All language subtitles for Vicious.S02E06.HDTV.TLA.en

- sync and corrections by Zac -
www.addic7ed.com

I'm so excited that you're going to
be at my wedding today, Mother!

Now, is there somebody there to help
you get your dress on?

Over your hump?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Yeah, hold on, dear,
I have another call.

It's going to sound as if I'm
hanging up, but I'm not.

I can't believe your mother's going
to be at our wedding.

What do you suppose she'll give us?

Apart from the creeps!

Oh, now, be nice.

You know how much this means to me.

She's been moving a
little slowly lately.

I wonder how we'll get her
down the aisle?

Well perhaps we could shoot her out
of a cannon.

And don't mention the hump.

It's grown another six inches since
the last time we saw her.

Shouldn't you have her checked?

Well, there's really no point.

Everything she's had removed just
keeps growing back.

Hello, darling.

Well, it's here.

My big day.

- You mean, my big day.
- No. Mine. Jasper's back.

- Ja...?
- Jasper.

My husband.

- Oh.
- Oh.

Did he say where he's
been all these months?

No, and it felt rude to ask.

Now just don't try to make this day
all about you, Violet.

No, of course not.
It's our day.

It's my day.

I look forward to
meeting him, Vi.

You did meet him,
at our wedding.

Nobody remembers that.

Is there anything more
I can do to help, Stuart?

Even though I'm
completely knackered.

What exactly is it
that you've done?

Oh, you know, this and that.

Is there a professional coming round
to do your make-up today?

Because you certainly need one.

- Hi.
- Hello, Ash.

I'm excited about your big day.

Oh, ho! Thank you.

Somebody knows whose day it is.

I have some news, Ash.

My husband's back.
And he's extremely jealous.

I can't wait to meet him.

You did meet him,
at our wedding.

You see? It didn't register with
anybody.

- Extremely, insanely jealous, Ash.
- Yeah, I got it.

Is there anything I can do to help
with the wedding today, Stuart?

Would you mind walking my mother
down the aisle?

- It would be my honour.
- Aw!

I know how much it means to you to
have her there.

Thank you, Ash.

I find the easiest way to manoeuvre
her is to steer her by the hump.

Congratulations.

What are you both doing here?

We're here for the wedding.

But it's not for
another nine hours.

I see.

We'll just wait then.

Well, you two really managed to suck
the life out of the room.

Actually, I need
you both to pick up

our wedding cake.
Can you do that?

- Is it paid for?
- Of course it is.

Fine.

Well, it was a
beautiful wedding.

Yes, yes, yes.
Just move it along!

- Do you want to help us, Violet?
- I don't. Thank you, though.

It isn't paid for, is it?
Of course it's not.

Hello. We're here to pick up
a wedding cake for two men.

- If you can believe it.
- Sure, that's Ł250.

We were told it was
already paid for.

- It wasn't.
- Oh, dear.

I'll stand here till I die before
I pay for that cake.

Fine.

I was only going to waste this money
on a pacemaker, anyway.

Oh!

- Where's it going?
- I don't know.

Well, how are we supposed
to get this to the wedding?

I don't really get involved in this
part of it.

Oh, come on, Mason,
it's only a few streets.

You take one end and...

I'll take the other.

- There.
- Oh.

You see? This isn't so bad.

- Not at all.
- Oh, drat.

I think I've got a tiny bit of icing
on my face. Can you see it?

No.

Now I see it.

Hurry, boys! It's almost time to
leave for the ceremony.

Be right down.

Who the hell let you in?

Knock knock!

Oh, you look lovely, Violet.

Please, you cannot flirt with me
like that in front of my husband.

I wasn't flirting.

I'm serious, Ash.
He's very possessive.

He can never know what happened
between us.

Nothing happened between us.

Good. That sounded
very convincing.

You look very dashing, Ash.

You look pretty
handsome yourself.

Violet, what are you wearing?

That is not the
dress we picked out.

I thought this was more playful.

It's white!

Oh, it's furthest thing in the world
from white. It's cream.

It looks like you're getting
married.

That's ridiculous!
Really?

I haven't got time for this. What
about the limo? Is it out front?

Oh, I thought we could take a taxi.

You're a really crap matron of
honour. Do you know that?

Stuart Bixby, you look spiffing!

Thank you, Freddie. So do you!

Thank you. And I've only
one question to ask you.

- Yes, Freddie?
- What the fuck is she wearing?

It's cream!

You look like something out of
a Dickens novel.

- Is that good?
- No.

I think you look great, Violet.

Oh, knock it off with
the compliments, Ash.

It's making me uncomfortable.

We should go. I don't want to keep
Mother waiting.

Oh, this is it, Freddie.

The next time we come back
to this flat,

we'll be married.

Let's just hope they don't marry one
of us to Violet by accident.

