, old geezer.

Now, now, I'm sure it's just a lover's spat.

Oh, no, it isn't.

You know, Mrs. Hooper,

sometimes the two hardest words in the English language to say

are "I'm sorry."

What do I have to apologize for?

I made that man what he is today.

Are you sure this is all you want, Mrs. Hooper,

is a cup of hot water?

Yes, Isaac. Thank you.

I'll never forgive Carl for what he said to me.

Imagine -- calling me a cheap penny pincher!

Charley?

Don't worry. I'm not mad at you anymore.

You're not?

No.

In fact, I never was.

But you told me to stay out of your life.

But I never said anything about my cabin.

Why don't you drop by tonight for a cozy, little dinner --

just you and me, Charley?

Well, I'd love to, but what about that bronzed Adonis

you came onboard with?

Rudy?

I was only with him to make you jealous, silly.

I don't believe it. The hoopers are breaking up.

She's very definite about it.

So is he.

The poor man must be scared.

He's worked hard all his life.

All he's got to show for it is a small pension.

We've got to find a way to get them back together again.

Why don't I throw them a little anniversary party tonight?

That way, they'll be sure to come together.

Don't count on it.

Well, it's worth a try.

Hi, doc.

Hi, guys.

Adam.

Uh, you spoke to the welkers?

Yes, yes, I did.

Wouldn't you like to discuss this in private?

No, that's all right. We're all family.

What did they say?

Well, Mrs. Welker wasn't there. She has a headache.

But her husband said

the same thing he said last night --

that you made advances toward his wife

while she was your patient.

Doc wouldn't do that.

Really?

Ridiculous.

Did he say anything else?

Yes.

He said he's gonna do everything he can to have you fired.

Well, not before I speak to Mrs. Welker.

Adam?

Merrill, she's using me.

Be careful.

So long, guys.

Bye, doc.

So long, doc.

Uh, Mrs. Welker, I've been looking for you.

I think it's time we had a little talk.

Please, I can't.

I have a splitting headache. I have to lie down.

But my reputation -- my career is at stake.

We have to talk.

She doesn't have to do anything, doctor.

And if you don't leave her alone,

you're gonna be your next patient.

Come on, sweetheart.

I'm only doing this for the captain and the others.

Well, I'm doing it so our son won't think

this was a total waste of his good money.

They went to a great deal of trouble

to arrange this anniversary party.

Our last anniversary.

That's fine with me!

Good.

I'm glad we agree on something.

Knowing the captain,

I'm sure this is going to be a very elegant party.

Yeah. Maybe you should break out a new tea bag.

Pam!

Guess what. A miracle happened.

Heather wants me back.

That's very nice, Charley. I'm really happy for you.

Thanks.

Boy, you look beautiful tonight.

You must have something special planned, huh?

Yeah, in a way, I'm doing a favor for a friend.

Have a wonderful evening, Charley.

Captain, I don't understand why you've asked us here.

Well, this is a very serious matter.

And I wanted to treat it as fairly as possible.

Now, before I tell you what I've decided,

I want to ask you again, Mrs. Welker,

are you certain of the accusation you're making?

Now, what is that? Of course she's certain.

Stop browbeating her. Don't be afraid, sweetheart.

All right, this is the cable I'm sending

to the president of our line.

"Upon completion of this cruise,

"I hereby suspend Dr. Adam bricker from duty

"pending an investigation of charges of improprieties

"made by Mrs. Sally welker.

"If such charges and allegations prove to be true,

"I recommend that Dr. Adam bricker

be dismissed from service permanently."

Any questions?

I'm sorry, Adam. I had no choice.

Captain?

Yes?

What will happen to Dr. Bricker?

Who cares?

I care!

To put it simply, he'll be fired from his position here.

Does this mean

that he will have to practice medicine somewhere else?

That's not up to me.

That's up to the medical review board.

Captain, can we get on with this?

That's it -- I don't want to take up any more of your time.

No, wait.

I can't let you do this.

Now, sal, don't feel sorry for him

after what he did to you.

He didn't do anything to me.

I made up the whole story.

Dr. Bricker was never anything but a perfect gentleman.

What are you saying?

I'm sorry, Hank.

It was the only way I could get you to pay some attention to me.

You're always looking at other women,

saying how pretty they are --

talking about them like I wasn't even there.

But, sal, that's just talk.

You know me.

It hurts.

Oh, sal, I -- I had no idea I was hurting you.

I know I look at other women, but I --

I don't know, maybe I'm just a big, dumb kid or something,

but I can promise you this, sal --

ever since the first time I looked at you,

I never even thought about loving anyone else.

