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♪ synth music ♪
2
00:00:01,428 --> 00:00:03,511
♪ singers harmonizing ♪
3
00:00:03,594 --> 00:00:05,677
♪ It's Showtime tonight ♪
4
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,052
[Dawn] Previously on
Black Monday...
5
00:00:08,136 --> 00:00:10,011
Shit. We got the money.
6
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,011
Wayne was pulling the LaGuardia
Spread with the dough.
7
00:00:12,094 --> 00:00:13,553
[Mo] When was the last time
you had a good time
8
00:00:13,635 --> 00:00:15,344
- with that white boy?
- Wait, you and Mo?
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00:00:15,428 --> 00:00:16,677
[Mo] The Leighmans would
never make a deal
10
00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,844
that didn't fuck me over.
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00:00:18,927 --> 00:00:21,219
[Lenny] We went and acquired
30% of the Jammer Group.
12
00:00:21,303 --> 00:00:23,635
- Dawn let it slip.
[Blair] We all have to work
13
00:00:23,719 --> 00:00:25,011
late tonight to do compliance.
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00:00:25,094 --> 00:00:27,052
[Tiff]
You mean a document shred?
15
00:00:27,136 --> 00:00:28,635
[Blair] How'd you know that?
[Tiff] Duh! My family's loaded.
16
00:00:28,719 --> 00:00:30,469
You're gay.
I know you're gay.
17
00:00:30,553 --> 00:00:32,885
That's fuckin' rich...
coming from you.
18
00:00:32,969 --> 00:00:34,677
What?
19
00:00:44,969 --> 00:00:49,677
[snoring]
20
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,802
[coughs]
21
00:00:54,052 --> 00:00:56,802
[coughing]
22
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[whimpers]
Wha--
23
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:00,553
Aah--Fuck!
24
00:01:00,635 --> 00:01:03,011
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
25
00:01:03,094 --> 00:01:04,802
Wayne, my God, man,
26
00:01:04,885 --> 00:01:06,594
who cares what--
You shit on the floor again?
27
00:01:06,677 --> 00:01:09,469
Oh, my God, that's a dead body!
28
00:01:09,553 --> 00:01:11,927
- What the fuck did you do?
- I didn't do anything!
29
00:01:12,011 --> 00:01:13,553
You're holding a fucking gun!
30
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- Aah!
- [gun clatters]
31
00:01:15,344 --> 00:01:16,969
Please, you gotta help me.
32
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Okay, yeah!
33
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,719
Yeah, you know what?
Uh, you go.
34
00:01:20,802 --> 00:01:22,177
I'll--I'll take the fall.
Go.
35
00:01:22,261 --> 00:01:24,177
- Really?
- Fuck no, you idiot!
36
00:01:24,261 --> 00:01:26,594
We gotta call the cops!
You gotta call the cops.
37
00:01:26,677 --> 00:01:28,261
I'm getting
the fuck out of here!
38
00:01:28,344 --> 00:01:29,386
Bro, five words.
39
00:01:29,469 --> 00:01:31,136
Spring break, 1981,
40
00:01:31,219 --> 00:01:32,927
Cabo San Puke-as.
41
00:01:33,011 --> 00:01:34,844
You brought home a girl
with an Adam's apple,
42
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:36,177
you were about
to get your freak on.
43
00:01:36,261 --> 00:01:38,844
And then, I spotted a mole
on your ass.
44
00:01:38,927 --> 00:01:41,594
Doctor said I saved your life
that day.
45
00:01:41,677 --> 00:01:43,386
That was more than five words.
46
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♪ jaunty synth music ♪
47
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I'm so overwhelmed.
48
00:01:48,344 --> 00:01:50,969
I mean, we don't even have
a honeymoon spot.
49
00:01:51,052 --> 00:01:53,428
I mean, Tahiti, Belize, Fiji--
they're all so plain.
50
00:01:53,511 --> 00:01:54,885
Well, I've only been
on a plane twice,
51
00:01:54,969 --> 00:01:56,511
so they all sound exciting.
52
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,677
I want someplace that is
so exotic and so special
53
00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,303
that none of my friends
have been there,
54
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,635
like a country
that's just been overthrown.
55
00:02:02,719 --> 00:02:04,052
You know, a good coup
is like fresh powder
56
00:02:04,136 --> 00:02:05,177
for jet-setters.
57
00:02:05,261 --> 00:02:06,969
Okay.
58
00:02:07,052 --> 00:02:09,885
What do we think?
59
00:02:09,969 --> 00:02:11,760
I thought we agreed
on the pink shirt.
60
00:02:11,844 --> 00:02:12,802
No, no, no.
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00:02:12,885 --> 00:02:13,969
Pink's too feminine.
62
00:02:14,052 --> 00:02:15,594
But pink's your favorite color.
63
00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:16,844
Well, favorite colors
can change.
64
00:02:16,927 --> 00:02:19,094
From now on, mine's...
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00:02:19,177 --> 00:02:20,677
gunmetal gray,
66
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:21,677
or camo.
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00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,261
Blair,
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00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,969
you're not wearing
69
00:02:25,052 --> 00:02:27,428
a camouflage shirt
to our engagement party, okay?
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00:02:27,511 --> 00:02:30,219
Page Six
is covering this thing.
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00:02:30,303 --> 00:02:32,677
All the most influential
and judgmental
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00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,344
socialites
will be there, okay?
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00:02:34,428 --> 00:02:36,885
Like, mm, oh, I don't know--
Terry Jo Maxx,
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00:02:36,969 --> 00:02:38,760
heiress to the TJ Maxx fortune,
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00:02:38,844 --> 00:02:41,011
Condoleeza Nast,
Madison Square,
76
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,719
and my best-friend-slash-
bitter-rival, Tosh B'Gosh.
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00:02:43,802 --> 00:02:46,094
Oh, my gosh, Tosh Osh
Kosh B'Gosh is coming?
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00:02:46,177 --> 00:02:48,052
[Tiff] Yes, but remember,
don't bring up overalls.
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00:02:48,136 --> 00:02:49,428
She doesn't have the shoulders.
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00:02:49,511 --> 00:02:51,802
Blair, this is
our official coming out
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00:02:51,885 --> 00:02:52,760
to Manhattan society.
82
00:02:52,844 --> 00:02:55,428
Don't you want to come out?
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00:02:55,511 --> 00:02:57,094
Sure.
B-babe,
84
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,261
maybe did you
double up on your Fen-Phen?
85
00:02:59,344 --> 00:03:01,052
'Cause this wedding diet's
kind of got you at a ten-ten.
86
00:03:01,136 --> 00:03:03,386
Haven't eaten in four days,
but you know what?
87
00:03:03,469 --> 00:03:05,052
I'm gonna make
an exception for tonight,
88
00:03:05,136 --> 00:03:06,635
because Chef Jean-Georges
is debuting something
89
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,553
called a lava cake,
and oh, mama,
90
00:03:08,635 --> 00:03:10,635
I'm gonna force myself
on that fucking cake.
91
00:03:10,719 --> 00:03:12,677
That's a scary way
to phrase that.
92
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:14,261
You know what?
I never should've agreed
93
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:15,760
to let Mo throw this thing,
94
00:03:15,844 --> 00:03:17,553
'cause I'm feeling
really out of control.
95
00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:19,677
I'm going.
Going over the edge.
96
00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,635
- No, no, no, no, no.
- I'm going, yeah.
97
00:03:21,719 --> 00:03:23,303
- Mommy. Mommy.
- Going.
98
00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:25,261
- Going. I'm gone.
- Shh, shh.
99
00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:27,052
It's the groom's family's
responsibility
100
00:03:27,136 --> 00:03:28,844
to host the engagement party,
101
00:03:28,927 --> 00:03:32,261
and because my mama
is couch-bound and my dad--
102
00:03:32,344 --> 00:03:33,635
Died of a heart attack
while beating you.
103
00:03:33,719 --> 00:03:35,677
We know.
104
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:37,136
Sorry.
105
00:03:37,219 --> 00:03:38,511
It's okay.
106
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:39,885
You know what?
I-I just need to call Mo
107
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,719
and go over the details
one more time.
108
00:03:41,802 --> 00:03:42,844
- [laughs] No.
- One more time.
109
00:03:42,927 --> 00:03:44,303
It's 6:00 a.m.
