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1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:04,081
(jazz music playing)
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,049
All right, now,
prepare yourself, honey.
3
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,051
This is Loehmann's Semi Annual
4
00:00:08,075 --> 00:00:10,287
Red Star Clearance.
5
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,788
You are gonna see things today
6
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,379
that will haunt you for the
rest of your shopping life.
7
00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:17,794
Excuse me, please.
8
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,462
Please, excuse me.
9
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:20,664
Shouldn't we help that woman
10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,899
in the wheelchair through first?
11
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,067
Oh, honey, stand your ground.
12
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:26,068
Last year when they put out
13
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,236
the Donna Karan
14
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,838
she popped out of that chair
and screamed,
15
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:29,961
"It's a miracle!"
16
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,778
All right.
They're about to open the door.
17
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:35,979
Watch your nose.
18
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,963
Why?
What's going to happen to my...
19
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,914
(crashing)
20
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:52,595
(screaming)
21
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,797
Oh! Oh, God! Oh, look at this.
22
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:57,367
Oh, this is so my color.
23
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,068
Oh, wait, it seems to be...
24
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:00,970
Oh, It's like
hooked on something.
25
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,171
Help me.
26
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,307
Excuse me, please.
I had this sweater first.
27
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,443
(laughs)
I believe you're mistaken.
28
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:07,477
I've got the cuff.
29
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,545
I've got the armpit.
30
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:10,569
I've got your kid.
31
00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:14,106
Huh! She's not mine!
32
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:17,920
Listen, I'm warning you.
33
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,556
My nicotine patch fell off.
34
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,090
My mother's in town
and my boyfriend
35
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:22,448
just left me for my brother.
36
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:26,463
Now, I'm over 30, single,
37
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,785
and I work for her.
38
00:01:29,222 --> 00:01:31,262
Hold on to this
and don't let go, honey.
39
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,204
Hey, did you see
the movie "Babe," kid?
40
00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:36,272
Yeah.
41
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,808
Well, they ate him
at the wrap party.
42
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:41,111
I can't hear you.
43
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:45,003
(Spanish bullfight music
playing)
44
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:57,027
♪ She was working in a bridal
shop in Flushing Queens ♪
45
00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:58,294
♪ 'Til her boyfriend
kicked her out ♪
46
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,996
♪ In one of those
crushing scenes ♪
47
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,931
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
48
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:05,302
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
49
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,804
♪ So over the bridgefrom Flushingto the Sheffield's door ♪
50
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,373
♪ She was there to sell
makeup, but father saw more ♪
51
00:02:10,397 --> 00:02:12,542
♪ She had style, she had
flair, she was there ♪
52
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:16,279
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
53
00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,181
♪ Who would have guessed that
the girl we've described ♪
54
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:21,417
♪ Was just exactly what
the doctor prescribed? ♪
55
00:02:21,441 --> 00:02:22,819
♪ Now the father finds
her beguiling ♪
56
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,154
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
57
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:25,622
♪ And the kids are
actually smiling ♪
58
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,722
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
59
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,057
♪ She is the lady in red ♪
60
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:32,495
♪ When everybody else
is wearing tan ♪
61
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:34,564
♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪
62
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,920
♪ The Nanny named Fran ♪♪
63
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:45,541
Now, I'm telling you, Mom,
the kid is a natural.
64
00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:48,177
Honey, show her what you did
to get those women away
65
00:02:48,201 --> 00:02:50,079
from the Calvin Klein rack.
66
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,136
Look, there is John John.
67
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,642
You don't learn
these things in books.
68
00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,257
Meanwhile, Mom,
69
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,692
what did you have
for lunch over there?
70
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,860
You got enough butter on you
71
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,429
to have your own
"Last Tango in Paris."
72
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,164
I had a lobster.
73
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,635
Your uncle, Stanley,
caught them near Rockaway Beach.
74
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,437
Ma, they don't even like people
to swim in that water.
75
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,905
It could be toxic.
76
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,173
What are you talking about?
77
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,208
There's nothing wrong
with those lobsters.
78
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:20,409
They're excellent.
79
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,800
Plus, they got two tails.
