Original subtitles

THEME SONG: Here we go.

We're getting on the road til we stop.

And then we'll shop.

So one, two, three, now, baby, here we go, go, go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

On a mission undercover and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

We're totally spies so get on with the show.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

-If you just tuned in, we're coming to you live from

Niagara Falls, where someone is turning this national

landmark into some kind of dangerous water park.

What kind of sick mind would do this?

-Come on, Sammy.

Why don't you blade with us?

-Yeah.

It doesn't matter that you're a lame roller blader.

You can still at least try to have some fun.

-Ladies, and I quote--

"Excess time spent in recreational activities could

be better spent exercising the mind."

-I got a quote for you.

Go fish.

Huh?

-Well, well.

Look what we have here.

Skaters and violators.

You know the rules, girls.

No roller-blading and no littering.

-Littering?

I was making a wish and ran out of pennies!

-Save it for someone who cares.

Thankfully, a model citizen alerted me to this situation.

-It's them, Mr. Officer.

If you want, I can identify each criminal in a line-up.

-The only thing criminal here is your nasty

haircut and faux nails.

You can't believe anything she says.

She's a notorious rumor spreader.

-Believe me, sir.

I know these girls all to well.

They're repeat offenders and shouldn't be

free to roam the mall.

-Now, now.

This poor young lady was merely doing a good deed.

Here.

Good for 20% of anything in the mall.

I'll be back with reinforcements.

-Great.

I didn't even do anything wrong.

-Oh, that's right.

You didn't do anything, Miss--

Miss Sam No Fun.

Sam No Fun.

-Cut it out!

Stop it right now!

[screaming]

-Afternoon, ladies.

-You wouldn't have a blow-dryer in your back

pocket, would you, Jer?

-Sorry.

Only white, terrycloth beach towels.

But you can take one home as a souvenir after your mission.

-You'll have to teach me that sometime.

-Sure thing, right after you get something to wrap.

-Now, we've uncovered something

quite bizarre and troubling.

It seems various world leaders have been creating dangerous

thrill rides in their respective countries.

-Thrill rides?

-In Germany, the chancellor instructed removal of the

lines on the Autobahn.

He also added ramps.

Driving has become a reckless, road

raging, bumper-car speedway.

In Malaysia, the Prime Minister has programmed that

the elevators of the Petronas Towers to drop 88 floors.

Lastly, the Brazilian president ordered cables cut

on the suspension bridge.

Busloads of tourists were left dangling over crocodile

infested waters.

-Why would world leaders convert safe national

landmarks into major danger zones?

-Frankly, that's what we need you to find out.

the Emperor of Japan's wife is a former WOOHP agents.

Through her, you can get direct access to her husband.

-Japan?

That's like sushi central.

Let's go.

-Uh, wait for the gadgets.

One digit decoder card.

One can of Insta-freeze Back Off lip spray.

A pocket sized protecting lip spear.

The Just Sticky Enough glue gloves.

The Mini Lint Vac Battery De-Charger, and CATS.

-Cats?

I'm more of a dog person.

-It stands for Crystalline Airtight Trisect Shield.

-As long as it's litter box trained.

-Yes.

Very amusing.

-Hey, do you guys think this bullet train has a

sushi bar on it?

Here, fishy fishy.

-Let's just hope it takes us to the emperor's palace soon,

like, to breathe again.

-Can't you at least try to have fun, Sam?

Where else can you experience a nice, smooth ride like this?

-During an earthquake?

[screams]

-Since when do public trains do loop-the-loops?

-Can we just get out of here before I lose my sashimi?

-This digit decoder card should do the trick.

[beeping]

-I think we need a little more purchasing power.

-Credit cards.

Is there anything they can't do?

-Did we make it?

-I think so.

-Hey!

There's the Emperor's Palace.

-Huh?

Who are the suits?

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Something tells me this isn't the

welcoming committee.

-You are making one super-sized mistake, Mr. Scary

Japanese Guard!

I just learned a mean martial arts move in gym class.

[gasp]

-Hold it.

I'm Keiko, the emperor's wife.

These are my guards.

-Oopsie.

-What do you know?

This is the welcoming committee after all.

KEIKO (OFFSCREEN): Jerry told me you'd be coming.

Come with me.

If you need anything, Mr. Katsu will be

happy to assist you.

-Uh, sorry, Katsu.

I never valet park the designer originals.

-Hello, ladies.

-Hello, Mr. Emperor, Sir.

Master of masters.

Ruler of the unworthy.

-Goodbye, ladies.

Goodbye.

-OK, a man of few words?

-Too few.

I get a feeling there's something he's not telling us.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Well, then, what are we waiting for?

