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1
00:00:00,688 --> 00:00:01,939
[upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:01,939 --> 00:00:04,775
Are you ready to meet
the Sexiest Villain Alive?
3
00:00:04,775 --> 00:00:07,778
Because Helen Villigan
is ready to crown 'em.
4
00:00:07,778 --> 00:00:10,781
The nominations are in
for the eighth annual
5
00:00:10,781 --> 00:00:15,036
- Villigans Sexiest Villain
Alive awards!
- [buzzer sounding]
6
00:00:15,036 --> 00:00:16,704
[Bane] Ugh! Look at that.
7
00:00:16,704 --> 00:00:19,457
They're treating
villains like steaks.
8
00:00:19,457 --> 00:00:23,544
These sexy awards shows are
so reductive.
9
00:00:23,544 --> 00:00:26,005
Ooh, the rumor mill is humming.
10
00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:29,383
Who will be this year's winner?
Will it be "the good"?
11
00:00:29,383 --> 00:00:33,554
As in six-time SVA champ,
Lex Luthor?
12
00:00:33,554 --> 00:00:34,889
It's seven.
13
00:00:34,889 --> 00:00:37,349
Just kidding, Lex. [chuckles]
We know it's seven.
14
00:00:37,349 --> 00:00:40,269
Or could it be "the bad"?
15
00:00:40,269 --> 00:00:43,773
As in, Gotham's newest
bad boy, Beast Mode.
16
00:00:43,773 --> 00:00:48,903
Fuck, yeah! I'mma serve
them up some Beast-a-la-Mode!
17
00:00:48,903 --> 00:00:50,237
- [laughs]
- [Laff trak laughing]
18
00:00:50,237 --> 00:00:52,656
Laff Trak gets it. Shots!
19
00:00:52,656 --> 00:00:55,034
Ooh, Glider.
Your boyfriend's moving
up in the world.
20
00:00:55,034 --> 00:00:57,203
He is not my boyfriend.
21
00:00:57,203 --> 00:00:59,121
What happened to you, Chuck?
22
00:00:59,121 --> 00:01:02,541
Seems the last few days
or so, he's been
a little too cool for school.
23
00:01:02,541 --> 00:01:05,252
He's insufferable.
God, I hope he loses.
24
00:01:05,252 --> 00:01:06,545
[Bane] Who cares?
25
00:01:06,545 --> 00:01:09,340
It is a vapid,
meaningless contest.
26
00:01:09,340 --> 00:01:12,051
Or will it be "the ugly"?
27
00:01:12,051 --> 00:01:14,720
Like this year's
dark horse nominee, Bane!
28
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:19,016
[splutters] Holy shit!
I'm nominated?
29
00:01:19,016 --> 00:01:21,394
That's fucking amazing.
30
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:23,896
You guys really think
I can win?
31
00:01:23,896 --> 00:01:25,898
Not in that outfit.
32
00:01:25,898 --> 00:01:28,776
And the winner will be
unveiled tomorrow night
at the Legion of Doom,
33
00:01:28,776 --> 00:01:33,280
hosted by yours truly,
presented by Villigans.
34
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,574
[theme music playing]
35
00:01:37,827 --> 00:01:40,413
They name-checked Lex, Bane,
and Beast Mode,
36
00:01:40,413 --> 00:01:41,872
but what about Moe Dubelz?
37
00:01:41,872 --> 00:01:44,125
I already got a nice tuxedo
picked out for us.
38
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:45,292
I'm not going
with you to the awards.
39
00:01:45,292 --> 00:01:46,752
The fuck are you talking about?
40
00:01:46,752 --> 00:01:48,629
If I'm going,
you're obviously going with me.
41
00:01:48,629 --> 00:01:51,090
I'm going with you,
but not with you.
42
00:01:51,090 --> 00:01:52,633
I have a date.
43
00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:54,885
Uh-uh. Don't give me that look.
We're not a thing.
44
00:01:54,885 --> 00:01:57,388
At best, we're conjoined twins
who fool around sometimes.
45
00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,806
Oh, that's bullshit.
46
00:01:58,806 --> 00:02:00,266
If you got a date,
then I'm bringing one too.
47
00:02:00,266 --> 00:02:01,434
- Fine.
- Fine.
48
00:02:01,434 --> 00:02:03,352
[Beast Mode laughing]
49
00:02:03,352 --> 00:02:06,605
- Greetings, losers.
- [woman yelps]
50
00:02:06,605 --> 00:02:10,359
- [Glider] Ugh!
- [Bane] Kite! Uh, Beast,
uh, Man Mode.
51
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:15,322
Isn't it cool that we are
both in the running
for Sexiest Villain Alive?
52
00:02:15,322 --> 00:02:17,366
[chuckles] Yeah.
You may be in the running,
53
00:02:17,366 --> 00:02:19,452
but everyone's
gonna run from you,
54
00:02:19,452 --> 00:02:21,787
'cause you look
like a dummy. Whuppah!
55
00:02:21,787 --> 00:02:23,831
[Laff Trak laughing]
56
00:02:23,831 --> 00:02:26,625
- [Bane] Grumble, grumble.
- You're literally just saying
the word, "grumble."
57
00:02:26,625 --> 00:02:29,211
- [Bane] Shuffles off angrily!
- [laughs]
58
00:02:29,211 --> 00:02:31,213
Listen, Chuck, we need to talk.
59
00:02:31,213 --> 00:02:32,381
Yeah, we do.
60
00:02:32,381 --> 00:02:33,841
Been rethinking our biz strat.
61
00:02:33,841 --> 00:02:36,594
We can't keep catering
to broke losers.
