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1
00:00:02,873 --> 00:00:05,174
(Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing)
2
00:00:11,724 --> 00:00:13,625
♪ Love ♪
3
00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:18,467
♪ Exciting and new ♪
4
00:00:19,438 --> 00:00:21,373
♪ Come aboard ♪
5
00:00:23,345 --> 00:00:27,196
♪ We're expecting you ♪
6
00:00:27,220 --> 00:00:29,624
♪ And love ♪
7
00:00:31,429 --> 00:00:35,479
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
8
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,439
♪ Let it flow ♪
9
00:00:39,445 --> 00:00:43,663
♪ It floats back to you ♪
10
00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:47,069
♪ The Love Boat ♪
11
00:00:47,093 --> 00:00:52,046
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
12
00:00:52,070 --> 00:00:55,319
♪ The Love Boat ♪
13
00:00:55,343 --> 00:00:59,828
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
14
00:00:59,852 --> 00:01:02,032
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
15
00:01:02,056 --> 00:01:06,297
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
16
00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:11,586
♪ And love ♪
17
00:01:11,610 --> 00:01:14,714
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
18
00:01:15,818 --> 00:01:19,769
♪ It's an open smile ♪
19
00:01:19,793 --> 00:01:24,110
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
20
00:01:24,134 --> 00:01:28,585
♪ It's love ♪
21
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:34,285
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
22
00:01:38,914 --> 00:01:41,851
( upbeat theme playing)
23
00:02:00,456 --> 00:02:02,136
There you are.
24
00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,273
Ooh. And there you are.
25
00:02:04,297 --> 00:02:05,877
And as much as I'm loving this,
26
00:02:05,901 --> 00:02:07,546
I'm really gonna
have to check in.
27
00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:09,785
Oh, please, Miss Maxwell.
28
00:02:09,809 --> 00:02:12,389
I've seen every
one of your movies.
29
00:02:12,413 --> 00:02:15,618
Oh, how brave of you. I
ought to get your autograph.
30
00:02:16,990 --> 00:02:18,168
Miss Maxwell.
31
00:02:18,192 --> 00:02:21,474
Oh, Merrill. Oh. Welcome back.
32
00:02:21,498 --> 00:02:23,212
The Princess always sails better
33
00:02:23,236 --> 00:02:24,380
when there's a queen onboard.
34
00:02:24,404 --> 00:02:26,017
Now, I didn't know
your ship was equipped
35
00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:27,286
with a Blarney Stone.
36
00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:28,823
(laughing)
37
00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:30,794
Adam. Mona.
38
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,865
If your beauty gets
any more dazzling,
39
00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:34,835
I'm gonna have to
wear dark glasses.
40
00:02:34,859 --> 00:02:37,696
Mm. Now, no matter what you
say, I'm not gonna marry you.
41
00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:43,285
But meet me later, and
we'll talk about fooling around.
42
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:45,792
Oh-ho. Oh, ho-ho.
43
00:02:46,031 --> 00:02:49,681
Ha-ha-ha. Oh, and here
are some more old friends.
44
00:02:49,705 --> 00:02:51,685
Oh, Isaac, my
favorite bartender.
45
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:52,888
Welcome back, Miss Maxwell.
46
00:02:52,912 --> 00:02:54,190
Thank you. And Julie.
47
00:02:54,214 --> 00:02:55,392
Hi. Welcome back. Hi.
48
00:02:55,416 --> 00:02:56,444
I see we have booked
49
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:59,702
an entire boatload
of your admirers.
50
00:02:59,726 --> 00:03:02,640
Oh, dear. They keep
showing those old musicals
51
00:03:02,664 --> 00:03:04,143
of mine on the late show.
52
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,279
I must be responsible
53
00:03:05,303 --> 00:03:07,300
for the sale of a
million Slice-A-Matics.
54
00:03:07,324 --> 00:03:08,302
(chuckles)
55
00:03:08,326 --> 00:03:10,439
Excuse me. Wasn't that, uh...?
56
00:03:10,463 --> 00:03:12,911
Mona Maxwell. She
sails with us every year.
57
00:03:12,935 --> 00:03:15,449
Really? It's her
really, in the flesh?
58
00:03:15,473 --> 00:03:17,821
You're a fan? Oh, ho, ho, ho.
59
00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:19,791
I mean, that was a star. Yeah.
60
00:03:19,815 --> 00:03:21,328
Not like these kids
they have today.
61
00:03:21,352 --> 00:03:22,330
(laughs)
62
00:03:22,354 --> 00:03:23,598
Come on, I'll introduce you.
63
00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:25,402
Oh, no. She wouldn't
wanna meet me.
64
00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:27,439
Yeah, she would.
She's regular people.
65
00:03:27,463 --> 00:03:29,193
I don't wanna be
any trouble. Come on.
66
00:03:29,217 --> 00:03:30,645
(laughing)
67
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,282
Here's someone
who'd like to meet you.
68
00:03:32,306 --> 00:03:34,604
Here she is, in
the flesh. Hello.
69
00:03:34,628 --> 00:03:37,548
Heh. I can't believe
it's your flesh. Heh.
70
00:03:39,338 --> 00:03:41,500
I-I mean, I can't
believe you're alive.
71
00:03:42,845 --> 00:03:46,817
I mean... I mean, I think I'll go
to my cabin and fix my mouth.
72
00:03:49,341 --> 00:03:52,456
Hmm. I'm flattered. I think.
73
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:53,848
(all laughing)
74
00:03:55,186 --> 00:03:57,399
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
75
00:03:57,423 --> 00:04:00,941
The brochure said
"fabulous," but this is fabulous.
76
00:04:00,965 --> 00:04:02,276
Look at the way it's decorated.
77
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,913
You could learn
something about fixing up
78
00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:05,182
your apartment from this place.
79
00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:06,417
Good taste.
80
00:04:06,441 --> 00:04:08,055
I already have good taste.
81
00:04:08,079 --> 00:04:09,390
I suppose I have bad taste?
82
00:04:09,414 --> 00:04:12,413
No, no. You have no taste.
83
00:04:12,437 --> 00:04:13,999
Hello. Good morning.
84
00:04:14,023 --> 00:04:15,353
Welcome back. Hi. Welcome back.
85
00:04:15,377 --> 00:04:17,423
Oh, I'm in love.
86
00:04:17,447 --> 00:04:19,449
Where, where? Over there.
87
00:04:21,055 --> 00:04:22,834
Hey, I don't think
he's your type.
88
00:04:22,858 --> 00:04:25,506
She's gorgeous, and
she's crazy about me.
89
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:26,808
She hasn't even seen you yet.
90
00:04:26,832 --> 00:04:29,115
Hey, some things are
chemical, man. Watch this.
91
00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:35,759
Hi, doll. What's your sign?
92
00:04:35,784 --> 00:04:37,763
Julie McCoy, cruise director.
93
00:04:37,788 --> 00:04:39,935
Pay no attention
to this buffoon.
94
00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:41,955
You and I can make
beautiful music together.
95
00:04:41,979 --> 00:04:45,129
What? And put your
monkey out of work?
96
00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:47,066
Love a girl with
a sense of humor.
97
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:48,769
Yeah, love a guy
with an original line.
98
00:04:48,794 --> 00:04:51,174
Pardon me, gentlemen. May
I have your names, please?
99
00:04:51,198 --> 00:04:53,579
Alex Lambert, at
your service, miss.
100
00:04:53,603 --> 00:04:55,499
Wally Fountaine.
101
00:04:55,523 --> 00:04:58,305
Oh, yes, you're on the
Fiesta Deck. Cabin 264.
102
00:04:58,329 --> 00:04:59,507
Happy cruising.
103
00:04:59,531 --> 00:05:01,361
I'll see you later,
just as soon as
104
00:05:01,385 --> 00:05:03,431
I get rid of the excess baggage.
105
00:05:03,455 --> 00:05:06,075
My cabin, as soon
as I dump my father.
106
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,048
Bye.
107
00:05:11,755 --> 00:05:13,452
I don't know why,
but I get the feeling
108
00:05:13,476 --> 00:05:14,988
that deep down inside,
109
00:05:15,012 --> 00:05:17,894
those two crazy guys are
some really nice people.
110
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,232
That's what I like
about you, McCoy.
111
00:05:20,256 --> 00:05:22,725
You're such a sap.
112
00:05:24,047 --> 00:05:26,360
Hey. Nice boat.
113
00:05:26,384 --> 00:05:29,250
Real, real nice boat. Heh-heh.
114
00:05:29,274 --> 00:05:30,419
Tell me, Dottie.
115
00:05:30,443 --> 00:05:32,022
How does this compare
to the Mayflower?
116
00:05:32,046 --> 00:05:33,392
Oh, stop it, Ralph.
117
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:37,366
Try to act respectable. At
least for our anniversary.
118
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:38,685
GOPHER: Hello.
119
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:41,024
I'm Yeoman Purser Smith.
I'm here to check you in.
120
00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:43,762
We're the Warrens, and
I'm here to check her out.
121
00:05:43,786 --> 00:05:47,569
Excuse my husband,
Mr. Smith. He's a little crazy.
122
00:05:47,593 --> 00:05:50,877
Who said "little?" Ha-ha-ha.
123
00:05:50,901 --> 00:05:52,797
Hey, what took
you so long, shorty?
124
00:05:52,821 --> 00:05:54,567
Well, I had to catch
up with the bags.
125
00:05:54,591 --> 00:05:56,621
What'd you guys do? Pack
for a trip around the world?
126
00:05:56,645 --> 00:06:00,078
You know I never do
things in a small way.
127
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:01,464
Who said "small"?
128
00:06:01,488 --> 00:06:02,901
(laughter)
129
00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:04,437
This is our son, Doug.
130
00:06:04,461 --> 00:06:06,341
Oh, hi.
131
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:07,776
Uh, well, let's see.
132
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,247
Warren, you've
got adjoining cabins
133
00:06:09,271 --> 00:06:13,121
on Fiesta Deck, 287, 289.
134
00:06:13,145 --> 00:06:14,807
Son, I can't thank you enough.
135
00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:18,131
What a wonderful way to
spend our silver anniversary.
136
00:06:18,155 --> 00:06:20,740
It's something I've wanted
to do for a long time.
137
00:06:22,330 --> 00:06:25,846
Hey, hey, enough of this
gab. I'm ready for a short beer.
138
00:06:25,870 --> 00:06:28,251
Who said "short"? Ah-ha.
139
00:06:28,275 --> 00:06:29,988
I'm gonna take the
bags, check out the cabin.
140
00:06:30,012 --> 00:06:31,291
I'll catch you guys later, okay?
