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LAINEY: Back in middle school, my friends and I looked
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00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:05,962
to the most popular bands
for our own personal style,
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00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,095
and our all-time favorite
was New Kids on the Block.
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ERICA AND LAINEY:
The right stuff.
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00:00:10,271 --> 00:00:12,925
This culminated when we lip-synched our favorite song in front of the entire school.
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We were mocked for years.
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[CHILDREN BOOING]
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♪ The right stuff ♪
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LAINEY: '90s music
brought a ton of incredible fashions
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00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:23,023
for kids to choose from.
♪ Jump, jump ♪
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00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:25,068
Like Kris Kross,
a young rap duo
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00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,330
who wore their clothes
backwards.
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00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,506
It was amazing,
but a tough look
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00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,334
for middle schoolers
in Philly to pull off.
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00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,075
But now, as a teacher, I was
there to set them straight.
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00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,511
What is this?
What's happening?
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00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,947
We're Kris Kross!
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Yeah, I'm the Miggida miggida
miggida miggida Mac Daddy!
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Yeah, you are.
Mmm!
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00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:41,650
No, you're not.
You look like a boy who got dressed in the dark.
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Now go to the bathroom
and do not come out
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until all your zippers
are facing the right way.
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00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,351
But we're trying to
spread the word about our big performance!
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Yeah, we're gonna do Jump
at the arts festival.
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00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,529
Oh, wow, okay.
No, you're definitely not doing that.
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00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,227
Why?
Listen to me carefully
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00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,316
because I'm only gonna
say this once.
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If you come out on that stage
looking like Kris Kross,
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the other kids
will annihilate you.
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They'll call you
"The Turd Twins,"
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and make the next
four years a living hell.
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And then when you finally
graduate and start a new life, you'll bury the trauma.
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00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:08,938
Until your 10-year reunion
when you introduce your hot wife, Claire,
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to your fellow classmates
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and they're like,
"Hey, did you know your husband
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"once danced onstage
to Kris Kross?"
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Claire will leave you!
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But I don't want Claire
to leave me!
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She's the only woman
my mom ever liked!
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Then you better take
my advice.
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For sure.
Thanks, Miss Lewis.
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That's what
I'm here for, boys!
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Man, I love molding
young minds.
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00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,566
Hey, Jamiroquai!
What's with the hat?
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The kids were lucky
I was there to save them.
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Unfortunately,
not all the other teachers appreciated my methods.
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Hello.
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Um, Aaron and Ed
just told me
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that they're bailing on
their Kris Kross performance
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'cause you said
they'd get made fun of.
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[SCOFFS]
That's not true.
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I told them it would totally
destroy their lives.
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I saw them rehearsing, and I
thought they were really good.
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Especially
their dance moves.
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00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,458
This one part,
they're like... Sweep!
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00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:52,068
You choreographed it
for them, didn't you?
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00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,374
[CHUCKLING]
A little, yeah.
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00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,593
CB, have you forgotten
these kids are in middle school?
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00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,856
So?
Middle school is universally known
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00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,077
as a cesspool of hormonal,
insecure monsters,
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who are just waiting
to rip each other apart.
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I'm only trying
to protect them.
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00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,864
By squashing
their self-expression?
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00:02:05,908 --> 00:02:07,953
By squashing
their bad ideas.
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00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:10,260
Well, I think, as teachers,
we should try to make middle school better
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00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:12,436
by teaching these kids
confidence and acceptance.
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00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,221
Look, middle school
will always be garbage.
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00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,048
And there's nothing
anyone can do about it.
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00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:18,050
Even CB,
the super teacher.
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And super dancer!
[SCATS]
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♪ One of these days,
you're gonna get outta here
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♪ Live your life
and finally be free
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♪ Go where you wanna go,
do what you wanna do
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♪ Someday, you will say
"Those were the days" ♪
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LAINEY: It was February 27th, 1990-something
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and Mr. Granger,
the art teacher,
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had an exciting announcement
for his co-workers.
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Good morning, everyone!
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As I'm sure you're all aware,
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00:02:42,553 --> 00:02:46,296
our school's annual X-Day
celebration is almost upon us!
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00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,820
Now, I know you've all put in
long hours and weekends
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to help put
this arts and music festival together,
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so I just want to take this
moment to say...
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[INHALES SHARPLY]
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00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,132
...there's so much more
left to do.
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00:02:56,176 --> 00:02:57,655
Oh, no.
