All language subtitles for Employee.Of.The.Month.2004.720p.WEBRip.x264-[YTS.AM]-English

Wake up,
wake up, wake up, Los Angeles.

...last night,
police were called to the pier...

It is 8:32 A.M. Here
in the Los Angeles area.

And it is hot out there, people.
It's hotter than a bowl of fuck!

Transportation
has a lot to do with it.

If America
is the great melting pot...

"Hey, you're in my seat.

...then LA's
public transportation

is the gooey shit baked on the bottom.

Don't get me wrong,

I'm no snob,

just being honest.

I've never been one to
judge a book by its cover.

Unless of course the
cover of the book reads...

the guy sitting next
to me just shit himself.

But considering 24 hours ago

I was out there with everything,

and now I'm in here with nothing,

I'm in no position to pass judgment.

He seems okay sitting in his own shit.

Maybe he knows something I don't.

The Buddha says you
achieve total enlightenment

when you realize everything
in your life is an illusion.

Everything!

Embracing that kind of thinking

definitely make sitting in
your own shit more bearable.

I am what I am but a fucker.

And I am what I am...

One of these guys you
see on the 6:00 news

wakes up, heads off to work,

grabs a cup of coffee and
goes on a sick rampage.

One of those guys whose
friends and neighbors all say...

Who knew? He seemed all right to me.

He was the last person you'd ever
expect to do something like this.

Something in his head
must have just snapped.

I just snapped.

That's too easy.

People see what they want.

And everyone loves a good lie, even me.

Call me crazy. Everyone else would.

But they don't know what I know...

that everything I am is
an illusion. Everything!

David!

Eh? Seriously,

raise our glasses

to David and Sara.

May your wedding day be
as bright, as beautiful

as the two of you.

Cheers!

- Thank you, Carl.
- Thanks.

We just want to thank
all of you for really...

for sharing this amazing moment with us.

I know that you have heard the saying

that opposites attract.

Well, it's not true.

Even though David and I are
from very different worlds,

I know that in our hearts
we're the same person.

And I would like to make a toast

and a promise to David.

To the man who came out of nowhere

and changed my life forever:

David, I promise

that in our next lifetime together

I will look for you
harder and find you sooner.

And I will not waste so much
time with all the others.

Cheers!

Carl.

Dave oh!

Fucking shit.

What are you doing here?

The... the engagement party!

How come you didn't invite me?

- Because I didn't think you'd come.
- I wouldn't have.

- Then why are you here?
- 'Cause you didn't invite me.

If I know you're not gonna come

- why would I bother sending an invitation?
- An engagement party?!

What, are you out of your mind?

I've seen you pull some
shit from left field,

but this takes the cake, man.

Could you just act like
you're happy for me?

No I can't. You're fucking up.

Relax, I know what I'm doing.

There's a reason why I am your
oldest friend in the world...

And I can't seem to remember
what it is right now.

I tell the truth. Remember the truth?

I'm not like these assholes here.

I'm not gonna pat you on
the back and say "mazel tov. "

I know what you're all about, man.

And this isn't it. She isn't it.

- Shh.
- This is not your life, man.

Look at you, you can't even
smoke in your own house.

Things change, Jack. Sometimes,
you've got to change with them.

Okay, look...

there are three things
that I know to be true.

"Love Me Tender"...
greatest song of all time.

The Abominable "Doctor Phibes,"

that is the scariest movie ever made.

And uh... oh, you're
playing with fire...

- Okay, that's enough, that's it,
- What is this...

- Hey, honey.
- Hey, that was awesome.

I remember that. That was great.

- Jack,
- Hi, Jack, I'm so glad you made it.

- I wouldn't have missed it.
- I bet. You look good.

Hey, Sara, you redid your
bedroom and you didn't tell me.

- Isn't it
great? - Uh-huh.

- Hey, David, so are you getting nervous yet?
- No, you?

I'm just a maid of honor. I'm
not the one taking a bullet.

That's very funny.

Wendy, I'd like you to
meet an old friend of mine.

Wendy, Jack. Jack, say hi to Wendy.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hey, I wanna show you
something real quick.

Oh, sweetheart, could you throw
another tray of Brie puffs in the oven?

- Absolutely.
- Thank you. Bye, Jack

I'll be in in a second, babe.

Brie puffs?

I gotta go to work.

Out!

- What? I'm gonna go out through the front door.
- Out! Out!

- I'm going out the front door.
- Out.

- Fuck you.
- Damn.

Are you kidding me?
There's a fucking fence.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey.

What's wrong?

I just hate leaving you.

Then don't go.

I have to.

People are depending on me.

Yes.

I love you. You believe me?

I believe you.

Go back to sleep.

- Morning, David.
- Sure is, Hank. How's Hazel?

- She's doing great. Thanks for asking.
- Good, glad to hear it.

- Why don't you give her my best?
- I will, sir.

- Hello, David.
- Morning, Mrs. Chapman.

Such a beautiful day out there.

I ordered it especially for you.

Beautiful day, beautiful lady.

Oh-ooh, you are the sweetest.

No, I believe that's your job.
How do you make it look so easy?

Morning, Mr. Walsh.

- Morning, Ken.
- How are you doing?

Good, and I told you to call
me David. How're you doing?

Super-duper, Mr... uh, David.

Thanks for showing me the proper
cash flow procedures yesterday.

Not a problem. Let me know if
you have any other questions.

A little late, aren't you, David?

Not by my watch, Kyle.

Maybe you want to lose this
sundial and get yourself a Rolex.

Well, as soon as my father-in-law
is president of a bank

I'm gonna ask him to buy me one.

- It's funny.
- I'm glad you think so.

- Hi, Kyle.
- Good morning.

Hey, good morning, David.

Ah, the lovely Martha.

Thanks again for catching
our transfer mistake.

Please, we all make mistakes.

Sorry I missed your party last night.

You don't need to be at a party.
In three weeks you're a mom.

I know. I'm starting
to get a little nervous.

You'll be fine. Just don't
work too hard. Don't overdo it.

When you pick something
up use your legs.

Okay. Oh, hey, how
did your big review go?

- No, no, that's this morning.
- Oh, it'll go great.

I won't be surprised if you
get Employee Of The Month.

Well, I got my fingers crossed.

- Good luck.
- Thanks, Martha.

- Good morning.
- Hey, lady.

Hey, how is it going?

Good. How about you?

It's awful. It's been the
most stressful week of my life.

But as soon as the weekend gets
here, I'll be as good as gold.

Tell me about it.

You've got your meeting with
Gartin this morning. You ready?

Well, as ready as I can be.

- Are you nervous?
- A little bit.

I just hope that my
review shows that I've been

slacking off and this
is why I should be fired.

That way when I snap and
threaten to kill the old fucker...

- ... I'll
have a good reason.

