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NARRATOR: Our tale begins
in the year of our Lord 1831,
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when the Bethany Rose
wrecked off Binglesbeck beach
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in the small hamlet of Hunderby.
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00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:18,720
Ninety-one souls were lost that night.
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Our heroine was a stowaway,
carried to shore by another survivor,
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a noble blackamoor, Geoff.
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WOMAN: Filthy beast!
Trying to eat a dead girl!
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He's stealing her locket!
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NARRATOR: Fellows of such a hue
were not common in Hunderby,
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and thinking her dead,
Geoff fled, taking her locket with him.
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Our heroine would indeed have perished
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00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:49,360
had it not been for the arrival
of Dr Foggerty,
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a sturdy man just shy
of his middle years.
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Dear God! Is there no one left alive?
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NARRATOR: Foggerty, on swift hands,
rushed to her side,
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gathered her up and deftly
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did he blow the lass to life.
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(GASPS)
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How different might our tale have been
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had the widowed pastor not appeared.
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Make way! This is God's work.
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Please, sir! I am the physician.
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In the name of our Lord Christ Jesus
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let this wretched soul be saved!
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(RETCHING)
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Very well.
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NARRATOR: Edmund's wife Arabelle
had passed suddenly but a year before
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and many a haggard fisherwife was eager
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to warm the dent in the widower's bed.
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But it was this young woman,
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presumed from the ship's log
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to be the plain spinster missionary
Helene Blown,
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that snared his weeping eye.
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Dearest Helene,
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I've much enjoyed your company of late.
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And though I know little of your
history and it seems neither do you,
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I... I take much comfort
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from your simplicity.
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Both of looks and character.
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-I am a pastor.
-Oh, I know, sir.
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I hadn't finished. (CLEARS THROAT)
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I am a pastor
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and it is usual that a pastor
has someone at his side
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to tend to his needs and those
of the community.
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In short, Helene,
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a wife.
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(HELENE LAUGHING)
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NARRATOR: Thinking Edmund her saviour,
she accepted the proposal.
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And though the match was
not one sparked by passion,
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Edmund's kind and jocund ways
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led her to expect a marriage benign.
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A most welcome contrast
to the shadowy past
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that led her to stow away
upon the Bethany Rose.
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I am most blessed to find you
at my time of life.
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Though youth has all but
spread his wings and fled you
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I do wonder,
through your more dewy years,
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at the men that did not take you.
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Perhaps I did not love them
as I do you, sir.
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"Them", Helene?
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Forgive me, but... you are untouched?
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For as Deuteronomy tells us,
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I would be forced to stone to death
with my own Christian hand
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any wife of mine
who had e'er lain with another.
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Yes!
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(NERVOUSLY LAUGHING)
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Helene,
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I've noted on your cheek
a... a kind of growth.
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Oh! My mole?
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00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,840
Hmm. You might see fit to cover
it for our special day.
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00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,240
NARRATOR: The ship did sink
but her past would not,
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and on the eve of her wedding,
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Helene was plagued by memories.
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MAN: Elisabeth!
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(SCREAMING)
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(GASPS)
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NARRATOR: Helene felt
her heart would burst
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if she did not tell Edmund her tale.
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So that very night,
she crept into Hunderby
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and slipped the confession beneath
the slumbering widower's door
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in the hope that he would forgive her.
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Yet as is the way
with so many a marriage,
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the pair were to be joined till death,
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neither one truly knowing the other.
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For the letter remained unnoticed,
unread.
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(CHURCH BELLS RINGING)
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What is it, my love?
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You... You still love me?
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(CHUCKLES) Still...
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Still love you, dove?
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As I am?
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You are as you are, Helene.
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Oh!
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Oh, Edmund! Thank you for your grace!
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(EDMUND CLEARS THROAT)
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But where are the congregation?
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Oh, they preferred to go to the hanging.
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Dear God! We've all rallied round,
baking him bird pies
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00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,960
and nursing him through
his grief since Arabelle passed.
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And he chooses to hook up with the first
dumpy old biscuit
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spewed up by the sea. (SCOFFS)
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Biddy.
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Oh, Master Edmund, I was just saying
how pretty Miss Helene was looking!
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Well, it is a most flattering light upon
you also, Biddy Ritherfoot.
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You almost have a look of
Moses in his latter years.
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You must miss your dead wife.
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Each hour without Arabelle is an agony.
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But perfect souls cannot tarry long
upon this earthly plane.
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And though our time was brief,
I shall always relish that
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precious snatch.
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(MUSIC PLAYING)
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Congratulations, Father Edmund!
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Oh, thank you, Crippled Hesther,
I did not see you down there!
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(BROTHER JOSEPH CLEARS THROAT)
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Ah, Brother Joseph! You are returned!
