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1
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- You sure you want to do this?
- Yeah.
2
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,920
You don't have some irrational
fear of bikes, do you?
3
00:00:04,955 --> 00:00:06,405
No. Come on.
4
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:07,920
I think being run over by a cab
5
00:00:07,955 --> 00:00:09,245
is a very rational fear.
6
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,285
Oh, it's so clear he's not into it.
7
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,920
Say something... or ignore
it and go for a ride.
8
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:18,960
This is awesome!
9
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,800
Oh, yeah. This is great.
10
00:00:21,835 --> 00:00:23,400
Just don't die. Whoa!
11
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:26,860
Show-off!
12
00:00:26,895 --> 00:00:28,045
Oh, God.
13
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,000
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
14
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,680
Chloe, check out David's
latest trophy fail.
15
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,205
"Moist valuable player."
16
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,120
Is it possible he is secretly
trying to sabotage the company?
17
00:00:40,155 --> 00:00:41,885
Or is he just not smart?
18
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,640
Ah, see, that's the eternal debate.
19
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:46,045
Eh, whatever. We have time to fix it.
20
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,920
These don't go out till after the holiday.
21
00:00:47,955 --> 00:00:49,760
Speaking of, is Dana
coming to Thanksgiving?
22
00:00:49,795 --> 00:00:51,817
No. She's not, actually.
23
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:53,805
Listen to my genius plan.
24
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,120
I'm just making small talk. "No" is plenty.
25
00:00:56,155 --> 00:00:58,257
I think I played it exactly right.
26
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,325
I waited to bring up the holiday
27
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,165
until after I found out she was going home.
28
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:05,005
Now I can safely invite
her knowing she can't come.
29
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,880
I get all the credit without
actually having her show up.
30
00:01:07,915 --> 00:01:09,177
I worry about your soul, Peter.
31
00:01:09,212 --> 00:01:10,405
Well, look. I want her there.
32
00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:12,000
I just don't want the
rest of the family there.
33
00:01:12,035 --> 00:01:13,917
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
34
00:01:13,952 --> 00:01:15,556
I've figured out a way to keep my mom
35
00:01:15,591 --> 00:01:17,125
from bringing a guy to set me up with,
36
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,440
- so, you know, that part won't be weird.
- Yeah? What are you gonna do?
37
00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:21,360
I told her I'm a full-on lesbian.
38
00:01:21,395 --> 00:01:22,640
Did someone say a lesbian?
39
00:01:22,675 --> 00:01:23,520
Ugh.
40
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,000
Hey, idiot.
41
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,240
"Most valuable player."
42
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:30,365
Oh.
43
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,845
I'm hilarious.
44
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:35,480
This is definitely one for the cabinet.
45
00:01:35,515 --> 00:01:37,685
The cabinet is so full.
46
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,645
If you're not doing anything next Thursday,
47
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:44,080
I scored two very reasonable
tickets to "Matilda" on Stubhub.
48
00:01:44,115 --> 00:01:46,760
How does he make Stubhub sound classy?
49
00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:47,805
It's like magic.
50
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,245
Get him to say Hoobastank.
51
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:50,720
Wait. No. Thursday is Thanksgiving.
52
00:01:50,755 --> 00:01:51,725
Don't you have plans?
53
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,405
Plans for the holiday that celebrates
54
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,920
the beginning of the colonies'
rebellion against the crown?
55
00:01:55,955 --> 00:01:58,360
Might be time to let go of that grudge.
56
00:01:58,395 --> 00:01:59,205
Never.
57
00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,640
And what are your plans?
58
00:02:01,675 --> 00:02:02,645
I'm going home.
59
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,040
Apologies to the crown, but
Thanksgiving, it's the jam.
60
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:08,440
So, you won't be spending it with Peter?
61
00:02:08,475 --> 00:02:11,205
Ah... No.
62
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,080
There were multitudes in that "ah."
63
00:02:14,115 --> 00:02:15,040
Peter didn't invite me.
64
00:02:15,075 --> 00:02:16,297
Any theories?
65
00:02:16,332 --> 00:02:17,485
I don't know.
66
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,000
It's moving too fast, too big of a step,
67
00:02:19,035 --> 00:02:20,405
he's embarrassed by me.
68
00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,160
Feel free to cut me off with
reassurance at any point.
69
00:02:22,195 --> 00:02:23,617
No, those all seem plausible.
70
00:02:23,652 --> 00:02:25,186
I'm sure it's just because
71
00:02:25,221 --> 00:02:26,685
he's an inconsiderate brute
72
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:28,920
who hasn't given a moment's
thought to your feelings.
73
00:02:28,955 --> 00:02:30,405
Oh.
74
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,920
Well, that makes me
feel a little bit better.
75
00:02:31,955 --> 00:02:32,845
Thanks.
