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[JAZZY SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYS]
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[TITUS]
Magic, magic boy
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New York magic boy
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00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,590
It's a '90s kind of world
5
00:00:18,670 --> 00:00:21,420
And everyone is gay
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00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:23,550
When I say "Titus," you say nothing!
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Titus, Titus! Titus, rap breakdown!
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[RAPPING]
Try as hard as you mightus
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To keep your eyes off Titus
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His future as bright
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As something bright, like a light-us
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[SAXOPHONE SOLO PLAYS]
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[SINGING]
Boop, boop, ah
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Alakazam
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[MALE ANNOUNCER] "Magic Boy" is
filmed in front of a live rat.
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[INHALES DEEPLY] Mmm.
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Yep, I am a car owner.
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Beep, beep! Vroom, vroom!
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[GIGGLING] Et cetera.
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Ooh.
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Looks like somebody likes their
men the way I like my coffee:
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burnt, watery, and in a car wash.
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[SLURPS, CHOKES]
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[BLOWING]
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Oops!
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Guess I'll have to bend over, and, uh...
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[CROAKS]
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Leave them there.
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You!
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You can't keep coming in here!
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Coffee is for customers only.
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I know you don't have a car.
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Oh, we do have our fun, Crocodile!
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This isn't a name tag.
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You need to leave now.
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[TITUS] Oh! Good.
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My Mazda Miatus is clean?
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Croc, you are the best in the biz.
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Bleep-bloop!
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[SNEAKY MUSIC]
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Oh! Good! I found the book I wanted.
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Yup, this is what I need to read!
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[QUIETLY] Come on.
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Operation "Sneak Book Into Bookstore
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So Boys Can Find It and Not Grow
Up to Be Creeps" accomplished.
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Oh! Sorry, fake Donna Maria.
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Fake Donna Maria?
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Real Donna Maria?
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"Those are the three biz-stractions
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that every team leader needs to avoid:
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the Believer, the Simpleton,
and the Red Hair.
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If you can tune out the white noise,
56
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you'll be on your way to success."
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The S's are dollar signs.
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[APPLAUSE]
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[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE] Yes, make
it out to Ichabod M. Kimmy.
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That's I M Kimmy.
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[LAUGHS]
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Kimmy. Wow! Great.
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I was just about to... call you.
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Tomothy,
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wasn't I just saying I
have to call Kimmy?
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Lit two secs ag'.
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"Literally two seconds ago"?
[SCOFFS] No one deserves me.
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[EXHALES] Donna Maria, I
haven't seen you since...
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well, does a dream count?
You were a lizard.
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We haven't seen each
other since the trial.
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00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:09,680
Really?
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Well, then, we have a
lot to catch up on!
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Have you seen cereals these days?
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00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:16,520
- How do kids even choose?
- Actually, I'm leaving tonight.
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But you do have lunch free
after your next reading,
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even though you just housed
two Starby's muffins.
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[TOMOTHY SNICKERS]
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Thank you, Tomothy.
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Same tone, you're welcome.
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Jesus! [SCOFFS]
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[SIGHING] Uh, give Tomothy your number,
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and he'll tell you where to meet me.
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Oh, boy, lunch!
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A combination of "let's" and "munch"!
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Ugh. Come on.
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[IN SPANISH] The Red Hair!
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[VAMPISH MUSIC]
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Excuse me.
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00:03:43,210 --> 00:03:44,380
No, I don't have a minute
for the environment,
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00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,340
I don't like comedy, and I do not vote.
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00:03:46,420 --> 00:03:49,010
Uh, no, I was just gonna say
you're a very beautiful woman.
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I hope it's okay for me to say that.
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00:03:52,340 --> 00:03:54,100
I'm not trying to be
a creep or anything.
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00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:56,470
Well, if you were, you'd be failing.
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00:03:56,560 --> 00:03:59,020
I'd write "D-minus, see
me" on your creep quiz,
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00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,350
and then I would assign
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additional reading so you could
graduate on time with your peers.
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I'm Jacqueline.
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00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,730
Jacqueline.
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I'm Matt.
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00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:08,780
And I know this is forward,
102
00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:11,450
but would you maybe wanna
get together sometime?
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[GIGGLES]
104
00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,410
That kid on the home
screen is just my...
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00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,950
older brother Buckley.
106
00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:21,870
I'll call you.
107
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Enjoy the view.
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00:04:23,670 --> 00:04:29,380
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00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:30,670
[GASPING] Ooh...
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ooh, even a bunch of old
chicken bones can't resist me.
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Oh, God, there's ants in there.
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00:04:37,810 --> 00:04:39,740
It's full of ants. They're everywhere!
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- Just leave the shoe!
- They're biting, Matt!
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[UPBEAT MUSIC]
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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[BANKSTON]
Unbreakable
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They alive, damn it
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It's a miracle
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Unbreakable
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They alive, damn it
121
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But females are strong as hell
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Unbreakable
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They alive, damn it
124
00:05:01,790 --> 00:05:03,410
It's a miracle
125
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,710
Unbreakable
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They alive, damn it
127
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:07,130
That's gonna be, uh...
128
00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:10,090
you know, a fascinating transition.
