Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Billy, let's keep circulating.

We can't have any thirsty passengers.

Excuse me, I'm supposed to meet a bunch of guys

from my old tank unit in Korea.

Mahoney's the name.

Dapper Dan mahoney!

Dapper da-- say, that's what they used to call me.

How did you know that?

Because we told Isaac all about you.

Bud! Tom! Gee!

How are ya?

I don't believe it -- not a gray hair in your head.

Well, you know, you buy a little and you dye a little.

So you're the one that broke

all those hearts in the far east, huh?

You guys told on me, didn't you?

Mm-hmm.

Has anybody seen sergeant boluski yet?

No, not yet.

Well, you see, he's the guy that organized this whole reunion.

If I know the bull,

he's probably in some bar beating up a marine.

Ha ha!

Ha ha!

Sounds like a ton of laughs.

Well, he was very gung-ho in those days,

but he must have mellowed by now.

What do you think?

I hope so.

Attention!

Do you believe that? That's the bull.

Straighten up, you guys!

Tuck in those stomachs!

Get those shoulders back!

A little pride!

Ohhhhhh.

Ohhhhhhhhhh.

Oh, I am so glad to see you guys!

Yeah, the bull!

Oh, we're gonna have one hell of a reunion!

Yeah!

You better believe it!

Just like the old days!

Yes, sir.

Yeah, sarge.

Come on, help me unpack.

Ha ha!

Hey, Isaac, at ease.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Hello, Rose.

Oh, hello, captain.

Hiya, Vicki. How are you, honey?

Oh, I'm sorry I was late for work, but my car...

Don't worry, Rose.

Did you have a nice vacation ashore?

Oh, yeah.

I went to my apartment, I vacuumed the rug,

I dusted the furniture, and I made the beds --

just like I do here.

She's my favorite cabin stewardess.

I hope she doesn't get in trouble for being late.

Well, maybe you ought to talk to the captain about her.

I've heard that you have him wrapped around your little finger.

[ Chuckles ]

Pardon me...

Could you tell me where I could find Dr. Bricker?

Oh, yes, he's right over there.

Thank you.

Doc sure has them trained right.

Now they look for him.

Young lady.

Dr. Bricker?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Gwen Hutchins.

Well, hi.

I was told you're just the man I'm looking for.

Lucky me.

Professionally, that is.

Oh, well, unlucky me.

No problem, I hope?

Nothing contagious.

I'm pregnant -- about two months.

Well, lucky you and Mr. Hutchins.

There is no Mr. Hutchins. I'm single.

Oh. Well, uh...

My doctor's sweet, but he's a real fussbudget.

And I promised him I'd report to the ship's doctor

the minute I boarded.

I'll tell him you get a gold star for punctuality.

And, look, if there's anything you need,

night or day, any time, just call.

Thanks.

Okay.

Monkey?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Monkey?

Forgive me, you look like someone I went to school with.

She must be adorable.

Monkey?

No, actually, she was quite pretty.

That was a nickname we gave her

because she was always getting into trouble.

Uh, I'm sorry, really I am.

Excuse me.

Well, maybe I'll see you around.

Yeah. Look for me in the dining room.

I'll be the one swinging from the chandelier.

Oh, no.

Hello, there.

Uh, I'm Rick -- Rick Martin.

Well, welcome aboard, I'm Julie McCoy.

Mm-hmm.

This is our yeoman purser, burl Smith.

Gopher!

Rick, hi.

I don't believe it!

You two know each other.

Well, used to -- college.

We're fraternity brothers.

Imagine after all these years running into strikeout Smith.

I was a pitcher on the baseball team.

Gopher got stood up more often than any guy on campus.

His steady date used to be Sylvia crasnik,

our 70-year-old housemother.

I don't think Julie's really interested in that stuff.

Oh, now I know your luck has changed.

By now you're probably dating a girl with her own teeth.

As a matter of fact, I am.

Right, honey?

Oh, uh, you two are together?

Uh-huh. I'm sure that gopher will explain

all about the two of us later, right, dear?

Yes, dear.

Well, I guess I'd better get settled.

See you two later.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Terrific-looking lady, gopher.

