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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,437 --> 00:00:05,776 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:05,944 --> 00:00:07,947 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:10,048 --> 00:00:11,551 [SHRIEKS] 4 00:00:16,856 --> 00:00:18,658 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 5 00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:21,961 [BURPS] 6 00:00:21,993 --> 00:00:22,995 [TIRES SCREECH] 7 00:00:25,164 --> 00:00:27,133 D'oh! 8 00:00:27,165 --> 00:00:28,734 [GRUNTS] 9 00:00:33,738 --> 00:00:36,108 Refill! 10 00:00:36,141 --> 00:00:38,144 ♪ ♪ 11 00:00:42,815 --> 00:00:44,150 HOMER: Kids, 12 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:45,284 is there anything better 13 00:00:45,317 --> 00:00:47,954 than when a restaurant misprints a coupon? 14 00:00:47,986 --> 00:00:50,389 - [SNAPS FINGERS] - And with the money we saved, 15 00:00:50,422 --> 00:00:53,892 your mom is getting a Swedish massage. 16 00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:56,795 [EXHALES] All the tension's going 17 00:00:56,829 --> 00:00:58,464 [IN PATTY'S VOICE]: out of my body. 18 00:00:58,497 --> 00:01:00,633 [GUTTURAL MOANS] 19 00:01:00,665 --> 00:01:03,302 Now let's take one deep breath of this classy place 20 00:01:03,335 --> 00:01:05,537 before we go back to our lousy car. 21 00:01:05,571 --> 00:01:07,906 - [ALL INHALING] - [FRENCH ACCENT]: Excuse me, 22 00:01:07,940 --> 00:01:10,376 that air is the property of this restaurant. 23 00:01:10,408 --> 00:01:12,345 Fine, I'll give it back. [BELCHES LOUDLY] 24 00:01:12,378 --> 00:01:14,914 [LAUGHTER] 25 00:01:14,947 --> 00:01:16,516 - Good one. - [BELCHES] 26 00:01:16,548 --> 00:01:19,484 - [BELCHES] - Memory book. 27 00:01:19,518 --> 00:01:21,153 Okay, kids. I admit we hustled 28 00:01:21,186 --> 00:01:22,855 the restaurant there, but that's it. 29 00:01:22,887 --> 00:01:24,589 I don't want you to think this is the way 30 00:01:24,623 --> 00:01:25,858 you get ahead in life. 31 00:01:25,890 --> 00:01:29,027 Do not take advantage of someone else's mistakes. 32 00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:31,530 - Your car, sir. - But that's not... 33 00:01:31,563 --> 00:01:34,000 [HEAVENLY CHORUS] 34 00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:35,201 You see that, kids? 35 00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:36,836 It's the kind of car they don't make anymore. 36 00:01:36,869 --> 00:01:39,504 Windshield that breaks into a thousand glass razor blades. 37 00:01:39,537 --> 00:01:41,540 Your lap is the cup holder. 38 00:01:41,574 --> 00:01:43,909 Vinyl seats that can melt your ass. 39 00:01:43,943 --> 00:01:45,878 God, do I want to drive it. 40 00:01:45,911 --> 00:01:49,449 [SHUDDERS]: Oh... so useless. 41 00:01:49,482 --> 00:01:52,918 This is the car I've always wanted. 42 00:01:52,952 --> 00:01:54,686 You'll never have a car this nice. 43 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,555 You'll never have a girlfriend this cute. 44 00:01:56,589 --> 00:01:57,956 That's right! 45 00:01:57,989 --> 00:02:00,860 And you'll never have exhaust this toxic. 46 00:02:00,893 --> 00:02:02,128 [TIRES SCREECH] 47 00:02:04,796 --> 00:02:07,233 Oh, I need this. I've always needed this. 48 00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:09,067 Get in, kids, get in. 49 00:02:09,101 --> 00:02:11,037 Dad, what were you just telling us? 50 00:02:11,069 --> 00:02:12,738 This is morally wr... 51 00:02:12,770 --> 00:02:15,240 Whee! 52 00:02:15,274 --> 00:02:17,210 Pull every knob. Press all the buttons. 53 00:02:17,242 --> 00:02:18,411 Find out what things do. 54 00:02:20,412 --> 00:02:21,748 [GRUNTING] 55 00:02:24,984 --> 00:02:26,586 Don't you "chitty chitty bang bang" me! 56 00:02:26,619 --> 00:02:28,621 - [GRUNTING] - ["CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG" PLAYING] 57 00:02:33,091 --> 00:02:34,593 Ooh, what's this crank for? 58 00:02:34,627 --> 00:02:36,095 Duh, rolling down the window. 59 00:02:36,127 --> 00:02:38,497 Hmm. How do I put on the air conditioning? 