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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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00:00:20,684 --> 00:00:24,244
Oh, dear, that sounds
quite worrisome, Mother.
3
00:00:24,286 --> 00:00:26,286
Have you been to a doctor?
4
00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:29,686
Do they know why
your hair is falling out in clumps?
5
00:00:31,286 --> 00:00:34,446
Wasn't there just the one clump left
anyway?
6
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:37,566
Oh, I see. Yes.
7
00:00:37,606 --> 00:00:39,606
Oh, I see!
8
00:00:40,286 --> 00:00:42,286
Yes, I see.
9
00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:45,846
Oh, my God, I just dropped
an entire pot of tea!
10
00:00:45,886 --> 00:00:48,286
It's everywhere.
I'll call you right back.
11
00:00:49,806 --> 00:00:53,006
If you're going to walk around
in a towel again,
12
00:00:53,046 --> 00:00:56,446
I'm going to need at least
24 hours notice to pack a small bag
13
00:00:56,486 --> 00:00:58,486
and check into a hotel.
14
00:00:59,006 --> 00:01:01,766
And how do you propose
I take a shower?
15
00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:03,846
With as much clothing on
as possible.
16
00:01:05,446 --> 00:01:07,446
No-one should have to see you wet.
17
00:01:07,486 --> 00:01:10,566
It was like a shaved squirrel
with hips.
18
00:01:14,126 --> 00:01:19,206
Now, I want you to be brutally
honest. I have an audition tomorrow.
19
00:01:19,766 --> 00:01:21,766
Do you think I can pass for 50?
20
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,886
I'm not even sure you can pass for
alive.
21
00:01:28,966 --> 00:01:30,966
That's Violet.
22
00:01:31,446 --> 00:01:36,046
Hey, she was upset. She had something
she needed to discuss with us.
23
00:01:36,086 --> 00:01:39,886
Poor dear. Just don't let her
sit down. I want her in and out.
24
00:01:41,326 --> 00:01:44,126
Hello, darling.
Do I look terrible?
25
00:01:44,766 --> 00:01:46,886
I've been crying
for two days straight.
26
00:01:46,926 --> 00:01:50,566
That sounds like something you
probably don't want to talk about.
27
00:01:50,926 --> 00:01:54,846
It's an incredibly long
and complicated story, I'm afraid.
28
00:01:55,606 --> 00:01:57,806
Hello, Freddie.
Hello, Vi.
29
00:01:57,846 --> 00:01:59,846
You do look awful.
30
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:03,566
I'm going to need at least three
cups of tea to get through this.
31
00:02:03,606 --> 00:02:06,006
Oh, look, and you're sitting down.
32
00:02:06,646 --> 00:02:09,846
Nicely done!
She's too quick.
33
00:02:09,886 --> 00:02:13,526
Well... he broke up with me.
34
00:02:13,566 --> 00:02:15,926
Who did, dear?
Kristoff.
35
00:02:15,966 --> 00:02:18,486
We didn't even know
you were seeing anybody.
36
00:02:18,526 --> 00:02:21,126
That's because Kristoff swore me
to secrecy.
37
00:02:21,166 --> 00:02:25,806
He lives abroad and would fly me
to Hungary once a month
38
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,246
to do unspeakable things.
39
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,366
Well, he is Hungarian, dear.
40
00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:33,726
It's probably very speakable
over there.
41
00:02:34,846 --> 00:02:37,166
We were even talking about
having a child.
42
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:44,806
They can do incredible things
nowadays in the world of science.
43
00:02:44,846 --> 00:02:48,246
You might also want to consider the
supernatural world.
44
00:02:49,326 --> 00:02:52,526
I don't even think God could
impregnate you at this point.
45
00:02:53,366 --> 00:02:55,366
We were getting very serious,
46
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:57,966
and then I get an email from him
this morning
47
00:02:58,006 --> 00:03:00,046
saying he never wants to see me
again.
48
00:03:00,086 --> 00:03:03,086
You poor thing.
You probably want to be alone.
49
00:03:03,126 --> 00:03:05,926
No, that's just it.
I don't want to be alone.
50
00:03:05,966 --> 00:03:09,566
I want a companion.
I want what you both have.
51
00:03:10,606 --> 00:03:12,606
Well, not that. That's horrific.
52
00:03:13,086 --> 00:03:17,006
But I want something.
