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1
00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,090
Scorpions!
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,092
There's scorpions everywhere!
3
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,844
[CONFUSED CHATTER]
4
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,972
Now that I've got your attention,
we have an announcement to make.
5
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:17,058
Zach sold the company and
we're all gonna be rich!
6
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:20,311
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- [GABE LAUGHING] That's amazing!
7
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,355
A lot of us have equity in Giztoob.
8
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,899
Equity, of course, is horses.
9
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,193
So when Zach signs
those papers tomorrow,
10
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:29,320
yeah, we get horses.
11
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:33,283
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
12
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,868
13
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,203
Robots can't get pregnant, yo!
14
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,288
[CIRCUITS FIZZLE]
15
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,290
C.H.E.R.Y./L., everyone's
worried about you.
16
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:41,875
Quit harshing my buzz.
17
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,251
[CIRCUITS CRACKLE]
18
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,919
I feel like I'm losing you!
19
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,922
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
20
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:53,000
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
21
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,512
[BANKSTON]
Unbreakable
22
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,972
They alive, damn it
23
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,599
It's a miracle
24
00:00:57,682 --> 00:00:58,683
Unbreakable
25
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:00,185
They alive, damn it
26
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,353
But females are strong as hell
27
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,438
Unbreakable
28
00:01:03,521 --> 00:01:04,647
They alive, damn it
29
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,274
It's a miracle
30
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:07,567
Unbreakable
31
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,777
They alive, damn it
32
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,070
That's gonna be, uh...
33
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:13,031
you know, a fascinating transition.
34
00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,114
[SINGERS]
Damn it
35
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,703
As someone who's had many past lives,
36
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:21,539
I can say for certain that
this life is the worst.
37
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:23,875
My former lover
38
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,211
is betrothed to another man, Oliver.
39
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,670
Why did I sit here?
40
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,881
Right now, he and Blandrew
are probably tasting cakes.
41
00:01:29,964 --> 00:01:31,007
Cakes.
42
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:34,010
Meanwhile, here I am on a school bus
43
00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:38,014
with some of the ugliest
kids I have ever met!
44
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:39,516
And where am I taking you?
45
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:40,683
To the theater
46
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,603
to sit with the no-talents and
watch people live my dream at me.
47
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,648
You think you should be
in Cats? On Broadway?
48
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:53,113
Yes, on Broadway. I'd make a great cat.
49
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,990
I nap most of the day, I look
cute in a cardboard box,
50
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,493
I hate taking baths, and most
of my enemies are birds.
51
00:01:58,576 --> 00:02:01,079
You also have to be able
to sing and act and stuff.
52
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,373
I am a triple threat.
53
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,876
I can sing, I can dance,
and I found a gun.
54
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,462
[HAUGHTY MUSIC]
55
00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,172
56
00:02:11,256 --> 00:02:13,675
[GASPS] Tripp, darling!
57
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:14,758
Kiss, kiss.
58
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:16,594
Mwah.
59
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,600
[EXHALES] Surprised you even
recognized me, what with my new look.
60
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,395
If you were an aquarium security guard,
61
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,188
do you think you would know it was me?
62
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,983
Well, I'm so glad you're back in town.
63
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:31,985
Is everything okay with the apartment?
64
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,278
A bunch of your underwear broke
65
00:02:33,361 --> 00:02:35,361
because someone tried to
put it on a cooked turkey.
66
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,033
Well, let me know if you
want to extend the lease.
67
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,827
I just want you to be happy,
68
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:44,622
and I don't mind staying at,
um, my place in the Hamptons.
69
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,880
[BIRDS CHIRP, CAR HORN BLARES]
70
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:47,900
Morning!
71
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:50,461
I'm so glad you could
stay with me. Roomies!
72
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,338
Mm, the street sweeper's coming.
73
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,590
I'm gonna take a shower.
74
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,842
[STREET SWEEPER RUMBLING]
75
00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,969
I'm only in town for a couple of days.
76
00:02:58,052 --> 00:02:59,637
You know, I just gotta fire my agent
77
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,264
- and get back to LA.
- [CHUCKLES]
78
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:02,300
Wait. What?
79
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:03,516
LA.
80
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:07,145
It means "Los Angle-es."
It's so awesome there.
81
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,272
I've already started,
like, four wildfires.
82
00:03:09,300 --> 00:03:10,320
No,
83
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:13,192
I mean the part about
you firing your agent.
84
00:03:13,276 --> 00:03:14,360
Are you firing me?
85
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,697
Look, I met Eli Rubin at Drake's bris...
86
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,115
Eli Rubin?
87
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:20,325
From UTI?
88
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:21,576
Yeah, I guess.
89
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,996
Anyway, he really wants me. No homo.
90
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:28,333
Tripp, I discovered you. I
got you your first job.
91
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:31,711
I'm the one who convinced them
to make you the new Trivago guy.
92
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,463
Do you need a hotel, like, now?
93
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,840
Maybe one that's in walking
distance from your house?
94
00:03:35,924 --> 00:03:38,635
You lead a complicated life, and
everyone's giving you shit.
95
00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:39,670
Trivago!
96
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:43,890
I know, Jacqueline, but Eli's
got, like, a whole plan for me.
97
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,850
And so do I!
98
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,728
You come by the office later
and let me dazzle you.
99
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:49,979
You owe me that much.
100
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,648
Oh, fine.
101
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:56,194
Oh, great. The menu's in cursive.
102
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:57,695
I can't read this!
103
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,781
[LAUGHS] Wonderful.
104
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:03,368
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
105
00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,953
Whoa, Zach's got moves.
106
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:07,372
I'm not dancing. Someone get my EpiPen.
107
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,124
[GRUNTS]
108
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,252
Was someone here touching a squirrel?
109
00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:13,959
When I get my payout,
I'm gonna use my money
110
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,220
to kill all the squirrels.
