All language subtitles for David.Crosby.Remember.My.Name.2019.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[English]

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I was living in Chicago...

with a friend of mine named Clem Floyd.

Clem was going with a little German hooker
named "The Duchess."

She was about 4-feet-2 and cute.

And very popular.

And we were as stoned as we could get.

We took everything we had
and anything anybody else had.

We were gonna go hear
John Coltrane. He was a hero.

So they would play this tune, ensemble,

and then Trane would start soloing.

You know, 15, 20 minutes.
He'd be blowing pretty hard.

And I was very high.

Got to be too much for me.
I went and ducked into the men's room.

And I got my head against this puke-green tile.
I can still remember the color of the tile.

And I'm, like, thinking, "Okay, it's gonna be all right
now. Just get it together now. It's gonna be okay."

Somebody kicks the door open.

Bam! It's Trane.

He's kicked the door open because he's...

...playing at the most intense level
you could ever imagine in your life.

He never stopped soloing.

He's still soloing,

and he's up where it's really hitting
the thousand mark, you know?

He's, like, burning.

I never heard anybody be more intense
with music than that in my life.

In that little bathroom.

Little tile bathroom.

People ask me if I got regrets. Yeah. I got a
huge regret about the time I wasted being smashed.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of dying.

And I'm close.

I don't like it.

I'd like to have more
time. A lot more time.

This is Big Sur Folk Festival.

And that's Christine right there.

This is the four of us.

I think that would've been
the cover for Human Highway.

That's me back before I
had the mustache. The Byrds.

God, that's a great shot of Miles.

That's the intensity right there.

Me and Neil.

Me and Garcia.

God bless Jerry Garcia.

This is me and the Lighthouse band
goofing off at a great moment,

and it's just, I'm so happy right there.

If I were to come to you and say,
"No music, you don't get any of that,

but you get extreme joy in your home life
and an incredible family..."

- No music?
- No music.

Do you make that trade?

That's no world for me.

And is that a selfish thing?

I don't know. Maybe.

But no. Me, music? No music?

No, not interested.

It's the only thing I can contribute, man.
It's the only thing... Place I can help.

It's the only place I can make it better.
It's the only thing I got to offer, really.

I don't want to go. I got a
lot of stuff I'm trying to do.

I'm touring because I... I'm
touring because I love to sing.

I do need to tour,

to just simply buy groceries
and pay my... My mortgage.

The hardest part is just leaving home.

I don't like to leave home. I
love my wife. I love my son.

I love, I love it here.

Hi, Mama!

How's my girl?

I'm under some pressure, yeah.

You gotta understand,
I'm the guy in Crosby, Stills and Nash,

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young that...
That's never had a hit.

Black. Hi, Black.

The way I get through it is, I
know what he's going toward.

I know what makes him the happiest.

I'm 76 years old.

I've had...

two or three heart attacks.

I've got eight stents in my heart.

You know, I had hepatitis C,

which destroyed my liver,
which made me have to have a transplant.

I'm diabetic.

That does kill you in the long run.

But I'm happy.

I don't think people
know how sick he really is.

I'm so glad he's as stubborn as he is
and wants to sing anyway.

I might say, "Hey, honey, I think you should
stay here and go see the heart people right now

and not go out on that tour,"
and he'll go, "Fuck you. I'm going."

And I have to be okay with that.

I have to say, "Go, honey. Have fun."

And I might not ever see him again.

At this point in my life, every...

minute that you get,

you know, is... Is precious.

Time is the final currency.

And so how do you spend it?

I wanted him to choose family first,

and I thought he would.

This is really where I feel alive.

The only solace I have is
that when the light does go out,

I hope it's when he's singing.

Man, I hate leaving.

I just hate leaving home.

I love singing, but I hate leaving.

Six weeks... you'll be back.

Hopefully.

I promised my wife I'd be back.

Keep your fingers crossed.

When I was a young guy,

I was taken to a small symphony orchestra
playing in the park by my mom.

And the power of the
orchestra was gigantic to me.

It broke over me like a wave.

And I noticed...

all the elbows were moving together.

All the doodly-doodlies
were going together.

That's why it was that
powerful. Big imprint.

Then I encountered the Everly Brothers.
I hear that, and I think, "Oh."

And I started singing
three-part to their two-part.

I just naturally love singing harmony.

My mom was a humanist...

and felt that equality between
human beings was, like...

where it was at.

My mom got a Josh White record.

It's one of the first records
I remember really knowing,

and there was a song on
there called "Strange Fruit."

And I didn't understand it,
so I went to my mom, and I said, "Mom...

I don't understand. What's the
strange fruit that he's talking about?"

And my mom started crying.

Didn't have no concept

that anybody could hang another human being
because they didn't like what color they were.

My mom was really good at loving.

My dad was a crusty old guy.

Didn't ever express
any of that stuff at all.

It was a little bit of a
dysfunctional family.

The pictures which follow give an idea
of my method of working.

One of my earliest memories

was watching my dad pull
himself up into the belly of a B-24

and fly away into the Second World War.

He was, you know, shooting footage.

And very dangerous stuff
too, but he wouldn't talk about it.

So he'd seen some shit.

High Noon.

He won one of the first Oscars
they ever gave out for a movie called Tabu,

and he won a Golden Globe for High Noon.

With every swing of the pendulum...

with every second...

a man's life ticked away.

A stunning photographer.

My dad never told me he loved me.

Not once ever. Never said those words.

And that affects you.

I was kind of a lonely kid.

Chubby little kid, not real popular
or anything. No good at sports.

I was a class clown.

Disciplinary problem.
Got in trouble all the time.

I was thrown out of, I think,
just about every school I was ever in.

I wanted attention.

Constantly trying to get attention.

I'm sort of always seeking approval, you know?
Scratch me behind the ear, tell me I'm cool?

