All language subtitles for Gabi.On.The.Roof.In.July.2010.1080p.WEBRip.x264

- Um, hey, it's me.

I'm at the bus stop.

I don't see you, but I'm here.

Wait, but do people
do that in New York?

Okay, lemme try.

Oh my god, it worked.

Oh it worked!

Okay hold on, let me
call you right back okay?

Hello?

Jesus fuck!

Oh my god, fuck.

- What, what are you doing?

- Nothing.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Whoa, hey.

- What?

- Hoe.

- Hoe, who are you calling a ho?

- They're going
to be.

They're going to be
here in like 15 minutes.

- Actually they're not...

He said 8:30.

- No, we spoke and
she's coming at nine.

- Sweetheart.

- Yup.

- I, sweetheart,
I'm going to smell.

- Really?

- Like vagina.

- Really?

- When Robyn gets here.

- Really?

- Yeah I'm going to
smell like vagina when,

I don't want to smell
like fucking pussy,

she's your AA sponsor, I
never would've met this girl.

- She's not a girl,
she's like 40.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- How are you?

- I'm good, how are you?

- Smelly.

- Me too.

- So where's the guy?

- In the bathroom,
in the bathtub.

- Where's the?

- Naked, oh, that way.

- Um, is he on his back?

- Should we try
and turn him over

so he doesn't throw up and die?

Okay, is he big?

- He's really big.

- Shit.

C'mon, bedroom.

Bed.

- This way.

Oh no, fuck.

Oh jeez

- Sam, Charles?

Is she, is she okay?

She fucking...

Dude, Gabi.

Gabi?

Holy Shit.

- Wait, what's going on?

No, stop, there's a person.

There's a person

No, she's fine.

What'd
you do to Charles?

Charles?

Hey Buddy.

Charles?

You okay man?

I'm going to take you
to your bed, okay?

- Garrett, Garrett.

- We've got a real
situation on our hands.

- Were you just going
to leave me in the hall

because that was really funny.

That was really fucking funny

- Up we go.

- I need you to be
very, very nice to her.

And tell me that
you love me a lot.

- You want me to be, to
tell you I love you a lot,

like a lot of times, or like?

- Both, I want you to
tell me you love me a lot.

- Oh both?

- Many times.

- Okay, tell you I love
you a lot, a lot of times.

- Yes.

- I can do that.

- Okay.

- I thought you said
we were just coming

to pick up your stuff.

- I think she's very ugly

- This is so weird.

So, let me get a look at you.

- I really don't
feel well Garrett

- Is this your friend?

We're lovers, actually.

- I have, like, a serious
tickle in my throat.

- Yeah, we're married.

I mean not technically,

not legally, but

- We don't really believe
in laws anyways.

- Is this your daughter?

- Uh huh, this is Caroly.

- Caroly?

That's a very nice name.

- She's a really big bitch, too.

- No she's not.

- Yes she is.

- That's why she acts like that.

- She's awful.

- Colby, this is
Gabi, that's Caroly,

and this is, I'm sorry.

- Dory.

- Dory and Colby.

It's weird, all your names rhyme

- I really don't feel well.

I think it's because I
need to eat something.

- So eat.

Go eat food.

There's a room in
there, the kitchen,

inside which is a
refrigerator and cabinets,

inside which I'm sure
you'll find some food.

It's not my house.

- I give you my permission

- It's not your house.

- It's okay, go, eat, mange.

And will you bring
me a beer please?

Do you guys want anything?

Three beers please.

- It's actually very normal,
as I'm sure you know, in Japan.

It's the standard.

So, we can man up
and sit on the floor.

No, I'm kidding, I don't care.

- I don't know if I'm
actually going to sit

on the floor for this dinner.

- It's better for your
organs, I'm telling you.

- I'm going to try it.

- The hero of the group.

- This is nice.

- It's not so bad.

- How is this, is this okay?

- It's a little eggplant heavy.

- Well, we made this together.

- That depends.

If it's good, she made it.

If it's bad, I made it.

- If it's decent?

- If it's decent
we both made it.

- Sam has been giving
me cooking lessons.

- Okay, so from the look
on, on, on Phil's face,

it looks like you need
to find a new instructor.

- I think you should
use your own instincts.

- Let's not eat this.

I'm perfectly happy
to get us take-out.

- Honey, it's fine.

- It's fine.

- Honestly though,
it's not even.

- We're teasing you.

- They only have string cheese.

- So eat it.

- Yeah, I am.

It's not enough, okay?

I'm hypoglycemic so
it's like medically bad

for me to skip meals.

- Could you get me a
bottle opener, sweetie?

These are, the sooner you
get me a bottle opener,

the sooner I drink the beer,

the sooner we can go to your
birthday party, dinner party.

- The party's over, Garrett.

I really want to
go home, Garrett.

- You want to go home?

- Yeah, I really
don't feel well.

- You don't feel well.

- No.

Are you fucking deaf, Garrett?

I want to go home.

- I'll tell you what,

if you'll please get
me a bottle opener,

then I'll drink my beer
and we can talk, okay?

- You're just going to hurt it.

- No I'm not.

- You are.

You hate this thing.

I don't trust you,

I don't trust you.

- No, I love her so much,
I just wanna hold it.

- You're gonna, don't kill her.

- I'd never kill her
in a million years.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I really don't
feel well, Garrett,

I really want to go home.

Garrett!

- Maybe you should
take her home.

- You think?

- Fuck you, fuck you!

Okay?

You are such a fucking
dick, do you know that?

I do not ever want to
see your face again,

not even to pick up your shit

because I am going to go home

and throw it all out
the fucking window.

And you two can suck
my dick.

- Sorry.

- I didn't mean to ask you
another personal question

about this place, but do
you rent or do you own?

- Phil, Phil.

- I don't live here.

- What?

I'm not trying, I'm just trying
to size up the apartment.

- He's obsessed
with real estate.

- I'm not obsessed.

It's my job.

- It's fine, really.

Um, I do own, uh actually,
well, my family does.

It's sort of, more
of a, um, like

an investment situation, so.

- Okay.

- It's fine.

- That wasn't too painful.

- What, so you,
you're just visiting?

- Uh, uh yeah I'm staying
here for the summer.

- Really?

That's cool.

What are you going to do,
you're just hanging out or?

- Uh, we're going to
be making some art.

And maybe I'm
going to get a job.

- Art.

What kind of art?

- We're like
post-fluxus feminists.

- Post-fluxus feminists.

- Post-fluxus feminist art.

- Wait, so you're like a team?

You're a husband and wife team?

Who's the husband?

I bet you are, right?

- What makes you say that?

- How'd you guess?

- Yeah, how'd you know?

- Wait, how old are you?

- I'm 20.

- You?

- 22.

- An older woman.

- That's right.

- You guys aren't
really married, are you?

- Yeah.

- Liars, you fucking liars.

I knew that you weren't.

- We aren't married
because you're not allowed

to be married here.

- Charles.

- Charles.

- How you doin' buddy?

- That's a big, big bear.

- Hi.

I don't know if you should.

- He's a really amazing guy
when you get to know him.

- Charles, listen to this: "The
world is my representation.

"This is a truth valid with
reference to every living

"and knowing being,
although man alone can bring

"it into reflective,
abstract consciousness."

- Schopenhauer.

- Very good.

- Also very good.

- Seriously dude?

- Seriously what?

What, I'm not supposed to
look at a nubile young woman

who approaches me
wearing nothing

but a towel over her
freshly showered body?

- Hey, Charles.

- Charles.

- Charles.

Hey Charles!

It's coming to get you.

Oh my god, it's
going to eat you.

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Fucking awesome.

- Okay, first of all why
are you flashing Charles?

And why are you even here?

- What the fuck, I called you

like 50 fucking times last night
for you to come pick me up.

How many fucking times
do I have to remind you

in a week that I'm
coming on a specific day

and that you're supposed to
pick me up at a specific time?

It's really fucking lame.

- Look, my phone battery
won't hold a charge.

- You could've done a
million things though.

You could've called me
from Madeline's phone

or you could've
called mom and dad.

You didn't have to fucking
not be there, okay?

- Alright, shut the fuck up.

- Don't fucking yell.

- Stop yelling at me!

I am sorry, I didn't get
your calls, stop yelling.

- I'm not yelling,
you're yelling.

- That's what you do,
you bait me into yelling,

and then you're mad
at me for yelling.

