Original subtitles

♪ Love ♪

♪ exciting and new ♪

♪ come aboard ♪

♪ we're expecting you ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ life's sweetest reward ♪

♪ let it flow ♪

♪ it floats back to you ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ soon will be making another run ♪

♪ the love boat ♪

♪ promises something for everyone ♪

♪ set a course for adventure ♪

♪ your mind on a new romance ♪

♪ and love ♪

♪ won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ it's an open smile ♪

♪ on a friendly shore ♪

♪ it's love ♪

♪ welcome aboard, it's l-o-o-o-ove ♪

Well, I think we've covered everything on the agenda,

with one exception.

We have two very important passengers traveling with us

this cruise -- Jack McTeague and Ed Taylor.

Those names sound familiar.

I know -- "smilin'" Jack mcteague

and Ed "flash" Taylor.

They were middleweights.

They had a very famous fight years ago.

They were the only two boxers in history

to ever knock out the referee.

[ Chuckling ]

Thank you, Howard cosell, but this Jack mcteague is

a vice president of the line.

And ed Taylor is a very important travel agent.

They are not ex-fighters.

It's possible.

No way.

Captain, people rise to important positions

from the bottom all the time.

Not if they keep arguing with their boss.

Right.

You're right.

When you're right, you're right.

Right, sir.

I love the privileges of rank.

Hold it, will you, please?

Hold it right there.

Look at all this junk.

Helen, I told you we were just visiting Mexico,

not invading it.

Ed, relax!

I only brought two trunks.

Two trunks?

One for each day.

I have been giving travel advice for 25 years, Helen,

and now my own wife j--

it's nice to meet you.

Oh, no.

It can't be.

I don't believe it.

It's him.

Who?

Jack mcteague.

"Smiling" Jack mcteague.

I can recognize that crooked mouth anyplace.

Isn't that the one you had the boxing match with years ago?

Oh, let's go say hello.

Hold it. Say hello...To that bum?

Never. Never.

Ed, you haven't seen him in over 40 years.

Why are you still mad at him?

'Cause my jaw still hurts, that's why.

Take it that way, will you?

Come on. Move.

All right.

Thank you, ladies.

Goodbye. Enjoy your cruise.

Bye-bye.

Hello. Thank you.

Mr. Chet hanson.

Promenade 352.

That's right.

Aren't you young for this job?

No, sir.

And Ms. Kim Patterson -- promenade 352.

Maybe I am too young.

We're going to be married...

Very soon.

Oh, Chet, darling, you don't need to explain me

to the whole world.

Does he, miss?

Unh-unh. You see, I get the same salary no matter how much

or how little I know.

And I get zilch either way.

Chet?

That's my wife.

Have an interesting trip.

Chet!

Chet.

Hi.

Ooh. I, uh, brought some papers for you to sign.

It couldn't wait?

Well, not if you want the divorce quickly.

I'm sure you understand what I mean, don't you, miss Patterson?

Completely.

Well, where do you want me to sign?

Uh, here, hold this.

Just, uh... Right there, darling.

Carol, if we're to the point of signing divorce papers,

i don't think you ought to be calling me "darling."

I thought we were being very civilized

about this whole thing.

However, I do see your point.

Oh, initial that clause right there, you stupid jerk.

Thank you.

Well, have a nice cruise, everyone.

Carol, that's the way you get off.

Oh, I'm not getting off.

What?

Well, you know how I am about driving.

I get lost.

So I thought that if we all went on the cruise together,

then when we get back

you could drop me off at our apartment.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Could you please tell me how to get to aloha 142?

Certainly, uh...Ms. Dalrymple.

Just up the stairs and around to your left.

Uh, hi, I'm Dr. Bricker. I'll show you to your cabin.

It's right next to my office.

Dr. Bricker.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Your office is on the other side of the ship.

Haven't you heard?

Business has been so good I opened a branch.