A girl once told me
that I should try to work

At honest labor for just one day

But I said to her with
just a little smirk...

My brother was a musician also.

He was the one who gave me my first guitar.

He turned me on to '50s jazz.

That's where I went
right down the rabbit hole.

This is Sunset Boulevard.

If you're gonna be on a street in Los
Angeles, this is probably the street to be on.

Hello.

I'm David Crosby, and
when we are together...

...they call us "The Byrds."

I think we were one of
the first electric bands.

I loved it.

We could get the attention of girls,

which, of course, is why all of us
started playing music in the first place.

But it's not necessarily always a positive
thing when you win early and win young.

I was tremendously lucky, and I
don't think I realized how lucky I was.

Being a star, it makes you, you know,

you feel you're more
important than you are.

Like, in '65, '66, we
were, like, number one,

and met the Beatles and hung out with them,
and it was, like, a pretty heady place.

We... We know our real image,
which is nothing like our image.

Who is the young man with the
lengthy haircut to your right rear?

Right rear.

- Who is it?
- That's Dave from The Byrds, a mate of ours.

Ahoy, mateys.

I was just hiding, paying attention to what they were
doing. I was trying to learn how to be a rock star.

And they knew how.

Young, cocky, bright,

very creative,

and a caboose to my dick.

Ciro's.

One of the few things our manager,
Jim Dickson, actually did correctly.

He got us in there,

and then he called every single person
he'd ever met in Hollywood and said:

"You gotta come down here.
The chicks are unbelievable."

And they... And...

So they all... Everybody came down there.
It got to be a scene to be seen there.

Are these memories in black
and white or in color for you?

Color, very color.

Dylan did come and visit us.

He came and played with us live.

I remember when I looked up,
when I saw Bob Dylan for the first time,

how entranced everybody was with him.

This is called "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man,"
please play a song for me.

His words were so good.
His songs were so good.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine man

Play a song for me

In the jingle jangle morning

I'll come following you...

I remember being jealous.

David said, "I don't like it, man.

It's that folky two-four time.
It's never gonna play on the radio."

So we... We rearranged it to, like...

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man...

Dylan came and we played
"Tambourine Man" for him,

and you could hear the
gears working in his head,

and he went straight out
and got an electric band right away.

Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man...

Some funny stuff happened in there, man.

I went in there to watch The Doors.

That's probably where my
dislike of Morrison started.

He pulled my shades off and said,
"You can't hide behind those shades."

And I, of course, was high on LSD.

So I teleported to the
other side of the room.

I've never forgiven him for that.

No! Keep going straight.

You want to go up Laurel Canyon, right?

I started being a counterculture,
rebellious person...

right about the time I
started growing the hair.

We were starting to be hippies.

And at the beginning,

people didn't like seeing us show up.

So I got a good taste of being a second-class
citizen, which makes you feel very rebellious.

Your mother gets high,
and you don't know it!

At the time, you know, I
was becoming a character.

Russian shirt, Russian hat.

Hey, Joe, where you going with your cash?

I know that having political
opinions really distressed them.

You know, they're shooting this for television.
I'm sure that they'll edit this out.

I want to say it anyway,
even though they will edit it out.

When President Kennedy was killed,

he was not killed by one man.

He was shot from a number
of different directions by different guns.

The story has been suppressed,
witnesses have been killed,

and this is your country,
ladies and gentlemen.

Well, David had become insufferable.

He was just hard to hang out with.
You didn't want to be around him.

I didn't think it was our
place to... To get out there

and promote these things,
like the Kennedy conspiracy.

I'm not sure what was motivating him.
He wanted to save the country?

I don't know.

They saw us as a pop
group trying to be pop stars,

and they did not think that
that involved having political opinions.

I could see potential
train wrecks happening

between Roger and David.

This is the house where they fired me.

They came up in two Porsches.

It's just not working. We'd
like you to quit the band.

We don't want you in the band anymore.

Too much politics, not enough music.

And when we're trying to do a song
that you don't like, you just fall asleep.

Plus, that song about sister lovers
and water brothers isn't trippy.

It's just weird.

Let's face it, your heart's not in it.

You have a knack for causing trouble

and not the good kind.

And I said, "I think you're wrong, and I think
you're making a big mistake, but it's okay.

I'll go for it. All right.

But I'm taking 'Guinnevere'
and my weird tunings with me."

I don't... I don't regret it, obviously.

I was a difficult cat,

and growing leaps and bounds.

And... And...

And not easy.

Big ego, no brains, goofy.

It stung.

So I did what you do when
you get fired from your band.

I took off.

I thought I was gonna go
find a sailboat and go sailing.

This beautiful schooner,
I saw it right away.

So I tried to find out about it. And it had
been there and been for sale for a while.

What we did was, I started a rumor...

in Lauderdale through a couple people
that there was rot underneath the mainmast

where it would cost a whole
lot of money to go and find out.

And then I offered them
25 grand, and they took it.

And I got the 25 grand from Peter Tork.

I said, "Peter, I don't have any money, and
they threw me out of The Byrds. Can you...?

I want to go sailing.

Can you loan me 25 grand?"

Sailing...

Sailing out in the Pacific
or sailing the Caribbean,

waking up feeling the motion...

She's loping along,

waves coming up,
slowly picking us up and giving us a shove.

She's doing this big slow dance, you know.

And she's graceful.

Everything, sensory, visual, auditory...

Every kind of information.

Louder, cleaner, brighter.

And, you know, it's beautiful.

When we're here on the shore,

there's so much data impinging on our
senses all the time that we filter it down.

When you go out there,

lots of space and very little information,

and it's a really delicious feeling.

It's a truly magical part of my life,

and, of course, I wrote
a lot of great music there.

I wrote "Lee Shore" there. I wrote "Page
43" there. I wrote "Wooden Ships" there.

The ocean's totally real.