80
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,787
All right, so when you grow that
81
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,589
second mouth
out of your shoulder
82
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,533
you can eat them
at the same time.
83
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,792
(car honking)
84
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,996
Ma, you made daddy
sit in the car for two hours?
85
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:43,632
We got a car phone
at a time share walkthrough.
86
00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:46,402
Now he can sit
and call Howard Stern.
87
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,705
Why he wants to get screamed at
and berated,
88
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,496
I will never understand.
89
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,043
(car honking)
90
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,301
Lay off the horn, you yutz!
91
00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:02,619
Miss Fine, have you seen
Brighton's science test?
92
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,153
He's got a 66.
93
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,223
Wow, Brighton, you passed!
94
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:10,548
By a hair.
That is no good.
95
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,229
I'm not kidding, young man.
96
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,031
We went through
all this last semester.
97
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,433
You keep this up
and I'm gonna have to send
you to military school.
98
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,701
What?
99
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:20,336
Military school?
100
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,438
Are you serious?
101
00:04:22,462 --> 00:04:23,806
Nothing but young men,
102
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:26,164
no women, for miles around?
103
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,300
I mean, for me, it'd be nice.
104
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,683
Dad, look, I've got
a big science project due.
105
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,218
I've been working on it
for weeks.
106
00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:37,620
It's definitely going to bring
my grade up.
107
00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:40,523
Oh, my God. Where did my
moldy strawberry go?
108
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:41,957
Oh, I'm dead.
109
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,826
Well, you better
think of something else
110
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:45,495
pretty soon, young man.
111
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,297
And try to be more inventive
than moldy fruit.
112
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,433
And I don't want you
helping him either.
113
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,470
I wouldn't dream of it.
114
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,706
Not after the review
on my strawberry cup.
115
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,141
Brighton needs to learn
to do things on his own.
116
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:00,443
I packed your briefcase, sir.
117
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,467
Thank you.
118
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,936
You make things
far too easy for the boy.
119
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,985
He'll never become a man.
120
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,209
Doesn't having that
boyish thing happening, sir.
121
00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,144
Oh, there we are.
122
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:15,658
Are the kids yours
123
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,562
or does he do
everything for you?
124
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,629
I'm serious, Miss Fine.
125
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,165
And just because Brighton
has a trust fund,
126
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,699
don't think I'm going to
let him end up
127
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,369
jet-setting around the world,
skiing and yachting
128
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,904
and flitting from
party to party.
129
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:32,108
Oh, he's got
far too much pride for that.
130
00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,865
I mean, for me, it'd be nice.
131
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,284
Maxwell, I am sorry I am late.
132
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,988
I had to pack a bag.
They're fumigating my apartment.
133
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,312
They've tried that before.
You always come back.
134
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:59,169
Anyway, it's very difficult
to find a hotel
135
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,670
that will accept dogs.
136
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,975
Did you promise you wouldn't
hump the bellboy's leg?
137
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:10,313
You know, Niles,
it's a pity we don't see
138
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,948
more of one another.
139
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,650
Maxwell,
I just had a crazy notion.
140
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,594
Why don't Chester and I
stay here?
141
00:06:18,312 --> 00:06:20,423
Yes, of course, C.C.
142
00:06:20,447 --> 00:06:22,191
Niles will take care
of everything.
143
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:26,663
Oh, good. Here you go.
144
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,131
Give him one of these pills
three times a day.
145
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:31,033
I'll put it in his food.
146
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,057
Wrong end.
147
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:40,276
Well, I just thank God
148
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,513
that I was making tea
while opening the mail
149
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,948
when this envelope
addressed to you
150
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:48,072
accidentally steamed open.
151
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:55,591
Applications
for military school?
152
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:59,528
I can't believe you're thinking
about sending my baby away.
153
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,231
Who is this man I'm living with?
154
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,154
I don't even know you anymore.
155
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,369
Miss Fine, I happen to think
156
00:07:06,393 --> 00:07:09,005
discipline is a way
of showing love.
157
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,142
Well, I am seeing
a whole new side to you
158
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:15,033
that frankly I find intriguing.
159
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:22,151
Oh, look, Mr. Sheffield,
you got a cat on your terrace.
160
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,420
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
161
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,021
He's probably hungry.
