Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

♪♪

Oh, I do like the cargo they have on this ship.

Don't rush me, girls. There's plenty to go around.

Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We're not gonna see any action on this boat,

especially after these girls find out

what we do for a living. -You're right.

Instead of being an obscure postal clerk,

meet a rich psychiatrist.

Hi, doc. I'm the new lawyer on the block.

Didn't I meet you gentlemen on the plane?

I was the pilot.

What about you, Paul?

Me? Oh, no, I'm not changing.

Oh, come on.

If anybody asks, I'm still a waiter, all right?

I may not be one all my life,

but any girl who can't accept me for what I am --

she's not for me.

Get him.

The man's got character.

He won't get much lovin', but he's got a lot of character.

What is wrong with being yourself, huh?

What, a garage mechanic?

Paul, Paul, Paul, I'm here to work on girls,

not work on cars.

Look who's here.

Love these sentimental reunions.

Who is she?

She is miss Lila stanhope -- society girl.

She comes into the restaurant once in a while,

but she's always too good to notice the hired help.

Hey, don't let her give you a complex.

And, remember, this is your psychiatrist speaking.

Come on. Let's go.

[ Laughs ]

Captain, I really appreciate you going through all the trouble

finding last-minute cabin space for Kendall park.

Well, Jimmy, if this Kendall park

does a feature story on you for his news service,

it's good publicity for the line, as well.

It will be the first national publicity I've ever had.

I sure hope he likes my act.

Of course he'll like your act. You're a funny comedian.

And I know comedy, having spent a lot of time

observing my crew's love affairs.

[ Both laugh ]

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Kendall park from American news service.

Well, uh, welcome aboard. I'm captain stubing.

My pleasure.

Kendall park I expected to be a man,

and I've never been so happy to be so wrong.

Hi. Anything you want to know about the ship, just ask me.

We've got movies, bingo, disco dancing,

shuffleboard, ping-pong, card games, exercise classes,

sightseeing, saunas, pizzas, gift shops, gymnasiums,

two swimming pools, lounge chairs, and room service.

Thanks, but I just came to see my cousin off.

Hello.

Hi.

My mother hasn't arrived yet, has she?

I'm hung up with these custom officials.

Well, don't worry. I'll get her straightened away.

Well, I just want her to have a good time.

You know, she hasn't really been out and around much

since my dad passed away.

Don't worry. We'll take good care of her.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Guys, as soon as gopher's mother gets here,

we have to keep her busy.

We'll get her involved in every fun activity onboard ship,

and she'll be so busy...

That she's got to have a good time.

-Right. -Okay?

-Right. -Right.

♪ We joined the Navy ♪

♪ to see the world ♪

♪ and what did we see? ♪

♪ We saw the sea ♪

♪ we saw the pacific and the Atlantic ♪

♪ but the Atlantic isn't romantic ♪

♪ and the pacific isn't what it's cracked up to be ♪

♪ We joined the Navy ♪

♪ to see the world ♪

♪ and what did we see? ♪

♪ We saw the sea ♪

Fantastic! Fantastic!

Oh, miss McCoy, Mr. Washington, and Dr. Bricker,

able seaman passenger roz Smith reporting for fun and frolic!

Together: Welcome aboard!

Hey, where's that swabbie son of mine?

Oh, he's busy with the custom guys,

but he'll catch up to you later.

Oh, great.

Oh, this deranged person is young Lyle Wally.

We met on the bus on the way down to the ship.

How do you do?

Oh, by the way, what did the bus driver say

when you untied him?

Me? [ Gasps ] I thought you untied him.

Well, at least we're sure of a ride when the ship gets back.

One more time.

♪ We joined the Navy ♪

♪ to see the world ♪

♪ and what did we see? ♪

♪ We saw the sea ♪

♪ we saw the pacific... ♪

Wow! Talk about your merry widows!

♪♪

[ Mariachi music plays ]

Jimmy, I usually cover general news stories.

This is my first show-business interview.

Am I asking all the right questions?

I don't know if you're asking the right questions,

but you're definitely doing something right.

You're not at all what I thought a comedian would be like.

I thought you'd always be telling jokes,

trying to be funny.

Well, I've been telling you jokes all through dinner,

but, apparently, you didn't think they were funny.

Before, when you said you wanted to talk about us,

was that a joke?

Well, we won't know how big a joke that was

until we are married.

Married?

[ Laughing ] That was a joke...

