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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:39,897 Santa? 2 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:44,738 Holy crap, Boyd. What the hell you doing back there, buddy? 3 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,306 Waiting on Santa Claus? 4 00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,742 Aren't you getting a little old for Santa Claus? 5 00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,077 I'm five. 6 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,846 It's all a sham, Boyd. The whole Goddamn deal. 7 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:55,415 I'm the only Santa you're ever gonna know. 8 00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:58,285 If you know the truth, it's easy to get through it all. 9 00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,355 In fact, let's see what he brought you. 10 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:04,558 Meet my father, Mitch Mitchler. 11 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,394 All we need is a couple of Chinese workers. 12 00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:09,961 He was a little bit complicated. 13 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:23,477 Maybe I was destined to become an overcompensator as a dad, 14 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:27,081 Christmas being the most obvious manifestation of that. 15 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,847 Alright, here we go. Okay, lean in, everyone. 16 00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,625 I'm also a realist. I can't control everything... 17 00:02:33,726 --> 00:02:36,657 - the weather, for instance. - Look Dad, it's snowing! 18 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,594 - Well, Bug, that's actually fake snow. - Because of global warming. 19 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:45,465 The warmest winter on record in the Midwest assured a non-white Christmas. 20 00:02:45,565 --> 00:02:49,302 The bigger issue by far, was the Santa conundrum. 21 00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,339 Vera was very much on the fence, Santa-wise. 22 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,575 But Douglas still believed. 23 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,476 Dad, why are there two Santas? 24 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:57,878 But for how much longer? 25 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:00,655 That guy's not Santa, Bug. He probably smells like pee 26 00:03:00,756 --> 00:03:02,616 and burnt hair because he's a welfare person. 27 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,316 - Vera! - Santa's not real anyway. 28 00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,188 Santa's not real, Dad? 29 00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:12,325 Of course Santa's real. No one's not real. 30 00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:15,827 Everyone's real, including Santa. 31 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:20,767 Vera, a word please. 32 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,603 Whatever you think you know, Vera, you don't. 33 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,872 Most kids in my class don't believe in Santa anymore. 34 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,475 But Madison and me... I mean Madison and I, 35 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,378 we kinda still did, except that Madison's sister, 36 00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:33,582 the one who did the BJ to this kid... 37 00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:37,984 Vera, you don't actually know what the B... 38 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:42,006 - what that expression means, do you? - It stands for butt jam, 39 00:03:42,107 --> 00:03:44,558 and I think it has to do with jamming stuff up your butt for money, 40 00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:48,195 but anyway, Madison's sister, she showed us this website, nosanta.org. 41 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,564 Well, Madison's sister is a deceitful little strumpet. 42 00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:55,135 What Dad means is that it's okay for you to decide about Santa, but Douglas... 43 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,471 He absolutely believes. 44 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,607 And we won't want to do anything to spoil Christmas for him, right? 45 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:04,978 Oh, right, I won't spoil it for Bug, Dad. Sorry. 46 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,078 Thank you. 47 00:04:11,116 --> 00:04:14,187 You are a very kind and generous young man. 48 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:20,160 And you are going to have a very merry and special Christmas. 49 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,760 Oh ho ho ho! 50 00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,170 Hey, you wanna... 51 00:04:34,407 --> 00:04:38,712 I wasn't gonna ask if you wanna smoke meth or kill a drifter. 52 00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:43,950 I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just... I'm exhausted. 53 00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,586 I'm with you. I just thought I should ask. 54 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:48,722 One day we're gonna have to, right? 55 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:52,723 Or, we could just enjoy the slow descent into celibacy. 56 00:04:57,563 --> 00:05:00,500 How many years do you think Bug has left 57 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:05,004 where he walks into the living room Christmas morning, 58 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,207 he sees the tree, 59 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,776 and presents, his stomach just drops, 60 00:05:10,876 --> 00:05:14,378 because holy crap, Santa came? 61 00:05:16,448 --> 00:05:21,652 Can you imagine still having that kind of belief in magic? 62 00:05:22,054 --> 00:05:25,125 Yeah, it's really cool. 63 00:05:25,725 --> 00:05:29,596 Do you think you're overcompensating 64 00:05:29,696 --> 00:05:33,700 - on the Christmas thing, just a tad? - Overcompens... on the Christmas thing? 65 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,603 No! I don't think that at all. He's six years old. 66 00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:40,007 - Okay, this is your brother, again. - Pass. 67 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:42,209 You can't keep pretending your family doesn't exist. 68 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,144 I'm pretty sure I can. 69 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:48,145 Come on babe, take the call, before it wakes the kids up. 70 00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,485 Hi, Nelson. 71 00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,154 - Whoa, that is spooky. - How'd you know it was me? 72 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,389 We have caller ID, so your number comes up. 73 00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,792 Just right there on the phone? 74 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,794 Boy, that is something. I gotta look into that. 75 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,696 - You know, that's a miracle of science. - Yeah, you bet. 76 00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:06,064 Hold on one sec, Boyd. 77 00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:12,005 Sorry to call you so late by the way. Is it night time where you are, too? 78 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,307 No, it's 10 here too, because Chicago and Wisconsin- 79 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,644 What is in the same time zone! 80 00:06:17,744 --> 00:06:19,946 Yeah, we're in the same time zone. 81 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,283 I don't know if you caught that, I said it like Jeopardy. 82 00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:25,085 So what do you need? 83 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,554 Oh, oh, right. So anyway, I'm calling to tell you: 84 00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,056 I scored myself a kid, a little boy. 85 00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:32,259 - I'm a dad. - Really? 86 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,694 - He seems to have procreated. - Eeww. 87 00:06:34,794 --> 00:06:37,230 I was calling to say, 88 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:41,401 - I want you to be the godfather. - Really? We would be honoured. 89 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:44,816 That is just the best, Boyd. Jeez, that is so... 90 00:06:44,917 --> 00:06:47,974 I know it's short notice but the baptism's on the 24th. 91 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,277 Oh, absolutely. We wouldn't miss it for the world. 92 00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:52,846 - Sweet. - January or February? 93 00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:56,182 No Boyd, December. December 24th. Oh, you can't wait for it. 94 00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,784 December? What? 95 00:06:58,884 --> 00:07:02,355 Nelson, you can't have a baptism on Christmas Eve. 96 00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:04,224 It doesn't... 97 00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,726 Wait that would mean 98 00:07:06,826 --> 00:07:10,764 that I'd have to spend Christmas with Dad. 99 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,133 I'll smoke in my Goddamn house if I want to. 100 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,336 It's my house. Name's right there on the mortgage. 101 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,739 Right there on the mailbox. His name on the mortgage, Donna? 102 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:23,677 His name on the friggin' mailbox? No sir, it is not, didn't think so. 103 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:27,213 Ipso facto ergo, not his Goddamn house. 104 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:30,350 Jeezo! Man you exhaust me, Mitch. 105 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:34,688 You know it is a dream come true for me to have my family home on Christmas. 106 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,957 There's no way they were gonna get a motel room now 107 00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,225 at this late date, and with Boyd's asthma... 108 00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:42,929 Asthma? Any other restrictions Captain Wheezy wants to put on me? 109 00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,997 Well, there is one more thing. 110 00:07:46,666 --> 00:07:49,536 I was planning on doing venison for Christmas Eve supper, 111 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,772 but apparently, Boyd's family doesn't eat red meat 112 00:07:52,872 --> 00:07:55,140 - and I was... - Christ's sake! 113 00:08:12,424 --> 00:08:14,227 Is that all of Douglas' stuff? 114 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,263 - Si. What about Vera's? - I hid it in the car this morning. 115 00:08:17,363 --> 00:08:20,266 - Oh, you're aces! - Tu tambien! 