162
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:28,591
I feed him something
this time every day.
163
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:31,093
Mr. Sheffield, I thought
you said you hated cats.
164
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,157
No, I hate
Andrew Lloyd Webber's "Cats."
165
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,554
Here, Shoes.
166
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,335
Shoes?
167
00:07:39,359 --> 00:07:41,871
Yeah, Roger Clinton's cat
from next door.
168
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:42,895
Socks' sister.
169
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:47,865
Shoes and Socks.
170
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,679
And these are the people
they think
171
00:07:50,703 --> 00:07:52,937
are clever enough
to orchestrate Whitewater?
172
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:58,087
Oh, Mr. Sheffield,
you better watch out.
173
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,188
Look at this.
174
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:00,623
You've got a little bird's nest
175
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,980
with three little bird's eggs.
176
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,996
I thought birds laid
their eggs in the spring.
177
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,831
She's a bit late, isn't she?
178
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,000
Hey, it's the '90s.
179
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,234
She don't have to lay eggs
180
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:15,060
the minute she moves out
of her parents' nest.
181
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,807
Maybe she spent
the last three years
182
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:20,577
sitting on somebody else's eggs
183
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:23,112
waiting for that certain
grey-streaked pigeon
184
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:24,168
to make his move.
185
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,430
What are you doing?
186
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:44,100
It's my science project.
Maggie gave me the idea.
187
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,002
See, I'm comparing
different types of lipsticks
188
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,146
to see which one's gonna stay
on the longest.
189
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,309
Oh, that's a good one.
190
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,913
Honey, that's not gonna
get you an "A" in science.
191
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:59,218
But it'll definitely get you
out of military school.
192
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,018
You're right, it stinks.
You know what?
193
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:05,187
Military school
might not be so bad.
194
00:09:05,211 --> 00:09:07,690
Fran, when I'm gone,
I want you to have my room.
195
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:11,126
Honey, stop it.
I don't want it.
196
00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:12,995
Sure, I could break
through that wall
197
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,498
and create a fabulous
dressing area
198
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,800
with a tremendous
walk-in closet,
199
00:09:17,824 --> 00:09:22,405
but I don't need that.
I need you.
200
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,389
Are these hardwood floors
under here?
201
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,945
If I could just think of
a great science project.
202
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:30,179
Well, I'm sorry,
203
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,649
but I cannot help you
with that, mister.
204
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,451
You are gonna have
to think about that
205
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,587
all on your own.
206
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:38,651
Okay, here's my idea.
207
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,324
There are three
abandoned eggs in a nest
208
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,593
on the terrace.
209
00:09:43,617 --> 00:09:46,228
I thought you can incubate them
with heat lamps
210
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,064
and then you can document
the hatching.
211
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,966
Fran, that's a great idea.
How did you think of it?
212
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:52,969
Well, who knows more
about eggs just sitting around
213
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,073
going to waste than me?
214
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,396
Hello!
215
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,512
Maxwell,
216
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:07,049
I thought we might have
a little nightcap.
217
00:10:07,073 --> 00:10:09,151
I don't want to do it
at the house.
218
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,543
Meet me at the Regency hotel
in an hour.
219
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:26,602
Niles? What are you doing
hanging around outside my room?
220
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,670
I was anxious to hear
221
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,339
how your meeting
at the Regency went?
222
00:10:29,363 --> 00:10:31,974
Did Pavarotti agree to sing
Pagliacci at your benefit?
223
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,543
After I buttered him up.
224
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,778
I said,
"I've dreamed of seeing you
225
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,212
dressed like a clown.
226
00:10:37,236 --> 00:10:38,836
Oh, God, it would be thrilling."
227
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:49,882
Thank you.
228
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,337
Honey, honey,
what are you doing?
229
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:04,762
Oh, The Limited is having
a blowout sale.
230
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,968
Sweetie...
231
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,753
what are you thinking?
232
00:11:16,777 --> 00:11:17,820
It's tomorrow.
233
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,022
Oh.
234
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,490
(telephone ringing)
235
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,758
Hello.
236
00:11:22,782 --> 00:11:25,127
Fran, listen, I need you
to do me a really big favor.