[ Normal voice ] I think.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, merrill, it's good to see you again.

It's good to see you.

Please come in.

Oh, thank you very much.

I, uh -- I was sorry to hear about Elliot.

He was a fine man.

Yes, he was.

Well, perhaps we can talk at some other time.

No, no. It's okay.

Please sit down.

Thank you.

You know, when you've lived with someone

and loved someone for 30-some odd years...

It's easier to say that life must go on

[ voice breaking ] Than it is to go on living that life.

[ Sobs ] I'm sorry.

Don't be.

I once lost someone I loved very much.

I know what you feel.

[ Normal voice ] I worry about burl.

He's worried about you.

That's why he asked you to come on the cruise, isn't it?

He -- he wants to cheer me up.

Well, as far as my son is concerned,

I'm gonna have the time of my life on this cruise.

Okay? Okay?

Okay.

You're quite a lady.

You better believe it, kid.

And now, if you'll get out of here,

I have to change into some glad rags.

I'm having dinner at the captain's table.

[ Door opens, closes ]

[ Laughter ]

Mmm. The scenery at this table

is about to improve a whole lot.

Gentlemen, may I introduce you to your new tablemate,

miss Lila stanhope?

Don't get up. I may steal one of your seats.

Fellas, I do believe we've won the tablemate sweepstakes.

It's a pleasure, miss stanhope.

-Hi. -I'm ed corry.

This is Jerry Crawford.

Just call me "jer."

Hi.

And Louis acosta...

Dr. Acosta.

And this is Paul stockwood.

You look very familiar.

Really? You look familiar to me, too.

We must have met someplace before.

Where do you live?

New York -- Manhattan.

Well, I live in Philadelphia,

but I spend a lot of time in New York.

I know where it was.

Vanessa maitland's coming-out party.

Uh...

No. I don't know anybody named maitland.

Shilers? Do you know the Wendell shilers?

Not personally, no.

Oh. We met someplace. What do you do?

Do?

Oh, you mean for a living?

Yes.

Um...I'm in banking.

Oh.

International finance, you know -- that sort of thing.

Yeah, a financial genius.

Well, I've been lucky. I hire good people.

Well, maybe it was the cannes film festival.

Maybe.

Possibly.

Could be.

No, it wasn't.

But it might have been skiing at Saint-Moritz.

Maybe it was the jungle ride at Disneyland.

[ Laughter ]

I can't find my mother anywhere. Are you sure she got onboard?

Well, it was either her

or the university of California glee club.

I get the two mixed up. -What?

Gopher, I know you're concerned

about your mother having a good time on the cruise,

but don't worry -- she's gonna be just fine.

Sir, I don't know. Lately she seems awful blue.

That's why I sent her the ticket.

Was she okay when you saw her?

She was so okay, her feet didn't touch the ground.

I've never seen her happier.

That doesn't make sense.

You must have my mother confused with somebody else.

Gopher, I'd recognize your mother anywhere.

Even if she were wearing a sombrero?

[ "La cucaracha" plays ]

Gopher! You look wonderful!

Hi, mom. How are you?

Oh, fit as a fiddle and ready to fly!

Good. Good.

This is my pal Lyle Wally.

-How do you do? -How are ya?

Give me five, cap.

If you haven't got five, a couple of ones will do.

I also take major credit cards.

Isn't he too much?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

Please, sit down.

Here you go, mom.

Merrill, if anybody has any pull on this ship, you do, right?

That's obvious, isn't it?

Then tell your crew to get ready for overtime.

We're gonna boogie all night.

[ Laughs ]

Don't you think we should be getting on with the interview?

All right.

So, how long have you been in show business?

You're in show business. I'm the interviewer.

Right. So, how long have I been in show business?

♪♪

[ Slow jazz music plays ]

I've got it.

Last summer at lake Louise --

French ambassador's reception.

No. I wasn't in Canada at all last summer.

Now, you're sure that you weren't in rio for Mardi Gras?

Positive.

Well, that about covers this planet.

But I do know this -- if I ever had met you,

I would never forget it.

Are you sure you'd rather not be inside?

The show's starting soon.

Mom, I work here.

I can see a show any time I want.

I can't always see you. How are you?

Me? I never felt better.

I want to thank you for sending me the ticket.

This cruise is going to be a ball!

Say, isn't that Lyle a card?

His idea for later tonight is to have a limbo contest --

you know, where you dance under a pole

and they keep lowering the pole?

