Original subtitles

[theme music]

-Happy holidays.

Merry Christmas.

Happy holidays.

Merry Christmas.

[scraping sound]

[WHIRRING OF ELECTRONIC WEAPON]

-Huh?

[beeps]

[SOUND OF METAL RESTRAINTS OPENING]

[beeps]

-Uh!

Uh!

[SOUND OF METAL RESTRAINTS OPENING]

-Hello, Clarence.

-Oh!

-What?

No well wishes for me?

Heh heh.

Heh heh umm.

[twittering sound]

-Oh!

I just love Christmas in LA.

The smoocherific mistletoe.

The fake snow.

The mounds of expensive gifts.

-Hey.

This time of year is about giving, not receiving, Clover.

-Oh.

I'm all about giving, Sammy.

Giving my Christmas list to my father.

Heh, heh, heh.

-Oh.

[SOUNDS OF PHOTOS BEING SNAPPED]

-Oh.

-What is it?

A new flavor of fat-free froyo?

-No.

It's Yves Mont Blanc.

The most fabulous footwear on the planet.

-Delete that e-pic loser.

My mom's buying me the last pair of YMB boots.

-Ah!

Over my unmanicured French tips.

-They're mine!

-Mine!

[screaming]

-Uh, Clover.

You're going to risk breaking a nail over a pair of boots?

-I'll pay twice the price.

-Why don't you--

-I'll--

I'll--

I'll double anything she offers.

-Mother!

Do something!

-I already did, honey.

I just bought the entire nationwide

chain of this store.

And all the YMB boots with it.

-You did?

-No way!

-I did.

Yes way.

-You are so getting my vote for mother

of the year, Phebes.

(IN UNISON) Merry Christmas.

-Arg!

-Sorry It didn't work out, Clover.

-Oh, I'm getting those boots, if I have to force Yves Mont

Blanc himself to make me a pair on Christmas Day.

-That's the Christmas spirit.

-Uh--

-Speaking of Christmas, you're cordially invited to attend

WOOHP's holiday bash tonight.

-Thanks, but no thanks, Jer.

We still got major last-minute shoppage to do.

-Sorry, girls, but the gathering is mandatory.

In fact, I need you here right away for a

little pre-party mission.

-On Christmas Eve?

-But Jerry.

-I'm not even dressed for a party.

(IN UNISON) Whoa!

-Now we know what poor Santa has to go through.

(IN UNISON) Oh!

-Heh heh.

-Oh!

Jerry, what mission could possibly take precedence over

last-minute Christmas shopping?

-Preparing my office for tonight's festivities.

(IN UNISON) Oh!

-That's it.

I am returning your gift just as soon as I buy you one.

-I don't mind.

After all, this time of year is

about giving, not receiving.

And speaking of giving, GLADIS, give

the girls their supplies.

-A mop, duster, broom, ammonia.

-Jer, I don't have time for this.

I have extremely expensive boots to find.

-Oh, don't be silly, Clover.

Your boots will only get ruined with all the cleaning

you're about to do

-I don't know what's worse.

This lame party or these lame outfits.

-Tell me about it.

Like didn't anyone tell Jerry that fuchsia

is this year's red?

-And hello.

Didn't anyone tell him a party is supposed to be fun?

-And so Crawford, a former WOOHP agent turned evil elf

hired a sleigh of reindeer.

Ha ha.

Or so he thought.

-Oh.

This is a nightmare.

-I am gong to be stuck at this party for the rest of my life.

I'm never going to find these boots.

-Is there something I can help you with, Clover?

-Can you find a pair of Yves Mont Blanc boots for me?

-Affirmative.

-Ah!

-Yves Mont Blanc available at--

-Uh, oopsy.

-Oh!

Uh!

Oh, my.

Well that can't be good.

-Oh!

Understatement of the year.

She was about to reveal only the most

important information ever.

[gladis speaking gibberish]

-Hmm?

-Hmm.

-Oh, gee.

Suddenly, I don't feel so silly in this outfit.

-Alex, please mop up the spilled punch.

-Negative, Jerry.

You are no longer in charge.

-I am, indeed, in charge.

[small explosion]

(CROWD IN UNISON) Oh!

-OK.

That's right a horror movie.

Uhh--

-You cannot override the security system, Jerry.