111
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:16,790
I'm gonna do that thing Elon Musk did
112
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:19,133
where you get weird-looking
and date a street child.
113
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,301
I'm gonna see the world.
114
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:22,262
London, Africa, Australia,
115
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,785
where the toilets go the other
way... right up to the ceiling.
116
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,642
Also, I'm gonna self-publish my book.
117
00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:28,685
You'd like it, Zach.
118
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:29,894
It's got a magical trolley
119
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,813
that can also be a plane or a boat.
120
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,940
Trolleys don't do that.
Your book is wrong.
121
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,567
And I'm gonna advertise it on
Saturday morning cartoons.
122
00:04:36,651 --> 00:04:38,444
Kimmy's book, take a look
123
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,113
Everyone, it's Kimmy's book
124
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,823
"Whoa! Cool book, man."
125
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,783
"It's Kimmy's book. And it talks."
126
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,160
Kimmy's book available now.
Actual book does not talk.
127
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,288
You're gonna advertise on TV?
128
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:50,206
The thing that babysits my grandma?
129
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,332
- Sure.
- Hey, hey, Red.
130
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,835
Listen, I gotta borrow some stamps.
131
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:57,380
I'm sending de Blasio
a box of mouse skulls
132
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,632
for reasons that I have forgotten.
133
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,551
Aren't you gonna ask why
we're having a party?
134
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:04,095
This is a party?
135
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:06,097
[LAUGHS] Where's the gimp?
136
00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:10,040
Oh. If you have to ask where
the gimp is, it's you.
137
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,499
Well, the reason there's a party
138
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:13,260
is 'cause Zach's selling the company.
139
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:15,773
Rapier Capital is buying us,
and we're all gonna be rich.
140
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,192
Yeah, but what does this place even do?
141
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,237
Oh, you know... Internet?
142
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,697
Oh, boy.
143
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,783
Everybody wants money for nothing now.
144
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,870
Back in my day, you learned a trade.
145
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:33,791
You were a bricklayer or a
garment worker or a prostitute.
146
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:34,959
Lillian, I'm taking the money.
147
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,878
I've already picked out a horse's name:
148
00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:38,671
Horse-o the Giant Dog.
149
00:05:38,755 --> 00:05:40,089
Don't do it, Red.
150
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:43,676
There is no respectable way
to get rich out of nowhere
151
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,553
except a lottery fix.
152
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:48,056
[GUFFAWS] Let's get some stamps.
153
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:53,352
[DRAMATIC KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
154
00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:57,231
155
00:05:57,315 --> 00:06:00,651
[ALL]
Meow, meow, meow
156
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:03,988
Meow, meow, now
157
00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:08,785
We're not dogs
158
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:12,371
We're cats
159
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,458
- Bet you couldn't do that.
- Bet me what?
160
00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:16,480
Your lame shirt?
161
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:18,002
I could be a cat.
162
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,838
My tongue is scratchy, Japanese
people are obsessed with me,
163
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,466
and I'm always on a couch
or hiding in a deli.
164
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,718
Easy to say, just sitting there.
165
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,428
[JAUNTY KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
166
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,263
I'm Rumbleshanks
167
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,140
The oldest cat
168
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,226
I'm St. Jellorica
169
00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,686
The most delicate cat
170
00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:39,774
[ENSEMBLE]
The tinkliest, finkliest
Minkliest cat
171
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,901
Cats, cats, cats
172
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,694
So many cats
173
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:47,365
So many cats, it's a cat attack
174
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:50,993
[MENACING KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
175
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,453
What are they doing?
176
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,123
- [HISSES SOFTLY]
- Uh, sir...
177
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,666
I didn't know they came
into the audience!
178
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:59,794
[ENSEMBLE]
Meow, meow
179
00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,171
Meow
180
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,422
Meow
181
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,716
I wonder will they do that
again in the second act.
182
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,009
Oh! I don't know.
183
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,221
- What you don't know could fill a stadium.
- [ENSEMBLE]
Meow
184
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,265
[FLUID KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
185
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,559
Meow
186
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:17,895
[DEVIOUS KEYBOARD CHORDS PLAYING]
187
00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,606
- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
- [MIMI SQUEALS] I'm doing it!
188
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,025
I'm flossing. I'm a millennial! [LAUGHS]
189
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,486
Listen up, nerds!
190
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:26,571
- Hmm.
- [MUSIC STOPS]
191
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,156
We all know I remind you
192
00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,117
of the hot girl from high school
who made you do stuff for her,
193
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,953
the one you vowed would one day
regret it when you got rich.
194
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:36,581
Well, I don't regret it, and
I have more for you to do.
195
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,416
- What do you need?
- What's the term paper on?
196
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:39,667
Sure, I'll wear a wig
and sleep in your bed
197
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,836
so your parents don't know you're
seeing Good Charlotte in Tampa.
198
00:07:41,850 --> 00:07:42,860
Shut up.
199
00:07:42,870 --> 00:07:44,559
I have an important client coming,
200
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,600
and he needs to believe
this is my office.
201
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:49,510
I know you've all watched Entourage
to see what boobs look like,
202
00:07:49,594 --> 00:07:52,138
so pretend that you work
at a talent agency.
203
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,598
How 'bout you shut up, bitch?
204
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:56,767
- [EMPLOYEES GASP]
- That's perfect. Thank you, Tyler.
205
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,687
Put these on.
206
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,064
And get rid of all this childish junk.
207
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,733
Mimi, grab an office.
208
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,026
You're an agent now.
209
00:08:05,109 --> 00:08:08,154
A promotion. I can't wait
to tell Daddy's grave.
210
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,656
Kimmy, you're one of my clients.
211
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,116
Change into this.
212
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,660
I need all traces of Giztoob gone.
213
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,456
Oh, and we need tiny bottled waters.
