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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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2
00:00:21,712 --> 00:00:23,712
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:27,512
Oh, how dreadful!
4
00:00:28,112 --> 00:00:30,112
Poor Clive.
5
00:00:30,152 --> 00:00:32,152
At least he didn't suffer.
6
00:00:32,192 --> 00:00:34,192
Oh, he did.
7
00:00:34,912 --> 00:00:37,312
Oh, my. That much?
8
00:00:38,312 --> 00:00:41,312
Oh, well, I prefer to remember him
as I last saw him.
9
00:00:41,912 --> 00:00:44,712
Being fed apple sauce
by a Jamaican woman.
10
00:00:45,477 --> 00:00:48,817
Well, it's a reminder that we should
spend as much time as possible
11
00:00:48,842 --> 00:00:51,842
with those we hold dear
while we're able.
12
00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:54,067
Anyway, thank you for calling,
Mother.
13
00:00:56,787 --> 00:01:00,227
For a moment, I thought those
high-pitched, piercing shrieks
14
00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:02,587
were coming from a gaggle of
schoolgirls.
15
00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,627
But now I see it's just you.
16
00:01:06,547 --> 00:01:09,787
I shan't be able to return to sleep
now, thanks muchly.
17
00:01:09,827 --> 00:01:12,347
Who do you think you are?
The Earl of Grantham?
18
00:01:12,387 --> 00:01:14,187
You're from Wigan.
19
00:01:14,227 --> 00:01:16,347
It's better than being from
Leytonstone.
20
00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:18,387
How dare you?
21
00:01:18,427 --> 00:01:20,427
I've been to Oxford.
22
00:01:20,467 --> 00:01:22,467
Yes, for lunch.
23
00:01:23,307 --> 00:01:25,907
Who were you squawking at
on the phone just now?
24
00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:27,947
My mother, if you must know.
25
00:01:27,987 --> 00:01:30,587
Was she calling to tell you
when she'd be dying?
26
00:01:31,827 --> 00:01:33,947
She was very distraught.
27
00:01:33,987 --> 00:01:36,187
Why?
Did you finally tell her about us?
28
00:01:38,947 --> 00:01:40,947
I'm waiting for the right time.
29
00:01:43,547 --> 00:01:45,547
It's been 48 years!
30
00:01:46,827 --> 00:01:49,627
And there has not been
a right time!
31
00:01:49,667 --> 00:01:53,467
Please, don't pressure me!
I'm very emotional already.
32
00:01:53,507 --> 00:01:55,507
We've had some frightful news.
33
00:01:56,467 --> 00:01:58,467
Clive is dead.
34
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:02,387
Your mother is always the first
to know when someone dies.
35
00:02:02,427 --> 00:02:04,867
Is she getting the news directly
from Satan?
36
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:10,587
I would think you'd be a little more
upset considering your history.
37
00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:13,467
That was a long time ago.
We were all in our early 20s.
38
00:02:13,507 --> 00:02:15,907
What, I was 19. I wasn't in my 20s.
39
00:02:15,947 --> 00:02:18,307
People used to think I was your
nephew.
40
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,867
Yes, because you told them
you were my nephew.
41
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:26,147
Anyway, I do feel bad about Clive.
I just hope he didn't suffer.
42
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,307
Apparently,
they had to cut a foot off,
43
00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:31,107
so I assume
there was some discomfort.
44
00:02:31,147 --> 00:02:34,187
I dare say those thick ankles of his
put up quite a fight.
45
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,867
Who on earth is that?
46
00:02:40,907 --> 00:02:43,427
I have no idea.
Are you expecting anybody? No!
47
00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:45,467
These aren't calling hours!
48
00:02:45,507 --> 00:02:47,307
This is outrageous!
49
00:02:47,347 --> 00:02:50,147
You just don't go about
ringing people's doorbells!
50
00:02:50,187 --> 00:02:51,987
Let's just see who it is,
51
00:02:52,027 --> 00:02:54,627
and then put the whole ugly business
behind us.