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Thought:
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what if we postpone
the party
112
00:03:48,511 --> 00:03:50,594
because--
- You're-a-gay.
113
00:03:50,677 --> 00:03:51,469
What?
114
00:03:51,553 --> 00:03:52,261
You're-a-gay.
115
00:03:52,344 --> 00:03:53,635
It's so obvious.
116
00:03:53,719 --> 00:03:55,594
Uh...
[laughing] That's, uh,
117
00:03:55,677 --> 00:03:56,885
it's not obvious to me.
118
00:03:56,969 --> 00:03:59,177
The country had a revolution
four months ago.
119
00:03:59,261 --> 00:04:00,885
This is the perfect sweet spot
120
00:04:00,969 --> 00:04:02,553
between beaches
that are overcrowded
121
00:04:02,635 --> 00:04:04,677
with tourists and corpses.
122
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,844
It's pronounced "yur-u-guai."
123
00:04:06,927 --> 00:04:08,428
Although...
124
00:04:08,511 --> 00:04:09,927
they probably don't
speak English,
125
00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:11,428
and I really don't want
to, like, work
126
00:04:11,511 --> 00:04:12,927
on my honeymoon.
127
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:14,885
Although tell me
this doesn't look delish.
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00:04:16,635 --> 00:04:19,136
[deeply] I'm gonna stick
with the white shirt, babe.
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00:04:19,219 --> 00:04:22,177
♪ low synth music ♪
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♪♪
131
00:04:24,177 --> 00:04:25,553
[chuckling]
132
00:04:25,635 --> 00:04:27,177
- Hey, babe.
- Hey! Oh!
133
00:04:27,261 --> 00:04:28,969
- What you doing?
- Well, you know me.
134
00:04:29,052 --> 00:04:30,635
Just stashing condoms
135
00:04:30,719 --> 00:04:32,428
around the house
for easy access.
136
00:04:32,511 --> 00:04:33,802
How romantic.
137
00:04:33,885 --> 00:04:37,011
Hey, listen.
Speaking of using condoms,
138
00:04:37,094 --> 00:04:39,261
what do you say we...
stop using condoms?
139
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,635
Babe, I want to,
you know that,
140
00:04:42,719 --> 00:04:44,760
but I just--my horoscope
said to lay low,
141
00:04:44,844 --> 00:04:46,719
and don't kids
feel like '90s us?
142
00:04:46,802 --> 00:04:48,635
I mean, not to mention
the fact that I just bought
143
00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:50,052
a ton of Trojan stock,
144
00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:52,386
so I'd kind of be working
against myself.
145
00:04:52,469 --> 00:04:54,219
Mr. Gorbachev,
146
00:04:54,303 --> 00:04:56,428
tear down that wall.
147
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:57,635
- Ronald Reagan?
- I get it.
148
00:04:57,719 --> 00:04:59,885
My vagina is East Berlin.
149
00:04:59,969 --> 00:05:01,969
Impossible to come into.
150
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,553
Yeah, no, I'm sorry.
151
00:05:03,635 --> 00:05:05,052
You know what?
It's fine.
152
00:05:05,136 --> 00:05:06,428
Condoms it is.
153
00:05:06,511 --> 00:05:08,386
[sighs]
Babe,
154
00:05:08,469 --> 00:05:10,344
listen, no, no.
I hear you.
155
00:05:10,428 --> 00:05:12,261
I'm sorry I get all weird
with this stuff.
156
00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:13,428
[inhales]
157
00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:16,635
Okay, I'm in.
158
00:05:16,719 --> 00:05:18,177
Fire at will, Captain.
159
00:05:18,261 --> 00:05:21,094
I am an officer
and a gentleman.
160
00:05:21,177 --> 00:05:22,136
Mm...
161
00:05:22,219 --> 00:05:23,760
Okay, okay.
162
00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:25,177
All right, but as long
as we're talking
163
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:27,760
in movie titles--
Red Dawn.
164
00:05:27,844 --> 00:05:30,011
- Oh.
- Yeah.
165
00:05:30,094 --> 00:05:32,511
- Copy that. Okay.
- Yeah. [laughs]
166
00:05:32,594 --> 00:05:35,344
[Spencer] But I'm so ready.
I'm gonna call my mom.
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00:05:35,428 --> 00:05:38,344
♪ low synth music ♪
168
00:05:38,428 --> 00:05:40,386
[sighs]
169
00:05:40,469 --> 00:05:45,677
♪♪
170
00:05:46,927 --> 00:05:48,511
[Mo] All right,
Booger Sugarhill Gang,
171
00:05:48,594 --> 00:05:49,844
let's jump on it!
172
00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:52,844
Okay.
I have been looking
173
00:05:52,927 --> 00:05:56,052
over your accounts,
and you motherfuckers...
174
00:05:56,136 --> 00:05:57,677
have been making money!
175
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,386
[Mo] Shit is good.
Shit is very good.
176
00:06:00,469 --> 00:06:02,969
So I just wanted
to say thank you.
177
00:06:03,052 --> 00:06:04,303
And where's all the cheering
and shit?
178
00:06:04,386 --> 00:06:05,885
All due respect, Momo,
179
00:06:05,969 --> 00:06:07,219
but normally,
when you compliment us,
180
00:06:07,303 --> 00:06:08,760
it's just a setup
to yell at us
181
00:06:08,844 --> 00:06:09,802
or knock shit out of our hands.
182
00:06:09,885 --> 00:06:11,219
No, that's true, that's true.
183
00:06:11,303 --> 00:06:13,052
That's fair, but this time,
it is real.
184
00:06:13,136 --> 00:06:14,428
This has been
our best month ever!
185
00:06:14,511 --> 00:06:15,511
[cheering]
186
00:06:15,594 --> 00:06:17,094
There we go!
187
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,136
That's more like it,
and I gotta say,
188
00:06:19,219 --> 00:06:21,802
it is mostly due
to our boy Blair here.
189
00:06:21,885 --> 00:06:23,303
Blair, you been doing
incredible work.
190
00:06:23,386 --> 00:06:24,635
Stand up.
Take a bow.
191
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:25,969
Come on, Blair.
Stand up.
192
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,553
[Blair] Ah,
193
00:06:27,635 --> 00:06:28,969
I can't take all the credit.
194
00:06:29,052 --> 00:06:30,094
This wouldn't
have been possible
195
00:06:30,177 --> 00:06:31,927
without the help of, uh,
196
00:06:32,011 --> 00:06:33,927
- one very special person.
- Aw...
197
00:06:34,011 --> 00:06:35,594
She's become
quite a mentor to me.
198
00:06:35,677 --> 00:06:37,094
Hold on, I know I'm cute,
but I'm still a he.
199
00:06:37,177 --> 00:06:39,136
Dawn, the advice,
200
00:06:39,219 --> 00:06:41,428
the late nights...
201
00:06:41,511 --> 00:06:43,011
I share this with you.
202
00:06:43,094 --> 00:06:44,844
Share what?
The fuck am I watching here?
203
00:06:44,927 --> 00:06:46,469
Okay, mazel, you two.
204
00:06:46,553 --> 00:06:47,594
- Keep it up, kids.
- Wait, wait, wait.
205
00:06:47,677 --> 00:06:48,719
That's it?
That's the meeting?
206
00:06:48,802 --> 00:06:50,594
Oh, hey, Mo.
I happen to have
207
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,177
information that Audi--
208
00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,927
Whoa, whoa.
Inside information?
209
00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:55,553
Yeah, what am I,
a fucking teacher?
210
00:06:55,635 --> 00:06:57,094
[woman] Ha! That's good.
- Forget about him.
211
00:06:57,177 --> 00:06:58,428
[Blair] I talked to some
of my bros at Wharton.
212
00:06:58,511 --> 00:07:00,511
Audi's about to do
a major recall, even bigger
213
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,303
than their last one,
when the carpets--
214
00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:04,344
Didn't match the drapes,
am I right, Mo?
215
00:07:04,428 --> 00:07:06,011
What is this, open mic night?
Shut the fuck up, Keith.
216
00:07:06,094 --> 00:07:08,635
[Blair] When the carpets were
pinning down the gas pedals.
217
00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,469
Multiple fatalities.
218
00:07:10,553 --> 00:07:12,386
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
219
00:07:12,469 --> 00:07:13,969
If we short it, we could
double our stack in a day.