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00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:03,880
I do hope the call of the savage
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will not take you from us
again too soon.
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Fiji ever beckons, Brother Edmund.
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Would that you might
join me there next time.
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Put some Christian spine
into those flat-nosed heathens.
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Hunderby needs me.
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Now, I have here a small wedding gift.
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A gift! No need, Brother.
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There is no greater gift
than the love of the Lord.
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It's from Fiji.
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(GASPS)
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(BIRD CHIRPING)
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A bird of paradise.
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Nay, Brother, it is a silktail.
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I found it in my bed one night
and though I placed it outside,
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by morn he had returned and once again
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deposited himself upon my pillow,
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his face pressed to mine like a wife.
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I shall cherish him and call him...
I shall call him Raymond.
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It was my late father's name.
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00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,760
What a comely lad! How's Ruth?
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-Not well.
-Oh!
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00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:18,160
DR FOGGERTY: My congratulations,
Mistress Suffolk-Ffinch.
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Mistress Suffolk-Ffinch?
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Oh! Sorry.
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00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,880
The name sounds so strange!
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00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:31,640
I see that old Father Sun doth shine
for you this day.
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00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,720
How did you persuade
him to cast off his cloudy coat?
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Oh...
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I did command Brother Breeze
to go to him
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and to say it was my windy wish!
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-Oh!
(BOTH LAUGH)
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(DR FOGGERTY CLEARS THROAT)
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Sir? Have we met before?
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On Binglesbeck beach. I was...
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00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:56,760
Come my bride, I'm sure Dr Foggerty
has little time for such
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idle prattle. We must away.
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The dancers have dwindled
and the hams are ravaged.
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00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:47,040
Where's Mother?
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Mistress Mathilde is still abed, sir.
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She complained of vipers lashing
her insides.
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-Oh.
-Her bowel has still not spoken, sir.
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EDMUND: Oh, dear.
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Though I fancy I caught a whisper.
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00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,240
Oh!
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00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,800
(CLEARING THROAT)
Your hair looks well, Dorothy.
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Thank you, sir. I had it re-arranged
for the special day,
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though I was not invited.
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Very, uh, cumulonimbus.
Is it based on a cloud?
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00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,280
Ah, no, sir.
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00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,640
It looks very pretty. (LAUGHS)
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(THUMPING)
-Oh!
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00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,600
HELENE: Ow.
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Sorry. Thank you.
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00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,040
EDMUND: I must refresh myself.
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(HUMMING)
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(KNOCK AT DOOR)
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Edmund!
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Oh.
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00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,480
Just checking that all
is to madam's satisfaction.
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00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:00,800
Yes.
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00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:04,000
Thank you, Dorothy,
everything is quite wonderful.
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00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,480
And the room, ma'am?
I thought a milky pigeon would suit.
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Yes. Thank you.
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00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,360
Mistress Suffolk-Ffinch's room was
the most beautiful in the house.
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00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,960
A sunset gold that seemed
to glow as she did.
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-It is not now used, of course.
-No.
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00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,360
Perhaps Mistress Suffolk-Ffinch would
like to approve the menu?
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00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,120
But she's dead!
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00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,680
Oh! Yes, sorry.
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00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,960
Yes. It looks lovely.
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00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,240
Thrush buns in a thick, dark gravy.
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Mistress Arabelle liked her gravy
very thick.
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00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,560
(CROWS CAWING)
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(WHISPERING)
And this is Edmund's mother's room.
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00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,240
(WHISPERING) It looks lovely.
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00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:07,640
It is only a door.
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00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,520
-I cannot wait to meet...
-Hush!
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00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,200
She slumbers.
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00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,960
Inconsolable since Arabelle's death.
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00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,000
We never go in here, ma'am.
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00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,560
It leads to the bell tower
and the stairs are quite rotten
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00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,920
so it is kept locked at all times.
198
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:43,560
(CREAKING, GROANING)
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00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,000
What is that noise?
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00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,280
(GROANS)
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Noise, ma'am?
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00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,200
(MAN GROANING)
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00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,080
Tis most likely owls, ma'am.
204
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,880
-Oh.
-They do defecate through their mouths.
205
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,120
What interesting breasts
you have, Helene.
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00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,800
Thank you, sir.
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00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,040
I suspect Arabelle's were larger.
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00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:51,640
They were considerable.
209
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,600
You... You are...
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00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:05,160
Much darker down there
than perhaps I had imagined...
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00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,360
Do I not please you, sir?
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00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,040
Nay, nay. Tis just... (CHUCKLES)
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00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:16,080
Arabelle was smooth as ham.
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00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:19,840
Nature did not busy her broken mound
with such a...
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00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,160
black and forceful brush.
216
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:30,320
My mother, they say, was raven-haired
and tawny-skinned...
