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1
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Geoffrey Quinn, you're under arrest
2
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for soliciting a prostitute.
3
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My girlfriend is a prostitute.
4
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,407
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:07,408 --> 00:00:09,295
- Yes, yes.
- Yes?
6
00:00:09,296 --> 00:00:11,544
ABBEY: I'm gonna spend
some time on Abbey.
7
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,280
Well, it's as good a time as any
to fake my own death.
8
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:16,015
9
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The next mayor of our great city...
10
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,887
- Hi, I'm Gil Nash.
- That dude is a monster.
11
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He wants to tax
a woman's menstrual cycle.
12
00:00:23,890 --> 00:00:25,619
Then after Captain Dipshit
13
00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:27,961
- runs Smoot into the ground...
- [CHUCKLES]
14
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You get your corner unit.
I get my condo.
15
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:33,566
The mayor just called me.
16
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He just made me the new principal.
17
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,570
- [SPITS]
- What?
18
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,306
[SIRENS WAILING, ALARMS BLARING]
19
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:43,777
[PANTING]
20
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:47,246
Hello? Anybody?
21
00:00:47,247 --> 00:00:48,914
I'm not gonna make it.
22
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,716
He's not gonna make it.
He is gonna make it.
23
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,318
No, he's not. He has to.
24
00:00:52,319 --> 00:00:57,523
25
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I'm dead.
26
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,326
Why does he have to be a hero?
27
00:01:00,327 --> 00:01:01,927
How can this be happening?
28
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:03,463
- Come on, Fairbell!
- Come back to us, Fairbell!
29
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,464
- He's not coming.
- Come out, little buddy!
30
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He's not coming. Who are we kidding?!
31
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Come on, little buddy.
32
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,601
[PANTING]
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4 minutes and 31 seconds!
34
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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
35
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[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING]
36
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Uh, Principal Fairbell?
37
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Uh, Coach Principal Fairbell.
38
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Who are all these people?
We didn't call any medics.
39
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That's our drama club.
They're crisis acting.
40
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[CHUCKLES]
41
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All right, look,
42
00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:44,170
I'm glad you're doing all
of these fire-safety drills,
43
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:47,106
but I think you nailed it
after the first three times.
44
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,843
But this time the floor was lava,
45
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:51,845
just in case a volcano erupts.
46
00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:54,047
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Now, if you'll all excuse me,
47
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,814
there's something
I've been meaning to do.
48
00:01:56,815 --> 00:01:57,851
- Oh.
- Oh!
49
00:01:57,852 --> 00:01:59,318
50
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:01,587
Quit wasting my time
51
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,190
I ain't here for you
52
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,392
I'm just putting in work
53
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Till my day is through
54
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
55
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[MUFFLED] It is so cool of Fairbell
56
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to just drive around the city after work
57
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,204
and pick all this food up.
58
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:20,673
I mean, why would restaurants
just throw this stuff away?
59
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- [MUFFLED] That's so wasteful.
- [MUFFLED] It was a day old.
60
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:23,676
Oh, my God. I'm getting so full.
61
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,411
It makes me mad
when people are wasteful.
62
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I don't even eat all this stuff.
63
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,548
No. Ohh. Oh, God.
64
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My problem is portion control.
65
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I'm just gonna go right out and say it.
66
00:02:31,886 --> 00:02:34,754
I think Fairbell is the best
principal we've ever had.
67
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Amen. He's really turned
this place around. Mmm!
68
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,560
And it doesn't hurt to have a
little moron friend at the top.
69
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,027
- Oh, all right!
- Preach it, girl.
70
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:44,297
I've been so busy planning
this wedding with Jade.
71
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It's nice to be able to come
to school and just relax.
72
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How's that going, by the way?
73
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,435
Ugh! You'd think it would be easier
74
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:50,503
to find a priest willing
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to marry a prostitute and a teacher,
76
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,774
but I guess Jesus was the only
Christian as woke as me,
77
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,709
- you know?
- Well, you know what?
78
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:57,977
You should feel blessed.
79
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,913
Tampa and I have
this new baby on the way,
80
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:03,583
but, thankfully, Fairbell's been
giving me plenty of time to...
81
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,452
Did you just touch me?
No, I didn't touch you.
82
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You just touched me. No!
83
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:10,256
I think your gross ponytail
just brushed you again.
84
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,458
Oh, geez. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to attack you.
85
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:13,659
Hey, I've been meaning to ask you.
86
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,061
Did they just give you the iguana tank
87
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with that ponytail,
88
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or do you have to pay for it
on an installment plan?
89
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,999
- [CHUCKLES SARCASTICALLY]
- A bunch of reasonable...
90
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,867
I already told you both.
91
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,938
When Tampa and I were separated,
she dated a bad boy. Hmm.
92
00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:26,272
So if she wants a bad boy,
93
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I'm gonna give her the baddest of boys.
94
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Stop! Don't touch it!
95
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,479
I think Tampa just wants you
to be a responsible father,
96
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,081
- Sylvester Sta-pone.
- Yeah, Pone Jett.
97
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I'm not gonna take relationship ribbing
98
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,421
from someone who cyber-felates
an imaginary friend.
99
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,957
Excuse me. Me and my anonymous pen pal
100
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:45,224
do not engage in e-sex.
101
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That is strictly forbidden
on ThisllDo.net.
102
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Ooh, that sounds super-healthy.
103
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Dude, check it out. New guy.
104
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Oh, my God. Look at that outfit.
