Original subtitles

[Theme - Jack Jones, "the love boat theme"]

Theme song: Love, exciting and new.

Come aboard, we're expecting you.

And love, life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat.

Soon we'll be making another run.

The love boat promises something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure, your mind a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard, it's love.

Um, miss Anderson, there seems to be a mix-up here.

According to this, you booked a honeymoon suite by yourself.

No.

The man at the travel agency had a lot to do with it.

Uh, what Julie means is it usually takes two to honeymoon.

Oh, I know that.

When we get to Mazatlan I'm going to get married.

Then I'll be two.

Or we'll be one.

Well, that'll be enough, won't it?

Yes, I think that's wonderful.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Everything's arranged-- the cruise,

the ceremony, and afterwards a big party on board ship.

And I want you all to come, huh?

Sounds great.

[Sigh]

Ah, good!

Oh, miss Anderson, your fiance will need

a boarding pass in Mazatlan.

So we'll be to handle it for you if you just tell us his name.

I can't do that.

Why not?

I don't know it.

You see, I haven't met him yet.

Bye.

Bye.

Hi.

May I help--

together: Help you?

Please.

Professor Norman Bridges.

Has he arrived yet?

I'll check!

I'm a student of his, Stephanie Chapman,

traveling with him.

Hmm.

In separate cabins.

On business.

Helping him with his experiments.

Oh.

What kind of experiments?

Oh, reactions to color, music, sounds.

Oh, sounds fantastic.

What kind of reactions?

Uh--

[coughing]

--Sexual reactions.

[Chuckling]

That's funny.

When she coughed, it sounded like she

said "sexual reactions."

[Chuckling]

I did.

You ought to cough when you say that.

It's important for science.

Most people usually give blood.

Oh, professor Bridges.

Over here.

Let me take that you for you, sir.

That's very valuable equipment there.

X-rated lugged.

Oh, professor, i'm so glad you got here.

Well, traffic was just awful.

I never thought the cab would get here on time.

Cab.

I thought you said your mother was driving you down.

Good heavens, I gave mother a tip.

Hi, Isaac.

Hi.

What's that?

Oh, this is a hand exerciser.

I am going to have the strongest forearm

in the history of racquetball.

Watch this.

Ah!

Huh, huh, huh?

You are a weak, man.

Let me try that.

Ok.

[Grunt]

What a lemon.

Hi.

Oh, you sure are.

You're high, I mean.

Virgil and claudette plummer.

Virgil plummer?

Isaac Washington.

Man, are you some kind of ball player.

Heh.

What will they think of next?

A finger exerciser.

So, Mr. Plummer, how come you're

not playing football this weekend?

Just tell us where our cabin is.

Ok.

P-p-p-pier 343.

And what do you do to get there is

you just go through these stairs, and up that door.

You go through those stairs.

You take the elevator.

You wait here till somebody brings it to you.

See you later.

Boy, I'd hate to say the wrong thing to him.

You just did.

W-Why I didn't mean to.

But did I say?

What?

Asking him why he's not playing football.

He got cut from the team this year.

He's-- well, he's washed up.

Oh.

Well, ok.

Could you just take over for me for a while?

For how long is a while?

Just till the end of the cruise.

I'll be locked in my cabin.

[Mixed conversations]

Miss McCoy thinks the dining room would be as good a place

as any to look for a husband.

Now let me get this straight.

You've set up the wedding, the reception, the honeymoon suite.

And now you're going to try to find the groom?

Well, everybody knows a cruise ship is the perfect place

to find a husband.

I'm just trying to do things logically.

Don't you think you have things in the wrong order?

You're right.

I could use a stiff shot of scotch.

I should be going to the bar.

Young man?

Are you headed for the bar?

Well, professor darling, it's just you

and me on a slow boat to Mexico.

And if you don't notice me now, I give up.

[Sigh]

Professor?

You ready for dinner?

Come on in.

I'll be with you in just a minute.

Oh, Stephanie.

That dress is perfect.

Oh, well, thank you.

You know, my sensitivity reactor will

look perfectly natural on it.

Pin that on, and I'll be able to monitor your body

heat, your heartbeat, your respiratory rate,

and glandular activity for a distance of 200 yards.

