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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
*
2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,015
(sighs)
3
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,226
* I remember when *
4
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:29,530
* You were a mess *
5
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:36,104
* Said we'd look back then *
6
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:40,541
* On all of this... *
7
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,781
JIMMY:
It's absolutely remarkable.
8
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,350
I've never seen anything
like this.
9
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,784
GRETCHEN:
It should be impossible,
10
00:00:50,818 --> 00:00:52,420
but we've tried every option.
11
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,388
Paul ruins every single table.
12
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:57,791
See, there aren't enough borings
for a boring table.
13
00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,694
I mean, we could put him
at the Alzheimer's table,
14
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,763
and they'll forget
how boring he is.
15
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:05,199
Ugh. I don't want him
at my wedding.
16
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,601
Why can't he just go
to another wedding?
17
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,871
Gretchen, put down the Paul.
18
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:13,073
This is insane.
We deserve a break
19
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,543
from the mind-numbing drudgery
of wedding planning.
20
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,944
Something fun.
21
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,046
(gasps) Mailbox baseball
in Beverly Hills?
22
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,814
'Shrooms
at the Museum of Tolerance?
23
00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:22,416
Egging golfers as Griffith Park?
24
00:01:22,450 --> 00:01:24,985
No. Even better.
25
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,221
-Fuck Week.
-Fuck Week.
26
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:29,657
Fuck Week. For a week,
27
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,992
we can sleep
with whomever we like...
28
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,128
In.
29
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,996
You know, to get it out
of our systems.
30
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,065
Got it. I'm in.
31
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,068
Oh. Well... wonderful.
32
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,604
Ground rules. Safety is
mandatory. Otherwise, no limits.
33
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,773
Location: anywhere but here and
the Cheesecake Factory bathroom.
34
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,909
That's ours.
2:01 next Sunday, it ends.
35
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,078
Have you done this before?
36
00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,813
Good?
37
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:53,914
Fuck Week?
38
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,049
Fuck Week.
39
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,192
* I'm gonna leave you anyway *
40
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:07,127
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
41
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,497
* Gonna leave you anyway. *
42
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:26,013
(elevator bell dings)
43
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,888
* I want to lay you down *
44
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,157
* So I can hit your split *
45
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,362
* You know you want to ride it *
46
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,397
* Come on and ride it *
47
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,666
* You want to ride it *
48
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,401
* Come on and ride it *
49
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,370
* Lay you down. *
50
00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:52,506
Oh! Gretch! I have a sitch
with Sam and the guys.
51
00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,174
Just leak Sam's tuck shots.
52
00:02:54,208 --> 00:02:55,676
That should buy you
a couple weeks.
53
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,345
They want me to publicize
their new track,
54
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,347
but it's really bad.
55
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,982
Like, Vietnam bad.
Wait. Was Vietnam bad?
56
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:05,018
Listen, I just really don't
have time to hold your hand
57
00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,255
through this one.
Jimmy proposed
58
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,723
that we have sex
with other people for the week!
59
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:12,025
-Oh!
-Oh, my God, Gretch.
60
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,728
(gasps) Let's go day-dicking
like we used to.
61
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,730
We'll go to Barney's Beanery,
62
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,732
the Museum of Tolerance,
Trader Joe's on La Brea...
63
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,834
That's the one
with all the hip fuck-dads.
64
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,736
And Runyon Canyon for fit dick.
65
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,872
Mrs. Cutler? Nock Nock is here.
66
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,709
Send him in.
67
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,879
And, by the way,
Mrs. Cutler is my bitch mom.
68
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,282
-(chuckles)
-(Lindsay giggles)
69
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,016
(Lindsay smacks her lips)
70
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,585
I have a quick signing meeting.
71
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,887
Let me make this kid's day.
72
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,424
Then you and I can head down
to dick island!
73
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:46,260
2:00 p.m., Runyon Canyon,
by the dog water fountain.
74
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:50,130
And remember, Gretch, guys with
golden retrievers eat pussy.
75
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,970
Nock Nock, hi.
76
00:03:57,004 --> 00:03:59,440
I'm Gretchen.
So nice to meet you.
77
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,543
Have a seat.
78
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,578
I'll just jump right in.
79
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:07,815
Here at Caliber,
we do PR and brand management
80
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,917
for some of the biggest artists
worldwide.
