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[BABY CRYING, DOG BARKING]
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00:00:03,270 --> 00:00:08,874
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00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,010
FAIRBELL: See? I told you
my cousin was a celebrity.
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,746
That's him wrestling the dog.
5
00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,013
Fairbell, this is just
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,082
white-trash hillbillies
fighting, and poorly.
7
00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,417
It doesn't make
your cousin Internet-famous.
8
00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:19,619
Okay, "hillbilly" is a hurtful term.
9
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,554
They prefer the term "holler folk."
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00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:24,758
SHOEMAKER: Well, at least have the
decency to get up out of the trash.
11
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:26,091
It's a trash fight.
12
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:27,493
This is what happens
when you let Fairbell drive.
13
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:28,894
Give me this.
14
00:00:28,895 --> 00:00:31,897
This is that wing-ding kid
I was telling you guys about.
15
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:34,433
- Oh, yeah.
- Wing-ding!
16
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:36,169
[LAUGHTER]
17
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,971
What's up, guys? Wing-Ding Kid!
18
00:00:37,972 --> 00:00:39,773
- Smash that like button below...
- Wait a second.
19
00:00:39,774 --> 00:00:42,908
- This kid goes to Smoot.
- He's in my study hall.
20
00:00:42,909 --> 00:00:45,311
All the other kids act like
he's some sort of celebrity.
21
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:47,647
Check out videos every
Thursday, press "subscribe"
22
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,316
for more awesome wing-dings!
23
00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:52,652
One million views for this garbage!
24
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,854
You see, this is the
problem with the world today.
25
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,922
Who finds that funny?
26
00:00:56,923 --> 00:00:59,659
My favorite part was when
he's all, "Wing-ding!" Remember?
27
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,127
See, you guys are just too old
and out of touch to understand.
28
00:01:02,128 --> 00:01:03,596
It's not about the "wing-ding."
29
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,799
Oh, really? Enlighten us, then.
30
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:07,933
What is it about? Well, it's, uh...
31
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:10,936
It's clearly about
a subversion of respect.
32
00:01:10,937 --> 00:01:14,273
- Oh.
- Wherein the winged hot boy
33
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:16,275
usurps various archetypes.
34
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,344
It's textbook hot-boy usurpation.
35
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,079
- It's textbook.
- Those are words.
36
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,215
- Mm-hmm.
- I hope you have a plastic bag
37
00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,750
to put all that dog shit in
that just came out of your mouth.
38
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:28,277
- I'm right about this.
- Hey, kid. Come over here.
39
00:01:28,278 --> 00:01:31,624
Uh, tell us, why do kids
like these "Wing-Ding" videos?
40
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,427
I mean, I guess it's, like, a
subversion of respect, you know?
41
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:35,761
- Oh!
- But Wing-Ding Kid
42
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,230
is a kind of hot boy for all of us,
43
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a hot boy that usurps archetypes.
44
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,167
- Just get out of here.
- Yeah, go to class.
45
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,301
- Get out of here.
- You nailed it.
46
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,437
Anyway, one thing I can tell you...
47
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,640
I don't have time for this
flash-in-the-pan Internet
48
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,309
BS stuff, okay? That guy...
49
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,911
Yeah, he'll be forgotten faster
50
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:54,162
than even Fairbell's trashy cousins.
51
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- I promise you.
- Wing-ding!
52
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,315
Holy crud!
53
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Are you serious right now?!
Are you serious?!
54
00:01:58,985 --> 00:02:00,253
55
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:02,522
Quit wasting my time
56
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:05,124
I ain't here for you
57
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,326
I'm just putting in work
58
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:11,700
Till my day is through
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Ooh, the brown kind!
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Fairbell. It buffered.
62
00:02:17,001 --> 00:02:18,003
- Oh. Oh.
- Get in here.
63
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,406
- I'm Uncle Jake.
- Oh, another one?
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00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,475
Uncle Jake spent his entire
advertising budget
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- on these things.
- Because I don't think
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that you need to be
a goddamn millionaire
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00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,147
to be able to afford
quality ingredients,
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unlike some of our competitors,
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00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:33,486
who use garbage trash
that they found in the alley!
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00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,755
- Jake, where's the fire extinguisher?
- What?
71
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:38,824
I'm in the middle of doing
a Crazy Uncle Jake's ad.
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00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,226
- It's bad.
- How bad?
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Worse than last week.
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00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:44,163
But hotter. Uncle Jake's Pizza...
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Official pizza of the Denver Broncos...
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The horses, not the team!
[SMOKE ALARM BEEPING]
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Aah!
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- Wing-ding!
- Holy crud!
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Holy crud!
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00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,776
Holy crud!
81
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,778
What's up, guys?
Wing-Ding Kid smackdown...
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00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,447
"Holy crud"? What is he, a youth pastor?
83
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,449
1.1 million views?
84
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:06,119
Shoemaker's the most popular
Wing-Ding video to date.
85
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,787
It has nothing to do with Shoemaker.
86
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:09,589
Wing-Ding Kid has
never dinged a teacher.
87
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,926
This is textbook hot-boy
usurpation escalation.
88
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:15,261
I like how it started with
the fire at the pizza shop,
89
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,797
but then it was about Holy Crud Guy.
90
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,998
That's just good storytelling.
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00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:21,401
That was the commercial
before the video.
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00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:22,936
You know they're entirely
different things, right?
93
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,203
Oh, my gosh, he's here.
94
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:27,073
- Holy Crud Guy.