Now, why were you showing
your genitalia to Charles?

- Oh shut the fuck up.

- And why are you scantily
clothed in front of these guys?

- Are you serious?

- Yes, I'm serious.

- Oh, I didn't realize that
there were people around.

I'm scantily clad,
that's fucked up.

I really, if I had known that
there were people around,

I wouldn't be so scantily clad.

- So that's why
I'm scantily clad.

- Alright, alright,
cmon now, please,

Jesus Garrett stop
looking at her.

Jesus Christ, put on
some fucking clothes.

- Fucking Jesus Christ.

- It's not funny, man.

- I'm sorry.

Hey man, how are you?

- How you doin?

- Pretty good.

- Good to have you back with us.

- I'm just here, for like,
you know, like a week.

10 days or something like that.

- Okay, I'm just going to go.

It's alright Charles,
she's left the room.

- Is that your rat?

- She's not a rat,
she's a hamster.

- It's an interesting smell
that rat has, is it yours?

- I hate when you pretend
not to know Carolly,

you've met her like
five fucking times.

- Hey.

- What?

- I'm sorry that I forgot, okay?

- I don't care.

- I remember you came in
early because you wanted

to have a picnic, I
remember it all now,

it's all coming back
to me in a flash.

So we'll have a
picnic today, okay?

- No, I don't think it's
very nice that you just were

with Madeline and
forgot about me,

and now you've
ruined the picnic.

- I didn't forget about you
because I was with Madeline,

I forgot about you
because I'm an idiot.

Totally.

So we'll go for a
picnic today, okay?

I'm just gonna play
ball for a couple hours.

- Well.

But, could it just
be you and me please?

- Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

You and me.

Picnic.

It's gonna be the best
fucking picnic in the world.

There's gonna be
a little basket,

there's gonna be cheese
and jam preserves.

Alright?

Okay.

Okay, so here it goes:
story with the most shevens.

- Oh no, I have a question.

- No, here I go, I got it.

I'm starting my story
with the most shevens.

- Story with the most shevens.

- Sheven days ago, I went
into a sheven-eleven.

I had ordered sheven
shlurpees, shrawberry flavored

with shyrup.

- Oh, I'd have shtrawberries,
I'd have shtrawberry.

- I'd have shtrawberry
flavored shlurpee with sheven-

- Sheven shrawberry
flavored shlurpees

with sheven different things,

like sheven shrawberry
flavored shlurpees,

sheven shraws,
twenty-sheven cups.

- Sho, kiddo.

How you doin?

How's everything at home?

- Mom's been sleeping in my
bed, and dad won't move out.

- I know, he told me that.

- He wants me to meet her.

Um, which is annoying.

And he keeps telling me
that if I can't accept her

as part of his life,

then I can't have a
relationship with him.

Which is also annoying.

- You could make a
case for him, but.

- I would rather you didn't.

- You don't want me to
make a case for him.

You want me to be
like one of the girls

and be like, "Totally!
Just vent!"

But sheriously, you should
understand his point of view.

- How come?

- I'm just kidding.

- You wouldn't do that.

- I mean you should, but I
wouldn't tell anyone about that.

- No one normal would do that.

- Hey you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Younger than Jesus.

What?

- Oh yeah, it's so random.

- It is not, it's amazing.

- Oh thank you.

- Hi.

- Oh, so Franny this
is Sam's sister Gabi.

She's an artist as well.

- Nice to meet you.

Anti-artist.

- Madeline was telling
me that you're looking

to work at a gallery.

- Thank you.

- If you like, I could
probably, you know Astrid?

- Uh, tall, pretty?

- Yeah, she's um.

- What?

I just, I know Astrid.

She's ugly.

She's disgusting.

She makes me want to puke!

- You know Sebastian?

- Mead?

Yeah, yeah.

I've hung, well I
hung the Schitzhu show

there most recently.

- Oh, well she's
managing that gallery,

so I don't know how
much it would pay, but.

- I mean, it's okay.

I don't really believe
in the gallery system,

so, I don't know.

I wouldn't want you to waste
the favor, but thank you.

- What are you saying?

Don't listen to her.

She's like...

- I just think it's
really lame the way art

and life are like separate.

I don't know, like if you
hang art in a gallery,

then you're only allowing
rich people to see it

and buy it and own it,
and you're kind of feeding

into this bourgeois
myth that art

and life are two
separate things.

- I, um, think she's joking.

She must be joking.

She's trying to be provocative.

- Uh, no I'm not.

I just think that like
creativity should be an approach

to existence, not like
a rarefied, commodified.

Um, is there any
alcohol at this party?

- Yeah, it's in the corner.

- She's like.

- So cute.

- She's at Oberlin, she's
like reading Guy Debord

and like she's in this whole,
like, situationist kick.

She doesn't know what the fuck
she's talking about, okay?

- But you understand.

- If you could get her.

Yeah, you know, I've been there.

But if you could get her a
job, I mean an interview,

or a job with Astrid,
that would be.

- I don't know, I mean, she
doesn't seem interested.

- I'll make her interested.

I'll make sure she's interested.

- Listen, uh, Olivia Surrell,

she's a curator who
basically got me

into "Younger than Jesus,"
she loves me for some reason,

god I don't know why.

But anyway, she's looking
to fill a few more slots.

I thought if you
were open to it then.

- Nah, I'll pass.

I'm fucking, of
course I'm open to it!

I'm totally, completely,
that was a bad joke.

Thank you.

You're like fucking
Santa Claus today.

- Oh that's okay.

You know, I'll be
in the neighborhood.

I'm showing her a couple of.

- Yeah, call me and
we'll set it up.

I mean, just whenever
you want, I'll be there.

That's what I mean.

- That story is amazing
every single time.

- Hi.

- I don't know how I'm
supposed to feel about this.

- You're supposed to
feel like you really,

really want to smoke
some marijuana.

- Easy there, tiger.

- Cheetah.

- Cheetah.

- Um, this is Max and
he climbed a mountain.

- That is true.

- Hi, I'm Sam and I, like,
barely get out of bed.

- Sam.

- Okay, so my most
embarrassing sexual experience

was I was having
sex with this guy

I had been sleeping
with for a while,

and, like, I wanted
him to tie me up.

- Okay, yeah, no no I'd
rather go home with you,

but I have to, I really fucked
up today with her today,

and it's kind of, like, a
vulnerable time for her and stuff.

I really feel like
I should just, like,

have some QT with
Gabi, if that's cool.

- Okay.

- Sam, Sam?

Come back.

- We're just talking.

- Okay.

Uh, anyway, then I...

- Are we okay?

Is everything okay?

- Everything's fine.

Don't worry about it.

Have fun with your sister.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Yeah I was like searching
for the condom everywhere,

and I couldn't find it.

- Come here.

What?

- Did you smoke pot?

- No.

Yes, yes, I did.

No.

- It's okay, you don't
have to lie to me about it.

- I didn't lie, I tried,

I started to lie, and
then I took back the lie.

- No, no, no, no.

I woke up like three days
later and I rolled over

and the condom was, like,
there, dried up in my bed.

- Hey, come here.

- Hey guys.

- What's your most
embarrassing sex story?

- Oh jeez, that's what
you were talking about?

What you guys all told yours

and I just have to
come in and tell mine?

- He's ready, he's got one.

- It came right to my mind.

- Hi, wow.

Hey.

Wow, what are you doing here?

- I, I thought you
were in San Francisco.

- I was, I was.

I'm not anymore.

It's so weird that
I'm seeing you,

because I was just
thinking about you.

Actually I was thinking
about your paintings.

Are you still painting?

- Yeah, everyday.

Not today, obviously, but.

- Not yesterday.

- Not yesterday.

But most days, yes.

- So, are, are you,
um, are you working or?

- She just got her
Masters, actually.

- Oh, I didn't even know
you finished undergrad.

That's uh, that's uh.

What do you do?

- Some art therapy.

So I work with kids
in, like, a school.

- That's great,
kids, that's great.

That's amazing, yeah.

- Let me help you.

- You still hate kids?

- Oh, hate's a strong word.

That's, uh, I don't hate them.

You still carry a lighter
around, that's really funny.

You still carry a flask around?

- Sometimes.

- What about you,
what are you up to?

- Um, I'm working
with Jorzo Jepasse.

Anyways, he's opening this
quasi bed and breakfast,

art space called Museum.

