All language subtitles for The Nanny S04E07 The Taxman Cometh-eng

Now, you notice, Ms. Fine how voluptuous
and fleshy this nude is?

The artist was obviously
inspired by Rubens.

Yeah, well, if you ask me
she had one too many Rubens herself.

No, Ms. Fine, back then a full figure
was the standard for beauty.

Meanwhile, if it were today, you'd see
her sitting around the piano bar

singing show tunes
with her three gay friends.

Oh, my God, it's my father.

Well, you know, my Uncle Louie started
to develop breasts around 60.

What? No.

No, Ms. Fine, my father is in the gallery.

Well, I've got a few words to say
to that cold manipulative son of a--

Oh my God, he's coming out.

-Come on, let's go.
-No. No. Stop.

-Hide me. Hide me.
-No. I will not perpetuate this feud

between you and your father.

-First of all, it's completely--
-Just kiss me.

Okay.

Maxwell. Well, what a surprise.

Father, good Lord, gracious me.
Ms. Fine, would you believe it.

My father was actually inside the gallery
that we were kissing in front of.

What a coincidence.
Where are you gonna be tomorrow?

Who is this gorgeous woman
and what is she doing kissing you

and not me?

James Sheffield, Maxwell's father.

Fran Fine, Maxwell's...
well, it depends on what day it is.

Come on, son,
give the old man a hug, huh?

Why? Don't you get enough hugs
from that secretary

you abandoned your family for?

-Trollop.
-What'd I do?

Maxwell, I never set out to hurt
your mother. She's a lovely woman, shrew.

I'll take it from him but you, I just met.

Well, it's been wonderful seeing you,
Father.

Why don't we do this again in,
say, another 10 years?

Maxwell... So that's it? Walk away?

Put a dagger through your father's heart?

I could be dead in a year
then you'll be sorry.

My God, you're Jewish?

She was working in a bridal shop
In Flushing, Queens

'Till her boyfriend kicked her out
In one of those crushing scenes

What was she to do, where was she to go,
She was out on her fanny

So over the bridge from Flushing
To the Sheffield's door,

She was there to sell make-up
But the father saw more,

She had style, she had flair,
She was there,

That's how she became the Nanny

Who would have guessed
That the girl we described

Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed?

Now the father finds her beguiling,
Watch out C.C.,

And the kids are actually smiling,
Such joie de vivre!

She's the lady in red
When everybody else is wearing tan

The flashy girl from Flushing,
The Nanny named Fran

Just tell me, what is so wrong
with a 15 year old guy wanting

to take ballet lessons?

Nothing, sweetheart. It isn't you, is it?

Yes, it's me.

Well, you already look like
a boiled chicken in a tank top.

Now you wanna wear tights?

Stop it. Look how mature
your sister's being.

He goes to a different school.
No one knows we're related.

-What's wrong with you people?
-Just leave your brother alone.

He only wants
to express himself artistically.

-You looking to meet chicks?
-Yeah.

Yeah. You know, Niles, I think
it's time that I marched myself

into Mr. Sheffield's office
and talk to him

-that his son wants to be a ballerina.
-Mm-hm.

What horrible thing have you done
that won't seem so bad

after you tell him this?

I invited his father
to the house for dinner.

And you're gonna tell him now?
Just let me get to the intercom.

Talk to me, baby.

I can't believe she invited his father
to dinner. What did he say?

He was livid.

He said this time she'd gone too far
and then he threatened to....

What? What? Fire her?

Okay.

Fire her.

Ms. Fine, I cannot believe
you invited my father.

Are you trying to kill me?
Because you're not in the will, you know.

You can't leave now.
My mother's coming over.

She's gonna think we're having problems.

We are. You're about
to be found floating in the river

and I'm about
to be pulled in for questioning.

-This is fabulous.
-"Relive the magic at home," 1995.

So much is going on.

-I'd love to stay for dinner.
-But you're not invited.

Ms. Fine, you have absolutely no idea
what you've gotten yourself into.

Last time my father and I dined together,
it almost came to blows.

You should see my family at Fung Lungs
when they say they're out of mu shu pork.

Pork, Ms. Fine?

That doesn't count when it's Chinese food.

Why don't you give your father
a chance to make up for lost time.

I'm sure you'll find
you've got a lot in common.

No, unlike my father, I am not
about to abandon my responsibilities

for sexual gratification
with some cheap floozy who works for me.

Why?

-Sir.
-Niles, well, you don't look a day older

-than when you worked for me.
-That was my father, sir.

In that case, you look like hell.

Maxwell, I was thrilled to get
your message at the hotel asking me

to come over here
for a reconciliation.

It takes a big man to do that.

Actually, father,
it takes a woman with big hair.

Why don't you give your father a break?

So he had an affair
with a secretary 25 years ago.