- [APPLAUSE]
95
00:03:27,074 --> 00:03:28,608
Thank you! Thank you!
96
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,476
Yes, yes, very impressive
97
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,745
how Shoemaker unknowingly
appeared in a video.
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00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,480
- Bravo.
- I know, right?!
99
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,283
So, get this... I go to my coffee shop
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00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,685
and I get up to the cashier
and the cashier says,
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00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,487
"You're money's no good here."
102
00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:42,822
Yeah, and I figured that Tampa
103
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,357
had just canceled my credit card again.
104
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,425
- Sure.
- But then they gave it to me for free.
105
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:49,429
- What?
- Yeah! And they wrote this on it.
106
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,431
- [GASPS] What?!
- Holy Crud Guy.
107
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:53,232
- Lucky!
- [LAUGHS]
108
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,448
Then how cool is that?
109
00:03:54,449 --> 00:03:55,701
Apparently this Wing-Ding dude
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has a way bigger reach
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00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,904
than I thought originally.
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00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,574
I mean, it's been pretty amazing
to see all the people...
113
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,709
I am so sorry.
114
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:06,780
Maybe you didn't realize this is
the faculty cafeteria, you fu...
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00:04:06,781 --> 00:04:09,182
Mr. Holy Crud Guy,
can I get a picture with you?
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00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:12,051
Well, yeah! A fan?
Why didn't you just say so?
117
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,787
Hey, what's-your-face,
hold this real quick.
118
00:04:13,788 --> 00:04:15,388
Fairbell, come take a photo of us.
119
00:04:15,389 --> 00:04:16,522
Come on.
120
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,859
Gi... Take the photo, you moron!
121
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,527
This is bullshit! I can't believe
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00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,530
Wing-Ding Kid picked Shoemaker.
What a wasted opportunity.
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00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:25,931
If he'd picked me, that video would have
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00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,068
2 mil views, guaranteed, first day.
125
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,870
Wing-Ding Kid should have chosen me,
126
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,739
but, no, another straight white male.
127
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:38,211
Go figure. Why does
the Internet hate women?
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00:04:38,212 --> 00:04:41,014
This was good. This was good.
So you go here?
129
00:04:41,015 --> 00:04:42,748
Yeah, I, uh...
130
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,152
Your... Your class,
fifth period... Brady.
131
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,354
- Don't talk much.
- Oh, there you are!
132
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:50,156
There you are, Peter!
133
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,624
- Yeah. I see you.
- Oh, that's my little buddy.
134
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,893
That's my little friend. He
doesn't know that kid's name.
135
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:56,029
Well, thank you for coming out.
That was fun.
136
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:58,498
Okay, but seriously,
this is the faculty cafeteria,
137
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,870
so get out of here.
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00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:03,769
Wow! So cool to just connect
with the fans, huh?
139
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:06,906
Okay, relax, Shoemaker.
That is Wing-Ding Kid's fan.
140
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:08,307
You're just his latest victim.
141
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,709
Yeah, it could have been anybody.
142
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,578
Jealous much? [CHUCKLES]
143
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,247
Mmm!
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00:05:14,248 --> 00:05:16,716
Everything tastes better when it's free.
145
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,317
- Tangy.
- Gross.
146
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,453
What are you, my stalker or something?
147
00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:22,722
- Kind of.
- Cool.
148
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,905
Stay on my six. Let everybody see you.
149
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,194
My agent, Lucius, at Forbes,
150
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,898
is fielding a lot of offers
for branded content.
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00:05:31,866 --> 00:05:34,934
Brandon, there's no
talking in study hall.
152
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:38,137
We did a call-out to that
"That's What You Think" girl
153
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,539
about going to homecoming with me.
154
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,674
Huge crossover buzz.
155
00:05:40,675 --> 00:05:42,141
- Check out the video.
- That's what you think!
156
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,810
And no cellphone usage, either.
157
00:05:44,811 --> 00:05:47,346
Whoa. Hey. That... That's
not a cellphone, Ms. Logan.
158
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,349
Oh, really? See, that's
the paintbrush for my art.
159
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,218
Ah. But I, you know, wouldn't
expect you to understand that
160
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,087
because you're old and
scared of the Internet.
161
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:56,021
- [LAUGHTER]
- Okay.
162
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:59,158
Yeah, oh, I am so old
and scared of the Internet
163
00:05:59,159 --> 00:06:03,829
that I have reached platinum
pen-pal status on thislldo.net.
164
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:06,365
- What's that?
- It's...
165
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,500
You know, it's nothing. You're right.
166
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,435
I'm afraid of the Internet.
167
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,036
Hey, yo, what up, Wing-Ding Dawg.
168
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:12,772
Keep their heads ringing, right?
169
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,108
- Straight, pock.
- Death bro?
170
00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:16,976
Okay, I saw the latest video.
171
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,979
1.1 million views. Dude, nice!
172
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,047
But "Holy Crud" guy... Ugh!
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00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,584
Am I right, guys? Weak sauce!
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00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,119
Put me in your next video,
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00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,055
and I guarantee 3 million views
on the first day, straight up.
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00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,790
'Cause you'll wing-ding me,
and I'll be like,
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00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,058
"Dios mio!" and that's
the Latin market...
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00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,060
That, real talk,
you're missing right now.
179
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,062
Well, thanks, Mr. Payton.
180
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,064
- I'll be sure to call you...
- Cool.
181
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,467
As soon as I'm ready
to commit career suicide.