141
00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:33,628
Oh, great. Okay,
but don't be long.
142
00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:35,699
Don't say it.
143
00:06:35,723 --> 00:06:37,386
(all laugh)
144
00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,123
Come on, honey.
Take care of the bag.
145
00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:40,428
Catch you later.
146
00:06:41,452 --> 00:06:42,630
Your parents are a kick.
147
00:06:42,654 --> 00:06:44,434
Yeah, they are the
greatest. WOMAN: Hi.
148
00:06:44,458 --> 00:06:47,690
Hello. You're, um...
Oh, I know you.
149
00:06:47,714 --> 00:06:50,162
Uh, the elevator at
the Spelling building.
150
00:06:50,186 --> 00:06:52,616
Right, you get off at the
16th floor, I get off at the 25th.
151
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,037
Hi, Doug Warren, stockbroker.
152
00:06:54,061 --> 00:06:56,207
Beth Donaldson. Advertising.
153
00:06:56,231 --> 00:06:57,559
Gopher Smith. Shipping.
154
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,497
Isn't it amazing? After
a year of just nodding
155
00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:02,536
to each other on the elevator,
we finally get a chance to meet.
156
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,771
Yeah.
157
00:07:03,795 --> 00:07:05,609
Yeah. Um...
158
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:07,879
I'm gonna take the bags,
but I'll see you later, yeah?
159
00:07:07,903 --> 00:07:09,217
Oh, you bet you will.
160
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:12,055
Yeah, okay. Yeah.
161
00:07:12,079 --> 00:07:14,882
I'm glad to see
you. Yeah, me too.
162
00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:18,801
Super, isn't he?
163
00:07:18,825 --> 00:07:21,241
Well, he's no Burl Smith.
164
00:07:21,265 --> 00:07:23,678
Who? Burl Smith. Big...
165
00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:26,606
Uh. You don't know him.
166
00:07:28,345 --> 00:07:30,776
(boat horn blows)
167
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,345
( upbeat theme playing)
168
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,820
(people chattering excitedly)
169
00:07:44,844 --> 00:07:47,025
You've gotta be kidding.
170
00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,730
What schnook would
wear a shirt like that?
171
00:07:49,754 --> 00:07:53,338
You. I borrowed this
from you last year.
172
00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:55,364
On me it looked good. Huh.
173
00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,585
A hair dryer?
174
00:08:00,609 --> 00:08:01,787
You've gotta be careful.
175
00:08:01,811 --> 00:08:03,824
You could blow your
toupee over the side.
176
00:08:03,848 --> 00:08:08,401
This happens to be the exact
same kind Joe Namath uses.
177
00:08:08,425 --> 00:08:10,038
Joe wears a rug?
178
00:08:10,062 --> 00:08:12,842
Get lost, will you, please?
179
00:08:12,866 --> 00:08:13,844
All right, okay, okay.
180
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,815
I got a very important
decision here.
181
00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:17,185
Which threads will Julie prefer
182
00:08:17,209 --> 00:08:19,056
when I sweep her off
her feet at dinner tonight?
183
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:22,062
You couldn't sweep her off
her feet if you were a broom.
184
00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:23,931
Oh, no?
185
00:08:23,955 --> 00:08:26,954
Well, watch me and
learn from a master.
186
00:08:26,978 --> 00:08:30,395
A thousand bucks says
I'm the one she falls for first.
187
00:08:30,419 --> 00:08:31,730
A thousand bucks?
188
00:08:31,754 --> 00:08:33,702
Wally, you can't afford
to lose that kind of money.
189
00:08:33,726 --> 00:08:36,474
I'll make it easy for
you. Let's make it 500.
190
00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:37,776
Hey, I'm your buddy.
191
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,947
I can't take 500 from
you you don't have.
192
00:08:39,971 --> 00:08:42,970
I'll settle for...$12.
193
00:08:42,994 --> 00:08:46,310
I'll tell you what. Let's
keep things in your league.
194
00:08:46,334 --> 00:08:47,335
Make it a pizza.
195
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:50,035
With anchovies? You're on.
196
00:08:50,059 --> 00:08:51,286
All right.
197
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:55,317
( sedate theme playing)
198
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:04,713
Mm. For you, sir?
199
00:09:04,737 --> 00:09:06,184
Uh, screwdriver, please.
200
00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,886
Screwdriver.
201
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:10,208
Don't I know you from somewhere?
202
00:09:10,232 --> 00:09:12,662
That's it. Screwdriver.
203
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,666
In your hand, under my car.
204
00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:16,287
I used to be a mechanic.
205
00:09:16,311 --> 00:09:19,041
And I used to have an old
heap with a chronic oil condition.
206
00:09:19,066 --> 00:09:21,513
I got a chain of ten
auto-repair shops now.
207
00:09:21,537 --> 00:09:23,756
I got a newer heap with
a chronic oil condition.
208
00:09:25,262 --> 00:09:26,941
Oh, hi, Miss Maxwell.
209
00:09:26,965 --> 00:09:30,248
Isaac, one of your notorious
piña coladas, please.
210
00:09:30,272 --> 00:09:31,366
Oh. I'll bring it right over.
211
00:09:31,390 --> 00:09:33,438
Great.
212
00:09:33,462 --> 00:09:36,611
Oh. Hi.
213
00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:38,136
Hi.
214
00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:43,208
I see you two are
finally speaking.
215
00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:45,679
Ah, yes, he sent
me a dozen roses,
216
00:09:45,703 --> 00:09:47,383
and I just couldn't stay mad.
217
00:09:47,407 --> 00:09:50,889
I'm talking about you
and Mona Maxwell.
218
00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:53,059
I don't know what came
over me in the lobby there.
219
00:09:53,083 --> 00:09:56,166
I mean, I didn't have
anything to say. I mean...
220
00:09:56,190 --> 00:10:00,909
she's been my idol for years,
and I'm just an ordinary schmo.
221
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:03,782
Oh, look, she made
a couple of movies.
222
00:10:03,806 --> 00:10:06,287
But I'll bet if you asked
her to dinner tonight,
223
00:10:06,311 --> 00:10:07,523
she'd probably say yes.
224
00:10:07,547 --> 00:10:09,493
Oh. Ha! Yeah. Yeah.
225
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:12,097
Ah. Would you like to
have dinner with her?
226
00:10:12,122 --> 00:10:14,336
Hm. Yeah, but I'm
sure she's busy.
227
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,712
Oh. I'll go find out. No, Isaac.
228
00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:18,928
Oh. Thank you.
229
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,302
Miss Maxwell, my friend
Mr. D'Angelo would like to know
230
00:10:22,326 --> 00:10:24,848
if he could have the pleasure
of dining with you tonight.
231
00:10:29,557 --> 00:10:32,059
Tell Mr. D'Angelo
that I'd be delighted.
232
00:10:36,805 --> 00:10:38,918
Hey, how do you like
that? There's my girl.
233
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,188
Your girl?
234
00:10:40,212 --> 00:10:41,924
By tonight, you'll be
eating your heart out,
235
00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:43,126
and I'll be eating the pizza.
236
00:10:43,151 --> 00:10:44,263
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
237
00:10:44,287 --> 00:10:46,167
Hi, gorgeous.
Hello, Mr. Lambert.
238
00:10:46,191 --> 00:10:47,903
Oh, Alex, please. Alex.
239
00:10:47,927 --> 00:10:50,308
Oh, nothing like the
good sea air, is there?
240
00:10:50,332 --> 00:10:51,944
It's even better
when you breathe it.
241
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:54,350
Hey, not so hard. Poor guy.
242
00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:57,120
Now, what time shall I pick
you up for dinner and dancing?
243
00:10:57,144 --> 00:10:59,025
Oh, well, I...
Don't answer that.
244
00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:00,729
Julie, I'm about to rescue you
245
00:11:00,753 --> 00:11:03,768
from the most boring
evening of your entire life.
246
00:11:03,792 --> 00:11:06,440
I'll be at your cabin at
8. Well, no, I really can't...
247
00:11:06,464 --> 00:11:08,444
Don't you say a word
unless it's yes to me.
248
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,147
But come on... You're
making a big mistake.
249
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:11,651
No, I'm not. No. Ah-ah-ah-ah.
250
00:11:11,675 --> 00:11:14,088
You guys are crazy. Why don't
we all have dinner together?
251
00:11:14,112 --> 00:11:16,059
No, no, no. Lousy
idea. Will you butt out?
252
00:11:16,083 --> 00:11:17,161
You don't know how to dance.
253
00:11:17,186 --> 00:11:19,233
Hey, boys. Boys. How about this?
254
00:11:19,257 --> 00:11:21,954
I'll have dinner with Alex
and go dancing with Wally.
255
00:11:21,978 --> 00:11:23,241
No good. No way. Uh-uh.
256
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,378
All right, then, I'll
have dinner with Wally
257
00:11:25,402 --> 00:11:26,780
and go dancing with Alex.
258
00:11:26,804 --> 00:11:28,467
That's fair enough.
259
00:11:28,491 --> 00:11:31,105
Once you're with me,
you'll never wanna leave.
260
00:11:31,129 --> 00:11:34,513
Well... Until
tonight, my beauty.
261
00:11:34,537 --> 00:11:36,283
Is he kidding?
262
00:11:36,307 --> 00:11:38,354
When you get a load of
this guy's table manners,
263
00:11:38,378 --> 00:11:40,891
you won't last
past the appetizer.
264
00:11:40,915 --> 00:11:44,921
I'll see you on the dance floor.
265
00:11:48,865 --> 00:11:50,109
It's love.
266
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:52,482
Hm. How do you like
that? She loves me.
267
00:11:52,506 --> 00:11:53,818
You? Yeah, me.
268
00:11:53,842 --> 00:11:55,321
Look in the mirror
sometime, will you?
269
00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:56,857
Look in her eyes.
270
00:11:56,881 --> 00:11:58,047
(speaking indistinctly)
271
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,702
Mamma mia.
272
00:12:10,726 --> 00:12:12,806
I'd like to be around
when she reaches puberty.
273
00:12:12,830 --> 00:12:15,060
Just cool it, Ralph.
She's not your type.
274
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:16,930
She is if you give me a boost.
275
00:12:16,954 --> 00:12:18,195
Who said that?
276
00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:21,691
How did you put up
with him for 25 years?
277
00:12:21,715 --> 00:12:24,195
What could I do? It was
either him or Mickey Rooney.
278
00:12:24,219 --> 00:12:25,414
Mickey Rooney.
279
00:12:25,438 --> 00:12:27,419
Hey, Doug.
