Original subtitles

- Um, hey, it's me.

I'm at the bus stop.

I don't see you, but I'm here.

Wait, but do people do that in New York?

Okay, lemme try.

Oh my god, it worked.

Oh it worked!

Okay hold on, let me call you right back okay?

Hello?

Jesus fuck!

Oh my god, fuck.

- What, what are you doing?

- Nothing.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- Whoa, hey.

- What?

- Hoe.

- Hoe, who are you calling a ho?

- They're going to be.

They're going to be here in like 15 minutes.

- Actually they're not...

He said 8:30.

- No, we spoke and she's coming at nine.

- Sweetheart.

- Yup.

- I, sweetheart, I'm going to smell.

- Really?

- Like vagina.

- Really?

- When Robyn gets here.

- Really?

- Yeah I'm going to smell like vagina when,

I don't want to smell like fucking pussy,

she's your AA sponsor, I never would've met this girl.

- She's not a girl, she's like 40.

- Hi!

- Hi.

- How are you?

- I'm good, how are you?

- Smelly.

- Me too.

- So where's the guy?

- In the bathroom, in the bathtub.

- Where's the?

- Naked, oh, that way.

- Um, is he on his back?

- Should we try and turn him over

so he doesn't throw up and die?

Okay, is he big?

- He's really big.

- Shit.

C'mon, bedroom.

Bed.

- This way.

Oh no, fuck.

Oh jeez

- Sam, Charles?

Is she, is she okay?

She fucking...

Dude, Gabi.

Gabi?

Holy Shit.

- Wait, what's going on?

No, stop, there's a person.

There's a person

No, she's fine.

What'd you do to Charles?

Charles?

Hey Buddy.

Charles?

You okay man?

I'm going to take you to your bed, okay?

- Garrett, Garrett.

- We've got a real situation on our hands.

- Were you just going to leave me in the hall

because that was really funny.

That was really fucking funny

- Up we go.

- I need you to be very, very nice to her.

And tell me that you love me a lot.

- You want me to be, to tell you I love you a lot,

like a lot of times, or like?

- Both, I want you to tell me you love me a lot.

- Oh both?

- Many times.

- Okay, tell you I love you a lot, a lot of times.

- Yes.

- I can do that.

- Okay.

- I thought you said we were just coming

to pick up your stuff.

- I think she's very ugly

- This is so weird.

So, let me get a look at you.

- I really don't feel well Garrett

- Is this your friend?

We're lovers, actually.

- I have, like, a serious tickle in my throat.

- Yeah, we're married.

I mean not technically,

not legally, but

- We don't really believe in laws anyways.

- Is this your daughter?

- Uh huh, this is Caroly.

- Caroly?

That's a very nice name.

- She's a really big bitch, too.

- No she's not.

- Yes she is.

- That's why she acts like that.

- She's awful.

- Colby, this is Gabi, that's Caroly,

and this is, I'm sorry.

- Dory.

- Dory and Colby.

It's weird, all your names rhyme

- I really don't feel well.

I think it's because I need to eat something.

- So eat.

Go eat food.

There's a room in there, the kitchen,

inside which is a refrigerator and cabinets,

inside which I'm sure you'll find some food.

It's not my house.

- I give you my permission

- It's not your house.

- It's okay, go, eat, mange.

And will you bring me a beer please?

Do you guys want anything?

Three beers please.

- It's actually very normal, as I'm sure you know, in Japan.

It's the standard.

So, we can man up and sit on the floor.

No, I'm kidding, I don't care.

- I don't know if I'm actually going to sit

on the floor for this dinner.

- It's better for your organs, I'm telling you.

- I'm going to try it.

- The hero of the group.

- This is nice.

- It's not so bad.

- How is this, is this okay?

- It's a little eggplant heavy.

- Well, we made this together.

- That depends.

If it's good, she made it.

If it's bad, I made it.

- If it's decent?

- If it's decent we both made it.

- Sam has been giving me cooking lessons.

- Okay, so from the look on, on, on Phil's face,

it looks like you need to find a new instructor.

- I think you should use your own instincts.

- Let's not eat this.

I'm perfectly happy to get us take-out.

- Honey, it's fine.

- It's fine.

- Honestly though, it's not even.

- We're teasing you.

- They only have string cheese.

- So eat it.

- Yeah, I am.

It's not enough, okay?

I'm hypoglycemic so it's like medically bad

for me to skip meals.

- Could you get me a bottle opener, sweetie?

These are, the sooner you get me a bottle opener,

the sooner I drink the beer,

the sooner we can go to your birthday party, dinner party.

- The party's over, Garrett.

I really want to go home, Garrett.

- You want to go home?

- Yeah, I really don't feel well.

- You don't feel well.

- No.

Are you fucking deaf, Garrett?

I want to go home.

- I'll tell you what,

if you'll please get me a bottle opener,

then I'll drink my beer and we can talk, okay?

- You're just going to hurt it.

- No I'm not.

- You are.

You hate this thing.

I don't trust you,

I don't trust you.

- No, I love her so much, I just wanna hold it.

- You're gonna, don't kill her.

- I'd never kill her in a million years.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I really don't feel well, Garrett,

I really want to go home.

Garrett!

- Maybe you should take her home.

- You think?

- Fuck you, fuck you!

Okay?

You are such a fucking dick, do you know that?

I do not ever want to see your face again,

not even to pick up your shit

because I am going to go home

and throw it all out the fucking window.

And you two can suck my dick.

- Sorry.

- I didn't mean to ask you another personal question

about this place, but do you rent or do you own?

- Phil, Phil.

- I don't live here.

- What?

I'm not trying, I'm just trying to size up the apartment.

- He's obsessed with real estate.

- I'm not obsessed.

It's my job.

- It's fine, really.

Um, I do own, uh actually, well, my family does.

It's sort of, more of a, um, like

an investment situation, so.

- Okay.

- It's fine.

- That wasn't too painful.

- What, so you, you're just visiting?

- Uh, uh yeah I'm staying here for the summer.

- Really?

That's cool.

What are you going to do, you're just hanging out or?

- Uh, we're going to be making some art.

And maybe I'm going to get a job.

- Art.

What kind of art?

- We're like post-fluxus feminists.

- Post-fluxus feminists.

- Post-fluxus feminist art.

- Wait, so you're like a team?

You're a husband and wife team?

Who's the husband?

I bet you are, right?

- What makes you say that?

- How'd you guess?

- Yeah, how'd you know?

- Wait, how old are you?

- I'm 20.

- You?

- 22.

- An older woman.

- That's right.

- You guys aren't really married, are you?

- Yeah.

- Liars, you fucking liars.

I knew that you weren't.

- We aren't married because you're not allowed

to be married here.

- Charles.

- Charles.

- How you doin' buddy?

- That's a big, big bear.

- Hi.

I don't know if you should.

- He's a really amazing guy when you get to know him.

- Charles, listen to this: "The world is my representation.

"This is a truth valid with reference to every living

"and knowing being, although man alone can bring

"it into reflective, abstract consciousness."

- Schopenhauer.

- Very good.

- Also very good.

- Seriously dude?

- Seriously what?

What, I'm not supposed to look at a nubile young woman

who approaches me wearing nothing

but a towel over her freshly showered body?

- Hey, Charles.

- Charles.

- Charles.

Hey Charles!

It's coming to get you.

Oh my god, it's going to eat you.

Holy shit.

Fuck.

Fucking awesome.

- Okay, first of all why are you flashing Charles?

And why are you even here?

- What the fuck, I called you

like 50 fucking times last night for you to come pick me up.

How many fucking times do I have to remind you

in a week that I'm coming on a specific day

and that you're supposed to pick me up at a specific time?

It's really fucking lame.

- Look, my phone battery won't hold a charge.

- You could've done a million things though.

You could've called me from Madeline's phone

or you could've called mom and dad.

You didn't have to fucking not be there, okay?

- Alright, shut the fuck up.

- Don't fucking yell.

- Stop yelling at me!

I am sorry, I didn't get your calls, stop yelling.

- I'm not yelling, you're yelling.

- That's what you do, you bait me into yelling,

and then you're mad at me for yelling.