Thank you.

You must be taking your vitamins.

[ Both laugh ]

Look, I'm sorry. I -- look, I didn't know what else to do!

Julie, I went through college in Rick's shadow.

He beat me out at everything --

sports, studies... Especially women.

I just didn't want to start all that again.

Fine, but what do we do now?

He thinks we're a couple.

Well, we act like that whenever Rick's around.

Oh.

Julie, please?

Don't make me get down on my knees --

I just had my pants pressed.

Okay.

Okay. You're a pal.

[ Air horn blows ]

Company, march!

Hut, two, three, four, hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four, hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four, hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four...

Good morning, Rose.

Good morning, captain.

That's a nice bunch of fellas.

They use a lot of towels, but they're nice guys.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, by the way, Rose, uh, don't tell the others,

but Vicki told me

that you're her favorite stewardess on the ship.

Well, thank you, captain, ha.

And you can tell her for me

that you are my favorite captain on this ship.

Thank you.

Hi, how are the two of you doing?

We couldn't be better.

Good, I want an easy cruise.

Doctor?

Yes?

I hope I didn't sound flip last night

when I said I was pregnant and single.

I didn't mean it to sound that way.

It didn't.

I'm not ashamed of my situation, it's just...

Well, sometimes it isn't easy.

Hey, I understand.

Look, let me, uh, let me ask you something.

Is there any chance of you and the father --

unh-unh. Charlie was a great guy

until he found out that I was pregnant.

He couldn't face the responsibility,

and I don't believe in going into a marriage

that I know will end in divorce.

Wise girl.

Of course, I'm sure your doctor discussed

what options are available to you.

Yes, but I also don't believe in abortion --

for me, personally, that is.

I made one mistake. To me, that would be making another.

Do you plan to keep the baby?

Of course.

Naturally, I still have moments of doubt --

whether or not I'm doing the right thing,

but I love children,

and I had a very happy childhood,

so I'll pass that along to my baby.

You know what I think?

I think you'll make a wonderful mother...

And father.

Thanks.

Hi. Remember me?

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

Look who's here.

I brought you a little present.

You did?

Surprise!

Thanks a bunch.

Isaac, let's have another round for the guys, okay?

Oh, yeah, it's okay with me if it's okay with your livers.

Hey, sarge,

let me tell you about old dapper Dan for a change.

I committed matrimony since I saw you.

I got a great family now -- two girls, two boys.

Two boys?!

Yes, sir.

Two boys?!

Uh-huh.

Ah, he's got two boys!

Yeah.

Boy, I-I bet you can hardly wait until they grow up,

so they can enlist in the army, right?

Oh, the army was a great life, right, mahoney?

Yeah, if you like green clothes and green food.

Julie's a great-looking lady,

but don't you get a little tired

being tied down to just one girl?

Oh, well, uh, I got tired of that, uh,

girl-at-every-port routine, Rick.

I was so exhausted I could hardly work.

So I decided to settle down.

Hi, pumpkin.

Oh, hi.

I missed you.

Oh, yeah?

Yes.

Gophy?

Hmm?

I have a little time before the bingo game.

Do you want to go catch some shade?

Oh, okay.

I guess i'm not needed here.

Do you mind if I steal him away?

No, you might as well. Nobody else has tried to.

How do those little, scrawny guys do it?

You must have worked very hard, Mr. Martin,

to have retired at such an early age.

No. No, not really.

You see, I bought gold at $40 an ounce.

At first I thought I would be bored with retirement,

even lonely, but, uh,

my lifestyle seems to attract companionship.

[ Chuckles ] Gopher seems to be enjoying himself.

Who's the clinging vine?

Julie.

Their conduct in the dining room

leaves a great deal to be desired.

I believe in a friendly crew, but that is ridiculous.

[ Clears throat ]

I can't believe it.

It must be you --

I haven't talked this much in 10 years.

Well, don't stop now, Dennis, you're on a streak.

You were up to college and your degree in business.

You see, I was listening.

Right.

Then the search for greener pastures --

in my case a career

in what is laughingly called "high finance."

Laughingly?

I work for a home-mortgage firm.