Tomorrow the ship will be in Mexico,

and I'll be in traction.

Mom, uh --

hey, rozzy, the judges are waiting.

Get a move on!

Hold your horses.

Goph, you wanna be in our limbo contest?

Uh, no, thanks. I'm kind of tired.

Too tired to dance under a pole?

How about under a Swede?

Isn't he wonderful?

One in a million, mom. Good night.

Good night, son.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

My poor boy.

Hey, there, Mrs. Smith.

You're here to cheer him up, remember?

Come on.

[ Drumroll ]

[ Cymbal crash ] Ladies and gentlemen,

we have a special treat for you this evening --

a very funny man who proves that humor is a worldwide commodity.

I'd like you to meet Jimmy Kim!

Hurro. [Hello.]

[ Laughter ]

Good evening. I'm a comedian from Korea.

How many of you are from Korea?

It's not important.

But most Koreans are poor,

and I come from a very poor family.

One time a burglar broke into our house --

we robbed him.

[ Laughter ]

In Korea, I was a very boring guy,

but in america, I play backgammon,

I hang out at discothèques,

and I know my sign.

Now I'm boring in two countries.

[ Laughter ]

Where I come from, we live a very primitive life.

We eat natural food.

My family tried to trace our roots.

We found out our ancestors ate 'em.

In america, there are a lot of things I don't understand.

Police, I do not understand.

I got caught speeding.

When I was speeding,

I noticed a state trooper was also speeding.

[ Laughter ]

But I figured if I pretend I don't speak English,

he might forgive me.

And I decide -- talk to him in Chinese.

I said -- [ Speaking Chinese ]

Moo goo gai pan.

[ Laughter ]

The state trooper took one look at me and said,

[ speaking Chinese ]

[ Laughter ]

He gave me two tickets.

But I gave them back, and I told him,

"keep your tickets because your shirts won't be ready

until next Wednesday."

♪♪

Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah. There's always something about moonlight --

I mean, whether it's on the mediterranean or the adriatic

or the riviera.

Don't you ever get tired of it, Paul --

the running around, the parties, the pace?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm looking for something

or simply trying to get away from something.

Honest?

I wouldn't have expected that from you, Lila.

What do you mean by that?

Well, sometimes it's easy

to get the wrong impression of somebody.

After one dinner and a dance?

[ Laughs ]

Well, I don't know why I said that.

Let's talk about something else.

All right. Let's.

[ Sighs ]

So, uh, what are you gonna be doing in acapulco?

Paul...

There's only so much moonlight to go around.

It seems such a shame to waste it.

Hurro.

What was that for?

Your act -- it's not only tasteless,

it's an insult to the korean people.

-But, honey -- -stay away from me,

and don't call me your honey!

Hey, Louie...

You really turned that blond girl on.

I bet you're glad you didn't tell her

you're a postal clerk.

Yeah, analyzing people is a lot better

than telling them not to forget their zip code.

I was really moving on that Louise.

Who, that big girl?

Yeah. I told her I was an airline pilot.

I'm used to handling wide bodies.

Well?

Well?

Well?

Well...

Well, financial genius, how'd you do?

I am crazy about her.

And I think she feels the same way about me.

Hey, she sure warmed up for a girl who had ice water in her veins.

No, no, no, I had her all wrong.

That girl is not stuck-up at all.

Not stuck-up with a banker.

How's she gonna feel when she finds out you're a waiter?

Hey, wait a minute. I got a foolproof idea.

She'll never know you're a waiter.

-How? -Quit your job.

Good night.

Set the alarm for 3:00.

Well, it was kind of unusual

when your mother bribed the bandleader

to bring his group onto the fantail at 3:00 A.M.

And then she insisted that everyone in the band

wear blindfolds as they played gypsy music.

Then what happened?

Well, the last thing I saw was roz and Lyle dancing

with roses between their teeth.

The last thing you saw?

Yeah. They blindfolded me, too.

That's not right.

You're telling me.

Have you ever tried to make a ramos fizz blindfolded?

I did all right with the fizz,

but I got ramos all over me.

Mom.

Oh, good morning, son.

Good morning, Isaac. -Good morning.

-Guess what. -What?

I won the limbo contest.

I'd hate to see the losers.

I'll get you some coffee.

I don't need coffee. I need surgery.

Mom, sit down. We gotta talk.

You're going overboard.