60 00:02:38,531 --> 00:02:40,599 Uh, you're doing it. 61 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,735 Aw, cool. An ashtray. 62 00:02:42,768 --> 00:02:45,003 [GASPS] A full ashtray! 63 00:02:45,037 --> 00:02:48,407 Uh-uh-uh! Bad, bad, bad! 64 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,909 Ah, smooth. Bad, bad. 65 00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:52,677 [SMALL CAR HONKS] 66 00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:55,247 [HONKS] 67 00:02:55,281 --> 00:02:59,018 Now, to tie them in a bow. 68 00:02:59,050 --> 00:03:01,153 [GRUNTS] 69 00:03:01,187 --> 00:03:04,791 My husband... he's doing something incredibly stupid. 70 00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:08,260 Look at this beautiful color. 71 00:03:08,294 --> 00:03:11,531 Seafoam. This is what cars used to look like. 72 00:03:11,563 --> 00:03:13,765 And what the sea used to look like. 73 00:03:13,799 --> 00:03:16,936 - [TIRES SCREECH] - LISA AND BART: Whee! 74 00:03:16,968 --> 00:03:18,436 Whoa! 75 00:03:18,470 --> 00:03:21,174 Put this on the list of things we don't tell your mother. 76 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:23,075 Including the fact there is a list. 77 00:03:24,143 --> 00:03:26,145 LISA: Aw, it's over. 78 00:03:26,177 --> 00:03:28,114 Now, to teach you kids a life lesson. 79 00:03:28,146 --> 00:03:31,650 Moments of pure joy always have consequences. 80 00:03:31,683 --> 00:03:32,984 We already knew that. 81 00:03:33,018 --> 00:03:34,887 Yeah. Why do you think we exist? 82 00:03:34,919 --> 00:03:37,022 Quick! Put on your innocent faces. 83 00:03:37,056 --> 00:03:39,158 Innocenter... innocenter. 84 00:03:39,191 --> 00:03:43,295 Uh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry, you gave me the wrong car. 85 00:03:43,329 --> 00:03:47,366 The moment I realized, I brought it back immediately. 86 00:03:47,399 --> 00:03:49,367 You stole my car. 87 00:03:49,401 --> 00:03:53,639 My precious 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz convertible 88 00:03:53,671 --> 00:03:57,075 in the original seafoam, with the illegal brodie knob. 89 00:03:57,109 --> 00:04:00,479 Oh, God. Tell me right now you did not touch my brodie knob. 90 00:04:00,512 --> 00:04:02,480 Absolutely not. 91 00:04:02,514 --> 00:04:04,516 This is the brodie knob. 92 00:04:04,550 --> 00:04:06,552 Oh. I was all over that thing. 93 00:04:06,585 --> 00:04:08,054 You're in big trouble. 94 00:04:08,086 --> 00:04:10,322 They're gonna charge you with grand theft auto. 95 00:04:10,355 --> 00:04:13,226 A lousy game but a magnificent law. 96 00:04:13,258 --> 00:04:15,560 Listen, I'm sorry. Really sorry. 97 00:04:15,593 --> 00:04:17,997 I just wanted to give my kids a ride, 98 00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:19,731 show them the house I was born in, 99 00:04:19,764 --> 00:04:21,533 show them the house I'm gonna die in, 100 00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:22,702 then drive through a cornfield for kicks. 101 00:04:22,735 --> 00:04:23,735 Whoo-hoo! 102 00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:27,673 I gave you the USS Enterprise, 103 00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:31,077 and you returned with the Orville! 104 00:04:31,110 --> 00:04:33,746 I am so sorry. You're absolutely right. 105 00:04:33,778 --> 00:04:35,281 I'll get it fixed by a pro. 106 00:04:35,314 --> 00:04:37,516 I'll get you a license plate frame saying 107 00:04:37,548 --> 00:04:40,552 "My other car is a..." insert dumb movie reference. 108 00:04:40,586 --> 00:04:43,122 Tron Legacy Light-Cycle. Well, okay. 109 00:04:43,154 --> 00:04:46,726 I suppose I could allow you to... oh, God! 110 00:04:46,759 --> 00:04:48,227 No! 111 00:04:48,259 --> 00:04:52,632 My mint condition copy of Radioactive Man number one! 112 00:04:52,665 --> 00:04:53,733 [GRUNTS] 113 00:04:53,766 --> 00:04:55,901 This was the comic I always wanted most 114 00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,404 since I was an athletic, popular child. 115 00:04:58,437 --> 00:04:59,905 Look, you're a nice guy. 116 00:04:59,937 --> 00:05:03,408 When have you ever seen me be a nice guy?! 117 00:05:03,442 --> 00:05:06,446 I am pressing charges! 