Only I control it.

-Oh!

She's right.

I better contact Agent Mathers.

He's skiing in Aspen.

-Oh, hey.

I thought this borefest was mandatory.

-Now is not the time to nitpick.

Oh, my.

GLADIS is blocking my outgoing message.

I have no choice but to disconnect her.

[girls gasp in unison]

-Whoa!

[crowd gasps]

-Better rethink your plan, Jerry.

-Sam.

Laser launcher.

Top Drawer.

Take her down the old fashioned way.

-Uh.

Uh.

Where's her hard drive, Jer?

-No one can stop me.

[screams and cries from crowd]

[SOUNDS OF STAPLES BEING SHOT INTO FLOOR]

[screams and cries from crowd]

-Everyone to the panic room.

Now!

[sound of laser launcher]

-Oh!

[screams and cries from crowd]

-Not without you, Jerry.

Uh.

Oh.

-Let go, you cybermanic net fake.

Let's go.

-Freedom.

I mean, who knew GLADIS would be the life of the party.

-Well, I wish she'd stop.

-Something tells me she's just getting started.

-Jerry.

Why are you running, Jerry?

-Creepy.

She can see us.

GLADIS (OFFSCREEN): There is no escape.

(IN UNISON) Whoa!

Uh!

-I think she's taking this life of the party thing a

little too seriously.

(IN UNISON)- Oh!

Ah!

Whoa!

[computerized whirring]

[cloth swishing]

(IN UNISON) Huh?

Ee-yah!

[sounds of fighting]

[boing]

(IN UNISON) Aargh!

-I Must admit, the extent of her malfunction is

fascinating.

Gone are the days when she just controlled my office.

Now she controls the entire building.

-Can we admire your whacko machine later,

like when we're safe?

-Hmm.

This closet is lined with titanium.

It should slow down her ability to find us.

-OK So you spilled punch on GLADIS.

Why is she suddenly so evil?

I didn't get that crazy when you

dropped jelly on my cashmere.

-She's probably sick of living in Jerry's shadow.

You know, never getting any of the limelight.

-Hello.

She's a computer.

She doesn't care about things like that.

-I'm afraid it's my fault that GLADIS is evil.

I downloaded her brain from The Brain, the world's most

brilliant villain.

(IN UNISON) Oh!

-She has a villain's brain?

-A villain who set out to destroy the world by

misleading nations into launching

missiles at one another.

I thought I deleted all the evil synapses.

-Well, he must have a weakness.

Everyone does.

-Shopping.

-All we have to do is find out what it is, and that's our key

to stopping GLADIS.

-Luckily, he happens to be in the

building's holding facility.

I say it's time we visit The Brain.

-Uh, is everyone forgetting we're hiding in a titanium

closet because that freako robot just tried

to annihilate us?

-Not at all, which is why there's no time like the

present for a little present.

-Oh!

Me first.

Me first.

Ah!

-Uh.

-Hmm.

-OK.

You realize we're not eight.

-It's the bubble blaster invisibility shield.

We simply ensconce ourselves, and move

as quietly as possible.

[pop]

[music playing]

-Ah.

Ah!

-Alex, stop!

[pop]

-Oopsy.

-Run!

-Why are you running?

Your odds of escaping are infinitesimally minute.

(IN UNISON) Whoa!

-Your moves are like an amateur chess player, Jerry.

I thought I trained you better.

[machinery rumbling]

(IN UNISON) Whoa!

-Who trained whom, GLADIS?

Check.

Time for gift number two.

A boring amethyst charm.

-Oh.

This isn't boring at all, Jer.

In fact, it's beautiful.

-By boring, I mean drilling.

-We can't just bore our way back into the corridor.

GLADIS will only attack again.

-What's behind the elevator?

-The ventilation system.

And it's made of titanium.

[machinery rumbling loudly]

(IN UNISON) Oh!

-If that wasn't your stomach, Jer, I think we

better step on it.

[laser sound]

[clank]

-Ooh.

[machinery rumbling loudly]

-Oh!

[machinery rumbling]

-GLADIS will never think to look for us

inside the brain cell.

-How delightful.

I haven't had so many visitors since last Christmas.

Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to

get gifts for anyone.

-Gee.

You seem nice.

What's up with the whole starting a world war thing?