You know, I was contemplating that.

Mom, all this carrying on --

look, I know you like your friend Lyle.

But, mom, there are so many more people on the ship

you haven't even met.

Hey, do you know that we have a course in gingham hatmaking?

And we even have a tatting class.

I'm not sure I know what tatting is,

but I bet you it's right up your alley.

Hey, one of the croupiers said

that he'd teach me the odds for craps.

Mom, that's not what I meant.

I know the dealers are nice guys.

But don't you think that you'd have more in common

with people that you'd have more in common with?

Vicki...

Mom, come on. Vicki...

There we go.

I'd like you to meet my mom.

Oh, how nice to meet you, Ms. Smith.

My pleasure, Vicki.

Um...well, I'll just leave you two alone.

Vicki can play every game there is.

How about playing hopscotch on the shuffleboard court?

Hopscotch? That old game?

Hey, what about sleeping beauty?

I never heard of it.

Oh, it's great fun.

The one who can sit the longest without moving wins.

Guess who.

Mm, that's a tough one. Give me another chance.

Truman capote.

[ Laughs ]

You know, if I had to build

the most beautiful girl in the world,

she would look exactly like you.

Thank you. I wouldn't change a thing about you either.

You are everything I have ever wanted, Lila.

You too.

Except...

Except for what?

Breakfast. I'm starved.

Don't move. Breakfast is coming right up.

Good morning, Isaac.

Good morning, Mr. Stockwood. Would you like breakfast?

No, I think I'll just have coffee -- twice, please.

I'll get the rest myself.

Breakfast for two, madame.

Lila, what's the matter?

I just remembered where we met.

Now, look, I was just about to tell you.

Lila, I --

Would you mind telling me why you slapped me last night?

Please, don't hit me.

I hated your act.

I can understand that.

I understand honest people hating something

and being honest enough to say they hate it.

You know what I hate?

No. What do you hate?

I hate honest people

who are honest enough to say they hate my act.

Why are you so angry?

Because you made fun of Korea.

I especially hated the joke

about all Koreans being so poor that they had to Rob burglars.

It was a joke.

I only try to amuse people.

I don't find it amusing.

Kendall, you have your way of thinking. I have mine.

Mine is to make people laugh -- all kinds of people.

Before I saw you perform, you seemed so nice.

I am nice.

May I?

You are going to have a great smile

if you ever get around to it.

Oh, I don't know what to believe about you.

That's show business.

I think you are all show business.

You don't really care about Korea at all.

But I do!

I'm just not a political animal.

Oh? What kind of animal are you, Mr. Kim?

♪♪

Passengers taking the puerto vallarta tour,

please report to the desk in the purser's lobby

at 11:00 A.M.

That's 11:00 A.M.,

and this is burl "the Pearl" Smith

saying, "thanks for listening."

Gopher, you're just the man I'm looking for.

I need some advice about your mother.

Oh, well, I have some advice for you about my mother.

Um, I don't think you realize what the situation is.

Roz was married for 35 years.

Six months ago, her husband died.

Since then, she's been on her own.

Is that the situation you're talking about?

Yes.

Oh. Well, then, I have it right.

Okay, now, here's what I want to know --

you've been to puerto vallarta a million times.

What would be more fun for roz and me --

to sail a catamaran down the coast for a picnic,

take scuba-diving lessons,

or go for a parachute ride?

Sailing, scuba diving, parachuting.

All three -- okay. You know her better than I do.

Thank you very much.

Uh, sir? Lyle? Mister? Lyle?!

I was right about her in the first place.

She is a complete snob --

never even gave me a chance to defend myself.

"I just remembered where we met,"

and then she splits --

humiliated that she's having an affair with a lowly waiter.

Just imagine, she even kissed him!

Thank you.

She's probably in her cabin right now, fumigating her lips.

Don't worry about her.

Why don't you come into puerto vallarta with us?

No, no, no. I am gonna tell her off.

She is not gonna get away with this.

That's good, Paul. You should.

And you can go back to being a waiter,

and she can go back to her millions.

Millions? Maybe she'd like a doctor.

How about a pilot?

How about a lawyer?

You're too shy for a lawyer.

I'm a shyster lawyer.

Millions?

Millions?

Millions?

-Hello, Jimmy. -Oh, Jimmy, hi.

Oh, captain stubing, Julie, may I speak to you for a second?

Sure. What's on your mind?

I can't do my show tonight.