76
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,280
Glad I could be of service.
77
00:02:34,315 --> 00:02:35,880
Say "Hoobastank."
78
00:02:35,915 --> 00:02:36,920
Hoobastank?
79
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,520
Do you remember when the Christmas displays
80
00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:44,000
didn't go up until after Thanksgiving?
81
00:02:44,035 --> 00:02:45,365
No.
82
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,685
Neither do I.
83
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,600
But it's all old people can talk about.
84
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,645
Stupid old people.
85
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,040
So, hey, speaking of Thanksgiving,
86
00:02:54,075 --> 00:02:56,357
you said you're going home, right?
87
00:02:56,392 --> 00:02:58,605
Aw, man. I'm so bummed you can't come.
88
00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,540
I was really looking forward
to having you join us.
89
00:03:00,575 --> 00:03:02,440
Really? Because I was...
kind of starting to think
90
00:03:02,475 --> 00:03:03,560
you didn't want me there.
91
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:05,525
What? That's crazy.
92
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,880
No, I would love having you there.
93
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,560
It's not gonna be the same without you.
94
00:03:09,595 --> 00:03:11,357
That's it, Peter. Lay it on thick.
95
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,085
Collect those boyfriend points.
96
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:15,920
Well, you know, I've
never spent Thanksgiving
97
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,240
in New York before.
98
00:03:17,275 --> 00:03:18,485
Yeah. Whoa, too thick.
99
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,940
Well, I mean, you probably have
100
00:03:19,975 --> 00:03:21,325
a nonrefundable ticket, right?
101
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,680
So, that's just throwing money away.
102
00:03:22,715 --> 00:03:24,000
And, plus, Thanksgiving in New York...
103
00:03:24,035 --> 00:03:25,217
it's totally overrated.
104
00:03:25,252 --> 00:03:26,365
And fears confirmed.
105
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,040
He obviously doesn't want me there.
106
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,405
Well, it doesn't really matter
107
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,040
'cause I'm going home already, huh?
108
00:03:31,075 --> 00:03:34,080
Ah, dang it. That's a shame.
109
00:03:34,115 --> 00:03:35,725
Yep.
110
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,800
Saved it.
111
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,205
Hi.
112
00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:49,285
So, uh, my phone is saying
113
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,200
that we should turn on 31st Ave.
114
00:03:51,235 --> 00:03:52,085
Sounds good.
115
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,920
And, hey, while you've got your phone out,
116
00:03:53,955 --> 00:03:55,440
why don't you, uh, look for an app
117
00:03:55,475 --> 00:03:56,777
that will allow any stranger
118
00:03:56,812 --> 00:03:58,080
to tell you how to do your job?
119
00:03:58,115 --> 00:03:59,720
Point taken.
120
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,605
Excuse me.
121
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:04,680
Take your time, please.
122
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,480
Oh, no. My flight got canceled.
123
00:04:08,515 --> 00:04:11,325
Hey.
124
00:04:11,360 --> 00:04:12,685
Happy Thanksgiving. You make it home?
125
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,560
No. I haven't even made
it to the airport yet.
126
00:04:14,595 --> 00:04:17,000
The driver didn't take the best route.
127
00:04:17,035 --> 00:04:18,845
And my flight got canceled.
128
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,000
Ooh. Well, you know, don't give up.
129
00:04:21,035 --> 00:04:22,325
Maybe take the train.
130
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,520
Yeah, that would take about 10 hours.
131
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,680
And I would completely miss Thanksgiving.
132
00:04:26,715 --> 00:04:27,885
Okay.
133
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,560
Well, uh, you know, just
hang out at the airport
134
00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:33,120
and see if they UN-cancel your flight.
135
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,205
You know what?
136
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,120
You should totally come back to the loft
137
00:04:39,155 --> 00:04:40,280
and have Thanksgiving with us.
138
00:04:40,315 --> 00:04:41,457
Really?
139
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:42,565
Mm-hmm.
140
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,320
Okay. See you in half an hour.
141
00:04:44,355 --> 00:04:45,280
45 minutes.
142
00:04:45,315 --> 00:04:48,080
Okay.
143
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,640
Dana!
144
00:05:06,675 --> 00:05:08,120
Hey.
145
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,160
Pilgrim or reindeer?
146
00:05:11,195 --> 00:05:12,920
Choose wisely.
147
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,720
Happy Thanksmas.
148
00:05:18,740 --> 00:05:20,660
So, what's it gonna be?
149
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,580
Pilgrim or reindeer?
150
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,180
Reindeer.
151
00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:25,780
Ohh.
152
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,540
Excellent choice.
153
00:05:27,575 --> 00:05:29,037
- Aw.
- Oh!
154
00:05:29,072 --> 00:05:30,526
What's this?
155
00:05:30,561 --> 00:05:31,945
Mistletoe?