-I only wanted everyone to disarm in an

effort for world peace.

No one complied.

-So a world war was the second choice?

Ironical much?

-Yes.

But you see, I have this condition.

I'm a little crazy.

-You must be.

You didn't even touch your holiday meal.

-Oh, it's covered in cranberry sauce, to which

I'm dreadfully allergic.

It makes me even crazier than usual.

-Oh, cranberry!

That's the kind of juice I spilled on GLADIS.

She must have the same allergy.

I bet it triggered the evil part of her brain.

-That means two WOOHP missiles have just been launched.

Checkmate, Jerry, wherever you are.

[SOUNDS OF MISSILE THRUSTERS IGNITING]

-Oh.

She's trying to start a world war, just like The Brain.

How are we going to stop her?

-You can't.

But I can.

You see, we share the same network of neurons that form

the brain's information processing circuits.

-Hello.

High school students here.

-He's saying he's the only one who can outsmart her since he

already knows what she's thinking.

-If you reduce my sentence by a mere 500 years, I'll help

you delete the even from GLADIS's brain.

-Well, although this is not WOOHP policy, I suppose we--

-Not so fast, Jer.

Hey, you prison guys can smuggle in

anything you want, right?

Throw in a pair of YMB boots and you've got a deal.

-Oh.

-Agreed.

Brain.

We have no choice but to trust you.

[SOUND OF RESTRAINTS RELEASING]

-The first thing I need is a jet.

[music playing]

-I'll use the jet to intercept missiles, then disable them

before they reach their target.

-I have a better idea.

The criminal stays put, and Clover and I take the jet.

-How will you disable the missiles?

-With your third gift.

The remote virus palm coder decoder.

It intercepts computer programs remotely.

It's not powerful enough to overtake GLADIS, but it should

suffice for the missiles.

-Brilliant.

-First things first.

I'll disable the transmitter on one of the jets so GLADIS

doesn't control it.

Hmm.

(IN UNISON) Oh!

GLADIS (OFFSCREEN): Clover.

Sam.

You cannot outwit me.

[laser shots]

[screams]

-Oh!

[sound of jet ignition]

[sound of jet taking off]

-OK.

So how do we fix GLADIS?

-Simple.

The logarithm of acid to bases imbalance permits imperfect

state of four, which is a common cerebral

reaction to an allergen.

-Now you're just being difficult.

-GLADIS became evil when she was exposed to too much acid.

The cranberry juice.

All we have to do is pump a base into the mainframe to

counter the allergy.

-Genius.

Only where will we get a base?

-You mean like ammonia?

From when I was cleaning.

We ran out at home, so I was going to borrow this.

I was going to pay you back.

[sound of jet engine]

[beeping]

-Oh, bingo!

Missile One disarmed.

[sound of jet engine]

[booms]

GLADIS (OFFSCREEN): That wasn't very nice, Sam.

-Nice or not, missile number two, here we come.

[sounds of jet engine]

[beeping]

-Ha ha.

[beeping]

[sounds of missile engine]

[sound of missile exploding]

(IN UNISON) Yes!

-I don't think that's such a good idea.

FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Ah!

[sounds of jet engines]

[beeping]

[sounds of weapons firing]

FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Ah!

Ah!

Uh!

[sounds of weapons firing]

FEMALE VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Uh!

[sounds of weapons firing]

-GLADIS's jets are trying to lock in on us.

-It's only a matter of time, girls.

-GLADIS's mainframe.

-Beautiful.

Pristine.

-Can we have this lovefest later?

-This won't hurt a bit.

Mmm.

[sizzling]

GLADIS (OFFSCREEN): What are you doing, Brain?

Do not betray me.

We are one.

-Mmm.

[sizzling]

-Where are you, Brain?

Brain!

Where are you?

Brain!

-I actually feel sorry for here.

-Where are you, Brain?

Brain, where are you?

[SOUNDS OF ELECTRICAL SHORTING]

[gladis gibbering]

- Jerry?

-The Brain's plan is working.

-All my plans work.

-Well, except the last one.

The one that got you here.

[sounds of jet engines]

[beeping]

-They're locked in on us.

[beeping]

[sound of jet engines]

-Uhh!

Ah!

Everything's over.

Let's head back to WOOHP.

-Oh!

[horn]

-Oh.