I'm just kidding. It's a joke.

Joke. Just kidding! Get it?

Anyway, like you said,
when the weekend gets here,

- I'll be as good as gold.
- Well, good luck.

Yeah, better get going.
I don't want to be late.

Are we still on for tomorrow?

Absolutely. I'm buying.

- Uh, Mr. Gartin?
- Ah, please, come in.

Take a seat.

How long have you been with us now?

Next week will be two years, sir.

Wow! You get on the other side
of Monday, your benefits kick in.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

You know why you're here, right?

My interoffice review.
Report card day at the bank.

Yeah... David!

This bank is only as
strong as its weakest link.

That's one of the reasons
I wanted to work here, sir.

It says here you've never been late.

- And you've never left early. That's a plus.
- Well...

But according to your file

you haven't met your quota this quarter.

Really? I think that must be a mistake.

You've okayed two commercial properties

to start building before
the leases were finalized.

- That's sloppy work.
- Those leases were finalized yesterday, sir.

Yeah. I do a pretty
good job here, you know.

I give 100%, 150% every
day. You can ask anybody.

No need.

I ask my interoffice monitors
and they put it in your review.

Simple. You see how it works?

Is it possible that
your interoffice monitor

might have a personal problem with me?

Is your interoffice monitor Kyle?

Be careful.

That idiot
son-in-law of mine

has been Employee Of The Month
four times in the last two years.

And believe it or not, he deserved it.

My grandfather built this
bank on sweat and steel,

not bullshit and nepotism.

He put this bank first

and I do too.

Now today's Thursday.

Consider Friday your
last day. You're fired.

That means no bonus, no benefits?

No shit. I'll say I
was sorry, but I'm not.

Look, please, sir, give me a
second chance. I'll work weekends.

Sara, my fianc�, she quit her job.

I told her I'll take care
of her. I need this, sir.

We're getting married.
We're building a nest egg.

That's great. Good luck
to you. Thanks for coming.

I can't believe you're gonna do this.

You know this review
process that you have...

I bet it's illegal. I could sue you.

Go ahead. You'll lose.

Because the best lawyer
wins and mine are the best.

They're Ivy League assholes

and they'll wrap a lamp cord
around a newborn baby's neck

rather than lose to a schmuck like you.

And I've got deep pockets
and all the time in the world.

And I never lose. Ask
anyone who's tried me.

Ask my old man.

By the time I'm done with
you you'll be in some alley

giving blow-jobs to cab drivers for
pocket change to get a cup of coffee.

Because you're a loser and
that's what happens to losers.

You're fired, period. Deal with it.

Mr. Gartin, Ed Wheeler, line two.

Ed, you old son of a
bitch. How the hell are you?

What's the matter, sunshine,
stepped in some shit?

- You're an asshole, Kyle.
- You think?

- How do you sleep at night?
- Usually naked

on one of the newer younger employees.

Oh, that explains the
smile on Bob's face.

Go easy on him. He's just a janitor.

- Watch your mouth.
- Why? You'll put that in my review too?

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- I'm sure you don't.

I better get back to work. If
you get caught talking to me

they might take away your Employee-Of-The-Month
paper hat and stupid smile.

- I earned that on my own merit.
- Yeah right.

- How did it go?
- Oh, it went great,

really, really good.

- In fact it couldn't have gone better.
- Great.

- I got fired.
- What?!

That stupid review said that I wasn't
carrying my share of the workload.

So tomorrow is my last day.

I hate to break up the
pity party but, Wendy,

could you give Joanie a hand? She
needs some help closing a transfer.

Yeah, I'll be right over.

- Looking forward to it.
- Great.

- God, I hate that guy!
- Gives me the creeps.

You are an assistant manager. Is
Kyle the one who sandbagged me?

What other asshole would do that?

What are you gonna tell Sara?

I don't know. You know her as well
as I do. You've got any advice?

Yeah, if it was my fianc�,
I would tell her everything.

Hello?

Hello?

Hel...

David, honey, I know it's you.
I can see it on the caller ID.

Oh, hey, babe, I'm sorry,
I... sorry about that.

No, I was just looking
for a file and I...

I set the phone down
for a second, sorry.

It's okay. What's going on?

Sara,

I...

I think I left my house
keys in my other jacket.

When you get a chance, could you
check and see if they're there?

Yeah, sure. Listen, before I forget,

my parents called and they're in town

and they want to have dinner with
us tonight. I said we'd go to Du-Ays.

- How's that sound?
- Yeah, perfect, perfect.

- Great, what time?
- 7:30.

I'll just see you guys there.

Oh and listen, sweetheart, could
you just not order any alcohol?

It just makes my dad feel
uncomfortable, you know.

It just brings up all that
old stuff about my mom, okay?

Not to worry. So 7:30, Du-Ays.

Oh hey, hey, how did the review go?

Well, uh...

Sweetheart, that's the other line, I
gotta go. I want to hear about it tonight.

Okay. Hey,

I love you. You believe me?

I believe you.

Bye.

I'm gonna go outside and get
some fresh air to clear my head.

Not that anybody gives a shit.

I've got a
three-vehicle collision here.

One on fire, repeat, one on fire.

I got... I need jaws of life.

We have a truck flipped over.

I got... I got pedestrians
injured. It's a fucking mess.

Jackpot! What?

- Yeah, it's me.
- I know.

Why are you calling a sleazebag like me?

Isn't that what your
fucking fianc� called me?

What did you expect? You
ruined our engagement party.

Like you've never peed in a pool before?

It was a fountain and it
was a gift from her mother.

You know that I have a
bladder the size of a chipmunk.

Look, what do you need?

I got fired today.

Congratu-fucking-lations,
it's about time.

I mean, that is a
reason to throw a party.

I don't know how you stood it
in there this long. I mean, I...

I would have bludgeoned
somebody to death

with a goddamn
have-a-nice-day paperweight

after two days in that "Stepford
Wives" freak show bank box

in their Brooks Brothers suits

Hey-yeah! Dangling
people by their balls

sucking back mocha lattes,

walking around like they are
better than the working man like me,

whispering behind my
back. Who needs that, man?

They don't deserve
the steam of your piss.

Are you smoking crack?

No, not right now, why? Do
I sound all over the place?

We've got four DOAs, two more criticals.

Fucking-A, man, when it rains it pours.

- Hello?
- Yeah, okay.

- You got fired, great. When's your last day?
- Tomorrow.

- How did the skank take it when you told her?
- Don't call her a skank.

Yeah, but you knew who I was
talking about, didn't you?

Wow, wow! Lady on fire!

We've got a lady on fire.

Huh... running just feeds the flames.

All right, look, I gotta go, man.

Look, if you wanna continue whining

let's meet at the Schvitz
on Beverly at 6:00.