62
00:02:36,594 --> 00:02:39,764
We need to attract
Euro club kids
with loose cash.
63
00:02:39,764 --> 00:02:43,017
What? No, I own
50% of Noonan's.
64
00:02:43,017 --> 00:02:44,477
We're not changing it!
65
00:02:44,477 --> 00:02:46,645
No. You own 50% of Club Libido,
66
00:02:46,645 --> 00:02:48,564
'cause I already changed it
to that in my head.
67
00:02:48,564 --> 00:02:50,066
Get out of here, douchebag!
68
00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:52,485
- Now!
- I'm rubber. You're glue.
69
00:02:52,485 --> 00:02:55,321
Whatever you say,
bounces off me
and sticks to you.
70
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:56,822
- Whuppah!
- [Glider yells]
71
00:02:56,822 --> 00:02:58,324
[thudding]
72
00:02:58,324 --> 00:03:00,576
- You're an asshole.
- And you have a bloody nose.
73
00:03:00,576 --> 00:03:02,370
- I do not have a bloody--
- [Beast Mode] Whuppah!
74
00:03:02,370 --> 00:03:04,789
Oh! You fucking prick.
75
00:03:04,789 --> 00:03:08,626
Oh, is that any way to talk
to the Sexiest Villain Alive?
76
00:03:08,626 --> 00:03:10,920
[chuckles] Smell you later!
77
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:14,799
- Sexiest Villain Alive?
We'll see about that.
- [dark music playing]
78
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:18,302
I mean, I thought "grumble,"
was a pretty good comeback.
79
00:03:18,302 --> 00:03:20,805
- You come with me.
- Hmm?
80
00:03:20,805 --> 00:03:22,181
Where are we going?
81
00:03:22,181 --> 00:03:24,850
To a town called,
"Whole New You."
82
00:03:24,850 --> 00:03:27,436
Population... You!
83
00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:28,938
I hate Beast Mode.
84
00:03:28,938 --> 00:03:31,315
What twisted ass-dick power
did they give Chuck?
85
00:03:31,315 --> 00:03:33,859
The pantsing, the "I'm rubber,
you're glue"-ing,
86
00:03:33,859 --> 00:03:35,361
the bloody nose.
87
00:03:35,361 --> 00:03:37,196
That's a sure sign,
Kite Man got
the douchebag power.
88
00:03:37,196 --> 00:03:39,615
Well, how do I get him back?
I can't get through to him.
89
00:03:39,615 --> 00:03:42,034
Then you better find
someone who can.
90
00:03:42,034 --> 00:03:48,082
If this goes on much longer,
the Kite Man you know
will be gone for good.
91
00:03:48,082 --> 00:03:49,875
I think I know just the person.
92
00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:53,921
Forget it. And be still,
Reginald, you fatty.
93
00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:56,340
Chuck spent his whole life
trying to impress you.
94
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,050
God knows why.
95
00:03:58,050 --> 00:04:01,679
I think maybe you can get him
to give up this stupid power.
96
00:04:01,679 --> 00:04:04,724
But to do that, I'd have
to spend time with him. Pass.
97
00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:06,684
Do it, and I'll
personally guarantee
98
00:04:06,684 --> 00:04:09,270
that Chuck won't call,
text, or email you
for a whole year.
99
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:12,565
Mmm. All right,
soft accept. I'm in.
100
00:04:12,565 --> 00:04:14,817
[groovy music playing]
101
00:04:16,694 --> 00:04:23,701
[Bane] Ooh, sexy guy!
102
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:25,536
- Ooh!
- First of all,
103
00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:27,663
don't pretend to walk
in slow motion.
104
00:04:27,663 --> 00:04:29,457
It makes you look thirsty.
105
00:04:29,457 --> 00:04:30,791
Remember, Bane.
106
00:04:30,791 --> 00:04:33,044
You wear the suit,
it doesn't wear you.
107
00:04:33,044 --> 00:04:36,213
[Bane] But... I... I... I...
Do I look good?
108
00:04:36,213 --> 00:04:37,965
You look fantastic.
109
00:04:37,965 --> 00:04:41,761
If I were a six,
instead of a Miami nine,
which is an Atlanta 11,
110
00:04:41,761 --> 00:04:44,263
you'd be in trouble
right now, mister.
111
00:04:44,263 --> 00:04:47,933
[Bane chuckles] Okay.
112
00:04:47,933 --> 00:04:49,935
- [man laughing]
- [Beast Mode
mock punching]
113
00:04:52,438 --> 00:04:53,689
Nice baby.
114
00:04:53,689 --> 00:04:55,816
Let me know if you need
another one.
115
00:04:55,816 --> 00:04:57,943
[all laughing]
116
00:04:57,943 --> 00:04:58,861
Up top!
117
00:05:00,654 --> 00:05:03,074
Hey, Man-Bat!
I saw your last fight.
118
00:05:03,074 --> 00:05:04,492
[Man-Bat screeching]
119
00:05:04,492 --> 00:05:06,619
I've seen better kicks
at Riverdance Junior.
120
00:05:06,619 --> 00:05:09,455
- [all laughing]
- [Man-Bat screeching]
121
00:05:09,455 --> 00:05:11,457
- Oops! Two for flinching!
- [screeches]
122
00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:13,793
- [screeches]
- [all laughing]
123
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:15,544
[Beast Mode] Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
124
00:05:15,544 --> 00:05:17,088
I've seen enough.
125
00:05:18,089 --> 00:05:19,548
Chuck!
126
00:05:19,548 --> 00:05:22,551
I have never been
more impressed.
127
00:05:22,551 --> 00:05:26,138
My boy's an Alpha.
Please tell me there's
a spot on your entourage.