280
00:12:27,443 --> 00:12:29,188
The ship's crawling
with pulchritude.
281
00:12:29,212 --> 00:12:31,575
What are you hanging around us?
282
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,118
Because I want to. I
mean, this is for you.
283
00:12:36,142 --> 00:12:38,774
But that doesn't mean
you can't have a good time.
284
00:12:38,798 --> 00:12:40,878
I think we're inhibiting him.
285
00:12:40,902 --> 00:12:43,249
In that case, how about
a game of shuffleboard?
286
00:12:43,274 --> 00:12:44,552
Great idea.
287
00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,757
And don't give me the
short end of the stick.
288
00:12:46,781 --> 00:12:48,126
Who said that?
289
00:12:48,150 --> 00:12:49,462
I didn't.
290
00:12:49,486 --> 00:12:50,765
Um...
291
00:12:50,789 --> 00:12:52,535
if there's anything
you can't handle, kid,
292
00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:54,739
you know my cabin number.
293
00:12:54,763 --> 00:12:58,297
Come on, Ralph. (humming)
294
00:12:58,321 --> 00:13:00,539
( sedate theme playing)
295
00:13:08,975 --> 00:13:10,286
Step to the rear, please.
296
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,657
Let the man with
the coffee cart out
297
00:13:11,681 --> 00:13:12,992
before his doughnuts go bad.
298
00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:15,096
Hi, hi, hi. Hi, hi.
299
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,567
Whoa. If you wore that to work,
300
00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:18,102
nobody would ever
get off the elevator.
301
00:13:18,126 --> 00:13:20,173
Can I buy you a drink?
302
00:13:20,197 --> 00:13:21,777
Oh, of course.
303
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,279
Oh, but I think I
should warn you.
304
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,816
I'm already
committed for dinner.
305
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,185
Oh, yeah? Who's the lucky guy?
306
00:13:26,209 --> 00:13:28,122
You. Ha-ha.
307
00:13:28,146 --> 00:13:31,597
By the way, did I tell you
that I was aggressive?
308
00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:33,868
I'll tell you when
to stop. Okay.
309
00:13:33,892 --> 00:13:36,005
Um... this cruise
310
00:13:36,029 --> 00:13:37,876
is a silver anniversary
present for my parents.
311
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,345
You don't mind if
they join us, do you?
312
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,948
Oh, no. I'd love to meet them.
313
00:13:40,972 --> 00:13:44,912
Look, any parents of yours
are prospective in-laws of mine.
314
00:13:47,352 --> 00:13:49,566
Anybody ever tell you
you were aggressive?
315
00:13:49,590 --> 00:13:52,092
Well, wait, do you
wanna take another look?
316
00:13:54,131 --> 00:13:56,300
( peaceful theme playing)
317
00:13:57,907 --> 00:14:01,022
That's a very beautiful dress
you have on, Miss Maxwell.
318
00:14:01,046 --> 00:14:02,224
Or may I call you...?
319
00:14:02,248 --> 00:14:04,484
(knock on door)
320
00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:10,641
Oh, Mr. D'Angelo. I'm so sorry,
321
00:14:10,665 --> 00:14:12,111
but Captain Stubing reminded me
322
00:14:12,135 --> 00:14:14,314
that I promised to have
dinner with him tonight.
323
00:14:14,338 --> 00:14:17,021
He's entertaining some
bigwigs from the shipping line,
324
00:14:17,045 --> 00:14:19,826
and, well, I guess they
wanted to meet me.
325
00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:21,397
Can we make it another time?
326
00:14:21,421 --> 00:14:23,834
Oh, sure. We'll
make it another time.
327
00:14:23,858 --> 00:14:27,458
Thank you, and I'm
sorry for such short notice.
328
00:14:27,482 --> 00:14:29,768
Hey, look. Uh, I know how it is.
329
00:14:31,624 --> 00:14:33,302
( slow, dramatic theme playing)
330
00:14:33,326 --> 00:14:38,436
How it is, is... I'm a jerk.
331
00:14:46,169 --> 00:14:48,539
( upbeat theme playing)
332
00:14:57,526 --> 00:15:01,109
She is a sensational girl.
333
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:02,845
And I know you two
are gonna like her.
334
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,449
You know, I-I think
she'd like you better
335
00:15:04,473 --> 00:15:05,651
in your other tux shirt.
336
00:15:05,675 --> 00:15:07,154
You know, the one
with all the ruffles.
337
00:15:07,178 --> 00:15:08,557
Nobody asked you.
338
00:15:08,581 --> 00:15:10,961
Doug, you look
great. Thanks, Mom.
339
00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:13,567
Oh, here, uh... bought
you a little present.
340
00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:15,721
Put some on. Heh.
341
00:15:15,745 --> 00:15:17,725
Cologne. Oh, thanks, Pop,
but I already used some.
342
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,295
Well, put some more on.
343
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:22,301
Can't do you any harm
to be a sweet smeller.
344
00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:25,429
Ah. Better get out of here
before he gives you a haircut.
345
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:30,434
You know, we are gonna
be the best-looking foursome
346
00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:31,637
in that dining room.
347
00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:32,888
Right.
348
00:15:32,912 --> 00:15:35,717
But, uh, we'll be two twosomes.
349
00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:37,832
No, what do you mean?
350
00:15:37,856 --> 00:15:39,234
I already told Beth
you were coming.
351
00:15:39,258 --> 00:15:40,871
Look, it's your first
date with the girl.
352
00:15:40,895 --> 00:15:43,343
You don't want us tagging along.
353
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,430
Now... It's for your
own good, son.
354
00:15:45,455 --> 00:15:48,369
I mean, uh, she'd
see what a killer I am,
355
00:15:48,393 --> 00:15:51,164
and then you'd be
out of the running.
356
00:15:55,307 --> 00:15:57,844
(disco playing)
357
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:01,952
(inaudible dialogue)
358
00:16:13,210 --> 00:16:15,389
Hey, uh, Gopher. Hm?
359
00:16:15,413 --> 00:16:18,618
Listen, uh, you must
know Julie pretty well. Oh.
360
00:16:20,090 --> 00:16:25,109
Well, um, did she ever
say what turns her on?
361
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,167
Yeah.
362
00:16:28,139 --> 00:16:30,419
Warren Beatty.
363
00:16:30,443 --> 00:16:32,190
What kind of a tip is that?
364
00:16:32,214 --> 00:16:34,918
If you were Warren
Beatty, you'd be thrilled.
365
00:16:38,159 --> 00:16:40,173
Hello, Gopher.
366
00:16:40,197 --> 00:16:42,578
Wally, thank you for
dinner. I had a lovely time.
367
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:43,981
My pleasure, Julie.
368
00:16:44,005 --> 00:16:45,751
I don't understand
one thing, however.
369
00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:49,024
How can you go from
champagne and caviar
370
00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:52,197
to... chopped liver?
371
00:16:52,221 --> 00:16:54,802
(chuckles)
372
00:16:54,826 --> 00:16:57,240
Well, Julie, the mercy
date is over for the evening.
373
00:16:57,264 --> 00:17:00,213
Prince Charming is here
to dance the night away.
374
00:17:00,237 --> 00:17:01,682
See you later, honey.
375
00:17:01,706 --> 00:17:03,720
I will leave a light
in my porthole.
376
00:17:03,744 --> 00:17:04,989
Oh.
377
00:17:05,013 --> 00:17:06,692
Your friend's a clown.
378
00:17:06,716 --> 00:17:09,364
Yeah, laughing on
the outside and, uh,
379
00:17:09,388 --> 00:17:10,667
weeping on the inside.
380
00:17:10,691 --> 00:17:12,688
Poor guy. Oh, yeah? Why's that?
381
00:17:12,712 --> 00:17:15,026
Well, listen, uh, don't
tell him I told you this,
382
00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:16,896
but he's miserable.
383
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,134
He wanted to bring his
fiancée on this trip with him,
384
00:17:19,158 --> 00:17:22,006
but she had to stay
home and work, you know.
385
00:17:22,030 --> 00:17:25,313
They're saving every penny
they have for the honeymoon.
386
00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:26,683
And I gave him this trip
387
00:17:26,707 --> 00:17:29,138
as sort of a
pre-wedding present.
388
00:17:29,162 --> 00:17:31,475
Oh, you gave him this trip?
389
00:17:31,499 --> 00:17:33,580
Yeah, well, you know,
a single guy like me.
390
00:17:33,604 --> 00:17:35,684
Who have I got to spend
my money on, you know?
391
00:17:35,708 --> 00:17:39,374
Except my friends
and, uh, my girl.
392
00:17:39,398 --> 00:17:41,078
If I had a girl.
393
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:42,615
Isn't that strange?
394
00:17:42,639 --> 00:17:45,052
He told me that he
brought you on this cruise.
395
00:17:45,076 --> 00:17:48,025
Yeah. Well, like you
say, he's a crazy clown.
396
00:17:48,049 --> 00:17:50,547
Listen, uh, shall we
trip the light Travolta?
397
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:52,339
Sure.
398
00:17:59,656 --> 00:18:01,869
Oh, I just love disco dancing.
399
00:18:01,893 --> 00:18:03,539
Whoever invented it is a genius.
400
00:18:03,563 --> 00:18:05,886
Yeah, well, I know
who invented it.
401
00:18:06,703 --> 00:18:09,818
Same guys who invented
skateboards and hang gliders.
402
00:18:09,842 --> 00:18:10,876
(laughing)
403
00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:14,528
Orthopedic surgeons of America.
404
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,165
They're cleaning up from this.
405
00:18:16,189 --> 00:18:18,870
Speaking of surgeons,
sir? May I cut in?
406
00:18:18,894 --> 00:18:20,573
Oh, you sure may.
407
00:18:20,597 --> 00:18:22,365
Thank you, Gopher. Thank you.
408
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:33,783
I hear your dinner date
got cancelled. Sorry.
409
00:18:33,807 --> 00:18:37,123
Look, I'm sorry. I
embarrassed her, you know.
410
00:18:37,147 --> 00:18:39,394
Pushing myself on her like that.
411
00:18:39,418 --> 00:18:40,764
I mean, what does
she want with me,
412
00:18:40,788 --> 00:18:43,307
when she's got the
cream of the ship?
413
00:18:45,849 --> 00:18:47,393
Gopher? The cream?
414
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:48,885
Well, the sour cream maybe.
415
00:18:50,107 --> 00:18:52,087
Oh, he's putting
me on again, Dottie.
416
00:18:52,111 --> 00:18:54,290
No, it's really
the truth, captain.