52
00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:57,907
Well, I'm going to give this
intruder a real dressing down.
53
00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,867
Aaaah.
54
00:03:01,907 --> 00:03:04,867
Hello.
Can we help you with something?
55
00:03:05,187 --> 00:03:07,987
Ash.
I didn't even know that was a name.
56
00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:11,707
I was here to see about the flat.
Is this a bad time?
57
00:03:11,747 --> 00:03:15,547
No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no,
not at all.
58
00:03:16,147 --> 00:03:18,147
Great.
Yes, great.
59
00:03:19,187 --> 00:03:21,307
Can I get you some tea?
60
00:03:21,347 --> 00:03:23,987
No, thanks. I'd just really like
to see the flat.
61
00:03:24,027 --> 00:03:26,307
You've come to the wrong door,
I'm afraid.
62
00:03:26,347 --> 00:03:29,587
The flat for rent is one floor up.
Oh, sorry.
63
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,627
Don't be sorry. I'm Freddie.
64
00:03:32,147 --> 00:03:34,107
This is Stuart, my friend.
65
00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,147
Freddie Thornhill.
66
00:03:37,147 --> 00:03:40,467
You probably recognise me from
the television or the stage.
67
00:03:40,507 --> 00:03:42,507
Do you go to the theatre often, Ash?
68
00:03:43,507 --> 00:03:45,507
Am I saying that correctly?
69
00:03:45,867 --> 00:03:47,667
Yeah. Ash.
70
00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:49,587
I don't get to the theatre much.
71
00:03:49,627 --> 00:03:52,947
Well, of course, you're a young man,
you do young man things.
72
00:03:52,987 --> 00:03:57,387
I'm quite certain
I'm old enough to be your father.
Yes, I'm quite certain, too.
73
00:03:57,907 --> 00:04:00,307
My father's 46.
Ah, and so am I.
74
00:04:01,987 --> 00:04:03,787
Do you mind if I use your toilet?
75
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:06,827
Mind? We'd be devastated
if you didn't.
76
00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:13,667
You are making such a fool of
yourself.
77
00:04:13,707 --> 00:04:16,627
Then you should leave.
It's quite clear he hates you.
78
00:04:19,947 --> 00:04:22,347
Do you suppose he's "family"?
79
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:24,387
Oh, God.
80
00:04:24,427 --> 00:04:26,427
It's so tricky to tell now.
81
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,587
I thought Graham Norton was straight.
82
00:04:32,507 --> 00:04:34,907
Well, my dear Stuart,
I will work it out.
83
00:04:34,947 --> 00:04:37,867
After all, I did spend a year
playing the detective in
84
00:04:37,907 --> 00:04:39,907
The Mousetrap.
Oh, please!
85
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,987
Our postman's been in
The Mousetrap.
86
00:04:44,427 --> 00:04:47,147
This is complete lunacy!
87
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:49,547
It's like Victoria Station!
88
00:04:49,587 --> 00:04:51,627
Who's there?!
It's Violet, darling.
89
00:04:52,627 --> 00:04:54,627
I came as soon as I heard.
90
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:58,907
Poor Clive. Yes, it's been
a great shock, as you can imagine.
91
00:04:58,947 --> 00:05:01,347
We're absolutely devastated.
92
00:05:02,027 --> 00:05:04,227
Now, I must ask you.
Anything, darling.
93
00:05:04,267 --> 00:05:06,387
Is Leytonstone
any better than Wigan?
94
00:05:07,187 --> 00:05:09,187
A bit, darling.
Bollocks.
95
00:05:09,587 --> 00:05:16,347
I was thinking perhaps we should host
a small gathering here tomorrow.
96
00:05:16,387 --> 00:05:18,387
Just our little circle.
97
00:05:18,427 --> 00:05:20,427
That will be lovely.
98
00:05:20,467 --> 00:05:22,467
I can't believe he's gone.
99
00:05:22,987 --> 00:05:24,987
Dear, sweet Clive.
100
00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:28,507
Did you hear about the foot?