Perhaps I should show Ms. Dalrymple --

that way I can save her from the clutches

of certain love boat lounge lizards.

Lounge lizards?

May I help you, ma'am?

Oh, yes.

I've been on a plane all day. I'd like to go to my cabin.

No problem. Steward.

Would you take Ms. Dalrymple up to cabin a-142 and bring her

a pot of tea and some biscuits.

Thank you very much.

You go with him. He'll get you all fixed up.

Ms. Dalrymple.

Yes?

Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Carry on, gentlemen.

[ Air horn blows ]

Why would Carol do such a thing?

Coming on the cruise with us.

You'd understand if you'd read as many books on psychology

as I have.

Your wife is acting out chapter 3

of "don't only be your own best friend but marry yourself."

There's actually a book called "marry yourself"?

By Dr. Sonny stone. He's on all the talk shows.

Carol doesn't read books like that.

That's not the reason she's here.

As Dr. Sonny stone said on the dinah show,

"always show psychology, but never let your psychology show."

[ Chuckles ]

[ Knock on door ]

Mm.

[ Sighs ]

Hi.

Chet, darling, remember this dress?

I never could get this zipper by myself.

[ Zipper zips ]

There you are.

Oh, thank you, one and all.

Carol, what the hell are you doing to me?!

Shh! Please, don't shout... Especially late at night.

Why not?!

I'm in the cabin next door.

The next cabin?

Yes. And they certainly don't build ships

the way they used to.

These walls are paper thin.

So if I get too loud

laughing with someone I might meet on shipboard,

you be sure to let me know.

Ooh -- remember, shh.

You know what a light sleeper I am.

[ Screaming ]

What's the matter?

My cabin! My cabin!

What about it?

There's a spider in my cabin.

Oh. Spider?

Would you like me to go in there and take care of it?

Would you?

Sure.

[ English accent ] Rocky, this is the warden. Give yourself up, son.

Please.

Right.

Are you sure he's still in here?

You can't miss him. He's over there by the bed.

He's furry and huge.

Could you be a little bit more specific?

I don't want to kill the wrong one,

'cause there are two of them in here.

I'm kidding! Kidding.

This is a big joke to you, isn't it?

Here I am, a grown woman,

practically in shock over some dinky little spider.

Well, for your information, I was having a perfectly rotten

day before I even saw that damn spider.

So the last thing I need is for you to come in here

and make fun of me!

I-I'm gonna get it right now.

Uh...

I don't see him.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Maybe he heard us come in and went into hiding.

He's on your arm!

No! Ow! Ow!

Stop! Stop!

[ Sighs ]

Is it dead?

No, but it's numb.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, no. Listen, hey, I should apologize to you.

I made fun of you, and I'm sorry.

I don't even know why I did it. Except...

Well, I'm scared stiff of spiders myself,

and I didn't want you to know about it.

Then that makes me doubly grateful to you.

[ Knock on door ]

Oh, hello.

We were passing by and thought we heard...Screaming.

No problem, doc. We were just killing spiders.

Killing spiders?

I've heard it called a lot of things, but never that.

[ Playing classical music ]

Mrs. Taylor, that is a particularly beautiful gown

you're wearing this evening.

Outstanding.

Thank you.

I just reached into the closet

and pulled out the first thing I came to.

And if you believe that, how about a game of liar's poker?

Good evening. Excuse me.

Captain, I believe you know Mr. and Mrs. Mcteague.

Nice to see you again.

This is Dr. Bricker.

And may I introduce Mr. and Mrs. Taylor.

Enjoy your dinner.

Ed and I know each other very well.

Oh, good.

I was worried you wouldn't hit it off.

Do you want to hear something ridiculous?

Isaac thought that you two were old-time boxers.

We are old-time boxers.

He's always been a reliable source.

Is it true that you two knocked out the referee?

Now that's funny.

Well, the referee didn't think it was so funny.

Poor guy stepped right in between us when I was about to

land my Sunday punch on --

what was your nickname? Flush?