214
00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,916
Tinier!
215
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:26,964
[TRENDY MUSIC PLAYING]
216
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,176
Welcome to White Talent,
Bro-hobeth Beyotch!
217
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:32,887
How long you in town?
Awesome. Nobu moved.
218
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,599
It's an all-Hemsworth
reboot of First Wives Club!
219
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,434
No! Luke is Midler!
220
00:08:39,393 --> 00:08:40,520
Tripp, darling.
221
00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,856
I was just finishing up with
Olympic snowboarder Shaun White.
222
00:08:43,870 --> 00:08:44,880
Dab.
223
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:47,109
Whoa, Shaun White!
224
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,402
Radical, brah.
225
00:08:48,486 --> 00:08:50,530
It's me, the Flying Tomato.
226
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:53,282
[WITH ITALIAN ACCENT]
'Cause I'm-a Italian!
227
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,827
I'm gonna stay over here,
extremely far away.
228
00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,665
But, dude, Jacqueline
is the bomb diggity.
229
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,208
She's got the skills...
230
00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:04,335
[WITH ITALIAN ACCENT]
to make-a the bills-a!
231
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,837
Why don't I show you my office?
232
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:10,007
Gotta smell my board.
That's a spicy board.
233
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:11,884
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
234
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,556
There you are. [PANTING]
235
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,432
Well, I brought
everything you asked for:
236
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:22,019
your makeup kit, all your
wigs, my weirdest coats.
237
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,896
FYI, they're covered in cat hair.
238
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,523
Perfect.
239
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:26,607
All right.
240
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,610
[DETERMINED KEYBOARD MUSIC]
241
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:36,033
242
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,077
The cats had more babies
243
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,996
And these are their babies
244
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,205
[DRAMATIC KEYBOARD MUSIC]
245
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:43,291
Scoot. Scoot over.
246
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,084
247
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,211
I'll show you who belongs
up on that stage.
248
00:09:47,295 --> 00:09:49,505
Is all of this just to
impress a 12-year-old?
249
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,674
[CHUCKLES] Only 60%.
250
00:09:52,466 --> 00:09:54,427
The rest is about achieving my dream.
251
00:09:54,510 --> 00:09:57,179
[FUNKY KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
252
00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:04,228
253
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,355
I am a kitty cat
254
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,982
My name is Turblebrop
255
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:12,361
256
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,196
Frumbumbly is a silly cat
257
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,240
He frumbumbles all the day
258
00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:18,242
Frumbumbly is so silly, in fact
259
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:20,494
He dies if he doesn't get
260
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:24,165
Applause
261
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,542
And he always proves his points
262
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:32,715
To Olivers
263
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:36,302
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
264
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:41,223
Shaun White just said hi
to me in the elevator
265
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,517
while I was drinking a glass of water,
266
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,311
so we can't be the same person.
267
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,605
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
268
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,815
Chutes and ladders. Zach!
269
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,318
Remember how I was talking about
270
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,694
getting horses and going to London?
271
00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,988
I remember everything
that's ever happened to me.
272
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,080
It's horrible.
273
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,190
Well, check out this sugar.
274
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,535
I just got ads for flights to
London and horse insurance.
275
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:02,953
What are the odds?
276
00:11:03,037 --> 00:11:04,789
Um, 100%?
277
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:06,957
You know what we do here, right?
278
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,418
We helped make that
game, right? Nom-Nom?
279
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,670
They made a movie based on it,
280
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:13,089
and James Cordon played... [WITH
ENGLISH ACCENT] Cucumber Salad.
281
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:15,159
The code we wrote for that game
282
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,925
lets us track and listen to our users,
283
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,552
see what their phone cameras are seeing,
284
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,262
and look inside their mouths.
285
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,807
Oral health is linked to mental
health, socioeconomic status,
286
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:23,891
and brand allegiance.
287
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:27,311
You're crazy and poor.
288
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,063
So we spy on people?
289
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,731
No, we data mine.
290
00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:32,274
This is what everything
on the Internet does.
291
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,652
If something's free, it's
probably watching you bathroom.
292
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,780
Not my Golden Showers app.
It gives me digi-coins.
293
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:39,740
Anyway, then we sell that
data to third parties,
294
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:40,991
and they tell you what to buy,
295
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,077
how to vote, what color
scrunchie to wear.
296
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,664
Nuh-uh! I chose this color
to honor Toyotathon.
297
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:47,832
[GASPS SOFTLY] Dagnabbit.
298
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,045
I wonder if C.H.E.R.Y./L.
knows about this.
299
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:54,630
[C.H.E.R.Y./L.] What's Gucci, fam?
300
00:11:54,713 --> 00:11:56,882
Saw you murkin' 'em on Twitch.
301
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,759
Why Giztoob so white?
302
00:11:58,770 --> 00:11:59,820
[MAN] You know it.
303
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,010
There's my girl.
304
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,304
Ros? all day.
305
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,432
Miranda Priestly. Table fries.
306
00:12:05,224 --> 00:12:08,936
Why were you talking like that? You
never speak urban slang with me.
307
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,187
That's wick-wick-wack.
308
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,689
Ugh, I'm so fat.
309
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:12,731
Mani-pedis!
310
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,525
Kristen's being a bitch.
311
00:12:14,608 --> 00:12:16,235
Who's Kristen?
312
00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:17,653
C.H.E.R.Y./L., diagnostic mode.
313
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,280
[BEEPING]
314
00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:20,990
Why were you talking like that?
315
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:24,326
[FLATLY] I am a Human
Empathy Response Yuko/Lamp.
316
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,120
I use the Giztoob algorithm
317
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:29,790
to identify the personality the
user finds most reassuring.
318
00:12:29,874 --> 00:12:32,626
It's called "source-code switching."
319
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,753
Then why are you always drunk around me?
