Original subtitles

THEME SONG: Here we go, we're getting on the road till we

stop, and then we'll shop.

So one, two, three now, baby, here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

On a mission, undercover and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

We're Totally Spies so get on with the show.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

[music playing on headphones]

[humming]

-Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

[humming]

[gasp]

-Hm.

Hm?

[school bell ringing]

-I can't believe the Valentine's Day Sweetheart

Dance is already this Friday.

-That means we have less than a week to find the

loves of our lives.

-Have faith.

Nature will take its course and we'll both have

dates for the dance.

-I don't want just any old date.

This year I want roses, and poetry, and romance.

-Yeah.

Oh, oh, and a pink teddy bear with heart shaped eyes.

Clover's so lucky.

-Tell me about it.

She's already found the love of her life, Chris.

-That's it!

I am done with boys!

I'm done with dates.

I'm done with love.

-Chris?

-Done.

You won't believe the stunt he pulled this time.

-Let me guess, he only called you eight times yesterday to

say he loved you, instead of his standard ten?

-Worse!

For our three day anniversary he bought tickets to a Monster

Truck rally.

Boys are so overrated.

As of this moment, I'm officially off the market.

-You mean you're on a dating hiatus?

-That's right, no more boys.

-Like that will last through lunch.

-Clover, you're overreacting.

There are tons of great available guys everywhere.

-Like, those two?

-Salutations, lovely ladies.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): By my calculations, the Beverly

Hills mall has the highest ratio of the

heart throbs to hunt.

-You can count me out of your equation.

I'm am so not looking for a boy.

-Come on, let's get a non-fat latte and

make ourselves visible.

Where's our favorite coffee cafe?

-You too can find your truest love.

-Arrow Through the Heart Dating Experience?

A computer matchmaking service?

How cyber weird.

-Digital love?

I don't buy it.

-I'm gonna try it.

What do you think, Sam?

-I'm sure it's totally bogus, but it still might be fun.

-I'll be right here, staying strong, solidly single.

Boys need not apply.

-Hello, girls.

Welcome to Arrow Through the Heart.

Please answer the following questions.

Icing is to cake as blank is to love.

-Smoochies.

-Intellectual honesty and political courage.

-Hey, I'm Stan.

-Stan?

-Standing here hoping you'll go out with me.

-As if!

-Hey, gorgeous.

They say beauty's only skin deep.

Let's you and I get shallow.

[growling]

-I'm on a dating hiatus, dating hiatus, dating hiatus,

dating hiatus.

-Which boy do you think is cuter, boy A or boy B?

-Boy A.

-Definitely boy B.

[school bell ringing]

[grunts]

-What's this?

Cool!

Ugh!

Argh!

Ugh!

[gasp]

-It's from my Arrow in the Heart match!

I've been cordially invited to meet him at--

[gasp]

cool!

The Rodeo Drive Sports Pavilion tonight.

His name is Chet.

Isn't that sweet?

-I think I got a match!

Dearest, Sam, Arrow Through the Heart hath made a

determination, and thus I await with great anticipation

our date tonight at Pomme de Terre.

We'll dine at 7:00, my lovely, lady fair.

Ah!

It's signed, Marco.

-Um, I thought you didn't believe in

computerized dating?

-Well, I don't.

But there's no harm in meeting Marco.

-Clover, it's not too late for you.

You could still get an Arrow Through the Heart match in

time for the Valentine's dance.

-Oh, no.

I don't want one.

Since I have sworn off boys, I have had tons of free time.

Last night, I completely reorganized my handbag closet.

-You have a handbag closet?

-I told you.

I have tons of free time.

[grunts]

-Ah!

-Hi, I'm Chet.

You must be Alex.

-Agh!

How did you know it was me?

-Well, I--

I didn't.

But you're the most beautiful girl here, so I was hoping.

This is for you.

-Oh!

-Hi, I'm Sam.

Um, I just wanted to say, this isn't my usual--

I mean, I--

I wouldn't normally go on a blind--

I feel silly about--

-Is this the face that launched a thousand ships ant

burnt the topless towers of Illium?