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00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,875
LAINEY: Mr. Granger was proud of his huge annual event
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00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,790
that involved
the entire school.
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00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:04,227
Unfortunately,
it also involved a huge amount of work
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00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:05,359
for the other teachers.
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00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,925
Rick, I'm gonna need
your help
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00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:08,275
moving a few sculptures
onto the field.
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00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:10,190
This is what I get
for being jacked.
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00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,670
Liz, I'd love to use
your rowboat
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00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:13,932
for one of the kid's
installations.
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00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:16,065
Sure. There goes my night
fishing this week.
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00:03:16,108 --> 00:03:17,458
Splendid!
And, Coop, I need you
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00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,155
to really dig into
the Port-a-Potty
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00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,504
to make sure they're
squeaky clean.
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00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,246
Oh, I knew my four years
at Yale would pay off.
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Thank you all.
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00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,031
Your dedication means
the world to me.
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00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:30,253
[GROANS]
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00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:32,168
Liz is right.
Oh, dear Lord!
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This arts festival
that has
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00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,520
neither the word "arts"
nor "festival" in the title
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is a real thorn
in our sides.
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[GROANS]
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And, it's
a huge budget suck.
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I wish
we could just end it.
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00:03:42,918 --> 00:03:44,311
Shut it down, John.
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00:03:44,354 --> 00:03:46,835
John, you can end it.
You're in charge now!
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00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:49,533
Of course, I could.
But Granger doesn't have much else going on.
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[GROANS]
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00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,798
Okay, you're right.
I'll go talk to him.
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I didn't know
you were a fisherman.Fisherwoman.
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Bass?
Large mouth.
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00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,456
Crank bait?
Weedless jig.
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00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,240
Yeah. Fantastic.
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00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,331
Knock knock, Randy!
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00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,332
Can I talk to you
for a second?
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00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:07,116
John!
Great timing.
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I want to show you
a work-in-progress
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of the piece I'm doing
for the festival.
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00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,426
Ta-da!
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00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,515
Oh, wow. That's me.
Four times.
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00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:17,518
I fear I've not got
your nose just right.
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00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:18,910
Hmm!
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00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,130
Hmm, hmm.
Mmm-hmm.
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00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:22,479
Mmm...
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No!
It's perfect.
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00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,745
Just as you are, sir,
because you're the man
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00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:30,357
who makes X-Day possible.
Yeah.
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00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,706
Now, what did you
want to talk about?
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00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:35,362
Okay, the thing is...
[STAMMERS]
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00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,886
LAINEY: As a new principal,
John was aware the job involved
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00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:40,236
breaking tough news to
his friends and teachers.
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,673
He was also aware that
he was horrible at it.
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00:04:42,717 --> 00:04:45,763
I am doubling your
budget for X-Day.Really?
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00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:48,375
And we're gonna do it
twice a year!That too?
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00:04:48,418 --> 00:04:50,072
Could have stopped
talking after I said the first thing,
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00:04:50,115 --> 00:04:52,770
but sure, why not?
Oh!
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LAINEY: Principal Glascott
had run away from delivering the bad news,
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but CB was determined to fight the brutal realities of middle school.
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00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:02,214
I'm sure you're all wondering
why we're sitting around on a bunch of pillows.
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00:05:02,258 --> 00:05:03,955
Are we having
a sleepover?
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00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,827
'Cause I didn't bring
my retainer.No.
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00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:08,177
Why do so many of these things
have cats on 'em?
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00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:09,483
Uh, they are on loan
from my Nana.
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00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:14,183
Uh, today we're gonna
be talking about what's going on in your heads.
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00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,490
Um, I'm sure right now
you're all worrying
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00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:19,057
that you're being judged
about your haircut,
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00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:23,148
or what you're wearing,
or if you're cool enough...
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Me?
So I'm the problem?
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00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:29,459
No. No one's a problem.
Everyone just relax, okay?
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00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,548
I want you
to each say one thing
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00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:34,986
that you're insecure about,
but no judging.
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00:05:35,030 --> 00:05:38,207
Debra.
I want to get the same haircut as Rachel on Friends
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00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:39,426
before my next debate meet.
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00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:40,992
Well, there's no way
that that haircut
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00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:43,125
only looks good
on Jennifer Aniston. So I say go for it.
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00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:45,736
Yeah.
Yeah, sure, yeah.
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00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:48,522
Yes.
I want to show Michelle Jerrier the doll I made
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from collecting her hair
in swim class.