Really, really amazing
space in Long Island City,

which reminds me why
I was thinking of you,

we're coming back around.

Do you still have the
same email address?

- Um, yeah, you know
what I've never changed

my email address, so yeah.

- Okay, well I'll
email you the details.

We're looking for artists
to fill the space up

and decorate it and stuff,
so maybe sell some paintings.

- Cool.

- So, what is that?

- What?

Oh, I don't know what
she's, the shirt.

- I like this material,
this is really lovely.

You are so pretty.

- Thank you.

- I have a million things to do.

- Yeah, we gotta go too.

- Good seeing you.

- He sent you post-cards?

- Yes and I was like
convinced, convinced,

convinced that he was going
to come to North Hampton

and take me to my senior prom,

and I could prove
to all the guys

who didn't like me
that I could get.

- Some creepy old guy
to take you to prom?

What did the post-cards say?

- Um, all sorts of things.

He would, like, talk about
his time in Alaska, or,

I don't know he'd just be like,

"I wish you'd get
out of High School,

"it's going to be
so much better."

- He seems nice.

Yeah, he's fun.

I like him.

- He stares a lot.

- Oh, he does that to you too?

- No I meant he stares at you.

I caught him looking at you
when you weren't looking.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Also, he just stares
at lots of stuff.

Like, objects and tables and
things in a really creepy way.

But, he definitely looks at you.

There was a glimmer in his eyes.

- Ah, fuck!

Shit!

No, please don't do that.

Please don't tickle me.

If you tickle me, I'll die.

I'm serious.

If you tickle me, I'll die.

- You'll die?

- Yeah.

- I'm warning you, when
I want to do something,

it's very hard for me
to resist doing it.

I'll just have to
start experimenting

and finding out where you're
actually most ticklish,

and then I will discover it.

- No, please!

It starts out as
laughing, it seriously.

Stop, it seriously
seems funny but

then it gets really
dark really fast.

I really don't
like being tickled.

- Aw, really?

Okay.

You are free to go.

- Thank you.

- But if you wake me up again,

I will not show
you so much mercy.

- Hi.

- Hey.

How are you doing?

Sorry that I hit
you in the head.

What we're doing is, each
room has a specific feeling

and so we're matching
rooms with artists,

and those artists get to design

and come up with the
concepts, for example.

- I like this one.

- It sounds cool, thanks.

- Do you have a gallery?

- Um, like, one that represents
me, like, consistently?

- Yeah.

- Uh, no.

Um, but I was just
in a group show at

this place called Lila
Huffner, it's like a new,

it's in the lower east side.

- Cool.

- When the visitors come,
we want them to feel like

they're immersed in
New York art culture,

so they're not feeling like
they have to search it out,

or are out of the
loop or whatever.

It's all there when they come.

- I really like the sketches.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

Hey, what if we did
like a whole wall,

just mini sketches like
a Museo Picasso Milaga?

I mean the black and white stuff

that you're showing
us is really cool.

No, wait a minute,
no no no, wow.

What's this one?

Yeah I'm in.

I really like the
way you use color.

- One room, one artist.

That's theme.

Let's think theme, okay?

- We could just do
two rooms for me

and that would settle the whole.

- It's your money.

- You met this guy
in San Francisco?

- Yeah.

- Well, he seems nice.

- He is.

He's nice.

- The dude.

His name was, literally
his name was like Yugi.

Yugi Zooba.

- I think they were a couple.

They were.

- Like they were dating?

- Yes, but I didn't really
have a chance to talk

to her too much, so
I don't really know.

I wasn't alone with her.

- You were there
for like an hour.

- Really?

I think, I feel like I
was there for 40 minutes.

- Well, no, I mean you
called me at, like,

7:15 when you were going in,

and then you came home and you
called me again at like nine.

So, that's like, what?

An hour and a half.

- Alright, then.

Well that settles that.

So you were timing the thing?

You were sitting here like.

- No, but I did notice
the time when you called.

Well I think it's great.

I think it's great they're
going to buy a painting.

- Well, Chelsea was
talking about how she had,

like, complete, like, total
mind control over this guy.

- Wow.

- You know how she is,
but that's what she said.

- Did she say that
in front of him, or?

No, Madeline, she didn't
say that in front of him,

because that's when
I was with her alone.

Which is fine, it's
just that you didn't.

- I was alone with
her for like a second

cause we were fucking.

You realize that's
a joke, right?

That was a.

- You realize that's not
really that funny, right?

- Sweetie, look.

We really, we didn't fuck.

She just gave me a
blowjob, so you can just.

Really?

It's a storm out.

Madeline?

Madeline.

Madeline.

Um.

- Where are you going?

- I'm taking off.

I don't want to sit, you know,
I don't want to sit here.

- Why?

Please, just hold on a second.

- And have a scene.

I'm exhausted.

I want to go to sleep.

- Well you shouldn't
have said that then.

- And you're crying
over nothing.

- Wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't want you to go,
I don't want you to go.

- Well obviously I can't go.

Look at the way you've got me.

You've got me completely in
your clutches, I feel like.

That was a bad joke.

That was a very, that
was an evil joke.

- I didn't care for that joke.

I think it's great that they
want to buy your painting.

- Yeah.

- What are they, what are
they going to give you for it?

- They asked me for a quote,
and I, off the top of my head,

they want four paintings
and off the top of my head

I was like 2000 each.

I think it was too low.

- What if I gave you five?

- So that was a joke, right?

- No, I'm serious.

Seriously though,
what's the difference.

If you're talking to her
just because you want money,

why can't I buy the painting?

- I think the difference
is pretty obvious.

Okay, listen.

If you don't want me
to, if you don't want me

to work with Chelsea, I
won't work with Chelsea.

- That's not fair, Sam.

Don't do that to me.

You said it was about money,
what's the difference?

- If you don't want me to sell
the paintings, then I won't.

- No.

Well I just want the paintings.

I want 'em.

- You can have them, okay?

You can have them.

For free.

- No, I want to buy them.

- Then I won't deal with them.

- That's not-

- If you don't want
me to deal with them,

I won't deal with them.

That's that.

I won't deal with them.

Okay?

We done?

Tear time over?

- I'm tired.

- It's a little expensive.

I gotta take a few more trips,
but I think it's worth it.

- Get it out, and do
not call me again.

So sorry.

He's such a fucking asshole.

Please, continue.

- Okay, I was just
talking, was I like,

I was just saying that I
start with an idea, right?

- Yeah.

- Obviously, I mean
I start with an idea.

But like, a specific idea.

Like this one.

- Like a theme?

- Yeah, like a theme.

And then, like, if the canvas
tells me something different,

I listen to it.

But like.

- Oh my god, I'm sorry.

I just asked you not
to call me again.

You know what?

Your financial problems
are not my responsibility.

- Yeah this isn't all my stuff.

I don't even know.

My old canvases are
like behind my couch.

I don't know where to put them.

- Sorry.

Yeah, I'm okay.

- You sure?

Should I...

- No, please go on.

- Um, yeah, so anyway, I was
trying to deal with, like,

the more beautiful aspects
of horrible things.

Like, and in general like a
theme for all my stuff is,

like, decay.

- It's interesting. I
just thought it was going

to be a bit bigger.

I thought you said
that they were bigger.

- Oh, I have, like, I
have tons of bigger ones.

They're just, they're all
hanging in the Guggenheim,

so we'd have to, we'd just
have to hop in a cab and.

- He's kidding.

He's joking.

But this is beautiful.

- They're bigger than
they are on the internet.

- I'm sorry.

You know what?

I don't know how you suddenly
became the victim here.

You know what?

If I wanted to be
somebody's mother,

I'd fucking have
a baby, alright?

Get your shit out
of my apartment,

and don't call me again.

Just leave me alone!

- I'm, God, I'm sorry.

- Are you sure?

Do you want to step
outside for a second?

- No, no.

Let's just continue.

- We don't have to do this now.

- Let's do it now.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm just
influenced by city walls.

That's all I was saying.

There's like a nostalgic
quality to the different layers.

Like you know, two weeks
ago somebody lost their dog,

you know?

And then like on top of
that is like a poster

for the concert that happened.

- Sorry, I cannot listen
to this bullshit right now.

I just, I can't, I can't.

- I'm sorry.

I gotta go.

I'll call you.

- Left hand, yellow, please.

Right hand, blue.

Hey, buddy.