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00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:44,938
[LAUGHTER]
183
00:06:44,939 --> 00:06:46,105
God.
184
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:50,076
- "Dios mio"?
- That's what you think!
185
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:52,612
Who would have thought a little
16-year-old Internet celeb
186
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,813
would be such a prick?
187
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:55,615
This is why we need more diverse voices
188
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,950
in our web-prank content.
189
00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:59,152
I pitched him the "Dios mio"
thing. He wouldn't bite.
190
00:06:59,153 --> 00:07:01,687
No, I mean more
diverse voices like mine.
191
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,489
Yeah, well, regardless
whether it's you or me,
192
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:07,493
someone needs to put this
Wing-Ding Kid in his place.
193
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,789
- Wait a minute.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
194
00:07:09,790 --> 00:07:10,817
Totally.
195
00:07:10,819 --> 00:07:12,698
- That kid must get so much pus...
- We make a video!
196
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:13,833
- We make a video.
- Gross.
197
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,568
Yes, we make a video.
198
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,236
Same page.
199
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,305
- Video.
- Gross.
200
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:22,241
SHOEMAKER: Now, sometime in late 1937,
201
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,043
I like to imagine that the folks of
202
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:27,246
Nanking were probably
saying to themselves...
203
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,248
ALL: Holy crud!
204
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:31,384
[LAUGHS] Jackpot!
205
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,252
Yeah! Ooh, ooh, "jackpot"...
206
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:35,588
Will you write that down
in your little leather-bound...
207
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,723
And make sure you get
the exclamation point on it.
208
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:42,261
Attaboy. Anyway, um...
Oh, God, where was I? Uh...
209
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,864
Oh, we were gonna
watch your video again.
210
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,932
Maybe this time in slow motion.
211
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,002
Yeah, all right! Come on! [LAUGHS]
212
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:51,485
Now, you... you do know
I ad-libbed all of this?
213
00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:52,605
Yeah, one take.
214
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,540
I'm just not in love with any of these.
215
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,542
I think we're over-thinking this,
you know?
216
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,877
"America's Funniest Home Videos"...
217
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,345
That set the standard.
218
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,614
Guy getting hit in the crotch...
Slam dunk. Every time.
219
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,282
Why does it always have to be a guy?
220
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,685
Why can't a woman get hit in the crotch?
221
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,820
Because that's not funny.
222
00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,421
There's no stakes there, Abbey.
223
00:08:08,422 --> 00:08:11,624
Fine. I'll just do a talking-head video
224
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,292
where I thoughtfully
and inclusively screech
225
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,760
my views into the camera.
226
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,896
Hey, I am all for you being
the star of this thing, okay,
227
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:18,164
but your head is not
228
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,700
what Japanese businessmen
want to see. It's just not.
229
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,365
Loren, for the last
time, I'm not doing that.
230
00:08:22,367 --> 00:08:23,369
Okay, fine.
231
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:25,038
Then we're out of ideas
for a viral video.
232
00:08:25,039 --> 00:08:26,239
Are you happy?
233
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:28,107
God, this code is so hard to crack.
234
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,109
Well, what was that bullshit
you were talking about earlier?
235
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:33,379
Oh, well, listen,
usurpation is not a given.
236
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,516
It's part of the ephemeral
nature of the Internet
237
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:39,185
that has to be organic
to the original hot boy.
238
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:40,720
- And that's...
- We just need to find someone
239
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,256
who thinks on the level
of an average Internet moron.
240
00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:45,925
- Yeah. Oh, my God.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
241
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,793
Yes! Totally!
Fairbell can help us make a video!
242
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,328
You could probably
just take your top off!
243
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,596
We don't even need the piss cam!
244
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:53,199
No, y-your thing. What you said.
245
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,200
- Yeah.
- Fairbell.
246
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,107
[CHUCKLES]
247
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,176
You think it's about a shirtless
guy putting on deodorant,
248
00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:04,644
but, plot twist,
249
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:07,380
it's about a goat
falling asleep just standing up.
250
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,115
Fairbell, can you please,
251
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,317
please stop watching
animal videos and tell us
252
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:13,052
Wing-Ding became so popular?
253
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:16,389
Duh! He's hilarious! "Wing-ding!"
254
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,590
Just sounds funny.
255
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,525
It's like a doorbell or something,
256
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,527
like a catchy, funny doorbell.
257
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,663
And so the key is a catchphrase?
258
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:26,265
No, it's like a short saying
259
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,533
that you repeat over and over again
260
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,402
so it gets stuck in people's heads.
261
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:32,405
That's what you should do.
Like, "Ding-dong!"
262
00:09:32,406 --> 00:09:37,477
Or like, "Dong-ding!"
Even better. "Wing-ping!"
263
00:09:37,478 --> 00:09:40,680
Or, "Wong-ping!" Hmm?
264
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:43,749
Or, "Ping-ping!" Or, "Ting-ting!"
265
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,018
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
266
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:46,419
I mean, probably not.
267
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,154
We should probably just
do what Fairbell says.
268
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:50,490
Really? It's so stupid.
269
00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:53,292
I'm beginning to think that's the point.
270
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,627
I hope you're writing these down.
271
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,429
[LAUGHS]
272
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,764
"Ding-king!" "Ting-ring!"
273
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,766
Ooh! Obviously not that one.
274
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,505
[SHOUTING]
275
00:10:05,506 --> 00:10:07,106
Whoa!
276
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:11,377
Hot off the CafePress. That's right!
277
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:14,447
All the unlicensed "Holy Crud" merch
278
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,982
your little hearts could desire, huh?
