Original subtitles

THEME SONG: Here we go.

We're getting on the road 'til we stop, and then we'll shop.

So 1, 2, 3-- now, baby, here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go on a mission undercover

and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

The totally spies will get on with the show.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

-There's no way you're gonna get away with this, loser.

Sam, Clover, and WOOHP will do whatever it takes to save me.

[muffled talking]

-That's precisely what I'm counting on.

[evil laugh]

[school bell rings]

-Alex has been kidnapped.

We gotta do something quick.

-I can't believe I'm actually saying this.

-Ah.

-But I think we'd better try and get WOOHP-ed ASAP.

[grunting]

Oh.

-Clover, what are you doing?

-What does it look like I'm doing?

Trying to find a button or a lever or a secret passage.

-Huh?

-Why is it that we only get WOOHP-ed when we don't want to

and can never get WOOHP-ed when we need to.

[cellphone ring]

-Maybe it's Alex.

"It doesn't matter that you're not the most

popular girl in school.

I still think you're the greatest.

Meet me at lunch today, your secret admirer, AJ." AJ?

Who's that?

-Well, it could be Andrew James, that total cutie from

science class.

Ooh!

Or maybe it's Aaron Jennings, the football player

with the buff bod.

-Why would those guys be interested in me?

-Hello.

Because you're smart, funny, and totally cool.

-Hey.

Clover, there's no time for this.

We've got to find Alex.

-There's always time for secret admirers, Sam.

I'll tell him you'll definitely meet him for lunch.

-Hey!

[screams]

-See what I mean?

WOOHP-ing only occurs at the most inopportune moments.

[screams]

-Good morning, girls.

-Jerry, you're never gonna believe what happened.

-Alex has been kidnapped.

-No.

Alex has been kidnapped.

-Oh yes.

That's what I said.

-Wait.

You know?

-Yes.

-Freaky.

-In fact, I've just received this

rather disturbing message.

-Sam, Clover--

-Lumiere?

-So good to see you again.

-But I thought we just locked him up.

-I'm happy to inform you that you've been cast in my latest

movie, a spy thriller.

Since you're top-secret agents, I figure it'd be right

up your alley.

-Whatever, creep.

-I'll be filming you as you go up against my special effects

and dangerous sets.

[muffled talking]

-Oh, uh, what's that, Alex?

[muffled talking]

-Ah, yes.

Thanks for reminding me.

Alex says, if you ever want to see her again,

you'd better hurry.

-We can't let him get away with this.

-Wait, there's more.

-Hope you girls can take direction, because here's your

first scene.

Roses are red, violets are blue--

the same two colors of your next clue.

If you head to the station, you'll be on the right track.

And you just might get your friend, Alex, back.

Now, chop chop, girls.

We're rolling!

[scream]

-Apparently he escaped our custody and abducted Alex

early this morning.

[gasp]

-That makes sense.

He got to Alex when her defenses were down.

She's so not a morning person.

-We've got to figure what station he's talking about.

-It could be a radio station.

Or maybe it's a gas station.

-Or maybe it's the train station.

If you head to the station, you'll be on the right track.

And you just might get your friend, Alex, back.

-Sam, you're brilliant.

Let's hit it.

-Wait, I've got some gadgets you might find helpful.

-Make it quick, Jer.

We don't have time for your usual blathering.

No offense.

-None taken.

-I don't see Alex or Lumiere anywhere.

-Me neither.

-Sammy, that's our train!

-Huh?

-Roses are red, violets are blue, the same two colors of

your next clue.

Come on!

-Not so fast, girls.

I need to see your tickets.

-But you don't understand!

We're secret agents trying to save our best friend from an

evil independent filmmaker.

-Yeah, sure ya are.

And I'm Mary, Queen of Scots.

No tickets, no ride.

[whistle]

[train engine]

-Fine, if you won't let us through, then we'll just have

to go over your head.