Will it work at close range, too?

I don't see why not.

Shall we go to the dining room?

Ok.

Professor.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Oh!

Virgil?

Aren't you coming to dinner?

I'm not hungry.

Well, honey, you've got to have something to eat,

otherwise you'll waste away.

Of course it'll take two or three years.

Aw, how about a smile, kid?

That's the one where the corners go up, remember?

If I go to dinner, everyone's going to want to know how come

I'm not playing ball this year.

Honey, everybody's life does not revolve around

the career of Virgil plummer.

Virgil plummer doesn't have a career.

Oh, Virgil plummer doesn't have a football career.

But there are a million other careers to go after.

Oh, sure.

Lots of companies are looking for someone

to knock people down, tear a ball off of their arm

and run for daylight.

Maybe I should give IBM a call, huh?

Remember, you have a college education.

I majored in zone defense, with a minor in ripping

quarterbacks' faces off.

Oh, claudette, I don't have a future.

I don't even know why you stay with me.

Because Sidney poitier never made me an offer.

I'm serious honey.

Well, I'm not.

Come on.

Let's go eat?

You know what you are?

Yeah, one of the great chicks--

good looking, smart, and a dynamite kisser.

I wasn't going to say that.

You weren't?

No.

Well, then what am I?

Adequate.

I have to dine with the captain and some guests.

But afterwards, you and me, ok?

Mm, you're the doctor.

And I'll be back with your prescription.

I didn't know we were supposed to come in costume.

You're not, ma'am.

It's Spanish night in the dining room.

Spanish night.

Could you make an exception for me?

See, I'm not Spanish.

I'm German-Irish, but I'm very hungry.

For you, I'll make an exception.

So what brings you on this cruise, little lady?

I'm looking for a husband.

Oh?

Very interesting.

Tell me more about that fascinating worm farm of yours.

Oh!

Oh, awfully sorry.

Very delicate.

Very, very delicate.

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

Now-- now Stephanie.

This is just a test to see what your reactions

are to ordinary objects.

I'll use it as a comparison when we get to the more

obviously sexual stimuli.

[Steady beeping]

[Rattling ice cubes]

Ice cubes.

Minimal reaction.

Interesting.

[Jingling keys]

[Steady beeping]

Office keys.

Reaction intensity 001.

[Steady beeping]

Very interesting.

Why don't you try the key to your cabin?

Well, what's the difference?

A key's a key.

Come on, gopher, I'm starved.

Yeah, me, too.

Excuse me.

Where are you going?

Any place but the captain's table.

You see who's sitting with him?

Yeah, Virgil plummer.

He used to be a terrific football player.

Yes, he did.

And I kind of said the wrong thing

to him when he got on the ship.

And now I'm kind of worried that he

might kind of pull off my ears and stuff them up my nose.

Apologize!

Vicki, I really don't want to have

to put a seashell up to my nose every time I

want to hear the ocean.

Say you're sorry and get it over with.

You're being childish.

Ok.

Ok.

I'll tell doctor to scrub up and boil the instruments.

Excuse me.

Just kidding.

Go on.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

Mr. Plummer.

Sir.

Yes.

Well, I just want to say what a nice tat you have on.

Tuxedo!

Excuse me!

[Romantic saxophone music]

I'll be right back.

Professor, this looks like so much fun.

Well, for those people, perhaps.

But let's not forget, we're here for science.

Well, couldn't we forget?

I mean, just for a little while?

Now, Stephanie, where would we be if Edison felt like that?

Alone in the dark?

Exactly.

Now, let's get your reactions to music, shall we?

Ok, professor.

But I think my reactions might be

even greater if I were dancing, instead of just listening.

Excellent idea.

Doctor.

I hope this wouldn't be an imposition.

Would you mind dancing with miss Chapman?

Uh, mind?

I'd be delighted.

Excuse me.

This is duty.

Forgive me.

You'll come right back, won't you?

Does Don ho eat pineapple?

Dancing was a marvelous idea, my dear.

I'll monitor you from my cabin.

Carry on, doctor.

Uh, this way.

All right, young lady.

It's time to get to bed.

Oh, do I have to?

No.

Unless you want me to get Virgil involved.

I'm going.

