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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,600
Good to be home, isn't it? Yeah.
2
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,040
Yeah. Yeah. Hey...
3
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,280
Oh, Dad, you don't need to do this
every time you clean the sink.
4
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,080
I know. I know.
I just thought I would
5
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,600
because I wanted to give you a...
6
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,160
..surprise!
GEMMA GASPS
7
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:16,800
Surprise! Happy baby shower!
Oh, my God! Yeah.
8
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,240
I did invite your mum but
she sent some very unkind memes
9
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,520
by way of reply so...
Oh...
10
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,600
Well, nothing's on fire,
like the last party you organised.
11
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,680
Oh, come here, mate.
12
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:27,960
You helped him with all this, right?
13
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,440
Me? No. Oh, God!
14
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,160
Hello!
Look, look, look, look, look...
15
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,400
Loads of pressies. Yeah.
16
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,920
Look, and here's Catherine.
17
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:37,120
Dad, it looks like she's died.
18
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,680
So, yeah, Derek sorted out
all the food. Aww!
19
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,720
Roast beef dinner flavour.
One of my favourites.
20
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,240
Oh, wow, that's actual baby food?
21
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,680
Yeah. We're not just eating
actual baby food, are we?
22
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,240
What else are we going to
eat at a baby shower?
23
00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,280
And there's... There's presents!
24
00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:53,160
Sit down, I'll get them for you.
Oh...
25
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:56,080
Sit down. Look, this one...
This is, er...
26
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,000
This is from Baris. Ooh!
27
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,360
Adult nappies.
Yeah, and, er...
28
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,440
And we're not Jewish.
29
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,680
Well, neither is he!
30
00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:06,880
Adult nappies are really handy,
post-birth.
31
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,320
From me... Ooh, what's this, then?
32
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:16,200
A Tia Maria and two water damaged
boxes of Calpol?
33
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,400
Found those under the sink, at work
I thought, "Gemma'll like these."
34
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,960
Could open it now?
Wet the baby's head?
35
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,800
The Tia Maria, not the Calpol.
Although...
36
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,720
..cheeky cocktail? Erm...
37
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,480
I just got to, erm...
38
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,840
There you go, Gemma, love.
39
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,960
Oh, thanks, Winnie!
40
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,880
Aww! What a lovely dog toy.
41
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,120
It's a baby toy. No.
42
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,000
TOY SQUEAKS
It's a dog toy.
43
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,880
No, baby toy.
44
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:43,360
OK.
45
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,040
Few essentials.
46
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,480
Boring but useful.
47
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,840
Babe, did you see the dog toy
and the menorah? Don't...
48
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,160
I'm desperate for
"boring but useful."
49
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,200
No Xander, by the way?
50
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,880
I don't think so.
51
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,880
I did invite him, though.
52
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,240
Don't think I've forgotten about
your birthday tomorrow, king.
53
00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:03,400
Don't make a fuss.
54
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,160
Malcolm, you and I need to have some
fun before this baby comes along and
55
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:12,040
ruins all our lives, OK, which is
why I have booked us an escape room.
56
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:16,200
I don't even know what that is.
What?! Really?
57
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:19,000
Well, I bloody love them,
so happy birthday.
58
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,760
Right, get out of
the fucking way, Winnie.
59
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,280
What's this going to be, then?
60
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,200
It's a baby blanket.
61
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,400
Oh, my God!
62
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,760
This is really lovely!
63
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,480
Always bossing the pressies.
64
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,120
Aww! Yeah.
65
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,480
Babe, check there's
nothing weird in or on this.
66
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,040
It's lovely, that.
67
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,280
Nope!
68
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,880
So, two weeks to go, eh?
69
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,400
Yeah. And you've got all
the basics covered? Cot? Yep.
70
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,760
Pram? Yep. Oil for massaging Gemma's
perineum?
71
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,560
Oh, well, we haven't
talked about that,
72
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,320
but there's some Crisp 'N Dry
in the cupboard if she needs it.
73
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,600
Listen, what time's this
escape room booked for?
74
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,720
Cos I'm having a wart removed
in the morning - you know,
75
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,720
just as a birthday treat to myself.
76
00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,480
No idea. All I know is that
they grab you off the street
77
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,600
and bundle you into a van.
