Original subtitles

[theme music]

FAN (OFFSCREEN): Gisella, we love you!

We love everything you do!

-I love you, too, darlings, every single one of you.

Driver, there's something wrong with the car!

Help!

-Oh, I'll help you, Gisella.

Right after you answer a few simple questions.

[school bell ringing]

-Here it is, girls!

The premier issue

of "Yes Way!" -Wow!

A full-length, on-the-record interview

with supermodel Gisella!

Hope it's juicy.

-She says the secret to her long, lean figure is that she

only eats long, skinny foods, like licorice and spaghetti.

-Hmm.

Maybe I should've gotten an ice cream bar

instead of a dish.

-See?

Information you can really use.

That's what I call investigative journalism.

-Isn't it time you traded in all that bogus gossip

for the real kind?

Say hello to Reality or Risky, the hot new game where you

have to reveal your deepest secrets or face a challenge!

-Reality or risk?

Story to burst your bubblehead, Mandy, but truth

or dare has been around for ages.

-Excuse me, were you not listening?

This game is not truth or dare.

It comes from France and it has a fancy carrying case.

Now, who wants to go first?

-(SIGHING) Forget it, Mandy.

We're not interested in your stupid game.

MANDY (OFFSCREEN): Of course you are.

And the first player is--

Clover.

Reality or risky?

-Reality.

-How many boys have you kissed this week?

-Um, five?

No, no, no, wait, six.

What?

-Sam is next.

Reality or risk?

-Reality.

-Ooh!

What is the name of the first boy you ever kissed?

-Lloyd Bradley.

Sixth grade.

Our braces got stuck together.

-(SNORTING) Charming.

OK, one more spin.

Alex, reality or risky?

-Reality.

-Ooh!

What is the name of you are very best friend?

-Clover and Sam, duh.

[buzzer]

-You have to choose one.

-No I don't.

I like them both the same.

-If you refuse to answer the reality, then you

have to take the risk.

-Fine.

I'll take the risk, then.

-Good!

Then risk losing a friend by telling the name of your very

best one.

-Forget it!

I'm not going to choose between Sam and Clover just

because of your stupid game.

-Wow, she's really angry.

Must have something to hide.

SAM: Alex, wait!

-Hey, is anybody going to finish this ice cream?

-Alex, calm down.

We would never let anything Mandy says come between us.

-Yeah, Alex.

You know we'll always stick together, no matter--

-Sorry for the interruption, ladies.

However, knowing your overdeveloped tendencies

towards celebrity worship, I don't think you'll mind.

-Hey, that's Jackson John's private glass jet?

-Jackson John?

As in the slightly kooky, totally reclusive pop singer?

-He's not kooky!

He's the best.

Music really speaks to me.

-You and a bunch of old people.

I mean, hello, over the hill much?

-Spies, please.

The artistic merits of Mr. John's music are none of

WOOHP's concern.

His attempted abduction, however, is.

It appears Mr. John was attacked by a man

impersonating his pilot.

Likely, he showed some moxie and was able to escape.

-Who would try such a weird kidnapping?

-I don't know.

And neither does Jackson John, which is why he's hired you to

find out.

-You mean, we're going to JJ Land Ranch?

-Yes.

-Awesome!

-I thought you said he was for old people.

-I thought you said he was kooky.

-Now your gadgets.

GLADIS?

GLADIS: Today, you'll be receiving titanium drill heel

boots, net-throwing, extendable road mascara, and

the always fashionable earring communicators, now with faux

sapphire bauble.

-Just one more thing, spies.

If it's not too much trouble, would you mind asking Jackson

John for his autograph for me?

My--

my--

my niece?

-Sure thing, Jer.

-Very good then.

Off you go.

-Hey Alex, you know when I said Jackson John was

a little bit kooky?

You know that that was no reflection on you, right?

Because best friends can have differences of opinion on

stuff like that.

-Um, sure Sam.

-Hey, Alex.

You know I wasn't suggesting you were out of touch when I

said Jackson John was for old people, right?

I mean, just because we're best friends doesn't mean we

have to agree all the time.

-OK, Clover.

-Hey, what are you guys talking about?

-Nothing.

Just a private conversation between two best friends.

-Really?

Then don't you think the best friend should be included?

-Hey, look!

An elephant!

-Nice try, Alex.

-No, really, look!

An elephant and an emu and some monkeys!

It's the JJ Land Zoo!

-Hey!

Somebody's shooting at us!

Look out!

-Quick!

Get on the ground and take cover!

-Hey, those aren't explosions.

They're fireworks.

-It's a regular Tuesday afternoon event, actually.

You three must be the agents from WOOHP.

I'm Jackson John.

-Mr. John, I can't believe we're really meeting you!

-Call me JJ.

-Like we couldn't tell.

Though it's usually the bad guys who

have the crazy costumes.

That was quick thinking the other day, JJ.

You had a narrow escape.

-Yeah, it was close.