Now, why were you showing your genitalia to Charles?

- Oh shut the fuck up.

- And why are you scantily clothed in front of these guys?

- Are you serious?

- Yes, I'm serious.

- Oh, I didn't realize that there were people around.

I'm scantily clad, that's fucked up.

I really, if I had known that there were people around,

I wouldn't be so scantily clad.

- So that's why I'm scantily clad.

- Alright, alright, cmon now, please,

Jesus Garrett stop looking at her.

Jesus Christ, put on some fucking clothes.

- Fucking Jesus Christ.

- It's not funny, man.

- I'm sorry.

Hey man, how are you?

- How you doin?

- Pretty good.

- Good to have you back with us.

- I'm just here, for like, you know, like a week.

10 days or something like that.

- Okay, I'm just going to go.

It's alright Charles, she's left the room.

- Is that your rat?

- She's not a rat, she's a hamster.

- It's an interesting smell that rat has, is it yours?

- I hate when you pretend not to know Carolly,

you've met her like five fucking times.

- Hey.

- What?

- I'm sorry that I forgot, okay?

- I don't care.

- I remember you came in early because you wanted

to have a picnic, I remember it all now,

it's all coming back to me in a flash.

So we'll have a picnic today, okay?

- No, I don't think it's very nice that you just were

with Madeline and forgot about me,

and now you've ruined the picnic.

- I didn't forget about you because I was with Madeline,

I forgot about you because I'm an idiot.

Totally.

So we'll go for a picnic today, okay?

I'm just gonna play ball for a couple hours.

- Well.

But, could it just be you and me please?

- Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

You and me.

Picnic.

It's gonna be the best fucking picnic in the world.

There's gonna be a little basket,

there's gonna be cheese and jam preserves.

Alright?

Okay.

Okay, so here it goes: story with the most shevens.

- Oh no, I have a question.

- No, here I go, I got it.

I'm starting my story with the most shevens.

- Story with the most shevens.

- Sheven days ago, I went into a sheven-eleven.

I had ordered sheven shlurpees, shrawberry flavored

with shyrup.

- Oh, I'd have shtrawberries, I'd have shtrawberry.

- I'd have shtrawberry flavored shlurpee with sheven-

- Sheven shrawberry flavored shlurpees

with sheven different things,

like sheven shrawberry flavored shlurpees,

sheven shraws, twenty-sheven cups.

- Sho, kiddo.

How you doin?

How's everything at home?

- Mom's been sleeping in my bed, and dad won't move out.

- I know, he told me that.

- He wants me to meet her.

Um, which is annoying.

And he keeps telling me that if I can't accept her

as part of his life,

then I can't have a relationship with him.

Which is also annoying.

- You could make a case for him, but.

- I would rather you didn't.

- You don't want me to make a case for him.

You want me to be like one of the girls

and be like, "Totally! Just vent!"

But sheriously, you should understand his point of view.

- How come?

- I'm just kidding.

- You wouldn't do that.

- I mean you should, but I wouldn't tell anyone about that.

- No one normal would do that.

- Hey you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Younger than Jesus.

What?

- Oh yeah, it's so random.

- It is not, it's amazing.

- Oh thank you.

- Hi.

- Oh, so Franny this is Sam's sister Gabi.

She's an artist as well.

- Nice to meet you.

Anti-artist.

- Madeline was telling me that you're looking

to work at a gallery.

- Thank you.

- If you like, I could probably, you know Astrid?

- Uh, tall, pretty?

- Yeah, she's um.

- What?

I just, I know Astrid.

She's ugly.

She's disgusting.

She makes me want to puke!

- You know Sebastian?

- Mead?

Yeah, yeah.

I've hung, well I hung the Schitzhu show

there most recently.

- Oh, well she's managing that gallery,

so I don't know how much it would pay, but.

- I mean, it's okay.

I don't really believe in the gallery system,

so, I don't know.

I wouldn't want you to waste the favor, but thank you.

- What are you saying?

Don't listen to her.

She's like...

- I just think it's really lame the way art

and life are like separate.

I don't know, like if you hang art in a gallery,

then you're only allowing rich people to see it

and buy it and own it, and you're kind of feeding

into this bourgeois myth that art

and life are two separate things.

- I, um, think she's joking.

She must be joking.

She's trying to be provocative.

- Uh, no I'm not.

I just think that like creativity should be an approach

to existence, not like a rarefied, commodified.

Um, is there any alcohol at this party?

- Yeah, it's in the corner.

- She's like.

- So cute.

- She's at Oberlin, she's like reading Guy Debord

and like she's in this whole, like, situationist kick.

She doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about, okay?

- But you understand.

- If you could get her.

Yeah, you know, I've been there.

But if you could get her a job, I mean an interview,

or a job with Astrid, that would be.

- I don't know, I mean, she doesn't seem interested.

- I'll make her interested.

I'll make sure she's interested.

- Listen, uh, Olivia Surrell,

she's a curator who basically got me

into "Younger than Jesus," she loves me for some reason,

god I don't know why.

But anyway, she's looking to fill a few more slots.

I thought if you were open to it then.

- Nah, I'll pass.

I'm fucking, of course I'm open to it!

I'm totally, completely, that was a bad joke.

Thank you.

You're like fucking Santa Claus today.

- Oh that's okay.

You know, I'll be in the neighborhood.

I'm showing her a couple of.

- Yeah, call me and we'll set it up.

I mean, just whenever you want, I'll be there.

That's what I mean.

- That story is amazing every single time.

- Hi.

- I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.

- You're supposed to feel like you really,

really want to smoke some marijuana.

- Easy there, tiger.

- Cheetah.

- Cheetah.

- Um, this is Max and he climbed a mountain.

- That is true.

- Hi, I'm Sam and I, like, barely get out of bed.

- Sam.

- Okay, so my most embarrassing sexual experience

was I was having sex with this guy

I had been sleeping with for a while,

and, like, I wanted him to tie me up.

- Okay, yeah, no no I'd rather go home with you,

but I have to, I really fucked up today with her today,

and it's kind of, like, a vulnerable time for her and stuff.

I really feel like I should just, like,

have some QT with Gabi, if that's cool.

- Okay.

- Sam, Sam?

Come back.

- We're just talking.

- Okay.

Uh, anyway, then I...

- Are we okay?

Is everything okay?

- Everything's fine.

Don't worry about it.

Have fun with your sister.

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Yeah I was like searching for the condom everywhere,

and I couldn't find it.

- Come here.

What?

- Did you smoke pot?

- No.

Yes, yes, I did.

No.

- It's okay, you don't have to lie to me about it.

- I didn't lie, I tried,

I started to lie, and then I took back the lie.

- No, no, no, no.

I woke up like three days later and I rolled over

and the condom was, like, there, dried up in my bed.

- Hey, come here.

- Hey guys.

- What's your most embarrassing sex story?

- Oh jeez, that's what you were talking about?

What you guys all told yours

and I just have to come in and tell mine?

- He's ready, he's got one.

- It came right to my mind.

- Hi, wow.

Hey.

Wow, what are you doing here?

- I, I thought you were in San Francisco.

- I was, I was.

I'm not anymore.

It's so weird that I'm seeing you,

because I was just thinking about you.

Actually I was thinking about your paintings.

Are you still painting?

- Yeah, everyday.

Not today, obviously, but.

- Not yesterday.

- Not yesterday.

But most days, yes.

- So, are, are you, um, are you working or?

- She just got her Masters, actually.

- Oh, I didn't even know you finished undergrad.

That's uh, that's uh.

What do you do?

- Some art therapy.

So I work with kids in, like, a school.

- That's great, kids, that's great.

That's amazing, yeah.

- Let me help you.

- You still hate kids?

- Oh, hate's a strong word.

That's, uh, I don't hate them.

You still carry a lighter around, that's really funny.

You still carry a flask around?

- Sometimes.

- What about you, what are you up to?

- Um, I'm working with Jorzo Jepasse.

Anyways, he's opening this quasi bed and breakfast,

art space called Museum.

Really, really amazing space in Long Island City,

which reminds me why I was thinking of you,

we're coming back around.