- Hey.

- You have to get naked,
like the rest of us.

- Okay Gabi.

So, next time you're going
to have like a midday orgy,

I think you should
probably notify me

a little bit in advance.

Just give me the heads up.

And please, please take
this rodent from me.

Just, there's like shit
in there, and weird corn,

I don't know.

- Seriously, Sam, it's
fucking naked day.

You have to take
off your clothes.

If you don't take off your
clothes, the world might not be.

- What happened here, did you
eat my rice and seriously?

- Sam, seriously.

I'm being serious, I'm asking
you to just participate.

- Seriously, are you
seriously saying that?

I don't want to do that.

- Sam, please.

- Garrett!

Oh jeez, I just
caught a glimpse.

- What, dude?

- Really naked.

- Sam, it's naked day.

That's the fucking point.

Get comfortable with it.

Take off your stupid jacket!

- Stop.

I'll do it if you
stop touching me.

- Really?

Promise?

- And why are you so angry?

What are they teaching
you at Oberlin?

Don't touch me, I'm going
to take off my clothes.

Stop touching me.

- I'll see it when I believe it.

- Just cause you're naked by
the way, doesn't make it art.

I'm just going to go
ahead and say that.

Your finger is too close to me.

- Oh, relax dude.

- Everybody's on top of me

- You ready for this?

You ready for this?

- I don't know, let
me see your pussy.

- Right hand yellow.

- Sam, come back.

Sam?

Where you going?

- I have to.

- Take off your clothes.

- I have to meet somebody.

- No, you were making progress.

Mom and Dad are going
to be really proud.

- Mom and Dad?

What are you talking about?

Alright, I'm going to need
you to give me my shirt back.

- I have your shirt.

You're not going to get it.

I have your shirt.

- Just give it to me.

Give me my fucking
shirt, seriously.

- No, no.

- No, no no no.

Don't put it there,
don't put it there.

No, don't put it there.

Don't do that.

Stop it, are you fucking
out of your mind?

- Wash it, wash it,
wash it, wash it.

- So I get it now.

You want me to paint
smallpox hospitals

with nature coming through.

- Well, no.

I was thinking that
you would look at it

and then interpret it and then
process the feeling of it.

- Yeah, okay, I'll... thank you.

Thanks.

This has been great.

So, so, are we done?

Is that?

- I'm exhausted.

- Can't your boyfriend
give you a day off?

Do you live with that guy?

What's his face?

- Jorzo.

- What?

What's his face?

- Jorzo.

- Like the pasta?

- Like the pasta.

- Got it forever now.

- Silent J.

- Jorzo.

Jorzo.

Sounds like an Eastern European
superhero or something.

- You live with him?

- No.

You're making me feel
slightly dumb right now.

- I'm making you feel dumb?

That's a first.

What do you want me to do?

Do you want me to tell
some poop jokes, or?

- You could hug me.

Now that wasn't
so nice.

I guess it's different
when you ask for it.

It's okay.

I was going to call you.

Well not for work
stuff, but I didn't know

if you'd talk to me.

I missed you sometimes.

- C'mon man.

This is natural.

This is how people
were designed to eat.

Okay, you're supposed to
know the face of the animal

that you're taking.

We're all so
disconnected, you know?

Where have you been
for the last 10 years?

This world is going to hell.

- Did you do this?

Did you make him this,
like, political monster?

- You know what?

Sometime something is
going to happen to you.

Some event, some life altering
event and you're going

to look at the world a little
bit more differently, okay?

You're going to want to try to
prepare the next generation.

Alright?

You'll feel differently
when you have

a little Daniel or
Daniela on the way.

- What?

- Steve is pregnant.

- Surprise!

- What?

- I'm sorry, sweetie.

- Surprise!

- What?

- It made a really
good point, though.

- You're not joking?

- No

- Holy, are you kidding?

You're serious?

- So serious.

- This is, holy shit.

- Yeah.

- You dog!

You fucking.

- Thanks dude.

- Mazel tov, man!

- Thanks dude, thanks.

- You did it, I can't
believe you did it.

I would've thought your
sperm would've been all.

- You would know,
you would know.

- She must have a super womb.

Watch the hands, I'm
going to hug you.

- She does have a
super womb, actually.

- Congratulations,
that's wonderful.

- Thank you.

- Are you listening to this?

I like you a lot better now.

- I want to know where
you, listen to me,

I want you to look me in my face

and I want you to tell me
what happened last night.

- I don't have
anything new to report.

- You know what, I'm
a little bit smarter

than you think I am.

- My cell phone died, okay.

My battery won't hold
a charge, as you know.

Last night, I worked late.

I fell asleep in my studio.

- At no point did you think,

"Maybe I should call Madeline?

"Maybe she's worried about me."?

You couldn't go outside
of your fucking studio

to a payphone and call me?

- Honestly, I never committed
your number to memory.

I know it's hard to believe.

- It's not hard to
believe, actually.

That's the first thing you've
said tonight that I believe.

You're doing this to me.

You are turning me into
a fucking detective.

You're lying to me, and you
are not even very good at it.

- You're creating a story, okay?

You're creating a story
because this is what you want

to be doing right now.

You want to be fighting with me

because you don't
want to let me in,

so you're just creating this
crazy paranoid narrative

about Chelsea.

- You have no understanding,
do you know that?

And you know why?

Because there isn't
a, listen to me,

there is no way
that I could reverse

the situation right now

and make you understand
how it feels.

I have no Chelsea.

There's no way that anyone

that I have ever loved would
ever walk back into my life.

I'm giving, look at
me, I'm giving you

an opportunity right now to
live with me and be in love,

and you don't have
to worry about money.

You can just do your art and
we can just raise children

and be together and be happy.

- This is fucking embarrassing.

We're at these
people's homes, who,

they like met yesterday and
they're meant for each other?

They're just
together and there's

a fucking human being
growing inside of her body?

- These people,
this is not normal.

These two, they're, I
mean, were you ready

to marry me after three weeks?

- Yes Sam, I was.

- Well you really don't
seem ready right now.

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

- Has anyone heard of Gabi?

She likes her men really flabby.

When a hard body passes, she
takes off her glasses and says,

"I can't even see
that kind of body."

- What, that doesn't even rhyme

- Dory, do you have the camera?

- No, I left it on your bed.

Hi.

- What's this?

What is this?

- Art.

- Art.

I'm sorry.

That should have been
perfectly obvious.

- Yeah, Dory and
Garrett are going

to lick whipped
cream off my body.

- Is that right?

Garrett?

Garrett's gonna do that?

You're going to lick, uh, whipped
cream off my sister, man?

- Um, probably not
now that you're here.

- Yeah.

What if I wasn't here?

That was your idea?

- That wasn't my
idea, it was her idea.

I was just doing what
she was asking me to do.

I'm, like, helping out
with her art project.

I'm not, I'm not like,
I didn't sign on.

- Yeah.

What are you?

Like the master patriarch
gets to say who licks

what off of whose body?

Like I wanted him to do this.

- Yeah that's me.

I'm the master patriarch
of, of the apartment.

Actually, you know what?

I am the fucking master
patriarch of this house, okay?

Because I pay the
rent around here.

- You're making me fucking melt.

You're ruining my art project!

Like, you don't get
to say what I do just

because you pay rent
that means automatically

you own my body
and you own my art?

That's fucking lame.

- Will you come here
and lick it off of me?

That would be really provocative

- That would be.

That would be
totally provocative.

That might change
the world, actually.

That might really
fucking change things.

But you know what?

I'm just a cynical fuck,

and I want to keep the
world dark and depressing,

so I'm going to skip that.

Alright?

You have a job interview
tomorrow, I set it up for you.

You think this is
a fucking comic.

Alright, look.

You better go to that
fucking interview

cause I can't afford the rent
without you getting a job.

- Okay, I'll go.

- Okay.

- Keep going.

- You want me to.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it all fell off.

- Aight.

Hold your arm out.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- How are you?

- I'm well.

- I'm well.

- Come on in.

Come on in.

- So, um, you're a
friend of Franny's?

- So you're a
friend of Franny's.

- So, what makes you want
to work in a gallery?

- So what makes you want
to work in a gallery.

- So, have you worked
in the art world before?

- Okay, um, so have you worked
in the art world before?

- Okay, it's not my interview,

it's not me who's
looking for a job.