The opposite of Hollywood.

Yeah.

I think I was the first one to move here.

First musician that I knew about.

Probably, there was somebody else,
but I don't know who it would have been.

The first day I got to California,

first celebrity I saw was David Crosby.

He was standing on the porch

of the Laurel Canyon Country Store,

and he had on that flat-brimmed hat
that he wore on the second Byrds album,

and he had a little leather cape on.

And I just looked, and I thought,
"Oh, my God, there's David Crosby."

You guys are nuts.

There's no cinematic value here at all.

There isn't a shot. It's... It isn't here.

When we started moving up here,
it wasn't because there was a community.

We were trying to get above the smog.

Back in the '50s, the
smog was really terrible.

And then people would see musicians up here

or know musicians were living up here,

and they would start to hang out
to run across a musician.

What is something that you wish they knew

about what this place really did represent?

You know?

What did it do? All... It was just where we got
the groceries. It wasn't like we hung out here.

- Where do you get coffee here?
- Okay.

How do you get coffee?

Let's talk about these
photos right here, Croz.

I'm not in them.

I'm definitely not in any of those photos.

- Okay, well, I know that, but...
- All those people showed up here after I was here.

- Okay.
- Take pictures.

The only people I know are...
Are The Doors, and I didn't like them.

I don't think any of The
Doors ever lived up here.

Morrison, what a dork.

Well...

Cass. Cass lived up at the top.

On Woodrow Wilson. She lived here.

Cass and I got to be very tight friends.

She had good weed. I had good weed.

We knew what was important in life.

Very, very, very bright.

Lonely.

Fat girl.

Wishing... Wishing she could be loved.

She was loved, but not
the way she wanted to be.

Turning that on yourself, do you feel like
you've been loved the way you wanted to be loved?

I think I didn't have a clue.

I don't think I was a good lover.
I don't think I was a good person to...

Companion. I don't...
I think I was selfish.

And...

And wacko.

And I got more wacko as time went on.

There were a lot of
women that I made love to.

Hundreds.

Drugs make you different.

And cocaine tends to make
you be obsessed with sex

and stuff.

There was boundaries I crossed
that you haven't thought of yet.

I'm surprised that any of the women
that put up with me did put up with me.

But they did.

I hurt a lot of girls. I
hurt a lot of people.

And I dragged several young women

through a lot of stuff.

Dana.

And Debbie Donovan.

Nancy was really hard

because I was fully addicted.

You know, she had to get out.

Save her life.

But I didn't want to be left alone.

And she had become
addicted, being in that lifestyle?

You betcha.

Did you feel like you had addicted her?

Yes.

Were...? Were these girls
addicted? Yes, they were.

And, yes, I did it.

I turned them on to it.

Cocaine and heroin, both.

What you do to yourself
is what you do to yourself.

You can be proud of it or disgusted by it,

but it's not really a moral thing.

What you do to other human beings...

that counts.

And I went back, and I was
able to build bridges back.

All of the women that I seriously cared
about in my life, except my daughter Donovan,

I've been able to repair it with.

I should thank them all for loving me. I
should thank them all for expanding my world.

They all taught me something.
Each of them taught me something.

And each of them loved me,

you know, the best they could,
and they did love me really well.

Better than I loved them.

I think.

Did Joni feel like forever
when you...? When you...?

- No?
- No.

When I first met Joni down in Florida,

she was singing, you
know, at a coffeehouse,

and I was pretty much stunned by her.

You know, I fell for her, which was
similar to falling into a cement mixer.

I can remember laughing and crying
within the same half hour.

Now, Joni has said that,

at that point, she felt like
you were parading her around.

I did exactly that.

She's totally right, but the way she
puts it makes it like it was an imposition

and not like I was opening up
all the fucking doors in Hollywood for her.

I love her, and she's the best singer-songwriter
of all of us, no question, hands down.

I'd say, "Here, smoke this.
Joni, want to sing a song?"

And then you'd watch their brains fall out
because nobody had heard anybody like her.

Joni and Clapton and that,
that happened all the time.

I produced her first record,
and I don't think I did that great a job.

I didn't get a great sound on her,
but I did manage to catch her essence.

She thought that Judy
Collins was, like, success.

As much as she deliberately...

When she found out she was going
over people's heads, she went further.

Take a left.

And said, "Fuck you."

But the truth is that's what happened.
She went right over people's head.

Getting close. There it is.

Okay. Pull in.

Let's get out and walk
around. It's quiet up here.

- Until they throw us out.
- Yeah.

- Well, we're trespassing.
- They won't throw you out.

Artists are fascinating.

Joni, Cass, Janis.

I got a dozen of them.

And they were all damaged,
and they were all brilliant,

and they were all lonely,

and they were all...

fantastic.

And why would you fall in love with Joni
and not any of the others?

She wanted me to.

She had strong mojo.

One night, we were all having a big dinner,
and there was 20 of us there.

She comes stomping in with her guitar

and sits down, and says,
"I've got a new song."

And we all went, "Oh,
fantastic. A new Joni song.

Unbelievable. This is so great.
Sing it for us. Sing it for us."

And it was obviously her...

"fuck you and goodbye" to me.

And then she finished the song

and looked at me.

This intense, angry expression on her face,
and then she sang it again.

There's no one like Joni Mitchell.

I think probably the best guy for her, and
the best guy with her, was probably Graham.

And I was glad that they were together.

I had already fallen
in love with Christine.

That's the house "Our House"
was written about, right there.

See that interior light there?

The yellowy-white one back through
that window? That's the kitchen.

That's where Crosby, Stills and
Nash was born, right under that light.

That's where we were standing
when we sang our first song together.

Cass introduced me to Graham.

I didn't know who he was at first.

And... But I liked him.

He put the top harmony on.

And we went:

Blink! You know.

We knew what we were gonna be doing
for the next few years, right then.