78
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,480
What, like a kidnapping?
Exactly...like a kidnapping.
79
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,680
It's themed on the film Taken.
80
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,240
Yeah, but what...?
What if it's a real kidnapping
81
00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:26,320
and I don't fight back cos
I think it's the escape room thing.
82
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,760
Well, that, my friend,,
is part of the thrill, isn't it?
83
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,440
You might think it's
the escape room guys,
84
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,680
whereas actually it's an old enemy
who wants to rip out your heart
85
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,560
and shit in your chest cavity.
86
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,800
Thankfully I haven't got any old
enemies who'd want to do that.
87
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,040
What about your ex-wife?
88
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:41,920
Oh, fuck...
89
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,080
So which lucky tosser did you pick
as your birth partner in the end?
90
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,920
Malcolm?
Oh, God, no, can you imagine?
91
00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:52,360
No-one wants their dad catching
a glimpse of the business end.
92
00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:53,680
Hmm...
93
00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:57,320
Oh, remind me, I need to
pick up his birthday cake.
94
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,440
Do you think he'd like me
to jump out of it, semi-naked?
95
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,160
Cake's about this big.
96
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:04,600
I could hide a boob in there?
97
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,360
Who IS going to be
your birth partner?
98
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:08,760
Cherry's the natural choice,
but she's got the kids.
99
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:12,080
I keep telling her, Winnie -
pick me. Pick me!
100
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,840
I'd be amazing, Gemma.
101
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,800
I was once held hostage
in an embassy and I thrived.
102
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,480
Absolutely thrived
under those conditions.
103
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,440
You can't make a diamond
without intense pressure.
104
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,600
Fine. If Cherry's not available,
you can do it.
105
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,560
Look, Winnie, you might not
see me for a while now.
106
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,360
I go on maternity leave
on Monday.
107
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,040
I've got a lovely 18-year-old
boy coming in to cover.
108
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,240
Very keen to learn the ropes...
109
00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:36,640
..if you know what I mean?
110
00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,240
Good luck, Gemma, love.
111
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,360
Thanks, Winnie.
112
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:41,520
See you.
113
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,920
Rita... Mm? ..please don't
groom your 18-year-old
114
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,200
apprentice into shagging
you on a crate of toner.
115
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,040
LIQUID TRICKLES
116
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,240
What the fuck is that?
117
00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,040
I think my waters have broke.
I'm not due for another two weeks.
118
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,160
It's OK, Gemma. Yeah... I'm here.
119
00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,360
I'm just going to get the...
120
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,360
..get the "cleaning in progress"
sign so no-one slips on your...
121
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,480
..fluid.
122
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,400
Rita?!
123
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,320
Where are you going? Rita?!
124
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,680
Oh, what a lovely job.
125
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:19,960
Oh...
126
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,000
Ooh...
127
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:24,600
Malcolm Moscrip? Eh?
128
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,080
You're about to be...
129
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,800
BOTH: ..taken. What?! Oh!
130
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:29,880
Oh, right, OK.
131
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,200
Before we go on,
can I just double check my wife -
132
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,480
well, my ex-wife - Davina, she's
not involved in this at all, is she?
133
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,600
There's no Davina
on the booking form.
134
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,120
Oh, thank goodness for that.
135
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,880
Right. Well, crack on.
136
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,320
OK, great. Well, give me
your phone. Eh? Why?
137
00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:46,480
Because you're being...
BOTH: ..taken.
138
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,640
Oh, right.
139
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,680
Yeah, there you go.
140
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,360
Right, in the van.
Right! Oh!
141
00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,280
Ha-ha! Oh!
142
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,680
Head... DEREK: Malcolm? ..hands.
143
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,640
This is fun, isn't it, Derek?
144
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,720
I think I've made
a terrible mistake!
145
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,200
Argh!
146
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,680
Rita? Is everything OK?!
147
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,600
I'm having a shit!
148
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,640
I'm having a baby!
149
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,480
Look, a massive shit! Go away!
150
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,480
You know how sluggish my bowels get!
151
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,920
Right, so you don't want to be
my birthing partner after all?
152
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,360
On reflection, no.
153
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,040
What about
"I thrive under pressure"?
154
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,120
What about
"I was taken hostage in an embassy"?