Something meaningful.
53
00:03:17,046 --> 00:03:20,566
Then might I suggest that next time
an Eastern European asks you
54
00:03:20,606 --> 00:03:25,006
to perform depraved sex acts,
you politely decline.
55
00:03:25,046 --> 00:03:28,646
That's good advice
for anybody, really.
56
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:33,446
Hi, Ash.
Hi. Is this a bad time?
57
00:03:33,486 --> 00:03:36,326
Of course not. Come in.
Hello, Ash.
58
00:03:36,366 --> 00:03:38,366
You remember our friend Violet.
Hi.
59
00:03:38,406 --> 00:03:42,046
Please, we've met so many times
I almost feel like we're an item.
60
00:03:44,406 --> 00:03:46,406
People will start talking.
61
00:03:46,446 --> 00:03:49,006
Yes, about how ill
the thought makes them.
62
00:03:50,526 --> 00:03:52,926
Ash, please, sit down.
Thanks.
63
00:03:55,606 --> 00:03:57,926
You're sitting very far away
from me, Ash.
64
00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,646
I know.
65
00:04:01,486 --> 00:04:03,606
Would you like us to ask her
to leave?
66
00:04:03,646 --> 00:04:05,806
No, I only feel bad that
I'm interrupting.
67
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:09,246
No, we finished, right, dear?
Oh...
68
00:04:09,286 --> 00:04:12,326
You're sad, lonely
and nobody's ever going to love you.
69
00:04:13,766 --> 00:04:18,246
Great! So, in that case,
I wanted your opinion on something.
70
00:04:18,286 --> 00:04:21,286
Well, we are very good listeners.
71
00:04:23,566 --> 00:04:25,566
OK, so, you know how I've told you
72
00:04:25,606 --> 00:04:29,406
that my father's been in prison
ten years for armed robbery. No...
73
00:04:30,406 --> 00:04:35,446
I don't believe you did tell us that
very, very disturbing bit of news.
74
00:04:35,486 --> 00:04:37,486
Oh, I thought I did.
75
00:04:37,526 --> 00:04:39,526
Well, the whole story is...
76
00:04:39,566 --> 00:04:42,726
my father's been in prison
ten years for armed robbery.
77
00:04:42,766 --> 00:04:44,766
Ah. Now we're caught up.
78
00:04:45,726 --> 00:04:48,926
And, anyway,
you both have been like grandfath...
79
00:04:50,646 --> 00:04:53,246
Uncles to me,
and I wanted to ask your advice.
80
00:04:53,286 --> 00:04:55,286
What a lovely thing to say.
81
00:04:55,326 --> 00:04:59,526
And are these uncles of yours
in prison, as well?
82
00:05:00,126 --> 00:05:02,126
No, I don't have any uncles.
83
00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:04,166
This is all very confusing.
84
00:05:04,486 --> 00:05:08,166
See, I've been working at this
restaurant, and it's going OK,
85
00:05:08,206 --> 00:05:10,726
but I don't think
it's what I really want to do.
86
00:05:10,766 --> 00:05:13,046
Well, what are you interested in?
87
00:05:13,086 --> 00:05:16,126
Dunno. I don't really know how
to do much.
88
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:19,286
Well, what about acting? Hmm?
89
00:05:19,326 --> 00:05:23,046
Yes, one doesn't have to know
anything to do that.
90
00:05:24,446 --> 00:05:27,046
Do you really think I could be
an actor? Why not?
91
00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:31,086
You've certainly got the right look.
And you have fantastic hair.
92
00:05:31,126 --> 00:05:33,126
A lot of acting is just good hair.
93
00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:36,206
Yes, that's true.
94
00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:41,166
I've always thought what it would be
like to be an actor. So has Freddie.
95
00:05:42,886 --> 00:05:44,886
Well, I think it sounds marvellous!
96
00:05:44,926 --> 00:05:48,126
Just know you're going to have to
take your shirt off a lot.
97
00:05:48,166 --> 00:05:51,566
People are always wanting young men
to take their shirts off.
98
00:05:51,606 --> 00:05:55,006
It's appalling, I know,
but that's the world we live in.
99
00:05:55,046 --> 00:05:57,046
You might as well take it off now.
100
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:01,526
I'd be happy to advise you, Ash.
101
00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:04,366
I actually have an audition
tomorrow.