Flash!

Well, it should have been flush. You went down enough times.

I'll admit my punching wasn't as accurate as his.

During the whole fight he kept pounding my fist with his face.

While you're admitting all these things, why don't you admit that

you had to have your jaw wired shut for 6 months?

Don't you start with me again. You understand?

Do you believe these two?

[ Clinking ]

End of round one.

Go back to your corners and shut up.

Good evening, Mr. Hanson.

Good evening.

Ma'am.

And what will you have this evening, Mrs. Hanson?

I think I'll have the swordfish.

He wasn't talking to you.

Well, he said Mrs. Hanson.

He was talking to Kim.

You didn't marry her since I last saw you, did you?

The waiter made a mistake. He thought she was my wife.

I once made the same mistake myself.

[ Laughter ]

Really?

Oh, captain, that was a sensational idea you had --

sending Jack and ed off by themselves.

An inspiration.

Well, I really can't take credit for it.

It's an old trick of Thomas Jefferson's.

Let two adversaries alone over a glass of ale,

and before long, they're bosom buddies.

That's good.

I was lucky, you punch-drunk pug!

You watch your tongue, or I'll lay you out right now.

I've been dreaming about this for years.

In another few seconds you'll be dreaming again.

Excuse me.

Mr. Taylor. Mr. Mcteague.

Please, captain, stay out of this.

We're gonna settle this once and for all.

As captain of this ship, I can't permit this kind of behavior.

Well, as vice president of the line, I outrank you.

Now shove off!

Gentlemen, this is not the time nor the place.

Okay. Some other time and place.

You name it.

The day after tomorrow, 11:00 A.M.

Okay, chump, you got it.

Chump? Don't you --

Sylvia, come on. Let's go to bed.

I want to dance.

[ Indistinct arguing ]

Isaac, orange juice, straight up.

Yes, sir.

Never a dull moment, is there, captain?

Absolutely not.

Oh, I hope you don't think I was

being too forward when you came onboard.

I was really quite flattered.

I'm not used to all that attention.

Well, in that case, would you care to dance?

Thank you.

Hello, Claire.

Hi.

Boy, I like that dress almost as much as the towel you had on.

Gopher.

How do think I felt? I almost left without my shoe.

Thank you again for everything.

Any time.

Would you, um, like to dance?

I'd love to.

Oh, captain, I --

oh, no, you two go right ahead.

I'm just waiting for someone.

Thank you, sir.

Oh, there you are.

Do you know that I've been waiting for you for 20 minutes.

What?

Please, no questions.

I never thought Carol would do anything like this.

I think we'll get off the ship at the first port, fly home,

let her finish the cruise all by herself.

And let her occupy my space? Never.

Kim, darling, she wouldn't be occupying your space.

Your space will get off the ship along with my space.

Darling, don't you see what's happening here?

Your wife is being what Dr. Sonny stone calls

huckleberry Hitler.

Do you know what huckleberry Hitler is?

No, and I don't want to know.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Knocking continues ]

Is everybody decent?

As decent as we're gonna get.

What do you want?

Well, if I'm interrupting anything, I can come back later.

You're not interrupting anything now.

If you come back later, who knows.

Kim!

She's right. She's right, Chet.

She understands our sophisticated,

present-day world.

As a matter of fact, Kim, that's why I came over here tonight.

I need to ask your advice about sex on shipboard.

Carol!

Well, I have to ask somebody's advice.

Now, there was this very attractive man at the bar

who kept flirting with me.

Now, look at that, I still use the word "flirt."

Is there a more current phrase?

You mean he came on to you?

Right.

When this very attractive man came on to me,

I didn't know what to do.

I mean, I've been married most of my adult life,

and all that time I've been completely faithful.

No offense, Chet.

Do you mind if I ask you the name of your perfume?

It's very seductive, isn't it, Chet?

Very nice.

Maybe I could borrow some, hmm?

For my man at the bar.

