All language subtitles for The.Big.Bang.Theory.S11E17.The.Athenaeum.Allocation.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.MkvCage

Oh, my God, I can't believe
how big Halley's getting.

Yeah-- where's Howard?

He's changing Michael.

A-All done. You know, fun fact,

did you know baby boys
can pee straight up?

Grown-up boys, too.

Why would we high-five that?

So how are you guys?

Really good.

Except for when we went
grocery shopping,

and the checkout lady asked
when I was due.

But you handled it well.

Well, if you guys need help,
I'd be happy to come over.

Oh, thanks, but we're really
trying to enjoy this family time

before we both go back to work.

Okay, well, we all miss you.

You guys, too.
Bye.

Ah.

Boy, seeing them
all together like that

has got my biological clock
ticking like crazy.

Yeah, I don't think men have...

I do.

- Hi.
- Hello.

Hey, guys.
Hey.

Good news, we have
save the date cards.

Oh.

Huh, didn't go with
my calligrapher. Interesting.

What is this picture?

Oh, it's an MRI
of our brains photoshopped

to look like they're kissing.

Is it too sexy?

It's too something.

Guys, May 12, that's exciting.

I know.
Do you guys have

a location yet? 'Cause you
don't have a lot of time.

Hey, it took us nine
months to pick a date,

and a week to decide if
brains can have lips on them,

so get in the boat and row.

* Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state *

* Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! *

* The Earth began to cool

* The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools *

* We built the Wall
* We built the pyramids *

* Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery *

* That all started
with a big bang *

* Bang! *

Michael's out.

So is Halley.

Oh, my God, he's so cute.

So is she.

Switch?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, he's so cute.

So is she.

I just love them so much.

Me, too.

My heart feels
like it's gonna explode.

Of course, it's full of brisket,
so it probably will.

Oh, I didn't even
know I was capable

of loving someone so much.

More than me?

Wha-- oh, uh...

I'm just messing with you.

I totally love them
more than you.

I get that.

I would take a bullet for them.

But I would get seriously
mutilated for you.

That's sweet.

But you should know,
if you got seriously mutilated,

I might dump you.

You'd be crazy not to.

Even unmutilated,
I'm no prize.

You know, I'm really happy
with our wedding date.

The month squared equals the
square of the sum of the members

of the set of prime factors
of the day.

Isn't that romantic?

Yes, it's like
that Shakespeare sonnet,

"Shall I compare thee to a day

that's also a really weird
math problem."

It's a shame you're joking.

That'd be a lovely reading
at our ceremony.

Well, we only have
two months to find a venue,

and I had a thought.

What about the Athenaeum club
at Caltech?

Albert Einstein
was a member there.

It's beautiful.
Yeah,

and Albert Einstein
was a member there.

It's close.

And Albert Einstein
was a member there.

And Albert Einstein
was a member there.

Ah.

Now you sound like a woman
who wants to get married.

So you're interested?

Oh, of course.

Yeah, but that club
is extremely exclusive.

You know, Leonard's been trying
to get us in there for years,

but no luck.

Well, that's odd.

When I called, they said they'd
be excited to give us a tour.

Well, I suppose
we can give it a look,

and if it doesn't work out,
I hear that there is

a nearby Chinese restaurant
that Einstein used to frequent.

Or, we pick a place we like,

and don't worry about Einstein.

Boy, reality TV is right;
brides are crazy.

So, how has it been,
being home with two kids?

Oh, tiring, but super rewarding.

Oh, like Pilates, yeah, got it.

Honestly, it's gonna be hard
when we both go back to work.

I've been thinking
maybe it would be better

if one of us decided
to stay home.

I don't know, I was raised
by servants, and look at me.

I literally can't tell

if you think that's good or bad.

Well, on one hand, they filled
my tub with scented oils

and brought me honeyed sweets;
on the other hand,

I spent my twenties incapable
of talking to women.

So you know, pros and cons.