417
00:18:54,314 --> 00:18:55,292
I mean, all these years
418
00:18:55,316 --> 00:18:57,180
I've been working
as a court clerk.
419
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:58,483
Oh, what court?
420
00:18:58,507 --> 00:18:59,919
Small claims.
421
00:18:59,943 --> 00:19:02,474
Oh, who said that? (laughing)
422
00:19:02,498 --> 00:19:04,194
Excuse me. Some
more ice, please.
423
00:19:04,218 --> 00:19:07,088
Oh, I... I didn't know they
allowed children at the bar.
424
00:19:08,393 --> 00:19:10,273
Oh, they're not
children. They're...
425
00:19:10,297 --> 00:19:12,811
They call themselves
"little people."
426
00:19:12,835 --> 00:19:14,281
Come on, I want you to meet 'em.
427
00:19:14,305 --> 00:19:15,751
I know 'em pretty well. Uh...
428
00:19:15,775 --> 00:19:18,913
Maybe another time,
okay? C... Come on.
429
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,716
Oh, I'm sorry I acted
like such an idiot
430
00:19:31,740 --> 00:19:35,056
about those little people.
Oh, you weren't an idiot.
431
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,826
Anybody can get uptight
when they see someone
432
00:19:36,850 --> 00:19:38,997
different from themselves.
433
00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:40,033
It's easily overcome.
434
00:19:40,057 --> 00:19:42,103
All you need is a
chance to meet 'em.
435
00:19:42,127 --> 00:19:44,709
I... I guess I have
this deep-seated fear
436
00:19:44,733 --> 00:19:48,348
that maybe a child of
mine could turn out like that.
437
00:19:48,372 --> 00:19:52,390
Heh-heh. Uh... Beth, ahem,
438
00:19:52,414 --> 00:19:53,492
those little people...
439
00:19:53,516 --> 00:19:56,553
Are in there, and
we're out here.
440
00:19:58,894 --> 00:20:01,130
( tender theme playing)
441
00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,416
We should try that in
an elevator sometime.
442
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,844
There's a lot of
things we should try.
443
00:20:09,015 --> 00:20:10,950
Not in an elevator.
444
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:20,848
(disco music playing)
445
00:20:20,872 --> 00:20:24,554
She is the most beautiful dancer
446
00:20:24,578 --> 00:20:25,958
in the world.
447
00:20:25,982 --> 00:20:28,184
Maybe not the whole world.
448
00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:30,901
Why don't you get out there.
449
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:31,926
Cut in.
450
00:20:32,962 --> 00:20:35,343
Nah. What are you...?
451
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:36,946
Go ahead. Drop it, will you?
452
00:20:36,970 --> 00:20:39,332
Look, I'm not in her league.
453
00:20:40,711 --> 00:20:42,758
Hey, do you hear that song?
454
00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:48,837
She danced with Gene
Kelly to that song in...
455
00:20:48,861 --> 00:20:50,123
What was the name of that movie?
456
00:20:50,147 --> 00:20:51,375
Shall we dance?
457
00:20:51,399 --> 00:20:53,882
Gene Kelly wasn't in Shall We...
458
00:20:56,008 --> 00:20:58,505
Oh. It's you.
459
00:20:58,529 --> 00:21:00,877
Heh.
460
00:21:00,901 --> 00:21:02,622
Hi. Hi.
461
00:21:05,660 --> 00:21:08,597
Uh, well, I'm, uh... I'm
asking you to dance.
462
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,300
Uh.
463
00:21:12,324 --> 00:21:13,586
Are you sure?
464
00:21:13,610 --> 00:21:17,426
Well, of course I'm
sure, Mr. D'Angelo.
465
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:19,764
May I call you Artie?
466
00:21:19,789 --> 00:21:22,893
(slow jazzy tune playing)
467
00:21:37,691 --> 00:21:40,874
How about that? I just
produced my first movie:
468
00:21:40,898 --> 00:21:43,645
Artie Meets Mona.
469
00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:44,904
Take one.
470
00:21:57,147 --> 00:21:58,292
(sighs)
471
00:21:58,316 --> 00:21:59,594
It's a lovely evening, isn't it?
472
00:21:59,618 --> 00:22:02,333
Oh, it sure is.
473
00:22:02,357 --> 00:22:05,105
Well, so much for small talk.
474
00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:07,042
I came out here
for some fresh air.
475
00:22:07,066 --> 00:22:09,414
I'm crazy about you, Julie.
476
00:22:09,438 --> 00:22:11,535
Well, that's nice, Alex.
477
00:22:11,559 --> 00:22:13,973
But a girl likes to be romanced.
478
00:22:13,997 --> 00:22:15,743
ALEX: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
479
00:22:15,767 --> 00:22:18,581
Julie, you're the most
beautiful girl I've ever seen.
480
00:22:18,605 --> 00:22:19,885
Your eyes, Julie.
481
00:22:19,909 --> 00:22:23,425
Y... Your eyes are like
limpid pools of sapphires.
482
00:22:23,449 --> 00:22:25,296
Alex. I must have you.
483
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,235
If... If I can't, I-I'll
throw myself overboard.
484
00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:30,244
Have a nice swim.
485
00:22:31,515 --> 00:22:33,261
I... I love you, Julie.
486
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:35,849
I'm crazy about you. I need you.
487
00:22:35,874 --> 00:22:38,239
Well, Alex, there are
right and wrong ways
488
00:22:38,263 --> 00:22:39,959
to go about these things.
489
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,496
Now, just follow me, okay?
490
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,836
First, we close our eyes.
491
00:22:45,860 --> 00:22:47,506
They're closed.
492
00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:49,917
Next, you pucker up.
493
00:22:52,023 --> 00:22:53,502
I'm puckered.
494
00:22:53,526 --> 00:22:54,870
Mm-hm.
495
00:22:54,895 --> 00:22:59,447
Now, count to five,
and when you reach five,
496
00:22:59,471 --> 00:23:03,188
put your arms around
me and kiss me.
497
00:23:03,212 --> 00:23:04,857
Okay.
498
00:23:04,881 --> 00:23:06,633
Ready?
499
00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:10,758
One. Two.
500
00:23:11,946 --> 00:23:13,492
Three.
501
00:23:13,516 --> 00:23:16,031
Four.
502
00:23:16,055 --> 00:23:17,655
Five.
503
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:22,315
(chuckling)
504
00:23:23,921 --> 00:23:26,468
Six.
505
00:23:26,492 --> 00:23:27,675
Seven.
506
00:23:28,763 --> 00:23:30,014
Eight.
507
00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,350
(laughing)
508
00:23:34,374 --> 00:23:38,057
Oh, Artie. Oh, you're
such a wonderful dancer.
509
00:23:38,081 --> 00:23:39,460
I'm no Gene Kelly.
510
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:41,831
No, you're not. But then,
he's no Artie D'Angelo.
511
00:23:41,855 --> 00:23:42,967
Heh.
512
00:23:42,991 --> 00:23:46,874
Oh. You know, you have
never told me what you do.
513
00:23:46,898 --> 00:23:48,578
Oh, what's to tell?
514
00:23:48,602 --> 00:23:51,317
You know, I own a
string of, uh, auto shops.
515
00:23:51,341 --> 00:23:53,121
Oh. It's called Tune-Up Town.
516
00:23:53,145 --> 00:23:54,357
I'm sort of the mayor.
517
00:23:54,381 --> 00:23:55,692
(both chuckle)
518
00:23:55,716 --> 00:23:58,165
And I play poker with the
boys once a week, you know,
519
00:23:58,189 --> 00:24:00,735
and I, uh... I go to
the Laker games.
520
00:24:00,759 --> 00:24:03,175
All of those. But that
wouldn't interest you.
521
00:24:03,199 --> 00:24:05,445
You know, if they had a couple
of forwards that could shoot,
522
00:24:05,469 --> 00:24:07,416
they'd win a lot more games.
523
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,585
You're a fan?
524
00:24:08,609 --> 00:24:11,279
Heh-heh. You know it. (laughing)
525
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:15,098
Heh.
526
00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:17,169
Oh, uh... Hey, look, uh...
527
00:24:17,193 --> 00:24:19,807
This is, uh... This
is where I, uh...
528
00:24:19,831 --> 00:24:21,477
I mean, this is my room.
529
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,848
So I don't wanna take up, uh
530
00:24:23,872 --> 00:24:24,883
any more of your time,
531
00:24:24,907 --> 00:24:26,153
so I'll just say good night.
532
00:24:26,177 --> 00:24:28,425
Artie, let's get
something straight.
533
00:24:28,449 --> 00:24:30,862
You are not taking up my time.
534
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:33,268
I enjoy your company.
535
00:24:33,292 --> 00:24:36,374
Now, um, why don't you
invite me in for a nightcap?
536
00:24:36,398 --> 00:24:38,044
You're kidding?
537
00:24:38,068 --> 00:24:39,614
STUBING: Mona. Sure.
538
00:24:39,638 --> 00:24:40,882
I'm glad I caught you.
539
00:24:40,906 --> 00:24:42,553
We're going to my
cabin for a nightcap.
540
00:24:42,577 --> 00:24:45,147
Won't you join us?
Both of you. Come.
541
00:24:46,451 --> 00:24:48,197
That's, uh... That's
okay. Why don't
542
00:24:48,221 --> 00:24:49,634
you just go along
with your friends?
543
00:24:49,658 --> 00:24:51,671
Oh, no. Not unless you come too.
544
00:24:51,695 --> 00:24:54,076
Oh, yeah, sure. I'll... Promise.
545
00:24:54,100 --> 00:24:55,679
Yeah, yeah. I'll...
I'll meet you there.
546
00:24:55,703 --> 00:24:57,416
Well, all right,
but don't be long.
547
00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:58,485
Hm-hm.
548
00:24:58,509 --> 00:25:01,012
( melancholy theme playing)
549
00:25:07,343 --> 00:25:08,376
(sighs)
550
00:25:19,884 --> 00:25:22,221
( mellow theme playing)
551
00:25:42,596 --> 00:25:45,779
Oh. Julie, Julie, Julie.
552
00:25:45,803 --> 00:25:47,316
Julie, stop!
553
00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:49,053
Look! Ha-ha.
554
00:25:49,077 --> 00:25:52,492
I know you're crazy about
me, but I'm only human.
555
00:25:52,516 --> 00:25:53,962
Cut out the racket.
556
00:25:53,986 --> 00:25:56,767
What? Oh. Excuse me.
557
00:25:56,791 --> 00:25:59,178
I, uh... I guess I was
dreaming about last night.
558
00:26:00,300 --> 00:26:02,313
Okay. (sighs)
559
00:26:02,337 --> 00:26:03,665
What didn't happen?