320
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,839
Kimberly Cougar Schmidt
321
00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:40,050
responds most favorably to
broken, unstable personalities
322
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:41,510
like those of her birth mother,
323
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:42,928
Lori-Ann, and her fellow Mole Wo...
324
00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,181
I never told you any of that!
325
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:49,727
This is wrong. I don't like
being manipulated or lied to.
326
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:50,853
You know what?
327
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,063
Lamp mode, C.H.E.R.Y./L. Lamp mode!
328
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:54,315
[BEEPS]
329
00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,903
[JACQUELINE] Your ten-year plan ends
330
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,030
at the 2029 Oscars,
331
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:05,951
where you win... the biggest applause
during the In Memoriam segment.
332
00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:08,537
You really think I'll
live another ten years?
333
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:09,747
Take that, doctors.
334
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:12,291
So are you ready to forget about...
335
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:13,542
[KNOCK AT DOOR]
336
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,127
Knock, knock, party people.
337
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,587
[TRIPP] Eli!
338
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:18,839
- [LAUGHS]
- Eli. Jacqueline White.
339
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,592
- [EXHALES]
- So, Tripp, you ready to bounce
340
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,637
like my client and dear friend
Nicki Minaj's juicy butt?
341
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:27,598
- Where are you going?
- Eli's taking me to dinner.
342
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:30,434
It's a gentlemen's club/Italian
steak joint called Torso's.
343
00:13:30,450 --> 00:13:31,470
You make a day of it.
344
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:32,811
I thought I'd swing by and pick you up
345
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,564
'cause I was in the neighborhood
with the star of Baby Mama.
346
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,899
Greg Kinnear?
347
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,026
New friends are best friends.
348
00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:40,611
- [TRIPP LAUGHS]
- Hey, Tripp.
349
00:13:40,694 --> 00:13:41,862
Listen, you gotta go with Eli.
350
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,197
When I met this guy,
351
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,490
I was wasting away on E.
352
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,410
But he got me off the club
drugs, onto Talk Soup.
353
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,359
Next thing you know, I'm
playing the basket of rolls
354
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,038
in the Nom-Nom movies.
355
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,250
And next, fingers crossed,
356
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:55,501
I'm going to Broadway.
357
00:13:55,584 --> 00:13:58,128
Yeah, Chekhov, Shakespeare,
STOMP... you like STOMP?
358
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,090
Bang, crash, stompity-stomp! Hey!
359
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:02,550
[LAUGHS]
360
00:14:02,633 --> 00:14:04,969
This is why my clients need me.
361
00:14:05,052 --> 00:14:06,428
Greg, bubbe, you're not
doing Broadway, okay?
362
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,305
It doesn't pay, the schedule sucks,
363
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:09,890
and the women are just body hot.
364
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,184
I think Lincoln shot himself
365
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:15,312
so he didn't have to sit
through Rent or whatever.
366
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:18,941
Eli! More like E-truth.
367
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:21,360
Well, at least I got my improv team.
368
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,486
You're coming to the
show tomorrow, right?
369
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,363
If I bring somebody, they'll
let me use the bathroom.
370
00:14:24,446 --> 00:14:25,948
Ah, no can do, GK.
371
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:29,743
Eli got us a private tour of the
Statue of Liberty's vagina.
372
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,078
- [GREG] Ooh.
- Baller's gotta ball.
373
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:32,288
[BOTH] Oh!
374
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,540
- That's a cherry catchphrase, E.
- Love that catchphrase.
375
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:36,250
[CLEARS THROAT] Eli?
376
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:39,336
[DEVIOUS MUSIC]
377
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:40,620
[SNAPS FINGERS] Be right back.
378
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:43,780
May I have a word?
379
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:46,176
You can have two: give up.
380
00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:47,680
Please.
381
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,139
You think I'm gonna let
you walk into my office
382
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,850
- and...
- [CHORTLES] Your office?
383
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,453
If this is a talent agency, my
girlfriend's old enough to drink.
384
00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,339
None of these assistants are bangable,
385
00:14:57,340 --> 00:14:58,730
your water bottles are enormous,
386
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:02,151
and that agent is clearly
not talking to anybody.
387
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,653
- [MIMI] Show me the money!
- [OPERATOR] Excuse me, ma'am.
388
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,906
- [MIMI] I see dead people!
- [OPERATOR] Ma'am...
389
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,198
- [MIMI] I'll have what's she's having!
- [OPERATOR] Ma'am,
390
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,242
- 911 is for emergencies only.
- [MIMI] There's no crying in baseball!
391
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,785
- [OPERATOR] Ma'am...
- [MIMI LAUGHS] My...
392
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:12,870
You're out of your league.
393
00:15:12,953 --> 00:15:14,413
Yeah?
394
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,666
Well, you're not the only one
with a cherry catchphrase.
395
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:20,127
Sweet Jimmy McCracklins,
396
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,713
Mama likey the sauce.
397
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:24,882
Andiamo, boys.
398
00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:28,552
- Bye, Jocelyn.
- Tripp.
399
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,429
Jacqueline. Mimi.
400
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:32,514
- [MIMI SHOUTING]
- Zach, Tyler, Gabe.
401
00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:35,100
Thank you all for a great visit.
402
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:40,522
[INHALES DEEPLY]
403
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:41,982
[TRIUMPHANT KEYBOARD MUSIC]
404
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,442
[ENSEMBLE]
And that is
405
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:47,321
Why they call us
406
00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:50,407
Cats
407
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:54,620
- [TITUS]
Cats
- [ENSEMBLE HOLDS NOTE]
408
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,121
- [ENSEMBLE] Meow!
- [TITUS] Meow.
409
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:59,208
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
410
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:10,594
[RUMBLESHANKS] Frumbumbly!
411
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:11,929
[TITUS] Me? No.
412
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,973
[STAMMERS] I'm Tony Ravioli.