81
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,985
And we want to work with you.
82
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,987
-Congratulations.
-Okay.
83
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,256
Everyone will know your name.
84
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,626
How did you get your name,
by the way?
85
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,093
Been hearing it my whole life.
86
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,496
-Knock-knock jokes?
-Nah.
87
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,498
We didn't have a doorbell.
88
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:27,468
Or a door.
89
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:31,439
Okay. Uh, should we
make this "offish"?
90
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:34,475
Cool. I'll take a look at that
when I hear your full pitch.
91
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,610
Strategy,
92
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,078
targets, concept art.
93
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,413
Of course.
94
00:04:39,447 --> 00:04:41,949
Sure. My full pitch.
95
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,485
Great. We'll set something up.
96
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:47,655
Fu...
97
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,328
* Drug song *
98
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:56,864
* It's my drug song *
99
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,099
-* Drug song... *
-JIMMY: Well, this is
100
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,802
an incongruous costume for you--
"Person Who Cares About Work."
101
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,504
(Gretchen scoffs)
102
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,673
This signing should
be a layup, but no.
103
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,708
The hillbilly marathoned
Shark Tank,
104
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:09,810
and now he knows
what a pitch is.
105
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,679
And now that Yvette
made me care about my job,
106
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,714
-I have to land him,
and I hate it. -(phone chimes)
107
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,149
Oh. Booty text?
108
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,719
(scoffs)
Sam. He's pissed he hasn't heard
109
00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,354
their song on the radio yet.
110
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,356
Huh.
111
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:25,459
Oh. Sorry.
112
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,461
-This is awkward.
-No!
113
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,863
It's Fuck Week. (laughs)
114
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:32,966
As soon as I get this goddamn
pitch done, I'm gonna be
115
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,169
balls deep in balls.
116
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,406
Thanks, Edgar.
117
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,309
GRETCHEN:
Then,
118
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,645
the day your new video drops,
119
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,416
only your face-- not your name--
is on billboards.
120
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,183
People will look up and ask...
121
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,985
(gasps)
"Who's there?"
122
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,522
Answer: Nock Nock.
123
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,326
Good job. I can see
you worked real hard.
124
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,429
Great. Then let's sign
that contract. (laughs)
125
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:02,830
Listen, Gretchen,
there's something
126
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,331
you got to know about me.
127
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,267
I made everything out of dirt.
Whole scratch.
128
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,169
I'm out here alone
since I was 15.
129
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,539
Mushing. Rectify.
130
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:15,042
"Knock Knock." "Come in."
You know?
131
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,145
Plus, I got Charles.
132
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:24,117
(indistinct whispering)
133
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:27,187
I got to take Charles
to volleyball.
134
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,590
I believe in you, Gretchen.
135
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,825
Full heart.
136
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,563
(footsteps approaching)
137
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:37,465
What the hell, Gretch?!
138
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,132
I actually had to hike yesterday
139
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,368
because I thought
I went to the wrong side.
140
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,904
-You didn't get laid?
-Of course I got laid.
141
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,139
-Did he have a golden retriever?
-No.
142
00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,075
A Rottweiler.
143
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,410
(gasps)
Jesus, are you okay?
144
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:52,546
-Sam's on the phone for you.
-She's not here!
145
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:54,114
(sighs)
146
00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,783
I killed Sam's garbage track.
147
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,451
Wait a sec.
148
00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,953
You killed it as in
you called every radio station
149
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:02,790
and media outlet and convinced
them not to play the track
150
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,391
even though
they'd already received it?
151
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,794
And I still found time
to get all in it.
152
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,261
Ugh. You know what?
You're right.
153
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,664
You and Jimmy
are both pulling tail.
154
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:13,400
-Screw this.
-There's my girl.
155
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,269
Tomorrow night, Soho House.
156
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,772
Gretchen goes to slam town.
157
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,809
-(door slams shut)
-(Jimmy grunts)
158
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,644
Come here, say hi. I'm dying.
159
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,680
Oh, uh... Oh,
I should really take a shower.
160
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,750
Jesus, did you bone a catfish?
161
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,620
Oh. (sputters)
Fuck Week.
162
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,788
-(whoops) Fuck Week!
