All language subtitles for vicious.s01e02.720p.hdtv.x264-tla-eng

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.

Oh, I'm so glad you enjoyed your
cruise, Mother.

Yes, you told me all about the
islanders.

Please stop calling them that.

Because we don't use that word any
more.

I'd love to come and see you, but
I've got a cold.

Atchoo! See?

Yea... Actually, I should lie down.

Really, I must be going, I'm very
ill.

I'm hanging up, dear. Stop talking.

Good lord, was that your mother?

Don't tell me she managed to make it
back alive again?

Next time, you should send her
somewhere really exotic,

smother her with a pillow.

How dare you talk about her like
that?

Oh, please! All that money and the
nicest present she ever gave us

was breaking her leg last Christmas.

Well, I never spoke poorly of your
mother.

Well, that's because my mother had
the decency

to know the appropriate time to die.

A characteristic you both don't
share, unfortunately,

although the way you look this
morning,

I'll be surprised if you make it to
teatime. Ooh, bugger.

I've got to look my best.

I've got this fan club screening of
my Doctor Who episode, this week.

What can I do to look younger?

Not go?

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

You've always been jealous of my
success.

It is sad.

I feel sad for you.

You're a poor, sad, invisible,
little man.

I think one of your teeth just fell
out.

I'll get it.

Any time I'm walking away from you,

I can feel the blood start returning
to my veins.

Hello, Ash.

It's Ash.

Our new neighbour.
I hope it's not too early.

Of course not. Freddie, don't stand
so close to the boy.

His breath is nothing to be alarmed
about, Ash,

it's just his insides decaying.

Would you like a cup of tea?

That'd be great, thanks. Ah.

I've got a bit of a problem. Ah?

And... I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Mm.

You remember that girl from back
home I told you I was seeing?

Tracey? Eurgh! Her!

Stupid name.

Yes, of course we remember. How can
we help?

She says she doesn't want to see me
any more,

but I really like her
and I don't know what to do.

She sounds like a complete idiot.

Good riddance, I say.

I never seem to know what girls
want.

Women just want somebody
to make them feel special.

A little kindness goes a long way.

Oh, for Christ's sake, Violet!

Why don't you ever call first?

Er, Ash, you remember our friend,
Violet?

Hi. So nice to see you again, Ash.

Does it make you uncomfortable if I
tell you

the musculature of your chest
reminds me of a cousin from my
youth?

I-It makes me feel
very uncomfortable.

I love how playful you are.

Ash was just telling us about this
drug-addicted slag who's broken his
heart.

She's actually a nurse.

Well, maybe you should try dating
someone a bit older.

Violet, stop turning your head to
flirt.

Your neck keeps cracking.

Ash was asking for advice about
women.

Then, why did he come here?

We don't like those kinds of jokes.

Look, Ash, if this is a girl that
you like,

you should just tell her how you
feel.

Does that really work? Of course.

You need to be direct. Women are
less forthcoming than men.

Is that cotton?

Why are you here, Violet?

Oh, I suppose I thought we could
all spend the day together.

We can't. We're shopping today.

Freddie needs a new coat for his
Doctor Who screening. Ooh!

Apparently, I have been voted the
tenth most popular villain of all
time.

Does something like that even mean
anything?

Er, I dunno.

Of course it means something!

And I don't need a new coat. The one
I've got is perfectly fine.

It's not perfectly fine, you've had
it for ages.

All right, stop spitting.

So which villain did you play?

I don't want to talk about it any
more. Everybody go home!

Why is it all so bright and garish?

It's like walking into Elton John's
dressing room.

I don't like it here. Let's go.

Nonsense, we're getting you a new
coat.

Well, why do I need a new coat?
I just got this, last year.

You did not get that last year.

Well, recently.

Look, here's a ticket stub for...

Lawrence Of Arabia.

Mm, all right, let's go. No. We're
not leaving. Oh...

Well, maybe it was a little longer
than I remembered.

Ah, now, what about this one?

Oh, I like that. Oh, that would be
perfect for the screening.

Everybody who's anybody's
going to be there.

Who exactly? Doctor Who.

Oh, God, has your memory gone now,
too?

Oh, look, that can't be right.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Arsehole.

They make me nervous,

all these young people skittering
about like mice,

desperate to get back onto the
Internet.

Let's just pay for it and go. No.

Actually, I think we can probably
find something better elsewhere.

No, let's go. Oh!

Actually, that works.

You know, when we filmed that Doctor
Who episode,

I never dreamt it would become

one of the most iconic roles of my
career.

Or only.

Well, I think it's quite exciting,
Freddie.

Thank you, Penelope.

Now, is this a television programme
we're talking about, or a book?

It's a television programme. Ah.

What's the matter with you?
How could it be a book?

I'm sorry,
I'm only half-paying attention,

but I got a lot right before this.

You're doing fine, darling.

Freddie's the actor, right,
or is it the other one?

Stuart.

My name is Stuart and we've known
each other for 50 years.

Of course I know your name
S... Stuart.

You're all invited to the screening.
Ooh.

Except you.