105
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:56,436
- A blazer... What is he, Canadian?
- No way.
106
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,638
- That's Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
- Totally.
107
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,439
Look at the confusion on his rube face.
108
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:02,107
It's got "U.P." written all over it.
109
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,843
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. He looked over here.
110
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,067
- Oh! Oh! Whoop.
- 100%.
111
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- Did he see? Did he see?
- Mnh-mnh.
112
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[FAIRBELL PANTING]
113
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Great pack run.
114
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- Get to class.
- [WHISPERING] Bell's here.
115
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Good morning, Smoot faculty.
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ALL: Good morning,
Coach Principal Fairbell.
117
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Never get tired of hearing that.
[CHUCKLES]
118
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- Yeah.
- Hey.
119
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This morning, it gives me great pleasure
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to introduce Smoot's
new guidance counselor,
121
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:28,534
Steve Sweeney.
122
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[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
123
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Now, I'm not exactly sure
124
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what it is a guidance counselor does,
125
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,808
but Tammy has assured me
126
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that he's gonna help
our kids get into...
127
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[STRAINING]
128
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:41,881
I have a cheat sheet here.
129
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,083
Just pretend I'm not reading this.
130
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,286
"He's gonna help our students
get into collage."
131
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:48,820
Get into collages.
132
00:04:48,821 --> 00:04:49,823
- Oh.
- Hmm.
133
00:04:49,824 --> 00:04:50,890
College.
134
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,226
Uh, no, this is a high school.
135
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,960
Well, thank you, Principal Fairbell.
136
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,430
Ah! Coach Principal Fairbell.
137
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- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay.
138
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,900
Hi, everybody.
139
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,703
My wife, Deborah, and I
are new to the Denver area.
140
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:04,904
Uh, she just left Lipton
141
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,906
to take a position
at Terrestrial Seasonings.
142
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,642
So I guess you could say
we didn't want to leave,
143
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:13,112
but we couldn't turn down
a good opportuni-tea.
144
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,314
Ugh!
145
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,916
Wordplay.
146
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,451
[FAIRBELL CLEARS THROAT]
147
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Anyway, great being here.
148
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[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
149
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,857
The hell was that?
150
00:05:23,858 --> 00:05:24,883
- Ugh.
- Ugh.
151
00:05:24,884 --> 00:05:26,192
Hey, my three number ones.
152
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,260
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Oh, yeah, hey.
153
00:05:27,261 --> 00:05:28,394
Tammy said you wanted to talk to me?
154
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,529
Right. Yes.
155
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,731
Fairbell, as you know,
today is Arbor Day.
156
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:32,798
- Yeah.
- It is?
157
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:35,801
And we're all such
huge fans of conifers.
158
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,738
- Or any deciduous tree, I'm very into.
- I love her so much.
159
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,206
Yeah, all of that.
160
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:43,677
So we're probably gonna need,
what, half the day off or so
161
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to kind of walk around school property
162
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:47,747
- and just look at stuff.
- Mm-hmm.
163
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,282
You know, for teaching, of course.
164
00:05:49,283 --> 00:05:52,218
- Makes sense to me.
- Ha! Attaboy, bud!
165
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,287
And, also, remember,
I need you to give the quiz
166
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in my second period
while I'm away, right?
167
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,691
- S?, se?or-ee!
- Close enough.
168
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,025
All right. I got to go meet with Tammy,
169
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,895
but I'll catch you all
on the flippity-flop.
170
00:06:01,896 --> 00:06:03,629
- Attaboy, buddy!
- See you later.
171
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:04,898
Go get 'em today, huh?
172
00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:06,632
[CHUCKLES]
173
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:10,570
"Any deciduous tree"? You hot dogger.
174
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:13,773
Excuse me, but, um,
isn't Arbor Day in April?
175
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,841
And also, uh, conifers aren't deciduous.
176
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,711
Hey, fresh fish!
Why don't you mind your own...
177
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:20,380
Shoemaker! I got this.
178
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:23,316
Uh, listen, Sweens.
Can I call you "Sweens"?
179
00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:25,451
- Oh, no, I'd rather you not.
- Listen, Sweens.
180
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:26,920
Fairbell's kind of one of our crew.
181
00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:28,321
So we like to mess with him
a little bit.
182
00:06:28,322 --> 00:06:29,789
You get it. He's one of the gang.
183
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,325
- There's no harm.
- No. We always appreciate
184
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:34,224
when you U.P. Michigan folks stop by.
185
00:06:34,225 --> 00:06:35,261
[SCOFFS] Yeah.
186
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,862
Hey, why don't you give the boys
187
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,532
down at Burlington Coat Factory
a little hello from me?
188
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,414
Ha! Ha! Ha! Sweet burn!
189
00:06:41,415 --> 00:06:43,247
Don't touch me!
190
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,872
Sorry, no, that was me and my ponytail.
191
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:49,074
192
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,077
$156.
193
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,812
157.
194
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,081
$789.
195
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,350
790.
196
00:06:57,351 --> 00:06:59,619
Whew! Wow-ee!
197
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,554
We are cookin' with gas!
198
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:04,758
We are over budget $34.71.
199
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:07,160
Okay. Hey, what if we do this...
200
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:10,163
Sweep up all the crumbs
in the cafeteria, use those.
201
00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,097
We'll feed every fish in the school.
202
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:14,167
Punch that in the magic machine.
203
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:16,502
Ha-ho! All right, now!