129
00:05:10,170 --> 00:05:11,170
[SINGERS]
Damn it
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00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:16,470
It's official!
131
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,310
- I'm a celebrity!
- I wouldn't call you a "celebrity."
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00:05:20,390 --> 00:05:22,310
You played the Daredevil's doorman.
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00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,440
You were only on one episode.
134
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:25,650
Evenin', Mr. Murdock.
135
00:05:25,730 --> 00:05:27,610
No one came for that
FedEx. Thank you, Pedro.
136
00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,940
I accidentally said his line too.
137
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,480
And I am so famous!
138
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,150
I was recognized at my coffee place.
139
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,530
You mean the car wash.
140
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:38,950
And the guy who recognized
me at my coffee place...
141
00:05:39,030 --> 00:05:40,200
was a muscle daddy.
142
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,160
A straight-up ten all
by himself this time.
143
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:45,790
No more cobbling together
three threes and a one.
144
00:05:45,870 --> 00:05:47,290
[DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN, CLOSES]
145
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Hello, you beautiful creatures.
146
00:05:50,170 --> 00:05:53,130
Marvel Studios is suing you for the
return of the doorman costume.
147
00:05:53,210 --> 00:05:54,240
Never!
148
00:05:54,260 --> 00:05:55,760
I need the epaulets...
149
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,640
in case Prince Harry
invites us to his castle.
150
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,260
[SIGHS] For the last time, redheads
don't all know each other.
151
00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:02,520
Then why do I know Meghan Markle?
152
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,060
You know her from the TV!
153
00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:06,480
Well, the reason I'm in such a good mood
154
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,980
is that I was hit on by a millennial.
155
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:10,940
His name is Matt,
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00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:13,360
and he put ointment on my ant bites.
157
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,650
You two, thinking everyone's into you.
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00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:17,780
How do you know those
guys aren't just DTF?
159
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:19,910
- [TAKES BREATH]
- "Digging true friendship."
160
00:06:19,990 --> 00:06:20,990
And don't correct me,
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'cause I wanna believe
that bus driver was nice.
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00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,290
Okay, okay, see,
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00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:26,620
Titus is probably delusional.
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00:06:26,710 --> 00:06:28,370
Only according to my
doctor, who isn't real.
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00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:29,750
But Jacqueline,
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00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:31,290
you're 'lusional.
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00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:35,880
See, 'cause all this
"MeToo" and "TimesUp" and,
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[HIGH-PITCHED] "Ooh, I'm
gonna ruin your life
169
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,819
just because you made me lick
170
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:43,120
pudding off your desk
during a job interview!"
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00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:46,930
This generation of guys
is running scared.
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00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,270
They're afraid to make a move
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00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:53,070
'cause girls of their age are
so easy to take offense.
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00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,030
Yeah! Like when I told the mail lady
175
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:57,900
that leaving Jafar off the Disney
Villains stamp was retarded.
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00:06:57,950 --> 00:06:59,010
- [TITUS] Kimmy, you can't...
- That is not okay, Kimmy.
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00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:00,200
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
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00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:01,280
But see, now, these guys?
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00:07:01,370 --> 00:07:05,830
They don't have to worry about
any drama with us old broads.
180
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:07,460
Or us young narrows.
181
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:09,790
'Cause we know how to take a compliment.
182
00:07:09,870 --> 00:07:12,340
So there are more Matts out there?
183
00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:15,760
Aw, Matts or Tylers or Micahs...
184
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,260
And the Coopers are all turning 18 soon.
185
00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:20,390
Open for business.
186
00:07:20,470 --> 00:07:21,680
[AWKWARD MUSIC]
187
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,680
Speaking of, it's 11 a.m.
188
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:25,100
Are you ready to party?
189
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:26,310
But it's 11 a.m.
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00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:27,770
You read my mind!
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Let's party!
192
00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:31,480
Yah! [GIGGLES]
193
00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,320
[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
194
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,400
195
00:07:37,490 --> 00:07:42,370
Try competing with that,
Malala: My Story in Pictures.
196
00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:43,450
[TITUS] Psst!
197
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,160
We can go now.
198
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:46,300
In a minute.
199
00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:49,500
People love paparazzi photos
of stars doing normal stuff.
200
00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:52,040
When they see someone
of my stature buying...
201
00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:55,170
[STUTTERS] "Fisherman's Wife maxi pads,"
202
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:58,630
they say, "Suicide can
wait. I'm just like Titus."
203
00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,470
- [CAMERA APP CLICKS]
- [KIMMY] Whoa.
204
00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,760
- A guy did just take your picture.
- Where, bitch, where?
205
00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,350
Okay, uh, if you're looking at a clock,
206
00:08:05,430 --> 00:08:06,430
he'd be behind you.
207
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:09,980
[BRIGHTLY] Kimmy, of course I can
dance and turn at the same time.
208
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,440
Watch! [SNAPS FINGERS]
209
00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,900
[CAMERA APP CLICKING]
210
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,270
[GASPS]
211
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,360
[WHISPERING] Ooh, that's
the guy from this morning.
212
00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:19,740
He thinks I have a car.
Act like I have a car.
213
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:21,450
Titus!