-Wha--

huh?

-Maybe there is something to be said for

wearing sensible shoes.

-Jump.

-(BOTH) Whoa.

Whoa.

-See, that wasn't so bad.

-Yeah, if you like profuse sweating.

LUMIERE (OFFSCREEN): Don't be discouraged, girls.

[gasp]

-You're doing very well.

And as you can see, you look just wonderful on camera.

-We want to know what you've done with Alex.

-Oh, you'll find out in due time.

Right now you have other things to worry about.

-Ah.

-Ah.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Great, we're locked in.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Actually, that might not

be such a bad thing.

This train's going so fast.

I wouldn't want to accidentally fall out.

-Falling out is the least of your concerns.

When the train reaches 150 miles per hour, it

will derail and crash.

-And the good news is?

-If you can figure out how to stop the train before any

accidents happen, I might just let Alex free.

And my feature film won't have to be a short subject.

-And if we can't?

-Alex won't have a very happy ending and neither will you.

Action!

-88?

What's that?

[gasp]

-I think it's the speed of the train, which means we've gotta

get to the engine fast.

-It's no use.

All the controls are jammed.

-Then we've gotta find a hand brake-- you know, like they

use in emergencies.

-I'd say this definitely qualifies as an emergency.

-I'll start here.

You start in the rear of the train and we

can meet in the middle.

-Man, this is more exercise than I get in a whole

afternoon of Pilates class.

-OK, if I was a hand brake, where would I be?

[grunting]

-Please tell me I didn't just do that.

-Actually, splitting the train was my doing.

-Splitting the train?

-I thought it might add a bit of drama if I pitted my

protagonists against one another.

-And in English, that means--

-I'm doing a little rewrite of the script.

Let me show you.

-OK, I'm beginning to understand.

-It's gotta be around here somewhere.

Huh?

Ahh!

-What's the matter?

Afraid of a little special effect?

-I'm glad you find this so amusing.

Bingo.

[train screeching]

[grunt]

-Huh?

Huh?

That was easy enough.

[cellphone ring]

-Uh, Sam?

I think we have a little problem.

-What do you mean, problem?

I just stopped the train.

-Actually, that was only half the problem.

-OK, so maybe that was a little too easy.

-Ah!

Just stay put.

Me and the ice queen will take care of everything.

-Me stay put?

You're the one who's moving.

-Oh.

Right.

-Time for a little rewrite of my own.

[grunting]

-Huh?

-Whoa, wha--

[sigh]

-You OK?

-Other than needing reconstructive nail

surgery, I'm fine.

[cellphone ring]

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Maybe it's Lumiere with another clue.

No, it's A.J. again.

He says he's looking forward to lunch.

Who can think about lunch at a time like this?

[cellphone ring]

-I'll tell ya, Sam, for not being the most popular girl in

school, you sure are popular.

-Good show, girls.

Now here's another riddle for you.

Hickory, dickory, dock.

The spies are racing the clock.

Colorado's where you'll find the key that will lead you to

where Alex will be.

Good luck.

-Ugh.

Here we go again.

-Yup.

Looks like we're on our way to Colorado.

-Don't be so sure.

-What do you mean?

Don't you want to find Alex?

-"Hickory, dickory, dock.

The spies are racing the clock.

Colorado's where you'll find the key that will lead you to

where Alex will be.

Clover, I think he's talking about the cruise ship,

"Colorado."

-Cruise ship?

I didn't even realize Colorado had waterfront.

[sigh]

-I'll explain on the way.

-There it is-- the Colorado.

-Now that's my kind of boat.

If this is where Lumiere is holding Alex, I hope I'm next

in line to get abducted.

[screaming]

-I'm getting really sick of Lumiere and his pathetic,

petty thrills.

All aboard.

-OK, if I were a lunatic, filmmaker, spy-abductor, where

would I hide Alex?

-My guess would be below deck.