Do you still have the same email address?

- Um, yeah, you know what I've never changed

my email address, so yeah.

- Okay, well I'll email you the details.

We're looking for artists to fill the space up

and decorate it and stuff, so maybe sell some paintings.

- Cool.

- So, what is that?

- What?

Oh, I don't know what she's, the shirt.

- I like this material, this is really lovely.

You are so pretty.

- Thank you.

- I have a million things to do.

- Yeah, we gotta go too.

- Good seeing you.

- He sent you post-cards?

- Yes and I was like convinced, convinced,

convinced that he was going to come to North Hampton

and take me to my senior prom,

and I could prove to all the guys

who didn't like me that I could get.

- Some creepy old guy to take you to prom?

What did the post-cards say?

- Um, all sorts of things.

He would, like, talk about his time in Alaska, or,

I don't know he'd just be like,

"I wish you'd get out of High School,

"it's going to be so much better."

- He seems nice.

Yeah, he's fun.

I like him.

- He stares a lot.

- Oh, he does that to you too?

- No I meant he stares at you.

I caught him looking at you when you weren't looking.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Also, he just stares at lots of stuff.

Like, objects and tables and things in a really creepy way.

But, he definitely looks at you.

There was a glimmer in his eyes.

- Ah, fuck!

Shit!

No, please don't do that.

Please don't tickle me.

If you tickle me, I'll die.

I'm serious.

If you tickle me, I'll die.

- You'll die?

- Yeah.

- I'm warning you, when I want to do something,

it's very hard for me to resist doing it.

I'll just have to start experimenting

and finding out where you're actually most ticklish,

and then I will discover it.

- No, please!

It starts out as laughing, it seriously.

Stop, it seriously seems funny but

then it gets really dark really fast.

I really don't like being tickled.

- Aw, really?

Okay.

You are free to go.

- Thank you.

- But if you wake me up again,

I will not show you so much mercy.

- Hi.

- Hey.

How are you doing?

Sorry that I hit you in the head.

What we're doing is, each room has a specific feeling

and so we're matching rooms with artists,

and those artists get to design

and come up with the concepts, for example.

- I like this one.

- It sounds cool, thanks.

- Do you have a gallery?

- Um, like, one that represents me, like, consistently?

- Yeah.

- Uh, no.

Um, but I was just in a group show at

this place called Lila Huffner, it's like a new,

it's in the lower east side.

- Cool.

- When the visitors come, we want them to feel like

they're immersed in New York art culture,

so they're not feeling like they have to search it out,

or are out of the loop or whatever.

It's all there when they come.

- I really like the sketches.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

Hey, what if we did like a whole wall,

just mini sketches like a Museo Picasso Milaga?

I mean the black and white stuff

that you're showing us is really cool.

No, wait a minute, no no no, wow.

What's this one?

Yeah I'm in.

I really like the way you use color.

- One room, one artist.

That's theme.

Let's think theme, okay?

- We could just do two rooms for me

and that would settle the whole.

- It's your money.

- You met this guy in San Francisco?

- Yeah.

- Well, he seems nice.

- He is.

He's nice.

- The dude.

His name was, literally his name was like Yugi.

Yugi Zooba.

- I think they were a couple.

They were.

- Like they were dating?

- Yes, but I didn't really have a chance to talk

to her too much, so I don't really know.

I wasn't alone with her.

- You were there for like an hour.

- Really?

I think, I feel like I was there for 40 minutes.

- Well, no, I mean you called me at, like,

7:15 when you were going in,

and then you came home and you called me again at like nine.

So, that's like, what?

An hour and a half.

- Alright, then.

Well that settles that.

So you were timing the thing?

You were sitting here like.

- No, but I did notice the time when you called.

Well I think it's great.

I think it's great they're going to buy a painting.

- Well, Chelsea was talking about how she had,

like, complete, like, total mind control over this guy.

- Wow.

- You know how she is, but that's what she said.

- Did she say that in front of him, or?

No, Madeline, she didn't say that in front of him,

because that's when I was with her alone.

Which is fine, it's just that you didn't.

- I was alone with her for like a second

cause we were fucking.

You realize that's a joke, right?

That was a.

- You realize that's not really that funny, right?

- Sweetie, look.

We really, we didn't fuck.

She just gave me a blowjob, so you can just.

Really?

It's a storm out.

Madeline?

Madeline.

Madeline.

Um.

- Where are you going?

- I'm taking off.

I don't want to sit, you know, I don't want to sit here.

- Why?

Please, just hold on a second.

- And have a scene.

I'm exhausted.

I want to go to sleep.

- Well you shouldn't have said that then.

- And you're crying over nothing.

- Wait.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I don't want you to go, I don't want you to go.

- Well obviously I can't go.

Look at the way you've got me.

You've got me completely in your clutches, I feel like.

That was a bad joke.

That was a very, that was an evil joke.

- I didn't care for that joke.

I think it's great that they want to buy your painting.

- Yeah.

- What are they, what are they going to give you for it?

- They asked me for a quote, and I, off the top of my head,

they want four paintings and off the top of my head

I was like 2000 each.

I think it was too low.

- What if I gave you five?

- So that was a joke, right?

- No, I'm serious.

Seriously though, what's the difference.

If you're talking to her just because you want money,

why can't I buy the painting?

- I think the difference is pretty obvious.

Okay, listen.

If you don't want me to, if you don't want me

to work with Chelsea, I won't work with Chelsea.

- That's not fair, Sam.

Don't do that to me.

You said it was about money, what's the difference?

- If you don't want me to sell the paintings, then I won't.

- No.

Well I just want the paintings.

I want 'em.

- You can have them, okay?

You can have them.

For free.

- No, I want to buy them.

- Then I won't deal with them.

- That's not-

- If you don't want me to deal with them,

I won't deal with them.

That's that.

I won't deal with them.

Okay?

We done?

Tear time over?

- I'm tired.

- It's a little expensive.

I gotta take a few more trips, but I think it's worth it.

- Get it out, and do not call me again.

So sorry.

He's such a fucking asshole.

Please, continue.

- Okay, I was just talking, was I like,

I was just saying that I start with an idea, right?

- Yeah.

- Obviously, I mean I start with an idea.

But like, a specific idea.

Like this one.

- Like a theme?

- Yeah, like a theme.

And then, like, if the canvas tells me something different,

I listen to it.

But like.

- Oh my god, I'm sorry.

I just asked you not to call me again.

You know what?

Your financial problems are not my responsibility.

- Yeah this isn't all my stuff.

I don't even know.

My old canvases are like behind my couch.

I don't know where to put them.

- Sorry.

Yeah, I'm okay.

- You sure?

Should I...

- No, please go on.

- Um, yeah, so anyway, I was trying to deal with, like,

the more beautiful aspects of horrible things.

Like, and in general like a theme for all my stuff is,

like, decay.

- It's interesting. I just thought it was going

to be a bit bigger.

I thought you said that they were bigger.

- Oh, I have, like, I have tons of bigger ones.

They're just, they're all hanging in the Guggenheim,

so we'd have to, we'd just have to hop in a cab and.

- He's kidding.

He's joking.

But this is beautiful.

- They're bigger than they are on the internet.

- I'm sorry.

You know what?

I don't know how you suddenly became the victim here.

You know what?

If I wanted to be somebody's mother,

I'd fucking have a baby, alright?

Get your shit out of my apartment,

and don't call me again.

Just leave me alone!

- I'm, God, I'm sorry.

- Are you sure?

Do you want to step outside for a second?

- No, no.

Let's just continue.

- We don't have to do this now.

- Let's do it now.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I'm just influenced by city walls.

That's all I was saying.

There's like a nostalgic quality to the different layers.

Like you know, two weeks ago somebody lost their dog,

you know?

And then like on top of that is like a poster

for the concert that happened.

- Sorry, I cannot listen to this bullshit right now.

I just, I can't, I can't.

- I'm sorry.

I gotta go.

I'll call you.

- Left hand, yellow, please.

Right hand, blue.

Hey, buddy.

- Hey.

- You have to get naked, like the rest of us.

- Okay Gabi.