I'm going.

Good night. - Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

[Inaudible] And thank you.

Oh, honey, you should smile more often.

At least he didn't call me a has-been.

I wonder who's going to be the first?

Now you're really being silly.

Not a single person said anything

to you about why you're not playing anymore,

and nobody will.

A year ago I couldn't walk down the street without someone

wanting an autograph.

Today, nothing.

Virgil, would you mind signing this?

[Chuckling]

Who should I make it out to?

To the ship.

It's for your drinks.

You take care of it.

I'm going for a walk.

[Romantic saxophone music]

[Steady beeping]

I must have misjudged Stephanie.

Poor girl shows an absolutely inactive libido.

Well, hi.

Hi.

I just wasted two hours without seeing an available man.

Where were you?

I think it's called the boiler room.

I'm surprised people don't hang out there.

It's real noisy.

- Miss Anderson-- - no.

Call me dottie.

Gee, I hope I haven't left this to too late.

I thought about getting married.

I would have done something about it,

only there always seemed to be something good on television.

Dottie, marriage is a really big step.

It's not something you want to just jump into.

Ooh, I gotta get married.

My birthday's the day after tomorrow.

I usually just have ice cream and cake.

40 years old.

If I don't get married before I'm 40,

I'm going to be an old maid.

Says who?

Julie, let me tell you something.

You may not believe this, but a man won't buy a cow

after the milk's turned sour.

Huh?

My mother always used to say that.

There are lots of single women over 40.

Uh-huh.

You see, nobody wanted a sour cow.

Oh, dottie, that's not what I meant.

Anyway, I'll find a husband.

Oh.

Excuse me.

If you're not doing anything tomorrow night,

would you like to get married?

Huh?

Well, you know, I don't think I'm doing it right.

Maybe you're being too subtle.

Have you considered using a Blackjack?

Surely not.

I don't want a husband who's a gambler.

[Disco music]

What happened?

Did Don ho switch to grapes?

Stephanie, could we dance another time?

I'm keeping a lady waiting.

And she's not very happy about it.

Yeah.

I know the feeling.

For me?

Fresh from my garden.

Silly me.

I thought it was from a hothouse.

Come along and judge for yourself.

Don't mind if I do.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Plummer.

Hi.

Anything you need?

Well, now that you mention it, yes.

I need help!

Want me to go get the doctor?

No.

As a matter of fact, the guy I'm looking for

is the bartender with great big ears.

Ah, well step into my office.

[Romantic string music]

Oh, my.

Oh, it's so relaxing.

Mother nature's tranquilizer.

Yeah, it's kind of difficult to stay

tense with a view like this.

Mm.

You know, that's one of the reasons I talked Virgil

into coming on this cruise.

But, well, all he can think about is his career.

He's taking it kind of hard, huh?

Well, it's not easy to go from being

a face on the cover of "sports illustrated"

to being a face in the crowd.

Well, he-- he must have known that it was going

to happen sooner or later.

It's a tough adjustment.

He's upset.

He's confused.

He's angry.

Well, as long as he doesn't get angry with me.

That is one big dude.

Aw, he's a pussycat.

Don't worry.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

Claudette plummer, you better watch yourself.

Oh, well, we weren't doing anything.

I mean, we weren't doing nothing man.

Not a thing.

I was just giving her a lesson in mixology.

You know, making drinks.

Like that zombie I was talking about.

See, what you do is you poor the rums in real easy, and that way

they don't get all mixed up.

Of course, now, you take your perfect Rob Roy.

I meant, you better watch yourself

so you don't catch a chill.

Oh.

That's what I thought you meant.

Well, I've got to be going.

Love your wife.

I didn't mean that.

I do mean that.

Later.

[Whimper]

There are a lot of weird people on this ship.

[Rapid beeping]

Good heavens.

Stephanie.

The doctor.

What's he doing with her?

The animal!

Doctor bricker.

Where's doctor bricker?

Doc?

He's in his cabin, I guess.

I might have guessed.

Well, I don't think he wants to be disturbed.

[Knocking] Open up!

Open up!

You hear me?

Oh, professor Bridges.

Anybody sick?

Yes, you!

[Punch]

Honey.

Stephanie.

Are you all right?