Yes. Unfortunate.
101
00:05:28,547 --> 00:05:30,947
Oh, damn, I wanted to tell you.
102
00:05:32,907 --> 00:05:36,707
Poor Freddie, you were quite close,
back in the day.
103
00:05:36,747 --> 00:05:39,787
Well, Clive was very much smitten
with me, that is true.
104
00:05:41,187 --> 00:05:43,187
Obsessed, really.
105
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:46,187
I was young, handsome, famous.
106
00:05:46,227 --> 00:05:48,227
You were barely one of those things.
107
00:05:48,827 --> 00:05:51,227
I'm just going to use the loo
before I go out.
108
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:54,307
There has to be somebody
who hasn't heard about that foot.
109
00:05:54,347 --> 00:05:57,627
Oh! He's still in there!
Who's still in there?
110
00:05:57,667 --> 00:06:01,467
The young man who came to see about
the flat upstairs. He's been ages.
111
00:06:01,507 --> 00:06:04,627
Go and see what's going on.
No, no, I don't want to disturb him.
112
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:07,187
It's very rude to disturb
attractive people.
113
00:06:07,787 --> 00:06:10,267
Well, we can't leave him in there
all day.
114
00:06:10,307 --> 00:06:13,307
You let a complete stranger
use your loo?
115
00:06:13,347 --> 00:06:15,347
What if he comes out and rapes me?
116
00:06:17,027 --> 00:06:19,867
Let's cross that bridge
when we come to it, shall we?
117
00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:24,947
Everything all right in there, Ash?
118
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,747
Well, we tried.
119
00:06:28,787 --> 00:06:31,227
So that's it, then?
I don't see what else we can do.
120
00:06:31,267 --> 00:06:33,387
Try calling him again.
No, you try.
121
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:38,147
Somebody do something. I'm so
frightened I'm going to be raped.
122
00:06:38,187 --> 00:06:41,107
Oh, for God's sake, Violet,
nobody wants to rape you.
123
00:06:42,467 --> 00:06:44,467
What an awful thing to say.
124
00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,467
Thanks very much.
Of course.
125
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:50,507
Everything all right?
126
00:06:50,547 --> 00:06:52,547
Yeah, sorry. Had to make a call.
127
00:06:52,587 --> 00:06:54,587
Ah. A call to your...?
128
00:06:54,627 --> 00:06:56,627
Mate.
I see.
129
00:06:57,347 --> 00:06:59,387
A close mate?
I guess.
130
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:03,587
I see.
And is this your special mate?
131
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:06,067
Er, dunno.
132
00:07:06,107 --> 00:07:08,707
I should probably go and see
that flat now.
133
00:07:08,747 --> 00:07:12,107
Has anybody ever said
you remind them of Zac Efron?
134
00:07:13,267 --> 00:07:15,267
That's a person, right?
135
00:07:16,867 --> 00:07:18,867
Or is it a place?
136
00:07:18,907 --> 00:07:20,907
This is our friend Violet, Ash.
137
00:07:20,947 --> 00:07:24,667
Yes, she's our friend
and Stuart here is my "friend".
138
00:07:24,707 --> 00:07:26,707
Uh... OK.
139
00:07:27,387 --> 00:07:31,507
Haven't I seen you in my yoga class?
I go to yoga. I'm great fun.
140
00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:35,107
I don't think so.
141
00:07:35,147 --> 00:07:39,267
Well, I'm certain I know you.
Have you ever been to Zac Efron?
142
00:07:41,267 --> 00:07:43,267
I'm covered either way now.
143
00:07:44,107 --> 00:07:46,987
I should probably go.
It was nice meeting you all.
144
00:07:47,027 --> 00:07:50,827
And good luck with the flat.
I do hope we become neighbours.
145
00:07:50,867 --> 00:07:53,907
And you can bring round here
anybody you like.
146
00:07:53,947 --> 00:07:56,747
Boys, girls, whichever you prefer.
147
00:07:57,867 --> 00:07:59,867
Thanks.