214
00:08:21,950 --> 00:08:24,240
I don't think what you hit was a deer!
215
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,660
We're going to jail, man!
216
00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,540
He's so hot. What do I do?
217
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:30,660
Just talk to him. You're famous now.
218
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:32,920
Ooh! Can I get your autograph?
219
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,000
[CAMERA APP CLICKS]
220
00:08:34,580 --> 00:08:36,340
[LAUGHS WARMLY]
221
00:08:37,340 --> 00:08:40,840
"Titus... Andromedon...
222
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,720
Apples...
223
00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:44,390
Need...
224
00:08:44,470 --> 00:08:46,350
Ducks Rarely...
225
00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:47,760
- Oranges... "
- [CAMERA APP CLICKS]
226
00:08:47,850 --> 00:08:49,560
"... Make Every Duck
227
00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:50,890
Oranges Need."
228
00:08:50,980 --> 00:08:52,060
[CHUCKLES]
229
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:56,610
Wow, the Daredevil's doorman!
230
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:58,860
Please. [CHUCKLES]
231
00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:00,030
[QUIETLY] Thank you.
232
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:01,150
[CAMERA APP CLICKS]
233
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,570
Careful, that's how
Diana died. I'm Titus.
234
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,160
Yeah, I know. [CHUCKLES]
235
00:09:07,950 --> 00:09:10,410
- You're even more handsome in person.
- You're sweet.
236
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:11,660
Like candy.
237
00:09:11,750 --> 00:09:13,120
Maybe I'll steal you from a baby.
238
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,000
[CHUCKLING] Oh, my God.
239
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,460
Um... I can't believe this,
240
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,300
but I think I'm just gonna go for it.
241
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:20,400
Um, are you hungry?
242
00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,260
[CHUCKLES] Oh!
243
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:24,220
My agent says I have to lose 160 pounds
244
00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,510
before I can audition for
a reboot of "Webster."
245
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,260
But the diet starts Monday!
246
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,350
[TITUS LAUGHS]
247
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,060
[FUNKY BASS MUSIC PLAYING]
248
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:36,060
[JACQUELINE] Why are we in a HomeBasics?
249
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:39,480
[LILLIAN] Well, because this
is where the scene is now.
250
00:09:39,570 --> 00:09:43,030
Yeah, young guys started
looking for places
251
00:09:43,110 --> 00:09:44,819
where they could chat up ladies
252
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:47,000
who don't know how to Twitter about it.
253
00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:49,240
These poor kids. I mean,
254
00:09:49,330 --> 00:09:52,750
they spent 25 years being
conditioned to be horndogs.
255
00:09:52,830 --> 00:09:54,750
Now they just found out it's wrong.
256
00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,750
They're caught between worlds.
257
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,420
They're in perv-a-tory.
258
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:01,630
Lillian? POM Wonderful as always.
259
00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:05,220
You bam-bam-buh-bam! [GRUNTS]
260
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:08,300
And who is this sweet
piece of street meat?
261
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:10,600
Ugh. I wanna say gross,
262
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,010
but I've heard so much worse.
263
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,600
My first day as a stewardess,
264
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,140
the pilot asked me to join
the mile-high club...
265
00:10:16,230 --> 00:10:18,770
which is how I realized we
were flying way too low.
266
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:19,980
I'm Jacqueline.
267
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,230
- Jacqueline?
- [JACQUELINE] Mimi?
268
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:24,820
You knew about this?
269
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:27,490
[LAUGHING] Well, it's a funny story!
270
00:10:27,570 --> 00:10:29,740
I came in here to see what
a clean towel felt like,
271
00:10:29,820 --> 00:10:31,779
and next thing you know,
I'm fooling around
272
00:10:31,780 --> 00:10:33,659
on a toddler bed with a Micah!
273
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,750
See? What'd I tell you?
274
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:38,750
And these guys are way better
than my last boyfriend.
275
00:10:38,830 --> 00:10:42,340
[ELECTRO-TRADITIONAL
FUSION MUSIC PLAYING]
276
00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:46,630
[GASPING]
277
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:47,720
[INHALES]
278
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:51,930
And if you sneeze here,
279
00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:54,850
you don't have to pretend a wizard
brought you to life! [LAUGHS]
280
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,200
- Yeah.
- [GASPS]
281
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,270
Oh, where are my manners?
282
00:10:57,350 --> 00:11:00,400
Ladies, can I get you anything? Uh,
a trivet or some nesting bowls?
283
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,690
I'd love a glass bowl
full of fake lemons.
284
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:04,150
[MIMI GIGGLES]
285
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:06,860
Now let's party like it's 1999,
286
00:11:06,940 --> 00:11:08,900
back before everything
went so wrong for us!