116 00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:23,209 - So, you ready to see your dad? - Yeah, can't wait. 117 00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,739 - I'm actually looking forward to it. - Really? 118 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,842 No, I'd rather be sodomized by an angry clown! 119 00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,978 I just want the kids to have a good Christmas. 120 00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:33,079 Me, too. 121 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,149 - Dad? - Hey, hi, what are you doing? 122 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,317 Hi, Dougie doodle. 123 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,252 Who's gonna feed Dale while we're gone? 124 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,287 - Oh, that would be... - Farhad. 125 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,390 - Who's Farhad? - Mom's ESL student. 126 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,793 - What's ESL? - Remember, English as a second language? 127 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:49,326 - Why don't you tell him, Dad? - I'll race you upstairs. 128 00:08:58,571 --> 00:09:03,076 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way 129 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:07,614 Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh 130 00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:10,217 Dashing through the snow 131 00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,819 In a one-horse open sleigh 132 00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,121 O'er the fields we go 133 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,457 Laughing all the way 134 00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,759 Bells on Bobtail ring 135 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,126 Making spirits bright 136 00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:28,134 - Son of a bitch. - Mom, Dad said "bitch." 137 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:31,071 Bitch isn't a bad word, Bug. Neither is bastard or ass. 138 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,503 Hey, you guys, come on. 139 00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:43,050 Hey, we're twins! Ha ha ha, merry Christmas! 140 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,184 Licence and proof of insurance, please. 141 00:09:47,386 --> 00:09:48,822 Awesome. 142 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:53,093 So, I did clock you doing 67 in a 45, Mr. Mitchler. 143 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:57,013 Yeah, the bum deal about that is, it's a 450-dollar infraction, 144 00:09:57,114 --> 00:10:02,068 but there is some good news. You can pay online now, in the state of Wisconsin. 145 00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:04,404 Yeah, it's a real sweet website, takes Discover, 146 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:09,309 so you get the cash back which, you know, helps out. 147 00:10:09,409 --> 00:10:11,444 Alright, kids, hope Santa treats you good! 148 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,946 Take care! Merry Christmas! 149 00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:16,049 - Merry Christmas. - You bet. 150 00:10:22,187 --> 00:10:26,392 - Oh, where the heck can they be? - Oh, don't get your knickers in a knot. 151 00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:29,129 - You having a good time, Dad? - Oh yeah, I'm delirious. 152 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,931 I want some milk. 153 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,533 You have to wait 'til supper like the rest of us, Cale. 154 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,070 - Where is the sex offender? - He's not a sex offender! 155 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:40,073 What should I call him then, Willy Wanker? 156 00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,075 With the help of our marriage counsellor, 157 00:10:42,175 --> 00:10:45,044 me and Dave have worked through his transgressions. 158 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:49,580 So my husband, Dad, is outside smoking a heater. 159 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,430 Dad, Rance is being a gomer! 160 00:11:03,530 --> 00:11:07,433 Hey you guys, cut it out! Where the hell did you get that thing from? 161 00:11:07,533 --> 00:11:08,502 I took it. 162 00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:11,502 Well, put it the hell back from where you took it from! 163 00:11:16,441 --> 00:11:17,911 Thank you. 164 00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:22,715 Aw, crud, I can't find my camera. Mitch, go look for it, will you? 165 00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:24,617 For cripe's sake, we're not National Geographic. 166 00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,119 They're not some bunch of bonobos. 167 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,855 Mitch, they have never been here for Christmas. 168 00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:32,158 Well, whose fault is that? Not mine. Boyd's the one who thinks he's too good for us. 169 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,861 Having my family here means everything to me. 170 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:40,297 So quit being such an a-hole, and go look for my G-D camera! 171 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,004 They're here! 172 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,905 Shut up, tramp stamp! 173 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,478 Mitch, hurry up, Boyd's here. 174 00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:54,647 - Boyd! - Hey! Oh, honey! 175 00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:57,784 - Mom! - I love you. 176 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,155 I love you. It's great to be home. You are looking fine as wine. 177 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,958 Can you believe it, Boyd, all of us together at Christmas! 178 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,026 I know, it's great. Well, where's the Nel? 179 00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,295 Nelson and the baby are meeting us at church. 180 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,414 - Gotcha. - Isn't this perfect, Boyd? 181 00:12:11,515 --> 00:12:13,398 This is perfect. 182 00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,641 Stop! Don't hurt me! 183 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,507 Don't... don't... 184 00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,519 - Dad, you okay? - I'm fine. 185 00:12:31,619 --> 00:12:35,086 You're welcome, anytime. You're family. 186 00:12:40,625 --> 00:12:42,863 You okay? 187 00:12:43,863 --> 00:12:45,164 Puba! 188 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,367 Dougie Doodle! How are you, little bugger? 189 00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:52,272 Everybody get together for a quick photo, and then we gotta get ready for church. 190 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:57,474 That glorious song of old 191 00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:04,014 From angels bending near the earth 192 00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:09,219 To touch their harps of gold 193 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:17,294 ...goodwill to men from heavens all gracious king 194 00:13:17,396 --> 00:13:21,668 I really don't know the words to say 195 00:13:21,768 --> 00:13:26,771 So now I don't have to sing 196 00:13:29,841 --> 00:13:34,947 Well, of course most of you remember my wife, Cindy, 197 00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,850 and might have known that when I was in basic, 198 00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:41,421 over by Fort Digs, she ran off with this Mexican guy, 199 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:44,324 who played a little minor league ball for the Wombats. 200 00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:47,527 Pretty halfway decent shortstop. 201 00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:50,697 Anyhow, he got her pregnant, this Mexican guy did, 202 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,033 so Cindy comes by the house one day, and goes, 203 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:58,071 "Hey Nelson, would you mind looking after the baby for a while?" 204 00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:01,140 And I said, "Yeah, yeah sure, no sweat." 205 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:05,144 And anyhow, that was six months ago and I still got this kid of hers, so. 206 00:14:05,244 --> 00:14:10,016 He don't have a name that I know of, so I've just been calling him Baby. 207 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:13,019 But you know, he is a real, real good boy. 208 00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:16,489 And that's why I want to name him Boyd, 209 00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:21,260 after my own big brother, who is just a heck of a good guy himself. 210 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,097 So, I am presenting Boyd Jr. 211 00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:29,699 as a candidate for holy baptism. 212 00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:35,272 Except I figure I'm gonna call him BJ. 213 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:40,079 Welcome to the family, BJ. 214 00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:44,617 Dear God, I look around this table, and I see a family. 215 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,821 I know we're not perfect, Lord God, even though some people think they are. 216 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:53,693 We've all got foibles, peccadilloes if you will. 217 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,829 I'm not gonna name names, Dave; it's not the time or the place. 218 00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,332 Anyhow I just want to say, thank you, Lord Jesus, 219 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,235 Lamb of God, for bringing us together here. 220 00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,258 And now each one of us is gonna say something they're thankful for. 221 00:15:05,359 --> 00:15:08,274 - Donna, do it. - Oh, 222 00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:12,576 I'm thankful little BJ's christening went okay. 223 00:15:13,378 --> 00:15:16,616 But mostly I'm thankful we're all here together. 224 00:15:16,716 --> 00:15:18,351 That's a dream for me. 225 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:20,987 - Skol. - Skol! 226 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,022 It's a prayer Donna, not a toast, come on. 227 00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:26,759 - Shauna, you're up. - Oh. I'm grateful 228 00:15:26,859 --> 00:15:31,030 that through the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, 229 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:35,601 I'm able to forgive all of you for all the pain you've caused me, 230 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:39,038 and, thanks to me and Dave's marriage counsellor, 231 00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:41,774 we are back on the marriage train, 232 00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:45,645 and we are gonna ride it all the way into the station. 