118 00:05:09,615 --> 00:05:10,650 Is this yours? 119 00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:12,784 Yes. 120 00:05:14,153 --> 00:05:15,420 Simpson, get on the bike. 121 00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:17,223 Put your arms around me. 122 00:05:17,255 --> 00:05:20,558 Now, head on my shoulder. Yeah... aw, that's nice. 123 00:05:20,591 --> 00:05:22,461 And don't lean the same way I do 124 00:05:22,493 --> 00:05:23,595 [CHUCKLES]: or we're both dead. 125 00:05:23,629 --> 00:05:25,598 Uh, by the way, you're under arrest. 126 00:05:25,630 --> 00:05:28,133 Uh, doesn't the law say I need a helmet, too? 127 00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,935 Another law you're breaking. 128 00:05:33,271 --> 00:05:35,240 Why are you riding a motorcycle? 129 00:05:35,274 --> 00:05:37,076 It's not for fun! I got arrested! 130 00:05:37,108 --> 00:05:39,012 That's worse! 131 00:05:40,346 --> 00:05:42,781 Your Honor, I'm scared. Okay, I screwed up. 132 00:05:42,815 --> 00:05:46,252 If you'll permit, may I read a speech in my defense? 133 00:05:46,285 --> 00:05:47,486 Did your daughter write it? 134 00:05:47,519 --> 00:05:49,120 Absolutely not. 135 00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:51,589 Sir, if an opportunity came along 136 00:05:51,622 --> 00:05:53,959 to give your kids a memory they'll never forget, 137 00:05:53,992 --> 00:05:56,162 wouldn't you hop in the driver's seat? 138 00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:58,764 A golden day with their dad. 139 00:05:58,797 --> 00:06:01,200 What could be more innocent? 140 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:04,170 All I know is that as that gas gauge read empty, 141 00:06:04,202 --> 00:06:07,305 our hearts were full. Full of love. 142 00:06:07,339 --> 00:06:12,812 Love of what our country does BEST: build cars 60 years ago! 143 00:06:12,844 --> 00:06:14,312 [SNIFFLING] 144 00:06:14,346 --> 00:06:17,449 I'm a judge. But I'm also a father. 145 00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:19,384 A father whose ex-wife only lets him see the kids 146 00:06:19,418 --> 00:06:22,187 on summers and Christmas. I don't need you to rub it in. 147 00:06:22,221 --> 00:06:23,689 I find the defendant guilty. 148 00:06:23,721 --> 00:06:26,291 Your Honor, I'm not the one on trial here. 149 00:06:26,324 --> 00:06:27,892 Yes, you are. 150 00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:29,461 [ALL GASPING] 151 00:06:29,495 --> 00:06:32,965 "Hire a lawyer," I said. "Waste of money," he said. 152 00:06:32,997 --> 00:06:36,836 This is what I spend my time in courtroom audiences for. 153 00:06:36,868 --> 00:06:38,437 This is my Starbucks. 154 00:06:43,074 --> 00:06:44,242 Two weeks. Two weeks to turn this around. 155 00:06:44,276 --> 00:06:45,877 Lisa, can we get the state 156 00:06:45,911 --> 00:06:47,812 to change its sentencing guidelines 157 00:06:47,846 --> 00:06:49,048 in the next two weeks? 158 00:06:49,081 --> 00:06:52,151 Ah, the legislative calendar is pretty full. 159 00:06:52,184 --> 00:06:54,553 And they take off the second week for Easter. 160 00:06:54,586 --> 00:06:57,857 Roman Easter! To the Byzantine world, it's nothing! 161 00:06:57,889 --> 00:07:01,226 I'm afraid we have to prepare for the possibility 162 00:07:01,259 --> 00:07:03,562 that you might go to prison. 163 00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:07,299 ANNOUNCER: The Arts and Incarceration Channel presents... 164 00:07:07,323 --> 00:07:10,529 When soft men do hard time. 165 00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:13,572 INTERVIEWER: What advice would you give to a new inmate? 166 00:07:13,605 --> 00:07:15,408 Everything can be a weapon. 167 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:18,411 I saw a guy get his eye gouged with uncooked spaghetti. 168 00:07:18,444 --> 00:07:20,746 You sound like you've seen a lot. 169 00:07:20,778 --> 00:07:24,216 I've seen things and done things I ain't proud of. 170 00:07:24,249 --> 00:07:25,418 And I'm the chaplain. 