Original subtitles

[electronic beeps]

[theme music]

[explosion]

[camera shutters clicking]

[applause]

[electronic beep]

-Ooh, love the old-school gladiator gear, guys.

But good luck lugging that body armor down the catwalk.

[laughs]

[robotic voice, indistinct]

-[coughs twice]

Yeah, well, break an arm out there.

Or--

or is it a leg?

Hey!

[zap]

-What the-- aah!

[thud]

[robotic voice, indistinct]

-It's got to be here.

No way I'd lose something so important.

-It's got to be here.

No way I'd lose something so important.

[sighs]

-Ugh!

Out of my way, Sammy!

Major crisis in progress.

I can't find my tangerine tank top.

-And I can't find my jeans-skirt!

-(TOGETHER) Hah!

Clover!

Eeyah!

Hm.

-Hey!

Where's the clothes-napper?

-I don't know.

But I am not waiting to find out!

-Huh!

You sure you want to do this?

I mean, shouldn't we wait until she comes back?

-Do you want your tank top or not?

-Ugh.

Let's roll.

-Huh?

-If only we could channel into Clover's mind and read her

thoughts, then we'd know if she took our stuff.

-Huh?

[squeaks]

-Ah, maybe we can!

Oh, judging from the hiding spot, I'm guessing she didn't

want us to know.

Hm, suppose I'd probably should maybe put it back.

-(HESITANTLY) Agreed.

It's the right thing to do.

Huh!

The stinky stench of Alex's sweaty Pilates pants, it reeks

like raw sewage!

-Uh!

Sam's habit of off-key shower-singing is so hideous

and noise pollutes the whole house?

-(TOGETHER) Hey!

I can't believe she wrote that about me!

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): I can't believe you read my diary!

I mean, what is up with you two?

Destroying my room and violating my privacy!

I would never do that.

-Oh, no?

Where did you get that tank top?

---and that jean-skirt.

-Well, uh, duh, don't change the subject!

Now, give me my diary!

-(IN UNISON) Nngh!

Ngh.

Uh!

Uh!

-Give me my jean-skirt!

-Give me my tank top!

[girls struggling noises]

-I'm seriously serious!

Hand it over!

Ugh!

-Why?

Got some more dirt to dish on us?

Eeh!

-Uh!

Be careful!

Don't get it--

[girls shrieking]

[splash]

JERRY (OFFSCREEN): [chuckling]

[girls shrieking]

[thud]

[splash]

---wet!

Ugh!

Happy now?

My diary is soaked!

-[clears throat]

Sorry to interrupt the ladies' wrestling, but we've got more

pressing concerns.

There's been a disappearance of several men of note from

around the world.

The first is--

-That's super-cute, supermodel Ty.

-Right.

Our next missing male is--

---Ken R. Knightley, a totally VIP VJ!

-If you say so.

-And finally, there's, well, why don't you just

tell me who he is?

-[gasp]

-JRL Jr, the dashing junior senator from Massachusetts.

-Who knew you were so political?

Now, what these captives all have in common is--

-I know, I know.

They're TFTL!

-(TOGETHER) Totally Famous, Totally Luscious!

[shrieks]

[giggles]

-Oops, brain cramp!

Just remembered we are in the middle of a hate-fest.

-Uh!

Anything else to go on before we, we go on?

JERRY (OFFSCREEN): Just this.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): I can't make out who Ty's captors are.

So what we do this 411, Jer?

GLADIS: Warning.

A vehicle of unknown origin has been spotted en route to

Kangaroo Point, Australia.

-Make that a 911.

-Kangaroo Point, Australia?

Skate legend, Tony Eagle, is shooting his

latest flick there.

Uh!

I bet the kidnappers are riding their mystery vehicle

to take him.

-If that's the case, then I better have GLADIS give you

the equipment to hunt down this unknown nemesis ASAP.

GLADIS: Customized Zero Gravity Boots.