233 00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,411 Right? 234 00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:52,528 Well, I got one. I thank God that he gave me the ability to give 110 percent, 235 00:15:52,629 --> 00:15:54,854 and take first for the WISEA under-fourteen regionals. 236 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:59,125 WISEA stands for Wisconsin Competitive Eating Association. 237 00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:03,930 Rancer ate 27 Johnsonville brats in five minutes. 238 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,964 - That's a lot of brats. - Way to go, Rance. 239 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,404 That is... that is really neat. 240 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,773 Let's give it the devil, Rancer. Come on, pound these back. 241 00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:15,208 Go, Rancer! 242 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:17,009 Go, go, go, Rancer! 243 00:16:17,109 --> 00:16:21,178 Get it. Go-o-o, Rancer. Go, go, go, Rancer. 244 00:16:27,855 --> 00:16:30,455 Time! 245 00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,893 That's what I'm talking about! Come on! 246 00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,462 Wow, that is really, really neat. 247 00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,397 How many hot dogs can you eat, Dougie doodle? 248 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:42,235 - We're not allowed to eat hot dogs. - We're a macrobiotic household. 249 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,303 For crying out loud, Boyd, what's this crap? 250 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,105 You're gonna turn your kids into a couple of beatniks. 251 00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:48,942 - Our kids are fine! - I know they're fine. I'm just saying, 252 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,177 you don't want your boy to turn into a Sally, do ya? 253 00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:54,714 - Don't tell me how to raise my kids. - Don't tell me what to do in my house! 254 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,617 Is your name on the mailbox?! I didn't think so! 255 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,452 Oh really, the mailbox line again, Dad? 256 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:02,288 Great, you sparked Nelson's PTSD. 257 00:17:02,388 --> 00:17:05,658 Post-traumatic stress disorder. 258 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:09,228 When things get tense, Nelly gets a little squirrely. 259 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:13,298 He has to go into a dark, quiet space. 260 00:17:13,898 --> 00:17:15,801 It's from the war. 261 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,503 What war, Mom? 262 00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,839 He fell out of the back of a Humvee during basic training and was discharged. 263 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:23,040 A head injury! 264 00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:26,677 He got a head injury serving his country! 265 00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:33,817 Okay. 266 00:17:38,256 --> 00:17:40,893 What... 267 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:44,895 Why are there shotgun pellets in my chicken? 268 00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:47,564 Dad. 269 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,101 Because it's squirrel. 270 00:17:59,711 --> 00:18:01,780 Honey, no, we're not leaving. 271 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,682 He fed me a rodent for Christmas dinner. 272 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:10,356 Well, you're the only one who ate squirrel. Ours was really chicken. 273 00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,642 You did say that you could handle anything as long as the kids 274 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:17,027 were having a good Christmas, and the kids are having a great Christmas. 275 00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:22,868 Think you can just flex those emotional muscles, 276 00:18:22,968 --> 00:18:26,503 just a little bit, and think of Douglas? 277 00:18:30,408 --> 00:18:32,910 I want some more dessert! 278 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,157 And that's how you make 50 dollars an hour. 279 00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:46,993 - Puba? - Yeah, Dougie? 280 00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:49,228 I want us to leave Santa a snack, 281 00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,764 but Rance ate all the cookies in like, 10 seconds, 282 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:53,766 and then he drank a whole gallon of milk. 283 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,301 Whoa. 284 00:18:55,401 --> 00:19:00,303 So, I was wondering if you had anything else that I could give to Santa? 285 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,610 Of course I do, Bug. 286 00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:07,844 I know something that Santa loves a lot more than milk and cookies. 287 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:15,388 Dear Santa, Puba said you would enjoy this bourbon and asparagus. 288 00:19:15,489 --> 00:19:20,026 I hope you like it a lot. Love, your very good friend, Douglas Mitchler. 289 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:23,729 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 290 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:27,366 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 291 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,568 Shake that ass, bitch, and let me see what you got 292 00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,505 Whoa, that's pretty neat, Pam. 293 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,640 I know, I've got over 75 hits so far. 294 00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:37,343 Your average is zero stars 'cause you suck, turdbait. 295 00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:39,876 Shut up, jackwipe! 296 00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:46,083 Hey, that's not very Christmassy behaviour. Gather up. 297 00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:51,757 So, we have a tradition in our family 298 00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:55,294 where we read The Night Before Christmas 299 00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:58,929 the night before Christmas. Get it? 300 00:19:59,565 --> 00:20:01,467 This is mentally challenged. 301 00:20:01,567 --> 00:20:05,371 Do you think this is a joke, Rance? This isn't a joke. This is Christmas. 302 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:10,042 We're not two, Uncle Boyd! I mean, all this Santa crap is for babies! 303 00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:12,011 Every dumbass knows there's no such thing! 304 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:17,814 Shut up! Shut your mouth! Shut your big, eating mouth! Right now, shut it! 305 00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:25,858 - Santa will find me here, right Dad? - Of course he will, Bug. 306 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:31,230 In fact, Santa just texted me to say that he made you an amazing present! 307 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:34,698 But you're gonna have to wait until morning to see it. 308 00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:39,405 Okay. 309 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:43,576 Look at this pile of crap. This country's so damn excessive it makes me wanna puke. 310 00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,643 Oh put a sock in it, Mitchler. 311 00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:48,514 Well, they're all down. 312 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:51,582 - Oh that's super, honey. - Good job. 313 00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:57,921 - Where's Douglas' stuff? - Oh gosh, buried in there somewhere. 314 00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:07,433 - Everything's out of the car? - I got the last of it out of there. 315 00:21:07,533 --> 00:21:10,168 Well, none of it's here. 316 00:21:10,368 --> 00:21:16,538 None of Douglas' presents are here. 317 00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:24,150 No, that's impossible. You put them in the car this morning. 318 00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:27,153 - I didn't, you did. - No, you gave me the thumbs up! 319 00:21:27,253 --> 00:21:31,123 - Meaning you do it, and you nodded! - Wait, what are you two saying? 320 00:21:31,223 --> 00:21:33,959 - Boyd... - Not Boyd, Luann! 321 00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:37,062 Boyd and I left all of Douglas' stuff in Chicago. 322 00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:39,636 - Oh, jeez. - It's gonna be fine! 323 00:21:39,737 --> 00:21:42,569 We'll think of something! Right? 324 00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:47,072 Oh I have an idea. What's it called, Toys "R"... 325 00:21:47,172 --> 00:21:48,641 Us. 326 00:21:48,741 --> 00:21:52,111 Babe, the mall closes at six, all right? Just sit there and look pretty. 327 00:21:52,211 --> 00:21:55,681 Okay, listen, Randy Sickle over there in Commercial, they're open 24 hours, 328 00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:58,017 we'll go over there, pick him up maybe one of those singing bass plaques 329 00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,346 and a mesh hat. Hey, come on, he's seven. 330 00:22:00,447 --> 00:22:03,990 Throw in a pack of grape hike shoes boom, it's done. What do you say? 331 00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,992 The kid's never gonna know the difference. "Christmas, hey!" 332 00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:11,697 That's exactly what you would do! Nice parenting, really nice! 333 00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:15,524 Last time I checked, it ain't exactly great parenting ruining your kid's Christmas, 334 00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:17,971 - Prime Time! - I should knock you on your ass. 335 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:22,439 Oh really? Bring it Sally! I'd love to see you try! Come on! 336 00:22:26,211 --> 00:22:28,013 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 337 00:22:29,413 --> 00:22:31,684 Now if we're gonna do this, we're gonna need some ground rules. 338 00:22:31,784 --> 00:22:34,320 I'm going. I'm driving back. It's not even 11. 339 00:22:34,420 --> 00:22:36,422 That gives me eight hours until he's up. I'm going. 340 00:22:36,522 --> 00:22:39,292 - Boyd, don't go! - You can't do it, it's too far! 341 00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:42,993 He's not going anywhere, Donna, he's all show and no go. 342 00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:49,268 Boyd. Boyd, stop. 343 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:52,238 You've had four hours of sleep. You're gonna kill yourself! 