-So you're ready
163
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:37,591
-to finally go out, huh?
-(sighs) As soon
164
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,359
as I finish
this target monetization strat
165
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:40,994
for Nock Nock.
166
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,263
If I can increase
his engagement levels,
167
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,699
land him a few
key endorsements...
168
00:07:45,733 --> 00:07:48,869
Ooh! Maybe I can get him
a Waze channel?
169
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,173
(mouths)
170
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:56,476
NOCK NOCK:
I'm not in it
171
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,478
for the money,
never have been.
172
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:01,114
-You kidding?
-(men growling)
173
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,050
-Ooh!
-Guys!
174
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,718
Guys, I am in a meeting.
175
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,854
Lindsay tanked our release.
Now no one's
176
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:09,022
gonna hear
our fire-ass track of fire!
177
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,224
I keep telling them
the track isn't ready.
178
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,993
That's not your job,
Messy bitch!
179
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,128
-Guys, that is exactly her job!
-But who the hell is she to
180
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,997
-tell us shit?
-I am your publicist! That's who I am!
181
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,966
She's just some titty girl
who used to hang out with you.
182
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,201
-I'm not some titty girl.
That's insulting. -And now,
183
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:23,370
-we're supposed to listen
to her? Her? -I have a job, and
184
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:25,338
-it's whatever Gretchen just
said it was. Yes you are! -Her?
185
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,407
May I hear the track?
186
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,478
* Stand around
while you watch *
187
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:33,246
-* How the cookie crumbles,
people now * -* Cookie! *
188
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,248
* All your tracks,
mostly made of mumbles *
189
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,184
* Free-associatin' shit
like a poet *
190
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,352
-* Poetry! *
-* Lookin' fly in my whip... *
191
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:42,723
-(music stops)
-Forget we added that cookie line.
192
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:45,158
That is so bad. What were
you guys even going for?
193
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,761
We've been getting a lot
of moms at our shows,
194
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:50,263
and... they're not even
coming to the after-party.
195
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,999
We're losing
relevance, bitch!
196
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,835
Like Alanis Morissette
after Jagged Little Pill.
197
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,437
You got a wild track
in there,
198
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,707
but there's all this shit
covering it.
199
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,075
You got Corn Flakes
and Lucky Charms
200
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,544
and Cocoa Puffs.
201
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:07,080
But I just want
a taste the milk.
202
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,917
-Who the hell is this kid?!
-Guys...
203
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:14,254
I told Lindsay to hold off
on releasing the song,
204
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:18,692
because I wanted to link
you guys up with Nock Nock.
205
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,460
He's untested
but very promising.
206
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:22,562
I think a collab with him
207
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,432
could help you get your track
where you want it.
208
00:09:25,465 --> 00:09:28,535
I don't know this corny,
cereal-ass bitch!
209
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,604
-Ah, yeah.
-He gets half a million
210
00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:32,139
monthly listens on SoundCloud.
211
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,941
Nice to meet you.
Nock Nock, is it?
212
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,809
It'd be an honor
to help you guys out.
213
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:38,245
Big Titty Dreams got me
through my parents' divorce.
214
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,313
-Oh.
-See? This is a perfect example
215
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:44,551
of the extra cross-pollination
that Caliber can offer.
216
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,319
I'm in.
217
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,824
-So we good?
-We're not good, Gretch.
218
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,425
You ditched me at Soho House,
219
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,629
and I ended up pegging
an agent from APA.
220
00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,898
(voice breaks):
APA, Gretch.
221
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,634
Oh, shit.
You're on a Fuck Week?
222
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,970
That's why you've been
ignoring my texts?
223
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,572
Yes. Duh.
224
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,340
Next time just say so.
225
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:10,443
*
226
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:14,347
Thanks, fam.
227
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:15,515
Okay.
228
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:22,489
I did it! I got him!
Can you imagine how exciting
229
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,591
this would be
if he were actually good?
230
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,093
We doing this?
231
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,029
(yawning):
Hell yeah.
232
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,198
(excited moaning)
233
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,066
(laughing)
234
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,672
(both panting)
235
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:41,441
Oh, these guys are so hot!
236
00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:45,012
I can't wait to put my stuff
in their stuff!
237
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:46,646
Struggling actors are the best.