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00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:53,048
Okay, well, we'll... We'll
circle back on that one. Okay?
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00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:54,876
But good sharing,
buddy. Yes.
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00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,879
Me and Ed wanted to do
Kris Kross for X-Day,
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00:05:57,922 --> 00:05:59,707
but I don't want
my hot wife to leave me.
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00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:01,622
Ms. Lewis really did
a number on you guys.
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00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:03,493
I say go for it.
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00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:06,366
And if you didn't, well,
that'd be wiggida wiggida wiggida whack.
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00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,977
[CHUCKLES]
See how good this feels?
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00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,761
If we're not judging
each other,
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then we won't be afraid
to be ourselves.
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00:06:13,198 --> 00:06:16,811
And when we're ourselves,
well, that's when we're all cool.
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[APPLAUSE]
ED: Yeah.
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00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:20,510
What are you doing?
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00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:22,947
Oh.
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00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:25,036
Take five, my shining beacons
of self-expression!
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00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:27,735
[BREATHES SHARPLY]
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00:06:27,778 --> 00:06:30,390
Hey. I'm just having an honest
rap session with the kids
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00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:32,348
about confidence
and acceptance.
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00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,742
I'm calling it
"Pillow Talk with CB."
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00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:36,874
Probably gonna get in some
trouble with that name.
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00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,442
Okay, your negative energy
is really putting a damper
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00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,052
on the good vibes
we've got going on in here.
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00:06:41,096 --> 00:06:42,314
Oh, I see what you're doing.
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00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:43,838
You can't change
what middle school is.
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00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:45,361
You're setting up
these kids to fail.
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00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,668
You know what?
This is a no judgment zone.
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00:06:47,711 --> 00:06:50,453
So I'm gonna go ahead
and...
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00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,976
[DOOR CLOSES]
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00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,674
LAINEY: While CB and I didn't see things the same way,
194
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:57,460
Principal Glascott was trying to see anything in the latest '90s art craze.
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00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:00,332
Dolphins.
Not my favorite.What?
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00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:03,118
I've been staring
at this Magic Eye poster for like an hour!
197
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,380
So, Granger's out there,
asked me to move
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00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:05,903
a bunch of sculptures
for X-Day.
199
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,209
I thought you were gonna
tell him it was canceled?
200
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,297
Of course I told him!
201
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,429
You think
I wouldn't tell him?
202
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,606
Okay, I didn't tell him.
203
00:07:12,649 --> 00:07:15,173
What? You've gotta shut
this nonsense down!
204
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,828
I tried. X-Day means
the world to him!
205
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:19,613
He also painted me
looking very glamorous.
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00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,963
Strangely, I have no
follow-up questions to that.
207
00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:25,532
What kinda soulless monster
would rip away something that he loves so dearly?
208
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,490
You want me to do it?
Oh, would you?
209
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:28,491
Hold my fruit.
210
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:34,497
LAINEY: What Glascott
couldn't find a way to do, Mellor did with ease.
211
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:38,849
Glascott watched as Coach, without hesitation or emotion, canceled the arts festival,
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00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,590
ridding the faculty of
the burdensome workload.
213
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,551
It's done.
How'd you do that?
214
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:46,727
I'm a coach... I break
bad news all the time.
215
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,424
Just this morning,
I had to tell Jimmy Covle
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00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,644
that he can't play basketball
until his grades come up.
217
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,733
That must have been hard.
Not really.
218
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:55,387
The kid moves down the court
like an ocean liner.
219
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:58,434
And I take pride in knowing
that my tough words have made him stronger.
220
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,480
Huh.
221
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:03,134
You know, I've got more
bad news for the faculty that I've been putting off
222
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:05,180
because of my crippling fear
of confrontation...
223
00:08:05,223 --> 00:08:06,877
You want me to be
your muscle?Very much so.
224
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,531
Done. What do you need?
Just this.
225
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:10,664
Let's get to work.
226
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:13,754
[LAUGHS] Yeah!
227
00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,320
LAINEY: Finally,
Principal Glascott
228
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,322
had a way to deliver
bad news to his staff.
229
00:08:17,366 --> 00:08:19,368
Personal phone calls?
Never.
230
00:08:20,891 --> 00:08:22,937
Dangerous explosive
chemistry experiments?
231
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,155
Uh-uh.
232
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,595
And stinky whitefish salad
in the teacher's lounge?
233
00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:31,032
Don't even think about it.
234
00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,730
[SIGHS]
Thanks again, Rick. I really owe you one.