237
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,161
You've got to turn
the heat lamps
238
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,130
on the eggs for 15 minutes.
239
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:31,334
B, I'm not supposed to help you!
240
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,302
Come on, Fran,
you've always helped me.
241
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:35,004
You've been like a mother to me.
242
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,139
Forget it, B,
it's not going to work.
243
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,323
Of course, you're far
too young to be a mother.
244
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,202
All right, it worked.
245
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,416
This is the last time
I want to hear about
246
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,952
your stupid eggs, Mama.
247
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,855
Oh, is that your mother?
I need to speak with her.
248
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,623
- Oh, oh.
- Uh, Sylvia, hello, listen,
249
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,592
about those tickets you wanted...
250
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,816
(imitating Sylvia)
I can't talk now. I'm nauseous.
251
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:09,338
Yeah,
I hope to see you soon, Ma.
252
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:10,872
Get it?
253
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,774
Or your father is going
to be sending us both
254
00:12:12,798 --> 00:12:14,610
to military school.
255
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,634
Of course,
I could use a few good men.
256
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,915
Maxwell.
257
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:21,383
C.C.,
what's the matter with you?
258
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,386
You've barely spoken
two words to me all day.
259
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:27,857
What happened to our little
meeting at the Regency?
260
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:29,801
Oh,
I decided to handle it myself.
261
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,857
Maxwell, I would have
loved to have helped you.
262
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:42,471
Yes, I appreciate that, C.C.,
263
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,615
but it really went
much faster without you.
264
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,071
(sad song playing)
265
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,090
Oh, I hate
"An Affair to Remember."
266
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,859
Why are you making me
watch this?
267
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,228
Tell him you can't walk.
268
00:13:06,252 --> 00:13:08,598
Tell him he ruined your life.
269
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,888
Make him feel guilty.
270
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,158
She is obviously not Jewish.
271
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:20,475
Well,
now I'm too upset to study.
272
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,378
I'll have to go out
and get some burgers
273
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,979
with my friends.
274
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,236
Thanks a lot, Fran.
275
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,417
Mom.
276
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,320
Oh, there you are.
277
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,889
How can you spend
so long at a mall?
278
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,958
Oh, this from a woman
that once spent two hours
279
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,681
at Potatoes Potatoes Potatoes.
280
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,619
There were 80 toppings, dear.
281
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,101
Now, did you remember
to turn the heat lamps on?
282
00:13:46,125 --> 00:13:48,737
Yes, I am responsible.
283
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:50,973
You know, you better get
your act together, mister.
284
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,542
What are you gonna do
when I'm married
285
00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:55,911
and I have kids of my own
and I'm not living here anymore?
286
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,135
All right, bad example.
287
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,316
Come on, Fran,
what's the big deal?
288
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,484
All I asked you to do
was turn on a light.
289
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,419
It isn't a big deal
290
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:07,178
unless I forget to turn it off.
291
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,716
Oh, God, I'm going to boot camp.
292
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:17,366
Oh, B, it looks like it is okay.
293
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:20,168
Look, look, see,
which only goes to prove
294
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,236
that heat is...
295
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,180
Oh, oh, oh, invisible.
(egg cracks)
296
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:25,998
You think it broke?
297
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,013
All right. You know what?
Let's just be positive.
298
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,081
It could still be all right.
299
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:35,105
You never read Humpty Dumpty,
huh, kid?
300
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,987
Oh, I can't look.
301
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,189
B, we're in luck. We're in luck.
302
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:41,456
It didn't break.
(gasps)
303
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:43,414
Because it's hard-boiled.
304
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,763
Oh, my God. I'm very modest.
305
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,199
Do you think I can get
a private latrine?
306
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,334
Oh, hey, B,
307
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,303
I think that we can
salvage this egg.
308
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:55,438
How?
309
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:58,896
Uh... Got any salt?
310
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,685
This is C.C. Babcock.
Please leave a message
311
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,253
at the sound of the tone.
312
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,821
(beeping)
313
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,691
Maxwell: I've dreamed of seeing
you dressed like a clown.
314
00:15:15,715 --> 00:15:17,281
Oh, God, it would be thrilling.