102
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:08,606
And you can help me prepare,
if you'd like?
103
00:06:08,646 --> 00:06:10,446
Great. What can I do?
104
00:06:10,486 --> 00:06:14,606
Well, to start with, you're going
to have to take 25 years off him.
105
00:06:15,286 --> 00:06:17,286
Then teach him how to act.
106
00:06:21,726 --> 00:06:26,326
All right, my audition is for
my favourite television programme...
107
00:06:27,526 --> 00:06:29,526
..Downton Abbey.
108
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:32,926
Oh, wow! That's a great show!
109
00:06:32,966 --> 00:06:35,686
Yes, I know it is,
I don't need you to tell me that.
110
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:37,726
I'm feeling enough stress as it is!
111
00:06:37,766 --> 00:06:39,566
Sorry.
112
00:06:39,606 --> 00:06:43,806
Now, the first thing you have to do
when preparing for an audition
113
00:06:43,846 --> 00:06:47,246
is to work out what it is
your character wants.
114
00:06:47,286 --> 00:06:50,406
How do you do that?
By studying the script.
115
00:06:50,446 --> 00:06:53,366
Looking for any clues
the writer might have given us.
116
00:06:53,406 --> 00:06:55,406
So we'll start with my first line.
117
00:06:55,686 --> 00:06:58,006
Which character
are you auditioning for?
118
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,286
Cook Staff Number Four.
119
00:07:04,086 --> 00:07:06,086
But I'm calling him Thomas.
120
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:09,246
There's already a character called
Thomas on the show.
121
00:07:09,286 --> 00:07:12,206
Yes, I know there is.
I watch the show, for God's sake.
122
00:07:12,246 --> 00:07:14,246
But this way I've created conflict.
123
00:07:14,286 --> 00:07:16,286
That's important?
Very.
124
00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:20,486
It's all necessary for the making
up a backstory for your character.
125
00:07:20,526 --> 00:07:25,526
I already know that these two
Thomas' despise each other
126
00:07:25,566 --> 00:07:27,606
and I haven't even read
my first line.
127
00:07:29,046 --> 00:07:30,446
Ohh.
128
00:07:30,486 --> 00:07:34,046
So, how do we find out
what it is the character wants?
129
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:36,886
And, you see,
you've always got to want something.
130
00:07:36,926 --> 00:07:39,966
You can't just be standing there
not wanting anything,
131
00:07:40,006 --> 00:07:42,246
looking like some sort of idiot,
can you?
132
00:07:42,286 --> 00:07:44,286
I suppose not.
133
00:07:44,326 --> 00:07:47,326
All right.
Well, now, you give me my cue.
134
00:07:48,326 --> 00:07:52,406
That means you read out the line
before my first line.
135
00:07:52,446 --> 00:07:55,966
There are a lot of technical terms
I'm going to be throwing at you
136
00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:58,006
and you've go to be ready!
137
00:07:58,046 --> 00:08:00,046
OK. Got it.
138
00:08:02,686 --> 00:08:04,686
Give me my cue.
139
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,086
'Yes, what is it?'
140
00:08:11,286 --> 00:08:14,486
'I just wanted to put
these potatoes away.'
141
00:08:20,886 --> 00:08:22,886
Is there anything more?
142
00:08:26,686 --> 00:08:28,686
No, that's it.
143
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:34,886
Now, how do we work out what it is
that Thomas wants?
144
00:08:36,086 --> 00:08:38,086
Any ideas?
145
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:41,126
Er... to put away the potatoes?
146
00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:44,486
And why would you say that?
147
00:08:45,086 --> 00:08:49,486
Because his only line is, 'I just
wanted to put these potatoes away.'
148
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,566
Yes, that's the obvious answer,
I suppose.
149
00:08:53,606 --> 00:08:55,926
Remember,
when you have a very small part,
150
00:08:55,966 --> 00:08:58,286
your job, as an actor,
is to make it bigger.
151
00:08:58,966 --> 00:09:03,166
I think Thomas really wants to be
the head of the cook staff
152
00:09:03,206 --> 00:09:06,606
and actually doesn't want to put
those potatoes away.
153
00:09:07,406 --> 00:09:11,406
In that way, he can blame the other
Thomas for not putting them away.
154
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:16,686
Do you see?