- Okay, it's not my interview,

it's not me who's
looking for a job.

- So whenever you're ready
to let this little game go

- So whenever you're ready
to let this little game go.

- Okay, alright.

It's been nice meeting you,

but this isn't
going to work out.

- It's been nice meeting you,

but this is not
going to work, is it?

- Let's go.

- Let's go.

- No, it's not.

It's my gallery,
I'm not leaving, so.

- No, it's not.

It's my gallery and
I'm not leaving, so.

- Okay, okay.

Alright

Please.

- Please.

- Honestly, please step
away from the door.

- Honestly, please step
away from the door.

- I really, I, I'm
not enjoying this

- I really, I, I'm
not enjoying this

- I don't feel
comfortable with this.

- I don't feel
comfortable with this.

- Please, I really
would appreciate it.

- Please, I really
would appreciate it.

- Okay

- Okay.

- Sorry

- Look at me.

Look.

- I can't.

- Yes you can.

- You are so cute.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- You want me to stop?

- Uh uh, no.

- You sure?

- I can.

- Stop, stop.

I'm sorry, stop.

- You have to do it sometime.

Might as well be now,
we're this close.

- You okay?

You okay?

I think maybe you were not
entirely honest with me.

- You weren't either.

- How?

- Well, it was obvious
you were a virgin.

It was really awkward and I
don't want that responsibility.

- So, you're okay, though?

You feel okay?

- Yeah, it's like
pretty crazy, like, um,

it's like this really weird
thing where like all of

a sudden all of the colors
in the room are like brighter

and more vibrant, and
like my entire outlook

on life has completely changed.

You're, like, a lot, a lot,
a lot hairier than Sam.

- Yeah.

- I think we're gonna have
four babies, or maybe five.

Probably five.

And, uh, we're going to have
a really really big wedding.

- I...

- What?

It's true.

- I thought you were going
to say that we're going

to have a really, really
big baby.

- I think that monogamy
is really stupid.

- Word.

- Word.

So you don't have
anything to worry about.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- First I went a little
shallow, a little bit like that

and then I just did
one really big thrust.

- And then he goes to the store,

and he goes in this little deli,
and he's buying a sandwich.

So of course I have
to go in and you know.

- Then she fucking came like
you wouldn't believe it.

She was moaning like
a fucking crazy woman.

- Derek Jeter.

- No you did not.

- Yes, Derek Jeter, I swear.

- I think she might have been
an amateur porn celebrity.

- I couldn't even buy a soda.

- Yeah, what is he like?

- Something that
bleeds for seven days

and doesn't die, right?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Guess what?

- What?

- I lost my virginity.

- When?

- Last night.

- You did?

I'm just kidding.

- How was it?

- Um, it hurt a lot, but.

- Where is Sam?

Where's Sam?

- I don't know, I
think he's out of town?

- Okay, since when?

- Yesterday.

- Hey.

How's it going?

- Hi.

I was wondering if
we could call Sam?

- Yeah, sure.

- Because I cant,

my cell phone's not working,

cause my fucking
phone is broken.

It's okay Garrett,
that's my shit.

Just, it's.

- Yeah, I'm sorry, I just
assumed you were with him.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hey, did he mention that?

- No, I just assumed.

Hey, Sam?

It's Gabi.

I need you to call me back.

- Hey, this is my shit, Garrett.

It's my shit.

- Whoa, I was just trying
to help you pick it up.

- Yeah, it's not
your fucking shit.

- He said he was coming
back tomorrow morning.

- Okay, so, um.

Oh fuck.

Does that mean he's
coming back here,

or he's coming tomorrow here?

- He'll probably be
coming back here.

- Here?

Tomorrow morning.

- Probably.

Hey, you okay?

- Fuck off, Charles.

So he didn't mention
anything about anything?

- Um, well he said he was
coming back tomorrow morning?

- So does that mean that
he's coming back, um,

so he's probably coming
back here tomorrow, right?

I'm sorry.

Did, he mention
anything about anything?

- I don't know what that means.

- Right.

- Hey.

- I have no fucking
idea where Sam is

and he hasn't called me
for one fucking week.

And I would like to know
the last time that you

and you saw Sam!

That's okay.

Don't answer that.

Well... fucking shit.

That's broken.

Give me a fucking
break, Charles!

Give me a fucking break.

- I don't think that's
such a good idea.

- I don't think
that's a good idea.

- No, I don't.

- When was the last
time that you saw Sam?

- Madeline, we're telling
you everything we know.

- Yeah, well, I'm talking
to Charles right now!

- Okay, but we're just
trying to help you.

- You're laughing at me!

I mean, you're being
really vague, like.

- I'm sorry, really, honestly?

I'm being vague?

- I mean I asked you what.

- This is vague?

Do you find this vague?

- You said,

"Do you know anything
about anything?"

I don't know what that means.

- Just get the fuck
out of my way, Charles!

Wow, woo!

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't think you're stupid,

I just want to know if you
know anything about Sam and I,

and I want to know
if you know why

I might be so upset,
right now, you know?

- I don't know, but why don't
you tell me what's happening?

- I can't, I can't.

- I'm really hungry.

- 16 or something?

- 16?

- Don't worry about it.

- There's lumps.

- There's supposed to be lumps.

- Uh uh, smooth batter!

- Take a deep breath.

You breathed out!

Inspire.

Give me some butter.

- Do you want some pancakes?

- Um, no, I'm not
that hungry right now.

- Will you watch this?

Just sort of let it sit there.

- Is this your water?

Can I have it?

- Yeah.

- Here, will you watch
this for a second?

I'm going to go void my bowels.

Thank you.

- Have, have you seen
Chelsea recently?

- No, I haven't seen
her in years and years.

- But did you know that she
was buying Sam's paintings?

- Someone's buying
Sam's paintings?

- Did you know that he
was fucking her again?

- Why do you think that?

- Because your brother
is a fucking bad liar,

and um, I just know it.

- I don't think
he would do that.

- I'm not ignoring, I know
that I hurt you, you know?

- No, what are
you talking about?

No, I do remember that,
because I wept everyday

for six months.

And I felt like, I felt
like I had been destroyed,

basically.

And I never wanted
to get out of bed,

and I didn't want to
brush my teeth, or shower,

or shave, or ever see another
human being ever again.

But, you know,
forget it, whatever.

Made a man out of me.

- Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

I wasn't exactly
living the high life

for the past three years.

- Why would that
make me feel better?

It does.

- No, see, it was
hard on me too.

I didn't leave you
because I didn't love you.

I'm just so past my
prime, I can't even.

- You're not past your prime.

- Yes.

- You're in the
thick of your prime.

- No, I'm past, I'm,
I look really bad.

It's from stress, I have not
aged as well as Madeline has,

she looks really
great, actually.

I thought she'd be
dead by now, she looks.

- I think you're
really beautiful.

I think you're still
really beautiful.

I think you're more
beautiful than you ever were.

- You have gray in
your beard, you know?

Does that make you upset at all?

No?

Just makes me want to run
away and do something simple,

you know, just, just run away.

You want to run away?

- Sounds good.

Sign me up.

- You want to go again?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna win this time.

I figured it out.

- You figured it out?

- Mhm, yeah.

- You really think
you figured it out?

Then let's put
something on the line.

If I win, then you
give me a rim job.

And if you win, I
give you a rim job.

Have you ever had a rim job?

- No.

- Do you know what a rim job is?

- I think so.

It's when you lick
someone's butt, right?

- It's when you
lick their asshole.

- Yeah

- Yeah, it's good.

It is good.

- I really don't
want to do this.

- Yes you do.

Don't worry, it's kind of a
win/win situation for you.

- Is it?

Okay.

Oh.

- Oh, you get your tongue
ready for a rim job.

- Look, we'll start upstairs
and then we'll move downstairs.

Seriously.

We'll start upstairs.

See, that's easy.

Upstairs is easy, right?

But now we'll start
moving downstairs.

Start moving downstairs.

Can you imagine if,
can you imagine if,

if Sam walked in and you had
your tongue in my asshole?

- Ew!

- I'm the man of the house now,

you should do what
I tell you to do.

- Oh yeah?

- Fucking right.

- How?

- But, but I'm a feminist!

Even feminists lose bets!

You're like, wearing the
universe between your legs

like a galaxy falling,
no, you move like that

and it ruins the illusion.

- Muchacho.

Hey man.

- Hey.