Let's get to the bottom of this.

-An entire palace filled with neat stuff, and we're stuck in

this bore-atorium.

-Uh oh.

Could be the emperor.

Get out your Just Sticky Enough gloves.

-You're sure these gloves are sticky enough?

-What's he doing with that battery?

-It looks like he's charging himself.

-The repeated words, stiff hand gestures, the battery

charger-- it's like he's some kind of

animatron or something.

-Anima-what?

-Uh-huh.

Just as I suspected.

The gloves weren't sticky enough.

-Guards!

-Girls, in here!

Quick!

What was that all about?

-I don't know how to say this, but we think the emperor has

been replaced by an animatron.

-Oh my.

That would explain the emperor's bizarre behavior.

-Someone must have abducted the real emperor.

-You girls must find my husband.

He may be in great danger.

-We'll do everything we can, Your Highness.

-Whoever abducted the real emperor must be using a signal

to control the animatronic emperor.

We just need a way to track the signal.

-Wait--

I've got it.

-A compact?

-It's a gadget from my spy days.

-That thing is anything but light.

-A compact with a satellite dish-- a compactalite.

-Regardless, it should track this signal.

You can borrow the family jet.

It's very fast.

[growling]

-No!

Not the shoes!

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): We've got to be getting close.

-Because the beeping's getting faster?

-Because I can't hold this thing anymore!

At least there aren't any long lines.

[satellite beeping]

-Check out these footprints.

[satellite beeping]

That's The signal seems to be coming from beneath us.

-Never did like merry go rounds.

-OK.

So which way is out?

-Not that way.

-Hi!

Um.

We were just leaving.

-Sure you wouldn't rather just talk this out instead?

-Back off, robot breath!

SAM (OFFSCREEN): One, two, three!

Cool!

-I've had it.

There aren't any emperors down here.

Just dirt and rats and--

[muffled voices]

-Irritable foreign men?

-Locked.

There's got to be a way in.

-Hmm.

Let me try something.

Now I get it.

That martial arts move was for taking out doors,

not Japanese guards.

-Whoa!

There's got to be every world leader in the world here!

-Oh, no, more bad guys?

-Relax!

We're the good spies.

I've always wanted to say that.

-Then you'd better untie us quickly, before that doctor

finishes his plan and makes us all mysteriously disappears.

DR EISENSTEIN (OFFSCREEN): Sorry, girls,

but the park is closed.

Hello, intruders.

Welcome to my once secret laboratory.

I am Dr. Eisenstein.

-Dr. Eisenstein?

DR EISENSTEIN (OFFSCREEN): Yeah, I know.

With a name like Eisenstein, I knew I'd either have to be a

genius or create a monster.

I decided to do both.

-So doc, why replace all the world's

leaders with your robots?

To show off your hidden talent?

-Hardly.

I've been making animatrons since you were a little girl

going to amusement parks just to have fun.

-You mean Sam used to have fun?

-Sam No Fun, Sam No Fun, Sam No Fun.

-My animatrons were the best.

Then came this new invention-- video games!

Now children would rather move around a plastic joystick than

see a lifelike swashbuckling pirate!

[groans]

-So you thought you'd get back in the biz by kidnapping world

leaders and replacing them with your machine men?

-No.

I decided to get revenge by making my version of the

greatest rulers and programming them to build

hazardous train rides.

The world would be my personal amusement park until it

inevitably destroys itself.

-OK.

This guy puts the

"reek" in "freak." -Yeah.

That plan stinks even more than your average evil doctor

takes over the world plan.

Look at me.

I've been having all the fun so far.

Don't worry, girls.

I promise to make it up to you by letting you try my favorite

ride in the park.

Now allow me to explain how the ride works.

When the car you're in gets up to 15 rotations, the

ride will blow up.

In other words, after the explosion, my cotton candy

will have more of a form than you girls.

Oh, and remember to keep your hands and feet inside the

vehicle at all times.

You wouldn't want to get hurt.

[maniacal laugher]

-Sarcastic much?

-We're at the fifth rotation already!

-Don't worry!

I'm sure we'll figure a way out of this soon.

Any second now!

[beeping]

The lip spear!

If only I could reach it.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): 13, 13, [inaudible]!

-Got it!

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): 14!

-Oops.

Guess we forgot to keep our hands and feet inside the

vehicle at all times.

ALEX (OFFSCREEN): Where'd all the world leaders go?

-Load them up, boys.

This train is already late for a date--

with a bridge, that is.

Now, which robot did I program to drive?

-Driving them into the river?

Like, how mysterious is that?

SAM (OFFSCREEN): We've got catch that trailer.

