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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:15,059 ♪ Love ♪ 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,980 ♪ exciting and new ♪ 3 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:22,940 ♪ come aboard ♪ 4 00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:26,862 ♪ we're expecting you ♪ 5 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:30,913 ♪ and love ♪ 6 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,989 ♪ life's sweetest reward ♪ 7 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:39,286 ♪ let it flow ♪ 8 00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:43,172 ♪ it floats back to you ♪ 9 00:00:43,251 --> 00:00:46,631 ♪ the love boat ♪ 10 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:51,683 ♪ soon will be making another run ♪ 11 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,970 ♪ the love boat ♪ 12 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:59,234 ♪ promises something for everyone ♪ 13 00:00:59,309 --> 00:01:01,689 ♪ set a course for adventure ♪ 14 00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:07,780 ♪ your mind on a new romance ♪ 15 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,359 ♪ and love ♪ 16 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:15,656 ♪ won't hurt anymore ♪ 17 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:19,372 ♪ it's an open smile ♪ 18 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:23,714 ♪ on a friendly shore ♪ 19 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:28,462 ♪ it's love ♪ 20 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:34,546 ♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪ 21 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:05,665 Whew! 22 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,710 Quite a boatload of beauties. 23 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,714 My travel agent promised a scenic cruise, 24 00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,377 but we haven't even left the dock yet. 25 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,256 Ha ha ha! Hi, I'm Hank welker. 26 00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,393 Hi. Adam bricker -- ship's doctor. 27 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,810 Well, hello, there. 28 00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:20,218 And I only charge $10.00 29 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,726 to put your eyes back in your head. 30 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,229 [ Laughs ] 31 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,310 What a great place for a single guy. 32 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,686 You could do a lot worse. 33 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,732 Hey, Sally! 34 00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:31,897 My wife. 35 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,355 You're married? 36 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,204 I'm married, but I'm not dead. 37 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,700 Sally, this is Dr. Bricker. 38 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,201 Doc, my wife, Sally. 39 00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:39,333 Hi. 40 00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:41,039 A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Welker. 41 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,249 Nice to meet you, too. 42 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,908 I hope you have a pleasant cruise. 43 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,577 Thanks. We're gonna try. 44 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:50,086 Your cabin is right through those doors and to the left. 45 00:02:50,169 --> 00:02:51,749 Thanks. 46 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,428 Heh heh. I'm telling you, sal -- if we ever split up, 47 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,888 I'm coming here to celebrate the divorce. 48 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:00,430 How's it going? 49 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,603 Try to figure some guys -- a very attractive wife, 50 00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:06,273 and all he talks about is other women. 51 00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,442 Gee, that must drive her crazy. 52 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,611 Remember, we supply food, lodging, and entertainment. 53 00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,191 Marriage counseling is not in our brochure. 54 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,123 This ship is sailing soon. We'd better get off. 55 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,489 Not yet. 56 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,366 Would you believe your girlfriend 57 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,293 if she said she was going on a cruise with her brother? 58 00:03:25,371 --> 00:03:28,081 I think she's cheating on me, Bobby. 59 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:30,126 Hey, there she is. 60 00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:34,129 Oh, Rudy, did you remember to bring the traveler's checks? 61 00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,923 I've got them right here. 62 00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:38,127 Good. 63 00:03:38,217 --> 00:03:40,597 I look more like her brother than he does. 64 00:03:40,678 --> 00:03:43,808 Come on, Charley, you've had your look. 65 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:46,480 I'm not leaving till I find out who that clown is for sure. 66 00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:49,979 Okay, pal. Bon voyage. 67 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,363 Okay, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 219. 68 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,980 Go right through those doors and turn left. 69 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,148 Enjoy yourselves. 70 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:59,195 We will. 71 00:03:56,235 --> 00:03:59,195 Don't you worry. 72 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,656 Hi. 73 00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:02,656 Hello. 74 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,332 I'm Pam Madison. 75 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:06,540 You're on the fiesta deck, cabin 217. 76 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,671 Just follow that couple right there. 77 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:09,868 You're right next to them. 78 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,378 Thank you. 79 00:04:11,459 --> 00:04:13,209 Pam, darling, you surprised? 80 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,804 I was able to get away after all. 81 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,169 But -- 82 00:04:16,255 --> 00:04:17,965 I'm her husband. I'll pay you later. 83 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,799 Cruise now, pay later? 84 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,345 What is going on here?! Who do you think you are?! 85 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,808 Uh, Charley Cole -- CIA. 86 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,178 Ci-- 87 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,178 shh! 88 00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,144 There are two foreign agents 89 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:28,685 staying in the cabin next door to you. 90 00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,348 Foreign agents?! 91 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,226 Shh! I'll have to stay in your cabin to spy on them. 92 00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:33,363 You, in my cabin? 93 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:34,359 Yes. 94 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:35,320 For how long? 95 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,530 As long as it takes -- maybe the entire trip. 96 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,200 Uh, I don't even know you. 97 00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:42,238 Ma'am, the security of an entire nation is at stake. 98 00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,493 Come on, just try to look natural, 99 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,365 because there might be other foreign agents watching. 100 00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:49,873 Others? What is it -- a convention? 101 00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:53,711 Enjoy the cruise. 102 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,673 Excuse me. We're Mr. and Mrs. Hooper. 103 00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,344 I'm Violet, and he's Carl. 104 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,923 I'm captain stubing. 105 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,798 It's a pleasure to have you aboard. 106 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,594 Thank you. 107 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:06,098 We're here for our 40th anniversary. 