You're not Stephanie.

Well, no sir.

But I will be if you say so.

That's my Rose.

Yours?

Right.

Take it.

I'm sure it looks much better on you.

Professor.

Why?

Mistaken identity.

Carry on.

Boy, there's a lot of weird people on this ship.

[Groan]

Oh, poor baby.

[Groan]

Man (over intercom): Good morning,

and welcome to Mazatlan.

We hope you enjoy your day.

So, how is our miss Anderson coming along with her search

for a husband?

Oh, not well.

I wish I could talk some sense into her.

Oh no.

Oh, she couldn't.

She couldn't.

How could she?

I thought she couldn't.

What's the problem?

This.

Captain stubing: "Help wanted--

husband.

I am looking for a good husband.

Wedding is tonight.

If you are good and kind, and also a man,

apply 2:00 pm cabin 132 fiesta deck.

No experience necessary."

I guess that leaves doc off the hook.

With four weddings to his credit,

he is definitely overqualified.

Hi, Isaac.

Hi.

Want a donut hole?

Say what?

A donut hole.

You know how donuts have holes in the middle?

Well, this is what used to be there.

Where'd you get these?

Mr. Plummer.

He backed them himself.

You mean--?

[Croaking sounds]

That Mr. Plummer?

Yep.

He says he bakes to relax.

Boy.

Some people would sure get a big laugh out of that.

But I'm not one of them.

See you later.

Goodbye.

Oh, baby, I really don't feel like going to town.

Why don't you take a tour with the other passengers?

I'll just sit here and read.

Oh, well, ok.

You're bigger than I am.

[Kiss]

Come on gopher.

How come you haven't changed?

You're supposed to be leaving in five minutes.

I can't go ashore.

I've got to do the monthly status reports.

I told the captain all work and no play.

He said, well, how about some and no play?

Why don't go into town with you?

Um, ooh.

Will Virgil mind?

Virgil?

Why should he mind?

Ooh, I don't know.

But if there's the slightest chance, please let me

know so I can increase my life insurance

while I still have time.

(Singing) Here comes the bride.

Here comes the bride.

Here comes the bride.

Here comes the bride.

Second verse, same as the first.

(Singing) Here comes--

[knocking]

Just a minute!

I'll be right there.

Oh.

I'm sorry, but it's just me.

Oh, I'm glad it's you, Julie.

Come on in.

Except I was just wishing and hoping maybe

you'd be bigger and hairier.

No, I'm on a low hormone diet.

Dottie, I wanted to talk to you about the ad.

Isn't it a good idea?

See, this way I can let everybody at once

know I'm here.

Oh, everyone knows you're here all right.

Well, anyway, I checked into everything.

The reception's going to be on the lido deck at 10 o'clock.

Everyone's invited.

Dottie, why don't you just stop it?

You're not going to find a husband

with a newspaper ad in one day.

No one's going to come.

I don't see why not.

I mean, it's still early, and oh, there

are a lot of nice men on board.

Heh.

It's going to work out just fine.

Mm-hmm.

You really believe that.

Well, sure I do.

I have to.

Well, then, I'll be seeing you.

Uh, at the reception, right?

Right.

Ok.

(Singing) Here comes-- (Speaking) --The bride.

Gee, doc, you look real macho in those dark glasses.

Thanks.

But you look super macho with your mouth showing.

And speaking of macho, that professor of yours

is some jealous guy.

But he really must be nuts about you.

Oh, please.

Don't even say that.

I mean, to him, I'm just a bunch of reactions on a graph.

Oh, but he didn't do this to me because he thought I was

making love to some statistic.

He did that?

Yeah.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Well, it depends on how you look at.

Mm, I look at it as macho.

I don't believe it.

I don't believe it.

He loves me.

Stephanie.

Oh, professor.

Doc just told me everything.

And I'm just--

I completely lost my head, but I've done

a lot of thinking since then.

And I want you to know that from now

on things will be different.

Really?

I've been putting you together with all the wrong people.

Right.

How can you be stimulated by someone

you have no interest in?

Right!

What I've come up with is as plain as the nose on my face.

I mean, it's been right there in front of me all the time.

Right!

You should be with somebody your own age.

Dan.