With the interest rates today,

we haven't had too much business lately.

I know -- I'm in real estate.

Hey, we're practically related.

Yeah.

Just let me know when we're kissing cousins.

Yes, sir, the fearsome foursome together again.

Yeah.

Mmm. That's great.

Mmm. Nice.

I can't tell you guys

how much I've been looking forward to this reunion.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, and I've got an awful lot of surprises planned.

Surprises?

Yeah.

Oh, in fact, there's one right now.

Yeah? What's that?

I planned this way ahead.

Yeah?

Dinner on army trays.

Three lobsters...

And one Franks and beans.

Right here.

And you said you couldn't dance.

I can't really.

All I do is hold on tight and move a little.

That's my favorite step.

I thought you were exaggerating about your friend Rick,

but, uh, he's horrible.

Mm-hmm.

Tonight at dinner, he put his hand on my knee.

Really?

Well, I know it was my knee and it was not my hand.

You know, with a guy like that on board,

it's sorta nice

having a steady boyfriend around for protection.

Thank you.

Mind if I cut in?

It's okay...

I think.

I was hoping we'd find some time alone together.

I've been wanting to talk to you.

Oh?

I wanted to tell you what a lovely lady I think you are.

Um, Mr. Martin --

I'm attracted by everything about you --

your eyes, your hair...

Oh, and I love that perfume you're wearing.

Really?

Yeah.

It's gopher's favorite.

Gophy?

Oh.

Julie?

Yeah.

I think this is working out even better than I'd hoped.

Of course.

You know what I see?

I see myself in a beautiful home someday --

with a fireplace in every room

and that view from every window.

See anybody else living in that house with you?

Yes, I do.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Dennis, please,

there's so much about me you don't know.

What I do know, I like.

You're a rare find today, Gwen --

an old-fashioned girl.

I know I like that.

I think it's time for the Gwen Hutchins story.

And my life story takes a long time to tell.

Well, we'll save the whole day for it -- tomorrow.

♪ Good night, Irene, good night, Irene ♪

♪ I'll see you in my dreams ♪

♪ right in my dreams ♪

Oh, come on, come on, come on!

What's the matter?

Let's knock off the mushy stuff.

Sing an army song!

♪ Over there ♪

♪ over there ♪

♪ send the word, send the word over there ♪

♪ that the yanks are coming, the yanks are coming ♪

♪ we won't be back till it's over, over there ♪

♪ we're coming over we're coming over ♪

♪ and we won't come back till it's over, over there ♪

I didn't know this was an enlistment cruise.

Neither did I.

Julie.

Hmm?

I really appreciate what you're doing for me.

I just hope it hasn't been too uncomfortable.

Well, I was against it at first,

but I've got to admit, it's been kind of fun.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh.

Julie...

You're terrific.

Excuse me.

[ Rapid knocking on door ]

[ Sleepily ] Okay, okay, okay, hold it, hold it.

I'll be right there.

[ Knocking continues ]

Hold on! Hold on!

[ Knocking continues ]

Let me in.

Aw, it's you.

You alone?

No, you're here.

Gopher, it's 4:00 in the morning.

Don't worry, in October you get an hour back.

Isaac. Isaac. Isaac!

Do you think that it's possible

for two people who work together

to stop taking each other for granted

and have a real relationship?

Just 'cause I let you in here in the middle of the night,

don't go strange on me.

I'm not kidding!

I'm talking about Julie and me.

You think she likes me?

You wake me out of a Donna summer dream to ask me that?!

Of course Julie likes you!

She likes you!

I like her, we all like each other.

Oh, I'm not talking about being pals!

I'm talking about...Love.

Love?

Well, I always thought that Julie was terrific,

but I never let myself think about her in any kind of,

well, you know, romantic way.

And?

Well, tonight out on deck, w-- well, anyway,

I think that we are falling for each other!

Well, stranger things have been known to happen.

Gopher, gopher, gopher,

listen, listen,

sometimes we knock ourselves out looking for that perfect person,

and it turns out that they were right under our nose all along.

That's right!

Well, then, this could be the opportunity of a lifetime!

Oh, I can't believe this!

Isaac, thank you. Thank you.