108 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:08,060 Our son is treating. 109 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,981 It's sort of a double celebration. 110 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,189 I'm retiring after 40 years as a mailman. 111 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,480 Oh, I bet I know what you're gonna do on this cruise. 112 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,571 Sit around and soak your feet! 113 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,240 You know how many one-cent stamps in a dozen 114 00:05:20,319 --> 00:05:21,399 when I started? 115 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,107 How many? 116 00:05:23,197 --> 00:05:25,527 12 -- always 12 in a dozen. 117 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:26,826 Gotcha that time. 118 00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,489 Yeah. 119 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:31,408 Carl was the best letter carrier they ever had. 120 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:33,957 Had is right -- past tense. 121 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:36,882 Now all we have is my pension, and I hope we make it. 122 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:37,961 We'll manage. 123 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,956 Mr. and Mrs. Hooper, 124 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,088 in honor of your anniversary, you must have dinner with me. 125 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,635 At the captain's table? 126 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,679 It's the only place they let me eat. 127 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,063 Thank you, captain. 128 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:52,520 That's almost as good as eating with the postmaster general. 129 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:54,402 Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Hooper, 130 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,609 your room is just around the corner and down the stairs. 131 00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:58,569 Oh, listen, here, let me help you with this. 132 00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,939 Thank you, young man. 133 00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,436 You bet. 134 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,197 Carl, put that away. 135 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,989 But, bluebell... 136 00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:08,283 You'll only embarrass the young man. 137 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:11,997 Here -- you'll never get a nickel out of the missus. 138 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,625 It's a nickel. 139 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,961 [ Air horn blows ] 140 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:40,654 I don't believe any of this. 141 00:06:40,733 --> 00:06:43,613 How do I know you're really with the CIA? 142 00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,244 I showed you my identification. 143 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,832 All that said was "Charley Cole." 144 00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,278 It didn't say "CIA." 145 00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,328 It never does. 146 00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:55,331 That way, if we're ever picked up in a foreign country, 147 00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:58,134 they don't know who we're working for. 148 00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,499 I come for a vacation 149 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:02,045 and I end up in the middle of the cold war. 150 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:03,760 I can't hear a thing. 151 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,800 He's probably kissing her right now. 152 00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,643 Did you say, "kissing her"? 153 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,679 No. I said "kissinger." 154 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:14,564 He's a master of disguise. 155 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,697 Look! Look! Look at that -- 156 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:34,333 the blonde with legs clear up to her throat! 157 00:07:34,412 --> 00:07:35,712 I tell you -- 158 00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,288 i think they're on this ship just to drive me crazy. 159 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:41,995 Good afternoon. 160 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,876 Oh, hi. 161 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,553 If I weren't a married man... 162 00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,892 Doc, pipe that! 163 00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,598 I mean, what a shape! 164 00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:54,018 When she jumped into that suit, she almost missed. 165 00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,098 [ Laughs ] 166 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,435 Hey, sal -- 167 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,110 don't you wish you had a figure like that, huh? 168 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,900 She probably hasn't had two children. 169 00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:05,113 I have two children. 170 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,033 Look at me -- how trim I am. 171 00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,401 [ Laughs ] 172 00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:13,240 Are you feeling all right? 173 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,116 Oh, just a slight headache. 174 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:18,043 I'll be in my office if you need anything. 175 00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,752 Thanks. I may see you there. 176 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:25,797 I better close my eyes. 177 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,380 I'm starting to get palpitations. 178 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,771 Couldn't you come up with a better disguise? 179 00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:40,310 I expected something a little more professional. 180 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,774 It's the best the gift shop could do, Pam. 181 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,355 And anyway, in the spy game, the key is subtlety. 182 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:49,402 Ugh! 183 00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,777 Hey! 184 00:08:50,863 --> 00:08:52,623 Excuse me, I'm sorry. It's my fault. 185 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,238 Excuse me. Excuse me. 186 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,785 That was a close call. 187 00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,078 Why? Who are they? 188 00:08:57,161 --> 00:08:58,751 They're the ones I'm following. 189 00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:00,789 Those two? They look so harmless. 190 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,333 Harmless? Boris and Natasha korinski? 191 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:05,917 They're Russia's top brother-and-sister spy team. 192 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,303 Really? 193 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,800 They don't look like brother and sister. 194 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,803 You can say that again. 195 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:15,805 Listen, Pam, I want you to help me. 196 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,768 I want you to go over 197 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,808 and eavesdrop on their conversation. 198 00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:23,983 Listen for words like "darling," "honey"... 199 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:24,983 "Lover." 200 00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,984 I don't understand. 201 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,606 Uh, th-- th-- they're code words. 202 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:32,824 The nicer the words, the greater trouble I'm in. 203 00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:34,155 You? 204 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,160 Well, when I say "i'm," I mean the u.S.A. 205 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,873 Oh, okay. 206 00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,167 Mmm. 207 00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,677 This is living. 208 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:00,983 Oh, think I need some suntan lotion, sweet pea. 209 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,019 Squeeze it from the bottom, dear. 210 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:09,436 We can get another vacation out of it. 211 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:16,571 Here you go, folks. Would you like some goodies? 