Here's my dilemma:

I...
kind of want to stay home.

But Bernadette is a way better
parent than I am.

Wait, does Bernadette want
to stay home?

I don't know. She's really
invested in her career,

and she's doing great.

I think it should be me.

Wow, I admire you, Howard.

I-It would be hard for me

to buck traditional gender roles
like that.

Didn't you see Taylor Swift
twice this month?

Yeah, because she's hot,
not because she sings my truth.

Did Albert Einstein ever sit
in any of these chairs?

I think these are fairly new.

But Stephen Hawking's
eaten here a lot.

Yeah, but he brings
his own chair, you know?

Well, it seems kind of perfect,

and it's close enough
to your office,

so you can use the
bathroom you like.

Mm. I put a sticker
over the auto-flush,

so it doesn't startle me.

Here's my card.
Why don't you two talk it over,

and I will check to see
if our soup spoons

are "deeper than they are wide."

What? Too deep
is a ladle, not a spoon.

I really like it.

Mm. Oh, I must admit,
I do, as well.

I-- look at how somber all
the men in these portraits are.

I feel like that sets
a good tone for our wedding.

Is that Leonard?

Oh, no, no, these are all dead,
accomplished scientists.

Leonard will only ever be
one of those things.

I mean, Leonard and Penny
are right there.

But he told me he checked on
our membership just last week,

and we were
still 400th in line.

I'm sure there's
an innocent explanation

that won't ruin my day at all.

Leonard.

Oh, hey.
Hey.

How did you get in here?

What do you mean?
Leonard's a member.

You told me
it was incredibly exclusive.

Y-Yeah, look, about that,
I lied.

Hey, wait, you told me
it was exclusive, too.
Mm-hmm.

I avoided him and impressed you,
all with the same lie.

Damn, Hofstadter, didn't
think you had it in you.

Well, I'm not sure I know
how I feel about this place now.

Then don't turn around.

Cooper!

Oh, good, you're here.

There's...
something

I want to talk to you about.

We're not putting a TV
in the bathroom.

That's how you get hemorrhoids.

No, this is important.

Uh, I was thinking
maybe one of us should

stay home full-time,
with the kids.

Oh great,
so I have to give up my job

and everything I've worked for?

Actually, I was thinking
I should stay home.

Oh, so I have to abandon
my children and go back to work,

while you get to stay home
and bond with them?

You just said
you didn't want to.

No, I don't want to have to, but
if I want to, I should get to.

Do you want to?

Maybe I do.

What if I also want to?

Well, I don't know, we can't

both stay home.

Don't you think
you should go back to work,

because you make more money?

Don't you think
you should make more money?

I think it's pretty sexist
of you to say

a dad can't stay home
with his children.

You know what else is sexist,
the phrase "suck it,"

yet, here we are.

I can't believe
Leonard lied to me.

What are we gonna
find out next,

that he's not really
lactose intolerant, hmm?

He's just friends with
an invisible trumpet player?

I know you're upset, but if
we want to book the Athenaeum,

we really should do it
now, and then, I promise,

we'll have our whole lives
to complain about Leonard.

Aw, somebody got a
head start on her vows.

So do we agree?

Do we want to get married there?

I don't know.

I mean, Einstein was a member.

I like that.

You know? But...

Leonard's a member,
and that really steams my clams.

Oh, I love it
when you're folksy.

I'm just gonna call.

On the other hand, shaming
Leonard during our wedding

at the very place he betrayed me

does have
a beautiful symmetry to it.

That's nice, it'll be your first
petty act as a married man.

Uh-- oh, hi, Kathleen?

Yeah, this is Amy from earlier.

I'd like to go ahead
and reserve May 12.

Although, it is our wedding.

I-- maybe it shouldn't be
all about revenge.

Oh, I see.

Okay, t-thanks.

Someone booked our date.

Uh... What?

Who?

Well, well, well.

This is a pickle.

Yes, so,

if you will just move
your birthday party

to a different location,
everything will be fine.