Whatever sound Crosby, Stills and Nash has

was born in 40 seconds.

Not years.

Not months of rehearsing.

Forty seconds.

There's a little space
for a garden out in back.

To be fair to you guys,
I should shut up until the Greek Theatre,

or whenever our first gig is, because I
know I can step in and put my part in,

but we can't get a blend that way.

We can't rehearse it so that
it all makes sense together.

See, man, they've got to be on. Like
Dallas, they don't play just to the track.

They listen to the vocal, man.

- He's conscious of the vocal.
- What you gotta do

is play acoustic now and get it down, we'll
try and get a big place as soon as we can.

Look, David and I have been sat here
for at least half an hour

because we were told that we were
gonna play acoustic guitars right here.

- Right.
- So where's Stephen?

I'm not gonna cop out an inch to fear.

And you've walked out two fucking
days in a row, you fucking hypocrite.

- You piss me off.
- Hello. Test.

Forty-nine. Sixty-five. Hi.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome with us

Crosby, Stills and Nash.

Thank you. We needed that.

This is our second gig.

This is the second time we've ever played in
front of people, man. We're scared shitless.

Everybody always asks me about Woodstock,
right, because it's grown hugely,

and the further away from
it we get, the bigger it gets.

It was about spirit.

It was about humans
being nice to each other.

I saw this girl...

Blond girl, pretty, short dress,
good legs, pretty, walking in the mud.

She cuts her foot on a
piece of glass in the mud.

Cuts it pretty badly. It's really bleeding.

See this guy, he's a New
York State Thruway cop.

And I notice his shoes are all polished and
shiny, and his pants are creased real sharp.

And he looks pretty dapper.

He, without any hesitation at all,

walks right over to the girl,
into the mud, picks her up,

and gets the blood and
the mud all over himself,

and carries her to the car.

Lays her gently.

And 15 hippies step forward
to push that police cruiser out of the mud.

All of a sudden, it's working for me.

We ran on that field.

You could see us. When we came back
and we did that TV show with Dick Cavett,

when you see us all,
we're running on that field.

A lot of the people in my audience
are very tired because they came here,

I understand, from Woodstock, right here.

And the festival, people are still...

You see the spirit in all of us,
how we're feeling right there,

how happy we are, how confident we are.

All of a sudden, our world's making sense,
and we feel like we're winning.

I still have my mud.

We're gonna stop that damn war.

Can I describe what it looked
like flying in on a helicopter?

It looked like an encampment
of the Macedonian army on the Greek hills,

crossed with the biggest
batch of gypsies you ever saw.

We're gonna make it different.

- We're gonna fix this damn thing.
- ...room upstairs.

- I got one, and I don't even think it's wrong.
- Okay.

The air we're all breathing
is not clean, right?

You're aware of that, right? Everybody is.
Anybody that looks out the window.

Consider this.

The only way to solve it seems to be

to convince GM, Ford, Chrysler, 76, Union,
Shell, and Standard to go out of business.

All right.

Which is... Which is merely a setup
for the punch line, which is fat chance.

Yeah.

Especially since four of
them are my sponsors.

I don't know who lives here now.

I was sitting here...

drunk in my car.

Neil drove by.

He saw me.

This was when we were trying to decide
whether we wanted him in the band or not.

We were Crosby, Stills and Nash, and we
had the number one record in the country.

He turned around and pulled
up here, pulled in next to me.

He sat down on the trunk of the car...

and he sang me, I don't
know, three, four songs.

You know, "Helpless,"
"Country Girl," stuff like that.

And that's when I decided I
really wanted him in the band.

The whole idea of starting
the group in the first place,

it was to build a mother ship group

that would allow us the freedom
to do what we wanted to do.

All four of us are still
slaves to the music.

Still.

And I can't tell you how
great it was to be in that band.

And it appears to be a long

Appears to be a long

Appears to be a long

Time

Such a long, long time

Before the dawn...

The relationship was a bunch of guys...

just getting something together
for the first time in the spotlight.

You know, attention that
they never had before.

We were crazy. There was no...
You know, there was a lot of pressure.

Stephen, talented guy, man.

Very impressive dude.

Synthesis is when you
take widely separated things

and put them together,

create something new.

That's what happened.

For years at the beginning,
every time we'd go on stage, fantastic.

We could sing together.

Nash is a fantastic harmony singer.

I think we might have been
the first American supergroup.

That tour in '74,

we were packing in huge numbers of people.

More than anybody,
probably, since The Beatles.

They see human beings up there.

We don't have high heels. We don't
have sequins. We don't have smoke bombs.

All we have is these buddies and songs.

That's all we have.
That's all we've ever had.

That's all we've ever felt
was important, was the music.

Bottom line, I think, really, we thought

that forcing four guys into a space that was
only big enough for three would be explosive.

And we were right.

I think he just wrapped himself.

Open the door and get in
the car. That's all we want.

Mic drop, mic drop.

Good morning, David.

Kind of early, huh?

- What's happening?
- Good to see you, man.

I wasn't a photographer, I
was a musician with a camera.

So I didn't have a studio and lights. I've never
used lights. I've never developed a roll of film.

I just frame it up and push the button
when the moments are right.

And, you know, the trick
is to be there, you know.

And so these were all friends
of mine, and I was hanging out.

You were asking about all those
classic pictures. I mean, who knew?

That day we did the photo on the
couch there for your CSN album cover...

After that, we drove around the corner
to a used clothing shop

and did a bunch of pictures in clothes.

We didn't know we even had an album cover.

And we did go back a day or two later,

but the house was gone.

I'm a Virgo. I analyze.

You're a Leo.

You just say what you feel.

- See, he believes that bullshit.
- Right?

- It's unbelievable.
- Well...

- Don't even.
- What year were you born? '40?

You're not gonna tell them
about the Chinese animal, are you?