238
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,315
They have so much to prove.
239
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,650
Oh, where are those dummies
with our drinks?
240
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,986
They better hurry,
'cause I'm so ready to get down
241
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,654
with their dicks.
242
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,156
You okay?
243
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,659
You're shaking, and your
eyeballs are real shiny.
244
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,629
(laughing): It's because
I'm so happy we're doing this.
245
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:05,465
-You?
-Definitely! I am so pumped
246
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,668
to bone down with some strange.
247
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,870
(Gretchen laughs)
248
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,739
But you don't have to.
249
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,673
You've had a busy week.
250
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:16,676
My hood is extremely chapped.
But I'm still down if you are.
251
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,146
Unless... you want to go.
252
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,848
(chuckles):
I mean...
253
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,582
in a way...
254
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:25,085
that might be
the crazier thing to do.
255
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,754
No one would see it coming.
256
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:29,389
(loud laughter)
257
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,324
BOTH:
I don't wanna do this, either!
258
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:34,061
Oh, I'm calling it.
Fuck Week's done.
259
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,695
Oh, thank God.
260
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,599
For real, I just want to find
my forever dick, Gretch.
261
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:41,501
I have this gross feeling.
262
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:45,272
Maybe I'm actually
fulfilled by my job.
263
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,541
Like, maybe it's not just
someplace for me to go
264
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:50,677
to nap under my desk anymore.
265
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,513
And instead of celebrating
this win with a bunch of dick,
266
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,750
all I want to do
is go home and tell Jimmy.
267
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,752
Oh, can I crash
at your place tonight?
268
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,854
I'm sick of hearing
Becca and Vernon whisper-fight
269
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,957
over whose turn it is
to rinse out Tallulah's eye.
270
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,829
-Can I borrow your lip balm?
-Mm.
271
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:11,731
(sniffs)
272
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:15,102
(laughing)
273
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,404
Ah...
274
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,006
(giggles)
275
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,376
Oh, shit.
276
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,945
Ew.
277
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:27,747
Look at Jimmy's Instagram.
What a pale booty.
278
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,817
Geez, have
some standards, Jimmy.
279
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:31,819
Good night, Lindser.
280
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,789
GRETCHEN:
Hey, Jimmy,
281
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:38,258
I forgive you for hooking up
with such a flat butt.
282
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,727
Make room.
I'm coming to spoon you.
283
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,329
Jimmy?
284
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,630
Jim...
285
00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,665
*
286
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,341
(sighs)
287
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,556
(phone chimes)
288
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:19,766
(laughs quietly)
289
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,503
WOMAN:
You're Jimmy Shive-Overly!
290
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,272
(gasps)
I love you!
291
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,874
Sorry.
292
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,641
Are you alone?
293
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,844
-Can I join you?
-Sorry, I'm on a deadline.
294
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,320
*
295
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:50,330
(soft hip-hop playing)
296
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,965
* Cookin' it, cookin' it,
cookin' it, cookin' it *
297
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,300
* Cookin' it to the spoon *
298
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,868
* Catch me, mama *
299
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,836
* In your trap house
eating macaroons... *
300
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,239
There you are. Food's here.
301
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:00,807
Mnm, yum!
302
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,442
* Druggy drug drug song... *
303
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,479
Last night was mindboggling.
304
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,481
Am I still a little tender?
305
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:09,983
Yes.
(laughs)
306
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,185
Well, I didn't know
it could bend that way.
307
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,821
You should be
in Cirque du Soleil.
308
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,456
What, tonight?
(mouthing)
309
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,061
I can't believe
you're cheating on Gretchen,
310
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,595
after everything you've
311
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,197
-been through.
-I'm not cheating.
312
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:27,034
It's Fuck Week.
It's a week during which
313
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,201
-both parties...
-It's in the name.
314
00:14:28,235 --> 00:14:29,569
But, twist:
315
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,905
I am not doing any cocksmanning.
316
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,207
Ho-ho! What?!
317
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:36,743
I'm abstaining, because
I've already participated
318
00:14:36,776 --> 00:14:38,211
in Fuck Week.
319
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,513
I just did it
before the official kickoff.
320
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,950
-What do you mean?
-Well, having received...