212 00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:18,197 They're on the house. 213 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,204 May I have some peanuts? 214 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,826 As many as you want. 215 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:24,622 Oh, thank you. 216 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,707 Save some for the other people. 217 00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,427 He said I could have all I want, 218 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:37,638 and all my life I've wanted a lot of peanuts. 219 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:48,359 Come in. 220 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,729 Oh, hi. 221 00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,225 I've decided to take you up on your offer. 222 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,898 I could really use something for my headache. 223 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:57,737 Well, come in, sit down. Let me take a look at you. 224 00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:59,913 Well, I'm fine. It's just a headache. 225 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,332 Uh-huh. Are your eyes okay? 226 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:02,750 Yeah. 227 00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,368 And no problem with your ears, huh? 228 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:05,615 Mnh-mnh. 229 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:06,916 What about your throat? 230 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,129 Fine. 231 00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:09,629 Scratchy? Not at all scratchy, huh? 232 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,090 Just... 233 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,920 I guess you're right. 234 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,925 Probably nothing more than a mild tension headache. 235 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,258 Two of these ought to do it. 236 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:21,764 And two more in four hours if you feel you need it. 237 00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:23,967 But no more than eight a day. 238 00:11:26,685 --> 00:11:28,265 Here you go. 239 00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:34,737 Good. 240 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:36,899 Thanks a lot, Dr. Bricker. 241 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:40,447 I really didn't do that much, Mrs. Welker. 242 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:43,623 You're very kind. I appreciate it. 243 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:44,832 A few aspirins -- 244 00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:46,662 hardly worth your eternal gratitude. 245 00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,457 But if you're not feeling any better, 246 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,831 come back and see me. 247 00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,087 I will. 248 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,168 Good. 249 00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:57,675 I'm sure the cruise will relax you. 250 00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,298 I hope so. 251 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,805 You seem to be on your way to a beautiful tan. 252 00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:07,138 Well, I-I guess everybody looks better with a tan. 253 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:10,646 Oh, it looks especially good on you. 254 00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:11,939 Thanks. 255 00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:16,192 Wish my husband were as observant as you. 256 00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,012 Ah, can I help you? 257 00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,473 Yeah -- send those two lovebirds over there 258 00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,514 a couple of arsenic cocktails. 259 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,728 Comin' up. 260 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:50,189 What did they say? 261 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,979 Well, I got five "sugars," three "darlings," 262 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,483 and a "honeybunch." 263 00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,025 What does that give you? 264 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,528 An ulcer. 265 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,911 Good evening. 266 00:13:09,997 --> 00:13:12,327 How's your headache? 267 00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,876 Gone. Your aspirin did the trick. 268 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,420 Well, I guess all those years at medical school finally paid off. 269 00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:19,335 Aspirin was my major. 270 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:22,548 Hiya, doc. 271 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,045 Oh, hi. 272 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,506 How you doin'? 273 00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,506 Just fine. Thank you. 274 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:29,057 Hank, where've you been? I've been waiting 20 minutes. 275 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,191 Oh, just checking out the scenery. 276 00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,555 Say, doc, with all these beautiful lady passengers, 277 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,568 you couldn't use a volunteer male nurse 278 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,440 for the rest of the cruise, could you? 279 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,527 Uh, afraid not, but thanks for the offer. 280 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,072 Good evening. 281 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:46,365 Hank, you embarrassed Dr. Bricker. 282 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,740 Why? What did I say? 283 00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,827 [ Sighs ] Nothing. 284 00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:55,541 Hmm? Are you all right? 285 00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:57,416 I think my headache's coming back. 286 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,423 I'm gonna go to the cabin and get some aspirin. 287 00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,875 Okay. 288 00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,715 I'll stay here and hold the fort. 289 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,431 You do that. 290 00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:06,551 Huh? 291 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,983 You look nice, Charley. 292 00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,561 You're lucky they could round up some clothes for you. 293 00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:17,767 Yeah. 294 00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,186 Thanks. 295 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,735 You know, I'm worried about you. 296 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,279 I don't think you should be doing this all alone. 297 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,623 Why didn't they send more than one agent? 298 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:30,829 They did. See that guy over there? 299 00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:33,461 He's one of our top men. 300 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:37,129 Though he doesn't look it, he's an expert in martial arts. 301 00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:41,006 You're right. He doesn't look it. 302 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,458 Here they come! 303 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,798 Good evening. 304 00:14:43,882 --> 00:14:45,722 Good evening. 305 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,807 I've got an idea -- while they're in here, 306 00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:55,602 let's sneak down and search their room. 307 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,646 Is that legal? 308 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,149 Of course. 309 00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,400 That's right. All's fair in love and war. 310 00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:11,871 It makes me feel good just knowing you're in the room. 311 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,501 And I wasn't even trying, man. 312 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:20,543 You'll find we have wonderful food onboard, 313 00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:21,998 Mr. and Mrs. Hooper. 314 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:24,127 Boy, it all sure looks good. 315 00:15:24,214 --> 00:15:25,974 But it looks so expensive. 