128
00:05:26,138 --> 00:05:27,640
Are you kidding me, Darryl?
129
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,308
You're not a father.
130
00:05:29,308 --> 00:05:31,227
You wouldn't understand
the joy of seeing
your firstborn
131
00:05:31,227 --> 00:05:34,271
throw a stranger
through a window
just for fun.
132
00:05:34,271 --> 00:05:35,648
- [chuckles]
- Beast Pops gets it!
133
00:05:35,648 --> 00:05:38,484
And for fuck's sake,
call me Beast Pops.
134
00:05:38,484 --> 00:05:40,152
You're pathetic.
135
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:44,657
So you finally wanna feast mode
on some Beast Mode?
136
00:05:44,657 --> 00:05:46,492
[Kite Man] Help me, Glider.
137
00:05:46,492 --> 00:05:48,369
[Beast Mode]
'Cause let's just say
there's enough for seconds.
138
00:05:48,369 --> 00:05:50,246
[chuckles] I don't think so.
139
00:05:50,246 --> 00:05:51,372
Wait, what did you just say?
140
00:05:51,372 --> 00:05:53,457
I said, my dick's too big.
141
00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:55,000
[Kite Man] Babe,
please make this stop.
142
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,044
[Beast Mode] Oh! Trying to get
a look at it? [laughs]
143
00:05:57,044 --> 00:06:00,005
Oh, Chuck! I'll do anything
to make it stop.
144
00:06:00,005 --> 00:06:02,007
But how? Should we go
to Etrigan?
145
00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,510
- Uh, let's go right now.
- [laughs] Oh, yeah. As if.
146
00:06:04,510 --> 00:06:06,095
How about you go to hell--
147
00:06:06,095 --> 00:06:07,513
[Kite Man] ...len Villigan.
148
00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:08,931
She's the only one...
Uh, Master Controller.
149
00:06:08,931 --> 00:06:11,434
Her... Her office can
change me back.
150
00:06:11,434 --> 00:06:13,519
[Beast Mode] ...Side.
Your backside.
151
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:15,062
Turn around.
Let me check it out.
152
00:06:15,062 --> 00:06:17,481
Hey, Beast Mode.
Wanna hit up a titty bar?
153
00:06:17,481 --> 00:06:20,067
I'm a walking titty bar, Dad.
154
00:06:20,067 --> 00:06:21,360
Don't know what that means,
155
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:22,945
but I have never loved
my son more.
156
00:06:22,945 --> 00:06:26,282
- [Laff Trak] Aw!
- To the titty bar!
157
00:06:26,282 --> 00:06:29,535
Helen-fucking-Villigan!
158
00:06:31,162 --> 00:06:32,621
Oye! You lot, listen!
159
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:34,206
Prepare yourselves,
160
00:06:34,206 --> 00:06:38,502
for the Sexiest Villain Alive
has arrived.
161
00:06:38,502 --> 00:06:40,171
[Bane hissing]
162
00:06:41,422 --> 00:06:43,758
Business, business, turn, yeah.
163
00:06:43,758 --> 00:06:45,718
Strut, strut, strut, strut.
164
00:06:45,718 --> 00:06:47,636
Business, business, turn, yeah.
165
00:06:47,636 --> 00:06:49,305
- Vacation guy, sexy, oh!
- Hmm, they're not responding
166
00:06:49,305 --> 00:06:51,515
like he's the sexiest thing
they've ever seen.
167
00:06:51,515 --> 00:06:52,767
Something's missing.
168
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:55,019
Yeah, chicken nuggets!
169
00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:57,521
We're out, Mal,
and I'm kind of starving.
170
00:06:57,521 --> 00:07:00,900
Just started at Villigan's
and had a long day
of deliveries.
171
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,902
I'm trying
to help Bane be sexy.
172
00:07:02,902 --> 00:07:06,447
Well, maybe, he'll be sexier
holding a chicken nugget.
173
00:07:06,447 --> 00:07:07,823
Worth a shot!
174
00:07:07,823 --> 00:07:09,200
Fine.
175
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,244
Gus, I'm going to turn
Beast Mode back into Kite Man.
176
00:07:12,244 --> 00:07:14,789
I need the Master Controller
from Helen Villigan's office.
177
00:07:14,789 --> 00:07:16,749
- How do I get in?
- Oh, that's easy.
178
00:07:16,749 --> 00:07:19,418
Step one, be Helen Villigan.
179
00:07:19,418 --> 00:07:20,753
[laughing]
180
00:07:20,753 --> 00:07:22,421
Ow! [grunts] I'm sorry.
181
00:07:22,421 --> 00:07:25,091
That... That one gets big yucks
at the fulfillment center.
182
00:07:25,091 --> 00:07:27,593
Yeah, only Helen can
get into her office.
183
00:07:28,761 --> 00:07:30,763
Hey, where are you going?
184
00:07:30,763 --> 00:07:33,808
Oh, well, haven't you become
quite the man about town.
185
00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:35,684
[Beast Mode sniffs, coughs]
186
00:07:35,684 --> 00:07:37,686
Yeah, and you know
what's 'ronic?
187
00:07:37,686 --> 00:07:39,980
I got this power to be
good enough for Glider,
188
00:07:39,980 --> 00:07:42,358
but now she's not even
good enough for me.
189
00:07:42,358 --> 00:07:44,402
Oh, that is 'ronic.
190
00:07:44,402 --> 00:07:45,945
You know what's
even more 'ronic?
191
00:07:45,945 --> 00:07:48,030
I gave you the douchiest power
in the universe
192
00:07:48,030 --> 00:07:51,117
so I could steal
the most powerful thing
in the universe.