-You're quoting Dr. Faustus?

-Sweet Sam, make me immortal with octopus.

-Creamed calamari is my favorite.

[screams]

-Oh, no more beautiful guys!

[gasp]

[school bell ringing]

[students chattering]

-Hey, watch where your--

Clover, I told you about Roy?

He's such a dreamboat!

-So's my Petey-pie.

-Let me guess, you're new Arrow Through the Heart

boyfriend's?

-You mean, my new Roy friend.

Ah!

[growling]

-Have you guys noticed that half the girls in this school

are crazy tweaked about their computer dates.

Um, ahem.

-Ah!

-Hm?

-Oh, sorry, Clover.

I was just thinking about my dream boy, Chet.

-And I was thinking about my adorable Marco.

-Don't tell me you two are lovestruck, too.

What did your dates do, propose?

-Not yet.

-But look!

Marco gave me an authentic cubic

zirconium sweetheart ring.

-Chet gave me one made from genuine imitation diamondiod.

-Argh!

OK.

What is wrong with you two?

You can't be this head over heels after just one date.

-Right after the dance, we're dropping out of school.

-Yeah.

We need to free up more time to spend with our soul mates.

-What?

[GUYS ARE MOANING AND COMPLAINING]

-Even the school studs are duds?

Something is seriously whacked around here.

I'm calling Jer.

[giggling]

-I don't see a problem, Clover.

W.H.O.O.P. satellites have discovered zero evidence of

hypnotic pathogens in the Beverly Hills, or Beverly

Hills adjacent areas.

-There's something majorly disturbing going on.

-There's no current global crisis.

You should enjoy the time off.

Perhaps, do a bit of dating yourself.

-I'm on hiatus.

If Jer won't give me any backup, I'm going

this mission alone.

First things first, gadgets.

OK.

Old gadgets, M-ray contact lenses in aquamarine, ultra

sensitive two clip banana barrette listening device, and

chewable, gluable tracking gum.

Gulp.

Oh!

-The elliptical swirls of color remind me of the

whirlpools of your eyes.

-Ah, Marco, your intellect is dizzying.

-I don't know what's grosser, their cheesy love talk, or

this liver flavored tracking gum.

-Alas, my love, I'm forced to leave you.

-Until Friday's dance, dear Marco.

Parting is such exquisite pain.

[gasp]

[snickering]

[gasp]

-Way bizzaro, now my gum sensor is tracking this guy.

Hm?

-Ah!

-I can't believe this!

Two-face boy is two-timing Alex and Sam!

[snoring]

-I gotta book, chickadee.

I promised my little sister some one-on-one coaching time

before her synchronized swimming tryouts.

-I can totally dig that.

See you at the Valentine's dance tomorrow night.

Mm, hm.

-Uh, jeez.

Hm?

This is out of control.

-Hey!

-This guy is suckering all the girls from Beverly Hills High.

-Oh, Fabiare, this foot exfoliation is tres bon.

-Not at tres bon as the sound of your voice,

[speaking french].

-Sacre bleu.

-Sacre bluch!

-Mandy, mon Cherie, allow moi to bestow upon you this meager

token of moi affection.

si'l vous plait.

[gasp]

-I will allow it, oui.

-Glittery snit.

If this creepy Casanova thinks he can play Sam and Alex, he's

got another thing coming.

Glittery Snit Jewelry Store.

So this is where he gets his trinkets.

[bell over door rings]

-Ooh!

[gasp]

-Good morning.

Welcome to Glittery Snit.

I'm Eugene, may I help you?

-[speaking with foreign accent]

Uh, I was just checking out your lovely quarry, darling.

You have very beautiful diamonds.

Uh, what's this, darling?

-Um, I think someone must have just left it here.

-Do you go to Beverly Hills High?

-No.

I go to the Institute for Gifted Teens.

-Eugene!

-Yes, Mummy?

-Have you made a sale to this girl?

(STUTTERING) Uh, no, not yet.

-Buy something or get out!

-Yes, sir!

[screaming]

-So, uh, you want to go to the dance?

-Should I pick you at 8:00?