You'll always be his son.
Where is she today?

Here I am, darling.

-To die for.
-To die for.

She is stunning and so tasteful.

Maxwell, darling.

Look at you. I remember
when you were a little boy

and you adored playing hide and seek.

You always wanted to hide
underneath my skirt.

-Or was that your father?
-Darling, not in front of the children.

-Please, dear.
-He used to love spying on us,

he and that chubby little chap
who used to cleaned up after him.

Hey, it was an awkward stage.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

Here they are, Naomi and Wynona.

Trust me, Dijon mustard comes right out.

Look at that stain. Doesn't it look
just like Jill Eikenberry?

I spill a lot too.
This used to be a solid.

Don't worry, darling. I prefer
if James doesn't wear a tie at all.

It just takes me longer to undress him.

Darling, don't tell secrets out
of the bedroom.

What bedroom? I'm talking about last night
in the elevator of the Equity Building.

Could I tell you stories about this one.

Boy, can I tell you stories
about this one.

Sure I made them up but they'd knock
your socks off.

You know, James, it's funny
how you ended up with someone

from the other side of the river.

Like father like son.

Ma.

It's no insult. I'm... I'm proud
of the fact that my father worked

on the tube for 30 years.

My father sat in front of the tube for 40.

Do you know, before I worked for James

I almost got a job at Buckingham Palace,
doing The Queen's hair?

I almost got a job
in the Village doing hair on Queens.

Well, Maxwell, it's obvious
we're attracted to the same kind of woman.

You've inherited my gift
for mixing business with pleasure.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you,
father but I hired Ms. Fine solely

for her extensive experience
in child care.

That's right. You had enough.
Niles, take it away.

So, James,
you obviously did well for yourself.

I mean, this isn't a cheap tie.

Although now, it's not worth anything.

I do all right, Sylvia. I make most
of my money in investments.

In fact, I just got a hot tip guaranteed
to triple your return,

no commitment, short term.

"No commitment? Short term?"

Throw in some children, a dumped wife
and you've got your life.

Isn't this delightful?

Where did you get the exquisite shrimp?

I came with her.

No, dear. I meant the crustacean.

She's my daughter.

Jolly good. Well, where were we?

Yes, Maxwell was calling me a tramp.

No offense, Joan.

But, father, I cannot imagine
what possessed you

to bring this woman into my home.

My poor mother, sitting alone like a dog.

-I thought you hated your mother.
-Well, I like her now.

Anyone see Babe?

How did they get that pig
to learn all those lines?

Why don't you just cut
your father some slack?

I mean, he obviously just wants
to live his life hassle free

without any commitments.

Not unlike you.

Let it go. The man's entitled
to a girlfriend.

And not if his wife has
anything to say about it.

-You're married?
-Mm.

Isn't that delightful.

Well, we'd been playing cat
and mouse so long I decided to make

an honest woman out of her.

Well, I was wrong.

You and your father are
completely different.

And I like him better.

So, Maxwell, how about a toast
to me and my new wife?

A wife? I think gold digger
is a more appropriate description.

How dare you speak
to your Mother like that?

Stepmother, darling.
"Youthful stepmother".

Do you think after all this
anyone would be in the mood

for their little red potatoes?

What am I nuts? A pig can't learn lines.

He must have used cue cards.

So then Mr. Sheffield
accused her of being a gold digger.

Which Mr. Sheffield?

The young one.

We'll pick this up later in the kitchen.

Bring a pair of alligator Gucci's,
nine and a half D.

Niles, I should have never planned
that dinner party.

It just stirred up all kinds of feelings
of anguish and resentment.

In you when you found out
that a Sheffield would marry an employee?

Yeah.

Fran, I gotta dump this ballet class.

It's full of all these muscular,
good looking guys

who are obviously there
to meet chicks too.

Not necessarily.

Honey, why don't you just quit?

Fran, I can't. I'm the lightest one.
They already made me head swan.

Well, then what are you worried
about, being labeled?

Listen, there were
a lot of very masculine ballet dancers...

Barishnikov....

You know what?
You'll tell your father

you joined the ballet class.
He'll pull you out in two seconds.

Thank you, Fran.

And not a moment too soon.

I'll get it.

Fran, I hope you don't mind
but I just had to talk to you.

-Love the outfit.
-Love the outfit.

I feel so terrible about what happened
the other night at dinner.

You know, James pretends
not to care what Maxwell thinks

but it's one of the things
that keeps him up at night, I'm the other.

I think it's just so awful when a father
and son are at odds.

-Yes.
-I wish I can be there

to comfort Mr. Sheffield
when he's up all night.

Do me a world of good.

You know, I never believed
that Maxwell would grow up

to be as judgmental and narrow minded
as the rest of James' family.