148
00:07:59,907 --> 00:08:01,907
Nicely done, Miss Marple!
149
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:08,267
I only hope his flesh didn't rot off
where you touched him.
150
00:08:09,787 --> 00:08:11,587
I'm surprised you could see it
151
00:08:11,627 --> 00:08:14,427
through the milky film
that coats your cataracts.
152
00:08:18,947 --> 00:08:21,347
I'm going to make
another pot of tea.
153
00:08:23,347 --> 00:08:27,547
I never know when I'm going too far,
but I'm always so glad when I do.
154
00:08:31,747 --> 00:08:35,947
Your mother looked well for someone
who doesn't have a heartbeat.
155
00:08:37,347 --> 00:08:39,347
She always rallies for a funeral.
156
00:08:41,347 --> 00:08:44,947
Do you know, Freddie,
as grotesque a thought as it is,
157
00:08:44,987 --> 00:08:47,787
you might have been the love of
Clive's life.
158
00:08:48,307 --> 00:08:50,307
I do believe I was.
159
00:08:50,347 --> 00:08:52,987
It's sad that it took
the passing of a dear friend
160
00:08:53,027 --> 00:08:55,027
to make me realise how special I am.
161
00:08:57,107 --> 00:08:59,107
Are you wearing mascara?
162
00:08:59,147 --> 00:09:01,147
No.
163
00:09:01,747 --> 00:09:05,947
Well, I must prepare for our guests.
I want everything to be perfect.
164
00:09:05,987 --> 00:09:10,187
I bought two sandwiches that
I can cut up into sixteenths.
165
00:09:10,227 --> 00:09:12,227
That should do it.
166
00:09:12,267 --> 00:09:15,267
Oh, that is it!
167
00:09:15,307 --> 00:09:17,307
We are disconnecting this bell!
168
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,107
Oh, hello.
169
00:09:20,147 --> 00:09:22,147
It's Ash!
170
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,987
You'll tell me if
I'm ever pronouncing that wrong.
171
00:09:25,027 --> 00:09:27,427
I hope I'm not bothering you.
Bothering us?
172
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,467
We should give you a key.
173
00:09:30,267 --> 00:09:33,587
I was just stopping by to let you
know I got the upstairs flat.
174
00:09:33,627 --> 00:09:35,427
Oh, goody!
175
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:37,907
In fact, I'm moving in today.
Oh, marvelous.
176
00:09:38,547 --> 00:09:40,667
Stuart, my friend,
will be so pleased.
177
00:09:40,707 --> 00:09:43,107
You remember him?
Shrunken, old gnome?
178
00:09:44,427 --> 00:09:46,547
Great.
I love spending time with OAPs.
179
00:09:52,347 --> 00:09:54,347
No, I'm not one. He is. Not me.
180
00:09:55,347 --> 00:09:59,147
Sometimes I pretend to be, in order
to get concessions at the cinema,
181
00:09:59,187 --> 00:10:01,187
but they don't usually believe me.
182
00:10:02,547 --> 00:10:05,587
Would you excuse me a moment?
And do not look at my awards
183
00:10:05,627 --> 00:10:08,547
while I'm in the other room.
I'd be very embarrassed.
184
00:10:08,587 --> 00:10:10,587
They're over there.
185
00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:20,707
We're both very excited.
Freddie tells me the good news.
186
00:10:20,747 --> 00:10:23,187
Close those curtains!
The light! The light!
187
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,827
Freddie tells me the good news!
188
00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:33,027
You must join us for tea.
Thanks.
189
00:10:33,747 --> 00:10:36,467
So, you never use the huge window?
190
00:10:36,507 --> 00:10:41,187
No. We also don't go around pulling
cords in other people's flats.
191
00:10:42,347 --> 00:10:45,347
Go on. We're done with you for now.
192
00:10:54,763 --> 00:10:58,163
Clive was smitten with me
that entire summer.
193
00:10:59,095 --> 00:11:02,095
We had magical weather,
it only rained 60 days.
194
00:11:04,095 --> 00:11:08,375
I was on tour with erm...