155
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,320
No-one comes out of anyone else's
vagina during a siege, Gemma!
156
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,840
SHE HYPERVENTILATES
157
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,760
BREATHING DEEPLY: Ooh...
158
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,280
Oh...
159
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,920
Ooh...
160
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,800
Why are you closing early?
161
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,120
Gas leak.
162
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,640
HE SNIFFS
163
00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:46,360
I don't smell any gas.
No, there's so much gas.
164
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,240
You better go, actually. I don't
want you exploding everywhere.
165
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,800
Are you sure you're not in labour?
I might be a bit in labour.
166
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,400
Then why are you
pretending not to be?
167
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,640
I don't know! It's too early,
I'm taking my dad out for dinner tonight.
168
00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:59,160
You are such a dickhead, Gemma!
169
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:02,840
Come on, I'll drive you
to the hospital. OK.
170
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,840
Watch your step.
171
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,680
MALCOLM: Oh, what a great birthday
treat, Derek, thank you.
172
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,000
I don't...
173
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,720
I don't like it, Malcolm.
174
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:17,240
Turns out I don't like being bundled
into a van with a bag on my head.
175
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,520
Take your hood off, Malcolm.
What?
176
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:20,720
I'm quite enjoying it, actually.
177
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,360
Keep your hoods on.
You'll spoil the magic.
178
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:28,240
I told you to cuff them
BEHIND their backs.
179
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,560
Dad, it's happening.
180
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:32,640
I'm not ready.
181
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,720
Happy birthday.
182
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,880
Hey, let's get you in.
183
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,400
OK...
184
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:40,880
Do you need help with your legs?
185
00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:42,720
No, I'm fine. Right.
186
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,120
Argh!
187
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:45,400
OK.
188
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,680
OK.
189
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,760
Gentlemen, welcome to
your Taken themed escape room.
190
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,360
You have been Taken
and must solve the clues to release
191
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,640
yourself from this lock-up
and save your daughter.
192
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,360
Sorry. I don't want to sound like
I'm not enjoying it, cos I am,
193
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,400
but wasn't it the daughter
that got taken in Taken?
194
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,960
Eh? I mean, it wasn't...
195
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,960
It wasn't Liam Neeson
who got taken, was it?
196
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,480
It was his daughter, wasn't it?
197
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,520
Yeah, Malcolm's right.
198
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,320
Are we meant to be the daughter?
199
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,800
I knew it.
200
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,040
I fucking knew it.
201
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,800
I said we should have
done the Saw franchise.
202
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,040
No. No! OK.
203
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,640
You need to escape from the lock-up
to save your daughter...
204
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,160
...who has been...
205
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,520
..Taken. Taken, yeah,
but WE were the ones who got taken.
206
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,080
So are we AND our daughters
both taken?
207
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,120
Yeah, it is a bit confusing,
isn't it?
208
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,160
Everyone says this, Warren!
Everyone.
209
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,640
We've literally not taken a single
person who doesn't immediately say,
210
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,200
"This makes no sense
if you've seen the film Taken."
211
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,480
Well, what's your solution, Craig?
212
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,360
That we kidnap people's daughters
so we can make the theme land?
213
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:56,720
I just think we need to work a
little harder on the world building.
214
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:58,960
You've got three hours.
215
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,120
Three hours!?
216
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,440
Your mate went
for the deluxe package.
217
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:06,040
Technically it's cheaper, Malcolm.
All right!
218
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,400
Erm...
219
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,800
..where do we start?
220
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,160
GEMMA MOANS
221
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,920
XANDER: Whoa, your own room?!
222
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,000
I know. 48 hours ago,
223
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,800
she would have been on
a trolley near the needle bins.
224
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,800
I can't have the baby today,
it's my dad's birthday.
225
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,120
Oh, I don't think there's much
we can do about that.
226
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,640
There aren't some
stitches you can put in,
227
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:28,320
some special glue?
Baby comes when baby wants to come.
228
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,960
OK. Nnngh...
229
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,720
Ooh...
230
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:34,160
What the FUCK is that
supposed to mean?
231
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,720
I bet it's something
to do with the light bulb.
232
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,680
There's always a clue
in the light bulb.
233
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:44,960
Argh! it's so fucking hot. Fuck!
