Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love like sweetest reward, let it float,

it floats back to you.

The love boat, soon will be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

Well, would you say we just had the numero uno worst

time we've ever spent ashore?

No, no.

There was the time we had poison oak.

There was the earthquake.

You're right.

This is the worst time we've ever spent ashore.

Well, I had a worse time one weekend with my third wife.

But according to our divorce agreement,

I'm legally forbidden to discuss it.

Ok, ok, ok, ok.

I am sorry.

Now, how many times do you want me to say it?

But aunt Tanya is my aunt.

And how can you refuse your own aunt

when she asked you to bring your friends to see her

play the part of lady Macbeth?

Well, at least the play was held in a church

so she could immediately pray for forgiveness.

Oh, come on now, gopher.

I mean, listen, for someone who never acted

before, she wasn't that bad.

Well, she wasn't great.

Ok, you're right.

She's the worst actress I've ever seen in my life.

But I just want to personally thank

you for coming to see her.

Forget it.

You know, she felt so down after that performance,

I mean, she thought she was terrible.

Well, you see?

It's unanimous.

Look, I just wanted to ask you one small little favor.

What?

Well, uh, the reason I begged you all to see aunt Tanya

is because uncle Charles is bringing her on this cruise.

And?

And I wanted you all to tell her

what a great actress she is.

Well, it's just a thought.

Hope you have a good cruise.

Nice to see you.

Welcome aboard.

Hello.

Hi.

I'm Cynthia bowden.

And this is my son Frankie.

Well, welcome aboard.

I'm captain stubing.

This is my daughter Vicki.

Hi.

Hi, Vicki.

Oh, he's adorable.

How old is he

eight months now.

I'm available if you need a babysitter, Mrs. Bowden.

Well, thank you, Vicki.

I probably will.

And it's, uh, miss bowden.

Oh.

Well, does, uh, Frankie say anything yet?

No, not a word.

But he has a way of letting you know

exactly what he's thinking, especially about people.

Really?

Yes.

I trust him absolutely.

In my book, if Frankie takes to you,

well, you have to be a pretty nice person.

But if he cries, well, I become highly suspicious.

Well, you'll be talking before you know it, big fella.

Would you like to hold him?

I'd love it.

[Chuckles]

[Baby cries]

[Inaudible] Probably.

Oh, great.

Goodbye.

I've always been highly suspicious of you too.

I want to thank you for taking me on this cruise, Charles.

Whatever made me think I could act, especially a role

like lady Macbeth.

I was terrible.

I shall never face my friends again.

Come on, Tanya, forget about it.

They'll forget it.

I mean, do you ever hear people talking

about the bubonic plague still?

Thanks.

Don't forget, Julie.

You promised to tell my aunt Tanya

what a great actress she is.

Right.

Aunt Tanya!

Uncle Charles!

Listen, I want you to meet Julie McCoy.

Come on over her.

Julie, this is my uncle Charles and my aunt Tanya.

How do you do?

Welcome aboard.

I wanted to tell you that I think your performance as lady

Macbeth was truly outstanding.

What?

Yes.

You were fabulous.

You gave a totally new dimension to the character.

I did?

Doc, I want you to meet uncle Charles and aunt Tanya.

Aunt Tanya, I'm in the middle of a medical emergency,

but I just had to tell you how much I enjoyed your, um,

interpretation of lady Macbeth.

You did?

You were brilliant.

Your acting sent chills up and down my spine.

It did?

Gopher!

Gopher, here's uncle Charles and aunt Tanya.

Aunt Tanya, wow.

I just wish I had the words to describe your performance.

I mean, you were so--

what can I say?

Oh, I don't know.

But think of something.

Well, I just wish Shakespeare could have been there.

Of course, he's gone now.

[Clears throat] I'm getting off this ship.

What's wrong?

If your crew doesn't know anything more about sailing

than they do about acting, I'm betting

that we're going to sink before we get out of the harbor.

Hello.

We're Charles and Marion cummings,

and Katie, our daughter.

Hello.

Welcome aboard.

Let's see, Mr. and Mrs. Cummings.

Yes, you're on the fiesta deck, cabin 202.

And Katie, you're in the adjoining cabin 204.

Thank you.

We're meeting our friends, Mr. and Mrs. Clark,

and their son, Brett.

Have they arrived?

No, not yet.

Excuse me.

Thank you.

Katie, how long has it been since you've seen Brett?

Oh, not since the party you and his folks had for us

when we went away to college.