Now, hang up the phone.

Go tell that fuckstick boss of yours

to take tomorrow's workday
and shove it up his dick!

I have no idea what that means.

He'll fucking know what it means.

This whole thing reminds me of that
big crash up on the Grapevine...

schoolbus and girl scouts,
car carrier, ba-bam!

- Hey, pretty nasty shit, huh?
- Yeah.

Some truck blows a light,
driver's tripping his brains out,

broadsides a minivan full of old
people coming home from church.

Fucking Hiroshima.

Something funny?

No.

I just... I laugh so
I don't cry, you know.

- You better start tagging and bagging.
- All right.

- When your wagon's full, more to come.
- Okay.

It reminds me of a couple of
summers ago up on the Grapevine...

schoolbus and girl scouts. 49 bottles of
beer on the wall, they didn't get to 48.

- I gotta go to work.
- 10-4!

Hey, ooh!

Oh, that's okay. I'm not driving.

And it's not like I'm gonna
kill someone, you know.

Roger that. Do what you have
to, to do what you want to.

Okay,

Hi, where are you from?

Sasquahachie? Wisconsin?!

Here we go.

Eeh-eh, you've got money in
the mattress, son of a bitch.

This, that, those, all right.

Thank you.

Goddamn zipper!

Ooh, Mom!

Shh.

Come on.

I thought so.

Hey there.

Thank you for that.

Tic-Tac in the ear. We've
got a Tic-Tac in the ear.

Take out wrenched ankle.

Got it!

Don't die. Ah!

Will everyone please shut
up? I am trying to think.

Now that is a tragedy.

What kind of pretty
shit is going on here?

There's not... I don't even... dork!

You, harelipped jack off!

You're trying to give me
a fucking triple coronary?

You should have seen your face, Bugsy.

Don't, don't... I told
you not to call me that.

- Okay.
- It's Buck, not Bugsy. Buck!

It's Buck, not Bugsy.
Buck! That was good.

That was a dandy. Holy heifer shit,
you filled your drawers with that one.

Don't let that one off, Bugsy.

You are lucky I didn't blow
a fucking hole in your face.

With what? You've never
even shot no BB gun, Bugsy.

You think you're Bugsy Siegel now?

Hey, Buggy, Bugsy
Siegel, Bugsy Bang-bang?

- Bang-bang Bugsy, you've got
a te... - Hey, little mind.

Turn it down, okay?

Ow!

And don't... God!

Pretty sweet haul, uh? Anything good?

The usual.

Nice doing business with you.

Hey, you want a little dead man derby?

I've got some new
faces, double your money.

I'm not playing that
sick game. You sick fuck.

"Oh, judge not, lest ye be judged. "

Ezekiel 2. I want the
pick of the litter.

Since when? You got
paid. Don't be a jack.

Lots of bodies, lots of loot, I
want the pick of the litter, Bugsy.

Yeah and I want to tit-fuck Liz
Hurley. Life is full of disappointments.

Hey, Officer, could I get some help
out here? I've got a little problem.

Yeah, pick
of the litter, cool.

- It's fine.
- Yeah, shut up.

Today, Jethro.

Before any more of your teeth fall out.

You banjo-strumming Deliverance reject.

- I got it.
- Yeah, that's a woman's ring.

I know. I'm thinking
about getting engaged.

Oh, yeah? How is your sister?

She's good. She told
me to give you this.

Freak, fucker!

Where are you going?

See that girl on the
back of Big Pumpkins?

I'm gonna comb her hair,
make her look real pretty.

Yeah, that's not creepy at all.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Crabtree,
but the bank won't approve it.

How can they not approve my loan?

I've never missed a payment
in my life, Mr. Walsh.

Unfortunately, your husband's
bad credit makes you a loan risk.

And this bank's policy states
that the spouse of the deceased

is responsible for the
payments of the loan.

Now, off the record,

I think that
policy is S-H-I-T.

I tell you what, Mrs. Crabtree,

I'll download your files again

and see if I can come up with
some way to get around it.

Oh, I really appreciate this, Mr. Walsh.

What's wrong with your face?

Jacob.

I got burned.

- Did it hurt?
- You bet it did.

That's what happens when
you play with matches, Jacob.

I can't thank you enough
for this, Mr. Walsh.

- Thanks, mister.
- No problem.

I tell you what, Martha, there is
part of this job I am not gonna miss.

How can you help that woman?
Tomorrow is your last day.

I'll think of something.

Hey, David.

You wanna grab a drink later
and talk about all this?

That's really sweet, Wendy,

but grabbing a drink didn't make
my list of things to do for tonight.

Okay? Thanks though.

Am I on the list for tomorrow?

I'm sorry, yeah.

When was the last time you flossed?

Like a month ago.

Was it a month ago or like a month ago?

Huh... like a month ago.

All right, next time
you come to the office

we'll do a cap and clean.
When can you do that?

As soon as you get your license back.

They took away my license,
not my abilities as a dentist.

That's just a piece of paper.

'Cause you know, I was
looking at those X-rays,

and you need a root
canal very seriously.

- You want...
- Yeah.

You mind keeping it down? I don't
want the entire world to know

that I've got a dental plan
with an unlicensed dentist.

Hell, God!

Marianne, hey, good
luck with the back acne.

Hey, woo-ooh!

Is it hot here or is it just me?

You know we've got
lockers here. You could...

Yeah and you know what
else they have? Thieves.

Say, d'you think I'm freeballing
it on these meat slabs

after half of LA's open ass cracks

have been sitting in here self-basting?

Not on my clock, neat freak.

Hi, you're writing a book about my cock?

If not, you wanna quit with
your eyeballing, Boitano.

Don't start, please.

You're an asshole.

Yes and I'm sure that's
all I'll ever be to you.

Guys are touchier than chicks.

Jack, you know Eric's gay.

Yeah, he is here, he's queer.

I'm used to it. I have
no problem with queers.

Well, the community is gonna be
so thrilled to hear that, Jack.

I mean it. I mean, sucking dicks

when chicks do it, I not only
applaud, I wanna watch it.

I got... I got three-hour pornos

with nothing but wall
to wall balls to jaws.

But when I think about chowing down

on some other guy's
wrinkled Mr. Lincoln...

Jack, are you a cartoon character?

I mean, does someone come to your house
every morning and draw you on an easel?

- Don't encourage him.
- Is that how? Explain this to me...

- Don't encourage him...
- I...

Hey, Sleek.

I got you a watch.

Wow! This is nice.

- Do you get it from me?
- Get what?

Exactly!

Here's to unemployment!

You're done tomorrow, eh?

Iceman's a cracker. That
is not a lot of notice.

I was planning on telling Sara tonight.

- Her parents came to town. We're having dinner.
- Agh.

Not exactly the best time
to tell her I'm out of a job.