Listen, I'll let you get back to sleep.

Hey, thank you.

Hey...thank you.

Thanks.

Gopher and Julie...

Why not?

Then again, why?

[ Pounding on door ]

[ Groans ]

[ Pounding continues ]

[ Groans ] My head feels like a bowling alley.

[ Pounding continues ]

Oh, no.

Gonna sleep all day?!

Sarge, it's 6:00 A.M.

That's right!

Time to rise and shine!

[ Plays reveille ]

Oh, sir.

Good morning, gopher.

Good morning, sir.

Um, say, I read in the papers

that statistics show marriage is becoming more popular again.

Oh, and I read in the papers

that the price of gasoline is going up again.

That's the game, isn't it?

Now you tell me something else you read.

Oh, no, no, sir, no.

Actually, what I, uh, actually, what I wanted to say, uh,

actually, what I wanted to ask, uh,

well, sir, if two crew members become serious,

can they get married?

I mean, there's no cruise line regulation against that, is there?

No, not at all.

As a matter of fact, some years ago,

I attended the marriage of a cabin stewardess

to a young pastry chef.

Yes, they had the ceremony right in the galley.

Oh, how romantic.

Yes, right from the start, they were rolling in dough.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What?

Gopher, why are you asking all these questions?

Is someone on board planning to get married?

Well, maybe --

uh, well, no, sir, actually, um, I'm just curious.

You know, as the assistant purser,

I want to have all the knowledge I can.

I want to know the rules of this ship inside and out.

Thank you, sir.

Rolling in dough.

[ Chuckles ] I like it!

Morning.

Morning.

Sorry I'm late.

It's all right.

The older I get,

the longer it takes to get pulled together in the morning.

You look wonderful... For an old lady, that is.

Are you all right?

Oh, just a little queasy this morning, but I'm okay now.

I guess you don't have your sea legs yet.

Dennis, last night you said

you wanted to know everything about me,

and, well, I think you should know the truth.

Gwen, this sounds serious.

The truth is that...

...I'm not really this beautiful when I wake up in the morning.

Well, I know you're beautiful at night.

So tonight we'll have an early dinner on board,

and then when we dock at mazatlán,

I'm going to take you into town, and, well,

you're just going to have to trust me

to show you a good time.

I'm in your hands... Literally.

Great. I'll go to the purser's lobby

and make the arrangements.

Oh, excuse me.

Sorry, I seem to be walking into people a lot this trip.

Must be love.

Well, you two seem to be getting along just fine.

Doc, he's a fantastic guy.

I think I'm falling in love.

Looks mutual to me.

And, no, I haven't told him about the baby yet.

You'll know when the time is right.

In case you hadn't noticed,

timing is not exactly my long suit.

Okay, fellas, your cabins are clean now.

Yeah, thanks, Rose.

What's the matter?

You guys look like you lost your best friend.

No, but we'd like to.

Oh, you mean the bugle boy from company c?

The sarge thinks we're still back in Korea.

If we could just get his mind off the army.

Doesn't he have a hobby?

Yeah -- the army.

Oh, he's got a one-track mind.

Why don't you get him a girl?

The ship is loaded with them.

And that'll keep him off your backs.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't look at me.

Oh, no, you are barking up the wrong mop.

Rosie, it was your idea.

Yeah, and the sergeant is a nice, single guy.

Oh, look, he may be a nice guy,

but there will never be another man like my Leo.

God rest his soul.

So forget it.

Rosie, you mean you wouldn't help three heroes of the war?

Heroes?

Yeah, right.

Three heroes who almost gave their lives

in the battle of, uh, uh...Sukiyaki.

Sukiyaki?

Yeah, sukiyaki. That's where it was.

Douglas MacArthur himself personally commended us

for what we did in that battle.

MacArthur?

And Truman, too.

Leo hated Truman. He loved MacArthur.

I shall return!

Oh...what the heck.

Tokyo had a Rose to help them...

I'll do it!

Yeah!

All right!

Rose is a Rose is a Rose!

Turkey.

I can't believe he and gopher even came out of the same school,

let alone were friends.

I must admit, they are different.

Like night and day.