It's going to be quite the evening.

Will there be a lot of single men?

It's a science fiction fan club
event.

They'll be single, but they'll be
disgusting.

I have broad tastes, I am over 40.

Oh, are you? Because I thought you
were still 39.

Ooh.

It is rather stressful,
coming here.

Oh, Ash, come in.

Ah. You remember our friend Violet?

And Penelope, of course? Hi.

Stuart, don't just stand there
like a lump, get Ash a drink.

I haven't been offered a drink.

Then get up and get one.

I'll get you a drink, Penelope.

Thank you, S... Stuart?

So, what is it we can do for you,
Ash?

More problems with the ladies?
I'm afraid so.

They are a lot of work.

Men, on the other hand, are simpler.

Take Stuart and me, it's just
fun, fun, fun, all the time.

Isn't that right, Stuart? Yes.

It's like living in Disneyland.

Well, I'm not a lot of work, Ash.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

I hope not.

I just wish I knew
how to win Tracey back.

Didn't you tell her how you felt?

Yes, but she still doesn't want to
see me any more.

What about a gift? Penelope and I
could take you shopping.

That's a great idea. Stuart, what
about some lunch?

No, I can't.
I've... got an appointment.

I'll be gone all day.
Best of luck, Ash.

Where the hell are you going?
I told you, I have an appointment.

If you die before I come home,
I'll say goodbye now.

Are all these girls prostitutes?

No, that's just how they dress. Oh.

Everyone's very proud of their
vaginas now.

In our day,
you never discussed such things.

I've never even seen mine.

Why are we looking for a gift for
Tracey in the men's department?

I thought I might get you
a little something first.

Perhaps a T-shirt, or swimming
trunks...

Oh, I don't know.

Well, we won't know until you start
trying them on, will we?

I like this one.

I'm not sure. Just try it on.

Oh, Violet, look. What is it?

Isn't that... that... Stuart... I was
getting there.

What's he doing, talking to that
man? I've no idea.

Looks like he's flirting.

We'd better go, I don't want him to
see us,

and with such a younger man, too.

Where's his self-respect?

It's way too small. Oh.

Well, let's just get a quick photo,
so we can be certain.

Oh, I just checked on the dog. He's
looking really splendid for 20.

I think I saw his tail move.

He's having a good day. Yes.

Where are you going, all tarted up?

I told you, I'm going to see my
mother.

Tell her I said hello,

and to walk toward the light.

I don't know why you have such a
problem with my mother.

She's always been kind to you.
She sends you birthday cards.

One card on my 30th birthday
and she signed it,

'I think it's time
you found a wife.'

Still, it was thoughtful.

Now, make sure you take Balthazar
outside

and hold him up while he does his
business,

then you can put him back to bed.

Oh, and remember to flip him over
onto the side that still has fur.

All right, I'll remember.

Oh, God. What was I supposed to do?

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs Bixby.

No, this isn't Stuart, this is
Freddie.

Yes, the actor.

Yes, I'm still living here.

Because I'm not looking for a wife.

Anyway, Stuart should be there
shortly.

No?

Isn't he coming to see you?

I see. Oh, I must be mistaken. Would
you excuse me?

Splendid. Catching up, dear.

Horrible, old cow.

Oh, Vi, thank God you're there.
It's Freddie.

You must come over right away.

Oh, hang on. There's somebody at the
door.

Are you always out there? I was just
popping round.

What's wrong? It's Stuart.

I think he's having an affair.

Are you certain? He's been sneaking
around for days,

and now he's lied about where he's
going. Oh, my!

There's just one thing that doesn't
make any sense. What's that?

Who the hell would want to shag
Stuart?

I don't understand. How could Stuart
be seeing another man?

I've been nothing but loving for 48
years.

You might be getting upset over
nothing.

Anyway, I should go.

You just got here. Yes, but I was
looking for Stuart.

Erm, well, he's not here, so...

You're acting very strangely, Vi.

You don't know something, do you?

Of course not. I saw nothing.

Oh. Hi, I was just coming by
to let you know that I got back
together with Tracey.

She loved the gift. I owe you one.
I'll try and remember.

Oh, that's wonderful, Ash.

Is everything OK?

I'm going through
a bit of a personal crisis.

It's nothing I want to talk about.

I guess I should also...

Are you sure you're all right? You
see right through me, Ash.

It's Stuart. I'm afraid he's seeing
somebody else. I don't believe that.

Oh, Ash, you're so young. So naive.

You've no idea what men are like.

Well, I am a man, so
I probably have a bit of an idea.

Mm.

I'm going to have to consider very
carefully how I'm going to handle
this.

You could just talk to him.

I could.

Or I could emotionally torture him
when he gets home

and then follow him next time he
leaves the house.

Yes, I think that's the winner.

Would you like a biccie?

Oh, still alive.

Ooh. Good dog.

Right, you can go back to sleep,
now.

Oh, morning.

I didn't hear you come in, last
night. Oh?

How is your mother?

Oh, fine. She sends her regards.

Does she? Yes.

She got some lovely colour on her
cruise.