155
00:09:16,726 --> 00:09:18,926
Wow.
I would never have thought of that.
156
00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:22,166
Well, that's your job as an actor
to think of these things.
157
00:09:22,206 --> 00:09:25,206
Right, well, now,
if you would give me my cue again
158
00:09:25,246 --> 00:09:30,046
and let me see
if I have my line memorised.
159
00:09:35,486 --> 00:09:37,486
'Yes, what is it?'
160
00:09:37,526 --> 00:09:39,526
Hello.
161
00:09:42,286 --> 00:09:45,926
I'm bringing all of these potatoes
to put them into that cupboard.
162
00:09:45,966 --> 00:09:50,366
So if you would just excuse me,
please, I need to squeeze by.
163
00:09:52,446 --> 00:09:55,966
The line is actually 'I just wanted
to put these potatoes away.'
164
00:09:56,006 --> 00:10:01,246
It's all right to paraphrase as long
as you get the essence of the line.
And I think I improved it.
165
00:10:01,286 --> 00:10:04,286
Thanks very much, Freddie.
I'm learning tons.
166
00:10:04,806 --> 00:10:10,286
You'll definitely get the part.
Not if you keep applying this
enormous pressure on me, I'm not!
167
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:11,926
Sorry.
168
00:10:11,966 --> 00:10:15,286
Now I've completely forgotten
what to do with the potatoes.
169
00:10:15,326 --> 00:10:17,326
Oh, for God's sake!
170
00:10:21,286 --> 00:10:23,406
Go, I don't want you to see me
like this.
171
00:10:29,686 --> 00:10:31,686
Just the tiniest bit, darling.
172
00:10:32,286 --> 00:10:34,286
A little more.
173
00:10:35,726 --> 00:10:37,726
A little more.
174
00:10:40,886 --> 00:10:42,886
A little more.
175
00:10:44,086 --> 00:10:47,086
Would you prefer to drink it
straight from the bottle?
176
00:10:47,326 --> 00:10:51,526
I'm a bit on edge, darling.
I heard from Kristoff again.
177
00:10:51,566 --> 00:10:54,726
He insists I fly to Budapest
for the weekend, and...
178
00:10:55,366 --> 00:10:58,406
Well, I don't even want to tell you
what he wants me to do.
179
00:10:58,446 --> 00:11:00,446
Unless you really want to know.
180
00:11:00,926 --> 00:11:02,926
I don't.
181
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,726
But he's so kind.
182
00:11:04,766 --> 00:11:07,806
And when he's not in that mask,
he has the sweetest face.
183
00:11:10,486 --> 00:11:12,686
Do you want to hear what I think,
Violet?
184
00:11:12,726 --> 00:11:16,566
Of course, darling. You're my best
friend in the world. And I'm yours.
185
00:11:16,606 --> 00:11:20,006
Well...
What? We are best friends?
186
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,246
We're close friends, yes.
187
00:11:22,286 --> 00:11:24,806
I thought we were best friends.
Yeah, we were.
188
00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:28,966
Until you did something 45 years ago
that upset me.
189
00:11:30,246 --> 00:11:32,326
And you moved down the ranking.
190
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:35,406
Oh. But I have no idea
what it is I did.
191
00:11:35,446 --> 00:11:37,446
Oh, I think you do.
192
00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:41,006
So, what's your advice then?
I think you deserve better.
193
00:11:41,046 --> 00:11:44,526
Really?
Yes. I find it mind boggling
194
00:11:44,566 --> 00:11:48,606
that you should continue to remain
in such a hideous relationship.
195
00:11:50,086 --> 00:11:54,086
I was hoping there might be an
ambulance outside when I came home
196
00:11:54,126 --> 00:11:56,726
and they would've already
loaded you in.
197
00:11:57,486 --> 00:12:00,686
Did you step in dog shit
or is that just you?
198
00:12:01,366 --> 00:12:03,366
Well, I have wonderful news,
199
00:12:03,406 --> 00:12:06,406
but since there's nobody good to
share it with
200
00:12:06,446 --> 00:12:08,446
I might as well tell you two.
201
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:12,406
I got the job.
Oh! Fantastic!
202
00:12:12,446 --> 00:12:16,006
What's the part? I'm going to be
playing Thomas on Downton Abbey.
203
00:12:18,086 --> 00:12:21,046
I thought there already was a Thomas
on that show.