235
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,515
Ah, don't mention it.
We're friends.
236
00:08:35,558 --> 00:08:36,820
Friends do things
for each other.
237
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:38,474
They sure do.
[CHUCKLES]
238
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,172
Just like I know you,
my friend, would do things for me.
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00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,391
Absolutely.
240
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:45,437
♪♪
241
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,790
Was there something
you had in mind, or...
242
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:52,270
Oh. Well,
since you're asking,
243
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,142
I would really love to get
my ropes unit back.
244
00:08:54,185 --> 00:08:56,884
You mean the ropes unit
where the kids climb up to the ceiling
245
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:59,060
and hang frighteningly high
above the floor?
246
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,191
Yeah.
That's the one.
247
00:09:00,235 --> 00:09:01,323
[SCREAMING]
248
00:09:01,366 --> 00:09:02,846
[SCREAMING]
249
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,152
[SCREAMING]
250
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,370
[SCREAMING]
251
00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:07,024
Yeah.
The kids love it.
252
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,591
The ones that
Earl Ball canceled
253
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,680
because of our skyrocketing
insurance premiums?
254
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:13,465
Of course.
255
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:14,858
Consider it done.
256
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,120
Ha!
257
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,383
Ah, my happiness
has soared to heights
258
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,864
higher than any man
could climb on a rope.
259
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,040
LAINEY: Glascott discovered
that handing off his responsibilities
260
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,651
came with a cost,
261
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:27,523
while I was ready to teach
that CB's optimistic life lessons
262
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,612
came with too high a price.
263
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:32,354
Who here has taken Mr. Brown's
unfortunately-titled "Pillow Talk" class?
264
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:34,704
That's what I thought.
265
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:36,271
Which is why today's
music theory class
266
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:39,666
will be dedicated to
unlearning all the crap he's put in your heads.
267
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:42,407
Mr. Brown is setting you up
for a life of pain.
268
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,888
You can all pretend you're
not gonna judge each other all you want,
269
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:47,499
but social acceptance
does not exist in middle school.
270
00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:50,067
But CB said that
by creating a safe space
271
00:09:50,111 --> 00:09:51,895
we'd all learn to set
our judgments free.
272
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:53,027
Well, CB's a tool.
273
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,637
Allow me to illustrate
my point.
274
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,117
What's your
favorite band?
275
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,335
Pearl Jam.
276
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,467
You, favorite band.
277
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,296
Hanson?
[HUSHED LAUGHTER]
278
00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,907
See? Hanson is lame,
therefore, Bobby is lame for liking them.
279
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:05,430
Bobby is lame!
280
00:10:05,474 --> 00:10:06,562
But it's not his fault.
281
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,216
CB is tricking him
and all of you
282
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,392
into thinking you can share
who you really are.
283
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:13,134
I-I changed my mind.
I like Pearl Jam.
284
00:10:13,177 --> 00:10:14,744
There you go, Bobby.
285
00:10:14,788 --> 00:10:17,747
CB's advice might have
worked for an hour in a class full of pillows,
286
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,793
but it doesn't fly
in the real world.
287
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,273
Teach us everything
you know!Buckle up.
288
00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,927
Rule one!
289
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:26,321
Keep all opinions
to yourself.
290
00:10:26,364 --> 00:10:30,151
Rule two, do not hug
your parents at school.
291
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,110
Rule three, detentions
are a badge of honor.
292
00:10:33,154 --> 00:10:36,026
Rule four,
never use your inhaler.
293
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,376
Pop quiz, hot shot.
You're at a school dance.
294
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:40,901
For some reason, traditional
Irish music comes on. What do you do?
295
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,164
Pretend like I've never
heard the music before
296
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:45,775
even though I'm a state
champion at Irish dancing?
297
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,124
That's right,
Debra O'Donohue!
298
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:49,474
Hide your talent!
Hide your heritage!
299
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:52,913
Man, we are definitely not
doing Kris Kross at X-Day.No way.
300
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,915
And, remember, in a few years,
middle school will be over,
301
00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,351
and you'll be safe to reveal
who you really are.
302
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,309
Hiya.
303
00:10:58,353 --> 00:11:00,442
Uh, can I talk
to you for a sec?
304
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:03,619
Sure thing, pal!
Why don't you guys recite your new motto?
305
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,490
I'll be right back.
306
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:09,016
ALL: "Keep your head down,
blend in, trust no one."[MOUTHING]
307
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:11,496
What are you doing?