No.

Well, I probably don't need it anyway,

the way he kept bumping up against me at the bar.

In that case, my advice is make sure you don't mistake

rough seas for passion.

Thanks.

Well, hopefully it will be calm tonight.

The sea, that is.

Well.

Well.

I had a very nice time.

Good night.

Could we try that again?

That handshake was sort of unsatisfying.

You noticed too, huh?

What are we doing?

I mean, this sort of thing doesn't usually happen to me.

It practically never happens to me.

Gopher, I don't think we should be doing any more of this.

Even though it feels good and right,

one thing can lead to another, and...

I don't know you all that well,

though what I do know I like a lot.

But we can't always do what we want to do.

So...good night.

You buy any of that?

No.

Neither did I.

Jack, what time is it?

5:00 A.M.

A.M.?

As in "a morning"?

Well, this is the time you get up when you're in training.

Training?

You mean you're gonna go through with that silly fight?

Of course I'm gonna go through with it.

It's a matter of pride, it's a matter of honor,

it's a matter of --

stupidity.

At least you could give me a little support.

Flash Taylor's wife

is probably giving him all the encouragement she can.

You are out of your mind.

I don't care what you say, Helen,

I'm going through with this.

Help. Help. Help me up, Helen.

Ed, you are in no shape for this.

Besides, Jack is twice as heavy as you are.

I'll dazzle him with my footwork.

Anyway, I'm in better shape than that Turkey.

At least I exercise. I play golf.

You ride around all day in a golf cart drinking martinis.

That's not true...

Bloody Marys.

Now, ed -- ed.

Ed! Don't do this to me.

I have nothing to wear to a funeral at sea!

Morning.

How long you been up?

Not long.

You okay?

I was just thinking about

what kind of woman you must think I am.

Oh, Claire --

let me finish.

I am not the kind of woman that

ordinarily spends the night with someone she's just met.

I'm not like that at all.

At all.

[ Sighs ]

I don't think you are.

You're shy and sensitive.

And married.

What?!

I'm separated -- almost 3 months.

My husband left me, gopher,

after 19 years of marriage, goodbye, thank you very much,

and he was gone.

The only man until last night.

You heard from him?

Once.

About a week after he'd gone, I got a postcard from Madrid

asking me to forward his American express card.

Apparently he left home without it.

I'm sorry.

This is like a soap opera.

Frustrated housewife comes on ship,

sets sights on unsuspecting young officer.

I'll bet you hear that one a lot in your work.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

We cruise ship cowboys are

in and out of the sack all the time.

All the time.

I see.

How many experiences like this have you had?

Including you?

One.

[ Giggles ]

Oh... Here comes Carol.

Let's take a walk.

Don't be silly.

We're not spending the rest of the cruise

running from your wife.

I don't want to hear about her attractive man in the bar again.

But you told me you didn't believe there even was

an attractive man in the bar.

You said you thought she made it up.

She did make it up.

I don't want to hear about it again, anyway.

I'm going for a walk.

Chet, darling, sit down.

Well, all right.

But I'm leaving if she mentions the attractive man in the bar,

and don't you mention it.

I won't.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. How's your attractive man in the bar?

Did I say that?

He's just fine.

His name's Philip.

Carol, there's no such man. Please don't give him a name.

I didn't give him a name.

He came with it.

Sit down.

I want to talk to you.

I understand you.

Sometimes it's better to get everything

right out in the open.

You're trying to hang on to Chet.

Kim, please.

I'm just trying to explain to Carol

that her continuing psychological dependence on you

has nothing to do with your obvious inadequacies as a man.

Inadequacies as a man?

Carol, just look at him.

He's really not that much, you know?

And he's certainly not worth making yourself unhappy over.

I guess you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, you are.

Now, wait a minute.

Please, stay out of this, Chet, darling.

Stay out of this?

Kim, I want to thank you.

You've really opened my eyes.

It's bad enough two older men are having a fight.