413
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,684
I'm supposed to fix the
electrical pipes. Fuggedaboutit!
414
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,519
- [CHUCKLES]
- [HISSES]
415
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,854
[TENSE MUSIC]
416
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:23,691
So you thought that you
would go up on that stage
417
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,484
in your homemade costume,
418
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,487
sing a bunch of nonsense in the
middle of a Broadway show?
419
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,826
Well, good for you, 'cause you just
discovered the secret of Cats!
420
00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:34,994
[CAST CHUCKLES]
421
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,120
My kittens!
422
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,455
The great mother cat has
eaten another placenta.
423
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:42,001
A kitty is born! His name is Frumbumbly!
424
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:43,502
[ALL] Frumbumbly!
425
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:45,045
Meow, meow, meow!
426
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,381
- Um...
- I know this is a shock,
427
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,758
but do you really think
that you're the first actor
428
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:53,303
desperate, delusional, or
narcissistic enough to think,
429
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,014
"That should be me up there"?
430
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,348
Are you saying Cats...
431
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,975
Doesn't exist.
432
00:16:58,058 --> 00:16:59,685
It all started in 1980,
433
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:01,359
when a New Haven
production of Hello, Dolly!
434
00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:04,000
got Legionnaires' disease
and didn't show up.
435
00:17:04,030 --> 00:17:06,900
A disgruntled actor in the
audience saw his opportunity
436
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,653
and, shall we say, pounced. [LAUGHS]
437
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:13,782
Inspired by his day job as
a Times Square Garfield,
438
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,828
he delivered an impromptu
two-hour monologue about cats.
439
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:20,664
He called himself Mr. Mizzlemitts.
440
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,499
[CAST] All hail Mizzlemitts!
441
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,544
So the whole show is made up?
442
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:28,464
We just do some poppers and
say whatever comes to mind.
443
00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:32,634
Jellicle, Griddlebone,
Mungojerrie, Jimmy McCracklins.
444
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:35,554
But I thought the show was based
on some poems by T.S. Eliot.
445
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,807
And what is Eliot an anagram of?
446
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:40,726
"To lie."
447
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,270
Well, what about Andrew Lloyd
Webber? He wrote the show.
448
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,480
Did he?
449
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:45,773
Look carefully.
450
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,232
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]
451
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,526
[TITUS] "Andrew Lollo Baloney."
452
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:53,322
Ah, the mind sees what it wants to see.
453
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,532
Also, a lot of people
can't read cursive.
454
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,577
So am I, like, in Cats now?
455
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:00,662
- [CAST CHUCKLES]
- To the extent that anyone
456
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,748
is "in Cats," yes.
457
00:18:02,831 --> 00:18:03,916
Welcome, Frumbumbly.
458
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,250
- [CAST] Frumbumbly!
- [ALL HISS]
459
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:06,585
I regret the name.
460
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:08,712
[CHUCKLES] We all regret our names,
461
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:11,673
but we don't regret the
Broadway credit, the applause,
462
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,008
or the pile.
463
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,635
[CAST] Pile, pile!
464
00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:16,136
Pile, pile!
465
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,888
Jellicle pile!
466
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:19,431
[ALL MURMURING]
467
00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:22,339
The overhead on this place is insane.
468
00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:24,310
That's why we go into the audience.
469
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,021
It's all kids and old people,
470
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,190
the two demographics that
drop the most stuff.
471
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:29,733
Ooh, a phone.
472
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,236
Nice!
473
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,947
Rumbleshanks dines first.
474
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,157
And now my kitties may feast.
475
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:38,450
[EXCITED CHATTER]
476
00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:41,703
[LIVELY MUSIC]
477
00:18:41,787 --> 00:18:43,705
Cats only has one rule.
478
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:45,707
Tell no one.
479
00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:48,669
No one.
480
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:50,504
481
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,297
[TITUS] Ooh.
482
00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:53,465
A Life Alert.
483
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,634
I can finally shower with confidence.
484
00:18:58,804 --> 00:18:59,804
[SIGHS]
485
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,224
Why do I even have an agent?
486
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,393
To buy you dinner once a
year with your own money.
487
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:06,353
And what have you done for
me lately and/or ever?
488
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,480
A eel safety video,
489
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:11,525
modeling jobs that always turn
out to be the "before" picture,
490
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,361
a PR relationship that
basically ruined my life.
491
00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,946
And today I couldn't even
get you on the phone.
492
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:17,823
Well, I could've used your help!
493
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,825
I cut a hole in the floor
and got a bunch of watches
494
00:19:19,908 --> 00:19:21,201
so Tripp would think you were CeeLo.
495
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,786
Who cares about Tripp?
496
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,121
I'm your client too,
497
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,665
and I deserve attention,
'cause guess what.
498
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,542
I'm in Cats.
499
00:19:28,625 --> 00:19:29,751
On Broadway.
500
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,130
What? No, you're not.
501
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,592
I'm Frumbumbly, the silliest cat.
And I got a standing ovation.
502
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:40,095
You want me to believe
you were in Cats? Today?
503
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,556
Titus, I've tried to get
you an audition there.
504
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,558
They don't even have a casting director.
505
00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:46,894
Because Cats isn't just any old play.
506
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,188
It's a carbucketty,
jellicle, gumbie play...
507
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,231
a rumpus play for pekes and pollicles.
508
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,649
Oh, my God. It's fake.
509
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,610
Cats is fake.
510
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:57,160
What? [CHUCKLING] No.
511
00:19:57,321 --> 00:19:59,406
It's based on the poems of Eliot.
512
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,075
An anagram of "to lie."
513
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,286
Andrew Lollo Baloney.
514
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:06,705
Well, that explains everything.
515
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:09,374
I took Buckley to Cats back when
I was trying to make him gay,
516
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,044
and the play made no sense.
517
00:20:12,127 --> 00:20:13,503
So how does it work?