316 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:27,720 Our meals are included 317 00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:30,641 in the price of the cruise, sweetheart. 318 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,101 Oh. In that case, order anything you like, dear. 319 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,439 Maybe we'll even have dessert. 320 00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:40,519 Oh, you should. This is a very special occasion. 321 00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,856 That's right. 322 00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:43,480 Without that weekly paycheck, 323 00:15:43,567 --> 00:15:46,357 we might not have a chance to eat this good again. 324 00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:49,195 Well, now you can eat till your heart's content. 325 00:15:49,281 --> 00:15:50,571 Thank you, captain. 326 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,368 Little rosebud here 327 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:55,701 never was known for fixing fancy vittles, 328 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,368 but then how could she on a postman's salary? 329 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:02,667 Our marriage was rich in...Other ways, dear. 330 00:16:02,753 --> 00:16:05,013 Oh, that's true, buttercup, 331 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,629 but you kept me a little bit thin. 332 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,336 Ah, champagne -- compliments of the captain. 333 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:11,597 Shall I open it? 334 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,509 No! 335 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,509 No? 336 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,097 We're not drinkers. 337 00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:18,312 Do you think we could have the money instead? 338 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:35,584 Uh-huh, a double bed. 339 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,871 What does that mean? 340 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,004 That means I'm gonna kill her. 341 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,245 A red bulb? It figures. 342 00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,705 Yeah, you were right. They must be communists. 343 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,927 You really said that? And then what happened. 344 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:51,638 They're back! 345 00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:53,389 Fast eaters! 346 00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,940 Well, then I said to the director, 347 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,098 "but my right side is even handsomer. 348 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,557 Let the people see it." 349 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,937 Rudy, you were in a crowd scene 350 00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:10,074 with 500 dead civil war soldiers. 351 00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:13,784 Everyone has to start somewhere. 352 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,576 I want you to know that whatever happens, 353 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:16,949 I'm very happy I met you. 354 00:17:17,035 --> 00:17:18,155 Shh! 355 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:19,405 Rudy? 356 00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:20,906 Come here, baby! 357 00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:22,118 Rudy... 358 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:24,997 When you hold me like this, 359 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:28,455 you make me feel like your cuddly, little kitten. 360 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,257 That does it! You lied to me, Heather! 361 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,341 Charley? 362 00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,796 What are you doing here? 363 00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,636 Finding out what a two-timer my girlfriend is. 364 00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,312 Your brother, huh? 365 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,190 You've got a lot of nerve spying on me like this! 366 00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:43,809 Get out of here this instant! 367 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,606 Don't worry, I'm going! 368 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:46,979 [ Door slams ] 369 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,106 Just stay out of my life! 370 00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:51,203 And stay out of my cabin! 371 00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,528 [ Door slams ] 372 00:18:07,628 --> 00:18:09,708 Hi. 373 00:18:12,049 --> 00:18:13,589 Hi. 374 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,297 Where have you been all night? 375 00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:21,517 Oh, I, uh, dropped in at the pirate's cove 376 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,140 for a couple of nightcaps. 377 00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,018 I thought you were just going for some aspirin. 378 00:18:29,107 --> 00:18:30,687 You never came back for dinner. 379 00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:33,486 And you never came back to see why I didn't come back. 380 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,240 Well, you were the one who left. 381 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,322 Too bad you didn't come find me. 382 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,697 I would've tried to squeeze you in on my dance card. 383 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,535 Who did you dance with? 384 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:44,920 Oh, I gave 'em all a break. 385 00:18:44,998 --> 00:18:46,828 You know, you would think 386 00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,587 that a wedding ring would drive them away, 387 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,090 but instead, it draws them like flies. 388 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,052 By the way, how is your headache? 389 00:18:54,132 --> 00:18:55,512 Much better. 390 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,222 Maybe I won't wear the ring tomorrow. 391 00:18:57,302 --> 00:18:59,222 Maybe that way they'll leave me alone, huh? 392 00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:00,764 Ha ha ha! 393 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:08,017 You know, sal, you've been getting these headaches a lot. 394 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,435 When we get home, 395 00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:11,403 I think you ought to have a real thorough checkup. 396 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,279 Well, as a matter of fact, 397 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:19,453 Dr. Bricker did look me over quite thoroughly. 398 00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:22,413 Oh, he's a ship's doctor. What would he know? 399 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:25,004 He knew enough to find me very attractive. 400 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,580 What's that supposed to mean? 401 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,206 Nothing. 402 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,423 He just told me he thought I had a sensational tan. 403 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,174 And? 404 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,756 And he led me to believe he'd like to see more of it. 405 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,053 Well, what else did he say during your examination? 406 00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,598 Forget it. It's not important. 407 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:46,102 Well, d-d-d-d-did he say anything else 408 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:47,564 about what he would like to see?! 409 00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,274 D-D-Did he touch you? 410 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,324 A doctor always has to touch you. 411 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,608 You know what I'm talking about. 412 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:57,612 Well, he did ask me to come back and see him... 413 00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:58,986 Any time. 414 00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:00,742 Oh, he did, did he? 415 00:20:00,824 --> 00:20:03,544 Well, we'll just see about that! 416 00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,659 Hank, where are you going? 417 00:20:05,746 --> 00:20:08,366 Come to bed, darling. It's getting late. 418 00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:09,917 In a minute, blossom. 