I'm undoing all the damage you did to these kids.
308
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,281
You can't undo pillow talk!
309
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:14,978
Oh, I'm undoing it hard.
310
00:11:15,022 --> 00:11:18,416
Well, then, tomorrow,
I'm just gonna undo your undoing of my doing!
311
00:11:18,460 --> 00:11:22,203
Go ahead!
I'll just undo your undoing of my undoing of your doing!
312
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,465
It is so on.
313
00:11:23,508 --> 00:11:25,946
Bring it, pillow boy.
314
00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,817
♪♪
315
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,692
LAINEY: With Mellor now
doing his dirty work,
316
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:36,260
Glascott found that he had
more time to focus on other important things.
317
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:39,307
That's the most majestic pack
of dolphins I've ever seen.
318
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:42,179
Ugh, all I see is madness!
319
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:43,964
Forget it!
320
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,530
So, what brings you
in today, Earl?
321
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:50,318
I got this memo about
bringing the ropes unit back to Phys Ed.
322
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:53,408
What? Oh, no,
you don't have to worry about that memo.
323
00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,976
The ropes aren't happening?
Oh, no, they are,
324
00:11:56,019 --> 00:11:57,804
you just weren't supposed
to get the memo.
325
00:11:57,847 --> 00:11:59,457
This is unacceptable!
326
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,764
I got rid of the ropes
for a reason, John!
327
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,418
I know that the ropes
are problematic,
328
00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:05,637
but they just mean
so much to Coach Mellor.
329
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:07,465
Every time he looks up
into the rafters
330
00:12:07,509 --> 00:12:10,338
and doesn't see
children dangling, a little piece of him dies.
331
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,819
You have a plaque
on your desk,
332
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:15,386
and on that plaque is etched
the word "Principal."
333
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,431
Now, do you...
334
00:12:18,259 --> 00:12:19,347
Where is it?
335
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,262
I just thought it set me
apart from people
336
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:23,438
in a rigid hierarchy,
so I put it in my drawer.
337
00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:26,441
This is exactly what
I'm talking about!
338
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:29,400
You are not their friend
anymore, John. You are their boss!
339
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,272
Okay, okay.
I hear you.
340
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:34,449
So I want you
to march yourself down to Mellor's office
341
00:12:34,492 --> 00:12:36,538
and you tell that man,
"No ropes!"
342
00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:38,670
I will definitely
do that.
343
00:12:38,714 --> 00:12:40,281
LAINEY: But he
definitely could not.
344
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:41,543
So, instead...
345
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,023
Your ropes are done-zo.
346
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:44,938
What?
347
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,287
The ropes
have been canceled.
348
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:47,897
So you can take
these back to...
349
00:12:47,941 --> 00:12:50,117
Wherever you get
comically giant ropes from.
350
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,640
What are you talking about?
Glascott approved these ropes.
351
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:53,294
Well, they've been
un-approved.
352
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,252
Why wouldn't he come down here
and tell me himsel...
353
00:12:55,296 --> 00:12:56,645
Wait a minute.
354
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:57,951
Are you the new muscle?
355
00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:59,474
I don't know what
you're talking about.
356
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:01,781
John sent you down here to
break the bad news, didn't he?Mmm-mmm.
357
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,130
Yeah, well, let me
tell you something.
358
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:05,306
There's only one muscle
in John Glascott's body
359
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,698
and his name
is Rick Mellor!
360
00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,178
Okay, yes,
I'm the new muscle.
361
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,484
But I only accepted
the position
362
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,225
because he promised me
something in return.
363
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:12,530
What?
A giant abacus.
364
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,489
A what?
Oh, my God.
365
00:13:14,532 --> 00:13:17,100
An abacus is an ancient
calculating device...
366
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,929
I know what an abacus is,
but why a giant one?
367
00:13:19,973 --> 00:13:23,498
The Sumerians designed
the abacus to be hand-held, that was the whole idea!
368
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:26,675
Yeah, but a giant abacus
would have to be operated by two students.
369
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,198
They'd learn together!
370
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:30,679
Two minds working as one
in math harmony!
371
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:32,463
[LAUGHS]
372
00:13:32,507 --> 00:13:34,117
Yeah, well, I wouldn't
get my hopes up.
373
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:35,989
'Cause if there's one thing
John is better at
374
00:13:36,032 --> 00:13:38,078
than making deals,
it's welching on 'em.
375
00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,558
John made me a promise.
I know he'll come through.
376
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:42,604
Liz?