560
00:26:03,689 --> 00:26:05,935
Wally, Wally, Wally.
561
00:26:05,959 --> 00:26:07,004
There are some things
562
00:26:07,028 --> 00:26:09,042
that a gentleman
does not talk about.
563
00:26:09,066 --> 00:26:10,311
Let's just simply say
564
00:26:10,335 --> 00:26:11,881
I like my pizza with thick crust
565
00:26:11,905 --> 00:26:13,218
and extra cheese, okay?
566
00:26:13,242 --> 00:26:17,125
Meaning you got to first
base with Miss McCoy?
567
00:26:17,149 --> 00:26:20,532
I would call it more of
a grand slam home run.
568
00:26:20,556 --> 00:26:22,903
You would? Mm-hm.
569
00:26:22,927 --> 00:26:24,573
I'd call it a strikeout.
570
00:26:24,597 --> 00:26:26,065
I saw you at the rail.
571
00:26:27,404 --> 00:26:31,154
I'm all puckered.
One, two, three.
572
00:26:31,178 --> 00:26:32,773
You are a peeping Tom.
573
00:26:32,797 --> 00:26:35,946
Oh, come on. There was
nothing worth peeping at.
574
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:38,101
Why don't you
give up on my girl?
575
00:26:38,125 --> 00:26:40,606
I got another hot
number for you anyway.
576
00:26:40,630 --> 00:26:44,597
555-4496.
577
00:26:44,621 --> 00:26:47,303
Who's that? Pizza Pete.
578
00:26:47,327 --> 00:26:48,408
He delivers.
579
00:26:50,416 --> 00:26:52,785
( sedate theme playing)
580
00:26:58,666 --> 00:26:59,677
Hello.
581
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:01,514
Hi. Hi.
582
00:27:01,538 --> 00:27:03,951
Good morning. Good morning.
583
00:27:03,975 --> 00:27:06,591
Sorry I'm late for
breakfast, but I slept in.
584
00:27:06,615 --> 00:27:08,462
That's funny. We
went by your room
585
00:27:08,486 --> 00:27:10,799
to pick you up this morning,
and there was no answer.
586
00:27:10,823 --> 00:27:13,154
Don Juan strikes again? (laughs)
587
00:27:13,178 --> 00:27:15,959
DOTTIE: Leave him alone, Ralph.
588
00:27:15,983 --> 00:27:17,996
Do you like her?
589
00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:20,468
I'm nuts about her.
590
00:27:20,492 --> 00:27:21,704
There's some problems, but...
591
00:27:21,728 --> 00:27:23,056
Well, there's always problems.
592
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,729
When I think of what your
mother and I went through.
593
00:27:25,753 --> 00:27:28,050
It took her months before
she bought me a ring.
594
00:27:28,074 --> 00:27:29,886
Oh.
595
00:27:29,910 --> 00:27:32,091
I can hardly wait to meet Beth.
596
00:27:32,115 --> 00:27:34,696
You did invite her to our
anniversary party tonight?
597
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,016
Not yet, no.
598
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,786
Why don't you invite
her to have lunch with us,
599
00:27:37,810 --> 00:27:40,007
and we'll invite
her to the party.
600
00:27:40,031 --> 00:27:41,777
Okay, um, but if
we don't show up,
601
00:27:41,801 --> 00:27:43,431
you guys go on ahead
without us, okay?
602
00:27:43,455 --> 00:27:45,341
Great. Okay?
603
00:27:46,744 --> 00:27:48,241
( melancholy theme playing)
604
00:27:48,265 --> 00:27:49,377
What's with him?
605
00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:50,746
Nothing.
606
00:27:50,770 --> 00:27:52,800
He's gotta leave the
nest sooner or later.
607
00:27:52,824 --> 00:27:56,078
Did it ever occur to you, uh,
he could be ashamed of us?
608
00:27:57,667 --> 00:28:01,350
I don't believe that for a
minute, and neither do you.
609
00:28:01,374 --> 00:28:02,653
No, I don't.
610
00:28:02,677 --> 00:28:05,458
But, uh, just to be
on the safe side, uh,
611
00:28:05,482 --> 00:28:07,513
let's grow between
now and lunchtime?
612
00:28:07,537 --> 00:28:08,603
(laughs)
613
00:28:11,511 --> 00:28:12,790
So?
614
00:28:12,814 --> 00:28:14,158
So, what?
615
00:28:14,182 --> 00:28:15,193
So you spent the evening
616
00:28:15,218 --> 00:28:16,431
with the girl of your dreams.
617
00:28:16,455 --> 00:28:17,800
You held her in your arms
618
00:28:17,824 --> 00:28:19,470
and danced the night away.
619
00:28:19,494 --> 00:28:22,709
Are you happy,
sad... fed up, in love,
620
00:28:22,733 --> 00:28:24,613
disgusted, or none of the above?
621
00:28:24,637 --> 00:28:26,517
I had a great time until...
622
00:28:26,541 --> 00:28:28,989
Good morning, Miss Maxwell.
623
00:28:29,013 --> 00:28:31,594
Morning, Miss M.
Good morning, Doc.
624
00:28:31,618 --> 00:28:33,365
Morning, Miss
Maxwell. Morning, Isaac.
625
00:28:33,389 --> 00:28:35,991
Morning, Mona. Drop
dead, Mr. D'Angelo.
626
00:28:38,899 --> 00:28:41,462
Sounds like she had
a great time to me.
627
00:28:43,709 --> 00:28:45,922
Uh, couldn't we go someplace
where we could be alone?
628
00:28:45,946 --> 00:28:47,793
Hey, I've gotta get these
papers to the captain.
629
00:28:47,817 --> 00:28:49,596
Great, I'll come with
you. He can marry us.
630
00:28:49,620 --> 00:28:51,333
That's a myth. Captains
don't marry people.
631
00:28:51,357 --> 00:28:52,969
Then we'll settle for
the use of his cabin.
632
00:28:52,993 --> 00:28:54,907
Hey, what is it
with you and Alex?
633
00:28:54,931 --> 00:28:56,343
Oh, him. Poor Alex.
634
00:28:56,367 --> 00:28:58,515
He... You've been
like a tonic to him.
635
00:28:58,539 --> 00:29:00,000
What?
636
00:29:00,024 --> 00:29:02,806
Well, you've been such
an influence on him, Julie.
637
00:29:02,830 --> 00:29:06,731
Uh... How can I
put this... delicately?
638
00:29:06,755 --> 00:29:09,185
You see, Alex...
639
00:29:09,209 --> 00:29:12,593
Alex has never really been
interested in women before.
640
00:29:12,617 --> 00:29:15,582
I mean, before you.
641
00:29:15,606 --> 00:29:16,868
It's not his fault though.
642
00:29:16,892 --> 00:29:20,392
It's a tragic football
injury in high school.
643
00:29:20,416 --> 00:29:22,362
Alex warned me
that you'd do anything
644
00:29:22,386 --> 00:29:23,647
to get me interested in you.
645
00:29:23,671 --> 00:29:25,284
But it's not gonna work.
646
00:29:25,308 --> 00:29:26,753
He also told me
about your fiancée.
647
00:29:26,777 --> 00:29:28,023
I don't have a fiancée.
648
00:29:28,047 --> 00:29:30,127
He said you'd say that
too. I don't, believe me.
649
00:29:30,151 --> 00:29:31,396
He told me you'd plead.
650
00:29:31,420 --> 00:29:33,467
Why, that no-good,
rotten creep. I'll kill him.
651
00:29:33,491 --> 00:29:34,736
Well, while you're killing him,
652
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,640
I'm gonna go take these
papers to the captain.
653
00:29:36,664 --> 00:29:38,544
Don't rush.
654
00:29:38,568 --> 00:29:41,739
It's gonna take Alex
a long time to die.
655
00:29:42,709 --> 00:29:43,687
(knock on door)
656
00:29:43,711 --> 00:29:46,861
Oh, come in. It's open.
657
00:29:46,885 --> 00:29:49,299
Hi. Well, I'm ready for lunch.
658
00:29:49,323 --> 00:29:50,701
How do I look?
659
00:29:50,725 --> 00:29:53,139
Aren't I the most beautiful
thing you've ever seen?
660
00:29:53,163 --> 00:29:55,545
Oh, I know, I know.
Too pushy. Hm.
661
00:29:55,569 --> 00:29:59,052
Oh, but I don't care. I've
decided to have 16 kids,
662
00:29:59,076 --> 00:30:01,307
and every one of 'em's
gonna look just like you.
663
00:30:01,331 --> 00:30:03,812
How's that for
pushy? Beth, we...
664
00:30:03,836 --> 00:30:06,755
Hey. I'm trying to tell
you that I love you.
665
00:30:09,079 --> 00:30:12,567
Look, Beth. This
was all a mistake.
666
00:30:14,590 --> 00:30:16,720
Let's just forget
about us, okay?
667
00:30:16,744 --> 00:30:19,042
What? No.
668
00:30:19,066 --> 00:30:21,897
I'm really sorry.
669
00:30:21,921 --> 00:30:23,834
Hey. What did I do?
670
00:30:23,858 --> 00:30:26,161
Don't... go.
671
00:30:28,835 --> 00:30:30,770
(piano playing,
people chattering)
672
00:30:34,614 --> 00:30:36,159
(laughing)
673
00:30:36,183 --> 00:30:38,230
Ah. Here it is.
674
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:39,700
Oh. Thank you,
my dear. Thank you.
675
00:30:39,724 --> 00:30:41,107
Mm.
676
00:30:44,466 --> 00:30:47,314
Mm. Mm. Now, my favorite
677
00:30:47,338 --> 00:30:48,951
was the one where you
and that young marine
678
00:30:48,975 --> 00:30:52,057
were tap dancing all over
those antiaircraft guns.
679
00:30:52,081 --> 00:30:54,463
Oh, you mean, uh, Desert Moon.
680
00:30:54,487 --> 00:30:58,253
Desert Moon? On a ship?
No, that doesn't make sense.
681
00:30:58,277 --> 00:31:00,458
Oh, it did when they
paid me $100,000
682
00:31:00,482 --> 00:31:02,010
and, uh, 10
percent of the gross.
683
00:31:02,034 --> 00:31:03,346
(Stubing laughs)
684
00:31:03,371 --> 00:31:05,468
All right, tell us about
the time the horse bit you.
685
00:31:05,492 --> 00:31:06,470
You're gonna love this.
686
00:31:06,494 --> 00:31:08,374
(laughs)
687
00:31:08,398 --> 00:31:10,260
We were making a horse opera.