Today I was told someone on the ship is taking bets on it.

Sir, I can't believe that's true.

Who on this ship --

hey, Isaac, another 5 bucks on smilin' Jack, okay?

Well, I'd hate to set my watch by those two.

Oh, I wish they would come to their senses.

I am so worried.

Oh, dear, I would be, too, if I were you.

What was that supposed to mean?

No offense, Helen, but it's quite obvious who would win

a fight between our two husbands.

Are you trying to tell me that your Jack could beat my ed?

I think he would clean his clock.

[ Chuckles ]

Ed would make mincemeat of Jack.

Your ed wouldn't last two rounds.

Jack wouldn't last one.

Would you like to put $50 on it?

You're on.

I'll see you at the fight.

Oh, and, uh, I'll bring a stretcher for your husband.

I'll bring two for yours.

Mr. Taylor, you're not a young man anymore.

This kind of strenuous activity can be harmful.

I'm sure that your wife would say the same thing.

Oh, Mrs. Taylor, please say something here.

Look at you.

You're dogging it.

My grandmother can move faster than that.

Pick up the pace.

Yes, dear.

Mrs. Taylor!

Doc, you're about the same height as smiling Jack.

How would you like to be my husband's sparring partner?

At my age?

Oh, no. Don't look at me.

I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Excuse me.

Come on. Move the legs.

Get it going. Come on.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup!

Sylvia, what are you doing?

You need some work on the heavy bags.

Oh, come on. I'm exhausted.

I've been running all morning.

Come on. Give it the old one-two.

I haven't got strength enough for the old one.

Are you a quitter? Come on. Hit it.

Come on. Come on. Hit me.

Come on.

That's it. Come on.

That's it. Come on. Move. Move.

Married 37 years and he's still an animal.

Jack, get up.

Jack.

Get up.

[ Snoring ]

Will you get --

capt. Stubing: Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon,

and welcome to puerto vallarta.

And 6 bottles of the Louis quatorze 1972.

Got it.

Claire.

Hmm?

Are you getting bored?

Don't start that again.

Okay.

Are you sure you don't want to go into puerto vallarta?

I'm sure.

There's really only one thing I wanted to do in Mexico,

and it's not gonna happen anyway,

so there's no sense in worrying about it.

What's that?

I don't want to say. It's so silly.

Come on.

Unh-unh.

Please.

Okay...

I wanted to stand on a balcony in the moonlight

and be serenaded by a gorgeous Latin with bedroom eyes

and incredibly tight pants.

Just count the bottles.

How about a kiss?

Sure. Come on down.

You come up.

What?

I've never had a kiss on a ladder before.

It's good to try new things.

[ Door opens ]

Hey, gopher, I need -- oh. [ Chuckles ]

Sorry. I just wanted to find out

how much sangria we had for tonight.

15 gallons. Now beat it.

Certainly.

[ Door closes ]

Chet, first you didn't want to go into puerto vallarta,

and now you're sitting there not saying a word.

What's the matter?

You spent the entire morning

telling my wife how undesirable I am.

I only told her you were undesirable

so that she would stop hanging on to you.

Then you really think I am desirable?

Really, really desirable.

Uh-oh.

Here comes Carol.

Hi. Can I sit down?

You know, Kim, I just had to tell you

how grateful I am to you for this morning --

you know, for showing me how silly I am

for hanging on to Chet like this.

Chet, I have to thank you, too,

for showing me you're not worth hanging on to.

It's the least I could do.

And you also made me realize, Kim,

that it's wrong to hang on to things.

I mean, it's wrong to hang on to people,

but it's wrong to hang on to things.

And so I'm returning this locket,

with a picture of the two of us

on our very first date at the amusement park.

Remember?

What am I supposed to do with it?

Take it.

All right.

All right.

[ Chuckles ]

Boy, we had a good time that night, didn't we?

And here's a piece of string --

I saved it from our honeymoon.

I tied it around my finger

to remind me of something about you.