321
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:46,253
underwhelming fellatio
from a florist,
322
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,956
I've contrived
this brief fermata
323
00:14:48,989 --> 00:14:50,924
in our carnal fealty
324
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:53,593
to allow Gretchen to get even
325
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,462
-Hmm.
-without her ever knowing
326
00:14:55,495 --> 00:14:58,298
that there was a connubial
imbalance in the first place.
327
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,033
So you did...
328
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:01,901
cheat on Gretchen,
329
00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:05,138
and only suggested
Fuck Week as a scam
330
00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:08,275
to get rid of your guilt without
ever owning up to what you did.
331
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,610
-To the simpleton.
-Oh, so, what,
332
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,745
Gretchen sleeps
with a bunch of guys--
333
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,948
-won't you be jealous?
-(chuckles)
334
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:17,884
-I am post-jealousy.
-Uh-huh.
335
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,454
But, as it turns out,
Gretchen is too busy with work,
336
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,790
as ludicrous
as that sentence sounds,
337
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:26,926
thus downgrading my plan
to "flawed."
338
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,895
Just be honest with her.
339
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,630
Be Jimmy.
340
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,100
Hmm. "Being Jimmy"
341
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:36,636
means that, upon hearing advice
from Dim Roommate Edgar,
342
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:40,307
I should immediately reject
said advice and do the opposite.
343
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:43,843
It's settled, then.
I shall double down
344
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:45,945
and lean into the illusion
to motivate her.
345
00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:48,015
Good backwards advice, Edgar.
346
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,350
You've accidentally
done it again.
347
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:53,353
JIMMY:
All right,
348
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,421
start slow.
349
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,855
Ease into it.
350
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:59,159
The right amount of suction
is imperative.
351
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:02,095
Firm, but with an intermediate
amount of pressure.
352
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,197
Bit of moisture
should help it along,
353
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:06,033
and remember: no teeth.
354
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:09,069
I've done this before, honey.
355
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,305
So, where do you want me?
356
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,674
Right...
357
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:16,243
here.
358
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,979
(yells)
359
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:35,862
(Gretchen groans)
360
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:37,964
Come here, say hi.
I'm dying.
361
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,034
Oh, uh, well,
I should really take a shower.
362
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,077
Yo, why are you playing vids
during Fuck Week?
363
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,478
How do you know about that?
364
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,880
Your girl told me
how much she's fuckin'.
365
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,848
She's probably pregnant by now.
366
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,984
But she hasn't been
doing it at all.
367
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,919
She's been working, nonstop.
368
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,389
-I've observed it myself.
-Fool.
369
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,557
She's putting on a show.
370
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,992
Bitch is a pathological liar
371
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,395
who's weeks away
from getting that ring.
372
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:09,996
She gonna lie even more now.
373
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,899
Once, when she spilled chocolate
on her pants,
374
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,368
she told the dry cleaners
that she'd shit herself
375
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,504
because she didn't want him
to judge her.
376
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,406
You played yourself, man.
377
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:22,409
You let the Hamburglar into
McDonald's on the honor system
378
00:17:22,442 --> 00:17:24,711
and you're sitting around here
just playing video games?
379
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,914
Thinking your burgers are safe?
Your burgers
380
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,449
are not safe!
381
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,284
(laughs)
382
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,386
You're so stupid, Jimmy.
383
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,954
Oh! (laughing)
384
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:37,624
ANNOUNCER:
Game over!
385
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:40,360
(laughing)
386
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,130
(whoops)
387
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:46,032
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
(laughs)
388
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,567
Your burgers are not safe.
389
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,269
(door closes)
390
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:50,870
I've lethally miscalculated.
391
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,405
I thought that it would
make it even,
392
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,374
but it's not remotely even.
393
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,776
I have to sleep with
one person, at least.
394
00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:00,447
And Gretchen
is fucking so many guys.
395
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,416
So, so many.
396
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,617
I thought you were
post-jealousy.
397
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:08,388
I am now mid-post jealousy.
398
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,624
Oh, look! Ecstasy.
399
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:15,262
Just the elixir I need to get
into the perfect mindset.
400
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,963
Hmm, a bit crumbly.
401
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,899
Better take two
to ensure efficacy.
402
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,135
When was the last time
you wore that jacket?
403
00:18:22,169 --> 00:18:25,605
Hmm, can't have been
that long ago.