So, next time you're going to have like a midday orgy,

I think you should probably notify me

a little bit in advance.

Just give me the heads up.

And please, please take this rodent from me.

Just, there's like shit in there, and weird corn,

I don't know.

- Seriously, Sam, it's fucking naked day.

You have to take off your clothes.

If you don't take off your clothes, the world might not be.

- What happened here, did you eat my rice and seriously?

- Sam, seriously.

I'm being serious, I'm asking you to just participate.

- Seriously, are you seriously saying that?

I don't want to do that.

- Sam, please.

- Garrett!

Oh jeez, I just caught a glimpse.

- What, dude?

- Really naked.

- Sam, it's naked day.

That's the fucking point.

Get comfortable with it.

Take off your stupid jacket!

- Stop.

I'll do it if you stop touching me.

- Really?

Promise?

- And why are you so angry?

What are they teaching you at Oberlin?

Don't touch me, I'm going to take off my clothes.

Stop touching me.

- I'll see it when I believe it.

- Just cause you're naked by the way, doesn't make it art.

I'm just going to go ahead and say that.

Your finger is too close to me.

- Oh, relax dude.

- Everybody's on top of me

- You ready for this?

You ready for this?

- I don't know, let me see your pussy.

- Right hand yellow.

- Sam, come back.

Sam?

Where you going?

- I have to.

- Take off your clothes.

- I have to meet somebody.

- No, you were making progress.

Mom and Dad are going to be really proud.

- Mom and Dad?

What are you talking about?

Alright, I'm going to need you to give me my shirt back.

- I have your shirt.

You're not going to get it.

I have your shirt.

- Just give it to me.

Give me my fucking shirt, seriously.

- No, no.

- No, no no no.

Don't put it there, don't put it there.

No, don't put it there.

Don't do that.

Stop it, are you fucking out of your mind?

- Wash it, wash it, wash it, wash it.

- So I get it now.

You want me to paint smallpox hospitals

with nature coming through.

- Well, no.

I was thinking that you would look at it

and then interpret it and then process the feeling of it.

- Yeah, okay, I'll... thank you.

Thanks.

This has been great.

So, so, are we done?

Is that?

- I'm exhausted.

- Can't your boyfriend give you a day off?

Do you live with that guy?

What's his face?

- Jorzo.

- What?

What's his face?

- Jorzo.

- Like the pasta?

- Like the pasta.

- Got it forever now.

- Silent J.

- Jorzo.

Jorzo.

Sounds like an Eastern European superhero or something.

- You live with him?

- No.

You're making me feel slightly dumb right now.

- I'm making you feel dumb?

That's a first.

What do you want me to do?

Do you want me to tell some poop jokes, or?

- You could hug me.

Now that wasn't so nice.

I guess it's different when you ask for it.

It's okay.

I was going to call you.

Well not for work stuff, but I didn't know

if you'd talk to me.

I missed you sometimes.

- C'mon man.

This is natural.

This is how people were designed to eat.

Okay, you're supposed to know the face of the animal

that you're taking.

We're all so disconnected, you know?

Where have you been for the last 10 years?

This world is going to hell.

- Did you do this?

Did you make him this, like, political monster?

- You know what?

Sometime something is going to happen to you.

Some event, some life altering event and you're going

to look at the world a little bit more differently, okay?

You're going to want to try to prepare the next generation.

Alright?

You'll feel differently when you have

a little Daniel or Daniela on the way.

- What?

- Steve is pregnant.

- Surprise!

- What?

- I'm sorry, sweetie.

- Surprise!

- What?

- It made a really good point, though.

- You're not joking?

- No

- Holy, are you kidding?

You're serious?

- So serious.

- This is, holy shit.

- Yeah.

- You dog!

You fucking.

- Thanks dude.

- Mazel tov, man!

- Thanks dude, thanks.

- You did it, I can't believe you did it.

I would've thought your sperm would've been all.

- You would know, you would know.

- She must have a super womb.

Watch the hands, I'm going to hug you.

- She does have a super womb, actually.

- Congratulations, that's wonderful.

- Thank you.

- Are you listening to this?

I like you a lot better now.

- I want to know where you, listen to me,

I want you to look me in my face

and I want you to tell me what happened last night.

- I don't have anything new to report.

- You know what, I'm a little bit smarter

than you think I am.

- My cell phone died, okay.

My battery won't hold a charge, as you know.

Last night, I worked late.

I fell asleep in my studio.

- At no point did you think,

"Maybe I should call Madeline?

"Maybe she's worried about me."?

You couldn't go outside of your fucking studio

to a payphone and call me?

- Honestly, I never committed your number to memory.

I know it's hard to believe.

- It's not hard to believe, actually.

That's the first thing you've said tonight that I believe.

You're doing this to me.

You are turning me into a fucking detective.

You're lying to me, and you are not even very good at it.

- You're creating a story, okay?

You're creating a story because this is what you want

to be doing right now.

You want to be fighting with me

because you don't want to let me in,

so you're just creating this crazy paranoid narrative

about Chelsea.

- You have no understanding, do you know that?

And you know why?

Because there isn't a, listen to me,

there is no way that I could reverse

the situation right now

and make you understand how it feels.

I have no Chelsea.

There's no way that anyone

that I have ever loved would ever walk back into my life.

I'm giving, look at me, I'm giving you

an opportunity right now to live with me and be in love,

and you don't have to worry about money.

You can just do your art and we can just raise children

and be together and be happy.

- This is fucking embarrassing.

We're at these people's homes, who,

they like met yesterday and they're meant for each other?

They're just together and there's

a fucking human being growing inside of her body?

- These people, this is not normal.

These two, they're, I mean, were you ready

to marry me after three weeks?

- Yes Sam, I was.

- Well you really don't seem ready right now.

What are you doing?

Where are you going?

- Has anyone heard of Gabi?

She likes her men really flabby.

When a hard body passes, she takes off her glasses and says,

"I can't even see that kind of body."

- What, that doesn't even rhyme

- Dory, do you have the camera?

- No, I left it on your bed.

Hi.

- What's this?

What is this?

- Art.

- Art.

I'm sorry.

That should have been perfectly obvious.

- Yeah, Dory and Garrett are going

to lick whipped cream off my body.

- Is that right?

Garrett?

Garrett's gonna do that?

You're going to lick, uh, whipped cream off my sister, man?

- Um, probably not now that you're here.

- Yeah.

What if I wasn't here?

That was your idea?

- That wasn't my idea, it was her idea.

I was just doing what she was asking me to do.

I'm, like, helping out with her art project.

I'm not, I'm not like, I didn't sign on.

- Yeah.

What are you?

Like the master patriarch gets to say who licks

what off of whose body?

Like I wanted him to do this.

- Yeah that's me.

I'm the master patriarch of, of the apartment.

Actually, you know what?

I am the fucking master patriarch of this house, okay?

Because I pay the rent around here.

- You're making me fucking melt.

You're ruining my art project!

Like, you don't get to say what I do just

because you pay rent that means automatically

you own my body and you own my art?

That's fucking lame.

- Will you come here and lick it off of me?

That would be really provocative

- That would be.

That would be totally provocative.

That might change the world, actually.

That might really fucking change things.

But you know what?

I'm just a cynical fuck,

and I want to keep the world dark and depressing,

so I'm going to skip that.

Alright?

You have a job interview tomorrow, I set it up for you.

You think this is a fucking comic.

Alright, look.

You better go to that fucking interview

cause I can't afford the rent without you getting a job.

- Okay, I'll go.

- Okay.

- Keep going.

- You want me to.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it all fell off.

- Aight.

Hold your arm out.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- How are you?

- How are you?

- I'm well.

- I'm well.

- Come on in.

Come on in.

- So, um, you're a friend of Franny's?

- So you're a friend of Franny's.

- So, what makes you want to work in a gallery?

- So what makes you want to work in a gallery.

- So, have you worked in the art world before?

- Okay, um, so have you worked in the art world before?

- Okay, it's not my interview,

it's not me who's looking for a job.

- Okay, it's not my interview,

it's not me who's looking for a job.

- So whenever you're ready to let this little game go

- So whenever you're ready to let this little game go.