156
00:05:31,980 --> 00:05:34,820
How'd that get there?
157
00:05:34,855 --> 00:05:36,100
Aah, cheek!
158
00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:39,700
Mwah!
159
00:05:40,740 --> 00:05:42,505
What would have happened
if I chose pilgrim?
160
00:05:42,540 --> 00:05:44,620
Let's not put that picture
in either of our heads.
161
00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:46,397
Peter, what is all of this?
162
00:05:46,432 --> 00:05:48,140
This is Thanksmas. Follow me.
163
00:05:48,175 --> 00:05:49,625
Don't make eye contact.
164
00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:51,505
I know you probably haven't noticed,
165
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:54,180
but this is why I've been
acting a little weird lately.
166
00:05:54,215 --> 00:05:56,865
No, I haven't noticed.
167
00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:00,620
I wanted you here, I just
didn't want you... ugh, here.
168
00:06:00,655 --> 00:06:02,137
Give me those.
169
00:06:02,172 --> 00:06:03,585
Everybody's family
170
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,900
is embarrassing around the holidays.
171
00:06:05,935 --> 00:06:06,745
Yeah?
172
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,360
- Look. My family...
- Mm-hmm.
173
00:06:08,395 --> 00:06:09,905
...we all wear matching sweaters.
174
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:13,180
That's it? That's your embarrassing story?
175
00:06:13,215 --> 00:06:14,025
They're really bad sweaters.
176
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:16,020
Well, strap in for the story of Thanksmas.
177
00:06:16,055 --> 00:06:18,180
Now, my dad was married three times.
178
00:06:18,215 --> 00:06:20,105
And thanks to the two divorces,
179
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:23,260
David and I celebrate Christmas
with our respective moms.
180
00:06:23,295 --> 00:06:25,620
So your dad can't spend
Christmas with you guys,
181
00:06:25,655 --> 00:06:27,425
so he brings Christmas to Thanksgiving.
182
00:06:27,460 --> 00:06:29,620
That's not embarrassing.
That's really, really sweet.
183
00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:30,745
It's not sweet. Trust me.
184
00:06:30,780 --> 00:06:32,540
Come on. It can't be that bad.
185
00:06:32,575 --> 00:06:33,665
It definitely is.
186
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:35,560
What are you doing back here?
187
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,385
Oh, my flight got canceled.
188
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,260
I would have huddled in an airport bathroom
189
00:06:39,295 --> 00:06:41,597
and pretended I was gone. Wine?
190
00:06:41,632 --> 00:06:43,900
It's a little early for me.
191
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:45,105
Oh. You'll be back.
192
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:48,060
And I'll be here because,
well... I have to be.
193
00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:49,157
Yeah.
194
00:06:49,192 --> 00:06:50,185
Come on!
195
00:06:50,220 --> 00:06:52,540
I mean, every family get-together
196
00:06:52,575 --> 00:06:53,500
is a little weird.
197
00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:54,505
Hey, Dana.
198
00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:57,380
If my mom asks, I am a lesbian now.
199
00:06:57,415 --> 00:07:00,220
Okay. What are we dealing with here?
200
00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:01,585
We start with David.
201
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:04,280
As a little kid, he felt
like Thanksmas was his fault,
202
00:07:04,315 --> 00:07:06,940
so he decided to try to fix
everything by making cookies.
203
00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,145
Well, he created this secret recipe
204
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,740
that was just throwing
everything he could reach
205
00:07:12,775 --> 00:07:14,597
into a bowl, right, including coconut,
206
00:07:14,632 --> 00:07:16,546
which David is deathly allergic to.
207
00:07:16,581 --> 00:07:18,425
So, when he woke up in the hospital,
208
00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:21,260
his first words were, "did
people love my cookies?
209
00:07:21,295 --> 00:07:22,545
Did I save Thanksmas?"
210
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:25,460
So, now we have to choke
them down every year
211
00:07:25,495 --> 00:07:27,220
while he just watches and smiles.
212
00:07:27,255 --> 00:07:28,717
Oh, honey, honey, honey.
213
00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:30,180
Taste this flavor explosion.
214
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,597
Oh!
215
00:07:31,632 --> 00:07:32,945
Oh.
216
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:34,340
- Right?
- Mmm!
217
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:35,517
Yummy!
218
00:07:35,552 --> 00:07:36,625
And Amy,
219
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:38,300
for seven years, she has hosted Thanksmas,
220
00:07:38,335 --> 00:07:40,505
but my dad won't let her do anything.
221
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,340
So he fills her loft with
all these tacky decorations
222
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:44,745
and throws this horrible shindig
223
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:46,980
while Amy just tries to stay drunktional.
224
00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:50,620
Her goal is to get drunk enough
that it doesn't bother her
225
00:07:50,655 --> 00:07:52,065
but then stay sober enough
226
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,945
that she doesn't get pulled into it.