204
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:18,437
That's it! Ha! Ha!
205
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:19,505
Whoo!
206
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,440
I had my doubts about you as principal,
207
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,644
but we have never, ever had
this budget balanced
208
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,312
so early in the year.
209
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,647
You're doing a great job.
210
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,182
I couldn't have done it
without my right hand.
211
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:31,117
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
212
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,119
And you, Tammy.
213
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,253
Hey, what time is it?
214
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,254
10:15.
215
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,722
Oh, D-A-M-N.
216
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,123
Tonight's the season opener,
217
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:39,459
and I'm late for volleyball practice.
218
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,127
Uh, Coach Principal Fairbell,
219
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,463
I know how much
you love your volleyball,
220
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:46,265
but principals usually
don't pull double duty.
221
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,668
Relax, Tammy. We've got this.
222
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:50,536
[CHUCKLES] [BANG] Ooh!
223
00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:54,073
I thought I opened it.
224
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:57,410
225
00:07:57,411 --> 00:08:00,413
Hmm? Good?
226
00:08:00,414 --> 00:08:02,215
So, my parents want me to go pre-med,
227
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:05,418
but I'm really into, like,
computer hacking.
228
00:08:05,419 --> 00:08:08,488
Well, computer hacking is illegal,
and it's beneath you.
229
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,223
Your PSAT scores are great.
230
00:08:10,224 --> 00:08:11,557
You should be thinking college.
231
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:14,427
Although I do see that
you are flunking Spanish I.
232
00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,496
You might want to get some
extra help from your teacher.
233
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:19,232
Well, I tried, but Mr. Payton
always has a sign on his door
234
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,501
that says, "Be back Domingo."
235
00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,169
He works on Sundays?
236
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,104
This is just a really bad school.
237
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,972
That's somewhat of a cop-out,
don't you think?
238
00:08:26,973 --> 00:08:29,008
I mean, this place doesn't
seem that bad, does it?
239
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,113
They say that some of the teachers
240
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:36,649
buried an old woman's body
on school property.
241
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:39,185
[CHUCKLES]
242
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,587
That's just an old legend.
I mean, every school has one.
243
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:42,722
When I worked at Choate,
244
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:44,858
everybody said that
the student dorms were haunted.
245
00:08:44,859 --> 00:08:47,326
You know what? It turns out
they were just raccoons.
246
00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:50,730
[CHUCKLES] Spooky raccoon! Ooh!
247
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,198
[SIGHS] Yeah, you're right.
248
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,933
I mean, they probably
would have found something
249
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,268
when that bootleg brewery exploded
250
00:08:55,269 --> 00:08:57,336
- and the equipment shed exploded.
- [SPUTTERS]
251
00:08:57,337 --> 00:08:59,338
Well, got to get to English.
252
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,074
[DOOR OPENS]
253
00:09:01,075 --> 00:09:03,276
[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]
254
00:09:03,277 --> 00:09:05,078
[DOOR CLOSES]
255
00:09:05,079 --> 00:09:07,346
[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
256
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:08,682
257
00:09:08,683 --> 00:09:10,216
[LAUGHTER]
258
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,151
Ah, good dick joke, Loren. Oh, man.
259
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:14,353
LOREN: I got a gift, man.
What can I say?
260
00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:15,955
This is nice. Ahh!
261
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,958
I've been so swamped protesting
that fascist Gil Nash,
262
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,293
I haven't had any time to relax.
263
00:09:20,294 --> 00:09:21,561
Well, get used to it, sister.
264
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,096
We got a whole year of this ahead of us.
265
00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:24,097
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
266
00:09:24,098 --> 00:09:26,031
I say we go smoke a joint
267
00:09:26,032 --> 00:09:27,567
on the 50-freaking-yard line.
268
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,034
- Okay!
- Okay?
269
00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,770
Okay. Hey, Shoemaker. Huh?
270
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:31,905
I'm driving to Pueblo in the morning
271
00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:34,107
to go score some
sweet Aerosmith tickets.
272
00:09:34,108 --> 00:09:35,108
You in, brah?
273
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:38,778
Okay, okay, okay!
274
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:39,845
Close enough.
275
00:09:39,846 --> 00:09:40,980
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
276
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,115
- Ohh.
- Oh, man.
277
00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:43,583
- God.
- Ugh!
278
00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,851
Oh, hey, I got an idea. Yeah?
279
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:49,188
Why don't we go tell our
best bud, Principal Fairbell,
280
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,591
that we're not gonna be in
for the rest of the day?
281
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,126
Who's the hot dogger now?
282
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:54,327
You know what? I'll race you guys there.
283
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,395
- What?
- Oh, totally.
284
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:56,462
Oh, yeah. You're on. You're on, Abbey!
285
00:09:56,463 --> 00:09:58,531
Ow! You guys were on my ponytail!
286
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,466
[BOTH LAUGHING]
287
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,135
Guys, I can't run!
288
00:10:02,136 --> 00:10:03,403
289
00:10:03,404 --> 00:10:05,138
Sorry I'm late.
290
00:10:05,139 --> 00:10:07,673
Ohh! I said sorry, Pam!
291
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,410
Look, I know tonight is the big game,
292
00:10:10,411 --> 00:10:12,345
and I've been so busy
being the alpha dog
293
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:14,280
that we haven't had time to practice,
294
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,681
but you know what?
295
00:10:15,682 --> 00:10:17,751
- I believe in this team.
- Why?