193
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:54,286
I don't think that tech fits
the definish of 'ronic,
194
00:07:54,286 --> 00:07:55,496
but whatevs.
195
00:07:55,496 --> 00:07:57,039
So, what are
you sellin', Helen?
196
00:07:57,039 --> 00:08:00,918
Tonight, you will be crowned
Sexiest Villain Alive.
197
00:08:00,918 --> 00:08:02,670
- Fingers crossed.
- No.
198
00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:06,382
You will be the Sexiest
Villain Alive tonight.
199
00:08:06,382 --> 00:08:09,510
Maybe. And you could be
a Minnesota six
if you wore heels more.
200
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:12,304
Those flats are keeping
the merchandise
on the bottom shelf.
201
00:08:12,304 --> 00:08:14,932
Look, dummy,
I pick the winner
and I picked you.
202
00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:18,394
So tonight,
during your acceptance speech,
203
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:21,147
you will unload on Lex Luthor.
204
00:08:21,147 --> 00:08:23,816
- Face or stomach?
- Oh, my God,
you make this so hard.
205
00:08:23,816 --> 00:08:27,653
I want Lex so furious
at you that he won't notice
206
00:08:27,653 --> 00:08:28,988
anything else going on
in the room.
207
00:08:28,988 --> 00:08:30,656
What if an elephant walks in?
208
00:08:30,656 --> 00:08:32,158
He wouldn't notice.
209
00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:35,202
- With clothes on
and a bell on its tail?
- [sighs]
210
00:08:35,202 --> 00:08:37,705
- While he's distracted,
I'm going to release...
- [Beast Mode] Ay!
211
00:08:37,705 --> 00:08:39,999
- ...tiny hummingbird robots
that will find me...
- [monitor whirring]
212
00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:43,544
...a very special briefcase
I've been looking for.
213
00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:47,089
- [keypad clicking]
- My infallible algorithm
tells me, Lex stole it,
214
00:08:47,089 --> 00:08:50,176
and it will be
at the Legion of Doom tonight.
215
00:08:50,176 --> 00:08:53,012
Hummingbirds are dumb.
Here's a better idea.
216
00:08:53,012 --> 00:08:55,014
- Leopards.
- Leopards are too big.
217
00:08:55,014 --> 00:08:56,849
Baby leopards then, real ones.
218
00:08:56,849 --> 00:08:58,684
Just off the nippie of momma!
219
00:08:58,684 --> 00:09:00,144
They need to be robots.
220
00:09:00,144 --> 00:09:03,939
Fine, but leopards are
very trainable.
221
00:09:06,484 --> 00:09:09,111
- [rustling]
- [trilling]
222
00:09:09,111 --> 00:09:10,196
[gasps]
223
00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,864
Good Lord!
224
00:09:11,864 --> 00:09:15,201
What are the chances that
something this extraordinary
225
00:09:15,201 --> 00:09:18,371
has been hiding
for who knows how long here?
226
00:09:18,371 --> 00:09:20,039
This changes everything.
227
00:09:20,039 --> 00:09:23,709
[Bane] This changes everything.
What is in it?
228
00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:28,255
Who gives a shit!
Darling, it's what's
on the outside that counts.
229
00:09:28,255 --> 00:09:30,633
And this is
the perfect accessory.
230
00:09:30,633 --> 00:09:31,884
It was under
the Chick-y Nuggets.
231
00:09:31,884 --> 00:09:34,553
So, that's why
the handle is cold.
232
00:09:34,553 --> 00:09:39,892
Which is ironic
because I have
never been hotter.
233
00:09:39,892 --> 00:09:41,060
[upbeat electronic
music playing]
234
00:09:45,898 --> 00:09:47,775
- [Bane] I've got it,
yeah, yeah.
- [woman squeals]
235
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,110
[Bane] He's got it.
236
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:51,946
- Looks good, Bane.
- Damn, what a briefcase.
237
00:09:51,946 --> 00:09:53,656
You look like
a successful businessman.
238
00:09:53,656 --> 00:09:56,409
- So, Baney. How do you feel?
- [person cheering indistinctly]
239
00:09:56,409 --> 00:10:04,500
[Bane] Like, uh, like, uh...
Like the Sexiest Villain Alive!
240
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,420
Now just let me do the talking.
241
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:11,549
I'm so glad you agreed
to see me
on such short notice, Helen.
242
00:10:11,549 --> 00:10:13,759
- [Helen] Hmm.
- Mrs. Villigan.
243
00:10:13,759 --> 00:10:15,261
I thought you left
for the awards.
244
00:10:15,261 --> 00:10:17,471
And now she's back.
Is there a problem?
245
00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:19,557
- [Helen] Mmm.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Villigan.
246
00:10:19,557 --> 00:10:22,059
- Of course not.
Please go right in.
- [door lock buzzing]
247
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:30,026
[Clayface] Not since
my King Lear at the Jewish
Senior Center in Tallahassee
248
00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:33,279
has an entrance been so divine.
249
00:10:33,279 --> 00:10:34,572
[laughs]
250
00:10:34,572 --> 00:10:36,282
My word.
251
00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:39,368
The office where
Villigan's original content
was green-lit.
252
00:10:39,368 --> 00:10:42,580
So, what computational trinket
are we hunting?
253
00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:47,126
Like I told you, we're looking
for her Master Controller,
Clayface.
254
00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:48,878
- Found it!
- That's a brush.
255
00:10:48,878 --> 00:10:51,130
Hmm. Looks more like this. Oh!
256
00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:54,383
Huh! Then this must be
the associate controller.
257
00:10:54,383 --> 00:10:56,177
[device trilling]
258
00:10:56,177 --> 00:10:58,179
Oh, quick, quick, quick, quick.