Oh, I've just realised something.

- What?
- I've never been to a gay wedding.

- Neither have I.
- Oh, I haven't, either.

I have. They're loads of fun.

And wait till everybody sees
the cake!

How much longer will it be for
the new cake?

I don't know.

They have to bake it, I guess.

Probably takes a while.

At this point I feel it's important
to mention how much I dislike you.

Hello, Mason. I'm here to help you
pick up the cake.

We already picked up...

Oh, never mind.
Thank you for coming.

Shall we give it a go?

All right.

Let's make sure we walk very slowly.

Yes. Of course.

Be careful! Somebody on
a skateboard.

Watch out! A bicycle is coming.

- Oh!
- That was close.

I'm having such deja vu right now.

Well, everything looks lovely,
Stuart.

Oh, thank you. It's really come
together.

- Well, it was a group effort.
- Shut up.

Is Mother here?

Well, I don't see any cloven
footprints.

And the walls aren't dripping with
blood.

So perhaps she hasn't arrived yet.

There she is.

I just looked for the horns!

Hit him again.

- Come on. Shall we go and say hello?
- Oh, do I have to?

Oh, it's our wedding.
Of course you have to.

We have to be courteous to each and
every guest.

- Stuart!
- Not now.

Hello, Mother.

- Hello, Stuart.
- Hello, Mildred. Thank you for coming.

It means a lot to Stuart.

And me.

And may I add that you're looking
simply stunning in...

that.

If I didn't know better,
I'd say you were 90.

Oh, why thank you.

Oh, I'm so happy you're going to see
me get married, Mother.

I know you've had to wait a bit
longer than you'd anticipated.

Well, I just wish I knew anybody who
was still alive,

so I could brag about it.

That means more to me than you know.

Can we step over there for a second?

Are you getting emotional?

No.

I think she farted.

Where's your husband, Violet?
Shouldn't he be here by now?

Well, Jasper tends to be a bit
unpredictable. Sometimes, he's early

and sometimes he disappears for
three months at a time.

We all have our little
eccentricities, I suppose.

Oh, look! Here he comes.

Now, remember, he's
insanely jealous,

so no leering at me
with your bug eyes.

Jasper, darling, over here!

- I need money.
- So romantic.

Is someone going to splurge on
a little gift for their wife?

I'm going to need more than this.

I owe people money,
bad people.

You're so outrageous, darling.

- Come on. I wanna go.
- No, no, no, Jasper, we can't go.

Don't tell me what I can do.

Oi! Give me one of those.

Isn't he a riot?

We always have that rapid fire,

Katharine Hepburn, Spencer Tracy
back and forth, ra-ta-ta-tat.

Oh, where have you two been?

In hell.

Why are you dressed like the bride?

Shouldn't Stuart be wearing that?

They can never know
we joke like that.

Weren't you guys supposed to get
the cake?

And weren't you supposed to be the
one getting married?

Oh, that's right, your
girlfriend dumped you.

Penelope!

So, sorry, sweetheart.

It's been a very stressful day.

We had a bit of an
issue with the cake.

The new one should
arrive in time, though.

- Don't you go anywhere near it.
- I won't.

This is the last dress I own.

If something happens to this one,
I've got no clothes.

Oh, good! You're all here.
We're going to start soon.

- Did you get the cake?
- Yes, you owe me Ł1,000.

Ash, you do know you're walking
Stuart's mother down the aisle?

- I know.
- And are you ready with the rings?

I'm your best man, Freddie,
I wouldn't forget.

No, of course you wouldn't.

I still can't believe you asked him
to be your best man and not me.

Why on earth would I ask
you to be my best man?

- Because I'm your brother!
- So?

Are we almost ready
to get started?

Oh, thank you. Yes. Of course.

Am I marrying the two of you?

No!

No, it's still me and Freddie.

I'm sorry. I got
confused, because...

She's dressed like
a bride. I know.

- But, thank you, darling.
- No, not thank you.

I had no idea this dress
would be such a hit.

It's not.

Are we being married by a woman?

Isn't that a bit non-traditional?

- Well, so is two grooms.
- Point taken.

Well, shall we all take our places?
And I'll go and get Mrs Bixby.

- And, remember, Ash.
- Yeah, I know.

Steer her by the hump!

What are you thinking?

That we know a lot of
unattractive people.

Hello, Mrs Bixby.

I'm here to escort you down
the aisle.

Are you a little gay boy?

No. I'm straight.

I want a little gay boy to walk me
down the aisle.

Fine.

I'm a little gay boy.

Good.

Can I have a hug first?
Well, of course you can.

Ah!

All right?

Are you all done with the hug now?

Mrs Bixby?

Mrs Bixby!

Oh, God! Oh...

Violet!

Violet!

Oh, will you excuse me, darling?