Oh!

I've got a hair appointment!

She's a very punctual person.

[Knocking]

What are you getting so excited about?

It's just Julie.

[Knocking]

I'm sorry.

You were right.

I should have listened to you, jul--

you're not Julie!

Oh, I'm not?

What a time to tell me.

I didn't mean that.

Well, see what I meant was I was expecting somebody else.

I'm Ricardo.

Ooh.

You certainly are.

I'm here to pick up dottie Anderson and her fiance

and bring them to the justice of the peace to be married.

You're part of the arrangements I made.

You are dottie Anderson, no?

How did you know?

Hey, senorita.

There are not many women on the ship who happen to be

wearing a wedding gown today.

Only the one who is to be married, yes?

One would think that.

Hey.

There is a problem?

The groom is not ready, perhaps?

There isn't any.

Ricardo, why don't you just make yourself comfortable, mm?

I want to talk to you about this groom situation.

[Ship horn]

I'm looking for my wife.

I don't have her.

Isaac's got her.

I mean, what-- what I mean to say

is Isaac often takes other men's wives to town.

I mean, excuse me.

Sir?

Could you tell me the way to my cabin?

[Inaudible] I'll just find it myself.

Excuse me.

[Laughing]

Wow, I think I had a perfect time.

Thank you so much.

Mm.

Oh, Virgil.

Isaac is the greatest.

You know what he did? - No.

But I know what he's going to do.

Bleed.

Wait a minute.

You're getting this all wrong.

Yeah, I was just thanking him for taking me into town.

And what went on in town?

Sightseeing.

And how do I know that?

Because I'm telling you.

And I expect you to believe me.

In fact, I was hoping later, after you're

feeling a little calmer, that we might

be able to sit down over a drink and discuss this thing.

Like two rational human beings.

Virgil!

He almost had me believing him.

One more word out of you, i'm going to punch your lights out.

Voice over intercom: Attention please.

The ship will depart in one hour.

[Mixed conversations]

Congratulations for what?

Oh.

Dottie Anderson arranged all of this.

It's supposed to be her wedding reception.

Oh!

Something seems to be missing.

Like a bride and groom?

I thought they were required at weddings.

I'm afraid miss Anderson probably doesn't

feel like celebrating tonight.

It's sad to see innocent illusions shattered.

Reminds me of my first wedding night.

I need a drink.

Maybe dottie should go talk to doctor for a while.

Five minutes with him, she wouldn't even

want to go steady.

Isaac: What'll it be, doc?

Isaac?

Isaac: Yeah.

Where are you?

Isaac: Under the bar.

How do you know it's me?

Using a mirror.

Isn't that uncomfortable?

Isaac: No.

Actually it's not bad.

And you don't have to wear a tie if you don't want to.

Oh, I presume you feel this is a mature way

to handle a situation with Virgil plummer.

Isaac: Well, it may not be mature.

But at least I don't have a black eye.

Maybe you should try it.

I'm getting great mileage out of mine.

Give me a scotch rocks, will you?

Isaac: Coming up.

Thanks.

Isaac: Sure you don't want a double?

No.

One handful will do me just fine.

Have you seen Isaac?

No one has.

But he's here.

Do yourself a favor.

Don't order a drink if you don't have a towel with you.

Isaac?

It's claudette.

Isaac: Oh.

Is you-know-who there, too?

No, I'm alone.

Now come out.

He's not hiding some place, is he?

No, he's-- he's in the kitchen baking.

Isaac, would you talk to him?

Oh, I don't think so.

Look, he doesn't really believe anything

is going on between us.

He's going through a rough time, and he needs a friend.

I mean a friend who's not his wife.

Please?

Ok.

I'll do it.

But only because you're extremely pretty,

and I'm extremely dumb.

Who's he?

Just another Guinea pig.

It's all in the interest of science.

But doc is somewhat of a scientist, too.

He said he's going to make me see shooting stars.

And that's just the beginning.

You know what I mean?

[Steady beeping]

Captain, maybe I should go and talk with dottie.

I'll bet she's miserable.

Mm, that would embarrass her.

Maybe we should just act like nothing ever happened.

That's going to be extremely difficult.

Apparently something definitely happened.

She got herself a hunk.