You can't do your show?

Are you feeling all right?

Oh, sure, I feel fine...

For someone who feels terrible.

What's the problem? Can we help?

Someone told me she thinks my act is offensive

to the korean people.

Oh, I don't agree with that at all.

-No. -You're not korean.

You may be right,

and then again, she may be right.

I guess the "she" who thinks your act is offensive to Koreans

is Kendall park.

Well, I'm sorry I won't be seeing you perform tonight,

but I wouldn't want you to do anything

that goes against your conscience.

I don't know which is hurting more --

my conscience or my heart.

Tsk.

I can't get over your mama.

I've never seen anyone having so much fun.

Well, it's okay to have fun up to a point,

but it's a matter of propriety, you know?

I mean, she was just going too far.

Anyway, I think she's settled down now.

She's something else.

I'd invite her to any party I was having.

Of course, we would probably be raided.

That was just a phase.

Hey, burl, I'm glad you could join us.

I went out for more munchies. Come on.

[ Upbeat jazz music plays ]

[ Laughs ]

The hostess with the mostest lives.

Oh, don't worry.

It won't take long for me to tell you what I think of you.

You are a class-conscious snob --

the most unbelievable --

look who's calling somebody class-conscious.

Being a waiter wasn't good enough for you, was it?

If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's a person who's ashamed of what he does.

Excuse me.

If I had told you I was a waiter,

i wouldn't have had a chance with you, right?

Wrong.

When I was working in the restaurant,

you never even knew I existed.

You couldn't see me through that upper crust

you were coming from, miss stanhope.

Some upper crust.

My father started in the steel business stoking furnaces.

I don't care what a man does.

It's what he is. Excuse me.

Oh, really?

Well, then, tell me, please,

why did you care for me as a banker

and walk out on me as a waiter?

Because I believed in you

and because you lied to me.

Excuse me.

[ Soft jazz music playing ]

[ French accent ] So, has mademoiselle decided yet

on dessert?

No, I can't make up my mind.

Well, if you will allow me,

may I suggest that you try the waiter?

But, please, not flambé.

What?

[ Normal voice ] This waiter needs a chance to apologize.

Now, look...I know I shouldn't have lied to you,

and I'm sorry I did.

It's just that I thought it was the only chance

I would have to get to know you.

You see...

I think I fell in love with you

the first time I ever saw you.

And I know you can't forgive me for what I did, but --

don't say any more.

No, no, Lila, I --

shh. The customer is always right.

What's this? A waiter kissing a passenger?

He's not a waiter.

He's just a passenger who borrowed one of the outfits.

Well, he sure found a big tipper.

Bravo!

More! More!

Author! Author!

They're calling for an encore.

Well, then, let's not disappoint them.

[ Slow jazz music plays ]

Well, good evening, miss park. Hi, roz.

Hi. I got here early so I could get a good table

to hear your friend perform again.

-He's really great. -He is?

Yes. You know, the thing I especially like about him

is that, without any fuss,

he gets the point across that Koreans and us --

we're all the same.

And we all do the same, silly, ridiculous human things

that he pokes fun at.

Yeah. And, you know, the joke that really knocked me out

was when he said that his family was so poor

and a burglar broke into their house

and his family robbed the burglar.

[ Laughs ]

You really liked that joke?

Liked it? I loved it.

It reminded me of some of the jokes my father used to tell.

You know, some of the passengers told me

they loved Jimmy's political jokes --

in the tradition of our will Rogers.

I guess Americans have always loved political jokes.

Yeah, and they love some political jokes so much

that they elected them president.

[ Laughs ]

Um, excuse me.

That's the smile I owe you from watching your act last night.

But you hated my act.

I was wrong.

What made you decide you were wrong?

Don't ask too many questions.

Hey, do you want to keep this smile or don't you?

Of course I do.

Then go do your act -- for me.

[ Fanfare plays ]

Hurro.

[ Laughter ]

You know, Americans and Koreans are very much alike,

but there's one difference.

In america, if a politician takes a bribe,

he goes to jail.

In Korea, if a politician takes a bribe,

he goes to america.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Burl, you weren't at dinner.

I couldn't take any more of the high jinks.

But are you coming to the passenger talent show?

It sounds like a hoot. I might even sing a song.

I hope the rest of the passengers

packed their earplugs. [ Laughs ]

I think I'll skip it.

Did you love dad?

He was my husband.

Yeah, but did you love him?