-[chuckles]

GLADIS: Sonic Disintegrator Boombox.

And for the fashion-unconscious spy in

need of withstanding a force of 100,000

megatons, the Brute Suit.

-Better let Clover have that one now.

-You're right!

I wouldn't want to stink it out, like my Pilates clothes.

-You, guys, know me so well.

It's as if you read my diary!

-Hmm.

-Well, at least we didn't--

[shrieks]

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Get ready to rock, guys!

By my map, we should be there any--

[girls shriek]

[thud]

---second.

[shrieks]

-(SAM AND ALEX) What's wrong?

-Ooh, it's more like what's right!

Aah.

Can you have believed Tony's six-pack is an

eight-pack in real life?

Uhh!

Lucky we got here before he was "ab-ducted." [giggles]

Get it, "ab-ducted"?

-Save your lame jokes for your lame--

[neighing]

---diary.

-Uh, guys, I think we just found our mystery vehicle.

-Funky!

Wonder who's driving it?

-I'm thinking, them!

[grunting]

-And they're going after Tony!

We got to stop those gladiators, pronto!

-Hm.

-I'm on it.

And trust me, this sound's going to blow their minds!

[sonic boom]

-Aagh!

-(SHOUTING) What happened to the gladiators?

-(SHOUTING) Nothing!

Look!

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): Huh?

[ROBOTS GRUNT

-But I thought no human could withstand the boombox blast!

[metal clanging]

SAM (OFFSCREEN): I don't think it's human, Alex!

[blast]

[girls shriek]

-Uh!

Why do I smell burnt hair?

-You don't want to know.

-Incoming!

[zap]

-[shrieks]

-Huh!

Uh!

[girls shriek]

[thud]

-Uh!

-Ooh!

-I've seen some messed-up robot gladiators in my time.

Wait, no I haven't.

-Help!

Oh!

-Tony!

No!

No!

Tony, no!

TONY (OFFSCREEN): Whoah!

Ahh!

-[sniffing]

-If we weren't in a big, fat fight over the diary thing,

we'd totally console you.

-What a totally useless mission!

We lost the skater-boy and the bad guys.

-Something tells me we haven't seen the last of either.

-Huh!

-It's from one of the gladiators.

Must have fallen off his loincloth.

-Better send it back to WOOHP for analysis.

-Hmm.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): I'm so not hungry.

-[sighs]

Me neither.

I mean, who could possibly eat knowing some weird robot

gladiators abducted all those innocent guys?

I wonder what they want them for?

-I don't know.

The whole thing sounds completely crazy to me.

-Speaking of crazy, I'm in the bathroom stall,

and what do I see?

A vicious lie about me dyeing my hair!

[giggles]

-How could you write that?

-Who said I wrote it?

-It was signed, "sincerely, Alex."

-You signed your name?

-Well, whatever.

Maybe next time you'll watch what you write about me in

your diary.

-Huh!

My private diary entries are a far cry from public displays

of humiliation!

-Ha!

My latest column.

Read it and weep.

-Uh!

Clover's secrets revealed?

Clover uses the cap of her pen to clean her ears?

Clover's fur purse is a total fake?

Huh!

Dish the dirt on me, fine!

But diss my accessories?

Ugh!

[explosion]

[shrieks]

-Now, it's personal!

Spill it, Mandy.

Where did you get this--

[whistling]

---trash?

-Ah, sorry.

A reporter never reveals her sources.

Oh, and, Sam, thanks for the hot tip, ha-ha!

-Uh!

-Well, think of it this way, now, you got something

interesting to write about in your diary.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Grrr.

That's it!

-OK!

Now, that is officially taking things too far!

This is war!

[x-powder rings]

-Time out.

My X-Powder's ringing.

JERRY (ON X-POWDER): Ladies.

Now, I have the results of the leaf analysis.

[clears throat]

And is that a pea-pod on your face?