296
00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:20,753
We've never won a home opener.
We don't have uniforms, and...
297
00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,622
You know what? Forget about all that,
298
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:26,092
because we are gonna practice
all day. [CHUCKLES]
299
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:27,360
We have class.
300
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:29,562
Well, I happen to know the principal.
301
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:30,764
I can call in a little favor.
302
00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:33,365
[ALL CHUCKLE]
303
00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:37,102
[CLICKING TONGUE]
304
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:38,571
[SIGHS] Straight to voicemail.
305
00:10:38,572 --> 00:10:40,573
This guy is impossible to get ahold of.
306
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,041
I'll just tell him
when I see him in the hall.
307
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:46,780
But as of right now,
you have my undivided attention.
308
00:10:46,781 --> 00:10:48,181
Principal Fairbell.
309
00:10:48,182 --> 00:10:49,515
[GROANS]
310
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,916
Just go warm up.
311
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,518
- [ALL SCOFF]
- Sorry.
312
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,053
I just wanted to talk to you
about some troubling things
313
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:56,522
I've been hearing around the school.
314
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,792
- Are you coaching volleyball?
- Uh, I was.
315
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,126
Now I'm being your principal.
316
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,353
Nothing comes between me and my team.
317
00:11:02,354 --> 00:11:04,063
- Not even being principal?
- Uh, it's our first game of the season.
318
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:06,131
Coach Fairbell! Hey, Fairbell!
Yeah, real quick.
319
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:08,334
Uh, listen, bummer news.
320
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,470
We were way off about
this Arbor Day thing.
321
00:11:10,471 --> 00:11:11,604
Thank you!
322
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:13,206
Yeah, turns out it's a whole Arbor Week.
323
00:11:13,207 --> 00:11:14,207
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
324
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:15,274
So we're gonna go see John Muir
325
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,609
give a lecture at the Arborsetum.
326
00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:18,344
We're gonna need a couple days off.
327
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,149
- Sure.
- John Muir, the famous naturalist?
328
00:11:20,150 --> 00:11:21,280
Yes, John Muir, the famous naturalist.
329
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,615
- Yeah.
- The one and only, yep.
330
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:25,302
Well, that might be kind of
tough since he died in 1914.
331
00:11:25,303 --> 00:11:26,552
- Uh-oh!
- [SIGHS]
332
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,954
[LAUGHS] Nice catch, Stephen.
333
00:11:28,955 --> 00:11:31,625
If you'll excuse me,
I have a team to coach.
334
00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:34,093
Glad I could save you the trip.
335
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,361
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
- Hmm?
336
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,496
Now you can get back to teaching,
337
00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:37,831
unless you save all your teaching
338
00:11:37,832 --> 00:11:39,632
for Domingos, Mr. Payton.
339
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,301
[SCOFFS]
340
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:43,436
Okay.
341
00:11:43,437 --> 00:11:47,040
Hey, Lord Payton
teaches in America, bud!
342
00:11:47,041 --> 00:11:49,242
I don't know where "Domingos" is!
343
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:51,044
Okay, that is twice now.
344
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:53,179
That guy is gonna Fair-block us
all year long.
345
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:54,914
I think it's time to teach Forrest Dump
346
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,516
how we do things at Smoot.
347
00:11:56,517 --> 00:12:00,319
Now, you see, that
is good wordplay, okay?
348
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,987
It's... It's fun, it's on the money,
349
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,724
it's not about someone's hair
or something stupid like...
350
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,192
Don't touch it! Stop!
351
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,194
- Ooh!
- Stop it! Stop!
352
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:10,463
Oh, stop pouting, Gaston!
353
00:12:10,464 --> 00:12:12,331
- Belle will marry you!
- No! Stop it!
354
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:15,234
What she has with the Beast
means nothing.
355
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:20,005
356
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,541
Shake out a few drops in there,
357
00:12:21,542 --> 00:12:24,410
and once he gets four or five sips in...
358
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,811
- [GAGGING]
- ...he realizes.
359
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:29,014
Loren, we're not peeing
in his tea. Jesus!
360
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,216
Then I'm out of ideas.
361
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,751
All we need to do is find
some dirt on the guy
362
00:12:31,752 --> 00:12:33,953
to hold over his head
so he can't come after us again.
363
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:35,421
That's good, too.
364
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,691
And I know exactly the person
to do the digging.
365
00:12:37,692 --> 00:12:39,292
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
366
00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:45,293
[ALL CHUCKLING LOUDLY]
367
00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:48,701
What? Is she deaf? What is going...?
368
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:51,771
Gretchen? Gretchen!
369
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,240
[CHUCKLING CONTINUES]
370
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:58,578
371
00:12:58,579 --> 00:12:59,979
LOREN: Oh, and you know
so much about hacking.
372
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,180
I do know a little about hacking.
373
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,315
- You feel really happy...
- I read half of the book.
374
00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:04,183
- Knowing that you feel like she's...
- Shut up!
375
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:09,522
376
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:12,992
[COMPUTER BEEPING RAPIDLY]
377
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:14,860
BILLY: All right. [CHUCKLES]
378
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:16,462
So, what kind of dirt do you have
379
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,732
under those dirty,
little fingernails of yours?
380
00:13:18,733 --> 00:13:19,999
Nothing.
381
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,935
I searched his employment
records, his tax returns.
382
00:13:21,936 --> 00:13:24,470
I even searched the dark web,
and the guy's a Boy Scout.