I don't understand, but I think it's wonderful.

But captain, what time is it?

Eh, 10:30.

Why?

Well, I was wondering if it's too

late to get an ad into tomorrow's "Princess patter."

Hi.

Hi.

Can I have one?

They're hot.

It's ok.

[Wince]

Did I mention they were hot?

Yeah, yeah.

I believe you.

Listen-- and I want you to believe me.

Nothing happened between your wife and me.

I know.

Hey, you know what would make these things really great

is chocolate sprinkles on top.

You want chocolate sprinkles on top?

Mm-hm.

Stick 'em in your Margarita.

What do you know about baking?

Hey, man.

Wait a minute.

Did you know that I used to be a cook for a lumber camp?

And I was a steel worker.

Also I drove a truck, and sold aluminum containers.

In fact, I thought that I was the greatest aluminum container

salesman on the planet.

Man, I thought I was going to work

my way up and become president, maybe even

king of aluminum containers.

What happened?

I got canned.

[Chuckling]

I felt pretty down about it at the time.

But look at me now.

I love this ship, the travel, the people.

Isaac, you're not very subtle.

Well, I didn't say I was great at everything.

That's just the point, man.

You're Jack of all trades, and I'm Jack of one game.

The only thing I know is football.

Wait a minute.

Come on, now.

Hey, didn't you hear about that guy in la that

was an agent or something, and baked chocolate

chip cookies in his spare time?

So?

So?

Listen, one day he got tired of being an agent.

And now he sells his cookies all over the world.

He's a millionaire.

I can just see it now.

Famous Virgil donut holes.

Why not?

It's a natural.

Hey, man.

I'd bet you there'd be a whole lot

of investors that would be dying to get into a deal like this.

You serious, huh?

Virgil, you could clean up--

if--

if what?

--If you take the advice of a real baker, and put chocolate

sprinkles on top of these.

[Chuckling]

Yeah, all right.

Well, well, well, well.

Seems like things are living up here.

You know it. Isaac.

You tell her. It's your idea.

- Well-- - look.

Whatever it is, if you made him happy, you deserve a kiss.

Hold it right there.

If there's going to be any kissing done around here,

I'm going to do it.

[Kiss]

Wait till I tell you what happened.

Oh, no.

Does that mean you don't want to hear my news first?

The tampa bay buccaneers have picked you up.

What?

Congratulations, Virgil!

[Laughing]

What the heck!

I can always make donut holes.

[Slide whistle]

[Saxophone music]

Oh!

Ha-ha-ha!

[Applause]

Is that for us?

But of course.

They have good taste, no?

Oh, my.

You know, I've never done that before in my life.

Oh, you know, I've danced with Jack,

and [inaudible] hardly ever had an actual person [inaudible]..

Would you like some champagne?

Oh, yes please.

It's my pleasure.

If you'll excuse me, I'll bring you a glass.

Ok.

Dottie, that is some dancing you were doing out there.

Oh, hi, Julie.

And some husband.

Oh, no I didn't get married.

Well, you've sure got a five-star prospect.

No, I don't think so.

He's good looking.

He's graceful.

He's refined.

He's married.

Whoops.

Yeah.

Ricardo was supposed to drive me to the justice of the peace.

Now, there just didn't seem to be much point.

We've just been talking.

I think he's trying to cheer me up.

I think he's doing a wonderful job.

Oh, uh-huh.

Oh.

Hi.

Hello.

Excuse me.

Here you are.

Thank you.

It tickled my nose.

It really does.

[Giggling]

You like champagne, no?

Well, I don't have it all the time.

[Giggling]

I'm afraid I must be leaving very soon.

My wife has fixed a little supper.

Oh.

Hey.

A minute ago you were smiling and gay.

Why does your flower wilt so suddenly?

Oh, I'm sorry.

It was just that you've been so very nice to me.

I just wish it wouldn't end.

It was nice having all these people

think I finally found someone.

Dottie, you are a star that will shine whether i'm

here to watch it or not.

Wow.

Mm-hmm.

That's much better.

Well, goodbye, Ricardo.

Thank you.

And remember, what you believe of yourself,

the world will believe also.

[Heavy sigh]

The world believes I'm an old maid.