279
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:18,984
Yeah. Let me show you what I got here.
280
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,855
All right, first up... Cruds MacKenzie.
281
00:10:21,856 --> 00:10:24,990
Huh? No one? Come on, you don't...
282
00:10:24,991 --> 00:10:26,926
You remember the old
beer advertisements?
283
00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:28,327
That's for you, super fan.
284
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:30,396
All right, now, now, now,
now, now, check this one out.
285
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:33,199
Cruddy Holly! That's a fun
little play on words,
286
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,735
and this one isn't gonna
crash and burn like he did.
287
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,403
All right, music lover, that's yours.
288
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,139
All right, my favorite.
Probably the pinnacle for me.
289
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,075
Check this bad boy out.
290
00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:44,077
"This Crud's For You."
291
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,478
No? Nothing?
292
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,148
The old beer advertis...
Anyway, it's lit. Trust me.
293
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,350
Okay, now, let's talk prices.
294
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:56,289
- I am going to be asking $40 a pop.
- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
295
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:59,625
Now, you're saying to yourself,
"That is a bit pricey."
296
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:00,760
BRANDON: Wing-ding!
Wing-ding! Wing-ding!
297
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:03,563
But I had to pay some
thieving open-mic comics
298
00:11:03,564 --> 00:11:07,500
to write those puns,
which cost a bit more than I...
299
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:12,171
Okay, well, all right.
I'm losing a few of you.
300
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,640
Well, ah, ah, ah, twist my arm.
301
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:17,643
All right, $30 for the t-shirts now.
302
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:19,512
I will come down on the price
303
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,181
because you guys liked me
when I was dog shit,
304
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,584
and I don't forget that kind of s...
305
00:11:24,585 --> 00:11:27,052
Hey, hey! Wait, wait, wait!
Where are you going?
306
00:11:27,053 --> 00:11:29,522
The Wing-Ding Kid
just posted a new video.
307
00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,392
He "wing-dinged"
City Comptroller Theresa Ortega.
308
00:11:32,393 --> 00:11:35,094
- She's, like, famous.
- Well, what am I?
309
00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:38,057
Dog shit?
310
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,935
Hey, hey, hey!
311
00:11:41,936 --> 00:11:44,270
I'm gonna need $40 for that shirt.
312
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:47,406
- You said $30.
- No, I never said that.
313
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:51,077
I was just gonna swim
in it anyway, so...
314
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:53,813
[SAD MUSIC PLAYS]
315
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:55,548
Ohh.
316
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:56,944
Gadzooks!
317
00:11:58,331 --> 00:11:59,331
Ooh.
318
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,423
BRANDON: Wing-ding!
319
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:05,959
Okay, okay, all right,
there he is. There he is.
320
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,360
Let's go over the plan one more time.
321
00:12:07,361 --> 00:12:09,028
I run up there. I poke Steven
in the belly button, yell,
322
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:11,230
"Ding-dong!" and, Abbey, you just film.
323
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,032
Oh. Awesome. So I just get
shoved out of the way
324
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,768
so another sausage video gets made.
325
00:12:14,769 --> 00:12:16,966
We've been over this. There's
a lack of female directors, too.
326
00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:18,140
Come on!
327
00:12:18,141 --> 00:12:19,247
Fairbell, you remember
your part of the plan?
328
00:12:19,249 --> 00:12:20,373
I got it. I got it.
329
00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:22,842
No direct eye contact
because you get stage fright.
330
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,443
Exactly. Thank you very much.
331
00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,180
All right, then we just upload
this sucker and just sit back
332
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,982
and wait for the endorsement
deals to come in.
333
00:12:28,983 --> 00:12:30,516
I bet we get movie offers.
334
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:32,118
I'll probably get my own signature IPA
335
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,253
out of the whole deal.
And the best part is Wing-Ding Kid
336
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,122
will just disappear
into our rear-view mirror.
337
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:37,791
- I mean, this formula's golden.
- Right?
338
00:12:37,792 --> 00:12:41,060
A couple of teachers joking
around in school, being goofs.
339
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,062
It's like they're worse
than the kids they teach.
340
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:45,598
I would watch like a hundred
episodes if that was a show.
341
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:48,868
I'm gonna be so much
better than Shoemaker.
342
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,337
I mean, um, I'll be
the first woman to, uh,
343
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,339
shatter the pixilated Internet scene.
344
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,674
Do you want a third crack
at that, or are you good here?
345
00:12:54,675 --> 00:12:56,942
Just go ding-dong Steven.
346
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,411
- Okay.
- Ding-dong!
347
00:12:58,412 --> 00:13:00,746
[LAUGHS]
348
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,282
This is Abbey Ribitowitz Logan...
349
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,884
Can you move?
350
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:07,821
Bup, bup, go, go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go, go, go,
351
00:13:07,822 --> 00:13:09,155
go, go, go, go, go, go!
352
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:10,824
Okay, perfect.
353
00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:13,159
This is Abbey Ribitowitz Logan
coming at you live.
354
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,694
That's right. I'm a woman.
355
00:13:14,695 --> 00:13:16,429
So sorry. Deal with it.
356
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:20,099
Thanks a lot. Before that, I'm
gonna break it down for you haters.
357
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,701
- We've got a...
- Hey, Sweens.
358
00:13:21,702 --> 00:13:24,237
Can I help you with something, Loren?
359
00:13:24,238 --> 00:13:26,506
Um, no. I'm... I'm good. I'm cool.