- Okay, alright.

It's been nice meeting you,

but this isn't going to work out.

- It's been nice meeting you,

but this is not going to work, is it?

- Let's go.

- Let's go.

- No, it's not.

It's my gallery, I'm not leaving, so.

- No, it's not.

It's my gallery and I'm not leaving, so.

- Okay, okay.

Alright

Please.

- Please.

- Honestly, please step away from the door.

- Honestly, please step away from the door.

- I really, I, I'm not enjoying this

- I really, I, I'm not enjoying this

- I don't feel comfortable with this.

- I don't feel comfortable with this.

- Please, I really would appreciate it.

- Please, I really would appreciate it.

- Okay

- Okay.

- Sorry

- Look at me.

Look.

- I can't.

- Yes you can.

- You are so cute.

- You okay?

- Yeah.

- You want me to stop?

- Uh uh, no.

- You sure?

- I can.

- Stop, stop.

I'm sorry, stop.

- You have to do it sometime.

Might as well be now, we're this close.

- You okay?

You okay?

I think maybe you were not entirely honest with me.

- You weren't either.

- How?

- Well, it was obvious you were a virgin.

It was really awkward and I don't want that responsibility.

- So, you're okay, though?

You feel okay?

- Yeah, it's like pretty crazy, like, um,

it's like this really weird thing where like all of

a sudden all of the colors in the room are like brighter

and more vibrant, and like my entire outlook

on life has completely changed.

You're, like, a lot, a lot, a lot hairier than Sam.

- Yeah.

- I think we're gonna have four babies, or maybe five.

Probably five.

And, uh, we're going to have a really really big wedding.

- I...

- What?

It's true.

- I thought you were going to say that we're going

to have a really, really big baby.

- I think that monogamy is really stupid.

- Word.

- Word.

So you don't have anything to worry about.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- First I went a little shallow, a little bit like that

and then I just did one really big thrust.

- And then he goes to the store,

and he goes in this little deli, and he's buying a sandwich.

So of course I have to go in and you know.

- Then she fucking came like you wouldn't believe it.

She was moaning like a fucking crazy woman.

- Derek Jeter.

- No you did not.

- Yes, Derek Jeter, I swear.

- I think she might have been an amateur porn celebrity.

- I couldn't even buy a soda.

- Yeah, what is he like?

- Something that bleeds for seven days

and doesn't die, right?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Guess what?

- What?

- I lost my virginity.

- When?

- Last night.

- You did?

I'm just kidding.

- How was it?

- Um, it hurt a lot, but.

- Where is Sam?

Where's Sam?

- I don't know, I think he's out of town?

- Okay, since when?

- Yesterday.

- Hey.

How's it going?

- Hi.

I was wondering if we could call Sam?

- Yeah, sure.

- Because I cant,

my cell phone's not working,

cause my fucking phone is broken.

It's okay Garrett, that's my shit.

Just, it's.

- Yeah, I'm sorry, I just assumed you were with him.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Hey, did he mention that?

- No, I just assumed.

Hey, Sam?

It's Gabi.

I need you to call me back.

- Hey, this is my shit, Garrett.

It's my shit.

- Whoa, I was just trying to help you pick it up.

- Yeah, it's not your fucking shit.

- He said he was coming back tomorrow morning.

- Okay, so, um.

Oh fuck.

Does that mean he's coming back here,

or he's coming tomorrow here?

- He'll probably be coming back here.

- Here?

Tomorrow morning.

- Probably.

Hey, you okay?

- Fuck off, Charles.

So he didn't mention anything about anything?

- Um, well he said he was coming back tomorrow morning?

- So does that mean that he's coming back, um,

so he's probably coming back here tomorrow, right?

I'm sorry.

Did, he mention anything about anything?

- I don't know what that means.

- Right.

- Hey.

- I have no fucking idea where Sam is

and he hasn't called me for one fucking week.

And I would like to know the last time that you

and you saw Sam!

That's okay.

Don't answer that.

Well... fucking shit.

That's broken.

Give me a fucking break, Charles!

Give me a fucking break.

- I don't think that's such a good idea.

- I don't think that's a good idea.

- No, I don't.

- When was the last time that you saw Sam?

- Madeline, we're telling you everything we know.

- Yeah, well, I'm talking to Charles right now!

- Okay, but we're just trying to help you.

- You're laughing at me!

I mean, you're being really vague, like.

- I'm sorry, really, honestly?

I'm being vague?

- I mean I asked you what.

- This is vague?

Do you find this vague?

- You said,

"Do you know anything about anything?"

I don't know what that means.

- Just get the fuck out of my way, Charles!

Wow, woo!

I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.

I don't think you're stupid,

I just want to know if you know anything about Sam and I,

and I want to know if you know why

I might be so upset, right now, you know?

- I don't know, but why don't you tell me what's happening?

- I can't, I can't.

- I'm really hungry.

- 16 or something?

- 16?

- Don't worry about it.

- There's lumps.

- There's supposed to be lumps.

- Uh uh, smooth batter!

- Take a deep breath.

You breathed out!

Inspire.

Give me some butter.

- Do you want some pancakes?

- Um, no, I'm not that hungry right now.

- Will you watch this?

Just sort of let it sit there.

- Is this your water?

Can I have it?

- Yeah.

- Here, will you watch this for a second?

I'm going to go void my bowels.

Thank you.

- Have, have you seen Chelsea recently?

- No, I haven't seen her in years and years.

- But did you know that she was buying Sam's paintings?

- Someone's buying Sam's paintings?

- Did you know that he was fucking her again?

- Why do you think that?

- Because your brother is a fucking bad liar,

and um, I just know it.

- I don't think he would do that.

- I'm not ignoring, I know that I hurt you, you know?

- No, what are you talking about?

No, I do remember that, because I wept everyday

for six months.

And I felt like, I felt like I had been destroyed,

basically.

And I never wanted to get out of bed,

and I didn't want to brush my teeth, or shower,

or shave, or ever see another human being ever again.

But, you know, forget it, whatever.

Made a man out of me.

- Well, if it makes you feel any better,

I wasn't exactly living the high life

for the past three years.

- Why would that make me feel better?

It does.

- No, see, it was hard on me too.

I didn't leave you because I didn't love you.

I'm just so past my prime, I can't even.

- You're not past your prime.

- Yes.

- You're in the thick of your prime.

- No, I'm past, I'm, I look really bad.

It's from stress, I have not aged as well as Madeline has,

she looks really great, actually.

I thought she'd be dead by now, she looks.

- I think you're really beautiful.

I think you're still really beautiful.

I think you're more beautiful than you ever were.

- You have gray in your beard, you know?

Does that make you upset at all?

No?

Just makes me want to run away and do something simple,

you know, just, just run away.

You want to run away?

- Sounds good.

Sign me up.

- You want to go again?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna win this time.

I figured it out.

- You figured it out?

- Mhm, yeah.

- You really think you figured it out?

Then let's put something on the line.

If I win, then you give me a rim job.

And if you win, I give you a rim job.

Have you ever had a rim job?

- No.

- Do you know what a rim job is?

- I think so.

It's when you lick someone's butt, right?

- It's when you lick their asshole.

- Yeah

- Yeah, it's good.

It is good.

- I really don't want to do this.

- Yes you do.

Don't worry, it's kind of a win/win situation for you.

- Is it?

Okay.

Oh.

- Oh, you get your tongue ready for a rim job.

- Look, we'll start upstairs and then we'll move downstairs.

Seriously.

We'll start upstairs.

See, that's easy.

Upstairs is easy, right?

But now we'll start moving downstairs.

Start moving downstairs.

Can you imagine if, can you imagine if,

if Sam walked in and you had your tongue in my asshole?

- Ew!

- I'm the man of the house now,

you should do what I tell you to do.

- Oh yeah?

- Fucking right.

- How?

- But, but I'm a feminist!

Even feminists lose bets!

You're like, wearing the universe between your legs

like a galaxy falling, no, you move like that

and it ruins the illusion.

- Muchacho.

Hey man.

- Hey.

Weirdest thing happened to me.

- What?