Shakespeare, I believe.
195
00:11:08,415 --> 00:11:11,215
That's right,
the two of you were old school chums.
196
00:11:12,375 --> 00:11:15,415
You must forgive Stuart.
He was never loved as a child.
197
00:11:15,455 --> 00:11:17,455
Or as an adult.
198
00:11:18,575 --> 00:11:20,935
Egg and cress sandwich, Mason?
199
00:11:20,975 --> 00:11:22,775
Is that what that is?
200
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:25,615
I thought it was a crumb
surrounded by a toothpick.
201
00:11:27,495 --> 00:11:29,935
Perhaps you'd like some of what
you brought?
202
00:11:29,975 --> 00:11:32,215
I could always cut you a slice of
nothing.
203
00:11:37,055 --> 00:11:39,055
Penelope?
204
00:11:39,495 --> 00:11:42,135
Penelope?
One more time, darling.
205
00:11:42,175 --> 00:11:45,375
Penelope?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I was sleeping.
206
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:49,535
Sleeping? Your eyes were wide open.
207
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,575
Oh. That's troubling.
208
00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,295
Oh, I'm going to miss Clive.
209
00:11:56,295 --> 00:11:58,775
I do believe you broke his heart,
Freddie.
210
00:11:58,815 --> 00:12:00,815
Thank you.
211
00:12:00,855 --> 00:12:04,055
I still have some of the
old letters that Clive wrote to me.
212
00:12:04,095 --> 00:12:07,055
Oh, I have some of my old letters
that were written to me...
213
00:12:07,095 --> 00:12:09,215
We're not talking about your life
now!
214
00:12:09,575 --> 00:12:13,175
I always thought
Clive was so dashing.
215
00:12:13,215 --> 00:12:18,215
Every young man wanted to be seen on
the arm of Clive St. Claire,
216
00:12:18,255 --> 00:12:20,855
the most eligible bachelor in London.
217
00:12:20,895 --> 00:12:25,175
I seem to remember a wife.
Wasn't there a wife at some point?
218
00:12:25,215 --> 00:12:29,415
Oh, that was ages ago,
and it was only for 19 years.
219
00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:33,695
No, Clive was a true man's man.
220
00:12:34,495 --> 00:12:36,495
Independent, free as a bird.
221
00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:38,735
And children.
Weren't there children?
222
00:12:39,695 --> 00:12:41,695
Yes, six.
223
00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:46,535
Are you through interrupting
or shall I hand you a microphone?
224
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,615
Oh, what's happening? What is that?
225
00:12:50,615 --> 00:12:53,215
That must be our new neighbour.
226
00:12:53,255 --> 00:12:55,255
The boy from the toilet?
227
00:12:56,695 --> 00:12:59,215
The one who was flirting with me
shamelessly?
228
00:12:59,975 --> 00:13:01,975
No, this is a person who exists.
229
00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:05,055
Did you find out if he's...?
230
00:13:05,095 --> 00:13:07,095
No, he's being very cagey.
231
00:13:07,815 --> 00:13:09,815
Hi.
I hope you like cakes.
232
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,055
Oh, look, somebody brought something.
233
00:13:13,775 --> 00:13:17,655
You must meet our friends.
This is Penelope and that is Mason.
234
00:13:17,695 --> 00:13:20,095
And you remember our friend Violet.
235
00:13:20,135 --> 00:13:22,135
From Zac Efron, remember?
236
00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:27,935
You're all dressed in black.
Is... is everything all right?
237
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:31,975
Oh, didn't we tell you?
This is more of a tea/wake.
238
00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:35,095
Oh, I'm sorry. Who died?
239
00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:38,415
A good friend of mine.
He was very dear to all of us.
240
00:13:38,455 --> 00:13:40,655
Can I get anybody another sandwich?
241
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,695
Yes, I'd like ten more, please.
242
00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:45,735
I'm hoping to smush them all
together to create a bite.
243
00:13:47,775 --> 00:13:49,775
Were you good friends?