Rick is a shallow womanizer

and gopher is one of the sweetest, warmest,

most sensitive men I've ever known.

Gopher?

Uh-huh.

And he's romantic.

Our gopher?

Very romantic.

Burl Smith?

The assistant purser?

You wouldn't understand unless you'd been kissed by him.

[ Knock on door ]

Yeah?

Hi.

Hi.

I'm your cabin stewardess,

but you can call me Rose.

Oh, well, come on in, Rose.

Uh, I was just getting ready to leave.

Oh. You don't have to leave on my account.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, well, well, well.

Oh, well, well, well what?

I just like to admire a sexy guy when I see one.

Oh, thank you, thank you, Rose.

Ooh, is that an army ribbon I see here?

Uh, yes, yes, that's a, uh, "good conduct" ribbon.

I was a master sergeant.

I gave 30 years' service to the red, white, and blue.

I knew you were an army man.

Oh?

Oh, by your bearing and your square jaw

and that muscular, conditioned body you have.

Well, I try to stay in shape.

Are you, uh, alone on the ship?

Yes.

Oh, well, no, uh, I mean, I've got some buddies.

I was just getting ready to go see them.

Oh.

Uh, but there's no rush in that.

I saw them most of the morning.

Well, as this is the last cabin I have to clean up,

after that, if you like, I could, uh,

show you around the ship, sarge.

That would be, uh, be great.

And you don't have to call me "sarge."

You can call me Harry.

O-Kay, Harry.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, come on, come on, Isaac, just come on.

Unh-unh, no!

Isaac, you're holding out on me.

Now, you know something about gopher.

Yeah, but I don't think he wants me to tell anybody.

Anybody? Am I just anybody?

Isaac, I'm your old pal.

Isaac, I'm a doctor.

Okay, if he gets a headache, I'll call you.

Besides, aren't you the one that's against shipboard gossip?

Yeah, but this isn't gossip.

It's just that, look,

I have a certain amount of information,

and I just want to see if it dovetails with what you know.

That's all.

Come on.

Well, gopher came to my cabin last night

babbling about Julie.

About Julie, aha.

What'd he say? What'd he say?

Well, it got pretty heavy.

He even used the "l" word.

The "l" word. L--? Love!

Oh, boy, now this is beginning to make sense.

Wait a minute, doc, now tell me, what do you know?

Well, okay, I'll tell you.

Now, you know, Isaac, I really don't believe in gossip.

Doc!

I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding.

Okay, here's what she said --

now, she was singing his praises, Julie was,

and then, Julie said what a great kisser gopher is.

Gopher?

Gopher.

Kisser?

Kisser.

Uh, let's can it for a while, huh?

Good afternoon.

Oh, yeah. No sense in him knowing

till we find out what's going on.

Doc: Well, hi, captain, how are you?

Isaac, Adam.

Say, by any chance, does either of you know

why gopher's been acting stranger than usual?

You mean you know about gopher and Julie?

Julie?

If you didn't know, why did you ask about gopher?

Because he was asking me about marriage.

Marriage?!

Marriage?!

I know it's the middle of the day,

so I can't blame it on the moonlight.

Blame what?

Gwen, I, uh...

I think I'm in love.

Dennis, there's something that I have to tell you.

I-I don't think I'm in love...

I know I am.

I want you in my life,

but I'm afraid that's there's something I've done

that will make me lose you.

Not a chance.

One of the things that I've always wanted was a baby.

Well, great, I come from a large family.

I'd like to repeat that happy pattern.

Dennis, I'm pregnant.

It happened long before I met you.

I'm not in love with the father.

In fact, I don't even see him anymore.

You're pregnant?

Two months.

Gwen, I, uh...I don't know what to say.

How about, "I love you

and the only important thing is that we're together"?

I don't know, i-I'm trying to put it together in my head,

and all that comes up is a shipboard fling

with a woman who's carrying another man's baby

and apparently proud of it.

Certainly not ashamed.

Would you, uh, consider an abortion?

No. I could never take one life to get another.

I guess I understand that.

I need some time to --

to sort things out, think it through.

Maybe then we can sit down and discuss it.