Ugh, i-it's tricky.

I don't want to move my party,

but I also don't want
to help you--

oh, wait,
I don't have a problem.

No. I do.

Yeah, you do.

Morning.

Hey, where you been?

Oh, nowhere special.

Just the park,
the farmer's market,

then we hopped on the Gold Line
to Chinatown

because it's important
for the kids

to experience other cultures.

What have you been doing?

It's 8:00 a.m. Sleeping.

Oh. So are the kids.

I guess they take after you.

You're just trying to prove that
you'd do a better job than me.

You're pretty sharp
having just woken up.

Howard, we both know
you can't keep up this pace.

By this afternoon you're gonna
be passed out on the couch

and I'm gonna have three
exhausted babies to deal with.

Not true. I got this.

You know, in fact, why don't you
take the day off?

Mm, fine. Maybe I'll have lunch
with Penny.

Take your time.

Get a massage.

You deserve it after all
the sleep you've been getting.

Maybe Barry will
change his mind.

Hmm? Oh, I doubt it.

I said some pretty
unprofessional things

about his work.

I may have even used
the "S" word.

Subpar?

I'm not proud of it, Amy,
but I have a temper.

Well, I suppose we could pick
a different date.

Well, it took you nine months
to choose that one.

I'll pick a different husband
first.

Hey, I-I just, I wanted to
apologize about the Athenaeum.

Why did you lie to me?

I don't know.

It just seemed funny at first

and then the longer it went on,
funnier it got.

So, yeah, I guess that's why.

That's not much of an apology.

Yeah, because he's not
really sorry.

Obviously, he wanted a place
to go where I wouldn't be

and apparently all of outside
wasn't enough for him.

Come on. I-I do feel bad.

Why? Did your best friend
hurt your feelings?
Come on-- Sheldon.

Look, I only have time to deal
with one jerk right now

and that's Barry Kripke.
What?

He has the Athenaeum booked
for our wedding date

and he won't give it up.

Yeah, so if you could just
please leave before I get angry

and say something I will regret
about your face, your height,

your personal hygiene or
the fact that your science,

while serviceable,
lacks panache.

That's actually
one of the nicest things

you've ever said about my work.

And now I regret it.

Good-bye.

Hey. There you are.

Yeah, I just wanted to stop in
and see my office

before we went to lunch.

Just a few more weeks,
you'll be back full-time, huh?

Yeah.

Uh-oh. That wasn't
a happy "yeah."

That was a "Hey, Leonard, do you
want to go to the gym?" yeah.

I've just been thinking
that maybe I'd rather

stay home with the kids
and be a mom.

Wow. That's big.

I know.

Dr. Rostenkowski.

I'm sorry, I didn't
know you were back.

Oh, I'm not.

I just came to meet Penny
for lunch.

Is there anything I can get you?
Coffee? Water?

No, I think we're just gonna...
Coffee sounds good.

Cold brew, almond milk?
Perfect.

Nothing-nothing for me.

It's weird.

I've been away so long
I don't miss any of this.

Sorry to bother you.

Dr. Lee heard you were here
and had a quick question.

Fine. Put him on.

Jerold, what's going on?

Hope you're not screwing up
my research.

You calling from a bike ride?

'Cause you're backpedaling hard.

All right, fine. E-mail it over.
I'll take a look.

Oh, sorry. Where were we?

Love your kids.
Don't miss your job.

Right, right.

There's nothing in the world

like holding your sleeping baby,

knowing you make him
feel safe and then--

Oh, good, you got
the little cookies I like.

I wouldn't mind a cookie.

And he's gone. Okay.

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Hey, Kripke.

Hello, Hofstadter.

Why are you cleaning that out
yourself?

Don't you have grad students?

Come on, I can't make my grad
students do every dirty job

or so I've been told in writing
by the head of Human Resources.

Fair enough.
Uh, so, look,

I'm here to ask you
to give Sheldon and Amy

the Athenaeum for their wedding.