287
00:11:08,990 --> 00:11:10,160
[SOBS, LAUGHS]
288
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,200
- [DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
- [WOMAN]
Perv, perv, perv, perv-a-tory
289
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,290
Perv-a-tory
290
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:16,950
Perv-a-tory
291
00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:18,000
Mmm! Perv, perv
292
00:11:18,020 --> 00:11:20,170
Perv, perv-a-tory
293
00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:21,960
Perv-a-tory
294
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:23,590
Perv-a-tory
295
00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:24,620
Uh
296
00:11:24,670 --> 00:11:25,960
I'm not gonna
297
00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:29,300
Be your shorty, uh
You've gotta find a lady
298
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:30,720
Over 40
299
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,180
Perv, perv, perv, perv-a-tory
300
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,560
Pervatory
301
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,810
Pervatory
302
00:11:37,890 --> 00:11:39,270
Perv, perv, perv
303
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,190
Perv-a-tory
304
00:11:41,270 --> 00:11:42,730
-
Perv, perv
- [ALL LAUGHING]
305
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:44,820
[MIMI] Oh! [LAUGHS, SPITS]
306
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,860
[RETCHES]
307
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,400
Ugh. Champagne problems!
308
00:11:50,490 --> 00:11:51,860
[LAUGHS] 'Cause it was soap!
309
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,740
- [ALL LAUGH]
- [MIMI] Oh!
310
00:11:53,820 --> 00:11:56,660
[LATIN ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING]
311
00:11:56,740 --> 00:11:58,160
312
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:01,670
Okay, I see why you wanted to go here.
313
00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:03,380
T?a Donna Maria's.
314
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:06,550
In my neighborhood, I always
go to a place called Kim Mi.
315
00:12:06,630 --> 00:12:08,800
It's a Vietnamese gambling club.
316
00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:09,880
I'm getting pretty good at...
317
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,760
[IN VIETNAMESE] Take the
white girl's money.
318
00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:12,970
[CHUCKLES]
319
00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:16,560
I wanted to go here because I
have meetings all afternoon.
320
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,850
This is my restaurant.
I'm T?a Donna Maria.
321
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:21,480
You have restaurants now?
322
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:23,190
I knew you made Mexican ketchup...
323
00:12:23,270 --> 00:12:24,980
We're expanding the brand.
324
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:28,570
I have 12 restaurants in Vegas
alone, all in one hotel.
325
00:12:28,650 --> 00:12:30,990
But you opened a restaurant here?
326
00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:32,610
And you didn't tell me?
327
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,570
Are you in New York, like, all the time?
328
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:36,160
And you never call?
329
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,280
I thought we were friends.
330
00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:39,080
Kimmy, mija...
331
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,000
I'm a 50-year-old Latina businesswoman.
332
00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:43,920
We have nothing in common.
333
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,250
I'm just saying, we're
not really friends.
334
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,000
For reals?
335
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:51,420
But we went through some
serious sugar together.
336
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:54,890
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
337
00:12:54,910 --> 00:12:57,600
[RICHARD] Look out! A fire
monster got past my karate,
338
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,310
even though he said it was the
best karate he'd ever seen!
339
00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:03,350
- Hiyah! Yah!
- [DONNA MARIA SCREAMS]
340
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,690
[RICHARD] Wah! Hah! Fire!
341
00:13:05,770 --> 00:13:07,900
- ["WE LIKE TO PARTY!" PLAYING LOUDLY]
-
The Vengabus is coming
342
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,820
-
And everybody's jumping
- Every dang morning?
343
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:12,240
-
New York to San Francisco
- The Vengabus hath come again!
344
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,780
Thank you, Vengabus.
345
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,660
[TENSE STRING MUSIC]
346
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:16,820
Ooh, trees.
347
00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:18,700
348
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:20,200
Come on, Cyndee, there's a line!
349
00:13:20,290 --> 00:13:21,939
[IN SPANISH] You're not
the only one who ate
350
00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:23,940
the expired cat food, Cyndee!
351
00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:26,210
What if I try cranking it out?
352
00:13:26,290 --> 00:13:27,630
Stop! It's cranking it in.
353
00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,920
How come this hurts and haircuts don't?
354
00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:32,260
[RICHARD] Oh, no, y'all!
355
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:35,380
A fire monster snuck past me while
I was beating God at racquetball!
356
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:36,890
[ALL SCREAM]
357
00:13:36,970 --> 00:13:39,260
And that's how exposed
scalp became the hot look
358
00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:41,520
of what we think was the fall of 2004.
359
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,600
This is why I don't call
you when I'm in town.
360
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,440
I don't want to relive this stuff.
361
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,770
Me neither, but we went
through it together.
362
00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,690
That doesn't make us friends.
363
00:13:50,770 --> 00:13:53,190
It's like Keanu says in Speed:
364
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:57,910
"Relationships based on intense
experiences never work,"
365
00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:02,290
And then, Sandy Bullock's just
with the new guy in the next film.
366
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:05,250
Keanu's not even in Speed 2.
367
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:07,580
[TOMOTHY] Donna Maria?
368
00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:10,710
Guillermo Ortega just hijacked
one of our onion trucks.
369
00:14:10,790 --> 00:14:12,000
The salsa truce is over.
370
00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:14,050
Ortega!
371
00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:15,920
[SIGHS] I'm sorry. I
have to handle this.
372
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,090
Please stay for lunch.
373
00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:18,260
Um, on the house.
374
00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:21,310
[MARIACHI BAND PLAYING]
375
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:23,640
376
00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,230
[MAN SINGING HAPPILY IN SPANISH]
377
00:14:25,310 --> 00:14:27,480
It's gonna be hard to
stay mad during this.