360
00:13:26,507 --> 00:13:29,575
Women can be funny.
We can be as funny as dogs.
361
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,578
- We can be as funny as cats.
- Yeah, you're acting weird.
362
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:35,571
- What are you up to?
- Nothing.
363
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:37,583
Anyway, ding-dong!
364
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,252
- Oh!
- Aah!
365
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,255
'Cause dat's what I think, girl!
366
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:45,391
- Oh, my God! Come on!
- Shit!
367
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:46,860
Oh, God, you broke my nose!
368
00:13:46,861 --> 00:13:48,127
Run!
369
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,729
Go, go, go!
370
00:13:49,730 --> 00:13:50,864
Do you think we're still gonna go viral?
371
00:13:50,865 --> 00:13:52,465
Why would you try to
touch my belly button?
372
00:13:52,466 --> 00:13:55,535
I thought we could maybe be
friends or something, you know?
373
00:13:55,536 --> 00:13:57,378
That's the way you make friends? Jesus.
374
00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,007
Oh, that right there... sick.
375
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:03,809
That was... That was
straight fire right there.
376
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:06,279
That... Man, that's
bomb tits right there.
377
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,384
- Okay.
- What?
378
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,616
Hey, listen, I really appreciate
379
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:12,085
you taking the time to sit down with me,
380
00:14:12,086 --> 00:14:14,353
- Wing-Ding Kid.
- Hey, let's just make it quick, okay?
381
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,556
I got a Skype call with
YouTube Orange in five minutes.
382
00:14:16,557 --> 00:14:18,291
- Whoa, what's that?
- Nobody knows.
383
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,226
Look, what can I do you
for, Holy Crud Guy?
384
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,361
Yeah, I wanted to talk
to you about, you know,
385
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:26,366
this idea I had of maybe you
and I collabo-ing again? Huh?
386
00:14:26,367 --> 00:14:28,568
You know, seeing as how I'm your
most popular vid to date,
387
00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:30,103
I don't... You are not anymore, dude.
388
00:14:30,104 --> 00:14:33,839
I winged the ding out of City
Comptroller Theresa Ortega.
389
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,642
Yeah, that... that video's
through the stratosphere.
390
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:38,244
Well, that's not a big deal
391
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:41,180
because we're about to blow this
into the ether, all right?!
392
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,982
Check this out. I've been
working on some ideas.
393
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,651
So you come up...
Classic wing-ding. "Wing-ding!"
394
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,853
And then I'm like, "Ooh, gadzooks!"
395
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,388
You know? Something I can hold.
396
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,792
Or like, "Oh, what the geez?!"
You know? Something like that.
397
00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:54,060
Something that you can put on a t-shirt.
398
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,329
See, I think that our audience
is in... in desperate...
399
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:59,332
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say, "our audience"?
400
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,667
It's... It's my audience.
401
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:04,203
Well, Holy Crud Guy helped.
402
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,940
Do you think you're
some sort of influencer?
403
00:15:06,941 --> 00:15:09,342
- Yeah, I guess.
- [CHUCKLES]
404
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,344
Is this... Is this merch? This is merch.
405
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:14,547
- Yeah, I made some shirts, and I-I...
- Dude, you are so sad.
406
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:17,082
Guys, he made merch.
407
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,352
[LAUGHTER]
408
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,657
"Crud Bundy."
409
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,422
Where's that?
410
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:26,091
"Where's"... No, David Faustino.
411
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,361
"Married With Children"? Oh, my God.
412
00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:31,765
You kids do not get
my timely references.
413
00:15:31,766 --> 00:15:35,301
I probably shouldn't have spent
$400 on all these shirts.
414
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:37,771
New idea. Peep this, G!
415
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:40,706
You wear them in your newest video!
416
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,375
I wouldn't even swim in those.
417
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:43,702
Look, face it, bro.
418
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,648
Holy Crud Guy...
You're a one-ding wonder.
419
00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,784
- Be gone.
- [CELLPHONE RINGS, BEEPS]
420
00:15:50,785 --> 00:15:52,786
Lucius, baby! How's it going?
421
00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:55,388
- Yo, Dingy, baby, who's that?
- Oh, no, he's nobody.
422
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:57,590
I'm thinking we go out into the streets
423
00:15:57,591 --> 00:16:01,260
- and dress up...
- [SAD MUSIC PLAYS]
424
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,062
Who knew Steven was such a badass?
425
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,664
Um, not me.
426
00:16:04,665 --> 00:16:06,399
- My turn.
- It's not your turn.
427
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,801
- You're not even a real doctor.
- Oh, yeah?
428
00:16:07,802 --> 00:16:09,469
Well, Quinn said if we're
gonna split the paycheck,
429
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:10,736
I got to start pulling my weight.
430
00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,405
- Okay. Just...
- Please.
431
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,207
Can you not be in my shadow?
432
00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:16,542
Well, lose some weight,
and the shadow shrinks.
433
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,945
- Ah, Jesus! Go easy!
- I think, girl!
434
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,414
[GROANS] There it is.
435
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,216
- I-Shit!
- Oh, come on.
436
00:16:23,217 --> 00:16:25,018
You completely missed the punch, Abbey.
437
00:16:25,019 --> 00:16:26,486
That's pathetic.
438
00:16:26,487 --> 00:16:27,887
No wonder there's no women
directors on the Internet.
439
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:30,023
- Ohh.
- Why is everybody calling me
440
00:16:30,024 --> 00:16:32,158
an otter in the comments?