220
00:07:14,052 --> 00:07:16,344
Yes, let's do that immediately.
Okay.
221
00:07:16,428 --> 00:07:17,885
This is what I'm talking about.
This kid's a fucking genius,
222
00:07:17,969 --> 00:07:19,219
- all right?
- Come on.
223
00:07:19,303 --> 00:07:20,553
Set this kid up
with anything he needs,
224
00:07:20,635 --> 00:07:22,136
all right, Keith?
Great job, son.
225
00:07:22,219 --> 00:07:23,386
You were right.
Picking stocks is a lot easier
226
00:07:23,469 --> 00:07:24,553
when you already know
what's gonna happen.
227
00:07:24,635 --> 00:07:26,719
- Told you.
- [laughs]
228
00:07:28,511 --> 00:07:30,927
Go fuck yourself.
All right, everybody.
229
00:07:31,011 --> 00:07:32,177
Back to work.
Let's go.
230
00:07:34,553 --> 00:07:35,553
What's up, Mo?
231
00:07:35,635 --> 00:07:36,760
Ah, nada mooch.
232
00:07:36,844 --> 00:07:38,344
What's up with you?
Oh.
233
00:07:38,428 --> 00:07:39,844
Is that your dress
for Blair's engagement party?
234
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,177
- It's gorgeous.
- Yeah, it's a Mel Bruning.
235
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:44,386
She's a genius.
But I meant "What's up"
236
00:07:44,469 --> 00:07:46,553
as in, you know,
what the fuck is up with you?
237
00:07:46,635 --> 00:07:48,219
I don't follow.
238
00:07:48,303 --> 00:07:51,344
Okay, well you've just--
you've been, uh, nice.
239
00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:53,261
- Oh.
- You know?
240
00:07:53,344 --> 00:07:54,885
And I expected you to be
a huge prick ever since...
241
00:07:54,969 --> 00:07:57,428
You lost a piece of my company
to my most hated enemies?
242
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:58,844
Okay.
243
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:00,635
[laughs]
But, uh...
244
00:08:00,719 --> 00:08:02,511
you know, you said yourself,
we've never done better,
245
00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:04,303
and wouldn't you rather
the Leighmans
246
00:08:04,386 --> 00:08:06,844
own a piece of us
instead of a gang of killers?
247
00:08:06,927 --> 00:08:08,511
I completely agree.
248
00:08:08,594 --> 00:08:10,011
What a cogent argument.
249
00:08:10,094 --> 00:08:11,719
Look, Dawn,
I'm not trying to be nice.
250
00:08:11,802 --> 00:08:13,136
I'm just trying to be smart.
251
00:08:13,219 --> 00:08:15,219
I let you and Blair
fuck up my mojo,
252
00:08:15,303 --> 00:08:16,760
but it was a good reminder,
253
00:08:16,844 --> 00:08:17,802
'cause now I'm gonna be
using my little head
254
00:08:17,885 --> 00:08:19,011
instead of my big one.
255
00:08:19,094 --> 00:08:20,511
Don't you mean your big head?
256
00:08:20,594 --> 00:08:21,760
Do I?
257
00:08:21,844 --> 00:08:23,011
The point is, Dawn,
258
00:08:23,094 --> 00:08:24,553
I don't care
about the Leighmans,
259
00:08:24,635 --> 00:08:26,177
I don't care about Blair,
260
00:08:26,261 --> 00:08:27,011
definitely don't give a fuck
about you anymore.
261
00:08:27,094 --> 00:08:28,677
I'm just gonna
stay focused,
262
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,760
and all I care about
is the Georgina play.
263
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,635
Fuck 'em all.
264
00:08:32,719 --> 00:08:35,386
♪ soft music ♪
265
00:08:35,469 --> 00:08:36,844
Yeah.
266
00:08:36,927 --> 00:08:39,136
♪♪
267
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:40,802
[Keith] Hey, look who it is.
268
00:08:40,885 --> 00:08:42,428
The golden butt boy.
269
00:08:42,511 --> 00:08:44,428
[sighs] Look, I'm just
trying to do my job, okay?
270
00:08:44,511 --> 00:08:46,844
Speaking of, I need
those Audi puts before you go.
271
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,677
Oh, yeah, about that.
Um...suck my dick.
272
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:50,802
Oh, and that's
a figure of speech,
273
00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:52,428
not an invitation.
274
00:08:52,511 --> 00:08:53,553
You wish.
275
00:08:53,635 --> 00:08:56,177
You wish.
276
00:08:56,261 --> 00:08:57,219
You wish.
277
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:58,011
You wish.
278
00:08:58,094 --> 00:08:59,386
You wish.
279
00:08:59,469 --> 00:09:00,177
[scoffs]
280
00:09:00,261 --> 00:09:03,094
You...wish.
281
00:09:04,219 --> 00:09:06,719
I don't know what you think
you think about me,
282
00:09:06,802 --> 00:09:07,969
but it's not true.
283
00:09:08,052 --> 00:09:10,386
I have my engagement party
tonight,
284
00:09:10,469 --> 00:09:11,635
to a woman,
285
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:12,969
and I might be falling
286
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,386
for another woman.
287
00:09:14,469 --> 00:09:16,261
Talk about you wishing,
but hey,
288
00:09:16,344 --> 00:09:18,428
I hope you're right,
because trust me...
289
00:09:18,511 --> 00:09:21,094
you don't want to be me.
290
00:09:21,177 --> 00:09:23,469
Did you just chase Ex-Lax
with ipecac?
291
00:09:23,553 --> 00:09:25,303
Bottoms up.
292
00:09:25,386 --> 00:09:28,719
Oh, you should get used
to hearing that, by the way.
293
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,553
Is that chili?
294
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,969
Mm.
Mm.
295
00:09:33,052 --> 00:09:34,927
Cleanup in aisle Blair.
296
00:09:35,011 --> 00:09:37,927
♪ low synth music ♪
297
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,428
All right, who is ready
298
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:41,011
for the Cape?
[laughs]
299
00:09:41,094 --> 00:09:42,428
Noah, I hope you brought
your mitt,
300
00:09:42,511 --> 00:09:44,594
'cause I'm bringing the heat
like Orel Hershiser.
301
00:09:44,677 --> 00:09:46,261
Bam down the middle!
302
00:09:46,344 --> 00:09:49,219
Rach, underwater tea parties
all day long.
303
00:09:49,303 --> 00:09:50,844
And Braddy, those townie girls
are about to have
304
00:09:50,927 --> 00:09:53,177
a Hebrew National
eating competition, am I right?
305
00:09:53,261 --> 00:09:55,094
- [Shira] Keithy! No.
- [Keith laughs]
306
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,553
No. Not appropriate.
307
00:09:56,635 --> 00:09:58,219
But you know what?
Daddy is right.
308
00:09:58,303 --> 00:09:59,677
This is a very big summer
for your schmeckle.
309
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,802
You're a man now.
Gonna make Mama proud?
310
00:10:01,885 --> 00:10:05,303
I am so excited
for a Shanker family road trip.
311
00:10:05,386 --> 00:10:06,760
In just six short hours,
we'll be making
312
00:10:06,844 --> 00:10:08,428
s'mores and memories.
All right.
313
00:10:08,511 --> 00:10:10,052
♪ 99 bottles of beer
on the wall ♪
314
00:10:10,136 --> 00:10:10,927
♪ 99-- ♪
315
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:12,469
[retches]
316
00:10:12,553 --> 00:10:14,677
[screams]
317
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,594
[retches]
318
00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:18,386
Oh, my God.
319
00:10:18,469 --> 00:10:19,885
Oh, Keith, are you okay?
320
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:20,969
Think so.
I'm sorry, kids.
321
00:10:21,052 --> 00:10:22,802
That was weird.
322
00:10:22,885 --> 00:10:24,011
Good thing I got a change
of clothes right here.
323
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:26,094
- [retches]
- [Shira] Ohh--
324
00:10:26,177 --> 00:10:29,094
[girl] Mommy!
[Noah] Oh, gross!
325
00:10:29,177 --> 00:10:30,927
You know what?
I'm thinking maybe
326
00:10:31,011 --> 00:10:32,094
you should stay home.
327
00:10:32,177 --> 00:10:33,344
No, no, I'm feeling better.