404
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,241
Oh, look. My old Zune.
405
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,876
(clicks tongue)
406
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,287
-(woman sighs)
-(Edgar giggles)
407
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,488
I'm going home.
408
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,390
I get screwed enough at work.
409
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:51,431
(clears throat)
410
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,433
(stomach rumbling)
411
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,468
(groaning)
412
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:59,138
Am I sweating?
413
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:01,641
(stomach rumbling)
414
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:04,944
-(banging on door)
-MAN: Let's go, pal! Open up!
415
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,514
-WOMAN: Dude, come on!
-Night, night. -MAN: Let's go, buddy.
416
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,682
Pee and go, my man.
417
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:23,062
Ew.
418
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,565
Rough night, huh, buddy?
419
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:26,733
Winning!
420
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,236
'Twas a crazy night, indeed.
421
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:33,306
-You off?
-Of course.
422
00:19:33,340 --> 00:19:35,141
Last day of Fuck Week.
423
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,843
-(whoops)
-Oh, well.
424
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,645
Go, go have fun.
425
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,881
You're so cool, Jimmy.
I can't wait to marry you.
426
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,584
-Now I'm going to go
get some dick. -(whoops)
427
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,586
Climb on all the dicks.
428
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:52,759
Thank God Gretchen's finally
getting in the goddamn game.
429
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:55,262
What do you mean, "finally"?
430
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,264
She called off
her only attempt at Fuck Week
431
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,232
to come home to you,
like a lame-o.
432
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,100
But you were out
squirting on dicks,
433
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,769
like you should be, playa.
434
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,572
Thank God you posted that gross,
435
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,240
pasty-ass girl butt
on your Insta.
436
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,276
It's what finally motivated her
to go dick hunting.
437
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,944
That was my butt.
438
00:20:11,978 --> 00:20:14,381
-What?!
-(Edgar giggles)
439
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,283
(laughs)
That flat-booty bitch was you?
440
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,085
I didn't fuck during Fuck Week.
441
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,753
What?
442
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,390
So neither of you goobers
have been banging at all?
443
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:26,393
(chuckling): Yeah, Gretchen has.
Sam told me.
444
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,361
She lied to Sam to look cool.
445
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,530
God. You both
446
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,899
are such gigantic losers.
447
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:35,302
And I'm the only one
who fucked during Fuck Week,
448
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,903
and it wasn't even my Fuck Week.
449
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:38,204
Well, Gretchen's about to do it.
450
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:39,939
LINDSAY:
Yeah, she is.
451
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,774
Thanks to you.
452
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,912
(Edgar grunts softly)
453
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:50,617
Where are you now?
454
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:53,486
(door opens, closes)
455
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:54,954
Jealousy.
456
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:57,990
Yeah.
457
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,792
* I heard *
458
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:03,162
* You were going *
459
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:06,299
* Down a new way *
460
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,003
* You say *
461
00:21:11,037 --> 00:21:14,407
* You've been lost *
462
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,776
* For awhile now *
463
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,010
(car approaching)
464
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:20,913
* But you're not sure why *
465
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,515
* And this... *
466
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:24,551
(car alarm chirps)
467
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,957
* It sparkled in our eyes... *
468
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,092
Wha...?
469
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,827
Oh, you're home.
470
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:38,197
Jimmy, thank you so much
for suggesting Fuck Week.
471
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,799
Oh, no problem.
472
00:21:39,832 --> 00:21:41,868
No, really.
473
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:45,472
To be perfectly honest,
it sounded fun,
474
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:48,040
but I just wasn't feeling it
at first, which worried me.
475
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:51,143
So tonight I had meaningless sex
with a rando.
476
00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,680
Oh. That's great, great to hear.
477
00:21:53,713 --> 00:21:55,648
And, well, Jimmy,
it made me realize
478
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:57,384
I don't want to do that anymore.
479
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,786
I'm happy being with just you.
480
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,221
And I'm not even lying
to myself, which,
481
00:22:02,254 --> 00:22:04,624
if I'm not lying to someone else
is usually the case.
482
00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,659
But it's true.
483
00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:09,996
I just want you.
484
00:22:10,029 --> 00:22:13,032
Did it work for you? You get it
out of your system, too?