419 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,420 We don't want to miss breakfast -- 420 00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,422 all the bacon and eggs you can eat and cereal -- 421 00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:16,965 maybe even some pancakes. 422 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:21,599 Boing! Exactly midnight. 423 00:20:21,678 --> 00:20:23,968 Happy anniversary. 424 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,676 Oh! 425 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:36,781 There you go, honeysuckle -- a little present. 426 00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:40,530 You shouldn't have. 427 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:45,334 Oh, Carl -- our wedding picture. 428 00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:48,120 Yeah, it's a new frame. 429 00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,665 Sure was a beautiful dress. 430 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,169 Still is. 431 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:55,300 Oh, thank you, darling. 432 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:59,009 I hope you got the frame on sale. 433 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,011 I have a surprise for you, too. 434 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,224 Oh. 435 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:08,976 [ Laughing ] What is this? 436 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:12,849 It looks like a court summons or something. 437 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,518 Ah, let me see here. 438 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:18,146 Well, 500 shares general motors, 439 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:21,735 500 shares at&t, 500 shares of xerox, 440 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:24,872 500 -- what is this? 441 00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:27,700 A stock portfolio. 442 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,196 Whose? 443 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,038 Ours. 444 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,373 Ours? 445 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:35,587 This would be worth a fortune. 446 00:21:35,669 --> 00:21:41,469 $200,538.19. 447 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:45,850 $200,538? 448 00:21:45,929 --> 00:21:48,059 And 19 cents. 449 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,230 Happy anniversary, dear. 450 00:21:51,309 --> 00:21:55,229 But how? Where? I don't -- 451 00:21:55,313 --> 00:21:58,033 you know how you always call me pet names 452 00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:02,028 like, um, "rosebud" and "sweet pea"? 453 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:04,782 Well, ever since we've been married, 454 00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:08,735 I'd take some of the food money you gave me each week 455 00:22:08,827 --> 00:22:11,537 and buy stocks that started with the same letter. 456 00:22:11,621 --> 00:22:15,211 You'd call me "Petunia," and I'd buy polaroid. 457 00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:19,422 You called me "gladiola," and I bought general motors. 458 00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:23,094 And you called me your little "zinnia," 459 00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:24,965 and I bought xerox. 460 00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:28,062 Xerox starts with an "x." 461 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,428 Oh, I'm glad I didn't know that. 462 00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,595 That's been one of the biggies. 463 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:35,814 Now, just a minute -- let's see if I understand. 464 00:22:35,896 --> 00:22:38,146 We're rich? 465 00:22:38,231 --> 00:22:42,321 I like to think "well off." 466 00:22:42,402 --> 00:22:44,492 You mean for the last 20 years 467 00:22:44,571 --> 00:22:47,321 I've been lugging that heavy sack around, 468 00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:49,697 breaking my back, getting my leg bit, 469 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:51,035 and we were well off? 470 00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:56,292 And all those years of eating day-old bread 471 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,285 and leftover helper 472 00:22:58,376 --> 00:23:01,756 we had stock in exxon and standard oil? 473 00:23:01,838 --> 00:23:03,468 Surprised? 474 00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:07,428 Well, why didn't you tell me about this years ago? 475 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:09,851 I could've lived out my dream -- 476 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:13,640 opened up that little knife-sharpening business. 477 00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:16,765 Well, I wanted to tell you some years back, 478 00:23:16,853 --> 00:23:19,653 and then I thought, "if Carl will be happy with $20,000, 479 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,651 he'll be twice as happy with $40,000." 480 00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:24,863 And then when we got to $50,000, 481 00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:27,275 I thought -- 482 00:23:27,364 --> 00:23:29,034 I'll tell you what you thought! 483 00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:31,276 You thought if I found out about it, 484 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,328 I might want to spend some of it! 485 00:23:33,411 --> 00:23:35,501 That's the way it's been ever since we married! 486 00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:38,170 Cut corners and pinch pennies! 487 00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,840 I was just saving for a rainy day. 488 00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:42,339 A rainy day?! 489 00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:46,470 It's been pouring cats and dogs all our lives 490 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:49,510 and we had a $200,000 umbrella 491 00:23:49,594 --> 00:23:54,984 that you were too cheap to open up! 492 00:23:55,058 --> 00:23:58,808 You cheat! You jezebel! 493 00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:02,355 [ Door slams ] 494 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,070 [ Sighs ] 495 00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:07,611 [ Ringing ] 496 00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:13,829 [ Door opens ] 497 00:24:13,910 --> 00:24:16,000 [ Sighs ] 498 00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:17,749 Captain stubing. 499 00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:19,541 Captain, this is Hank welker. 500 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:21,714 Hank, please! 501 00:24:19,624 --> 00:24:21,714 Be quiet. 502 00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:23,213 Captain, I just learned that this afternoon 503 00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:25,755 Dr. Bricker, during a medical examination, 504 00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:28,049 made indecent advances to my wife. 505 00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:31,093 Those are serious charges you're making, Mr. Welker. 506 00:24:31,178 --> 00:24:33,888 Those are not charges, captain. Those are facts. 507 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:36,062 And I want you to do something about it. 508 00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:37,811 [ Click ] 509 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:17,020 Pam? 510 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:20,394 Don't talk to me. 511 00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:23,607 Oh, please, please -- I just want to apologize. 512 00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,228 I never should've lied -- 513 00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:27,935 especially to someone as nice as you. 514 00:25:28,026 --> 00:25:31,736 And I don't blame you for never forgiving me. 515 00:25:31,821 --> 00:25:34,661 You did make me feel like a fool. 516 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:37,451 Yeah, I know, and I feel awful. 517 00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:40,495 You don't look too hot, either. 518 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:44,290 I guess not. Well, what's the difference? 519 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:47,456 Without Heather, my life's over. 520 00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:51,505 Charley, I don't understand. 521 00:25:51,591 --> 00:25:53,931 Why would you want her back after the way she's treated you? 522 00:25:54,010 --> 00:25:55,970 Haven't you ever been in love? 523 00:25:56,054 --> 00:25:58,774 Yeah, just recently. 524 00:25:58,848 --> 00:26:01,848 It makes you a little more forgiving, I guess. 525 00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:04,895 I wish Heather were as understanding as you. 526 00:26:04,980 --> 00:26:07,110 Does she really mean that much to you? 527 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:09,480 I would do anything to get her back. 528 00:26:09,567 --> 00:26:10,687 But it's hopeless 529 00:26:10,777 --> 00:26:12,697 with "Joe stallion" hanging around. 