518
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:16,173
Anyone can just get onstage
and say whatever they want?
519
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,300
- Yes, okay?
- [GASPS]
520
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:20,469
But it's an actors' secret,
521
00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:21,819
kind of like how holding in a fart
522
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:22,960
makes it look like you're thinking.
523
00:20:22,980 --> 00:20:27,140
[AWKWARD MUSIC]
524
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:28,299
And at least I was out there
525
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:29,980
trying to make something
happen for Titus.
526
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,180
With Tripp around, it's
like I don't even exist.
527
00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:33,732
I may as well be a sasquatch.
528
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:37,402
All alone, pooping wherever I want,
people trying to take my picture.
529
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:40,447
- Oh, go on, Titus.
- Oh, my God. That's it.
530
00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:41,619
I've been ignoring you
531
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,620
because I've been so
worried about losing Tripp.
532
00:20:43,951 --> 00:20:47,120
And Eli has been so
obsessed about poaching him
533
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,957
that he's ignoring...
534
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,041
Titus?
535
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:55,170
Fine. Forget you.
536
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,460
I've got plenty of people
who are obsessed with me.
537
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:58,490
[LIFE ALERT BEEPS]
538
00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:01,093
[OPERATOR] What is your
emergency, Mrs. Davis?
539
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:04,805
540
00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:08,934
Ah. Lookin' good, Captain.
541
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:10,727
The hat is new.
542
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,313
[DOOR CLATTERS OPEN]
543
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,524
- [SIGHS]
- Ooh, have you seen Titus?
544
00:21:15,607 --> 00:21:18,944
Me and him were supposed to
enter a dance competition.
545
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:21,238
What? We don't take you to everything.
546
00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,906
No, I don't know where Titus is.
547
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,908
[ENSEMBLE]
Wobblejobs and plowchops
548
00:21:24,992 --> 00:21:26,910
Foop, blurg, and crone
549
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,829
- [TITUS] Mm!
- [ENSEMBLE]
Krang, krang, grimace
550
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:30,706
Cats
551
00:21:30,789 --> 00:21:33,250
[QUIRKY MELODY PLAYING]
552
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:35,043
But you were right, Lillian.
553
00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,587
Oh, that sharks don't eat Asians?
554
00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:39,548
Statistics don't lie.
555
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,634
No. I can't take money
from Giztoob. They're evil.
556
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:43,802
They use our phones
557
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,595
to spy on us so they can
tell us what to buy.
558
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:47,264
- [CELL PHONE BUZZES]
- [LILLIAN GASPS]
559
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:50,851
Why do I keep getting
ads for new phones?
560
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:54,855
Oh, maybe 'cause they know
I'm about to do this.
561
00:21:54,938 --> 00:21:56,273
Uh...
562
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:58,692
Ha!
563
00:21:58,775 --> 00:22:01,111
I could've gone to
London with that money.
564
00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:04,489
And my book. I was gonna do
an audio version read by...
565
00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:07,034
[WITH ENGLISH ACCENT] James Corden!
566
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:11,038
Oh, well, you're doing
the right thing, hon.
567
00:22:11,121 --> 00:22:14,624
But I didn't. I helped
make Giztoob successful.
568
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:16,251
Bring Your Turtle to
Work Day was my idea.
569
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,502
So was Free Turtle Day
570
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,421
- and Turtle Burial Day.
- Oh,
571
00:22:19,504 --> 00:22:22,090
don't beat yourself up, kid.
572
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:27,387
But if you do, let me film it and
sell it to Ginger Solo Fights.
573
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,431
I was the fudging head of HR!
574
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:33,185
Well, you know what?
575
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:36,396
Maybe Giztoob can still do some good...
576
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,023
if I make them.
577
00:22:38,106 --> 00:22:39,232
Wow.
578
00:22:39,316 --> 00:22:40,942
[LAUGHS]
579
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,737
[CHEERY MUSIC]
580
00:22:43,820 --> 00:22:45,113
It's night. I'll do it tomorrow.
581
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:48,366
582
00:22:48,450 --> 00:22:49,493
[GREG] Yes!
583
00:22:49,576 --> 00:22:51,328
- [SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
- Whoo!
584
00:22:51,411 --> 00:22:53,747
Thanks for coming out on
a Wednesday at ten a.m.
585
00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:59,044
We are Zing Crosby, and I can
see a few Zingheads out here.
586
00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,129
I just need a suggestion to get started.
587
00:23:01,213 --> 00:23:02,214
Anything.
588
00:23:02,297 --> 00:23:04,591
Anything. Just shout it out.
589
00:23:04,674 --> 00:23:06,593
- [MAN] Shut up!
- Shut... shut up!
590
00:23:06,676 --> 00:23:09,540
I hear "shut up." And here we go.
591
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,360
_
592
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,933
[CHUCKLES]
593
00:23:13,016 --> 00:23:14,059
Jacqueline, what are you doing here?
594
00:23:14,142 --> 00:23:16,144
Poaching Eli's biggest client.
595
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:17,646
The Rock?
596
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,940
He came? He got my wish.
597
00:23:20,732 --> 00:23:23,610
No. You.
598
00:23:23,693 --> 00:23:25,112
Eli is neglecting you.
599
00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:28,115
If he cared, he'd be here,
600
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,158
six floors under a grocery store.
601
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:32,577
But he's off with his shiny new toy,
602
00:23:32,661 --> 00:23:36,289
Tripp Knob, because Eli only cares
about the thrill of the hunt.
603
00:23:36,373 --> 00:23:38,792
Well, I care about my clients.
604
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,460
I'm small and I'm hungry
605
00:23:40,544 --> 00:23:42,796
because I drank coffee as
a child and I don't eat.
606
00:23:42,879 --> 00:23:43,880
Well,
607
00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:45,298
look, I don't just dump people.