What is an otter?
441
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,960
BOTH: It's a small, hairy gay man.
442
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,696
Don't even sweat the comments.
They don't even make sense.
443
00:16:36,697 --> 00:16:39,565
Look, they call me the "retread."
444
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:40,834
Damn auto-correct.
445
00:16:40,835 --> 00:16:42,035
You haven't read the worst comment.
446
00:16:42,036 --> 00:16:45,705
- It's from Wing-Ding Kid.
- Where?
447
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:48,307
Like, he's all, "Check out these knees!"
448
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,909
How does this comment have 250 likes
449
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:51,511
when the video only has 13 views?
450
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:53,646
Uh, 'cause your idea sucked.
451
00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:55,781
I should never have stopped
my biting social commentary
452
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,583
to film your stupid punch.
453
00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:00,186
We can't beat him
with a cheap knock-off.
454
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,522
We need an even cheaper direct rip-off.
455
00:17:02,523 --> 00:17:03,923
We need to wing-ding Wing-Ding Kid.
456
00:17:03,924 --> 00:17:06,059
- Yes!
- Yes! Exactly!
457
00:17:06,060 --> 00:17:07,393
But no one knows when
he's gonna wing-ding.
458
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,262
So you lure him out into the open
459
00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:11,130
with a wing-ding opportunity
460
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:13,266
- that he can't resist... twins.
- That he can't resist - twins.
461
00:17:13,267 --> 00:17:15,134
- Why are you finishing my sentences?
- You were running out of steam.
462
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,936
- Oh, I'm not running out of steam.
- You were running out of steam.
463
00:17:16,937 --> 00:17:18,007
I'm ramping up the steam.
464
00:17:18,009 --> 00:17:19,055
I thought you were gonna fall
asleep in the middle of that.
465
00:17:19,056 --> 00:17:20,740
No one gives a shit about twins,
you guys.
466
00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:22,808
Oh, yeah? Tell that to the
Menendez brothers.
467
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:24,544
- Okay, they were not twins.
- And that was their problem.
468
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:26,212
But the Greenes are onto something.
469
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:29,282
To catch viral-video flies,
you need celebrity honey.
470
00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:32,017
I mean, think about it.
Wing-Ding Kid dinged a teacher,
471
00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:33,553
then a city comptroller.
472
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,221
ABBEY: The dings are getting
more high-profile.
473
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,098
- He's dinging up.
- Exactly.
474
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:40,093
Hi, I'm Uncle Jake
from Uncle Jake's Pizza.
475
00:17:40,094 --> 00:17:42,027
Contrary to what you may have heard,
476
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,829
I'm doing just fine.
477
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,700
You can't ding any higher
than a local celeb.
478
00:17:46,701 --> 00:17:48,568
Oh, let's get Holy Crud Guy.
479
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:51,437
No! My cousin Uncle Jake.
480
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,172
- Is it gas?
- I think that's gas.
481
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,641
It's gas! There's a leak!
Okay, run! Everybody run!
482
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:59,011
- Oh, God, not him.
- Yeah. It's decided.
483
00:18:01,782 --> 00:18:05,785
[CAR HORN HONKING]
484
00:18:05,786 --> 00:18:10,055
There he is. Aw, yeah!
Thanks for doing this, Jake.
485
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,725
- Hell, yeah, cuz. We fam.
- Yeah, we are.
486
00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:14,660
Wait, you... You got Nana's Caddy?
487
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:16,129
Yeah, who else was she gonna give it to?
488
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:17,530
- All right, what are we doing?
- All right, it's pretty simple.
489
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:19,332
I just need you
to stand out in the open,
490
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,534
hand out pizza cash,
promote the biz. That's it.
491
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,936
And then some kid's just gonna come up
492
00:18:22,937 --> 00:18:24,537
and try and fuck
me like a bird, like in cloaca.
493
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,740
- Exactly. Exactly.
- It's called wing-dinging.
494
00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:30,209
By the way, I'm a huge
fan of your videos,
495
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,945
especially the one where
you get really burned,
496
00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:33,813
and then all of a sudden,
it's about an elephant
497
00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:35,815
and a dog becoming unlikely friends.
498
00:18:35,816 --> 00:18:37,283
[CHUCKLES]
499
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,084
- Is that guy retreaded?
- He's a little retreaded.
500
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,287
Just think of yourself as bait, Jake.
501
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,623
The bait. Oh, so, like,
"To Catch a Predator,"
502
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:48,294
but I'm the sweet, sweet child
butt that everyone's after.
503
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:51,631
Uh, yeah, but do you
have to phrase it like that?
504
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:53,433
- I mean, I'd prefer to.
- All right, and then when
505
00:18:53,434 --> 00:18:55,301
Wing-Ding Kid tries to wing-ding you,
506
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:56,970
I run out and wing-ding him.
507
00:18:56,971 --> 00:19:00,306
A hot-boy status usurpation
by an elder hot boy.
508
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,441
I never know what you're
talking about, cousin.
509
00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:07,180
[SAD MUSIC PLAYS]
510
00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:10,049
Serves me right.
511
00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:12,986
Flew too close to the sun.
512
00:19:12,987 --> 00:19:15,360
It's all so fleeting.
513
00:19:16,056 --> 00:19:19,925
Just look at these
Holy Crud Guy comments.
514
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:23,129
"He looks like Matchbox 20's
fat older brother."
515
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,998
[LAUGHS] That's kind of funny.
516
00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:27,333
Why would you do this to yourself?