244
00:13:49,815 --> 00:13:51,815
We were, a long time ago.
245
00:13:53,615 --> 00:13:57,415
Do you know, why don't I read out
one of Clive's old letters?
246
00:13:57,455 --> 00:14:00,975
Wouldn't that be lovely? Not
unless you read it in another room.
247
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,575
Ash, would you prefer
to sit on my lap?
248
00:14:06,375 --> 00:14:08,375
I have very strong bones.
249
00:14:09,775 --> 00:14:11,975
Ah, here's one
that hasn't been opened.
250
00:14:16,495 --> 00:14:18,495
"My one and only...
251
00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:21,135
I can't imagine my life without you.
252
00:14:22,135 --> 00:14:24,135
What a kind, generous man you are.
253
00:14:24,175 --> 00:14:26,575
If I only knew you felt the same,
254
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:30,415
I would leave everything behind
to start a new with you.
255
00:14:31,415 --> 00:14:33,415
Just say yes.
256
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,455
Always, Clive."
257
00:14:35,895 --> 00:14:38,495
He really loved you.
No, he didn't.
258
00:14:38,535 --> 00:14:42,375
What are you talking about? And you
have lipstick all over your teeth.
259
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:45,615
Look at the envelope.
It's addressed to Stuart! Stuart?!
260
00:14:50,615 --> 00:14:52,615
My God!
261
00:14:52,775 --> 00:14:54,775
Oh, I dozed off again.
262
00:14:56,775 --> 00:14:58,775
What did I miss?
263
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:03,415
That is preposterous! Why would
he have been interested in Stuart?
264
00:15:03,455 --> 00:15:07,455
He says it right here! Because I was
kind and generous and handsome!
265
00:15:07,495 --> 00:15:10,495
It says kind and generous.
You added handsome!
266
00:15:11,495 --> 00:15:14,895
I don't understand.
I never even received this letter.
267
00:15:14,935 --> 00:15:17,375
It must have got mixed in with all
my fan mail.
268
00:15:17,415 --> 00:15:19,415
You have one fan.
269
00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:22,415
Who writes a lot of letters!
270
00:15:23,215 --> 00:15:26,935
Well, it doesn't matter now anyway.
That was 50 years ago.
271
00:15:26,975 --> 00:15:31,255
I could have had
a completely different life
if I'd seen the letter.
272
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:33,695
Not this hell
I've been trapped in!
273
00:15:33,735 --> 00:15:36,775
You've been in hell?
I've provided you with everything
274
00:15:36,815 --> 00:15:38,975
you could ever want
since the moment we met.
275
00:15:39,015 --> 00:15:42,215
You were pulling pints in a pub!
I was the manager!
276
00:15:43,215 --> 00:15:47,015
And I was going to be a model.
You were never going to be a model!
277
00:15:47,055 --> 00:15:49,655
No. Not with you sucking the life
out of me!
278
00:15:50,655 --> 00:15:54,095
I aged five years just sharing
a taxi with you that night!
279
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,655
Is that why you look a thousand?
280
00:15:57,695 --> 00:16:00,015
You're practically melting
onto the rug!
281
00:16:00,055 --> 00:16:02,135
Ouch!
Should I go?
282
00:16:02,175 --> 00:16:04,855
Why? Don't be ridiculous.
Of course not.
283
00:16:04,895 --> 00:16:06,895
It's all right, darling. Sit.
284
00:16:10,895 --> 00:16:14,495
Um... your hand is really high up
on my thigh.
285
00:16:16,295 --> 00:16:18,295
Is it?
286
00:16:18,415 --> 00:16:20,455
Well, I don't see
what the problem is.
287
00:16:20,495 --> 00:16:23,095
It's not as if Clive
was any great prize.
288
00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:27,535
He had children, he was married.
Wasn't there a second wife, too?
289
00:16:29,175 --> 00:16:31,575
Ash, why don't you pour yourself
a cup of tea
290
00:16:31,615 --> 00:16:34,415
instead of sitting there
like a statue. I'm sorry.