Let's check it out.

We'd better spread out to cover more ground.

-Good idea.

I'll go this way.

Alex, are you down here?

[gasp]

[scream]

[grunting]

-Ahh!

Nope.

No sign of Alex in there.

-Alex?

Any luck?

-Not so far.

But our luck may have just changed.

Remember the riddle?

Colorado's where you'll find the key that will lead you to

where Alex will be.

This must be the key in the riddle!

-No!

Clover, wait!

[gasp]

[engine rumbling]

-That doesn't sound good.

-Nice job, girls.

You've just activated an

in.

I just love explosions and big action scenes.

-Why couldn't your stupid movie be a nice romantic

comedy instead?

-You don't think disarming the missile will be as easy as

that, do you?

10 seconds until launch, girls.

MALE SPEAKER (AUTOMATED VOICE): 10, 9--

-Great.

MALE SPEAKER (AUTOMATED VOICE): --8--

-What else could possibly go wrong?

-Come on, we've gotta get the workers off the ship.

[workers shouting]

-Everyone evacuate the ship in a calm, orderly fashion.

It's sinking.

-I gotta get outta here.

Yikes!

MALE SPEAKER (AUTOMATED VOICE): 4, 3--

-I wasn't talking to you.

MALE SPEAKER (AUTOMATED VOICE): 2, 1.

-Where do you suppose that thing's headed?

-Looks like we're about to find out.

Come on!

We gotta follow that missile.

Remember the riddle?

Colorado's where you'll find the key that will lead you to

where Alex will be.

This missile should lead us to Alex.

-This should help us close the gap.

[grunt]

-Great.

We caught up to the missile What now?

-Oh no, look!

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): It's headed right for the city.

-Take a closer look.

-Huh?

Oh no.

It's aimed at WOOHP!

-WOOHP, I did it again.

T-minus 10 seconds until impact.

-Getting really sick of this beady-eyed little weasel.

-Forget about him.

We gotta stop this missile.

-Nice try, Sam.

But I think we need something with a little more firepower.

Ah!

-Not that much firepower.

[screams]

-Next time you want to jettison me from a speeding

jet, let me know beforehand so I can plan to be on

vacation that day.

-Come on, Alex must be inside.

-Ah!

-Oh--

Sam, Clover, what are you doing here?

I don't remember WOOHP-ing you.

-Lumiere's holding Alex somewhere in the building.

-Oh, that's impossible.

WOOHP has the tightest security in the world.

I can account for each and every person in this building.

Believe me, ladies, if Alex were here, I

would know about it.

-Great.

But can you account for why it's colder than a

meat locker in here?

-Apparently there's a climate control malfunction.

Our technician is working on it as we speak.

That's odd.

He was here a moment ago.

-Greetings, WOOHP-ites.

Hey diddle, diddle--

here's another riddle.

It'll soon be freezing in this room.

But if you want some relief, you'd better be brief, because

Alex is about to go boom.

-Great, another race against the clock.

-I don't think that's a clock, Sam.

I think it's WOOHP's interior temperature.

-We better get to the briefing rooms.

-Why?

-You better be brief?

Get it?

He's talking about the briefing room.

[grunts]

JERRY (OFFSCREEN): That's odd.

-Not to mention convenient.

All this spying's got me totally starved.

-Clover, no.

It could be a trap!

-It's a bomb!

-Correction-- a temperature-sensitive bomb.

Something tells me that when the temperature in here hits

zero, this thing's gonna blow.

-Maintenance, you must reverse the temperature immediately.

[busy signal]

-Hello?

Hello?

Wait a second.

That maintenance man--

he must be one of Lumiere's cronies.

He jammed the temperature control.

[gasp]

-Let's see.

I think if I just pull the red wire, it should diffuse.

[bomb beeping]

-Ah!

-Or not!

LUMIERE (ON TV): Nice try, agents.

Looks like this is the end of WOOHP.