315
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,030
♪ Working 9:00 to 5:00 ♪
316
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:23,098
♪ What a way
to make a living ♪♪
317
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,634
(humming)
318
00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:27,937
Oh, Niles, you know, I was
thinking Mr. Sheffield is right.
319
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,872
If I help Brighton
with his project,
320
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,207
it's only gonna hurt him.
321
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,309
You've already gotten involved
and screwed up?
322
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:34,333
Yeah.
323
00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:37,946
And now, there's really nothing
I can really do about it
324
00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,582
except to tell
Mr. Sheffield the truth.
325
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:42,566
Here's the two things
I came up with.
326
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,590
(Niles humming)
327
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,825
- Hello.
- Hello.
328
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,461
Hi, Ma.
329
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,653
Fran, I brought you
one of Uncle Stanley's lobsters.
330
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,637
You gotta try.
331
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:04,928
Ma! I'm not eating that thing.
332
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,245
Never mind the two tails,
333
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:10,535
it's got eyebrows.
334
00:16:12,838 --> 00:16:14,450
You are so critical.
335
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,006
That's why you're not married.
336
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,322
Meanwhile, Ma,
what's with this big rash
337
00:16:20,346 --> 00:16:21,545
all over your chest?
338
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,827
Oh, look, it's up here now.
339
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:25,851
Yeah?
340
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,733
I think it's your
father's beard.
341
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,203
I also got one on my calf,
my knee, my thigh...
342
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:37,795
All right, all right, Ma.
Don't draw me a picture.
343
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,276
I think that you should
put on some calamine lotion
344
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,479
and go soak in a lukewarm tub.
345
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,503
All right.
346
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,486
You didn't mean here, did you?
347
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,510
No!
348
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,226
Miss Fine,
I am very proud of Brighton.
349
00:16:58,250 --> 00:17:00,296
You know, he's so busy
with his science project,
350
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:01,797
he hasn't left his room all day.
351
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,131
- Oh?
- Now,
352
00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:04,833
you haven't helped him,
have you?
353
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:07,036
Oh, believe me,
I've been no help to him at all.
354
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:08,838
Oh, good,
355
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,940
here's a little bonus
in your paycheck this week.
356
00:17:10,964 --> 00:17:12,975
Ah, thanks.
357
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,280
You know, I haven't helped him
with anything either.
358
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:18,513
What is your secret?
359
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:20,349
I keep telling you, Niles,
360
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,517
big hair and short skirts.
361
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,519
That's what got Mel Gibson
the Oscar.
362
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:25,543
Hmm.
363
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,659
What happened to telling
Mr. Sheffield the truth?
364
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,095
Well, I decided to take
the road more traveled.
365
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,763
(laughs)
366
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,598
Now, all I'll have to do
is get Brighton an extension
367
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:37,700
on his science project.
368
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:40,035
But I have never met a teacher
369
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,404
that I couldn't wrap around
my little pinky.
370
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:45,107
Oh, his teacher is a woman.
371
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:46,230
Got any cash?
372
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,571
Oh, wow,
373
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,809
I'm getting such a deja vu here.
374
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:01,446
What is it?
375
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,249
Oh, here we go.
376
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:08,763
Detention, honey?
377
00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:11,333
Yeah, I was putting on
makeup in class.
378
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:13,969
Ah, you know,
you really shouldn't do that.
379
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,033
You're here to learn.
380
00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,706
I don't need school.
381
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,676
I'm gonna marry a doctor,
live in Great Neck.
382
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,620
Right after my mama
moves to Boca.
383
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,637
How do you feel about
being a domestic?
384
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:28,939
Learn to love it, baby.
385
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,954
Cute sweater!
386
00:18:32,978 --> 00:18:34,812
Oh, thanks.
387
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:37,793
Where'd you get it?
388
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:41,185
Oh, I got it at... Oh, boy!
389
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,800
Mrs. Richardson?
390
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,057
You can go now, Francine.
391
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:55,077
Uh, about that little incident
at Loehmann's,
392
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,679
that was a big misunderstanding.
393
00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:59,704
And I just wanted to apologize
for what my twin sister did.
394
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,650
All I wanted was a green sweater
395
00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:05,754
to go with that damn skirt
I bought at a yard sale.