291
00:16:34,455 --> 00:16:38,175
I'm not quite sure how to behave.
Have you never been a guest before?
292
00:16:39,175 --> 00:16:41,735
You must engage in the conversation.
293
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:43,775
Maybe he's shy.
294
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:47,975
Are you shy, darling, is that it?
295
00:16:48,015 --> 00:16:50,015
Because you are behaving oddly.
296
00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:55,215
It's empty. There's a fresh pot
in the kitchen, I'll get it.
297
00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:57,255
No, I'll get it.
298
00:16:58,535 --> 00:17:00,535
Is it something we're doing?
299
00:17:01,535 --> 00:17:03,815
Is it us?
No, it's definitely him.
300
00:17:03,855 --> 00:17:05,935
They have no manners nowadays.
301
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,855
Exactly. Interact. Ask questions.
302
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:12,095
Well, Chinese people are very quiet.
303
00:17:14,495 --> 00:17:16,495
He's not Chinese!
304
00:17:17,295 --> 00:17:20,215
I think there's something wrong
with your dog.
305
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:23,375
Balthazar? Why? What's he doing?
He's just lying there.
306
00:17:23,415 --> 00:17:26,135
I think he's unconscious.
Oh, no, he's only sleeping.
307
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:28,175
I stepped on him and he didn't move.
308
00:17:28,535 --> 00:17:30,215
He's 20, you see.
309
00:17:30,255 --> 00:17:32,495
And yet still younger than
the biscuits.
310
00:17:34,775 --> 00:17:37,175
I didn't think dogs lived that long.
311
00:17:37,215 --> 00:17:39,455
He's more of a doorstopper
at this point.
312
00:17:41,775 --> 00:17:44,175
You see,
you would never have had Balthazar
313
00:17:44,215 --> 00:17:46,815
had you been with Clive
instead of Freddie.
314
00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:49,455
Or... any of the others.
315
00:17:52,895 --> 00:17:56,735
That's a lot of dogs. We went
through several very quickly.
316
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:58,775
This used to be a bus route.
317
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:03,895
I just wish I could've had
the chance to have known
318
00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:05,895
what that life could have been.
319
00:18:05,935 --> 00:18:09,175
Do you really think you would
have had a better life without me?
320
00:18:09,215 --> 00:18:11,655
Yes! I could have been happy
and successful,
321
00:18:11,695 --> 00:18:14,695
instead of being stuck with you
in this penitentiary.
322
00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:18,375
Do you think I've been happy?
With you simpering around this flat,
323
00:18:18,415 --> 00:18:20,855
pouring your blandness onto every
surface.
324
00:18:20,895 --> 00:18:23,735
I don't know what would be
preferable at this point,
325
00:18:23,775 --> 00:18:26,255
if you woke up dead or I did!
326
00:18:26,295 --> 00:18:28,295
I know which I'd prefer!
327
00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:31,655
I'll tell you what
would've happened to you.
328
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:34,935
You would've ended up the same
worthless prat you are today!
329
00:18:34,975 --> 00:18:36,975
Your accent just came out!
330
00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:40,615
Hey! His accent just came out!
You all heard it!
331
00:18:40,655 --> 00:18:45,815
It most certainly didn't! And
at least I'm not from Leytonstone!
332
00:18:45,855 --> 00:18:48,575
Wigan's worse!
I'm from Wigan!
333
00:18:48,615 --> 00:18:51,055
This is not the time to contribute,
darling.
334
00:18:51,615 --> 00:18:53,935
What exactly have you done
with your life?
335
00:18:53,975 --> 00:18:56,735
Bit parts in rep
and one episode of Dr Who?
336
00:18:56,775 --> 00:18:59,495
What an illustrious career
to look back on!
337
00:18:59,535 --> 00:19:02,055
At least I've had a career.
And I'm still at it.
338
00:19:02,095 --> 00:19:05,495
I'm still working! You've had
nothing. You've done nothing!
339
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:11,015
I think I hear the dog.