-Not anymore!

JERRY (ON X-POWDER): Right.

Well, it seems the leaf you found is derived from a plant

indigenous to a Mediterranean island called Proasis.

-Proasis?

Hey, isn't that the private island owned by trillionaire

techie tycoon, Phil Fensins?

Uh!

I swear, I saw it on "Lifestyles of the Insanely

Rich."

JERRY (ON X-POWDER): Indeed.

Proasis was intended as his private vacation spot.

But because of his workaholic tendencies, he's rarely there.

-Then I guess we have to invade Phil's privacy and find

out what's really going on.

JERRY (ON X-POWDER): Be careful.

There could be worse things than two robotic gladiators on

that island.

-Chillax, Jer.

When it comes to invading privacy, Sam and Alex are

total experts!

[whoosh]

-Uh!

-Uh!

-You sure WOOHP dropped us in the right place?

-Positive.

This is so Proasis.

-More like so Vegas!

ANNOUNCER (OFFSCREEN): Are you ready for the entertainment

extravaganza of a lifetime?

Well, today is your lucky day because the greatest show on

the planet is about to begin!

-Wooh!

Maybe it's a Boy Candy concert.

-Let's go!

[blast]

-Ungh!

-Oh!

-Uh!

-(TOGETHER) Huh!

[cheering]

-Whoa!

-Huh, that's no Boy Candy.

That's Ty!

---in some kind of creepy Thunder-dome contraption.

-Wonder what he's doing in there?

[cheering]

-Huh?

-Does that answer your question?

-Uh!

[robotic voice, indistinct]

-Huh?

Huh!

Help!

Hooh!

Get me out of here.

Mommy!

[bawling]

-If we don't hurry, those robot gladiators are going to

turn him into minced model meat.

-Well, the only way to beat a gladiator

is to become a gladiator.

-You mean, gladiatorettes!

-Exactly.

Now, you two, distract the bad guys.

I'll save Ty.

-(CLOVER AND ALEX) Got it!

-Oh, oh, please Mr. Gladiator-man, [sobs]

don't hurt the face.

[robotic grunt]

-Aaah!

-Uh!

Don't worry.

Your face is in good hands.

-Ah!

You saved my life!

Ah, ha-ha, thank you.

Thank you!

[roaring]

-Thank you.

Aah!

[growling]

[cheers]

[growling]

-Huh!

Ugh!

Whoa!

Ugh.

Ha!

That got to hurt, even if you are robotic.

-Huh!

[clanging]

-Heeyah!

Uh!

Uh!

Eeyah!

[clang]

[static noise]

[cheering]

-Huh!

[robotic grunt]

-Hah!

Eeahah!

[robotic grunt]

[cheers]

-Alex, Clover, help!

-Just a sec!

Little busy at the moment!

-Yeah, busy getting our butts kicked!

-Well, you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed,

swing harder!

-And if you don't succeed a second time?

-Bail!

[clang]

[static noise]

[creak]

[thud]

[growling]

-Nice moves, spies.

Now, hurry before Ty is history!

-So, you think you're tough, ha?

[growling]

-I guess, they don't.

-OK, why was that so easy?

[shrieks]

[clang]

-Where are we?

Some kind of freaky prison?

Um.

-Oh!

Oh, if this is prison, I'll gladly take a life sentence.

[giggles]

So what are you in for?

-Something tells me this is worse than prison.

It looks more like a human zoo.

-You're right.

We were all abducted.

And now we are, ah, are being held against our, ah, will.

-Ah!

-Not if I can help it.

Hah!

[zap]

-No-ooh!

-Ah, don't worry.

You won't be here for long.

-Hey, I know you.

You're Felicity Fensins.

-I used to be, until my daddy made me

the princess of Proasis.

-Yeah, the spoiled brat kind of princess.

-True, my father has provided me with everything that money

can buy-- clothes, cars, jewelry.

But it's all so boring.