Yeah?
377
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:44,649
Hey, can I talk to you
about your giant abacus for a minute?
378
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,042
Heads up, it's not
gonna be good news.
379
00:13:48,349 --> 00:13:49,611
[SIGHS]
380
00:13:49,654 --> 00:13:51,134
I'm gonna keep this up there.
381
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:52,483
Thought
you might like to know
382
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:54,746
I just had one of the best
pillow talks with my kids.
383
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,574
Still calling it
that, huh?I'm dug in now.
384
00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:59,229
Well, you should probably
just, uh, shut it down
385
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:01,014
'cause my hard talks
have been very effective.
386
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,798
Miss Lewis.
Hey, Bobby, what's up?
387
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,366
After your advice yesterday,
I've decided not to perform
388
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,542
a monologue from Dr. Quinn Medicine Womanat the talent show.
389
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,892
Smart call. Honestly,
if you've already memorized it,
390
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,589
you could
always just perform it for your grandparents.
391
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,853
I mean, old people
love mid-19th century medical dramas.
392
00:14:15,637 --> 00:14:17,117
See?
Crisis averted.
393
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,336
Okay, maybe that
would've been a disaster.
394
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,990
Hey, Miss Lewis!
Hey, Debbie, what's up?
395
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,992
Great news! I dropped
out of the debate club.
396
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:25,821
What is that now?
I realized that any argument I make
397
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,431
can be used
as ammo against me.
398
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:28,868
So I quit!
399
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:31,783
Now I'm just gonna hang out
in the woods after school.
400
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:34,264
Okay, so one kid takes
my advice too far and quits something...
401
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:36,310
Actually,
the whole team quit.Oh, no...
402
00:14:36,353 --> 00:14:38,442
And Ben Fuller dropped out
of the marching band...
403
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,705
Oh, no.
...Sarah Mitchell canceled her birthday party...
404
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:43,317
Oh, no.
...and Jared Lyon has completely stop talking!
405
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,057
Thanks!
406
00:14:45,754 --> 00:14:47,147
What have you done?
I don't know!
407
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,713
I-I didn't mean for them
to quit everything!
408
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,367
Well, they did!
409
00:14:50,411 --> 00:14:52,761
Look,
I know that you're trying to help these kids,
410
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:54,589
but you literally did
the opposite.
411
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:58,506
LAINEY: My idea to
help the kids had completely backfired...
412
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,073
[WHISTLING]
...while Principal Glascott's plan
413
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,901
to use the teachers
to deliver tough news
414
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,119
was about to
catch up with him.
415
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,426
Oh, no.
416
00:15:05,469 --> 00:15:07,471
All my muscles
united against me.
417
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,387
Run, John, run!
418
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:12,389
♪♪
419
00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:18,047
Why did you buy a keychain
with a tennis ball on it?
420
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,356
Why, John?
[GRUNTS]
421
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:24,924
♪♪
422
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,623
Ah!
Going somewhere, John?
423
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,104
Nowhere in particular.
Just home to, you know, read my Bible.
424
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,844
We're onto you!
Manipulating us,
425
00:15:32,888 --> 00:15:35,238
making promises,
breaking promises.
426
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,848
We want our stuff back!
427
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,589
Okay, look, I'll admit
I used you guys
428
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:39,895
to do some of
my dirty work.
429
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,462
But I only did it because
you're my friends
430
00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:43,029
and I didn't want
to upset you!
431
00:15:43,072 --> 00:15:44,987
No, you just act
like Mr. Nice Guy,
432
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,120
when, in fact,
all you do is lie to us!
433
00:15:47,163 --> 00:15:49,600
That's right.
But you know who does do that?
434
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,211
A coward.
Excuse me?
435
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:52,516
You heard him.
Coward?
436
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,822
Here's a coward!
437
00:15:53,865 --> 00:15:55,911
None of you get anything!
438
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,478
Not your ropes!
Not your abacus!
439
00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,697
Not the whatever you were
asking for, Coop!
440
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,569
Honestly,
I wasn't even listening!
441
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,832
What?
What about X-Day?
442
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,834
Oh, you mean the thing
that started this mess?
443
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:07,488
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, it's back.
444
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,969
I tried to be your friend,
but now I'll be your boss.
445
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:12,101
I hope you're all happy!
446
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:15,104
Oh! What a surprising
turn of events.
447
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:20,109
[GROANS]
Oh, man.
448
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:21,110
I never should have
let the kids drink
449
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:22,633
their Kool-Aid Kool Bursts
in here.