Turn back into Helen.
259
00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,972
This thing requires
a retinal scan.
260
00:10:59,972 --> 00:11:03,517
Well, well, well.
The future of security is now.
261
00:11:03,517 --> 00:11:06,604
- [laughs]
- Jesus Christ.
I said "retinal scan."
262
00:11:06,604 --> 00:11:08,814
Ah! Retinal scan.
263
00:11:08,814 --> 00:11:10,941
Rectal scan's two-eyed cousin.
264
00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:12,818
- [device trilling]
- Damn it!
265
00:11:12,818 --> 00:11:15,988
This is the only thing
that can change Beast Mode
back to Kite Man.
266
00:11:15,988 --> 00:11:17,656
Why won't it scan
your dumb eyes?
267
00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:19,450
[laughs] Me.
268
00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:22,453
Perhaps my attendance
at yesterday's
eclipse watchers meeting
269
00:11:22,453 --> 00:11:24,497
yields a clue.
270
00:11:24,497 --> 00:11:28,125
Pro tip! It is ill-advised
to stare at the sun
for 30consecutive minutes.
271
00:11:28,125 --> 00:11:30,961
Unless you want
your retinas as bald
and chapped
272
00:11:30,961 --> 00:11:33,672
as the ass
of Sir Patrick Stewart.
273
00:11:33,672 --> 00:11:35,174
Are you fucking kidding me?
274
00:11:35,174 --> 00:11:38,386
I kid not!
His ass is also bald.
275
00:11:38,386 --> 00:11:40,096
But do not fret, Ms. Glider.
276
00:11:40,096 --> 00:11:43,557
All you need are
Ms. Villigan's real eyes.
277
00:11:43,557 --> 00:11:45,851
[fanfare music playing]
278
00:11:51,774 --> 00:11:56,862
[laughing] I feel sorry
for all these unsexy dweebs.
279
00:11:56,862 --> 00:12:02,201
Oh! There is something
so sexy about a man
with only one head on his body.
280
00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:05,371
My head's not
the only thing made
of wood, cutie.
281
00:12:05,371 --> 00:12:07,623
- Oh! The mouth on you.
- [Toy Man laughing]
282
00:12:07,623 --> 00:12:09,208
I gotta tell you, Insect Queen,
283
00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:11,502
that thorax is
turning my crank.
284
00:12:11,502 --> 00:12:14,839
[chuckles] Aren't you just
a big block of honey?
285
00:12:14,839 --> 00:12:17,842
Really? You're gonna sweet-talk
your egg-laying whore
right in front of me.
286
00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:20,553
Moe, you're gonna put up
with this shit
from your other head?
287
00:12:20,553 --> 00:12:23,556
Which, by the way,
your dating profile
neglected to mention.
288
00:12:23,556 --> 00:12:26,809
- You see what you caused?
- Me? This is my fault?
289
00:12:26,809 --> 00:12:28,769
You know what?
If you don't want me around,
290
00:12:28,769 --> 00:12:30,187
sayonara, motherfucker.
291
00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:31,522
- [grunts]
- [all gasp]
292
00:12:31,522 --> 00:12:32,440
Whoa!
293
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:36,110
- Have fun
with your six-legged freak.
- [Toy Man gasps]
294
00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:38,654
- Says the head on the plate.
- Ladies!
295
00:12:38,654 --> 00:12:41,574
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We're all here
to have a good time.
296
00:12:41,574 --> 00:12:44,410
How about me
and Moe grab us
some drinks, huh?
297
00:12:46,996 --> 00:12:49,999
[Bane] I see
you wondering, uh-huh.
298
00:12:49,999 --> 00:12:53,252
Who is that fancy lad
with his shiny silk suit?
299
00:12:53,252 --> 00:12:55,755
Well, let me tell you,
or rather,
300
00:12:55,755 --> 00:12:58,007
- let me spell it to you.
- [snaps fingers]
301
00:12:58,007 --> 00:13:00,134
- Hit it, Malice. Can do.
- [upbeat music playing]
302
00:13:00,134 --> 00:13:05,931
♪ B-B-B "B" is
For back off, ladies
Plenty of me to go around ♪
303
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,725
♪ A-A-A "A" is for Aye ♪
304
00:13:07,725 --> 00:13:10,061
♪ I said, "Back off, ladies"
Seriously! ♪
305
00:13:10,061 --> 00:13:12,146
♪ Didn't you hear me
Say '"B"? ♪
306
00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:15,107
♪ "N"! "N" is
For not listening ♪
307
00:13:15,107 --> 00:13:17,234
♪ I said, "back off" ♪
308
00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:19,445
♪ Because I don't want you
To rip the new suit
You know? ♪
309
00:13:19,445 --> 00:13:20,613
Uh...
310
00:13:20,613 --> 00:13:24,116
♪ E-E "E" is for, uh, uh
'Mergency
311
00:13:24,116 --> 00:13:26,911
♪ Yeah, yeah
"E" is for 'mergency, yeah ♪
312
00:13:26,911 --> 00:13:31,457
♪ As we are going to need
to call 'mergency services ♪
313
00:13:31,457 --> 00:13:34,919
♪ 'Cause these ladies
just won't back off of me ♪
314
00:13:34,919 --> 00:13:36,504
♪ Exclamation point ♪
315
00:13:36,504 --> 00:13:38,297
And that spells?
316
00:13:38,297 --> 00:13:41,842
[yells] Bane!
317
00:13:42,468 --> 00:13:43,969
[cheering]
318
00:13:43,969 --> 00:13:47,056
Well, well, well. This is
some unexpected competish.