204
00:12:21,086 --> 00:12:23,006
I'm the other Thomas.
205
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:26,646
Well, whatever you do,
don't change the lines this time.
206
00:12:26,686 --> 00:12:29,086
They don't like it.
Oh, shut up.
207
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:31,566
You don't know the first thing
about acting.
208
00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:35,206
You can't even convince me you're
sitting on that sofa right now.
209
00:12:35,886 --> 00:12:39,486
Well, congratulations, Freddie.
Thank you, Vi.
210
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,606
If this goes well, someone
even mentioned the possibility
211
00:12:42,646 --> 00:12:45,446
of becoming a regular on the series.
212
00:12:45,486 --> 00:12:47,486
The 'someone' is him.
213
00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:51,286
Hello, Ash.
I have good news.
214
00:12:51,326 --> 00:12:53,926
You know that audition
you were helping me with?
215
00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:55,966
Well...
I got a part in a film!
216
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,086
I beg your pardon?
217
00:13:09,126 --> 00:13:12,566
It's only a small part in an
independent film, but it's a start.
218
00:13:12,606 --> 00:13:14,606
What...
219
00:13:17,766 --> 00:13:19,766
What is he saying?
220
00:13:19,806 --> 00:13:23,566
He got a part in a film!
221
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:29,206
We're all very happy for you, Ash.
Aren't we, Freddie?
222
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:35,166
This is the best performance
I've ever seen him give.
223
00:13:40,059 --> 00:13:42,459
Are you still alive, sweetie?
224
00:13:43,098 --> 00:13:44,698
Oh, dear!
225
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:47,180
Oh, come on! Wake up!
226
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:50,140
Your 20th birthday's coming!
227
00:13:57,209 --> 00:13:59,209
There we go!
228
00:14:00,169 --> 00:14:02,569
You gave me such a fright!
229
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:09,569
Morning. It's getting harder
and harder to wake Balthazar up.
230
00:14:09,609 --> 00:14:13,209
When it's time to have him put down,
should I do you both together?
231
00:14:14,209 --> 00:14:16,209
Whatever you like.
232
00:14:16,249 --> 00:14:19,249
Is that all you have to say?
Nothing else?
233
00:14:19,289 --> 00:14:21,129
I can't think of anything.
234
00:14:21,169 --> 00:14:23,969
Isn't today the day
you film Downton Abbey?
235
00:14:24,009 --> 00:14:26,129
I think that's thrilling.
236
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:28,169
One line. Big deal.
237
00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:32,049
Yes, but you're always so excited
when you're working.
238
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,329
I just don't see the point, Stuart.
239
00:14:34,369 --> 00:14:36,369
All these years, toiling away.
240
00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:41,489
And then some young nobody, whose
father is basically a murderer...
241
00:14:44,409 --> 00:14:47,409
..gets a part in a film
in his first audition.
242
00:14:47,449 --> 00:14:49,449
Well, beginners luck.
243
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:54,689
And you said yourself this could turn
into a regular role. Not likely.
244
00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:58,329
Unless potatoes feature prominently
in an upcoming storyline.
245
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:04,649
Would it help if you said something
awful about my face or my body?
246
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:08,009
Not really.
247
00:15:08,049 --> 00:15:11,929
Would you rub lotion on
Balthazar's bald spots?
248
00:15:14,929 --> 00:15:16,929
Don't leave me long!
249
00:15:16,969 --> 00:15:18,969
Oh, Christ!
250
00:15:19,729 --> 00:15:23,529
Oh, Violet, thank God.
Freddie's in a bad way.
251
00:15:23,569 --> 00:15:27,049
Is that because of Ash getting
the shirtless part in that film?
252
00:15:27,089 --> 00:15:30,089
Yes. He's very depressed,
253
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,969
and why do you have a suitcase?
254
00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:35,649
I'm taking your advice. I'm
going to Hungary to see Kristoff.
255
00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:39,409
That wasn't my advice!
256
00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:41,649
Oh, please, can't I go?
257
00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,569
For God's sake, Violet,
I need you here.
258
00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,689
Freddie's an absolute mess.
259
00:15:46,729 --> 00:15:49,649
I'm sure you're exaggerating.
It can't be that bad.
260
00:15:49,689 --> 00:15:51,689
Oh, hello, Violet.