234
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,280
You fucking have a go, Malcolm.
Fuck!
235
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,960
I don't think it is to do with
the light bulb, you know?
236
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,640
DEREK MAKES SPARRING NOISES
237
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,520
Right, listen, Malcolm.
238
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,320
Erm...there's...er...something
I wanted to bring up.
239
00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,800
Something about Gemma.
240
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,480
Yeah. What about Gemma?
241
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:07,240
Well, you know, she's going to have
this baby soon isn't she and, er,
242
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,040
you know she's going to need
someone to take care of her.
243
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,440
Yeah, well, I'm going
take care of her.
244
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,160
Well, you're not going to
be around forever, mate, OK?
245
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,840
You know, someone with
a good job who you know
246
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,880
and idolise a little bit.
247
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:25,240
And, you know, someone you
think of as a really sexy son.
248
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:30,480
Which is why I would like your
permission to ask Gemma...
249
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,600
..to marry me.
250
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,040
Er, aren't you still married to,
like, someone else?
251
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:41,840
I'm sorry, Derek.
252
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,040
GEMMA GROANS
253
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:47,160
I am never having sex again
if this is what happens.
254
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,640
What a stupid fucking stupid system,
and stop breathing so loudly.
255
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,440
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Stop saying sorry.
256
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,680
It's not your fault. No. I mean,
I probably should apologise, though.
257
00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:58,040
For... For...
For ghosting you, after Ben.
258
00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,000
I was ghosting YOU, buddy.
259
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:01,800
I was ghosting YOU, buddy.
260
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,080
I was ghosting the shit out of you.
261
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,920
XANDER CHUCKLES
262
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,800
Cherry told me what happened.
263
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,440
Have you heard from him at all?
264
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,160
We're not talking about this now.
265
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,640
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
266
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,040
I'm really glad you're here, though.
267
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:23,960
Yeah?
268
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,760
Will you go and get me a milkshake
and a bag of crisps?
269
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,640
Yeah.
270
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:34,480
I've done it!
271
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,240
Oh, poo!
272
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,600
Look, it's another maths clue.
273
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:39,800
Derek?!
274
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,600
Look!
275
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,120
The baby's heart rate
is a little fast,
276
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,960
so we'll try giving you
some more fluid. OK.
277
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,040
PHONE LINE RINGS
278
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,320
PHONE: Who the fuck are you?
279
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,680
Er, Catherine gave me
this number for emergencies.
280
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:07,200
It's Gemma. Her sister.
281
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,640
Oh! Hundred quid, five minutes.
282
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:11,240
Oi, shitface, it's your sister.
283
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:17,160
Gemma! I told you to only use this
number if there's an emergency.
284
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,560
You're going to have to send her
100 quid in crypto currency.
285
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:20,760
For a five-minute call?!
286
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,560
Are you in hospital?
287
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:24,320
Yeah.
288
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,040
I'm in labour and I can't get
through to Dad, or even Mum.
289
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,120
I mean, I...
290
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,400
I really don't want
to do this alone.
291
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,800
There was summat I wanted to
discuss with you, actually.
292
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,960
I'm literally having a baby.
That's why I called you.
293
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,520
Well, it's not coming out of you
right this second, though, is it?
294
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,120
No, no. You're correct. Go on.
295
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,000
Am I a bad person?
Cos I think I might be a bad person.
296
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,360
GEMMA CRIES OUT IN PAIN
Oh! I mean, I don't know! Maybe?
297
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,040
Just with the trial coming up,
I'm starting to wonder
298
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:55,480
if I shouldn't have paid someone
to push Gary off that fire escape.
299
00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,480
I think it might have been
a bit selfish.
300
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:02,280
I mean, it was a pretty terrible
thing to do, Catherine!
301
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,880
He's fine now, though.
302
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,120
Really.
303
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:08,280
He actually seems a lot happier
since it happened.
304
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:11,880
If you know it was bad, and you're
not going to do it again,
305
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,280
then that's growth.
306
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,400
Thanks, Gemma.
307
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,560
BANGING ON DOOR
Oh, shit! Screws!
308
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,840
No, Cat! Don't go!
309
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,280
PHONE DISCONNECTS
310
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,640
Cat?!