That long?

I'm surprised the two of you haven't

got together in all that time.

How could we?

You and his folks weren't around to arrange it.

Now, Katie--

come on, dad.

You four have been trying to get us together ever since you

dropped us in the same playpen.

Next thing you know, you'll accuse us

of arranging this trip just to get you two together.

Well--

hey, Chucky, baby.

We're here!

Start the boat!

Hey! - How are you doing, Katie?

How's college?

Great, and you?

Oh, fantastic.

Those two look better together all the time.

What we haven't been able to accomplish all these years,

I'll bet that moonlight and the love boat will.

I've got that feeling again.

[Ship's horn blows]

[Theme music]

Thank you.

That's a pretty lady.

Very.

But well guarded.

Oh, yeah?

I don't see any guys around.

In the bassinet.

Oh, be nice to the baby and win the lady.

Well, that is no problem.

A glass of white wine for the lady.

And just tell her that it's from me.

Ok, but I think you're wasting your money.

You should be buying milk for the baby.

Miss bowden?

Yes.

Compliments of Mr. Wayburn.

[Baby coos]

Well, perhaps someday, a charming stranger will

buy my mother a glass of wine.

Cute kid.

Coochi, coochi, coo.

Kids love me.

Gig wayburn.

Cynthia bowden.

Well, any friend to Frankie's is a friend of mine.

Ah, need napkins, ok?

How can you and your friends tell her such lies?

She is a horrible actress.

Uncle Charles, there comes a time in our lives

when we should all hear little fibs about ourselves.

Now, hasn't aunt Tanya been a good wife and mother?

The best.

But what has that got to do with it?

Don't you think you can help repay her for all that devotion

by telling her what a good actress she is?

Well, maybe you're right.

What, with the whole world knowing how horrible she is,

why should she have to know it too?

Oh, look at the kids.

We might not even need the moonlight.

I knew it would happen.

Uh, Katie.

Could you move over a little?

You're blocking my view of that great-looking blonde.

Ah, come on.

You can do better than that.

She reminds me of that nerd you had a thing for in high school.

Oh-ho.

Well, what did I know in high school?

Oh, captain.

Could I talk to you for a second?

Sure, what is it?

We all went to see my aunt Tanya play lady Macbeth.

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry I couldn't make it.

How was she?

Terrific.

And listen, she is on the cruise.

And I was wondering if you could tell her how great she is.

Well, how can I tell her how great she is

when I didn't see her perform?

Sir, believe me.

It's easier this way.

Oh, please, sir.

She'd really appreciate it.

You know how delicate an artist's ego is.

Yes, I understand.

Well, uh, I'll talk to her when I get a moment.

Listen, gopher.

What?

And you've got to remember to give her a great big buildup.

I already have given her a great big buildup.

A person can only lie so much.

Oh, gopher, that was only a little bitty teeny weeny lie.

Now, I want you to give me some real big giant whoppers.

Julie's doing it.

Honest, Julie?

Yes, I can honestly say that I've never seen

a performance quite like it.

You were absolutely unique.

Well, I may have done ok.

But I don't know if I was brilliant.

She didn't say you were brilliant.

But that's what she meant.

You two really did do a terrific job bringing up Katie.

Well, you know what we think of Brett.

You've got to take some credit.

[Laughs]

Oh, brother.

They're toasting right now, probably saying

how proud they are of us.

And plotting their next move.

You know, it's amazing.

No matter how many times they've tried to throw us together,

they still haven't ruined our friendship.

Yep.

Oh, there you are, aunt Tanya.

The newest star in the theatrical heavens.

Oh, captain, really.

Did you hear what the captain said?

I heard.

You know, I saw Judith Anderson

in the Broadway version.

But your interpretation of the role had to be much better.

Judith Anderson?

Yes.

Well, captain.

Talent is a rare gift.

And I'm sure Judy gave it her best shot.

Just couldn't cut it.

You're a sweet boy, huh?

You know what?

I hate to leave you, even for an hour.

But your mama is going on the first date

she's had since you were born.

Yeah.

And with somebody you picked, huh?

Do me a favor.

Frankie.

Frankie, say, mama, huh?

Mama.

Come on.

You know what your problem is?

You're stubborn, just like your father.

Ba!

Yes, and you look just like him.

But I love you.

You are the most important man in my life.

[Knocking]

Just a minute.

Hi.

Hi, Vicki.

Come in.

I think I'm running late.