378
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,400
[MAN SINGING IN SPANISH]
379
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:37,240
380
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,479
Long story short, no one told me
381
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,329
that toilets on movie sets aren't real.
382
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:44,410
That's why if you watch
Sex and the City 2,
383
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,959
during the airplane
scene, the girls were
384
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,329
all breathing through their mouths.
385
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:48,350
I love it.
386
00:14:48,370 --> 00:14:50,290
Those before-they-were-stars stories.
387
00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:52,460
John Legend went to business school,
388
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:54,590
and how Tim Allen sold coke.
389
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:56,839
I bet you've got some where you're like,
390
00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,679
"I hope no one digs this one up."
391
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,680
You mean pornos? [CHUCKLES]
392
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,430
I did so many jobs I thought were pornos
393
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,140
that just turned out
to be DJ documentaries
394
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:07,060
or me helping Ron Jeremy
set up for a garage sale.
395
00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,480
But how 'bout, like, I don't know,
396
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:10,400
before all this "MeToo" business?
397
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,070
I bet a guy like you, you probably
could get away with anything.
398
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:17,400
I once did a commercial for a
local hamburger restaurant,
399
00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:19,820
and they told me to just
to pretend to take a bite,
400
00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:21,779
otherwise I'd be eating
hundreds of hamburgers
401
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:23,159
over the course of the weekend.
402
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,410
And I said no.
403
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,160
Yeah, but what about
sex stuff, huh? I mean,
404
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:28,999
two sides to every story,
405
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,780
and even with Harvey
Weinstein and that plant,
406
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:34,380
no one talks about how that
plant is thriving now.
407
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:37,050
I just... do you have
any stuff like that?
408
00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:38,670
Ilan, enough about me!
409
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,760
Who said that? [SHUDDERS]
410
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,180
Wow, um...
411
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:45,310
Will I see you later?
412
00:15:45,390 --> 00:15:46,930
Oh.
413
00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:49,140
- Dinner. [CHUCKLES]
- Mm-hmm.
414
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,690
Sure.
415
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:53,690
Last time a ten took me to dinner,
there were 12 of us at the table.
416
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,780
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
417
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:01,990
418
00:16:02,070 --> 00:16:04,530
[IN HEBREW] I've made
contact with the target
419
00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:06,950
and I've already got a DNA sample.
420
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,160
He's a very messy eater.
421
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:13,080
Some of the food wasn't even from today.
422
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,000
I'll do whatever it takes.
423
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,880
[SULTRY MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]
424
00:16:19,970 --> 00:16:21,510
It was always so frustrating
425
00:16:21,590 --> 00:16:23,300
that men dated women half their age,
426
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:24,510
but now I get it.
427
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,220
'Cause now we're in control.
428
00:16:26,310 --> 00:16:29,730
Yeah, pretty soon they'll be
making boner pills for us!
429
00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:32,060
You take me to the ER, Brayden!
430
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:33,900
- [LAUGHS]
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
431
00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:37,360
Ooh, is that a AMBER Alert, or
do you actually know people?
432
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,780
It's that guy Matt from this morning.
433
00:16:39,860 --> 00:16:43,700
He writes, "HomeBasics is open
until 8:30 on Wednesdays,"
434
00:16:43,780 --> 00:16:45,990
winky face, eggplant, eggplant,
435
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,120
eggplant,
436
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,660
waterfall, penis emoji...
437
00:16:49,750 --> 00:16:50,960
and...
438
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:52,640
dick pic.
439
00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:54,460
- Oh!
- All right, let's go.
440
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:56,999
Yeah, I took a disco nap while Kanassis
441
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,000
was talking about her hysterectomy.
442
00:16:59,090 --> 00:17:01,760
[ALL GIGGLE]
443
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:02,840
[DOOR OPENS]
444
00:17:05,550 --> 00:17:06,890
I can't believe her!
445
00:17:06,970 --> 00:17:09,010
Girl, did you get a to-go pi?ata?
446
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:10,850
After everything Donna
Maria and I went through!
447
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,600
I mean, we killed a fudging
fire monster together.
448
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,020
[CYNDEE] Finally! We have a window.
449
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:17,970
I think I see France.
450
00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:19,270
[GASPS] Sister Kimmy!
451
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,570
That's where the naked ladies dance.
452
00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:23,740
- [SCREAMING]
- [RICHARD] This one, I just let in
453
00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:24,990
'cause I'm mad at you!
454
00:17:25,070 --> 00:17:26,990
[SHOUTS]
455
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:30,910
- [SCREAMING]
- [GROWLING] Karate!
456
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,450
Fire karate! [GRUNTS]
457
00:17:32,540 --> 00:17:33,910
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
458
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,250
You know how long it took me to get
enough boogers for that grass?
459
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:39,000
100 Vengabuses!
460
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:41,130
What? Uh, grr. I mean...
461
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:43,170
- I'm gonna kill you!
- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
462
00:17:43,260 --> 00:17:45,130
Ah... [SHOUTS]
463
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:46,640
Ah, I'm gonna barf.