530 00:26:12,779 --> 00:26:16,779 I don't know -- 531 00:26:16,866 --> 00:26:20,786 maybe he just needs the right carrot dangled in front of him. 532 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:31,338 Now, that's ridiculous. I never touched Mrs. Welker. 533 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,683 That's not the point. They say you did. 534 00:26:33,758 --> 00:26:35,838 And they can make a lot of trouble for you 535 00:26:35,927 --> 00:26:37,177 with the company. 536 00:26:37,262 --> 00:26:40,472 Merrill, I gave the woman some aspirin. 537 00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:41,517 That's it. 538 00:26:41,599 --> 00:26:43,269 Who is she? 539 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:44,811 Well, you remember -- 540 00:26:44,894 --> 00:26:47,024 the lady who boarded with a husband 541 00:26:47,105 --> 00:26:48,685 who leers at every woman. 542 00:26:48,773 --> 00:26:50,363 Oh, yes -- 543 00:26:50,442 --> 00:26:54,282 the one you went over to see at dinner last night. 544 00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:55,662 Yeah. 545 00:26:55,739 --> 00:26:58,029 The one you said was attractive. 546 00:26:58,116 --> 00:26:59,696 Merrill, you don't think I'm gonna jeopardize -- 547 00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,334 oh, of course not, Adam, 548 00:27:01,411 --> 00:27:03,541 but why would she say you made a pass at her?! 549 00:27:03,621 --> 00:27:05,211 I don't know! 550 00:27:05,290 --> 00:27:06,830 I'm gonna find out. 551 00:27:06,916 --> 00:27:08,166 No, Adam! 552 00:27:12,130 --> 00:27:14,510 You better let me talk to them. 553 00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:17,221 I don't want you to be alone with her. 554 00:27:17,302 --> 00:27:19,722 Captain stubing... 555 00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:22,064 Don't you trust me? 556 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:24,020 Without question. 557 00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:27,600 We've already had one misunderstanding. 558 00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:29,897 Let's not make it two. 559 00:27:51,002 --> 00:27:52,462 Good morning, Mr. Hooper. 560 00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:53,915 Good morning. 561 00:27:54,005 --> 00:27:55,415 Hi. How's Mrs. Hooper this morning? 562 00:27:55,507 --> 00:27:57,217 I don't know, and I don't care. 563 00:27:57,300 --> 00:28:00,100 Good morning, Mrs. Hooper. 564 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:02,138 I'll take the stairs. 565 00:28:11,064 --> 00:28:12,444 Good morning, Mr. Welker. 566 00:28:12,524 --> 00:28:14,034 Hi. 567 00:28:14,109 --> 00:28:15,939 I'd like to talk to you and your wife. 568 00:28:16,027 --> 00:28:18,407 She's resting. She has a headache. 569 00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:20,618 Well, did you talk to the doctor? 570 00:28:20,698 --> 00:28:21,738 Yes, yes, I did. 571 00:28:21,825 --> 00:28:24,115 And he said nothing unusual happened 572 00:28:24,202 --> 00:28:26,002 between him and Mrs. Welker. 573 00:28:26,079 --> 00:28:29,459 You mean that's what he usually does with his lady patients? 574 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,671 No, Mr. Welker, that's not what I meant. 575 00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:36,462 Now, look, in all the years Dr. Bricker has been with us, 576 00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:39,718 there's been no complaint filed against him. 577 00:28:39,801 --> 00:28:43,681 Are you sure this isn't some sort of misunderstanding? 578 00:28:43,763 --> 00:28:47,773 Captain, if you're not gonna do anything about this, I will. 579 00:28:47,851 --> 00:28:51,191 I'll go to the president of the cruise line myself 580 00:28:51,271 --> 00:28:53,271 and see that the man is fired. 581 00:28:56,651 --> 00:28:58,951 [ Sighs ] 582 00:29:09,747 --> 00:29:11,707 [ Sighs ] 583 00:29:11,791 --> 00:29:15,341 Got to go now, Rudy. Time for exercise class. 584 00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:17,260 Later, babe. 585 00:29:22,719 --> 00:29:24,679 Excuse me, have you seen my script around here? 586 00:29:24,762 --> 00:29:26,142 Script? 587 00:29:26,222 --> 00:29:27,522 Are you an actress? 588 00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:29,849 No. I'm a casting director. 589 00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:31,484 Casting director? 590 00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:36,361 Yes, um, in fact, too bad you're not an actor. 591 00:29:36,441 --> 00:29:38,821 I could use someone just like you in a picture I'm casting. 592 00:29:38,902 --> 00:29:40,362 But I am an actor. 593 00:29:40,445 --> 00:29:41,525 No. 594 00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:42,743 Yes. 595 00:29:42,822 --> 00:29:44,372 Oh, you're kidding me. 596 00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:45,739 I'm not. 597 00:29:45,825 --> 00:29:48,035 Let me go get my portfolio. 598 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,289 Oh, no, no, wait -- pictures are so impersonal. 599 00:29:50,371 --> 00:29:52,171 I like to know my actors. 600 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,498 Maybe we could have dinner tonight. 601 00:29:54,584 --> 00:29:56,094 Well, I -- 602 00:29:56,169 --> 00:29:58,209 unless, of course, you're already attached. 603 00:29:58,296 --> 00:29:59,706 Me? Attached? 604 00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:03,547 Baby, I'm the most eligible man aboard this ship. 605 00:30:03,635 --> 00:30:05,005 Good. 606 00:30:05,094 --> 00:30:08,894 When I was in high school, I played a cactus. 607 00:30:08,973 --> 00:30:10,733 Well, really, Mr. Hooper, 608 00:30:10,808 --> 00:30:13,898 you can't just throw away 40 years of marriage. 609 00:30:13,978 --> 00:30:16,398 40 years of slavery, you mean -- 610 00:30:16,481 --> 00:30:18,071 tote that bag, lift that mail. 611 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:19,899 You don't understand. 612 00:30:19,984 --> 00:30:23,284 I could've been somebody with the money she stole from me. 613 00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:26,283 I could've opened my own knife-sharpening business! 614 00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:28,576 I'll tell you, I've had it. 615 00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,790 Couldn't you give her just one more chance? 616 00:30:31,871 --> 00:30:34,581 I mean, after all, she is your wife. 617 00:30:34,666 --> 00:30:35,706 Not for long. 618 00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:37,422 As a retired mailman, 619 00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:40,092 I've already gotten rid of one bag. 620 00:30:40,171 --> 00:30:42,921 He's an ungrateful, old geezer. 621 00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:46,757 Now, now, I'm sure it's just a lover's spat. 622 00:30:46,844 --> 00:30:48,224 Oh, no, it isn't. 623 00:30:48,304 --> 00:30:50,354 You know, Mrs. Hooper, 624 00:30:50,431 --> 00:30:53,561 sometimes the two hardest words in the English language to say 625 00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:55,193 are "I'm sorry." 626 00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:59,190 What do I have to apologize for? 627 00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:01,284 I made that man what he is today. 628 00:31:01,359 --> 00:31:03,069 Are you sure this is all you want, Mrs. Hooper, 629 00:31:03,152 --> 00:31:04,902 is a cup of hot water? 630 00:31:04,988 --> 00:31:08,278 Yes, Isaac. Thank you. 631 00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:12,406 I'll never forgive Carl for what he said to me. 632 00:31:12,495 --> 00:31:17,375 Imagine -- calling me a cheap penny pincher! 633 00:31:27,802 --> 00:31:29,432 Charley? 634 00:31:31,639 --> 00:31:34,979 Don't worry. I'm not mad at you anymore. 635 00:31:35,059 --> 00:31:36,639 You're not? 636 00:31:36,728 --> 00:31:38,098 No. 637 00:31:38,187 --> 00:31:40,647 In fact, I never was. 638 00:31:40,732 --> 00:31:42,862 But you told me to stay out of your life. 639 00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:45,452 But I never said anything about my cabin. 640 00:31:46,946 --> 00:31:50,986 Why don't you drop by tonight for a cozy, little dinner -- 641 00:31:51,075 --> 00:31:53,825 just you and me, Charley? 642 00:31:53,911 --> 00:31:56,961 Well, I'd love to, but what about that bronzed Adonis 643 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,210 you came onboard with? 644 00:31:58,291 --> 00:31:59,831 Rudy? 645 00:31:59,917 --> 00:32:03,457 I was only with him to make you jealous, silly. 646 00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:26,396 I don't believe it. The hoopers are breaking up. 647 00:32:26,486 --> 00:32:28,146 She's very definite about it. 648 00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:29,737 So is he. 649 00:32:29,822 --> 00:32:31,412 The poor man must be scared. 650 00:32:31,491 --> 00:32:32,911 He's worked hard all his life. 651 00:32:32,992 --> 00:32:35,332 All he's got to show for it is a small pension. 652 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:37,911 We've got to find a way to get them back together again. 653 00:32:37,997 --> 00:32:40,667 Why don't I throw them a little anniversary party tonight? 