What? That's the perfect time!

Out in public with her parents?

You couldn't have
planned that better, man.

Wow! When you tell her, she's gonna snap

and want to get all up in your shit.

But she won't be able
to. She'll implode, man!

I say, light the fuse, step
back and watch the fireworks.

Fuck, I wish I could see that.

- Hey, how many of those have you had?
- Wha... wait, wait,

You might want to think
about cutting back.

He sucks dicks, you ribbing
me about a few beers?

Okay, that's it, all right?
That's enough, I have to go.

Sorry, gotta go.

I just cannot sit here listening
to this putdown man any longer.

As much as I would love to stay,

I just... you know I think I need to
go and get something in my stomach.

Yeah, I bet with all this ball talk
you've worked up quite an appetite.

- Ass face!
- Hell.

Oh, just remember what we
talked about, all right?

I've got your X-rays and you can pay
me when you can pay me, all right?

- Good luck tomorrow.
- Thanks.

You wanna talk about this
whole Sara-bank situation?

No, I just want to relax.

You've ever watched
figure-skating, man?

Please, don't talk.
I've got a lot on my mind

I mean I didn't do the
sushi, but Michelle Kwan...

What are you doing? Can't we
just sit here and not talk?

Could we do that? Let's try and do that.

I'd suck sake out of her ass
in front of my grandmother.

Reverend Goodwin, good to see you, sir.

- How are you?
- I'm doing all right.

- Wonderful. Mrs. Goodwin, you look lovely as usual.
- Thank you, David.

- Hi, babe.
- Hi, David.

Excuse me, could we get somebody over
here to clear this table for us, please?

Absolutely, one minute.

I was excited to hear that you were in
town. How long are you gonna be here?

- Through the weekend.
- The weekend... right.

- Where are you staying?
- At the house.

- At the house?
- Yeah, I thought that they would take our bed

and I would sleep on the couch.

That won't be enough room
for both of us on that couch.

- That's what I'd like to talk to you about, David.
- Okay.

- Here you go, sir.
- Thank you, Paulo.

Thank you, sir,
have a wonderful evening.

- Thank you.
- Did you guys already eat?

Yeah, we had reservation for 6:00.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
I thought you said 7:30.

I did.

David, we have to talk.

Okay, there are a few things
that I need to say to you.

Do you mind if we do it
after your parents leave?

I mean, they drove all
day, they've already eaten.

No point of their sticking around
while the two of us yam it up.

Baby...

Am I missing something here?

Sara has something to tell you.

Go ahead,
Sara, read the letter.

- What letter?
- This letter.

Because I get so emotional
when I talk about my feelings,

my parents suggested that I
put my feelings down on paper.

Dear David,

When I first met you, I felt like
all my prayers had been answered.

You showed up in my life at a
time when I really needed someone.

It was as if the Lord Our
Savior himself parted the clouds,

placed us together.

You are my knight in shining armor.

Sexually, you spread me open

in a way that had been
closed for so long.

You're sure you can't
wait till later for this?

Read your letter, darling.

When you asked me to marry
you, my world was complete.

From our first night together, all I
could think about was making love to you.

Here, sweetie.

Thank you, Mom.

I'd be walking down the
aisle of a grocery store,

and just start fantasizing
about making love,

always waiting for the next time
that you would be inside of me.

But all of that changed in one moment.

That's fine, that's fine. So
you're here for the weekend?

That's great. Uh... who wants dessert?

Dessert would be good.

Uh, can we smoke in here?

David, I found these in your
jacket's pocket and they're not mine.

Are you sure?

They look... they look like yours.

You know good and damn
well they're not mine.

I don't like anything riding up my ass.

Well, we know they're not mine.

Whose are they, David?

Who is she?

You don't honestly think that I...

Look, Sara... we'll
talk about this later.

But I am not gonna sit
here, in this restaurant

and have this absurd conversation
after the day I've had.

Not to change the subject or
anything, but I was fired today.

Oh, poor you. What a
big fucking surprise.

- You evil little prick.
- I'm sure you deserved it.

- Can I have a vodka tonic?
- Absolutely.

- Thanks.
- Lime?

Please.

What? She is the one
with the booze jones.

David.

Look, Sara, can we
talk about this later?

No, we can't just discuss this, David,

because everything that you
said is a lie. Everything!

- That's not true.
- I really thought that you were different, David.

But you're not. You're not.
You're just a lying piece of shit.

And I never, ever, want
to see your face again.

Women!

You can lie to Sara.

And you can lie to me.

But you can't lie to Him.

He sees everything.

May you burn in hell for what
you've done to my daughter.

If I were a man of the cloth, I'd
torch you in your bed while you sleep.

- Here we go, sir.
- Thank you.

Sir?

Take it.

Where are you?

Thomas Jefferson,
Monticello, Little Mountain.

God damn it!

God damn it!

Let's go, man, "I'm tired of this.

Chicken, wait! Chicken! Wait, wait.

Wait! I'll see your
50 and I raise you 50.

- You're on.
- All right

What TV show broke ground by
having a Mongoloid in the lead role?

"Life Goes On," Corky Thatcher.
Your retard with a dream.

Fuck! Fuck, man, fuck!

What, you've been watching
"Mexican Jeopardy"?

Hey, we're Guatemalans,
homie, Guatemalans.

Yeah, Chicken, there's a difference.

When are you gonna learn, Otto? Huh?

Can't you see this dumbfuck Ruben

is like a walking encyclopedia
of useless knowledge?

Huh? I make money with
this guy everywhere I go.

You're too easy, Doc.

Man, hey, by the way,
you still owe us big cash.

Don't keep us waiting, we hate that.

All right? Ciudate, cabron!

Yeah, you know where you can find me.

Vaya con Dios, fagamos.

So you got family here?

My mom.

- She's in Chowchilla prison up north.
- Ah.

When I was eight, she stabbed
my dad with a butcher knife.

- Wow!
- She caught him in the basement

going down on the babysitter.

- Uh-oh! - It was
Christmas Eve 1982.

Blood was all over the
tree and the presents.

Just totally ruined everything.

Oh, boy!

She stabbed him 43 times.
Almost all in the face.

Oh, ouch!

He died when I was 16.
He had prostate cancer.

You know, up in his butt?

Sorry about that.

My mom said that the cancer was his
karma for diddling our babysitter.

She was 14. You know,
I think it was worse

because she was his
niece, my cousin Darlene.

- Darlene?
- It's not like he raped her or anything.

I mean, she was high like 24/7.

Plus she probably sucked off
half the dads in Bakersfield.

Yeah, probably.

I mean, it's strange
because I love my dad.

But I seriously think it's fucked
up the way I interact with men.

So you're dating anyone?

You wanna go again? It gets better.

Better than a Christmas
homicide with a kitchen knife?

