Original subtitles

[x-powder ringing]

[theme music]

[explosion]

[crowd cheering]

-Hm?

-Huh?

-Hm, I don't remember seeing a carnival here before.

-It's so charming.

Let's go for a ride.

-Sure.

Why not, honey?

[crowd cheering]

[screams]

[snoring]

[birds tweeting]

-Beverly Hills Glamour Girls, take four.

-Huh?

Argh!

[HUMMING AND INAUDIBLE SINGING]

HANS (OFFSCREEN): Just pretend the camera's

aren't here, honey.

-Argh!

-Ugh!

-Hm?

[knocking]

-Hm, I wonder what could be keeping them?

He, he, he.

Ugh!

Ooh!

-Clover!

-What is going on?

-Surprise!

I signed us up to be on the hit reality show, Beverly

Hills Glamour Girls.

-You mean, you signed us up to be on some stupid reality show

without asking?

-Hello!

Beverly Hills Glamour Girls isn't stupid, Sam.

It's the highest rated teen show on television.

We're going to be stars!

-I don't care, Clover.

It's a total invasion of privacy.

-Conflict, I love it!

This is exactly what Glamour Girls needs.

-Wait!

You're not filming this, are you?

Because I desperately need to re-gloss.

-Glossing can wait!

We need to talk to you, alone!

How are we supposed to star in a reality show?

We're undercover spies, remember?

-It's no biggie.

We'll just work around the whole spy thingy.

-Whoa!

Whoa!

-Hey, where did my Glamour Girls go?

And where is my cappuccino?

[screams]

-Work around it, huh?

[screams]

-Mm, hm, hm.

Morning spies.

Sorry to have disturbed you so early.

-You didn't disturb us, Jerry, Clover did!

-Yeah.

For the first time I'm actually glad we were WOOHPed.

At least we're away from all those nosey TV cameras.

-Cameras?

-Oh, you're just upset because they busted you in your

flannel footies.

-I should be so lucky.

I mean, hello!

Wearing a towel, here.

-Oh, my, so you are.

[screams]

[whirring]

-OK, fine, so our glamorous day started out a little

unglamorous.

But trust me, once you girls get on board the fame train,

you're so going to love it.

-All right ladies, we really need to get started.

People have been reported missing in Toronto.

-Ugh!

Thanks, Jer.

That really narrows it down.

-Yes, well, all we have to go on is the missing persons

reports that have been flooding in.

There have been 10 in the last hour.

-Well, why don't we map out where the people lived and

average it together.

It might show us where they were headed when they

vanished.

-Good, thinking, Sammy.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Calculating coordinates now.

-Wow!

Your new assistant is, like, top notch, Jer.

-Yes, yes.

Very impressive.

Can we focus, please?

-Looks like all the homes are within two miles of the

Toronto beaches.

-Toronto!

You know what that means?

JERRY (OFFSCREEN): Um, a trip to the Great Lakes?

-No, real maple syrup!

-And now for the gadgets.

Today, you'll get the Heat-Sensor 6000 Infrared

Motion Detector Sunglasses with binocular function, the

Sonic Disintegrator Boombox, and three

Henna Tracer Tattoos.

-Extra, extra, fashion newsflash, Jer.

Armband tattoos were so last millennium.

-I'll make a not of that.

Good luck on your mission, ladies.

-This place is a ghost town.

Nothing but a whole whack of Carnival Diablo flyers.

-Great.

There's only one thing that freaks me out more than ghost

towns, and that's carnivals.

-That's weird.

There's no record of the city issuing a permit to Carnival

Diablo or any other carnival in the last 20 years.

-Then we'd better go down and take a closer look.

-OK.

So either they're maid is totally lame, or Carnival

Diablo left town in a hurry.

Not that I'm complaining.

-Hey, check this out.

Agh!

Agh!

-What's going on?

Sam!

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Get it off, help!

Whoa!

-Ach!

Your hand, it's turned into a--

CLOVIS (OFFSCREEN): Grossy claw, ew!

See, this is why I hate carnivals, even the mirrors

are freaky.

-I'll get this to Jerry for analysis right away.

[gasp]

Then we'd better get back to school.

Homeroom bell is in 20 minutes.

-But I can't go back to school with my hand like this.

Especially not with Clover's TV crews poking around.

-Oh, don't worry.

I'll think of something.

[school bell ringing]

-Uh, are you sure you're OK, Sam?

-I'm fine.

Nothing a little butter sauce can't cure.

-Viola!

The answer to Sam's little problem.

-But, that's your idea of an answer?

Ha!

No, no.