311
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:23,680
Fuckin' 'ell!
312
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,160
Come on, mate.
313
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:35,200
You can ignore me all afternoon,
we'll never get out of here.
314
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,520
I'm not going to lie to you,
Malcolm -
315
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,640
this hasn't really gone as planned.
316
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:44,360
I was going to ask your permission
to marry Gemma, you'd say yes,
317
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,160
we'd bosh our way through
the escape room,
318
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,640
and then onto the pub
for your birthday drinks and...
319
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,080
..to toast me
as your new son-in-law.
320
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,120
I'm sorry, mate.
321
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:56,920
But, you know, even if I'd said yes,
I've got a feeling that...
322
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,600
..Gemma, you know, she wouldn't
go for it. Do you think?
323
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,920
Yeah, you're right.
324
00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,280
Screw her. Screw her.
325
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,400
But also...
326
00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,280
..she's the best thing in my life...
327
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:14,520
..and I love her very much.
328
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,520
Whatever, mate.
329
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,720
You're being really boring now.
330
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,880
Come on, let's solve this
motherfucker - Derek style.
331
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,520
Yeah!
HE LAUGHS
332
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,280
Check the files!
It's always in the files.
333
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:33,760
What are you doing? Fucking maths?!
334
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,560
Hey, look, I think I've got it.
335
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,160
Stop wasting time.
336
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,920
What?! That was the...
337
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,760
Let's go, come on.
338
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,800
Why's it not in the files?!
It's supposed to be here!
339
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,840
There you go.
Fuck, this is too hard!
340
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,440
Oh, this is too hard,
this is too hard. It's impossible.
341
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:50,920
What do we do now?!
342
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,280
I'll check the pillows,
you keep fucking pedalling.
343
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,720
Argh! Argh!
344
00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,000
I can't find it! Argh!
345
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,920
Malcolm, flip this!
346
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,200
BOTH SHOUT AND COUGH
347
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,840
Oh, God! It's too hard!
348
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:11,280
It's too hard! It's too hard,
we give up! I don't feel well.
349
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:16,160
BOTH COUGH AND SOB
350
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:17,640
Please!
351
00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,840
Get us out!
352
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,640
Oh, this is horrible.
353
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,440
It's going to get
a fuck of a lot worse.
354
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,080
Hey! What? She knows.
355
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:28,960
GEMMA INHALES
That's right, babe. Suck it up.
356
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,360
That really does take the edge off,
doesn't it?
357
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,760
Listen, I can't stay long -
the kids are waiting in a taxi
358
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,520
and I've got about eight minutes
before one of them
359
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:38,880
smashes a window, so...
Honestly, it's fine.
360
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:41,960
I think it's going to be pretty
plain sailing from here on out.
361
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,040
I wonder what it's like to
be really flat?
362
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,320
You know, like when people
get slid under doors
363
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,000
because they're so flat?
364
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:58,760
You know like when they're really
flat and they slide under doors?
365
00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,480
God, I love gas and air.
366
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:01,520
Give us a toke on that.
367
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:02,560
Oh, Cherry, Cherry...
368
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,600
INHALES
369
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,320
Ugh... Oh, it's so good.
370
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:11,720
Hm!
371
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:12,800
Gem.
372
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:13,840
Listen to me.
373
00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:20,000
Take all the drugs that you can,
even if you don't need them.
374
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,120
Hospital-grade heroin is amazing.
375
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,840
Sometimes I dream about getting
into a little car accident
376
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,080
just so I can have the bed
rest and the morphine.
377
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:30,120
Mmm...
378
00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:32,360
Good luck, mate.
379
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,040
Here you are, get your lips
round that.
380
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:37,080
Thank you.
381
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:44,000
Don't you dare leave her side or
I will break both your kneecaps.
382
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,440
Let me know when she's had it.
383
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,000
Cherry...
384
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,040
You're flat.
385
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:57,680
Slide under the door,
but don't tell anyone.
386
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,440
All right, phones back, lads.
387
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,960
Why'd you make it that hard?
388
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,840
I don't think it is that hard,
is it?
389
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:04,680
Takes all the fun out of it,
you make it that hard.
390
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,080
Gemma's having her baby.
391
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,720
My daughter is having her baby!
392
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:10,800
Today? Rude.