383
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,540
Well, then, what's on the thumb drive?
384
00:13:27,541 --> 00:13:29,875
His employment records, his tax returns.
385
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,277
The guy's a Boy Scout.
386
00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:33,412
[SIGHS]
387
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,748
Is she keeping his stuff?
388
00:13:35,749 --> 00:13:37,617
Oh, um, by the way,
389
00:13:37,618 --> 00:13:40,086
I may have let in
the Smoking Devil Virus,
390
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,956
so [CLICKS TONGUE] my bad.
391
00:13:42,957 --> 00:13:45,759
- What's a Smoking Devil Virus?
- Who cares?
392
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,361
I got a new plan. Follow me.
393
00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:50,029
[ALL CACKLE]
394
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,631
When he laughs like that, it's good.
395
00:13:51,632 --> 00:13:54,768
[CACKLING CONTINUES]
[COMPUTERS CRACKLING, BEEPING]
396
00:13:54,769 --> 00:13:57,236
Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
397
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,572
Over the net!
398
00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:02,375
Aaaaaaah!
399
00:14:02,376 --> 00:14:03,977
I like that aggression, Pam.
400
00:14:03,978 --> 00:14:05,511
Hey, at this pace, we'll be ready
401
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,047
to hopefully not lose that game tonight.
402
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,515
TAMMY: [OVER P.A.]
Coach Principal Fairbell,
403
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,784
you need to get over here right now.
404
00:14:10,785 --> 00:14:12,718
Something is happening
to all the computers.
405
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,520
The devil is everywhere!
406
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:17,323
Fine. All right.
407
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,058
I have to go be principal again.
408
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,661
The rest of you, keep working
on your spikes, okay?
409
00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:24,130
I'll be back in a jiv-a-diff.
410
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,398
[GASPS]
411
00:14:25,399 --> 00:14:27,600
Nice aggression, Pam.
412
00:14:27,601 --> 00:14:29,002
Save it for the net.
413
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:32,205
Here you go, fellas.
A little sourdough bread.
414
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,074
Ooh! Maybe a little hair?
415
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,276
- Oh, that's a button.
- I really don't want to do this.
416
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,412
I think this is a serious escalation.
417
00:14:39,413 --> 00:14:41,280
Hey, you had your chance.
418
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,149
I just need a few things to help
teach Stephen a real lesson.
419
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:46,419
Chill out. We did your stupid idea.
420
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:47,687
- Hey, Trebin.
- Whoa!
421
00:14:47,688 --> 00:14:49,088
- Hey, man.
- Hey, guys!
422
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,691
- Hey, man.
- H-Hi, Abbey.
423
00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:53,426
You're smelling pretty again today.
424
00:14:53,427 --> 00:14:55,628
Uh, gross, Trebin.
425
00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:58,164
Listen, Trebs, we got
a bit of a snitch sitch,
426
00:14:58,165 --> 00:14:59,432
and I need your help showing him
427
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,567
how we handle
that kind of thing at Smoot.
428
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,369
I'm in the gang!
429
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,304
Oh, oh, no. I don't know how you got
430
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,906
what you just said from what he said.
431
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,974
Yes. You help us out with this,
432
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,844
and you're an alternate if Abbey dies.
433
00:15:10,845 --> 00:15:13,379
Well, we wouldn't want that to happen.
434
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,515
[CHUCKLES]
435
00:15:15,516 --> 00:15:17,583
- Please stop winking.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
436
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,585
I-I have a breadcrumb in my eye.
437
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,054
Okay, here's what I need.
438
00:15:21,055 --> 00:15:23,857
Okay. Oh, you want...
439
00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:27,193
Loren Payton... Maestro,
YA Erotica Author,
440
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,794
Master Baker, DJ?
441
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:30,530
It's a personalized letterhead.
It's dope as hell.
442
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:31,731
Turn it over. Turn it over.
443
00:15:31,732 --> 00:15:33,199
Oh, okay.
444
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,070
Ooh, you're in luck! [CHUCKLES]
445
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:40,073
- I have all of this stuff!
- Great.
446
00:15:40,074 --> 00:15:45,144
[LAUGHING WILDLY]
447
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,681
I can't believe we're doing this.
448
00:15:47,682 --> 00:15:50,816
It's time to show the Stephens
of the world who's the boss.
449
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,552
Right, Pony Danza?
450
00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:53,753
[DOOR OPENS]
451
00:15:53,754 --> 00:15:55,821
Ooh! Okay!
452
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,956
[DOOR CLOSES]
453
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,824
The principal just had to call a priest
454
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,560
to fix a bunch of computers.
455
00:16:00,561 --> 00:16:03,362
But I'm back, so let's get this practice
456
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,430
back in the happening.
457
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:05,965
We should just skip it, Coach.
458
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,500
We don't even have our uniforms.
459
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:10,503
Oh, right, the uniforms.
I completely forgot.
460
00:16:10,504 --> 00:16:12,572
You know what? I'll just see
if Tammy can pick them up,
461
00:16:12,573 --> 00:16:14,507
'cause I'm not giving up on tonight.
462
00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:15,909
And neither are any of you.
463
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,911
So let's take the court, ladies.
464
00:16:17,912 --> 00:16:20,780
Come on! There's not gonna be
any more interruptions.
465
00:16:20,781 --> 00:16:22,715
- As a coach...
- Fairbell, we need you.
466
00:16:22,716 --> 00:16:24,250
You are not gonna believe this one.