340
00:19:14,815 --> 00:19:17,215
Is this over yet then, Freddie?
341
00:19:17,535 --> 00:19:19,335
No. It is not.
342
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,375
Clive would have loved this.
343
00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:24,975
I think. I'm not sure, really.
344
00:19:25,975 --> 00:19:27,975
What actually is this?
345
00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:31,255
I also killed a prostitute on
Coronation Street.
346
00:19:35,255 --> 00:19:38,055
Among others.
Other prostitutes?
347
00:19:38,695 --> 00:19:41,215
Other shows.
You're becoming very annoying.
348
00:19:41,735 --> 00:19:44,735
Is he going to be all right?
Stuart? Of course.
349
00:19:44,775 --> 00:19:47,655
You know what it can be like
with certain "friends".
350
00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:51,095
I guess. Do you have
a very close friend, Ash?
351
00:19:51,135 --> 00:19:53,135
Not now, no.
I see.
352
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:58,095
But in the past, you have been in a
relationship with another... person?
353
00:19:58,135 --> 00:20:01,175
I have. But I've never been in love.
354
00:20:01,215 --> 00:20:04,895
Ah. You're young.
You'll meet that special someone.
355
00:20:04,935 --> 00:20:06,935
I suppose.
356
00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:08,975
I should really go.
357
00:20:09,015 --> 00:20:11,615
Please tell Stuart I said thank you.
Of course.
358
00:20:11,655 --> 00:20:13,655
And I hope you've had fun.
359
00:20:14,655 --> 00:20:17,895
And maybe learned a little bit about
social graces as well.
360
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,735
Has he been here this whole time?
361
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:25,615
Oh, and by the way... I'm straight.
362
00:20:31,495 --> 00:20:33,495
Well, that came out of nowhere.
363
00:20:39,975 --> 00:20:41,975
You're up late.
364
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,495
I was just going to pour myself
a drink.
365
00:20:49,575 --> 00:20:51,575
Care for one?
366
00:20:53,375 --> 00:20:55,775
Fine, don't answer. I prefer it.
367
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,215
You behaved abominably today!
368
00:20:59,255 --> 00:21:01,255
She speaks!
369
00:21:04,335 --> 00:21:06,935
Don't let's do this now.
I'm so tired.
370
00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,055
Entertaining is exhausting.
371
00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:13,495
I suppose I'm not tired because
I do nothing. I did nothing.
372
00:21:13,535 --> 00:21:15,695
I am nothing.
373
00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:19,175
You're still going on about that?
Will you forget about it, please?
374
00:21:19,215 --> 00:21:21,215
I can never forget it.
375
00:21:21,255 --> 00:21:24,775
You said some very hurtful things
which you can never take back.
376
00:21:25,775 --> 00:21:28,495
I don't see how
we can ever get over this.
377
00:21:28,535 --> 00:21:31,735
Stuart, I'm sorry.
Oh, that's all right.
378
00:21:36,735 --> 00:21:39,735
Oh, what on earth?!
379
00:21:39,775 --> 00:21:42,735
Is that someone calling?
This lunacy!
380
00:21:42,775 --> 00:21:44,575
Hello?
381
00:21:44,615 --> 00:21:46,615
Oh, hello, Mother.
382
00:21:47,615 --> 00:21:49,615
Yes, I'm still awake.
383
00:21:50,615 --> 00:21:52,615
I'm here with my... flatmate.
384
00:21:53,255 --> 00:21:55,135
Oh, for Christ's sake, Stuart.
385
00:21:55,175 --> 00:21:57,175
He says, "Hello, Mrs Bixby."
386
00:21:59,295 --> 00:22:01,295
Oh, my God.
387
00:22:01,815 --> 00:22:03,815
Oh, how dreadful!
388
00:22:05,015 --> 00:22:07,015
When?
389
00:22:07,055 --> 00:22:09,055
Poor Oliver!
390
00:22:10,575 --> 00:22:12,575
Another one.
Shit!
391
00:22:13,885 --> 00:22:42,080
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