396
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:08,958
Well, now, let's just put
all that behind us.
397
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,360
Hi,
I'm Brighton Sheffield's nanny,
398
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,195
and I'm here to ask
for an extension
399
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:14,763
on his science project.
400
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,198
What's that in your hand?
401
00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:19,390
It's a $50, but it's
in your hand now, honey.
402
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,974
So you really want this
for Brighton, huh?
403
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,063
Oh, desperately.
404
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,244
How does it feel to want
something so bad
405
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:30,645
you can taste it?
406
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,909
Feel it in your hand and have
someone yank it away.
407
00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,139
It doesn't feel good.
408
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:39,110
Is that gum
you're chewing in my class?
409
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:45,550
No.
410
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,118
Put that on your nose.
411
00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,472
Now,
we'll just sit here for a while
412
00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:59,536
while you think about
your actions, miss.
413
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,405
How did she know I was a miss?
414
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,590
Oh, B, I got your teacher
to give you an extension.
415
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:15,824
Now all you have
to do is come up
416
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,125
with a new science project.
417
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,228
Great, 'cause I already got one.
Check this out.
418
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:22,997
Ew, B, that's disgusting!
419
00:20:23,021 --> 00:20:25,567
Genug
with the moldy fruit already.
420
00:20:25,591 --> 00:20:26,990
No, that's your mother's back.
421
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,108
Ma, don't you think you should
422
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:36,144
give up on the lobster already?
423
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:39,014
Maybe they are
a little suspicious.
424
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:41,650
I'll start
on the 10 pounds of shrimp
425
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:44,186
Uncle Stanley caught.
426
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:46,688
Well, do they look normal?
427
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:49,312
What "they"? It's one shrimp.
428
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:53,995
Psst, Miss Fine.
429
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,798
- What?
- Where's Brighton?
430
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:57,900
He's upstairs working
on his science project. Why?
431
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,434
Oh, God, this is terrible.
432
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:01,470
I forgot to feed
Roger Clinton's cat today
433
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,405
and now the eggs
are missing out of the nest.
434
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,841
I'm afraid the cat
must have eaten them.
435
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,244
Why didn't I think of that?
436
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,680
You did. You warned me.
437
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:15,239
You know, you're right.
I did warn you.
438
00:21:16,575 --> 00:21:20,755
But you didn't listen, did you?
439
00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:21,956
I've ruined everything.
440
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:24,292
How could I be such a screw-up?
441
00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:27,262
Well, there's only one thing
for you to do, mister,
442
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:30,799
get your boots
and your sleeping bag.
443
00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:32,934
What, you're sending me
to military school?
444
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,158
No, I just thought
maybe we could have some fun.
445
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:38,140
- Miss Fine...
- Oh, calm down,
446
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:40,809
I'm sure I can get an extension
from the teacher.
447
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:43,979
Now, we just have to come up
with a new idea for the kid.
448
00:21:44,003 --> 00:21:46,203
There'll be a considerable bonus
in it for you.
449
00:21:51,077 --> 00:21:52,554
And good luck with the teacher.
450
00:21:52,578 --> 00:21:53,688
I hear she's pretty tough.
451
00:21:53,712 --> 00:21:55,990
Oh, well,
don't you worry about her.
452
00:21:56,014 --> 00:21:58,260
I'll take care of everything.
453
00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,961
You already got
Brighton an extension?
454
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,496
Oh, yeah.
455
00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:02,697
How'd you do that?
456
00:22:02,721 --> 00:22:05,667
Oh, Niles,
I just reasoned with the woman.
457
00:22:05,691 --> 00:22:07,290
You can't argue with logic.
458
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,146
Did you need me, sir?
459
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,548
Maxwell: Run out
to Kennedy Airport,
460
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:21,450
would you,
and pick up Pavarotti?
461
00:22:21,474 --> 00:22:22,951
Oh, you'd better leave now.
462
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:25,120
There's two lanes
closed on the L-I-E.
463
00:22:25,144 --> 00:22:26,321
It'll take you hours.
464
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:27,345
Yes, sir.
465
00:22:32,085 --> 00:22:34,918
(jazz music playing)
31608
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