171 00:07:25,451 --> 00:07:27,686 I can't take this, Marge. 172 00:07:27,718 --> 00:07:30,889 Maybe I can make peace with Comic Book Guy. 173 00:07:30,923 --> 00:07:32,891 Do you think so? He's an angry man. 174 00:07:32,925 --> 00:07:36,595 His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he hates Star Wars. 175 00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,229 I'll talk to him. 176 00:07:38,262 --> 00:07:41,599 Careful, Marge. He's a lazy, overweight slob. 177 00:07:41,632 --> 00:07:43,402 Don't fall in love with him. 178 00:07:47,406 --> 00:07:51,444 Comic Book Guy, my husband is really sorry. 179 00:07:51,476 --> 00:07:55,079 Okay, he screwed up. But he doesn't belong in prison. 180 00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:57,882 I beg to differ. That car is very special to me. 181 00:07:57,915 --> 00:07:59,752 When I was young, my father took me in it to... 182 00:07:59,785 --> 00:08:02,655 - Buy comic books? - No, not comic books. 183 00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,956 Everything in my life is not comic books, okay? 184 00:08:04,990 --> 00:08:06,658 We bought baseball cards. 185 00:08:06,692 --> 00:08:09,762 Look, we'll detail your car and fix your comic book. 186 00:08:09,795 --> 00:08:13,399 This is not about my car. It is about me getting respect. 187 00:08:13,432 --> 00:08:16,235 I want all the Little Lulus five dollars can buy. 188 00:08:16,267 --> 00:08:18,570 And make it snappy, Blobba the Hutt. 189 00:08:18,603 --> 00:08:22,074 Jabba is actually quite slim! For a Hutt. 190 00:08:22,106 --> 00:08:23,608 Just get the Lulus. 191 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:26,012 Or I'll take my business to Build-A-Bear. 192 00:08:27,445 --> 00:08:29,848 Here you go. Five dollars' worth of Little Lulus. 193 00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:34,453 As for you, I am not budging. 194 00:08:34,486 --> 00:08:37,756 Like the door of Superman's Fortress of Solitude 195 00:08:37,789 --> 00:08:40,593 when the Beatles tried to visit. Pure folly. 196 00:08:40,626 --> 00:08:42,828 That comic is noncanonical. 197 00:08:42,861 --> 00:08:46,198 The only thing noncanonical in my store is Snoopy 198 00:08:46,231 --> 00:08:50,536 dressed as Sgt. Rock for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad. 199 00:08:50,569 --> 00:08:54,139 I see. Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you. 200 00:08:54,171 --> 00:08:56,274 Yes, don't let the door hit you on the way out. 201 00:08:56,308 --> 00:08:58,277 No, seriously. It's just been painted. 202 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:01,347 Oh. That's what being nice gets you. 203 00:09:02,747 --> 00:09:06,718 Mom, Dad, I think I found the answer on the Internet! 204 00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:09,154 Lisa, nothing good ever comes from YouTube. 205 00:09:09,186 --> 00:09:12,023 Except ducks eating watermelon. 206 00:09:16,862 --> 00:09:20,232 No, no. Sentencing mitigation videos. 207 00:09:20,265 --> 00:09:22,234 People have had their jail terms reduced, 208 00:09:22,266 --> 00:09:24,502 or even gotten off death row 209 00:09:24,536 --> 00:09:27,573 by producing slick video appeals to the judge. 210 00:09:27,606 --> 00:09:31,710 Finally, a way for rich people to bend the system their way. 211 00:09:31,742 --> 00:09:33,712 Mr. Burns got off the hook once 212 00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:37,382 by using a video directed by Guillermo del Toro. 213 00:09:37,415 --> 00:09:40,886 Hello, I am, uh, film director Guillermo del Toro. 214 00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:45,057 Uh, when I was a young boy, I fell in love with monsters. 215 00:09:45,089 --> 00:09:48,393 Frankenstein's monster, King Kong, Son of Kong, 216 00:09:48,426 --> 00:09:50,863 Nosferatu, Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, 217 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,565 Godzilla's nephew Godzooky, 218 00:09:52,598 --> 00:09:54,233 Mothra the caterpillar, Mothra the moth, 219 00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:56,068 the Blob from The Blob... 220 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,736 and Godzilla's cousin, Sheldon Godzilla. 