Weirdest thing happened to me.

- What?

- I walked into the
house and the smell,

I smelled weed and
I was like, whoa!

What the fuck's going on here?

Maybe Garrett and Gabi and
Charles might be smoking weed?

It was really weird cause
you guys never do that,

so I was like totally shocked.

- You want some?

- No.

Thank you, though.

Appreciate it.

Um, I just, Gabi, I just
got a quick question for ya.

How's that job search going?

- Oh, I got a job.

- Really?

You have a job?

- Yeah.

- Alright well what job is that?

- Artist?

- Artist?

What about gallery employee?

'Cause I spoke to my friend
Franny a couple days ago.

- Oh, yeah, no.

That interview went
really, really well.

Basically, the lady
hired me, but I didn't,

I said I had to
talk to my agent.

- Garrett.

Why don't you stick around, man.

I have, I think maybe
what we need to do

is form a bit of a think tank.

- I, I thought you were trying

to talk something out with Gabi.

- I was, I am.

But I would really, actually
appreciate your feedback.

I think, you know,
the more the merrier.

We should, we really
need to brainstorm

about how the fuck we're
gonna make rent this month.

I think if we all put
our heads together,

maybe we could come
up with a solution.

Alright?

Because you already
owe me for last month.

So I'm wondering if you were
having any ideas about that?

- I do, I do. Talk to dad.

'Cause it's not my fault
that dad is too busy paying

for his fucking slut,
and like not giving you

the money that he'd
said he'd give you.

Like, it has nothing
to do with me.

- Okay, dad never promised to me

that he was paying your rent.

Now I don't know
anything about that.

And your problems with dad are
really none of my business.

Okay?

What concerns me right
now is that we're broke,

we can't pay the rent, we
sublet the room to you,

you owe me for last month

and I don't know how we're
going to make this month.

You just can't live in
New York without a job,

you just, it's
just not possible.

- Dude, I'll get a fucking job.

I just don't want to
work in a gallery.

Like, I just really, just,
that's not what I want to do.

Also, can I just
say, for the record,

what I did was fucking amazing.

It was really, seriously
the best thing ever.

- Garrett, why are
you egging her on?

- I'm not, I'm
not egging her on.

- Will you focus on this?

What's going on.

Because I just want,
it's just, like,

we're all our own
people, and what you do,

what I do, are separate.

It doesn't reflect on
you if I do, right?

- Let me tell you something.

It does reflect on me
when I send my sister

in to an interview with
somebody I've built

a relationship with.

- You're saying this lady,
you're saying this lady

is really important, she's
like some genius art gallery.

But what she, but
she's not, because.

- I never actually said she
was a genius art gallery.

I never said that.

- No, because what she
doesn't understand is that,

okay what was sitting
across from her

was fucking creative genius!

Like, sheer, fucking genius.

She just doesn't fucking get it.

- Garrett.

- Huh, yeah?

- Why are you,
what are you doing?

Why are you looking at
my sister like that, man?

- I'm not, I.

- How are you looking at me?

- I'm not.

- Yeah, you were
looking at her, man.

You were fucking zoning out.

You were zoning
out on her crotch.

- No!

- That's what you were doing.

I was watching you.

I was, I was, I'm two feet away.

- No, she's kinda like,
the space-time continuum

on her pant legs.

I was getting lost in
the stars.

- Garrett, are you
fucking my sister, man?

- No dude, what?

- I let you sleep on my,
my couch for fucking free

and your form of
gratitude is sticking

your fucking dirty-ass
cock in my sister?

- It's not, he's not,
no he's not fucking me.

- Wow, nah, man.

That's, I'm, I am not,
I don't know where

that even comes from.

- Charles, I'm going to ask you.

Do you know anything about
this fine romance here?

You fucking listen to it?

You lock yourself in your bedroom
and hide, put in earplugs?

Or do you hear them going at it?

- Sam, Sam, Sam,
I'm not fucking him,

if you would just listen
to me, I'm not fucking him.

- Not only am I not, is she
not, getting fucked by me,

but even if she was, Charles
wouldn't hear anything

because when I get down,
I am a silent fucker.

I'm like, I'm like a navy seal.

- Garrett, that's funny.

Why don't you-

- Are you a silent fucker?

- I think you should
probably take that comedy act

on the road, man.

You should take that
comedy act on the road,

like right away.

Like this second, you
know what I'm saying?

Like maybe you could just split,

and just take your
act, and just split.

- No, Sam, shut up.

- I need you to leave.

- Alright, like, presently?

- Like what did I just say, man?

Like right away.

- Ay ay, Captain.

- Hey Charles, you want to
help me out a little bit here?

- Charles is having fun.

- Charles and I just
don't have money in

the bank to pay
the fucking rent.

- Alright.

- Just fucking soak that in.

Will you fucking
encourage my sister

to get her act together?

- You know what, I'll get a
fucking job, I already said it.

I'll get a fucking job.

I just don't want
to work in a stupid,

fucking art gallery that's
all the fuck I'm saying.

- Charles, why don't
you encourage my sister

to get her fucking shit
together immediately,

and encourage
Garrett to shack up

with another fucking bimbo,
cause you know he could.

- I'm not saying, I'm
not, I wasn't saying

that you're a bimbo,
that's not what.

- No, no, it was aimed at me.

It was aimed at me.

- It was, indeed it
was aimed at him.

- Yeah, I caught that.

- Do you have any idea
what this guy's all about?

He has a fucking stable
of woman at all times,

which you happen to
be one of right now.

Okay?

Which is fucking
disgusting to me, okay?

He spends half of his time
on the street, alright?

Who knows what kind of
street trash his cock

has been inside?

He sleeps with
street trash, okay?

- Oh my god, dude, please.

- Dude I don't mean
to be a fucking,

I don't want to be a total
stick in the mud, but.

Have you been tested recently?

Did you, did you
get tested before?

- Dude, I am drug free.

I am std free, my friend.

- You know what?

You're acting, you're
acting like dad.

You're just like.

- I'm acting like dad?

I'm acting like dad because

I want to fucking
not get evicted!

- Where the fuck have you been,

like where have you
been all fucking week?

- You know what, man?

- What have you been doing?

- That has nothing,
I'm 30 years old.

I have my own life.

This girl is 20 years old,

she's not even out
of college, man.

- You know what,
it doesn't matter

because I can live anywhere I
want, be it a fucking mansion,

be it a dumpster.

It's all the same
to me, alright?

- That's a great skill.

Yeah, that's good.

- So if you want me to get
out of here, I'll be gone.

- That's going to
serve you well.

- It has served
me well, actually.

- Go find a mansion, baby.

Why are you here?

- No, what the fuck.

Just shut up for a second,
let me talk to your brother.

- Hey man, don't
talk to her that way.

- Fuck you, dude.

Look at the fucking, don't
talk to her that way?

You've just been standing
there shouting at her.

- I'm her brother,
man, who are you?

- I'm nobody, man.

And I'll be gone in a second.

- No, stop!

- I'm satisfied.

I got what I want out
of this conversation.

- Oh you know what?

I'm going to go you
one better, man.

I've been here, what,
Charles, I've been here what?

Be quiet.

I've been here what Charles?

Four or five weeks?

That makes, I've been
here four or five weeks,

that's like 35 days.

35 days, a nightly
rate for 35 days.

Be quiet!

I will go down to Pianos

and I'll make exactly how
ever much money you want me

to make for you.

And I will bring it here,
and you will have it

and we can be even, alright?

- Okay, great, wonderful.

- Straight.

- I'll send you the bill, okay?

- Great, okay, so
that's on the table.

- Will you just get
out of my place please?

- Stop it, you're
acting like, no!

Fucking Jesus fucking.

- So I realized that I'm taking

a risk showing you
this one first.

It's actually not
supposed to be funny,

it is an homage to Gogan.

- I actually really like it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- This one was more, like,
supposed to be funny.

Like, like, you see what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

- A little scatelogical,
I don't know if that's.

- No man, it's totally cool.

That's exactly what
we're thinking of.

Push the envelope, you
know what I'm saying?

Hey, Chels!

Come check this
out, this is great.

Hey, remember what we
were talking about?

He totally did it
and ran with it.

- It's just, it's
not that simple ever.

- Well when's it going to be
simple, you know what I mean?

- I don't, I don't know.

I mean, there's a lot
of money involved, so.