517
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:30,336
You shut your mouth, Brady.
I need to see this.
518
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:31,871
Hmm. Look at this one.
519
00:19:31,872 --> 00:19:33,739
"Aw, look what they scraped off of
520
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,409
Kat Von D's tattoo parlor floor."
521
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:37,743
Nice!
522
00:19:37,744 --> 00:19:39,679
JAKE: Who doesn't want pizza,
huh? $5 off.
523
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,348
The guy from Uncle Jake's
is giving out free pizza cash.
524
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:45,150
Yes, there you go!
Uncle Jake's Pizzeria.
525
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,552
Mr. Shoemaker, can we go?
526
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:49,288
Since when do you need
my permission to leave?
527
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,290
Right. Duh. Come on, guys.
528
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,427
Onto the next star that burns so bright.
529
00:19:54,428 --> 00:19:58,964
Onto the next eagle
that soars on wings of crud.
530
00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:01,025
Celebrities.
531
00:20:02,636 --> 00:20:03,902
Celebrity.
532
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,507
That's it.
533
00:20:07,508 --> 00:20:10,043
[CHUCKLES]
534
00:20:10,044 --> 00:20:11,377
Pizza cash.
535
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,846
Uncle Jake-eria's Pizza.
536
00:20:12,847 --> 00:20:16,049
Uncle Jake's Pizzeria. Pizza cash!
537
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:18,251
- Where's Wing-Ding Kid?
- Don't worry. He'll show.
538
00:20:18,252 --> 00:20:20,786
- It's a real promotion.
- It's Holy Crud Guy!
539
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,588
- Oh, my God.
- Here you go. Pizza cash.
540
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,123
Get out of here with that shirt.
541
00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:27,393
- Weirdo.
- Hey, there, Cousin Uncle Jake.
542
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:30,196
Hey, there, Loren's sad friend.
543
00:20:30,197 --> 00:20:32,398
- What's up?
- Can I bend your ear for a sec?
544
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,134
- Yeah, I'm listening. Pizza cash.
- Check this out.
545
00:20:35,135 --> 00:20:36,936
Listen, I got some real prime merch
546
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:38,538
I'm willing to give you
a great price on.
547
00:20:38,539 --> 00:20:39,673
Check these out.
548
00:20:39,674 --> 00:20:41,807
Oh, my gosh, he's trying
to get Jake to sell his merch.
549
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:44,610
- It's so sad.
- Shoemaker is Wing-Ding Kid repellent.
550
00:20:44,611 --> 00:20:47,213
I got to get him out of there.
551
00:20:47,214 --> 00:20:49,282
- But mostly that.
- Shoemaker, man, get out of here.
552
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,217
We're working on something
that doesn't concern you.
553
00:20:51,218 --> 00:20:52,618
Actually, we're working on something
554
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:54,153
that doesn't concern you.
555
00:20:54,154 --> 00:20:55,889
Cuz, reign in that bronco, okay?
556
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:57,691
He's giving me a great deal on merch,
557
00:20:57,692 --> 00:20:59,158
and I can re-purpose this stuff,
558
00:20:59,159 --> 00:21:01,294
use it for napkins or even those, uh...
559
00:21:01,295 --> 00:21:04,029
Those shirts that the rappers
twirl around all the time.
560
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:05,498
- North Cackalacky!
- Whoo!
561
00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:07,100
- No, no!
- Let it go, Shoemaker.
562
00:21:07,101 --> 00:21:08,902
- North Cackalacky!
- Face it, you're washed up.
563
00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:10,436
Time for somebody else to have a turn.
564
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,705
You know, I'm sorry that
the Internet doesn't love you
565
00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,174
and they think that
you're an otter, okay?
566
00:21:15,175 --> 00:21:16,442
Your jealousy stinks.
567
00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,044
Now, why don't you get out of here
and go back to your dam, otter?
568
00:21:19,045 --> 00:21:20,580
Otters don't live in dams.
You know that.
569
00:21:20,581 --> 00:21:22,648
Here, why don't you use a napkin
to dry your otter tears?
570
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:25,050
Stop saying "otter"!
571
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,452
You pick that up!
572
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,187
Why don't you make me pick that up?!
573
00:21:28,188 --> 00:21:29,655
Oh, I'll gladly make you.
574
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,525
You want to do something
about it, Shoemaker?!
575
00:21:32,526 --> 00:21:34,193
Hey, get off my cousin!
576
00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:36,735
Take your damn hands off of him!
577
00:21:37,531 --> 00:21:39,733
North Cackalacky!
578
00:21:39,734 --> 00:21:41,534
Let's go help him. He's a celebrity.
579
00:21:41,535 --> 00:21:43,069
- Fairbell, wait.
- No!
580
00:21:43,070 --> 00:21:44,629
Wait!
581
00:21:45,606 --> 00:21:48,474
Trash fight! He's famous.
582
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,943
Hey, stop it! Ow!
583
00:21:49,944 --> 00:21:53,613
- Ohh!
- Ooh!
584
00:21:53,614 --> 00:21:54,845
Well...?
585
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:57,617
6 out of 10?
586
00:21:57,618 --> 00:21:59,885
No, see, that's not funny.
There's no stakes.
587
00:21:59,886 --> 00:22:02,021
Now, if you had kicked
Jake in the dick...
588
00:22:02,022 --> 00:22:05,583
Ohh! Fuddruckers!
589
00:22:05,584 --> 00:22:06,760
That's... Ohh!
590
00:22:06,761 --> 00:22:08,560
Aah!