Bring me back cigarettes.

Oh, hello, Mildred.
You look lovely.

- She can't hear you.
- Good. Cos she looks awful.

- Is she sleeping?
- Not exactly.

- Did she pass out?
- You're getting warmer.

- Oh, good Lord! She's not...?
- Please get her off me!

What are you two dawdling for?
We're about to start.

I'm afraid something rather

- unpleasant has happened.
- What?

Oh. Is she farting again?

No. She's dead!

Oh, no. Oh! Oh, God!
Are you sure?

She once fell out of a third-floor
window and got right back up.

I'm 100% sure and if
you don't help get her

off me now I think
I'm going to scream.

So dramatic.

Strange. That's the first time I've
ever touched her.

Urgh!

It feels like she's still on me.

- We're going to have to call somebody.
- No. We can't.

What do you mean?

Well, it's been Stuart's dream
for his mother to see us married.

We'll have to wait till after
the ceremony.

- No, no, we can't do that.
- Why not?

Because it's icky.

Look, we just say that she died a few
minutes later, that's all.

Oh...

Otherwise, it will
break Stuart's heart.

Oh, Freddie, I'm
not sure about this.

We have to do it, Vi. For Stuart.

Well, there's no going back now.

Ash, I thought you were going to walk
my mother down to the front row?

She... really wanted to stay where
she was.

It's true. She was dead-set against
moving.

Well, you know how
stubborn she can be.

She won't budge once she's

- made up her mind.
- That's true.

Stuart, let me just fix your tie.

All right. That's enough.
Get off me.

All right. Come on.
Let's get this thing going.

I believe you both
wrote your own vows.

Oh, yes! I wrote them down and gave
them to Violet to hold.

- Can I have the paper, please?
- Oh, I'm sorry, darling.

I left it on the kitchen counter.

I can see it now - next to the
letters I forgot to post

and a defrosting ham.

As a matron of honour, you have been
absolutely no frigging help at all.

Well, all right. Well, let's just
wing it. I'll go first.

Stuart...

you are the bee's knees.

Now you go.

That was it?

- Yes.
- It was rather abrupt.

All right. Er... Er...

Freddie, 50 years ago,

when I first met -

Thank you. Oh, that was sweet.

Right. Now do your thing.

Frederick Thornhill, do you take this
man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

And, Stuart Bixby, do you take this man
to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

- And now for the rings.
- Hurry up!

We'll do the rings later.

- Just wrap it up.
- Okay, then.

I now pronounce you husband and
husband.

Mwah. Mwah.

Oh!

Ohh!

Are you sure you're all right?

Yes, actually, I'm...

Okay.

I'm just so happy that Mother was able
to see me married before she passed on.

She waited for you.

She did and that
means everything to me.

And she had such a good life.

Well, a long one.

Ash, I think you were the last
person to talk to her.

Can you remember
her final words?

'Are you a little gay boy?'

Aw!

- Seems fitting somehow.
- I'm so glad you're all right.

Yes, I am. Yeah, I really am.

Well, it was a beautiful ceremony.

And seeing two men married

didn't look nearly as weird as
I thought it would.

- Really. Really.
- It did to me.

There you are. Come on.
Let's get out of here.

Oh, let's stay a little longer,
Jasper.

- Oh, that's -
- Oh, that's her husband.

Besides, we haven't
even had cake yet.

Oh, that's right.
Where's the cake, Mason?

It's coming.

I'll let you know as soon as it's
here.

I said, I want to go.

But I still have more maid of honour
duties to fulfill.

- Matron.
- What duties?

You haven't done anything.

Well, it's all been behind the
scenes, darling.

I'm not surprised.
She's pretty useless.

Now come on. We're going.

Hey!

Yeah?

Don't talk to her like that.

And who the bloody hell are you?

I'm her boyfriend.

Oh!

It's here.

At least no-one would say our
wedding was boring.

I can't believe,
after all these years,

- we're husbands.
- I know.

It feels a bit
different, doesn't it?

Yes, it does.

Oh, look. We've forgotten to take
off Balthazar's tiny tuxedo.

There you go.

Those photos are going to look
hilarious.

And, thank God, Violet is finally
going to leave that dreadful man.

She would have been much
better off as a lesbian.

So many of them would, really.

It was extremely chivalrous, the way
Ash defended her. I was very proud.

We're doing a good job with him.

We are.

Do you suppose anything ever
happened between -

I never want to know. It's too
disturbing to even contemplate.

True.

This cake is actually quite tasty.

I'm glad we managed to scrape so much
of it off Penelope.

I even managed to save a bit for
Mother.

Oh, and that reminds me.

I must call her.

Tell her that I'm coming over
tomorrow...

Mother.

It's all right.

I'm here.

I love you.

Come on.

- sync and corrections by Zac -
www.addic7ed.com