221 00:09:58,770 --> 00:10:01,340 Lesser known but equally horrifying. 222 00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:04,742 Monsters, yes. But they are capable of love. 223 00:10:04,776 --> 00:10:07,512 Which brings us to Montgomery Burns. 224 00:10:07,545 --> 00:10:09,080 Oh, hello. 225 00:10:09,113 --> 00:10:10,682 Did someone mention me? 226 00:10:10,715 --> 00:10:13,084 DEL TORO: From birth, he was not wanted. 227 00:10:15,820 --> 00:10:17,388 Then came the real monsters: 228 00:10:17,421 --> 00:10:20,459 the bullies that hated him just because he was wealthy. 229 00:10:20,492 --> 00:10:22,495 And maybe he rubbed it in a little. 230 00:10:28,065 --> 00:10:30,603 But no one knows the real Mr. Burns. 231 00:10:43,114 --> 00:10:44,816 I love Señor Burns. 232 00:10:44,849 --> 00:10:46,284 Who are you? 233 00:10:46,318 --> 00:10:48,554 He combines the ancient evil of Cthulhu 234 00:10:48,587 --> 00:10:50,923 with the trim physique of Slender Man. 235 00:10:50,955 --> 00:10:53,825 Señor Burns demonstrates that in all so-called monsters 236 00:10:53,858 --> 00:10:56,060 beats a heart. Thank you for listening. 237 00:10:56,093 --> 00:10:57,396 And thank you, Georgia Film Commission, 238 00:10:57,429 --> 00:10:58,964 for the 22% discount. 239 00:10:58,997 --> 00:11:01,400 I'll see you wherever free people congregate. 240 00:11:01,433 --> 00:11:03,235 Like the Yale Club. 241 00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,439 [ORCHESTRAL FANFARE] 242 00:11:09,107 --> 00:11:12,243 Wow. Maybe I've been all wrong about evil. 243 00:11:12,276 --> 00:11:15,413 Once again, Mr. del Toro stripped away the darkness 244 00:11:15,446 --> 00:11:17,415 and found beauty at its core. 245 00:11:17,449 --> 00:11:19,618 Like that fish-snuggling movie. 246 00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:22,320 Excuse me. 247 00:11:22,353 --> 00:11:24,089 [COUGHS] 248 00:11:24,122 --> 00:11:26,925 Ah... you told me you've never been to Missouri. 249 00:11:26,958 --> 00:11:29,428 You're right, honey. Hollywood can solve anything. 250 00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:31,964 Except its own lack of creativity and diversity. 251 00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:33,665 Now, how do we make this thing? 252 00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,035 I think we should use a videographer. 253 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:37,737 There's one left in town. 254 00:11:39,738 --> 00:11:42,107 I will do anything for your wedding video. 255 00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:46,211 Color, black and white, or Polaroid Swinger, cha cha cha. 256 00:11:46,243 --> 00:11:48,714 I gotta warn you, my camera hand is shaky 257 00:11:48,747 --> 00:11:51,883 because I have a major vitamin E deficiency. 258 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:54,887 No problemo. It works fine if you just 259 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,221 nod your head like this... 260 00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:58,257 [WARBLING] 261 00:12:01,526 --> 00:12:03,695 You know, we could just do it ourselves. 262 00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:07,599 Yeah. Those are the words that are killing my profession. 263 00:12:08,433 --> 00:12:10,302 Now you say nice things about me. 264 00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:11,670 So what is it you're looking for? 265 00:12:11,703 --> 00:12:14,173 Words or something? Uh, human words? 266 00:12:14,205 --> 00:12:17,842 Okay, uh, Homer Simpson, uh, well, real family man. 267 00:12:17,876 --> 00:12:20,079 Yeah. Always brings his kids into the bar. 268 00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:22,915 Not one of them aristocrats who gets all bent out of shape 269 00:12:22,948 --> 00:12:24,583 when there's a mouse in his beer. 270 00:12:24,616 --> 00:12:27,352 Hey, Moe. I need you to file a serial number off a wheelchair. 