What's a piece of string got to do with our honeymoon?

To remind you of what about me?

Oh, well, some things are just

too personal to share with ex-husbands.

[ Slow guitar music plays ]

♪ Are there stars out tonight? ♪

♪ I don't know if it's cloudy or bright ♪

♪ 'cause I only have eyes for yo-o-o-o-u ♪

♪ I don't care if we're in a garden ♪

♪ or on a crowded Avenue ♪

♪ you are here and So am I ♪

♪ maybe millions of people stroll by ♪

♪ but they all disappear from view ♪

♪ and I only have eyes for yo-o-o-o-u ♪

Bravo!

Bravo!

[ Latin accent ] Muchas gracias.

I am sorry I could not manage the bedroom eyes,

but the pants are cutting off my circulation.

You are crazy.

[ Normal voice ] Yes, ma'am...About you.

Claire.

Gopher, I'd like you to meet Nelson fenner, my husband.

I should have guessed I'd find you here.

Excuse me. I'm busy.

Don't do this. We have to talk, gopher.

I said that I am busy, Mrs. Fenner.

Oh, boy, you are really making me angry.

Oh, I'm making you angry?

First you tell me that your husband has left you,

then he shows up out of nowhere and you take off with him,

and now you are telling me that I am making you angry.

Gopher --

Claire, just don't worry about it.

I'll bow out.

The hell you will!

I told Nelson he couldn't just wander back into my life

and lay claim on me like some grubstake.

Nothing's changed between us, gopher.

What I really need to know is how you feel.

Would you like your old job back?

I'd like more than that.

Oh. [ Breathes heavily ]

You okay?

Me? Sure.

I could run another 5 or 10...Feet.

Jack, I was just thinking uh, um...

Do you want to say something?

Maybe.

What? About the fight tomorrow?

Well, I'd almost consider calling it off,

except Helen would kill me.

Sylvia would do the same thing to me.

You should see that woman throw a punch.

Well, good luck tomorrow.

Thank you, ed. You too.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, god.

Well, you're a hard man to track down.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

I don't think so.

Come on. Why don't you let me buy you a drink?

No, thank you.

Look, I just want a minute of your time, and then I will go.

Please.

Okay. Um...

Ah. Thank you.

My, um, timing with Claire hasn't been too good recently.

I left at the wrong time,

and, obviously, I came back at the wrong time...

...but I still love her.

I always have.

Then why'd you run away?

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I'm still trying to work on that one myself.

Maybe it's because I turned 40 and there didn't seem to be

anything to look forward to in my life anymore.

Our office hired a new receptionist.

She was cute and bubbly, and she always said the right thing.

She'd look at my wrinkles and she would see character lines.

I don't know whether I was in love with her

or just the adventure of the whole thing.

I was just getting ready to break it off,

and she dumped me.

I'm sorry.

What?

Sure. If you were still with her,

you wouldn't be here fouling up my love life.

You know, Claire really cares about you.

It's mutual.

Ah...

Well, I was afraid of that.

My lousy timing.

Well, I better be going.

I can't compete with you. Not here.

This is your turf.

I think you should know that

when this boat docks in Los Angeles I'm gonna be there,

and I'm gonna fight like hell to get her back.

I'll see you.

Mr. Fenner.

Oh, please, call me Nelson.

[ Sighs ]

Nelson.

Uh, this may sound a little weird...

Good luck.

[ Chuckles ]

Same to you.

So Carol wasn't at dinner.

So what? What are you so worried about?

I'm not worried. She wasn't in her cabin, either.

You called her cabin?

I convinced her to stop hanging on to you,

and now you're hanging on to her.

I just want to make sure she's all right.

Maybe there is a Philip. Maybe he's a homicidal maniac.

[ Knock on door ]

Chet, I couldn't sleep.

I've been wandering around the deck all night

thinking about us.

Thank goodness you're all right.

He didn't hurt you, did he?