227
00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:55,860
Spoiler alert... she
has yet to get it right.
228
00:07:56,980 --> 00:07:58,945
And there's my step-mom, Angie.
229
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:01,105
Now, ignoring the fact that her costume
230
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,540
is something the
Washington Redskins rejected
231
00:08:03,575 --> 00:08:05,625
for being too racist, every Thanksmas,
232
00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:08,945
she shames Chloe for
being single and childless.
233
00:08:08,980 --> 00:08:12,180
Which bring me to the fuse
in this holiday powder keg,
234
00:08:12,215 --> 00:08:14,077
William Cooper.
235
00:08:14,112 --> 00:08:15,940
The gourdian angel.
236
00:08:15,975 --> 00:08:17,465
Yay!
237
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,345
He always starts out happy.
238
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:21,180
But between people
refusing to sing with him
239
00:08:21,215 --> 00:08:22,705
because he's acting belligerent
240
00:08:22,740 --> 00:08:25,105
or him reciting his long, God-awful poem,
241
00:08:25,140 --> 00:08:28,580
or just everything else,
it always ends the same.
242
00:08:28,615 --> 00:08:31,460
Him with a belly full of whiskey grumbling,
243
00:08:31,495 --> 00:08:33,585
"do you think this is the year
244
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:36,220
you can finally take your old man?"
245
00:08:36,255 --> 00:08:38,397
And then we wrestle.
246
00:08:38,432 --> 00:08:40,540
"Owl" put it over here.
247
00:08:40,575 --> 00:08:42,100
Owl.
248
00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:47,025
I don't blame you if you want to go.
249
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,140
No. And abandon you in your time of need?
250
00:08:49,175 --> 00:08:50,545
If this was your family,
251
00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:52,700
there would be a Peter-shaped
hole in that wall.
252
00:08:52,735 --> 00:08:55,500
No. Your bad thanksgivings, they end today.
253
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,877
Are you gonna kill my family?
254
00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,846
If you are, don't tell me.
255
00:08:58,881 --> 00:09:00,745
It's plausible deniability.
256
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:03,060
- We can get through this together.
- Hmm.
257
00:09:03,095 --> 00:09:04,305
And maybe even have fun.
258
00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:06,620
I think this dough is ready to go.
259
00:09:06,655 --> 00:09:08,900
And... action. You distract him.
260
00:09:08,935 --> 00:09:09,825
Okay.
261
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:12,620
Happy Thanksmas!
262
00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:13,585
Hey, Dana.
263
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,580
Would you like to try some batter?
264
00:09:15,615 --> 00:09:17,345
Hells to the yes, I would.
265
00:09:17,380 --> 00:09:20,020
David, dog in hat. Not a drill.
266
00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:20,957
Seriously?
267
00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:21,860
Hold this.
268
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,340
Okay.
269
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,865
Ugh! How can this be so dry?
270
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,180
They should sprinkle it on oil spills.
271
00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:37,620
Mm. You think you can fix this?
272
00:09:37,655 --> 00:09:38,785
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
273
00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:41,420
I mean, it can't be that bad, right?
274
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:42,345
Yeah.
275
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,265
Waste of time. Believe me.
276
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:46,460
I've tried for years. It can't be done.
277
00:09:46,495 --> 00:09:50,180
Everything okay in there, Amy?
278
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,105
Whoops!
279
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:52,500
Mama took too much of her medicine.
280
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:55,985
That's a five-minute time-out.
281
00:09:56,020 --> 00:09:58,060
You got to ride that line, you know?
282
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,185
Oh, chocolate.
283
00:10:11,220 --> 00:10:13,340
Is there any problem you can't solve?
284
00:10:13,375 --> 00:10:14,585
Dude, you said "not a drill."
285
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:16,340
You can't cry wolf like that, Peter.
286
00:10:16,375 --> 00:10:17,385
Sorry.
287
00:10:17,420 --> 00:10:18,980
Okay. Ready for a taste?
288
00:10:19,015 --> 00:10:20,217
Oh, yes.
289
00:10:20,252 --> 00:10:21,420
Okay.
290
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,825
It's good.
291
00:10:30,860 --> 00:10:32,865
That's really good.
292
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,140
You make a good cookie, Dan... id. David.
293
00:10:36,175 --> 00:10:39,540
Yeah, same as every year. Calm down.
294
00:10:39,575 --> 00:10:40,945
Oh, my God.
295
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,420
Maybe we can actually do this.
296
00:10:42,455 --> 00:10:43,825
- We got this in the bag.
- Yeah.
297
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,480
Next year, you're gonna be begging girls
298
00:10:45,515 --> 00:10:46,947
to come home with you for Thanksmas.
299
00:10:46,982 --> 00:10:48,345
- Not that you'll have to.
- Well, no.