654 00:32:40,750 --> 00:32:42,380 That way, they'll be sure to come together. 655 00:32:42,460 --> 00:32:43,880 Don't count on it. 656 00:32:43,961 --> 00:32:44,921 Well, it's worth a try. 657 00:32:45,004 --> 00:32:45,884 Hi, doc. 658 00:32:45,963 --> 00:32:47,053 Hi, guys. 659 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:48,381 Adam. 660 00:32:48,466 --> 00:32:50,546 Uh, you spoke to the welkers? 661 00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:52,505 Yes, yes, I did. 662 00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:55,515 Wouldn't you like to discuss this in private? 663 00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:58,388 No, that's all right. We're all family. 664 00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:01,266 What did they say? 665 00:33:01,354 --> 00:33:04,904 Well, Mrs. Welker wasn't there. She has a headache. 666 00:33:04,982 --> 00:33:06,232 But her husband said 667 00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:08,567 the same thing he said last night -- 668 00:33:08,653 --> 00:33:10,913 that you made advances toward his wife 669 00:33:10,988 --> 00:33:12,368 while she was your patient. 670 00:33:12,448 --> 00:33:13,908 Doc wouldn't do that. 671 00:33:13,991 --> 00:33:15,951 Really? 672 00:33:13,991 --> 00:33:15,951 Ridiculous. 673 00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:19,252 Did he say anything else? 674 00:33:19,330 --> 00:33:20,920 Yes. 675 00:33:20,998 --> 00:33:24,378 He said he's gonna do everything he can to have you fired. 676 00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:31,764 Well, not before I speak to Mrs. Welker. 677 00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:33,433 Adam? 678 00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:36,261 Merrill, she's using me. 679 00:33:36,347 --> 00:33:37,717 Be careful. 680 00:33:37,807 --> 00:33:39,557 So long, guys. 681 00:33:39,642 --> 00:33:40,772 Bye, doc. 682 00:33:40,852 --> 00:33:42,232 So long, doc. 683 00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:54,783 Uh, Mrs. Welker, I've been looking for you. 684 00:33:54,866 --> 00:33:57,326 I think it's time we had a little talk. 685 00:33:57,410 --> 00:33:58,910 Please, I can't. 686 00:33:58,995 --> 00:34:02,075 I have a splitting headache. I have to lie down. 687 00:34:02,165 --> 00:34:05,125 But my reputation -- my career is at stake. 688 00:34:05,209 --> 00:34:06,129 We have to talk. 689 00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:08,590 She doesn't have to do anything, doctor. 690 00:34:08,671 --> 00:34:10,631 And if you don't leave her alone, 691 00:34:10,715 --> 00:34:12,425 you're gonna be your next patient. 692 00:34:12,508 --> 00:34:14,928 Come on, sweetheart. 693 00:34:34,197 --> 00:34:36,817 I'm only doing this for the captain and the others. 694 00:34:36,908 --> 00:34:38,988 Well, I'm doing it so our son won't think 695 00:34:39,076 --> 00:34:41,366 this was a total waste of his good money. 696 00:34:41,454 --> 00:34:43,504 They went to a great deal of trouble 697 00:34:43,581 --> 00:34:45,501 to arrange this anniversary party. 698 00:34:45,583 --> 00:34:47,293 Our last anniversary. 699 00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:48,996 That's fine with me! 700 00:34:49,086 --> 00:34:50,456 Good. 701 00:34:50,546 --> 00:34:52,376 I'm glad we agree on something. 702 00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:54,545 Knowing the captain, 703 00:34:54,634 --> 00:34:59,064 I'm sure this is going to be a very elegant party. 704 00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:03,348 Yeah. Maybe you should break out a new tea bag. 705 00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:10,016 Pam! 706 00:35:10,107 --> 00:35:12,687 Guess what. A miracle happened. 707 00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:14,857 Heather wants me back. 708 00:35:14,946 --> 00:35:19,196 That's very nice, Charley. I'm really happy for you. 709 00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:20,033 Thanks. 710 00:35:20,117 --> 00:35:21,827 Boy, you look beautiful tonight. 711 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,211 You must have something special planned, huh? 712 00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:28,418 Yeah, in a way, I'm doing a favor for a friend. 713 00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:31,591 Have a wonderful evening, Charley. 714 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,900 Captain, I don't understand why you've asked us here. 715 00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:50,609 Well, this is a very serious matter. 716 00:35:52,483 --> 00:35:55,743 And I wanted to treat it as fairly as possible. 717 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:58,910 Now, before I tell you what I've decided, 718 00:35:58,990 --> 00:36:01,740 I want to ask you again, Mrs. Welker, 719 00:36:01,826 --> 00:36:04,616 are you certain of the accusation you're making? 720 00:36:04,704 --> 00:36:07,424 Now, what is that? Of course she's certain. 721 00:36:07,498 --> 00:36:09,998 Stop browbeating her. Don't be afraid, sweetheart. 722 00:36:12,295 --> 00:36:17,125 All right, this is the cable I'm sending 723 00:36:17,216 --> 00:36:20,926 to the president of our line. 724 00:36:21,012 --> 00:36:23,762 "Upon completion of this cruise, 725 00:36:23,848 --> 00:36:27,478 "I hereby suspend Dr. Adam bricker from duty 726 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,270 "pending an investigation of charges of improprieties 727 00:36:31,355 --> 00:36:33,105 "made by Mrs. Sally welker. 728 00:36:33,190 --> 00:36:39,410 "If such charges and allegations prove to be true, 729 00:36:39,488 --> 00:36:42,068 "I recommend that Dr. Adam bricker 730 00:36:42,158 --> 00:36:44,408 be dismissed from service permanently." 731 00:36:51,709 --> 00:36:54,959 Any questions? 732 00:36:58,174 --> 00:37:00,594 I'm sorry, Adam. I had no choice. 733 00:37:07,058 --> 00:37:09,098 Captain? 734 00:37:09,185 --> 00:37:10,305 Yes? 735 00:37:10,394 --> 00:37:12,484 What will happen to Dr. Bricker? 736 00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:13,983 Who cares? 737 00:37:14,065 --> 00:37:15,725 I care! 738 00:37:18,736 --> 00:37:23,156 To put it simply, he'll be fired from his position here. 739 00:37:23,240 --> 00:37:24,950 Does this mean 740 00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:27,374 that he will have to practice medicine somewhere else? 741 00:37:27,453 --> 00:37:28,833 That's not up to me. 742 00:37:28,913 --> 00:37:31,463 That's up to the medical review board. 743 00:37:31,540 --> 00:37:34,670 Captain, can we get on with this? 744 00:37:34,752 --> 00:37:37,462 That's it -- I don't want to take up any more of your time. 745 00:37:37,546 --> 00:37:39,796 No, wait. 746 00:37:42,802 --> 00:37:44,182 I can't let you do this. 747 00:37:44,261 --> 00:37:45,971 Now, sal, don't feel sorry for him 748 00:37:46,055 --> 00:37:47,465 after what he did to you. 749 00:37:47,556 --> 00:37:50,016 He didn't do anything to me. 750 00:37:52,895 --> 00:37:55,515 I made up the whole story. 751 00:37:55,606 --> 00:37:59,566 Dr. Bricker was never anything but a perfect gentleman. 752 00:37:59,652 --> 00:38:01,032 What are you saying? 753 00:38:01,112 --> 00:38:03,282 I'm sorry, Hank. 754 00:38:03,364 --> 00:38:07,084 It was the only way I could get you to pay some attention to me. 755 00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:10,873 You're always looking at other women, 756 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:12,365 saying how pretty they are -- 757 00:38:12,456 --> 00:38:14,496 talking about them like I wasn't even there. 758 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:16,753 But, sal, that's just talk. 759 00:38:16,836 --> 00:38:18,456 You know me. 760 00:38:18,546 --> 00:38:19,706 It hurts. 761 00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:26,257 Oh, sal, I -- I had no idea I was hurting you. 762 00:38:26,345 --> 00:38:29,845 I know I look at other women, but I -- 763 00:38:29,932 --> 00:38:34,602 I don't know, maybe I'm just a big, dumb kid or something, 764 00:38:34,687 --> 00:38:36,727 but I can promise you this, sal -- 765 00:38:36,814 --> 00:38:39,364 ever since the first time I looked at you, 766 00:38:39,442 --> 00:38:41,742 I never even thought about loving anyone else. 767 00:38:53,831 --> 00:38:56,921 I know an apology couldn't possibly make up 768 00:38:57,001 --> 00:39:00,251 for what I've put you through, but I'm really sorry. 769 00:39:09,805 --> 00:39:13,225 Apology accepted. 770 00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:21,729 No, I'm the one who should apologize...To you, doctor, 771 00:39:21,817 --> 00:39:24,107 and to you, sal. 772 00:39:24,195 --> 00:39:25,735 I'm sorry. 773 00:39:25,821 --> 00:39:28,741 I'm sorry. 774 00:39:50,471 --> 00:39:54,311 There was never any question in my mind, Adam. 775 00:39:54,391 --> 00:39:57,481 You were right. She was using you. 776 00:39:57,561 --> 00:40:01,321 Tell me -- if Mrs. Welker hadn't backed down, 777 00:40:01,398 --> 00:40:04,148 would you have sent that cable? 778 00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:09,275 Yes, but I don't think anything would've come of it. 779 00:40:20,709 --> 00:40:22,959 So Betty and Pete and Barbara and Ken 780 00:40:23,045 --> 00:40:24,955 were actually seeing each other 781 00:40:25,047 --> 00:40:27,507 before they knew they were getting a divorce. 