I don't care how freaky my hand looks, I am not wearing

that tacky thing.

-Um, Sam.

You may want to rethink the glove.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Oh, no!

Ugh, fine.

But if I start a new fashion trend, I am switching schools!

-And action.

-Hi, I'm Clover, but my friends call me fabulous.

-And my friends call me outta here.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): Me too!

-I guess when they couldn't have moi, Beverly Hills

Glamour Girls changed its focus from pretty and popular

to freaks and geeks!

-Huh?

CLOVIS (OFFSCREEN): Jealous much, Mandy?

Or is envy green the hot new skin color for spring?

-Whatever!

[x-powder ringing]

-Oh, what are those?

-Um, just our, uh, compact alarms.

-Yeah, they go off whenever our foreheads get shiny.

If you'll excuse us.

-Good afternoon, ladies.

-Any results, yet, on why that mirror turned my hand into a

freaky claw?

-Unfortunately not.

But another Carnival Diablo has popped up in Brazil.

-We'll check it out.

No problemo.

-Good luck.

-Wait, there is a problemo.

To get to Brazil we have to get past Hans.

-Three carnival freaks, coming up!

-Good thinking, Alex.

-OK.

Even the highest heel in my shoe collection couldn't have

prepared me for this!

[crowd cheering]

-All right!

-This is so weird.

In Toronto, the carnival couldn't pack up and get out

of town fast enough.

-And here it's the star attraction, with milling

crowds and everything.

-Yikes!

-Looks like Carnival Diablo has been around a long time.

-There's something going on here, girls.

Look!

-Help!

No, wait.

[gasps]

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Hey, you, stop!

-Sam, hurry!

-I'll be right, uh, with you.

[screams]

-Oh, I think I'm going to sick.

-Whoa!

Tres Versailles, I think I'm in love.

-Hey, look you guys.

There's a piece missing.

-Huh?

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Maybe this is where that weird mirror came

from.

-Ech!

Let's hope not.

That weird mirror tried to turn you into

a crustacean, remember?

[thumping]

[gasp]

-I hope you all enjoyed the ride, because it's the last

one you'll ever take again, as you.

-Oh!

-Ugh!

Are these just the demented ramblings of some insane guy,

or I am supposed to understand him?

-In my prime, I was known as the Octopus Boy.

-Hey, you're that kid from the poster.

-You'd never know he had extra arms in there.

Who is your tailor?

-A proud family tradition, eroded by today's ridiculous

excuse for a carnival!

But I'm going to change all that.

You will now finish your ride in my Hall of Mirrors, where

it will turn you into a wondrous freak like me!

Mwahaha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

And together, we'll create the greatest show on Earth!

[screams]

-Oh, no.

We're next!

Agh!

Ew, body lotion 911, people.

I'm blue and scaly.

CLOVIS (OFFSCREEN): Agh!

-Agh!

-At least you're not the Elephant Girl.

It's going to take a whole team of Beverly Hills finest

to remove this nasty trunk!

-Don't worry, girls, I'm on it!

-Huh?

-Ugh!

-Stop her!

[grunts]

-Agh!

Ugh!

[snarling]

-Gotcha!

-Not quite, furrball.

Huh, agh!

[howling]

[screams]

-Agh!

Sorry, but the belt doesn't really go with the outfit.

Ugh!

-Agh!

-If you let go, I'll let go.

-Agh!

[growling]

-I'll get help and be back, ASAP!

-The results from the lab just came in.

The mirror is a mercurial compound capable of altering a

person's DNA.

-So that's how the ring master's

turning people into freaks.

-Freaks?

-My hand is just the beginning.

As in, Clover and Alex are now more zoo than

Beverly Hills faboo.

-Oh, dear.

That doesn't sound good.

-Hm?

Ugh!

Ugh!

[gasp]

Speaking of not good, the carnival just packed up and

skipped town.

How am I supposed to help them now?

[gasp]

The Henna Tracer Tattoos.

[gasp]

[fireworks exploding]

-They must be inside.

[beeping]

But how can I get close to them without being seen?

Hm?

-Shee-ah.

-OK.

I've heard of togetherness, but that's a tad extreme.

-I may be a fish, but I still have rights.

Now let me out of here!

-No can do.

Besides, doesn't everyone want to be in show business?

-For your information, I already am in showbiz.

I'm a Beverly Hills Glamour Girl.

[boom]

[screams]

-Huh?

-Huh?

What was that?

Huh?

-Hiya!

-Nice moves, Sammy.

You can totally be in the carnival.

-You think?

Cause I've always had a thing for the trapeze.

-Hello!

In a cage, here.