I don't think so.

Eh, eh, here...

here's a tip for a good girl.

Oh, my God, it's gorgeous.

Yeah, right here. Now,
run along to recess.

Ow!

Holy shit! You made it.

My God, the fart locker on that
little princess is killing me.

Sara found one of Wendy's
thongs in my jacket pocket.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Was it ugly?

It's over. The wedding's off.

You have had the perfect bad day.

You should have seen
the look on her face.

She was really hurt.

Of course, she's hurt, Dr. Jekyll.

Mr. Hyde's been power-spanking
the blonde from the bank.

Wendy doesn't mean anything to me.

Yet Sara does?

Why is it so impossible for you
to realize that I might be in love?

Because, uh... love is like Bigfoot.

It's a myth people like to believe in.

It turns out to be bullshit when
held up to scientific scrutiny.

This gonna be one of your long ones?

Love is a con women came up with

trying to explain the chemical
reaction in men's brains

that make us physiologically
unable to stay with them forever.

Men and women's
brains are different.

Perfect example... I'm banging a chick,

I deliver the payload.

That's all right. What happens?

Roll over and fall asleep. Why?

- Bourbon and Quaaludes?
- Wrong.

See, man's brain shoots him

a natural tranquilizer when he gets off.

Tryptophan. Sedative.

You can't help but roll
over and fall asleep.

Chicks hate us for it anyway,
because they're the exact opposite.

When they come...

Shh.

They wanna chit-chat, cuddle.

Feng-shui the goddamn
living room, why? Oxytocin.

- Oxytocin?
- Oxytocin. It's a bonding chemical.

It's a natural stimulant. Gets
them high as a Japanese kite.

You know what the fucked-up part is?

The longer they stay with the same
guy, the more secure they feel.

The more secure, the
more the brain squirts.

The more the brain squirts,
the more of a habit they have.

It's nature's way of getting chicks
hooked on their own snatch smack.

When did Hustler add a science section?

Love is just a chick's
menstrual hallucination

brought on by tragic side-effects
from natural selection.

Ant that is why you are not now,

nor will you ever be in love.

It's Bigfoot.

Bigfoot, uh?

Thanks, I'll keep it in mind.

Dude.

Hey, I take my hat off to
you. You're a big-picture guy.

There's no doubt about that.

I mean, you get the bank job.
You move to Galleriaville.

You get the house, the
suit, the slick car.

The beauty of an angle. It's total
bullshit. It's still beautiful.

I guess it's just, just one glitch...

you just had to have a full-time broad.

I mean, wake up, man. You
are not in love with Sara.

- Will you stop fucking saying that?
- Stop fucking Wendy.

You think about it. You
wanted her to find that thong,

so that she'd break up with you
before you had to break up with her.

You're just pissed off because you
know that everything I say is true.

- It was at first.
- Yeah.

The day Sara moved in, I wondered
how long it'd be until I moved out.

I didn't give us a month.

Living the same deal over
and over again, that's not me.

I can't just fuck one girl.

So I screwed Wendy right in queue.

First time in my life
I feel guilty about it.

I'm in love with Sara.

Dude, you are all over the place.

I don't know if you're lying to
me, yourself, or the both of us.

God!

I've never felt anything
close to this good.

One morning, I woke up and she's
lying there next to me smiling,

watching me while I sleep.

And it hit me.

It's not the house, the money, the job.

It's me.

She loves me.

How much of her Kool-Aid did you drink?

Do you think she would look twice
at you and that fucked-up face

if you were flipping Jumbo Jacks?

Oh eh, who's the hot
guy with the burn scars

working the French fry
machine? Give me a break, man.

Oh yeah, did you forget
about the freak show, uh?

Right here. Forget about that? Huh?

You have no idea who I am.

God!

Okay,

Hey, let's say you patch everything
up, okay? She forgives you.

Forget about Wendy, forget about me,

forget about the bank bullshit,
forget everything, okay?

It's just you and her and everything
is right in fucking Whoville.

If you marry her and you don't
dance exactly the tune she's playing,

she will trade you
in for a better model.

Trust me. You fucked her
before she could fuck you.

You did what you had to do.

It's over. God!

Accept the fact that
you are dead to her.

Promise me that you will not go home.

I couldn't, even if I wanted to.

Dude.

All right, look, just get
a room at the Paradise,

a 12-pack, call it a night.

Tomorrow morning, you're gonna get up,

you're gonna walk into that
ass-wipe bank, take your pay.

Tomorrow night you and
I will be celebrating.

You'll have your life back again.

Is that what you call what you've got?

You just gave a dead woman's bracelet

to an 18-year-old stripper who's
gonna fuck you in the parking lot

while you snort crank
off a hunting knife.

And your point is?

Do not go home!

Out of my office...

What are you looking at?

Yeah, pretend like you
didn't hear us, buddy.

Excuse me?

"Excuse me?" I'll fucking excuse you.

Excuse my foot up your ass.

David, I promise

that in our next lifetime together

that I will look for you harder

and find you sooner

and I will not waste so much
time with all the others.

- Uh?
- How is it going?

Good. You?

Okay, I guess.

Good.

Now that we've got that out of
the way, what can I do for you?

Jack thought you might
like some company.

He did, huh?

How thoughtful.

I'm Whisper.

Hi, I'm David.

I'm already paid for
and I'm really clean.

Aren't we all?

And she and her mom storm
out of the restaurant

leaving me sitting there with her dad.

What a nightmare!

You're having a bad day.

I can't believe her parents
were there when she did that.

- That's so weird.
- It is, isn't it?

Do you want a blow-job or something?

I'm good, thanks.

Do you wanna fuck?

That's really sweet, but I
don't think it's a good idea.

You can jerk off on my tits if you want.

You know, as much as I'd love to,

I think I'm gonna pass.

- Whisper? Do you have a boyfriend?
- Yeah.

What would you do if you...

what would you do if he was
having sex with another girl?

- Play with her tits?
- And you're not there.

Oh.

Yeah, you found out that he was
cheating on you with another woman.

Would you want him to
explain to you why he did it?

Or would you... would you even care?

Well, is he in love with the girl?

- Does it matter?
- I think so.

I mean, I'd rather my boyfriend
fuck some girl behind my back

and be in love with me

because if he's fucking
me and is in love with her,

then that's almost worse.

Fucking is something you do,
but loving is something you feel.

To me, that's totally
different. Know what I mean?

Yeah.

What's your boyfriend's name?

- Dennis Trent.
- So he has two first names.

- So?
- It was just an observation.

- Are you in love with Dennis Trent?
- Absolutely.

Are you in love with Sara?

Yeah, I think I am.

So how'd you get burned?

I was about 16 years old and I was...

I was helping a buddy of mine

siphon gas out of my old man's car.