271 00:12:27,385 --> 00:12:28,520 HOMER: Cut! 272 00:12:28,553 --> 00:12:31,056 Hmm... Homer Simpson? How can I put this? 273 00:12:31,089 --> 00:12:34,992 Ah, we've never had an employee get rehired so many times. 274 00:12:35,026 --> 00:12:38,162 Homer Simpson has two children enrolled in our school. 275 00:12:38,195 --> 00:12:40,266 That's all I'm comfortable saying. 276 00:12:41,867 --> 00:12:43,736 All right, let's see what you got. 277 00:12:43,768 --> 00:12:45,904 I had to edit a little. 278 00:12:46,938 --> 00:12:48,941 Homer Simpson. Family man. 279 00:12:48,973 --> 00:12:50,608 Happy. Aristocrat. 280 00:12:50,641 --> 00:12:52,176 Too. Cool. Comfortable. 281 00:12:52,209 --> 00:12:54,579 Homer is a... grace to the family. 282 00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,614 He is an ape... le father. 283 00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:59,183 I warned Marge... marry him. 284 00:12:59,217 --> 00:13:02,554 That's the best you can do? I'm screwed! 285 00:13:02,587 --> 00:13:05,390 Not while I can use Final Cut Pro. 286 00:13:05,422 --> 00:13:06,924 We'll start from scratch. 287 00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:09,895 Using the only two things people still believe in: 288 00:13:09,928 --> 00:13:11,563 babies and dogs. 289 00:13:11,595 --> 00:13:12,697 [SNOWBALL II MEOWS SADLY] 290 00:13:12,731 --> 00:13:15,400 Sorry, Snowball, cats are polarizing. 291 00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:17,569 [MEOWS SYMPATHETICALLY] 292 00:13:17,602 --> 00:13:19,938 [SIGHS] Please... 293 00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:23,441 just give us something we can use. 294 00:13:27,746 --> 00:13:28,714 We're ready. 295 00:13:28,747 --> 00:13:31,083 Oh, now the dog won't cooperate. 296 00:13:31,116 --> 00:13:33,953 There's a trick that always works with Kevin James. 297 00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:38,023 [PANTING] 298 00:13:41,092 --> 00:13:43,495 ♪ I think I'll color this man father... ♪ 299 00:13:43,527 --> 00:13:45,596 MARGE: He's a guy who gets off at 5:00 300 00:13:45,630 --> 00:13:48,734 and comes directly home to be with his kids. 301 00:13:48,766 --> 00:13:51,402 ♪ Said I'm gonna color him father ♪ 302 00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:53,104 ♪ Color him father... ♪ 303 00:13:53,137 --> 00:13:57,607 He's incredibly generous to his friends and neighbors. 304 00:13:58,542 --> 00:14:02,246 In his spare time, he loves PTA meetings. 305 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,483 Helping with the Cub Scouts. 306 00:14:04,516 --> 00:14:07,084 Or just going to the movies. 307 00:14:07,117 --> 00:14:09,087 This is Maggie, our baby. 308 00:14:09,119 --> 00:14:11,756 And she understands what's going on. 309 00:14:11,790 --> 00:14:15,160 She's never said a word, but I get the feeling 310 00:14:15,193 --> 00:14:18,163 she wants to say something now. 311 00:14:18,195 --> 00:14:20,998 Nee... Da... dy. 312 00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:23,536 What a man. 313 00:14:24,736 --> 00:14:26,705 And now we pray. 314 00:14:26,738 --> 00:14:28,473 Bless us, O Lord, for this bountiful feast... 315 00:14:28,506 --> 00:14:30,007 Not that prayer. 316 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,010 I must say, I am impressed. 317 00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:34,979 So, unless the prosecution has a rebuttal, I'm inclined to... 318 00:14:35,012 --> 00:14:37,281 Not... so... fast. 319 00:14:37,315 --> 00:14:38,883 Do you have a video, too? 320 00:14:38,916 --> 00:14:40,886 No, that would be pretentious. 321 00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:43,928 - Very well, then. - I have a speech. 322 00:14:43,952 --> 00:14:45,206 [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING] 323 00:14:45,231 --> 00:14:47,826 Comic book sales is a very fragile field. 324 00:14:47,858 --> 00:14:50,728 Kids hate to read, the stores smell like farts 325 00:14:50,762 --> 00:14:54,165 - and bubble gum... - [MURMURING IN AGREEMENT] 326 00:14:54,199 --> 00:14:57,902 Then the things I cherish most... my father's car, 327 00:14:57,935 --> 00:15:01,006 my precious, precious comic, and most important, 328 00:15:01,039 --> 00:15:03,542 my dignity... were taken from me. 329 00:15:04,742 --> 00:15:07,145 I'm just your ordinary small businessman. 