Excuse me.

Would you like to dance?

Me?

Really?

Why?

Well, I've been noticing how well you danced.

Oh.

Well, if that's the case, let's give it a go, huh?

Look at that.

Suddenly she's the belle of the ball.

Last night she was--

last night she was ringing too loudly.

The men have a tendency to shy away from wedding bells.

Hmm, and since when are you such an expert on bells, sir?

Oh, I've rung a few chimes in my day.

[Squeal]

Well, Stephanie, you're not dancing.

I'm tired of dancing.

In fact, I'm tired of this whole thing.

Well, I'm not surprised.

Being with that young man was just a waste of your time.

No kidding.

Well, how did I know the stimulus indicator was broken?

It's either that, or you've got a hormone deficiency.

Does this look like a body with a hormone deficiency?

Well?

Does it?

Ah, no.

No, no it doesn't.

Maybe you've got a worn out transistor

in your sensitivity reactor.

Here's what you can do with your sensitivity reactor.

Now I'll thank you not to mishandle

a valuable piece of equipment.

Ooh!

[Rapid beeping]

Stephanie!

Stephanie, that-- that's amazing.

Not to me.

[More rapid beeping]

Oh, gosh, I never dreamed that anyone as lovely as--

[even more rapid beeping]

[Pop]

Dottie: Julie!

Yeah.

I've got to ask you something.

Now what's the difference between a proposal

and a proposition?

Well, a proposal is when a man wants

to give you a wedding ring and spend the rest of his life

with you.

And a proposition is about the same thing,

only without the ring, and for a weekend tops.

Guess what?

I've been proposed to.

You have.

Well, that's just what you wanted.

When's the ceremony?

Never!

What?

I said no.

But wait.

I thought-- I thought you wanted to be proposed to.

Well, sure.

But I was also propositioned five times.

You know, the way I figured, if I say yes to the proposal,

then I've got to say no to the propositions, right?

Yeah, ok.

Ok, then.

Don't you figure this proposition

stuff is a much better deal?

For now I think so.

You can always make a decision later.

Oh, I don't know about that.

You know something?

I have trouble buying pantyhose.

You know, all the time.

I don't know whether to get Demi-toe,

full-toe, sandal-foot.

Julie, what time is it?

Um, 2 am.

Then it's tomorrow already, right?

Sort of.

Why?

It's my birthday.

Oh.

Congratulations.

I'm 40 years old.

Mm-hmm.

Julie?

Do I look like an old maid?

Are you kidding?

You look like you're just getting started.

I've been looking for you.

Ohhh.

I just wanted to tell him thank you for a nice cruise.

I'll tell him-- if he ever comes to.

Well, see you Isaac.

You're the best.

Thank you, Mrs. Plummer.

Good luck, Virgil.

Thanks.

Is he gone, yet?

I think I should warn you.

I break very easily.

See you later.

Bye-bye.

So long.

--Much of a tan.

But I really want to thank both of you for everything.

Wow.

Oh.

Bye, Mel.

See you, Dennis.

Oh, you certainly made a lot of friends.

You know, it's like I suddenly got somebody

else's life by mistake.

I think you finally found your own.

Oh, captain.

I almost forgot.

I want you to have my bridal bouquet.

That's very nice of you.

But I think Julie should--

oh, no.

If Julie gets the bridle bouquet,

that means she's going to get married soon.

And boy, I don't want to spoil all her fun.

Ah!

What about my fun?

Hope you enjoyed your cruise.

Bye-bye.

Well.

It's been a very eye-opening cruise.

Eye closing, too.

Oh.

Sorry about that.

No hard feelings.

Best of luck on your textbook.

Oh, he won't be finishing that for awhile.

First we're going to collaborate on a new book--

a marriage manual.

- Mm! - Thank you.

Bye-bye.

Thank you.

Bye-bye.

What's a marriage manual?

Eh, it's a book people study so they'll be good at marriage.

Oh.

My place, 7 o'clock?

Oh, doc is going to help me with my homework.

[Giggle]

What are you studying?

Um.

Is it one of those marriage manuals?

It is, isn't it?

Captain merrill, Julie, Isaac, gopher, guess what?

Doc's getting married again!

[Music playing]