What is your Chinese animal?

- Please don't tell them about the Chinese...
- I know you're a...

I think you're a snake.
Please, we got to know this.

- '41.
- '41.

Let me tell you this:
A snake is very lucky in Chinese astrology.

Wouldn't you say your life
has been sort of a lucky thing?

- Drastically. Really drastically.
- I mean, you're sitting here now, right?

- That's why. You're a Leo snake.
- Has nothing to do with astrology.

- Nothing to do with...
- I'm a Virgo tiger.

- You are so full of shit.
- You got to know that.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah.

If I... If I...

You know, I'm pointing
a flag gun at my head,

it's sort of saying me against
the United States of America's government.

- Wait. Don't puff, though, okay?
- Why not?

Because it makes too much smoke.

I like the smoke.

The fact he was smoking the joint with
the flag gun was like sticking it to them.

- Yeah. Sort of saying...
- When I talk about that picture

and I say, "Well, it
looks like we had a plan.

Let's make a flag gun, and let's get a
white backdrop, and let's have David pose."

No. It was, I mean...

CSN was in Minneapolis.

I think you were talking
to Bob Dylan on the phone,

- smoking a joint.
- Our plan...

And there was a knock on the door.

Graham Nash opens the door
and throws that flag gun on the bed.

- He says, "Hey, Croz, a fan made you this."
- Henry, you're so full of shit.

- It was a really good shot.
- I've never been to Minneapolis.

- I don't even...
- It was a good shot.

- Voilà. Here.
- One.

- I'll take this.
- This is...

This is going to great
lengths with your meds.

Crap.

And, kid, you need to get another dealer.

- God's herb.
- I'll get you some decent weed.

One of my favorite quotes is Garcia. You
know, the first time he took acid, he said:

"I knew there was more going
on than they were telling us."

I remember we always used to say, "Someday,
the lawyers and the politicians...

We will be those. We'll be
the, you know, the guys that...

That got high and really
understood what life was about."

Drugs are cool, and I'm
going through a trip right now.

I like to feel good.

So you get locked into one kind of a thing and you
don't realize there's a lot of things you can get into.

- Religion.
- Music.

- Dealing.
- Cosmic pudding.

- God.
- Benign anarchy.

It sort of happened. Not quite.
Maybe it's still gonna happen.

The old hippie feeling is still
alive in the, like, Greenpeace,

in the environmental people, right?

The mustache became
very iconic very quickly.

What is the Dennis Hopper story?

He had used me as, like, the template
for the guy that he played in Easy Rider.

Oh, yeah, man, like, I'm
stoned, you know, man?

But, like, you know, I
saw a satellite, man.

You know, it was a great film
just because it had reference to me in it.

If I'd been in it, it would
have been much better.

A much more serious film. Yeah.

The last stronghold of mother, God, home,
and apple pie, and they're full of shit.

What?

And on the other side, you got a girl...

running through a field of flowers, man.

Half naked and high and laughing.

In the sunshine.

And you offer those two alternates to...

a child,

and a child is too smart
to make that mistake.

Well, I sure could use that.

And we're off!

This is our first show.

Yeah, Croz!

The last few years have
been fantastic for me.

I've made four solo albums.

I'm... I'm going for five.

I did something you're not
supposed to do in show business.

I left a big group, CSN,

which has a solid paycheck.

...Rock and Roll Hall of Famer, founding member
of The Byrds and Crosby, Stills and Nash,

singer and songwriter David Crosby.

We're all huge fans.

- Your voice is incredible.
- Thank you.

- How have you taken care of it? Because...
- I haven't.

- What?
- I totally have not.

That's what surprises me because we've
heard stories about you through the years.

- Absolutely.
- We're like, "He's still alive?

- How in the hell am I...?
- He and Keith Richards are still alive?"

But not only are you alive, your voice.

- God has blessed you with an incredible voice.
- Thank you.

Yes, exactly.

You see, this life is fine

Even, even

With these ups and downs

And you should have a sip of it

Else you're gonna find

That it's passed you by

- "Almost Cut My Hair."
- Don't do it.

- Don't do that.
- Don't.

I just have to warn you, there's a thing...

What happens when you cut your hair...

My bass player is making
fun of me right now.

Oh, God, it's a funny band, man.

They torture me all day long.

This is a love song.

You won't know it till the third verse.

How can I sweep

These words into a cluster?

Put 'em in a pile

Like feathers on your floor...

Did you ever have a
person you love get killed?

Well, afterwards, you know,
you can't go back in and fix the stuff.

Can't make up for any mistake.

Frozen in time.

I was going with Joni,

and it was, you know, on-again, off-again.

And Christine was very
stable, very wonderful.

You know, vivacious...

very alive girl.

And... And full of energy

and full of...

whizbang and joy.

Nash has a pretty amazing quote

where he says you went
to identify Christine's body

and really never were the same.

He's... He's right.

I never was.

Seems like she's shouldering
a load in your mind.

Why her?

I loved her.

Christine Hinton was a very beautiful girl
who loved The Byrds.

Christine and I wound up together

and discovered that we
actually cared about each other.

There's a thing from the book Dune

called the litany against fear.

"Fear is the mind-killer."

Creator of rage.

So she wrote it out for me
in this beautiful little script.

I've got it framed.

She did a lot of stuff.

You don't get to pick who you fall for
and you don't get to pick why.

I have a couple pictures of
her where you see her smile.

And there you can see
the spirit in the person.

She was a very spirited girl.

Christine was 21 years old.

Just starting her life.

She was just taking the cat to the vet...

and she didn't come home.

When someone is killed...

Not, you know, they got sick and then
there was a long, agonizing process.

They got killed.

"Oh, so-and-so has been
in a wreck. Come quickly."

And you go to the
hospital, and they're dead.

I... I spent a long time crying.

Just because I didn't know what else to do.