330 00:15:07,178 --> 00:15:09,715 Never took anything from anyone. 331 00:15:09,747 --> 00:15:14,319 But I did dare to think I would be treated with respect. 332 00:15:14,352 --> 00:15:17,723 I have so many fictional heroes, Your Honor. 333 00:15:17,756 --> 00:15:21,260 For once, please give me a real one. 334 00:15:22,761 --> 00:15:24,730 [GRUNTS] 335 00:15:24,762 --> 00:15:26,998 Best. Courtroom speech. Ever. 336 00:15:27,031 --> 00:15:27,999 Yes! 337 00:15:28,032 --> 00:15:30,067 I will render my sentence tomorrow. 338 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,769 I thank you. Good night. 339 00:15:31,803 --> 00:15:33,071 Boom. 340 00:15:33,103 --> 00:15:34,906 Wait, wait, wait. Do you want to go to a movie? 341 00:15:34,940 --> 00:15:36,675 I'll go to a movie with you, Judge. 342 00:15:36,708 --> 00:15:38,544 - You won't be available. - Oh. 343 00:15:43,781 --> 00:15:45,416 Dad, the computer says... 344 00:15:45,449 --> 00:15:47,920 That computer has brought me nothing but trouble 345 00:15:47,953 --> 00:15:50,389 and sports scores while I'm at church! 346 00:15:50,421 --> 00:15:52,290 A store in Ogdenville just put up 347 00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:54,793 the same Radioactive Man comic that we destroyed 348 00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:56,728 in perfect condition. 349 00:15:56,761 --> 00:15:58,697 It's my last hope at freedom. 350 00:15:58,729 --> 00:16:01,632 I mean, how much could an old comic cost? 351 00:16:01,665 --> 00:16:03,669 [WHISPERING] 352 00:16:17,648 --> 00:16:19,651 [WHISPERING] 353 00:16:22,786 --> 00:16:24,455 - Are you done? - No. 354 00:16:24,488 --> 00:16:27,425 [WHISPERING] 355 00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:28,993 [TIRES SCREECH] 356 00:16:37,267 --> 00:16:41,238 You can't be closed. It's Tuesday at 4:30! 357 00:16:41,271 --> 00:16:46,078 Do you not see the "closed" sign written in Wakandan? 358 00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:49,081 And I wasted high school learning German. 359 00:16:49,113 --> 00:16:51,248 Was fur eine Schande! 360 00:16:51,281 --> 00:16:55,319 Well, German is Earth's closest language to Klingon. 361 00:16:55,353 --> 00:16:56,622 Come on in. 362 00:17:16,007 --> 00:17:16,975 What do you want? 363 00:17:17,007 --> 00:17:18,677 I'm extremely busy. 364 00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:24,083 Mm-hmm. 365 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:26,450 I want to talk to you. 366 00:17:26,484 --> 00:17:29,721 I see we have reached the epilogue of our little drama. 367 00:17:29,754 --> 00:17:33,792 [SCREAMS] No, not the epilogue. Still plot. Still plot! 368 00:17:33,824 --> 00:17:35,559 Look, I know we've had our differences, 369 00:17:35,593 --> 00:17:37,195 but we can still be friends. 370 00:17:37,228 --> 00:17:39,831 Like when Superman teamed up with Lex Luthor. 371 00:17:39,863 --> 00:17:43,334 That was an imaginary story written by Harlan Ellison 372 00:17:43,368 --> 00:17:44,903 because he wanted to get fired. 373 00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:48,673 Well, maybe this will tickle your ponytail. 374 00:17:48,706 --> 00:17:50,175 - [BOING] - [GASPS] 375 00:17:50,208 --> 00:17:53,812 The Ogdenville copy! It lives! 376 00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:54,746 Am I forgiven? 377 00:17:54,778 --> 00:17:56,147 I'm afraid not. No. 378 00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:59,151 I don't have a choice. The grudge is still inside me. 379 00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:02,887 Which is also the name of a low-budget Roger Corman movie. 380 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:04,689 Oh! What does it take? 381 00:18:04,721 --> 00:18:06,724 How to explain what I am feeling. 