464
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,470
I mean fire barf!
465
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,220
I guess the Reverend was wrong
466
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,980
that you should never attack a
fire monster in the crotch!
467
00:17:53,730 --> 00:17:56,600
But now that Donna Maria's a
big shot with her restaurants
468
00:17:56,690 --> 00:17:58,110
and her fancy assistant who...
469
00:17:58,190 --> 00:18:00,440
and I'm not always great
at reading these things...
470
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:01,690
was totally into me...
471
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,400
Didn't meet him. Confident he's gay.
472
00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:05,700
... suddenly, she doesn't
wanna be friends anymore?
473
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,420
Or do you only wanna be friends
with her now that she's a big shot?
474
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:11,080
'Cause real talk, I never once
heard you call Donna Maria.
475
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,330
And you're always on the phone
with those white bitches,
476
00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:14,960
Spinny and Fletcher or whatever.
477
00:18:18,290 --> 00:18:20,130
Yeah, but she didn't call me!
478
00:18:20,710 --> 00:18:22,300
Maybe 'cause you didn't make an effort.
479
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:23,820
And I'm an expert on lack of effort.
480
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,220
Chicken and stars, you're right.
481
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,220
When my hair got ripped
out by the crank,
482
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,600
I made friendship bracelets
for everybody...
483
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,980
except Donna Maria.
484
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,770
I didn't have anything in common
with her, so I didn't bother.
485
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,559
And now she thinks
you're only interested
486
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,320
because she's Queen
Bitch of Dog Mountain.
487
00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:43,400
You're like Ilan from
the car wash, Kimmy.
488
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,400
[SCOFFS] You wish. He's a beefcake.
489
00:18:45,490 --> 00:18:48,490
Wait, is Ilan the muscular
daddy? What's wrong with him?
490
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:50,280
He doesn't care about me.
491
00:18:50,370 --> 00:18:51,400
He can't.
492
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:52,970
He's blinded by
493
00:18:52,990 --> 00:18:53,990
le this!
494
00:18:54,830 --> 00:18:56,750
But I do care about Donna Maria.
495
00:18:56,830 --> 00:19:00,040
I mean, I knew her before
she was T?a Donna Maria.
496
00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:01,590
Like me and Mikey.
497
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:03,979
He knew me back when the closest I got
498
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:05,320
to eating mayonnaise out of a jar
499
00:19:05,340 --> 00:19:08,020
was licking it off babies' faces
when their mothers weren't looking.
500
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:12,739
Well, I'm gonna show Donna Maria
501
00:19:12,740 --> 00:19:15,080
I'm the opposite of a car wash beefcake.
502
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,100
I'm a...
503
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,940
boat dirt...
504
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:20,100
bird salad.
505
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,230
[R&B PLAYING SOFTLY]
506
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,280
[OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS]
507
00:19:27,860 --> 00:19:29,530
- Hey there, beautiful.
- Matt.
508
00:19:30,110 --> 00:19:32,160
Can I, uh, buy you some bric-a-brac?
509
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:35,410
Well, I have to work
in the morning, so...
510
00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:37,750
maybe just a galvanized
bin for holding mail.
511
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,790
... then, in 1978,
512
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,210
Dr. Brown's moved their bottling plant
513
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,970
to the Bronx
514
00:19:48,050 --> 00:19:51,140
and this building became a RadioShack.
515
00:19:51,220 --> 00:19:52,970
Meanwhile, in Israel...
516
00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:55,010
You guys. I found Matt.
517
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,520
Mmm, Mimi likey.
518
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,900
[CHUCKLES] I'll take those
seconds extra sloppy.
519
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:03,020
[JACQUELINE LAUGHS]
520
00:20:03,110 --> 00:20:04,360
[GASPS] Matty?
521
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,440
Mommy Kanassis?
522
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:07,820
Matt is...
523
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,280
- your son?
- [MIMI] Oh!
524
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,660
- [DRAMATIC MUSIC]
- Oh, God.
525
00:20:11,740 --> 00:20:14,160
They're all someone's son!
526
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,870
[MIMI] They're just babies!
527
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:17,700
They're our precious babies!
528
00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:19,710
That's why women don't do this.
529
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:22,250
How are men okay with
dating girls that young?
530
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:24,710
Oh, because we're gross.
We'll put it anywhere.
531
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:26,250
Shut it down.
532
00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:28,340
[RIGHTEOUS MUSIC]
533
00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:32,010
[LILLIAN] Okay, yeah, I'm
leaving too! 'Cause I'm upset!
534
00:20:32,090 --> 00:20:35,300
Not so I can grab stuff
in the confusion.
535
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:41,600
Sparkling or still?
536
00:20:41,690 --> 00:20:43,310
Currently, I am both.
537
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,860
Um, sparkling water, please.
538
00:20:46,690 --> 00:20:47,690
Thank you.
539
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,360
[SIGHS] I should just get
this out of the way,
540
00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:54,620
or we'll never be able
to enjoy our meal.
541
00:20:57,620 --> 00:20:59,240
[GRANDLY] Good evening, Mr. Murdock.
542
00:20:59,330 --> 00:21:01,790
Your dry cleaning didn't come.