344 00:22:52,338 --> 00:22:57,610 Any day now, Douglas is gonna wake up and realize the world is a mean, nasty place 345 00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,526 where your hopes and dreams eventually get smashed to bits. 346 00:23:00,627 --> 00:23:04,216 - Until then, he needs this. - I'm sorry, who needs this? 347 00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:08,754 If I can just make him believe for one more Christmas. 348 00:23:08,854 --> 00:23:11,390 Having Christmas is not about stuff, Boyd. 349 00:23:11,490 --> 00:23:14,927 Look, just wait. Okay, go tomorrow, when you've had some sleep. 350 00:23:15,027 --> 00:23:19,598 We'll say that we delayed Christmas a day. We'll make it fun. 351 00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:22,902 I understand. Mitch ruined Christmas for you, 352 00:23:23,002 --> 00:23:27,494 but you have proven a million times over, you're not him. 353 00:23:27,595 --> 00:23:32,008 You're such a great dad. This is just crazy! 354 00:23:32,310 --> 00:23:36,215 Hey, hey. Look, you're running away from your father again! 355 00:23:36,315 --> 00:23:38,317 You can't keep doing this! 356 00:23:38,517 --> 00:23:41,053 Boyd, wait, I'm coming with you! Let me just put up some coffee! 357 00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:43,422 It's about an eight-hour round trip, 358 00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:46,725 which gets me back here at what, sevenish, 359 00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:50,196 so just make sure the kids stay downstairs until 7:30. 360 00:23:50,296 --> 00:23:53,964 - This is doable, but I gotta go now. - Be careful, honey! 361 00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:05,742 Merry Christmas. 362 00:24:32,170 --> 00:24:34,606 I made this ornament when I was a kid once, 363 00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:36,843 out of a pine cone. 364 00:24:36,943 --> 00:24:40,279 It had the googly eyes on it and the white cotton deals, 365 00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:42,982 - you know what I'm talking about? - Shut the hell up, you degenerate. 366 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:45,451 - Pervert. - He's not a pervert! 367 00:24:45,551 --> 00:24:49,155 A guy who exposes himself to a busload of old folks on their way to Oneida bingo, 368 00:24:49,255 --> 00:24:52,825 what the hell should I call him if not pervert? Friggin' pillar of the community? 369 00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:55,060 I have explained this situation to you a hundred times. 370 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,530 - In Dave's defence, he was drunk! - Very! 371 00:24:57,630 --> 00:25:00,967 And in his second defence, someone double-dog dared him to do it, so that... 372 00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:04,386 Okay. Who wants to look at some slides? 373 00:25:04,487 --> 00:25:07,971 Or, I know, how about a game of cribbage? 374 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,607 Oh, I've got that. 375 00:25:12,510 --> 00:25:15,081 - Hello? - Is it him? Is he okay? What happened? 376 00:25:15,181 --> 00:25:18,848 He's fine, but... Aw crud. 377 00:25:21,486 --> 00:25:23,087 Dammit. 378 00:25:38,202 --> 00:25:43,576 Looky here. BMW. Short for Bavarian Money Waster. 379 00:25:43,676 --> 00:25:45,878 Looks like the sheisse hit the fan here. 380 00:25:45,978 --> 00:25:47,311 - I'm gonna hitchhike. - Really? 381 00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:50,015 Christmas Eve, no one's gonna pick you up. Come on, let's go. 382 00:25:50,115 --> 00:25:53,685 I'm not giving up. You go ahead and go home. I don't need you. 383 00:25:53,785 --> 00:25:55,821 Yeah, but Douglas does. 384 00:25:56,921 --> 00:25:59,658 So come on. Get in the truck, Gladys. 385 00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:02,360 We got Christmas to save. 386 00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:22,481 Silent night 387 00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:27,614 Holy night 388 00:26:28,521 --> 00:26:33,592 All is calm 389 00:26:33,692 --> 00:26:39,064 All is bright 390 00:26:39,164 --> 00:26:44,369 Round yon virgin 391 00:26:44,469 --> 00:26:49,644 Mother and child 392 00:26:49,986 --> 00:26:53,905 Holy infant 393 00:26:54,006 --> 00:26:59,930 So tender and mild 394 00:27:00,386 --> 00:27:06,889 Sleep in heavenly peace 395 00:27:09,026 --> 00:27:11,530 - It don't add up, boy. - You got a guy tootin' around 396 00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:13,399 the whole Goddamn planet in one night. 397 00:27:13,499 --> 00:27:17,502 That sleigh'd have to be going 25, 30,000 miles per hour, minimum. 398 00:27:17,602 --> 00:27:19,371 Now, if we had that type of technology, shit, 399 00:27:19,471 --> 00:27:22,394 we'd be blowing the tits off the friggin' Viet Kong. 400 00:27:22,494 --> 00:27:27,980 It's all a sham. Eastern bunny, Sham. Valentine's Day, Sham. 401 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,949 Tooth fairy? What the heck's up with that son of a B? 402 00:27:31,049 --> 00:27:32,217 You know what he is, right? 403 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:34,019 - Sham. - Damn right. 404 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:36,355 What kind of creep goes sneaking into a kid's room 405 00:27:36,455 --> 00:27:38,057 and putting chump change under a pillow? 406 00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:40,993 What the hell's he need all those teeth for? Pervert. 407 00:27:41,093 --> 00:27:44,496 The whole world is full of lies, Boyd. 408 00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:48,868 The only road to happiness is realizing there's no road to happiness. 409 00:27:48,968 --> 00:27:52,068 Alright, I'm going to bed. You finish it up on your own. 410 00:27:54,172 --> 00:27:58,806 Oh yeah, eat me! Prick. 411 00:28:02,413 --> 00:28:04,982 First off... 412 00:28:06,218 --> 00:28:09,721 And second, I have asthma, Dad, asthma. 413 00:28:09,821 --> 00:28:15,294 And it is not all in my head, as you have so astutely hypothesized in the past. 414 00:28:15,394 --> 00:28:19,198 It is an actual medical condition that could actually kill me. 415 00:28:19,298 --> 00:28:23,802 So please, put out the damn cigar. 416 00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:28,638 What the hell's that all about? You on the friggin' rag? Come on. 417 00:28:41,485 --> 00:28:46,057 Come on, lighten up, Boyd. We got all night ahead of us. 418 00:28:46,157 --> 00:28:49,126 Let's have a little fun here. 419 00:28:56,834 --> 00:29:00,072 - I bet they're having a ball. - Yeah, yippee! 420 00:29:00,172 --> 00:29:02,808 It does make me feel better that Mitch went with him. 421 00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:05,611 Them two hate each other's guts, I thought. 422 00:29:05,711 --> 00:29:11,016 Okay, cut it out, you guys, we're a family. And it's Christmas, jeez. 423 00:29:11,116 --> 00:29:16,088 You know, Mom, I, don't want to make you feel bad with what I'm about to say, 424 00:29:16,188 --> 00:29:20,125 being that it's Christmas and all but, a lot of this is your fault. 425 00:29:20,225 --> 00:29:24,262 Dave and I's marriage counsellor says that a lot of my self-esteem problems 426 00:29:24,362 --> 00:29:28,500 come from the fact that you never confronted Dad about his drinking. 427 00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:33,705 So it's why I seek approval from people who treat me like wet dog crap. 428 00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:39,711 Who needs anything? We've got leftovers, we've got hot dish. Beer? 429 00:29:39,811 --> 00:29:43,413 Reeb me! That's beer spelled backwards, honey. 430 00:29:50,788 --> 00:29:52,622 Vera. 431 00:29:53,791 --> 00:29:55,127 Yeah, Bug? 432 00:29:55,227 --> 00:29:59,295 Was Rance about to say that there's no such thing as Santa? 433 00:30:00,864 --> 00:30:03,735 Rance is a certified moron, Douglas. 434 00:30:03,835 --> 00:30:07,706 So whatever he was about to say would have been certified moronic. 435 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,775 Of course there's a Santa. 436 00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:12,311 - Promise? - I promise. 437 00:30:12,411 --> 00:30:15,614 When you see your presents under the tree in the morning, 438 00:30:15,714 --> 00:30:18,883 you'll believe again, you will. 439 00:30:19,683 --> 00:30:22,285 Now lie down. 440 00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:27,090 Okay. 441 00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:47,912 Wow, 53 degrees. So much for a white Christmas. 442 00:30:48,012 --> 00:30:51,083 Who needs one? Yesterday I was golfing. You would have caught me in my shirtsleeves. 443 00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:53,485 Kicked Bill Gorsky's ass, the fat pollack. 444 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,455 I said "if this is global warming, I'll take it." 445 00:30:56,555 --> 00:30:59,191 - Pollack. Nice, Dad. - Technically he's a bohunk. 446 00:30:59,291 --> 00:31:01,524 I got more if you need 'em. 447 00:31:03,994 --> 00:31:07,697 - Hi, where's the... - Just past the cheese. 448 00:31:16,976 --> 00:31:22,111 I can guess your nationality without even seeing you. European. 449 00:31:22,913 --> 00:31:25,650 You get it? You're a-peein'. 450 00:31:25,750 --> 00:31:29,752 - Ha, yeah, got it. - Ho ho ho. 451 00:31:30,421 --> 00:31:33,055 Hey, you got any bourbon? Just a... 452 00:31:34,324 --> 00:31:38,394 - I wish I did, sorry. - That's okay, that's okay. 453 00:31:39,864 --> 00:31:45,368 So, you having yourself a merry little Christmas? 454 00:31:46,871 --> 00:31:48,340 I wouldn't say that exactly. 455 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:52,511 Well, nobody said it was easy now, did they? I mean, take my journey here tonight. 456 00:31:52,611 --> 00:31:55,647 I mean, logic-wise, that whole deal doesn't really add up, does it? 457 00:31:55,747 --> 00:32:02,284 I mean my sleigh'd have to be doing what, 25, 30,000 miles an hour? Minimum? 458 00:32:06,357 --> 00:32:09,027 But I always make it. Somehow I always do, you know. 459 00:32:09,127 --> 00:32:11,548 I mean, it's not always easy, like I say, but miracles never are. 460 00:32:11,649 --> 00:32:14,766 They're tricky little things, miracles. Sometimes they look at you right in the face. 461 00:32:14,866 --> 00:32:17,359 They're right in front of you, staring at you in the mirror, 462 00:32:17,460 --> 00:32:20,703 and you didn't even see them. It's crazy. 463 00:32:23,374 --> 00:32:26,912 - Have a merry Christmas, Santa. - I always do, buddy. 464 00:32:28,012 --> 00:32:30,512 I always do. 465 00:32:32,516 --> 00:32:34,986 - Have fun in there. - I'll name it after you. 466 00:32:35,086 --> 00:32:36,521 Hi, can I get a couple of coffees? 467 00:32:36,621 --> 00:32:39,558 That's your old man? Virgil Mitch. Ole Mitch? 468 00:32:39,658 --> 00:32:42,127 - Yeah, I'm Boyd. - You're Boyd! 469 00:32:42,227 --> 00:32:47,399 Yeah, you're the smart one. You got a full ride at the UW. 470 00:32:47,499 --> 00:32:51,070 And now you're a stockbroker, is it? Down in Chi-town? 471 00:32:51,170 --> 00:32:53,773 - I manage a hedge fund. - Oh yeah, that's right. 472 00:32:53,873 --> 00:32:57,409 But your dad tells me you make a truckload of money. 473 00:32:57,509 --> 00:32:59,711 I don't know about that. I work too much. 474 00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:04,049 Well, anyhow, nice to have a face with the name. 475 00:33:04,149 --> 00:33:06,985 Your pop, that crazy old son of a... 476 00:33:07,085 --> 00:33:09,621 he's in here pretty near once a week, 477 00:33:09,721 --> 00:33:12,822 and I get an earful about your family. 478 00:33:12,958 --> 00:33:18,096 No! Mitch talks a blue streak about how good you're doing. 