We can talk about your bizarro carny fantasies later!

-Right.

Sorry.

-Whoa!

-I'm outta here!

-Oh, thank you.

-Oh, boy.

-Thanks.

-My pleasure, but we're not done yet.

Did you learn anything else from the head freak?

-Let's just say the ring master's thinking

bigger, much bigger.

-Ugh!

-[gasp]

OK, that is not good.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): It gets worse.

To the hall, like, like, like some carnival ride gone mad!

-That could turn an entire audience into freaks in a

matter of minutes.

-I think that's the point.

[applause]

-We have to stop this from happening.

-Their trip to Paris definitely spells glamour.

But--

-Um, will you excuse us for a sec?

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): OK, spill.

How did Hans know where to find us?

-Would you believe it was a coincidence?

-No.

-All right, all right.

I called him.

It was a moment of weakness.

I missed being a star, OK?

-Ugh!

SAM (OFFSCREEN): How can you be a star when you're

elephantesque?

-I thought I'd be back to normal by now.

-We don't have time for this.

[screams]

-Come on, we have an audience to save!

-That's it!

I know how we can stop the ring master.

We've got to cut the power.

-I've got it!

Ugh!

I think it's rusty.

A little help!

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Hey, what do you know?

The Pilates class is really paying off.

-Hey, oh.

I cannot see.

Where did my Glamour Girls go?

[screams]

-Oh, no.

The ring master has backup power.

-I couldn't leave something this important to

chance, now could I?

-Why not?

It certainly would have made our jobs a lot easier.

-We haven't got much time.

Alex, stop the ride.

Clover, distract the camera crew.

I'll handle the ring master.

-Done!

[screams]

-OK.

We've already tried to stop the ride,

and that didn't work.

If only I could stop the mirrors.

-I think you can stay for show!

You might get a kick out of it.

-No, thanks.

It's all just a bit too freaky for my taste.

-Hiya!

Whoa!

-Agh!

Agh!

Agh!

[screams]

Mirrors, meet the Sonic Disintegrator Boombox!

-Hee!

-Hiya!

[grunts]

[screams]

-Huah!

-Ah!

-Ugh!

Agh!

[grunts]

-Hey, where did you go?

Ooh!

-Ugh!

-Ugh!

Time to finish you off!

[knuckles cracking]

-Whoa!

Agh!

Whoa!

Agh!

Argh!

-Ugh!

Argh!

Hey, no!

-There, that should hold you.

-No there's something you don't see every day.

What happened to Clover and Hans?

-And then, in 2nd grade, in a carnival much like this one, I

won the Little Miss Butter Churn pageant.

I knew right then my calling was to make the world a more

beautiful place.

-For the millionth time, honey, what is up with the

elephant costume?

Please!

-Uh, shh.

Patience, Hans, I'll get to that.

Now where was I?

Oh.

Oh, right.

Then in 3rd grade--

-Think we should rescue Hans from Clover?

-Naw, I think Hans can fend for himself.

-Against Clover?

No way!

[giggles]

[helicopter noise]

-Good job, ladies!

See you back at home.

-We'll see you soon, Jer.

When Clover's going to be finished is anybody's guess.

[giggles]

-Here you go, Sammy, fresh popcorn, extra butter sauce.

-Ha, ha.

Very amusing fish girl.

-I'm just glad the WOOHP scientists were able to make

everyone normal again.

Higher weekend before my skin stop feeling scaly.

-OK.

Ready or not, girls.

It's Glamour time!

HANS (OFFSCREEN): This week we follow Mandy, a glamorous--

-Mandy?

[dialing]

RECORDING: You've reached the voice mail of Hans.

-Ugh!

Hans is too chicken to even pick up.

I don't get it.

Why would he replace us with Mandy?

-Let's face it, Hans needed a star, and we already have jobs

as international spies.

-What can I say?

With my hair and fashion sense, I was born to be on TV.

-[gasp]

That should have been my line!

[dialing]

HANS (OFFSCREEN): You've reached the

voice mail of Hans.

-Ugh!

-Oh, poor Clover.

It'll be yesterday's news tomorrow, anyway.

[giggles]

-Oh, I think after being the Elephant Girl for a while I

have this whole new appreciation for inner beauty.

Like, teens can be so shallow, and all.

I'm not going out with my hair looking like this.

Or ew, like, who wears Jordan jeans anymore?

But really, it's the inside that counts.

Cause like-- hello!--

looks fade, and then what do we have?

We have what's inside.

[door bell]

-Duncan's here, and he's like only the most awesome gorgeous

guy at school.

Uh, on the inside.