And he put the hose in too far,

the gasoline shot up into his mouth

and he spit it out all over me.

And I'm standing there
with a cigarette in one hand

and a gas can in the other.

Me and that car went up like that.
Woke up the whole neighborhood.

Next thing you know, my old man comes
running out of the house screaming.

Oh, my God! Your poor dad.

Poor Dad! Yeah, he beat my
ass until the ambulance came.

Yeah. That was the last time I saw him.

By the time I got out of the
hospital I was almost 18 years old.

So you didn't finish high school?

I didn't finish much of anything
for about 10 years or so.

I just floated through life pissed
off at the world, just getting by,

getting high, just
making it up as I went.

And then one day,

I saw this guy walking down the street

in the sharpest suit I'd ever seen.

This guy was going somewhere, you know.

And I thought to myself
what does he do for a living?

I bet he's got a great job,

he's got a nice car, a
beautiful wife, nice house.

And I remembered
something my mom told me.

She said "Choose your destiny.

"Decide what you want to be
in life and start being it. "

And so I figured if I
could look like that guy,

if I could act like that guy,

then maybe I could become that guy
and get everything I ever wanted.

So I bought the suit
and I made up this resume

and I walked into North & Wells Bank

and basically lied my way into a job.

And it worked.

And in less than two
years, I had the car.

I had the house. I had it all.

I had become that guy I had
seen walking down the street.

So you did it?

Yeah, I did it.

But I always knew in
the back of my mind...

that it wouldn't last,
because I'm not that guy.

And if I was that guy,

I was just pretending to be that guy.

I'm the guy with the fucked-up face.

- That's who I am.
- You must really hate the guy that spit the gas on you.

You're damn right I do.

But he's the only guy
that came to visit me

when I was in the hospital.

- What's he doing now?
- There's no telling.

Yeah!

- Otto! Oh!
- Yeah!

What the...

Leave us alone this fucking time!

Ow! Man, what are you doing here?

She ain't got no hair down
there at all, does she?

She's all smooth like a fucking candy.

Man, you're scaring
the poor girl. Please.

Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.

Yeah, I bet you say
that to all the girls

just before you throw their
lifeless bodies into the lake.

- Will you...
- Otto?

- What do you want?
- Dead man derby.

Dead man derby. You want to make
some fucking money tonight or what?

- Are you kidding me?
- This Sills guy's got brain cancer.

He's got a metal tube poked in his head.

In his fucking head, man.

I'll give you Jimmy
Riggs. I'll throw in Sills.

That's a two-to-one shot. Puking
up blood like he's Old Faithful.

He ain't going to make it,
so place your fucking bets.

Bet money on terminal cases?

Even Manson would call
bullshit on this freak show!

Get out of here! God!

Free country.

- Love it or leave it.
- Freak!

Hello?

Hey.

David, it's late. What do you want?

I just want to apologize. I fucked up.

Is that it?

I just want you to know,

if I never see you again...

that every time I said I loved you...

I meant it.

I've got to go.

David, don't hang up.

David.

Why is he doing this?

You asshole.

How dare you call me
and give me that shit

and then hang up? Oh good.

Good, you've got a gun.

I'm sorry, Sara.

- I really do love you...
- Do not say you love me, David.

Don't! Okay?

Hell, you disgust me.
Because I loved you, David.

I did.

I don't know why I did, but yeah, I did.

So what, you had a shitty
fucking day? Guess what? So did I!

Today I found out that my fianc�

was fucking my maid of honor!

Did you want to fuck Wendy last
night at our engagement party?

Huh? Did you want to fuck her on
our bed? Would that turn you on?

- How did you know it was Wendy?
- Come on.

You'd have to be blind not
to know what was going on.

I know everything.

- I messed up.
- Yeah, you did.

You don't even know how bad.

- What do you want me to say?
- Did you think I wouldn't find out?

Did you think I'm that fucking stupid?

I never thought you were stupid.

If you want to sit in this
room and put a gun in your mouth

and get all dramatic, go ahead.

You and I both know
you won't kill yourself.

You know what?

I don't feel sorry for you or
feel guilty about your feelings,

because I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you for
what you've done to me!

You believe me?

I hope you get what you deserve.

- Hello?
- Hey. Where are you?

Right now I'm just
sitting in my car. Why?

Well, for what it's worth,

she knows about us.
She knows it was you.

"Dear Sara... "

Oh no, she took my goddamn car.

Whisper, I guess you
fucked me after all.

Every
day, some faceless knob

walks out in front of a bus and buys it.

They call it fate, God's will.

That particular John Doe spent
his whole life eating his peas,

studying his algebra,
saving for his 401K,

blah blah blah.

All that to wind up a brown stain

on the windshield of a 10-ton city bus,

to be remembered as the poor schmuck

that got hit by a bus.

God kills true believers
and kind souls every day

and gets a free pass
from the entire world,

all because people think
his murder and mayhem

is part of some divine plan.

Well, fuck that!

I've got a divine plan and
it's just as good as God's.

Nobody has the first clue
why God wastes people.

But today,

everyone is going to know why I did.

- Good morning, David.
- Not really, Hank.

I've seen better.

Hi, Dave.

- Good morning, David.
- Mrs. Chapman.

- Could I talk to you for a second?
- Of course, David.

I always have time for a
sweet young man like you.

All right, thought for the day:

Dial it down on the makeup a bit.

When you sweat, you look
like a cheap, nasty whore.

Freaks us out!

Have a good one!

Morning, Dave. How are you doing today?

I'm hanging over the abyss
by a fucking thread, Kenny.

But other than that,
everything is super-duper!

- Rough night, David?
- Go home, Martha.

- What?
- Go home.

You're nine months
pregnant, for God's sake.

It's bullshit that they
won't give you time off.

I'd really love to,

but I don't want to lose my job.

The safety of your job

or the safety of your unborn child?

Interesting question to ponder.

Let me see if I can
help you with this one.

Your water pops, you snap into a
quick fit of labor and pass out,

falling on your stomach,
crushing your child

right here in this break
room with nobody around!

You'll be lying here
like a goddamn squash.

Listen to me, Martha.

You really don't need to be here.

Go home.

Nice suit.

It's a good look for you.

How come I can't access my files?

Well...

only bank employees

can access bank files.

Judy! Conference room, now!

Marilyn, excuse me.

Quick question for you.

Think about it,

'cause how grateful would you be

if this was your desk?

Oh, uh.

I know what you're saying.

All right.

Good morning, Mrs. Crabtree.

That's not good.

There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe.

She had so much money...

She didn't know what to do.

Thank you for banking at North & Wells.

Have a nice life.

Hey. Have you seen David this morning?

Yeah. He looks awful.

He was acting really weird, too.

What do you mean? Where is he?

I don't know. It was scary.

What in the hell is going on in here?!