319
00:13:47,056 --> 00:13:49,809
Forget Bane. Focus on Lex.
When you win, attack him.
320
00:13:49,809 --> 00:13:53,604
Draw attention.
So no one notices
my robot hummingbirds.
321
00:13:53,604 --> 00:13:54,814
Still going with that, huh?
322
00:13:54,814 --> 00:13:56,399
Beast Mode, we're doing shots!
323
00:13:56,399 --> 00:13:58,984
More like the shots are
doing me!
324
00:13:58,984 --> 00:14:01,862
[laughs] How does he do it?
325
00:14:01,862 --> 00:14:02,822
[both slurp, sigh]
326
00:14:02,822 --> 00:14:04,657
Eight in a row. Wow!
327
00:14:04,657 --> 00:14:06,117
[chuckles] So unexpected.
328
00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:07,493
Uh, I need to thank, Tanya.
329
00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:09,328
[chuckles] You shine
my head, bright than--
330
00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:10,871
Briefcase?
331
00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:16,836
The Anti-Life Equation.
332
00:14:16,836 --> 00:14:18,838
Hmm.
333
00:14:18,838 --> 00:14:21,090
[clicks tongue] Mmm.
Love Cabernet.
334
00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:23,718
It has such great body.
335
00:14:23,718 --> 00:14:25,678
Fuck you, bitch!
336
00:14:25,678 --> 00:14:28,180
The only reason
I don't have a body is
because it got eaten by bugs.
337
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,683
- Probably your relatives.
- Mmm, hell, no.
338
00:14:30,683 --> 00:14:33,936
Because they know better
than to eat a body
before I had a taste.
339
00:14:33,936 --> 00:14:35,730
So this thing with Moe,
is it serious?
340
00:14:35,730 --> 00:14:38,274
I'll let you know
after I get him
back to my hives.
341
00:14:38,274 --> 00:14:40,693
So what?
You take him to the hive,
fuck him and then--
342
00:14:40,693 --> 00:14:44,864
Preserve him in dried honey
and eat him later?
343
00:14:44,864 --> 00:14:46,490
Yes, please.
344
00:14:46,490 --> 00:14:48,075
[Toy Man] Hello, lady.
345
00:14:48,075 --> 00:14:50,036
- Hi. [chuckles]
- Hope you're thirsty.
346
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:52,538
And here's some cannolis
from the bar.
347
00:14:52,538 --> 00:14:54,707
Ooh! You eat 'em, Moe.
348
00:14:54,707 --> 00:14:58,711
[giggles] I like my men juicy
and diabetic.
349
00:14:58,711 --> 00:15:01,505
Well, then, I guess
I'm just your type... Two.
350
00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:04,550
- [both laughing]
- Oh, I get it. I get it.
351
00:15:04,550 --> 00:15:08,512
How about we go
to my hive and I'll suck
your brains out?
352
00:15:08,512 --> 00:15:10,222
Check, please.
353
00:15:10,222 --> 00:15:13,225
She means literally suck
your brains out, dummy.
354
00:15:13,225 --> 00:15:16,270
[sighs] That stupid man is
gonna get himself killed.
355
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,856
- Toy Man, you got a car?
- Kind of.
356
00:15:18,856 --> 00:15:23,069
Bane, loved your cool song.
You're looking very spiffy.
357
00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:25,154
[Bane] Uh, don't get
any ideas, Lex.
358
00:15:25,154 --> 00:15:26,864
The briefcase is mine.
359
00:15:26,864 --> 00:15:28,074
Why are you
so protective of it?
360
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:30,284
I'm not a dummy.
I know what it is.
361
00:15:30,284 --> 00:15:32,203
- The perfect accessory.
- The Anti-Life Equation.
362
00:15:32,203 --> 00:15:33,621
Wait, wait.
What was your thing?
363
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:35,581
Uh, nothing.
I said "the perfect accessory."
364
00:15:35,581 --> 00:15:38,209
No we spoke at the same time
and said different things.
365
00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,752
And now you are trying
to cover.
366
00:15:39,752 --> 00:15:42,004
Bane. Bane! Bane.
367
00:15:42,004 --> 00:15:43,923
Why have we
never talked like this?
368
00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:45,883
Sexy buddy to buddy. [chuckles]
369
00:15:45,883 --> 00:15:49,720
Say, how would you like
a seat back at the big table,
370
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,305
The Legion of Doom?
371
00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:53,808
There it is.
Not happening, Lex.
372
00:15:53,808 --> 00:15:55,601
I'm not dropping out.
373
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:59,480
And when I win,
I'll start my own legion
for only sexy people.
374
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,273
Eights and up.
375
00:16:01,273 --> 00:16:04,568
But, like, real eights.
Not Milwaukee eights. Ugh!
376
00:16:04,568 --> 00:16:09,031
I'm thinking of calling it,
The Legion of Damn!
377
00:16:09,031 --> 00:16:10,449
[hisses] Ow!
378
00:16:11,701 --> 00:16:14,161
- [fanfare music playing]
- [crowd cheering]
379
00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,585
[crowd applauding]
380
00:16:28,134 --> 00:16:29,135
[music crescendoes, fades]
381
00:16:29,135 --> 00:16:31,512
What does it mean to be sexy?
382
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:34,849
Some say sexy is an attitude.
The dictionary says--
383
00:16:34,849 --> 00:16:38,018
It better say,
"Shut the fuck up,
and announce the winner,
384
00:16:38,018 --> 00:16:39,478
or you're going home
in a hearse."
385
00:16:39,478 --> 00:16:43,232
And this year's
Sexiest Villain Alive is...
386
00:16:43,232 --> 00:16:44,525
- Beast Mode!