393
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,880
Yeah, she was calling a lot.
394
00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,840
Yeah, well, at least she hasn't,
been Taken, am I right? Ha.
395
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,120
Take me to the hospital.
Can you drive me to the hospital?
396
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,600
We're not a taxi service, mate.
397
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:23,360
Listen, you drive my best
friend to the hospital...
398
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:29,560
..or I will find you
and I WILL kill you.
399
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,680
Jesus.
400
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:31,760
Joke.
401
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,680
But I will leave you
a scathing review, so...
402
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,920
All right, you two, follow me.
403
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:36,960
Thanks.
404
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:43,320
I'll tidy up then, shall I?
405
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,120
Uhh...
406
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:51,560
You can go if you want.
407
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:52,600
Get some food.
408
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,040
No.
409
00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,640
I nabbed a bit of dry toast
that the midwife
410
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,080
shouted at me for stealing,
so I'm all good.
411
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,120
BABY'S HEARTBEAT ON MONITOR
412
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,880
Look, I'm not going anywhere.
413
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,480
Unless you want me to leave.
414
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,000
No. I want you here with me.
415
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,680
God, I bet I look awful.
416
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,720
No.
417
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,040
I've never seen you
look so beautiful.
418
00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:28,040
And you always look beautiful.
419
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,640
Baby's heart rate
hasn't settled, Gemma,
420
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,400
so it's time to
discuss other options.
421
00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:40,240
Oh, come on.
422
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:47,080
I saw three of mine
slide into this world.
423
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,400
Absolutely fucking disgusting.
424
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,200
I mean, really offensive.
425
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,280
It's blood and shit just everywhere.
426
00:18:57,640 --> 00:19:00,360
She was screaming, I was screaming.
427
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,480
The doctor was screaming.
428
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:04,680
"Argh!
429
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,800
"What the fuck is that? Argh!"
430
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,320
SIGHS
431
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,320
CLEARS THROAT AND SNIFFS
432
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,680
"Out of ten, how would you rate
your escape room experience?"
433
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:16,640
I just remember popping out
for a Walnut Whip
434
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,440
and when I came back, Davina was
watching Neighbours with the baby.
435
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,640
Both times!
LAUGHS
436
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,320
"Too fucking hard out of ten."
437
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,400
That's how I'd rate it.
438
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,640
Go rescue your daughter!
439
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,040
Stop saying the cool...!
440
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,360
I get the cool sign-off line!
441
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:36,400
Malcolm!
442
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,440
What?
443
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,480
I just...
444
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:41,880
Just don't fuck it up,
big guy, all right?
445
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,280
Yeah. Thanks. Mm.
446
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:45,720
Yeah.
447
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,160
Yeah, OK. Thanks.
448
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,840
Xander!
449
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:57,480
Is she OK? I got messages.
450
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:58,840
Gemma's being prepped for surgery.
451
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,040
She needs a C-section.
452
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,440
Only one birthing partner can go in.
453
00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,600
I'm her father.
454
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:04,720
You know, I'm Gemma's father.
455
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,080
I'm not the baby's father, you know.
456
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,320
I'm just a friend. Yeah.
457
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,000
I mean, the father's not around,
so...
458
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,800
Which one of you is
going in with her?
459
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,920
Well, he's all dressed
for it, isn't he?
460
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:15,760
No, I think you sh... Dad?
461
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,040
Gem...
462
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,080
Gemma!
463
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,920
Where have you been? Oh...
464
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,640
Some men took my phone off me.
465
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,120
Who did? Oh, it doesn't matter.
466
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,440
So you'll feel a tugging sensation.
467
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,240
But there won't be any pain,
I promise.
468
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,320
Oh, God, that's
really weird and gross.
469
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,560
Would you like me to talk
you through what's happening?
470
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:43,600
No.
471
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,360
Talk to me about literally anything
other than what's happening.
472
00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:48,160
Didn't you say you'd just
had your floors done?
473
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,320
Err, yeah, we had, er, damp
proofing and a concrete pour.
474
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,520
God, that feels really weird.
475
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,920
Tell me about the screed.
476
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,080
This stool is bit low, isn't it?
477
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,240
Can it go any higher?
478
00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,280
Or I could stand up, couldn't I?