Why would I do that?

Because deep down, Barry,
you're a really good guy.

But am I?

Fine. What's it gonna take?

Barry, I've come
to ask one more...

Leonard?

Wh-Why are you
doing that?

Because deep down
Barry is not a good guy.

He's making you clean out
barrels of irradiated grease?

Yeah.

I made a deal with him

to get you the Athenaeum
for your wedding.

Why would you do that?

Because I was a jerk
for lying to you before

and besides,
you're my best friend.

I want you to have
the wedding of your dreams.

On Mars?

Okay, I want Amy to have
the wedding of her dreams.

Well, thank you.

But I don't want
you to do this.

No, it's okay.

No, it's not.

We're not going
to let Barry win.

Well, what are we going to do?

We have a combined IQ of 360.

Perhaps more if that radiation
gave you a super brain.

You know what? You're right.

If we work together we could
totally outsmart Barry Kripke.

Leonard, my nose itches.
What do I do?

Oh, boy.

I really
passed out hard.

Yeah, tell me about it.

The kids could've screamed
bloody murder

and you wouldn't have woken up.

Which I know because they did.

I'm sorry.

Why did I think I could
do this on my own?

Hey, don't beat yourself up.

Parenting is hard.

Like, I've seen
and smelled things today

that I cannot unsee or unsmell.

Thanks for covering for me.

No, I mean he only drinks milk.

Like, where are the colors
coming from?

What time is it?

Uh, it's almost 6:00.

Okay. Bernadette's
gonna be home soon.

We got to divide
and conquer.

I'll make dinner.
You watch the kids.

Uh, kids are asleep.

Great, then you
make dinner.

Hey, good news, Amy.

We got the Athenaeum.

Oh, my gosh.

That's amazing.

How'd you get Barry
to change his mind?

Well, I couldn't have done it
without Leonard.

Boy, you should've seen us
in there.

We were like
Batman and Robin.

Why do I have to be Robin?

If you have to ask,
you're Robin.

What happened?

Well, we scrubbed out some
barrels of irradiated grease,

rinsed off in
a safety shower

and then told Barry
Kripke what is what.

And he just gave in?

Well, we agreed to invite him
to the wedding.

Okay. No problem.

And he gets to
bring a date.
Yeah.

Well, that's reasonable.

A-And if she charges by
the hour, we have to cover it.

What else did you agree to?

Well, um, you know how Barry
has the voice of an angel?

He is not singing
at our wedding.

He only
wants to sing "Volare."

Oh, "Volare."

That's what he was saying.

Boy, I didn't, I
did not get that.

Guys, I appreciate
everything you did,

but we can find another location
that's just as good.

Maybe the Japanese garden
or the planetarium.

The planetarium.

I hadn't thought about that.

That's even better.

Wait, what?

I scrubbed sludge for you.

I may be
slightly radioactive.

Oh, you're exaggerating.

Don't let him touch
the silverware.

Why is Raj asleep
on our couch?

Oh. I needed some help
so he came by,

played with the kids,
read them some stories,

put them down for their nap
and made dinner.

What'd you do?

Ate dinner.

Okay, look, I don't
think I'm cut out

to be a stay-at-home dad.

And since you want to,
you should stay home.

I-I do definitely want to,

but I know how much this means
to you and it was just one day.

So, don't give up.

You don't want to
stay home, either.

Do you?

When I went by the office
they gave me

coffee and cookies
and no one peed on me.

I miss that so much.

Well, I love the kids,
but I also love my job.

And sleep.

I know. I took a two-hour nap
on the couch in my office.

I took a three-hour nap on
the floor in the living room.

How do you feel now?

Honestly? Still tired.

Me, too.

I love you.

I love you, too.

And we'll figure this all out.

Yeah.

Everyone's asleep.

You want to head
upstairs and...

...you know.

Let's just do it right here.

Oh, oh, I like
the way you think.

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