You know, they don't...

They don't prepare you about death at all.

Death is not something
that we can talk about.

You know, nobody talks about death.

There's just this emptiness.

This:

Gone. You know, it's
like a rip in the fabric.

An empty place.

Leaves a big hole.

And you want to fill it, and you...

Of course, if you're like me,
you torture yourself about it, going:

"I wish I had said this.
I wish I had done that."

So it kind of rocks your world.

What do you want to say to her?

I'm sorry.

Could have loved you better.

Neil and I were out driving
around in one of his woodies.

And we'd heard about it on the radio,
and we just couldn't conceive of it.

Tear gas first started down the commons.

Then the guard moved up
on both sides of Taylor Hall

and forced the kids off the commons,
and all of a sudden, I heard them shooting.

Then I saw people dropping to the ground.

Today, the guardsmen
opened fire on the students,

killing four of them,
two young men and two young women.

Three were shot in the
chest and one in the head.

A dozen or more others were wounded,

some by gunfire and some by bayonets.

The students were protesting
the American invasion of Cambodia.

And I watched it hit Neil.

It was like he'd been punched.

Crosby came up, and he had the magazine

with the Kent State killings cover on it.

And I'd heard it on the news,
what had happened, and...

But Crosby always has a way
of bringing things into focus.

That's what really woke me up.

Neil picked up the guitar
and wrote the song right in front of me.

And I called Nash and
said, "Get a studio. Now."

And our record company president,
a wonderful man named Ahmet Ertegun,

he told everybody,
"Look, this record has to go out tomorrow."

As soon as I heard the song, it felt right.

It felt like it said what I was feeling.

It made me feel...

good that I was actually able
to stand up for what I believe.

I think that's probably the
best job of being troubadours

or being town criers that we ever did.

Hell, no, we won't go!

It lit the whole country on fire.

There were protests on
every campus in America.

This guy, sergeant...

swore he never fired his gun.

The slide's racked back right there.

That's a Colt.45 Automatic.

The barrel is protruding because the slide has
racked back. It is ejecting a shell as he fired.

Swore he never fired his weapon.

Right there.

In the picture.

Never went to court.

Nobody even tried.

Him.

Him. Him.

Idiot kids.

The person who gave
them that live ammunition

should be in prison still,

right now,

for murder.

This lying son of a bitch.

"I never fired my weapon!" Really?

Funny, we got a picture of you doing it.

Belief is good.

Didn't work out.

Yet.

But we're trying.

Christine's death, I
couldn't deal with at all.

I was in a terrible place.

Pretty freaked out.

There I heard this story...

I'd just finished making Déjà Vu,

during which I, a number of times,
wound up sitting on the floor, crying.

Ten minutes.

A number of people, Nash in particular,

stuck with me for a long
time, in order that I not...

you know, do something really dumb

and give up.

Was living on my boat in Sausalito
and I was going up Tamalpais

to this spot that I had up there

and just crying for hours.

And I had these songs

because they'd only taken
two of my songs for Déjà Vu.

And I just stayed in the
studio, in Wally Heider's,

because it was...

somewhere I felt safe.

I present to you an album
that escapes all categories

that was born from the
suffering of its author

and was destined to
become a "stoner classic."

If I Could Only Remember My Name.

David didn't seem to have a plan at all.

It was like free-form.

It was... I mean, he had
these songs in his head.

Some had been cooking
since The Byrds' days.

But he never revealed
them to too many people.

I felt kind of privileged to peer into this world
because I liked this world that he inhabited.

It was the most innocent, unplanned,

follow-your-heart...

kind of experience...

you could imagine.

He laid out no rules.

"Here are my songs. Do
whatever the hell you want."

Whoever showed up that night was
who was making the record that night,

and I would sing them a song.

There was a presence in the room.

You could taste it.

It was a playground.

It was an audio freaking playground.

Jerry Garcia.

He'd just show up. "Hey.
What? What are you doing?"

If he and I had two guitars
and we would sit in the same room,

we were happy.

He just wanted it to happen.
He wanted to coax it into happening,

any kind of way.

If it meant get down on the floor and
lick the notes off the floor, he'd do it.

He'd do whatever.

He knew it was waiting to happen
right around the edges of the picture,

and he wanted to invite those notes out.

"Come on. Come on, little notes.
Come on out, come on out."

And he was the most...

pure music guy.

Actually, the way it starts is:

He was just in sky-high heaven

with all his friends there

and even Neil backing
him on this bizarre record.

The friendship that they showed me

and the support that my friends gave me

was one of the best things in my life.

That record was a turning point.

Injecting drugs, they say...

first time,

your life changes, no
matter what comes after.

Yeah.

Yeah, a friend of mine, who shall
remain nameless, gave me a shot of heroin.

And...

Just great.

First one feels truly wonderful.

It's why it's so deadly.

All of a sudden, nothing hurts.

You feel...

exalted and wonderful.

Only the first time.

After that, you're just trying to catch it.

You're just trying to go back there.

And you never get back there.

Ever.

Addiction takes you over

like fire takes over a burning building.

And I went completely off the rails.

It's a weird kind of spiral, man.

You are mad at yourself for being a dick,

so you do more drugs, which makes you more of
a dick, which makes you more mad at yourself.

But what's the high phase?
What's the phase that keeps you going back?

It's... You don't get it. They're not
to get high. They're for anesthesia.

That's why people get
smashed on hard drugs,

is they don't want to be here.

They want to suppress here and now.

They want to live more
inside of their dream.

Or their nightmare.

I was warned by many, many people.

In fact, some close-up-to-him people...

begged me not to get near him.

And I was already smitten.

I was already in the dance.

When I saw him doing drugs,

I thought, "What...? What is that?

Why is everybody so scared of it? Wait a minute.
Give me some of that. Let me see what it is.