Did who hurt me?

Nobody.

What, may I ask, are you doing here?

I have decided to keep neurotically hanging on to Chet,

at least until the cruise is over.

Thatagirl.

I want my piece of string back.

As a matter of fact, Chet,

that's what started me thinking about this whole thing --

that piece of string.

It just drove me crazy that I couldn't remember what it was

that string was supposed to remind me of about you.

Was it to remind you how tender and kind I am?

No. It wasn't that, but you are very kind and very tender.

Thank you.

Was it to remind you how virile and sexy I was?

Was?

I mean was when you first tied the string around your finger.

Even if it had been that,

I couldn't tell you in mixed company.

Why don't I walk you back to your cabin,

and on the way you can tell me

all the nice things that you remember about me.

Chet, where the hell do you think you're going?!

Home.

[ Clanging ]

Ladies and gentlemen, the fight of the century --

"smilin'" Jack mcteague...

[ Cheers and applause ]

...against --

against ed "flash" Taylor!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Boo!

Remember what I told you now.

You're tough. You're bad. You're mean.

What was that second one?

Follow my strategy -- dance and jab.

Dance and jab. Keep moving.

Dance. Jab. Dance. Jab.

Yes, dear. All right! Don't tell me, tell my legs.

Can I have a last call for bets?

Last call for bets.

All right. Fine.

Let's have the fighters to the center of the ring.

Now, listen, I want a clean fight, and I want a fair fight.

Now, I want you to shake hands,

and when you hear the bell, start fighting.

Round one!

[ Clangs ]

[ Cheering ]

Captain stubing, what are you doing here?

Well, I always thought this was my office.

And people generally knock before they enter.

Well, sir, those two men are going to kill each other

up on the lido deck.

Mcteague and Taylor?

Yes.

Just this morning I told them I would not permit any fighting.

You must be mistaken.

You're right, sir.

There's a cool breeze up on deck,

that must be why they're wearing those gloves.

Gloves?

[ Pop ]

Gloves?

Jab! Jab!

You're not paying attention -- move, dance.

Come on.

Excuse me, please.

Come on, ed!

They did it again.

Oh, are you all right, sir?

For heaven's sake.

Hi.

Hi.

I had a nice chat with Nelson last night.

Did you?

He's not a bad guy.

Give me some credit.

I was married to him for 19 years.

You're still married to him.

I thought we agreed not to talk about this.

He still loves you, you know?

I know.

Do you still love him?

Maybe.

Maybe I'm just more married than I thought I was.

I don't know.

Well, of course there's only one way to find out --

go back and you try it again, at least for a while.

Of course, you already know that.

What makes you so worldly wise all of a sudden?

Well, I think I know you pretty well.

Also, I read a lot of harlequin romances.

You're crazy.

Yes, ma'am...About you.

Now, how about another serenade?

Tonight we are offering a frisky medley of Broadway show tunes.

You know what I'd really like?

What?

I'd like you just to hold me.

For you, kid, the world.

I don't know if I should have dinner with you.

What?

I have to see what Dr. Sonny stone says

about dating on the rebound.

Sonny's all for it.

You know him?

Know him? We were college roommates.

Tell the truth, captain, which side of your jaw hurts the most?

Right here.

[ Laughter ]

Let's say we spend our vacations together again next year, huh?

Good idea.

Oh, excellent.

May I recommend the mountains?

[ Laughter ]

Mary.

Captain, thank you.

Come on, flush.

Flash.

Ah, one second, darling.

Carol, you don't throw confetti when you're coming home.

It's not confetti -- it's our divorce papers.

Goodbye.

Well...nice knowing you.

The best of luck to you, gopher.

Right.

Why, it's, uh,

it's just a good thing we didn't say "I love you."

This goodbye bit would be a little rough.

Yeah. We sure played that smart.

Take care of yourself.

You too.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You know, sometimes it helps to talk about it.

Yeah...

And sometimes it doesn't.