479 00:33:18,196 --> 00:33:23,368 Must be nice for y'all to have Christmas together, ain't it? 480 00:33:24,468 --> 00:33:26,368 It is. 481 00:33:27,171 --> 00:33:29,908 - What do I owe you? - No, come on. 482 00:33:30,008 --> 00:33:32,511 Merry Christmas now, Boyd. 483 00:33:33,211 --> 00:33:35,011 Merry Christmas. 484 00:33:44,111 --> 00:33:46,111 - Merry Christmas! - Merry Christmas! 485 00:33:54,764 --> 00:33:57,434 You know how to drive a manual, tranny? 486 00:33:58,334 --> 00:34:01,840 You don't remember the day you taught me how to drive a stick? 487 00:34:01,940 --> 00:34:03,308 Should I? 488 00:34:03,408 --> 00:34:07,545 October 26, 1983, you may recall, was my 12th birthday. 489 00:34:07,645 --> 00:34:12,217 You may also recall that you were too hammered to drive home from my party, 490 00:34:12,317 --> 00:34:15,184 so I drove home. 491 00:34:15,685 --> 00:34:17,088 Is that right? 492 00:34:17,188 --> 00:34:20,058 Well, I must have been doing something right, 'cause you still remember how. 493 00:34:20,158 --> 00:34:22,594 Yes, it is one of life's greatest indignities 494 00:34:22,694 --> 00:34:26,228 that you never won the Father of the Year award. 495 00:34:28,233 --> 00:34:31,002 - Hey, careful! - Can't you take a joke, Sally? 496 00:34:31,102 --> 00:34:33,138 - Now you're pissing me off. - Oh, am I pissing you... 497 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:37,507 Maybe you need to piss on the radiator. Whoa, what was that? 498 00:34:41,378 --> 00:34:43,045 Tit. 499 00:34:45,549 --> 00:34:48,019 - Want me to go peek in on BJ? - No, I'll do it, Shauna. 500 00:34:48,119 --> 00:34:49,554 Wait a second, where's Nelson? 501 00:34:49,654 --> 00:34:53,124 Last time I saw him he was going ape-crap because Mitch and Boyd were scrapping. 502 00:34:53,224 --> 00:34:56,993 - Well, that was two hours ago. - Oh, shoot, Nelson! 503 00:34:57,695 --> 00:34:59,095 Nelson! 504 00:34:59,999 --> 00:35:01,600 Nelson. 505 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,201 Nelson, baby, come on. 506 00:35:05,836 --> 00:35:08,070 Nelson. 507 00:35:10,107 --> 00:35:12,142 Nelson. 508 00:35:13,711 --> 00:35:15,512 Where are you? 509 00:35:17,448 --> 00:35:19,851 He's not where he usually goes. 510 00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:25,390 Whenever he gets panicked he just falls asleep in the craziest places. 511 00:35:25,490 --> 00:35:28,526 I found him all balled up in the middle of the road a coup... 512 00:35:30,526 --> 00:35:32,561 Oh my God. 513 00:35:33,196 --> 00:35:36,134 Nelson! Where are you, baby? Wake up! 514 00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,437 - Nelson! - Nelson! 515 00:35:38,537 --> 00:35:40,872 Nelson! Where are you, Nelson? Wake up! 516 00:35:40,972 --> 00:35:42,540 Donna, be careful! 517 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,078 Nelson! Nelson! 518 00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:48,947 Oh... oh, dear Lord Jesus. 519 00:35:49,047 --> 00:35:51,549 Jingle all the way 520 00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:53,952 - No, you can't sing low. - I know, high. 521 00:35:54,052 --> 00:35:55,453 Way 522 00:35:55,553 --> 00:35:57,920 Oh no, stop, stop, stop! 523 00:35:59,256 --> 00:36:01,326 Oh what fun it is to ride 524 00:36:01,426 --> 00:36:06,595 - Dude, you just hit something. - ...open sleigh 525 00:36:10,067 --> 00:36:11,804 Good night. 526 00:36:12,204 --> 00:36:14,704 Put your hands down and let's do this. 527 00:36:16,907 --> 00:36:18,376 Ahem, I love you ve... I love you very much. 528 00:36:18,476 --> 00:36:19,744 - Let's go, come on. - See? 529 00:36:19,844 --> 00:36:24,416 - Mom, has Santa come yet? - No honey, not yet, it's still early. 530 00:36:24,516 --> 00:36:26,949 Santa's got a long night ahead of him. 531 00:36:27,651 --> 00:36:30,822 - Can Dad tuck me in? - Who? Dad? 532 00:36:31,322 --> 00:36:35,257 No, because, Dad and Puba... 533 00:36:36,860 --> 00:36:39,161 are getting massages. 534 00:36:40,564 --> 00:36:45,401 - Oh, okay. Good night, Mom. - Okay, good night. 535 00:36:55,646 --> 00:36:57,546 So who else isn't tired? 536 00:37:00,918 --> 00:37:05,256 Oh, I forgot to ask you. Did Santa Claus accost you in the bathroom? 537 00:37:05,356 --> 00:37:06,291 Excuse me? 538 00:37:06,391 --> 00:37:09,394 You know, the grubby old guy in the Santa suit in the truck stop bathroom. 539 00:37:09,494 --> 00:37:12,295 I didn't see anybody in the bathroom. 540 00:37:17,034 --> 00:37:19,437 Santa's coming home soon. 541 00:37:20,737 --> 00:37:23,271 Gonna bring you lots of gifts. 542 00:37:30,647 --> 00:37:33,818 Oh, son of a bitch! Oh! 543 00:37:33,918 --> 00:37:36,821 I forgot to tell you, the speedometer's off by about 10 miles an hour. 544 00:37:36,921 --> 00:37:38,921 Oh it's good to know that. 545 00:37:47,831 --> 00:37:49,868 Well, I'll be! 546 00:37:49,968 --> 00:37:53,671 Merry Christmas, Mr. Mitchler! Again. 547 00:37:54,171 --> 00:37:55,940 What brings you gents out so late? 548 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,509 Well, numbnuts here forgot his kid's presents in Chi-town. 549 00:37:58,709 --> 00:38:03,983 Numbnuts, that's funny. Haven't heard that one in quite some time! 550 00:38:04,230 --> 00:38:06,498 My foster mom, she... 551 00:38:06,851 --> 00:38:09,721 Oh, I see you guys are in the portable john business? 552 00:38:09,821 --> 00:38:13,324 Indeed we are, sir. Mitch Mitchler, North Central Wisconsin king of the crappers. 553 00:38:13,424 --> 00:38:16,594 For 25 years, Mitchler's Handi-crappers have been supplying luxury johns 554 00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:20,932 for all your business needs. I always say, if you gotta go, go in style! 555 00:38:21,032 --> 00:38:25,836 I like that a lot. Riddle me this, do you guys do family reunions? 556 00:38:25,936 --> 00:38:27,005 My cousin actu... 557 00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:30,074 We're actually in a really big hurry, Trooper Zblocki, so. 558 00:38:30,174 --> 00:38:33,842 I could tell, Mr. Mitchler. Caught old numbnuts here doing 91. 559 00:38:34,413 --> 00:38:37,582 I'll be back with your citation, STAT. 560 00:38:38,882 --> 00:38:40,216 Numbnuts. 561 00:38:42,187 --> 00:38:44,487 Funny little elf. 562 00:38:45,587 --> 00:38:47,587 It's a good one. 563 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:53,764 Well, Mr. Mitchler, I caught you doing 91, yikes! 564 00:38:54,364 --> 00:38:57,265 It's like, "Arriba, arriba, andele, andele!" 565 00:38:57,568 --> 00:38:59,368 Bart Simpson. 566 00:39:01,706 --> 00:39:04,776 But, it's Christmas, so you know what? 567 00:39:05,276 --> 00:39:09,511 - I got candy canes for you three guys. - Three? 568 00:39:16,420 --> 00:39:17,989 Nelson? 569 00:39:18,089 --> 00:39:21,889 Jeez, I must've fell asleep in here. 570 00:39:23,893 --> 00:39:25,694 Who's that guy? 571 00:39:27,464 --> 00:39:31,069 A child is the most important thing a mother has, Nelson. 572 00:39:31,169 --> 00:39:33,906 Jeez, I'm sorry I had you worried, Mom. 573 00:39:34,006 --> 00:39:36,875 If anything had happened to you... 574 00:39:37,175 --> 00:39:38,210 Aw, jeez. 575 00:39:38,310 --> 00:39:42,013 Mom, could you put little BJ on the phone? I want to tell him I'm okay. 576 00:39:42,113 --> 00:39:47,085 He's sleeping in his crib, hon. Plus he's not even a year. 577 00:39:47,185 --> 00:39:50,855 Well, maybe just go in there and tell him I love him? 578 00:39:51,455 --> 00:39:55,760 And, could you sing him that pretty little song he likes? 579 00:39:55,860 --> 00:39:59,697 Hot tortillas, crisp tostadas 580 00:39:59,797 --> 00:40:02,834 Best in Me-hi-co 581 00:40:02,934 --> 00:40:07,138 Enchiladas, empanadas 582 00:40:07,238 --> 00:40:10,974 How I love them so 583 00:40:14,211 --> 00:40:17,048 It is a miracle that you got pulled over, 584 00:40:17,148 --> 00:40:19,851 because I could have froze to death in there, or worse. 585 00:40:19,951 --> 00:40:21,719 Not cold enough to freeze to death. 586 00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,688 Okay, real quick, what could possibly be worse 587 00:40:23,788 --> 00:40:25,857 than freezing to death in a portable toilet, Nelson? 588 00:40:25,957 --> 00:40:30,194 HIV, AIDS, Lou Gehrig disease, cancer, spina bifida... 589 00:40:30,294 --> 00:40:32,563 Okay, all good ones. 590 00:40:32,663 --> 00:40:36,134 I could think of one worse. A guy getting his gonads lobbed off by his wife 591 00:40:36,234 --> 00:40:39,235 because he forgot his kid's Christmas presents. 592 00:40:51,881 --> 00:40:52,817 Get 'im! 593 00:40:52,917 --> 00:40:56,087 I'm not supposed to play video games, but you're really awesome at them, Rance. 594 00:40:56,187 --> 00:40:57,255 Yeah, I know. 595 00:40:57,355 --> 00:40:59,557 We should totally put your picture on Craigslist, Vera. 596 00:40:59,657 --> 00:41:02,858 Your judgement is really questionable, Pam. 597 00:41:11,134 --> 00:41:14,272 - You gonna stay up with us, Dave? - Oh no, I... I get hungry at night 598 00:41:14,372 --> 00:41:17,579 so I like to make myself a meal so I have something to eat between sleep 599 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,813 - and breakfast. I call it breep. - Okay. 600 00:41:20,913 --> 00:41:24,448 It's an anagram I came up with, much like brunch or NASA. 601 00:41:24,549 --> 00:41:28,483 It's a way for me to remember what I like. 602 00:41:29,253 --> 00:41:31,590 Hon, let's go hit the sack. 603 00:41:32,290 --> 00:41:34,859 - Good night. - Night. 604 00:41:36,094 --> 00:41:37,862 Oh, Daver. 605 00:41:39,364 --> 00:41:41,764 You are too good for me. 606 00:41:53,443 --> 00:41:56,280 You know, maybe I will try one of those beer-tomato-juice thingies. 607 00:41:56,380 --> 00:42:00,382 Well now you're talking. One red beer coming right up. 608 00:42:04,654 --> 00:42:07,723 Holy cripes, it's a castle. 609 00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,293 You really are doing alright, Boyd. 610 00:42:18,469 --> 00:42:21,493 - You've never seen this house before? - No, your mom has. 611 00:42:21,594 --> 00:42:25,243 Last time I was here, you had that apartment by the lake. 612 00:42:25,343 --> 00:42:27,643 It's going on seven years. 613 00:42:29,012 --> 00:42:32,050 What's this you got on the walls here? Is that brick? 614 00:42:32,150 --> 00:42:34,650 Yeah, it's... it's a brick house. 615 00:42:37,787 --> 00:42:41,290 - Boy, that is something. - Yeah. 616 00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:54,973 Son of a bitch! 617 00:42:55,173 --> 00:42:57,940 I left my damn keys in my damn car! 618 00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:08,950 Hey Hamburglar, will this help? 619 00:43:16,060 --> 00:43:18,530 The presents are in the mudroom, so... 620 00:43:18,830 --> 00:43:23,001 Hey Boyd, I gotta take a squirt. You guys have a bathroom, or... 621 00:43:23,401 --> 00:43:25,336 Yeah, it's upstairs. 622 00:43:25,736 --> 00:43:28,471 - Make yourself at home, Dad. - Yeah. 623 00:43:59,503 --> 00:44:01,073 Dad? 624 00:44:02,273 --> 00:44:03,973 Nelson? 625 00:44:27,430 --> 00:44:29,167 What's going on? 626 00:44:29,467 --> 00:44:31,900 What are you doing in my house? 627 00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:34,538 I am Farhad. 628 00:44:35,338 --> 00:44:37,142 Who are these people? 629 00:44:37,242 --> 00:44:40,378 Ms. Mitchler is say, 630 00:44:41,078 --> 00:44:45,681 my family to sit in the house, 631 00:44:46,383 --> 00:44:48,753 to feed dog... 632 00:44:48,853 --> 00:44:51,453 there, the dog. 633 00:44:51,955 --> 00:44:54,392 To sit in the house. 634 00:44:54,492 --> 00:44:59,361 House-sitting is different than sitting in my house! 