Here is a bottle and a warmer.

Here's an extra blanket.

In case it gets colder.

And I will, uh, be in the dining room

first, then the acapulco lounge.

Do you have any questions?

Just one.

How about $2 an hour?

Deal.

Bye-bye.

Hi, Frankie.

Hurry it up a little, will you?

We're going to be late for dinner.

I'm starving.

Charles, please.

Oh, the captain and the crew really loved me.

Yeah, I guess they thought you were ok.

Ok?

They really loved me.

Well, I wouldn't say they loved you.

You're right.

I guess they didn't love me.

They adored me.

Now I'm ready to meet my public.

Hand me my tiara.

Where did you get this thing?

I bought it in the gift shop with the rest of these.

A star has to look like a star.

I'm sorry.

I was just thinking about Frankie.

Frankie?

Frankie, my son.

Your pal.

Oh, yeah, Frankie.

That's a terrific kid.

Yeah.

I'm really glad that I met him.

Have you seen Isaac?

No, why?

Because I want to tell him I am not going to lie

to his aunt Tanya anymore.

It makes me nervous to lie so much.

I'm breaking out in hives.

All right, now don't worry.

I think we've all lied more than enough.

[Inaudible].

Not to mention bonsoir.

Good evening.

Not to mention bonsoir.

You must come over to our table later,

and we'll discuss Shakespeare and other dead people like him.

Yes, that sounds lovely.

I always enjoy talking about show business.

Till then.

You people have created a monster.

I'll get you for this.

Charles.

[Everyone sighs]

Here we are.

Oh.

Oh, this is all wrong.

It should be boy, girl, boy, girl.

What do you call that?

Musical chairs.

The hard way--

no music.

Dr. Livingston, I presume?

Indeed.

Madam.

What's your name?

Robert.

Pen.

Dear Robert.

Sorry you missed my performance as lady Macbeth.

Maybe next time.

Regards, aunt Tanya.

There you are.

Thank you.

Suppose I get us a glass of wine.

That is a terrific idea.

Well, maybe champagne.

We might have something to celebrate.

Ok.

Champagne, your best.

Coming right up, Mr. Wayburn.

I see that you passed the baby test.

That's right.

And tonight, hopefully, I will pass the mommy test.

Do something.

May I cut in?

Oh, sure, dad.

There's a girl out there who lost her partner.

So to the rescue, sailor.

Mr. Clark, miss cummings.

I think we've met.

Yes.

We've got to do something about this [inaudible]..

[Applause]

Isaac, I have an idea I think you'll like.

Is your aunt here?

Yeah, she's sitting over there up front.

What's your idea?

You'll see.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

We have a very talented actress with us this evening,

an actress who recently started as lady Macbeth.

So perhaps if all of us here gave

this fabulous actress a warm welcome,

she might stand up and take a bow.

Ladies and gentlemen, miss Tanya Nolan.

[Applause]

Thank you.

For all you folks who were fortunate enough

to see me in my limited engagement as lady Macbeth,

let me hit you with a few of the highlights.

Get the picture.

There are a lot of characters on stage blabbering--

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then lady Macbeth--

that's me-- makes her entrance.

And I say, out, damn spot!

Out, I say!

Oh, you've got to know that here, i'm

talking to a spot on my hand.

I'm not talking to a dog.

And, uh, then the minor players come on, like Macbeth.

And they-- blah, blah, blah, blah some more.

And then I say, yet do I fear thy nature.

It is too full of the milk of human kindness

to catch the nearest wave.

Thou wouldst be great!

Not, not without ambition.

Or without kindness to attend it.

I know what you're thinking.

You're saying Shakespeare must have

been a pretty heavy drinker.

[Laughs] Thank you all.

You having some trouble finding your keys?

Then why don't we go to my cabin?

Ah, well, what's so special about your cabin?

Well, for one thing, I don't have a roomie.

Oh, I see your point.

But my babysitter can't stay too late.

Hi.

Hi.

How's he doing? - Terrific.

Good.

He's been good all night.

How much do I owe you?

Oh, three and 1/2 hours, $2 an hour, $7.

Ok.

Oh, you can pay me tomorrow.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Look how peacefully he's sleeping.

He looks like a little angel.

That's right.

That's my pal.

[Baby crying]

Go on, pal.

Look, I know we have to do something,

but does it have to be that drastic?

I think we've been polite and patient too long, Katie.

Now, if we want to stop them from forcing us together,

we've got to be bold.