450
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:24,070
Nana's gonna freak.
451
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:25,941
Hey. I wanted to
let you know
452
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,203
Debra's back on
the debate team,
453
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,596
birthday parties
are back on,
454
00:16:28,639 --> 00:16:30,206
all the kids understand
I went too far.
455
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:31,294
You really did.
456
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,731
But I think
you should know why.
457
00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:36,038
[YOU GOT ITPLAYS]
458
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,431
ERICA AND LAINEY:
The right stuff.
459
00:16:37,474 --> 00:16:38,519
Why are you so stiff?
460
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:40,303
I used to wear a back brace
for my Scoliosis.
461
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:41,652
Kinda made it
hard to dance.
462
00:16:41,696 --> 00:16:43,741
[CHILDREN BOOING]
463
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:46,309
The rest of the year,
we had to eat lunch in the nurse's office.
464
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:49,051
Wow. I knew that you
were teased about New Kids on the Block,
465
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,879
but I didn't know
you deserved it so much.
466
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,621
Look, I never wanted
to hold the kids back.
467
00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:55,231
I just didn't want to see
them get hurt like I did.
468
00:16:55,275 --> 00:16:56,624
♪ All that I needed was you ♪
469
00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,887
BOY: Get off the stage!
470
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,758
Oh, no.
What?
471
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,151
Remember how you
talked Aaron and Ed
472
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,283
out of doing
the Kris Kross performance,
473
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:04,414
then I talked them
back into it,
474
00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:06,286
and then you talked them
back out of it?Yeah...
475
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,417
Well, I kinda talked them
back into it.
476
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,898
What? Why did you do that?
Because I'm an idiot!
477
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:12,553
And I sugarcoated
the inescapable horrors of middle school
478
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:13,989
and I've just ruined
two little boys' lives!
479
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:16,731
Hang on.
We can fix this.How?
480
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,386
By trying to give Aaron and Ed
the middle school win I never had.
481
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:22,519
♪♪
482
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,782
LAINEY: Principal Glascott
had finally asserted himself
483
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:28,264
as the teachers' boss
and not their friend, pushing them away.
484
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:32,007
But then he saw the answer
to his leadership dilemma right in front of him.
485
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,095
Oh, my God!
Dolphins!
486
00:17:34,270 --> 00:17:35,793
I see it!
487
00:17:36,490 --> 00:17:38,274
I finally see it!
488
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:39,971
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
489
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,930
Hey, guys!
I need to talk to you.
490
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:44,106
Oh, no.
Talk to the hands.
491
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,369
Everything that I need
to tell you is in this Magic Eye Poster.
492
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,458
I just see a bunch
of squiggly lines.
493
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,982
You see the dolphins?
They're jumping through the hoop of fire?
494
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,941
Hoop of fire?
Why?
495
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,422
Because they
have a good leader who's guiding them.
496
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:57,946
It's a hidden image.
You gotta focus your eyes and then unfocus 'em.
497
00:17:57,989 --> 00:17:59,078
Cross your eyes.
Just listen!
498
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:00,296
Just a little bit.
Okay.
499
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,342
And then un-cross them.
Guys, listen.
500
00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:03,952
Now you're just looking
down at your nose.
501
00:18:03,995 --> 00:18:05,867
Guys, please.
God, I'm doing my best, Randy!
502
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,042
Forget about the poster.
503
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,739
Damn it, John,
we're invested now!
504
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,001
We want Liz to see
what we see!
505
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:11,655
Thank you.
Look, guys,
506
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:15,268
I haven't handled
the past few days very well, and I want to apologize.
507
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,139
Okay.
Going from being your co-worker
508
00:18:17,183 --> 00:18:19,620
to being your boss
hasn't been easy.
509
00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:22,797
You guys are my friends,
and I really hate disappointing you.
510
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,627
But you need
a strong principal who can make tough decisions.
511
00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:29,804
And, look, I can't give you
everything that you want,
512
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:32,285
but I can treat you
with respect.
513
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,374
Rick, I'll let you
have your ropes,
514
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,116
but you have to add
additional safety measures.
515
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:41,685
And, Liz, a giant abacus
makes very little sense, no matter how I slice it,
516
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:44,993
but how about
a dedicated computer for the math department instead?
517
00:18:45,036 --> 00:18:45,863
I can get behind that.
518
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,778
And, Coop, you wanted...