-Not if I have anything to say about it.

Where did I put my lipstick?

-Clover, this is so not the time to worry about your

appearance.

-Who's worried about appearances?

I'm looking to heat things up.

[laser sounds]

[laugh]

-Clover, it worked.

-It's not the first time a cosmetic saved my life.

-Hmm?

-And it probably won't be the last.

-I'll link to WOOHP's transmission mainframe and

find out where Lumiere's last broadcast came from.

-What does it say?

-Lumiere's last transmission came from the

22nd floor of WOOHP.

[screams]

[muffled voice]

-Oh, now that's something you don't see every day.

-Poor Alex.

If I were her, I'd be screaming my head off.

-If she opens her mouth to scream, she'll

fall over the edge.

-And if we open this door, it'll release the rope causing

her to fall.

-Then we have to save Alex from outside the building.

Don't move, Alex, we'll save you.

[grunts]

-We're locked in?

Again?

-Lumiere's crony must have jammed it.

-We have no choice.

OK.

On three, we open the door and jump on the rope.

One, two--

-Wait!

Wait!

Do we go on three or do we go on go?

-Three!

Who said anything about go?

-Sorry!

Just wanted to be sure.

[muffled screams]

-One, two, three!

[grunts]

-We did it!

We saved Alex!

[muffled scream]

-Ahh!

-(BOTH) Alex!

-Whoa!

-Hi-ya!

-Ah!

-Quick, follow them down.

I wanna capture their untimely demise on film.

-Don't worry, Alex, we've got you.

-Thanks, guys.

Only, who's got us?

-I will show you that no one infiltrates my agency and gets

away with it.

Ah!

[helicopter malfunction alert]

-Somebody better do something fast.

Otherwise we're gonna make a really strong impression.

And I don't mean the good kind.

[muffled groans]

-Normally I consider layering a fashion faux pas.

But today I'll make an exception.

-Look out!

-Not so fast.

[hyperventilating]

-Whoa!

-Lumiere thinks he's nimble.

Lumiere thinks he's quick.

Lumiere just got busted by three tough chicks.

-Three tough chicks and a veteran agent who still has a

few fancy moves left in him.

-Yeah, for once we get to congratulate you on a job well

done, Jerry.

[smash]

-No!

My masterpiece!

-This movie is officially in the can.

[grunt]

-Come on, Lumiere.

Your filmmaking days are over.

-What's wrong, Sammy?

Aren't you psyched we arrested Lumiere?

-Yeah.

Now we don't have to listen to any more of his lame rhymes.

-Yeah.

I'm happy about that.

But I missed my lunch date with the secret admirer.

-You have a secret admirer?

Sam!

You can't keep something like that a secret.

[cellphone ring]

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): What does it say, Sam?

-It says, "It's not too late for an early dinner.

Still waiting in the caf.

AJ."

-Huh?

Come on, then let's get back to school.

[school bell]

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Andrew James and Aaron Jennings?

How do I know which one it is?

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): I guess you'll just have to ask.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Hey guys!

-(BOTH) Hey, Sam.

-So, which one of you is it?

-(BOTH) Huh?

-You know, which one of you is my secret admirer?

-Sorry, Sam.

But I totally don't know what you're talking about.

-Yeah, me neither.

-But wait--

I don't get it.

You're both AJs.

It has to be one of you.

-Sorry, Sam.

The only girl I admire is Mandy.

And that's not really a secret.

-Huh?

-Same here.

Oh, speaking of which, do you know if she has a date for the

spring formal?

-Ha, ha, ha.

-Ahh!

[sigh]

[throat clear]

-Oh.

Hi, Arnold.

-Don't you mean, hi, secret admirer?

-You mean you're AJ?

-Arnold Jackson.

That's me.

So, I hope you brought your appetite.

-Uh, yeah.

I'm-- uh-- starved.

-Huh?

[awkward laugh]