635 00:45:01,496 --> 00:45:04,664 It's Boyd. Hi, is everything okay? 636 00:45:04,765 --> 00:45:07,938 Fine, okay. Farhad is here. 637 00:45:08,038 --> 00:45:11,075 Yeah, I gave him the key so he could feed Dale. You knew that. 638 00:45:11,175 --> 00:45:16,414 No, but his whole family is here. It's like Goldilocks and the 30 Iranians. 639 00:45:17,214 --> 00:45:19,150 Boyd, they're from Afghanistan. 640 00:45:19,250 --> 00:45:22,553 I don't care where they're from, I care why they're here, in my house! 641 00:45:22,653 --> 00:45:25,323 Maybe there was confusion over the translation of house-sit. 642 00:45:25,423 --> 00:45:27,191 You know, they're an amazing family. 643 00:45:27,291 --> 00:45:29,494 They've only been in the country two months, 644 00:45:29,594 --> 00:45:32,563 so, whatever, let them have a nice Christmas. 645 00:45:32,663 --> 00:45:34,198 You're not saving the world! 646 00:45:34,298 --> 00:45:36,301 What do you think, you're... you think you're Bono? 647 00:45:36,401 --> 00:45:38,236 I have a law degree! I'm a teacher! 648 00:45:38,336 --> 00:45:40,538 You're supposed to be teaching refugees English, 649 00:45:40,638 --> 00:45:44,208 and based upon my conversation with this guy, it's not exactly working out, is it? 650 00:45:44,308 --> 00:45:46,177 If anyone's to blame, it's you! 651 00:45:46,277 --> 00:45:49,414 - You for being an ass sponge! - I'm the ass sponge? 652 00:45:49,514 --> 00:45:53,284 - Yes, you are the ass sponge, ass sponge. - I'm not having this conversation. 653 00:45:53,384 --> 00:45:56,087 - I am not having this conversation. - Fine. 654 00:45:56,187 --> 00:45:59,490 Oh my God! He acts like the sweetest, 655 00:45:59,590 --> 00:46:02,893 nothing-bothers-me guy, but the slightest little pressure 656 00:46:02,993 --> 00:46:06,828 - turns him into a total... - Ass sponge? 657 00:46:07,698 --> 00:46:09,600 He sounds just like his father. 658 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:13,971 You know, in case those guys don't make it back in time somehow, 659 00:46:14,071 --> 00:46:16,641 maybe we oughta have something else for Douglas. 660 00:46:16,741 --> 00:46:17,675 Like what? 661 00:46:17,775 --> 00:46:22,982 Maybe we oughta go up to the attic and wrap some old toys and that, just in case. 662 00:46:23,082 --> 00:46:25,384 Yeah, okay fine. 663 00:46:26,284 --> 00:46:32,189 Donna, do you have something else that maybe doesn't taste like... this? 664 00:46:32,289 --> 00:46:33,658 Vodka? 665 00:46:33,758 --> 00:46:36,394 Hey Doug-lass, you wanna do something really cool? 666 00:46:36,494 --> 00:46:37,995 Yes! 667 00:46:38,095 --> 00:46:39,430 Sweet. 668 00:46:39,530 --> 00:46:43,300 You know, I wasn't a competitive eater 'til I was like, nine. 669 00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:47,305 If I would have started at seven, who knows how much more friggin' awesome I'd be? 670 00:46:47,405 --> 00:46:50,074 Let's see how fast you can take these bad boys down. 671 00:46:50,174 --> 00:46:53,409 - A whole jar of pickles? - Do it. 672 00:46:56,646 --> 00:46:59,550 Please don't, Douglas, it's stupid. You'll be sick for Santa! 673 00:46:59,650 --> 00:47:04,052 You want to be cool or retarded? Man or mouse, Douglas? 674 00:47:07,157 --> 00:47:08,924 Yes! Oh my God! Look at him go! 675 00:47:13,196 --> 00:47:15,733 Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! 676 00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:19,804 Douglas, stop! These pickles were canned during the Nixon Administration! 677 00:47:19,904 --> 00:47:21,640 You're gonna die! 678 00:47:22,740 --> 00:47:25,240 I can't feel my legs. 679 00:47:38,588 --> 00:47:40,722 What the hell? 680 00:47:55,538 --> 00:47:57,806 He erased me. 681 00:47:58,442 --> 00:48:00,943 Ain't that a kick in the pants? 682 00:48:04,414 --> 00:48:07,751 Presents. Gifts. Ho ho ho? 683 00:48:07,951 --> 00:48:11,822 Gift? Gift, yes, yes. 684 00:48:12,222 --> 00:48:14,124 Thank you. 685 00:48:14,224 --> 00:48:18,029 No, Farhad. Those are Douglas' gifts! 686 00:48:18,129 --> 00:48:20,531 My son! Douglas. 687 00:48:20,631 --> 00:48:25,300 No Farhad son! No! My son's gifts! 688 00:48:25,869 --> 00:48:27,505 Girls, those are my power tools! 689 00:48:27,605 --> 00:48:30,440 That's Boyd's power drill and that is very... 690 00:48:30,540 --> 00:48:32,308 Jesus! 691 00:48:34,010 --> 00:48:35,379 Hey, Boyd. These your roommates? 692 00:48:35,479 --> 00:48:38,147 Hey Boyd, you got a nail sticking out of your hand there. 693 00:48:45,755 --> 00:48:48,058 Oh, we've been learning Nari, which is kind of like Farsi, 694 00:48:48,158 --> 00:48:51,762 over at basic because my reserve unit was going to be going over by Afghanistan... 695 00:48:51,862 --> 00:48:53,264 Oh! 696 00:48:53,364 --> 00:48:57,034 And I fell off of that Humvee, and I got just a touch of brain damage. 697 00:48:57,134 --> 00:49:00,137 But the part that remembers Nari is just fine. 698 00:49:00,237 --> 00:49:04,775 So, can you tell him that his family can stay? 699 00:49:04,875 --> 00:49:09,644 - I just need Douglas' gifts. - Well, I can sure as shoot try. 700 00:49:10,147 --> 00:49:12,148 Let's see... 701 00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:20,889 Please, no, no. No, no, no, please! 702 00:49:21,759 --> 00:49:26,564 Hey, hey. Hey, hey, it's okay. You can keep everything. 703 00:49:26,664 --> 00:49:28,932 The only thing I want 704 00:49:29,432 --> 00:49:31,132 is that. 705 00:49:53,556 --> 00:49:56,594 Hey, it's, 3:45, so we have less than four hours 706 00:49:56,694 --> 00:50:01,529 if we're gonna get back before the kids get up. So I need you to motivate. 707 00:50:02,465 --> 00:50:05,666 You don't need me, you never did. 708 00:50:17,313 --> 00:50:19,950 It's all gonna be okay, Bug. 709 00:50:20,050 --> 00:50:22,286 Boing! 710 00:50:22,386 --> 00:50:24,322 It's okay, Bug. 711 00:50:25,222 --> 00:50:26,957 Boing, hello Rance! 712 00:50:27,057 --> 00:50:29,560 They told me there'd always be people like you. 713 00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:33,197 I don't know, I've never seen anybody this way from pickles! 714 00:50:33,297 --> 00:50:37,468 Rotten food can cause hallucination, Rance. Everybody knows that, you dummy. 715 00:50:37,568 --> 00:50:40,535 It's gonna be okay, Bug, just lie down. 716 00:50:47,209 --> 00:50:49,110 Cheese. 717 00:50:50,546 --> 00:50:53,247 How about this for Douglas? 718 00:50:55,352 --> 00:50:59,523 Bridge, like the card game? For kids? 719 00:50:59,623 --> 00:51:01,559 I don't know, it seems like a horrible idea. 720 00:51:01,659 --> 00:51:04,962 Boyd loved bridge for juniors, it was his favourite game! 721 00:51:05,062 --> 00:51:09,531 He did? Okay, bag it and tag it, I guess. 722 00:51:11,234 --> 00:51:15,940 That was Mitch's drink of choice. Vodka and cranberry juice. 723 00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:20,678 - It must have been so hard. - I don't know. 724 00:51:20,778 --> 00:51:25,649 I left a couple times when it got too hard. Took the kids to my folks, 725 00:51:25,749 --> 00:51:31,388 then when his bender was finished, he'd call bellyaching, 726 00:51:31,788 --> 00:51:34,993 "Come back, come back. I'll change, I'll change," 727 00:51:35,093 --> 00:51:37,592 blah, blah, you know. 728 00:51:39,329 --> 00:51:41,799 He was always... 729 00:51:42,199 --> 00:51:44,768 a very attentive lover, though. 730 00:51:44,868 --> 00:51:47,171 If you know what I mean? 731 00:51:47,271 --> 00:51:49,904 I do. Yes, wow. 732 00:51:50,940 --> 00:51:53,811 Boyd and I haven't had sex for six months. 733 00:51:53,911 --> 00:51:56,246 Oh, wow. 734 00:51:56,346 --> 00:51:57,748 That is bad for you. 735 00:51:57,848 --> 00:52:00,751 It's so bad. It's just, you know, 736 00:52:00,851 --> 00:52:03,253 he works all the time, and... or we're tired, 737 00:52:03,353 --> 00:52:05,356 or the kids are around and you know, it just... 738 00:52:05,456 --> 00:52:08,545 But then he has this whole thing about how everything has to be so perfect, 739 00:52:08,646 --> 00:52:10,694 and it can't be. It's not. It's not perfect. 740 00:52:10,794 --> 00:52:15,800 - Do you want me to talk to him for you? - No, that's okay, thank you. 741 00:52:15,900 --> 00:52:18,900 That would feel a little inappropriate. 742 00:52:19,937 --> 00:52:21,607 Yep. 743 00:52:23,107 --> 00:52:24,607 What? 744 00:52:40,289 --> 00:52:42,660 Two days later, Papa passed away 745 00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:45,629 And I became a man that day 746 00:52:45,729 --> 00:52:48,363 So I told Mama I'm gonna quit school 747 00:52:59,909 --> 00:53:02,305 I packed my grandmother's trunk, 748 00:53:02,406 --> 00:53:06,150 - and in it I put an apple. - Nice. 749 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:11,286 God, we used to play that when we'd drive to Nana's cottage up north, you remember? 750 00:53:12,489 --> 00:53:18,862 Okay, I packed my grandmother's trunk and in it I put an apple and a bagpipe. 751 00:53:18,962 --> 00:53:21,463 Nice one. Okay Dad, you're up. 752 00:53:23,166 --> 00:53:24,868 Dad, it's your turn. 753 00:53:25,668 --> 00:53:28,072 Come on Dad, it's been a crap day. 754 00:53:28,172 --> 00:53:31,606 Everything that possibly could go wrong already has. 755 00:53:34,143 --> 00:53:36,644 What, you on the rag, Sally? 756 00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:40,194 I packed my grandma's trunk, 757 00:53:40,295 --> 00:53:44,755 and in it I put an apple, bagpipe, 758 00:53:44,955 --> 00:53:50,024 and a kid who's so ashamed of his old man, he cut him out of a family photo. 759 00:53:51,928 --> 00:53:55,232 Okay, so you're spelling kid with a C then. Fair enough. 760 00:53:55,532 --> 00:53:57,832 I don't know what to say, Dad. 761 00:53:59,068 --> 00:54:02,373 Fine, as long as we're being honest with each other, 762 00:54:02,473 --> 00:54:06,277 yes, I was embarrassed of you in that photograph. 763 00:54:06,377 --> 00:54:09,246 You were wearing that filthy Handi-crapper T-shirt 764 00:54:09,346 --> 00:54:13,281 for a family portrait. I mean come on! 765 00:54:14,216 --> 00:54:16,883 What, you're suddenly sensitive? 766 00:54:18,355 --> 00:54:21,291 Besides, it's not like you were ever proud of me. 767 00:54:21,391 --> 00:54:25,362 I always supported you, whatever it was you wanted to do, always! 768 00:54:25,462 --> 00:54:27,696 Are you high? 769 00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:31,366 What is that? 770 00:54:33,304 --> 00:54:37,739 Oh my gosh! Hoho! 771 00:54:43,180 --> 00:54:44,682 Is that... 772 00:54:44,882 --> 00:54:49,086 - Bea Arthur? It sure is. - Why? 773 00:54:49,186 --> 00:54:52,623 Boyd went through a phase where he really got into Bea Arthur. 774 00:54:52,723 --> 00:54:55,225 Like is... like sexually? Or... 775 00:54:55,325 --> 00:54:57,961 No! It started with Golden Girls. 776 00:54:58,061 --> 00:55:03,433 Wait, he liked bridge and Golden Girls? What did you raise, a 75-year-old woman? 777 00:55:03,533 --> 00:55:05,536 Look, there's a whole series. 778 00:55:05,636 --> 00:55:09,173 You know how what's-his-futz just painted blue stuff? 779 00:55:09,273 --> 00:55:12,409 Well, Boyd only painted Bea Arthur. 780 00:55:12,509 --> 00:55:14,645 This is so silly. 781 00:55:14,745 --> 00:55:16,947 My Boyd who played football and basketball, 782 00:55:17,047 --> 00:55:20,651 who's a type-A hedge fund manager? No, no! 783 00:55:20,751 --> 00:55:23,554 He was real arty-farty when he was a little shaver. 784 00:55:23,654 --> 00:55:25,723 Well Mitch must have loved that. 785 00:55:25,823 --> 00:55:29,693 Mitch, he used to tease Boyd all the time. I felt terrible about it. 786 00:55:29,793 --> 00:55:34,665 He drilled legs into the frame of this one. He turned it into a card table. 787 00:55:34,765 --> 00:55:37,801 He used to play euchre on it with his drinking buddies. 