Maybe if I can figure that
out, I can pull you out."

And that was really all I meant to do.

Croz, do you ever wonder
why you are still alive?

I don't know.

No idea, man.

I... Why me?

Look at all these people,
buddies of mine, that died, man.

Janis. Cass. Hendrix.

Those are friends of mine. They all
died from the same thing the same way.

How come I didn't?

I was doing the same drug.

I overdosed.

They had to bring me back a couple times.

How come?

How come I'm not dead?

At a certain point there, the drugs became
more important than anybody or anything,

including music.

I let those guys down terribly,
man, when I became a junkie.

I went right down the
tubes in front of them,

and they watched the band go all to shit
because I couldn't pull my weight.

I had already decided
that someday I was gonna get that call.

"Did you hear about David?"
And that would be it. He'd be dead.

You'd go. Because you can't live that way
and not, you know, pay the consequences.

Did I ever tell you about the time Neil came and offered
me to come to his ranch and stay there and get sober?

He was genuine about
it. He wanted to help me.

What were you using?

Coke and heroin. Both.

Nash and Jackson were both very concerned.
Tried repeatedly to get me to quit.

They were two of the key people
running the intervention on me.

It was... It was quite a...
Quite a gathering of people.

Jan, who was just as bad a shape as he was.
I mean, they were addicts, you know?

And the drill was to try to convince them

that they should, you know, like, really:

"Take it from us, you're
heading for the wall.

You got to stop. You got to do something.
We don't want to lose you."

It was an all-night thing.

He agreed to go into
Scripps, like a hospital.

And he stayed there exactly
one day and split the next day.

After that, they pretty
much stopped trying.

He was convicted of drug
and weapons charges in 1983.

Since then, he's been arrested
on additional drug and hit-and-run charges.

He had been forced by the courts

to go to a rehab center
and left without permission.

And at that point,

he became a fugitive from the law.

It was just a matter of days before somebody
put my picture up in the post office.

We fled. A dealer guy got us a plane ride.

On a single-engine airplane.

All the way across the
country. Took us three days.

Guy was a good pilot.

I think he'd been a drug runner.

And I went and found...

my boat.

Because I thought somehow I could go back
and touch my touchstone,

and it would somehow save me
from what I knew was coming.

I went to the boat, and
she was in terrible shape.

Nobody had been taking care of her at all
because I hadn't given them any money to.

I lay there and lay there, and days passed.

And I gave up.

Big moment.

And I got a ride to the local FBI agency.

And I walked in. He said,
"Yeah, can I help you?"

I said, "You're looking for
me. My name's David Crosby."

He said:

"Step over against the wall."

I think I'm probably facing some time,

but I would like to get it done with
and go back to playing music.

That's all I really want to do.

When I gave myself up,

Jan D. came back,

and a doctor friend of ours got her
into a treatment place in Monterey.

Do you have any comments for us?

Wish me luck, huh?

When I went in prison, cut both ways.

"Hey, rock star, how you feel now, huh? I.

Bet you wish you was out there getting laid and
having a lot of money now, don't you, huh? I."

When I went into prison, I was nearly dead.

I'm kicking two major, heavily addictive,

really terrible drugs
without even an aspirin.

I'd lost pretty much everything.

I'd hit bottom, blown my money.

I spent four months in solitary. They lock you
in a steel box and feed you through the door.

And in prison, I woke up in a cell,

remembered who I was
and started writing again.

And that was the
beginning of the road back.

"Compass" was the
first decent song I wrote.

When I got out of prison,

I thanked the judge for sending me away
because it got me off hard drugs.

He's now on probation for four years
and has to submit to regular drug testing.

Are you off drugs completely now?

Yes, sir, I am.

Happy to be.

His first gig out of prison
was in a small club in Texas.

He'd never before played
on-stage without drugs.

Mr. David Crosby, ladies and gentlemen!

Feels wonderful!

Jan D., God bless her,

she waited.

When I got out of prison,

we were under orders from
a judge not to see each other.

Forbidden to see me.

But then we got ahold of the
judge and said, "Hey, please.

We're... I'm out of prison, I'm sober,
and I'm gonna stay that way.

Jan is sober and going to meetings and
is trying, and we'd like to get married."

And he was a decent guy, and he let us.

Jan loves me in ways that I...

didn't love myself,

and she taught me to love myself.

She taught me a lot
about how to love, period.

This song...

if you know who's who,

this song is the story of the first time

of many times that CSNY broke up.

What held CSN, CSNY together
was Nash and I being so locked

because we can sing so well together.

Nash and I, as a pair of voices,

hard to beat.

Everly Brothers. Indigo Girls.
Couple other people, not many.

I have been around

The world

Looking

Looking for that woman girl

Who knows love can endure

And you know it will

Ladies and gentlemen,
Crosby, Stills and Nash.

For a guy who was supposed to be dead a
couple of years ago, I'm doing pretty well.

I want to thank the two
men standing next to me

because they've been brothers to me.

They've stuck with me
through thick and thin.

They waited. They helped.

They cried sometimes.

They swore at me sometimes.

But they've been my brothers
all the way down the line.

Without them, I could not have made
this music, and I love them dearly.

And I thank you both, guys.

We have made really good music together,

and I'm very grateful for every bit of it.

I think CSNY is a completely
different band than CSN,

completely different,

and should be in the Rock and Roll
Hall of Fame on its own, by the way.

I should be in there a third time,

just to make Clapton jealous.

We really did like each other
when we first started playing,

and we were thrilled by each other's songs.

Bands get together, and you're in love with each
other, and it's all wonderful and it's exciting,

but 40 years later,

it devolves into just turn on the
smoke machine and play your hits.

Almost

Cut my hair

Got to the point where
we didn't like each other,

didn't ride the same bus.

We were competing all the time.

If I'd bring in one of my new weird songs,
they didn't want to learn it.