688
00:31:10,284 --> 00:31:12,399
Uh, and usually, that
means a Western.
689
00:31:12,423 --> 00:31:13,884
Anyway, in this
particular picture,
690
00:31:13,908 --> 00:31:16,022
I actually had to sing
opera sitting on a horse.
691
00:31:16,046 --> 00:31:18,327
Mona... could we talk?
692
00:31:18,351 --> 00:31:20,096
I am talking.
693
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:21,550
Well, anyway, there
was this horse...
694
00:31:21,574 --> 00:31:22,974
Privately.
695
00:31:24,196 --> 00:31:25,880
Would you excuse us?
696
00:31:29,105 --> 00:31:32,990
Captain... you tell the
rest of the story, will you?
697
00:31:33,014 --> 00:31:35,950
He tells it much better
than I do anyway.
698
00:31:37,355 --> 00:31:39,369
Anyway, there was this horse...
699
00:31:39,393 --> 00:31:40,638
Now, what's your story?
700
00:31:40,662 --> 00:31:43,104
Come on outside, will you?
701
00:31:47,743 --> 00:31:50,825
Ooh. I feel like such a klutz
702
00:31:50,849 --> 00:31:52,862
turning my ankle
playing Ping-Pong.
703
00:31:52,886 --> 00:31:54,700
Well, I still think
you should see Doc.
704
00:31:54,724 --> 00:31:57,872
No, what I really
need is to just get off it.
705
00:31:57,896 --> 00:31:59,610
Here, give me the key,
and I'll open the door.
706
00:31:59,634 --> 00:32:01,167
Yeah.
707
00:32:04,376 --> 00:32:05,955
Lean on me. Ooh.
708
00:32:05,979 --> 00:32:07,475
Careful.
709
00:32:07,499 --> 00:32:08,833
BOTH: Whoa.
710
00:32:10,004 --> 00:32:11,886
Oh, wait, let me close the door.
711
00:32:12,510 --> 00:32:14,244
That's good. Whoop.
712
00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:17,695
What are you doing?
I'm kissing you.
713
00:32:17,719 --> 00:32:19,032
Well, what about your ankle?
714
00:32:19,056 --> 00:32:21,336
There's nothing wrong
with my ankle. It's my heart.
715
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:22,472
Mwah.
716
00:32:22,496 --> 00:32:24,543
No, no. You're crazy.
717
00:32:24,567 --> 00:32:25,648
Ohh. Oh.
718
00:32:27,540 --> 00:32:30,409
Wally. Don't you knock?
719
00:32:32,883 --> 00:32:34,485
Congratulations.
You win the bet.
720
00:32:35,872 --> 00:32:37,619
The bed. You... The bed.
721
00:32:37,643 --> 00:32:40,023
You said "bet." What
bet? No. He said "bed."
722
00:32:40,047 --> 00:32:41,225
He said "bet." He said "bed."
723
00:32:41,249 --> 00:32:42,628
Didn't you?! Alex.
724
00:32:42,652 --> 00:32:45,033
Come on. What's the sense
of going on with this little ruse?
725
00:32:45,057 --> 00:32:46,035
We did have a bet.
726
00:32:46,059 --> 00:32:47,304
About what?
727
00:32:47,328 --> 00:32:50,628
You. We had a bet to see
which one of us would...
728
00:32:50,652 --> 00:32:53,651
Uh... I'm so ashamed.
729
00:32:53,675 --> 00:32:56,071
You're also a jerk.
730
00:32:56,095 --> 00:32:57,892
That I was a bet?
731
00:32:57,916 --> 00:32:59,846
I can't believe
this. The two of you.
732
00:32:59,870 --> 00:33:01,700
You and he and... Oh.
733
00:33:01,724 --> 00:33:02,907
You're upset.
734
00:33:03,794 --> 00:33:05,279
Oh.
735
00:33:06,717 --> 00:33:07,917
(chuckles)
736
00:33:09,823 --> 00:33:11,636
She was almost mine.
737
00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:14,793
Well, almost does
not a winner make.
738
00:33:14,817 --> 00:33:17,380
You realize that now
she's so steaming,
739
00:33:17,404 --> 00:33:19,101
neither of us has a chance.
740
00:33:19,125 --> 00:33:21,177
Speak for yourself.
We haven't docked yet.
741
00:33:22,482 --> 00:33:24,462
Miss Donaldson, can
I fix you something?
742
00:33:24,486 --> 00:33:27,400
Yeah. How are you
at fixing broken hearts?
743
00:33:27,424 --> 00:33:28,904
Fine, if you don't
mind them coming out
744
00:33:28,928 --> 00:33:31,075
looking like a banana daiquiri.
745
00:33:31,099 --> 00:33:32,478
That'll do for a start.
746
00:33:32,502 --> 00:33:35,083
Okay. One banana...
747
00:33:35,107 --> 00:33:36,787
Hey, uh, hello,
folks. How you doing?
748
00:33:36,811 --> 00:33:37,989
Howdy-doody.
749
00:33:38,013 --> 00:33:39,224
Can I get you something?
750
00:33:39,248 --> 00:33:40,995
Oh, yeah. Let me see.
751
00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:42,565
Uh, two piña coladas.
752
00:33:42,589 --> 00:33:44,970
And don't you
dare ask for our IDs.
753
00:33:44,994 --> 00:33:46,005
(laughs)
754
00:33:46,029 --> 00:33:47,575
Promise. Okay.
755
00:33:47,599 --> 00:33:49,679
Ah. Hi. Heh.
756
00:33:49,703 --> 00:33:51,550
I know it's easy to overlook us,
757
00:33:51,574 --> 00:33:54,154
but, uh, I don't know
why I overlooked you.
758
00:33:54,178 --> 00:33:57,144
You're the second most
beautiful girl onboard.
759
00:33:57,168 --> 00:33:59,181
Dottie's number one.
760
00:33:59,205 --> 00:34:01,519
Ralph, are you flirting again?
761
00:34:01,544 --> 00:34:03,758
Try to pick on
someone your own size.
762
00:34:03,782 --> 00:34:04,843
Who said that?
763
00:34:04,867 --> 00:34:06,512
(both laughing)
764
00:34:06,536 --> 00:34:08,383
Uh, excuse me, I
really have to go.
765
00:34:08,407 --> 00:34:09,670
DOTTIE: Pardon me.
766
00:34:09,694 --> 00:34:12,216
But you look like you
just lost your best friend.
767
00:34:13,150 --> 00:34:16,366
Uh... Well, I did.
768
00:34:16,390 --> 00:34:18,904
I guess he wasn't
my best friend.
769
00:34:18,928 --> 00:34:20,190
A boyfriend?
770
00:34:20,214 --> 00:34:21,559
Kind of.
771
00:34:21,584 --> 00:34:24,231
Yeah, he dropped me just
like that, and I don't know why.
772
00:34:24,255 --> 00:34:26,502
I guess maybe I
came on too strong.
773
00:34:26,526 --> 00:34:29,743
Here we go. Two piña
coladas and a brand new heart.
774
00:34:29,767 --> 00:34:30,945
Thank you.
775
00:34:30,969 --> 00:34:33,183
Maybe he just got cold feet.
776
00:34:33,207 --> 00:34:34,936
Remember how it
was with us, honey?
777
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,710
Uh-huh. We already set
the wedding date, and...
778
00:34:38,734 --> 00:34:40,263
And then one day, I panicked.
779
00:34:40,287 --> 00:34:41,448
Why?
780
00:34:41,472 --> 00:34:43,954
RALPH: Well, being little, uh,
781
00:34:43,978 --> 00:34:45,457
we wondered...
782
00:34:45,481 --> 00:34:48,096
Well... Well, you know,
about kids and everything.
783
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,701
Maybe that's what
scared him off.
784
00:34:50,725 --> 00:34:53,239
I was talking about kids.
785
00:34:53,263 --> 00:34:54,458
Sixteen of them.
786
00:34:54,482 --> 00:34:56,250
Sixteen?
787
00:34:57,471 --> 00:34:59,653
You better have a pretty
good diaper service.
788
00:34:59,677 --> 00:35:01,344
(all laugh)
789
00:35:03,250 --> 00:35:04,445
Did you have kids?
790
00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:06,014
Oh, yes, we have two.
791
00:35:06,038 --> 00:35:07,250
A beautiful married daughter,
792
00:35:07,274 --> 00:35:09,756
compact-sized, like us.
793
00:35:09,780 --> 00:35:11,058
Then there's our son.
794
00:35:11,082 --> 00:35:12,611
Uh, the jolly green giant.
795
00:35:12,635 --> 00:35:14,131
Heh. Uh...
796
00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:17,037
a wonderful boy. And in
fact, if he hadn't met someone,
797
00:35:17,061 --> 00:35:18,808
I'd like to introduce
you to him.
798
00:35:18,832 --> 00:35:21,697
Well, if I hadn't met
someone, I'd take you up on it.
799
00:35:21,721 --> 00:35:23,901
Listen, this fellow
you care about:
800
00:35:23,925 --> 00:35:26,605
Don't you give up
on him without a fight.
801
00:35:26,630 --> 00:35:28,944
Why, I stuck to Ralph like glue,
802
00:35:28,968 --> 00:35:30,748
and so far it's lasted.
803
00:35:30,772 --> 00:35:33,687
Twenty-five years today.
804
00:35:33,711 --> 00:35:36,580
Oh, 25 years. Mm-hm.
805
00:35:38,070 --> 00:35:39,983
( melancholy theme playing)
806
00:35:40,007 --> 00:35:41,787
Uh...
807
00:35:41,811 --> 00:35:45,527
did your son bring you onboard
to celebrate your anniversary?
808
00:35:45,551 --> 00:35:47,670
He sure did.
809
00:35:49,843 --> 00:35:54,550
Oh. Well, then I
will take your advice.
810
00:35:55,655 --> 00:35:57,990
Oh. Thank you. Heh.
811
00:35:58,795 --> 00:36:00,094
Mwah. Oh. Mwah.
812
00:36:01,298 --> 00:36:02,644
You're wonderful people.
813
00:36:02,669 --> 00:36:06,056
No. Just people.
814
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:11,701
So long, Beth.
815
00:36:18,483 --> 00:36:20,051
BOTH: Beth.
816
00:36:21,122 --> 00:36:22,634
Ha.
817
00:36:22,658 --> 00:36:23,860
Va-va-voom.
818
00:36:30,240 --> 00:36:32,944
( mellow theme playing)
819
00:36:40,009 --> 00:36:43,393
It's been a long time
since I've been stood up.
820
00:36:43,417 --> 00:36:45,096
I may not be box office anymore,
821
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:46,165
but this is ridiculous.