I know an apology couldn't possibly make up

for what I've put you through, but I'm really sorry.

Apology accepted.

No, I'm the one who should apologize...To you, doctor,

and to you, sal.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

There was never any question in my mind, Adam.

You were right. She was using you.

Tell me -- if Mrs. Welker hadn't backed down,

would you have sent that cable?

Yes, but I don't think anything would've come of it.

So Betty and Pete and Barbara and Ken

were actually seeing each other

before they knew they were getting a divorce.

Anyway, that's what my hairdresser, Maurice,

told my manicurist.

Isn't that hilarious?

A scream.

Oh, Charley, isn't it wonderful to be together again?

[ Grunting ] Yeah...Swell.

Taking me back to your cabin early, huh?

You must've read my mind.

I can't read anything that small without my glasses.

Good night, Rudy.

Wait a minute --

the night is still young.

Oh, Charley bear,

you make me feel like your cuddly, little kitten.

[ Door closes ]

She's back!

Rudy...

I dig a chick who plays hard-to-get.

I am not playing hard-to-get.

Good.

She's with that Adonis creep.

Who cares?

All he thinks about is sex, sex, sex.

Let me go!

Don't fight it, baby. It's bigger than both of us.

Hey! Leave her alone!

Do you do this for a living?

Pam, I'm sorry I broke in on you like this, but I can't help it.

I've been thinking about you all night.

You have?

I know you must think I'm some kind of a nut,

but I'm crazy about you.

I just never realized it until now.

Hey, what is this?

Your exit cue. Goodbye, Rudy.

You know, you're starting to bug me.

Oh, yeah?

A little.

Boy, some spy I turned out to be, huh?

I was looking for the wrong girl all along.

Maybe I should've just given you better clues.

Do you think this is gonna work?

Don't worry -- a little romantic music,

soft lights, close dancing -- can't miss.

Here they come.

Oh!

Well, happy anniversary, you two.

Where would you like to sit?

At separate tables.

Now, now.

[ Dance music playing ]

[ Music stops ]

Drumroll.

[ Drumroll ]

Ladies and gentlemen, every once in a while,

we meet passengers who are special.

Well, actually, all our passengers are special.

But these people are...

Extra special.

Married 40 years ago today --

won't you join me in congratulating

Violet and Carl hooper?

Happy anniversary.

Everybody's looking at us.

They're looking at you.

I think they all came here to watch you pinch a penny.

Mr. and Mrs. Hooper, since this is your anniversary,

would you like to begin the dancing?

[ Sighs ]

They certainly spent a bundle to get us back together.

A waste of good money.

At least I get a little more use out of this rented suit.

And my new dresses.

[ "Anniversary waltz" plays ]

Hey, that's the "anniversary waltz."

You remember the first time I heard that?

How could I forget?

It was our first date.

We borrowed your father's desoto and took a drive up to the lake.

Yeah, and every time we went down a hill,

you made me turn off the motor to save gas.

Maybe I have been a little tight with the money.

No, Violet, no. You were right to be that way.

If it weren't for you, we'd have nothing to retire on.

Rosebud, believe me, I'm sorry I said all those mean things.

It's all right. You were angry.

The only thing I don't understand

is why you called me "jezebel."

[ Chuckling ]

I didn't mean to call you that. I meant to call you "scrooge."

Then you don't feel like you've wasted your life?

How could I have wasted my life if I've lived it with you?

Oh, Carl.

Captain, you've done it again.

I haven't lost a couple yet.

Come on, Rudy!

Will you hurry up?!

Sorry. Sorry.

Perfect match.

They can both marry beneath themselves.

You know, I've been thinking --

I bet you would make a good CIA agent.

Me? Are you kidding?

No. Last night you proved

you're a pretty good "undercover" man.

Thanks again for everything, and I do mean "everything."

Me too, doc.

And I don't think Sally

will be having any more of those tension headaches.

As the man said, "all's well that ends well."

Bye-bye.

Bye.

You know, doc, it's funny --

the first woman who ever accused you of making a pass at her

is the only one you didn't.

Well, guess it's time to say goodbye.

It was a pleasure to have both of you with us.

That goes for me, too.

That goes for all of us.

You've been so nice

we've decided to give you all a raise.

A raise?

Oh, we're shareholders in the line, you know.

You own stock in the line?

One of our smaller holdings.

I just found out about it.

She's been investing our grocery money for 40 years.

Which maybe explains why

the meat was always a little tough.

Oh, Mr. Hooper -- here, let me help you with this!

Oh, that's all right.

Thanks anyway, gopher. Oh, here, here...

A quarter for you.

And keep the change.