- [buzzer sounds]
387
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:45,985
Oh, yes, yes!
388
00:16:45,985 --> 00:16:48,154
[Lex grunts]
389
00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:49,864
- [Tawny grunts]
- [Beast Mode growls]
390
00:16:49,864 --> 00:16:51,365
Are you fucking kidding me?
391
00:16:51,365 --> 00:16:53,826
Do they not see
my banging new look?
392
00:16:53,826 --> 00:16:55,870
This is bullshit.
393
00:16:55,870 --> 00:16:57,079
Oh! All right.
394
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:58,873
Settle down. Wow!
395
00:16:58,873 --> 00:17:00,541
Uh, first I just wanna say
396
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,668
there are no losers
here tonight.
397
00:17:02,668 --> 00:17:05,671
Except for Lex and Bane,
398
00:17:05,671 --> 00:17:08,174
and the rest of you fuckers.
Whuppah!
399
00:17:08,174 --> 00:17:10,509
[villains growling]
400
00:17:11,844 --> 00:17:13,345
- Oh, don't cry, Lex.
- [glasses beep]
401
00:17:13,345 --> 00:17:15,014
Oh, wait, are those tears...
402
00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,599
- or just little pre-splooge.
- [robot hummingbirds whirring]
403
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,768
Get it? 'Cause his head
looks like a dick?
404
00:17:18,768 --> 00:17:20,644
[Laff Trak laughing]
405
00:17:20,644 --> 00:17:23,564
[Beast Mode] The sickest burns
are the ones
I call "splainers."
406
00:17:23,564 --> 00:17:28,110
As in "splain to me
why your head looks
like a dick."
407
00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:30,363
Who the fuck does
he think he is?
408
00:17:30,363 --> 00:17:31,947
Don't take the bait, Lex.
409
00:17:31,947 --> 00:17:34,075
You'll just look
like an asshole.
410
00:17:35,618 --> 00:17:37,787
[Moe] You've got
classy taste there, babe.
411
00:17:37,787 --> 00:17:39,372
Thank you. [chuckles]
412
00:17:39,372 --> 00:17:41,040
Now, if you'll excuse me,
413
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,876
I think I'll slip
into an exoskeleton.
414
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,294
They're more comfortable.
415
00:17:47,129 --> 00:17:48,464
So, listen.
416
00:17:48,464 --> 00:17:51,133
Uh, if you don't have
any plans Thursday,
417
00:17:51,133 --> 00:17:53,386
- my sister and her husband--
- Shut up!
418
00:17:53,386 --> 00:17:55,054
Too soon? I knew it.
419
00:17:55,054 --> 00:17:57,390
- It's just I'm 33--
- [shushing]
420
00:17:57,390 --> 00:17:58,599
- [Insect Queen trilling]
- [Moe] Oh, baby.
421
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,351
Your antennas tickle.
[chuckles]
422
00:18:00,351 --> 00:18:02,561
Moe. Follow that
creepy laughing.
423
00:18:02,561 --> 00:18:05,481
[Moe] Whoa, baby.
That's a lotta honey.
424
00:18:05,481 --> 00:18:08,484
Moe, you dumb fuck.
What the hell?
425
00:18:11,237 --> 00:18:13,823
Stop! Change of plans.
426
00:18:13,823 --> 00:18:15,908
[chuckles] Stupid bug.
427
00:18:15,908 --> 00:18:18,577
You should've eaten my body
when you had the chance.
428
00:18:18,577 --> 00:18:23,332
Point is, Lex, no one loves you
and you will die alone.
429
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:26,127
[laughs] That's actually
a pretty good one.
430
00:18:26,127 --> 00:18:28,170
What else? What else?
431
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:31,799
What other stuff
about Lex fucking sucks?
432
00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:35,261
Well, I know we wanted
the award, Malice.
433
00:18:35,261 --> 00:18:37,179
But perhaps
the real treasure was
434
00:18:37,179 --> 00:18:39,890
the friends we made
along the way--
435
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:41,142
I can't even say it.
436
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:42,893
Yeah, I'm not friends
with losers.
437
00:18:42,893 --> 00:18:45,563
- Come on, Chessure.
- [Chessure hisses]
438
00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:47,773
[wings whirring]
439
00:18:47,773 --> 00:18:48,691
[robot hummingbird beeps]
440
00:18:51,902 --> 00:18:53,487
Lex Luthor?
441
00:18:53,487 --> 00:18:57,450
- More like "Sex pooper."
Am I right?
- [all laughing]
442
00:18:57,450 --> 00:19:00,161
Guards, seize Beast Mode.
443
00:19:01,037 --> 00:19:02,872
Whuppah!
444
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:03,914
[screaming]
445
00:19:03,914 --> 00:19:04,915
Whuppah!
446
00:19:04,915 --> 00:19:06,584
[yells]
447
00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:07,293
Whuppah!
448
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:08,919
[grunts, groans]
449
00:19:08,919 --> 00:19:10,963
[Bane grunts]
450
00:19:10,963 --> 00:19:14,300
Get... Get away from me,
you stupid humblebirds.
451
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,635
This is
my high fashion 'cessory.
452
00:19:16,635 --> 00:19:20,389
Enough! Stop fucking around
and get me Bane's briefcase.
453
00:19:20,389 --> 00:19:22,349
Hey, Bane. Quick question.
454
00:19:22,349 --> 00:19:24,727
Why are you hitting
yourself? Whuppah!
455
00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:26,062
[Bane grunting, yelping]
456
00:19:26,062 --> 00:19:30,191
This briefcase has brought me
nothing but despair!