Is she a darker shade of grey now?

Well, I must be going.

Actually, I've got a doctor's
appointment.

Do you? Yes. What's wrong with you?

Aside from that visual horror show
your body has become...

I'm just having them check

that my stomach is still strong
enough to stand the sight of you.

I'll be back in time to make it to
your screening.

I'm surprised you even remembered,

considering how many engagements
you've had lately.

I'm suddenly living with Peaches
Geldof.

Do you even know who that is?

No.

Now, if you want, I'll paint your
face on when I come home,

so you'll at least resemble
what you used to look like.

He's just left.

I feel kind of weird about this,
Freddie.

Ash, we helped you get back together
with that drug addict, didn't we?

She's a nurse. So you keep saying,
now hurry, before we lose him.

Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!

I've just got to poke the dog.

Oh, he's still alive.

Good boy.

All right, let's go.

I see you're back again with your
whore.

Violet, what are you doing here? I
followed you.

You followed me? Yes, I'm here to
warn you.

Freddie knows you're having an
affair.

How could you?
They've been together 48 years.

It's been a hideous 48 years, but
it's not for us to judge.

Well...? Answer me. I just want a
suit.

You make me sick.

You're buying him a suit? No, he's
buying a suit.

I work here. Oh!

It really looks quite lovely
on you.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I wanted to buy Freddie a new
coat for his screening tonight,

but we couldn't afford it,

and you know how he needs to feel
that he's the one supporting us.

I didn't want him to know I'd taken
this job.

Oh, Stuart.

Look, there's Stuart, and he's with
some young man.

Wait. Why is Violet with him?

Please don't let her make me try on
Speedos again.

What is Stuart doing?

Freddie must never know.

The important thing is that we let
him keep his dignity. Of course.

Hey, Stu? I need you to clean the
staff room toilet.

Oh, yes, Mr Harrison.

What about your dignity?

Oh, long gone.

Oh, my God.

Stuart's working here and he was too
embarrassed to let me know.

How come? Well, look at me, I have
my career.

He's just a shop girl.

It's clear he's ashamed.

After all,
my opinion means the world to him.

Now, he can never know that I know.

Do you understand? Of course.

I think he's seen us.
What do we do?

Follow my lead.

So it's true!

Freddie, what are you doing here?
What am I doing here?

I'm very innocently buying swimming
trunks for Ash,

when I think it's all too clear what
you're doing.

It is? You're having an affair with
this whore.

Hey!

Oh, sorry. You're getting that a
lot, today.

No, it's not what you think.

I think it's very obvious to
everybody what's going on here.

Wouldn't you say so, Ash?

Not really.

All right, yes, I was considering
having an affair.

I knew it, Jezebel.

Yeah, but I couldn't do it.

I never had any real feelings
for... Gerard Wilkinson.

I hope you can forgive me.

It's going to take a very, very long
time,

and I shall probably lash out at you
in cruel ways, so be prepared,

you stinking pile of turd.

Oh, thank you for being so
understanding.

So Freddie still has absolutely no
idea? None.

He still thinks that
I almost had an affair.

Freddie! Hurry up, dear! We don't
want to be late!

Don't rush me, you cheating slut!

And he's being very decent
about it.

You two have a twisted
relationship, you do know that.

All couples are like this.

You wouldn't understand, because
you're all alone.

Oh, Ash! But I thought you were
bringing your girlfriend...

It actually didn't work out, after
all. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Would you excuse me a moment?

Violet, could you entertain Ash?

You remember our friend, Violet?

I don't understand, Ash. I thought
you were back together.

We were, but then I saw what Stuart
did for Freddie -

taking a job and not letting him
know.

You knew Stuart was working there?

I kind of figured it out.

He did that because he wanted
Freddie to think

he was still able to support them
both.

His acting work isn't as frequent
as it used to be, I'm afraid.

Yeah, I kind of figured that out
too.

You're a little brighter than
I gave you credit for, Ash.

Anyway, it made me realise
I wasn't ready

to make that kind of sacrifice for
Tracey, so I ended it.

I want the kind of love they have,
one day.

Where is that miserable piece of
shit?

I'm right here, you walking corpse.

This is for you.

If your hands can stop shaking long
enough, maybe you can open it.

The coat I wanted!

I thought you could wear it,
tonight.

I am very proud of you.

Tenth most popular villain.

Thank you.

Oh, you look quite dashing.

And you don't look as revolting as
you usually do.

Let's go.

Let me just finish my last sip.

There.

Ash, I thought
you were bringing your girlfriend.

We're not together any more.

Did she take an overdose?

No. She just wasn't the right girl.

Well, it's important you find the
right one,

or you could get stuck with some
useless moron for 1,000 years,
like I did.

God, I hate you.

It's your fault. How is it my fault?

It was last week. You're in charge
of the diary - your fault.

You said it was this week. Well,
I've got a lot going on.

You have nothing going on.

You stay at home all day, eating
chocolates.

You'd think you could remember one
thing.

I'm returning that coat. Good!

I don't want anything from you.

Tea? Yes, please.

Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.