- Yeah but you have a
contract with the guy,

so if you have a contract with
the guy he's got to pay you.

So what difference
does it make if?

- It's just not the right
time right now, okay?

It's...

- Look, if you
don't want to do it,

just don't tell me
you're going to do it.

- I do want to do it.

- I'm not, you
don't have to do it.

- I do want to do it.

Look, I do want to do it, okay?

It's just, right
now it's awkward,

so, I mean it, okay?

I mean it, I mean it.

Come here.

- Charles?

I want to do a trade with you.

I want an exchange
for your yellows,

and I'll give you a green.

So I'm giving you a monopoly
and giving you two yellows,

and you're giving
me one monopoly,

which is less
expensive, and a pink.

- Whoa, that's a bad trade.

Charles, Charles,
that's a bad trade.

- Please Saint Charles, please!

What do you think?

Look, ready?

Greens, pink, orange, yellow.

- I'm not sure he's into it.

I'm not sure he's even
in reality at this point.

- Who's not in reality?

- If he was, I think
he would realize

that we basically already won.

- We make our own reality.

- And then, look, I'll
give you this deal

and we'll each give each
other two free passes

to the monopoly
we're going to get.

- You think the reality is
you're going to win this game?

- Yeah, I can feel it.

- Oh, you want the yellow?

- These are commonly
understood to be

the worst properties
on the board.

- Sold.

- Sold!

- Sold?

- Cheers.

- That's a bad trade.

- It's over.

- You just fucked yourself.

You just fucked yourself.

No, it's not over.

- We just got a monopoly!

A good one too.

- Sam, why didn't you tell
me your sister was so cool?

- You didn't tell
him I was cool?

- It's sort of a big
thing to leave out.

- I'm supposed to just walk
around telling everyone

I know that I have
a cool sister?

- It slipped your mind?

That I was cool.

- You're seeing now,
how cool she is.

I'm sorry I didn't mention
your level of coolness.

I apologize.

I am sorry, you are very cool.

And good, that was a good trade.

- He said he had a sister.

- Well, I'm very cool.

But Sam, it's your turn.

You're holding up a
whole fucking game, Sam.

- Gabi!

- Chelsea?

- You didn't tell
me Gabi was here.

How are you doing?

You look so old!

Make me feel really old.

Oh god.

Charles, happy birthday.

- Thanks, Chelsea.

- I thought you were
in San Francisco?

- Yeah, I was.

But now I'm not.

- Oh, well you look good.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, although, maybe
overdressed for monopoly.

- Uh, well we're
going somewhere after.

- You want some beer?

- Sure.

- This guy doesn't
even know what he owns

and he's talking shit and he
doesn't even know what he owns.

- I won $150.

- What is this, who's are these?

When did these, when
did these hotels?

Who's hotels are these?

- Those are our hotels.

- When did you get, when
did you get this monopoly?

- We traded with Charles.

- Again?

What you're just doing secret
trades with Charles all night?

You didn't learn
your lesson, Charles?

- We're winning.

- Did you announce this trade?

Did I miss it?

- Uh, no, we didn't announce it.

But, then it got, um,
leaked on the internet.

So, maybe you read it there?

- Mhm, you know what,
it's actually against

the rules to, uh, to do that.

- It's not against the rules.

- Yeah it is, man.

It's bad conduct, Lou.

It's, it's, can I see
the rulebook, Charles?

Charles?

- Your brother is the worst
monopoly player I've ever seen.

- We don't have the rulebook?

You don't have the
rulebook, Charles?

What happened to the rulebook?

This isn't the rulebook.

It's not going to be on this.

Anyway, you know what?

I don't give a shit if
it's in the rulebook,

it's just bad like,
if you make a,

if you sneak a, a trade
it's like cheating.

- That's something you
should know a lot about.

- Where you going?

- I'm going to go
to the bathroom.

- Okay, Moses, let's
hear you're, uh,

let's hear your moral
judgement there on me.

What's, what's on your mind?

- I don't know.

Gabi, you want to
field that question?

- Uh, yeah.

Hey Sam, guess who was over
here drunk last weekend?

- Okay, what do you,
what are you saying?

Are you saying that
Madeline was here?

She was drunk?

- Yeah.

- Is she alright?

- Not really.

- Okay, what does that
mean, "Not really"?

- She's fine.

- Okay, is she fine
or is she not fine?

- She's fine.

- So how do you, how
do you know that?

- Because I spent
some time with her.

- Yeah?

What kind of time?

What kind of time did
you spend with her?

- You know, like in
the biblical sense?

- No, no, no, you
don't need to go.

- I'm going to go.

- Okay, you don't
need to do that.

This is going to stop.

- I think Gabi
wants me to leave.

- You know what?

Gabi's actually my guest.

And she wants what I want,
and I want you to stay.

- Yeah, I want
whatever you want, Sam.

So I just want to lick
your fucking pussy so bad,

I just want your fucking
pussy all over my face,

I want to taste
your fucking cunt

and I want your fucking
pussy all over my face

because I want
whatever Sam wants.

- Okay, are you done now?

- That's classy.

- I just feel like
when a friend gets,

like, a new person
who's an old person.

- Okay, I can hear you
talking about the situation.

- Why don't you just sit down?

- No, I'm not sitting down.

Who are you?

- Oh, I'm Dory.

I was sitting between you
and Charles all night long.

- Then why are you
adding to the situation?

- That's why we're here.

The whole point is
that we're supposed

to be having a birthday party.

- I was here having
a birthday party too,

until you all became
hostile to me.

- All I'm saying is
then sit back down

and start having a
birthday party again.

It'll be fine.

- You're slightly creepy.

- You're slightly a bitch,
in my personal experience.

- Are you kidding, are
you fucking kidding me?

- I can't handle college
kids anymore, okay?

- College girls.

- Thanks.

- Whatever.

- Thank you.

- Goodbye.

- Fantastic.

- She's a fucking laugh.

- No, no, no, I'm
going to go, okay?

- I don't want to do this,
I don't want to be here.

- Alright, you want
to go, we'll go.

I'll go get my wallet and we'll.

- I don't want
you to go with me.

I don't want you to
go with me, okay?

- Why not?

- I just, I don't
want to do this.

I'm not here, I'm not.

- What's this?

- Your life, my life, together.

I don't want to do it.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- That's your life
sitting in a room

with college girls who talk
about pussy and all that stuff.

- That's my sister.

- Yeah, I know.

- My life is not sitting
a room with college girls.

- Could you look
at me for a second?

- No, I don't want to.

- Why?

- It's just easier when
I don't look at you.

- Why can't you look at me?

- Because it's easier
when I don't look at you.

- I really, really
care about you.

- That's great, okay?

- And I like what's
been going on.

- I'm right here.

- I don't want you here,
I don't want you here.

I've needed, I
don't want you here.

- Again?

You're going to do
this to me again?

- Stop playing victims.

- I am the, I'm not
playing the victim,

I happen to be the victim.

- No, it's not that simple.

- Fine, you know what?

This is nonsense.

Will you just come
here and give me a hug?

This is ridiculous.

- I don't want to touch you.

- Fine, alright.

- Go back in.

- Can I tell you something?

Look at me.

You're a fucking cunt, okay?

Alright?

You want to walk?

Walk.

That's fine.

I'll see ya.

- You and your sister.

- Later.

- You and your sister,
cunts and pussies.

- I think we should
have costumes for them,

because I don't trust that
they'll put very much effort

into their costumes.

Um, but are they going to be
in character the whole time?

Okay cool.

And what about judges?

- We need judges.

- So who's going to do it?

- Hey Charles,
want to be a judge?

- What about you, stud?

Want to be in, uh,
my art project?

- What art project is that?

- Miss Whore America.

- Sounds great, count me in.

- Sam, I'm serious.

It's just, please will you
just do me this one favor?

It's just for one day.

- You know, I'm a
little busy right now,

I have two jobs and, uh, my
own art career to pursue,

so I think I'm gonna.

- Yeah but it's only for one
day and then I'm going back

to college and then
you'll never see me again

for the rest of your life.

It's on a Sunday.

- What did I just say?

- But it's only, it's just,
it's really just for one day.

Please, it's on a Sunday.

And then I'm going
back to school,

so you wont even
have to deal with me

for the rest of your life.

Please?

- Are you fucking deaf?

What did I just say?

I'm busy.

- You seriously
wont do this for me?