300
00:10:48,380 --> 00:10:50,145
- Because I'll be inviting you, obviously.
- No, no. But no pressure.
301
00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:52,140
No, no. No pressure. I was just saying.
'Cause I'm not saying... I adore you.
302
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:53,860
Oh, great. Here we go.
303
00:10:55,380 --> 00:10:56,545
Oh, no, no, no, no.
304
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:59,300
If we can fix a cookie,
we can fix a family.
305
00:10:59,335 --> 00:11:01,420
Makes no sense. Show no doubt.
306
00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:03,340
- Let's go.
- Okay.
307
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:05,985
Oh, uh, hey. Hey. Hi.
308
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:07,545
Uh, Angie. Sorry to interrupt.
309
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:09,140
I just wanted to introduce
you to my girlfriend.
310
00:11:09,175 --> 00:11:10,900
This is Dana. Dana, this is Angie.
311
00:11:10,935 --> 00:11:12,665
Hi. It's so nice to meet you.
312
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:15,100
I've heard so many
wonderful things about you.
313
00:11:15,135 --> 00:11:16,837
Aw. Thank you.
314
00:11:16,872 --> 00:11:18,505
Ay, young love.
315
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:20,705
- Oh, it's so beautiful.
- Okay, mom.
316
00:11:20,740 --> 00:11:22,385
Hey, it isn't always
about you, Chloe, okay,
317
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,540
because I can compliment someone
else without insulting you.
318
00:11:24,575 --> 00:11:25,785
It is such a great lesson
319
00:11:25,820 --> 00:11:28,420
when two people get over
themselves to come together.
320
00:11:32,940 --> 00:11:34,740
Are you starting this already?
321
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,580
I don't speak your devil tongue.
322
00:11:37,615 --> 00:11:38,540
You know I don't.
323
00:11:39,380 --> 00:11:40,265
These are words I don't know.
324
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,500
This is only appropriate in the bedroom.
325
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,897
- Karaoke!
- Huh? Huh?
326
00:11:43,932 --> 00:11:46,260
Would you two sing karaoke?
327
00:11:46,295 --> 00:11:47,957
I'm not in the mood.
328
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:49,620
This you say in English.
329
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,700
Anyone else?
330
00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:55,180
Really? I picked a duet.
331
00:11:56,500 --> 00:12:00,540
Well... What a very
merry Thanksmas this is.
332
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:04,900
- "Go" time?
- You go after my dad. I'll take Chloe.
333
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:07,140
Okay. Okay.
334
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,780
I volunteer as tribute.
I am Katniss Everdeen.
335
00:12:10,815 --> 00:12:12,180
I'd love to sing with you.
336
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:13,937
Really?
337
00:12:13,972 --> 00:12:15,625
Mm-hmm.
338
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,340
Aw, thanks, Dana. You're a peach.
339
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:18,465
Mm.
340
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,905
Hey, can you and your mom
341
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,360
dial down the Telenovela, please?
342
00:12:21,395 --> 00:12:22,780
- She started it.
- Oh, God.
343
00:12:22,815 --> 00:12:23,745
And why do you care?
344
00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:25,480
Because Dana loves Thanksgiving.
345
00:12:25,515 --> 00:12:27,027
- Good Lord, why?
- I don't know.
346
00:12:27,062 --> 00:12:28,505
Apparently some families are happy?
347
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,660
- What?
- Look, I just don't want to scare her away.
348
00:12:30,695 --> 00:12:32,420
They're trying to fix Thanksmas.
349
00:12:32,455 --> 00:12:33,345
It can't be done.
350
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:34,760
Stranger things have happened.
351
00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,105
♪ I really can't stay ♪
352
00:12:36,140 --> 00:12:38,185
♪ but, baby, it's cold outside ♪
353
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,260
- ♪ this evening has been so very nice ♪
- Oh, when you and your dad fight,
354
00:12:40,295 --> 00:12:41,980
could you not break my
Shiliuzun vase? Thanks.
355
00:12:42,015 --> 00:12:43,517
♪ I'll hold your hands ♪
356
00:12:43,552 --> 00:12:44,985
♪ they're just like ice ♪
357
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:46,800
♪ my mother will start to worry ♪
358
00:12:46,835 --> 00:12:48,545
♪ beautiful, what's your hurry? ♪
359
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,180
♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪
360
00:12:50,215 --> 00:12:51,585
Whoa. This is disturbing.
361
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,260
♪ Listen to the fireplace roar ♪
362
00:12:53,295 --> 00:12:54,900
What? It's "Baby, it's Cold Outside."
363
00:12:54,935 --> 00:12:56,025
Yeah, but it's creepy.
364
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,820
It's like "hop into my
ice cream truck" creepy.
365
00:12:57,855 --> 00:12:59,145
He's right.