-But how?

[honking]

-Ha!

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): Shotgun.

They're getting away.

Don't we have a gadget we can use to catch up to them?

-Gadget?

We don't need no stinking gadget.

-Are you sure this is such a good idea?

-No.

-Aah!

[shouting]

How does this thing work?

-Like this.

We did it!

[speaking foreign languages]

-OK, what's with world leaders and their drab, grey suits?

Would it kill them to throw a little

white into their wardrobes?

-Don't worry.

We're going to return you all to your countries.

-Now all we have to do is return the leaders and

deactivate the animatrons before Eisenstein realizes

he's lost his trailer.

-First stop--

Malaysia.

-But how are we going to find the Malaysian animatron?

-He turned the Petronas Towers elevators into a deadly ride

on the WOOHP tape Jerry showed us.

-Then that's where we're headed.

-OK, so how exactly does one go about

deactivating an animatron?

-This Mini Lint Vac Battery De-Charger should suck the

life out of him.

The problem is, how do we get close enough?

-Hmm.

Now I can get as close as I went to

that phony prime minister.

-Uh oh.

Jerry forgot to charge the battery.

How techno-lame.

-Doesn't he know it's like a cell phone?

No juice, no use.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): That's it.

-What's it?

-Your cell phone.

We can use the power from that.

Here, give it to me.

-What if I get a really important call?

-Here you go.

Now be careful.

It might be slightly more powerful.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN, USING A FAKE VOICE): Excuse me, Mr.

Prime Minister, sir.

-Yes, soldier?

-Uh, are my medals on correctly?

-[pained yelps]

-Back off, you creep!

[screaming]

-Get out of the way!

He's gonna blow!

-That's one down.

Now let's take care of the rest of the world.

-Where to next?

The land down under?

-I don't know about under, but we'll be going down if

Eisenstein has anything to say about it.

-We've got to protect the world leaders.

I'll put us on autopilot.

-Look out, man.

-What are they doing?

-Help me, please!

[interposing voices]

-Everyone stay calm.

We've got the situation under control.

-Hello, ladies.

So nice to see you again.

-Please.

We've taken down your little henchmen robots before.

-Hmm, yeah, that's true.

Perhaps this time they should have some support.

-On second thought, everybody panic!

-Eliminate them all!

-Maybe if we just hide back here they'll all go away.

CLOVER (OFFSCREEN): That'll teach you to

mess with my hair!

-We've got to get the leaders out of here!

-Sucks, don't it?

-Spread out!

Huh?

[scream]

-Hello?

You heard your boss.

Eliminate me.

I hope you're equipped with built-in parachutes.

-Quick.

Everyone into the tube.

[interposing voices]

-Time to let the CATS out of the bag.

DR EISENSTEIN (OFFSCREEN): [grunting]

Help!

Help me!

Help!

-We really should help him out.

-All right.

-Ready to give up your practice, doc?

You're an animatron.

-But if he's an animatron, then someone had to build him.

Unless he built himself, but I don't see how.

My head hurts.

-The real life Dr. Eisenstein crated me in his image before

he passed on.

It was his way of being im--

-Immature?

-Immortal.

But unfortunately, he programmed me to self-destruct

if I ever gave out that information.

(SLOWLY) Well, girls.

It was fun while it lasted.

-OK, that was like, totally unexpected.

-Look!

This must control the animatrons.

-Hopefully, that's the of Dr. Eisenstein's robots forever.

-Let's get inside the plane and get these leaders home.

-Hello, anybody home?

-Oh, thank you so much for saving my husband.

-Yes, excellent work, girls.

-It was our pleasure.

-Yeah.

It was the least we could do for a WOOHP spy.

-You girls should take a vacation after that

assignment.

Why bother?

We've been every place in the world in the last 24 hours.

-Every place except home.

TV: This week on

"Troy's Bayou." [snoring]

-What gives, you lame-os?

Let's go to the roller blade park!

-You want to go to the roller blade park?

-Yeah.

All that talk about thrill rides got me

psyched up to have fun.

-Go away.

I'm wiped.

-Drained.

[sigh]

-You're right.

We should stay home, blob out, and order some yummy take out.

-Love it.

-Hello?

Yes!

I'd like to order egg rolls, shrimp fried rice, and some

Clover and Alex No Fun.

-Oh no.

SAM (OFFSCREEN): Clover and Alex No Fun.

Clover and Alex No Fun.

Hey, this is fun.

Clover and Alex No Fun.

Aw, Clover and Alex got tired.

Clover and Alex No fun, ha ha ha ha.

Eat my dust!

(theme music)

(theme music)