Bill!

Good of you to drop by.

I was just pissing on your grandfather.

Please come in.

Have a seat. I don't
want to cause a scene.

Tits on a taco.

It's hot out there.

My grandmother...

she loved the heat of summer.

I personally don't care much for it.

And I fucking hated
her. Don't get me going.

Give me a cool breeze, a nip in the air,

a hot cup of cocoa,

and I'm happy as a dog licking a nut.

You know my first name? Huh?

It's Charles.

Charles David Walsh.

But you know what? Why
don't you call me Chuck?

Allen's your first name, right?

But why don't I go
ahead and call you Al?

I've been working here for two years,

and you don't even know my first name.

- Am I supposed to be scared?
- Let me finish!

Don't be rude!

I sat here yesterday and listened

to all the bullshit dribbling
out of your fucking pie hole!

So, come on!

Give a girl a break.

Where was I?

Oh yeah! Names.

Lee Harvey Oswald, James
Earl Ray, John Wilkes Booth.

What do they all have in common, Al?

Two things.

They all killed people.

And they all went by their full name.

Mark David Chapman shot John Lennon

right outside his front door.

No Yoko. John.

- Tell me the world's a fair place.
- It's not.

And try to remember that
while your ass bleeds

as you're being passed from nigger
to wop in the showers at San Quentin.

Go on.

You don't have the balls.

You know, you're
dancing on my last nerve,

and I hate dancing.

You sure I don't have the balls, I'm
a loser and I don't have what it takes?

All I got to do is pull the
trigger and blow the brains

out of the back of your fucking head!

Simple. See how that works?

You're ready to be the weakest
link in this bank chain.

You're dead. Period. Deal with it!

Just like I said, a gutless loser.

Gartin and
I agree on one thing...

life isn't fair.

If it was, he'd be dead.

Some people would say
it wasn't his time,

that I was here with a
gun for some other reason,

that I was the instrument
of some greater good.

You want to believe that? Be my guest.

I say the only cosmic truth

proven by this fucked-up trip is,

just when you think things
can't get any weirder,

they do.

I'm not gonna say it
again! Everyone on the floor now!

I'm not gonna say it
again! Everyone on the floor now!

All right, here we go! Let's buckle up.

Let's go, let's go! We gotta move!

We're on the clock! Move!

- No!
- Come here!

Get your bitch ass up!

- Security code now!
- I'm not allowed to.

Blow his fucking face off!

Hank! Give him the code!

- 8-1-9-0-1.
- Go!

8-1-9-0-1.

Sit the fuck down!

You move, motherfucker! Let's go!

You! Yeah, yeah, let's go!

- Get up!
- Down!

- Move, you piece of shit!
- All right!

Oh ha!

Move!

- What the fuck?!
- Please don't shoot me.

- Keycard to the vault, now!
- I don't have it.

- Fuck!
- Here's one.

- Gracias.
- Yeah.

Stay on that fucking
couch! Don't fucking move!

You ready to die? Huh?

I'll blow all your fucking heads
off right here. I don't give a fuck.

Don't look at me!

Stupid bitch!

Let's go, let's go! We gotta move!

We are through fucking around!

Does anyone else want to get shot?

David!

Come on, come on. Come on!

Come on, guys, time's up! Let's go now!

Everybody, fucking relax!

Shut the fuck up!

Go, go, go!

Let's go, motherfuckers! Let's go!

- Come on, you stupid whore! Let's go!
- Hey, leave her...

- What are you doing? Let's go!
- Load the van!

- In the van now! We're good.
- Move, bitch!

- Get off me!
- Move!

Shut the fuck up, bitch!

Come here.

- David!
- Drive, motherfucker, drive!

- Ready?
- This is silly, this is very silly.

Oh my God!

Lord in Heaven!

- You want to get that?
- Together.

Make it look like you like
each other. Oh, that's...

We have confirmation from the lab

on David's remains, Ms. Goodwin.

It's a positive ID.

I hate to be so forward, but
I have a couple more questions.

No, I understand.

So he never came home from the
motel after the last night, right?

Yes, um...

I left him at the hotel
around 3:00 in the morning.

Was he drinking or...?

No.

Did he give you any indication
that he intended to...

I broke off our engagement.

I didn't know that he
had gotten fired that day.

I guess it just...

it was just too much for him to handle.

Call us if you need anything, okay?

He saved the life of
a fellow bank employee.

Those of us that knew David...

it's just... you would never ever
expect him to do something like this.

And we don't really know what happened,

but I do know that he saved lives today.

Metro Police received a
major break in the case

when firefighters responding to a blaze

at this chemical storage
warehouse in West Covina

discovered a burned-out van.

At this hour, the LA
County Medical Examiner

has positively identified the human
remains discovered in that vehicle

as those of unlikely
hero Charles David Walsh.

- While a massive investiga...
- What the fuck!

This is... I can't believe this.

This is...

every station... It's hero, hero, hero.

There's nothing about the
robbery. This is such bullshit.

You've been harping
on that for three days.

When are you gonna quit bitching?

Two years you've been busting my
balls on every detail of this plan.

And everything I said
would happen happened...

right down to that stupid
newswoman calling me a hero.

And I wrapped it up with a
nice bow for the cops too.

I'm dead, you're invisible.

We got $9 million and
nobody's even looking for us.

So for the last time, shut the fuck up.

- And so say all of us.
- You know what? I've had enough of your shit too.

I've had it with both of you.

Finish loading your shit and get out.

You need to keep it down. I
can hear you in the other room.

Why don't you put it in my bank review?

Oh, well, maybe I will.

Ah, not so hard. I'm still sore.

That's bullshit, honey.

I thought bulletproof vests
were supposed to be bulletproof.

- Why didn't you use blanks?
- That's what I told him.

- Here.
- We all got to relax,

pack up and go our separate ways.

Oh, Chicken does such good work.

I look so thin.

- Hey, Jack?
- Yes, Eric.

Is Chicken still breathing?

Uh, Chicken, are you still breathing?

Not anymore.

I liked him. Why did you kill him?

It was part of the plan. You knew that.

Mm-hmm, well, thanks
for thinking of me.

If you need anymore dental
work done in the future...

Hey, "Crying Game," a
root canal is dental work.

All you did was X-ray
the teeth of a corpse.

Well, Jack, let's review what I did.

I provided the police with
fake dental records for our hero

that matched the poor schmuck
we burnt up in the van.

The van that I drove.

And, I feigned mental retardation.

Oh, no, that was you, wasn't it? Oh,
God, you were feigning, weren't you?

I'm sorry, I didn't know. I had no idea.

Oh, nice bag.

Oh, that? Oh, thanks, that was a gift.

So where are you headed, Miss Thang?

Oh, well, uh... my office
is still closed today

so I thought I would go over
there and stash my winnings.