457
00:19:30,191 --> 00:19:31,817
[groaning]
458
00:19:31,817 --> 00:19:33,402
[straining]
459
00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:38,741
[Glider grunts]
460
00:19:40,201 --> 00:19:41,160
[Chuck] Glider!
461
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,746
She wants me. [grunts]
462
00:19:43,746 --> 00:19:47,083
Helen, I think it's time
for your annual eye exam.
463
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,417
- Doctor?
- [Clayface] Yes!
464
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:51,712
'Tis I. A board-certified
optometrist.
465
00:19:51,712 --> 00:19:57,176
Born poor to blind parents,
he vowed one day
to find a cure--
466
00:19:57,176 --> 00:19:58,511
Just fucking get her
to look at it.
467
00:19:58,511 --> 00:20:00,179
You don't think
I know what that is?
468
00:20:00,179 --> 00:20:01,514
I'm not looking at it.
469
00:20:01,514 --> 00:20:02,932
Give me the briefcase.
470
00:20:02,932 --> 00:20:04,850
No, give me the briefcase.
471
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:07,978
Nobody gets it,
until Helen uses this thing
to bring Chuck back.
472
00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:10,940
Give me the briefcase, Lisa.
And I'll do what you want.
473
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:13,526
She lies, Lisa.
Give me the briefcase.
474
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,986
Uh-oh... Oh, God.
Don't make me--
475
00:20:15,986 --> 00:20:17,405
Helen, Jesus Christ,
476
00:20:17,405 --> 00:20:19,198
give her what she wants
before she kills us all.
477
00:20:19,198 --> 00:20:21,117
She won't do that,
478
00:20:21,117 --> 00:20:22,368
- because it would kill
her precious Kite Man.
- [Beast Mode grunting]
479
00:20:22,368 --> 00:20:23,744
[Bane] She can't control it.
480
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,579
If she gets too stressed out,
she'll blow!
481
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:28,207
[sighs] Then allow me
to de-stress her.
482
00:20:28,207 --> 00:20:31,585
- Guards, initiate
ASMR playlist.
- [device beeps]
483
00:20:31,585 --> 00:20:33,254
- [indistinct chittering]
- Golden Glider.
484
00:20:33,254 --> 00:20:37,383
The sound you barely hear is
a hamster nibbling on a melon.
485
00:20:37,383 --> 00:20:40,636
Something's different. I can--
486
00:20:40,636 --> 00:20:43,222
[Lex] It will relax you
against your will,
487
00:20:43,222 --> 00:20:45,891
rendering your powers useless.
488
00:20:47,017 --> 00:20:48,352
Well, this is new.
489
00:20:48,352 --> 00:20:49,854
I don't know, Lex.
490
00:20:49,854 --> 00:20:53,691
I'm feeling pretty relaxed
and yet in total control.
491
00:20:53,691 --> 00:20:55,818
- [thrilling music playing]
- [Lex] Uh...
492
00:20:55,818 --> 00:20:58,571
[Laff Trak laughing]
493
00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,281
- [beam trilling]
- [Laff Trak] Oh! Ow!
494
00:21:01,032 --> 00:21:02,116
Aw!
495
00:21:02,116 --> 00:21:04,368
Anyone else think
this is funny?
496
00:21:05,286 --> 00:21:06,829
[shots firing]
497
00:21:07,496 --> 00:21:08,789
[guard 1 screams]
498
00:21:09,623 --> 00:21:11,417
[thrilling music continues]
499
00:21:15,046 --> 00:21:15,963
[guard 2 screaming]
500
00:21:19,258 --> 00:21:20,718
[guards grunting]
501
00:21:20,718 --> 00:21:22,178
[both screaming]
502
00:21:22,178 --> 00:21:25,431
[Helen gasps, yelps]
503
00:21:25,431 --> 00:21:28,768
Wait. Don't melt me.
I'll look at the damn thing.
504
00:21:28,768 --> 00:21:31,062
Now close your left eye,
which is better?
505
00:21:31,062 --> 00:21:32,188
- One or--
- Clayface!
506
00:21:32,188 --> 00:21:33,481
We'll call it two.
507
00:21:33,481 --> 00:21:35,733
[device trilling]
508
00:21:37,735 --> 00:21:39,779
[Beast Mode grunting]
509
00:21:41,113 --> 00:21:43,616
What the shit? Someone is
in for a serious...
510
00:21:43,616 --> 00:21:45,534
[Kite Man] Kiss on the lips
for loving...
511
00:21:45,534 --> 00:21:46,994
[Beast Mode] My huge dick...
512
00:21:46,994 --> 00:21:48,704
And I... [stutters] I'm...
513
00:21:48,704 --> 00:21:51,123
[Kite Man] ...going
away forever!
514
00:21:51,123 --> 00:21:52,666
Goodbye, Beast Mode.
515
00:21:52,666 --> 00:21:54,960
- [glass shatters]
- No!
516
00:21:56,962 --> 00:21:58,631
Chuck, is that you?
517
00:21:58,631 --> 00:22:01,217
Hell, yeah.
Uh, what did I miss?
518
00:22:01,217 --> 00:22:03,219
This... Muah!
519
00:22:03,219 --> 00:22:04,345
And this...
520
00:22:05,137 --> 00:22:06,972
And this!
521
00:22:06,972 --> 00:22:09,016
[heroic music playing]
522
00:22:12,269 --> 00:22:14,689
So does he still get the award?
523
00:22:16,649 --> 00:22:18,818
[theme music playing]
524
00:22:44,510 --> 00:22:46,679
♪ Hell, yeah! ♪
525
00:22:46,679 --> 00:22:51,679
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526
00:22:46,679 --> 00:22:56,679
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