You won't do me this
one fucking favor?

Like you ruined my entire summer

and then you wont do me
this one fucking favor?

Look, if you don't like
my ideas that's fine.

You can not like my ideas.

But I don't understand why you
just wont help me with this?

- I never said that I
don't like your ideas.

- It's obvious you
don't like my ideas,

all you've done is
shat on my ideas,

and you make fun of me
all the fucking time.

Don't look at me like that,

please don't look
at me like that.

What the fuck are you
doing with yourself?

You're like.

- Why doesn't the 20
year old undergrad

fucking infant inform
me about what kind

of art I should be doing?

I appreciate that.

- Look, you know what?

You ruined my entire summer.

I was so excited to come
here, all I wanted was

for you to be nice to
me, all I wanted was

for you to spend time with
me, and all you've done

is be mean to me, all you've
done is make fun of me,

all you've done is yelled
at me, don't come near me!

Seriously, don't come near
me, you're really mean.

- I'm sorry, okay?

- No.

- I'm sorry, come here.

- You're really mean.

- I was mean, I'm sorry.

- You're not sorry.

- I'm sorry, okay?

Come here.

- No.

- Okay, fine.

- What was that?

Sam, what was that?

Sam, you stepped on Carolly.

You crushed Carolly!

She's, she's not moving.

She's not moving.

- I'm sorry.

I want to be with you.

I don't, I don't
want what you want.

- You don't.

Please, I really can't, I
can't make a scene here.

- Then don't.

- I can't.

- What are you doing?

- I can't, I mean it, I can't.

- No, it's attacking the
water buffalo and then,

it like takes it and
then an alligator gets

into the mix and,
like, attacks the lion

and then this whole.

- Hey.

Good to see you.

Hey Dory.

- Hey Lou.

- Good to see you.

- Nice to see you too.

- You guys want a beer?

- Yes please.

- Thank you.

- So what's up?

- My hamster's really wonked up.

- Wonked up.

What do you mean?

- Sam stepped on her.

- He stepped on your hamster!

- Now she's paralyzed
from the neck down.

- She's like
breathing all weird,

like and she won't move.

- It's really sad.

- Oh no.

- It's really sad!

- It's really, really sad.

- I don't know what I'm
going to do when she goes.

- Lou, dude!

- You guys know
each other, right?

- Yeah, hey.

- Hi.

- How's it going?

- Fine, how are you?

- Good.

Hey Dory.

Um, this is Liz.

- Hey.

- This is Gabi and that's Dory.

- How's it going.

- Hey.

- Here's Liz.

They call Liz the red queen

cause she's got crazy red hair.

- Well it's just
you, pretty much.

- Um, sorry we can't
hang, we gotta go

to this poetry reading thing.

- Okay, yeah, that's cool.

- Good to see you, though, man.

- You too, man.

- Take care.

- You too.

- See you later.

- I want you to fuck
me hard, alright?

I want you to fuck me
like I'm a little slut.

This pussy's all yours.

Yeah this is yours.

C'mon, fuck me harder.

Fuck me harder!

Fuck me harder!

Why did you stop?

- I don't know.

I don't know if I can do that.

- Do what?

Fuck me?

You don't want to fuck me?

- I want to fuck you.

I wanted to fuck you.

- Okay then fuck me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Alright, ready?

- Yeah.

- I don't know, I mean,
that sounds pretty cool.

It's kind of like a princeton
reverb, like a fender.

And like, I found this, I
found this in the trash.

- I want you to fuck me harder.

I want you to fuck me harder.

Yeah, fuck me harder, fuck
me hard, that's right.

Fuck me harder.

Yeah.

Fuck me harder, yeah,
fuck me harder, yeah.

- Ow, ow, stop, stop!

Shit.

- Okay, what is going on?

- Um, I just don't know if
I want to do that with you.

- Okay.

But, do you want to
have sex with me?

- Yeah, I do.

I do.

- Okay, so then
have sex with me.

- It's like the first
time we're doing this

and it's sort of
an intimate thing.

Maybe next time I could,
like, fuck you like a slut.

- No, cause there's not
going to be a next time,

I'm going back to school,
so if you want to fuck me

now you should just
fuck me and not be

a little bitch about it.

- Okay.

- Okay, either do it or don't.

- If that's what you want.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Okay.

- Okay.

That's right, fuck that pussy.

- Fucking want it?

Fine.

- Yeah.

- That's what you want?

Come on, c'mon!

- Ow, fuck!

- Shit, Gabi, are you okay?

- Get off of me,
get the fuck off me!

- Okay, alright.

Wait, wait.

- What's up?

Jesus.

- We have to leave right now.

- What's up, what
happened to you?

- He bit my lip,
it really hurts.

- What?

- He bit me.

I want to get out of
here, can we please go?

- Jesus, no can I
see it for a second?

What the fuck Ryan,
you said he was okay.

- I really just want to
go, can we please go?

- Jesus.

- Hey, Sam.

- What happened?

Why are, why are you bleeding?

What happened to you?

What happened to your lip?

- Nothing.

- What is that?

- Some guy bit her lip.

- Bit?

Somebody bit your lip?

- No, it's not.

- Who bit your fucking lip?

- Lou, Lou bit her fucking lip.

- Lou?

- Yeah

- My friend Lou bit your lip?

- Yeah.

- My friend Lou bit her lip?

- Lou bit her lip.

- It's not a, it's
really not a big deal.

- What the, are you
fucking kidding me?

Are you serious,
where are you going?

- Fuck, it's really
not a big deal.

- Lou.

Lou, just let me
the fuck in, man.

We just want to, we
want to talk, man.

- No, I don't think I'm
going to do that, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay, Sam, okay.

- Okay what?

- Sam.

Listen to me.

Uh, I don't know
what she told you,

but she basically asked
me to do that, okay?

- My sister asked
you to do that?

That's, my sister asked
you to bite her lip

like a fucking animal?

- No, not exactly.

- Okay, then why don't
you tell me exactly?

- Everything cool, you guys?

You guys want a beer?

- We got into a situation,
we were together

and she asked me
to do some stuff.

And she hit me with
an ashtray, okay?

It got really crazy.

- She's, she's five,
she's five ft tall.

She's 100 lbs!

- You guys want a beer?

- We got into a situation.

- Potato chips?

- And it got out of control.

- Want some Herbal tea?

I got some herbal tea.

- Really surreal.

And I did something crazy,

we both did something
crazy, okay?

- Oh.

Oh, okay.

Alright Charles,
are you satisfied?

Yeah I'm gonna go home.

You fucking bit my
sister's lip, man.

- She hit me too.

- You expect me to fucking cry?

She's a little girl, man.

- You want to hit me, Sam?

Will that make you feel better?

- Don't offer me that,
I'm about to do it.

I'm gonna do it, man.

- I want you to do it.

- I'm gonna hit you.

- I'll let you hit me.

- Be careful what you
fucking offer, man.

I'm gonna do it.

- Yeah, hit me, Sam.

- Free shot?

- You get a free shot.

- Don't think I
won't fucking do it.

- Alright man,
this is ridiculous.

- I'm gonna fucking
hit you, alright?

- This is ridiculous.

- Just fucking hit me.

- You gonna throw up?

You alright?

- I don't know.

- Do you think I'm gonna have
something on my lip forever?

- No, it's gonna be fine.

Can I see?

- Don't touch it.

- I'm not gonna.

It's not that bad.

- It really hurts.

- I'm sorry.

- You okay?

Dory?

You think?

- Yeah.

- Did you beat him up?

- I punched him.

- You did?

- First time that I remember.

- Cool.

- How's Carolly?

- Um, I think she's paralyzed.

I think I need to put
her out of her misery.

- Yeah we were over
at that guy's house

and I was talking to this guy
for a while and he was, um,

he was really nice.

But I was so bored.

And it's embarrassing.

I was kind of disappointed
that you weren't there,

cause for some reason
I really wanted you

to see this stupid dress
that I was wearing.

- It's a nice dress.

- Thank you.

- You know I love you, right?

I really do.

You're really funny and
smart and talented and I.

So when are we gonna do this
Miss Whore America thing?

Are we gonna?

- I don't want to do it
anymore, it's stupid.

- Hey, it's not stupid.

It's not stupid at all.

I'm, I'm stupid.

- We're both stupid.

- No, Miss Whore America
is not stupid and I am.

I really ruined your summer?

- No.