-It is?

-Yes!

So I had him design these robot gladiators to chase down

the world's most handsome hunks for my collection.

And when my boy toys bore me, I send them into the arena for

a little unfair fight.

-That's totally insane.

As if hunks could ever be boring?

-Clover!

You better let us all go right now if you know what's good

for you, Felicity.

-Sorry.

Now, that you, ladies, are here, I have decided to kick

things up a notch.

I bet you're just dying to know how.

-Honestly, I'm not all that curious.

-[laughs diabolically]

-For my viewing pleasure, you'll be facing my daddy's

latest gift, the Magnaglad 5000.

-Hah!

-Huh!

[thump]

-Uh, question!

What exactly are we fighting for?

-[laughs]

Your lives.

-(TOGETHER) Huh!

-So what do we do, now?

-I don't know, Clover.

Maybe I should try and scare it away with some singing?

-[laughs]

-Ugh!

A diary reference at a time like this?

[shrieks]

-Easy, mega-thingy!

You don't want to hurt me1 OK.

So you do.

Help!

-We're coming!

-Don't worry, I'll free you, even if you

were way mean to me.

-Ugh!

OK, that is enough!

We need a major ceasefire so we can work together and beat

this beast!

-Fine!

But I don't think unity alone is going to cut it.

I say, it's body armor time!

-Uh, good call!

[robotic noise]

[whirring ]

-[laughs]

[clanging]

-Uh!

Oh!

Uh!

Arr!

Uh!

[crash]

[men shrieking]

-It's working.

Way to take one for the team, Clover!

-I'll get his attention.

You, guys, get in his head.

[clanging]

-Yes!

-You heard her, Alex!

It's time to mess with Magnaglad's mind!

-Ugh!

-Time to steer this thing in the right direction.

-Cool.

I'll drive.

-No way!

You're the worst driver ever!

On second thought, go for it!

[clanging]

-What are you doing, you billion-dollar bust!

Get those girls!

Get away from me!

I'll tell my daddy!

Put me down!

Ugh!

-Done and done!

-Aaaah!

Oh!

-Bravo, ladies!

I'm pleased to see you put your differences aside for the

greater good!

[chopper blades whirring]

-Ahm.

-Ooh.

-At least, temporarily.

-Not so fast!

-Ugh, please don't tell me this is still about my diary.

-It is.

And we're sorry.

-You are?

-Yeah.

We totally overreacted.

We know that just because you vented doesn't mean that's how

you feel about us all the time.

-Besides, we read the sweet things you wrote about us,

too, like how lucky you are to have best friends like us.

-Oh, I am so psyched to hear you, guys, are so

understanding.

And, uh, wait, you read more of my diary?

-We know it was wrong, which is why we got you this, a

brand-new diary with a lock and key.

And no, we didn't make copies.

-Thanks, girls.

And I meant what I wrote.

I am lucky to have best friends like you.

-Aww.

-Uh, aw, OK, now, that we're back to being best friends, do

me a solid, OK?

Ignore what you're about to see and hear.

[crowd cheers]

-Look over there!

SAM (ON SPEAKER): (SINGING OFF-KEY) I sing in the shower.

I sing in the shower.

Eeh.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): Huh!

My Pilates clothes!

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Huh!

My singing--

-(ALEX AND SAM) Clover!

-Uh!

It's not my fault.

Ah, I didn't know we would make up this fast!

Forgive me!

-Reading Clover's diary was so not cool with me.

And I feel really bad about it.

So I put my diary where she can find it.

You know, so she can read mine.

It's only fair.

And when she sees all the great things I wrote about

her, she's going to totally forgive me.

OK, so I exaggerated about her flawless skin, her incredible

wit, and her genius-like intelligence.

But Clover's a hard sell.

I put it right next to my Calculus book, underneath my

Biology text, behind my

19.

She can't miss it.

Maybe I should put it under my pink cashmere scarf?