328
00:10:33,428 --> 00:10:35,885
Think I got it all
out of my system--
329
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,344
[flatulence]
330
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,802
Oh...
331
00:10:39,885 --> 00:10:43,261
I did it, Mike.
Shira and the kids are gone.
332
00:10:43,344 --> 00:10:44,344
Yeah, it wasn't easy,
333
00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:47,177
but, uh, that's why you lease.
334
00:10:47,261 --> 00:10:49,511
I told you,
nothing would stop me
335
00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:51,760
from seeing your Broadway
debut as Rusty.
336
00:10:51,844 --> 00:10:53,469
I mean, understudy?
337
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:55,511
More like over-study,
because you're so--
338
00:10:55,594 --> 00:10:58,386
[loud vomiting]
339
00:10:58,469 --> 00:11:00,052
[gasps, sniffles]
340
00:11:00,136 --> 00:11:01,553
Prepared.
341
00:11:01,635 --> 00:11:04,553
♪ low synth music ♪
342
00:11:04,635 --> 00:11:05,885
♪♪
343
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,136
[door clatters]
344
00:11:07,219 --> 00:11:09,303
Where the fuck have you been?
345
00:11:09,386 --> 00:11:10,885
It--I--I'm sorry.
346
00:11:10,969 --> 00:11:12,469
Is that a milkshake?
347
00:11:12,553 --> 00:11:14,677
Yeah, I had to spread out
my purchases.
348
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,177
Can't just go in a store.
"Excuse me.
349
00:11:16,261 --> 00:11:17,344
Can I have some shovels,
an axe,
350
00:11:17,428 --> 00:11:19,261
and a gallon
of hydrochloric acid?
351
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,594
Better yet, do you have
a dead guy cleanup kit?
352
00:11:21,677 --> 00:11:23,386
'Cause my friend's
a budding serial killer."
353
00:11:23,469 --> 00:11:24,844
And yes, there
happened to be a DQ
354
00:11:24,927 --> 00:11:26,594
near one of the stores,
so I got myself
355
00:11:26,677 --> 00:11:28,469
an Oreo-Speedwagon.
Sue me.
356
00:11:28,553 --> 00:11:30,261
I'm a serial killer?
357
00:11:30,344 --> 00:11:33,261
You're drinking a Blizzard
next to a fucking dead person.
358
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,136
- I didn't kill anybody!
- Neither did I!
359
00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:36,386
Why can't we remember
anything?
360
00:11:36,469 --> 00:11:38,594
Fuck, man, I don't know,
all right?
361
00:11:38,677 --> 00:11:40,594
We were watching WKRP...
362
00:11:40,677 --> 00:11:42,760
- Yeah.
- And then we got that pizza.
363
00:11:42,844 --> 00:11:44,802
Then we ordered all that PCP...
364
00:11:44,885 --> 00:11:46,469
[both] Oh.
365
00:11:46,553 --> 00:11:48,594
We did PCP all night.
We should've known.
366
00:11:48,677 --> 00:11:50,677
Every time we're
about to go too far,
367
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,386
we say "Let's not order PCP,"
368
00:11:52,469 --> 00:11:54,219
- and then what do we do?
- Order PCP.
369
00:11:54,303 --> 00:11:55,885
- We order PCP!
- God damn it!
370
00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:58,094
[Yassir] Okay, this
is gonna be all right.
371
00:11:58,177 --> 00:11:59,511
Who's gonna miss one guy?
372
00:11:59,635 --> 00:12:00,927
[Wayne] Yeah, there's, like,
a billion people
373
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:03,344
in the world.
It's gonna be fine.
374
00:12:03,428 --> 00:12:05,344
- Motherfuck me!
- Oh, come on, y'all!
375
00:12:05,428 --> 00:12:06,719
- [siren whoops]
- [brakes screech]
376
00:12:06,802 --> 00:12:08,344
[man] Freeze!
This is the police!
377
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:10,219
Hands in the air!
378
00:12:10,303 --> 00:12:11,719
[body thuds]
379
00:12:16,927 --> 00:12:18,969
You are very thoughtful,
my friend.
380
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:20,969
Much appreciated.
381
00:12:21,052 --> 00:12:23,344
Okay, okay.
Hey.
382
00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:24,844
Hey, hey!
383
00:12:24,927 --> 00:12:26,386
Everybody knows
that a champagne tower
384
00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:28,136
has to be
at least six stories tall.
385
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:29,719
And you have got
to be kidding me
386
00:12:29,802 --> 00:12:31,219
if you think you're gonna put
that chafing dish
387
00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:32,219
center stage,
where the lava cake
388
00:12:32,303 --> 00:12:33,344
is supposed to live.
389
00:12:33,428 --> 00:12:34,719
Swap that shit out.
390
00:12:34,802 --> 00:12:36,469
Bride-to-be
is very particular.
391
00:12:36,553 --> 00:12:38,177
I'm sorry, Mo.
I know Tiff can be a little--
392
00:12:38,261 --> 00:12:39,386
Great.
She can be great.
393
00:12:39,469 --> 00:12:40,511
That's what she is.
394
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,303
- [laughs]
- Right?
395
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,885
I love anybody who knows
exactly what they want.
396
00:12:43,969 --> 00:12:45,261
- Don't you?
- Oh, totally.
397
00:12:45,344 --> 00:12:46,927
- All right.
- [slurping]
398
00:12:47,011 --> 00:12:48,719
Are you okay, Blair?
I mean, you didn't even dump
399
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:50,261
any fruit punch in that vodka.
400
00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:52,052
Yeah, no, I'm--
yeah, no, I'm good.
401
00:12:52,136 --> 00:12:53,927
Yeah, I'm just
a little overwhelmed
402
00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:55,386
and confused.
403
00:12:55,469 --> 00:12:57,261
Conwhelmed.
Overfused.
404
00:12:57,344 --> 00:12:59,136
[laughs] There's not really
a sniglet for it.
405
00:12:59,219 --> 00:13:01,094
Motherfucker,
what did you just say?
406
00:13:01,177 --> 00:13:03,261
Sniglet.
It's when you take two words
407
00:13:03,344 --> 00:13:05,303
and combine them to make
one hilarious word,
408
00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:07,261
like, uh, "snack-mosphere."
409
00:13:07,344 --> 00:13:09,553
It's the pocket of air
inside of a chip bag.
410
00:13:09,635 --> 00:13:11,428
Oh, okay, that is hilarious.
411
00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:12,844
- [laughs]
- At first, I thought you said
412
00:13:12,927 --> 00:13:14,386
something that made me
want to stab you.
413
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:15,677
- Oh, God, no, never.
- Okay.
414
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:16,802
If there's one thing
that I know
415
00:13:16,885 --> 00:13:17,969
from the hundreds of calls
416
00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:19,261
and faxes and Post-Its
417
00:13:19,344 --> 00:13:20,719
that I got from Tiff,
418
00:13:20,802 --> 00:13:22,052
it's that she's passionate.
419
00:13:22,136 --> 00:13:23,760
Okay?
She loves hard,
420
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,094
and she loves you.
421
00:13:25,177 --> 00:13:26,885
Oh, she's something.
[chuckles]
422
00:13:26,969 --> 00:13:28,052
[slurping]
423
00:13:28,136 --> 00:13:30,011
Um, speaking of sniglets,
424
00:13:30,094 --> 00:13:32,219
Tiff's parents can be...
ooh, uh...
425
00:13:32,303 --> 00:13:33,844
what's the best way
to say this?
426
00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:34,885
Horribly racist?
427
00:13:34,969 --> 00:13:36,594
Oh, circle gets the square.
428
00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:38,386
- [both laugh]
- Oh, and that reminds me.
429
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,303
when I was shredding,
I came across
430
00:13:40,386 --> 00:13:43,094
some Georgina documents.
Would you have any idea why--
431
00:13:43,177 --> 00:13:45,052
The--the...
432
00:13:46,177 --> 00:13:49,303
I've got to get the DJ
to play some The The.
433
00:13:49,386 --> 00:13:51,177
[laughing] I love those guys.
434
00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:54,511
[Mo] Ah, Georgina documents.
Yeah, um, I think that
435
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:56,635
maybe we purchased
some Georgina shares
436
00:13:56,719 --> 00:13:58,594
back in the day to, you know,
offset our capital gains.