- I walked into the house and the smell,

I smelled weed and I was like, whoa!

What the fuck's going on here?

Maybe Garrett and Gabi and Charles might be smoking weed?

It was really weird cause you guys never do that,

so I was like totally shocked.

- You want some?

- No.

Thank you, though.

Appreciate it.

Um, I just, Gabi, I just got a quick question for ya.

How's that job search going?

- Oh, I got a job.

- Really?

You have a job?

- Yeah.

- Alright well what job is that?

- Artist?

- Artist?

What about gallery employee?

'Cause I spoke to my friend Franny a couple days ago.

- Oh, yeah, no.

That interview went really, really well.

Basically, the lady hired me, but I didn't,

I said I had to talk to my agent.

- Garrett.

Why don't you stick around, man.

I have, I think maybe what we need to do

is form a bit of a think tank.

- I, I thought you were trying

to talk something out with Gabi.

- I was, I am.

But I would really, actually appreciate your feedback.

I think, you know, the more the merrier.

We should, we really need to brainstorm

about how the fuck we're gonna make rent this month.

I think if we all put our heads together,

maybe we could come up with a solution.

Alright?

Because you already owe me for last month.

So I'm wondering if you were having any ideas about that?

- I do, I do. Talk to dad.

'Cause it's not my fault that dad is too busy paying

for his fucking slut, and like not giving you

the money that he'd said he'd give you.

Like, it has nothing to do with me.

- Okay, dad never promised to me

that he was paying your rent.

Now I don't know anything about that.

And your problems with dad are really none of my business.

Okay?

What concerns me right now is that we're broke,

we can't pay the rent, we sublet the room to you,

you owe me for last month

and I don't know how we're going to make this month.

You just can't live in New York without a job,

you just, it's just not possible.

- Dude, I'll get a fucking job.

I just don't want to work in a gallery.

Like, I just really, just, that's not what I want to do.

Also, can I just say, for the record,

what I did was fucking amazing.

It was really, seriously the best thing ever.

- Garrett, why are you egging her on?

- I'm not, I'm not egging her on.

- Will you focus on this?

What's going on.

Because I just want, it's just, like,

we're all our own people, and what you do,

what I do, are separate.

It doesn't reflect on you if I do, right?

- Let me tell you something.

It does reflect on me when I send my sister

in to an interview with somebody I've built

a relationship with.

- You're saying this lady, you're saying this lady

is really important, she's like some genius art gallery.

But what she, but she's not, because.

- I never actually said she was a genius art gallery.

I never said that.

- No, because what she doesn't understand is that,

okay what was sitting across from her

was fucking creative genius!

Like, sheer, fucking genius.

She just doesn't fucking get it.

- Garrett.

- Huh, yeah?

- Why are you, what are you doing?

Why are you looking at my sister like that, man?

- I'm not, I.

- How are you looking at me?

- I'm not.

- Yeah, you were looking at her, man.

You were fucking zoning out.

You were zoning out on her crotch.

- No!

- That's what you were doing.

I was watching you.

I was, I was, I'm two feet away.

- No, she's kinda like, the space-time continuum

on her pant legs.

I was getting lost in the stars.

- Garrett, are you fucking my sister, man?

- No dude, what?

- I let you sleep on my, my couch for fucking free

and your form of gratitude is sticking

your fucking dirty-ass cock in my sister?

- It's not, he's not, no he's not fucking me.

- Wow, nah, man.

That's, I'm, I am not, I don't know where

that even comes from.

- Charles, I'm going to ask you.

Do you know anything about this fine romance here?

You fucking listen to it?

You lock yourself in your bedroom and hide, put in earplugs?

Or do you hear them going at it?

- Sam, Sam, Sam, I'm not fucking him,

if you would just listen to me, I'm not fucking him.

- Not only am I not, is she not, getting fucked by me,

but even if she was, Charles wouldn't hear anything

because when I get down, I am a silent fucker.

I'm like, I'm like a navy seal.

- Garrett, that's funny.

Why don't you-

- Are you a silent fucker?

- I think you should probably take that comedy act

on the road, man.

You should take that comedy act on the road,

like right away.

Like this second, you know what I'm saying?

Like maybe you could just split,

and just take your act, and just split.

- No, Sam, shut up.

- I need you to leave.

- Alright, like, presently?

- Like what did I just say, man?

Like right away.

- Ay ay, Captain.

- Hey Charles, you want to help me out a little bit here?

- Charles is having fun.

- Charles and I just don't have money in

the bank to pay the fucking rent.

- Alright.

- Just fucking soak that in.

Will you fucking encourage my sister

to get her act together?

- You know what, I'll get a fucking job, I already said it.

I'll get a fucking job.

I just don't want to work in a stupid,

fucking art gallery that's all the fuck I'm saying.

- Charles, why don't you encourage my sister

to get her fucking shit together immediately,

and encourage Garrett to shack up

with another fucking bimbo, cause you know he could.

- I'm not saying, I'm not, I wasn't saying

that you're a bimbo, that's not what.

- No, no, it was aimed at me.

It was aimed at me.

- It was, indeed it was aimed at him.

- Yeah, I caught that.

- Do you have any idea what this guy's all about?

He has a fucking stable of woman at all times,

which you happen to be one of right now.

Okay?

Which is fucking disgusting to me, okay?

He spends half of his time on the street, alright?

Who knows what kind of street trash his cock

has been inside?

He sleeps with street trash, okay?

- Oh my god, dude, please.

- Dude I don't mean to be a fucking,

I don't want to be a total stick in the mud, but.

Have you been tested recently?

Did you, did you get tested before?

- Dude, I am drug free.

I am std free, my friend.

- You know what?

You're acting, you're acting like dad.

You're just like.

- I'm acting like dad?

I'm acting like dad because

I want to fucking not get evicted!

- Where the fuck have you been,

like where have you been all fucking week?

- You know what, man?

- What have you been doing?

- That has nothing, I'm 30 years old.

I have my own life.

This girl is 20 years old,

she's not even out of college, man.

- You know what, it doesn't matter

because I can live anywhere I want, be it a fucking mansion,

be it a dumpster.

It's all the same to me, alright?

- That's a great skill.

Yeah, that's good.

- So if you want me to get out of here, I'll be gone.

- That's going to serve you well.

- It has served me well, actually.

- Go find a mansion, baby.

Why are you here?

- No, what the fuck.

Just shut up for a second, let me talk to your brother.

- Hey man, don't talk to her that way.

- Fuck you, dude.

Look at the fucking, don't talk to her that way?

You've just been standing there shouting at her.

- I'm her brother, man, who are you?

- I'm nobody, man.

And I'll be gone in a second.

- No, stop!

- I'm satisfied.

I got what I want out of this conversation.

- Oh you know what?

I'm going to go you one better, man.

I've been here, what, Charles, I've been here what?

Be quiet.

I've been here what Charles?

Four or five weeks?

That makes, I've been here four or five weeks,

that's like 35 days.

35 days, a nightly rate for 35 days.

Be quiet!

I will go down to Pianos

and I'll make exactly how ever much money you want me

to make for you.

And I will bring it here, and you will have it

and we can be even, alright?

- Okay, great, wonderful.

- Straight.

- I'll send you the bill, okay?

- Great, okay, so that's on the table.

- Will you just get out of my place please?

- Stop it, you're acting like, no!

Fucking Jesus fucking.

- So I realized that I'm taking

a risk showing you this one first.

It's actually not supposed to be funny,

it is an homage to Gogan.

- I actually really like it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- This one was more, like, supposed to be funny.

Like, like, you see what I mean?

Yeah, yeah.

- A little scatelogical, I don't know if that's.

- No man, it's totally cool.

That's exactly what we're thinking of.

Push the envelope, you know what I'm saying?

Hey, Chels!

Come check this out, this is great.

Hey, remember what we were talking about?

He totally did it and ran with it.

- It's just, it's not that simple ever.

- Well when's it going to be simple, you know what I mean?

- I don't, I don't know.

I mean, there's a lot of money involved, so.

- Yeah but you have a contract with the guy,

so if you have a contract with the guy he's got to pay you.