I know, but--

hey, you two.

Good luck tomorrow.

Uh, thanks.

For what?

What's tomorrow?

The shuffleboard and dance contest.

You're signed up as a team.

W-We didn't--

oh, I know you didn't.

Your parents did.

I'll see you later.

Doesn't that convince you?

It's never going to stop.

You're right.

Let's do it.

Well, after all, they want us together.

And how can we be more together than sleeping together?

[Knocking]

Who is it?

It's me.

Uh, just a second!

Wake up.

Wake up.

This is it.

Let's go.

Brett, we're waiting!

Uh, ok.

I'll meet you at breakfast.

We want to see you now!

Brett: Coming.

Hi.

Oh.

Open the door!

Oh, hi.

You're all here.

Brett, let us in.

Uh, what's going on?

What's-- what's happening?

Katie did not sleep in her bed--

bed last night.

Have you seen her?

Uh, Katie?

No.

Nope, I haven't seen her.

The last time we saw her last night, she was with you.

Oh.

Well, we had a drink, and then we said goodnight.

What's this?

Champagne.

Did you need two glasses?

Uh, policy of the ship.

They serve you two in case you break one.

Are you wearing lipstick now?

And you have given up jockey shorts.

Ok.

So I had some company last night.

Brett!

What?

I'm a big boy now, mom.

And so as not to embarrass the young lady,

I'd like to ask you all to leave, please.

Honey, our bath's getting c--

[gasps] Whoops.

Katie!

Oh, what have you done to my daughter!

Uh--

no, don't tell me!

Don't tell me!

Isaac, I've got to talk to you.

What is it, aunt Tanya?

It's your uncle Charles.

He doesn't want me to keep acting,

because he says my acting is messing up our marriage.

Well, if he feels that strongly--

but the way I figure it, it isn't my acting career

that's messing up my marriage.

My marriage is messing up my acting career.

So I'm leaving him and going to Hollywood.

But-- what--

you can come along with me if you want to.

You wanted to be a writer.

So you can write my life story.

The story of aunt Tanya.

In spite of what you think, she's only human.

But aunt Tanya, you can't do that.

I mean, you've been with uncle Charles all these years.

Don't you still love him?

Of course I love him.

But darling, that's show biz.

Hello.

Oh, hi.

Is it ok if I take a peek?

Sure.

[Baby crying]

Sorry.

It's all right.

It's all right.

Boy.

A kid like that could really give a person

an inferiority complex.

Yes.

Good thing I'm well adjusted.

I still can't see why they say it's all Brett's fault.

To hear them talk, you'd think he dragged her to his cabin.

It's obvious.

She went there of her own free will.

She seduced him.

That's what she did.

Hm.

I know how those young girls operate.

When I was a young girl--

forget that.

Just a dusting, that's all.

Breakfast guests, I know just where you'd like to sit.

Thank you, Julie.

Good morning.

Well, here we are.

And you know the Clarks.

[Laughs]

Not anymore, we don't.

Thank you.

We like it like that.

That hotsy daughter of yours certainly

had us fooled all these years.

Our Katie a hussy?

Oh.

Oh, well, that's pretty ironic coming from a couple

who've reared a sex maniac.

Sex maniac?

I'd put Brett's morals up against anybody.

Ever since that daughter of yours was five years old,

and you caught her playing doctor,

I knew she'd turn out to be promiscuous.

Katie was the doctor, but remember who the patient

was who made the appointment?

Brett.

Katie always was "oversexed."

You're crazy.

That's ridiculous!

If anything, she's undersexed!

Like her mother!

Uh, no.

I mean, Katie's always behaved herself.

She's never been in a situation like this.

Excuse me.

And your son will never have a chance to take advantage of her

again, because we've forbidden her ever to see him.

You could have saved yourself the trouble, because we aren't

permitting Brett to see her.

[Knocking]

Come in.

My wife is leaving me, and it's all your fault!

You and your crew!

[Pounds table] I'm going to sue all of you!

Sir, my crew and I complimented

your wife on her acting because Isaac, your nephew,

asked us to.

Well, I can't sue Isaac.

He's a relative.

I'm going to kill him!

[Door slams]

Julie (over speakers): We'll be in acapulco until midnight.

Please check the purser's desk for shore launches.

Captain, I'm really sorry I got you involved in this mess.

All of you.

Well, you were only trying to make your aunt feel good.

You didn't mean any harm.

I know, but-- but now she wants to leave uncle

Charles and go to Hollywood!