467
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:27,320
[SIGHS] Can't it wait?
468
00:16:27,321 --> 00:16:28,654
Fine.
469
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,189
[TEAM GROANS]
470
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:33,058
You know what? This is
the last interruption.
471
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,494
I promise.
These things always come in twos.
472
00:16:36,797 --> 00:16:39,198
I just don't get... Aah, I see you!
473
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,390
Sit it down!
474
00:16:42,603 --> 00:16:44,358
That's what I thought.
475
00:16:45,339 --> 00:16:47,740
It's Pam. She's very good.
476
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,010
477
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,012
You don't have to be
the world's greatest detective
478
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,081
to see what's going on here, do you?
479
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:58,150
This is clearly a rat trade
gone wrong, so...
480
00:16:58,151 --> 00:16:59,219
Stephen, you got your rat.
481
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:01,153
Did you not hold up
your end of the bargain?
482
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,622
This is a veiled threat.
483
00:17:02,623 --> 00:17:05,157
Oh, this is not veiled anymore.
484
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,626
Well, I want something done about this.
485
00:17:06,627 --> 00:17:07,894
Your friends did this.
486
00:17:07,895 --> 00:17:08,961
- Now, come on!
- No, they didn't!
487
00:17:08,962 --> 00:17:10,296
- That is outrageous.
- Friends?
488
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:12,031
They were upset because
I blew their attempt
489
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,252
at ditching school this morning.
490
00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:16,969
Also...
491
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,838
- Oh, my...
- Personalized letterhead.
492
00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:20,840
I'm a sucker for a good mall kiosk.
493
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:23,042
Fairbell, this is low, even for them.
494
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,444
You got to do something.
495
00:17:24,445 --> 00:17:26,178
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
496
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,279
[SIGHS]
497
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:32,652
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
498
00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:33,786
[SNICKERS]
499
00:17:33,787 --> 00:17:35,521
Did Trebin give you guys that rat?
500
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:36,789
- Fairbell!
- I'm not saying!
501
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:39,059
Sorry. Okay, detention duty
all next week!
502
00:17:39,060 --> 00:17:40,593
- What?!
- Dude! Are you serious?
503
00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:41,928
She said I had to do something.
504
00:17:41,929 --> 00:17:42,995
Thank you.
505
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:44,931
And now, if you'll excuse me, Maestro,
506
00:17:44,932 --> 00:17:46,466
I have to go wash my hands.
507
00:17:46,467 --> 00:17:48,534
Yeah, why don't you go wash
your nose while you're at it?
508
00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,336
And I have to get back to my team.
509
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,071
Oh, speaking of team, Tammy,
510
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:53,339
would you mind picking up our uniforms?
511
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:56,208
I've been too busy with
this rat-trading nonsense,
512
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,543
I don't have time to do anything.
513
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,479
- Sure, sure. Go on. Get on out of here.
- Thank you.
514
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,746
- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR OPENS]
515
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,349
Fairbell is turning this school around.
516
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:07,620
I swear, if you three do
anything else to mess that up...
517
00:18:07,621 --> 00:18:09,021
- We are not messing it up!
- We are not mess...
518
00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:10,623
- Us three is not doing that!
- That guy!
519
00:18:10,624 --> 00:18:14,426
Any more bullshit,
520
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,296
and I'm gonna tie your dicks together
521
00:18:16,297 --> 00:18:18,431
and throw you over a power line.
522
00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:20,100
Well, I feel like I have to be honest.
523
00:18:20,101 --> 00:18:21,834
I do not have the length for that.
524
00:18:21,835 --> 00:18:23,469
Oh, I hate you!
525
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:26,106
- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
526
00:18:26,107 --> 00:18:28,240
Well, I think it's my turn now.
527
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:31,844
Time to tear Mr. Holland a new opus.
528
00:18:31,845 --> 00:18:33,980
All right, well, you're up,
hot shot. Let's do it.
529
00:18:33,981 --> 00:18:35,782
Oh, my God! It touched my lip!
530
00:18:35,783 --> 00:18:38,184
God, it's so salty, Shoemaker!
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
531
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,919
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
532
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:41,253
533
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,323
Hey, Sweens, wait up. Wait up, man.
534
00:18:43,324 --> 00:18:44,457
You stay away from me.
535
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:45,792
- Come on, bud.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
536
00:18:45,793 --> 00:18:47,527
I feel like we got off
on the wrong foot.
537
00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:49,461
- Yeah.
- The wrong foot?
538
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:50,997
You stuck a dead rat to my wall!
539
00:18:50,998 --> 00:18:52,398
You're still hung up about all that?
540
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,399
Come on, man.
541
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,468
Oh, wow, is... is this your, uh...
542
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:56,536
Is this your Miata?
543
00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:58,270
Yeah, it is.
544
00:18:58,271 --> 00:19:00,406
- Wow!
- Wow, nice, man.
545
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:02,208
- You like Miatas?
- I love Miatas.
546
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,410
Ferrari of the Ozarks, I always say.
547
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:06,479
I saw this candy-red doll,
and I said to myself,
548
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,481
"Mama Miata. I gotta have me
some of that-a."
549
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,283
[LAUGHTER]
550
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,952
Now, that is good wordplay.
551
00:19:12,953 --> 00:19:14,220
- Man, that's fun.
- Yeah.
552
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,822
- That is a lot of fun.
- Thank you.
553
00:19:15,823 --> 00:19:17,551
[SIGHS]
554
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:21,317
- One minute, Coach.