261
00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,689
You look lovely today.
262
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:04,369
Stuart, my love...
I'm going upstairs.
263
00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:08,449
I'll miss you.
264
00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:11,289
Holy shit!
265
00:16:12,369 --> 00:16:16,809
Well, I told you!
See, you can't go away now.
266
00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:19,889
It's worse than I thought.
Ever since Ash got that part,
267
00:16:19,929 --> 00:16:22,449
Freddie has completely lost
his confidence.
268
00:16:22,489 --> 00:16:25,489
He's become attentive
and kind and loving.
269
00:16:26,209 --> 00:16:28,209
I can't live like this!
270
00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:30,649
Well, what are we going to do?
271
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:35,729
Well, we must convince Ash, somehow,
to turn down that film.
272
00:16:35,769 --> 00:16:40,209
Stewie, will you give me a bath,
please?
273
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:43,649
I swear, if I go up there,
I'll drown her.
274
00:16:44,929 --> 00:16:46,929
You've got to help me.
275
00:16:46,969 --> 00:16:48,969
All right, fine.
276
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:52,809
Oh, thank you, Violet.
You're the best friend I ever had.
277
00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:54,849
Oh, now I'm your best friend?
278
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,689
I suppose I'm finally forgiven
279
00:16:56,729 --> 00:17:00,609
for leaving you alone at that
New Year's Eve party 45 years ago.
280
00:17:00,649 --> 00:17:02,689
I knew you remembered!
281
00:17:02,729 --> 00:17:04,729
Dammit!
282
00:17:06,969 --> 00:17:10,649
Ash is going to be here any moment.
You remember what to do?
283
00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:13,129
Yes. Although it seems
rather far-fetched.
284
00:17:13,169 --> 00:17:15,689
How is this going to get him
to give up the part?
285
00:17:15,729 --> 00:17:19,089
All we do is chip away at his
self-confidence,
286
00:17:19,129 --> 00:17:22,729
make him feel ugly and untalented,
287
00:17:22,769 --> 00:17:25,369
until he believes
he's completely worthless.
288
00:17:25,409 --> 00:17:27,409
It's easy.
289
00:17:28,809 --> 00:17:31,009
I've been doing it to Freddie
for years.
290
00:17:32,209 --> 00:17:34,209
Oh, Ash, come in.
291
00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:37,009
You remember our friend Violet.
292
00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:39,049
Hi.
Sit, sit, sit.
293
00:17:41,409 --> 00:17:43,409
Oh. Is that always how you walk?
294
00:17:45,009 --> 00:17:47,009
What do you mean?
Oh, nothing.
295
00:17:47,049 --> 00:17:51,089
It's just I never noticed it before.
It's sort of...
296
00:17:51,129 --> 00:17:55,129
Hello, I'm Ash. This is how I walk.
297
00:17:57,089 --> 00:17:59,049
I'm sure we can fix it, darling.
298
00:17:59,089 --> 00:18:01,089
Maybe with leg braces.
299
00:18:01,729 --> 00:18:03,729
Now, tell us all about this film.
300
00:18:04,449 --> 00:18:06,449
Well, it's about this guy -
301
00:18:06,489 --> 00:18:09,409
And is your speech impediment
part of your character
302
00:18:09,449 --> 00:18:11,689
or are you going to be speaking
properly?
303
00:18:11,729 --> 00:18:15,049
I didn't realise I had a
speech impediment. Oh. Well, you do.
304
00:18:15,809 --> 00:18:17,809
But let's change the subject.
305
00:18:17,849 --> 00:18:20,649
Now, when did you get so chubby?
306
00:18:22,409 --> 00:18:25,929
Violet, please,
he can't help that!
307
00:18:25,969 --> 00:18:28,369
Or his gigantic head.
308
00:18:29,769 --> 00:18:32,769
Can I have a drink?
Yes, of course, yes.
309
00:18:32,809 --> 00:18:34,809
This is a celebration!
310
00:18:35,409 --> 00:18:39,009
Is it all right to mix alcohol with
your anti-depressants?
311
00:18:39,889 --> 00:18:43,769
I don't take anti-depressants.
That explains a lot.
312
00:18:43,809 --> 00:18:47,809
I'm usually very happy.
Who are you trying to convince, Ash?
313
00:18:47,849 --> 00:18:49,849
Me or you?