822
00:36:46,189 --> 00:36:47,534
Look, I didn't mean
to stand you up.
823
00:36:47,558 --> 00:36:49,671
I just thought you'd
rather be with your friends.
824
00:36:49,695 --> 00:36:51,075
I only went to
the captain's party
825
00:36:51,099 --> 00:36:52,644
because I thought
you would join me.
826
00:36:52,668 --> 00:36:53,880
Really? Really.
827
00:36:53,904 --> 00:36:55,517
Would you like it
engraved in marble?
828
00:36:55,541 --> 00:36:56,719
I'm sorry.
829
00:36:56,743 --> 00:36:58,890
Now, are we going to
have a Mexican dinner
830
00:36:58,914 --> 00:37:00,660
in town tonight or not?
831
00:37:00,684 --> 00:37:01,763
Because if we are,
832
00:37:01,787 --> 00:37:04,301
I have about... 30
invitations to cancel.
833
00:37:04,325 --> 00:37:06,572
I wouldn't want you
to disappoint anybody.
834
00:37:06,596 --> 00:37:09,644
Artie! Okay, okay.
We're having dinner.
835
00:37:09,668 --> 00:37:12,117
Gee. Thanks a lot.
836
00:37:12,141 --> 00:37:14,676
( tranquil theme playing)
837
00:37:19,255 --> 00:37:21,735
Julie. Just forget about it.
838
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,672
It was a harmless little joke.
839
00:37:23,696 --> 00:37:27,580
Oh-ho-ho, yeah. Betting
on me like I was a racehorse.
840
00:37:27,604 --> 00:37:29,819
Ah. Don't look now.
Here come your lovers.
841
00:37:29,843 --> 00:37:31,823
WALLY: Julie, my darling.
842
00:37:31,847 --> 00:37:34,929
Can a guy apologize
to a girl over a drink?
843
00:37:34,953 --> 00:37:36,364
Sure.
844
00:37:36,388 --> 00:37:38,970
If the guy's drink is arsenic.
845
00:37:38,994 --> 00:37:40,161
I don't blame you.
846
00:37:42,118 --> 00:37:43,997
Look, um, Julie...
847
00:37:44,021 --> 00:37:46,068
I know that this
whole thing started out
848
00:37:46,092 --> 00:37:48,807
as a kind of childish game.
849
00:37:48,831 --> 00:37:52,114
But somewhere along the line,
850
00:37:52,138 --> 00:37:53,549
it stopped being a game for me
851
00:37:53,573 --> 00:37:58,676
and became something
very, very real.
852
00:37:58,700 --> 00:37:59,979
Mm-hm.
853
00:38:00,003 --> 00:38:02,017
It was real for me too, Alex.
854
00:38:02,041 --> 00:38:03,042
It was?
855
00:38:04,428 --> 00:38:06,642
A real pain in the neck.
856
00:38:06,666 --> 00:38:10,049
Would you two both get lost?
857
00:38:10,073 --> 00:38:12,058
Gopher. (clears throat)
858
00:38:13,713 --> 00:38:15,660
Being a little rough on them.
859
00:38:15,684 --> 00:38:18,098
Hey, Gopher. I've had
it with those two jerks.
860
00:38:18,122 --> 00:38:20,236
Now, Julie, wait a
minute. If you think about it,
861
00:38:20,260 --> 00:38:21,840
they paid you a
very high compliment.
862
00:38:21,864 --> 00:38:23,844
Oh, pardon me.
Make that three jerks.
863
00:38:23,868 --> 00:38:25,981
No, no, wait.
Just think about it.
864
00:38:26,005 --> 00:38:28,218
(in dramatic tone):
Julie, it's love.
865
00:38:28,242 --> 00:38:31,882
It's love! It's love.
866
00:38:33,052 --> 00:38:34,498
It's also...
867
00:38:34,522 --> 00:38:36,401
(in dramatic tone):
horsefeathers.
868
00:38:36,425 --> 00:38:38,138
But I know what you mean.
869
00:38:38,162 --> 00:38:40,917
( mellow theme playing)
870
00:38:46,145 --> 00:38:48,397
(soft jazzy tune playing)
871
00:38:57,801 --> 00:39:00,116
That's nice.
872
00:39:00,140 --> 00:39:02,787
Looks like love to me.
873
00:39:02,811 --> 00:39:04,691
Good old ship,
you've done it again.
874
00:39:04,715 --> 00:39:06,183
(chuckles)
875
00:39:12,848 --> 00:39:15,463
Mm. This champagne is delicious.
876
00:39:15,487 --> 00:39:16,665
Isn't it, Doug?
877
00:39:16,689 --> 00:39:19,537
Nothing but the best for
our silver anniversary. Heh.
878
00:39:19,561 --> 00:39:21,910
Just think how
lucky you are, Dottie.
879
00:39:21,934 --> 00:39:23,412
Twenty-five years with
880
00:39:23,436 --> 00:39:25,216
the last of the big spenders.
881
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,585
Who said that? Heh-heh.
882
00:39:26,609 --> 00:39:28,622
Are you sure your
Beth won't be joining us?
883
00:39:28,646 --> 00:39:30,015
No, Mom, she's not coming.
884
00:39:31,319 --> 00:39:33,065
Uh, come on,
Dottie, let's dance.
885
00:39:33,089 --> 00:39:35,905
Oh, Doug, don't drink
up all the champagne
886
00:39:35,929 --> 00:39:37,274
before we get back. Heh.
887
00:39:37,298 --> 00:39:39,740
Sippy, sippy. Ha-heh.
888
00:39:51,575 --> 00:39:53,855
It's all your fault.
889
00:39:53,879 --> 00:39:55,126
My fault? All your fault.
890
00:39:55,150 --> 00:39:56,861
Yeah... Hi, guys.
891
00:39:56,885 --> 00:39:58,665
I had... Listen, it's his fault.
892
00:39:58,689 --> 00:40:00,569
I will accept none of
the responsibility of this.
893
00:40:00,593 --> 00:40:02,595
You are a fool, my
friend. (whistles)
894
00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:05,213
I'm not mad at you anymore.
895
00:40:05,237 --> 00:40:06,781
You mean it?
896
00:40:06,805 --> 00:40:08,769
Mm-hm. And to prove it,
897
00:40:08,793 --> 00:40:12,243
I want the three of us to spend
every possible minute together
898
00:40:12,267 --> 00:40:14,080
for the rest of this cruise.
899
00:40:14,104 --> 00:40:15,533
The three of us? Uh-huh.
900
00:40:15,557 --> 00:40:17,704
You mean, you're never
gonna choose between us?
901
00:40:17,728 --> 00:40:19,074
No.
902
00:40:19,098 --> 00:40:22,296
Well, I guess we never
find out who wins the pizza.
903
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,384
Pizza?!
904
00:40:24,408 --> 00:40:27,229
That's all I was worth
to you, is a pizza?
905
00:40:28,766 --> 00:40:29,934
With anchovies?
906
00:40:31,339 --> 00:40:33,473
(all laughing)
907
00:40:34,445 --> 00:40:36,124
Ancho... Those little things.
908
00:40:36,148 --> 00:40:37,829
(laughs): A pizza.
909
00:40:55,053 --> 00:40:56,865
All out for the 17th floor,
910
00:40:56,889 --> 00:40:59,332
including all stockbrokers
and their wives.
911
00:41:00,163 --> 00:41:02,276
I know. Too pushy. Beth...
912
00:41:02,300 --> 00:41:03,612
Look, I got a couple of pieces
913
00:41:03,636 --> 00:41:04,999
of good advice this afternoon.
914
00:41:05,023 --> 00:41:08,338
The first was... the only
way to fix a broken heart
915
00:41:08,362 --> 00:41:10,309
was to turn it into
a banana daiquiri.
916
00:41:10,333 --> 00:41:13,966
The second was,
if you find a guy
917
00:41:13,991 --> 00:41:15,236
you're madly in love with,
918
00:41:15,260 --> 00:41:17,582
stick to him like
glue, no matter what.
919
00:41:21,288 --> 00:41:24,442
So... I'm... I'm sticking.
920
00:41:28,519 --> 00:41:30,599
Okay, uh, ahem,
921
00:41:30,623 --> 00:41:32,192
then there's something
you gotta know.
922
00:41:33,429 --> 00:41:35,397
You see those two small
people dancing over there?
923
00:41:40,727 --> 00:41:41,844
They're my folks.
924
00:41:43,199 --> 00:41:46,248
And they are the two most
wonderful people in the world.
925
00:41:46,272 --> 00:41:47,273
I know.
926
00:41:51,332 --> 00:41:53,345
You know what else?
927
00:41:53,369 --> 00:41:55,216
I'm not gonna stop bugging you
928
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:58,088
until it's our 25th
anniversary. Heh.
929
00:41:58,112 --> 00:42:00,942
Now, uh, do me a favor, huh?
930
00:42:00,966 --> 00:42:03,409
Pour me a little champagne.
931
00:42:09,985 --> 00:42:11,531
Sure, it's our anniversary,
932
00:42:11,555 --> 00:42:13,134
and you're doing
all the celebrating.
933
00:42:13,158 --> 00:42:14,170
Oh.
934
00:42:14,194 --> 00:42:15,339
Happy anniversary.
935
00:42:15,363 --> 00:42:17,398
(drum roll playing)
936
00:42:18,836 --> 00:42:20,883
ALL: Happy anniversary!
937
00:42:20,907 --> 00:42:22,487
(all clapping)
938
00:42:22,511 --> 00:42:23,889
Hey. Look at that.
939
00:42:23,913 --> 00:42:25,292
Congratulations.
940
00:42:25,316 --> 00:42:28,164
Oh, it's beautiful. You
shouldn't have done it.
941
00:42:28,188 --> 00:42:30,469
Well, I'm sure
glad they did. Ha.
942
00:42:30,493 --> 00:42:32,640
I only have one
question, captain.
943
00:42:32,664 --> 00:42:33,976
Uh, what's that?
944
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,481
Why did they make
the cake so small?
945
00:42:36,505 --> 00:42:38,084
BOTH: Who said that?
946
00:42:38,108 --> 00:42:40,294
(all laughing)
947
00:42:46,291 --> 00:42:49,073
Mm. What a night.
948
00:42:49,097 --> 00:42:50,142
Heh.
949
00:42:50,166 --> 00:42:52,413
Sure beats bowling
with the boys.
950
00:42:52,437 --> 00:42:54,917
(both chuckle)
951
00:42:54,941 --> 00:42:56,309
Oh.