788 00:55:37,901 --> 00:55:42,640 Look, there's the rings from the glasses on the canvas, there. 789 00:55:42,740 --> 00:55:45,342 And I think Bill Gorsky puked on it here. 790 00:55:45,442 --> 00:55:48,846 That is so mean. Isn't that so mean? 791 00:55:48,946 --> 00:55:53,751 Lookit, that is so mean! He was just a little artist, creating his art, 792 00:55:53,851 --> 00:55:57,988 and that's... I mean, it just makes me very sad, isn't that so sad? 793 00:55:58,088 --> 00:56:01,058 Boyd never really painted much after that. 794 00:56:01,158 --> 00:56:04,428 Mitch is a bastard! And I have been trying to get those guys to reconcile, 795 00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:08,009 but do you understand how much Boyd hates his job? He hates it so much, 796 00:56:08,110 --> 00:56:13,538 and all he wanted to do was be a sweet little Bea Arthur painter! Or something. 797 00:56:13,638 --> 00:56:16,640 I just feel like I could puke. 798 00:56:16,940 --> 00:56:22,979 It blows my mind. You have the capacity to feel sorry for yourself! 799 00:56:23,079 --> 00:56:25,355 - Oh, what a jackass. - If I loused up so bad, 800 00:56:25,456 --> 00:56:29,519 how come you have such a nice life? Nice house, nice wife, nice job. 801 00:56:29,619 --> 00:56:33,290 I hate my job! And I haven't had sex with my wife in six months! 802 00:56:33,390 --> 00:56:35,259 Can you blame that on me? Jiminy crickets! 803 00:56:35,359 --> 00:56:36,894 Jeez, come on, guys! 804 00:56:36,994 --> 00:56:41,298 I'm sorry I didn't snuggle or cuddle you enough! I'm sorry I'm not perfect! 805 00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:45,168 Perfect? My entire approach to parenting 806 00:56:45,268 --> 00:56:49,306 is based on what I call the WWMD principle. 807 00:56:49,406 --> 00:56:52,042 What Would Mitch Do? I ask myself that question, 808 00:56:52,142 --> 00:56:54,678 and then I do the exact opposite. 809 00:56:54,778 --> 00:56:57,580 Come on Boyd, you know I get jittery 'cause of the war! 810 00:56:57,780 --> 00:57:02,948 - You didn't go to war! - He's still a hero! He's still a hero! 811 00:57:04,587 --> 00:57:09,090 Son of a bitch! No, no, no, no, no! 812 00:57:10,660 --> 00:57:13,764 No, Boyd, slow down! What are you doing? 813 00:57:13,864 --> 00:57:15,897 Not sure if you can see me back here, Mr. Mitchler... 814 00:57:17,868 --> 00:57:19,834 See that? See it! 815 00:57:20,504 --> 00:57:22,205 Come on, Boyd, you're gonna get us killed! 816 00:57:22,305 --> 00:57:23,640 Pull over, Boyd! 817 00:57:23,740 --> 00:57:28,278 My whole life I've never been your kind of man, a man's man, a real man. 818 00:57:28,378 --> 00:57:32,280 Well, let's see who the real man is now! Hold on! 819 00:57:43,059 --> 00:57:46,260 Shut up, Sally. You sound like a little bitch. 820 00:57:57,273 --> 00:58:02,545 Yeah, suck on that, Zblocki! Suck on that! Eat it, bitch! 821 00:58:02,645 --> 00:58:04,014 Yes, yes! 822 00:58:04,114 --> 00:58:05,482 Yeah, go ahead. 823 00:58:06,582 --> 00:58:10,487 Yeah. I'm out at... 824 00:58:11,587 --> 00:58:13,190 Mr. Mitchler, he... 825 00:58:13,290 --> 00:58:15,957 everything okay? 826 00:58:16,959 --> 00:58:18,796 Eff this. 827 00:58:19,296 --> 00:58:21,365 Just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas, Don! 828 00:58:21,465 --> 00:58:24,434 I'm calling her a night. Gonna head home to the fam. 829 00:58:24,534 --> 00:58:26,634 Roger that. 830 00:58:32,741 --> 00:58:35,543 Oh God, that felt good! 831 00:58:36,378 --> 00:58:41,083 You're not this guy, Boyd. You're not some idiot who'd run away from a cop like that. 832 00:58:41,183 --> 00:58:43,521 Hell, that's the kind of asshole stunt that I'd pull. 833 00:58:43,621 --> 00:58:46,120 You got the asshole part right. 834 00:58:49,091 --> 00:58:52,628 I suppose maybe you're right about that. 835 00:59:00,369 --> 00:59:02,670 This has been a weird night. 836 00:59:04,573 --> 00:59:06,474 I'm sorry. 837 00:59:07,543 --> 00:59:10,814 I'm sorry to both of you. 838 00:59:10,914 --> 00:59:15,650 Mainly you, Boyd. I'm sorry. 839 00:59:16,852 --> 00:59:19,600 Suppose I might have said it sooner if I hadn't been so hammered 840 00:59:19,701 --> 00:59:25,526 for most of the last 30 years but you know? There it is, I said it. 841 00:59:29,733 --> 00:59:32,069 You're a good man 842 00:59:32,169 --> 00:59:34,205 and, 843 00:59:35,505 --> 00:59:38,539 I'm so sorry. 844 00:59:46,883 --> 00:59:49,052 I'm sorry, oh! 845 00:59:49,952 --> 00:59:53,221 - What the hell was that?! - Did we hit somebody? 846 00:59:54,124 --> 00:59:56,226 I'm telling you, Boyd, that was a person! 847 00:59:56,326 --> 01:00:00,597 Nelson, it wasn't a person. It can't have been a person. 848 01:00:00,697 --> 01:00:03,133 What would a person be doing in the middle of the road... 849 01:00:03,233 --> 01:00:05,569 - Maybe it was a deer. - Yeah, it was a deer! 850 01:00:05,669 --> 01:00:09,070 - It wasn't a deer. - Yes, of course it was a d... 851 01:00:11,106 --> 01:00:13,674 Oh, no. 852 01:00:29,692 --> 01:00:31,928 Oh, God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 853 01:00:32,028 --> 01:00:34,498 What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 854 01:00:34,598 --> 01:00:38,434 - Okay, Boyd, just calm down. - Calm?! Calm? 855 01:00:38,535 --> 01:00:42,239 I just killed a man! This is not the time to be calm! 856 01:00:42,339 --> 01:00:44,107 We just gotta... we just gotta call the cops. 857 01:00:44,207 --> 01:00:46,042 No, we're not gonna call the cops! I just outran the cops! 858 01:00:46,142 --> 01:00:49,229 - The last thing we need are the cops! - Boyd's right, no cops. 859 01:00:49,330 --> 01:00:51,381 - My life is over! - No it isn't! 860 01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,317 I'm gonna go to prison. I'm going to prison. 861 01:00:53,417 --> 01:00:56,586 Boyd, just glass-half-full it for a sec here, okay? 862 01:00:56,686 --> 01:01:00,490 - Prison these days is not half bad. - I'll take the heat! 863 01:01:00,590 --> 01:01:02,559 I mean, come on now, it's the least I can do, 864 01:01:02,659 --> 01:01:05,629 you know, being shitfaced and emotionally abusive most of your childhood. 865 01:01:05,729 --> 01:01:09,099 No, Dad, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! 866 01:01:09,199 --> 01:01:11,702 Boyd, Boyd, Boyd! 867 01:01:13,002 --> 01:01:15,605 - There's other ways out of this. - How? 868 01:01:15,705 --> 01:01:17,574 This guy... 869 01:01:17,674 --> 01:01:21,309 We're not exactly talking doctor, lawyer, Indian chief here, right? 870 01:01:22,511 --> 01:01:26,850 He's off the grid. So if he, disappeared. 871 01:01:26,950 --> 01:01:30,020 I got this friend, Mike Marcort. 872 01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:33,289 You know, we play cribbage, and he owes me and... 873 01:01:33,389 --> 01:01:37,661 he's got a warehouse down by Campbell Sport full of HCl. 874 01:01:37,761 --> 01:01:41,765 - HC what, Dad? - Hydrochloric acid. And so? 875 01:01:41,865 --> 01:01:45,001 Well, you know, I'm saying... not that he doesn't have value in God's eyes; 876 01:01:45,101 --> 01:01:48,438 I'm just saying that we soak this guy in a vat of HCl for a couple of hours? 877 01:01:48,538 --> 01:01:52,175 - This son of a bitch will just fizzle away. - Wait a minute. 878 01:01:52,275 --> 01:01:54,709 We're not really thinking about this? 879 01:01:55,477 --> 01:01:59,447 He's right, Dad. Nelson's right. 880 01:02:02,451 --> 01:02:05,055 We don't have time to go to Campbell Sport. 881 01:02:05,155 --> 01:02:07,655 You're right, it's too far. What was I thinking? 882 01:02:08,891 --> 01:02:10,927 Dad, do you have a shovel? 883 01:02:11,027 --> 01:02:13,129 Does Flipper pee in the sea? I got that! 884 01:02:13,229 --> 01:02:16,266 - No, no, guys... - Well, do you have a better idea? 885 01:02:16,366 --> 01:02:17,768 Do you? Because I'd love to hear it. 886 01:02:17,868 --> 01:02:20,761 No, but have you ever dug a foxhole before, Boyd? Because I have 887 01:02:20,862 --> 01:02:25,740 - and it takes a super long time! - Oh, he's right! Nelson's right. 888 01:02:28,777 --> 01:02:31,648 We could... we can burn him. 889 01:02:31,748 --> 01:02:33,984 You know, like a fire. 890 01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:37,253 Burning could work, burning's good! 891 01:02:37,653 --> 01:02:40,757 That's good, Nel... What's going on, Dad? 892 01:02:40,857 --> 01:02:44,692 If we're gonna burn him, it's a hell of a lot easier if you parcel him out. 893 01:03:00,075 --> 01:03:02,576 You got any bourbon? 894 01:03:06,415 --> 01:03:08,852 Hey, Doug! 895 01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:12,153 - Dougie doodle. - Who said that? 896 01:03:15,457 --> 01:03:17,327 - Bingo. - You can talk? 897 01:03:17,427 --> 01:03:19,296 You're seeing my lips move, ain't ya? 898 01:03:19,396 --> 01:03:21,865 Well then, that would constitute talking, wouldn't it? 899 01:03:21,965 --> 01:03:24,772 - Is this a dream? - "Is this a dream?" 900 01:03:24,873 --> 01:03:28,538 Maybe, maybe it's a dream, or maybe I'm your subconscious, 901 01:03:28,638 --> 01:03:33,143 secretly trying to unearth truth for you in the form of a waking hallucination. 902 01:03:33,243 --> 01:03:36,452 Listen Doug, let me get to the gristle of why I woke you up here. 903 01:03:36,553 --> 01:03:41,451 It breaks my heart to tell you this, but Santa ain't gonna find you, 904 01:03:41,551 --> 01:03:44,254 not here, not anywhere. 905 01:03:44,354 --> 01:03:47,956 - Why not? - Because he doesn't exist. 906 01:03:49,525 --> 01:03:52,629 Yeah, don't take it so hard, buddy. 907 01:03:52,729 --> 01:03:56,200 As you get older, you'll learn there are much worse things you could be told 908 01:03:56,300 --> 01:04:00,170 than some fat guy in a red suit doesn't exist. 909 01:04:00,270 --> 01:04:03,006 Alright then, sleep tight, kid. 910 01:04:03,106 --> 01:04:06,874 And oh Merry Christmas. 911 01:04:10,813 --> 01:04:12,914 Radiator's shot. 912 01:04:16,785 --> 01:04:19,189 - Who ya calling there, Boyd? - Luann. 913 01:04:19,289 --> 01:04:21,024 Let her know we're not gonna make it. 914 01:04:21,124 --> 01:04:24,594 Not gonna make it? Hold on a sec, Boyd. 915 01:04:25,294 --> 01:04:28,197 Hey look, I know that we have been through a lot, 916 01:04:28,297 --> 01:04:33,470 well, me getting stuck in the john and you getting pegged with a nail gun by some kid, 917 01:04:33,570 --> 01:04:36,272 and running from that cop, and trying to figure out different ways 918 01:04:36,372 --> 01:04:40,919 to dismember a transient, but it's Christmas, 919 01:04:41,020 --> 01:04:45,348 and if we quit now, it's like the baby Jesus died up on that cross for nothing. 920 01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:47,484 I think that's Easter, actually. 921 01:04:47,584 --> 01:04:52,081 Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. My point is, you know, 922 01:04:52,182 --> 01:04:54,795 I suppose I don't know much about being a father yet, 923 01:04:54,896 --> 01:04:58,528 since BJ's only been around a couple of months and he's technically 924 01:04:58,628 --> 01:05:03,863 some Mexican's, on top of that but, you know, what I seen you do today, Boyd... 925 01:05:03,964 --> 01:05:07,103 go to the ends of the earth for your son like that... 926 01:05:07,203 --> 01:05:10,373 jeez, that's what being a father's all about. 927 01:05:10,473 --> 01:05:16,744 And I just don't think you should quit now. There's still time. 928 01:05:31,059 --> 01:05:35,596 Hey, I'm really sorry we almost killed you back there. 929 01:05:36,866 --> 01:05:40,236 I don't suppose you have a vehicle we could borrow? 930 01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:45,439 'Cause we're about 10 miles from where we're supposed to be here, and... 931 01:05:47,242 --> 01:05:49,779 I don't know how else to put this, except... 