519
00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:50,390
Reimbursement for
the tortilla-making materials
520
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,696
that I bought
for my students.Oh, that's super easy.
521
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,221
Probably didn't even need to
put in a special request.
522
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,005
So, what do you say, guys?
523
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,876
Even though
I'm the principal now, can we still be friends?
524
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:00,356
You got it, John.
525
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,315
Great.
Holy [BLEEP] I see it now!
526
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:04,360
You guys,
that's beautiful!
527
00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,101
It's like a 3D image...
528
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,711
Right.
...like a Genesis video.
529
00:19:07,755 --> 00:19:10,192
LAINEY: While Glascott
finally worked it out with the teachers,
530
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,412
Aaron and Ed were about to
put themselves out there
531
00:19:12,455 --> 00:19:13,935
in front of a bunch of
judgmental teenagers.
532
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,284
William Penn Academy!
533
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,158
Are you ready to...
534
00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:21,377
BOTH: Jump!
535
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:22,813
♪ Jump, jump
536
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:24,424
[LIP-SYNCHING]
♪ You should know, you should know better
537
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,687
♪ Kris Kross is not having
anything today
538
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,516
♪ We can make ya, make ya...
♪ Jump, jump
539
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:31,822
LAINEY: All the students
watched the two boys struggling onstage,
540
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:35,696
and even more confused by CB
and my opposite advice,
541
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,567
none of them dared show
any signs of support.
542
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:38,699
♪ Jump, jump
543
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,223
♪ Daddy Mac will make ya
♪ Jump, jump
544
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,356
♪ Kris Kross will make ya
♪ Jump, jump
545
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,271
LAINEY: Fortunately, a couple of teachers finally decided
546
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:46,924
to work together
to make things right.
547
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:48,709
♪ I'm the Mac, and I'm bad
Give you something that you never had
548
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,146
♪ How high? Real high,
'cause I'm just so fly
549
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,017
LAINEY: With our help,
we turned those two
550
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,671
into the miggidy miggidy
Mac Daddies
551
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,717
and got the whole school
jumping.
552
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,458
♪ 'Cause inside out, it's wiggida wiggida wiggida whack
553
00:19:58,501 --> 00:19:59,589
♪ Jump, jump
554
00:19:59,633 --> 00:20:00,721
♪ And Daddy Mac will make ya
555
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:02,201
♪ Jump, jump
556
00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,158
♪ Kris Kross will make ya
557
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,290
♪ Jump, jump
558
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,508
♪ And Daddy Mac will make ya
559
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,075
LAINEY: There's no denying
middle school
560
00:20:07,118 --> 00:20:08,642
can be a challenging
and turbulent chapter
561
00:20:08,685 --> 00:20:10,687
that can seem almost impossible to make it through.
562
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,516
But that's where
teachers come in.
563
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,519
They let the kids know that
they're all in it together
564
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,304
and help create
special moments and memories
565
00:20:18,347 --> 00:20:19,914
that they will cherish
forever.
566
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,612
This is the best
X-Day ever!
567
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:23,744
♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh
568
00:20:23,787 --> 00:20:25,615
♪ Jump, jump ♪
569
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:27,965
Hi, everybody.
I'm Greg Proops. I play Mr. Granger.
570
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,490
And this is...
Mr. Granger.
571
00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:31,839
All right,
I have to ask you this one.
572
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,057
[CHUCKLES]
The mustache is your calling card.
573
00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:34,885
Why the mustache?
574
00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:37,192
Well, I've had it so long,
I've had it since I was 18,
575
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,150
never cut off,
and it kept growing.
576
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:41,109
It's much shorter today
than it was then,
577
00:20:41,152 --> 00:20:42,371
but I've always had it.
578
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:44,721
And then, when
I considered cutting it off,
579
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:46,506
I thought, "Oh, my gosh,
what will people think?
580
00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:49,291
"They won't know me."
[LAUGHS]
581
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,598
Sorry.
That's really true.
582
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:53,556
So, tell me a little bit
about X-Day. How did it start?
583
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,994
So, X-Day stands for
"Experimental Day,"
584
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,344
and so everybody
was involved.
585
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,128
You never could
predict the outcome.
586
00:21:00,171 --> 00:21:02,522
How do you feel about being
portrayed on television?
587
00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:04,828
Well, I think your energy
and your character
588
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,395
is absolutely right.
589
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:08,745
It's... It's right
for that vintage, yeah.
590
00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:10,530
It was that long
in the '90s.
591
00:21:10,580 --> 00:21:15,130
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