217
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,840
And her nose?
218
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,240
Oh, proud nostrils,
flared like a lion's.
219
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,760
-Not a Zulu?
-Oh, no, no! Heavens no, no!
220
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,000
At least...
221
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,480
If truth be told...
222
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:44,960
I never knew her!
223
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:49,400
Oh, Edmund, how I wish I knew her.
(SOBBING)
224
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,520
Helene! You've soggied my bridal jerkin!
225
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:58,400
Oh, surely you know velvet
cannot abide moisture?
226
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:03,200
(SOBBING)
-Oh, forgive me.
227
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,360
Oh, I did not know you were so weak.
228
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,840
(CHUCKLES) Arabelle was so strong.
229
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,800
Oh...
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00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,280
Describe her to me, Edmund.
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00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,520
Arabelle? (CHUCKLES)
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00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,240
She was perhaps the most beautiful
creature I ever saw...
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00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,160
Other than Bird Raymond.
234
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,840
But this is my special day!
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00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:33,000
It shall not be ruined. Come, dove.
Dorothy will shave you.
236
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:45,560
Your nighty-dress, how charming!
237
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,960
Thank you.
I believe Dorothy laid it for me.
238
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,680
It was Arabelle's, she wore it
when first I burst her.
239
00:16:58,800 --> 00:16:59,800
(BELL RINGING)
240
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:07,200
Come, bride. Tis a quarter after ten.
241
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,120
We shall intercourse until a 30 after.
242
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,960
There may be a sharp,
searing pain throughout.
243
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,480
(GROANS)
244
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,480
(GROANS)
245
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,200
Yes, um...
(CLEARS THROAT) If I could...
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00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,360
-If you would just...
-Yeah.
247
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,480
-Oh.
-Okay.
248
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,480
Right, then.
249
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,480
(GRUNTS)
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00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:28,600
-Edmund.
-What?
251
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:30,840
Tis... Tis not in.
252
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,400
(CLEARS THROAT)
253
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:43,600
Yes.
254
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,440
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
255
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:55,640
Bubbly milk, sir?
256
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,840
Please.
257
00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,760
That shall be your duty from now on.
258
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,400
Would sir at least wish me to
take the soiled wedding linens?
259
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,640
That will not be necessary.
260
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,880
TOM: I've seen a ghost.
261
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,320
Two-headed Tony seen two ghosts.
262
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,000
They can't all be her. Poor Arabelle.
263
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,600
I'll never understand
how she went so quick.
264
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:31,080
One day she's eating broiled udders,
the next a funeral.
265
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,640
I heard twas 'cause her face
was half-eaten by herpes.
266
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,480
No, they say she choked
on her own tongue.
267
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:40,880
Mind ye don't choke on my tongue!
268
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,920
(BOTH LAUGHING)
269
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:47,840
Sorry, ma'am.
Would sir like his bubbly milk?
270
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,320
Yes, please.
271
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,800
Without wishin' to be bold,
272
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:58,200
mistress looked very beautiful
on her wedding day.
273
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,440
Like a proper princess.
274
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,040
Yes, I heard Arabelle was
quite a beauty.
275
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:08,480
Arabelle? No, I meant you, mistress!
276
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:14,280
Oh, thank you, Annie.
That is very kind!
277
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,080
There you are, ma'am.
278
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:21,040
Ooh!
He's got a good creamy head on him.
279
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,600
-Best get it up there ere it flops!
-Thank you.
280
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,360
Oh!
281
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,320
Master Edmund does not wish
to be disturbed any further.
282
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,480
His spine is quite aflame
from all the activity.
283
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:46,880
Thank you, Dorothy, but I would pass...
284
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,440
Do you wish to burn down our home,
walking about with a naked flame?
285
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:56,000
No... No... I only wish to give
my husband his bubbly milk.
286
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,240
(SCREAMING)
287
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,720
(DOROTHY WAILING)
288
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,200
Helene?
289
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,920
(DOOR CREAKS)
290
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,480
Helene?
291
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,560
What in blazes are you doing?
292
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,280
Nothing, nothing, sir, one moment.
293
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:33,960
Snuffling around like some
rabid bloodhound!
294
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,880
Why do you screw your fist so?
295
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,920
Oh, um, I... I have a pain.
296
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:42,720
Most likely trapped winds.
297
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,200
I would ask that you
do not purge yourself
298
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,680
of such gases in front of Bird Raymond.
299
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:48,760
Yes, sir.
300
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,640
(KNOCKING ON THE DOOR)
301
00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:58,520
EDMUND: Helene?
302
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,680
Helene, where's my bubbly milk?
303
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:14,440
Oh, look! Tis a day for weddings, Tom!
304
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,960
There's something written on it!
305
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,880
What's it say?
306
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:24,680
"Rape."
20811
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