608
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:47,634
I'm still dating every woman
I've ever gone out with.
609
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:50,053
This isn't about dumping anyone.
610
00:23:50,137 --> 00:23:52,472
This is about saying "yes, and"
611
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,099
to your dreams.
612
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:55,183
You wanna be on Broadway?
613
00:23:55,190 --> 00:23:56,200
[EXHALES]
614
00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:58,436
Do I like charitable giving? Yeah!
615
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,649
Sign with me, and I can make it happen.
616
00:24:02,732 --> 00:24:03,775
Today.
617
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:05,902
[EXCITING MUSIC AND APPLAUSE]
618
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:09,156
[OVER-ENUNCIATING] Grandma's
machete. Grandma's machete is sharp.
619
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:11,491
Shave the shark, Sharon.
620
00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:13,118
You ready, Greg?
621
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,871
For an improviser, there's only now.
622
00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,582
[HOPEFUL MUSIC]
623
00:24:18,665 --> 00:24:21,835
624
00:24:21,918 --> 00:24:24,212
I am Greg Catnear
625
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:26,089
There is nothing that I fear
626
00:24:26,173 --> 00:24:27,799
Except
627
00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:29,593
[SOFTLY]
Everything
628
00:24:29,676 --> 00:24:32,679
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
629
00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:37,142
- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
- Whoo!
630
00:24:37,225 --> 00:24:38,894
A kitty is born,
631
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:41,521
and his name is Greg Catnear.
632
00:24:41,605 --> 00:24:43,190
[CAST] Greg Catnear!
633
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:46,026
- Meow, meow, meow!
- [LAUGHTER]
634
00:24:46,109 --> 00:24:47,736
Thank you, guys. Hey, Titus.
635
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:51,198
After tonight, my lifetime top three:
636
00:24:51,281 --> 00:24:52,824
birth of my kid,
637
00:24:52,908 --> 00:24:55,535
seeing LMFAO live,
638
00:24:55,619 --> 00:24:57,162
and right now!
639
00:24:57,245 --> 00:24:58,388
[RUMBLESHANKS] Wait a minute.
640
00:24:58,788 --> 00:25:00,832
You two know each other?
641
00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:02,125
Yeah, but...
642
00:25:02,209 --> 00:25:03,752
[CAST HISSING]
643
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:05,337
I didn't tell him, I-I swear.
644
00:25:05,340 --> 00:25:06,660
[GREG] No, no, he didn't
tell me anything.
645
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:11,000
I heard about all this from
Jacqueline... our agent.
646
00:25:11,092 --> 00:25:12,093
[CAST HISSING]
647
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:13,970
I see.
648
00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,096
And who told her?
649
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:16,473
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- [TITUS GRUNTS]
650
00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:17,641
Please, don't!
651
00:25:17,724 --> 00:25:18,808
I'll lick your tail, baby.
652
00:25:19,900 --> 00:25:20,936
[DOOR SLAMS]
653
00:25:21,019 --> 00:25:22,854
I can't believe Jacqueline told.
654
00:25:22,938 --> 00:25:25,440
Her name is probably an
anagram for "bitch."
655
00:25:25,523 --> 00:25:26,566
[GIRL] Frumbumbly?
656
00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:27,817
Could I get your autograph?
657
00:25:27,901 --> 00:25:30,820
[GENTLE MUSIC]
658
00:25:30,904 --> 00:25:33,573
659
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:35,659
Pointy end, obviously.
660
00:25:35,742 --> 00:25:38,036
It's not my first sashay
around the old pen rodeo.
661
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,415
662
00:25:42,499 --> 00:25:43,541
Thanks!
663
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:45,669
I can't believe I met a
real Broadway actor.
664
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:49,089
Yes.
665
00:25:49,172 --> 00:25:50,298
Yes, you did.
666
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:57,389
667
00:26:02,018 --> 00:26:04,229
Zach, I quit.
668
00:26:04,312 --> 00:26:06,648
We've been over this. Quit
after we sell the company.
669
00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:07,816
Otherwise, you get nothing.
670
00:26:07,899 --> 00:26:09,442
That's where you're wrong.
671
00:26:09,526 --> 00:26:11,820
You use Al Gore's rhythm to get
people to buy stuff, right?
672
00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:14,197
Well, now you're gonna
use it to sell my book.
673
00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:15,282
And why would I do that?
674
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:20,870
Damn it, Kimmy, you practiced this.
675
00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:23,665
[CHAIR SQUEAKING]
676
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:29,462
I bet Rapier Capital's offer
might not be so generous
677
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:31,881
if they knew h-what was
going on around here.
678
00:26:31,965 --> 00:26:33,800
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
679
00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:37,345
A sexual harassment complaint was
filed against your head of HR,
680
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,807
an employee you allowed
to investigate herself.
681
00:26:40,890 --> 00:26:43,393
And that employee not
only was not fired.
682
00:26:43,476 --> 00:26:46,563
You convinced her not to
quit just moments ago,
683
00:26:46,646 --> 00:26:51,651
even though her predatory
behavior continues to this day.
684
00:26:52,485 --> 00:26:55,071
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
685
00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:57,115
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle
686
00:26:58,074 --> 00:26:59,409
[WHISPERING] Wiggle.
687
00:27:03,371 --> 00:27:05,165
[ZACH STAMMERING] Ugh!
688
00:27:05,248 --> 00:27:07,292
Stop! I'll do whatever you want.
689
00:27:07,370 --> 00:27:08,999
I want my book to get to boys
690
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,000
who haven't been turned into creeps yet.
691
00:27:11,296 --> 00:27:14,132
Innocent boys who search
for the following:
692
00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:16,217
"boob pictures," "all the boobs ever,"
693
00:27:16,301 --> 00:27:17,469
"naked boobs,"
694
00:27:17,552 --> 00:27:19,220
"vagina," "naked kissing,"
695
00:27:19,304 --> 00:27:20,847
"Hermione bathing suit."