Over dinner tonight, before mazatlán?

Right, dinner.

Mazatlán.

I'll see you later.

Gopher: Welcome to mazatlán, ladies and gentlemen.

Enjoy your evening ashore. Remember, we sail at midnight.

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it?

Romance man -- he delivers.

Oh, it's you. What do you want?

What do you think I want? I want to come in.

Well, I'm sorry, but I'm getting dressed right now.

Ooh, now I really want to come in.

Mr. Martin, I'm very busy.

If you'd like to speak with me, I'll be in the lounge later.

Aw, now, look, uh, don't get me wrong,

I love the way you're playing hard-to-get, but, uh, remember,

don't put off till tomorrow what you can do right now.

I may not be available later.

Well, that's a chance I'll just have to take, Mr. Martin.

Oh, now, call me Rick.

And let me in.

If I don't see you till later,

you'll probably be with gopher.

You're probably right.

Well, now, hey, who are we kidding here?

A great-looking lady like you deserves a real man,

not some, uh, goofball like gopher.

Now, see here, Rick!

Passenger or no passenger,

i stop being pleasant when you insult gopher.

Forget gopher.

I'd like to forget you.

You're not even in the same league with gopher.

You may think of him as some kind of goofball,

but he has qualities you'd never understand --

like kindness and consideration.

I find him an attractive, wonderful man.

You got that off your chest. Now may I come in?

Please, do come in.

I was just leaving anyhow.

Do you like my idea of eating in my cabin?

Oh, this is great.

I mean, what's the difference? Food is food, right?

Right.

Rose, did I ever tell you what it's like to be in a tank?

No, and I don't want to hear it.

Why don't you talk to me the way a man talks to a woman?

Well, I can do that.

Some of my best friends are wacs.

I don't think we're on the same wavelength.

Rose, I know what you're talking about.

You mean you want to have a regular conversation.

Like, uh, like normal people, like, uh, civilians.

That's the idea.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Okay, I'm saying so now.

All right.

All right, come here, Rosie.

Um...

Rose, I have been in the military for 30 years.

And I would still be there

if it weren't for... Mandatory retirement.

Oh, Harry, open your eyes.

There's a wonderful world out there.

You'd be surprised what you might find

if you'd just give yourself a chance.

Harry?

All right, Rose...

For you.

Well...okay.

Doc: Hi.

Oh, hi.

Where's Dennis? I thought the two of you

were going into mazatlán to do the town?

Doc, I told him about the baby.

I guess he decided to do the town in Los Angeles.

He flew back.

I'm sorry.

I guess some things just aren't meant to be.

Oh, doc.

Julie, we gotta have a little chat...

A little, a little, a little talk.

We gotta talk about what we're feeling.

We gotta find out what -- what each other is thinking.

Julie, what do you think?

About what?

Julie.

Oh, gopher, I'm sorry,

I thought you were talking to me.

I was just rehearsing.

I was gonna come down to your cabin later.

Rehearsing what?

Well, I was just wondering, um,

where you and I stand with each other.

Oh.

See, Julie, when I asked you to put on an act for Rick,

I honestly thought I could just stay cool

and make Rick jealous and that would be it --

but somewhere along the line, things changed, right?

And underneath all the play-acting,

some real romantic feelings came out, right?

Exactly --

how do you know about that?

Same thing happened to me.

Julie...

Yeah.

Are we in love?

Well, ever since last night's kiss,

I've been thinking about it.

Uh, well, then I think maybe what we should do is, um,

try it again and see if we feel anything special.

I think maybe we should, yeah.

Okay.

Um...

Yeah.

That's not it.

That's not it.

Um...

See, last night the kiss was more...

It was more spontaneous.

It was -- it was more romantic.

It was softer.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Julie...

Yeah.

I don't think it's supposed to be this difficult.

And you know what else I'm thinking?

What?

Stay friends.

Yeah.

Better friends.

Yeah.

Very special friends.

Very special friends.

Well...

Gopher?

You know, I never have been a very trusting guy.

Even when I was in the service,

no matter what a girl would tell me,

I always felt

that she would just try to take advantage of a g.I.