543
00:21:01,870 --> 00:21:03,790
[CHUCKLES]
544
00:21:08,170 --> 00:21:09,380
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
545
00:21:09,460 --> 00:21:12,170
Eh, you know, um, I wanted to ask you.
546
00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:15,800
I read that you had the
same agent as Tripp Knobb.
547
00:21:15,890 --> 00:21:18,640
So did you ever go to one of those
Sea Cow-a-Bunga-Bunga parties
548
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,220
at that private aquarium
of his? I just...
549
00:21:20,310 --> 00:21:23,020
[SIGHS] I thought I could
get through this dinner.
550
00:21:24,850 --> 00:21:26,940
I could have any man in the world, Ilan.
551
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:31,240
But he has to care about more than
just the trappings of my fame.
552
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,690
It's seductive, I know.
553
00:21:32,780 --> 00:21:35,990
"What kind of water would you like,
sir?" [LAUGHS] That's my world!
554
00:21:36,570 --> 00:21:38,359
You got a glimpse, so now you want more,
555
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,540
but as the Daredevil's doorman...
556
00:21:40,830 --> 00:21:42,750
I can't just let anyone in.
557
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:44,870
[SIGHS]
558
00:21:46,210 --> 00:21:47,790
Oh, my God. Uh...
559
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:51,480
you know, I thought I could get
through this dinner, but I just...
560
00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:53,260
yeah, I-I-I...
561
00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:56,180
I don't know if I can take it.
562
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:57,640
Aw.
563
00:21:58,220 --> 00:21:59,680
It's just so pathetic.
564
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,350
[CHUCKLING] Yes.
565
00:22:01,430 --> 00:22:02,430
What?
566
00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:05,100
I was once captured by Hezbollah.
567
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:07,639
They got me addicted to opium.
568
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,960
They made me beat my
best friend to death.
569
00:22:10,860 --> 00:22:14,570
I broke both my legs jumping out of
the window and trying to escape,
570
00:22:14,650 --> 00:22:17,990
and, while suffering heroin withdrawal,
571
00:22:18,070 --> 00:22:20,410
I dragged myself and
my friend's dead body
572
00:22:20,490 --> 00:22:22,410
50 kilometers through the Beqaa Valley.
573
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:24,540
You see, I got through that.
I made it through that.
574
00:22:24,620 --> 00:22:27,290
But this? [INHALES SHAKILY]
575
00:22:27,370 --> 00:22:29,170
I don't know if I can take this.
576
00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:31,920
- Well, the thing about fame...
- Oh, my God, would you shut up?
577
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,380
Just shut up, okay?
578
00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:35,010
I am not a fan of yours.
579
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:37,630
What would I be a fan of?
580
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:38,970
Your only credits are
581
00:22:39,050 --> 00:22:40,260
a Bumfights DVD
582
00:22:40,350 --> 00:22:42,970
and a YouTube compilation
of escalator fails
583
00:22:43,060 --> 00:22:44,560
and playing Doorman Number Six
584
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,060
on an as-yet unaired
episode of "Daredevil."
585
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:48,850
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
586
00:22:48,940 --> 00:22:50,230
I used to be Israeli Special Forces,
587
00:22:50,310 --> 00:22:52,900
and now I work for a company
called Mulaney Security.
588
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:55,860
See, we were hired by a certain
children's television show
589
00:22:55,940 --> 00:22:56,970
to dig up dirt on you.
590
00:22:56,990 --> 00:23:00,620
Now, my employers, they know that
the khara is about to hit the fan
591
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:01,780
on Mr. Frumpus.
592
00:23:02,910 --> 00:23:05,870
So they want us to do oppo research
on anyone that he may have,
593
00:23:05,950 --> 00:23:07,540
um, you know, "auditioned."
594
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:10,330
It started that way, but
then you fell in love?
595
00:23:10,420 --> 00:23:12,659
My job was to find ways
that we could ruin you
596
00:23:12,660 --> 00:23:14,249
in case you ever went public,
597
00:23:14,250 --> 00:23:16,880
but how could we possibly
make your life any worse?
598
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:18,510
What could we take away?
599
00:23:18,590 --> 00:23:20,430
You live in a sideways tugboat.
600
00:23:21,010 --> 00:23:22,640
You steal coffee from a car wash.
601
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,020
You need a mnemonic to
spell your own last name.
602
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:27,140
I was thinking about the scrod.
603
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,310
Oh, God, and you know what? I've
been watching you for weeks,
604
00:23:29,390 --> 00:23:30,850
but just today...
605
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,150
I saw you eat three jars of mayonnaise.
606
00:23:34,230 --> 00:23:35,280
Yes, only three.
607
00:23:36,860 --> 00:23:38,280
Ooh!
608
00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:39,490
Caramels!
609
00:23:39,570 --> 00:23:42,450
[ILAN] You mistook your
own toes for candy.
610
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:44,240
Then you fell and couldn't get up.
611
00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:45,330
[TITUS PANTS]
612
00:23:45,410 --> 00:23:46,500
Kimmy! [GRUNTS]
613
00:23:46,580 --> 00:23:48,160
It's happening again!
614
00:23:48,250 --> 00:23:49,750
Get the oar!