696
00:27:20,930 --> 00:27:23,475
Is there a hyperlink I can
embed for click-through?
697
00:27:25,226 --> 00:27:26,478
Where can people buy your book?
698
00:27:27,812 --> 00:27:30,106
You're also making me one of
those Internet buying places.
699
00:27:30,190 --> 00:27:32,776
A website? Jesus, you never
should've worked here.
700
00:27:32,859 --> 00:27:35,779
[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]
701
00:27:35,862 --> 00:27:38,490
702
00:27:38,573 --> 00:27:42,118
[SLOW CLAPPING]
703
00:27:42,202 --> 00:27:43,536
I didn't think you had it in you.
704
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:44,621
That's what she said.
705
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:47,916
Well, at least I signed Tripp.
706
00:27:48,340 --> 00:27:49,939
How do I get him to
stop telling reporters
707
00:27:49,940 --> 00:27:51,460
how much he misses breastfeeding?
708
00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,505
Sorry, that's your problem now.
709
00:27:54,422 --> 00:27:57,342
So... still think I'm out of my league?
710
00:27:57,425 --> 00:28:00,678
Maybe, maybe not, but you should
know I don't like to lose things.
711
00:28:01,638 --> 00:28:03,473
That's why when I have sex with
someone for the first time,
712
00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:05,392
I duct tape my wallet to my back.
713
00:28:06,810 --> 00:28:08,561
This isn't over. [SNAPS FINGERS]
714
00:28:08,645 --> 00:28:10,313
'Cause a baller's gotta ball.
715
00:28:10,397 --> 00:28:11,731
Yeah?
716
00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:16,444
Well, sweet Jimmy McCracklins,
Mama don't likey the sauce.
717
00:28:19,864 --> 00:28:21,116
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
718
00:28:21,190 --> 00:28:23,440
719
00:28:23,460 --> 00:28:26,100
_
720
00:28:31,580 --> 00:28:33,300
- _
- [TENSE MUSIC]
721
00:28:34,587 --> 00:28:38,216
722
00:28:38,299 --> 00:28:40,468
- _
- [SHIMMERING TONES]
723
00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:42,846
The Legends of Greemulax?
724
00:28:42,929 --> 00:28:45,473
[PLEASANT MUSIC]
725
00:28:45,510 --> 00:28:46,530
Huh.
726
00:28:46,558 --> 00:28:50,770
727
00:28:50,854 --> 00:28:53,440
Kimmy! I signed an autograph!
728
00:28:53,523 --> 00:28:56,693
And it wasn't someone trying to
trick me into joining the army.
729
00:28:56,776 --> 00:28:59,946
[GASPS] Hey! Remember
that dance competition?
730
00:29:00,029 --> 00:29:03,742
Me and Bradley Cooper won it! [LAUGHS]
731
00:29:03,770 --> 00:29:04,790
Look at us.
732
00:29:04,868 --> 00:29:07,036
You know what's important in life? This.
733
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,789
No matter what happens,
nothing can take away...
734
00:29:09,873 --> 00:29:12,250
[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]
735
00:29:12,333 --> 00:29:13,793
What the foop is this soup?
736
00:29:13,877 --> 00:29:16,421
[MAN] Oh, like the bladder
commercial. That's funny.
737
00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:19,507
Turns out, this place is
just a sideways tugboat,
738
00:29:19,591 --> 00:29:21,301
so the city's gonna knock it down...
739
00:29:21,384 --> 00:29:23,052
unless the owners bring it up to code
740
00:29:23,136 --> 00:29:25,263
or they designate this lot a shipyard.
741
00:29:25,346 --> 00:29:27,265
Look, I've already been too
helpful. I work for the city.
742
00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:29,392
You should've took the dirty money, Red!
743
00:29:29,476 --> 00:29:30,727
Why didn't you take that
money? What money?
744
00:29:30,810 --> 00:29:31,936
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
745
00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:33,396
Jimmy McCracklins.
746
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,400
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
747
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:39,277
[ENSEMBLE]
Wobblejobs and plowchops
748
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,196
Foop, blurg, and crone
749
00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:43,114
Krang, krang, grimace
750
00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:45,074
Cats
751
00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:48,077
[QUIRKY MELODY]
752
00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:51,498
753
00:29:51,581 --> 00:29:53,416
[RUMBLESHANKS]
The cats had more babies
754
00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:55,794
And these are their babies
755
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:58,797
[DRAMATIC KEYBOARD MUSIC]
756
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,800
757
00:30:01,883 --> 00:30:03,635
[TURBLEBROP]
I am a kitty cat
758
00:30:03,718 --> 00:30:05,678
My name is Turblebrop
759
00:30:05,762 --> 00:30:09,682
760
00:30:09,766 --> 00:30:11,476
[TITUS]
Frumbumbly is a silly cat
761
00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:13,770
He frumbumbles all the day
762
00:30:13,853 --> 00:30:15,772
Frumbumbly is so silly, in fact
763
00:30:15,855 --> 00:30:17,732
He dies if he doesn't get
764
00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:21,444
Applause
765
00:30:21,528 --> 00:30:23,530
And he always proves his points
766
00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:30,036
To Olivers
767
00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:36,167
768
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:38,211
[ENSEMBLE]
Meow
769
00:30:38,294 --> 00:30:40,046
Meow
770
00:30:40,129 --> 00:30:42,131
Meow
771
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:44,592
Meow
772
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:48,137
[RUSHING SYNTH MUSIC]
773
00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:50,473
Meow
774
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,225
775
00:30:52,308 --> 00:30:54,602
Meow
776
00:30:54,686 --> 00:30:57,480
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
777
00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:01,484
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
778
00:31:01,534 --> 00:31:06,084
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