366
00:12:59,180 --> 00:13:02,660
I never really listened to
it, but it is a wee bit sexual.
367
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:04,437
♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪
368
00:13:04,472 --> 00:13:06,145
♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪
369
00:13:06,180 --> 00:13:08,900
- ♪ I wish I knew how ♪
- Wh-what did Dad just put in Dana's drink?
370
00:13:08,935 --> 00:13:09,705
♪ Neighbors might think... ♪
371
00:13:09,740 --> 00:13:11,985
♪ but, baby, it's bad out there ♪
372
00:13:12,020 --> 00:13:13,865
- ♪ say, what's in this drink? ♪
- This is a Christmas song.
373
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,700
- ♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪
- I mean, are we the first people ever
374
00:13:15,735 --> 00:13:16,785
to listen to these lyrics?
375
00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:18,465
All right. Guys, just ignore it and smile.
376
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,340
- ♪ Your eyes are like starlight now ♪
- ♪ to break this spell ♪
377
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:22,037
♪ I'll take your hat ♪
378
00:13:22,072 --> 00:13:23,665
♪ your hair looks swell ♪
379
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:26,060
- ♪ I've got to say no, no, no, sir ♪
- ♪ mind if I... ♪
380
00:13:26,095 --> 00:13:28,025
She might actually pull this off.
381
00:13:28,060 --> 00:13:29,860
- Oh, crap!
- ♪ I really can't stay ♪
382
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:32,060
♪ but, baby, it's cold outside ♪
383
00:13:32,095 --> 00:13:34,077
♪ I've got to go away ♪
384
00:13:34,112 --> 00:13:36,025
I got red wine on my rug.
385
00:13:36,060 --> 00:13:37,460
♪ At least I'm gonna say that I tried ♪
386
00:13:37,495 --> 00:13:39,780
Houston, we have achieved drunktional.
387
00:13:39,815 --> 00:13:41,105
♪ I really can't stay ♪
388
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,460
♪ oh, baby, don't hold out ♪
389
00:13:42,495 --> 00:13:44,305
♪ oh, but it's ♪
390
00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,665
♪ but, baby, it's cold outside ♪
391
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:48,660
- Hi! Oh, good. Oh, come in, please.
- ♪ baby, it's cold outside ♪
392
00:13:48,695 --> 00:13:50,380
- What the hell?
- ♪ this evening has been ♪
393
00:13:50,415 --> 00:13:52,345
♪ been hoping that you'd drop in ♪
394
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:54,785
- ♪ so very nice ♪
- Chloe, this is Kay.
395
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:57,740
Kay, this is my daughter
I was telling you about.
396
00:13:57,775 --> 00:13:59,620
It's great to finally meet you.
397
00:13:59,655 --> 00:14:01,665
One year off.
398
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,980
- I couldn't have one year off.
- ♪ I really can't stay ♪
399
00:14:04,015 --> 00:14:05,940
- Oh
- ♪ oh, baby, it's cold ♪
400
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:06,945
Oh
401
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,340
♪ Outside ♪
402
00:14:09,375 --> 00:14:10,540
Yeah!
403
00:14:12,420 --> 00:14:13,625
I cannot believe you did this.
404
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:14,945
I thought it was just family this year.
405
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,900
Okay, Chloe. Not in front
of our guest, please.
406
00:14:16,935 --> 00:14:18,020
I'm so sorry she's behaving this way.
407
00:14:18,055 --> 00:14:18,980
She went to etiquette school.
408
00:14:19,015 --> 00:14:20,877
Mm-hmm. Court-ordered.
409
00:14:20,912 --> 00:14:22,705
This is a picture of Chloe
410
00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:24,780
in her junior year soccer uniform.
411
00:14:24,815 --> 00:14:26,820
- She's very sporty.
- Enough, mom!
412
00:14:26,855 --> 00:14:28,105
We tried.
413
00:14:28,140 --> 00:14:30,660
We just flew too close to the sun.
414
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:34,225
No.
415
00:14:34,260 --> 00:14:37,180
This is not how it ends. We just need...
416
00:14:37,215 --> 00:14:38,425
David, cookies?
417
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,425
First batch, coming up.
418
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,340
Get them while they're hot.
I wish I could join you.
419
00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:44,377
Come on. Eat 'em up. Eat 'em up.
420
00:14:44,412 --> 00:14:45,896
They're not gonna eat themselves,
421
00:14:45,931 --> 00:14:47,345
but they're so good, they just might.
422
00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:49,860
Everybody eat the frickin' holiday cookies.
423
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,345
Oh, wow.
424
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:55,940
Mmm, good. This is really good, David.
425
00:14:55,975 --> 00:14:57,545
The recipe didn't call for it,
426
00:14:57,580 --> 00:15:00,500
- but this year, I added an
extra pinch of love. - Mm-hmm.