I don't understand.

Mom, he's been dead less than a year,

and you're carrying on like you don't give a damn.

Parties and booze and god knows what else --

it's like you're thrilled --

you're happy he's gone.

[ Crying ] Oh, burl, no.

You couldn't mean that.

I wish I could say something clever

like, "I didn't see what just happened."

But I'm your friend, and I saw.

I don't know what to do.

Don't do anything, okay?

You forgot the part where I'm your friend.

When I got the phone call

and the doctor told me that my father had died,

I just kind of sat there, blank.

I didn't know how I felt.

And then I cried...

But I don't know if I cried for him

or if I cried for me.

Or maybe I just thought I was supposed to cry.

All I know is that someone that I loved [sniffles]

Wasn't there anymore.

It doesn't matter now.

Hey, man, it matters.

Yeah. Tell that to my mother.

You brought her on a cruise to cheer her up.

She's not dumb.

She understands that.

And she understands

that you're probably hurting as much as she is.

And the two of you sitting around grieving

is not gonna help the situation.

It's not gonna bring your father back...Or her husband.

Gopher...

She's acting like this

because she doesn't want you to see her pain

any more than you want her to see yours.

[ Sniffles ]

[ Sighs ]

Swami, tell me, what do you see?

I see a woman --

a beautiful, blond woman in her cabin.

But I -- she -- she's voluptuous,

and there's a man knocking on her door.

Wait. There's another man knocking on her door

and another man knocking on her door.

Hey, where are you going?

To get in line.

Take a number!

[ Fanfare plays ]

3 mediums, rare!

And now, continuing with our passenger talent show,

representing the promenade deck,

the singing talent of the incomparable roz Smith.

[ Drumroll ]

[ Fanfare plays ]

[ Musical introduction plays ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Music resumes ]

[ Music stops ]

Hey.

There was something I didn't say to you outside.

[ Music resumes ]

You're the top.

You're the colosseum.

[ "You're the top" plays ]

You're the top.

Louvre museum.

♪ You're a melody ♪

♪ from a symphony by Strauss ♪

♪ you're a Bendel bonnet ♪

♪ a Shakespeare sonnet ♪

♪ you're Mickey mouse ♪

[ Instrumental solo ]

♪ You're the nile ♪

♪ you're the tower of pisa ♪

♪ you're the smile ♪

♪ on the Mona Lisa ♪

♪ I'm a worthless check ♪

♪ a total wreck, a flop ♪

♪ but if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪

♪ but if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪

♪ but if, baby, I'm the bottom ♪

♪ you're the to-o-o-o-o-o-p ♪

Goodbye, captain, doc. Thanks for everything.

-You're welcome. -It was great having you.

Did you get your feature story on Jimmy?

Yes. I got the pictures and the facts,

but someone else will have to write the story.

Because a wife can't testify against her husband.

Congratulations.

Ah, he's a talented man.

You know, I always had the secret desire to be a comedian.

You're kidding.

No, I'm serious.

"No, I'm serious"? That's funny!

[ Laughs ] That's very funny!

That's hilarious!

What could have happened to Lila?

Maybe she decided you're not right for her after all.

Oh, that is cute, Louie -- extremely cute.

Paul!

I just got off the phone to my dad.

I told him all about you -- about us.

He really wants to meet you.

He said he'd like to help us start up our restaurant

in Philadelphia.

Really?

Yeah.

That is just fantastic.

I -- oh, now, wait just a minute.

I could never accept anything like that.

Uh, as your pilot, I will fly you there personally.

As your lawyer, for a small fee, I'll draw up the contracts.

No, fellas.

And, as your psychiatrist, if you refuse this proposal,

you are nuttier than a fruitcake.

Well, what can I do?

My three new chefs say I should take it.

Oh, great!

Hey, wait.

You fellas run a fun ship here.

Well, one can but try.

You're gonna have to take a vacation

to get over your vacation.

Oh, you're right!

What can I say?

You're the best.

And every time I see you, I love you more.

And every time we part, I miss you more.

But, now, mom, when you come on another cruise,

you gotta do me a favor.

Name it.

When you're out by the pool, do not blindfold the musicians.

The violins are still drying out.

The piano's out of whack.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Bye, mom.

Lyle, come on.

Ciao, big fella.

"Ciao, big fella"? "Ciao, big fella"?

Hey, wait a minute!

Mom, what ever happened to old-fashioned mothers?