So what difference does it make if?

- It's just not the right time right now, okay?

It's...

- Look, if you don't want to do it,

just don't tell me you're going to do it.

- I do want to do it.

- I'm not, you don't have to do it.

- I do want to do it.

Look, I do want to do it, okay?

It's just, right now it's awkward,

so, I mean it, okay?

I mean it, I mean it.

Come here.

- Charles?

I want to do a trade with you.

I want an exchange for your yellows,

and I'll give you a green.

So I'm giving you a monopoly and giving you two yellows,

and you're giving me one monopoly,

which is less expensive, and a pink.

- Whoa, that's a bad trade.

Charles, Charles, that's a bad trade.

- Please Saint Charles, please!

What do you think?

Look, ready?

Greens, pink, orange, yellow.

- I'm not sure he's into it.

I'm not sure he's even in reality at this point.

- Who's not in reality?

- If he was, I think he would realize

that we basically already won.

- We make our own reality.

- And then, look, I'll give you this deal

and we'll each give each other two free passes

to the monopoly we're going to get.

- You think the reality is you're going to win this game?

- Yeah, I can feel it.

- Oh, you want the yellow?

- These are commonly understood to be

the worst properties on the board.

- Sold.

- Sold!

- Sold?

- Cheers.

- That's a bad trade.

- It's over.

- You just fucked yourself.

You just fucked yourself.

No, it's not over.

- We just got a monopoly!

A good one too.

- Sam, why didn't you tell me your sister was so cool?

- You didn't tell him I was cool?

- It's sort of a big thing to leave out.

- I'm supposed to just walk around telling everyone

I know that I have a cool sister?

- It slipped your mind?

That I was cool.

- You're seeing now, how cool she is.

I'm sorry I didn't mention your level of coolness.

I apologize.

I am sorry, you are very cool.

And good, that was a good trade.

- He said he had a sister.

- Well, I'm very cool.

But Sam, it's your turn.

You're holding up a whole fucking game, Sam.

- Gabi!

- Chelsea?

- You didn't tell me Gabi was here.

How are you doing?

You look so old!

Make me feel really old.

Oh god.

Charles, happy birthday.

- Thanks, Chelsea.

- I thought you were in San Francisco?

- Yeah, I was.

But now I'm not.

- Oh, well you look good.

- Thanks.

- Yeah, although, maybe overdressed for monopoly.

- Uh, well we're going somewhere after.

- You want some beer?

- Sure.

- This guy doesn't even know what he owns

and he's talking shit and he doesn't even know what he owns.

- I won $150.

- What is this, who's are these?

When did these, when did these hotels?

Who's hotels are these?

- Those are our hotels.

- When did you get, when did you get this monopoly?

- We traded with Charles.

- Again?

What you're just doing secret trades with Charles all night?

You didn't learn your lesson, Charles?

- We're winning.

- Did you announce this trade?

Did I miss it?

- Uh, no, we didn't announce it.

But, then it got, um, leaked on the internet.

So, maybe you read it there?

- Mhm, you know what, it's actually against

the rules to, uh, to do that.

- It's not against the rules.

- Yeah it is, man.

It's bad conduct, Lou.

It's, it's, can I see the rulebook, Charles?

Charles?

- Your brother is the worst monopoly player I've ever seen.

- We don't have the rulebook?

You don't have the rulebook, Charles?

What happened to the rulebook?

This isn't the rulebook.

It's not going to be on this.

Anyway, you know what?

I don't give a shit if it's in the rulebook,

it's just bad like, if you make a,

if you sneak a, a trade it's like cheating.

- That's something you should know a lot about.

- Where you going?

- I'm going to go to the bathroom.

- Okay, Moses, let's hear you're, uh,

let's hear your moral judgement there on me.

What's, what's on your mind?

- I don't know.

Gabi, you want to field that question?

- Uh, yeah.

Hey Sam, guess who was over here drunk last weekend?

- Okay, what do you, what are you saying?

Are you saying that Madeline was here?

She was drunk?

- Yeah.

- Is she alright?

- Not really.

- Okay, what does that mean, "Not really"?

- She's fine.

- Okay, is she fine or is she not fine?

- She's fine.

- So how do you, how do you know that?

- Because I spent some time with her.

- Yeah?

What kind of time?

What kind of time did you spend with her?

- You know, like in the biblical sense?

- No, no, no, you don't need to go.

- I'm going to go.

- Okay, you don't need to do that.

This is going to stop.

- I think Gabi wants me to leave.

- You know what?

Gabi's actually my guest.

And she wants what I want, and I want you to stay.

- Yeah, I want whatever you want, Sam.

So I just want to lick your fucking pussy so bad,

I just want your fucking pussy all over my face,

I want to taste your fucking cunt

and I want your fucking pussy all over my face

because I want whatever Sam wants.

- Okay, are you done now?

- That's classy.

- I just feel like when a friend gets,

like, a new person who's an old person.

- Okay, I can hear you talking about the situation.

- Why don't you just sit down?

- No, I'm not sitting down.

Who are you?

- Oh, I'm Dory.

I was sitting between you and Charles all night long.

- Then why are you adding to the situation?

- That's why we're here.

The whole point is that we're supposed

to be having a birthday party.

- I was here having a birthday party too,

until you all became hostile to me.

- All I'm saying is then sit back down

and start having a birthday party again.

It'll be fine.

- You're slightly creepy.

- You're slightly a bitch, in my personal experience.

- Are you kidding, are you fucking kidding me?

- I can't handle college kids anymore, okay?

- College girls.

- Thanks.

- Whatever.

- Thank you.

- Goodbye.

- Fantastic.

- She's a fucking laugh.

- No, no, no, I'm going to go, okay?

- I don't want to do this, I don't want to be here.

- Alright, you want to go, we'll go.

I'll go get my wallet and we'll.

- I don't want you to go with me.

I don't want you to go with me, okay?

- Why not?

- I just, I don't want to do this.

I'm not here, I'm not.

- What's this?

- Your life, my life, together.

I don't want to do it.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- That's your life sitting in a room

with college girls who talk about pussy and all that stuff.

- That's my sister.

- Yeah, I know.

- My life is not sitting a room with college girls.

- Could you look at me for a second?

- No, I don't want to.

- Why?

- It's just easier when I don't look at you.

- Why can't you look at me?

- Because it's easier when I don't look at you.

- I really, really care about you.

- That's great, okay?

- And I like what's been going on.

- I'm right here.

- I don't want you here, I don't want you here.

I've needed, I don't want you here.

- Again?

You're going to do this to me again?

- Stop playing victims.

- I am the, I'm not playing the victim,

I happen to be the victim.

- No, it's not that simple.

- Fine, you know what?

This is nonsense.

Will you just come here and give me a hug?

This is ridiculous.

- I don't want to touch you.

- Fine, alright.

- Go back in.

- Can I tell you something?

Look at me.

You're a fucking cunt, okay?

Alright?

You want to walk?

Walk.

That's fine.

I'll see ya.

- You and your sister.

- Later.

- You and your sister, cunts and pussies.

- I think we should have costumes for them,

because I don't trust that they'll put very much effort

into their costumes.

Um, but are they going to be in character the whole time?

Okay cool.

And what about judges?

- We need judges.

- So who's going to do it?

- Hey Charles, want to be a judge?

- What about you, stud?

Want to be in, uh, my art project?

- What art project is that?

- Miss Whore America.

- Sounds great, count me in.

- Sam, I'm serious.

It's just, please will you just do me this one favor?

It's just for one day.

- You know, I'm a little busy right now,

I have two jobs and, uh, my own art career to pursue,

so I think I'm gonna.

- Yeah but it's only for one day and then I'm going back

to college and then you'll never see me again

for the rest of your life.

It's on a Sunday.

- What did I just say?

- But it's only, it's just, it's really just for one day.

Please, it's on a Sunday.

And then I'm going back to school,

so you wont even have to deal with me

for the rest of your life.

Please?

- Are you fucking deaf?

What did I just say?

I'm busy.

- You seriously wont do this for me?

You won't do me this one fucking favor?

Like you ruined my entire summer

and then you wont do me this one fucking favor?