427
00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:03,585
Um, Chloe works for the family business.
428
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,780
She also enjoys hiking
and giving foot massages.
429
00:15:05,815 --> 00:15:07,940
And she just recently
came out of the closet.
430
00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:08,865
Mom!
431
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:10,585
Look, Kay.
432
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,025
You seem really very nice.
433
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:15,660
But the thing is, is that I... Um...
434
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:20,260
I found it so hard to
come out of the closet.
435
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,897
I've had to turn down a lot of hot guys.
436
00:15:22,932 --> 00:15:25,500
I mean, I-I assume that they're hot.
437
00:15:25,535 --> 00:15:27,417
Uh, I wouldn't really know
438
00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:29,265
because I-I like ladies...
439
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:32,180
And everything they've got going on.
440
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,580
Wow. Look at that.
441
00:15:35,615 --> 00:15:36,625
Boop.
442
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,100
I can't believe I'm about to say this,
443
00:15:38,135 --> 00:15:41,060
but I think you pulled it off.
444
00:15:41,095 --> 00:15:42,337
We pulled it off.
445
00:15:42,372 --> 00:15:43,545
This is so beautiful.
446
00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,345
Honestly, I'd given up hope
447
00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:48,220
that I'd ever have a happy holiday again.
448
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:51,060
Is it possible that the lights
twinkle a little brighter
449
00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:53,460
when everyone is getting along?
450
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:56,920
Oh, we might not be out of the woods yet.
451
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,740
All right. I'm gonna go put coffee in Amy.
452
00:15:58,775 --> 00:16:00,017
You take care of my dad?
453
00:16:00,052 --> 00:16:01,260
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Hey.
454
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,517
- Mm.
- Come on.
455
00:16:02,552 --> 00:16:03,740
Pilgrim or reindeer?
456
00:16:03,775 --> 00:16:04,780
Excuse me?
457
00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:06,260
Honey, you can't pilgrim a total stranger.
458
00:16:06,295 --> 00:16:07,757
Um, Mr. Cooper...
459
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,185
Oh, please. William.
460
00:16:09,220 --> 00:16:10,545
William, well, rumor has it
461
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:12,660
that you recite a poem every year,
462
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:14,800
and I was really hoping
that I hadn't missed it.
463
00:16:14,835 --> 00:16:16,900
Oh, you know, it is getting
to be about that time.
464
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,105
Hey, everybody!
465
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:21,700
It's time for the annual Thanksmas poem.
466
00:16:21,735 --> 00:16:23,860
If you'll all just settle in.
467
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:31,260
"To thee today our reaching
arm, our turning neck...
468
00:16:31,295 --> 00:16:35,300
"to thee from us the expectant eye,
469
00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:37,305
"thou cluster free!
470
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:40,300
"Thou brilliant lustrous
one! Brilliant lustrous one.
471
00:16:40,335 --> 00:16:41,265
Thou..."
472
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,460
...learning well, the true lesson...
473
00:16:47,060 --> 00:16:48,825
What?
474
00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:50,740
How do you know dad's poem?
475
00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:52,877
Oh, it's Walt Whitman.
476
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,980
You said you wrote it.
477
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,385
I did not.
478
00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:57,545
The first time you read it,
479
00:16:57,580 --> 00:16:59,380
you said, "here's a poem I just wrote."
480
00:16:59,415 --> 00:17:00,997
Yeah. Yeah, what she said.
481
00:17:01,032 --> 00:17:02,580
I may have implied it.
482
00:17:03,980 --> 00:17:04,985
Thank you, Dana.
483
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,220
I'm really sorry, William. I...
484
00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:07,465
Mr. Cooper will do.
485
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:08,780
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dad, calm down.
486
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,740
It's not Dana's fault. She
didn't do anything wrong.
487
00:17:10,775 --> 00:17:12,660
- I invite her to a family gathering...
- You didn't.
488
00:17:12,695 --> 00:17:13,505
...in my house.
489
00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:14,665
- It's not.
- Oh, boy.
490
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:15,825
Someone's getting a little big
491
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,500
for their britches, huh?
You think this is the year
492
00:17:17,535 --> 00:17:19,060
you could finally take
on your old man, here?
493
00:17:19,095 --> 00:17:20,185
Oh, God. It's happening.
494
00:17:20,220 --> 00:17:21,305
Somebody protect my Shiliuzun vase!
495
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,580
All right, dad. No, no,
no. I'm not doing this.
496
00:17:22,615 --> 00:17:24,060
- Oh, you give up?
- I'm 28 years old.
497
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:26,020
Uh, Mr. Cooper, Peter, please.
498
00:17:26,055 --> 00:17:28,145
Round two!
499
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,145
Oh, uh, no, no, no. Is this a new batch?
500
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,905
Oh, yeah. You guys ate
the first one so quickly,
501
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:33,900
I didn't want to leave you
without any cookie goodness.