They actually felt
that I wasn't of his class.

That is such bull.

Do you know it took 10 years
for James to finally make his move?

Ten years?

When he finally made his move,
the only reason he did it was

that I went into his office
to change his typewriter ribbon,

wearing a sexy little midriff top
and a very, very short mini-skirt.

I can't dress like that.
You know, I take care of children.

I'll never forget
how he took me in his arms,

gazed into my eyes
and told me that he loved me.

And then he took it back?

No. Then he proved it, six times.

I hate my life.

First, he dimmed the lights.

Then he grabbed me
and brought my body close to his.

And then with one sweep of his arm
he cleared the desk of everything

and then neat....

Do you have any ice?

Yeah, here.

What? What?

That was the first time
that I ever nibbled on James' ear.

It drove him absolutely crazy

and then I....

-I can't do that. I'm Jewish.
-No.

Mr. Sheffield.

It's time to change your ribbon.
Where's your typewriter?

It's in the attic
with my Peter Max posters.

See, you.

Ms. Fine, wait.

Yes?

I've had an epiphany.

Already? Just from doing this?

I've always resented my father
for his total lack of concern

for anyone's feelings but his own.

He's always lived solely
for his own pleasure.

Maybe that ain't so bad, huh?
I mean, maybe he's got the right idea.

I mean, I am a man.
I have needs too, right?

Yeah, good. Because I can use
a couple multiple epiphanies myself.

-I got a problem.
-All right, honey, solve it yourself.

-It builds character.
-No, no.

Okay, Dad, here it is.
I'm in a ballet class

and I don't care what you say,
I love it and I'm staying in.

Well, son, you should do
whatever makes you happy.

Even if you call the school and demand

they take me out of that class,
I'm not leaving.

I want you to do it.

Would you let me live my own life?

For the love of God, I'm a ballerina.

I'll tell you, he is so lucky
that he's got people

that love and support him.

Come here. Look how big his butt looks
in those tights.

So you were saying, you're a man,
you got needs?

Well, maybe I should just face the fact

that my father fell in love
with his secretary.

And your sister fell in love
with her chauffeur.

-And my grandfather married his maid.
-No sense breaking tradition.

None that I can see.

-Wait. Something is missing.
-What? What?

I know.

What are you doing here?

I'm picturing myself in Ms. Babcock's BMW.

-Well, we're off to Saint Tropez.
-We just came to say good--

Hi. Hello.

Well....

Honey, you've got a post it on your bum.

Well, Father, I'm glad you stopped by.
I think I owe you an apology.

Well, you know,
you don't wanna keep them waiting.

I mean, there's a big time difference
where you're going.

You're probably late already.

Just a moment Miss Fine,
I have something I need to say

-to my father.
-All righty, then.

-Father, I believe I was wrong about you.
-That was beautiful. Enjoy your trip.

We're wiped out.

We lost $25,000
on that investment of yours.

Well, you win some, you lose some.
Thank God that's all you invested.

That was our entire life savings.

Stop it.

You said it was guaranteed
triple our money.

Ma, ma, nobody forced you.
You can't point fingers.

That was the money
that we were gonna move to Boca with.

You are a dead man.

Father, how could you be so cavalier?
These people are living on a fixed income.

-I feel faint. I need something.
-I'll get you some water.

No, steak. I need protein.

And darling, I think we should dash off
if we're going to make it

-to Constantine's yacht.
-Mm-hm.

God, you are so incredibly insensitive.

Well, how can you say I'm insensitive,

when you're the one
who's making me late for cocktails?

What was I thinking? I was actually trying
to be more like you.

Well, now I remember how much pain
your selfishness causes other people.

I'm sorry, Ms. Fine. I'm sorry
for what almost happened here.

Well, that's bloody over with now.

All righty, then.

You realize
that our Christmas get together

at my chalet in Tuscany is off.

You think I'd actually want
to spend my holidays

in the Italian countryside
gorging on rich food,

partying with European glitterati?
Well, I wouldn't.

And I wouldn't dream of subjecting
my family to it either.

Why?

-Come on, Joan.
-Just a minute.

Darling, I know what you're thinking
but there's a part of James that is good.

Not as good as it was 20 years ago
but it does the job.

And by the way, darling, I think
that junior may still come around

but I'd lay off the chocolates
if I were you.

Ms. Fine, I feel awful
about your parents

not being able to move to Boca.

You feel awful?

Is there anything I could give them
to help smooth things over?

Grandchildren?

Maybe I should just reimburse them
for the money they lost?

Absolutely not. They're way too proud.
They would never take it.

They'll just talk about it constantly,
nag you incessantly

and never let it die until you do.

Don't look now
but your father's in that gallery again.

-Quick. He's coming out.
-Come here.

Ms. Fine, that is not my father.

My mistake.