952
00:43:04,110 --> 00:43:06,672
Stay here with me.
953
00:43:07,484 --> 00:43:09,747
I want to, but... No buts.
954
00:43:09,771 --> 00:43:11,651
Oh.
955
00:43:11,675 --> 00:43:13,377
Would you believe I'm nervous?
956
00:43:14,514 --> 00:43:16,861
For once, I'm not.
957
00:43:16,885 --> 00:43:19,065
Artie, it's just that
you have this...
958
00:43:19,089 --> 00:43:23,141
This image of me,
and I... I'm scared. I...
959
00:43:23,165 --> 00:43:25,479
I'm scared I
can't live up to it.
960
00:43:25,503 --> 00:43:27,800
You've already lived
up to and beyond
961
00:43:27,824 --> 00:43:29,937
any dream I ever had.
962
00:43:29,961 --> 00:43:32,092
You're a warm, wonderful lady.
963
00:43:32,117 --> 00:43:35,332
And I happen to
be in love with you.
964
00:43:35,356 --> 00:43:38,138
Wow. Just like in the movies.
965
00:43:38,162 --> 00:43:39,696
Heh.
966
00:43:47,848 --> 00:43:50,317
( mellow theme playing)
967
00:43:55,496 --> 00:43:57,844
I haven't been up this early
since I had a paper route.
968
00:43:57,868 --> 00:43:59,480
(both chuckling)
969
00:43:59,504 --> 00:44:01,706
Well, it must be love.
970
00:44:03,746 --> 00:44:04,846
It is.
971
00:44:07,453 --> 00:44:09,234
You know, I'm starving.
972
00:44:09,258 --> 00:44:10,736
Isn't it time for breakfast yet?
973
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,007
Another hour. Another hour.
974
00:44:13,031 --> 00:44:14,510
But I don't wanna
waste a single moment
975
00:44:14,534 --> 00:44:16,669
of our last day at sea.
976
00:44:19,143 --> 00:44:21,626
You know, it's back
to the elevator for us.
977
00:44:22,817 --> 00:44:23,884
Hm.
978
00:44:24,955 --> 00:44:26,467
Would I be rushing
things, do you think,
979
00:44:26,491 --> 00:44:29,396
if I said that I might like to
take you away from all that?
980
00:44:31,100 --> 00:44:34,116
Oh, you mean, uh,
we'd use the stairs?
981
00:44:34,140 --> 00:44:35,641
(grunts) (laughs)
982
00:44:36,979 --> 00:44:39,502
What's the matter
with rushing things?
983
00:44:41,388 --> 00:44:44,169
Okay, if we married
and had kids...
984
00:44:44,194 --> 00:44:47,743
it's almost a hundred percent
that they'd be normal. Mm-hm.
985
00:44:47,767 --> 00:44:50,081
But there is a
chance in a million...
986
00:44:50,105 --> 00:44:51,340
that they'd be small.
987
00:44:52,710 --> 00:44:54,056
You know, a couple of days ago,
988
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,627
that would have scared
the daylights out of me.
989
00:44:56,651 --> 00:44:58,130
Now?
990
00:44:58,154 --> 00:45:00,269
Knowing your parents...
991
00:45:00,293 --> 00:45:02,038
it just doesn't
make any difference.
992
00:45:02,062 --> 00:45:03,096
Ah.
993
00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:06,381
Hm.
994
00:45:06,405 --> 00:45:07,983
How am I gonna
get back to my room
995
00:45:08,007 --> 00:45:09,587
without everybody pointing?
996
00:45:09,611 --> 00:45:11,658
It's obvious I haven't
been there all night.
997
00:45:11,682 --> 00:45:13,126
Ha. I'll lend you
one of my suits.
998
00:45:13,150 --> 00:45:14,597
Hm. Wrong size.
999
00:45:14,621 --> 00:45:16,199
Here, you can have my pajamas.
1000
00:45:16,224 --> 00:45:19,340
Oh. It won't match
my shoes and bag. Ha.
1001
00:45:19,364 --> 00:45:21,944
Oh, Artie. Artie, you're great.
1002
00:45:21,968 --> 00:45:23,146
The feeling is mutual.
1003
00:45:23,170 --> 00:45:24,983
(chuckles)
1004
00:45:25,007 --> 00:45:26,008
Heh.
1005
00:45:27,111 --> 00:45:28,792
I'm never gonna
forget you, Mona.
1006
00:45:28,816 --> 00:45:29,960
Well, now, wait a minute.
1007
00:45:29,984 --> 00:45:32,866
That sounds like
you're saying goodbye.
1008
00:45:32,890 --> 00:45:35,639
Well, I... I am, really.
1009
00:45:35,663 --> 00:45:39,011
I mean, I wouldn't presume
to think that this could...
1010
00:45:39,035 --> 00:45:40,899
I don't believe it.
1011
00:45:40,923 --> 00:45:42,769
Y-you think that I'm
the kind of a woman
1012
00:45:42,793 --> 00:45:44,941
who plays one-night stands?
1013
00:45:44,965 --> 00:45:46,911
That I'm some cheap broad?
1014
00:45:46,935 --> 00:45:48,248
Oh, mister, you've been
1015
00:45:48,272 --> 00:45:50,252
seeing too damn many movies.
1016
00:45:50,276 --> 00:45:51,943
Mona. Mona.
1017
00:45:53,499 --> 00:45:55,645
Oh.
1018
00:45:55,669 --> 00:45:57,472
What the hell am I doing?
1019
00:45:58,742 --> 00:46:00,427
I love you, Artie.
1020
00:46:02,116 --> 00:46:04,330
Don't let me go out this door.
1021
00:46:04,354 --> 00:46:06,066
It's lonely out there.
1022
00:46:06,090 --> 00:46:08,972
Oh, I won't, Mona.
1023
00:46:08,996 --> 00:46:11,844
Not even if you wore
my suit and my pajamas.
1024
00:46:11,868 --> 00:46:12,949
(laughing)
1025
00:46:22,122 --> 00:46:23,401
( upbeat theme playing)
1026
00:46:23,425 --> 00:46:26,028
(boat horn blows)
1027
00:46:41,795 --> 00:46:43,140
BRICKER: Bye-bye. So long.
1028
00:46:43,164 --> 00:46:44,610
We had a terrific time, guys.
1029
00:46:44,634 --> 00:46:46,831
Oh, good. Yes,
thank you so much.
1030
00:46:46,855 --> 00:46:48,768
It's a pleasure. We
hope to see you again.
1031
00:46:48,792 --> 00:46:50,372
Listen, why don't you
reserve a cabin now
1032
00:46:50,396 --> 00:46:51,825
for your golden anniversary?
1033
00:46:51,849 --> 00:46:55,320
Good idea. Especially if
our son springs for it. Heh.
1034
00:46:56,358 --> 00:46:58,103
I wonder where he is.
1035
00:46:58,127 --> 00:46:59,228
Hey, shorty.
1036
00:47:03,171 --> 00:47:05,273
Ah. One minute.
1037
00:47:07,212 --> 00:47:09,258
RALPH: You know what they say.
1038
00:47:09,282 --> 00:47:11,079
Like father, like son.
1039
00:47:11,103 --> 00:47:12,849
Oh, come on, Ralph.
1040
00:47:12,873 --> 00:47:15,422
Stop trying to be
such a big shot.
1041
00:47:15,446 --> 00:47:16,790
BOTH: Who said that?
1042
00:47:16,814 --> 00:47:18,049
(both laugh)
1043
00:47:19,119 --> 00:47:20,399
Hey. So long.
1044
00:47:20,423 --> 00:47:21,700
Oh, it was wonderful. Goodbye.
1045
00:47:21,724 --> 00:47:23,304
Bye-bye, Mrs. Warren.
Nice to meet you.
1046
00:47:23,328 --> 00:47:24,740
Hey, let's go, dear.
1047
00:47:24,764 --> 00:47:26,015
GOPHER: So long.
1048
00:47:27,001 --> 00:47:28,915
Julie. Julie. Yeah.
1049
00:47:28,939 --> 00:47:30,017
Have you finished work yet?
1050
00:47:30,041 --> 00:47:31,387
Just about. Gopher? Mm-mm.
1051
00:47:31,411 --> 00:47:32,523
Would you please take care of
1052
00:47:32,547 --> 00:47:34,192
the rest of the
passengers for me?
1053
00:47:34,216 --> 00:47:36,397
Where are you going?
To get a pizza. My treat.
1054
00:47:36,421 --> 00:47:37,633
With anchovies.
1055
00:47:37,657 --> 00:47:39,101
Anchovies? Sausage.
1056
00:47:39,125 --> 00:47:41,306
All right, anchovies,
sausage and onions.
1057
00:47:41,330 --> 00:47:43,210
Anchovies, sausage,
onions and green peppers.
1058
00:47:43,234 --> 00:47:45,047
No green peppers. I
want green peppers.
1059
00:47:45,071 --> 00:47:46,617
I want thick crust.
1060
00:47:46,641 --> 00:47:48,988
All right, anchovies,
sausage, onions, green pep...
1061
00:47:49,012 --> 00:47:50,425
(whistles)
1062
00:47:50,449 --> 00:47:52,718
Let's forget the pizza
and eat Chinese.
1063
00:47:53,789 --> 00:47:54,834
(speaks indistinctly)
1064
00:47:54,858 --> 00:47:56,654
WALLY: See you,
buddy. ALEX: So long.
1065
00:47:56,678 --> 00:47:58,173
Now, we're all
meeting Saturday night
1066
00:47:58,197 --> 00:47:59,409
at Chasen's for dinner, right?
1067
00:47:59,433 --> 00:48:00,611
I wouldn't miss it.
1068
00:48:00,635 --> 00:48:01,613
Wait till I tell my mom
1069
00:48:01,637 --> 00:48:04,118
I'm having dinner
with Mona Maxwell.
1070
00:48:04,142 --> 00:48:05,621
Oh, no.
1071
00:48:05,645 --> 00:48:07,191
You tell your mom
you're having dinner
1072
00:48:07,215 --> 00:48:09,797
with Artie D'Angelo
and his girl.
1073
00:48:09,821 --> 00:48:11,032
Ha. Okay.
1074
00:48:11,056 --> 00:48:12,367
Bye-bye, Isaac. Bye-bye.
1075
00:48:12,392 --> 00:48:13,838
Goodbye, Mona.
Thank you, Merrill.
1076
00:48:13,862 --> 00:48:15,063
Good luck, Artie.
1077
00:48:16,567 --> 00:48:17,601
(sighs)
1078
00:48:28,525 --> 00:48:31,529
( upbeat theme playing)
75330
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