437
00:13:58,677 --> 00:14:01,094
Aha!
438
00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:03,927
Ask the DJ if he has any A-ha,
'cause I like those guys, too.
439
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,052
I'm on it.
440
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,677
[laughs] Hey, Blair?
441
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,594
You might want
to slow down a little bit.
442
00:14:08,677 --> 00:14:10,511
- Take it easy.
- Take it easy, Mo.
443
00:14:13,177 --> 00:14:15,261
Where's my waiter friend?
444
00:14:15,344 --> 00:14:17,052
- Thank you for coming with me.
- Ha, well, you owe me.
445
00:14:17,136 --> 00:14:19,511
I know, but baby,
for the last time,
446
00:14:19,594 --> 00:14:21,511
Mo is, and has always been,
447
00:14:21,594 --> 00:14:23,469
just my boss, okay?
448
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:24,594
Okay.
449
00:14:24,677 --> 00:14:26,553
- Okay. [laughs]
- Okay, I guess.
450
00:14:26,635 --> 00:14:27,969
[Jackie] Honey,
you didn't tell me
451
00:14:28,052 --> 00:14:28,927
you hired a band.
452
00:14:29,011 --> 00:14:30,635
[Jackie] How fun!
453
00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:32,802
Hey, you know
any Weird Al Yankovic?
454
00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:35,011
- Oh, Eat It . Yeah, big fan.
- No, we're not a band.
455
00:14:35,094 --> 00:14:37,011
[Tiff] No, this is Dawn.
Dawn works with Blair.
456
00:14:37,094 --> 00:14:39,136
Oh, hey, nice to meet you, Don.
457
00:14:39,219 --> 00:14:40,885
Actually, I'm Dawn.
458
00:14:40,969 --> 00:14:42,469
Oh, you're Dawn?
459
00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,386
Mo won't shut up about you.
460
00:14:44,469 --> 00:14:46,177
You really messed him up, girl.
461
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,386
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
462
00:14:48,469 --> 00:14:49,719
You are thinking
of another Dawn.
463
00:14:49,802 --> 00:14:51,344
- [Spencer] Sure.
- [Dawn] Another Don,
464
00:14:51,428 --> 00:14:52,594
- who is a man.
- [Suki] Really?
465
00:14:52,677 --> 00:14:54,969
Then why did Mo buy me
this dress?
466
00:14:58,136 --> 00:15:00,635
- This is my husband, Spencer.
- Mm-hmm.
467
00:15:00,719 --> 00:15:02,219
You're black? Huh.
468
00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:03,635
Mo always calls you
"white boy."
469
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:04,594
Really?
470
00:15:04,677 --> 00:15:06,511
I'm Suki, Mo's date...
471
00:15:06,594 --> 00:15:07,802
for the night.
472
00:15:07,885 --> 00:15:09,594
- [elevator dings]
- Ladies.
473
00:15:09,677 --> 00:15:10,760
After you, Henri.
474
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:13,594
♪ low synth music ♪
475
00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:15,303
♪♪
476
00:15:15,386 --> 00:15:17,469
[cheers and applause]
477
00:15:17,553 --> 00:15:19,469
[laughs]
Hey. Hi.
478
00:15:19,553 --> 00:15:21,052
[Keith] How you doing?
- Uh, yes.
479
00:15:21,136 --> 00:15:23,052
Right, let's cross.
480
00:15:23,136 --> 00:15:25,219
- Hey.
- [laughs softly]
481
00:15:25,303 --> 00:15:27,511
Your voice is amazing,
all right?
482
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,719
I mean, seriously,
you're a triple threat.
483
00:15:29,802 --> 00:15:31,469
You can sing and you can dance
and you don't fall down.
484
00:15:31,553 --> 00:15:32,677
Come on, let's go back
to my house and celebrate.
485
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,219
I think it's aired out
by now, so--
486
00:15:34,303 --> 00:15:35,386
Great, great, but actually,
487
00:15:35,469 --> 00:15:36,344
everyone's going to my place,
488
00:15:36,428 --> 00:15:38,011
so let's do that first,
489
00:15:38,094 --> 00:15:39,844
and then we can go sleep
at your place after.
490
00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:42,052
Or we skip your place
and just come back to my place
491
00:15:42,136 --> 00:15:43,844
and, uh, have some gay sex.
492
00:15:43,927 --> 00:15:45,677
[quietly] Okay,
so we've been over this.
493
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,927
You can just call it sex.
Now come on.
494
00:15:48,011 --> 00:15:49,677
I want to show my friends
my little Keither Sutherland.
495
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,553
I know, but what if
someone I know sees me?
496
00:15:51,635 --> 00:15:53,094
Well,
if they're at my party,
497
00:15:53,177 --> 00:15:54,635
they're probably
a friend of Dorothy's, so...
498
00:15:54,719 --> 00:15:56,969
- Now come on.
- No, I can't, I can't.
499
00:15:57,052 --> 00:15:58,511
Okay?
Just...
500
00:15:58,594 --> 00:15:59,469
come with me.
Come back to my--
501
00:15:59,553 --> 00:16:01,553
- No. Keith...
- What?
502
00:16:01,635 --> 00:16:03,635
This is a really big night
for me,
503
00:16:03,719 --> 00:16:06,219
and I want to celebrate it
with my friends,
504
00:16:06,303 --> 00:16:08,261
my cast-mates,
and my boyfriend.
505
00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:10,511
But if you can't do that,
why don't you just go out
506
00:16:10,635 --> 00:16:12,635
with your Wall Street
buddies?
507
00:16:15,261 --> 00:16:16,719
Except for the tiny hiccup
508
00:16:16,802 --> 00:16:18,760
when Mo's date
guessed my dad's name,
509
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:20,594
this is going well.
510
00:16:20,677 --> 00:16:22,219
I gotta hand it to me.
511
00:16:22,303 --> 00:16:24,261
I really pulled this
out of Mo's ass.
512
00:16:24,344 --> 00:16:26,844
I love you too, babe.
513
00:16:26,927 --> 00:16:28,885
Oh, don't look now,
but Mo and my parents
514
00:16:28,969 --> 00:16:30,719
are actually getting along.
515
00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:32,177
[Mo] And that's how the band
got the name The Downbeats.
516
00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:34,261
[laughter]
517
00:16:34,344 --> 00:16:36,011
You're a regular Red Buttons.
518
00:16:36,094 --> 00:16:37,261
More like a Redd Foxx!
519
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:38,677
More like a Black Panther!
520
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,011
[laughter]
521
00:16:41,094 --> 00:16:42,719
[Mo] Hey, by the way,
522
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,594
what the fuck is up
with the guy behind us?
523
00:16:44,677 --> 00:16:46,344
I mean, you think
I'm gonna boost
524
00:16:46,428 --> 00:16:47,553
my own silverware,
you big bigots?
525
00:16:47,635 --> 00:16:48,594
- [Jackie] Oh, what? No.
- [Henri] What?
526
00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:50,844
No.
Just between us, uh...
527
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,344
we've had some threats,
uh, with Tiffany.
528
00:16:53,428 --> 00:16:55,011
[Henri] Uh, ever since
Calvin Klein's daughter
529
00:16:55,094 --> 00:16:56,344
was kidnapped.
530
00:16:56,428 --> 00:16:58,094
Well, that makes sense,
531
00:16:58,177 --> 00:17:00,219
because both of your families
have such great genes.
532
00:17:00,303 --> 00:17:01,511
[laughs]
533
00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:02,760
[Henri] He's good!
534
00:17:02,844 --> 00:17:06,428
Yeah, it's actually
quite serious.
535
00:17:06,511 --> 00:17:07,719
Mm-hmm.
536
00:17:07,802 --> 00:17:09,885
What's up, ho?
Cute party.
537
00:17:09,969 --> 00:17:12,719
[gasps]
Hey, hos! Blair,
538
00:17:12,802 --> 00:17:14,303
you remember Tosh B'Gosh,
539
00:17:14,386 --> 00:17:16,303
Bunny Bartles,
Kayla James.
540
00:17:16,386 --> 00:17:18,052
Thank you for your support.
541
00:17:18,136 --> 00:17:20,052
Bartles & Jaymes?
That's your slogan, right?
542
00:17:20,136 --> 00:17:21,219
Yeah, we get that a lot.
543
00:17:21,303 --> 00:17:22,885
So champ's over there.