Oh, I guess we laid it on too thick, huh?

Well maybe, but how could she believe us?

Doc, you remember that blonde from Topeka who said you were

the sexiest man in the world?

Yeah.

What about her?

Look, we have to concentrate on the problem at hand.

Now, the best solution is usually the most obvious.

Your aunt has to be told the truth.

You can count me out, but you're

absolutely right, captain.

I pass.

Why me?

I've got an idea.

Why don't I tell her?

Oh, excuse me.

Yes, sir?

William Simmons is my name.

Oh, welcome aboard, sir.

I'm yeoman purser Smith.

Uh, hey, listen.

You can still make dinner.

I'll take you back if you like.

Oh, well, thank you very much.

You bet.

You wouldn't happen to know where Cynthia bowden is?

I understand she's on board.

I'm an old friend.

Uh, yeah.

I think I saw her on the lido deck.

You go right-- - no, no.

That's all right. I'll find it.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Hello, Cynthia.

Bill?

What are you doing here?

I telephoned your parents.

They said you were on board, so I came down.

I-- I know it's been a year since I went to Australia.

You talked to mom and dad?

Yes, yes, I talked to them.

And they said you were here with a guy named Frankie.

Are you in love with him?

Ah, yes.

Very much.

That's what I figured.

He's probably everything I'm not.

Handsome, rich.

No.

Uh, as a matter of fact, he's kind of funny looking.

Doesn't have a cent.

He's what?

Oh, and I forgot.

Short, bald, and unemployed.

[Scoffs] You're here with a guy like that?

Yeah.

Oh, come on, Cynthia.

Are you jealous?

You are jealous.

Yes, I am jealous.

In fact, I'd like the bash his teeth out.

It would hardly pay.

He only has four.

What do you mean, four?

Besides, I'm betting, when you meet him,

he's going to knock you out.

Come on.

Look, Cynthia, look, i--

I think this is silly.

I've changed my mind.

I-- I don't want to meet this guy.

Are you going to chicken out again?

Open the door.

- Hi. - Hi.

Frankie's--

I'll [clears throat] Settle with you later?

Yeah, sure.

Bye.

Bye.

All right, Cynthia.

What's going on?

Where's this guy, Frankie?

He's right here.

This is your son, bill.

My what?

Well, uh, I didn't lie.

He's short, bald, and he's never worked a day in his life.

My god, why didn't you tell me?

After that big fight we had, I wanted you back,

but only if it was your idea.

I didn't want you to feel obligated.

Listen, I'm back now.

I want us to be together again.

Please.

I don't know.

I just need to think about it.

Is it ok if I hold my son?

Yeah.

Come here.

Come here, sugar.

Yes, you are.

Hi.

Hi.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

I think he likes you.

[Chuckles] How do you know?

He hasn't said anything.

Does he say anything?

No.

Not a word.

Oh.

He's so quiet.

Is everything all right?

Everything's perfect.

Hey, Frankie.

Hey, Frankie.

It's your daddy.

Look.

Look, look, look, look, look, yeah!

Say daddy.

Say daddy.

Say daddy, mommy wants you to come home with us.

Daddy, mommy wants you to come with us.

Honest?

Honest.

Hey, Frankie.

What do you say to that, huh?

What do you say to that?

Frankie.

[Knocking]

Aunt Tanya, may I come in?

Sure, Isaac.

Come on in.

Like my new dressing gown?

I had it made to order in acapulco.

It took them almost an hour.

Aunt Tanya, I have something very

important to talk to you about.

Good.

Because I have something important to talk to you about,

too.

You know all those great old Bette Davis movies?

Well, I was thinking, when I get to Hollywood,

I could star in the remakes of all those classics.

For instance, "jezebel."

Yeah.

That would-- that would be nice.

Nice?

When they gave Bette Davis all those awards,

they didn't give them to her for being nice.

But aunt Tanya, you're not quite Bette Davis.

Yet.

So what's the difference between me and Betty?

Except Betty is a blonde, and I'm a brunette.

On my way down to your cabin, I

was trying to think of the gentlest way

to say what I have to say.

But there is no gentle way.

You-- you are a terrible actress.

Did you hear what I said?

I'm sorry.

But it's the truth.

You're a terrible actress.

As a wife and a mother, you're great.

But-- but as an actress, you're terrible.

Hi.

Hi.

Where are your folks?

They could be anywhere, except where your folks are.

[Sighs] I'm sorry.