- Okay, thank you. Got it.
555
00:19:21,318 --> 00:19:25,231
We'll... We'll be out there,
dressed appropriately.
556
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,834
Okay, it's game time. You know what?
557
00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:31,171
Tammy is going to be here
with those uniforms. I know it.
558
00:19:31,172 --> 00:19:32,705
So in the meantime, mentally,
559
00:19:32,706 --> 00:19:36,576
let's just start kicking
some Chatwood A-S-S-E-S-S.
560
00:19:36,577 --> 00:19:38,310
They're going to destroy us, Coach.
561
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,979
I know! I know!
562
00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:42,248
I just wish we had more time.
563
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,851
Is it true that "Miata"
is Italian for "clitoris"?
564
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:46,052
I've never heard that.
565
00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:48,054
Really? I saw a meme that was
very convincing other...
566
00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:49,655
Guys, guys, I think we should
keep our voices down.
567
00:19:49,656 --> 00:19:52,725
- Oh, right.
- It's unsafe to be here this late.
568
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:55,327
This is Denver. There are no bad
neighborhoods here.
569
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,329
You happen to be standing
in one right now, bud.
570
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,066
Some people refer to
this part as Sucktown.
571
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:01,401
- Sucktown?
- 100%.
572
00:20:01,402 --> 00:20:04,070
Earlier today, I saw
two dudes right over there
573
00:20:04,071 --> 00:20:05,471
with their dicks tied together.
574
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,339
And they were strung up
over a telephone wire.
575
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:08,608
You know what that means.
576
00:20:08,609 --> 00:20:10,075
Yeah, that is classic
bad-neighborhood sign.
577
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:11,077
Mm, big time.
578
00:20:11,078 --> 00:20:12,945
And... And they're attacking
teachers too, now.
579
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:15,347
- Oh, everybody gets a turn.
- Really? Well, I'll watch out.
580
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:17,750
A while back, cartels showed up.
581
00:20:17,751 --> 00:20:19,085
- Ohh.
- Wild stuff.
582
00:20:19,086 --> 00:20:20,420
Ohh, I remember that day.
583
00:20:20,421 --> 00:20:23,155
Oof. Can't...
584
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:24,224
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
585
00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:25,425
- Oh!
- Oh, my...
586
00:20:25,426 --> 00:20:27,827
587
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:29,629
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
588
00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:30,630
[TEAM MURMURING]
589
00:20:30,631 --> 00:20:32,498
FAIRBELL: [GASPS] My wish came true!
590
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:33,833
What else do I want?
591
00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:37,503
I wish I had a cowboy hat
full of pudding.
592
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,171
Ohh! Pam!
593
00:20:39,172 --> 00:20:40,306
- This is insane!
- My car!
594
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,442
- [GROANS]
- Why is the power out?!
595
00:20:42,443 --> 00:20:43,910
- And who is this?
- [GROANS]
596
00:20:43,911 --> 00:20:46,246
Yes! Who is this masked man...
597
00:20:46,247 --> 00:20:48,047
who acted completely alone?
598
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:51,651
Uh, 'tis I, a friendly
neighborhood jogger.
599
00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:53,853
I was burned as a child.
I was a preco...
600
00:20:53,854 --> 00:20:55,788
- It's Shoemaker!
- What?!
601
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:56,923
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
602
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:59,859
Shoemaker?! That was you
the whole time?!
603
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,261
And I would have got away with it
604
00:21:01,262 --> 00:21:05,197
if it weren't for Tammy and that
pesky muscle car! [GROANS]
605
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:07,800
- They tried to assault me!
- That's a little much.
606
00:21:07,801 --> 00:21:08,801
- Who? Who's "they"?
- I mean, come on.
607
00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:11,404
I was out twirling a baton, you know,
608
00:21:11,405 --> 00:21:13,806
free from the judgment of my face.
609
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:14,941
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
610
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,077
Okay, I'm calling force majeure.
611
00:21:17,078 --> 00:21:19,612
We're rescheduling the match
for next Friday.
612
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:20,947
Yes!
613
00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:22,082
Which is actually better for me,
614
00:21:22,083 --> 00:21:25,017
because I only get
to see my daughter now,
615
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:26,152
you know, every other weekend
616
00:21:26,153 --> 00:21:28,888
'cause my wife is the... Ex-wife...
617
00:21:28,889 --> 00:21:30,022
[EXHALES]
618
00:21:30,023 --> 00:21:31,557
It still feels so weird
to say, you know?
619
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:33,826
Okay. Okay, Chip.
620
00:21:33,827 --> 00:21:36,362
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
621
00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:38,431
Hmm.
622
00:21:38,432 --> 00:21:40,967
I think I know what's
actually going on here,
623
00:21:40,968 --> 00:21:42,835
and I want to see
all of you in my office.
624
00:21:42,836 --> 00:21:45,105
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You two!
625
00:21:45,106 --> 00:21:46,973
- Okay?
- That's right.
626
00:21:46,974 --> 00:21:48,641
[GROANS]
627
00:21:48,642 --> 00:21:51,395
That's pretty sad. Crushing my buzz.
628
00:21:51,396 --> 00:21:52,878
[GROANS]
629
00:21:54,515 --> 00:21:58,852
630
00:21:58,853 --> 00:22:01,855
Well, Fairbell, I think
you learned something today.
631
00:22:01,856 --> 00:22:05,324
Part of being principal
is making the hard choices.