479
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,800
Oh, shit, sorry. Should I touch
that or is it contaminated?
480
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,520
Dad... I don't know.
Don't look over the curtain.
481
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:04,680
What? Oh...
482
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:05,720
Ohh...
483
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,640
Nearly there, Gemma.
484
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,640
The surgeon's just
cutting through the sac.
485
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,160
You know what? I think that
curtain should be higher.
486
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:14,400
I'm going to write to
someone about that.
487
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,040
Unless there's,
like, a suggestion box
488
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,680
or something like that, you know?
489
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,320
Are you ready to
meet your baby, Gemma?
490
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,800
Should be good now.
OK. And another clamp...
491
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:23,840
Here she is.
492
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040
BABY CRIES
She's a girl!
493
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,760
Oh, my God, Gem.
494
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,120
Isn't she clever?
You're so clever.
495
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,920
The baby's fine. She's gorgeous.
496
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,400
You're such a clever girl.
She's perfect.
497
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,440
Just like you.
498
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,000
Isn't she clever?
SOBS
499
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,520
Oh, God.
Congratulations, Gemma.
500
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,320
Oh, she's gorgeous, Gem.
501
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,440
Oh, there you go, Grandad.
502
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,360
Oh, my God.
503
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,560
Hello, little one.
504
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,640
Oh, she's perfect.
505
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,840
Look at you, little one.
506
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,840
Gorgeous. Hello, I'm your grandad.
BP's dropping...
507
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:13,880
Someone call the registrar.
508
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,440
I can't stop the bleeding. What?
509
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:16,720
Need clamps. What's happening?
510
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,320
What? It's going to be fine.
What's going on?
511
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,440
Sorry, Grandad. I can't find
the source of the bleeding.
512
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,000
Gem? She's still bleeding.
513
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,600
I'll just be outside.
You're going to be all right, OK?
514
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,440
You'll be all right.
Five litre blood loss...
515
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,880
Dad! It's OK, my love, it's OK.
516
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,960
Still bleeding.
517
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,080
I can't see anything.
518
00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:35,120
Hello.
519
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,800
Hey.
520
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:42,200
Hey.
521
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,200
All right.
522
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:54,480
BABY GRIZZLES
Shh...
523
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,680
She's going to be OK.
524
00:22:58,920 --> 00:22:59,960
Hey.
525
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,720
Isn't she?
526
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:03,760
Hey.
527
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,880
Gemma's fine.
528
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,600
She lost a lot of blood,
but she's fine.
529
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,760
She's OK? She's in recovery.
530
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:16,320
We'll bring her back soon.
531
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,040
All right.
532
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:19,080
Thank you.
533
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,440
Do you hear that?
534
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:34,840
We're going to be all right.
535
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,000
BABY WHIMPERS
536
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,240
Shh... Come on, come on.
537
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,440
Grandad's here.
538
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,840
Come on. That's it.
539
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:06,000
Come on.
540
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,040
Good girl.
541
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,040
All right, I've got her.
542
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,320
You go back to sleep, babes.
543
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,240
I've thought of a name.
544
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,080
Have you? What?
545
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,480
Sadie.
546
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:21,760
Oh, Sadie!
547
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,200
I love that!
548
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,640
Hello, Sadie.
549
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,440
Hey?
550
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,360
You're a much nicer birthday present
551
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,720
than being stuck in a storage unit
with your Uncle Derek, aren't you?
552
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,560
What the hell have
you been doing today?
553
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:39,200
I'll tell you later.
554
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,880
There's a visitor for you, Gemma.
555
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,520
Oh, could you tell them
to come back tomorrow?
556
00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,480
Oh, she's been quite insistent.
557
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:53,280
Mum!
558
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,120
It's OK, Gemma, love.
559
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:00,720
I'm here now.
560
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,480
Davina!
561
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,200
Malcolm.
562
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,800
What are you doing?
563
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:11,280
Gemma doesn't want the baby
catching something
564
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,120
from your dirty, great
warehouse hands.
565
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:15,240
No, I'm sorry.
566
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,000
I'm so sorry.
567
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,880
I'm sorry...
568
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,440
Hiya, Mum.
569
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,600
Hiya, sweetheart.
570
00:25:29,650 --> 00:25:34,200
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