I-- i--

I just thought they'd get mad at us.

I didn't think we'd start a family feud.

You know, if this were like old times, i'd--

I'd accuse our parents of putting

that moon up there just for us.

[Laughs] They've done everything short of that,

haven't they?

Oh, by the way, I meant to congratulate you this morning.

Good piece of acting you did in there.

Well, you were the star.

You were the one who had to act so guilty.

All I did was come out in a towel.

Yeah, but what an entrance you made.

You should wear towels more often.

You looked terrific.

You noticed?

Yeah.

How the hell did that happen?

Beats me.

I think we're falling into their trap.

That sure felt a lot better than the last time

I kissed you, at your 12th birthday party.

Remember?

I-- I don't know.

I think I'd have to try it again.

You know, Katie, before we tell

our parents that nothing happened last night,

let's wait, huh?

Maybe something will happen tonight.

Stop that this instant!

You two were told to keep away from each other!

What are you two doing together?

Is this some of your doing?

Our doing?

All right, now hold it folks, right there.

Now listen closely.

When Katie and I were together last night, nothing happened.

Nothing happened?

Nothing whatsoever.

You expect us to believe that?

Well, you've got to believe it, because it's the truth.

Now, the four of you have gone so far with your matchmaking,

it was the only way we could think of to fight back.

We knew it would shake you up, but we never dreamed you'd

be at each other's throats.

We're sorry.

Oh.

Well, uh, who's supposed to apologize

first, the parents of the sex maniac,

or the parents of the nympho?

[Laughter]

Wait a minute.

If nothing happened last night, how

come we just caught the two of you in such a big clinch?

Oh.

Well, that's a very good question.

We were trying to figure that out ourselves.

And we're planning on doing a little more, uh,

research on the subject.

You know, it's a frightening thing to admit,

but maybe parents do know best.

Excuse us.

Maryann!

Oh.

Our kids!

I called you all here because aunt Tanya

wanted to tell us something.

Aunt Tanya.

Thank you, captain.

Isaac told me what he thinks about my acting talent.

What you all think about my acting talent.

And in spite of wanting to believe something else,

I know all of you can't be wrong.

So the thing for me to do is to give up my acting career.

But I'm not going to do that.

Talent or no talent, I am leaving my family,

and I'm going to Hollywood.

Because I think we all lead a pretty boring life.

And there comes a time when you should do what you want to do,

whether you have the talent for it or not.

So thank you all, and goodbye.

[Door opens and closes]

[Hands slap sides]

Well.

Ha!

I got you, didn't I?

Don't tell me I can't act.

Why, I just made Jane Fonda look like a fool.

[Laughter]

And in spite of being such a fantastic actress,

I'm still a better wife and mother.

Charles, I wouldn't leave you for Hollywood.

Broadway, maybe.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

I vote for 20 ushers and 20 bridesmaids.

Oh, I've always dreamed of a big wedding.

And we can have the reception at our club, in the ballroom.

- Look at them. - Hm?

We don't have the heart to tell them.

[Laughs]

Oh no.

Don't tell me you're not getting married?

Uh, no, we already did.

In cabo San Lucas, last night.

- You did! - [Laughs]

Oh!

Oh.

Goodbye.

Come see us again.

Well, Frankie looks happy now that he's found his father.

Knew me right off, too.

Justified my faith in him, I'll tell you.

His first word was daddy.

Ah!

I told you he was smart.

Goodbye, Frankie.

Mommy.

[Laughter]

Well, I didn't say he was infallible.

Goodbye, you three.

And be sure to call me when he can say captain.

We will.

Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

That baby is so sweet.

Mhm.

I'm going to miss him.

Well, when we get into port sometime,

maybe you can babysit with him.

Yeah!

You know, she never paid me!

Uncle Charles, where's aunt Tanya?

Oh, she's saying goodbye to her fans.

Well, everything is still all right, isn't it?

She hasn't decided to give up Hollywood

and go straight to Broadway, has she?

No, no.

We talked it over, and guess what?

We may be doing church plays together.

I did a little acting in high school, you know.

[Clears throat] Is this a dagger I see before me,

the handle toward my hand?

Some got it, and some ain't.

He's definitely in the ain't column.

[Laughter]

Oh, goodbye, Isaac, goodbye!

- Bye-bye. - Goodbye!

Thanks for coming!

So long!

Bye!

You know, he's not that bad.

Oh, Isaac!

[Theme music]

[Music playing]