502
00:17:33,935 --> 00:17:36,060
No, no, no, no! Don't
put that in your mouth.
503
00:17:36,095 --> 00:17:38,905
What the hell did I just eat?
504
00:17:38,940 --> 00:17:40,060
Are there any more of the other ones?
505
00:17:40,095 --> 00:17:41,065
'Cause these are garbage.
506
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:44,340
Is there something wrong with my cookies?
507
00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,545
No. Absolutely not.
508
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:49,540
Everybody knows lesbians
are really harsh critics.
509
00:17:49,575 --> 00:17:51,225
Oh, you're a gay.
510
00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:53,820
Okay, that's not even
close to how you say that.
511
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,865
Yes, I'm a lesbian, just like your d...
512
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,660
- Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
- Just like your daughter.
513
00:17:58,695 --> 00:18:00,145
Wait. W-w-w...
514
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,580
Chloe, you... you are also a lesbian?
515
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,780
- I am not a lesbian.
- What?
516
00:18:04,815 --> 00:18:05,465
What?!
517
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,460
I just said that to keep you
from setting me up with someone,
518
00:18:07,495 --> 00:18:08,500
not like it did any good.
519
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:12,065
Everybody, stop screaming!
520
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:13,745
And just tell me what the hell is going on.
521
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:16,980
These cookies are disgusting.
Why didn't you guys tell me?
522
00:18:17,015 --> 00:18:18,717
David, did you just eat coconut?
523
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:20,420
I wanted to know for myself.
524
00:18:20,455 --> 00:18:22,180
I love you.
525
00:18:22,940 --> 00:18:23,985
Never remarry.
526
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,140
Oh, my God! Somebody call an ambulance!
527
00:18:26,175 --> 00:18:28,060
Come on!
528
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:43,100
How you doing?
529
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,860
I promised you a good
holiday, and I made it worse.
530
00:18:46,895 --> 00:18:48,025
No.
531
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:49,880
We didn't even get to the turkey.
532
00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:52,447
Hey, we never make it to the turkey.
533
00:18:52,482 --> 00:18:54,980
All right? It's deep, deep inside a ham.
534
00:18:55,015 --> 00:18:57,905
But this is by far
535
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:00,025
the greatest Thanksmas I've ever had.
536
00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:02,220
They had to give your brother
an emergency tracheotomy.
537
00:19:02,255 --> 00:19:04,580
Well, were there bumps? Sure.
538
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:09,060
But at least I have you
to get through it with.
539
00:19:09,095 --> 00:19:11,145
And complain about it with afterwards,
540
00:19:11,180 --> 00:19:13,660
which is kind of the
best part of Thanksgiving.
541
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,820
Oh, God. Where do we begin?
542
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,385
Gourdian angel.
543
00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:20,300
Oh, I know. No. I have no...
544
00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,145
Pilgrim Santa.
545
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,780
I am gonna Plymouth rock your world.
546
00:19:25,815 --> 00:19:27,097
Whoa. Whoa.
547
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:28,380
Hey, dad.
548
00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:29,465
Mm.
549
00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:31,140
- Hey, kids.
- Mm. Hi.
550
00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:32,345
Hey.
551
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,980
So, uh, this is awkward.
552
00:19:35,015 --> 00:19:36,545
Yep.
553
00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:38,680
So... leave.
554
00:19:38,715 --> 00:19:40,745
Let's go.
555
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,345
Happy Thanksmas.
556
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,380
- Happy Thanksmas.
- All right.
557
00:19:44,415 --> 00:19:46,380
Take your time. Got all day.
558
00:19:46,415 --> 00:19:47,420
Mm.
559
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:51,085
Okay, so I'm thinking next year,
560
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,200
we have David follow my
grandmother's cookie recipe.
561
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,520
Hey, we could find Chloe a fake boyfriend.
562
00:19:55,555 --> 00:19:57,537
- Who also loves karaoke.
- Right.
563
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,520
And everything will go so smoothly
564
00:19:59,555 --> 00:20:01,125
that Amy won't have to drink.
565
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,700
Or we could just go to your family's.
566
00:20:03,735 --> 00:20:06,127
- I mean, yes, yours was crazy.
- Yeah.
567
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:08,481
- But it was also kind of fun.
- Was it?
568
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,800
And everything worked out in the end.
569
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:11,480
Everyone was happy.
570
00:20:11,515 --> 00:20:13,677
Juice!
571
00:20:13,712 --> 00:20:15,805
Mm-hmm.
572
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,480
There you go, little guy.
573
00:20:19,515 --> 00:20:21,520
I wanted grape.
574
00:20:21,555 --> 00:20:23,245
Hey.
575
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,365
Don't hit him.
576
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,000
Well, that's the only way he listens.
577
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:33,800
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