Look, if you don't like my ideas that's fine.

You can not like my ideas.

But I don't understand why you just wont help me with this?

- I never said that I don't like your ideas.

- It's obvious you don't like my ideas,

all you've done is shat on my ideas,

and you make fun of me all the fucking time.

Don't look at me like that,

please don't look at me like that.

What the fuck are you doing with yourself?

You're like.

- Why doesn't the 20 year old undergrad

fucking infant inform me about what kind

of art I should be doing?

I appreciate that.

- Look, you know what?

You ruined my entire summer.

I was so excited to come here, all I wanted was

for you to be nice to me, all I wanted was

for you to spend time with me, and all you've done

is be mean to me, all you've done is make fun of me,

all you've done is yelled at me, don't come near me!

Seriously, don't come near me, you're really mean.

- I'm sorry, okay?

- No.

- I'm sorry, come here.

- You're really mean.

- I was mean, I'm sorry.

- You're not sorry.

- I'm sorry, okay?

Come here.

- No.

- Okay, fine.

- What was that?

Sam, what was that?

Sam, you stepped on Carolly.

You crushed Carolly!

She's, she's not moving.

She's not moving.

- I'm sorry.

I want to be with you.

I don't, I don't want what you want.

- You don't.

Please, I really can't, I can't make a scene here.

- Then don't.

- I can't.

- What are you doing?

- I can't, I mean it, I can't.

- No, it's attacking the water buffalo and then,

it like takes it and then an alligator gets

into the mix and, like, attacks the lion

and then this whole.

- Hey.

Good to see you.

Hey Dory.

- Hey Lou.

- Good to see you.

- Nice to see you too.

- You guys want a beer?

- Yes please.

- Thank you.

- So what's up?

- My hamster's really wonked up.

- Wonked up.

What do you mean?

- Sam stepped on her.

- He stepped on your hamster!

- Now she's paralyzed from the neck down.

- She's like breathing all weird,

like and she won't move.

- It's really sad.

- Oh no.

- It's really sad!

- It's really, really sad.

- I don't know what I'm going to do when she goes.

- Lou, dude!

- You guys know each other, right?

- Yeah, hey.

- Hi.

- How's it going?

- Fine, how are you?

- Good.

Hey Dory.

Um, this is Liz.

- Hey.

- This is Gabi and that's Dory.

- How's it going.

- Hey.

- Here's Liz.

They call Liz the red queen

cause she's got crazy red hair.

- Well it's just you, pretty much.

- Um, sorry we can't hang, we gotta go

to this poetry reading thing.

- Okay, yeah, that's cool.

- Good to see you, though, man.

- You too, man.

- Take care.

- You too.

- See you later.

- I want you to fuck me hard, alright?

I want you to fuck me like I'm a little slut.

This pussy's all yours.

Yeah this is yours.

C'mon, fuck me harder.

Fuck me harder!

Fuck me harder!

Why did you stop?

- I don't know.

I don't know if I can do that.

- Do what?

Fuck me?

You don't want to fuck me?

- I want to fuck you.

I wanted to fuck you.

- Okay then fuck me.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Alright, ready?

- Yeah.

- I don't know, I mean, that sounds pretty cool.

It's kind of like a princeton reverb, like a fender.

And like, I found this, I found this in the trash.

- I want you to fuck me harder.

I want you to fuck me harder.

Yeah, fuck me harder, fuck me hard, that's right.

Fuck me harder.

Yeah.

Fuck me harder, yeah, fuck me harder, yeah.

- Ow, ow, stop, stop!

Shit.

- Okay, what is going on?

- Um, I just don't know if I want to do that with you.

- Okay.

But, do you want to have sex with me?

- Yeah, I do.

I do.

- Okay, so then have sex with me.

- It's like the first time we're doing this

and it's sort of an intimate thing.

Maybe next time I could, like, fuck you like a slut.

- No, cause there's not going to be a next time,

I'm going back to school, so if you want to fuck me

now you should just fuck me and not be

a little bitch about it.

- Okay.

- Okay, either do it or don't.

- If that's what you want.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Okay.

- Okay.

That's right, fuck that pussy.

- Fucking want it?

Fine.

- Yeah.

- That's what you want?

Come on, c'mon!

- Ow, fuck!

- Shit, Gabi, are you okay?

- Get off of me, get the fuck off me!

- Okay, alright.

Wait, wait.

- What's up?

Jesus.

- We have to leave right now.

- What's up, what happened to you?

- He bit my lip, it really hurts.

- What?

- He bit me.

I want to get out of here, can we please go?

- Jesus, no can I see it for a second?

What the fuck Ryan, you said he was okay.

- I really just want to go, can we please go?

- Jesus.

- Hey, Sam.

- What happened?

Why are, why are you bleeding?

What happened to you?

What happened to your lip?

- Nothing.

- What is that?

- Some guy bit her lip.

- Bit?

Somebody bit your lip?

- No, it's not.

- Who bit your fucking lip?

- Lou, Lou bit her fucking lip.

- Lou?

- Yeah

- My friend Lou bit your lip?

- Yeah.

- My friend Lou bit her lip?

- Lou bit her lip.

- It's not a, it's really not a big deal.

- What the, are you fucking kidding me?

Are you serious, where are you going?

- Fuck, it's really not a big deal.

- Lou.

Lou, just let me the fuck in, man.

We just want to, we want to talk, man.

- No, I don't think I'm going to do that, Sam.

Okay, okay, okay, Sam, okay.

- Okay what?

- Sam.

Listen to me.

Uh, I don't know what she told you,

but she basically asked me to do that, okay?

- My sister asked you to do that?

That's, my sister asked you to bite her lip

like a fucking animal?

- No, not exactly.

- Okay, then why don't you tell me exactly?

- Everything cool, you guys?

You guys want a beer?

- We got into a situation, we were together

and she asked me to do some stuff.

And she hit me with an ashtray, okay?

It got really crazy.

- She's, she's five, she's five ft tall.

She's 100 lbs!

- You guys want a beer?

- We got into a situation.

- Potato chips?

- And it got out of control.

- Want some Herbal tea?

I got some herbal tea.

- Really surreal.

And I did something crazy,

we both did something crazy, okay?

- Oh.

Oh, okay.

Alright Charles, are you satisfied?

Yeah I'm gonna go home.

You fucking bit my sister's lip, man.

- She hit me too.

- You expect me to fucking cry?

She's a little girl, man.

- You want to hit me, Sam?

Will that make you feel better?

- Don't offer me that, I'm about to do it.

I'm gonna do it, man.

- I want you to do it.

- I'm gonna hit you.

- I'll let you hit me.

- Be careful what you fucking offer, man.

I'm gonna do it.

- Yeah, hit me, Sam.

- Free shot?

- You get a free shot.

- Don't think I won't fucking do it.

- Alright man, this is ridiculous.

- I'm gonna fucking hit you, alright?

- This is ridiculous.

- Just fucking hit me.

- You gonna throw up?

You alright?

- I don't know.

- Do you think I'm gonna have something on my lip forever?

- No, it's gonna be fine.

Can I see?

- Don't touch it.

- I'm not gonna.

It's not that bad.

- It really hurts.

- I'm sorry.

- You okay?

Dory?

You think?

- Yeah.

- Did you beat him up?

- I punched him.

- You did?

- First time that I remember.

- Cool.

- How's Carolly?

- Um, I think she's paralyzed.

I think I need to put her out of her misery.

- Yeah we were over at that guy's house

and I was talking to this guy for a while and he was, um,

he was really nice.

But I was so bored.

And it's embarrassing.

I was kind of disappointed that you weren't there,

cause for some reason I really wanted you

to see this stupid dress that I was wearing.

- It's a nice dress.

- Thank you.

- You know I love you, right?

I really do.

You're really funny and smart and talented and I.

So when are we gonna do this Miss Whore America thing?

Are we gonna?

- I don't want to do it anymore, it's stupid.

- Hey, it's not stupid.

It's not stupid at all.

I'm, I'm stupid.

- We're both stupid.

- No, Miss Whore America is not stupid and I am.

I really ruined your summer?

- No.