615
00:23:49,830 --> 00:23:51,460
[GRUNTS]
616
00:23:51,540 --> 00:23:52,630
Hurry!
617
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:56,480
And that waitress at lunch,
618
00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:59,420
she didn't want your headshot
as a tip. I speak Russian.
619
00:23:59,510 --> 00:24:01,590
She said she would've wiped
her own ass with it,
620
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,890
except you already
destroyed their toilet.
621
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,810
Fun Hollywood story:
622
00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:08,020
Rocky fought a Russian
in one of the Rockies.
623
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:09,310
Oh.
624
00:24:09,390 --> 00:24:10,390
You win.
625
00:24:11,190 --> 00:24:12,350
You broke me.
626
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:13,900
You...
627
00:24:13,980 --> 00:24:15,980
broke me. Uh...
628
00:24:16,940 --> 00:24:18,360
Okay.
629
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,530
If you go after Mr. Frumpus... [SIGHS]
630
00:24:20,610 --> 00:24:22,110
He's gonna make your life a living hell.
631
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,330
How in the world that would be
any different, I... [LAUGHS]
632
00:24:25,410 --> 00:24:27,660
I have no idea. You know
something? I quit.
633
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:29,750
[ILAN SIGHS]
634
00:24:29,830 --> 00:24:31,960
[STAMMERS] Just to be
clear, I broke up with you!
635
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,670
Here! It's hair.
636
00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:39,090
Kimmy, I'm in a meeting.
637
00:24:39,170 --> 00:24:40,920
But I finally made you
a friendship bracelet.
638
00:24:41,010 --> 00:24:42,300
Put that away.
639
00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:44,890
If they find one more pound
of hair in the food here,
640
00:24:44,970 --> 00:24:46,970
I'll get downgraded to a Sbarro's!
641
00:24:47,060 --> 00:24:49,470
Look, I'm just trying to
make up for the bunker.
642
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:50,770
Don't, please.
643
00:24:50,850 --> 00:24:52,770
The bunker's not part of my life.
644
00:24:52,850 --> 00:24:54,270
I am not a Mole Woman.
645
00:24:54,350 --> 00:24:56,520
I used to say stuff like that too.
646
00:24:56,610 --> 00:24:58,610
But you'll always be a Mole Woman.
647
00:24:58,690 --> 00:25:00,400
I'm T?a Donna Maria.
648
00:25:00,490 --> 00:25:02,699
I'm the person who convinced Rachael Ray
649
00:25:02,700 --> 00:25:04,700
that her true talent was dog food.
650
00:25:04,740 --> 00:25:06,830
I've seen you throw up
into a toilet pumpkin
651
00:25:06,910 --> 00:25:08,370
while Cyndee was using it.
652
00:25:08,450 --> 00:25:09,540
And then she threw up on you.
653
00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:10,620
Mm.
654
00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:12,250
Gentlemen, ladies,
655
00:25:12,330 --> 00:25:13,670
won't you excuse me?
656
00:25:14,540 --> 00:25:16,210
Let's discuss this in private.
657
00:25:17,790 --> 00:25:19,710
- Whoa.
- Surprise!
658
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,510
- Fire monster!
- ?Monstruo de fuego!
659
00:25:21,590 --> 00:25:22,670
- ["WE LIKE TO PARTY!" PLAYING]
- [ELMO] I...
660
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:23,690
[DONNA MARIA GRUNTS]
661
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,760
[GROANING]
662
00:25:26,850 --> 00:25:28,510
- [MUSIC DIES DOWN]
- [BOTH PANTING]
663
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:30,720
[ELMO GROANING]
664
00:25:30,810 --> 00:25:32,560
[TENSE MUSIC]
665
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,190
Why? My wedding's tonight.
666
00:25:35,270 --> 00:25:36,400
[GUESTS WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
667
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,940
I do stuff like this all the time.
668
00:25:39,020 --> 00:25:42,400
I get it. I've punched,
like, 100 Santas.
669
00:25:42,490 --> 00:25:44,320
I still sleep in a bunk bed,
670
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,160
but no one says anything
'cause I'm rich.
671
00:25:47,740 --> 00:25:51,870
But it is nice to have one person
in the room who isn't judging me.
672
00:25:53,250 --> 00:25:57,170
There are only three women in the
world who can be that person.
673
00:25:58,130 --> 00:26:01,670
But I'm not gonna be friends with
Spinny and Fletcher. [CHUCKLES]
674
00:26:02,460 --> 00:26:04,550
[GUESTS MURMURING]
675
00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:07,010
I'll call you next time I'm in New York.
676
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,140
Tomothy.
677
00:26:12,220 --> 00:26:14,810
Will you take of our
guests in the Fiesta Room?
678
00:26:16,730 --> 00:26:18,770
"Well, nice party, Lucas,"
679
00:26:18,860 --> 00:26:20,110
he lied.
680
00:26:20,190 --> 00:26:21,820
[TITUS]
Boop, boop, ah
681
00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:24,400
Alakazam
682
00:26:24,420 --> 00:26:29,420
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
683
00:27:43,860 --> 00:27:45,780
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
684
00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:50,380
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Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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