782 00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:30,051 Anyway, that's what my hairdresser, Maurice, 783 00:40:30,136 --> 00:40:31,346 told my manicurist. 784 00:40:31,428 --> 00:40:33,638 Isn't that hilarious? 785 00:40:33,722 --> 00:40:35,852 A scream. 786 00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:40,023 Oh, Charley, isn't it wonderful to be together again? 787 00:40:40,104 --> 00:40:42,654 [ Grunting ] Yeah...Swell. 788 00:40:42,731 --> 00:40:45,651 Taking me back to your cabin early, huh? 789 00:40:45,734 --> 00:40:47,864 You must've read my mind. 790 00:40:47,945 --> 00:40:51,695 I can't read anything that small without my glasses. 791 00:40:51,782 --> 00:40:53,202 Good night, Rudy. 792 00:40:53,284 --> 00:40:55,084 Wait a minute -- 793 00:40:55,161 --> 00:40:58,211 the night is still young. 794 00:40:58,289 --> 00:40:59,999 Oh, Charley bear, 795 00:41:00,082 --> 00:41:04,002 you make me feel like your cuddly, little kitten. 796 00:41:04,086 --> 00:41:07,086 [ Door closes ] 797 00:41:07,173 --> 00:41:09,553 She's back! 798 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:15,351 Rudy... 799 00:41:15,431 --> 00:41:17,891 I dig a chick who plays hard-to-get. 800 00:41:17,975 --> 00:41:20,185 I am not playing hard-to-get. 801 00:41:20,269 --> 00:41:21,399 Good. 802 00:41:21,478 --> 00:41:24,938 She's with that Adonis creep. 803 00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:26,904 Who cares? 804 00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:29,404 All he thinks about is sex, sex, sex. 805 00:41:34,158 --> 00:41:35,578 Let me go! 806 00:41:35,659 --> 00:41:38,749 Don't fight it, baby. It's bigger than both of us. 807 00:41:38,829 --> 00:41:40,579 Hey! Leave her alone! 808 00:41:40,664 --> 00:41:42,924 Do you do this for a living? 809 00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,750 Pam, I'm sorry I broke in on you like this, but I can't help it. 810 00:41:45,836 --> 00:41:47,586 I've been thinking about you all night. 811 00:41:47,671 --> 00:41:48,881 You have? 812 00:41:50,424 --> 00:41:52,134 I know you must think I'm some kind of a nut, 813 00:41:52,218 --> 00:41:53,758 but I'm crazy about you. 814 00:41:53,844 --> 00:41:56,264 I just never realized it until now. 815 00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:57,637 Hey, what is this? 816 00:41:57,723 --> 00:42:00,233 Your exit cue. Goodbye, Rudy. 817 00:42:00,309 --> 00:42:02,559 You know, you're starting to bug me. 818 00:42:02,645 --> 00:42:03,725 Oh, yeah? 819 00:42:03,812 --> 00:42:07,072 A little. 820 00:42:12,238 --> 00:42:15,278 Boy, some spy I turned out to be, huh? 821 00:42:15,366 --> 00:42:18,286 I was looking for the wrong girl all along. 822 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:21,659 Maybe I should've just given you better clues. 823 00:42:35,219 --> 00:42:37,969 Do you think this is gonna work? 824 00:42:38,055 --> 00:42:41,015 Don't worry -- a little romantic music, 825 00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:43,190 soft lights, close dancing -- can't miss. 826 00:42:43,269 --> 00:42:44,599 Here they come. 827 00:42:44,687 --> 00:42:46,017 Oh! 828 00:42:46,105 --> 00:42:48,145 Well, happy anniversary, you two. 829 00:42:48,232 --> 00:42:50,612 Where would you like to sit? 830 00:42:50,693 --> 00:42:52,153 At separate tables. 831 00:42:52,236 --> 00:42:53,446 Now, now. 832 00:42:53,529 --> 00:42:55,659 [ Dance music playing ] 833 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,029 [ Music stops ] 834 00:42:57,116 --> 00:42:58,156 Drumroll. 835 00:42:58,242 --> 00:43:01,502 [ Drumroll ] 836 00:43:01,578 --> 00:43:04,328 Ladies and gentlemen, every once in a while, 837 00:43:04,415 --> 00:43:06,825 we meet passengers who are special. 838 00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:09,957 Well, actually, all our passengers are special. 839 00:43:10,045 --> 00:43:13,005 But these people are... 840 00:43:13,090 --> 00:43:15,010 Extra special. 841 00:43:15,092 --> 00:43:17,972 Married 40 years ago today -- 842 00:43:18,053 --> 00:43:21,393 won't you join me in congratulating 843 00:43:21,473 --> 00:43:24,693 Violet and Carl hooper? 844 00:43:24,768 --> 00:43:26,558 Happy anniversary. 845 00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:29,055 Everybody's looking at us. 846 00:43:29,148 --> 00:43:31,728 They're looking at you. 847 00:43:31,817 --> 00:43:36,817 I think they all came here to watch you pinch a penny. 848 00:43:36,905 --> 00:43:40,195 Mr. and Mrs. Hooper, since this is your anniversary, 849 00:43:40,284 --> 00:43:42,704 would you like to begin the dancing? 850 00:43:42,786 --> 00:43:44,706 [ Sighs ] 851 00:43:44,788 --> 00:43:46,868 They certainly spent a bundle to get us back together. 852 00:43:46,957 --> 00:43:48,747 A waste of good money. 853 00:43:48,834 --> 00:43:52,134 At least I get a little more use out of this rented suit. 854 00:43:52,212 --> 00:43:56,092 And my new dresses. 855 00:43:56,175 --> 00:44:00,255 [ "Anniversary waltz" plays ] 856 00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:29,961 Hey, that's the "anniversary waltz." 857 00:44:30,042 --> 00:44:32,842 You remember the first time I heard that? 858 00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,420 How could I forget? 859 00:44:34,505 --> 00:44:36,255 It was our first date. 860 00:44:36,340 --> 00:44:40,640 We borrowed your father's desoto and took a drive up to the lake. 861 00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,639 Yeah, and every time we went down a hill, 862 00:44:43,722 --> 00:44:46,812 you made me turn off the motor to save gas. 863 00:44:50,562 --> 00:44:55,572 Maybe I have been a little tight with the money. 864 00:44:55,651 --> 00:45:00,611 No, Violet, no. You were right to be that way. 865 00:45:00,697 --> 00:45:06,117 If it weren't for you, we'd have nothing to retire on. 866 00:45:06,203 --> 00:45:12,253 Rosebud, believe me, I'm sorry I said all those mean things. 867 00:45:12,334 --> 00:45:15,254 It's all right. You were angry. 868 00:45:15,337 --> 00:45:18,127 The only thing I don't understand 869 00:45:18,215 --> 00:45:20,755 is why you called me "jezebel." 870 00:45:20,843 --> 00:45:22,723 [ Chuckling ] 871 00:45:22,803 --> 00:45:28,733 I didn't mean to call you that. I meant to call you "scrooge." 872 00:45:31,562 --> 00:45:36,692 Then you don't feel like you've wasted your life? 873 00:45:36,775 --> 00:45:41,235 How could I have wasted my life if I've lived it with you? 874 00:45:41,321 --> 00:45:44,161 Oh, Carl. 875 00:45:50,581 --> 00:45:54,001 Captain, you've done it again. 876 00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:58,344 I haven't lost a couple yet. 877 00:46:19,651 --> 00:46:21,701 Come on, Rudy! 878 00:46:21,778 --> 00:46:23,818 Will you hurry up?! 879 00:46:23,906 --> 00:46:25,196 Sorry. Sorry. 880 00:46:25,282 --> 00:46:27,082 Perfect match. 881 00:46:27,159 --> 00:46:29,409 They can both marry beneath themselves. 882 00:46:29,495 --> 00:46:31,705 You know, I've been thinking -- 883 00:46:31,788 --> 00:46:34,498 I bet you would make a good CIA agent. 884 00:46:34,583 --> 00:46:36,133 Me? Are you kidding? 885 00:46:36,210 --> 00:46:37,840 No. Last night you proved 886 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:40,550 you're a pretty good "undercover" man. 887 00:46:44,009 --> 00:46:47,049 Thanks again for everything, and I do mean "everything." 888 00:46:47,137 --> 00:46:48,507 Me too, doc. 889 00:46:48,597 --> 00:46:50,217 And I don't think Sally 890 00:46:50,307 --> 00:46:53,437 will be having any more of those tension headaches. 891 00:46:53,519 --> 00:46:56,099 As the man said, "all's well that ends well." 892 00:46:56,188 --> 00:46:58,608 Bye-bye. 893 00:46:58,690 --> 00:47:00,320 Bye. 894 00:47:06,156 --> 00:47:08,616 You know, doc, it's funny -- 895 00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:13,120 the first woman who ever accused you of making a pass at her 896 00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:15,205 is the only one you didn't. 897 00:47:17,709 --> 00:47:19,749 Well, guess it's time to say goodbye. 898 00:47:19,836 --> 00:47:22,126 It was a pleasure to have both of you with us. 899 00:47:22,214 --> 00:47:23,424 That goes for me, too. 900 00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:24,587 That goes for all of us. 901 00:47:24,675 --> 00:47:26,255 You've been so nice 902 00:47:26,343 --> 00:47:29,103 we've decided to give you all a raise. 903 00:47:29,179 --> 00:47:30,429 A raise? 904 00:47:30,514 --> 00:47:32,934 Oh, we're shareholders in the line, you know. 905 00:47:33,016 --> 00:47:36,056 You own stock in the line? 906 00:47:36,144 --> 00:47:39,774 One of our smaller holdings. 907 00:47:39,856 --> 00:47:41,726 I just found out about it. 908 00:47:41,817 --> 00:47:44,947 She's been investing our grocery money for 40 years. 909 00:47:45,028 --> 00:47:46,738 Which maybe explains why 910 00:47:46,822 --> 00:47:49,122 the meat was always a little tough. 911 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:52,449 Oh, Mr. Hooper -- here, let me help you with this! 912 00:47:52,536 --> 00:47:54,116 Oh, that's all right. 913 00:47:54,204 --> 00:47:57,624 Thanks anyway, gopher. Oh, here, here... 914 00:47:57,708 --> 00:47:59,838 A quarter for you. 915 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,300 And keep the change. 60324

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