382 00:18:06,757 --> 00:18:09,527 Uh... look around. What do you see? 383 00:18:09,561 --> 00:18:12,064 Uh... a bunch of stuff that other people threw out? 384 00:18:12,096 --> 00:18:14,065 Like a mirror, you see everything 385 00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:16,535 but understand nothing. Get out. 386 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:19,036 [SIGHS] Let's go. 387 00:18:19,070 --> 00:18:20,372 Oh, my God! Oh! 388 00:18:20,404 --> 00:18:23,776 Is that a season one Welcome Back, Kotter key chain? 389 00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:26,777 It is! The proof... 390 00:18:26,811 --> 00:18:29,448 a John Travolta who is happy to be there! 391 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,084 How did you get this? 392 00:18:32,116 --> 00:18:33,951 [APPLAUSE ON TV] 393 00:18:35,085 --> 00:18:36,887 Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Max? 394 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,422 He was the halfback in the family. 395 00:18:38,456 --> 00:18:40,525 If you gave him a sandwich, you got half back. 396 00:18:40,557 --> 00:18:42,861 [ALL LAUGHING] 397 00:18:42,893 --> 00:18:44,095 [GIGGLING] 398 00:18:44,129 --> 00:18:45,430 This is for you, son. 399 00:18:45,462 --> 00:18:47,031 Don't say I never gave you nothing. 400 00:18:47,065 --> 00:18:49,034 Are you gonna give me anything else? 401 00:18:49,066 --> 00:18:50,268 Nope. One thing. 402 00:18:51,568 --> 00:18:54,738 Homer, when you look at your precious totem there, 403 00:18:54,772 --> 00:18:56,374 how does it make you feel? 404 00:18:56,407 --> 00:18:58,076 I never thought of it before. 405 00:18:58,109 --> 00:18:59,276 I touch it all the time. 406 00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:01,479 I feel unhappy if I don't have it. 407 00:19:01,513 --> 00:19:03,281 Sometimes I dream about it. 408 00:19:03,314 --> 00:19:05,584 [GASPS] I think I love it! 409 00:19:05,616 --> 00:19:08,719 Well put. Now understand this. 410 00:19:08,753 --> 00:19:10,088 Dah! 411 00:19:10,121 --> 00:19:12,990 That is how you made me feel! 412 00:19:13,024 --> 00:19:14,825 [WHOOSHES] 413 00:19:14,859 --> 00:19:16,228 Now you see. 414 00:19:16,260 --> 00:19:18,295 And you may consider the charges dropped. 415 00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,764 Let us shake hands, drink rice wine, 416 00:19:20,797 --> 00:19:22,233 and enjoy Swedish Fish candy. 417 00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:24,468 Are you saying I'm off the hook? 418 00:19:24,501 --> 00:19:26,437 Yes. In fact, you may be surprised, 419 00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:28,440 but you are now my best friend. 420 00:19:28,472 --> 00:19:30,274 So I'm not going to prison? 421 00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:32,576 No, you are going to Comic-Con with me. 422 00:19:32,610 --> 00:19:34,112 Oh. Hmm. 423 00:19:34,144 --> 00:19:35,913 Let me see, let me see. 424 00:19:35,947 --> 00:19:37,649 Dad, just say yes. 425 00:19:39,616 --> 00:19:41,152 Is prison still an option? 426 00:19:41,186 --> 00:19:43,855 No. Not until you hold down Harrison Ford 427 00:19:43,888 --> 00:19:45,924 while I clip off his fingernails. 428 00:19:45,957 --> 00:19:46,959 - Let's get to it. - [GROANS] 429 00:19:51,496 --> 00:19:53,498 [SNORING] 430 00:19:55,667 --> 00:19:58,336 - What's this? - Mitigation video. 431 00:19:58,369 --> 00:20:02,674 When I first met Bart, I was just a nerdy kid with glasses. 432 00:20:02,707 --> 00:20:04,943 But now this blue-haired butterfly's 433 00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:07,679 ready to emerge from his pupa! 434 00:20:07,711 --> 00:20:10,147 [SIGHS] Simpson, you think this is helping you? 435 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:12,049 [BART LAUGHING] 436 00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,553 Skinner's a jerk. Skinner's a jerk. 437 00:20:14,585 --> 00:20:17,122 Skinner's a jerk. Skinner's a jerk. 438 00:20:17,154 --> 00:20:18,556 Skinner's a jerk. 439 00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:19,858 Skinner's a jerk. 440 00:20:19,891 --> 00:20:21,226 Skinner's a jerk. 441 00:20:21,817 --> 00:20:28,671 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 32809

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