932 01:05:49,879 --> 01:05:53,113 we're hoping for a friggin' Christmas miracle. 933 01:06:00,923 --> 01:06:03,727 Fall on your knees 934 01:06:03,827 --> 01:06:06,996 Oh, hear the radiant voices calling 935 01:06:07,096 --> 01:06:10,431 Oh God, oh God Boom, boom, boom 936 01:06:13,436 --> 01:06:16,172 Oh, shoot! Luann, are you okay? 937 01:06:16,272 --> 01:06:18,772 I'm okay, I'm okay. 938 01:06:27,115 --> 01:06:28,416 Yeah! 939 01:06:29,685 --> 01:06:33,888 Come on you guys, wake up! Let's go up and see if Santa came. 940 01:06:55,043 --> 01:06:57,845 They're breathing. Come on! 941 01:07:11,994 --> 01:07:14,094 Come on, whoa, whoa! 942 01:07:14,964 --> 01:07:19,000 See, I told you Santa's real! Now we can find our stuff. 943 01:07:23,605 --> 01:07:25,208 Pull up there, there! 944 01:07:25,308 --> 01:07:27,808 What do you think you got, Bug? 945 01:07:29,011 --> 01:07:31,512 I don't think I got anything. 946 01:07:36,852 --> 01:07:41,288 - We can't thank you enough. - Merry Christmas, it's been a flight! 947 01:07:51,366 --> 01:07:53,779 - Where you goin', they're up? - Yeah. He's up. 948 01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:55,298 - All the kids have their presents. - So what, 949 01:07:55,399 --> 01:07:59,340 - go on in there and give him the thing! - He'll know there's no Santa, Dad! 950 01:08:10,052 --> 01:08:13,456 Maybe Santa took your presents to the wrong house, or... 951 01:08:13,556 --> 01:08:16,626 No. There is no Santa. 952 01:08:16,726 --> 01:08:20,060 Look. Puba said he loved bourbon. 953 01:08:37,378 --> 01:08:39,279 Merry Christmas. 954 01:09:02,270 --> 01:09:04,104 Good luck. 955 01:09:06,042 --> 01:09:08,041 No Douglas, don't! 956 01:09:21,855 --> 01:09:24,794 - You must be Douglas. - Are you Santa? 957 01:09:24,894 --> 01:09:27,296 Oh, yes indeed. Yes, I am. 958 01:09:27,396 --> 01:09:30,900 Why'd you drink all that bourbon, Santa? Won't it make you drunk? 959 01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:35,404 Well, Douglas, bourbon gives Santa the energy 960 01:09:35,504 --> 01:09:39,039 that he needs to keep his appointed rounds. 961 01:09:39,308 --> 01:09:42,011 And asparagus. Puba told me that. 962 01:09:42,211 --> 01:09:47,316 Yep, asparagus, too. Smart fella. 963 01:09:47,416 --> 01:09:51,718 Oh my goodness, I almost forgot your present. 964 01:09:53,188 --> 01:09:57,560 - Merry Christmas, Douglas. - Thank you, Santa. 965 01:09:57,660 --> 01:09:59,593 I believe. 966 01:10:00,428 --> 01:10:03,063 And I hope you always do. 967 01:10:03,999 --> 01:10:07,503 Santa, don't you want your asparagus? 968 01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:12,706 That's okay, Douglas, you keep it. Asparagus makes my urine smell funny. 969 01:10:13,241 --> 01:10:15,243 Merry Christmas. 970 01:10:22,050 --> 01:10:24,351 I think it was a big success. 971 01:10:26,988 --> 01:10:30,757 On second thought this may have not been such a hot idea. 972 01:10:33,428 --> 01:10:36,900 No matter how this pans out, you tried your best. 973 01:10:37,200 --> 01:10:40,667 Bottom line, you're one hell of a good dad, Boyd. 974 01:10:42,604 --> 01:10:44,705 Thanks, Dad. 975 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:55,315 Merry Christmas, Bug. 976 01:10:55,918 --> 01:10:58,719 Dad, why did your massage take so long? 977 01:11:00,688 --> 01:11:02,322 Let me help you. 978 01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:07,063 Nice wrap job there. What is it? 979 01:11:07,163 --> 01:11:09,466 - What is it? - I built it, the whole thing. 980 01:11:09,566 --> 01:11:11,701 I even sanded the runners myself. 981 01:11:11,801 --> 01:11:16,270 It's really something. Really something. 982 01:11:17,839 --> 01:11:20,276 It's pretty cool? 983 01:11:20,376 --> 01:11:24,347 Neat, but no snow. Let's see what else there is. 984 01:11:24,847 --> 01:11:30,384 Hey Bug! Look, I found this outside for you. Santa must have dropped it. 985 01:11:40,195 --> 01:11:44,801 Bridge for children! I've always wanted to learn how to play bridge! 986 01:11:44,901 --> 01:11:48,835 Woo-hoo, alright! Neato, look at what I got! 987 01:11:53,008 --> 01:11:56,312 - I'm sorry. - I'm drunk. 988 01:11:56,812 --> 01:11:58,915 I remain sorry. 989 01:11:59,315 --> 01:12:01,815 But I accept your apology. 990 01:12:04,887 --> 01:12:07,958 Oh for cripe's sake, Boyd, get a Goddamn room if you're gonna be doing that. 991 01:12:08,058 --> 01:12:10,293 Dave's the designated pervert in this family. 992 01:12:10,393 --> 01:12:12,893 He's not a pervert! 993 01:12:31,780 --> 01:12:34,982 - Hey, hey! - Rancer! 994 01:12:37,786 --> 01:12:41,458 - You think I would have known better. - Oh, I suppose. 995 01:12:41,558 --> 01:12:43,326 But if we always learned from our mistakes, 996 01:12:43,426 --> 01:12:46,526 nobody'd ever spend Christmas with their family. 997 01:12:47,263 --> 01:12:50,618 What the hell good is getting a sled in this day and age of global warming? 998 01:12:50,719 --> 01:12:54,571 - You should have got the kid a boat. - Shut up, Dad. 999 01:12:55,171 --> 01:12:59,138 Dad, can we go inside and play some bridge now? 1000 01:13:22,630 --> 01:13:25,601 Look Dad, it's snowing! 1001 01:13:25,701 --> 01:13:29,637 - You're right, Bug. - It's probably ash. 1002 01:13:48,957 --> 01:13:51,827 More, more, more, more 1003 01:13:51,927 --> 01:13:54,430 Can't you hear it? 1004 01:13:54,530 --> 01:13:57,033 More, more, more, more 1005 01:13:57,133 --> 01:13:59,769 Love comes through 1006 01:13:59,869 --> 01:14:02,204 Give me happiness 1007 01:14:02,304 --> 01:14:04,840 You're like the sun 1008 01:14:04,940 --> 01:14:10,243 You're my holiday, my favourite one 1009 01:14:12,914 --> 01:14:15,885 More than I wished for 1010 01:14:15,985 --> 01:14:18,487 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1011 01:14:18,587 --> 01:14:20,923 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1012 01:14:21,023 --> 01:14:23,592 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1013 01:14:23,692 --> 01:14:26,529 More than I wished for 1014 01:14:26,629 --> 01:14:28,965 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1015 01:14:29,065 --> 01:14:31,734 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1016 01:14:31,834 --> 01:14:34,403 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1017 01:14:34,503 --> 01:14:37,338 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1018 01:14:40,009 --> 01:14:42,345 Ring, ring Ring, ring 1019 01:14:42,445 --> 01:14:45,214 I hear the birds 1020 01:14:45,314 --> 01:14:47,616 Sing, sing Sing, sing 1021 01:14:47,716 --> 01:14:50,219 Sweet Noel 1022 01:14:50,319 --> 01:14:55,224 Peace for everyone, be all good cheer 1023 01:14:55,324 --> 01:15:01,227 A merry, wonderful time of year 1024 01:15:03,865 --> 01:15:06,535 More than I wished for 1025 01:15:06,635 --> 01:15:09,305 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1026 01:15:09,405 --> 01:15:11,774 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1027 01:15:11,874 --> 01:15:14,510 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1028 01:15:14,610 --> 01:15:17,013 More than I wished for 1029 01:15:17,113 --> 01:15:19,782 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1030 01:15:19,882 --> 01:15:22,518 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1031 01:15:22,618 --> 01:15:24,987 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1032 01:15:25,087 --> 01:15:28,422 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1033 01:15:31,127 --> 01:15:36,265 You're my angel and the sun You are my mistletoe 1034 01:15:36,365 --> 01:15:41,771 You're my star that's shining bright You are my Silent Night 1035 01:15:41,871 --> 01:15:46,976 You're the sweetest little thing You are out of a dream 1036 01:15:47,076 --> 01:15:49,612 You're my sugar and my spice 1037 01:15:49,712 --> 01:15:52,481 You're the naughty to my nice 1038 01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:57,086 You are the one You're more than I wish for 1039 01:15:57,186 --> 01:15:59,755 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1040 01:15:59,955 --> 01:16:02,491 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1041 01:16:02,591 --> 01:16:05,227 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1042 01:16:05,327 --> 01:16:07,830 More than I wished for 1043 01:16:07,930 --> 01:16:10,533 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1044 01:16:10,633 --> 01:16:13,035 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1045 01:16:13,135 --> 01:16:15,671 Bum, bum, bum-bum-bum-bum 1046 01:16:15,771 --> 01:16:18,974 More than I wished for 1047 01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:22,576 Bu-doo-bum, boom boom 1048 01:16:29,017 --> 01:16:33,322 Joy to the world, the Lord has come 1049 01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:37,760 And he's drivin' a big green bass boat 1050 01:16:37,860 --> 01:16:41,897 Circling around your castle's moat 1051 01:16:41,997 --> 01:16:47,500 He's the new favourite late night talk-show host 1052 01:16:49,037 --> 01:16:55,675 That's why we try to love 1053 01:16:58,479 --> 01:17:02,751 Now that you're here, come gather round 1054 01:17:02,851 --> 01:17:06,956 Check out these treasures that I found 1055 01:17:07,056 --> 01:17:10,860 One makes a flash, the other makes a sound 1056 01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:15,729 But none will catch you from crashing down 1057 01:17:18,000 --> 01:17:22,271 That's why we try 1058 01:17:22,371 --> 01:17:25,672 To love 1059 01:17:55,937 --> 01:18:00,075 Life just kicks you, 1-2-3 1060 01:18:00,175 --> 01:18:04,146 Keeps us guessing him or me 1061 01:18:04,246 --> 01:18:08,081 There's always more to see, always more want 1062 01:18:12,021 --> 01:18:18,627 That's why we try to love 1063 01:18:18,727 --> 01:18:24,534 That's why we try to love 1064 01:18:55,229 --> 01:18:57,366 The weather outside is frightful 1065 01:18:57,466 --> 01:19:00,669 And the fire is so inviting 1066 01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,911 The sound of sleigh bells ringing 1067 01:19:09,011 --> 01:19:12,812 Is all the more delightful 1068 01:19:17,987 --> 01:19:24,523 The sight of snow falling lightly on her cheek 1069 01:19:29,865 --> 01:19:36,368 The things around this little town aren't so bleak 1070 01:19:41,043 --> 01:19:45,578 And the lights are up on the door 1071 01:19:46,715 --> 01:19:50,950 They say it's Christmas time 1072 01:19:52,420 --> 01:19:57,023 And I felt this once before 1073 01:19:58,226 --> 01:20:03,762 And I can't get it out of my mind 1074 01:20:10,306 --> 01:20:16,209 We can go out walking till the snow starts to gleam 1075 01:20:19,147 --> 01:20:25,053 Do you remember the stories I told you? Or was it all a dream? 1076 01:20:30,391 --> 01:20:36,262 I still can't believe that you are with me once again 1077 01:20:36,497 --> 01:20:40,800 My dear 1078 01:20:51,012 --> 01:20:54,216 Deck the halls with boughs of holly 1079 01:20:54,316 --> 01:20:57,786 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1080 01:20:57,886 --> 01:21:00,523 Tis the season to be jolly 1081 01:21:00,623 --> 01:21:03,625 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1082 01:21:03,725 --> 01:21:06,295 Don we now our gay apparel 1083 01:21:06,395 --> 01:21:08,897 Fa la la, la la la, la la la 1084 01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:12,134 Troll the ancient Yuletide carol 1085 01:21:12,234 --> 01:21:15,037 Fa la la la la 1086 01:21:15,137 --> 01:21:18,006 La la la... 1087 01:21:18,106 --> 01:21:21,274 La... La! 1088 01:21:21,943 --> 01:21:25,481 Ah... 1089 01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:32,685 That's what you gotta commit to a song. That's why we don't get first place. 89603