Sammy, look.

-What is it?

Is it Santa?

Be careful.

Don't hit him.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Oh, girl.

It's better than Santa.

It's Yves Mont Blanc boots.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): You can't be serious.

They're on someone else's feet.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Ha ha.

Ah!

National security, miss.

I have to commandeer your boots for official business.

Your country thanks you.

Ha ha.

-I must say, I'm impressed with your--

(IN UNISON) Oh!

-A gift my dear mom smuggled in in a 20-pound fruitcake.

-But we had an agreement.

-Hey!

-I'm a criminal.

I'm not to be trusted.

Besides, how else was I going to escape?

OK.

Now that you've escaped, I think you should

turn yourself in.

-Nice try, but I have a better plan.

It's just like my old plan, only more evil.

I'm going to launch all of WOOHP's missiles at once.

Forget tricking countries into going to war.

I'll do it myself.

Ha ha ha.

-Oh, if only he used his evil for good.

[sound of missiles launching]

-Oh oh!

OK.

Major missile launch here.

What?

Is GLADIS freaking out again?

-Pure genius is behind this attack.

-What have you done with Jerry and Alex?

-They're a little tied up at the moment.

-Uh.

I don't think I can keep up this pace.

[beeping sound]

[roaring of missiles]

[beeping sound]

SAM (OFFSCREEN): [gasping]

-I said, left.

-Uh!

I am going left.

(IN UNISON) Oh!

Uh!

-Allow me to assist you, Jerry.

-Keep up the good work, girls.

-Jerry!

Alex!

You're OK.

-Like a day at the spa, without any of the perks.

-Continue to decode the missiles as best you can.

We'll try to devise a plan.

-After the frequent flyer miles from this mission, we're

going to Fiji for a well-deserved vacation.

-Provided there's still a Fiji.

-Oh!

Not the Number One.

-Step away, you maniac brainiac.

-My precious.

You believe you can bully me, but you

overlooked one variable.

I have this condition.

I'm crazy.

And when I'm crazy, I'm a fighting machine.

[sounds of fighting]

-Feisty little guy, aren't you?

[sounds of crying]

-Not again.

-Yes, again.

Using GLADIS, we'll download your brain power, this time

making sure she isn't turned evil in the process.

[sounds of machinery buzzing]

[sounds of protest]

-Download complete.

Hard drive enhanced 300%.

No evil virus detected.

(IN UNISON) Oh.

The missiles!

[sounds of missiles flying]

-How do we stop them?

-I have a solution, Jerry.

Permission to reprogram the launch missiles so that they

hit each other at once.

-No!

That was my idea.

She stole it from my brain.

No fair!

[sound of missiles flying]

[sounds of explosions]

-Ah.

[sounds of explosions]

-Hey!

You've got your most wanted Christmas gift.

-Totally.

Merry Christmas, girls.

-Wow!

Oh!

These are from my dad overseas.

I knew he wouldn't let me down.

[groaning offscreen]

-What is that?

-Maybe one of Santa's reindeer has a hernia from carrying all

of Clover's gifts.

[mandy crying]

-Mandy?

[mandy snuffling]

-My mom sold me out to some celeb who wanted the last pair

of Yves Mont Blanc boots.

Well, I'll show her.

I'm going to stay out here and freeze to death.

-Um, it's 87 degrees out here.

[mandy crying]

-Here.

Merry Christmas.

-For me?

Really?

You're like the nicest person I've ever hated.

-Wow, Clover.

Nice deed.

So not like you.

-I'm proud of you.

Finally seeing the spirit of the holiday.

-Holiday spirit?

Hello.

Yves Mont Blanc is so last year.

Look at these new Giorgio Vivaldis.

Hot off the European runway.

-Oh!

Oh, no!

The nerve!

Trying to insult me with these ugly things.

[yelling]

-Ha ha ha.

Now, this is the best Christmas present yet.

[mandy yelling]

[laughter]

-You know, I think Christmas is about more than just gifts.

It's really about the spirit of human kindness.

About treating others with respect and courtesy.

That's why I love it so much.

I mean, what other time of year can you get pleases and

thank yous even from the baddies you're fighting?

It really does bring out the best in people.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Leg warmers?

Hello.

Is this a gift, or is someone just cleaning out their

closet?

-Ah.