And we've been so unkind to each other.

We've hurt each other. All
of us have hurt each other.

We've done terrible things
to each other many times.

Everybody in the band has, at many times.

Me probably more than anybody else.

My big fuck-up is getting mad.

You didn't ask me, but I'll volunteer it.

Biggest mistake I make: getting mad.

Once the adrenaline hits my system,

it's just, like, instant asshole.

- What's the get-off for you?
- There isn't any. There's no good about it.

There's no pleasure, there's no enjoyment.
There's nothing except...

Once the adrenaline takes ahold, you're...

in the grip of it,

and you say stuff and
do stuff that's just awful.

I shot my mouth off
about Neil's girlfriend.

I didn't realize the guy was gonna put it on
the Net. I thought the interview was over.

So Neil's pissed at me, and
he's not gonna work with me.

He says, "No more CSNY ever!"

So my dream of you guys reuniting, having
a little concert, maybe doing Déjà Vu...

- That'll never happen. No.
- Never happen?

If you make a mistake,

you got to fix it right away.

Yeah. I shouldn't have said it anyway. I
apologized for it, but it doesn't do any good.

And it just... It just went
downhill from there.

The Graham that I have in my head

is on-stage with me in Scandinavia
someplace, Norway or somewhere,

and he's screaming at me...

in my face, from about this far away,
spittle hitting me in the face,

and he's screaming:

"You don't get it, do you?!

You mean nothing to me now! Nothing!

Ihateyoui.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!"

Spit.

Punching in the chest.

On-stage, in front of an audience.

He was, on that tour, coming
on-stage and not looking at me.

The whole night, he would sing facing Stills
and just try to pretend I wasn't there.

I always wanted to have a buddy, a brother,

a, you know...

partner.

It is my pleasure to introduce two-time
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees

David Crosby, Stephen
Stills and Graham Nash.

We were singing for the White
House Christmas tree lighting.

Silent night

Holy night

Shepherds quake

At the sight...

We were fucking terrible.

And it's having the guts to say:

"Okay, it's dead.

Don't prop the corpse up.

Don't make its mouth move with a string.

Leave it. Let it die a decent death.

Go on and do the next thing."

Sleep in heavenly

Peace

Sleep in heavenly peace

Happy Christmas, everybody.

It's so sad that the last song
CSN sang together was "Silent Night."

He tore the heart out of CSN and CSNY
in the space of a few months.

That's what "Encore" is about.

I wrote that for David Crosby.

The song is about, who are you?

Who are you when you're not famous?

Who are you when the lights have gone out
and the audience has left?

Are you a decent person?

Or are you a fucking asshole?

Who are you?

Thank you.

This is you speaking in 1974.

This is the first
interview that we ever did.

My father's 74, man. He says,
in the long run, none of it counts.

Money, glory, fame, chicks, nothing.

He says the only thing counts is
whether you got any fucking friends.

All the rest of it is bullshit.

I think I made that up.

The reason I think I made it up is...

my dad didn't have any friends.

Did he ever comment on this quote?

- So, in a way, you're talking to yourself?
- Yeah.

- And quoting your dad-ish.
- Yeah. Yeah.

What happened to your friends?

That's really hard.

See, I have to look at it in context.

I still have friends, but...

all the main guys that I made music with
won't even talk to me.

All of them.

All of them.

One of them hating my
guts could be an accident.

McGuinn,

Nash, Neil, and Stephen
all really dislike me.

Strongly.

I heard a quote about you. You said, "David
ripped the soul out of Crosby, Stills and Nash."

- Yeah, well...
- You couldn't still feel that way.

You know, you say things in anger,
and you try and take them back,

and you can't sometimes
because words are very powerful.

- David and I haven't spoken in two years.
- Yeah.

Having spoken to him
probably almost every day for 45 years.

- Yeah.
- It's just sad.

And I don't quite know
how to undo it, you know?

Maybe... Maybe it just all...

I mean, if we never played
another note of music,

CSN or CSNY, look what we did.

I'm telling you, what a body of work.

- Really.
- It's true.

But there's more.

- Always more.
- There's more in there, you never know.

I know. You never know...

What comes to mind in terms of something like,
"Man, I wish I could wipe that right now"?

Just listening to you talk
about Neil, for example.

- What do...?
- I'm not mad at Neil.

- Neil's mad at me.
- Understood.

But in terms of making a situation right...

why won't you just show up on his doorstep?

Because I don't even
know where his doorstep is.

The one thing I can do...

is make music myself.

So I'm trying really hard to do that.

To prove to yourself...?

That I'm worth a shit.

I just can't give up.

Putting you on speaker for a minute here.

Okay. I love you, Jan Crosby.

I love you too.

Honey, I'm... I'm so far away.

I'm just so tired, exhausted.

Eight stents in my heart.

That's as many as you can put in.

They can't go any more.

Heart attack...

sometime in the next couple years.

I bit off more than I could chew.

I can't do five dates in a row.

So I lost my voice, and I had
to cancel a couple of dates.

It's hard.

- Thank you, sweetie.
- You're welcome.

Boy, that tree's pretty. That's the first
thing I fell in love with here was the trees.

All these trees.

They're wonderful.

I see the rest of the world, the rest of what's
going on, but I don't really focus on it.

I can admit to you that...

it's gonna be hard, whatever happens.

I might just disappear.

I'm sorry to say that on camera,

but I don't know how...

I could take another breath when he's gone.

I want to be a guy who is loving.

So, yeah, that's what I'm striving for. That's
what I want to be. That's who I want to be.

I like loving my children
and my wife and my dogs

and my music.

I like how it makes me feel.

And at least I...

have enough guts to be honest.

- Right now.
- That's what this is.

Maybe. Maybe I've conned you into it.

Maybe this was all a clever plan.

I think you should be able to say goodbye
and tell them what they meant to you.