-Will you marry me?

-Ugh!

Step off!

OK.

This is really getting out of hand.

I've got to shut it down before--

rude, much!

I'd better find Sam and Alex.

-Marco is gonna love these.

-Pink is Chet's favorite flavor.

-I have to talk to you two.

-Not now, Clover, we have to get ready for the dance.

I have to do my hair.

-Marco likes it up.

I have to get a manicure.

Chet likes me to wear Sea Foam nail polish.

-Earth to zombie chicks.

This is a crisis situation.

There is something wrong with your stupid soul mates.

-You're just jealous, Clover.

-Yeah, you had a chance for true happiness, and you threw

it away for this dumb dating hiatus.

-You could have had a wonderful boyfriend.

-Ugh!

But you don't understand.

-Come on, Alex, we don't want to keep

Marco and Chet waiting.

[clover crying]

[snickering]

-Hm?

-Argh!

What the-- ugh.

[screams]

[grunts]

-Argh!

-Hm?

Persistent little creep, aren't you?

[grunts]

[snickering]

-Uh, agh!

Um!

Hm?

[gasp]

-OK, Eugene.

If all's fair in love, this means war!

BOYS CHANTING (OFFSCREEN): We want dates!

We want dates!

We want dates!

We want dates!

We want dates!

-I can't believe Marco isn't here yet.

I hope nothing bad happened to him.

-It's not like Chet to be late, either.

-Hm.

Ah, ha, ha.

Look at them all.

Waiting for me, me, me.

-Think again, pal!

[gasp]

-Now, you mind telling me why you're doing this?

-It's simple, really.

Revenge.

Last year, the love of my life broke my heart when she dumped

me on Valentine's Day.

-Bitter, or what?

-Now, with this little gizmo, and the information I get from

my booths, I can transform myself into any

girl's ideal boy.

They all fall madly in love with me.

And now, I'll get back at all women by dumping them on

Valentine's Day.

-Over my dead body!

[grunts]

-Ha, ha.

You should have used my dating booth.

I would have been your sweetest dream, instead of

your worst nightmare!

Hiya!

Hiya, hiya, hah, agh!

-My Petey-pie isn't coming.

-Neither is my Roy friend.

Bah, ha, ha, ha, ha.

-Your loser boyfriends might not be coming, but I'm sure

mon Fabiare, is just being fashionably late.

-Something's not right here.

Why are all the boyfriends late?

-Hiya!

-Ugh!

-Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You can't resist me.

No woman can resist me.

-You are sushi!

-Hm?

-Whoa!

[screams]

[commotion]

[gasps]

-Ladies, allow me to introduce you to Marco, and Chet, and

Fabiare, and Petey-pie, and Roy boy, and Wally, and Jason,

and last, and definitely least, Eugene Snit.

-Oh!

-I can't believe we shared the eternal bonds of poetic,

artistic, and intellectual enlightenment.

-I can't believe we jumped up and down.

-I can't believe I let you exfoliate my feet!

-Ugh!

Agh!

Ugh!

Ohh!

-Tear off his head!

-Rip out his heart!

-Cut up his credit cards!

-I've got one better than that.

-W-- w-- w-- what are you going to do, have

me thrown in jail?

-You wish.

[thumping]

-Eugene!

EUGENE (OFFSCREEN): Nooo!

-This is just great!

What's more humiliating than not having a date on

Valentine's Day?

-Being too blind to see all the great guys around you.

-Come on, girls.

What do you say we get this party started?

[dance music playing]

-Huh?

[cheering]

-We are so sorry, Clover.

-Yeah, we should have never let boys get in the way of our

friendship.

-Can you forgive us?

-Of course, I forgive you.

Believe me, I know what it's like to be driven to temporary

insanity by boys.

[school bell ringing]

-Hey, Clover, what are you doing?

-Girls, I've totally found my true calling.

From now on, you may refer to me as the Fabulous Clover,

Professional Matchmaker.

Besides, the fringe benefits are great!

-What fringe things benefits?

-Hold please, I have a client.

-Looks like the dating hiatus is officially over.

[laughing]