Aah.

This is the part I hate, the goodbyes.

Oh, I feel just like Dorothy leaving Oz.

You know, I'm gonna miss
you the most, Scarecrow.

All right.

- You take care of yourself, okay?
- I will. You do the same.

Right.

Oh, uh... Jack!

I'm thinking of a number
between one and 10.

- Uh... six.
- Oh, so close.

It was go fuck yourself.

Thank you, my lady.

God!

Well, I gotta get going.

I gotta get back to my
place, take a shower.

We reopen today and I have
to see a grief counselor.

Let's go through this one more time,
make sure we're all on the same page.

So you're gonna go back to work
for two more months, and then...

Right, um...

I just... I can't work here anymore.

I need to get away. I need to...

just go someplace else.

I've had nightmares every
night since the robbery.

And I just want to
put this all behind me.

I just want to start a new life.

Something like that.

That's good. She's good.

- She's great.
- All right.

Well, listen, I won't see
you guys for a while, so...

try to stay out of trouble.

And Jack, will you keep
an eye on him for me?

- I will.
- Okay.

Hey, I don't want to
get all sappy and shit.

But you did a good job.

Thanks, Jack.

Uh, my real name is Wyatt,

so you can call me that.

Okay. Thanks, Wyatt.

Hey, take care of yourself, sweetheart.

I will if you will. All right, asshole.

Take care of that arm and my money

and I will see you before you know it.

- I can't wait.
- I love you. You believe me?

Believe you.

Okay.

- I'll see you when I see you.
- Yeah.

God damn!

The ass on that girl.

You know I hate to see her go,

but I love to watch her leave.

Let's split up her share and get the
fuck out of here. We got a plane to catch.

You have ice-cold piss
running through your veins.

What... how can you walk
away from a woman like that?

Easily.

All right, big time, I'm
gonna pull my car around.

You finish packing here.

Something wrong?

We did it. You and me,
man, we pulled it off.

Fucking-A!

Listen, I'm sorry about freaking
out there toward the end.

You know, I hate to admit
it, but you were right.

- I got caught up. I thought I was in love.
- Whatever.

Here. Fuck Sara, and fuck Wendy!

I couldn't have done it without you.

- Hey.
- Thanks, Wyatt.

You were a little
stupid there for a while.

She was cute, there's
no doubt about that.

But, I mean, give me a fucking break.

Fuck, man, you're an artist.

Shit, man, I owe you.

- No, you don't. You don't owe me.
- Yep, you faced...

I mean, I still, like...

I don't know, I feel like... bad.

I'm sorry. You know I feel sorry...
I'm sorry about that, right?

Yeah.

- Let it go.
- All right.

Yeah, you're right. You
are right. I'll let it go.

I just mean, I don't know...

I feel like I should
thank you, you know.

And not just... not just for the cash.

I mean, I feel like... fuck! You're
the only real friend I've got...

Oh... now you're quiet.

What?

No big speech about how
you didn't see this coming?

You burned me.

Now I burn you.

The Coke machine only had Sprite.

Cool.

Well, the sooner we get
out of here, the better.

Hey, Wyatt, how is it hanging?

How much do you think housekeeping
gets to clean a room like this?

Well, not enough, that's for sure.

Can you imagine the look on the
maid's face when she comes in here

and finds all you guys dead?

I guess
I should be disappointed

with the way things turned out.

But what're you gonna do?

If you want to play the game

and someone plays it better than you,

you've got to give it up to them.

Live and learn. Or not.

At least now I know that everything
in my life was an illusion.

I just didn't know how deep it ran.

The good news is,

I guess I finally achieved
total enlightenment.

The bad news?

I had to take a bullet
in the brain to get it.

As for fate and cosmic justice?

Well, maybe in the end we do
get exactly what we deserve.

Maybe God does have a divine plan.

If he does,

good luck trying to figure it out.

I guess Buddha had it figured right.

Life is the biggest con of them all.

Just when you think you
got every angle figured,

every one played,

the truth is revealed.

And the truth is,

everything you thought
you knew was an illusion.

Everything.

I hate going to the dentist.

I've missed you. Believe me?

I believe you.

Nirvana, baby. Nirvana.

Who cares if it's cloudy or sunny?

I want to show you something real quick.

Could you throw another tray
of Brie puffs in the oven?

Thank you. Bye, Jack.

I'll be in in a second, babe.

I don't feel sorry for you
or guilty about your feelings,

because I fucking hate you.

I fucking hate you for
what you've done to me.

You believe me?

I hope you get what you deserve.

- Hello?
- Where are you?

I'm just sitting in my car. Why?

For what it's
worth, she knows about us.

How could she possibly know it was me?

Asshole.

Dead man derby. You wanna
make some money or what?

I'll give you Jimmy Riggs. He's
puking up blood like he's Old Faithful,

so you need to place your fucking bets.

Raise him up. Put his head here.

- Raise him up!
- No, put his head up here.

Oh. Oh God.

Back off!

Let him do his thing!

Come on.

You should see your face now, Bugsy.

I told you not to call me
that. It's Buck, not Bugsy.

Buck! Bugsy, Bugsy, Bugsy.

Bugsy.

What are you looking at?

Tryptophan!

Believe me?

People see what they want.

Everyone loves a good lie, even me.

Call me crazy. Everyone else will.

But they don't know what I know,

that everything I am is an illusion.

Everything.

Nirvana.

Thought for the day:

Tone it down on the makeup a bit.

When you sweat, you look
like a cheap, Nasty whore.

It freaks us out.

I just hope that my review
shows that I've beenslacking off,

and that's why I should be fired.

That way, when I snap and
threaten to kill the old fucker...

Sasquahachie?

What's the matter,
sunshine, step in some shit?

That I was fucking nuts!

David, I promise

that in our next lifetime together

I will look for you harder,

I will find you sooner

and I will not waste so much time.

That idiot
son-in-law of mine

has been Employee Of
The Month four times.

I wouldn't be surprised if
you get Employee Of The Month.

Sasquahachie?

If I wore a robe to work,

people would think I was fucking nuts.

- How do you sleep at night?
- Usually naked,

on one of the newer, younger employees.

Oh, that explains the
smile on Bob's face.

I'm gonna give you Jimmy
Riggs, give you Jimmy Riggs

"Judge not, lest ye be judged," Bugs.

Ezekiel, chapter two.

Do what you have to

to do what you want to.

Nirvana.

Sasquahachie?

You banjo-strumming Deliverance reject!

Give a girl a break!

Nobody has the first clue
why God wastes people.

But today, everyone's
going to know why I did.

Tryptophan!

People see what they want.

And everyone loves a good lie, even me.

Call me crazy. Everyone else will.

But they don't know what I know,

that everything I am is an illusion.

Everything.

Nirvana.