I nearly had my privacy invaded.

I'm sure whoever it was will try again.

-Don't worry, JJ.

We'll take it from here.

We'll start by searching every inch of the ranch to

make sure it's safe.

-Shouldn't one of us stay with JJ?

What if someone tries to take him while

none of us is around?

-Here, take this earring.

It's really a communicator, and you can call us if you're

in trouble.

-Brilliant!

I'll be in my aromatherapy chamber.

Make yourselves at home.

-OK, spies.

If this bad guy is still on the ranch, we may as well try

to lure him out disguised as Jackson John.

-Think these disguises will get the bad guys' attention?

-I think they'd get anybody's attention.

Come on.

-Everything at the amusement park is, um, normal, I guess.

What about you, Clover?

-Other than the fact that there's a monkey on my

shoulder, everything's peachy.

Alex?

-All quiet at the JJ Land Train Station.

Maybe I'll take a ride, you know, to look for signs of

trouble around the estate.

Ah!

Ugh!

Uh oh.

Clover, Sam, I just found some trouble.

-Hang on, Alex!

We're on our way!

MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Good afternoon, Mr. John.

Now let's try this again, shall we?

Now Mr. John, how much plastic surgery have you had?

-None.

I like myself the way I am.

MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Odd.

And how much did you spend on apparel last week?

-Let's see.

I bought a really cute skirt and a new pair of Mary Janes.

About $80.

MALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): (GASPING) You're not Jackson

John!

-No, I'm Alex, a WOOHP agent, and two more of us are coming

to catch you!

[train horn]

-He's moving too fast for us to jump on.

-We've got to try.

That creep is kidnapping Alex!

Sam!

Use your bungee belt!

[screaming]

-Help me!

-Ugh, that guy is in for a major butt-kicking!

And he better not hurt Alex or he's really in trouble.

-Huh?

Hey, look at this.

YW?

Shouldn't the uniforms at JJ Land have a JJ on them?

-Sam, that is the "Yes Way" logo!

Let's see what WOOHP knows about this rag.

-Hello, spies.

How goes the mission?

Mr. John still safe?

-He's find, Jer, but Alex has just been kidnapped!

We think the bad guy is connected

to "Yes Way" magazine.

-"Yes Way." Hmm, let's see.

Ah, yes, here we are.

Cyril Hearsay, a former celebrity bodyguard, used his

connections to open his own magazine with headquarters

right in Beverly Hills.

-Then I guess I know where we need to go.

-I'll send you the WOOHP chopper.

-Hi-yah!

Wow.

Looks like somebody stopped the presses.

-Hey, here's something weird.

Doesn't look like printing equipment.

It looks like a chemistry set.

-I think I found the formula for whatever's in those

beakers, Clover.

It's some kind of truth serum.

-So that's how "Yes Way"'s been getting all the good

celeb dirt.

Cyril just kidnaps them and uses this truth serum to make

them spill their guts!

-If only he had some kind of record of where he might be

holding Alex.

Hmm.

-Alex!

-Are you OK, Alex?

I'm perfectly fine, except that Cyril gave me a blast of

his truth serum, so I have to tell the truth.

-Oh, you do, do you?

Maybe you could tell us the name of your oldest and

dearest friend.

-Sure.

That would be Ollie.

-Another shocking true story uncovered

at "Yes Way" magazine.

-Cyril Hearsay!

-In the flesh.

-Your gossip-mongering days are over, Hearsay.

You will never use your truth serum on anyone again.

-Yeah!

From now on, celebrity gossip will be about rumors and

innuendo, just like it should be!

-And just how are you ladies going to stop me?

-Well, they'll probably catch you in their mascara

net-launchers, break me out of here with their drill heel

boots, and then call for WOOHP backup with their X-Powder.

-(GASPING) Alex!

-Sorry, guys.

-Let me tell you about the magazine business, ladies.

It all starts with newsprint.

Then you add some ink.

And finally, there's the shrink wrap.

There.

All ready for delivery.

-You'd better quit before you do something you regret,

Cyril.

-Regret?

I don't think so.

In fact, now that I've met Alex, I can eliminate the

competition by more direct means.

-What are you talking about?

-I'll just use her and all her secrets to infiltrate WOOHP,

then launch their weapons against the other tabloids.

-As if!

Alex will never tell you any WOOHP secrets.

-Yes I will.

I'm under the influence of the truth serum, remember?

-You see?

Alex is my new best friend.

-But Cyril, you're not my best friend.

You're more of an enemy, really.

[cyril laughing]

-Whoa!

Hey!

We're almost there.

Quick roll backwards!

-Can't roll any further!

Cyril's stupid magazines are in the way.

-We can't keep this up forever!

-Wow!

Our lives are like, hanging by a thread-- literally.

-Clover!

Can you toss that bundle over your head?

If we can get it into the press before us, it might jam.

-I'll try.

-Wow!

That was unbelievably lucky.

-Lucky?

I think I need a pedicure.