544
00:17:22,969 --> 00:17:25,094
I won't even tell you the year.
'77, oops.
545
00:17:25,177 --> 00:17:27,760
Over here, we've got surf
'n' turf 'n' earth 'n' birth--
546
00:17:27,844 --> 00:17:29,469
lobster, filet,
truffles, caviar.
547
00:17:29,553 --> 00:17:31,177
And for dessert,
Chef Jean-Georges
548
00:17:31,261 --> 00:17:33,386
has whipped up
a culinary miracle:
549
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,428
solid outside,
liquid inside lava cake.
550
00:17:36,511 --> 00:17:37,677
But it's fat-free, right?
551
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:38,677
'Cause I'm on
the grapefruit diet.
552
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:39,635
Cabbage soup.
553
00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:41,386
Lean Cuisine and purge.
554
00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:42,969
Does this place have
a microwave and toilet?
555
00:17:43,052 --> 00:17:45,177
Speaking of, Tiff,
it's so great
556
00:17:45,261 --> 00:17:47,344
that you didn't do the whole
extreme wedding diet thing.
557
00:17:47,428 --> 00:17:49,969
You look so healthy.
558
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,011
Shut up, ho.
559
00:17:51,094 --> 00:17:52,802
You shut up, ho!
560
00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:55,802
Why don't you shut your faces,
you fucking whores?
561
00:17:56,927 --> 00:17:58,802
Come on, girls.
I've got the one sugar
562
00:17:58,885 --> 00:18:01,511
we all still love--
booger.
563
00:18:01,594 --> 00:18:03,553
[Tosh] What's
with the hotel room?
564
00:18:03,635 --> 00:18:05,469
Is it like
an after-party theme?
565
00:18:05,553 --> 00:18:06,969
[Tiff] No, Blair's dad's dead
and his mom's fat,
566
00:18:07,052 --> 00:18:08,594
so it's a whole thing.
567
00:18:08,677 --> 00:18:11,386
[Culture Club's
"Karma Chameleon" playing]
568
00:18:11,469 --> 00:18:13,136
♪♪
569
00:18:13,219 --> 00:18:15,344
♪ Is it loving
in your eyes ♪
570
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,177
♪ All the way ♪
571
00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:20,386
♪ If I listen to your lies ♪
572
00:18:20,469 --> 00:18:23,469
♪ Would you say ♪
573
00:18:23,553 --> 00:18:27,969
♪ I'm a man
without conviction ♪
574
00:18:28,052 --> 00:18:30,844
♪ I'm a man ♪
575
00:18:30,927 --> 00:18:33,386
♪ Who doesn't know ♪
576
00:18:33,469 --> 00:18:36,177
♪ How to sell ♪
577
00:18:36,261 --> 00:18:38,635
♪ A contradiction ♪
578
00:18:38,719 --> 00:18:41,386
♪ You come and go ♪
579
00:18:41,469 --> 00:18:45,052
♪ You come
and go ♪
580
00:18:45,136 --> 00:18:46,635
♪ Karma, karma, karma, karma ♪
581
00:18:46,719 --> 00:18:49,303
♪ Karma chameleon ♪
582
00:18:49,386 --> 00:18:52,344
[upbeat music playing]
583
00:18:52,428 --> 00:18:57,094
♪♪
584
00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:58,635
Look,
do you just want to go?
585
00:18:58,719 --> 00:19:01,303
Why?
So you can lie to me in the cab
586
00:19:01,386 --> 00:19:03,553
about how I didn't definitely
hear what I just heard?
587
00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:07,052
[sighs] Fine,
Mo and I dated, okay?
588
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:10,844
But for a very short time
a very long time ago.
589
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,927
I wanted to tell you,
but I--I--I--I couldn't,
590
00:19:13,011 --> 00:19:14,927
because I knew
you would make me choose
591
00:19:15,011 --> 00:19:17,553
between you and my work,
592
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:20,011
and I shouldn't have
to make that choice.
593
00:19:20,094 --> 00:19:22,177
Well,
594
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:23,969
now you do.
595
00:19:24,052 --> 00:19:26,136
You can have me
or you can have him.
596
00:19:26,219 --> 00:19:29,052
- Spence, how--
- [Mo] Hey, hey. Ha ha!
597
00:19:29,136 --> 00:19:30,594
Look at the two of you.
598
00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:31,844
Like mind meld, right?
599
00:19:31,927 --> 00:19:33,303
Oh, my goodness, indeed.
600
00:19:33,386 --> 00:19:35,469
- Uh, Sucky, right?
- It's Suki.
601
00:19:35,553 --> 00:19:37,219
- Oh, is it?
- [Mo] Come on.
602
00:19:37,303 --> 00:19:39,344
Every guy in here's wearing
damn near the same thing.
603
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:40,802
I mean, you don't see us being
604
00:19:40,885 --> 00:19:42,969
all upset about it,
right, Spence?
605
00:19:43,052 --> 00:19:44,927
Yeah,
don't be upset.
606
00:19:45,011 --> 00:19:47,719
Just be happy that Mo
bought us both these dresses.
607
00:19:47,802 --> 00:19:49,428
Mo didn't buy this dress
or me.
608
00:19:49,511 --> 00:19:51,094
♪♪
609
00:19:51,177 --> 00:19:52,261
Okay...
610
00:19:52,344 --> 00:19:54,303
[sighs]
611
00:19:57,136 --> 00:20:00,136
[Blair, drunkenly]
♪ Amazing Blair ♪
612
00:20:00,219 --> 00:20:02,136
♪ How drunk I--♪
613
00:20:02,219 --> 00:20:04,052
[Dawn] Hello?
614
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,261
[laughs]
615
00:20:05,344 --> 00:20:07,261
Hey, pretty lady.
616
00:20:07,344 --> 00:20:08,177
Ah, hey.
617
00:20:08,261 --> 00:20:10,219
Rough night?
618
00:20:10,303 --> 00:20:12,511
Oof.
Yeah.
619
00:20:12,594 --> 00:20:13,386
You?
620
00:20:13,469 --> 00:20:15,511
Mm.
621
00:20:15,594 --> 00:20:17,677
I've been lying to Spencer.
622
00:20:18,969 --> 00:20:21,677
I've been lying to myself.
623
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:22,553
[laughs]
624
00:20:22,635 --> 00:20:26,428
[both laugh]
625
00:20:26,511 --> 00:20:27,760
Take it easy, Spencer.
626
00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:28,927
Don't tell me to take it easy.
627
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:30,553
I know you steal for a living,
628
00:20:30,635 --> 00:20:31,802
but that doesn't mean
I'm gonna let you
629
00:20:31,885 --> 00:20:33,760
steal my girl,
motherfucker!
630
00:20:33,844 --> 00:20:35,719
Spence, maybe
could we do this outside?
631
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:38,177
I would love
to do this outside.
632
00:20:38,261 --> 00:20:39,969
[Mo] Spence, this party
is about Tiff and Blair,
633
00:20:40,052 --> 00:20:41,553
- [Mo] not Dawn and me.
- Blair? Blair?
634
00:20:41,635 --> 00:20:43,428
Here, boy!
[whistles]
635
00:20:43,511 --> 00:20:45,011
Oh, my God.
Blair!
636
00:20:45,094 --> 00:20:46,969
Just tell me what to do.
637
00:20:47,052 --> 00:20:48,802
You're so smart
and so together,
638
00:20:48,885 --> 00:20:51,553
and I trust you more
than I trust myself right now.
639
00:20:51,635 --> 00:20:54,303
Mm, that's the nicest thing
anyone's said to me
640
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:56,719
in a long time.
641
00:20:56,802 --> 00:20:58,844
And the dumbest.
642
00:20:58,927 --> 00:21:00,760
Blair, I don't have
shit together,
643
00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,511
but if you're asking me
if you should marry Tiff--
644
00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:04,802
[knock on door]
645
00:21:04,885 --> 00:21:06,719
- [Tiff] Blair!
- Oh, boy.
646
00:21:06,802 --> 00:21:09,219
- Okay, shush, shush, shush.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go.
647
00:21:09,303 --> 00:21:12,553
Whoa!
Who's this lady?
648
00:21:12,635 --> 00:21:14,094
[Tiff] You asshole.