591
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:14,567
Guys, your wing-ding bait is here!
592
00:22:14,568 --> 00:22:16,302
BOTH: Twins!
593
00:22:16,303 --> 00:22:19,238
- Get off me!
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
594
00:22:19,239 --> 00:22:20,840
Easy with the hard fighting, all right?
595
00:22:20,841 --> 00:22:22,175
I don't know how to
treat serious injuries.
596
00:22:22,176 --> 00:22:23,977
- Aha! So you're a fraud.
- I'm not a fraud.
597
00:22:23,978 --> 00:22:25,511
- You can't treat serious injuries?
- I'm not a fraud. You're a fraud.
598
00:22:25,512 --> 00:22:26,780
- Get that finger out of my face.
- Oh, I'll put this finger in.
599
00:22:26,781 --> 00:22:27,981
I'll put this finger in.
600
00:22:27,982 --> 00:22:29,048
- Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Really, really.
601
00:22:29,049 --> 00:22:31,184
- Take that, huh?
- Ohh! God! Ohh!
602
00:22:31,185 --> 00:22:33,853
[LAUGHTER]
603
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:37,123
[ALL GRUNTING, GROANING]
604
00:22:37,124 --> 00:22:39,325
Wing-ding!
605
00:22:39,326 --> 00:22:40,593
[CHEERING]
606
00:22:40,594 --> 00:22:43,260
- Damn it!
- He got us!
607
00:22:44,331 --> 00:22:45,681
Yes!
608
00:22:48,934 --> 00:22:52,004
- Wing-ding!
- [LAUGHS]
609
00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:58,678
"Epic fail, sad loser, fat teacher fight
610
00:22:58,679 --> 00:23:00,480
- gets 'wing-dinged.'"
- Oh, my God.
611
00:23:00,481 --> 00:23:03,949
Well, I guess that would explain
my coffee this morning.
612
00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,419
[CHUCKLES]
613
00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:09,288
And they spit in it.
You know, I can always tell.
614
00:23:09,289 --> 00:23:11,491
Silver lining... The most popular
615
00:23:11,492 --> 00:23:12,826
"Wing-Ding" video of all time.
616
00:23:12,827 --> 00:23:15,628
A couple kids in my third-period
study hall recognized me.
617
00:23:15,629 --> 00:23:16,896
- Hey!
- Ow!
618
00:23:16,897 --> 00:23:18,235
Sorry.
619
00:23:18,237 --> 00:23:19,699
A win for women everywhere.
God damn it!
620
00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:22,168
Well, I proved what I set out
to prove all along,
621
00:23:22,169 --> 00:23:24,637
which is that I could be
a big Internet celebrity,
622
00:23:24,638 --> 00:23:26,105
but I'm just not desperate
623
00:23:26,106 --> 00:23:27,440
enough to need that kind of fame.
624
00:23:27,441 --> 00:23:29,975
Chalk up another win
for the good guys, huh?
625
00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:31,511
- Ow!
- Hey, do you think that
626
00:23:31,512 --> 00:23:35,181
they could link this video
to the Holy Crud Guy e-store?
627
00:23:35,182 --> 00:23:36,449
I don't think that's gonna help.
628
00:23:36,450 --> 00:23:38,251
My favorite part was when
the retreaded gym teacher
629
00:23:38,252 --> 00:23:39,519
jumped into it.
630
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,922
That guy was hilarious.
Let's watch it again.
631
00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:44,190
- No.
- Come on!
632
00:23:44,191 --> 00:23:46,926
- No. Come on, man.
- 22 times for luck.
633
00:23:46,927 --> 00:23:48,127
- That's what they say.
- One more time.
634
00:23:48,128 --> 00:23:49,795
That's what they say.
635
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,197
Hey! It's me!
636
00:23:51,198 --> 00:23:53,999
Another commercial? Jake, come on.
637
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,002
You may know me as "Fuddruckers" Guy.
638
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:58,538
And I'm Wing-Ding Kid.
639
00:23:58,539 --> 00:24:00,806
And you should check out
our new collaboration...
640
00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:03,142
The new Uncle Jake's extra-large
641
00:24:03,143 --> 00:24:04,477
- Wing-Ding Pizza.
- Wing ding!
642
00:24:04,478 --> 00:24:08,414
With bone-in chicken wings
baked into the crust.
643
00:24:08,415 --> 00:24:10,616
- See that?
- Yeah, just don't swallow the bones.
644
00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:12,818
Seriously, that disclaimer
makes us exempt
645
00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:15,755
from any bullshit you try to bring.
646
00:24:15,756 --> 00:24:17,691
- Wing-dings!
- Fuddruckers!
647
00:24:17,692 --> 00:24:20,359
- Wing-di-i-ings!
- Fuddruckers!
648
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:21,561
You don't have to go further.
649
00:24:21,562 --> 00:24:23,697
- It's my ad.
- Yeah, but my name is...-
650
00:24:23,698 --> 00:24:25,030
Just take your 50 bucks and
get the fuck out of here.
651
00:24:25,031 --> 00:24:26,232
- It's $150.
- No, it's not.
652
00:24:26,233 --> 00:24:28,101
ANNOUNCER: Uncle Jake's Pizzeria.
653
00:24:28,102 --> 00:24:31,104
Not affiliated with Fuddruckers
USA or any of its subsidiaries.
654
00:24:31,105 --> 00:24:32,871
Wind-breaking fucker.
655
00:24:32,921 --> 00:24:37,471
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