-Alex and Cyril probably took the WOOHP chopper.

And without our X-Powders, we can't contact Jerry.

-Why don't we just call him on the phone?

-Great idea, Clover!

Um, what is WOOHP's phone number, anyway?

-Uh, no clue.

If only we knew somebody with an earring communicator and a

private jet.

-Jackson John!

-This is the WOOHP Command Center?

-Uh huh.

We just have to get past security.

Let's go!

[cyril chuckling]

-Excellent work, Alex.

Now how do I access WOOHP's heavy weapons?

-I don't have the foggiest idea!

-Alex you're still under the influence of my serum.

You have to tell the truth.

-She is telling the truth.

WOOHP agents don't know everything about WOOHP

operations, but I do.

-Jerry, am I glad to see you--

really!

-This is so embarrassing.

WOOHP agents getting our gadgets taken away and having

to call a pop singer for a ride.

-On the other hand, we are riding in Jackson John's

private glass jet.

-Aw, man, this old beater?

I'm trading it in for the luxury version next week.

-Hi-yah!

-Hey, Jerry, nice move.

-How do I defeat him?

-Dunno.

I didn't even know he could fight like that.

-Yah!

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): Wow!

-There's quite a lot you spies don't know about me.

-Jerry, look out!

[laughing]

[laughing]

-Now, Jerry, is it?

Perhaps you'd be so kind as to tell me about the latest in

WOOHP weaponry.

-Certainly.

Press the blue button on the console.

This is the Paparazzo.

Press the green button on the side, please.

-It sounds like it's charging.

-It is.

Pressing the green button a second time will trigger a

flash of light that will stun any opponent.

-You expect me to wipe out the competition with this toy?

-Well, of course not.

That's the tabletop version.

Press the red button, please.

This is the full-sized version of the Paparazzo, with a 50

megawatt adjustable flash.

At full power, it can permanently blind anyone in a

five block radius.

-It is!

It's perfect!

My rivals can't put out a paper if they can't see.

-Simply type in the coordinates of the

target and hit Enter.

A countdown will let you know when the charges are ready.

[cyril laughing]

-Stop the presses, Cyril.

We've got a late-breaking story for you.

-Yeah.

Bad guy gets butt-kicked.

-Really?

That sounds like a rumor, unless you can back it up with

some facts.

-Sam, use that gadget on the console.

Tell Clover to close her eyes, then press the green button.

-OK.

-Sam, a little help here?

-Clover!

Close your eyes!

-Nice gadget.

Does it take pictures or something?

-No, it stuns people.

And the giant version is about to blind a whole building full

of people unless you stop it!

-You can't stop it.

Once the Paparazzo is charged, it has to be released.

I suggest you divert the weapon from its target to

somewhere where it can't do any harm.

-I can't divert it.

The target is locked in!

And we'll never reach the Paparazzo in time!

-Yes we will!

And we'll divert the flash.

Hello, Jackson?

Better let me take over, JJ.

This is going to take some perfect timing.

Sam, give me a countdown.

-Right.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One!

-Uh.

-Well done, spies.

That was the third or fourth best job you've ever done.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-He must be under the influence of the truth serum.

Hey, maybe we should play reality or risk with Jerry

while we've got the chance?

-He did say that there was a lot we didn't know about him.

-What do you say, Jer, now that you

have to tell the truth?

Even you can't counteract the truth serum, can you?

-No, Clover, I have to tell the truth until

the serum wears off.

But a good spy knows how to avoid an interrogation.

-What?

That's-- that's just cheating?

[ahem]

-Hey, guys. whatcha doing?

-Oh, nothing.

Just doing a little light reading with my best friend.

-Yeah, about that.

You guys asked me the name of my oldest and dearest friend

while I was on the truth serum, so I had to say Ollie.

I guess it's time I introduced you.

SAM AND CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Uh.

-I've had him since I was two.

I can tell him anything.

But you two are my best friends, and honest, I'd never

choose between you.

-Oh, Alex!

The same goes for me!

-Yeah, you really are my best friend!

-What?

What do you mean, your best friend?

-She's my best friend.

-Are you out of your mind?

She's obviously my best friend.

-I don't think so.

-I do.

-Nuh-uh.

She is my best friend.

-No, mine!

-Hello?

Are you-- you're crazy.

-I am not crazy!

You're the one who said crazy, so you're the crazy one.

-Who wants to have a crazy friend?

I'm not crazy.

She's my best friend.

-No, she's mine.

-Loser.

-Come on, Ollie.

Let's get a soda.

I'm totally honest.

I mean, mostly.

Well, I thought I was until the truth serum hit me.

But since then, the truth just spills right out!

Did you know that when I was in the fifth grade,

there was this guy?

And I had a total crush on him.

OK, but he wasn't just some guy, he

was Clover's boyfriend!

I know it was wrong, but I totally dug him.

And it's not like I stole him from her!

But I tried.

I even dressed like her so he'd like me!