485
00:22:13,065 --> 00:22:15,502
I actually realized that I
didn't need it before you did,
486
00:22:15,535 --> 00:22:17,970
so... I didn't partake.
487
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,473
Yes, you did.
488
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:24,310
The lipstick, the hickey,
the Insta-butt?
489
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:27,647
Yeah, well, I didn't want
to take Fuck Week away from you,
490
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:31,451
so I just faked it
for your benefit.
491
00:22:33,285 --> 00:22:36,022
No! No!
492
00:22:36,055 --> 00:22:37,824
Jimmy! But I did,
493
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:40,927
which means now we're going
into our marriage unequal.
494
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,996
No, no, no, no, no. No, no,
it's... it's okay, it's okay.
495
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:47,400
I-I got my dick sucked,
so, it's even.
496
00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:49,569
Oh, I thought you didn't
hook up this week.
497
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,673
No, right. No.
498
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,842
Didn't-didn't...
didn't I say I...
499
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:59,679
I actually had
a small encounter, like,
500
00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:03,349
within the margin of error
of said week.
501
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,117
Margin of error?
What does that mean?
502
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:07,420
Oh, it's f... it's funny.
Do you remember
503
00:23:07,454 --> 00:23:11,223
when I picked out centerpieces
alone l-last week?
504
00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:12,959
Because I was working.
505
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:16,896
Yeah. Yeah, well,
while y-you were doing that...
506
00:23:16,929 --> 00:23:20,066
the florist, you know,
507
00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:23,269
she kind of, um...
she sucked my dick.
508
00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:27,073
You... you remember,
because y-you said
509
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,375
that I wasn't...
I wasn't a bad boy.
510
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:32,211
Remember? So, yeah,
yeah, technically,
511
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,247
it happened before
the commencement.
512
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:37,950
But that is splitting hairs,
513
00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:40,219
really, because
514
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,421
we both came
to the same conclusion.
515
00:23:42,455 --> 00:23:44,457
That we don't want that anymore.
516
00:23:44,491 --> 00:23:47,193
So, yay, us.
517
00:23:48,528 --> 00:23:50,830
(chuckling):
So, wait...
518
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:53,332
you did all of this--
519
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,802
suggested Fuck Week,
went to elaborate lengths
520
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,970
to make it seem like
you were fucking--
521
00:23:58,004 --> 00:24:00,239
so I'd fuck someone,
even though I didn't want to,
522
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:02,308
just so you could
feel better about yourself?
523
00:24:02,341 --> 00:24:04,176
Well, um, uh, I mean,
when you put it that way,
524
00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:06,178
it does sound a bit foolish.
525
00:24:06,212 --> 00:24:09,516
No. I'm impressed.
526
00:24:09,549 --> 00:24:11,183
You are?
527
00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:14,153
Makes me feel better to know
you're as big of a dishonest,
528
00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:16,523
disgusting fucking liar as I am.
529
00:24:16,556 --> 00:24:19,859
-(chuckles)
-(laughing)
530
00:24:19,892 --> 00:24:22,461
Good night, Jimmy.
531
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:28,300
* Yeah, we out here winning,
winning *
532
00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:29,869
* Been the same
since beginning *
533
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:31,370
* Yeah, we out here *
534
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:34,373
* Winning, winning,
winning, winning *
535
00:24:34,406 --> 00:24:35,975
* Been the same
since beginning *
536
00:24:36,008 --> 00:24:37,777
* I didn't come
to make friends *
537
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,478
* Got enough of those already *
538
00:24:39,512 --> 00:24:41,981
* Yeah, remind me
what we came here to do *
539
00:24:42,014 --> 00:24:43,550
* Get it on our own *
540
00:24:43,583 --> 00:24:45,151
* Telling you we can't lose *
541
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:48,287
* Winning, winning,
winning, winning *
542
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,956
* Been the same
since beginning *
543
00:24:49,989 --> 00:24:51,524
* Yeah, we out here winning *
544
00:24:51,558 --> 00:24:53,826
* Winning, winning, winning *
545
00:24:53,860 --> 00:24:55,762
* Been the same
since beginning. *
546
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:00,900
(dog barks)
547
00:25:03,936 --> 00:25:05,905
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
548
00:25:05,955 --> 00:25:10,505
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38785
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