314
00:18:49,889 --> 00:18:51,889
Excuse me.
315
00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:56,609
Hello?
316
00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:59,489
You're going to hell.
Yes, and you're going with me.
317
00:19:00,609 --> 00:19:02,609
Really?
318
00:19:02,649 --> 00:19:04,649
Yes, I understand.
319
00:19:05,649 --> 00:19:07,649
Of course.
320
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,249
OK. Thanks.
321
00:19:09,289 --> 00:19:11,969
What's wrong?
I just got fired from the film.
322
00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:15,809
What great...ly upsetting news.
323
00:19:16,409 --> 00:19:20,729
What happened, darling?
They've gone a different way
with the character.
324
00:19:20,769 --> 00:19:22,809
It's because I'm a monster,
isn't it?
325
00:19:25,209 --> 00:19:27,209
Hello, everyone.
326
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:31,209
Stuart, honey bun...
327
00:19:33,089 --> 00:19:36,729
..would you hold my hand, please,
and walk me towards the kitchen?
328
00:19:37,729 --> 00:19:41,449
Freddie, Ash has some news,
I'm afraid.
329
00:19:41,489 --> 00:19:43,489
Is he nominated for an Oscar?
330
00:19:44,489 --> 00:19:46,489
I got fired.
Oh...
331
00:19:46,529 --> 00:19:48,529
No.
332
00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:51,009
We're all devastated.
333
00:19:51,049 --> 00:19:54,249
There are so many disappointments
in this business, Ash.
334
00:19:54,289 --> 00:19:56,529
I've been a successful actor
for decades
335
00:19:56,569 --> 00:19:59,209
and even I have the occasional
bad day.
336
00:19:59,689 --> 00:20:02,409
I don't think I could ever be
as successful as you.
337
00:20:02,449 --> 00:20:06,249
Of course not. I just filmed
Downton Abbey for Christ sake!
338
00:20:08,409 --> 00:20:11,489
Yeah, I'm not sure acting's for me.
339
00:20:11,529 --> 00:20:13,529
I don't think it is either.
340
00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:15,929
Would you care to stay for dinner,
Ash?
341
00:20:15,969 --> 00:20:18,569
No, thanks. I feel kind of fat.
342
00:20:19,569 --> 00:20:22,969
Would you excuse me, please?
I think I'm going to go upstairs.
343
00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:25,009
I'm actually a bit depressed.
344
00:20:32,489 --> 00:20:34,889
Did you ever notice
how odd his walk is?
345
00:20:40,689 --> 00:20:42,689
I am so excited!
346
00:20:43,689 --> 00:20:45,809
Did you really get to meet
Maggie Smith?
347
00:20:45,849 --> 00:20:47,849
Oh, yes.
348
00:20:48,449 --> 00:20:52,449
She told me she liked my jumper.
Oh, Freddie!
349
00:20:53,249 --> 00:20:55,249
I know.
350
00:20:55,889 --> 00:20:59,729
Most actors only dream of Maggie
Smith complimenting their jumpers.
351
00:21:00,969 --> 00:21:02,969
Oh, here it comes.
352
00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:05,009
My scene.
353
00:21:05,049 --> 00:21:07,849
Balthazar, Daddy's scene is next.
354
00:21:08,969 --> 00:21:10,969
Kick him. Is he still alive?
355
00:21:11,409 --> 00:21:13,409
He's fine.
356
00:21:13,449 --> 00:21:15,449
Here it comes!
357
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,449
Well, what did you think?
358
00:21:26,769 --> 00:21:28,769
That was it?
359
00:21:28,809 --> 00:21:30,449
Yes.
360
00:21:30,489 --> 00:21:32,449
You were very good.
361
00:21:32,489 --> 00:21:34,489
Thank you.
362
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:39,729
Did you notice I dropped a potato?
I did.
363
00:21:42,409 --> 00:21:44,649
I wasn't supposed to,
but they kept it in.
364
00:21:48,689 --> 00:21:51,289
What is wrong with your stomach?
365
00:21:51,329 --> 00:21:53,449
It sounds like an ocean liner
sinking.
366
00:21:54,209 --> 00:21:57,009
Thank God your wheezing
is drowning it out.
367
00:21:58,409 --> 00:22:00,409
God, you were shit.
368
00:22:03,971 --> 00:22:31,160
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