Oh, talking about trust, Harry --

no, no, no, no, no, no, let me finish, Rose, please.

And then I-I finally realized that the problem was with me.

I just wasn't willing to open up.

But with you, Rose, it's -- it's different.

Oh, Harry, I have to tell you something --

I know, I know, you think that I'm crazy.

No.

I'm crazy that a dumb slob like me could say

that I've fallen in love in just 12 hours.

Well, I have.

Oh, Harry.

You know, Rosie must have conned the old sarge real good.

Yeah, if sarge ever finds out we put Rosie up to this,

he will kill us.

I'd rather he killed me than drive me crazy.

Ha ha ha ha.

So...

You took this old soldier for a sucker, huh?

Oh, Harry --

save your breath.

War isn't hell... Love is.

Harry, that wasn't what it --

well, I'm glad you straightened out your short-lived romance.

Now maybe we can get some work done.

Some habits are hard to break.

Yeah, some people just can't quit cold-Turkey.

Sarge!

Sarge, let us in. Please, we're sorry.

No!

Sarge, Rose is here with us.

You tell Rose if she's looking for her mop and bucket,

they'll be on deck!

I'm gonna throw them out the porthole!

Well, we deserve that.

Yeah, there's no way he's gonna see us.

You wanna bet?

You forget that a cabin stewardess has a master key.

Let me handle this, fellas.

Well, I knew I should have barricaded the door.

Oh, Harry.

Look, you've gotta listen to me.

That's what you think, Rose.

[ Water runs ]

Harry, you can run the water all you want.

I know you can still hear me.

♪ Over there, over there ♪

♪ send the word, send the word over there ♪

Together: ♪ that the yanks are coming ♪

♪ the yanks are coming... ♪

What's going on in there?

I'm not sure, but I think they're singing in the shower.

Oh, you gotta hand it to the sarge.

He don't hold a grudge long.

♪ ...over there ♪

Harry.

♪ Send the word, send the word ♪

Harry!

♪ Over there ♪

You know that I can last longer than your voice can.

♪ ...that the yanks are coming, the yanks are -- ♪

[ Water stops ]

A real lady would have left after the first chorus.

A music critic would have left before that.

Oh, Harry, I just want to say I'm sorry.

Rose, what you did to me hurt me

more than anything that ever happened in the whole war.

Harry, I admit that I was dishonest

when I first played up to you, but not after that.

Oh, Harry...

Can't you tell true emotion when you see it?

Yeah.

We've got a great thing going here.

I know we've got a great thing going,

so how can you let those three bozos

talk you into a rotten trick like that?

Well, I'm glad they did.

If it wasn't for them, I never would have met you.

Boys, we're gonna have to get together in 30 years

and celebrate our 30th anniversary.

Yeah, but, sarge, in 30 years,

it'll be our 60th anniversary from Korea.

I don't mean our 30th anniversary,

I mean our 30th anniversary.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Congratulations!

Thatagirl, Rosie!

All right, fall in!

Yo. Oh.

Forward march!

Hut, two, three, four, hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four, hut, two, three, four,

hut, two, three, four...

It's been quite a trip.

Yeah.

Thanks for everything.

Ahh.

As Dorothy said to the scarecrow,

"I think I'll miss you most of all."

Just let me know if Gwen Jr. is a him or a her...

Or a them.

For sure.

Well, since I hate long, teary farewells,

I guess I'll just turn quickly and go.

Bye.

Bye.

Dennis!

I was hoping you'd remember me.

I thought you --

Gwen, I owe you an apology.

The reason I left was purely male ego.

It was?

Yes, it was.

But the reason I've come back is...

Is purely female love.

Let's go.

[ Sighs ]

Well, you two, I'm off.

Thanks for an interesting cruise.

Goodbye, Mr. Martin.

Uh, gopher?

Hmm?

Before I go, I wanted to ask you something.

Sure, Rick, shoot.

Well, I never thought I'd be asking you this,

but, uh, what's your secret?

I mean, how did you get such a good thing going with Julie?

Rick, my boy, you know the key ingredient

to a solid relationship with a woman?

No.

Start with a friend.

I don't get it.

Didn't think you would.