632
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:06,659
[SIGHS]
633
00:22:06,660 --> 00:22:09,262
You're right, Tammy.
I did learn something today.
634
00:22:09,263 --> 00:22:12,304
I learned that I can't be afraid
of firing people anymore.
635
00:22:12,305 --> 00:22:13,332
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
636
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:14,824
So...
637
00:22:15,936 --> 00:22:18,872
It's time that I made the hardest choice
638
00:22:18,873 --> 00:22:21,541
I've ever had to make.
639
00:22:21,542 --> 00:22:24,878
It's probably long overdue,
but it's time to fire...
640
00:22:24,879 --> 00:22:29,014
641
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,684
Principal Fairbell.
642
00:22:30,685 --> 00:22:31,796
- What?!
- What?!
643
00:22:31,797 --> 00:22:32,798
- What?!
- Are you serious?
644
00:22:32,799 --> 00:22:33,836
You're firing yourself?
645
00:22:33,837 --> 00:22:35,555
- Are you kidding me?
- Nope.
646
00:22:35,556 --> 00:22:37,043
These three knew that my team
647
00:22:37,044 --> 00:22:39,225
was not ready for the big game tonight.
648
00:22:39,226 --> 00:22:41,294
So they did everything in their power
649
00:22:41,295 --> 00:22:43,296
to make sure it got postponed.
650
00:22:43,297 --> 00:22:46,566
And that is some best-friend stuff.
651
00:22:46,567 --> 00:22:48,968
What about the dead rat
that they stuck to my wall,
652
00:22:48,969 --> 00:22:50,570
or trying to Tonya Harding me?
653
00:22:50,571 --> 00:22:52,772
Actually, Jeff Gillooly
was more the mastermind.
654
00:22:52,773 --> 00:22:55,641
And you, sir, are no Nancy Kerrigan!
655
00:22:55,642 --> 00:22:57,443
She was a thoroughbred, okay?
656
00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,112
And just as graceful
off the ice, honestly.
657
00:22:59,113 --> 00:23:00,846
- A real ambassador for...
- Who cares?
658
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,982
I think Oksana Baiul probably
cares. That's who.
659
00:23:02,983 --> 00:23:05,050
Yeah, if she could crawl out
of the bottle long enough.
660
00:23:05,051 --> 00:23:06,649
- Oh, she got sober.
- Did she?
661
00:23:06,650 --> 00:23:07,653
- What?!
- Yeah.
662
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:09,522
- Shut up!
- Oh, what a gazelle.
663
00:23:09,523 --> 00:23:11,657
Anybody with half a brain
would have fired these three.
664
00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:13,526
- [SCOFFS]
- Well, luckily for them,
665
00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:15,795
I don't have half a brain.
666
00:23:15,796 --> 00:23:18,464
Fairbell, you have to fire them.
667
00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:19,799
No can do, Tammy.
668
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,602
I don't have the authority anymore.
669
00:23:22,603 --> 00:23:25,610
And, frankly, neither does
anyone in this room.
670
00:23:26,941 --> 00:23:28,674
They tried to beat me
with a child's baton,
671
00:23:28,675 --> 00:23:31,144
and you're firing yourself.
This is just insane.
672
00:23:31,145 --> 00:23:32,545
[ALL SNICKER]
673
00:23:32,546 --> 00:23:34,814
Oh, you may have won today,
674
00:23:34,815 --> 00:23:37,745
but it's a long school year.
675
00:23:38,953 --> 00:23:41,554
And nice hair, Pone of Arc.
676
00:23:41,555 --> 00:23:45,425
Now, that is good wordplay.
677
00:23:45,426 --> 00:23:47,093
[DOOR OPENS]
678
00:23:47,094 --> 00:23:48,628
It's not that good of wordplay.
679
00:23:48,629 --> 00:23:51,297
You already did the Joan-to-Pone thing.
680
00:23:51,298 --> 00:23:52,898
Yeah, but he had his own take on it.
681
00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:54,968
Get out!
682
00:23:54,969 --> 00:23:57,637
[STRAINING] Aah!
683
00:23:57,638 --> 00:23:58,972
I'll take an Epsom salt bath.
684
00:23:58,973 --> 00:24:01,707
- Score one for the good guys.
- [DOOR OPENS]
685
00:24:01,708 --> 00:24:03,509
- [GASPS]
- [CHUCKLES]
686
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:04,978
And you're paying for my car!
687
00:24:04,979 --> 00:24:07,212
Pedestrians have the right of way!
688
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:10,116
Are you sure about this?
689
00:24:10,117 --> 00:24:11,184
[SCOFFS]
690
00:24:11,185 --> 00:24:13,519
I'm a volleyball coach, Tammy, okay?
691
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,721
Through and through.
692
00:24:15,722 --> 00:24:17,056
Ooh, I've never had to tell anyone
693
00:24:17,057 --> 00:24:19,392
that they were fired before.
694
00:24:19,393 --> 00:24:23,329
I guess it's best just to rip
it off like a Band-Aid, huh?
695
00:24:23,330 --> 00:24:25,531
[RECEIVER CLICKS]
696
00:24:27,468 --> 00:24:28,668
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
697
00:24:28,669 --> 00:24:30,336
Ugh, of course I would get a call
698
00:24:30,337 --> 00:24:31,871
during the most important call
of my life.
699
00:24:31,872 --> 00:24:32,872
Oh, my God.
700
00:24:32,922 --> 00:24:37,472
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