649
00:21:14,177 --> 00:21:16,011
While you've been in here,
getting shitfaced,
650
00:21:16,094 --> 00:21:17,885
our reputation's out there,
getting butt-fucked
651
00:21:17,969 --> 00:21:19,219
in front of
a live studio audience.
652
00:21:19,303 --> 00:21:20,594
- Get up.
- Okay.
653
00:21:20,677 --> 00:21:21,927
- Get up!
- Okay, okay.
654
00:21:22,011 --> 00:21:23,344
- [whack]
- Oh! Okay, look.
655
00:21:23,428 --> 00:21:25,386
I'm s--I'm bad at parties.
656
00:21:25,469 --> 00:21:27,177
No, you're bad at me!
Okay, all you had to do
657
00:21:27,261 --> 00:21:30,011
was show up and smile,
and you couldn't even do that.
658
00:21:30,094 --> 00:21:32,344
After everything
I have put up with--
659
00:21:32,428 --> 00:21:34,011
shitty apartments,
the lonely nights--
660
00:21:34,094 --> 00:21:36,219
I tried everything
to make this work,
661
00:21:36,303 --> 00:21:37,802
because I love you.
662
00:21:37,885 --> 00:21:40,094
You're the only one
who even liked me
663
00:21:40,177 --> 00:21:42,885
in spite of my name,
not because of it, okay?
664
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,469
And now I don't even know
if you like me at all anymore.
665
00:21:46,553 --> 00:21:48,344
Do you even want
to get married? Huh?
666
00:21:48,428 --> 00:21:50,553
♪♪
667
00:21:50,635 --> 00:21:52,261
[sighs]
668
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:54,469
Uh...
669
00:21:54,553 --> 00:21:56,136
Oh, come on, Tiffany!
670
00:21:58,011 --> 00:21:59,177
[Mo] Listen, Spencer,
671
00:21:59,261 --> 00:22:01,219
I don't want your girl,
okay?
672
00:22:01,303 --> 00:22:02,760
In fact, I don't ever want
to see her again,
673
00:22:02,844 --> 00:22:04,261
which is why after we wrap up
674
00:22:04,344 --> 00:22:06,011
these last few deals we got,
I'm gonna ship her off
675
00:22:06,094 --> 00:22:07,469
to the Leighman Brothers'
satellite office
676
00:22:07,553 --> 00:22:08,635
in Connecticut.
677
00:22:08,719 --> 00:22:10,344
- Bullshit.
- It's true.
678
00:22:10,428 --> 00:22:11,677
She'll never go for that.
She'll quit.
679
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,177
Exactly.
680
00:22:13,261 --> 00:22:15,261
You want her home.
I want her gone.
681
00:22:15,344 --> 00:22:17,261
Win-win.
682
00:22:17,344 --> 00:22:18,677
[Blair] Tiff, Tiff, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
683
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:20,553
Please, please,
just talk to me, baby, come on.
684
00:22:20,635 --> 00:22:22,052
- [Blair] Where're you going?
- [Mo] No, no, no, no, no, no.
685
00:22:22,136 --> 00:22:23,261
[Tiff] No.
- Kids, kids, Tiff--Tiff--
686
00:22:23,344 --> 00:22:25,219
W-d-wha-hey!
Live from New York,
687
00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:28,303
it is Friday night,
with your musical guest,
688
00:22:28,386 --> 00:22:30,802
DJ Brian--you have
a terrible fucking name--
689
00:22:30,885 --> 00:22:33,136
and your host, me.
[laughs]
690
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:36,386
But I wanted to say,
uh, thank you all for coming.
691
00:22:36,469 --> 00:22:38,136
It's a--it's
a wonderful occasion.
692
00:22:38,219 --> 00:22:40,594
[Mo]
Tiff there, Blair here, right?
693
00:22:40,677 --> 00:22:42,011
It's great? Um...
694
00:22:42,094 --> 00:22:43,469
Blair wants to say
a few words.
695
00:22:43,553 --> 00:22:45,011
- No, no.
- Yes, to his soulmate.
696
00:22:45,094 --> 00:22:47,511
[Mo]
To his little love-bunny, Tiff.
697
00:22:47,594 --> 00:22:49,052
So go ahead
and take it away.
698
00:22:49,136 --> 00:22:51,635
[Blair] Uh, thank you, Mo.
699
00:22:51,719 --> 00:22:54,553
I guess I should take a minute
to...say how I feel.
700
00:22:54,635 --> 00:22:56,261
Oh, yeah.
Let's do that.
701
00:22:56,344 --> 00:22:57,969
The truth is...
702
00:22:58,052 --> 00:23:00,927
♪ mournful synth music ♪
703
00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:03,094
♪♪
704
00:23:03,177 --> 00:23:04,386
The truth is...
705
00:23:04,469 --> 00:23:09,386
♪♪
706
00:23:13,219 --> 00:23:15,094
The truth is...
707
00:23:15,177 --> 00:23:16,635
Help, help, help, help,
help, help! Help!
708
00:23:16,719 --> 00:23:18,219
- [commotion]
- [Henri] Get Tiffany.
709
00:23:18,303 --> 00:23:19,553
- [woman screams]
- [Yassir] I'm sorry, sorry--
710
00:23:19,635 --> 00:23:21,177
- [both] Ughh!
- [crowd] Ohh!
711
00:23:21,261 --> 00:23:22,927
What's happening?
What's happening?
712
00:23:23,011 --> 00:23:25,094
No! We didn't know
where else to go.
713
00:23:25,177 --> 00:23:26,927
We did a bad thing.
I think it's time to break out
714
00:23:27,011 --> 00:23:29,719
those Mayor Koch photos
in your safe!
715
00:23:29,802 --> 00:23:30,677
Everyone on the ground now!
716
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,719
[all scream]
717
00:23:32,802 --> 00:23:34,344
I'm okay, everybody!
718
00:23:34,428 --> 00:23:36,469
- [everybody screams]
- [Tiff] Oh!
719
00:23:36,553 --> 00:23:38,553
[gasps] It's warm!
720
00:23:38,635 --> 00:23:40,594
It's lukewarm!
721
00:23:40,677 --> 00:23:42,177
Oh, shit.
722
00:23:42,261 --> 00:23:44,344
E-e-everybody just calm down.
Calm down.
723
00:23:44,428 --> 00:23:45,802
- Whoa!
- You'll never take me alive!
724
00:23:45,885 --> 00:23:47,219
[click]
[all scream]
725
00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:49,635
[click]
[all gasp]
726
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,136
[gun clicking]
727
00:23:51,219 --> 00:23:53,469
- [Mo laughs]
- What the fuck?
728
00:23:53,553 --> 00:23:55,469
[laughs]
729
00:23:55,553 --> 00:23:56,553
Got you!
730
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:58,052
Yeah, yeah!
731
00:23:58,136 --> 00:23:59,760
Oh, my God,
that got dark, right?
732
00:23:59,844 --> 00:24:01,719
You just got pranked, asshole.
733
00:24:01,802 --> 00:24:03,553
The cops have been
following us for miles.
734
00:24:03,635 --> 00:24:05,885
Those aren't cops.
They're fucking actors.
735
00:24:05,969 --> 00:24:07,760
Brendan
books a pilot every year.
736
00:24:07,844 --> 00:24:08,927
- [Mo] Great job, guys.
- [mouthing] Thank you.
737
00:24:09,011 --> 00:24:11,177
What about the dead bodies?
738
00:24:11,261 --> 00:24:12,802
Those are cadavers.
I rented them from the morgue.
739
00:24:12,885 --> 00:24:16,511
Mo, this is
so fucking...
740
00:24:16,594 --> 00:24:18,136
nasty!
741
00:24:18,219 --> 00:24:20,344
- [laughs]
- [Yassir] God, you got us.
742
00:24:20,428 --> 00:24:22,011
[Mo] Look, no,
what's fucking nasty
743
00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:23,511
is your tried to run
the LaGuardia Spread
744
00:24:23,594 --> 00:24:25,469
with my money,
that you gave him.
745
00:24:25,553 --> 00:24:27,635
Payback's a bitch,
and I'm the son of one.
746
00:24:27,719 --> 00:24:29,136
- Classic Mo.
- [Blair] Tiff, are you
747
00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:31,344
all right?
I'm sorry.
748
00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:33,469
- Okay.
- [sobs]
749
00:24:33,553 --> 00:24:35,094
[tearfully] I'm going home.
- [Blair] Come on, I-I'm sorry.
750
00:24:35,177 --> 00:24:36,553
[Spencer]
We are too.
751
00:24:36,635 --> 00:24:38,094
Come on, Dawn.
We're leaving.
752
00:24:38,177 --> 00:24:40,177
I'm gonna meet you
at the house, okay?
753
00:24:40,261 --> 00:24:41,635
No. What?
No, we are leaving.
754
00:24:41,719 --> 00:24:43,969
- Let's go.
- No, babe--
755
00:24:44,052 --> 00:24:45,219
Hey, Spencer, don't grab her.
756
00:24:45,303 --> 00:24:46,511
Mind your fucking business.
757
00:24:46,594 --> 00:24:47,760
Girl, let's go.
Let's go.
758
00:24:47,844 --> 00:24:49,219
- I said let's go!
- Ouch!
759
00:24:49,303 --> 00:24:50,219
- Stop playing with me--what?
- Hey!
760
00:24:50,303 --> 00:24:52,177
Mo!
Damn it. Mo!
761
00:24:52,261 --> 00:24:53,094
- Hey, hey, I fights dirty!
- Spencer, stop!
762
00:24:53,177 --> 00:24:55,094
- I fight dirty.
- No.
763
00:24:55,177 --> 00:24:57,136
You're so lucky
I work with my hands.
764
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,594
So this is it?
765
00:25:00,677 --> 00:25:02,677
You're gonna stay here
with him?
766
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,052
He's gonna move you
to Leighman's office
767
00:25:05,136 --> 00:25:07,635
in Connecticut
so you'll quit.
768
00:25:07,719 --> 00:25:09,303
♪ melancholy music ♪
769
00:25:09,386 --> 00:25:11,094
Yep.
770
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,802
You two deserve each other.
771
00:25:12,885 --> 00:25:14,428
I'll see you again,
sucker punch.
772
00:25:14,511 --> 00:25:16,469
♪♪
773
00:25:16,553 --> 00:25:18,303
[sighs]
774
00:25:18,386 --> 00:25:19,428
Is that true, Mo?
775
00:25:21,386 --> 00:25:25,011
Um, which part?
776
00:25:25,094 --> 00:25:30,177
♪♪
777
00:25:35,885 --> 00:25:38,428
♪ Let's dance ♪
778
00:25:38,511 --> 00:25:40,136
- [murmurs]
- ♪ Put on your red shoes
779
00:25:40,219 --> 00:25:42,386
♪ And dance the blues ♪
780
00:25:42,469 --> 00:25:43,802
♪♪
781
00:25:43,885 --> 00:25:46,677
Oh, my God.
782
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,885
- Keith?
- [chuckles]
783
00:25:48,969 --> 00:25:51,052
- Wow.
- [Keith] You like?
784
00:25:51,136 --> 00:25:52,052
Wow.
785
00:25:52,136 --> 00:25:53,635
I didn't know what to wear.
786
00:25:53,719 --> 00:25:55,219
Yeah, I can tell.
787
00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:56,719
Yeah, you're a winter,
not a spring,
788
00:25:56,802 --> 00:25:58,760
- but you look cute.
- You like it?
789
00:25:58,844 --> 00:26:00,469
Oh, my God, did you
pierce your ear
790
00:26:00,553 --> 00:26:02,136
- with your tie pin?
- Yeah, a lot of blood,
791
00:26:02,219 --> 00:26:04,428
and then even more blood
when I realized I pierced
792
00:26:04,511 --> 00:26:06,011
- the wrong one first.
- You pierced the wrong one.
793
00:26:06,094 --> 00:26:07,469
- It's a lot of rules.
- Yeah.
794
00:26:07,553 --> 00:26:09,927
Fuck it.
Let's dance.
795
00:26:10,011 --> 00:26:13,511
♪ If you say run ♪
796
00:26:13,594 --> 00:26:15,635
♪ I'll run with you ♪
797
00:26:15,719 --> 00:26:19,011
♪♪
798
00:26:19,094 --> 00:26:21,844
♪ And if you say hide ♪
799
00:26:21,927 --> 00:26:23,469
♪ We'll hide ♪
800
00:26:23,553 --> 00:26:26,760
♪♪
801
00:26:26,844 --> 00:26:28,428
- Fun party.
- Mm.
802
00:26:28,511 --> 00:26:31,011
Happy wife, happy life.
803
00:26:31,094 --> 00:26:32,594
[mutters]
804
00:26:32,677 --> 00:26:34,635
♪♪
805
00:26:34,719 --> 00:26:36,344
Party's over, Scarface!
806
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:37,303
No! No, no, no! Wait!
What's happening?
807
00:26:37,386 --> 00:26:38,885
Why are you doing this?
808
00:26:38,969 --> 00:26:43,303
♪ Tremble like a flower ♪
809
00:26:43,386 --> 00:26:44,760
[elevator dings]
810
00:26:44,844 --> 00:26:46,261
[Blair] Hey.
811
00:26:47,428 --> 00:26:48,885
Hey.
812
00:26:48,969 --> 00:26:49,844
Hey.
813
00:26:49,927 --> 00:26:51,677
Did you just see the...
814
00:26:52,885 --> 00:26:54,677
Dawn, I'm really confused
right now.
815
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,511
♪♪
816
00:26:57,594 --> 00:26:59,469
♪ Let's dance ♪
817
00:26:59,553 --> 00:27:01,052
Ooh, bad news, Shi-shi.
818
00:27:01,136 --> 00:27:02,844
Yeah, Doc says
I gotta be on bed rest.
819
00:27:02,927 --> 00:27:04,303
I know, and I so wanted
to be there
820
00:27:04,386 --> 00:27:06,052
with you and the kids,
821
00:27:06,136 --> 00:27:07,344
and you know how much
I love your parents,
822
00:27:07,428 --> 00:27:09,011
but, uh--
[inhales sharply, sighs]--
823
00:27:09,094 --> 00:27:10,511
I just gotta stay here.
824
00:27:10,594 --> 00:27:11,844
What?
825
00:27:11,927 --> 00:27:13,511
Music?
Uh...
826
00:27:13,594 --> 00:27:15,469
Yeah, it's fucking Friday.
In the yard,
827
00:27:15,553 --> 00:27:17,219
there's ghetto-blasters
everywhere.
828
00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:18,719
Look, babe, I gotta go.
I'm--I'm feeling sick.
829
00:27:18,802 --> 00:27:20,553
[imitates retching]
830
00:27:20,635 --> 00:27:22,677
[laughs]
831
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,594
A little white lie
never hurt anybody.
832
00:27:24,677 --> 00:27:26,136
[laughs]
833
00:27:26,219 --> 00:27:27,885
What other lies
have you told, Keith?
834
00:27:27,969 --> 00:27:28,927
♪♪
835
00:27:29,011 --> 00:27:30,428
Who the fuck are you?
836
00:27:30,511 --> 00:27:32,553
- I'm Agent Missy Mills.
- Deb Fox.
837
00:27:32,635 --> 00:27:34,344
[Missy]
We're with the SEC.
838
00:27:34,428 --> 00:27:36,635
That's Securities
and Exchange Commission.
839
00:27:36,719 --> 00:27:38,844
[Deb] You've been a bad boy,
haven't you, Keith?
840
00:27:38,927 --> 00:27:41,261
We'll be in touch.
841
00:27:41,344 --> 00:27:43,760
Don't leave town.
842
00:27:43,844 --> 00:27:45,719
♪ Into my arms ♪
843
00:27:45,802 --> 00:27:50,136
♪ And tremble like a flower ♪
844
00:27:50,219 --> 00:27:55,303
♪♪
845
00:28:03,969 --> 00:28:06,219
♪ Let's dance ♪
846
00:28:06,303 --> 00:28:08,052
♪ Put on your red shoes ♪
847
00:28:08,136 --> 00:28:11,885
♪ And dance the blues ♪
848
00:28:11,969 --> 00:28:14,469
♪ Let's dance ♪
849
00:28:14,553 --> 00:28:18,177
♪ Under the moonlight ♪
850
00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:20,885
♪ The serious moonlight ♪
851
00:28:20,969 --> 00:28:26,094
♪♪
852
00:28:26,144 --> 00:28:30,694
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